#i have read so much about this show and i will literally never watch it
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TEETH.
Sergei Kravinoff might be a villian, and you a hero; but at the end of the day you're both animals.
A/N: First fic in a while so my bad if it sucks. You already know this movie was basically ass but we only watched it for ATJ anyway - I'm changing some of Kraven's character so he's similar to the comics/Spider-Man 2 game, so be sure to read the tags bc he’s a lil dark…
Word count: 2.3K
Tags: SMUT / DUB-CON / Spiderwoman! Reader / Breeding / Unprotected + rough sex
Kraven feared nothing.
It simply wasn’t in his blood; not his staunchly machismo upbringing, nor in his DNA, quite literally having that of a lion. Fear made one weak. Fear made you less of a man. Fear was what killed his mother.
If anything, fear was just another animal; ready to be captured, killed and conquered, ultimately destined to be draped across his chiselled body or mounted on a wall.
You were simply no different.
He never really understood why people were afraid of spiders, but he knew that they were a nuisance, having haunted him since he was a boy. Spiders weren’t savages like lions or bears, but they were sneaky; crawling around in the dark and waiting to strike, with a face so obscured that you’d never really know what you were looking at...what they were thinking.
But now, with your mask off, he could see you clearly. Fear; clouding your eyes and consuming your lungs as you heaved, choking on the intensity of the emotion itself as your pupils darted between the beige, bloodied teeth on his necklace and a crossbow pointed right at your heart.
“So, you’re the insect causing me all this trouble?” the man mused; legs crossed upon a desk as he eyed you. “I should’ve known.”
“Should’ve known what? You know nothing about me.”
“You’re a girl.”
“Sexist, much.”
He chuckled.
“Far from it. My father, however, was quite the traditionalist. He would’ve done much worse by now.”
There was a heavy silence as you swiped at your bottom lip. Much to your dismay, blood had begun to dry, and you were left with a salty, scratchy throat. Liquid, some of any kind, would’ve been appreciated, but you knew all too well that Kraven wasn’t one for showing mercy. Like all the villains you’d encountered, you’d had a push-pull relationship with the Hunter since the very beginning. He created a plan; you foiled it, sometimes you’d get your ass beat but the ending was almost always the same – with you safe from harm's way, and a bloodthirsty ego chipped away, but momentarily put to rest.
On this occasion you’d slipped up, your Spidey-senses failing you and placing you right into harm's way, shipped into the back of a van and somehow escorted to a somewhat uncharacteristically lavish mansion.
You'd always found Kraven to be a man of contradictions; whether he realised it or not. He was the best and worst of both worlds, a hunter with all the grit of someone who’d been fighting their entire life as a poverty-stricken rogue, and yet you’d come to learn that he was a Russian aristocrat, hence his rather extensive knowledge and unrelenting desire for control. Still, nothing took away from the fact that he was a brute, not even his strikingly good looks.
“Just shoot me and be over it,” You continued, watching as he lowered his feet from atop the desk and strolled over to you. “You didn’t need to drag me all the way here.”
He looked even bigger than usual, but perhaps it was because you were perched uncomfortably on a chair, arms bound behind you as you craned your neck to look up at him. Your mind couldn’t - no, didn’t - want to fathom what he was thinking of you from this angle.
“Don’t get me wrong, I care nothing about your secret. I just wanted to look you in the eye.” He mused, rummaging through his back pockets. Your breath hitched in your throat as he slid a knife from its sheath, finely carved and sharpened and lowered it to his side before pacing around you, stopping as his firm torso pressed up against the tip of your neck. Squeezing your eyes shut, you braced for your neck to be split open, only to be released from your bounds.
Instinctively, you went to shoot some webs, hoping you could at least catapult yourself across the room, but he tightly grasped your wrists, steadying your arms in place.
“I wouldn’t try anything if I were you,” he sneered. “These are antiques.”
You rolled your eyes.
“Fuck you.”
“Get up,” he announced suddenly, almost dragging you to your feet. Hesitantly, you began to shuffle out of the room, overwhelmed by the seemingly endless walls and corridors, all framed in ivory and the finest mahogany. “Keep walking until I tell you to stop.”
You continued down the hall, opting for a straight line. It seemed to be the correct way as once you passed into the threshold of a room that had a velvet chaise lounges and a dresser, he dropped his hands from their grip on your own, closing the door behind you. Oddly enough, you never heard the click of a latch.
Without a word, he walked past you to open the drawer, rummaging through the contents. It utterly baffled you why you didn’t feel the urge to protest, or even fight. The entire ordeal was feeling more like a glorified house tour with a side of intimidation rather than a future crime scene.
Was it because he was handsome? Wild? Filthy rich? Whatever happened to your values? Perhaps Jameson was right.
