#i have so many things to say about this chapter that ill probably use up all the tags LMAO

[ohmybueckers]

Never Strangers: Chapter Two

Word Count: 5.7k

Warnings: drinking, author who is terrible about being consistent with tenses, incredibly down bad main characters (be gentle with Paige and Maya guys, the first love WLW situationship breakup is ROUGH)

Authors note: Not sure exactly how I feel about this chapter, but I feel like it gives a decent amount of context. Prepare for more flashbacks next chapter. Also this is highkey not proofread so … approach with caution there.

August 26, 2023

The drive from Stamford to Storrs is about two hours, traffic permitting. My mom waits approximately 20 minutes before she begins the inevitable interrogation session into the state of my life. More specifically, the train wreck it has become.

“You know, I really think you should consider rejoining mock trial. You loved it for so long, and look how many friends you made.” She rambles, her eyes never leaving I-95. “You probably would have never met Brooke if you hadn’t joined mock trial.”

Brooke and I met as co-counselors at a mock trial summer intensive for high schoolers at Yale the summer after my freshman year of college. Turns out trying to keep track of a bunch of hormonal fifteen year olds is a bonding experience like no other. She quickly became my formerly long-distance best friend and very soon-to-be roommate. 

“I told you, I’ll check it out when I get there.” I say, half telling the truth and half just trying to get her to change the subject. Clearly, my attempt was failing.

“I just want to make sure you’re making the most of college. I know University of Minnesota was not your thing, but I want you to find your why when it comes to Connecticut.”

I sighed. One of the perks of having a therapist as a mother is that you always have someone to listen to your petty problems without judgement. The downside is that she’s always trying to dig deeper, even when I really do not want to. “My why is being close to you. Plus, UConn is close enough to New York.”

“And close to Paige.” This remark nearly makes me choke.

“Mom!”

“Sorry, sorry!” She quickly apologizes, though knowing her she knew damn well what kind of reaction she would receive. I never told her full details of what actually went down between us - maybe because I thought it would be too embarrassing, or maybe because I knew that if she ended up in my mom’s bad graces, there was no coming back from that. All she knew is that at one point we were friends, then we were more than friends, and then things got messed up and we don’t talk anymore. She also knows that I really don’t like talking about it with her. “Does she know you’re coming?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know, I didn’t tell her.” 

The last text I had sent Paige was shortly after the basketball player announced she tore her ACL. Despite the tension between us, it felt wrong to say nothing in these circumstances. Basketball was Paige’s world, and I couldn’t even fathom the grief she must have felt. I received a “thank you maya, i hope you’re doing well. miss u” in return. It took everything in me not to call the blonde after reading the last five letters. 

Thankfully, my moms line of questioning ends there, and she returns to the driving playlist we made together the night before, an eclectic mix of 80’s hits with the occasional R&B ballad. Occasionally I hear her sing along, letting the crack of fresh air from the car window flow through her almost-black hair. Some people say I’m basically her twin: same dark hair, dark eyes, olive skin, and short stature. I just wish I got a fraction of her curves.

The rest of the car ride, I alternate between reading the newest Emily Henry book and messaging Brooke, who has been sending me updates on our new apartment. She moved into a couple of days ago while my mom and I were still on our girls trip to New York City, and her texts ranged from “ill give you the room with the ensuite bathroom if i can have the bigger room” (deal) to “our neighbors are FINE” (knowing her taste in men, doubtful). 

After what feels like too long in the car (maybe I never actually got over my tendency to get carsick), we pull into a lot. there it is: My new apartment, a small building surrounded by others similar to it and tall trees, still wrapped in vibrant green hues untouched by the incoming fall. I hear a yell from across the lot as I step out, but I’m so overwhelmed by the new sensations in Storrs that it takes my brain a moment to process that the tall figure running across the lot with a truly impressive speed was my best friend.

Brooke barrels towards me, wrapping me in a hug that nearly tips me over. “About time you got here!” She grabs my shoulders, her white acrylics a comfortably familiar sensation on my skin, before turning to my mom with her award-winning smile. “It’s so good to finally meet you! I’m Brooke. Wow, you could have convinced me you two were sisters. You’re gonna have to give me your skincare routine before you leave.” She gestures to my mom, who giggles. I can tell that her day has been made.

I will never fail to tell Brooke Jones that she is perhaps the most charismatic person I have ever met. When I’m in Mock Trial, I will fight to make my voice heard. Outside of the courtroom, however, I tend to lean on the more reserved side. On the first day of counselor training, it was as if she could sniff out how nervous I was and made it her personal mission to befriend me. And one thing about Brooke: she will make you talk. Somehow I don’t mind it as much when I’m with her. 

So it’s a great sight when Brooke and my mom trail ahead of me, hands filled with various decor items and chatting (I think I hear one of them mention bringing out photos of me in seventh grade, an action I know I will have to intercept later for my own sanity).  

About three hours later, with the hard work of the three of us supplemented by SZA’s discography, my space is set up just enough to where I can sleep comfortably for the next few nights. Brooke pulls my mom in first, after getting her phone number “for emergencies”. Next, it’s my turn. 

“Alright, you know what I’m about to say.”

“We’re not going to throw a party, I know you’re worried about the security deposit.” Behind my mom’s shoulder, I could see Brooke’s brows furrow as she mouthed don’t promise that. 

“No, I meant have fun. Take risks. Find your why,” She grabs my shoulders at the last word for emphasis, and it’s hard to believe that this is my real life and not some after school motivational special. 

We embrace one last time. Despite her cheesy moments, I am reminded just how much I’m going to miss seeing my mom every day. After three years of being in closer proximity to my dad, it was nice to spend the summer in Stamford, my days filled with NYT crossword games by the water and day trips into New York City. This summer solidified that it didn’t even need to be Boston - I was just happier on the east coast. 

“I like your mom, she’s sweet.” I hear Brooke say as we watch the white Toyota leave the parking lot from our third floor window. Our view is perfect, and I picture what it will be like to watch the leaves change from it as the semester goes on. It makes the last few hours of lugging furniture and suitcases up flights of stairs worth it.

“I love her when she’s not trying to psychoanalyze every decision I make,” I chuckle, moving to continue unpacking some miscellaneous items in the kitchen.

Brooke follows me. “Is that what that whole ‘find your why’ thing was about?” 

“Got a whole interrogation in the car. Everyone in my family thinks I’m having some sort of crisis,” I place a stack of plates (a gift from my mom’s boyfriend) in a cabinet. “She even suggested I came here for Paige.”

Brooke stands there, her lips falling into a flat line. She is taking far too long to respond for my preference. My jaw falls, eyes widening. “Stop.”

Brooke lifts her hands in surrender. “Ok, I would be lying if I said it hasn’t crossed my mind.”

My head falls into my hand, fingers pinching the bridge of my nose as my eyes shut. “I swear to god, why does everyone think I chose to go to UConn because of Paige?”

“Maybe because other people definitely have.” Ok, Brooke does have a point. While I have done everything in my power to not think about the blonde, everyone else has been increasingly trying to get in her orbit. I’ve even seen a handful of edits made for her in the past few months as people anticipate her first season back from her injury.

I shake my head. “I’m not that dumb. I’m here for-“

“In-state tuition and to be closer to me and your mom, I know.” Brooke finishes, coming around to wrap one arm around me. It’s her way to both apologize and check in on me. While I appreciate the gesture, a small part of me feels guilty - like I have gotten use to people extending pity to me for one reason or another: my parent’s divorce, the move to Minnesota, Paige, transferring schools. It gets to a point where I just want to win at something.

I lean into her embrace, smelling the citrus in her hair product. “I know I was down bad for a while, but I promise I’m fine.”

I feel Brooke nod above me. “Good, because she’s kinda everywhere on campus. Even if you don’t run into her, people don’t shut up about her.” This was to be expected, a fact I have been preparing myself for months for. I decided it’s just something I’m going to have to get used to, like many things in life.

“Well, why don’t we shut up about Paige and order some food. I’m starving,” I exclaim, moving towards my phone to pull up Doordash. Perhaps my first win can be proving to people that I can thrive at UConn and absolutely not fixate on Paige Bueckers. 

“Okay, okay. You good if we invite my cousin Adria to come over too? She’s chill I swear.” I remember Brooke telling me about Adria last summer, how she was entering her freshman year at `UConn at the time. I nod in agreement, excited to host my first get together in my new space. 

////

Just an hour and a half later, the three of us are sat in the sparsely furnished living room, eating pad thai surrounded by a large collection of boxes. Upon one look at Adria when she stepped through our front door, I could tell her and Brooke were related: both had the same long legs, clear deep complexion and white smiles that looked like they belonged on billboards. Where they differed was in dress: while Brooke wore the same blue sweat set that she helped me unpack in, Adria was dressed in a simple pair of jeans and a boho white tank top, a cascade of black and blonde braids down her back and an “A” necklace around her neck. 

Adria is only a sophomore, and yet from the first hour I have known her she appears far more put together than I was at this time last year. It’s evident in the way she talks about her pre-professional sorority, or in the way she talks about getting ahead of internship applications for the next summer. It would almost be irritating if she wasn’t also so charming.

“So what brought you to UConn?” Adria asks me from the other end of the couch. 

“Well, I tried U of M. My dad and his new girlfri… new wife,” The correction felt bitter on my tongue in a way that made me feel guilty. “They live out there, so I got in-state. It just wasn’t for me. I decided to transfer here just in case I still want to go to law school, since my mom lives in-state and I don’t want to go further in debt than I need to.”

“What do you mean if you still want to go to law school?” Brooke questions, her face incredulous. “Wasn’t that your whole plan since you were in, like, fourth grade?”

I love Brooke with everything in me, on the deepest platonic soulmate level there is. I tell her everything - except for the fact that I don’t know if I still want to practice law outside of college. I guess if I said it out loud to her, the girl who I once dreamed of going to law school with, practicing in the same city with before opening a shared practice, it would become more real: that I was seemingly blowing up all I’ve known with no plan B. She already thinks me dropping mock trial is some sign of an incoming mental breakdown.

“I’m just… exploring all of my options.” I muster, though from the furrow in Adria’s brow it must not be as believable as I would have hoped. Judging by the way Brooke’s shoulders appeared to relax, however, it at least worked on her. Eager to switch the attention off of myself, I turn to the younger girl once more. “Adria, what are you studying?”

“I’m kinesiology, trying to become a physical therapist. Maybe do some athletic training?”

Brooke chokes back a laugh, waving her hand. “She’s just saying that because she’s fucking someone on the basketball team.”

If there’s one similarity between Adria and I, it’s the way both of our jaws drop at Brooke’s candor. Her cousin seems particularly taken off guard, throwing her hands up with a, “Jesus Christ, Brooke!”

I can’t help but laugh at the dynamic. “Who is he?”

“She’s on the women’s team.” The word she rings in my ears as my cheeks get hot with embarrassment. I’m literally a lesbian, I thought she was above assuming sexuality based on looks after having it done to me throughout the summer by daddy’s money frat guys in Stamford.  Adria scratched the back of her neck, her cheeks flushing. “Um, KK Arnold?” 

I’ve only seen the name in passing, during a late night scan of the women’s basketball roster that I would never admit to. KK was the new recruit from Wisconsin to my memory … or was it Indiana? 

“She got a job with athletics over the summer. Somehow her and KK crossed paths and they’ve been hooking up since.” Brooke took a bite of her noodles between sentences, filling in the gaps that Adria left. 

“We haven’t even had sex, chill.” Adria held a hand up to her sister, but the shy look never left her face. “KK’s nice though. I think I could really like her, which totally sucks because basketball players aren’t exactly the relationship type.”

“Looks like you both have the same type.” Brooke says through another bite.

Silence falls on the room, followed by a confused “What?” from Adria. 

A part of me wants to be frustrated with Brooke for bringing it up - the last thing I want is to be known at UConn as just a girl who got with the basketball star. However, Adria seems like a kind person, and she did just confide in me about KK. Part of me feels like I owe her an explanation in some sick way. With a sigh, I give her the context. “Brooke is giving me shit because a long time ago, in high school, I kinda had a thing with Paige Bueckers.”

The younger girl looks at me for a beat as if she can’t believe the words that just came out of my mouth. Once she gets a minute to reboot, she explodes “Like Paige Bueckers Paige Bueckers?Holy shit!”

“Don’t say anything, it was a really, really long time ago,” I plea, recognizing that she was acquainted to one of her teammates. Oh god, the last thing I need is KK telling Paige that her … whatever Adria was … told her that her sister’s friend is still hung up on her or something.

“I won’t, I promise.” Adria holds both hands up, a move that must be genetic. “You’re not gonna hit her up now that you’re on her campus?”

“Yeah, I’ll pass,” I say, taking a bite of my own food. I try to ignore the way my stomach flips at how Adria claimed the entirety of University of Connecticut as belonging to Paige somehow. As if there was no room for me. “She may be great at basketball, but that girl does not do emotions.”

“Well, I’m not exactly surprised.” Adria shrugs. My head snaps back up, and Brooke shoots her cousin a pointed look.

“What do you mean?”

Adria continues, “I mean, its not a secret Paige kinda has a reputation here.”

So much for not fixating on Paige Bueckers. My mind races as I ask, “What kind of reputation?” although based on her tone and the context, I can make my own educated guesses. 

“She just gets with a lot of girls on campus.” Adria speaks slowly, her expression somehow guilty. “My freshman year roommates friend got with her. Said she slept with her one night and never talked to her again.”

It’s not like I had no clue that Paige had no issue moving on from me once she got to Storrs. For one, she didn’t seem to have an issue doing such a thing when we were together in the first place. She had also heard rumors through the grapevine at school during her senior year, with people saying that they knew someone whose sister was friends with someone who got with Paige or some outlandish connection like that. Hearing confirmation from someone in Storrs somehow made it more confirmed in my mind. That all Paige wants is to kiss as many girls as possible, touch as many girls as possible, fuck as many girls as possible. Maybe that’s why she started acting so cold and things fell apart. Maybe that’s why I wasn’t enough for her, I can’t help my mind from thinking bitterly. 

“Can’t say I’m surprised.” I force myself to breeze past the conversation, knowing that I cannot dwell on the past again. After a year or two of trying to figure out where everything went wrong, I have long since realized that there is nothing else to decode. I preferred to think of Paige as a painful memory that I’ve locked far, far away - it was just easier that way. “Who wants to watch a show?”

“You good, Maya?” Brooke asks, a small smile on her face. I know she feels guilty for bringing it up in the first place. But really, I have no reason to be mad: I was the one who ended things, and years ago at that. Being hung up over Paige Bueckers was ridiculous at this point.

“Yeah.” I answer, my voice more sharp than I intended. Fuck. Shaking my head as if to shake off any sort of doubts in their mind, I smile as I stand and walk towards the kitchen. “Believe me when I say I do not care what that girl does. She can do what she wants, and so can I. And what I want right now is to drink some prosecco and watch the Bachelorette.”

The sight of me pulling out the bottle of wine seems to strip Brooke of her doubts, because she agrees with a “Hell yeah, lets do it.”

Thankfully, once the TV is on we all settle into a groove of gossiping about strangers on our TV, not the very real people in our lives. Brooke in particular is enthralled, even though I had to beg her for weeks last summer to give the show a try. Even Adria chimes in as the two contestants cry over these men with a yell of “stand the fuck up!” I am quickly reminded in this moment that these two girls are, in fact, related. At one point in the night, Adria whips out her phone and snaps a photo of Brooke and I, grinning under a pile of throw blankets with our wine glasses in hand, an act I fail to question. After all, she had been checking her phone sporadically throughout the night.

Soon enough, we catch up on the past two episodes, our heads buzzing with the wine we consumed and our eyes struggling to stay awake as we say our goodbyes for the night. Adria pulls me into a hug, my head surrounded by the scent of her vanilla perfume as she whispers, “I’m so sorry about saying that stuff about Paige. You should know you… you absolutely did not deserve that shit, whatever she did. For the record, I think you’re awesome and that its completely her loss.”

I smile, happy to hear her words even if this is just a wine happy trail of thought. “It’s okay, Adria, I promise. It was so good to finally meet you.”

Brooke walks her out, and I can barely make it through brushing my teeth and washing my face before collapsing on my bed. The mattress is not the best quality and Amazon still says my mattress topper won’t be here for a few days, but I drift off easily, my thoughts filled with nothing except gratitude for my first night in Storrs and eager for my new start.

It’s safe to say this feeling does not extend in the morning, when I am awoken by the sun blazing through my window. My mouth is dry as I reach for my phone, eager to check the time and groaning when I see it is only 7AM. My groan is not audible for long, though, as I am quickly silenced by my most recent notification. One that has been awaiting me since 12:37AM.

Paige (DO NOT CALL): You go to UConn now???

August 26, 2023

“Go, go, go… Let’s fucking go Dorka!” I yell, watching as my old teammate scored in a game against the Liberty. It’s the Saturday night before the start of classes, and while the streets of Storrs are filled with people on their first night out of the semester, my teammates and I have all been moved into our current apartments for a little over two months. When your summer breaks are filled with workouts on campus mixed with brief vacations or visits home, that first night out doesn’t exactly carry the same novelty.

Which is why some of us were sat in Nika and Azzi’s living room, game on the TV as the two hosts prepare whatever alcoholic beverage they are subjecting us to from the kitchen separated by a counter. Three of our freshmen sit in the room with us: Ashlynn is on the floor, Ice is right above her on the couch with Aaliyah and Aubrey, and KK is next to me, typing hurriedly on her phone. Being one of the oldest players this year, I feel it’s especially important for me to get to know them - not just how they play, but who they actually are off the court.

“If UConn gets me playing like that,” Ice gestures to the TV, “I’ll know I made the right decision.”

“No turning back now.” Aubrey clapped her on the back, an over exaggerated grin on her face, which Ice responded to by shoving her off playfully. Ashlynn giggles, but doesn’t respond beyond that. It’s not abnormal for her to be quiet - what is abnormal is how silent KK is, her phone apparently more interesting than any of us. Aubrey seems to notice too, because she calls over to her.

“Hey KK, what did you think of that play?” No response. The typically extroverted girl has her chin in her hand, still staring at the screen in her other hand. Ice grabs the nearest pillow to her and throws it at the girl, prompting a jolt and a startled “What?” from KK and a “Ay, cut it out!” from Nika across the counter as she stirs a pitcher of God knows what.

“Bruh, KK, you’re not even watching,” I roll my eyes.

“Probably busy texting her girl,” Aaliyah mutters, although clearly she wasn’t trying that hard to be quiet. Hold up … her girl? Now the entire room quickly turns away from the game and to the freshman, who sits up from her slouched position with a death glare.

“I told you that in private.”

“Yo what? KK, you’ve been on campus for, like, five seconds,” Nika pops in the room.

“Clearly that’s all she needs,” Ice shrugs, earning her the same pillow thrown right back at her.

“Y’all suck,” KK slumps back into the couch, crossing her arms with a slight pout. I feel bad, wondering if we’ve been too hard on the teasing.

“Ok c’mon, we’ll stop. Let’s see her.” I gesture her to bring her phone closer to me, an act that she ignores for now.

“She’s not even my girl,” she mumbles.

“Do you want her to be?” Nika asks, eyebrows raised as she steps closer. All of us watch as KK bites her bottom lip, looking down at her sneakers. Hold on… she’s blushing. I may have only known the girl for two months, but i’ve never seen her do that before.

“Holy shit,” Nika exclaims. “KK’s a lover girl.”

“Nothing to be ashamed of, just surprising is all,” Aaliyah clarifies, “not many freshmen are too into settling down.”

I notice Aaliyah, Nika, and Aubrey turn to face me, their stares deadpan. “What are you lookin’ at me for?” I exclaim, pointing at my chest. The heat rising to my face reveals that it’s no secret, even to me.

“What do you think?” Azzi calls from the next room. I sigh.

It’s no secret among the team (or anyone, really) that I had a pretty… entertaining first two years at UConn. Once COVID restrictions began lifting and the team was able to see other people outside of other players, some of the older players made it their mission to show the younger ones what they had been missing, one of those things being who they were missing. Honestly, it’s what I thought I needed at the time: being trapped in my dorm the majority of the time I wasn’t in practice gave me a lot of time to think, and with thinking came regret. More than once I jolted up in my bed in the middle of the night, dreams of dark hair, tanned skin, and that laugh replaying in my mind. It was torture.

Being in a different girl’s bed every weekend silenced it, just momentarily. Some people viewed me as a player who got off on getting any girl she wanted. The guilt of it finally caught up to me at the beginning of my sophomore year, when I thought about all of the girls I hurt, the ones who thought I wanted more than just one or two nights. It just reinforced my worst fear about myself: I was a womanizer who was incapable of caring about anything aside from basketball. 

“Aight aight,” I surrender, shifting my attention back to KK. “We not talking about me right now. Let’s see her.”

KK unlocked her phone, typing a username into the search bar before handing the phone off to me. Nika and Ice were quickly at my side, craning their necks to see a peek. The girl (Adria Taylor, I discover from her bio) is tall, with deep skin and long braids going down her back.

“She’s so pretty!” Nika gushes, and I would have to agree.

Ice, unable to resist the pink circle surrounding Adria’s profile photo, taps on the waiting story before KK can protest. The phone illuminates with a photo of two girls smiling on a couch, captioned “first night back” with a heart and a couple of mentions, presumably her friends handles. I don’t even need to take a look at what is written, however, because my eyes seem to have zeroed in on the girl further from the camera, and my mouth seems to go dry. It can’t be, but it is.

Because the girl in the photo is Maya. 

“Holy fuck.”

I don’t even realize I’ve said it until the three girls turn to look at me, confusion laced in their faces. “What?” Nika asks, concern evident. My heart is racing at a million miles an hour and my hands suddenly feel impossibly sweaty, but I refuse to reveal myself to them. 

I fake a cough, covering it with one hand while the other goes to scratch the back of my neck. “Uh, nothing. Thought I saw something but um,” Suddenly the sight of my lap clad in Nike tech sweats is the most interesting sight in the world. “She’s cute, KK.”

Almost like some sort of angel sent to save me, Azzi appears with a tray full of drinks that are a bright pink color and look entirely too sweet. “Drink it slowly guys, I’m not really sure I measured correctly.” She looks embarrassed at the admission, passing them around the room. Upon my first sip, I wince. Yep, definitely not too sweet. Will I still drink it? Yes. It would be a shame to let a perfectly good drink go to waste, and I now have something to run from tonight.

We continue watching the game, or at least I am. During commercials I spark conversations with anyone who will listen, including asking Ashlynn about some country concert she went to with her parents over the summer. I don’t even really listen to country, but it was nice to see the typically shy girl light up over something. Plus, it gave me an excuse not to think too hard.

Truthfully by the end of the night I was fucking hammered, not bothering to keep track of how many shots I chased down after whatever concoction Nika and Azzi made. Everyone in the room knew it too, to the point where Nika took it upon herself to walk me back to my apartment once the game ended, even though I only lived one floor down and KK and Aubrey were both still at her apartment. 

After I promised her I would chug some water before bed and take the pain reliever she laid out for me in the morning, she agreed to leave and let me go rest. I collapsed in my bed, which suddenly felt like the most comfortable place I had ever been. My brain, on the other hand, was providing anything but comfort running at around 100 miles an hour. Unable to resist, I look up Adria’s profile on my account, clicking the story. Sober me probably would have thought about how it would look if I showed up in her profile views, but drunk me clearly didn’t care enough. 

Sure enough, she’s sat there with a glass of wine in her hands. My heart jumps as I realize that she’s still just as beautiful as she was when I first met her, just more grown up this time. Her face is all defined cheekbones, glistening eyes, and a smile - God, that smile, that never failed to brighten my day if it was directed at me. It’s been a while since I’ve glanced at her profile - though we still follow each other, she barely ever posts and I don’t remember the last time she’s interacted with anything I’ve posted. Viewing her profile is reserved for nights where I’m filled with just enough delusion to convince myself it’s a good idea. Nope, never is. 

The girl next to her (Brooke, I assume from the tag) is leaning into her slightly in a way that makes my stomach flip. She’s not entirely unfamiliar to me - I’ve definitely seen her in a photo dump by Maya last summer. A part of me wonders if that’s the next girl that gets to treat her the way I should have. What if she came to UConn for her, I think. Nope. Can’t do that. Maya hasn’t been mine, not for a while.

