#i have one more thing i need to do and then... sleep.... i guess.....

[iwillbefamousonedayipromise]

And the worst is that one of the things adults always tell me as an excuse is "I have more things to think about then you, I am more stessed, you don't have stress" like seriously??

Like if we are young then we don't live in stressfull situations.

Onestly I think it's the opposite: young people have so many pressure on their shoulders, way more than adults, becouse come on, we are growing with stress as part of our lifes!

"You get irritated easly" well meabey becouse I am stressed becouse I have 3 interrogations/test to be ready for and it's happening every week; tons of arguments to study for each of them; not enought time to study and do my homework without missing sleep; I don't have time for myself; I am tired becouse of the lack of sleep; I miss having free time and enjoy my life wich flies away too fast; I am pressured by everybody; every second of my life I am pressured to think about school; if I fail then I won't have a furire in my life; I feel like I am a single mother with 3 kids to think about and nobody to help me out; noboy is helping me relax or find a way out or this or anythingthat can help me; I am young but I don't feel young at all; I don't have experience on this becouse every school grade is harder than the one before so I can't even get slightly used to it; meabey I am depressed, I wouldn't be surprised; I could continue for so long.

Meanwhile what do they have to think about? Mh? Everything bad that happens to them it's not their fault, but then guess, it is exactly what happen with young people.

And I am not talking about the age between 13-17. It starts way earlier, and it keep going untill it reach 30 years old, and then it keeps going.

I need a break to the point I feel like crying when thinking about it.

Children/teens aren’t allowed to be sad or in a bad mood because they can get yelled at for it and ridiculed and told to ‘change your attitude or I will for you’, while adults who are sad or in a bad mood, are allowed to yell at and take their frustration out on the kids. Adult privilege huh?

[pathologicalreid]

that gold mine changed you | s.r.

in which Spencer won't open up to you following his release from prison and you've reached your breaking point

margovember

who? spencer reid x fem!reader category: angst content warning: post prison/prison arc, lack of communication, chemist!reader, slightly proofread word count: 2.13k a/n: love this song. both the original and the phoebe bridgers cover.

i don’t wanna be here anymore; it all tastes like poison

You rifled through the dish that you kept on the entryway console, looking for your car keys so that you could get out. It was hard to describe the way you felt like a spinning top, not dizzy but out of control. Everything felt so out of control.

How could you let it get this bad? You breathed heavily as you fished your keys from the pottery and looped your finger through the key ring. Wiping your nose with the sleeve of your sweatshirt, your eyes caught onto some movement in your periphery.

“You’re leaving?” Spencer asked from down the hallway; his work clothes were rumpled and creased like he’d fallen asleep in them.

You had hoped that he would have the ability to ease himself back into society after three months of prison, and you always took the time to assure him that you would be there for him. Desperately, you tried to be a pillar of support, but you had reached your breaking point.

He’d been given six weeks to readjust. When that didn’t seem to be working, you thought maybe he needed to find his rhythm again, but going back to work at the BAU didn’t seem to help him either. It wasn’t until his first sabbatical hit that you finally considered the fact that things would never be the same between the two of you again.

When you didn’t answer, Spencer put his foot out but hesitated to take a step toward you. “Are you going to come back?”

Swallowing thickly, you looked down at the keys in your hand, “I don’t know.” You eyed the key to your lab, the one place you could always go to escape when you needed to, but you never imagined needing to escape from Spencer.

You weren’t even sure he had been sleeping in the same bed as you, and if he was, he was getting in after you and getting up before you. There was once a moment when you and Spencer shared every minute detail of your lives with each other, at least the parts you weren’t together for, but now you wouldn’t be able to tell anyone what he was teaching in his lectures, and he couldn’t guess which projects you were working on.

When Spencer was in prison, you thought that was the loneliest you would ever be, but now you were living with the ghost of the man who you once loved, and you had never felt more alone.

Last week, you had practically begged him, very nearly gotten on your knees and pled with him to have a substantial conversation with you. He didn’t seem interested.

you believe that you love me

Looking back up, your eyes widened at the revelation that Spencer had made his way to you in complete silence; he was standing in front of you, “You’re sneaking out?”

Your nostrils flared in frustration; you were sneaking out of your own apartment, a space that you and Spencer were supposed to share, but it didn’t feel like home anymore. “Did I do something wrong?” You asked him, studying his brown eyes as they appeared until the cool light of the moon.

He set both of his hands on your upper arms, and you pulled away from his touch. Spencer flinched back as surely as if you’d struck him. If you pulling away from him hurt, then he wouldn’t be able to fathom how you were feeling right now—how you had been feeling for the last seven months.

“Is it because of your mom?” You tried again, silver lining your eyes as you looked up at him, mercurial tears streaming down your cheeks as you begged for an answer. “I was at work when she was abducted,” you reminded him, having thrown yourself into work while Spencer was in prison. “Is it because I didn’t help her?”

Spencer’s lips parted in surprise, “I didn’t know you blamed yourself for that.” His arms hung limply by his sides, fists clenching and unclenching in an attempt to release nervous energy.

Blinking tears from your eyes, your shoulders slouched at what felt like a rejection, “How would you? You don’t talk to me,” you told him, your tone wholly accusatory.

“We talk every day,” he rebutted, the energy in your conversation veering toward hostility. That’s not what you wanted; you just wanted to feel at peace.

Three months in prison, six weeks of mandatory leave, one hundred days with the team, twenty days into his first sabbatical, and Spencer was refusing to face what you had already run into headfirst. “We haven’t had a real conversation since February, Spencer. It’s September.”

His eyebrows pinched together as he studied your body language, profiling you to deduce what you wanted from him instead of just asking you. “What do you mean ‘a real conversation?’”

You pressed your lips together in a thin line, and you searched every part of your brain for something to say that wouldn’t contribute to taking your life apart brick by brick. You couldn’t. The words simply weren’t there anymore. Maybe you had left them behind months ago, but right now, you shrugged helplessly, “You’re different, Spence.”

He peered down at you as if you had offended him, “Did you expect me to stay the same?”

It was pathetic. You felt pathetic. Staying in your entryway and begging for someone who previously kissed the ground you walked on for a reason to stay. You never had to ask him before. “I’ve never expected anything but love from you, and you know that,” you told him, pulling the truth from the depths of your soul and putting it on display for him.

Spencer took a step back, stumbling as if his legs were threatening to give out beneath him. “You don’t think I love you anymore?” His own tears welled in his eyes, glittering saline along his lash line that made your chest ache.

You blinked, letting more tears fall down your cheeks. You heard the droplets as they fell on the vinyl decal of your sweatshirt, the only noise in the midst of an otherwise deathly silence. “You have given me no reason to believe that you do,” you admitted, your voice tight with emotion.

so, lose your faith in me

“Don’t leave,” he gasped, struggling through his tears. He held a hand out to you, too hesitant to touch you because of the way you reacted earlier.

You felt like you were tearing your own heart from your chest. You held the organ in your hands, blood dripping to the floor and seeping within the woodgrain, and you asked him to put it back where it belonged. “I can’t do this anymore,” you told him.

He set a hand on the side of your neck, and this time, you didn’t pull away from him. Instead, you savored his touch, the warmth of his palm seeping into your skin as the two of you waited for something to give. Three months in prison had been a test of your relationship; you had very little contact with each other. Nothing face-to-face, and after a while, Spencer’s mail started to go missing—interference by a prison guard who had it out for him. You thought that getting him back would fix everything.

Spencer was exactly the same, but somehow, he was completely different after his release. You couldn’t fault him for what he had gone through in prison, but you refused to continue your pattern of dancing around each other.

