#i have other intrusive thoughts too
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Ok I hate to be that guy, but if you find you are doing this frequently, like multiple times daily or its impacting your quality of life, you may want to look into OCD
loudly going "YOU'RE GOOD YOU'RE GOOD" to myself to ward off the memory of every embarrassing thing i've ever done
#sorry i just have ocd and this is basically my main symptom#like intrusive thoughts can manifest as embarassing memories#i have other intrusive thoughts too#i often have involunatary verbal reponses to intrusive memories as well#i dont mean like IF YOU DO THIS YOU HAVE OCD#But yeah if this happens A LOT and it really bothers u#look into it#thats all im sayin
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Intrusive thoughts
#nothing like thinking about how it’d be to murder your homie. we all do that aaaall the time right#a passion of mine is writing dialogue in a way that you could interchange who says it and it’d still make sense when it comes to Vashwood#they both get insane intrusive thoughts and that’s a matter of fact#they are turbo traumatized so it’s even worse at times. this is what I would say one of the tamest instances if that means anything#Vash would feel so guilty abt them too. bc they don’t feel like his thoughts. it’s almost as if it was someone else’s#they have pointed their guns at each other but never shoot. the thoughts have lost another day <3#Vashwood is: having thoughts and rarely do anything abt them (positive and negative)#everybody who has intrusive thoughts say hell yeah. HELL YEAH!!!#gentle reminder that intrusive thoughts are just that and don’t define you as a person. they are. I’m fact. intrusive#intrusive thoughts#cw intrusive thoughts#tw intrusive thoughts#for those who may need to filter those out#trigun#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun stampede#vashwood#trigun fanart#vash#wolfwood#nicholas trigun#lenssi draws#lenssi writes#because I wrote the lines first and THEN I did the drawings#still fixated on Vash’s eyes btw if you didn’t notice
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#homestuck#hom3stuck#hom24uck#dirk strider#roxy lalonde#sona#strilonde#strilondes#admin draws#fanart#doodles moderately grouped by theme that i keep forgetting to fkn post#im currently in the proces of getting sick and i have a presentation tomorrow that i already had a fucking nightmare abotu#and people wont stop messanging me on whatsapp despite it being SUNDAY NIGHT#tldr im just about to end it all. enjoy the dirks though#also my sona looks way too similar to roxy im realizing just. keep in mind one has big round glasses and the other doesnt#bonus late additions. idk what id call these but its like thoughts that pop into my head randomly almost every day#daily affirmations? is it intrusive thoughts if its this benign? it feels like they just come out of nowhere on their own#its like im pretty sure its me just coming back to them passively so i dont think its thought insertions. whatever.#self#TTAC
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The cishet lads looking at gifs of Ryan Reynolds crying 🤝 me looking at Jeremiah Queer Eye crying literally every episode so far:
"He's literally me"
#I'm on episode 6 of the new season and all the others are having to console him again#queer eye#queer eye spoilers#literally me#I like him so far he's good he's wholesome#a little bit of how onsta feels about sholmes in there but we're managing x'D#((ship data induced intrusive thought of the season tho is that jeremiah x antoni will absolutely be a new rpf ship I am calling it now#as someone who still does not approve of rpf but by now knows way too much about what rpf ships are popular I foresee it))
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Crazy how most of my intrusive thoughts come from the want to be wanted
#or the want to be interacted with/the want to draw a reaction from a crowd#the want to be observed#i don't get many intrusive thoughts. at least not ones that stick#ones ive had were being like “drop off the face of the earth so they can miss you” immediately conflicted by “but ill miss them too”#physical intrusive thoughts are the opposite. i dont want to do something very very badly#yk when you're holding a pencil and it goes flying bc you held it wrong? i fear doing that with my phone into a lake#<- standing on the other side of the road#anyways I don't know if I am normal (my brain activity is quite mellow. i have no memories. but im still pretty smart)#thinking about how everyone wants to label themselves to fit into a group and how it has correlation to playing the victim#anyway im going to go bathe
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personal growth is crazy because it seems like nothing has changed until you're crying because you don't want to die. you learn something about yourself that ten years ago would have actually killed you, and now you're thinking about what you can do to heal and make peace with it. nothing may have changed to you, but to the person you were however long ago, you are the "it gets better"