The urge to reach out has died down through the years, going from entirely unbearable at times to more of a constant dull itch that I feel as though I can’t ever scratch. Her texting me after my ACL tear last summer provided temporary relief. I mean, it had to say something that she cared enough to show that she cared. A person that hates me wouldn’t do that.

But then, she never responded to my reply. A person that hates me would do that.

So yeah, there is nothing I want more in this world than to text Maya one last time, just to tell her I’m sorry. That I still think about the way I treated her, and how I’ve been too afraid to be with another girl since I’m worried I’ll do the same thing. That I know I don’t deserve her, not even platonically, but feelings aside I miss being around her. I wish we could be friends again, or acquaintances who occasionally text each other on birthdays and holidays, or something. At the very least, I want her to know I’m sorry.

But beyond everything, I want her to be happy. And if me not talking to her makes her happy, as stated the last time I saw her physically where she stated she “just needed time”, I was willing to suffer through that.

Somehow knowing she could be anywhere right now, even just a short walk away, made the suffering unbearable right now, in a way that I hadn’t felt since freshman year. 

Blame it on the alcohol, or the picture, or whatever you like. Doesn’t change the fact that I opened my contacts in search for one particular one. Doesn’t change the five word text I sent that took an embarrassingly long time to think of. And it doesn’t change how my fingers pressed send before any other doubts could enter my brain. Putting my phone on do not disturb, I plug it in and turn off my lights, deciding that chugging water can wait until tomorrow. For now, I need to sleep off everything I’ve seen tonight and the memory of what I just did. 

[identityflawed]

an honest, (very) in-depth review on “cerulean eyes for the damaged soul,” chapters 1 and 2

warning: much like a marriage between a 1940s lesbian and a military man in wwii, this review is long and unhappy.

i’ll start off by saying i have no ill will towards the author of this story, loveshazel. writing is no easy task, especially when you��re juggling extremely nuanced situations like the ones in arcane and the ones in wwii. i happen to be one of those people who think that when you’re putting your characters into a real-world global tragedy, you should be very thoughtful about how you do it. i haven’t read all 32 chapters of the piece, and i probably won’t read them, either, because the first chapter of any book has to hook me in, not cast me out to sea without a buoy.

the following is a review that i wrote AS i was reading the fic, so certain things i say are later “solved” by other information provided. i put it in quotes because nothing is really solved.

for those who haven’t read it, i’ll give you the basic premise, which is detailed in the tags and the blurb. it’s a wwii au where vi is a US air force pilot and caitlyn is a farmer in the french countryside. it sounds interesting until you think about it.

put simply, this fic is overhyped given it’s quality. this fic is not super well-written, from the characterization to the prose (especially the prose). you can love it if you want to love it, but i can’t count the amount of posts i’ve seen saying this is an amazing piece when i see dialogue with no punctuation and an innately flawed story concept.

“this idea sucks, darling” says caitlyn.

“i’m doing my best to do my best,” says vi.

it seems like the author is trying their best to sound professional and ao3-esque by not using contractions and by over-describing things without actually using new words to describe them. and also (this is definitely more nitpicky) they use actual numbers instead of typing them out, which is like a prose no-no for me if you’re trying to be professional and ao3-esque. it’s like shatter me, without the excuse of insanity.

“…as she tried her best to land her girl [plane] as best she could.”

tried her best… as best she could. i could forgive you if this wasn’t just the first of many situations where the same word or turn of phrase is used within a sentence or two. vi refers to her plane as her “girl” at least 10 times in one scene.

from the moment of her introduction, caitlyn’s features are described as “long.” after finding vi, whom she presumes is a man, she rolls “him” onto his back twice in as many paragraphs.

i’ll take a brief segue to discuss the questionable choice to make caitlyn a farm girl. most of her (if not her entire) character and conflict revolves around the fact that she’s overwhelmingly rich and sheltered to the ways of the world. you take that away and it isn’t caitlyn kiramman (and it isn’t, her name is caitlyn dubois, but you get what i’m saying, right?) it’s later revealed that she married a frenchman and is originally from britain, but her name isn’t recognizable enough to the nazis to imply that she’s of the same tax bracket as she was in canon (which again, is the most important part of her character and her character flaws).

also, caitlyn has a husband in this, whom she seems to appreciate, which makes the situation kind of messy. i understand that, historically, there’s pressure for women to wed up, but you can’t deny that it’s a little weird to have a cheating trope when the husband is away in the army, when the homewrecker is also part of the military. but that’s personal preference, so don’t think too hard about it.

her husband even has an anne frank-style secret room in their winery, conveniently enough. secret rooms to hide jewish refugees are relatively common. this implies her husband is not a nazi sympathizer, which makes me feel even worse for him.

the prose is just incredibly repetitive. i’m not a fan of how many epithets are used, but again, that’s my subjective opinion. there’s a notable amount of blatant info-dumping — which is fine if it’s environmental context for anyone who isn’t super familiar with wwii europe — but a lot of it is convenient justification for certain actions not having to be taken. here’s a few examples in the opening scene alone.

caitlyn has tasked herself with saving this unconscious american pilot from certain death/torture at the hands of the nazis without getting caught. this is a tall order, as it involves dragging an unconscious, grown human from the crash to her farm, covering her tracks, and returning to the crash site as an unsuspecting on-looker. my suspension of disbelief for a story without magic is very low, but even without that… caitlyn manages to do all of that in under ten minutes. her farm is also the 4th closest to the crash, so it’s even less feasible.

i understand caitlyn is intelligent, and maybe the author is attempting to explain her thought process through an overwhelm of information, but covering up tiny plot holes (like how it’ll take nazis x amount of minutes to search exactly 3 farms, which begs the question how she knows they’re gonna go one at a time and not split the work amongst themselves), you miss out on the giant ones. like if she’s so smart and capable as to stow away a whole human being in such a small time frame and is apparently self-assured enough to have a pre-made story ready for the nazis searching the farms, how does she fumble and give away her english maiden name to the nazi interrogators? they’re just asking her name, she shouldn’t be so stressed if she’s daring enough to do what she just did. and the punctuation is a spaced hyphen (“kiramman - dubois”) so it’s unclear if her name is hyphenated or if she genuinely slipped up with 3 whole syllables instead of “kir— dubois”. if it’s the second, it’s plot convenience. if it’s the first, why didn’t the author introduce her as that and/or have the nazi’s refer to her as that after hearing it?

the scene where the nazis are searching caitlyn’s domicile is meant to be stressful, because she’s hiding vi in a secret room in the cellar. but the complete overuse of info-dumping kills the suspense. the author explains things that are already implicitly understood, if not stated before! ex. caitlyn needs to come across as innocent, the nazis are trying to “make her crack,” that they’re threatening her, that she doesn’t want them to find the secret room. show, don’t tell.

it becomes pretty apparent that caitlyn and vi are more “realistic” because they have natural hair colors (caitlyn’s is black and curly, vi’s is light brown). cool, cool. i appreciate that the author makes attempts to change certain things to fit the environment. caitlyn is half-asian, so i’m not sure how that’ll factor into the entire situation here, since she’s not white in 1940s europe in a nazi-controlled portion of france, a time when it wasn’t so great to be anything but white. (the nazis are very polite to her despite this, so maybe she’s just fully white in this, which opens a whole other can of worms).

when the nazi’s finally leave, caitlyn gets her medical supplies and goes to take care of vi, cleaning off her face and realizing that her male pilot is actually a really hot woman with shards of glass in her abdomen. caitlyn has incredible medical knowledge, knowing instinctively that a supposedly-superficial wound could eventually kill vi in several days (because of glass shards). despite this, she decides that she doesn’t need to stitch up vi until she’s conscious. i’m not sure why you would choose to wait on that, since it is still an open wound that you just aggravated by removing the shards which were probably stopping most of the blood from coming out.

fortunately for vi’s life, she wakes up shortly after caitlyn starts to dress her wound (without stitching it, mind you). they exchange a couple sentences, in which caitlyn reveals that she’s trilingual — english, german and french, which is actually very plausible for a european, no hate here — and vi can only speak english (very realistic for us americans, so points to the author on that!).

that is the end of chapter one. initially, i was going to stop it there but i wanted to make sure that some of my claims made in this post aren’t resolved in the next chapter (which would be the most sensible path of things).

the second chapter begins from violet’s POV. she’s in a lot of pain from her stomach wound, but finds caitlyn’s eyes very, very pretty. caitlyn doesn’t want her to fall asleep (she is really determined to make vi stay awake while stitching her wound without anesthesia). vi notes that her wound will get infected if she stays on this dirty cellar floor, which she takes as the reason that caitlyn isn’t letting her sleep (it’s not).

she refers to caitlyn as her saviour (with the u, yes) despite the fact that she has no knowledge of anything about caitlyn. if i was an american fighter pilot who crashed on foreign, nazi-controlled soil and i woke up in a dark, dank room with a woman who hasn’t introduced herself… i’m not seeing her as a savior. i’m worried that she’ll turn me in, if she’s not some prison medic already. the french accent shouldn’t even make her feel safer, because france surrendered to nazi germany 3 years ago! like, hello?

a little history drop for you based on the somewhat vague situation on caitlyn and vi’s ends:

she appears to be in the german-occupied zone of france (northern+western france) in summer 1943 (which is the only thing that is clear). while it’s plausible that she’s somehow in central france because of the eventual case anton in 1942, the fact that she sees the nazis as “familiar” suggests that it’s been a little longer than a year. vi seemed to be flying alone in nazi-controlled airspace when her plane suddenly, inexplicably breaks down (american engineering isn’t great, but in the 1940s it was really fucking good for it’s time. they weren’t called the “arsenal of democracy” for nothing). caitlyn’s husband is in “the military,” which i’m left to assume means the mandatory conscription of the german military, as the northern area of france was intended to be part of the nazi’s new world order.

all that to say that vi shouldn’t trust caitlyn as easily as she does.

but back to the story. caitlyn wants to take vi upstairs so she can get a better look at her injuries, despite the fact that she practically undressed vi and saw all her wounds (and dressed them) already! vi is, of course, very happy with the idea, with no semblance of military training or paranoia, and still no name for the woman who very well may be an enemy. vi also doesn’t care that she’s been undressed by this stranger without her consent, despite the fact that any self-respecting woman of any age would be profoundly concerned about that situation, especially if you’re a part of the military (regardless of whether a woman did it to you or not!). she’s got the serious hots for this woman and none of the fear that you should have, but it’s okay because she has really pretty blue eyes.

she finally notices caitlyn’s french accent and instead of being concerned about being in hostile territory, she wants to hear the story behind it. she even gives caitlyn a nickname to use for her (after introducing herself by her full name), and thinks caitlyn’s name is very pretty. she’s well-versed in etymology and recognizes her name is british. surprise! the name caitlyn is irish gaelic.

vi is given a comfortable bed to lie in and some water to drink, hand-fed (drunk?) to her by caitlyn, even though vi doesn’t actually have any injuries that would keep her from doing it herself. this clashes with the fact that just earlier, she refused to let caitlyn help her walk upstairs with an injury she ACTUALLY has, because she wanted “to show that she was no weakling.” what?

while caitlyn is finally stitching her wound up, vi is thinking about how she’s probably/definitely a woman-lover because she never cared about boys in the same way she did girls. she’s also talking about caitlyn’s hair and how vi is just a tomboy who doesn’t care for makeup or dress-up, and how she really doesn’t want kids but can’t say that because it isn’t commonly-accepted. she’s also a female pilot in wwii, which is arguably LESS commonly accepted than celibacy in the midst of a war, but who cares. in summation, she’s resigned herself to ending up alone, and is apparently expecting to die at age 30.

she realizes that caitlyn is married, which makes her sad. caitlyn explains that she has no clue where her husband is and that it’s just them for now, again spitting in the face of the fact that neither of them should fully trust each other. it is revealed, finally, that caitlyn’s dad was a doctor (pretty similar to the canon situation, so that’s nice), which explains her medical knowledge but not why she decided to delay stitching her wound (if you can’t tell, that tidbit is bothering me).

vi does ask the question i’ve been asking, which is why the hell did caitlyn kiramman marry down? because if she did, she must really love her husband. so… why is she going to cheat? and i say “cheat” because he’s off in the military and probably isn’t coming home any time soon, since i’m still under the impression that he’s been conscripted by nazis.

the next scene takes place the following morning, from caitlyn’s POV. viktor is briefly mentioned as a local physician, with whom she trades milk and vegetables for medical supplies. there is a whole paragraph describing her clothes of the day and another one for her hairstyle. she then gets clothing and a bowl of warm water for vi. vi is very buff and is going to wear caitlyn’s husband’s clothing for now. caitlyn then does farm work, including feeding a young lamb.

here, we learn that she has always desired freedom and traveling the world, which is apparently more likely to happen on a farm in the middle of nowhere than in the rich upper echelons of the british isle. again, WHAT? her husband, george, apparently brought up that having their own land would let them do whatever they wanted, like you can’t already do whatever you want as an incredibly rich heiress in one of the global superpowers of the time. she is not traveling the world from the farm, either (duh), but it seems like the author is trying to set up an opportunity for vi (an actual world traveler) to bond with caitlyn over a “shared” dream. except it isn’t shared, because caitlyn isn’t traveling anywhere.

she then muses over her husband going to war, which he apparently “left” for. that doesn’t sound like he was conscripted or forced to leave, so apparently george is either a nazi or is “illegally” part of the allied forces while his wife is living in nazi territory (great move, george). george also stopped sending her letters 2 years into his tenure as a soldier, and caitlyn realizes she doesn’t give a fuck about that (great move, caitlyn).

her farm work is done, so she makes breakfast for her and vi (and pauline, the dog). vi shows up leaning in the doorway, and caitlyn isn’t happy that she’s up and about while recovering. vi, the girl who had caitlyn tip water into her mouth, says she couldn’t “lie there doing nothing, that’s not in [her] nature.” caitlyn then realizes how good vi looks in her husband’s clothes, “better than her husband ever had.” poor george, dude.

vi introduces herself to pauline, who takes to her very well, but unfortunately pauline only “speaks” french. vi says she needs to learn french so she can talk to pauline (another set-up for fluff?). caitlyn serves the two of them breakfast and apologizes for not making a better meal, to which vi says that it’s the best she’s had in months because army food is shit. which is accurate. nice!

this entire scene could be so cool if not for the fact that vi should be more suspicious of the situation, and shouldn’t assume that anyone’s a sympathizer just because they patched her wound. caitlyn could’ve been keeping her alive to interrogate her, or turn her over for benefits, or some other combination of hostility. but her eyes are very pretty so those ideas can be neglected (if you think i’m repeating the eye bit too much, don’t read the story, because it happens twice as often!).

vi scarfs down her food and caitlyn notices that vi needs a haircut (another setup). vi seems more concerned about the idea of caitlyn kicking her out once she’s recovered than anything else. again, what the fuck? but au contraire! caitlyn thinks that is unsafe for vi if she’s kicked to the curb (it is, good thinking!) and decides to let her stay here until she can get her out of the country. this implies that caitlyn can find a way to get out of nazi-occupied france but just doesn’t want to leave.

caitlyn also seems to know that vi would be good at farm work, and says she needs help on the farm, despite doing it on her own for the past two years without much reluctance (in fact, she seems to enjoy it more on her own, since her husband was apparently a constraint on her freedom).

and despite vi being in the 1940s american military, a time where the propaganda — and patriotism — for america is at an all-time high, she seems to be content to make negative remarks about her people (“i’m not as stupid as most americans”). she’s in the military during the war as a woman, so i understand feeling bitter towards men and maybe her superior officers for the shitty treatment she receives, but she’s an air force PILOT (or is she army? the author mentions both), so there’s no way she hasn’t been positively inundated with pro-american propaganda, or at least holds some respect for her country. the author didn’t do enough research to understand the implications of an american pilot being in foreign territory, so they also probably didn’t realize that vi is RIGHT about americans being stupid (uneducated) because they’re fresh out of the great depression. also why would vi, the zaunite who likes reading books but is probably treated as a moron for most of her life, take jabs at people for being uneducated? it’s a contemporary statement she’s making, one that you’d see on tiktok. one i’d laugh at because it’s accurate now, but it’s not accurate then. no american soldier in their right mind would say that about the people they’re fighting for in 1940s america, you know, before the military kicks them to the curb.

of course, vi agrees to stick around and help out when she can. caitlyn emphasizes that vi can’t be seen outdoors because her neighbors are incredibly nosy (why, we don’t know), and that vi has to hide for unprompted inspections. how they will know when an unexpected inspection is coming, i don’t know, but they’ll “make it work.”

oh, and for bonus info, i went into chapter 3. stopped at the first paragraph, because it states it’s been “several days” since the events of chapter 2, and caitlyn has already discovered how helpful vi is. you know, vi, who is still severely injured and cannot feasibly recover at the pace expected to commit to manual labor such as the kinds found on the farm. and you know, caitlyn, the woman who scolded vi for just standing UP while injured and extolled on how dangerous it is for vi to be outside, decides that vi’s first task will be fixing a fence for hours on the outside. but it’s in a place that the neighbors won’t see, allegedly. can’t you pick an indoor task like maybe cleaning that dirty-ass secret room that vi will probably be hiding in? or a non-physically straining task like cooking breakfast, or bathing pauline?

also, caitlyn, the rich girl from britain who really wanted to travel, has never been overseas, because she’s a woman. (?) caitlyn has more opportunity to travel the world than vi did as an assuredly middle-class (or lower-class) woman from brooklyn, and yet she never did. i was right about the author trying to set something up between vi and caitlyn on this front. i feel miserable.

i’ll conclude with that.

i’m a hater, i know. you don’t have to tell me. i highly doubt you made it through this entire post unless you are a) a fellow hater, or b) trying your best to provide evidence that i’m in the wrong about this fic.

i’m not wrong, and here’s why: it’s my opinion. the reason i spent so little time on the grammar and actual prose and so much time on the set-up of the story is this:

grammar and prose will change with time. inexperienced authors don’t deserve to be shit on extensively for little mistakes. they’re worth mentioning because they’re troublesome to read, but i’m not an asshole who’s going to spend so much time blabbering on about how the dialogue isn’t properly punctuated.

it’s the construct of the story, or rather the lack thereof. the characters aren’t in character, they don’t even look the same, and the author is obsessed with them referring to each other using possessive epithets (her pilot, her savior) so even their NAMES don’t matter at this point. the environment spits in the face of how their characters were founded on where they grew up.

i have a natural dislike for AUs because of this ^ — it is very hard to retain a character’s integrity when you switch out the environment, because a lot of times your environment shapes you. who would you be if you grew up rich instead of poor, or poor instead of rich? if you were in a successful position instead of a dingy, dirty prison? if you were a farmer instead of a cop? if you grew up in a homophobic environment instead of one where you can casually ask if someone is a girl kisser or boy kisser?

at the very least, the author should consider the characters from the show they watched. that’s disregarding the confusion about real-world history, because i can ignore a lot of environmental altering for the sake of the story. but not in world war ii, which is still a contemporary issue (people still deny the holocaust to this day, there are neo-nazis in europe and in america, people still bash france — jokingly, seriously, both or neither — for surrendering in wwii, etc). there’s only so much you can obscure about the atrocities of the war for the sake of romance before it becomes hard to read.

it’s just a shame because there’s so much potential here, but it falls victim to the fact that the author didn’t think things through before writing. i would read the FUCK out of this if it wasn’t caitvi, because caitvi makes no sense here. :(

you could’ve done something great if you just swapped the situations. caitlyn would MAKE SENSE as a hyper-patriotic military pilot with medical training, and vi as a struggling farmer in nazi-occupied france because that tends to the cores of their characters, which are the experiences they’ve had due to privilege or lack thereof. vi IS the kind of person who would marry a man in a shitty financial position (in the middle of nowhere) if it meant she and powder could be safe from nazis and the war, and she’s just unfortunate enough to move to the exact place that hitler targets next. but no, vi is the masculine one who has to be the fighter pilot (who looks like a guy initially) wearing male clothing because she’s so, so muscular, and cait is the feminine one who wears overly-described dresses and aprons with pretty hair, who cooks and cleans.

and the final nail in this coffin:

the fic is tagged as slow burn! this is insta-love. they both think the other one is hot immediately, ignore the fact that they’re in a war and could potentially be enemies (more on vi’s side than caitlyn’s), and immediately adopt a domestic-bliss scenario with virtually no tension in under 5 chapters. this is NOT slow burn, unless you’re talking about slowly burning my time away.

if you enjoyed this fic, i’m glad. if you didn’t, i’m glad. do not try to tell me it gets better, because the fundamental idea of the story is too flawed for me to believe it can improve in ways that matter to me as a writer and as someone who knows a modicum of world history.

so yeah, in short: overhyped and inaccurate.

[ywpd-translations]

Ride 739: The training camp's fourth day!!

Pag 1

1: Training camp of Sohoku High School's racing team...

2: fourth and last day, 10:18 in the morning

3: Here it comes, Rokudai!!

4: Yeah!! Teh, Kinaka-kun

Pag 2

1: The training camp fourth and last day!!

The total distance we've ran so far is....

Pag 3

2: Here we go!!

5: 800km!!

Pag 4

1: We still have 200km to go until we reach 1000km!!

2: Teeh.....!! We've ran so much, teh

3: That's right, we already went beyond what I said at first, the distance from “Aomori”

4: “Aomori”!

It's still 10:30 in the morning, so if we keep going like this we can run the remaining 200km that are required!!

We can!!

Yeah!!

Pag 5

1: My legs are all sore

2: I'm trembling all over, teh

3: The Aomori thing, when we first came here

4: 700km!!

I thought it would be impossible

5: When on the first day, the senpai created such a gap between us, I resigned myself and thought that it really was impossible

6: But then, on that day's evening, you had that idea, Kinaka-kun

8: We worked so hard starting from the morning, we closed the gap, and ran until here

Pag 6

1: Being “buddies” really was our “breakthorugh”, teh!!

2: Breakthrough...!!

3: ??

4: Right!!

Teh...!!

5: Somehow, when I think about seeing the “goal”

6: I feel a surge of power, teh!!

Ohh...

7: Yeah, nice Rokudai, that's good!!

8: We've survived so far, so let's run through the end!!

Pag 7

2: Pfui

Yeah....

Let's do... our best and.... run....

5: Huh, where's my bottle?

Teh

Pag 8

3: Rokudaiii!!

6: Oooooogh

Pag 9

3: Ah....

Kinaka....kun? Huh.... I... fell.... and my bo.... ttle?

4: Rokudaii!!

5: So-sorry

You- you saved me, because you're my “buddy”!!

Pag 10

1: Because I'm your friend

3: Because you're my precious and reliable friend!!

4: Don't fall

Pag 11

1: Don't fall yet!!

2: There's still a chance

3: A small one

4: We can't know until the end of this last day of this training camp

Our

5: target

Pag 12

1: is to go together to the Inter High!!

Yeah!!

Pag 13

2: Ohh, they got back up, those first years

They ran 800km, so I thought their pace would drop for 2 or 3 laps

3: and that they would lose momentum like that

5: There are two ways of winning a road race

Pag 14

1: The first way is enduring determinedly, following without giving up in any situation

2: So that you survive and become the last man standing

4: And the other way is attacking yourself, actively passing and leaving behind your opponents

5: showing your strength and taking the victory....!!

6: They're both “victories”, that doesn't change

But the one who brings you more praises and admiration

Pag 15

1: It's the latter, Issa!!

2: That's right, Danchiku!!

3: First year Omihata, my jersey

Yessir!!

4: The heat resistance training ends here!!

5: Kaburagi-san.... he took off his long-sleeved jersey....!!

That means he's gotten serious!!

6: Let's go with with Full Spec, Danchiku!!

Now that our bodies are ready, we'll definitely do our “human sacrifice”....

Pag 16

1: We'll defeat Sugimoto-san and go to the Inter High!!

Of course, Issa!!

Pag 17

3: Let's catch him, Danchiku!!

4: So you're here

Pag 18

1: You two!!

2: We've come to give back to you that “you allowed us to train with you”!! Sugimoto-san!!

Pag 19

2: Danchiku has already mastered the new bike he's riding, and he doesn't stagger anymore

Thanks to you, he's now in perfect condition!! Perfect!!

3: Yeah

Pag 20

1: I'm just next to you and yet I can feel your pressure enough!!