Your thoughts were interrupted by the man placing something in the desk, curling his finger to beckon you towards him.
“See this? This is what keeps me going,”he said, rolling a vial of florescent liquid in his fingertips. “You and I are more alike than you think.”
You scoffed, trying to ignore how close he was to you. He had an earthly musk that invaded your senses, sending tingles down your spine… and to your core.
“I don’t need a drug to do what I do.”
“Never mind the drug. It’s our blood that makes us strong.”
You cocked a brow and he ignored your confused look.
“You know, I’ve always hated spiders…” he began, rubbing his beard in contemplation. “Too itchy; unpredictable. You never really know where they’re going to show up. If I ever saw one, I used to pop them like a zit.”
There was a clear disgust in his words and vacant look in his eye that sunk you into a pit of fear for perhaps the first time since regaining your consciousness. You knew that it was just about you (surely), but perhaps a weird extension of your being; something bigger, far more innate than a girl in a spandex spider suit.
“But then I realised that for their size, they’re deadly. Powerful, even. Recently I’ve wondered what it would look like if I harnessed it myself.”
You swallowed, suddenly conscious of your dry throat once more.
“A drop of blood usually does the trick.”
He tutted. Perhaps you were being too fickle.
“No, любимец [darling], not that way. I crave something more.”
Your eyes darted to the lounge. Since when did Spider-Woman lack composure? Kraven’s impenetrable gaze followed your own, and he chuckled knowingly.
“With your arachnid abilities and my strength, we could create something truly unique. Nature has its ways, you know.”
“You’re sick,” you replied, your chin held high but your bottom lip wobbled. “I’ll never join you. What you do is immoral.”
Kraven furrowed his brows.
“You killed a man, and you talk about morality?”
“He was a bad man.”
“He was my brother.”
The word humanised him a bit. The Chameleon wasn’t your most imposing foe, but he was still a challenge you’d been rather glad to conquer. It was all too often that you’d fallen into the trap of thinking that the world was black and white; good and bad, when occasionally it was grey. Kraven was allowed to grieve his brother, but at the end of the day they were both bad guys.
Then why did he turn you on so much?
“You don’t have to resist,” the man grinned, strolling towards you. He stopped, glancing down and reaching a hand up to cup the sides of your face, caressing your cheekbones and sides of your lip with his thumb, threatening to penetrate your mouth. “I’ve never been this close to you before…I can smell you.”
You were both superhuman, but he had the thirst of a predator. Quite literally. Breath hitched in your throat as he angled his lips to your ear, whispering a few fatal words.
“Give in, маленький паучок [little spider]. Your body yearns for me.”
One large hand was wrapped around your neck as he kissed you, his wild beard scratching against your face as his other hand snaked down your suit, down to between your thighs. The latex did nothing to offer you safety, his callouses prodding at your wet slit and beginning to rub in small circles, oh-so internationally slow, making sure he pressed against the hood of your clit.
He had you as soon as a small moan escaped your lips. It’d been a while since you’d been touched, let a alone by someone who was as well-travelled as The Hunter himself, and every kiss, nibble and squeeze was sending you into a deeper spiral of lust and guilt that you could barely fathom that you’d already made your way to the lounge.
You pulled away as your calves collided with the frame, lips wet and parted as you glanced up at him – wholly helplessly. His hand remained firm on your face, angling his head as he smirked at your shielded demeanour, a far cry from the flashy superhero you’d been but an hour ago.
“Kra—“
“Don’t call me that,” he said through gritted teeth. “Call me Sergei. I need to hear you say it.”
The name rolled from your lips as a cry as he bunched the sides of your suit in his hands and tearing it apart, exposing your bare pussy and ass, with strands of fabric shaping your legs like a makeshift garter. He grinned, large hands frantically groping at your thighs and ass, spreading your cheeks apart and exposing your hot core to the cool air.
“прекрасный.” [Gorgeous] he moaned, swatting at your ass before dipping his fingers inside you, rubbing your folds between his fingers as you coated him in your juices. Grasping your hands around his thick neck, you clung onto what you could as he explored your body, lowering you down onto the smooth velvet.
It wasn’t long before he straddled you, holding your body down with his pelvis as he removed his jacket, giving you an eyeful of his crafted torso. Unsurprisingly, he had the body of a God, with a prominent v-line and happy trail pointing down to between his legs. Even through his heavy trousers you could make out his bulge, mounded and ready for you.
You gasped in anticipation, watching as the man withdrew his cock from his briefs; red and girthy, with precum spilling from his tip. Skilfully, he spread your thighs, making sure they were safely by your sides (he’d seen how flexible you were, your ankles touching your ears was nothing) and lifting your lower back slightly off the cushions, pushing into you with a deep sigh.
At first, his intrusion was a dull ache, but as he began to move his hips against your own you felt utterly fulfilled, moaning and writhing as he wasted no time in daggering your wanting pussy, making sure you felt every inch.