“I love you,” he whispered, his voice so faint that you would’ve missed it had you not been searching for it. His breaths were quickening, and if it weren’t so dark, you’d be sure that his pupils were dilated in fear.

You pursed your lips, “Say it again.” You wanted to hear him. You needed to hear him. You so desperately wanted to hear him repeat himself so that you could throw your arms around him and let him know that everything was perfectly fine.

He panted, “I love you,” he echoed. “Please,” his voice broke, “I love you so much.”

“I want to believe you,” you breathed, looking back down at the keys that remained in your hand. As far as you were concerned, Spencer was the Patron Saint of Liars. He had the intelligence and the experience to become a master manipulator. He’d lied to you before. What was stopping him from doing it again? He knew that I love you was what you wanted to hear. When faced with telling a lie and losing you, the choice was laid out in front of him.

He nodded as if he understood, but you weren’t convinced that he possessed the bandwidth to fully comprehend why you were so unhappy. “I’m sorry for lying to you,” he whispered.

You lost your balance, your back slammed against the wall, and your eyes widened as a result of his apology, “Why?”

Spencer’s brown eyes widened as you slid down the wall, waiting until you were sat on the floor to speak again, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Mexico.”

“You could’ve told me,” you told him, “I could’ve helped you, Spencer. Then we could… Then maybe…” your voice trailed off, lost in a sea of hiccuping sobs.

Gingerly, Spencer lowered himself to the ground and took a seat next to you, “Maybe I wouldn’t have gone to jail. You’re right,” he admitted, “but maybe they would’ve killed you too. Maybe there would have been the same outcome as the one we got, or maybe it would have been much worse.”

Releasing a shuddering breath, you pulled your knees to your chest and wrapped your arms around them. “Lorenz,” you murmured, closing your eyes to relieve some of the burning.

“The Butterfly Effect,” Spencer commented, “Small changes can have large consequences. I made a decision that had massive ramifications and negatively impacted you, and I haven’t been doing enough to fix it.”

You sighed, “You can’t fix it, Spence. It’s like a band-aid over a bullet hole.” You thumbed the hem of your sweatpants, opening your eyes just to stare straight ahead at the wall.

He hummed in what you sincerely hoped was understanding, “I took six years of building trust with you and destroyed it, and now when I tell you I love you, you don’t believe me.”

“You told me you were going to Houston,” you whispered.

“I told everyone I was going to Houston,” he said softly.

Your head snapped in his direction, “I deserved more than what everyone else got. I deserved an explanation, and instead, you lied to me. You lied to me, and then you wouldn’t even let me see you while you were in prison.”

The corners of his mouth downturned, “I didn’t want you to see me in there, and I didn’t want anyone else to see you in there.” You’d heard second hand from JJ that the men at Millburn had ogled her the entire time she was visiting Spencer, and maybe he had explained himself in one of the missing letters, but he hadn’t mentioned it since coming home.

“Spencer, I just want to talk with you,” you whispered. “I want to have a conversation with my boyfriend that doesn’t end with him creating some arbitrary mental block because he doesn’t think I can handle it.”

There was a moment where you thought he was just going to let you go, but Spencer Reid liked to keep the things he cared about close. “It’s not because you can’t handle it, it’s because I can’t handle it,” he admitted.

You turned your body to face him, “What do you mean?”

“I don’t want to tell you about prison,” he clarified. “I barely want to tell my therapist about prison, but you—” his voice broke, and your heart went with it. “If I tell you everything I’ve done, you wouldn’t want to be with me anyway.”

You frowned, “Try me.” Your heart was racing; this bit here was decisive. His response would either mean letting go or moving forward.

He looked down at his lap, “Come to therapy with me tomorrow. It’s… there’s something about the leather couch that turns me into an open book.” He told you, nervously running his palms up and down his cloth-covered thighs. Instinctively, you reached out and grabbed his hands, putting a stop to his compulsive movements. He leaned his head back and stared up at the ceiling, “Please don’t leave.”

Shaking your head, you sniffled through your tears. If you’d had more energy, maybe you would’ve given him a soft smile, but for now, you answered him, “I won’t.”

[drdemonprince]

I’ve only just read your Burnout piece on Substack and it made me think of the anon you answered awhile back about anti depressants and anti anxiety medications.

I’m Autistic and am on anti anxiety medication which basically masked all the warning signs and symptoms of Autistic burnout. Those usual indicators I usually can pick up on which indicate I’m doing too much and not resting enough weren’t present on the medication.

I felt good (although very numb like the anon said) so I kept on taking on more and more and initially thought it was great! I’ve never been able to commit to things or work on multiple projects at once even ones that super interest and excite me because I get overwhelmed and burnt out quickly.

But without the warning signs I kept going and going until I started to feel really weird. Disassociated, not sleeping, upset stomach, drinking a lot. I thought everything was great so it took awhile to piece together that this is maybe what Autistic burnout results in when it’s covered by meds.

I’m now slowly withdrawing from the meds. I figure the authentic anxiety is better than false measures of “success”.

So just a warning to Autistic people I guess, I don’t know if what I’ve experienced is common or just subjective but it’s worth being aware of.

This is pretty much how I feel about psychiatric medication for myself, as well. I want the warning signs. I want to notice my body and brain rebelling. A lot of psychiatric drugs are somewhat effective at making us feel more numb, for a while, which is why they are used as a stopgap when a person's situation is unmanageable. I'm a big believer in the "Affect as Information" Hypothesis: when we feel like shit, that means something about our circumstances simply has got to change. Often that means giving up responsibilities, letting people down, letting things go.

I even feel the same way about weed. I have a lot of friends who use weed daily to manage their overwhelm, and it seems to work great for them, and potentially I should be doing the same thing. But I am terrified of having a massive dependence on a large quantity of weed in order to function, and when I *did* use weed daily, it became a baseline need and made me dissociate even further from myself. I now take the desire to use weed or otherwise get blasted as a signal that something is amiss and that I'm overwhelmed and seeking escape -- that doesn't mean I don't listen to that desire some of the time. I get high and/or drunk on the weekends pretty often. But I don't want to lose touch with my body's warning system. AND I have the immense luxury of being able to change my life circumstances when things get to be too much. If someone doesn't have that freedom, well, sometimes substances are the best thing you can get - be that psychiatric or off market.

[kokiriri]

Time in Emrub vs. The World of Twelve

Soo I was scrolling thru Pinterest and found a manga screenshot that caught my attention.

Now I haven't actually read the Wakfu manga (I need to read it, I know) but I found enough screenshots to piece together an idea of what happened leading up to this scene. From what I've got, the manga covers when Chibi and Grougal are kidnapped by Jiva, the guardian of the months in the Wakfu/Dofus universe. The Brotherhood of the Tofu try to find a way to safely retrieve the Ebony twins and on the way, they stop by Emrub, the dimension where the Eliatrope people live.

Now here's where things get interesting: as shown in both the manga and television series, all the Eliatropes residing in Emrub are children. Qilby mentions that time flows differently in Emrub than it does on the World of Twelve, but not much else is said besides that. This scene in the manga however, sheds more light on just how large the difference is between the two dimensions. The dragon character on the left page asks the Brotherhood "what took them so long" to which Amalia retorts they had only been gone for "a few hours." The dragon then explains that nearly a year had passed on the World of Twelve, which obviously shocks the Brotherhood.

Now what am I getting at? Well, because I was bored and wanted to do something besides my homework, I decided to do a little math to see if the manga accurately explores the difference in time flow between the two dimensions. Keep in mind, a lot of this math is approximate and based on various contextual assumptions, but yeah, let's get into it.