3: Sugimoto-san, sorry but I'm gonna defeat you in one blow

4: I won't let you beat me in one blow

Pag 21

1: Is that your “expectations”? Or your “hope”?

2: Yeah.... for now

3: I'll also take off my arms warmer!!

4: Sugimoto took off his arms warmer!!

5: If you come at me seriously....

Pag 22

1: It's only polite of me to get serious too!!

Pag 23

3: Sugimoto himself hit their handles!!

Even though usually his play-style is to avoid rough play and contact!!

4: You're in high spirits....!!

5: Not as much as you!! Danchiku!!

Pag 24

1: Honestly, I'm surprised that you're going all out like this.... you're worth defeating!!

2: I'll let you train with me one more time, Danchiku!!

Pag 25

2: Ah crap, they've started already!!

The last battle

3: of the fourth and last day of this training camp!!

4: Danchiku-kun!! Sugimoto-kun!!

Pag 26

1: I'll pull now, teh, Kinaka-kun

Yeah, thank you, Rokudai!!

2: Please....

3: No....

4: I'm beaten....

Even though I've finally... cut the 200km left point...

5: That moment.... I overdid it a little....

6: My legs hurt.....

[aettuddae]

business matter — chapter 129.

a christmas special.

↳ synopsis: two of the most important kpop companies covet a partnership with a huge global brand, only to be surprised when the deal is extended to both labels. fearing potential sabotage and cynical strategies to secure exclusivity for just one of them, both CEOs resort to desperate measures. in a bid to maintain trust and prevent betrayal before the signing, they come up with a pact: forcing a fake relationship between the leaders of their star girlgroups. if one side attempted to fail the other, they threaten to expose it all to the conservative south korea.

masterlist | prev | next

[written chapter]

serim was not good at coping with the cold. she liked the winter, she had always done, since she was little she spent most of the year looking forward to the low temperatures and, with it, the snow, but still, she was not good at coping with that time of the year. she always got sick and she used to care little about it, but since she became a trainee and later a singer she had to start taking care of her health and vocal cords, so in the most recent years of her life she hardly ever left her house during those times, unless she went to the many activities an idol has to do during the holidays or one of her friends insisted so much that she could not say no.

on that day serim's house was extremely warm, because even though she was not working, she was used to doing everything possible to avoid illness, and she was not willing to surrender to the freezing weather in seoul. she felt sorry for her plants, many were not the kind that could stand being in such a warm environment, but it was a force greater than herself.

having an altered perception of climate, she did not even think about the wind and the coolness that would hit her when she opened the balcony door, causing her to jump back inside and quickly close the sliding glass. she was extremely excited, running around the house and talking to her hedgehog who was pacing the living room floor uncomprehending and probably sweating from how high the thermostat was set. she went with speed to her room and threw on whatever winter clothes she could find, then hurried back and tried again to get outside.

still shivering a little, she leaned her forearms against the railing of her balcony and leaned against it, watching the first snow fall in seoul.

she loved winter, and even though it was still a month away, she loved the feeling of christmas approaching. the first snowfall had always been one of those important events for her. one of those that when it's about to happen you can't shake the anxiety, or the sensation that something important is in the air. it tends to fall in late november and serim during those dates was always on the lookout for any sign of what day it would be. she loved it, and as soon as she saw it happening just outside her house, she couldn't contain her joy, standing there motionless watching the snowflakes fall for a long while.

she had nothing better to do, after all, the hiatus was killing her. her friends were fully occupied, her members were in the activities she would want to be in and her family was far away in daegu. she couldn't help that those would be lonely and boring holidays, but at least she had time to appreciate nice things like this one.

or so she would once she opened the door to whoever claimed to see her in the middle of a snowfall.

serim sighed, she hated it when she was interrupted in her few moments when she could enjoy things that excited her. she walked back into her apartment and made her way to open the door.

the doorbell had rung, not the telecommunicator, so she figured it might be one of her bandmates, her manager, or a friend. since she didn't have to work or keep a schedule, she wasn't fully aware of what day it was, so she wasn't aware of what her acquaintances might be doing at the moment or who was free.

what she didn't expect was to find jimin behind the door.

it had been a couple of months since she had seen her in person, although they texted sometimes, maybe since september they hadn't been in one another's presence. she was always busy, she had gone on tour and back, only to embark on a new comeback and promotions season. awards season had started as well and she, as the big star of the year, had to be at every event that happened. while serim had been a little more docile with her, open to the idea of doing some things together if the occasion arose, jimin just hadn't had the time, she wanted to take serim on dates, on trips, be together at her house, go for walks, help her with whatever she needed, but she was overworked and couldn't afford it.

except for that day, one of the few days off she'd had in a while.

jimin had been looking forward to it because she had already planned to go visit serim, even if she threw a tantrum when she saw her, she wanted to at least hug her after those two months without having her around, without feeling her scent nor holding her hands. she hadn't told her she was going because she didn't want to be rejected before she could be in front of the woman, which risked a fit of possible anger from the older girl, but jimin missed her so much that she didn't think anything through.

she just needed a plan, something to do together if serim didn't kick her out of her house, and the snow had come as if it heard her pleading. as soon as she looked out her window and noticed the first flakes, she got ready at the speed of light and frantically went out to find a cab. and now she was in the hallway of serim's apartment, covered in snow, her arms stretched in the air in excitement and wearing a silly grin because of the oldest.

she looked so adorable in that stupid giant blue scarf and her glasses that serim had to resist the urge to throw herself at her, limbs almost lifting on their own, stifling a smile using all the strength in her body.

serim had missed jimin too, of course she had, and she hated herself for it.

"what are you doing here?" the owner of the apartment asked not even greeting her.

"why do you have hello kitty pants on?" she ignored, not wanting to deal with her bitterness, and pointed to the pink garment with drawings of the character.

"because i'm at home." she said obviously.

"it's a choice." she cocked her head to the side without stopping to look at them.

"are you going to tell me what you're doing in my house while it's snowing?" she folded her arms and furrowed her eyebrows.

"that!" she jumped on the spot with glee. "i came looking for you so we could go see the first snow of the year together!" she announced in a jovial tone.

"and why would i want to see the first snow with you?" she was dying to go with her.

"because you love me." she replied simply. "and even my company is better than watching it from your balcony alone." she obtruded.

"how do you know i was watching it from the balcony?" she exclaimed in surprise.

"you're covered in coats when inside your house it's amazonian temperatures and you have snow melting on your arms." she pointed to the detail.

serim raised her arms suddenly placing them in front of her eyes to look at the clues of her actions in these startled, with her mouth slightly open, confirming that she had given herself away. she dropped them on both sides of her body dejectedly and gave the girl a sideways glance, contemplating her proposal, to end up turning around without a word and heading to her bedroom.

"where are you going?" confused, the younger girl raised her voice as she watched her walk away.

maybe serim was feeling very lonely during the hiatus, or maybe she needed jimin more than she liked to admit.

"i can't leave my house in hello kitty pants." she replied disinterestedly, causing the happy grimace on karina's face to widen.

in an extremely awkward silence they made their way to the small park in the gated community where serim resided. they had so many things they wanted to say to each other, but communication had never been their best quality as a duo. serim wanted to know how she had been during that time, if she was tired, and how her busy schedule was treating her, or ask why she couldn't get her out of her mind even when they hadn't seen each other for so long. jimin, on her side, wanted to generate any kind of conversation, it was enough for her to know that serim was enjoying her company. but neither of them dared to let that happen, whether it was out of spite or fear.

but jimin hadn't gone to see her in such particular weather after so many days of not having her around just to be silent, though if that's the way it should be, at least she was happy to have her at arm's length. she took a breath and with the hand that gravitated around serim's she reached for hers, intertwining their fingers once their palms came into contact. pathetically, she found herself closing her eyes for a second, bracing herself for the terrible reaction expected from the woman, but she received none, the girl left her hand there with hers, and jimin turned to check, disoriented, only to find her admiring the falling snow so fascinated that she hadn't remembered she had to hate karina full time.

she smiled to herself as she closed the distance between them, making their bodies rub against each other, securing her grip on her.

she was walking hand in hand with serim, when was the last time that had happened? her heart was beating at such a rapid rate as her senses were lost in the warmth and perfume of the woman that it felt like a drill.

when they arrived at the park it was almost empty. it was not a place where there were never many people as it was in a neighborhood of rich people who didn't have time or desire to walk around the area, and fewer people there were going to be with such weather. they walked calmly to the center in a void of words that was no longer as uncomfortable as a few blocks ago, stopping near the structure that crowned the place to appreciate how the snow fell on it and its surroundings.

"do you like snow?" inquired karina once they found a position where they could appreciate the spectacle and stood there.

"yes i like it, winter it's my favorite season." she gave her a look for the first time all the way there. "even though my immune system is a mess, i always get sick." she let out a sheepish chuckle.

"winter is my favorite season too." she settled in by tying her body to jang's arm. "and that's because you don't eat well!" she complained. "but don't worry, if you get sick i'll take care of you." she arranged a few strands of hair falling over the older girl's face.

"i do eat well only you don't see it." she smiled sideways.

"don't try lying to me." she shot her a look of suspicion, making her laugh.

jimin couldn't hide the satisfaction that this had brought her, feeling that serim didn't hate her for a second, she felt fulfilled. they held each other for a moment there watching the scenery, being as close as they rarely were outside of serim's room, swaying quietly as if they weren't two hurricanes trying to fit together. karina released her grip on her to put herself opposite to her and take the vocalist's face in her hands, leaning her body forward to leave a soft kiss on her cheek. serim wasn't expecting it and the surprise left her serious, speechless, she averted her gaze to the side, pressing her lips into a line, but a slight blush was exposed on her cheeks that she hoped jimin would believe was just from the cold.

"namu." she called to her in a low tone, so that only she would hear. "i have to tell you something."

"what is it?" she turned her eyes to her, face expressionless.

"i..." she took a long breath through her nose, trying to calm the uneasiness in her stomach from nerves. "i want you." she blurted out, pulling her shoulders back a little, puffing out her chest showing confidence. "and i want to spend this christmas with you."

"this christmas you're going to be working." she rebutted with discomfiture. "just like me, i hope." she spoke to the sky as if asking god.

"no, namu." she was already beginning to feel the anxiety of not being able to emit what she felt the right way and was giving her first uneasy hands through the air. "i mean i want to spend this christmas with you and many more." she clarified. "i want you to be my present." she rested her index finger on the girl's chest, pointing at her. "i want to kiss you and have you be the first person i greet." she held up the opening of the girl's coat. "i want to be with you."

serim was having difficulty maintaining eye contact, and even more difficulty finding something to reply to a statement that made her uneasy. "what do you mean by that?"

"i'm confessing." she admitted simply. "that's what you're supposed to do in the first snow."

"a confession is for someone who doesn't know how you feel." sadness returned to her demeanor as it always did when she was around jimin. "i think you've already told me everything you have going on with me."

"really?" her voice rose slightly, getting a little desperate. "do you really think you know everything i feel about you?" she questioned. "do you know that i can't stop thinking about you? that every action i take i think about what your reaction would be?" her breathing was slowly failing. "i have a hard time sleeping at night because i wish you were by my side." she rubbed her face with her palms trying to get rid of the frustration.

"jimin, the problem is that i don't believe you." she interrupted her weakly, her eyes on the floor.

"and what do you need me to do to prove to you that it's true?" her movements were wide and fast because of distress. "to make you understand that i despise myself almost as much as you do for hurting you." she believed her eyes were glazing over, but she didn't have the composure to concentrate on anything at the moment. "i was wrong, serim, i tried to pretend that nothing changed in my life the moment we got the deal, that you didn't shake my floor from the first moment." she was thankful that they are practically alone in the park because she was embarrassing herself. "i tried to do what i thought was best for me and i was wrong, i'm sorry, i'm so sorry." she swallowed hard trying to undo the lump in her throat. "i understand that i hurted you, that i was an idiot, but i want you." she assured. "i need you." she added. "and i don't know how to make you see that."

"do you love me?" she finally dared to face her.

"serim." she diverted her attention to something off to the side, blocking herself completely.

"serim, what?" she bit down hard. "that's what i need." she confirmed. "if you can tell me to my face that you love me, then i'm willing to take the time to work out everything bad that happened between us." she asked. "if you tell me that you love me, i'll leave it in the past."

"i adore you with all my heart." she closed her eyes as if that could make that moment less real.

"but it's not enough."

"no, it's not that." she held her arms so she wouldn't pull away. "it's complicated." tears began to stain her cheeks. "i care for you so much..."

"why is it so hard for you to say you love me?" there was disappointment in her eyes. "don't you feel it?"

"it's not that i don't feel it..."

"then what is it?" she became defensive.

"it's complicated." she reiterated. "it's difficult." she said in a defeated attitude. "this all happened under peculiar circumstances and-"

"then it's difficult for me to forgive you." she cut her off.

serim raised her hands to remove the hold the younger girl had on her and started walking with speed back to her house. jimin watched her walk away, but wouldn't let her go, she ran out after her, catching her, making them face each other. she lifted serim's hand, bringing it to her lips to give it a short kiss while their eyes were connected, thus then grabbing her waist and pulling her close enough that she could rest her forehead against hers just by folding her body a little forward.

"make a wish." she murmured.

"can you leave me alone?"

"if you say it out loud it doesn't come true." she shook her head.

serim dropped her eyelids, a little because she no longer had the strength to argue or resist the questionable things jimin did, and a little because she wanted to stop the approaching crying, karina copied the actions when she saw her do it. after a moment they both, still with their heads against each other, looked at each other again, ruefully and wearily.

"you won't tell me what it is this time?" the blackhaired inquired.

"you said it." she whispered. "if i tell you it won't come true."

—that you can accept that you love me. —thought serim.

"i asked for you to let me go make cookies at your house."

"i can't believe it." she broke off suddenly. "are you serious?" she shouted at her upset.

"i know we just fought, but we always fight." she tried to reason, seriousness of the moment all gone. "i haven't seen you in two months, i just want to spend time with you." she pleaded. "get mad at me later, but don't leave now." she added. "please, stop leaving."

serim hated herself for how aware she was that no matter how angry she got with jimin, for whatever reason, she always came back to her. "if you say it out loud it doesn't come true." she reiterated bitterly as she realized how pathetic she was.

"but you miss me too."

"let's go." she commanded, causing the younger girl to cheer. "but no joy." she pointed her finger at her apprehensively. "i'm too upset with you." she reminded. "these are going to be the saddest cookies you'll ever eat in your life."

[bekkarific]

Playing With Fire:

Pairing: Frontman|In Ho x Fem OC

Chapter One - Where There Is Smoke

Chapter Masterlist

————————————————————————

If you play with fire you’re going to get burned, that was what Ji Ah’s Oppa used to say to her. Fate only knew how right he would be.

————————————————————————

Coffee, that was the only thing that that kept Ji Ah awake for these long shift’s. Sweet coffee was normally her favourite, but Ji Ah would take anything with caffeine. Which is why when a hot cup of sweet coffee was placed on her desk, she almost wanted to kiss her beloved police partner Jun Ho. But she doubted he would appreciate the public display of affection, however platonic it may be.

Taking a sip of the sweet nectar of the gods, she instead sighed a simple “thank you” to her partner, who smiled in return.

This is how their partnership was, having worked with each other for about 5 years, since being promoted to detective, Jun Ho was like her other half. Whilst she felt nothing more than sisterly affection toward him, they held no secrets.

Which is how she ended up on her 14th hour of her original 8 hour shift, working through any leads in the case to Jun Ho’s missing brother, In Ho. She had never met the man in person, but she felt like she knew him having picked through the last few years of his life with Jun Ho, trying to decipher what might have caused him to suddenly disappear. Her heart ached when Jun Ho told her the story of how In Ho lost his pregnant wife to a sudden illness, having lost his job for taking supposed bribes, he could no longer pay for her medical care. Jun Ho commented often on how she reminded him of his sister in law, both stubborn (she liked to think of it as a positive), intelligent and kind hearted. She liked to think of these a good things, however given the sad look in his eyes when talked about it, Ji Ah was not so sure.

Shaking her head to refocus on the facts of the case, In Ho had been missing for several days, no concrete leads on when he was last sighted, unpaid rent and a history of bribes, things where not looking good to his current circumstances and probability of finding him unharmed. Ji Ah was reluctant to say this out loud, like speaking it out into world will make it real and she did not want that inflict that grieve onto her partner who loved his brother dearly. She was hesitant, this wasn’t like her, she did not want to be the person who told Jun Ho his brother may be gone, but the reality clawed at her, In Ho’s disappearance was not just a case any more; it was personal.

Whilst all this was racing through her head, Jun Ho was sat opposite in quiet contemplation, this hands twirling a card with shapes on the back.

“Is there something you need to tell me ?” Ji Ah asked with a pointed look toward to card in his hand.

With a sigh, Jun Ho reached his hand out toward Ji Ah with the card stretched outward. Ji Ah took the small card and pulled her face in immediate confusion, small shapes where on the front and on the back a simple phone number.

“What has this got to do in In Ho?” She questioned, her eyes still examining the card for any clues.

“I found this card in In Ho’s apartment in a small present box, I thought it odd at first, then reports of crazy man coming into the station today, saying about being forced to play a game of red light, green light -“

“The children’s game?” Ji Ah interjected

Jun Ho nodded taking a sip of his coffee “he stated - well ranted apparently - that he and many others where forced to play the game and that those who lost where shot”

“What does the card have to do with this?” Ji ah asked, eyebrows scrunched.

“The man stated that he was approached by a man in a suit at the train station, and after playing rounds of Ddakji for money, the man in a suit handed him a card to join the game. He called the number on the back, was told a pick up point, then stated he was drugged and woke up in a room with other competitors, in numbered clothes” Jun Ho finished solemnly

“So let me get this straight, the guy was invited to play children’s game from a stranger in the subway, and after presumably winning, was given an card like this” she held it up between her index and middle finger “and was invited to play more, he was then kidnapped, woke up in a strange room with other people on in a same situation and then forced to play red light, green light in which the losers where executed” Ji Ah summarised, trying to keep the scepticism out of her voice.

Jun Ho nodded, not meeting her eyes.

Ji Ah sighed, she could tell this was a thread he was not going to let go of “you think this is somehow related to In Ho’s disappearance” she stated more than questioned, knowing her friend too well.

Jun Ho finally met her eyes and nodded. Everything in Ji Ah was telling her this was crazy, the man was clearly mentally deranged and Jun Ho was looking for anyway his brother might still be alive. She wanted to tell him as much, but one look into those sad brown eyes and she crumpled. It would feel like kicking a puppy.

“Okay” she breathed, taking a gulp of her coffee “police work with evidence, so let’s look at the evidence, both your brother and this guy received a card as in invite to a dangerous game days ago, this guy explained people where killed, he returned and we have yet to hear from In Ho” Jun Ho nodded, a frown marring his features. “So we follow the lead” Ji Ah explained trying to remind positive “What do we know about his guy? Surely someone took a report, even if they did think he was crazy”

Jun Ho looked up, breathing a small sigh of relief that his friend was with him on this. “Yes, the desk Sargent said he gave the name Seong Gi Hun from Ssangmun-dong”

“So let’s go” Ji Ah stood, downing the last gulp of coffee and tossing the empty cup. She knew the lead was tenuous as best, but it was all they had. One way other, they were getting closer to truth, she had to believe it.

Stunned by the sudden change, Jun Ho takes a a minute to respond. He looks at his friend, black jacket on, she moves her hair from her collar and holsters her gun at her hip. Looking at him expectantly.

Jun Ho’s tired eyes softened, he couldn’t hide the faint flicker of hope in his eyes as she looked at Ji Ah. She was always the grounded one, the logical one. But they both couldn’t ignore the feeling in their guts that this could be a dead end.

“Ready?” she said shaper than intended, but it did the job.

Jun Ho nodded as he stands, eyes more enthusiastic as before, ready to head out to a far fetched lead. But he is willing to follow path that leads him closer to In Ho.

[kurishiri]

02 . . . happy birthday, alfons! ˗ˏˋ🪞´ˎ˗

— this translation may not be 100% accurate or may contain creative liberties for characterization or narrative flow purposes. if you enjoy, please consider reblogging, but don’t repost or claim these as your own!

— cw: none; alfons is actually pretty soft in this chapter!

In my own way, I thought that it was a plan for a wonderful birthday.

However, such plans would soon be riddled with trouble...

Kate: Wh—!? They’re closed...?

When we arrived at the restaurant I had reserved for lunch, there was a sign that said ‘CLOSE.’

Alfons: ‘The restaurant’s owner contracted a sudden illness,’ so they say here, I see. Well, such cases do arise once in a while.

A: How about we visit another restaurant then? Is there anything in particular you’re craving now?

Kate: In that case, we should eat what you want. You’re the birthday boy, after all!

Alfons: Well then... how does the restaurant over there sound?

The restaurant we entered was empty, and the food was immediately brought out after we put in our orders, but...

(...It doesn’t taste that good.)

(No, rather, I would say the flavor is unsavory...)

Alfons: Pfft... hehe... ahha!

A: Just from your expression... I can read your thoughts like a book right now.

A: Hapless though it may be, it would appear this restaurant’s cuisine doesn’t suit your palate?

Kate: ...Do you like this, Alfons?

Alfons: Positively god-awful, I’d say.

Kate: I feel like I should have seen this coming with how there’s not a single person here, even during the lunch hour.

Alfons: The food is thoroughly cooked, and there doesn’t appear to be any suspicious ingredients in it either, and yet...

A: I can’t help but wonder where this profoundly mysterious flavor has snuck in.

While saying this, Alfons slipped off his gloves, and touched the nape of my neck.

Alfons: The food before your eyes is a delicious cuisine from a renowned restaurant.

(Ah... he used his ability on me.)

Albeit nervously, I once again brought the food to my lips.

Kate: Oh, it is delicious...! Thank you so much, Alfons.

Alfons: It was a little more than child’s play to me, so think not much of it. Come now, let’s eat the rest.

Kate: What about you, though, Alfons? I mean, the food’s flavor...

Alfons: The food at the castle is a plethora of things you’d find in five-star restaurants, so I must admit I’m rather taken by this unique change of pace.

Kate: Is that so...

(This birthday celebration isn’t off to a great start, it seems.)

(But, there is still a whole day ahead of us! The next thing will surely be a blast!)

After lunch, we visited an auction venue.

Alfons: Is there an item you wish to bid for, perchance?

Kate: Actually, the auction isn’t being held today, so there’s a magic show in its place.

Alfons: I see... I’m most eager to see it. An actual successful magic show, unlike the ones we are subjected to see back at the castle.

Kate: Hehe, yeah!

K: ...Ah, the host has come up. It looks like it’s going to start soon.

Host: Uhm, to all gathered here today, we deeply apologize for the inconvenience caused with this sudden notice...

Host: ...but the magician we have invited has caught a sudden illness, and as such, we will be holding a special art auction today.

Kate: Ehh...

Alfons: No matter where we go, it seems the aforementioned ‘sudden illness’ follows suit.

Kate: Yes, I wonder if the cold has been going around recently...

(What should we do? Let’s see, what are places Alfons might enjoy... umm...)

Alfons: ...Since we are here already, how about we go and check out some of the art pieces?

Kate: I don’t mind that, but...

K: I’m sure you’re long used to seeing pieces like this, so would it not be boring?

Since Lord Elbert collects beautiful things,

I’m sure Alfons, too, has laid his eyes on many beautiful things as well, from being by his side.

(So to just be looking at these art pieces the auction has now, it probably wouldn’t be very interesting...)

Alfons: Would it not be a most thrilling experience to watch the audience compete with each other with bloodshot eyes from the outside?

A: And even if that does become boring, I have you to play with.

Kate: ...Alright then. Let’s look at the art pieces.

(Alfons is the one who should be getting his birthday celebrated, and yet it seems he’s always extending his consideration to me today.)

Finally, the sun started to set, inviting the night to come.

(To think everything we’ve done has failed... oh, but there are still two things left to celebrate.)

(Even if it’s just these two things, I definitely can’t let them fail...!)

After we returned to the castle and ate dinner, we went to Alfons’ room.

Kate: Alfons, here is the next present!

I gave the box I prepared to Alfons.

Alfons: Is it alright to open it?

Kate: Go ahead! It is food, so just put it on the table before opening it, so it doesn’t drop.