#guy who's very proud of how well he's handling things rn lol#anyways personal time:#but idk man i kinda remembered smthn from my past n#like. if it wasn't for how much effort i've put into my mental health n coping skills#n my support network now#idk id be in a much worse place.#so i'm gonna forgive myself for not really sleeping last night#n having a hard time with my bpd feelings n emotions#because fuck man! i'm doin really good actually!#growth doesn't have to be oh man i'm never ever sad anymore#it's just. idk i don't cry because i Wanna die anymore#sometimes i have an intrusive thought of suicide#and it makes me cry because i DONT wanna die. and i know those thoughts are not good or needed#but i'm not gonna beat myself up for having them. i'm just gonna be patient n gentle w myself#n give myself time#n everything will be okay(:#bc it is okay! it's in the past and i'm safe now. and i wanna make other people feel safe too#growth starts w baby steps. n that's why it's so hard to recognize in yourself a lot of the time#it goes slooooooowly. for me at least lol.#mine#despite everything i am happy because i know my life now is one i love (: and one im actively trying to better for myself
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unfortunately i am still an introvert after all this time so even if i have a really gratifying and positive interaction with someone outside of my comfort zone i will feel the need to weep afterwards from the stress of it all
#thunder rambles#two good seminars today.... had good convos with my friends in both...... made good contributions to both classes#and i just had a long long conversation with my seminar leader after class as we were walking out the building#its just. AAAAAAAAAAAAA. because i dont usually do that#(and also part of me is always worried about interacting with my male seminar leaders bc i dont want to appear too enthusiastic. in case#they think im coming onto them. but i am an enthusiastic person by nature and i cant help it#and this isnt based on any previous bad experience with teachers its literally just. ocd#im like what if he thinks im trying to bootlick! what if other people think that! what if he takes it as reciprocity and comes onto *me*?!#which is a rod ive made for my own back i know i know. but! moral ocd intrusive thoughts go brrrrrr)#also ~putting myself out there~ on tuesday led to me throwing up in my bathroom so like. im still relearning that its okay to step out of#my comfort zone LMFAO#not all of it will have bad consequences. grrrr#ocd tag
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No one:
Me whenever I see yet another blog I respect and admire make/reblog a post on how the lesbian/comphet masterdoc is biphobic/inaccurate:
#lesbian#lesbophobia#comphet#lesbian masterdoc#comphet masterdoc#it's like aww c'mon not you too!#but it's like idk what is with people's obsession with trying to invalidate lesbians' experiences and saying that we are biphobic just for#our relation to the patriarchy#and saying that a tool that has helped many lesbians come to terms with our sexualities must secretly be some evil biphobic scheme#to force bisexual women back into the closet/eliminate and invalidate their attraction to men#i promise you that that is not what we're doing#it feels like they're just trying to say that the comphet masterdoc is wrong and that any lesbian who relates to it is really just bi and i#the closet#and as a lesbian who already suffers from comphet/intrusive thoughts about being sexually involved with men posts like these just make my#comphet go through the roof#they make me wonder even more if maybe my intrusive thoughts are my real feelings and i'm just repressing my attraction to men because the#lesbian masterdoc made me realize i was a lesbian and not attracted to men like i previously thought#and in addition they love to say that the creator of the doc came out as bi when it was only one of the editors of the doc#but ofc people just focus on that because they want so badly to prove that the comphet masterdoc doesn't exist and that it's simply#forcing bi girls to have denial#and then they love to say 'it was written by a bunch of teenagers' as if that invalidates it#or as if teenagers' experiences with comphet aren't real or trustworthy or worth listening to as if we are all simply irrational or naive#like atp people should just say the quiet part out loud that they think every lesbian who struggles with comphet is faking it and that we#are secretly bi and just think we're lesbians because we're traumatized by men but that eventually we will realize that we need a man in#fr it's just saddening#it's especially treacherous when other lesbians make posts like these#like come on now are you for real#i thought we were in this together#anyway that's all i'm done ranting lol