For starters, we know that all the children living in Emrub have resided there since the Eliatrope War that took place thousands of years prior to the events covered in Wakfu. They all are still clearly children when Yugo visits them during his confrontation with Qilby in Season 2, meaning that despite having thousands of years gone by, they haven't really aged at all. There are toddlers amidst the crowd as well, looking around 3-5 years old. Based on this observation, the children couldn't have stayed in Emrub for over 3-5 years, otherwise the existence of those younger children simply wouldn't make sense.

Now, another thing to keep in mind; back in Season 1, Yugo asks the specifics behind his and Adamai's most recent rebirth, to which Grougaloragram explains that since the Emerald twins made the greatest sacrifice during the Eliatrope War, it then took them thousands of years to regenerate wakfu within their dofus. I'm assuming that the Eliatrope children were sent to Emrub shortly before Yugo and Adamai died in combat. This, in part, means that the Eliatropes have lived in Emrub for thousands of earth years. From here is where we apply the math from the manga, as well as where I begin to make some approximations.

For the sake of convenience, I'll be assuming that it took roughly 10,000 years for Yugo and Adamai to reincarnate. I'll also presume that the Brotherhood of the Tofu spent 3 hours in Emrub, since no number is explicitly defined (the only point being made was they spent "a few hours" there, meaning not one, but multiple hours.)

Now let's break it down.

The dragon stated that nearly a year had passed on the World of Twelve while Emrub only experienced 3 hours (again, I'm approximating here.) I'm guessing that "nearly a year" means 11 or so months, but I'll be rounding up to a year because I'm lazy. Therefore, 3 Emrub hours = 1 WoT (World of Twelve) year.

Based on this, 10,000 WoT years = 30,000 Emrub hours. Covert those hours into years, and you get 3.4 years.

During the 10,000 WoT years it took for Yugo and Adamai to be reborn, it was only 3.4 years for the children in Emrub. Pretty crazy.

Here are some other comparisons between the two dimensions to help you wrap your head around the difference:

Sleeping for 9 hours in Emrub takes 3 years on the World of Twelve.

The time it took for Yugo to grow from 0-12 years old on the World of Twelve took 36 hours (or 1.5 days if you prefer) in Emrub.

In the Wakfu OVA, Joris Jurgen is 598 years old. That's 74.75 days (~2.5 months) in Emrub.

And we can break it down even further if you'd like:

15 minutes in Emrub = a month on the World of Twelve

1 minute in Emrub = 2 days on the World of Twelve

1 second in Emrub = 48 minutes on the World of Twelve

(Again, I’m here to remind you that these are all approximations)

These numbers align with what I was discussing earlier -- as the youngest children in the audience appear to be 3-5 years old, 3.4 years is an entirely plausible conclusion. Now, this math is heavily simplified, and I honestly doubt Yugo and Adamai took 10,000 years to reincarnate. ((Grougal's choice to use "thousands of years" as opposed to "TENS of thousands of years" has me thinking that they spent under 10,000 years in their dofus. I simply used 10,000 to show that even at the maximum amount of time Yugo and Ad could've spent in their dofus, the mathematical differences between the two time zones still make sense.)) You get the point.

It's pretty cool to see a piece of media that takes the time to consider details and accuracies like this, because I feel like so often I see plot holes and inconsistencies that books or shows don't bother to cover up. (Don't get me wrong, Wakfu has its fair share of plot holes, it's just nice knowing they took time to think about this small detail.) And although no amount of hours or months are explicitly defined in the canon material, the series recognized that the difference had to be such that the World of Twelve had to experience a year in the time it took Emrub to experience a couple of hours in order for certain developments to make logical sense.

Anyways, that's the end of my insane ramblings. I did this math at like 1 am, so there's a good chance I made a mistake somewhere in my calculations. Don't be shy to correct me if you see any errors or whatever.

[msunitedstatesjames]

Rating Veilguard companions based on their living spaces:

I'm coming up on the last handful of missions in Veilguard, and I noticed that I hadn't really spent all that much time looking around the rooms of the companions. I pretty much burst in and out, only staying long enough to hear whatever they have to say. So I decided to do a more in depth look. (There will be some moderate spoilers ahead if you haven't worked your way through most of Emmrich's companion quests.)

7. Lucanis

Okay, we've all heard the reasoning behind Lucanis's room of choice, but this "room" is still sad. As awesome as access to the kitchens is, this is just a straight up trauma room. That's without even mentioning the perilous number of candles near the bed of such a haunted (literally) man. But, at least he has somewhere to sleep, unlike some others, and he has plenty of supplies of citrus fruit, so scurvy won't be an issue.

6. Emmrich

I hate to rank this one so low. Not only is Emmrich my romance of choice, but I'm a huge book lover in real life, and I love this aesthetic. But this man doesn't have anywhere to sleep! He's in his 50s and has nowhere to sleep! Much has been said about where he might be sleeping every night. Does he sleep on the corpse slab? Does he sleep in the big red chair? Does he curl up in front of the fire like a hound? If he was 19 maybe those options would be feasible. But I'm in my early thirties in real life, and the idea of spending a night on a hard floor/slab is already unbearable to imagine, and sitting upright all night is only done if I'm so ill I can't do otherwise. No bed is just unforgiveable. Also, he's stuck with the skull and spirit of his former friend/rival seemingly listening in on everything and critiquing him constantly. Imagine just minding your own business and having a skull call you "moldering" while implying you're too old to be with your partner of choice. On the other hand, I envy the shelf space, the spiral staircase, and the gorgeous balcony view.

5. Taash

Maybe Taash likes having a gloomy room, I don't know. But sometimes this room looks like a straight up dungeon. Also, though there is some good functionality for training and such, the room lacks daily functionality due to the sheer amount of stuff everywhere. I get that Taash is a Lord of Fortune and treasure hunting is like their whole thing, but like, does Taash really need multiple huge stacks of silver bars and random sheaths of fabric here in their temporary Fade bedroom? What's the point of having so many tables if none of them have any more room to set things on when you actually need to? Some of these rugs are fantastic though. And Taash is one of only two companions with a real bed, so that counts for a lot.

4. Bellara

This is more workshop than bedroom, which I guess suits Bellara well enough. But there's a couple of issues here. First, there's some pretty spiky tools a little close to her cot. God forbid she has a nightmare and jerks upright out of a deep sleep, she'd get slightly impaled. Also, imagine trying to sleep with the smug face of the Archive looking out at you all the time. And don't forget the room is just full to bursting with mirrors. That seems like a confusing, hazardous, headache inducing horror. There is some cool elven decor though.

3. Neve

Neve has a pretty tiny space compared to some of the others, but I guess it's fitting for a noir style detective. She does have a bed, though it's only a less than stellar cot. She also has a bunch of wisps stealing her stuff all the time. But she has a beautiful view, more privacy than some of the others, and a nice desk, which is essential to a detective. And in the end this room is kind of gorgeous.

2. Harding

This whole place is fabulous. The plants are amazing. The magic butterflies are enchanting. The giant ceiling flower is beautiful. Harding doesn't have a real bed, but she has a canopy and a bedroll, which she's probably pretty comfortable in by now after 10+ years of being a scout. I also like that this room grows and transforms over the course of the story. Personally, I think this is the most aesthetically pleasing of the rooms, and I imagine there's some crickets in there to give you that peaceful summer evening soundtrack.

1.Davrin

Davrin's biggest advantage is the simple fact that he has a private sleeping area with a real bed. No one else has both of those things. On top of that, it's a functional space for he and Assan. It's open and has a nice perch for easy Assan access. It has shelf space for his carvings. He has lots of cool knick knacks. He has lots of natural light and a great view. But after looking more closely at his space I almost dropped him down a spot for one reason. NUGS. Did I miss a dialogue line about his love for nugs? Because there's A LOT of nug memorabilia in this place. There's a taxidermy nug with a face only Leliana could love. There's little nug carvings. There's bigger nug carvings. There's drawings of nug anatomy. I don't know if I'm more freaked out by the idea that Davrin brought them or the idea that Solas left them. Still, he does have a cozy fireplace/chair combo, as long as you don't mind being watched by the empty stares of a thousand lifeless nugs.