Though a bit corny, inside was a birthday cake.

(It’s a birthday cake with a cat drawn on it... I hope he’s happy.)

I watched him as Alfons took the cake out from the box.

Alfons: This...!

Kate: How is it?

Alfons: ...Kate. May I ask exactly when we got married?

Kate: Eh...?

Alfons showed the cake my way.

There, written on the cake, was neither a cat nor a happy birthday message, but rather...

Kate: ‘Congratulations on your 50 year wedding anniversary’...!?

The cake had words of congratulations to a wedding, with an illustration of an elderly couple I didn’t recognize drawn on it.

Alfons: It would seem the bakery has mixed our cake up with some elderly couple’s cake?

Kate: No way... I’ll need to contact the shop right away...!

Alfons: It would come as a surprise if the shop was still open at this hour though, I would imagine?

A: However, I doubt the cake will be good by the time morning rolls around, so let’s just eat what we have here.

—— Time skip ——

Alfons: I do find it quite unfortunate that I couldn’t eat that treasured cake you had chosen for me...

A: ...but this cake here tasted delicious, too.

Kate: Right...

Alfons: So, Kate? Care to bring out the final present?

Kate: About... that... the cake is the final present. I’m really sorry that everything has been a mess up to the end...

Alfons: Oh, don’t deceive me now. The cake wasn’t supposed to be the last present, yes?

Kate: It’s just that today nothing has been going as planned... so I’m scared that something about the last thing would also go wrong...

Alfons: ...Why, you can blame every happening today on mischance.

A: Not a single thing that happened was your fault.

A: Besides, so what if everything didn’t go as you hoped? It’s the sentiment of wanting to celebrate that matters, no?

Kate: That’s true, but still... I wanted you to have a fun birthday, Alfons.

K: A birthday so fun, it will remain in your memory forever. That kind of birthday.

If it was a birthday fun enough to carve a place in Alfons’ memory, then surely, it would do the same for me.

I wanted us to carve that memory into each other, so that we would never forget this day for eternity.

(But, with all these blunders on his birthday, how could it ever remain in his memory...)

Alfons: A birthday that will remain in my memory... you said?

A: ...If that’s the case, it would be remiss of me not to think today has been going swimmingly as you hoped.

Kate: Eh...?

← prev next →

full masterlist 🪞🍰 ╱ ko-fi ☕

[kel-lance]

JJK Mafia Au (JJK x Reader) PART 2

Part 1

Warnings:- TW: Dead dove dont read (DDDR) Minors do not interact (MDNI): SA, Physical Assault, DubCon, NonCon, Mindbreak, Public Humiliation, Breeding, Ownership, Gaslighting, Multiple manipulation, RWORD, PTSD, a lot more toxic sh.

Premise: Reader lives in a city where the two biggest gangs keep things line until the third gang showed up. That had nothing to do with you though, until dumb luck just happened to favor you one day. Basically You’re picked up and used by every dangerous criminal within the clans due to some alliances they had to create due to some members messing up the previous alliances. ((Almost everyone’s gonna have a turn 🤗)) ( i have 11 more chapters planned out right now meaning after i write those ill still be writing more.)

“We’re done for today.” The large man reaches for his robes. You don’t bother to move. Just breathing hurt. It was his off day and he was deciding to break you in, deciding to keep you for however long you were durable. He was amused with your reactions. He liked it. He found it interesting how you were also trying to survive. He’d play along as your god now. 

You lay in the bed and his finger prints stained your skin, each strike created blots of purple and blue and green. You liked bruises before, it showed how you fought for it. 

You apparently woke up two days later, and he lets you rest. Your body finally turns off survival mode for a second, just a second to adjust to the warm room. Four walls, the nice smell, it was just another thing you weren’t used to. Stillness. It was boring. But under these circumstances you were glad to have your own padded room to deal with this.

The time you were left alone, you didn’t know how long that would be. Another hour or so you’d think he’d come back in, hearing as you’re up. Time for more torture, though do torture victims get a bed and tended to? It felt more like you were a sacrifice, meant to appease him, though no one handed you over. 

You were brushed, scrubbed raw, and even felt a bit of shame for the way you were living compared to the two ladies who were taking care of you. But you didn’t know how long they’ve been in this line of work. Hell they honestly looked like they were born into it with the cold looks in their eyes. They could care less about your well-being, though they found and scrubbed every inch of you. Of course you didn’t want strangers to look at you, especially after such a moment that brought you here. To be real, these twins are probably the only people who knew you more than anyone you currently knew. 

Friends? You had a few, some to help you out sometimes, some to let you crash at their place. It was all fair game to the people you knew. Life was never easy for them and they knew of you being a free spirit. You didn’t leech off of them for you’d always show up with something in exchange, usually something you stole but it would never get traced back, it was either too common (but useful) or just something that would never be brought out of shown off. 

You weren’t a bad friend for it, if anything you were the perfect guest, though this time you didn’t mean to give yourself away for a few nights stay.

“I gotta get out of here, but where would I go? These people have already seen my face and I can’t tell how many more there would be. I can’t request anything to learn the layout of this place and no one will talk to me. If I leave I’ll have to run further and faster than I already have been…” You ponder more, sitting at the table placed in front of the window. 

They’re smart enough to know what I’d do if I wanted to pick a fight with their lord, of course there are guards at more doors, even under the window out your room, and it’s safe to say that there’s even a guard at each vent that’s connected to your room. 

“Why does it seem like I’m so special?” You sit and open the window, the guard below moves from his post to observe you on the same side has the other posted to view you. You look down at then and offer a wave, saying you’re not doing anything stupid, but you just wanted some air. One of them leaves, probably to get Sukuna. 

“I bet he’s just a lonely loser and I just happen to fall into his lap, or maybe I was one of many and was the newest. The girls here looked like they could be in the same position as you, though why weren’t they? They didn’t look like they were his blood, and there was no way that he could be their dad. That would make things even worse since you’re close in age as the twins. 

You see the guard go back to his post, nonchalantly. “Weirdo.” You thought. Not even a second later your room door whips open. Jumping from your place at the table, you turn and see who other than the man with the unpredictable entrances. “Finally up?” He leans on the door frame. “Honestly, you’re so dramatic for that.” He teased, being strangely familiar to you.

“Dude…” You caught yourself about to tell off this stranger. All you’ve known from him is that he’s having fun taking you and making you a toy, that his name was Sukuna and how everyone seemed under his control. Not that they enjoy it, but it didn’t look like anyone, even in their numbers, would stand up to someone like him. 

It still wasn’t apparent for you. He only told you his first name, his last could tell you that you were in even more danger than any “normal” man doing this to you. It could be such a metaphor but you’re literally trapped in the best place you’ve ever been. Was that just life? all the bad comes up when you’re supposed to be happy, and realizing how good you’ve had it as it gets ripped apart in front of you? The balance of it all only comes with ignorance, which was also why you wouldn’t get attached. You didn’t run to one person for everything you didn’t need more than what you’d ask for and that wasn’t much. If they were lucky you’d be there for 3 days at most. 

You lost your voice, his presence set in, bringing you out of your (if you can all it that) relaxed state. He notices you tense up, the look in your eyes begging him to give your body a break. He huffs and saunters into the room, taking a seat at the end of the bed, the side that’s facing you. “You had some time to clear your head, now tell me what was your intention. Playing dumb suits that pretty face of yours… But that’s not why I’m here.”

You sure knew nothing about this guy. Other than his name and how his body looked. How he felt was different, it just happened so fast that you could only remember how it lingered in your belly after he left you the second time. It wasn’t something you can forget, those were the best orgasms of your life. “Sukuna… I’m serious.” 

“You expect me to believe that? Did I hit you too hard?” You almost wanted to laugh, you saw stars and colors you couldn’t before his knuckles contacted your skull. Lifting his hand from his side to place under his chin made you flinch, a bit too hard for his liking apparently.  It took a lot for you to muster standing up on your own, much less realize you had to get to the table by needing support from the wall. It was like you were in an ice skating rink and had to hold onto the walls for dear life, except there was no ice, it was just pain in your body not letting you level yourself out.

“When you’re ready to talk, I might hear you out. My patience is thin you already know.” He stands and closes your door, sent a shiver down your spine. Him not being close to you, or hurting you, having this quick visit was so unsettling. 

It haunted you for hours. He didn’t touch you. The edge of the bed where he sat still held an energy, like he left a part of him right there to keep watch over you. 

He definitely hit you too hard, you were thinking more outlandish things to go with this scenario. Like why didn’t the touch you? You thought he was going to keep a pattern, that maybe after this he would come in periodically to taunt you. That maybe his patience has worn out and he was going to get rid of you any minute now, or to use you again. 

The trauma you got from this certainly messed with your self soothing methods. Every time you catch yourself hitting your peak of your self imposed orgasms, you were almost wishing you had more than just your fingers. You didn’t want him, but seriously its already been 2 weeks. You were gonna go crazy in here. The girls kept bringing you your meals, and a bathroom is attached, though you couldn’t do much by yourself. 

You were to let the others feed and bathe you, and you honestly hated it. It was way too weird, you never talked to them, and they never tried with you so it felt like there was an agreement to just not speak about it. That none of you were here willingly. That gave you some insight. Your body healed itself enough that you didn’t need the wall to walk anymore, making your trips to the table in front of the window more frequent. 

You notice some sort of schedule Sukuna follows, as well as a few other noticeable men in this kind of gated community. Whatever he has gong on here, it felt like you were almost a stolen princess locked away in a tower or something. “You have GOT TO get a hold of yourself.” You didn’t need to see a doctor or someone, you were fully aware that these thoughts were just you daydreaming to escape reality, yet again. Though this time it was getting boring, you couldn’t help yourself, literally. 

At this point you wanted to even ask one of the guards if they wanted to come in and help you out, but you didn’t have to do that, because a day later you decided to act. Rolling around night time, you decided to open your window a noticeable amount. By then the guards usually leave one guard to patrol the grounds in each quarter. 

The ones outside your door either end up sleeping or one leaves the other for a bathroom break, some nights they both go, probably to blow each other you thought. It wasn’t any of your concern, they did it before when you could barely move, but now you were agile again, enough to move around without hissing at each moment.

 Placing your ear to the door, you heard light snoring through it. “Okay, just find his room you thought. You knew that it took about 60 steps to reach a stair case, then that would be about 24 steps down. You could hear his footsteps through the pairs of others who followed him, as his echoed with pace, and the others almost scuttled behind them like bugs.. 

You find your way slipping past heavy wooden doors, making sure it wouldn’t creak, you saw the walkway in the garden. You looked up and saw your room, you knew it was yours as it was the only one with the window open. you knew that the guard just left this fourth of his grounds. You were searching the area for his room. Peering through the windows, it would have been hard to tell if it was him, but his tattoos were honestly unique. 

None of them were him, you go back to the walkway, going down the opposite end, just blindly working your way through. You couldn’t just walk through any door, it could be your last mistake, it being Sukuna or not. But it just had to be him, you wanted so badly to find his familiar face and just, you don’t know. 

You decide to be more ballsy, there’s surely no way he’s be in the same quarters that has this many people,” you decide to take your chance with the left corridor. “I wouldn’t take him for a cuddly guy anyway.” 

Listen, you know it sounds crazy, but if you even got to escape, you’d be hunted like a fox, unnecessarily, and as a spectacle for others to watch. But if you could find him, and do it yourself, “I mean, at least I’d die with something, and what a funny way to go.” You loved to joke about these kinds of things. Anytime it seemed dark, you’d find yourself cracking a joke or going off an other tangents from the barrage of thoughts coming your way.

You hold your breath as you set your fingers around the doorknob, you pull it back slowly, and turn it, to silence any squeaks it may have. After turning it fully, you let it go back and unclenched your fingers to let it go a second time, making sure there was no noise from the metal trap, and decided to go in. 

What fucking luck you had as if you broke into another room you’d think your breathing would start to give you away. As you head towards the bed, the raising figure laying there was him. Your eyes had adjusted to the dark, so much so that you could just stand in front of him. 

Looking down at him you wondered what you should do. You’re not going to kill him, that’s one thing, though you had nothing to lose, you still liked your life and you enjoyed whatever adventurous you got yourself into. It was always just one thing after the next and you’d rest when needed, but you loved it. 

This was totally different though. Before it was like you were born into this work and have to abide by its rules. As of right now you could do /anything/. What else would you do? 

You look down at him, kneeling at the edge of the bed to face him. Looking at his face like this, completely defenseless, his harsh eyes weren’t poking at you or telling you exactly what he was thinking. No he was just, he looked human. Like if you were to have met him at any other place it would possibly be on a magazine cover or an army recruitment booth posted wherever. 

“Damn bastard is beautiful.” You thought. “I didn’t get this far to stop now. Fucking 2 weeks you keep me here and don’t do anything? Do you know how boring that is? You can’t just keep me here and forget.” All that time alone had gone to your head, did you forget how he treated you the time you met? 

Tbh it fades in and out, your memory’s cut up pieces of film that randomly plays an old memory, and since you can’t recognize it, you call it a dream. 

Nothing could take you away from where you were now. Looking over him, still not a care in the world. Nothing could wake him if he’d allow it. You cocked your head to align your eyes with his, and reach out and brush your fingertips across his jawline. 

How much of this could you enjoy before he kills you for breaking out? Just that thought had you slowly leaning in, your hand before tracing his face was leaning onto the bed to support your intrusion. 

First, you kissed his forehead. The poor fuck probably hadn’t felt the touch of a real lover in ages, he just finds and uses whatever and whoever he wants, whenever. Of course you didn’t pity him, but does he even know what being loved properly was like? You’re really one to be asking. 

You peck the smooth, hot skin, and kissed a line across his cheek, getting more sensual with the next. His touch, even sleeping was still so manly. His body was so, honestly the words seem odd, but he looked so edible. Like you almost couldn’t keep your lips off of him. He was so yummy when you get a good look at him. 

Cupping his face, your lips reach his, beginning to lightly stimulate the connection. You lean in further, applying yourself onto him, guiding open his mouth with yours as you lick his lips. This shit was getting you so excited, considering all that he’s done to you, having this moment, where you’re in control and he was at your mercy, and only you know this.

Continuing to make out with your kidnapper, you moved yourself to get on top of him. His lazy reaction of kissing back had you think he was a deep sleeper, god you really wished. 

You opened your eyes just to make sure he was still asleep, but his eyes were staring back at you, with the same look he always has. You didn’t have time to even make a sound before he had you under him. His hand grabbed your waist and turned kept you parallel to him as his leg pushed his body to get on top. 

You could feel his erection, he was basically stabbing your thighs with his head. His hands pushed your wrists into opposite sides of your head, and he has you immobilized as he sat on your legs. Most you could move was your toes and neck, but he had pressed his face up against yours. 

“I don’t even know where to start with you. If you wanted to kill me, you would’ve already. Maybe I can believe you’re just some random, …but you wouldn’t have come to my room.” He lets a wrist go to reel back and strikes your face as a warning. Seriously, no sane person would just come straight back to him in your situation.

“The guard fell asleep?” Nothing gets by him. You can’t tell if he was just prepared for everything or if he planned this out. The excitement you were feeling before was being clashed with the sudden shock to your face. “Depending how the rest of the night will go will determine his punishment.” 

Keeping everything in place, he moves your chin up by his nose, giving him space to start attacking your neck. “We’ll just start with yours.” His grasp tightened around each wrist, so much so that he was pulling on the tendons in your forearms, making your fingers involuntary curl. 

Your luck may have run out, but you weren’t as scared. Trying to enjoy the moment as much as possible, knowing fully well that you’re about to be eaten alive, and god, youve been waiting. His teeth grazed your collar bone, making their way back up, making themselves a known threat to your neck. 

“Speak.” He orders. “Who sent you?” 

“You still think I’m a spy?” The spot where he hit you was pounding, but it didn’t hurt. Other parts of your body were just pulsating along with your heartbeat, you knew he was going to take that as a sign of fear. 

“Hurry up, we have a meeting tomorrow so I’m trying to be considerate for everyone else.” 

He’s still not listening. You weren’t either at this point, finding his roughing up sort of endearing. Maybe he didn’t want to get blood on his bed, or maybe he did care about that stupid meeting. All you could feel was vigorous pulsating from your wrists, your face, your heart, and more than anything else, your pussy. 

This was literally what you came here to do, this was why he even took you with him wasn’t it? Seriously whatever big shot he thinks he is… this shit wasn’t legal; You were serious on going out with a bang, raising your hips to create some friction on his hard on. 

Sukuna seemed to notice the look in your eyes and gave you another firm slap. “Focus, doll.” He adjusts his hips a few inches too far down your liking, his hands being the only thing touching you. 

“Put it back.” You got this far, now he wants to start questioning you immediately after waking up? He picked you up after meeting and ignored you for two weeks, you’re about to do what most others would. Especially if they’re in the same situation with the same circumstances.

“You’re not the one to be giving orders, much less to me.” 

You raise your hips back up to his head, having it dip into you, crossing your clit but unable to enter fully. His tip could find its way in no problem, it was just his call, and that almost drove him over the edge. You’ve stopped fighting back, for something like your freedom and what’s better for you. 

What you were after now was just one more orgasm brought by that monstrous mf. He doesn’t drop his guard, or change his face at all as he accepted “your bait/distraction”. In this position, you’re still straight legged, laying in his bed as he has you held down, arms pinned, palms up, and legs trapped as he sat on your thighs. 

He could easily kill you now, but it would honestly leave a bad taste as no one’s been killed in his room before, much less even entered without permission. You both didn’t know what to think really. 

To you he’s some strange and strong asshole who’s been unclear if you were his sex toy or if you were “invited” and he was just being a terrible host. Honestly, it felt worse to you to have everything you needed; Without your freedom, you were honestly thinking it’d be better to be dead. 

To him, you were dangerous. You got it all right. From the room, to the person to bump into, to the alley. You could have been a spy laying low, from whichever gang he thought you were from, he thought it would be good to hold you off to send a message to see who would come collect you first. They wouldn’t send someone if they didn’t have something to say. 

At first he did just want to keep you until one of them sent them back another message. It didn’t matter what happened to you, honestly he got bored. He’s a busy man, there was really nothing else to say. 

So imagine his surprise how you came crawling all over him tonight. He knew an assassin would’ve done it before he even knew the door opened, they were to make sure it was quick. The attack would have had to been fatal, whether they succeed in one shot or have them die as they’re leaving. And how quick they leave is how desperately they want to live. 

You, just came in to stare at him and decided you wanted something else. And it didn’t seem like revenge. That was a first, especially for him. Right now he was allowing it, letting you go. There was no way you could harm him, he concluded. 

Looking down at you squirm and pout, upset on how close you were to getting what you’ve been aching from and for. He won’t drop his guard, but he sure as hell was silver platter served. Really how badly did you want it?

He connects your wrists at the top of your head with one hand, the other has its index finger and thumb at the base, controlling himself with those two fingers. He raises his erection and knocked it against your clit, the strikes sent waves of pleasure from your core to the top of your head and palm of your feet, having you whimper out. 

Your aching hole needed him, it was taking him so long. Seriously you wish he’d kill you now because this so actually torture. The only thing you could do was start to cry, tears leaving their corners and running into your hair. You were more than frustrated. Angry, horny, needy, powerless, you wanted it so bad you were losing control, it didn’t matter, no one else could judge you, and who would be worse than Sukuna?

“You came in here, climb all over me, just to cry now? You’re so pathetic.” 

“Please,” You whine. “I want you to put it in.”

His face changed, from laughing at you beg, to sharpening his focus. Even after all this, getting caught, threatened, insulted, you’ve started to beg for it. He takes his legs up from pinning yours, putting them to your sides as he aligns himself to your front hole. “Say it again.”

“Please Sukuna, put it in-“ He lowers his hips and dives deep into you. He watches as your head writhes. Instantly youre spread apart, the sudden plunge casted a warm blush across your face and electricity towards the tips of your fingers. “Oooh,” 

“Fuuuuuck.” He finished for you. He continues to grind deeply into you, quickly using his now free hand to gag you from waking everyone up. Good thing too as you were messy, fucked silly couldn’t cover it. You gave up control a long time ago. He wouldn’t kill you, not right now anyway, you especially wouldn’t let him without trying to get one last nut. It was diabolical how down bad he had you. It was more of your unhealed trauma and he just happened to be the best person to help you out, willing or not.

——————————————————————————

You lay there as the base of your back ached. Every part of your body was bruised again, you could only imagine to move again as you tried catching your breath. You had lost count on just how many times he’s forced an orgasm out of you, mind numbingly rich euphoria every time. Nothing else mattered, you were more than thrilled the first 2 times but started to wonder if he ever got tired. 

It wasn’t until after your fifth orgasm that he managed to get his first one in. You were honestly almost regretting climbing into his room but his second had him pinning you on your back as he lay on your lower torso and legs. You couldn’t feel anything but your pulsating cervix, half feeling good from the pain and lingering pleasure, the other half making you know that this was a mistake and the nausea was on you. 

Raising your free arm, you weakly start to pat his head. It was over, you insatiable perverted needs were fulfilled, so what were you going to do now? It’s not like you’re in love with the guy, you don’t even know if you’ll get to wake up tomorrow with this stunt. “It was worth it.” You thought. Running your fingers thorough his hair, and tracing his back, you fall asleep holding him, accepting that this is it.

[khickuwa]

Reasons Why I Think Jerome Adams is Oedipus. [CHAPTER 13 SPOILERS]

So in the recent events of Main Story 13, we see that Luke finally confronts Oedipus about the drug or, should I say "cure", to Luke's illness. I had my suspicions before, but we have incriminating evidence of this being true in this chapter. Let's go through the facts together:

Oedipus

There are things we know about Oedipus:

He has contacted two individuals within the Story; Skye Harper, the nurse who murdered both Tyson Turner and Gerard Boone's mother by injecting the NXX drug into them; and Luke, receiving an unknown drug with a note from Oedipus that says "try to live on" and meeting him under the guise of a Teddy Bear mascot, sending children to bid Luke his little cryptic messages.

Knowing these facts we can concur two facts from this:

Oedipus is someone who has access to the NXX drug.

Oedipus has access to the hospital to be able to sneak the drug into Skye Harper's hand and a part-time job as a mascot (or several) to be able to relay the message to Luke.

Oedipus knows a lot, he's always at the right place and the right time: about the NXX investigations and the whereabouts of the NXX team if he can figure out who Luke is and where he is.

The only person who would fit this criterion is a little freaky Where's Waldo ass mf with a ridiculous amount of part-time work he could probably use as covers aka Jerome Adams. (Seriously, it's like he knows to be at the right place at the right time every time.)

Here is his character description from the wiki:

Thus we can see that Jerome meets all the criteria because: 1. Access to the NXX Drug - "Jerome claims the Gladiolus Valley Research Center as his former employer", We have also seen several scenes of him previously in the Gladiolus Valley Research Center conversing with Wilson Surge,

2. Access to the hospital - "As a facilitator, he volunteered at various hospitals throughout Stellis." 3. He's aware of the NXX Team's presence and can be at the right time and place. Holding multiple part-time jobs such as a convenience store clerk and a food delivery service (and this time a bear mascot) gives him cover for his activities.

But the most incriminating evidence we have is actually within the exchange between Luke and Oedipus himself.

This is undoubtedly something Jerome Adams would do because: as established in the previous chapters, Jerome Adams works in a hospital and he has handled kids as well. This exchange coincides with all the facts previously mentioned. Ultimately, there's just too many threads that connect Oedipus and Jerome Adams together.

But why is he doing this? I can think of two reasons:

The reason why he is choosing to cooperate with Luke: In this chapter, we can see that both Oedipus and Luke have something to gain from this. Oedipus can run "clinical trials" for the NXX drug on Luke, and well... Luke doesn't have much of a choice here either, does he?

Despite Jerome freaky freaky ways, ultimately, I believe that Jerome has "good intentions" despite his very... twisted way about going about things. I can't wait to see what the new chapters have in store about is backstory and his ties with the NXX drug.

I think there's a reason why Jerome/Oedipus seems to always be hovering around the NXX team. Perhaps we're getting closer to the truth or perhaps he's trying to cooperate with us. But, I don't think Jerome/Oedipus is an enemy if anything, he's more like a third party that is working independently. I could imagine him working together with the NXX team (for a short while perhaps before they start getting at each other's throat again), or maybe even sacrificing himself in the end to ensure the NXX team gets to the root of the problem. That said, I have several other theories storming up in my brain regarding the NXX drug and how all the boys tie in all of this as well.... in another post.