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Seeing all these concept ideas and headcanons of Vanessa going around on my timeline is making me realize just how truly different my version of her really is… 😅💀😬
#I can’t say too much bc my Reassembled AU is still a WIP#and is currently an ongoing fic but like#probably the biggest thing that separates my Vanessa from a lot of people#is the fact that I make her autistic and have a lot of her trauma stem from implicit ableism#and why is that? bc she reminds me of myself prediagnosis#an adult female that is severely anxious prone to being short tempered and has a moral code that is more neutral than most#also the fact that my version of vanny is not entirely separate from Vanessa#but is like#an extension of her#she’s basically personified intrusive thoughts if that makes sense#and again this is not just coming out my ass#she reminds me too much of myself it’s almost depressing#but also like#I don’t put her in just angsty and depressing situations bc that’s boring to me??#like yea there’s angst but she also just deserves to be happy??#she’s like a child trapped in an adult body#and is simply longing for youth and FUN#(you ain’t even that old girl calm down🙄)#but that’s all I can say for now 🫡#fnaf#fnaf Vanessa#fnaf vanny#there’s also other reasons I think she’s autistic but I’ll save those for another day
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hi!!! i just wanted to say im really happy with how youre treating intrusive thoughts in this. i have intrusive thoughts myself (albeit from ocd) and they get pretty violent sometimes. i haven't seen much media that talks about intrusive thoughts at all, but i really do like how loop's are treated :).
THANK YOU!! i do my best!! i'm glad i'm doing a good job 😌
#chatter#i also have intrusive thoughts occasionally#Unknown Cause! but yeah#very important to me that loop isn't like. Demonized for it#other than. you know. classic loop self hatred#but that's getting better too!!!#thank you for the kind words btw!!
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im doinf research and i am. Really starting to think it might be worth gettinf evaluated for ocd ? It would make a lot of sense if i am being honest
#doing the research has also been really anxiety inducing#i have severe emetophobia and was researching the connection between that and ocd#and often articles used the words i cant say (the other ones for “being sick”) and just seeing/hearing them is scary#i just get scared it will bring me “bad luck”#its mostly the emetophobia that makes me think i might have ocd#but i also have very frequent intrusive thoughts relating to me being a bad person#and its related to my art too sometimes like i get scared ive been lying to people about how good my art is somehow#like ive tricked everyone#but anyway#rambling#kinda a vent ig idk
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ever since i learned how bad it is that people have appropriated the term "intrusive thoughts" and especially since i figured out i get them for real every time boat mentions them i just give a side-eye like "do you actually mean that literally or..."
#like does he mean intrusive or impulsive because Intrusive Thoughts Dont Win#if he really is misusing the term im not all that upset bc like he just doesnt know. he's not very smart i dont blame him#on the other hand... if you're telling me we both have ocd too??? fuck OFFFFF#if you put us on a venn diagram it'd be VERY close to being one solid circle. i DONT need any more things in common with him
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been thinking about this a lot lately. if i had the opportunity to leaf through a first folio, i would lick one of the pages and that would be my contribution to history. reblog with which play you would lick in a first folio i'd do antony and cleopatra
#she hath such a celerity in dying#text post#shakespeare#first folio#what genuinely fascinates me is that unlike almost every other collectible item. first folios are of MORE interest for how they've altered#there is more to study in them if we can see readers' annotations or the names of owners or mark-ups#or their food stains or their cats' pawprints walking across the page!!!#well there is no such thing as a first folio (an authentic one) of little value. all of them are of value for the historical preservation#and in a sense the stories of what have happened to the individual copies are ALSO preservation#i am a believer that what happens to an object is also a form of art.#the book is a piece of art and it has inherent value. the wear and visible usage of it adds to it#and i would love for one of the first folios in the world to be known as the one diana britneyshakespeare once licked#i would be building on the history of that book#what other bitch you know is gonna lick a 400-year-old book?#i have thought about this TOO much. no one is ever gonna let me near a first folio huh#this is by the way NOT an intrusive thought in the slightest bc I EXPERIENCE NO DISPLEASURE AT THE IDEA#bring me one!!! bring me the one that belonged to milton!!! i have plans for it 👅