“Sergei...” you cried, eyes fluttering shut as you flung your head back in pleasure. “Please...”
“Say it again.”
Words evaded you.
The man grinned, flashing his canines as he tightened his grip, compelling him to fuck you harder. The whole ordeal was obscene; New York’s most treasured hero being bent into submission by the villain of the week, a scene so heinous that it was all the more endearing, and with every thrust you knew you wanted him more. Sergei didn’t care whether his combat boots scuffed the fine upholstery, or if his grip on your waist would leave a few bruises – he just wanted to own you.
He huffed as his heavy balls slammed repeatedly against your crack, beginning to bottom out in you with every hit, so much so that it looked like you were conjoined.
Even through the strain in your legs you could tell you were close, knots in your stomach slowly beginning to unravel as your walls clenched around him, earning a delighted rumble from deep within his chest.
You knew that he wasn’t one for talk, but you would’ve appreciated the warning that he was about to come. Every guy you’d been with tended to get sloppier, but he grew stronger, the literal animal in him taking over as he began to ramble and curse through gritted teeth in Russian.
Sergei threw his head back as he held you down, hands pawing your breasts and strands of hair sprawled in a beautiful mess across his face as he came, ropes of hot white cum spilling into your pussy just as you dressed his cock in a silky sheen. Your chests heaved as you desperately tried to come down from your high, glancing down at your messy nether regions as his seed began to seep out of you.
There was no going back. Nine months began now.
Would it really be all that bad?
It all went back to fear, really. In the back of his mind the thought of a spider still troubled Sergei, but at least he’d conquered it. Even if it was temporary.
FIN.
#florence writes!!#kraven x reader#kraven the hunter x reader#sergei kravinoff x reader#aaron taylor johnson x reader#atj x reader#kraven the hunter smut#kraven x reader smut#atj smut
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Of all the damage pseudo- spirituality has done to the human society, manifesting and femininity are constantly fighting for a top spot in my brain. Manifesting at LEAST has a truth to it and was going fine until all the online course gurus did their thing- femininity is just. What even. & if this only damaged the dating world which it was created to cater to I wouldn't mind so much but well.
The idea of 'dark' and 'light' femininity especially- what even. The human species is so interesting to me bc we will do everything but be natural. No other animal or plant does this, mind you. Not even orcas.
By "Light Feminine" do you mean blonde, blue eyes, pink make up and etiquette? By 'dark feminine' do you mean also white but black hair and darker (tanned) skin, dark eyeliner and manipulative? Basically Sabrina Carpenter X Megan Fox AU? ? I've read so much on both and literally NONE of that is femininity. Look at the world around you? Look at the feminine around you. The females of animals. The earth. The sea. Our mothers. Which of them acts like that? I want you to point to lioness or hamsterette (whatever female hamsters are called) and say okay so that is in it's light feminine and that's in it's dark. No no seriously. I'll even sponsor the whole expedition. I'm so curious. What feminine is the earth? Biege?
Femininity, is indifference. THAT IS IT. It is self centeredness. It is reciprocity. Everything else is masculine.
As a species I think sometimes we forget the maternal instinct is so strong in human females because we used to kill our kids? And not even millions of years ago I'm talking couple thousand? Hera? HERA. Sorry do you not watch Nat Geo? Have you never had a female pet? Maternal instinct is stronger that paternal because women are more likely to kill our children and end the species because femininity is serve me or die, and the only thing a child can serve is your maternal needs- , you know this right? You know lionesses kill their cubs when their daddy loses a fight? That hamsters eat their kids when they cant raise them to get back their nutrients? Spiders, have you heard of that? Natural selection, do you understand how that works? Female bees, you know hat they do to their males right? The earth, the epitome of femininity, Gaia- how long have you been alive? Your mom and your dad- and I mean the most loving mom vs the shittiest dads- who scares you more? Your sister or your brother?
Femininity, at its very core, is self-serving and indifferent what is that nurturing shit who came up with that and how blind are they? They had to invent entire complex religions and social norms to force women into giving birth what do you mean when you say you're naturally submissive? Admit you were watching corn on tumblr at 15 and it's conditioning what do you mean naturally? What nature where. Show me. Tell me yes it's natural for me to sleep around and get nothing in return its empowered look how this female does it too in nature. If you don't want to call it conditioning ok but nature? It's natural? Gaslighting your own self is crazy work but okay. Indifference is the only natural way to be feminine. Self serving. Nature watching her children fight for existence and only keeping the strongest, do you know how ruthless natural selection is? That's feminine because if you don't serve me why are you here? The most feminine women are the most self-serving. Shera7 entire aura is feminine because we all know she's selfish. The women that are self serving and centered win. And not just self-serving, self-centered to total indifference. I don't know why you want me to care about that but on the grounds it does not concern me, I will not be giving AF any time today and I'm offended you expect me to- indifference. I will be fine anyway mentality (WHEN IF WE TALK ABOUT JOURNALLING REMIND ME TO TALK AB THIS). This, also, is the baseline to manifesting by the way. I won't go there, ever, but if you want to manifest understand this- I will be okay regardless so why would I care? Not all that stuff you keep doing with the sage and numbers and maladaptive daydreaming x delusion in the name of acting as if.
