#she’s basically personified intrusive thoughts if that makes sense

[shiningstarr15]

Seeing all these concept ideas and headcanons of Vanessa going around on my timeline is making me realize just how truly different my version of her really is… 😅💀😬

[ultimateplaylistmaker]

What do you headcanon the PreGame Cast`s personalities were like?

just like every other thing ive thought longer then five seconds about, i have a google doc about it

Now I don't have ideas for everyone but here's the sum up of who I do have figured out

Kokichi

God complex manipulator who believes himself to be the only person truly alive, he acts sweet and caring to get what he wants, and will entice people into bullying him to then leverage it for pity or blackmail, cares incredibly deeply about his appearance and how people perceive him and only lets down his guard to animals as he finds them inherently better then people due to actually making sense

Shuichi

Is rather manic and touch starved and has a lot of sexual and violent intrusive thoughts, however he is self aware of what a mess he is and trying to make sure he never actually hurts someone, very clever but heavily hindered by a low attention span, Tired and just wishes he could be a normal person and not this obsessive freak (his words)

Kaito

Very bitter thanks to his chronic lung disease draining his family's money, rather apathetic to the world, likes to avoid getting involved in things but he cant help but push into a situation when it gets serious, temper, thinks the previous people who played the game are Selfish Cowards because he bets if someone with a doctor ultimate actually used that damn talent he wouldn't be in this mess

Maki

BIG Guro fan, epitome of cute quiet shy girl who you look over the shoulder of and see she's drawing detailed gore, craves excitement, finds most other people annoying but doesnt really hold it against them, used to self harm before Kaito stopped her and became one of her only friends, was kinda manipulated into joining the game by staff at her orphanage

Kaede

Apathetic and horny, copes with her depression through adrenaline and said horniness, has a secret soft spot for kind people as theyre a rare breed and she thinks its endearing and cute not that she'd ever say it, good ear for tone

Kirumi

Parentification personified, basically the mom to her younger siblings because her parents are terrible and she hates her siblings, desperately wants to have a life outside of having to be the mom of her family, the stress has turned her aggressive and snappy refusing to listen to anyone else and fighting anyone who gets in her way, her grades are plummeting because she has to do All the chores and she doesn't have time to study or even do homework some nights

Rantaro

A little sexist in that way where he doesnt mean to be sexist but he kinda buys into the whole chivalry sexism of having to take care of women, the only thing he hates more then being a leader is someone else trying to be the leader, after his first game and learning he'll be put in a second one he starts breaking laws to try and get into jail to get out of it, feels like hes weak and pathetic for being traumatized after his game and having to have bodyguards.

[novainthevoid]

helloooo

For the Fan-Sides ask game, a nice “2” please :3 (what are your sides traits)

Also, throwing in a lovely “16” (pls ramble about anything :3)

So I did technically do number two already but its my blog and I can do what I want and I think its important for my rambles to make an iota of sense.

My current five sides are: Logic, Creativity, Morality, Anxiety, and Selfishness. They each cover more fields than those of course but those are the basic labels for core aspects of their being.

One of my favorite little things about Sanders Sides is how each of the sides is explicitly and heavily influenced by how Thomas grew up (Creativity being represented as a Disney prince, Deceit having snake-like features, etc.) and when I decided to make my own I wanted to incorporate not only myself as I am now but also my past development to get a better picture of who each of my sides would be. This also pretty heavily affects the other domains each side fills, as my thought process differs from Thomas's (which I'll get into more later).

Logic was definitely one of the easiest ones for me. Maybe its because Logan is my favorite side or maybe Logan is my favorite side because Logic comes naturally to me but regardless Logic was the easiest to develop. Logic is derived from Knowledge so my Logic also covers the field Knowledge and the Drive to obtain Knowledge. I'm a pretty Logic-based person, so my side doesn't have to worry about not being listened to like Logan and as such does not really express more than occasional annoyance. If someone doesn't want to listen to reason, then that's not their problem and they could be doing better things.