[eliza-and-her-monsters]

the tortured poets department

Bonus Chapter

Info Post

Moodboards

Part I

Prev Part <> Next Part

Contains/TWs: a flashback essentially of reader and ellie whenever they were at the psychiatric hospital/wellness retreat together, the sweetest most gentle and soft ellie of all time. HELLLLAAAAA angst like next level angst. discussions of mental illness, hospitals/psychiatric facilities, and mentions of s**cide, sh/scars from sh. (this is not meant to romanticize psychiatric hospitals/care, mental illness s**cide or sh in any way. if you or someone you know is struggling please reach out. you are loved 💛)

WC: 2.5k

A/N: merry christmas eeeeve!! oh my ellie girls- did i ever cook for you 💛

Bonus

gold rush

I think the first time we actually talked was during one of the first nightmares. I hadn’t grown used to the big unbreakable windows or the heavy hospital beds and the idea of having a roommate who saw every one of my little quirks made it even worse. In fact I was even convinced she hated me after a while. She had tried so many times to be friends and I had blown her off every time. Why wouldn’t she?

It was in the middle of the night, one of the few nights I had actually gotten myself to fall asleep in which was promptly ruined. I don’t even know what had alerted her at first, she was such a light sleeper it could’ve been something as small as the change in my breathing. At any rate though before I could fall too deep into the hole I felt the grip of someone’s hand on my upper arm giving me a firm shake awake.

My vision was already so blurry because of the lack of glasses and the tears didn’t help. My breathing came out sharp and fast as I lifted my hands to roughly wipe at them. “No, hey, stop, don’t do that.” Ellie spoke as she passed off my glasses where I promptly slid them onto my eyes with shaking hands. And whenever I couldn’t find anything to wipe the tears away with she chose her sleeve, yanking it down far past her hand and pressing the fabric underneath my eyes until they coated it.

Normally, I would’ve pulled away. I would’ve scrambled and begged her not to. But the fact that for once someone besides my sister wasn’t looking at me like there was something wrong with me… I guess you could’ve called it an early stage trauma bond. Because all it did was pull me towards her. My hand was flying to hers before I know it, wrapping around her wrist as if to hold it into place.

I let out a tiny gasp in embarrassment, shaking my head to unravel my fingers as I stammered out an anxious apology. “I’m- I’m sorry-”

“It’s okay.” She spoke, the corners of her lips upturning in a weak smile as she inched herself closer. “The first week is usually the hardest. And you get pretty touch starved at some point so… you’re okay. I-I probably need it just as much as you do.”

I sniffled as I nodded, still trying to regulate my breathing as I pushed myself up to a sitting position, still desperately clutching at her arm with a trembling hand like she was the only thing I had left to hold on to. “How did you make it to England?” I whispered, subconsciously scooting aside so she could take a seat on the bed next to me, her shoulder just slightly brushing mine.

“Turns out whenever the US Army really fucks you up, they’re willing to shell out a shit ton of money to send you to the best mental health facilities in other countries to hopefully fix it.”

“Geez…” I muttered underneath my breath as I hugged my knees to my chest. “So you’re like, proper scarred then?”

I wasn’t expecting the massive laugh to burst from her lungs next, almost needing to slap a hand over her in order to not alert any of the nurses probably more than we already had. “You could say that.” She answered, resting her back against the wall before giving my arm the smallest of nudges. “What about you? What are you in for?”

“My parents… really just don’t know how to accept the fact that I’m… different. So they’ve stuck me in here hoping to find some kind of ‘cure’ I guess.” I shrugged, arms hugged around my knees. “Turns out just being extremely neurodivergent isn’t enough to fit the criteria of being put in a long term residential psychiatric care facility though so-”

“Oh yeah? Tried to check out too early too, huh?”

“Wow, it’s like you know me already.” I added with another tearful chuckle, Ellie already pulling at her sleeve to catch the strays before they could roll down my cheeks.

“I do know you.” She added, her tone shifting in a slightly more serious though still gentle tone. “I am you.”

For some reason the words brought forth another shuddering sob. A level of understanding I hadn’t seen in anyone else before, not even my sister. “C’mere.” I heard her whisper, pulling away her already halfway up short hair as she extended her arms out to me like we had known each other for years. The sound of my sob was muffled by her hoodie as she pulled me in, my face hidden in her chest as I let the broken cries finally escape.

It sounded so stupid, but I had tried my hardest not to cry while I was here. I thought if I acted like it enough maybe, finally, magically I’d become stable enough to not have to be here and it could even translate to my life outside. Turns out it didn’t work that way. Ellie brought out a new side of that though, she made me feel like it was okay to cry. And she’d be there every single time. Brushing away my tears or letting me hide my face in her shoulder or her chest until I didn’t have any left to cry.

“From now on… you’ve got me and I’ve got you, deal? So no more trying to check out too early, okay?” I wiped at my eyes with a gross sniffle, and whenever I pried myself from her hoodie I could see her staring at me with an expectant gaze and a lifted pinky finger. It was hard to say no to with that dorky little smile on her face. It was hard to say no to also whenever I knew she had been through so so much worse.

I nodded, weakly, but hoping it was enough enthusiasm for her as I wrapped my pinky around hers and feeling her give them the tiniest squeeze. “Perfect, now I’m never gonna leave you alone, squirt.”

The nickname brought out a tearful laugh from me, and I realized I couldn’t exactly remember the last time I had ever truthfully laughed as she tossed her arms back around me and decorated the top of my head in a dozen kisses. Whenever the nurse came at the usual 5 am to check vitals I distinctly remembered being curled up to her chest like she was my own personal pillow, dozed off to the sound of her breathing.

I knew it was an intense friendship, I knew it could’ve signified more. And honestly maybe that’s what I was afraid of. Growing so close to somebody only to have it brutally taken away from you by nothing more than the complication of love.

~

The wellness retreat we were at prided itself on trying to be just that, a retreat. They put a big emphasis on the great outdoors, courtyards and swimming pools and gardens, including a significant amount of grounds for us to go on walking trails. Ellie, I think, was determined to explore every inch of them before she got out and judging by both of our appointments we’d have the time too. So it was no surprise we frequently found ourselves on one, conjoined hands swinging back and forth like careless middle schoolers wanting to show off their very first relationship until Ellie’s long legs and curiosity got the better of her and she ended up trotting forward. She was after all exceedingly more fit than me.

“So, I don’t mean to pry or anything.” She spoke up after a moment of silence masked by our lazy footsteps.

“That’s never stopped you before.” I giggled before breaking out into a skip to catch up with her.

“Ha ha… very funny.” She snickered with a roll of her eyes. “So, I think I already know the answer to this but- it’s pride month, so humor me? Your sister’s an absolute fruit basket, right?”

I burst into laughter at her words before shrugging in response. “I mean, that’s certainly one way to put it.”

“So… what’s the likelihood your parents ended up with two gay daughters?” She wondered as she held up the number on her fingers.

A tiny smile stretched on my lips at the question, no sign of offense in sight from my end as I slipped my hand around the crook of her elbow. “I’d say… pretty likely.”

“Wicked.” She grinned a bit to herself as she rose her arm ever so slightly as if she was a gentleman escorting me to a fancy event. I chuckled once more at her old school slang, catching my bottom lip in between my teeth as if to avoid smiling even harder.

I released a sigh of relief the moment we approached a clearing enveloped perfectly with its high trees. “Can we stop for a second? I’m totally roasting out here.” I huffed as I trudged forward to find a comfortable seat and slip the psych issued backpack off of my back.

“It’s because you’re always wearing those flannels and long sleeves… even outside. No wonder you’re burning up.” Her voice noticeably got softer as she stepped up behind me with a soft hand on my back. “Why do you do that, by the way?” She questioned, gently slipping her hands up my covered arms to the elbows nearly making me tremble.

“You- You know why.” I mumbled, feeling our bodies naturally inch closer until I pressed my hands to her chest.

“No I know why I guess I just… don’t really know why you wear them here, you know? And around me? I-I mean we all have scars.” She wondered, her careful hands sliding around my back. Somehow despite all of our previous touches and general antics and even falling asleep in the same bed it felt as if this was the most intimate we had ever gotten. Stood like two high schoolers at a dance who had no idea what they were doing, yet everything at the same time.

“I guess I just- I never wanted to bother anybody else. Especially you. They’re- They’re not pretty, and they hurt and- I don’t know.”

Ellie let one of her hands encircle around my forearm against her chest where one of my hands held onto her shoulder. On instinct I tensed up, expecting the worst, expecting the judgemental eyes of doctors and the saddened ones of nurses. “I think scars are a sign of strength- of bravery.” She spoke, gently turning my wrist until the scars were pointed upwards where she gradually rolled my sleeve.

“Your’s are maybe. Mine aren’t brave. H-Hurting yourself isn’t brave.”

Ellie’s brushed a tender thumb along the raised skin, the healed markers of stitches. Normally the touches would’ve caused the slightest sting or even a throb. Healed enough to have faded ever so slightly but not enough to have stopped the pain entirely. Ellie’s touch was so gentle though, so careful and delicate. “Surviving through it is though.” My eyebrows knitted together as a waterfall of tears burned behind my eyes.

“That doesn’t mean do it again-“ she ordered as she held up a stern finger with her free hand. “But… just don’t be ashamed either, you know?” Ellie caught a stray tear with her thumb just before carefully lifting my scarred arm until she could brush her lips against it. Placing delicate featherlike kisses against every little wound.

“Thank you.” I sniffled, a soft sob catching in the back of my throat just as I felt her pulling me in, my face muffled in the crook of her shoulder as she wrapped a strong arm around me. “I think you might just be the sun.”

“Darling…” I could feel her shaking her head from just above me as she still held my wrist with such care. “I’m far from the sun. I’m just a girl who… who really really cares about another girl.”

It almost felt like a declaration of some sort, my eyes flickering upwards to meet her softened green eyes, her star-like freckles that I could trace like constellations, down to her curved lips. Maybe I was hallucinating and delusional, looking back on it I probably was. A one-sided magnetic pull towards her perfectly pink lips. So why did she seem to get closer too? Why did she wrap her arms around my waist to pull me in? Why did she let my hand caress her face in the way it did? Why why why why?

At the last second I felt her lips shifting, pressing softly to my cheek instead of my own and I could nearly feel my heart shatter right then and there. “Baby, I can’t do this to you.” She whispered with a shake of her head, the step backwards only sending me reeling as I fought the urge to dive after her.

“But I- I thought-“

“I know- I know but- fuck, please don’t cry, Millie, I’m sorry.” Ellie didn’t cry often, so whenever she did it was a big deal. But in that moment I could see the tears welling up in her own eyes as she drew back to me so quickly I nearly lost balance. “I can’t- I-I can’t give you your first kiss in here. We- We can’t do this, Millie. I love you s-so fucking endlessly but I- y-you deserve to have your first kiss be from somebody special and somewhere romantic and… not with me.” She sighed a bit to herself, clenching her hands at her sides as if it killed her to say any of this.

“I just can’t give you what you need i-in that sense right now and I- I hate myself for it and I feel like I’ve screwed up the most important and precious thing in my life because of it but… I can’t lie to you. I just can’t.” A weak sob fell from her lips as she let her hands fly to her eyes as if it’d somehow hide all the evidence.

If she were a selfish woman she would’ve gone through with it. She would’ve pushed her lips to mine and held on for dear life and maybe it would’ve gone farther. But she wasn’t selfish. In fact she was probably the most overwhelmingly selfless person I had ever met.

“Ellie, love.” I gulped back my own tears as I stepped forward to take her body into my own arms, lifting up onto my tiptoes so she could nuzzle her face into my own shoulder. “I’m not mad at you. You didn’t screw anything up. You could never screw this up.”

Ellie’s arms squeezed around my waist as she let her tears soak into the crook of my neck with a shuddering sob. “You are the only good thing that has ever happened to me.”

“And you’re still the sun.” I spoke softly, inching away only to cup her freckled face in my hand and press my forehead to hers. “You saved me. So you’re my sun.”

[sokacoke]

Compiling some questions and information regarding indigo park from unique geese's live streams.

Some clips might not be long enough for the full answer due to YouTube only being 60 seconds so just keep that in mind.

A bit of the older ones could contain stuff that aren't up to date that I forgot to remove because I was making this in my notes for like 3-5 weeks so lets uh. ignore those!! (ill delete them later maybe)

IF I SCREAM THE STREAM ENDS

'I think comparing Issac to fucking Willam afton is such a sad comparison'

Credits to @lunozapp for the clip

INDIGO Q&A 

“Will there be any boss fights?”

‘That’s a hard thing to say. I’m gonna say no.’

“How old are Rambley and his friends?”

'They’re all over 18. Probably around there early 20s at oldest.  They’re younger but I don’t really have set ages for them.'

“Would Indigo park be rated M?”

'I would argue indigo park chapter 1 could get away as teen but I’d like to rate it up as a M by chapter 2.'

“Is chapter 2 going to take place under the park?”

'No. There might be parts under but chapter 2 won’t.'

“Rambley has been left alone since the park closed. Has he practically sat alone for that long?”

'In all technicality, he was sitting there alone and abandoned for many years. He’s not fully aware of what’s going on, but he is you know?” 

“Do you have any plans for future chapters?”

'The entire greater story has been set in stone for months and we don’t have any plans to change it.'

'There’s stuff in chapter 1 that people won’t realize are important to the plot until chapter 5.'

“Is mollie macaw an antagonist?”

'Depends what you’re saying when you say mollie macaw. Antagonist is a strong word.'

LAUNCH STREAM

“Is the raccoon evil?”

'No. You guys just buckle up. you’ll see.'

REACTING TO YOUTUBERS 

“Did you expect for Rambley to be popular with the furries?”

‘I made a joke that it would be popular within it but nothing in the game was designed to be furry. It was just like “hey we need parody’s of Mickey Mouse and Disney characters” ending up creating characters I really liked.'

“Do you know that there’s already NFSW art of Rambley?”

'It’s the internet sorry. If you make NFSW stuff I just ask you don’t send it to me or inject it to the rest of the community. Keep it separate, these are like my children.'

“How many versions of the railroad did u go through?”

'It took quite a while. We would get to a point where we kind of liked it and then be like “oh I don’t really like this it doesn’t flow really well.” I think the great thing going into chapter 2 we have a better understanding of what we want the game to look. Chapter 2s going to be mainly a lot of the rides. It was kind a deal where I wanted you to feel claustrophobic but it was hard to deal with those open environments. I’m not gonna announce anything crazy but chapter 2 will start in the queue and lobby for oceanic oddesy'

“How many chapters will there be?”

'The game plan is five.'

“Is this the last time we will see Mollie? Her death screen mentions she can copy voices but that wasn’t shown. Will be shown again to do that mechanic?”

'The voices were less of a mechanic and more of showing going on when she’s talking throughout the game. All the dialogue is something she’s heard during game,behind the scenes of the park or something that a guest has said.'

“Is Rambley the bad guy?”

'What part of the game made you think Rambleys the bad guy? No.'

“I trust Rambley with my life. If he betrays us I’ve already forgiven him.”

'Yeah, you don’t need to worry about that.'

“Whys the main character so jacked?”

'It’s just the character model I had I was using. We might change it.'

Critter cuff

'I was big against the idea of having one mechanic. They saw poppy playtime and instantly thought “every mascot horror needs a mechanic.” The critter cuffs important but I also want different fun mechanics that can be worked into it.'

“Do you plan to add more characters?”

'There will be more characters added into chapter 2. There may some returning characters. Obviously Rambley will be the focus of every chapter he’s ur buddy through ur journey. We do have a new set of characters.'

“Will there be another credits song in chapter 2?”

'We don’t want to start planning stuff until we know for sure how much money is there budget wise.'

“Where’s the cat?”

'There originally was just a regular ass cat that was in the and was in the game for quite a while. The model we had didn’t look like it fit the world and the animation looked stiff. Maybe we bring it back.'

“What were the stealth things in the files for?”

'Originally there was a section where Lloyd would follow you and you’d hide. I definitely want to do some stealth stuff where you have to hide under stuff I think that’d be a lot of fun.'

“Will Mollie return?”

'Do you think Mollie will return?'

“Is Rambley sentient?”

'He’s fully aware of everything around him but he’s programmed to behave a certain way. The best comparison would be GLaDOS or Wheatley from portal. Programmed to act a certain way, but also aware and able to see stuff around them and react.'

“How long will chapter 2 be?”

'We’re aiming chapter 2 to be just a little bit longer then chapter 1. We want each chapter to be a bit longer than before. I’d say for chapter 2, two and a half

'The only character that won’t have much influence is clearly Mollie.'

“What about Lloyd?”

'Lloyd’s cool and Lloyd will be important. That is all I can say.'

“Will there be other AI companions?”

'No. It’s just Rambley the main mascot.'

“Is there a possibility of a major overhaul of chapter 1?”

'There’s room to improve it a bit. In the future, I can see us doing a full on remaster of chapter 1.'

“Never make Rambley a creep I will not forgive you for it”

'You got it.'

“What’s the estimated gap between the chapters?”

'Year to Year and a half, maybe two. Chapter 2 is definitely 2025.'

“Don’t be fooled?”

'There was a lot more potential do something with that. If we had more budget then it would be really cool where you’re running through the pipes and you have to listen for Rambleys voice through the pipes and sometimes it would be mollies voice. It would be Rambley guiding you and then you hear Mollie trying to sound like Rambley.'

“It hurts Lloyd”

'That’s the funny thing. I don’t wanna get TOO deep into it but this was kinda just random text. I’ve seen 5 or 6 different interpretations of what people think it says.'

'Without spoiling anything I do think multiple ending’s for the final chapter would be kinda cool.'

REACTING TO MATPAT

“A lot of sexual tension between these guys”

'Shout out to the furries because I’ve seen every combination of characters being shipped and it wasn’t until today that a single female character was involved that all. Not mollie not Nonbinary with Salem it was literally just the 3 men'

“Does Rambley canonically sing Rambley review?”

'Yes he actually does. It’s in between chapter whenever ur going into chapter 2. The player could turn around and find a way out now but he actively wants to keep going with Rambley.'

TALKING ABOUT INDIGO PARK,FNF AND MORE

“The voice and creator of indigo park”

'I don’t voice anyone expect for Jackson and another character that no ones found yet.'

“Are you ever going to get a console support?”

'So we will eventually but to be honest with you I don’t want to do that until we have like chapter 3 out. At earliest if chapter 2 becomes massive then maybe as a bundle, but I don’t know.'

“Is chapter 2 free?”

'No it won’t be.'

FUNKAST THEN FNAF

'Other then a few minor tweaks we have the first few minutes of Rambleys dialogue at the beginning of chapter 2 written out.'

'I don’t think we’ll ever do a fox character. We were brainstorming some of the characters in chapter 2 and thought “oh maybe a fox would be cool” but we were looking at the role that this character would have to play if they were a fox and thought “at some point we’re just making knock off foxy from fnaf”'

“What the species”

'I cant disclose that sorry chief. There are other animal based cartoon characters in chapter 2 if that satisfies you. Furries rejoice I guess? I feel like it’d be harder to do a human villain.'

“How hard is it to make an idea of a character?”

'All of the characters we make need a purpose. It’s layers of talking through stuff and ideas to get stuff we like. The designs for them aren’t done but the idea for them is there and i am in love with them.'

“So the character design isn’t finished but have you made actual development of the game?”

'No. We’re working on chapter 1 right now. Again we’re looking at a year and a half or two years until chapter 2 cuz I’m not gonna rush it or my team. We’ll have little animations stuff and between yeah we’re not gonna do anything with that.

“Update is bug fixes, trying to get controller support working,revamping some of the environments and I’m bringing on a new modeler for some of the monster designs. Not confirming but i think Finley is going to get a full on redesign for chapter 2.”

“What chapter are you most excited for?”

'To be honest with you, i think chapter 3 is where we’re going to start doing the crazy shit possible and then chapter 4 is planned to be the most bad ass chapter i could ever think of. The story gets moving chapter 4.'

NEW FNAF GAME + INDIGO PARK NEWS

'It turned out that jakeneutron who’s my head animator, was going to Disney at the same time I’m at Orlando. We met up and we took so many pictures for reference. We went to universal studios and it was my first time we ever went to universal so I took so many pictures'

“Refs for what?”

'For indigo park bro. Dude I needed anything theme park and I got so many ideas for the future of indigo and stuff.'

“Salem news or I’m not here”

'Do I wanna put out Salem news..Salem is important 👍'

'I’ve kind of teased it a bit but we are working on some minor chapter 1 before chapter 2 just so there’s a bit of a quality jump so it’s a little bit more in the realm of where we want it to be.'

'We are working on some environmental updates. Working on some new assets to put into chapter 1. Which should make stuff feel cooler in my opinion? '

'To accompany that one thing we didn’t have a lot of is that environmental music in regards to what they would have in a real theme park. Like if ur waiting in a queue in a theme park there’s a lot of music and stuff that they play that is custom to that. Let’s say you were waiting for Rambleys railroads, what would that sound like? So maybe a little bit of new music?'

New potential song in clip link

FINISHING INTO THE PIT & NEW INDIGO PARK PLUSH LAUNCH PARTY

“Character hints?”

'I think you will be soft introduced or at least see the character designs before chapter 2s out. Right now at this point of development there are four new characters planned.'

“Is there gonna have a obby theme?”

‘Probably not really. I’ve talked about a little about a mechanic that we started to workshop and figuring out how it’ll work in the lore and gameplay elements but I probably won’t talk about it again.'

“Will there be a haunted house ride or a dark ride?”

'I want to do a haunted mansion parody hopefully chapter 4 or 5. Not in chapter 2 it wouldn’t fit.'

“Space mountain?”

'I have ideas for a space mountain and I can’t tell you what chapter that one will be in.'

'It’s funny cuz I’m reworking all of the chapter 1 environments and I’ve been thinking about it. There’s a fair enough of stuff that theorists haven’t caught onto yet that I hope will be super obvious in the future. I’m super excited to see what people do with chapter 2.'

HORROR GAME NIGHT & TALKING INDIGO PARK

“Will you be selling art prints maybe with posters?”

'We might do posters. There’s some new poster art coming for chapter 2 and I’m gonna leak, the (chap 1) update.'

“Now will they all have villain roles?”

'I dunno. I’ve already told you guys about some of them actually you guys just haven’t figured it out yet'

Talking about the 4 new characters

'I will say the chapter 1 update will have new secrets for you to find and some of it will help you figure out stuff in chapter 2. We are cooking is all I can say.'

“Whats ur favorite out of the 4 originals we know about since u said 4 new characters”

'Yeah let me just reveal one of the characters. No. You guys won’t- actually? You guys will know about some of the characters WAY before chapter 2 comes out.'

BACK FROM PAX! - WATCHING JACKSEPTICEYE PLAY INDIGO PARK & CATCHING UP ON FNF MODS

'there’s a little bit of the new queue! A little bit of a step up. I mean hot take but. Looks a lot better I think.'

Queue in clip

'We’re still working on it but this is what Mollies landing pad looks like now. This feels more themed.'

New mollies landing pad in clip

“Can you make an update trailer for the indigo park update so people know it exists?”

'Yea we will. We’ll change it.'

Extra notes worth mentioning:

it’s been said that there will be a meme ending for chapter 3 though I’m not able to find the clip at the moment so if anyone somehow has it u should tots send it my way

When he's talking about the 'Other character he voices that no ones found yet' it might be possible he’s yapping about the reverse Llyods Limos line Context:

Video is from forgottenstudios1987 on YT

The cat been brought back!

Another part of the new rambleys railroad queue song.

More of the New Rambleys Railroad Third link is just a very subtle railroads gift shop but it counts i think

Other landing pad clip

FEEL FREE TO ADD ANY OTHER CLIPS I MIGHTVE MISSED!