[kurishiri]

Jude chapter 2 silly but kinda detailed summary

꒰ ִ ֺ ⊹ @ notice ⊹ ֺ ִ ꒱ any pretty translation you may see in here may not be 100% accurate or contain creative liberties due to characterization or narrative flow purposes. this is a sort of summary as well. if you enjoy, though, please consider reblogging, but please don’t repost these or claim these as your own!

for some ungodly reason jude and ellis r in kates room the moment she woke up and judes not lookin very appy hes like how long r ya gon sleep for ya bloody pleb and ellis is like haaii gm kate 🌸✨✨ and then jude like “get ready in 3 seconds” while holdin her chin. again, for some reason lmao

ok turns out we goin to their other jobs at a company called raven co

and ellis tells kate they got shops overseas too (wow jude got a boomin business) and they sell stuff in a lotta places and allat jazz. anw some dude greets kate and the others and thinks that kate is ellis gf. kates like umm no and hes like so ur the boss’ gf?

then he gets judes boot before kate can reply and judes like

Jude: It’s all yappin’ with ya so early in the mornin’, I see.

J: If ya gonna yap useless things, how ‘bout ya use that mouth o’ yours to do a bit more o’ your job?

J: If ya want a pay cut though, that’s a separate matter.

turns out the dudes name is theodore walker. 21 y/o. employee. first impression: bright dude

so kate asks ellis what his role is and hes like “hmm lets see, being a guard, preparing for guests, confirming clients, brewing up a storm…” and kate here thinkin wait a damn minute i have a feeling i heard smth real violent just now and then is like do you do anything else and well ellis responds with more violent words with a 😊 face. kate is like i thought i got myself into an evil org then jude comes in like

Jude: Well this evil company’s boss got some work cut out for ya.

she gotta sort out these letters (a loott of letters…) and judes like “if ya worked as a letter carrier ya mustve had to sort out letters before gettin breakfast”

ok so apparently judes kate just blurts out things w/o thinkin 💀 bc this time shes like well if hes gonna make fun of me (jude calls her princess but /neg) then challenge accepted! and then is like “ok bet i will get this done ez pz 🍋 squeezy” and judes got that shit eatin grin on his face like “that ya will do by the time i get back”

they r indeed still in their enemies era. her only saving grace now is ellis’ kind smile. ellis to the rescue! ⛓️🫶✨

omg ellis is actually an angel here he helps kate when he can sorting out letters and hes like gj today kate. you managed to do sm on ur own, u should be proud of urself and kate is like hes so kind… (yes he is!)

ah yes we cant escape the ellis is sweet as jam™️ allegations here

kate asks ellis why he joined crown and tldr its bc vic reached out to jude and jude said ok

Kate: But did you have to get caught up in all this too…?

Ellis: But——he made a promise with me.

As he said this, Ellis’ eyes narrowed softly.

Kate: …A promise?

Ellis: I’m waiting for Jude to reach the happiest moment of his life.

E: And I need to be by his side to see that moment.

[ insert some lines im too lazy to tl here ]

Ellis: But, it seems that moment just doesn’t want to come. …It’s like Jude is always unhappy.

jude comes in the door like yall so damn annoyin and is like stop yappin bout she don’t need to know. but ellis is like but its her job as fairytale keeper. and kate is like “i have a question for u too jude! why do u have ellis by ur side?” jude responds like “none ya damn business” but one tinie push from ellis and jude lets out a resigned sigh and speaks on it and is like hes got physical strength and a good ability. cant let that sorta value slip by. that said his heads got some screws loose so

and kate is like omg! he answered me!!

(So Jude has Ellis by his side so he can use his abilities at his convenience,)

(and Ellis wants Jude to fulfill his wish, I guess?)

They kept one another by each other’s side to help realize what the other wants.

——If I were to put into words what their relationship would be, it would be ‘a contractual relationship.’

That was the day I had gotten my hands on valuable information on Jude for the first time.

ko-fi☕️ ┊ comms🤍

NOTE: i forgot to mention that i can take comms to tl judes main story chapters, avatar mission stories, and his side stories in full, as ciele, the one whos gonna tl his story, said that i could tl chapters from his story too. the turnaround time per chapter is usually around 1–2 days from the time i start it. (for jude it might be closer to 2 days.)

[cheshiresense]

Oh my God, you mentioned wanting to write a thing about when Starrk finally let's his reiatsu out, and honestly, I've been thinking about that so much!!! Like here is Starrk, who has been keeping his reiatsu down to around average, who sleeps all the time, so doesn't stand out, who stands beside Ichigo, Ichigo who crazy stands out, also Starrk who joins the 4th, the 4th who everyone else considers to be weaklings!! You imagine the look on everyone's face the first time he let's lose!?! Maybe some bullying goes too far, and Starrk, who nobody thinks much of, just smacks them down hard!!! And everyone is like WTF lol 😆

sorry, I just love the idea of when people realize that Starrk is actually strong like Ichigo!! So 😁 funny!! Anyway, thanks for sharing your thoughts about this. I love reading them.

Lol yes it's one of those scenes that you see happen in so many different ways and all of them would be fun. I'm undecided on how I want to do it Officially so I'm putting it off (or maybe I'll just write several of them lmao).

I imagine it would have to be very serious bullying for Starrk to take that much action, cuz like he really isn't the sort to step in for every little thing. If it happens to someone he considers one of his, he might note it down and then quietly go and prevent it from happening again from behind the scenes, but in real time, he'd rather diffuse the situation or leave it to the "victim" to handle it and only step in if it looks like they really can't, and even stepping in would just be a sharp word or two to run the bully off. He's not a straightforward bleeding heart the way Ichigo is, cuz the hit-the-problem-so-it's-no-longer-a-problem method is def Ichigo's go-to strategy, he would absolutely smack the shit out of someone bullying Asuka or Rangiku in front of him and be done with it right then and there, prob flaring his reiatsu without even meaning to cuz his control's a lot better these days but it's also kind of 0 to 50, well-hidden or flashing neon sign, no in-between unless he really concentrates 😂 It's another reason Starrk would have little reason of his own to act, cuz like Ichigo would absolutely beat him to it.

For me, I could prob imagine him unleashing his reiatsu/revealing his strength if someone's about to die and the threat is big enough that he actually has to flex. He's just not someone who'd easily show what he can do, and hiding it from the likes of Aizen and the Quincy wouldn't even be his top reason. It's more like lingering PTSD--his strength doesn't bother him anymore now that he's had years of proven control under his belt, and he's even needed every last bit of his power over the past decade of war, but subconsciously, he's still not 100% comfortable with just letting anyone feel it, even tho he has enough control now that it wouldn't hurt them unless he wants it to because what if? So like, his first instinct will always be to keep it locked down, and for minor stuff (altho minor is relative for him I guess lolol), pulling out that much power is def a last resort.

Again, it contrasts what Ichigo would do. Ichigo's just used to overkill. Like even before he got his powers, he learned that an overwhelming show of strength would solve most of his gangster-related problems very easily, plus he lived in a household where Isshin only backed off from kicking him into a wall or something by kicking first or kicking back. And then after he got his powers, it's not even really his fault that he internalized a "might is right" kind of mindset /points at the entire fucking SS invasion arc and honestly every arc after that/. And also he spent his first years of Shinigami-ing running around with an unsealed Zanpakutou and zero reiatsu control, being in a constant state of Shikai is natural for him, and (moving into this AU's headcanon territory) it took him several months into the Quincy War before he finally learned to seal it away and actually have other ways of fighting that isn't just flinging Getsuga Tenshous around. He uses Bankai the way other people use hand-to-hand combat or Kidou spells, so even now, his first instinct is to just hit the problem hard enough so that it won't get back up to do more harm, and for him, that applies to everything from schoolyard bullying to fighting monster-gods. And on top of all that, his actions are largely driven by emotion. More than anything else, his first reflex is to protect, and that often leads to him throwing way more power at a threat than he actually needs to. He knows how to be more subtle these days, but it's not his preferred method and def not a reflex either the way it is with Starrk.