Next is Morality. She was tougher. See, Thomas's Morality never quite made sense to me which I think has something to do with the differences in Thomas and I's thinking. His Morality is irrecoverably tied to his feelings, hence Patton being both Morality and Emotions in general. This always felt off to me, as emotions are more of a byproduct and the parts of me urging me in one direction or another had motivations other than the amorphous emotions I felt. I am also a pretty low-empathy person and my Morality is a lot more learned than felt. As such, my Morality is more of an older sister who is trying to act like the parent. A child raising other children because she was the one who had to deal with the parentification earliest. Because Morality is often tied to interactions with others and this ability transfers pretty seamlessly into masking, Morality is also in charge of Social Interactions. She can observe and mimic those around her and use that to decide what appears to be the best option socially.

Now for Creativity. Frankly, another pretty easy one once I made the realization that I could base aem off of anything, not just sanitized Disney heroes. I was 100% the weird kid in school (okay, and maybe still am) and I loved things that were strange or different. I've wanted wings for as long as I could remember, I always looked up to those cool teenagers with dyed hair and quick wit, and I never could stop absorbing new stories. As such, Creativity for me is an amagamation of everything I have ever loved, a mess of hyperfixations and interests that span the course of nearly two decades. Ae are a love letter to middle school me, an unapologetic bubble of absolute cringe and terror. I adore aem.

Ah, my nemesis, Anxiety. Anxiety was... very difficult for me. For one, my Intrusive Thoughts are so heavily related to my Anxiety that it felt wrong to separate them the way Thomas did. As such, my Anxiety has control over Intrusive Thoughts as well, producing and conveying them to the rest of my brain. Trying to personify it from there was difficult to say the least as anxiety has been something that has tortured me since I was a little kid and the idea of giving it a personage was hard at first. Eventually, though, I did develop it somewhat, as they are a part of me whether I like it or not. Even now with my Anxiety being managed through therapy and medication, I still have Anxious thoughts and I don't think I'll ever be rid of them. And that's okay. Anxiety is an often overwhelming figure who is genuinely trying to keep me safe but often takes real issues to their most extreme. When at their strongest, they are a mess of shadow and limbs overwhelming me at every turn but most days they are the comments that remind me to lock my door (usually multiple times) and check the dates on my foods. They exist in the domains of Anxiety, Self-Hatred, and Caution.

And finally: Selfishness. This one is a bit odd as its the only one that Thomas (technically) doesn't have although they are based off of Deceit. They were added because I felt like something was missing from the four that I had created initially. See, I talk to myself a lot. It was easy to visualize my sides because there are times when I genuinely think as though there are multiple people debating within brain. And during these times, when I am at my lowest point and can't seem to escape my feelings, there is always a voice, commanding in tone that is able to soothe me and get me to move forward. There is a part of me that pushes me to be kind to myself, to take care of myself, to fight for myself and that part absolutely needed to be showcased. I say Selfishness as a neutral word, a word meant to denote Self-Interest and protection. Selfishness maintains my sense of self when everything else is crowding in and trying to take hold. They are Protection, both of myself and those like me, and Freedom above all else. I value my own Independence more than anything and she is there to promote that, my ultimatum that is left even after everything else has been stripped away.

Anyways sorry I rambled for so long. It's late and I was really proud of how I came up with each of them and I've wanted to talk about it for awhile. Thanks for the ask and if you read this far, hello! Thank you ^^ I hope you have a good day.

[yes-dal456]

How Embracing Vulnerability Strengthens Our Relationships

Science has revealed a long list of complex reasons why social connections benefit our mental and physical health. Having relationships and support can lead to longer lives, healthier habits, reduced symptoms of stress, and a sense of meaning. Most of us have personally experienced these rewards and don’t need a study to tell us why our relationships matter. However, despite our bent toward connection, we all hold certain patterns and beliefs that can lead us to resist the intimacy and vulnerability that are essential to, not only sustaining these connections, but fully experiencing their many benefits.

Humans are naturally a social species.  While most of us think we want close connections, we resist vulnerability, the very trait that makes that connection possible. In a culture that often praises having a thick skin and staying strong and self-contained, we mistakenly brush off being vulnerable as weak. We believe it will unnecessarily expose us to hurts and humiliations we could easily avoid. Yet, what vulnerability is really about is the willingness to truly be ourselves – to expose a softer side of ourselves that is not hidden behind our defenses.  As researcher Brene Brown put it, “Vulnerability is about having the courage to show up and be seen.” 