[whatifitookalilnap]

I Burn For You

Chapter 1: Anything Can Happen

(Pairing: Korra x Asami)

(The Bridgerton au is officially here. Okay fair warning this is OMEGAVERSE so if that's not your thing it'd probably be best to skip this bad boy. However I will say that there is some major plot in this fic, omegaverse is just an addition. This fic includes Alpha Asami and Omega Korra because I like to be different. I'm going to try to make the dialogue Bridgerton ish mainly because I want everyone to yell 'make haste' and I wanted to challenge myself. In this au bending exists but the Avatar does not so Korra is a normal waterbender. Their social season is in Caldera (Rich people Fire Nation Capitol) instead of London like the show. As per usual the ao3 link will be posted right after this. Apparently I forgot to post this on tumblr so I feel a tad insane now?? Anywho please enjoy!)

"All I am saying is that there is no reason for my breasts to be touching my chin. Whoever decided this is the design necessary for women in high society despised us all," Korra grumbled.

"You may not be wrong, but I beg of you to keep your complaints about society to a minimum. I have enough to worry about this season," Jinora sighed.

"Yes, yes, I am well aware. I'll strike you a deal. While we are in Caldera, I will limit myself to one complaint about high society per day," Korra offered.

Jinora seemed to consider this proposal before nodding her agreement. Korra knew she'd see things her way.

"I accept your terms," the airbender agreed.

"Notice that we are not in Caldera yet, therefore I am still allowed to complain. I do wish they could have just let us fly in. I don't think I'll ever get used to travel by carriage," Korra frowned as the whole carriage jolted from yet another bump in the road.

"That is another very good point. I am unable to get used to riding by carriage myself. I miss Pepper terribly and it's only been a few days," Jinora pouted.

"I wish for nothing more than to have my polar bear dog with me. Naga is very likely going absolutely ballistic right about now. She can not stand confined faces," Korra sighed.

Unfortunately, one of the many rules of the social season is that all debutantes must arrive in carriages. The animal companions have to arrive in Caldera by ship. Thankfully the ship should arrive two days after the first ball season, which is tomorrow. They will be reunited with their animal companions soon enough.

Korra poked her head out of the window in the carriage to get a quick view of the scenery. They were starting to see a couple of small buildings, so they had to be getting close to their destination. She had to admit, it's a beautiful day out. Rare is the opportunity that Korra isn't completely surrounded by the harsh chill of the Southern Water Tribe. She may as well soak it all in while she can.

As Korra was starting to get lost in her own head, she heard a quiet sniffle. The waterbender quickly leaned back into the carriage to see the woman right in front of her tearing up for what felt like the hundredth time since they left the South Pole. Korra moved from her side of the carriage to sit right next to Jinora. The waterbender very quickly wrapped her arms around her dear friend.

"I understand how worried you are over Pema, but I beg of you to remember that she is doing much better than she was last year. She's eating solids again, she can stand, and she's been staying awake for much longer now. They predict she'll make a full recovery by the end of the year. If something happens, your father will write. Do not worry yourself over things you have no control over," Korra insisted.

Jinora leaned her head against Korra's shoulder and took in a deep breath. The waterbender sighed and rested her own head on top of Jinora's. Even if she's trying to comfort her friend, Korra's also been rather worried over Pema's condition.

"I never imagined that she would fall ill the year I'm supposed to make my debut into society. Do you not think it is a bad sign of some sort?" Jinora desperately asked.

"I think that you are thinking far too much. She is recovering. I urge you to focus on the positives," Korra insisted.

"I suppose you are right. I wish she was here with us," Jinora sighed.

"As do I," Korra agreed.

Truthfully, Korra's not even supposed to be here whatsoever. If Pema hadn't gotten sick, she'd still be back in the Southern Water Tribe. Though she and Tenzin insisted Jinora debut into society this year, they knew they'd be unable to chaperone. Korra had been more than happy to step in their place when asked her to.

While Korra is trying to think of anything else that could comfort her, the carriage suddenly lurched forward. Korra quickly grabbed onto Jinora to prevent them both from slamming their face into the seat right across from them.

Korra quickly stuck her head out the window in order to inspect whatever the hell was going on here. The footmen immediately hopped out of the carriage to inspect the damage.

"Spirits, I nearly got a concussion! Are you alright?" Korra worriedly asked her friend.

"Yes, I am fine. Are you?" Jinora frowned.

"I am quite alright, thank you," Korra breathed out while trying to calm her beating heart.

The footmen were thankfully able to steady the carriage, but now the issue is what the hell is happening and whether it can be fixed. It is so Korra's luck for the damn carriage to break down miles before reaching their destination.

To add even more stress, an unfamiliar scent reached Korra's nose which unfortunately signaled that they are being approached by a complete stranger. Damn, it was an alpha too. Korra could hear a voice speak, but the words were hard to make out. Then she-oh sweet spirits the voice is getting closer.

The fact that the voice came along with an unknown alpha scent is so close to where Jinora is made Korra spring into action. Her inner omega is incredibly protective, to the surprise of absolutely no one. Korra bent the water from her water skin into a sharp icicle. She saw a figure she didn't recognize at the window and that is when she decided to strike. Then very similarly to the way one would wield a knife, Korra pressed the sharp tip of ice out the window and into the unknown woman's neck.

"State your business at once," Korra hissed.

Korra almost gasped out loud when she saw exactly who she's pointing the icicle at. The woman she's about three centimeters away from killing is undeniably gorgeous. Bright green eyes stared right back at Korra with shock in her eyes while her silky black hair is tied up out of her face. The dress she's wearing is simple but clearly is made from expensive fabric. Even her scent is still pleasant despite the fact that there's an icicle pressed against her.

"I simply noticed your wheel had fallen off. I have a spare and the ability to replace it myself. Unless, of course, you choose to follow through with puncturing my neck with that icicle. While I may be a biased party, I would strongly advise against it. If I am stabbed, that would mean neither of us will be moving quickly for quite some time," the alpha woman calmly told her.

The waterbender looked down to see the woman does, in fact, have the exact wheel this carriage needs to start working again. So, admittedly, Korra was just a little bit too hasty with her whole stabbing agenda. She quickly transformed the icicle back into water and gave the stranger a very awkward smile.

"My apologies, I tend to get rather on edge when we travel alone," Korra awkwardly admitted.

"No need to apologize, I find a surprise attack to be rather exciting. Truly, you made my entire day," the woman grinned.

Spirits, she has a beautiful smile. Korra coughed into her hand in an attempt to hide the blush she knew was overtaking her face.

"Come on Jinora, let us get out of here so that our carriage can get fixed at once," Korra demanded.

Korra quickly hopped out of the carriage with Jinora in tow. The stranger was already on her knees to start fixing up the wheel. That certainly surprised Korra given how the dress the alpha is wearing is not cheap. The dress is already getting dirty but this very obviously rich woman is paying no mind to it. Korra assumed she was going to have one of her servants do the dirty work.

"I would like to thank you for assisting us with the wheel. We certainly would have been stranded without your help. My name is Jinora, and the one with murderous tendencies is Korra. Who might you be?" Jinora giggled. Korra scowled and shoved her elbow into her friend's stomach while the stranger let out a quick laugh.

"It is a pleasure to meet you both. My name is Asami," the woman told them.

"Is it correct of me to assume you are going into Caldera for the upcoming social season?" Jinora asked curiously.

Judging by the clothes, the carriage she just stepped out, and the very expensive tools laying at her side, all signs pointed to yes.

"That I am. I take it you ladies are going as well to try your hand in the marriage mart?" the woman inquired.

"It will be my first season, yes. I am quite excited," Jinora smiled.

"I wish you the best of luck. And you?" Asami asked, now looking directly at Korra.

"Oh goodness no, I am far too old for that. I am merely Jinora's designated chaperone for the season. I am to return to the Southern Water Tribe the moment she is married anyhow," Korra snorted.

"Now I am worried the marriage prospects are rather bleak for me, given that we appear to be the same age. Just how old are you?" Asami asked.

"Well firstly, it is frowned upon to ask an omega their age. Second, I'm seven of twenty," Korra told her.

"If you are too old then I must have one foot in the grave. I turned eight of twenty but a month ago," Asami laughed.

"You are an alpha, you will be perfectly fine. That courtesy does not extend towards omegas like myself. I have readily embraced the spinster lifestyle," Korra joked.

That's just the way society is, and not just among nobility. Female omegas, male omegas, and female betas all got the short end of the stick because they can bare children. It's completely ridiculous, but that is how this insane world works.

"Ah, those utterly archaic rules never made much sense to me. It is not like omegas or female betas have a shorter life expectancy than the rest of the world," Asami scoffed.

"I could not agree more! What about you? Will you be trying your hand in the marriage mart this season?" Jinora asked while shooting glances at Korra. The hell is she staring at?

"Oh I doubt it. So many of my friends give me grief for it, but I prefer to marry for love instead of financially beneficial reasons," Asami explained.

"It makes perfect sense in my opinion. There is not much of a point in settling when you do not have to," Korra shrugged. Asami glanced at her before giving the waterbender a small grin.

"Precisely," Asami nodded.

There was a moment of silence, and Korra hoped conversing with this beautiful, kind, and interesting stranger would be over. She is still rather on edge to speak to people she does not know, no matter how attractive they are. Like always, Korra did not get what she wanted.

"You mentioned you are Jinora's designated chaperone this season? I do not believe I have seen you around the ton before. What are your familial ties here?" Asami asked lightly.

Granted, this is a fair question, one that Korra imagines she will be asked quite a bit in the upcoming weeks. Given that designated chaperones to the debutantes must have some biological noble relation, it makes sense that she would be curious. It's not like Korra's ever been seen in the ton before.

"You would not have. My parents pulled away from society years before I was born. My uncle is Lord Unalaq," Korra told her.

"The baron? Father of twins, one boy one girl?" Asami asked with raised eyebrows.

"Yes, that would be one," Korra unfortunately admitted.

"My condolences," Asami told her with a sympathetic smile.

Korra threw her head back and laughed. Asami grinned at the reaction, probably grateful she took the jab against her uncle well. Clearly, her uncle has not changed since they last saw each other.

"So you two have met," Korra grinned.

"Oh yes. I have done business with the man on several occasions," Asami nodded.

"Out of the two of us, I think you are the one who suffers the most by his hand. It is very easy to be his niece when we live on opposite sides of the world," Korra smirked.

"Yes, he is an acquired taste. Though I will say, the man is an excellent waterbender. It clearly runs in the family," Asami said with a teasing smile aimed at Korra.

A light blush painted her face at the reminder. Man, she really needs to work on that whole lunging first instinct.

"I really am quite sorry about that. And I do appreciate you being so willing to help us after my, you know, attempt on your life," Korra awkwardly sighed.

"I assure you, I am only teasing. Like I said, I found it quite exhilarating. I do not think my heart has ever beat that fast in my entire life," Asami laughed.

"I believe we may have two very different definitions of exhilarating," Korra smirked.

It really is quite relieving to know that the alpha really didn't seem too bothered over her near death experience. As Asami continued to work on the carriage, Korra found conversation between them to be more and more natural as time went on. It only felt like a split second had passed by when Asami stood up and proudly announced the carriage had been fixed.

"How much does that wheel cost? I should have enough to pay you back in full," Korra said while already moving to get her coins.

"Please, keep your money. I do not wish to take anything from you," Asami said while shaking her head.

"Are you sure I can not give you any money? You should get some form of payment for your troubles," Korra insisted.

"The knowledge that I helped a beautiful lady such as yourself to get to your destination safely is all the payment I need," Asami grinned.

Oh, Korra couldn't help it, she had no choice but to laugh. The alpha's smile only widened upon seeing Korra's reaction. Noble women are so damn dramatic.

"My, that was a good one. I would suggest writing it down," Korra giggled.

"I do hope we will meet again, Miss Korra," Asami smiled.

"For the sake of your health, it would probably be best if we did not," Korra laughed as she stepped into the carriage after Jinora.

The coachmen ushered them all out of there once the footman closed the door behind her. Korra turned to face Jinora and a very coy smile greeted her. The waterbender immediately became defensive and crossed her arms. She did not like the look Jinora is giving her.

"That woman was positively smitten over you," Jinora grinned.

Korra's cheeks took on a small shade of red despite her very intense eye roll.

"Please, she was just friendly," Korra scoffed.

"No no, she was friendly with me. You were an entirely different story," Jinora said.

"What could you possibly mean by that?" Korra sighed.

"She kept asking questions about you the entire time she was fixing the carriage. The woman only acknowledged my presence enough to be considered polite but she could not stop talking to you. Her attraction to you simply could not be more obvious," Jinora insisted.

"You must stop reading those romance novels. They are utterly ruining your perception of reality," the waterbender scoffed.

"Just because you are the blindest woman on the planet does not mean I am," Jinora smirked.

Korra closed her eyes and put her hands over her ears. You know, like a mature and responsible adult.

"La la la la I can not hear you," Korra childishly yelled.

"You are impossible!" Jinora laughed as she lightly shoved Korra.

The waterbender fought back a smile at seeing Jinora act all giddy again. She supposes it's not so bad to be the butt of the joke if it gets Jinora's mind off of worrying over Pema. The things Korra does for family.

********************

"We have arrived, ma'am. We shall wait here until you two are finished," the footmen said.

"Thank you, we should not be here longer than thirty minutes," Korra told the footmen with a polite smile.

With that, the two girls took off into the ton in Caldera. The place is bustling, as she expected it to be. Everyone's trying to get last minute items to show out for the first ball of the season so tensions are certainly high. Korra and Jinora had a bit of a different mission in mind.

They're currently on the hunt for a new quill and some ink. Aunt Kya loves collecting them so the duo decided it would be a nice thank you gift for allowing them to stay at her house for the season. Given the rather tragic circumstances that's fallen upon her as of late, Korra and Jinora only hope it can give Kya a bit of happiness.

"By the spirits, it can not be. Korra? Jinora? Could it really be you?" a voice called out.

Both named women turned around to see the faces of two men she thought she'd never see again. There stood Mako and Bolin in the flesh. They looked incredibly well too. The alpha brothers are adorned in fine suits where even the buttons look expensive. Now how in the hell did they find the money for that?

"I can not believe it! You two are truly here!" Bolin yelled before sweeping the two girls up into a big hug.

The two of them immediately wrapped their arms around the alpha man that pulled them into an embrace.

"Mako! Bolin! Oh, we were worried sick about you two! What on earth happened to you two? And where on Earth did you get those clothes?" Korra exclaimed as she pulled back from the hug.

"That is a story for another time. There is a terrible gossip monger here in Caldera known as Lady Whistedown. Let us just say it is best if that particular story did not get out. As for our new found riches, as it would turn out, I am the oldest alpha relative of an earl who passed away some time ago," Mako sighed.

"Earl Mako. I quite like that," Jinora giggled.

"And is there a reason why my best friend in the entire world is not embracing me after not seeing me for the past six years? What, you are simply too above me now that you have a title?" Korra teased with a raised eyebrow.

"I am a man of title who is unmarried. I do not wish to leave either of you in a compromising position," Mako explained.

Korra does appreciate the thought, especially with Jinora being on the marriage mart. Her, on the other hand!

"Oh please, I am a spinster! An old maid, if you will! I am getting my damn hug whether you like it or not!" the waterbender grinned as she readily embraced him.

"You are anything but an old maid, Korra," Mako laughed while returning the hug.

"That is what I keep trying to tell her. She is not one to listen to others," Jinora dramatically sighed.

"Are you two terribly busy? We simply must catch up if you have the time," Bolin insisted.

"We are looking for a gift for our aunt. I urge you boys to join us," Korra smiled.

The brothers nodded and tagged along on their little adventure. During this stroll, Korra learned that Bolin had managed to marry into one of the most influential families in their entire ton. Not only that, but he managed to get himself a love match. To top it all off, his wife is currently in her third trimester with their first child.

Mako, on the other hand, has been working tirelessly managing his estate as an earl. It really doesn't surprise Korra that the man is still single. He's always found romance and marriage rather trivial.

Korra could not be happier for them. She knew Bolin always wanted to find the love of his life and raise a family of his own. Not only did his dreams come true, but he's able to accomplish it while being wealthy.

Even with Mako unmarried, she is very happy for him as well. He has always been agonizing over providing for his brother and making sure he has everything he needs. His struggle for money has always been his biggest stressor in life. As an earl, he finally knows comfort. If anyone has ever deserved such a title, it's Mako.

By the spirits, she had been worried about these boys. Back when Korra was one of twenty, the two of them disappeared with absolutely zero explanation. No warning, no note, they simply left their home one day without trace. For years, Korra had feared the worst. She's never been happier to be wrong in her entire life.

Once they got Kya's gift, the boys escorted them back to their carriage. Unfortunately, Bolin and his wife would not be able to attend the first ball of the season due to the fact that she has a minor cold. While it's nothing serious, given her heavily pregnant condition, it's best for her health and the baby's for her to rest until she's fully recovered. Mako will thankfully be in attendance, so Korra will not have to face the storm alone. The boys helped Korra and Jinora into their carriage and gave them a final wave goodbye.

Kya's home was a mere few minutes away from the bustle of all the shops in Caldera. Korra grabbed onto the gift they bought for her and braced herself. She did not know what kind of state their aunt would be in. Jinora shot her a quick look before entering the home of their aunt who looked...perfectly fine?

"It is quite possible it could be my imagination, but does Auntie look a tad, what's the word I'm looking for?" Jinora mumbled.

"The complete opposite of mournful?" Korra offered.

"Yes, I suppose that would be a rather accurate description," Jinora agreed.

Kya seems to be in a wonderful mood. She's excitedly scurrying around the mansion, giving proper feedback for the maids to decorate the house, the woman looked like she was in her element. That wouldn't be considered unusual if Kya's wife hadn't died three months ago.

Given the fact that those two had a love match, Korra and Jinora were worried but understanding that she may not be up for hosting them this year. However, Kya insisted that the girls stay with her for the season. It was only natural to assume Kya was incredibly depressed and needed the company.

Clearly, that theory has been shot.

Kya looks absolutely radiant despite her black dress and onyx jewelry. Both the young omega girls are well aware that Kya always hosts the first ball of the season, so they knew they would be walking into a bit of chaos. They simply hadn't expected Kya to be handling said chaos so well.

Before either girls could even attempt to alert Kya of their presence, one of the maids gestured to the duo standing awkwardly at the entrance. Their aunt immediately lit up and practically sprinted to greet them.

"You girls are truly a sight for sore eyes! Oh, how I have missed you both terribly! If only Ikki could be here, then I would get to spend time with all three of my nieces," Kya wistfully stated.

Both Korra and Jinora accepted the fact that Kya absolutely crushed them in a hug, mainly because they were too shocked to move. Of all the things they were preparing themselves for how Kya would act upon seeing them, this was not on the list.

Korra and Jinora shot each other a look before wrapping their arms around their aunt. She supposes that this is better than wallowing in grief, but it's still rather alarming to see Kya so elated after such a tragedy.

"I simply could not be happier the two of you are here! Oh come in, come in, let us get you girls settled first and foremost. How was the journey here?" Kya asked them.

"It went quite well Auntie. Oh, we got you a little something. Just to say thank you for sponsoring us this season," Jinora smiled while giving the bag with quills and ink.

"Oh, how sweet! You girls didn't have to," Kya insisted.

"We wanted to. We are very grateful, after all," Korra assured her.

"Come, it is almost lunch. We must catch up. I want to know every single thing about your lives since I have last seen you," the older omega told them.

They spent the next couple hours doing just that. It's great catching up with Kya. It honestly feels like ages since she's seen her.

Kya had to leave them to their own devices for a while in order to get more hands on with the set up of the decorations for the ball tomorrow, so Jinora decided to drag her around the mansion to explore. Korra is quite curious to know the ins and the outs of her of the place she will be calling home for the next few months.

As they were making their way to the ballroom, a maid with various pins on a silver platter caught Korra's eye. Upon closer inspection, Korra realized that there are three groups of pins. One with alpha symbol, one with the beta symbol, and one with the omega symbol.

"Jin, do you know what those pins are for?" Korra asked while pointing at the platter.

"Everyone is required to wear the pins for the first ball that correlate with their secondary gender," Jinora told her.

"Interesting. I will simply take one of the beta pins. Oh, perhaps I could swipe one of the alpha ones," Korra pondered.

"You absolutely will not be doing that. Why would you even want to?" Jinora asked with a raised eyebrow.

"It is not like I will be participating in the season. My secondary gender as an omega is no one's concern but my own," Korra huffed.

Korra really does understand why the pins are necessary. It can be difficult to tell who is what secondary gender given the formal attire. People tend to dress according to their primary gender. In other words, all the men wear the fancy suits while all the women wear incredibly uncomfortable dresses regardless of secondary gender.

The main issue arises when it's difficult to identify alpha women or omega men. It certainly doesn't help that balls are in confined spaces packed with dozens of people, allowing scents to intermingle so much so that it's hard to identify who smells like what.

The pins are simply there to identify who is compatible with who. This is mainly to avoid alpha's attempting to court other alphas or omegas trying to catch the eye of other omegas. While pairings with two alphas or two omegas are not impossible, they are incredibly rare.

Usually, omegas can not stand the way other omegas smell in heats and it is very rare for them to even be attracted to another omega scent. It is the exact same situation for alphas. Plus, those two pairings naturally can not end up with biological children so they are frowned upon heavily by society. So sure, Korra understands why the first ball needs to identify who is who.

Point of the matter is that Korra is not participating in the season. Therefore, it is her most sincere belief that she should get to do whatever the hell she wants. It doesn't matter what pin she wears. Not like she's going to be married before the season's over.

Korra was snapped out of her internal musings when Jinora rolled her eyes. The waterbender fought the urge to smack her upside the head for that.

"By the spirits, you make it seem like being an omega is something to be ashamed of with how much you try hiding the fact that you are one," the airbender huffed.

"You know very well that is not what I am trying to imply. Obviously, living life as an omega can and should be done with pride. However, I can not deny I wish I had been born a beta. I envy them greatly," the older omega admitted.

"And just what is so wondrous about betas?" Jinora asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You can not seriously be asking me such a question. A world with no heats? Or ruts? No three weeks of pure agony taken away from me every year? You can simply be in full control of your body at all times? Oh, the things I would do for that life to be my own. Betas are the biological winners of the human race," Korra boldly declared.

"Perhaps, but they certainly are not society's winners," Jinora reminded her.

"I suppose that is true," Korra agreed.

It's rather unfortunate, but many betas desperately wish to be an alpha or omega. Alphas are always the ones with the most money, most control, and most respect. And omegas are the supposed 'ideal' partners for said alphas. The compatibility with their heats and ruts play a major factor into this preference.

While betas do have scents, many of which can be quite pleasant, they always pale in comparison to the scents of alphas or omegas. Plus, they do not have the instinctual animalistic urges like the other secondary genders so it's much more difficult for betas to keep up during ruts or heats.

Some betas want to be the powerful alpha, and others want to be the omega that ends up married to the powerful alpha. Given alphas and omegas heavy preference for each other, betas usually end up with other betas.

"Shame we always seem to want what we can not have," Jinora hummed.

"Unfortunately, that just appears to be a part of the human condition, Jin," Korra pointed out.

"I do understand what you mean about feeling jealous over the simplicity of being a beta. Heats alone are practically unbearable," Jinora sighed.

"They really are. I swear to you if I have to spend one more heat alone, I will have no choice but to knock myself unconscious every time so that I can get a bit of peace," Korra snorted.

"Oh please! And when exactly was the last time you spent your heat alone?" Jinora scoffed.

Korra rolled her eyes at the question. Given the fact that Korra isn't even in a courtship, heat partners are a necessity. She is one of the many unfortunate omegas that have heats so intense that they are in utter agony unless someone is there to help them sexually. It's never anything serious, just someone to keep her content during her heat so that she doesn't actually kill herself from the pain.

Really, it's no big deal. Jinora unfortunately can not benefit from heat partners due to high society's insistence that she must remain a virgin before marriage as an omega. Her heats are rarely worse than Korra's, but it's very obvious they're more intense than most heats tend to be.

"I will have you know I had to spend my last heat alone," Korra pouted.

"What ever happened to Tahno?" Jinora asked.

"The bastard ended up needing to travel north and only told me two days before my heat was set to arrive. The best part is that he knew of the journey for months," Korra scowled.

"How inconsiderate. I never liked that man," Jinora scoffed.

"Me neither," Korra agreed.

"So you simply worked through your heat alone? Must have been the first time in a while," Jinora pointed out.

"Not entirely. I had to take suppressants. I was in too much pain, they were the only things that helped," Korra guiltily told her.