Femininity is indifference. Self-centeredness. My way or no way. Everything else is masculinity (which, just so we are clear, is not a bad thing. Coming from a masculina).
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i have a teeny, tiny superiority complex because i didn’t watch the atla live action.
#but i appreciate the ones who sacrificed their mind to watch the show and report back#y’all are so brave. thank you for examining the danger and relying the information back to me so i wouldn’t have to.#i have read so much about this show and i will literally never watch it#i actually intended to but got locked out of netflix when it premiered#then i heard all the shitty things about it and said “fuck that noise”#they took everything from me#they took away zuko’s character development for the sake of “time” not even gonna touch that it makes me so angry#they took away sokka’s character development for the sake of being “woke”#which was actually very very un-woke of them#they took away katara’s passion & anger and made her a flat boring person#i loved her anger so much????#they took away our shock at the OG southern air temple ep#seeing monk gyatso in a room full of firebenders he had been forced to kill >>> seeing the actual genocide as if we didn’t already know#they took away aang’s sweet childishness and made him way too mature#it sounds like the only people who enjoyed it were zutara fans because of the scarf scene#y’all can keep it. it’s yours. i don’t want it.#atla original#avatar the last airbender#atla aang#atla zuko#atla katara#atla sokka#avatar the last airbender aang#avatar the last airbender katara#avatar the last airbender zuko#avatar the last airbender sokka#aang#katara#sokka#zuko
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Omg your instagram story is so right! I can’t believe I’ve never even noticed that, probably because in fanon keith and shiro are so close that I’d forgotten that isn’t canon :0
Deserves this awesome quote which I had to dig out of my sideblog reblogs
#for context - i was complaining how under-served we were to listen how much shiro did for keith and how amazing their relationship is#and then were forced to watch him just recruit him for school and be a decent teacher#like any teacher should#i mean....#any.#like he was just showing basic decency for not throwing Keith away for bad behavior#keith acted as if that man hung the moon#as if he was reliable... took a few punches that were meant for Keith ....risked something for him#wanted to give up his liver or something#gave up his last food in the apocalypse to feed him i dont fucking know#Keith acted as if that guy literally saved his life and we got scenes where Shiro is emotionally manipulating him to stay in school#or to become a leader#never really asking how he feels about it or if he needs help#i thought twice before saying Keith attached to a pile of shit because it was warm#but not thrice#i've re-watched season 1 of Arcane and was so mad about it i couldn't hold it in djdjdjd#i do think they could have a good relationship but what we were /shown/ was just not it too many plot holes to fill#love that the fandom can fill the discrepancies and rewrite those relationships though#and also i was really glad people answered to that story agreeing#i was feeling weird reading all those 'keith and shiro are my fav relationship in the show'#...lance was more warm to the mice than Shiro to Keith '#i feel like it owuld make more sense to me if keith did all of this WHILE being pissed at Shiro for leaving him#or if we saw he finds him unreliable - Shiro was only useful to him as long as Keith followed his rules too#Vander doing all he did for his daughters that shit was unconditional fucking love#vi and jinx never being able to off one another had more raw pure love than that#you know what i mean??? sorry im doing it again.... end of ramble#mezzy out 💀
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… bad fucking sign that I’m already crying this hard over the first episode like “as long as you walk the earth I’ll never taste the fire” and “if you were the last vampire on earth it would be enough” … ARE THEY TRYING TO KILL ME??!
#literally sobbed at that first one about fire I’m gonna die watching this show I it’s literally digging my grave as we speak#gonna be sobbing and mentally cradling louis like in ivan the terrible and his son ivan by the end of this#and/or claudia :(#iwtv s2#amc iwtv#iwtv spoilers#interview with the vampire#rip the fans that never read the book tho yall r gonna have it so much worse probably
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help me i've gotten so deep into the steddie rabbit hole i haven't gotten this stuck on something since destiel
this really isn't good for my health
THESE ARE THE FICS THAT I SUBSCRIBED TO / LIKED READING (I'VE BASICALLY READ 1/5 WORTH OF STEDDIE FICS COMPARED TO DESTIEL FICS - I GOT INTO DESTIEL 4 YRS AGO, I ONLY STARTED READING STEDDIE FICS SOME TIME LAST MONTH WTF)
tbf, i have taken breaks from destiel to read other fandoms/fics so, ig the timing works out? if you think about it?