Our reasons for avoiding being vulnerable are deeply personal and specific to our unique experience. They often tie back to very early in our lives. Children are keen observers. We learned how to relate from our earliest relationships. We absorbed how our parents saw and treated us, themselves, and others. Limitations in our environment or ruptures in our childhood relationships gave us a model for how we now see ourselves and the world around us. For example, if we had a rejecting or neglectful parent, we may see ourselves as a burden or intrusion. If we had a parent who was critical or flew off the handle, we may walk on eggshells and keep to ourselves. Whatever the circumstance, the message most of us internalize is that “it’s not okay to just be me.” We grew up believing, to varying degrees, that something about us is flawed or shameful. As a result, we expect that we won’t be accepted, and that others will fail us. We try to protect ourselves by keeping our guard up.

The patterns of relating that surround us at an early age not only serve as a model for how we expect the world to work, but they teach us to defend ourselves in ways that, although adaptive in childhood, hurt us in our adult life. Originally, we developed our defenses to protect ourselves when we were dependent and helpless and felt overwhelmed by the hurt of being rejected, ignored, or not getting our needs met. But ultimately, our defenses lead us astray, because as adults we can tolerate pain and frustration. Being defended and unwilling to be vulnerable hurts our connections to others.

My father, Dr. Robert Firestone, often refers to the inner dialogue that personifies these psychological defenses as our “critical inner voice.” The critical inner voice is a destructive thought process that acts like an internal parent and tends to assess, judge, undermine, and insult us as we move through our lives. “Don’t show her who you really are. She’d want nothing to do with you,” it warns.  “You’re going to make a fool of yourself. Don’t put yourself out there,” it beckons. This “voice” reinforces old, negative beliefs about ourselves and leaves us feeling anxious or afraid of being an imposition on others. It tells us in a variety of ways that we are not acceptable. It also warns us not to trust others.  “He only wants to take advantage of you.” “She will never really love you. Keep your distance.” Basically, it does everything in its power to prevent us from being vulnerable and forming intimate connections with others.

Yet, our willingness to be vulnerable and tolerate intimacy matters much more than we think. A few years ago, researcher Brene Brown conducted thousands of interviews, and came to the conclusion that the key to connection is vulnerability. “There can be no intimacy—emotional intimacy, spiritual intimacy, physical intimacy—without vulnerability,” said Brown. “One of the reasons there is such an intimacy deficit today is because we don’t know how to be vulnerable. It’s about being honest with how we feel, about our fears, about what we need, and, asking for what we need. Vulnerability is glue that holds intimate relationships together. “

When we resist vulnerability, we’re listening to a “voice” that’s telling us we shouldn’t be a open, but in truth, we’re actually denying the people close to us by not allowing them to fully know us. We fear we will be hurt or rejected, but vulnerability actually draws people in. We’re doing ourselves and the other person a favor by being open. 

Many of us struggle with vulnerability because of fear, but we also fail to fully realize all of the ways we protect and distance ourselves from others. It may feel like we’re doing the right thing by keeping our mouths shut, when in fact, we should be doing just the opposite. Being vulnerable involves the following actions:

1.    Ask for what you need. When we’re hurting, it’s easy to dismiss our pain or try to protect ourselves and the people around us by closing off. Achieving close connections means being willing to speak up when we’re in need. Admitting that we need someone to lean on or that we’re struggling and need help allows our loved ones to feel for us and respond to us in ways that bring us closer.

2.    Be willing to expose your feelings.  Sometimes we are afraid to expose our feelings even to ourselves. But acknowledging and accepting our feelings is an important part of being in touch with ourselves and sharing ourselves with others. A big part of strengthening our connections involves being willing to communicate how we feel. 

3.    Say what you want. As a therapist, I’ve sat in a room with so many couples who are very good at stating exactly what they don’t like and don’t want from their partner. This leads to a lot of tit for tat and back and forth that gets them nowhere. Instead of blaming each other and complaining, I encourage couples to say what they want from their partner. It’s usually much harder for partners to do this. When they take a chance and try and get in touch with what they want and then say what they want, they often feel sadness from opening up and being vulnerable. Their voices and expressions soften. Much of the time, their partner no longer feels on the defense, and their body language changes, turning toward their partner and really feeling for the other person. It’s touching to see the connection people feel for each other when they’re strong enough to be vulnerable and say directly what they want.