Of course, Starrk also understands "might is right" just by dint of being a Hollow, but he's basically spent a thousand years as someone too strong for anyone to fuck with just by existing, so he doesn't have the same kind of exposure to physical conflict that Ichigo grew up with that would make violence his first instinct.

Aanndd omg this ran away from me lmao sorry, you get a speedrun analysis on Starrk and Ichigo instead 😅

TLDR I'm still not sure of any exact scenarios that would force Starrk to show his hand, I don't want to wait until a Sternritter shows up or a final showdown vs. Aizen happens because that would take forever before we get there (I mean I could just jump right in there since this isn't a whole fic, but in-universe-timeline-wise, I'd prefer it happening earlier), but it's difficult for me to imagine that something in everyday life or even just a Hollow extermination mission would be enough to make him reveal even a bit of what he can really do.

Case in point, if you remember that mission in SP canon where Shunsui brings Ichigo and Rangiku along on a mission into the Rukongai to gain experience, and Ichigo sees a Hollow about to attack Shinji who hadn't spotted it yet, but he also didn't want to leave Rangiku unprotected, he went straight for unsealing his Zanpakutou and basically hand-delivering a shopping list of unusual or downright unique abilities to Aizen via Gin. In this AU, if Starrk goes along, he would never do such a thing, and in fact, he'd stop Ichigo and just fire a damn Byakurai or something across the clearing and kill it that way. Even if Ichigo doesn't have the finesse to pull off a low-numbered Kidou spell on the fly, he could've chosen a higher-numbered one and that would've still revealed far less to Aizen than unsealing his Zanpakutou would. But again, subtlety isn't his strong suit. He now at least has the presence of mind to think about the consequence of leaping into the fray without thought, it would leave Rangiku wide open, but his first instinct is still to use overwhelming strength to protect the people he cares about.

In contrast, Starrk may be a soft touch compared to basically every other Hollow and quite a few Shinigami, but he has the maturity and just the general personality to go for the strategic option. He has a far more tactical mind, implied even in canon to rival Shunsui in that department, so rushing in just isn't in his nature.

The only other way imo is if someone just... asks. Reikaku (reiatsu-sensing) is a thing Shinigami learn. In canon people can sense exactly who's coming just by their reiatsu (if they know them), not just if they're a Shinigami or a Hollow or even a Human, but it doesn't really expand on how. So I imagine you have to have a good feel for the person's reiatsu, it's the same as my age headcanon for reiatsu, not only can someone halfway decent at sensing reiatsu be able to get an idea of the other person's age, they would also be able to recognize and associate that reiatsu signature with that person since everybody's is different, but obviously they would have to be exposed to it a few times to learn it. Starrk's reiatsu is very unique so once or twice would be enough, and I can see a situation where the kids might ask to feel it for that reason, or a mission might require the team leader to ask, etc. etc. So yeah, that's all I got.

[keelt9]

Chapter 13

Masterlist

It took Max’s manager and me around 10 minutes to get him into the jet, by the time we arrived at the airfield it was supposed they must be in Milton Keynes.

I lied to him, telling him I was fine, just maybe a little bit dizzy; he tried to insisted he wanted to wait for Mika or Thomas came to pick me but I calm him down saying <I will be fine.>

Mika and Thomas arrived 30 minutes later, found me with Caleb who insisted he didn’t want to leave alone until I was fine. 

Mika was calm until Caleb mentioned the part of leaving me alone, causing a dry laugh from her, asking if his own words didn’t taste like vinegar.

Max called me right away as they landed, I assured him I was fine, just I got dizzy for the long weeks and the moved weekend, but I was totally fine.

Mika and Thomas didn’t mention a word to anyone about when we met Caleb; but try to persuade me at least I should tell Max who is Caleb, not because he must know everything about my past, just because as Mika said, if that dude is someone who hurt you that much I like to know.

Still I can’t, not now.

Singapore was a success, even for Lewis who reached third place. 

Max called me that night to tell me all in the paddock started to tease him about us, and he was fighting for nor saying a word, but Checo’s facial expression didn’t help him at all.

“I also received a couple of messages.” Alexa texted me Thursday night about a couple of photos of me and “someone” who looked like Max in Newport beach. 

Max smiles as he’s finishing his breakfast. “Alexandra.” 

“How do you know?” I almost hit the table in the living room.

“Charles has been very curious too.” He said drinking what I bet is his first redbull of the day. “Are you alone already?”

My parents left early for an old friend's party in Ireland, leaving me with the confidence that I'll be alone one day, because Max will come from me Tuesday afternoon to travel to Japan.

“Yes, it’s been a long Monday.” I laid down on the couch. “I never imagine how many permissions you need.”

All these days I have been in endless reunions and paperwork for the shelter, knowing I’m not going to be around, I have to make a huge progress before going to Japan. 

“And this is starting to frustrate me.” I raise my arm with the cast. 

Max realizes something. “I haven’t signed it, first thing I’ll do tomorrow.”

I didn’t realize I have a sheepy face until Max mentioned it. “Go to sleep, I'll see you tomorrow, ok?”

I nod getting up the stairs. “Have a safe flight.”

“Sleep well.” He smiles while drinking his Red Bull, hanging out.

Mornings are officially cold, but the sun keeps you warm as the few sunlights touch your skin. I finished my first snack of the day, sending the last information for one of the companies who will work with us when I hear wheels on the gravel, Max is here.

I close my laptop running to the main door, excited to see him after one week, still one I opened the door, Max isn’t there.

One more time, my blood runs cold.

“Hanna was right.” Caleb is standing at the door with his hands on the pocket of his jacket smiling. 

I curse low, I hate to admit it but Hanna keeps knowing some things about me. 

“Can we talk?” I close the door behind me. “I guess your parents are inside, I get it.”

Caleb waits a couple of seconds but simply seeing him smiling looking so fresh is making my anger increase.

“I just want to come and make sure you’re alright, you seem quite impressed and…” 

“You never worry about me.” I grip the cast trying to contain me. “It’s stupid you pretend now.”

Caleb got down his head. “Listen Y/N, things kind of mess up, but…”

“Mess up?” I scoff. “You better get out of here.” The tears on my eyes make everything blurry.

“I don’t cause you so much damage. Jeez Y/N, you seem happy in a new relationship, that’s a good sign.”

I couldn’t hold back, the next thing I realized was that my hand was hitting his cheek. “Go.”

“I deserved that, I know, I came here for…” Like he stumbles with his own feets he goes backwards, it was until Max appeared behind him pulling him for the jacket I blink and my blurry vision became clear.

“She told you to go.” Caleb scoffs but I know he won’t take a step back.

“Don’t get involved in this, this is between her and me.” I see Max’s face switch as he caresses my face, the leath eyes on him. 

“Get fuck out of here.” I grip Max's arm seeing he's about to push him, he turns around grabbing my hand.

“She told you who I am?” I feel my stomach flipp and I hiss. Caleb saw my eyes and he knew it. “You don’t tell him.”

“Enough, go.” Max grabs him by the jacket pushing him to his car.

“Max!” I try to grip his arm back, Max is so angry that he didn't even listen to me.