"Honestly, Korra, you know how terrible those things are for your health. They merely weaken your immune system and ruin your fertility," Jinora scolded her as if Korra wasn't already well aware of this information.

"It was only the third time I have ever taken suppressants. I would need to use them much more than that for there to be any lasting impact. If it makes you feel any better, I was cleared by Auntie that nothing changed with me right after my heat," Korra assured her.

"You are just lucky. Come on, let's see what our options are for gowns during the ball tomorrow," Jinora insisted while dragging her away.

Ah yes, gown fitting. Someone kill Korra now.

********************

Korra fidgeted uncomfortably with the sleeve of her dress as she stood in line to get into her own damn temporary home. Despite the fact that Jinora and Korra live in the place where the ball resides, only the lady of the house can actually stay inside. Her and Jinora have to stand outside in line with the rest of the attendees.

The waterbender tried not to look so damn uncomfortable in what she wore, but she really can't help it. The dress she's wearing is a light shade of blue with gems sprinkled all over. Her matching tiara, necklace, and earrings matched the dress and were just as sparkly. It didn't suit a spinster like her at all. Korra tried wearing one of the plainer dresses that was just fancy enough to be appropriate for a ball, but Jinora practically shoved this dress on her.

Finally, the line started moving. In an attempt to distract herself, Korra decided to mess with Jinora. It's what the little brat deserves, after all.

"I'm going to wear one of the alpha pins," Korra whispered into her friend's ear.

"See, people like you are exactly why those pins are necessary," the airbender hissed into her ear.

Korra giggled as they reached the woman carrying the platter with all the pins. Before she could even pretend to swipe an alpha pin, Jinora quickly snatched two omega pins before yanking Korra down the steps.

"You are as stern as your father," Korra smirked as she fastened her pin at the top of her dress.

"Take that back. Take that back at once," Jinora hissed playfully.

"Oh sorry, can not hear you over the fact that you have to meet the Fire Lord now," Korra grinned.

To Korra's extreme delight, Fire Lord Izumi seemed absolutely captivated by Jinora. As she should, of course. Jinora is simply perfect. Seeing the Fire Lord's obvious favor towards the airbender caused suitors to flock to her almost instantly. And so the games begin.

Korra stood at her side, looking and acting as the intimidating chaperone she is. No suitor is safe from her judgmental stares or intrusive questions. Honestly, it's quite fun being so pushy. This is probably one of the only times alphas and beta men will cower before her, so Korra is going to enjoy this little power trip while she can.

The moment Jinora got swept off to the dance floor is when Mako made his grand appearance. Korra immediately made her way over to the firebender. They still had a lot of catching up to do, after all.

As the two of them were casually chatting about how their lives have been going in the years they haven't been able to see each other, Korra spotted a familiar face in the crowd. Oh fuck this guy.

Making direct eye contact with her is none other than Lord Unalaq. Korra's most detested uncle. The rotten apple of her eye. And now he's walking towards her. This will not be fun for Korra.

"Lord Mako, Korra, what a pleasure it is to see you both. I hope the two of you are quite well. Now, Lord Mako, if you do not mind, I would like a moment alone to speak with my niece," Unalaq told them.

Mako gave her a questioning look, waiting for confirmation if he really should leave. Korra resisted the very strong urge to sigh. She supposes that a little confrontation with her uncle would be inevitable. Might as well get it over with.

"Go ahead, I'll meet with you in just a moment. Family matters to discuss and all," Korra nodded.

"Alright then. Have a most pleasant evening, Lord Unalaq," Mako said with a rather stiff smile.

"And you as well, Lord Mako," Unalaq said.

They waited for Mako to get out of earshot before starting a conversation Korra knew would be insufferable. Unfortunately, it was unavoidable. Spirits only knows her job is going to be hard enough without his interference.

"And just what are the likes of you doing here? You certainly can not be attempting to try your hand at the marriage mart. We both know you are far too old for that," Unalaq smirked.

"Is it not obvious? I am attending a ball," Korra drawled.

"You know exactly what I mean. Do not get smart with me, girl. People like you do not belong in high society," Unalaq scoffed.

"Well, given the fact that many people in this crowd are just like you, I think I would rather be shot in the head than belong in a place like this," Korra said while rolling her eyes.

"You are as arrogant and abrasive as your father," Unalaq scowled.

"And you are as rude and unsettling as your children. Apples never fall particularly far from the tree, now do they?" Korra quickly shot back.

"Why are you here, Niece?" Unalaq asked very impatiently.

Korra decided that she's been mean enough. For now, that is.

"If you must know, I am simply here to assist Jinora with her first season. I am unsure of whether or not word has gotten to you about Pema falling ill. I am here in the place of her parents. Once she is married, I am to return to the Southern Water Tribe," Korra explained.

Unalaq seemed visibly more relaxed after this information which is a shame, mainly because Korra never wants to have a positive effect on her uncle in any way. As tragic as it is, this is a necessary price Korra must pay for peace.

"Very well then. I merely wanted to make sure we are on the same page. You must join myself and my children for dinner sometime. We are family after all," Unalaq hummed.

"To my great dismay," Korra deadpanned. Unalaq ignored the jab. It's not like he disagrees, anyways.

"In that case, I shall leave you to it. I do hope you know I will be rooting for Jinora. The sooner she is married, the sooner I never have to see your face again," Unalaq smiled in the slimiest way possible.

"That is certainly one thing we can agree on," Korra drawled.

Unalaq merely rolled his eyes and walked away. Finally. Korra was about to make her journey back to the Mako when she gave a glance over to Jinora to check if she is alright. Jinora was already looking at her. She smiled at Korra then gave her a wave. The older woman immediately started making her way over to Jinora.

Before coming to Caldera, the two of them decided to make a distress signal in case a suitor started making Jinora uncomfortable. A nod and a thumbs up meant Jinora was fine, while a smile and wave meant to get her out of there immediately. The airbender looked relieved when Korra made her way to the them.

"Honestly Jinora, what is the matter with you! How hard is it to stay at my side?! It took a mere moment of me looking away for you to completely disappear! I have someone waiting to be introduced to you! We must go at once!" Korra snapped, playing into the bitchy chaperone role.

"My apologies Korra. I am very sorry to trouble you, my lord, but I must follow her. She is my chaperone, after all," Jinora said, feigning disappointment.

"Oh come now, can she not stay for even a moment longer?" the irritating lord asked.

"I am afraid not. She operates on a tight schedule," Korra frowned.

The unknown lord looked down at the omega pin on her neckline. Then, the damn lord grabbed Jinora's wrist and held on tightly. It was not enough force to hurt the younger omega, but it was certainly enough to keep her in place. It would appear that since Jinora's designated chaperone is an omega, the bastard thinks can do whatever the hell he wants.

"What is the harm in letting us talk for just a minute more?" the lord asked insistently.

Korra clenched her jaw as she tried to think of her next move. They're in a public space with eyes everywhere, so it's not like the man can do serious physical damage. It's still a major problem that he's essentially holding Jinora against her will. Korra didn't know what she could do to make this guy let up without using force. Fortunately, she did not need to do anything at all.

"Lord Haroh, I must speak with you at once," the soothing voice snapped sharply.

To Korra's extreme surprise, the voice came from the woman who helped fix their carriage. Asami's sudden appearance startled Lord Haroh to the point that he loosened his grip on Jinora. It was thankfully enough for her to break free and rush to go behind Korra.

"Lady Sato, a pleasure," Lord Haroh managed to say.

"Indeed. And I am quite thrilled to make your acquaintance again Lady Korra. Lady Jinora," Asami smiled kindly.

There's no way. There is actually no way that the woman who already saved her from being stranded is saving her again. And damn does she look good doing it. The dark red dress was simply too stunning for words. The glint of the alpha pin on her sleeve caught Korra's eye at once. Spirits, it should be illegal to be that attractive.

"Lady Sato, while you know I am always happy to talk business with you, but can it not wait?" Lord Haroh asked. At this, Asami stepped right in front of Korra and Jinora.

"No, this is urgent. I look forward to seeing more of you both later on tonight, but this is of the utmost importance. I do hope you understand," Asami told them.

"We would never want to interrupt a serious business matter. We shall leave you both to it," Korra said while yanking Jinora away.

"I can not believe we are seeing her again so soon! It must be your lucky day," Jinora teased.

Korra was too freaked out to comment on that. If Korra felt guilty about nearly killing Asami before, she's damn near depressed over it now. Not only is the tall woman gorgeous, but she managed to save her and her friend twice now.

Korra glanced over her shoulder to find that Asami was already looking at her. Upon noticing her gaze, Asami smiled and gave her a slight nod of acknowledgement. Korra very gratefully gave her a nod back. Thankfully, they managed to find Mako just a moment later.

"Honestly, I was wondering where you have been. I assumed you got lost," Mako snorted.

"Oh do not even start, Mako. We got a little held up," Korra huffed.

"What do you mean held up?" Mako asked.

"One of the alphas got a tad too insistent. Korra had to come help me and he refused to let me leave until Lady Asami intervened," Jinora rushed out.

"What? Where is the bastard?" Mako frowned while scanning the crowd.

"Do not do anything stupid. He is right there," Korra said, pointing out Lord Haroh still talking to Asami.

"Huh, so you were talking about Lady Sato," Mako mumbled.

"Oh? Is she not Asami?" Korra asked in confusion.

"Yes, her name is Asami Sato. What a coincidence it is that one of my closest friends managed to get you out of such a bind," Mako told her.

Wow. Having a last name is pretty rare, even among nobility. Asami Sato is a very interesting character, Korra is certain of that. Wait, friend? Why on earth would Asami want to be friends with Mako? Maybe she met Bolin first or something.

"Interesting. I for one can not believe she would associate with the likes of you. How did you two meet?" Korra asked.

"Well first of all, you associate with the likes of me so I can not help but wonder what that says about you. Second of all, she actually took me under her wing when I ended up getting my title. It was quite easy for her to figure out I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, so she helped me turn into a competent lord. I did not even have to ask her to. She simply saw me struggle and wanted to help. I would not be where I am today without Asami," Mako told her.

What, so now Asami just helps strangers succeed without asking for anything in return? This woman is too perfect, there has to be something terribly wrong with her.

"It is an admirable trait to be so willing to help those in need," Korra acknowledged.

"Oh, of course you would say that," Jinora laughed. Korra scowled and nudged her friend with her elbow.

"What is so funny?" Mako asked the still giggling airbender.

"Asami actually helped us once before. The wheel on our carriage broke and Lady Sato was kind enough to give us a spare and replace it," Jinora smiled.

Mako's eyebrows practically shot up to his hairline once she explained how they met. Then he got the most shit eating grin spread across his face before he burst into laughter.

"I can not believe it, you are the carriage girl! Oh, Asami mentioned meeting you," Mako cackled.

"And just why did she say?" Korra asked, unable to fight against the curiosity.

Truly, Asami probably thought Korra was psychotic. After all, she gave the poor woman a near death experience upon their first meeting. Even so, she had an irrational desire to know what Asami thought about her.

"What is said between alphas, stays between alphas. It is an unspoken rule, you see," Mako smugly told her.

"Well the spoken rule is that you do what I say or else I beat you up, so tell me what she said at once," Korra childishly demanded.

"I do not see why it matters so much, you know I-finally! By the spirits Kai, I thought you forgot about the ball altogether," Mako sighed.

"I am a busy man, Mako. I am here now, am I not?" the young alpha man sighed.

"No one needs your excuses. Please, meet a couple of old friends of mine. This is Miss Korra and her charge, Lady Jinora," Mako introduced.

"It is a pleasure to meet you both. I," Kai started, but then trailed off as he stared at Jinora.

If Korra was stupid enough to believe in something as ridiculous as love at first sight, this must be it. This Kai fellow is looking at Jinora as though she personally hung all the stars in the sky. Jinora is not doing much better herself. For a girl so calm and poised, her cheeks turned a light shade of pink and she struggled to say anything at all.

"May I have your next dance, my lady?" Kai managed to blurt out

"Indeed you may, my lord," Jinora told him with the most dazzling grin.

Mako and Korra watched as Kai escorted Jinora to the dance floor. Honestly, the two of them look positively giddy to be around each other. It was as cute as it was alarming.

"Did you just see what I just saw?" Mako asked her.

"I believe I did, yes," Korra mumbled.

"I do not think I have ever seen Kai quite so taken with anyone, especially not so soon upon meeting them. He is an obnoxious little brat once you get to know him, but he is not typically so eager to interact with strangers," Mako noted.

Oh, damn. The waterbender was too awestruck of the sight before her that she forgot to interrogate the boy. Korra opened her mouth to ask a couple questions about Kai, but was soon cut off by another voice joining the conversation.

"I swear if I ever have to speak to Lord Haroh again, I'm poisoning my own drink just so that I never have to deal with him again," Asami drawled.

"Ah, the hero joins us at last," Mako smirked.

"That man has always been utterly insufferable. I am quite sorry you had the misfortune of meeting him," Lady Sato sighed, turning to Korra.

"She is completely right. You know I-oh dear," muttered Mako as he stared behind Korra.

"What is it?" Korra asked.

"I must go at once. If a woman named Lai comes up to you, I was never here," Mako hissed as speed walked away.

"What on Earth was that all about?" the waterbender asked.

"It would appear that Lai has officially arrived. The girl is absolutely smitten over Mako and keeps trying to gain his affections. She was quite persistent last season," the alpha told her.

"Huh, infatuated with Mako. So tell me, what is wrong with her?" Korra snorted.

Asami laughed at the jab against Mako. Korra, embarrassingly enough, felt a surge of pride course through her at the accomplishment.

"I would like to thank you for the interference with that lord, Lady Sato. It would appear the only opinion Lord Haroh respects is another alpha's," Korra grimaced.

"It was no trouble at all. And please, just call me Asami, there is no need for such formalities. Any friend of Mako's is a friend of mine. Besides, after nearly puncturing my neck with an icicle, I would say we have already been rather close," Asami teased.

Korra blushed at the memory of her overreaction. Truly, she's just relieved that Asami doesn't seem to hold it against her. The taller woman is even joking with her about the near death experience. Korra supposes that if Asami can find humor in the situation, so can she.

"Honestly, Lady Sato, you focus far too much on the past," Korra playfully huffed.

"This happened two days ago," Asami said with a raised eyebrow.

"And is that or is that not considered the past?" Korra smugly asked.

"I must admit, you have an excellent point," Asami laughed.

"You will come to find that I always do," Korra grinned.

Honestly, the omega assumed Asami would only chat with her for a couple of minutes before going off to find a friend or some other familiar face. Instead, the two of them spent most of the night talking about anything and everything. Korra doesn't think conversation has ever flowed as well as the ones she has with Asami.

Then the orchestra started to play one of her all time favorite songs. Auntie really did know her too well. It brings back so many wonderful childhood memories for her.

"Ah, I absolutely love this song. My poor father had to suffer as I stood on his toes while I was learning this dance," Korra said while giggling fondly at the memory.

"Well surely we must dance, then. I do ask you tell me in advance if you need to stand on my toes. I would like to emotionally prepare for that," Asami smiled while extending her hand. This woman is insane.

"I do not even have a dance card," Korra told her with a raised eyebrow.

"Neither do I. We already match," Asami grinned, knowing full well as an alpha she doesn't need one.

Korra laughed and accepted her hand because honestly? Why the hell not? Korra's a spinster, she has no use for propriety. She's just going to have to ignore the fluttering in her stomach when Asami's hand made contact with her own.

Jinora, who is still dancing with Kai, made eye contact with Korra approaching the dance floor with Asami. The airbender's eyebrows practically shot up to her hairline at the sight. Korra grinned and winked. An amused look overtook Jinora's music as she continued on with her dance.

Naturally, because apparently Asami's just loveliness incarnate, she is a very good dancer. She is such a good dancer, in fact, that Korra hadn't even realized that the song they came here for already ended. They were halfway through the second song before she had noticed. Asami Sato is truly something else.

The two of them got refreshments right after that second song ended so Asami continued on with her story of how her father almost blew up her childhood home. Just like when Korra was conversing with her by her carriage, Asami makes time fly. Before she knew it, the ball was winding down.

"I know I already said it, but I would just like to say that I truly am sorry for almost hurting you when you found us stranded. I can not thank you enough for helping us, even after I acted the way I did. Especially when you saved us yet again," Korra sincerely told the taller woman who was preparing her exit.

Asami's gaze softened at the sincere apology Korra gave her. The waterbender tried not to think about how pretty her expression is.

"I assure you I never once held it against you. It was my honor to be able to assist you in your time of need," Asami gently told her.

Yeah, no. She really is too perfect. She has to be a mass murderer or something.

"Though I do think you were wrong the last time we spoke," Asami mentioned.

"Me? Wrong? Absolutely preposterous," Korra grinned.

"Yes, it may very well be a once in a blue moon situation. After tonight, we managed to spend an extended period of time together without you causing me any bodily harm. Perhaps you are not as bad for my health as you thought you were," Asami smiled.

"That is certainly progress if I ever heard it," Korra laughed.

"Indeed. Now that I am fairly confident my health is no longer at risk with you, I simply can not wait for our next encounter," Asami told her.

"You can not get too comfortable, I am a bit of a wild card," Korra playfully warned.

"I have no doubt about it. I look forward to making your acquaintance once more, Korra," Asami smiled.

"Do make sure you get home safe, Lady Sato," Korra grinned.

"Well if that is your command, then I suppose I simply have no other choice," Asami laughed.

The alpha bowed her head before exiting the ballroom with the rest of the attendees. That was one hell of a ball, no doubt about it. Korra drifted back to Jinora and Aunt Kya to wait for the rest of the stragglers to head home. Once the final guest had left, Jinora practically fell on the wall right beside her.

"I simply must get to bed before I collapse from exhaustion," Jinora dramatically whined.

"Agreed, and I was not even dancing for half as long as you did. Perhaps society does have a point. I am old," Korra groaned. In her defense, she has been moving around constantly to watch Jinora like a hawk.

"If I hear the words 'I am old' come from your mouth ever again, I am going to smack you. Now before you two retire, I would like a dance," Kya grinned.

She gestured to the orchestra who then played out a song meant for three people to dance to. Korra laughed and shook her head at the familiar tune.

"Really? After these many hours of dancing, you insist upon one more?" Jinora asked even though she was already falling into step with the music.

"Oh please, that was you girls dancing with potential suitors. Now, you're dancing with your favorite aunt. I can assure you that dancing with me is much more exciting," Kya laughed.

Jinora and Korra glanced at each other and as the song continued on. She's not entirely wrong, of course. Kya is probably one of the most interesting people on the planet. Those lame suitors simply can not compare.

As the three women giggled and twirled around the dance floor, Korra had to come to the realization that she has already been enjoying her time here in Caldera. She was able to reunite with old friends, is very likely gaining a new one with Asami, and most importantly is that Jinora is absolutely thriving. A little bit of silly dancing with family is quite deserved.

Perhaps the social season in Caldera won't be so bad after all. What could possibly go wrong?

[aihoshiino]

chapter 156 thoughts

Chapters Since The 143 Kiss Happened And Went Entirely Unacknowledged And Unaddressed Count: 13

Aqua Hoshigan Status: N/A

I'm gonna be real with you gamers I don't have a lot to say about this one LOL. Typically these Mem chapters come at the top or bottom of volumes as transitions between phases of the story so getting one slap bang in the middle of what will be volume 16 is a little jarring, as are the contents of it. Despite making up 1/3rd of the current B-Komachi, Mem is pretty underutilized across the whole manga so while it's nice to see her be given a proper arc capstone chapter all to herself, it feels underbaked. I almost suspect that the beats of this chapter may have been intended to serve as the bones of a Mem mini-arc at some point but with only so much time to spare before the manga ends it was crammed into this one chapter. Without any room to breathe, none of its beats hit.

Mem and Frill being friendly enough for solo hangouts is cute, though! One of the things I did like about the Movie Arc was the way it mushed the wider supporting cast together into a more closely knit social circle and I like seeing that reflected in moments like this. It helps add to the sense of them being people living their own lives who have things to do outside of dealing with Hoshino Family Drama.

The story swinging back to deal the elephant in the room that is Mem's real age is also potentially juicy but - say it with me, folks! - lacks the build up it needs to really be worth taking seriously. Prior to this, Mem's age has mostly been played for laughs when it has come up with no real indication that it's something the manga wants us to take seriously. In that way, the slightly blase framing of it here does better suit as a resolution than suddenly taking it deadly serious was but it does just end up feeling like something Akasaka added to the manga not because he felt it was an important part of the story but because it was next on his checklist of things to tie off before the manga ends.

This can really be felt in the way this chapter really fails to dig into why Mem even had to lie in the first place - there's the off-handed acknowledgement of Mem wanting to be an idol and her age potentially being a barrier in that regard but it doesn't actually dig into this premise of Mem's age being a problem. In a series whose proclivity for infodumping about the ills of the entertainment industry is practically a fandom joke at this point, it feels uncharacteristically restrained for it to not take this opportunity to talk about how this attitude is born from fetishizing, commodifying attitudes about youth and supposed 'purity' and the ageism and misogyny many adult women in the entertainment industry all over the globe have to deal with.

In general, OnK has been pretty toothless the last few arcs when it comes to the cast having to actually navigate the industry's toxicity. The way Ruby's struggles with idolhood are held up as comparable to Ai's is one major symptom of this that I'll probably go into at some other point, but we also see this in characters like Kaburagi and Shima-D too - despite being objectively pretty scummy individuals in terms of both their behaviour within the industry and their interpersonal relationships, the note the manga seems to have ended on for both of them is a sort of 'aw shucks he didn't mean none of it' wishy-washiness where it's unwilling to hold them accountable.

This toothlessness adds to making everyone's immediately acceptance of Mem's lie ring so deeply hollow. No scandal, no negativity, no nothing. An utterly frictionless resolution that feels as though it added nothing to the plot point it was tying off. Again, it would feel weird for this to become a big dramatic beat when the story has so consistently treated it like a joke but this half-baked conclusion leaves me feeling lukewarm at best.

To not end this on a sour note, I will say I really like the note this ends on of Mem deciding to shoot for university and I like Ruby finally giving Mem even a shred of props for the backbreaking amount of work she put into B-Komachi's growth. Appreciate Mem more, you little gremlin!!!

Speaking of Mem's JD dreams though, I've heard some speculation so far that Mem shooting for university is an indication that she's also going to be leaving B-Komachi but… eh, I disagree. Mem talks about how much the group means to her and her revealing the lie here feels like a step to try and protect her place in B-Komachi and ensure she can keep performing with them.

Break next week to no one's surprise… did y'all know the volume 15 release in Japan says volume 16 isn't dropping until December? Wild.

[stelladess]

EDIT: I only now found there are more complete translations of the new lorebook, that may alter things here quite a bit depending on if it touches on relevant stuff. Ill probably write a more easy to follow and updated version of this post when I got less schoolwork anyway so yeah. Arknights Theory: The nature of the Lord of Fiends powers and the purpose of the black crown. IDK how to spoiler and non of what I find onlines helps with that so just know... spoilers ahead. I also wanna say that I havnt double checked a lot of this stuff, I did for some of it but id like to re-read a bunch of this when some of the CN only stuff has come to global anyway. So take with a grain of salt is all im saying that I remember right since I dont remember exactly where to find all of this info, altough I will mentioned where I thought I got it from for various evidence. So tl;dr here is that I think Amiya´s powers is actually about manipulating originium, the memory, emotion and energy blasts (also making a sword) is all extensions of that and NOT fully distinct powers like some believe, also the Lord of Fiends has to have oripathy. Also the black crown was made by Priestess to eventually facilitate her resurrection and the reason doctor convinced Theresa to transfer her powers to Amiya was part of that plan. Now, why do I think all this? Starting on Amiya´s powers. While dialogue indicates some skilled casters *can* learn multiple types of arts, Amiya is not a skilled caster. She is very powerful but not particularily skilled at it. Her powers are ALL derived from the originium arts her oripathy and Lord of Fiends nature grants her. She also had all these powers pretty much from moment 1 it seems so it seems unlikely she learned it trough practice to do many different things. So its likely one ability that is just very broad in its usage, similarily to how Rosmontis´s powers work (if I remember right Kal´tsit even says their powers are very similar in nature). Amiya can do energy blasts, view memories and sense emotions... according to Kal´tsit in chapter 7 the way sarkaz prophecies work is basically that thoughts are stored in originium allowing other sarkaz to tap into the memories in that originium to calculate a likely outcome with multiple people´s brains. So originium can store thoughts/minds. And by extension memory would be a part of that. There is also clearly stuff relating to the dead but ive heard several CN server events have gone into that more so I dont wanna speak about anything regarding dead souls until that comes to global because I do not wanna go reading very complicated lore stuff in a language I dont understand really, so ill adjust or drop this theory as nescesary based on future information of course. So, then the emotions and memory stuff is covered, making the sword is also simple, its just made of originium. So the energy blasts? Well the main way originium is used is as a power source and its required to cast arts for those without oripathy (who have originium inside them to channel arts anyway). Another piece of evidence here is that Manfred could disrupt Amiya´s arts with his own, which seem to revolve around detonating or manipulating the energy in originium, allowing him to harm Amiya when she tried to gather up energy from nearby originium. When she pushes herself extra hard she probably draws extra power from the originium in her own body, which is why it has such a negative effect on her physically even compared to other casters. This, and a bit from the new lorebook revealing the first Lord of Fiends was the first person with Oripathy, is why I think the Lord of Fiends HAS to have Oripathy.