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Should I force myself to talk to women on hinge
#I do not want to#but I am also actively trying to overwrite unrequited attraction that is actually making me ill#so like. idk.#would that count as exposure therapy in this context?#I was introduced to the concept of limerence and I feel a lot more normal about it#not in the sense of ‘I am okay now’#but in the sense of ‘this is a shared and recognized phenomenon that acknowledges the compulsive nature of it#and suggests that it may come from a similar neurological place/process/imbalance as OCD#so instead of well meaning people who don’t grasp how overwhelming these feelings are telling me to just try to date other people#I at least have the validation of ‘you are not crazy because other people have experienced this kind of debilitating intensity too’#and the suggestions for coping with and overcoming limerence include CBT/DBT#which is a lot more structured and helpful than my friends giving me well intentioned advice for something they don’t really understand#like I cannot tell you how much relief this has brought me#I don’t just have a crush on a straight woman and can’t get over it i literally have these non stop intrusive thoughts about her#coupled with the constant mental noise of i know she isn’t interested and i need to be respectful and maintain boundaries#it has literally made me feel like I’m losing my mind or some kind of stalker#but a mental stalker#anyway it has been incredibly unpleasant and upsetting and now I’m focusing on consciously stopping and countering those thoughts#and approaching it the same way as my other intrusive thoughts#also note: I tried to make an appointment with my therapist but she is overbooked and if this does not yield change I might spiral again
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Saw some old postal promotion on tiktok and literally started fucking stimming I love that game so much. Need to play it soon
#postal#postal redux#rws#running with scissors#Ik all the other games are like edgelord memey and everything but the first one is so good#i know this isn’t like Great but i have paranoia and delusions and homicidal thoughts and intrusive thoughts and dude is the most like#genuine representation of that I’ve ever seen#even if he’s not meant to be#also I’m talking shit on the other games i love them too#and brain damaged is leaning a little more serious w some of the themes and interactions and stuff#I’ve never played 3 but i Love the second one and brain damaged#no regerts like doesn’t run on my laptop (it is a pirated version) and it’s just a worse postal 2 to me but the prison job is fun
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tic disorders are so Fun bc they are So comorbid with like. autism and ocd. and they are So fucking transmissible. watching YT vids with a guy who happens to have an eye blink tic and Whoops! picked it right up. and so the whole comorbid thing it’s like a petri dish of “Oh so you’re faking all this shit for attention then? you see someone else do it you do it?? bitch???” intrusive thoughts. and tics are different from compulsions but the stress of intrusive thoughts can also make tics worse which turns the whole thing into a perpetual motion machine. and so i get to chase that tail all over again now and i’m also stuck blinking a weird new way i wasn’t doing last week. gotta love it!!
#N posts stuff#really i’ve picked up a lot of facial tics over the years#i started with a neck jerk tic and that carrried us all by itself for a while#but then i’ve also picked up ‘weird face scrunch’ ‘weird tongue click’ and now ‘weird eye blink’#the face scrunch gets bad enough sometimes it’d also be a wink but now it’s blink both eyes time i guess#not all from like. seeing other people with those tics some of them just kind of spring up from nowhere#i’ve dropped a bunch of tics over the years too tho. when things got bad in high school#i had like a stint with a whole arm tic — like my arm would jerk up by my head#which also paired with a kind of. sneezy noise i would do? so i got a lot of awkward ‘bless you?’s#but i dropped the sneezy noise at some point and the arm tic mellowed out into ‘weird wrist flick’#but yeah it’s an absolute breeding ground for ‘oh so you’re a faker and a liar huh asshole?’ thoughts. sad!#and we can point at the ‘hey we Have a paper diagnosis brother’ thing all day but believe it or not. intrusive thoughts don’t give a shit :/#guy notorious for being a dogshit liar: man. i can’t believe im so good at lying i even fooled myself all these years#<- guy definitely not fooling itself/anyone else into anything
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