4.    Express what you really think. In addition to expressing our wants and needs, it’s important to be honest about our point of view and showing our real selves. Our relationship should be a space in which we aren’t afraid to say what we truly think. This doesn’t mean being insensitive or unnecessarily hurtful, but it does mean offering an authentic exchange. We should be open to giving and receiving feedback without being overly defensive. Remembering that we are all human and flawed can help us have more self-compassion and interest as we engage in more honest exchanges. 

5.    Slow down and be present. Part of vulnerability is being willing to be in the moment with someone else. When we listen to our critical inner voice or spend a lot of time in our heads, we can miss out on intimacy. Looking our partner in the eye, listening to what they have to say, and being willing to give time and attention to the moment are acts of vulnerability that are often harder to do than we imagine. Yet, engaging in each of these behaviors keeps us closer to one another and to our own feelings.

It’s surprising just how anxious being vulnerable can make us. Many of us have deep, even unconscious fears of intimacy. There is real sadness and fear around allowing another person to really know us and to feel close to that person emotionally. Both intimacy and vulnerability challenge us to give up an old, familiar identity and form a new conception of ourselves in which we believe that we’ll be accepted for who we are. However, staying vulnerable helps us consistently recognize our value as a unique and independent human being, while giving us the courage to reveal ourselves in ways that will strengthen our connections.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from http://ift.tt/2sYJjLu from Blogger http://ift.tt/2syxvyO

[imreviewblog]

How Embracing Vulnerability Strengthens Our Relationships

Science has revealed a long list of complex reasons why social connections benefit our mental and physical health. Having relationships and support can lead to longer lives, healthier habits, reduced symptoms of stress, and a sense of meaning. Most of us have personally experienced these rewards and don’t need a study to tell us why our relationships matter. However, despite our bent toward connection, we all hold certain patterns and beliefs that can lead us to resist the intimacy and vulnerability that are essential to, not only sustaining these connections, but fully experiencing their many benefits.

Humans are naturally a social species.  While most of us think we want close connections, we resist vulnerability, the very trait that makes that connection possible. In a culture that often praises having a thick skin and staying strong and self-contained, we mistakenly brush off being vulnerable as weak. We believe it will unnecessarily expose us to hurts and humiliations we could easily avoid. Yet, what vulnerability is really about is the willingness to truly be ourselves – to expose a softer side of ourselves that is not hidden behind our defenses.  As researcher Brene Brown put it, “Vulnerability is about having the courage to show up and be seen.” 

Our reasons for avoiding being vulnerable are deeply personal and specific to our unique experience. They often tie back to very early in our lives. Children are keen observers. We learned how to relate from our earliest relationships. We absorbed how our parents saw and treated us, themselves, and others. Limitations in our environment or ruptures in our childhood relationships gave us a model for how we now see ourselves and the world around us. For example, if we had a rejecting or neglectful parent, we may see ourselves as a burden or intrusion. If we had a parent who was critical or flew off the handle, we may walk on eggshells and keep to ourselves. Whatever the circumstance, the message most of us internalize is that “it’s not okay to just be me.” We grew up believing, to varying degrees, that something about us is flawed or shameful. As a result, we expect that we won’t be accepted, and that others will fail us. We try to protect ourselves by keeping our guard up.

The patterns of relating that surround us at an early age not only serve as a model for how we expect the world to work, but they teach us to defend ourselves in ways that, although adaptive in childhood, hurt us in our adult life. Originally, we developed our defenses to protect ourselves when we were dependent and helpless and felt overwhelmed by the hurt of being rejected, ignored, or not getting our needs met. But ultimately, our defenses lead us astray, because as adults we can tolerate pain and frustration. Being defended and unwilling to be vulnerable hurts our connections to others.