So, with that established, why do I think the Black Crown is meant to resurrect Priestess? First of all, the Black Crown or Civilight Etherna, is tech from the advanced precursor civilization (it was not found by them but invented by them, its directly referenced as a different project to the AMa projects, which is part of what Kal´tsit is refered to by certain beings in the know about the previous civilization, the crown also resembles Mon3tr in appearance). Its stated in Amiya´s module that its purpose is to store information, memories and emotion. And we know for a fact that they were capable of brain uploading, as seen with Friston in Lonetrail. Its original purpose was as a historical record, but that doesnt mean it cant have been altered later. Priestess is stated by Friston to have created Originium, something we will likely learn more about in the Victoria arc on account of certain reveals in chapter 13. Since Originium is so closely linked to the crown, by virtue of the first infected being the first Lord of Fiends, originium was clearly created in relation to something to do with the Crown. And well.. when Priestess put the doctor into the sarcophagus she said they would be reunited and their love would outlast the stars. Despite her seeming convinced she would die.... Kal´tsit seems to have been either created or turned into what she is now by Priestess too, or well by their people at least. But for dramatic convenience I think Priestess makes the most sense. I think the crown getting linked to the sarkaz collective unconcious/dead souls (this is the part im most uncertain about because there is so little info on this on global especially) was NEVER part of the plan. Since it seems likely the previous civilization created the ancients (animal people) to drive the sarkaz away (and also be slave labour, this isnt like 100% confirmed but there is some hints for this) I suspect they saw the sarkaz as lower beings and had never considered the crown would link up with them. So I think the original purpose was that some sort of great calamity fell upon their people, Priestess tried to store her mind in the Black Crown in some process that led to the creation of Originium and because the first person to down the crown was a sarkaz made her unable to do what she originally intended, possessing a later wearer of the crown and reunite with the doctor. This part is of course pure speculation as well with very little evidence, but it does line up somewhat. And I think some of the concept trailers supports the idea the crown can let someone store their mind to take over a later host (altough not with Priestess specifically).

So, fast forward to Amiya... she was born in Rim Billiton a normal cautus girl, her family were miners and lived on a normal landship in Rim Billiton... but one day disaster struck and the ship got destroyed in a horrible disaster. This is all gone into more in To the Grinning Valley but was already implied beforehand. To the Grinning Valley is also interesting for several reasons to this theory, they explicitly call attention to how strange it is that the doctor would bring Amiya with them after finding her in the wreckage. Saving her is in line with their behavior, but why bring her along? Its common in Rim Billiton for miners to adopt other children. Why not leave here somewhere? Why bring her with them to Babel? And this isnt just Amiya wondering or an outside observer, we find out from Savage that Kal´tsit doesnt know why the doctor did what they did. And whats more, Kal´tsit believes the doctor convinced Theresa to transfer her powers to Amiya, and since no previous Lord of Fiends had done so directly, the crown picked a successor, I think the doctor also taught Theresa how she could directly move it, circumventing the dead souls of the sarkaz will being imposed on the crown´s choices. So, why Amiya? Kal´tsit either doesnt have any idea why or just didnt want to tell Savage, but it is clear that she NEVER agreed with the decision. We have some ideas why Theresa did it, Amiya not being a sarkaz would mean she would be less strongly influenced by the dead souls and the lords of kazdel would refuse to follow her. Or at least chapter 12 and 13 heavily implies this was her motive. But why did the doctor want that? In To the Grinning Valley the question of if the doctor always intended to use Amiya for that from the start and grew to care about her over time, or if they took her in with no ill intentions and then got the idea later out of desperation, is raised but left unanswered because the doctor cant remember, and no one else knows why.

I believe the doctor also wished to undermine the crown´s link to the sarkaz, and that the plan was to use Amiya as a vessel for resurrecting Priestess. And it is an interesting topic, its often brought up how much even pre amnesia doctor cared about Amiya... but in To the Grinning Valley we focus a bit on the insecurity and uncertainty Amiya and Savage have about *why*. Savage telling an anecdote about a friend who went bad after fame got to their head and admitting she doesnt know which is worse, if the doctor did love Amiya and their circumstances made them so willing to trample over what they loved that they would force the black crown on her, or if the doctor had always been intending to just use Amiya for that purpose. And Amiya admitting she never knew why doc would care for her so much. And here is an interesting thing... in anything post victoria arc, we have NEVER seen Amiya and the doctor interact so far. Amiya is in Arturia´s oprec but otherwise she hasnt been on screen post victoria arc. To the Grinning Valley is set before it. The doctor has been doing all manner of things all over Terra in that time period, but Amiya isnt there with them, she is still with Rhodes Island is clear though. So... does Amiya and the doctor still have a good relationship post Victoria arc? Doc clearly cares for Amiya still, when Rosmontis talks about missing Amiya in Lonetrail (she had been away for some weeks or months, unclear) doc agrees that they miss her too, but they dont really go into any detail and are talking about both Amiya and Logos. Depending on what we learn in the later chapters of the Victoria arc, I could see Amiya feeling rather betrayed by the doctor. Not to the point of completely cutting them out but that it might still make her a bit more distant to them. I think it would be interesting to see how Amiya would take it if she learned that the doctor had originally intended to use her for very selfish end goals. Surely the thought has crossed her mind and she just isnt willing to entertain it, but if she learns something in the climax of the Victoria arc that shakes her absolute confidence in the doctor? That could be a pretty big deal. We already know Amiya has a habit of rather then accepting people wronged her first try to look for excuses. What Theresa did to her Amiya refuses to admit is wrong even when directly pointed out to her how messed up it was (chapter 8 Rosmontis compares what Theresa did to Amiya with what Loken did to her). She isntead focuses on how she must be failing to live up to Theresa´s expectations, an idea NO ONE tried to put into her head as far as we can tell. Altough it is a little unclear because she gets VERY defensive about it when the Damazti Cluster suggests she was forced into her role at Rhodes and given too heavy responsibilities to carry. Will she do this this time as well? Look for excuses why what doctor did was "justified"? But in chapter 13 she also finds meaning in rejecting the legacy of the black crown and that she will use its powers purely for her own ideals and not worry about what its purpose is. With that in mind how would that color her perception of finding out an even older purpose for it that implicates the pre amnesia doctor?

[honey-olive]

Chapter 142

a rant~

This chapter gave us a gut wrenching set-up

We get Myrtle and Sixtus having a small moment together which talks bunches about their relationship. They really love each other. Myrtle is able to be vulnerable with him. And Sixtus listens and wants what’s best for his big bro. Sixtus tries to cheer him up, and when Myrtle has doubts, he makes sure to bring back hope.

Look at how hopeful Myrtle’s face looks!

And everything to be just taken away from him the moment he sees his own father gift what he needed most to another. Give what he needed to their actual child. Like the last nail in the coffin sealing his fate. Showing him his not as important. That he was never meant to belong.

(Also, side note, I agree with what @winterlogysblog shared in this post. I think King had either already tried using the drug of Yore on Myrtle, or he knows it won’t work. Myrtle does not have an illness, it is because he is reacting to the air in the fairy realm that he gets all these symptoms. Taking it won’t change his situation.)

Also Tioreh being so scared that if Nasiens is her biological brother that will somehow replace Myrtle. It is so sad. Specially considering Tioreh is very young. What has she seen? Fairy child is brought back, human child is taken out. If they take in Nasiens, then it seems logical for her parents to throw Myrtle away. (Sweet girl got me crying with her too)

And finally concerning King and Diane as parents… I’d just say it’s complex. They should have probably discussed many things with Myrtle before, but at the same time,I try to understand them. People were already whispering about the relatedness between them and Myrtle. Myrtle already felt so alienated. They probably didn’t want to exacerbate any of those feelings. But they will be facing the consequences, all at once. I feel we’re in for a whole lot of family drama.

[p1nkshield]

welcome weary traveler you’ve made it to chapter eight! It’s been a long time since I’ve updated, sorry!

Jason was very okay with being a zombie. It was what he joked about when things got overwhelming. He now had a new specific descriptor and a support system he never knew existed. I was strange. The level of self reliance he was used to was now no longer needed. If he were to fall ill he wouldn’t be met with confusion at his vitals or being treated like a case unheard of prior. It was comforting to have someone say, “that’s totally normal, it happened to me”. This would lose a bit of its luster as Jason phased through the kitchen floor with a yelp for the fifth time in ten minutes.

Danny grabbed onto his arm and pulled to no avail.

“Try to fly up instead just accepting your fate.”

Jason was too busy clawing at the floor like a cat being dragged to a bath to heed his advice. This was also to no avail as his arms swished through the floor like it was mist and he fell completely.

Tim was having a very entertaining morning. Watching idly as his older brother’s legs dangled and flailed from the ceiling of the bat cave made his coffee much more enjoyable. He had made a bet with Cass on how many times Jason would fall through before he got used to his newfound abilities. Cass had more faith in him than he did saying that he would fall under 200 times.

FWUMP

By the way things were looking Tim would not have to fight the condiment king for a whole month!

Jason was getting tired feeling like every step was a gamble. Danny was little help. The most he did was graciously build a barrier so that he wouldn’t fall into the mantle of the earth. Witnessing the feat was bewildering. He was scampering about the bat cave picking things up, asking “do you use this?” And then promptly dropping or tearing apart the tech based on the answer. He haphazardly squeezed together a projector-like device and turned it on, producing a neon green grid.

“What is that?” Jason asked as he tested this mesh with his foot.

Danny jumped onto the grid, displaying its bounciness.

“Baby proofing!” Danny joked

“As you develop your powers you’re not going to be able to fully regulate your intangibility. So until you’re phase trained this will help you from sinking into the ground.”

Was Jason going to sink into the ground? Phase training? Jason was getting a bit worried… it was probably fine.

THWUMP

Just as soon as Jason got up the stairs and got his lunch together he fell again. Green was starting to tinge the edge of his vision.

“That’s 15 times today! Start prepping your anti ketchup wash kit!”

Tim was keeping count? They bet on how many times he would fall?! Jason was starting to seethe.

“Jason! Try to think solid thoughts if your feeling yourself slipping!” Danny said, sticking his head through the floor.

Not helpful. Jason did not respond. He was very tired of falling. The first time had been a shock to everyone but Danny. They had all been eating dinner together, a small miracle, and Jason just fell out of his chair. He made a sound comparable to a perfectly cut scream as he was in one room then clipped into the next.

Right now the only thing Jason could do was think of that and breathe in an effort to calm himself down.

Tim took a tentative step back. “You okay?”

Jason thought the answer was quite obvious and simply glared in Tim’s direction.

Danny flew down from the kitchen and procured a glass of ectoplasm from the tanks and placed it into Jason’s hands.

“Drink.”

Jason drank and was immediately was full of much less rage than before. Great. He needed baby proofing and now got hangry like a toddler. Just great. At least he could see the humor in Tim’s bet now.

“Your wager.”

Tim was still tentative about the situation. “…Yeah?”

Jason downed the rest of the ectoplasm

“I want in. I bet less than 50.”

@skulld3mort-1fan @addie-lover-of-stories @ivymala07 @nottmuchtopost @stargazer-luna a @icecweme @dontfightmecauseillcry @seraphinedemort @tinybrie @kyrianclawraith @spoopyspoony @joyfulcollectordreamland @luffyrose @nixthenerd @darkstarsapocalypse @lemccr @busterkeel @britcision @inthereellife @vythika96 @chrysanthemum9484 @blankliferain @sara0055 @pike-s @xye-chan @blackroselina @malice-of-the-sunrise @gin2212 @meira-3919 @undead-essence @onlyhereforthechaos @charcoalstainedbones @ectoradiation @persephoneblackrose @farmercale @claudiashq @boo-ghosties @56thingsinaname @insomniaxonline @thefanficcup @terzatheunderscorerima @wolfeyedwitch

Lmk if you don’t want to be tagged anymore!

[robotnik-mun]

Once again, it is time for that rare moment where I talk about Deltarune instead of Sonic stuff. And today, I've decided to talk about one of the many mysteries of the setting.

Namely... what did Asgore DO?

One of the constants kept over from Undertale in Deltarune was the sad reality that Asgore is still divorced from Toriel, and their post-divorce relationship is... less than ideal, with Asgore desperately trying to get back into Toriel's good graces and Toriel being none-too-thrilled about it. And its pretty clear that whatever happened in the divorce, it's taken a pretty bad toll on Asgore. It's implied he doesn't have visitation rights, and no longer lives in the same house as Tori, instead living in his flower shop. And his present state of living is just... almost too depressing for words.

So yeah, things are not looking great for ol' Asgore. But that does beg the question- what happened THIS time? Recall that in Undertale, Toriel's hostility to Asgore was predicated on both him murdering six children as well as basically getting everyone's hopes up for who-knows-how-long rather than taking one soul and going straight to business after escaping the Underground. How justified she is is going to be the subject of endless debate, now and forever, but at the core of things in Undertale its pretty clear that this hostility comes from some VERY grim circumstances.

Given the more comparatively mundane nature of Hometown and the Light World, its pretty clear that whatever circumstances led to Toriel and Asgore divorcing couldn't be anywhere near as horrible as what happened in Undertale. There's no fantastic circumstance here- Monsters live on the surface as humans do (that we know of), and while Asgore is not exactly held in high regard by Hometown these days, he none the less leads a free, if somewhat depressing life.

So again, what happened here? Why is it that Asgore is still divorced?

As it stands, with everything else, we only got two chapters to go by, and as such we need to work with a LOT of contextual clues to try and piece together even a vague idea of how things reached this point.

And believe it or not, one the key bits of insight we have? Is none other than Rudy Holiday.

Rudy is established as having been friends with Toriel and Asgore in college, and is all but stated to have been Asgore's best man at their wedding, and even in the present is still close to the both of them even though they are no longer together. Out of all the people we talk to in Hometown, Rudy is the one with the most positive stuff to say about Asgore, and Asgore recipricates this by visiting Rudy in the hospital daily, with new flowers for each visit. And while we don't witness it for ourselves, it is revealed that Toriel ALSO visits Rudy and is implicitly close to him as well, with Rudy even suspecting that Kris' visit was done at Toriel's prompting (and sadly probably WOULD be if we weren't using them as a meat-puppet).

This might not seem like such a big deal, but I feel it reveals something very crucial about what might have happened, if only in the abstract. It tells me that whatever happened? While it was serious enough to prompt the divorce and cause Toriel to no longer love Asgore, it WASN'T bad enough that Rudy doesn't think ill of Asgore, or enough to cause Toriel to no longer wish to associate with Asgore or Rudy with her. He bears no malice to anyone in the Dreemurr family, and this is an important detail, because it would seem extremely improbable that things between the three of them would be this hunky-dory if Asgore really did do something legitimately terrible.

Which, admittedly, isn't impossible... but it does feel unlikely, under the circumstances we presently see.

Given the way Dark Worlds reflect something of Lightners, some have suggested that maybe the Card Kingdom just as easily reflects something of Kris as it does Susie. While King mirrors Susie's earlier statements, one cannot help but notice that King is an enormous, pseudo-mammalian king with a hefty build, almost like a warped mirror of Asgore. And that comparison becomes all the more concerning when you consider how, as we go on, its revealed that Kris was once a very mischievous little kid... one can imagine that, perhaps, Kris was very much like Lancer, once upon a time. And if that's the case, then maybe it’s not a coincidence that King threatened both Lancer AND Kris directly.

It's a tempting thought... and oh, the warped implications it would carry, given that in Chapter Two its revealed that King wasn't going to go through with his threat and actually CARES about Lancer, despite earlier evidence to the contrary? Now THAT would imply some ugly-ass things about Kris' thoughts and feelings about their father. Or Susie's, if you believe the Card Kingdom is primarily 'meant' for her. It does make an eerie amount of sense, does it not?

Only... not quite. It’s tempting to think Asgore might have done something to Kris in a moment of weakness, but honestly? I really, really doubt it. Because let's face it, if Asgore had hurt or done something out line with Kris? It's incredibly doubtful that Toriel would ever allow Kris to get anywhere NEAR Asgore, and Rudy likewise would probably have little to do with Asgore over something like that. Oh, sure, friends will stick with friends, but that feels like something not even Rudy could overlook. And then there's the whole 'Eggs-Husband' incident...

... God that was painful. Like, kudos to Toby Fox, I don't think I've EVER felt that kind of secondhand embarrassment from a piece of media ever. It really was just a masterpiece of utter and complete failure. Still, it's important in helping to frame where everyone stands in this divorce, because while Toriel does try to get away from Asgore as fast as possible after his disastrous attempt at punnery (and who could blame her?), she none the less is willing to hear him out when he wants to talk about Asriel's return (possibly about the divorce itself).

It's important to note that, again, context is key here. Earlier in Chapter 1 its established that Asgore keeps sending Toriel flowers, which inevitably wind up in the trash, and likewise she rebuffs his deeply ill-conceived attempt to re-connect with her at Sans' store. But from what we see so far, it may not necessarily be that Toriel hates Asgore, so much that he refuses to get a clue about where they stand and persists in these self-sabotaging attempts to curry her favor. While the problem might be rooted in whatever happened in the past, it’s pretty clear that a BIG part of that is due to Asgore's present behavior. How do we know this? Because she still hears him out when he ISN'T trying to get into her good graces.

I feel that if Asgore had done something to Kris, or done something REALLY bad? Then he wouldn't even get that much. As it stands we don't know enough to say for sure, and all we can do is look at how people act and try and come up with some idea of things, but I'm willing to bet that while Asgore made some kind of serious misstep? He didn't do something unforgivable... just something severe enough that it would justify Toriel leaving him, with his refusal to let go simply making things that much worse over time given that its clear Tori CAN be civil with him. He just makes it difficult due to his overbearing and embarassing behavior... again, we can only infer things, but I do feel like a large part of Toriel's hostility stems from Asgore's inability to back off more than anything else, even the events that caused the divorce.

I can of course, be wrong, about all of this. We have only two chapters and nothing else to go by. But there is one last piece of this puzzle that I think offers an even better insight into why things happened as they happened- the reveal that Asgore used to be the chief of Homedown's police department, and that he was made to step down under unknown circumstances, hence why Undyne, a rookie, is now Hometown's police chief. We don't know what happened yet, but whatever did happen? Kris doesn't like to read about it, keeping Us from seeing what happened. It could be because they don't want us prying into their family's business just in general, but there's also a really good chance that it may be simple guilt that keeps them from reading the rest of that article.

And from here, we can paint a pretty compelling picture of what may have happened. As we know, Dess Holiday, Rudy's oldest daughter and Asriel's childhood best friend, went missing under mysterious circumstances. Dess' mother is mayor of Hometown, and its strongly hinted that whatever happened, DEss is now trapped somewhere in the Dark World (or worse), and other hints seem to indicate that Kris might in fact be aware of this, and its hinted that this event may have occurred near the mysterious bunker in the forest that Kris is explicitly afraid of. More interestingly, schoolmates Snowy and Monster Kid seem to be aware of this fact as well, which brings some interesting implications of itself.

Either way, with these details we can imagine a very probable chain of events for how things went down- Kris and Dess did something or the other at the Bunker, which led to Dess possibly being whisked away to the Dark World. Asgore, as police chief, is tasked with finding Dess. His inability to find Dess leads to him being fired by her mother, the mayor, and this would probably lead to the personal troubles at home that would lead to him eventually being divorced from Toriel and living on his own. This seems to be the general consensus among fan-interpretations, and  honestly? It seems pretty probable that this, or something like this, is how the divorce went down... and maybe why Kris is the way Kris is, in the present.

There is however an interesting little wrinkle in this formula, though out of everything I mentioned, this one is possibly the longest shot. Earlier in the game when we explore Asgore's store, we find a very terse note from his landlord telling him point blank that he has a month to pay the rent, even suggesting he start selling the flowers rather than giving them away. All that we know about this landlord is that their first initial is "C". So, where does the long shot come in? There is a possibility that "C" is none other than Mayor Holiday, Rudy's wife and Dess' mother, and previously Asgore's boss. What evidence do we have to suggest this? Mayor Holiday is described as being very good at her job while also not being great with people, and is evidently very driven and intimidating, so much so that Noelle is actively afraid of her. The way the note is written is not very formal, nor is it very sociable either... and there are more than a few Christmas related terms that start with "C". A lot of the fandom seems to have settled on "Carol".

Again, this could be a long shot, one built entirely by conjecture. But if this "C" is indeed mayor holiday? That's where the wrinkle comes in. Because if Mayor Holiday is willing to give Asgore a business and overlook past failures to pay the rent, then it may be that his leaving the force wasn't JUST because of his failing to find Dess... or rather, if Mayor Holiday had any part of it, it actually wasn't out of personal anger at him failing to find her daughter. If "C" is Mayor Holiday, then in this context it means that whatever (probably negative) feelings she has towards Asgore, they're not enough to stop her from trying to help him get back on his feet. You might argue that if she IS involved in his flower shop venture it might be more due to Rudy than her, but then if Rudy has this much sway over her, she wouldn't have fired Asgore for not being able to find Dess.

Granted, there's always the 'Dying Wish' factor, though we don't know how long Rudy's been sick...

But still- firing someone for a personal reason would be a VERY bad breach of ethics, and from what we've seen (or haven't) of the mayor so far is that whatever her personality flaws, she isn't actually corrupt or anything. Hometown is so peaceful and orderly that the police force isn't really regarded as necessary! Quite the accomplishment... and firing Asgore for personally failing her would be the kind of conflict of interest that could jeopardize those accomplishments, understandable as it might be in this instance.

So, what would this imply for Asgore and his leaving the force? I believe that while Dess vanishing was the catalyst for everything, it wasn't the direct cause of Asgore losing everything. I imagine that failing to find Dess for an undetermined amount of time weighed heavily on Asgore, given that this is his best friend's daughter, a daughter who is the best friend of Asriel at that.

My hypothesis, as such? Is that Asgore's failing to find Dess slowly ate away at him, and that this caused things at home to get tense, before his eventual desperation led him to do something he shouldn't have, thus leading to him being removed from the force, and leading to further troubles at home, culminating in him saying or doing SOMETHING that led Toriel to divorce him.

I don't have any authority to definitively suggest what it might have been. But I DO feel confident that if Dess' disappearance had anything to do with Asgore's dismissal from the force? It wasn't as simple as the mayor being angry with him and removing him due to that anger, but because of something Asgore himself did in reaction to his own failure at finding Dess, and that this in turn led to whatever would happen to cause his divorce from Toriel. I believe this, because while Asgore has fallen on very hard times, the worst of what he's going through is due to his own poor choices that we can see, and however pitiful his current state, he isn't alienated/exiled from the people in his life. And if he had done something REALLY bad? I don't think that would be the case.

Of course, I can be wrong. Heck, I probably am. We only got two games to go by, and as such virtually everything I say is ultimately just conjecture, some a bit more supported by game text, and some less. But whatever the reality is? I'm VERY confident that Asgore didn't do anything evil... but it was still enough to cost him everything. Given the themes going on in the light world, it'd make sense that rather than anything big or dramatic, the truth just turned out to be something simple, unglamorous, and quietly sad.

Just like in real life, a lot of the time.