#steddie#destiel#fics#ao3#also if anyone comes across this post i can rec you some of my absolute favs#these stats for my fics don't even include the ones i finished but didn't enjoy all that much#or the ones i abandoned halfway through even though it was like 100k words#i really dont care if i've spent hours reading it#i literally just leave if i get slightly annoyed by the writing#i'm not kidding#it's a problem#but also not really?#i'm just complaining for the sake of it#also i never got into stranger things fics for some reason even though i watched all of the show#idk why#i think it's bc i watched the show w/ my dad? so i felt weird to read fics about it?#like i considered it a family show for some reason#and for some reason reading fics for that was off limits??#idk#i also i'm getting scared that i won't ever be interested in my other fandoms again bc of how much i am invested in steddie stuff#this was exactly like destiel though#i just gotta get it out of my system#i have no idea why i'm so scared of losing interest in my other fandoms#also if anyone is wondering where these stats are coming from i made a spreadsheet of all the works i like#it's basically a replica of my subscriptions list because when i started ao3 i acted like the subscribe button functioned like bookmarks an#now i cant go back#so instead of transferring everything i just took the time to make a spreadsheet and basically code the functions myself#which arguably took more time to do than if i transferred everything#i would share the list but i'm sort of embarrassed of the stuff that's on there#if anyone is curious i have 676 fics stored on it
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For a fandom who overanalyzes words like "here", "back" and "coming out" every chance they get, you sure are bad at listening and watching other scenes when they're being played out.
#bucktommy#time and time again the bobs making tommy a bad person#and we're not watching the same show#you can read into every single word that comes out of eddie's mouth#but buck literally stating 'do you think we have daddy issues?' with a smirk on your face#and suddenly you don't remember how to properly watch a television show?#then again - maybe you never did#jesus fucking christ. then again most of them should me blocked by now.#also i rewatched the begins episodes yesterday and still the wild takes about tommy..... we are not watching the same show.#you're willing to give eddie so much grace for literally everything#even chimney who punched buck in the face#but tommy is the bad guy for being a closeted person in a tough situation#okaybabes sure#911
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I miss creative writing in english class I don’t wanna write a fucking comparative paragraph about existentialism in two damn near unrelated pieces of media I want to write about silly little guys doing things
#okay so we have to compare sartre’s no exit to the good place right?#but we only watched the first season that literally almost has nothing in common with the play#so comparing it is SUPER difficult and I’ve never seen the good place so I can’t analyze it through a ‘critical lens’#when all I’m trying to do is understand the plot and what’s happening#I’m being dead fucking serious when I say we should’ve watched ghosts instead that’s not even me being autistic it’s literally the better#show to watch for this sort of comparison#while we were reading the play I was able to naturally draw comparisons between characters and situations#julian is garcin estelle is kitty and inez is a mix between a lot of characters such as thomas julian and the captain#I can go on about the themes of each but this is long enough lol#idk I’m just so tired of using so much brain power and getting fucking nothing written down
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LMAO so funny thing is everyone knows the whole Sonic and Shadow looking alike thing is total bullshit and I totally agree those comments they try to pull in the games and show(s? I'm not technically a Sonic fan I dunno if it's multiple) make basically no sense to me but then my Mom comes in while watching Sonic Prime and says "So what, Sonic has a brother or something?" and this whole other world has opened up to me and I've seen the truth of it all
#so to clarify I do not consider myself a Sonic fan since I have never played a Sonic game and I've never read any of the comics#and idk the lore cuz I've never really bothered to watch other people play it and I have watched some of the shows#y'know my grandma had 4Kids so sometimes I would catch Sonic X on TV#but literally most of my knowledge of the Sonic franchise is just having people talk to me about it#like when I was a kid my grandma babysat these kids who were older than me I forget how old I was like under 10 I think#and one of the kid's big interest was Sonic so I would just sit and listen to him talk about Sonic the entire time I was there#he would play the games too I think but my brain didn't process any of that so I have no actual memory of the screen#I would mostly just pay attention to him talking cuz he would talk about it while playing it was great#so that is the base of my knowledge and then after my grandma stopped babysitting them it was radio silence#until y'know people would occasionally bring stuff up in videos I'd watch and I'd look @ videos about people talking abt Sonic#occasionally and see like memes or YTPs of Sonic or y'know abridged stuff#but I literally never actually watched a Sonic game until Frontiers came out and then The Murder Of Sonic the Hedgehog#and Sonic Prime is the first Sonic show I properly sat down and watched which show is great btw I enjoy it a lot#but yeah and it was vaguely purposeful like I was keeping myself away cuz I know how I am about stuff and I WILL try to learn EVERYTHING#if I get too interested in Sonic as a franchise#oh I did play Unleashed sometime after it first came out and couldn't get past like the first fuckin level but tbf I was like 7 years old#possibly 8 years old cuz I'm not 100% sure how much later I got the game but like I was really bad @ any game that wasn't just like#spamming buttons since I grew up on fighting games lmao#but yeah I dropped the game almost immediated I do not count that for anything#but yeah long story short: all my knowledge is second hand like I still think I know a good amount for what it's worth but#I wouldn't trust my own knowledge