“I WAS HER FIANCE, IDIOT!” Max shutter for a minute but he opens the door of his car, pushing him. 

I can’t move, I've been holding my breath but all I do is sit on the stairs. 

Max grip the door. “Go, before I call the police.” 

Caleb holds his serious face and bluffs from the last time. “You can thank me later.”

I hide my face between my legs and my arms, trembling, feeling my world is collapsing one more time. 

“Hey, hey, can you look at me?” When Max sees I don’t move he kneels in front of me and hugs me, that was all I needed to break in tears.

No matter if all the walls are crumbling down, there are some wounds behind them, and sometimes those wounds are so easy to bleed like the first time. 

I push him away, I stand pushing him, one more time. “Leave me alone.” I clean my face but tears are impossible to stop.

“Y/N.” He grips my hand on his chest. 

“You don’t hear me?” I take my hand off his chest. “Leave me alone.” I said between grip teeths. 

I ran back to the door opened by closing it with a big thud, unable to move. I slip until the ground, my chest hurts, my breath is fast and my body is trembling. 

“Can you please…” Max said. “Please don't shut me down.” 

I cover my mouth for he won’t hear me. “Y/N.”

I don’t know how much time has passed until I hear another voice behind the door, but my fear fades away when I recognize Thomas' voice.

“Y/N, it’s me, can you please open it?” Thomas knocked softly.

“Tell him… Tell him to go.” My voice broke in every word.

“Y/N..” Thomas said in a begging tone.

I clean my face. “He goes or both of you.” 

I don’t want to distinguish what they said, just a loud <Fuck> from Max before the loud sound of wheels on the gravel, let me know is ok come out.

Just in that moment I opened, throwing myself in Thomas' arms crying like I did years ago.

It took me  a lot of time to calm down, but when I got it, I called Lewis to explain it; want it or not, Max will ask him when they meet in Japan. He cursed low and I could hear the anger as he asked me if I would be fine being alone this weekend.

“I’ll go Mika’s house.” It’s late at night and Mika and Thomas are there helping me, in all. 

“Call Nicola in case…” I heard someone calling for him, he’s already in Japan and for them it’s early morning.

“Let’s talk when you come here, ok?” Lewis breathes out. “Ple…”

“I won’t say anything, don’t worry. Try to rest, I’ll see you as soon as I can.” I heard he asked for another minute. “Love you.”

“Bye Lew.” 

I hang out but my eyes are lost in the big trees. “Y/N, ready?” 

Mika is under the frame door with my purse as Thomas walks with my bags in his hand. 

They waited for days for me to speak about it. Mom and dad called me when they didn't see any show for me being in the paddock so I told them what happened, even when they tried to remain calm I know they were angry too.

The farm is gone now, a big land is in front of my eyes with machinery all over the place; anyone there, after all it is Saturday morning..

“I’m terrified.” Thomas lifts his eyes from the blueprints. 

All these days I isolate myself in Newport, my house is in the last touches and the shelter in the first phases. 

Thomas forgot the papers we’ll need this Monday, after leaving Mika in the hospital we drove here.

“Y/N.” Thomas whispered. “It’s not easy, it’s ok to…”

“No it is not, I hurt him, I know.” I clear my throat. “But, I’m trying to protect him from all the shit.”

“Y/N!” Thomas spat leaving the pen on the table. “Don’t say that.”

“Do you even imagine what would happen if someone saw Max Verstappen pulling a guy into his car as a girl is crying on the floor?” Thomas bluffs but he knows as me that would be a pretty big scandale. “I’m scared that he probably thinks I’m a playmaker.”

He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times trying to put his word in order. “A guy like Max didn’t care that much, besides he never thought that of you. I talked with him and believed Y/N the only thing it was in his mind at that moment was to protect you.” 

Thomas grabs the papers and walks to the exit of the small tent where he works on the week. “He just want to make sure you’re safe.”

I see the leaves on the ground in brown, orange and yellow colors. “I know you’re not ready to tell him and like Mika said it’s not because he must know your past, it's just because if someone hurt you, I bet he would like to know.”

“I’ll drag too many people to this mess.” I feel a knot on my throat as I see my shoes playing with the ground.

“I’m going to correct you.” Thomas jostled me softly. “YOU have so many people you trust and know we care about you, and the same people you know you can lean on.” 

Imagines of my family, friends and new friends that appear in my life, giving me a hug when I need it, hearing me all the time, even just calling to ask if I already eat, flow my mind, as a smile appears on my face. 

“Is it bad that you lean on someone new?” I see Thomas and raise his shoulders. “After all, in these… whoa almost a year, that’s what you both been doing right?” 

I chuckle letting Max’s memories clear my mind. I see my phone, it’s not late.

“Give me a couple of minutes.” Thomas smiles and nods.

“I’ll wait in the car.” I waited until I heard the sound of the door to dial his number. 

I don’t wait too long until the third beep Max picks up, of course he won’t let me speak first.

“Are you ok?” I scrunch my nose trying to contain my tears. “Y/N…”

“Forgive me. I didn’t push you away, it's just, it was so much in that moment. I’ll tell you what you have to know, I swear but not now.” I moved side to side of the tent.

“Don’t bite your cheeks.” I giggle releasing I biting the inside of my cheeks. “You’ll hurt yourself.” 

“Max…” 

“All I care is that you are ok.” I heard the sound of him moving on the bed. 

“I am now, hearing you, I’m better now.” I closed my eyes like he could see me.

“Don’t do this to me schat, no when you’re far away.” Max complains. “And all I want to do is kiss you and hug you right now.”

I cover my face feeling a tear slip. “Let's find each other when the triple heads of Asia end, ok?” Max growls. “Is it so much your race thinking that is making me so happy?”

“I’ll do more than that, count with that.” I heard someone knock on his door. 

“I’ll leave you.” Max said goodbye but I added one last thing. “Max, I’m holding tight, really tight.”

“That’s all you have to do.”

The race was exceptional, Max won with a comfy difference of 2-3 seconds with Charles, but I never expected what would happen in the press conference.

Max posted photos of the race on the top of the podium, in the last slide was a photo we took when we were in Liverpool watching the sunrise. 

Not a simple photo of the sunrise; his face illuminated for the sun in orange colors as I’m hugging him but my face isn’t appearing in the frame, just my hair and my arm around his neck.

>Keeping her busy with winns.

In one of the many comments Max had about if there is a chance of tha girl in the picture could be me, I replay. 

> 👀

That unleashed an endless week of rumors and even a timeline of my relationship with Max started to spread. In the time line are photos that I didn't even know when or were taken.

Even Lewis helps to increase the rumors by posting a story of me laying on the couch of his house with the small description of…

>Keeping an eye on her. 

Which Mercedes complement with.

>Keeping a lot of eyes on her.

Red Bull can't stay behind, answering Mercedes.

>When you are busy we can keep an eye on her too. 😉

By the time the GP of China ends, Max was questioned about his position on the rumors.

“Max, what can you say about the things that are happening around you and Lewis' little sister?” Max keeps his face neutral.

“Y/N is an amazing person, but I'm afraid Lewis lost from his view a couple of times.” A big smile with pressed lips appeared on his face.

Lewis regrets he didn't have the chance to reply to something, but his tour with the reporters ended.

“We didn't want a soft lunch, right?” Max said as he arrived to apartment in Monaco.

“Not after a race!” I laugh rolling my eyes.

“Where are you? It's pretty dark. I can barely see you.” He said searching for his keys in his bag.

I opened his door jumping on him, causing him to act fast grabbing his phone and me at the same time. “In your house.”

Max curses but holds me tight against him.

“Oh my God.” He splits so he can see my face. “Hi.”

I scrunch my nose, jumping was a bad idea because my casted arm hurts.