My father, Dr. Robert Firestone, often refers to the inner dialogue that personifies these psychological defenses as our “critical inner voice.” The critical inner voice is a destructive thought process that acts like an internal parent and tends to assess, judge, undermine, and insult us as we move through our lives. “Don’t show her who you really are. She’d want nothing to do with you,” it warns.  “You’re going to make a fool of yourself. Don’t put yourself out there,” it beckons. This “voice” reinforces old, negative beliefs about ourselves and leaves us feeling anxious or afraid of being an imposition on others. It tells us in a variety of ways that we are not acceptable. It also warns us not to trust others.  “He only wants to take advantage of you.” “She will never really love you. Keep your distance.” Basically, it does everything in its power to prevent us from being vulnerable and forming intimate connections with others.

Yet, our willingness to be vulnerable and tolerate intimacy matters much more than we think. A few years ago, researcher Brene Brown conducted thousands of interviews, and came to the conclusion that the key to connection is vulnerability. “There can be no intimacy—emotional intimacy, spiritual intimacy, physical intimacy—without vulnerability,” said Brown. “One of the reasons there is such an intimacy deficit today is because we don’t know how to be vulnerable. It’s about being honest with how we feel, about our fears, about what we need, and, asking for what we need. Vulnerability is glue that holds intimate relationships together. “

When we resist vulnerability, we’re listening to a “voice” that’s telling us we shouldn’t be a open, but in truth, we’re actually denying the people close to us by not allowing them to fully know us. We fear we will be hurt or rejected, but vulnerability actually draws people in. We’re doing ourselves and the other person a favor by being open. 

Many of us struggle with vulnerability because of fear, but we also fail to fully realize all of the ways we protect and distance ourselves from others. It may feel like we’re doing the right thing by keeping our mouths shut, when in fact, we should be doing just the opposite. Being vulnerable involves the following actions:

1.    Ask for what you need. When we’re hurting, it’s easy to dismiss our pain or try to protect ourselves and the people around us by closing off. Achieving close connections means being willing to speak up when we’re in need. Admitting that we need someone to lean on or that we’re struggling and need help allows our loved ones to feel for us and respond to us in ways that bring us closer.

2.    Be willing to expose your feelings.  Sometimes we are afraid to expose our feelings even to ourselves. But acknowledging and accepting our feelings is an important part of being in touch with ourselves and sharing ourselves with others. A big part of strengthening our connections involves being willing to communicate how we feel. 

3.    Say what you want. As a therapist, I’ve sat in a room with so many couples who are very good at stating exactly what they don’t like and don’t want from their partner. This leads to a lot of tit for tat and back and forth that gets them nowhere. Instead of blaming each other and complaining, I encourage couples to say what they want from their partner. It’s usually much harder for partners to do this. When they take a chance and try and get in touch with what they want and then say what they want, they often feel sadness from opening up and being vulnerable. Their voices and expressions soften. Much of the time, their partner no longer feels on the defense, and their body language changes, turning toward their partner and really feeling for the other person. It’s touching to see the connection people feel for each other when they’re strong enough to be vulnerable and say directly what they want.

4.    Express what you really think. In addition to expressing our wants and needs, it’s important to be honest about our point of view and showing our real selves. Our relationship should be a space in which we aren’t afraid to say what we truly think. This doesn’t mean being insensitive or unnecessarily hurtful, but it does mean offering an authentic exchange. We should be open to giving and receiving feedback without being overly defensive. Remembering that we are all human and flawed can help us have more self-compassion and interest as we engage in more honest exchanges. 

5.    Slow down and be present. Part of vulnerability is being willing to be in the moment with someone else. When we listen to our critical inner voice or spend a lot of time in our heads, we can miss out on intimacy. Looking our partner in the eye, listening to what they have to say, and being willing to give time and attention to the moment are acts of vulnerability that are often harder to do than we imagine. Yet, engaging in each of these behaviors keeps us closer to one another and to our own feelings.

It’s surprising just how anxious being vulnerable can make us. Many of us have deep, even unconscious fears of intimacy. There is real sadness and fear around allowing another person to really know us and to feel close to that person emotionally. Both intimacy and vulnerability challenge us to give up an old, familiar identity and form a new conception of ourselves in which we believe that we’ll be accepted for who we are. However, staying vulnerable helps us consistently recognize our value as a unique and independent human being, while giving us the courage to reveal ourselves in ways that will strengthen our connections.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://bit.ly/2tBWlwg