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🦾
#blorbo thoughts... ive been so buckypilled for literal weeks (months?) now and idk where its coming from#i havent seen/read a marvel in years and even when i did see some of the movies#_I_ wasnt rly in the fandom it was my friend who always wanted to go see them#but oughhh bucky...... hes so important to me#hes so tragic and like ive been reading all sorts of bucky recovery fics lately#its very nice since theres a hundred thousand billion works on ao3 for him i get to be very picky#but idk how i got so attached???#like i said he was always my favorite but i never thought of him outside of the few hours i was watching a movie hes in lmao#now everyday im like waoww... this song is SO bucky#woahh im having a hard time picking what to eat... i bet bucky had a hard time making decisions after he was free of the brainwashing....#waoww a mask? just like bucky has sometimes.....#im not a marvel head but my friend did make us go see the endgame and every day im astonished at how they fucked it up so incredibly#like??????? first off i cant even think of steve going back to the past and leaving bucky in the present after all that hes lost already#cause it just breaks my heart in the same way end of the hobbit breaks my heart#and second of all what about peggys whole life in the past???? her whole agent carter tv show life???? her fiance????#are we supposed to believe a. steve just decides he gets to unwrite that timeline and marry her and b.#that undoing her whole life in favor of them being together is fair to anyone??? wheres her goddamn agency??????#its just so. but marvel movies are the epitome of undoing character development so idk why im even surprised#its just so incredible how theyre handed this super famous VERY FLEXIBLE beloved thing of MARVEL COMICS#and literal millions of money#and they manage to fuck it up so completely in every single direction#anyway im straying from the topic#i love bucky....... hes in so much pain and he gets to get better at least in my brain#my post#how embarrassing to get a marvel movie blorbo in 2024 but its not like i chose it to happen#i keep wanting to make a bucky playlist but i know itd have like 7 songs and thwn i never listen to it so i havent yet
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when will aup sidestories return from war and stop leaving me bitter about how the main story ended
#lumensis' characterization & death + the revelation of ludgers desire were extremely anticlimactic#700+ chapters of building up only to have the resolution forcefully/hastily crammed into. what. 2 and 1/2 chapters?#and am i supposed to care for his relationship with his mom when it didnt come up in 99% of the novel?#tbh it had *many* opportunities to come up but the author wanted to keep ludgers desire as mysterious as possible#and so it lost its chance to have any emotional buildup#well other than the implications of regrets which were frankly a bit oversaturated in the novel#(again. what happened to the 'show dont tell' principles)#honestly even occasional flashbacks to ludgers mom teaching him about all kinds of myths and lores when its relevant#would have helped in this aspect plus showcased his growth and development over time even when its off screen#(doesnt make his vast knowledge look like it conveniently came out of nowhere)#while also greatly enhancing the world building of his game breaking 'real magic'#anyway i think ludgers reconciliation w his mother would have been more impactful if ludgers past life came up more often#hell it would have done wonder in exploring his depth if we are going with framing his past lifestyle as a flaw#the thing about ludger as a character is that his past (in both worlds) is much more interesting than his present#bc its the only way we can see how he mentally changed in comparison as his changes are nearly non existent in the present timeline#(a part of the reasons why ludgercaseys relationship over time is an appealing topic is that it showcases both of their changes)#(reading about a protagonist who has no mental changes over the course of the story is no different than watching... a nature documentary)#im still v salty about how we never get to see arpas and bettys reconciliation btw#so do emotional closures between ludger and other characters#those are literally the meat of the story that would be worthy of their own arc#sayren why the hell did you rush through them and put them off screen#in the end instead of proving that he has finally learnt his lessons by confronting his emotions ludger chose to run away from it yet again#even if we are to assume that is whats gonna happen post epilogue why is his change accomplished by a goddamn last minute timeskip#(that is also lowkey a failed suicide attempt in disguise)#instead of what could have been... idk... a banger novel named aup#good christ#rant
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If anyone relates to this even just a little bit, then I'm so sorry.