“Reckless girl.” He observed my arm. “Are you ok? You shouldn't be jumping around, you know there is  a percentage of people who can aggravate a fracture even being with a cast.”

I roll my eyes. “So much blah blah blah.”

I pull him by his shirt for kissing him so slowly but passionately, with just one intention, leaving him breathless.

I get it because the lack of hair was the only thing that made us separate.

“I miss you.” I whisper stick to his lips. “I'm sorry, I know…”

We're so lost in the moment that he just pressed his lips against mine one more time.

“Welcome to your home.” I whisper following for a hug, both of his arms across my back.

“This couldn’t feel more like home.” He hid his face on my neck.

I smile but I remember what I have inside of his home. “Oh, let’s get inside.” 

I split as I pull him inside of his apartment but I stop him in his hallway. “No, no, no.” I put my right hand on his face. “Don’t see.”

Max has to walk with his knees a little bit folded and in an uncomfortable position, but still he smiles walking in a dark apartment.

We reached his living room, where on the small table a cheesecake with a little candle waits for him.

“Ta da!” I take my hand of his eyes, my eyes stuck on his face all the time. His face lights up too.

“Oh my god!” He blinks and sees me, all my words were cut for a kiss. “This is amazing, thank you so much.” 

“Blow it! Or you will have melted a candle on that.” Max giggles and blows the candle as I light on. 

After a detailed look he realized the shape of the candles. “This is Jimmy and Sassy. Amazing, totally amazing.” 

“Even though I like to take the credit for this, I can’t.” We sat down on his carpet. “I asked Alexa about a place for the cheesecake and the candles, Emma knows a place in London.”

“Can I?” Max points to the cheesecake for taking a piece. 

I giggle. “All yours.” I don’t have to tell him twice for he takes a small portion of melting at the first bite. “That good, huh?”

Max nods offering me a bite which I gladly take, yes, so good. 

Watching him enjoying the dessert makes my heart squeeze, just thinking how worried and mad he could be.

“I’m sorry.” I said playing with the carpet. “I promise I won’t do it again but I was scared.” 

Max grabs my hands and turns around facing me. “Don’t say that again. I’ll wait, if you think it is something you should tell me, I’ll wait until you’re ready.”

“You know, it is hard imagining a life without you.” It’s the only thing that I have clear on my mind, the only thing I have for certain right now lost in his eyes. 

Max blinks, I grab his face between my hands, smiling at him. “It's impossible for me too.” Max chuckles pulling me as I sit on his lap, both of my things at the side of his legs.  

I surrounded his neck with my arms. “You're one of a kind Verstappen.” Max laughs, kissing me. 

“Emilian for you, too many people call me that.” I laughed too nodding. “Thanks for be home.”

I hugged him tighter, he’s right, this couldn’t feel more like home.

[lovingbini]

the warmest human pillow

pairing: changbin x reader | idiots to lovers, light angst, pretty fluffy overall | warnings: stress from studying | a/n: gotta hide because my bestie didn't want me to post this in bullet style BUT that's all i got for now. love you, baby!!! promise the next will be written properly!!

ok, so you and changbin work together at a hostel in exchange for a room

changbin is the owner's nephew, but he's kind of an assistant manager around the place

you work part-time at the front desk

for the rest of the day you lock yourself in your room to study for a big project you're going to apply soon

your dynamic with changbin is kind of random since you don't give him much attention

yet he’s always acting silly around you

well, that changed since he caught you paying a girl to answer a test for you

since then he wouldn't stop coming through the reception with a knowing smirk plastered on his beautiful face

one day you got tired of it, "got something to tell me?"

he goes, "oh no, i'm alright. i guess you have something to tell that company"

and as soon as you got up from your chair, his aunt called him outside

he walked through and winked

two days later, when you thought you were left alone by him

he calls you after the staff meeting

"i need a favor"

"why would i do anything for you?"

"well, i've got proof of someone cheating on a super important test for a project application..."

"okay, alright. just tell me what you want."

you noticed how his smirk turned into a hesitating expression

"you remember my brother, right? he left for uni last week."

"yeah, he's a nice guy. i knew he could do it."

"me too. the thing is, our room has a lot of space. auntie stated that if i don't find anyone to share, she's going to make it available to rent."

you nodded, "but i'm okay with my room, i don't need more space."

"the second thing is that i'm having trouble sleeping alone. i used to have my brother as a safe place for personal reasons..."

"wait, you want to share the bed with me?!"

he started to nervously play with his hands

"yes, but just at night... you can have the room to yourself the rest of the day, i promise it's much more comfortable than the one you rent right now."

"if you start with some creepy behavior i'm going to ruin your life."

then you agree

in the first night, changbin watched you getting comfortable with your body pillow

he suggested, "you can cling on me, i don't mind"

"yeah thanks, just stay where you are"

but in the middle of the night, you feel him restless near you

“is this what your brother had to put up with? i thought company would help you”

you don’t see changbin awkward smile in the dark

“well, he actually cuddled me, so…”

“what? are you serious?” with his silence, you question, “changbin, please don’t tell me this is the only way you’re able to sleep”

silence again, then a mumble, “i’m really sorry, it’s something i’m working on therapy”

now you’re the quiet one, biting your lips in deep thought

“alright, i won’t pressure you about it, just know i’m the big spoon and that won’t change”

you take the body pillow that separated your bodies and pull him closer

changbin shudders when he feels your arm around his waist, his back against your chest

“is this okay?”

“it’s nice”

“great, now let me sleep, tomorrow’s going to be a long day”

changbin tries to hold the biggest smile on his face, although he didn’t have to

the alarm goes off in the morning, you find yourself with a leg thrown over changbin’s, who’s now on his back

he’s basically your realistic body pillow, but much more comfortable and warm

you feel his soft skin where his clothes don’t reach

you almost feel like not leaving the bed at all, but the alarm goes off one more time

(strategy to make sure you wake up)

unfortunately, the noise woke up the fluffy human pillow under you as well

“morning, sorry for waking you up like this”

“it’s okay, i overslept, to be honest”

he doesn’t tell you it’s been a while since he slept so well

the two of you exchange glances, somehow waiting who’s getting up first

even you are surprise to not be the one sprinting away from him

not wanting to cause any more bother, changbin moves away

you convince yourself that the cold air that hits you it’s because of the blanket that slipped a little, not because of the lack of his warmness

the days go by with the usual stress

both of you take care of the hostel by day, then find comfort in each other by night

none of this is weird at all, since you’re always too tired to argue

changbin’s not that bad as well

his silly antics decrease when he realizes how quiet and serious you get when focusing on the project

one fine afternoon he catches you crying in front of your laptop screen

the exam for this stage of the project is even more difficult, and yet you can’t go through that freaking subject

the one you pay the girl to do for you

but she wasn’t available that week, so you ended up in a crisis, wondering why on earth you couldn’t get that through your brain

“listen, breathe for me, okay? let’s get yourself together first,” he guides you patiently

when you feel able to focus on him again, he puts one hand over your cheek

the warm feeling is familiar, working like some kind of anchor

“i can’t do the test for you, but we can study together. how long do we have?”

“two weeks only”

“two weeks are enough, let’s just work hard, alright?”

you just stare at him, trying to process how you got to this point of intimacy

the point of making you feel like hugging and kissing him till you both are out of breath

“okay, let’s do it”

changbin nods, scanning your face with a small smile

“i find this mole under your eye the cutest thing, you know?”

you put a hand over his – the one still on your cheek

“you’re not subtle with your pretty words and pretty eyes, okay?”