#• luna lavinchi speaking ��#living with cptsd#cptsd vent#complex ptsd#diet culture trauma#monsters inside me#toxic health culture#ex vegitarian/vegan#emotional flashbacks#health documentaries#dark side of veganism#i should have never been forced to watch these as a child..my mind wasn't ready to understand the information nor tell what was real or not#-i cant try sushi or even think about fish without feeling physically sick and dizzy. i haven't had McDonald's since i was like 6ish years-#-old..i never wanted to share this information but i need to vent. I feel embarrassed and rude for not liking a food chain that most of the#-population does. Smelling or seeing McDonald's makes me wanna puke so bad because of everything those documentaries would say.#I will never be able to eat McDonald's in my life because of how sick and terrified i feel when thinking about the food even the drinks-#-scare the shit out of me. I'm so pissed that I'm triggered. All of the sudden i smell something in the house that smells like McDonald's-#-then the memories come flooding back and i feel like puking so back so i cant even eat dinner. i know this may seem stupid but i am-#-genuinly scared. Im tired of this shit and tired of feeling alone in this.#(anyway sorry. if you read my vent then i appreciate you)#tw food talk#tw diet culture#tw vent in tags#(dont even get me started on parasites cause thats a whole fucking trauma itself. damn it i hate it all. i hate it so much)#(also note: my therapist made me feel so validated weeks ago when i told her during my session that i was traumatized by monsters inside me-#-she literally knew the name of the show before i could even say its name. and she said she also cant watch it and that she saw it as an-#-adult who doesn't have ocd. so she told me she can't even imagine how terrified i was to watch it as a child who was developing ocd.-#-therapist W)
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I always forget just how many love songs I have in my playlist until I’m having an ultra-love-repulsed day and have to try my best to contain my breakdown until I get home
#21 out of 61 songs are related to love in some way#and it always feels like my playlist is trying to give me as many in a row as it can#must’ve gotten like 5 one after the other while walking home today#it’s too much of a hassle to keep taking my phone out of my backpack to switch songs so I just grit my teeth and bear it#and I know my playlist literally can’t read my mood. it’s not sentient. it’s a program#but when I’m so strung out it really does feel like it’s doing it on purpose#and hearing those songs makes everything so much worse#days like these I cannot stand any mention of love or romance or sex or anything else of the sort#I can’t read or think about it without feeling awful#can’t draw can’t write can’t watch shows. nothing#worst thing is I never know when I’ll be having a day like this so I can’t prepare by isolating myself or anything#like preparing a separate playlist with no love songs#bc the only way to find out is to get triggered#which… isn’t something I particularly like doing. at all#and I can’t even indulge in my latest interests because guess fucking what it centres around#ughhhhhhhhh. why couldn’t I have just stayed bi and not have to deal with any of this
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#i wish i could have the self confidence to like..... enjoy oc/ships and self insert and shit like that#even dating sims i have to imagine it's someone else entirely#it's not me being snide i just literally could not imagine anyone interesting enough to have a series made about them choosing me#like i just...... can't stand myself so much that having characters like that show interest in me completely shatters the illusion#and when people i know have read things i make and know intimately why i wrote it like that#i don't like it anymore because they can see me in it so I can't see anything else#i think relationships might even be really hard because i cannot explain the extent to which i fucking HATE#*****HATE*****#all past versions of myself#and the idea that other people have seen them and watched me grow......#just the idea of that of people watching me grow often physically hurts#I'm okay being undone in my own presence#but i think there's a huge part of me that would rather not exist at all if people have to see me half-finished#and you're never finished so like. I'm basically always just opening the door a crack and reaching out.#the idea of a single person knowing everything about me makes me want to#it's so awful i can't conceive it that's miserable that's worse than anything#that's worse than being alone i think#as bad as that hurts i think having one other person know me in and out would be like getting put in DIP from who framed Roger rabbit#if i can't hide i can never ever ever EVER feel safe#man i wish i had even a little bit of self confidence fuck#it's totally gone. there's so much i want to do and then i realize I'm the one who's doing it and i lose interest#i wish i could do anything that I'm fully she completely proud of and not have that be shattered the moment i try to share it#and not have to wait years sometimes to forget the shame and just appreciate the thing.....#i wish i could fully enjoy something without getting hung up on the fact that it was me who made it#and be mortified at the idea that i ever thought it was truly great#gosh this makes no sense I'm just. i haven't had any self esteem for years and it's just not coming back and it's getting to the point#where it's crippling me. like i don't want to go to sleep because i don't want to wake up to start the cycle of disappointing myself again#i try SO FUCKING HARD every single DAY and i always let myself down#and it's been this way for minimum six months but i think closer to a year#i just want to think i can achieve anything anymore
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Yknow I’m generally someone who could be deemed a outsider because I don’t get involved in a lot of things especially when it comes to unnecessary discourse because even if I have a opinion I usually keep it to myself because for me it’s less worth to get involved in certain debates unless I’m really feeling like choosing violence that day but if there’s one debate where it’ll be two sides fighting and I’m just standing aside like “yep this sure is something” it’s fucking sub v dub debated because I’m the anomaly who watches either like it’s no problem and so many anime fans would find me weird for that- if they didn’t already think it was weird I didn’t care for mainstream stuff.
#meg text#this ain’t even a self conscious thing I was just thinking about it#because i literally swap dub/sub so much with the last show I watched for no reason#I don’t like picking a side in this debate even though sub fans are the more uh- vocal ones#but unless it’s hard or impossible to read captions people should be opened to watch things subbed#because some animes legitimately never get dubbed and this limits yourself from trying stuff#I say I’m more dub leaning though but it legitimately depends on my mood if I watch sub or dub#I originally thought sub was easier for me to watch short stuff and I have to test if I can last watching subs of longer shows#but I remember with fucking kikaider I kept swapping dub and sub like crazy#me: kikaider has a good dub also me: seki as jiro though (<saids as I think Dave was good)#that is my only frame of logic because I can’t use “oh if it’s shorter subs help me more”#bc I watched 01 dub but also more importantly new fucking getter dubbed fine#so much so new ryoma is the only ryoma in my brain I don’t attach hideos too it’s only Lex#I do wanna watch new sub in full one day though but no one somehow uploaded the full subs anywhere??#like when they are there’s a glitch where they aren’t in the center screen and this show on BLU-RAY how the fuck#new dub is good tho but I get it’s awkward to watch bc it’s also so engrained with Japanese culture#”people in a ancient Japan wouldn't sound like this”-my friends watching it again with me
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😵💫😵💫😵💫
These sobs really limited my tags?????
I have so many more thoughts this is so so much less than 1/2. Broski. Big dislike
#its ‘i watched a tv show and i need to talk about it in the tags of this site im not on anymore’ time#ty to the void for always accepting my thoughts <3#so honestly its just me thinking about the andromeda tv show. i just finished it and it left me destitute bc i clung onto the first 2 season#s as a basis and had ten thousand questions i *assumed* would be resolved. spoiler alert: they were nto#not*. and the coda addition helps but like. not enough. it explains some of the#oh fyi if anyone is reading or cared there will be spoilers#anyways it explained some of them ex for the cosmic engine bit. seemed pretty relevant and then was never mentioned again#i also MUCH prefer that version of trance ��� i had speculation she was a sun avatar which i took as confirmation when i finally noticed her#tattoo when harper used it to remind himself he put that data in the sun etc etc but i much prefer the sun-as-consciousness-astral-poject-#ing-slash-dreamjng-itself-a-body / being a little devil. i think that feels much more true to what we got in worldbuilding early on and tbh#the bar is on the floor bc any explanation would be better than what we got. also im sorry but s5 i trusted SO hard that that whole virgil#vox bit in the finale was insulting. couldnt even tie up the loose end you invented at the last minute????? MY god. i understand getting you#r budget halved but like. broski. it would have been better to ignore it at that point imo.#anywhoodle. i also have just ISSUES w the lack of resolution & not doing justice to literally any character#listen. why would you sink SO much effort into tyr just to have honestly what i feel is a disrespectful end to that character. like#tyr required me to do a LOT of thinking bc i sympathized with his position in exile etc while thinking also bro thats real fucked up. bro#stop thats fuckinng e*genics again dude. tbh with the entire species (im not looking up how to spell that rn) bc like the foundation of#their entire race is e*ugenics. (sorry censoring bc im in the tags just venting about tv) which obviously is a terrible idea but i think the#so it was like i am fundamentally against the concept but in show universe theg obviously did it etc but for me provided such a huge like#context to the universe. i fundamentally am not on board with all the commonwealth stuff like yeah i get it the magog are bad and scary but#like the neitzcheans (sp??? idc) are also Right There bein scary. then theres the ‘enhanced’ debate re dylan beka etc that like. is the same#but ‘’different’’ i guess. 🙄 anyways that is just to point out like. the level of thinking this show put me through just to blindside me w/#no resolution. i had SO much hope. tyr selling iut to the abyss is disrespectful to all of the established work the actor did for him and#to the character as well even if i think the ideology is icky. he was shown to be even less and less self-centric survival guy as it went on#and also tbh i didnt understand the him stealing his kids dna thing. i really thought that was gonna gi in a different less bs direction#okay also while im here can i just say. that tyr and dylan had THE most romantic tension to me. everyone else felt very friendshipy and i am#NOT one to usually fall into a ‘they obviously should be together’ pipeline that the writers dont make themselves. but the back and forth (#and intense eye contact) had me sitting there like. it was made in 2000 i know they wont do it but for not doing it they sure did! not that#i think they’d make a good couple (they would not) but that there was definitely something there on the dl you know? something more than#‘mutual respect’ you feel? and tbh! they also ruined the tyr beka thing by making her the matriarch. big ew huge ick.
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