“oh? i mean, it’s all part of a plan, to be honest”

“talk to me”

“a study break, our bed, some cuddles, some kisses, if you’re interested. then more cuddles, maybe more kisses…”

“okay! i’m in! no more convincing!”

you get up and run straight to the bed, hearing his giggles echo through the room

your hearts now heavy only with one knows by love and joy

[grahstumhurts]

2. Putting it into gear

Cheerleader!Megan x Loser Band Member!Reader

A/N Not proof read lol so it might have some weird wording and shit.

The late May air is starting to feel slightly humid and hot as it usually does by this time, Megan's waiting outside. Leaning on the side of the school fence looking effortlessly beautiful as she does.

“Hey” you greet her, “What did you need to talk about?” She looks up from her phone, then looks around behind you to see if people are watching.

“Look, I owe you an apology and-” 

“That's an understatement.” You cut her off. “Two years of ignoring me should get me something better than an apology”

“Just hear me out” 

She looks you in the eyes, Her pupils glistening with the caramelised apple colour it's always been.

“Please,” 

“Fine” You cross your arms in anticipation “You gonna tell me or what?”

“I need to fake date you, for friendship reasons I guess.” Obviously that stuns you, A girl you had a crush on for the past ten years of your life is suddenly asking you to fake date her. 

“What?” Your face contorts in a mix of surprise and confusion “Why me?”

“You're the only gay person I know, I’m trying to come out to them and they won't believe me till I date someone who fits their “Gay” vision” She sighs, her face portrays her obviously conflicted emotions. “Look its okay if you won't do it, You don't owe me anything especially since i abandoned you but at least sleep on it for me.”

She pauses, trying to read your face, noticing the slight differences in your eyes.

“I also needed to say sorry, I wasn't there when I promised I would be.” 

“I wont accept your apology for now, you need to earn my trust back, Megan.”

 You sigh at the dilemma, do you chose to help her with her fake dating thing, or do you leave her behind. 

“I’ll help you under one condition, We will stay friends afterwards.” 

You expect her to say no, the wavering tone in your voice saying so.

“Thank you so much, seriously I appreciate this. I owe you, N/n” She hugs you, Her scent lingering of fresh citrus and light berries. Her arms wrap around your waist, you instinctively wrap your arms around her shoulders.

“We need to figure out a plan for this whole situation.” You comment as you two break the hug, still feeling the lingering warmth of her. 

“Are you free this week to meet up?” 

“Tuesdays and Thursdays I meet up with my band, any other day we can meet up after school.”

“How about wednesday? I have practice, can you come watch and we can go somewhere after?” The thought of her friends seeing you makes your skin crawl as your reputation with these “Popular” people is not exactly great. Considering that you and Lara are the ones who stand up to Greg when he feels the need to degrade Yoonchae. You may or may not have gotten into some physical altercations with said Greg. 

“Sure, It’ll sell the idea that we are dating a bit more,” It’s a trade off that is worth it to make Megan happy. You shrug just as her phone rings, Her ringtone was not the same as the one you had remembered her to have. It had been her favourite song, Perfect Lover by Britney Spears. But now it's one of those default ones, Removing some of the personality from her.

“Yeah?"

"Oh, Okay."

"I’ll see you soon, Mom. Love you bye”

You can vaguely hear her moms voice throughout the quick phone call, her familiar tone isn't something you can forget easily. 

“You gotta go I assume?” you pick at your nails, “I can walk you home if you want?” You look up to her, trying to gauge her reaction through her body language. “Unless you dont want me to.. You know what forget i even said-”

“NO!” She suddenly cuts you off mid sentence “I mean, No” She clears her throat repeating her affirmation in a softer tone, “it’d be nice for my mom to see you again, She used to ask me about you all the time.” She presses her lips into a line, her face covered with embarrassment. 

“Lead the way,” You slightly smile at the thought that her mom still wondered where you had been all this time, She starts walking in the direction of her house. Making small talk to catch up on each others lives during the two years of absence, Your hands brushing together as you walk on the pavement.

“I missed you, you know that right?”

The smallness in her voice juxtaposes her usually large demeanour.

“I hoped you did,”

You chuckle slightly,

“I missed you too.”

“This is me,” she stops in front of the house you used to know, “You wanna stay for dinner? I mean you don't have to or anything.”

“Sure, It’ll be nice to say hi to your mom.” She leads you into her house, The recognisable scent of her moms cooking wafting into your nostrils. Filling your senses with memories of years prior. “Do we have to fake date in front of your mom aswell?” You tease her, Slipping off your shoes.

“Yeah, I guess so..” She replies nervously, just as her Mom wraps around the corner from the kitchen. “Hey, I brought home a special someone.” 

“Oh my gosh, YN! I didn't realise you were coming tonight for dinner.” She embraces you in a warm hug. “Feels like I haven't seen you in forever.” She lightly jabs at Megan with her elbow. 

“Just been busy with school work and college applications, you know how it is.” You lightly giggle at Megan’s mom’s actions. “Glad to see you Mrs. Skiendiel”

“Oh please, Yn. You know not to call me that, Just aunty is okay.” 

-

“Wow aunty, this is seriously delicious.” You moan as you wolf down the rice and pork on your plate. “I'm grateful that your cooking skills haven't deteriorated in the period I haven't seen you” You say in between bites.

“Im happy you like it, feel free to come over and eat when you want to, Honey” She chuckles

“Uhm Mom, We have something to talk about with you.” Megan’s words shift the energy at the table. You swallow your latest bite and glance at Megan, Giving her a reassuring look. 

“You guys are dating? I know, it's not that much of a shock.” Aunty takes the words out of Megan's mouth, “I've been patiently waiting when you two would realise your feelings for eachother. I have a standing bet with your mom, Yn.” She matter-a-factly comments,

“No funny business in my house alright?” 

“Yes aunty, I don't plan on doing anything with Megan till she's ready. Don't worry”

You try to clear the air quickly, Megan grabs your hand on the table. Interlocking her fingers with your ring clad ones, The slightly cold metal meeting her warm skin. The embarrassment of your words settling in with the two of you.

“I wouldn't dare hurt Megan, I hope you know that aunty.” You stupidly grin at her.

“I know, Yn. Just double checking, I know how you teenagers can be.” She lets out a deep sigh of relaxation. “I have some work to do. all I need you guys to do is the dishes, can you two handle that?” She squints her eyes at us, 

“Yeah, dont worry about it, Mom.” Megan stands and starts clearing the plates from the table, You follow her actions grabbing plates and silverware and bringing them to the sink in the kitchen. 

“I’ll be in the office working if you need me, Good night you two.” Megan’s Mom announces before the door closes.

“Oh my god i swear that was the most awkward i've been with your mom in forever.” You let out a deep sigh as you lean against the kitchen counter, Megan places down the rest of the dishes.

“Yeah no that was really awkward.” She giggles “Yes aunty i don't plan on doing anything with Megan till she's ready” She mockingly says in your tone of voice. You shove her shoulder lightly. 

“Come on lets finish the dishes, I rinse, you dry?” You stand over the sink, turn on the sink and scrub the dinner plates with a soapy sponge.

“Mhm, sounds like a solid plan” She hums, picking up the drying towel from the towel rack as you start to hand her some rinsed dishes. You cheekily smile to yourself as you get a devious idea. Megan is suddenly met with a warm splash of water from the sink head

“You did not just do that” She looks at you astonished, Mouth agape. “You little shit, Yn” 

“Such hurtful words require punishment” You giggle as you spray her with more water,

“What the fuck!” She squeals, feeling the water soak her shirt, “that's not fair, i don't have a sink to spray you too.” Suddenly it seems as Megan gets an idea for your payback.

“Come here, YN. Give me, your girlfriend, A hug. why don't you?” 

“No! I'm not gonna hug you, Meg. You gotta catch me first.” She roars with laughter as she chases after you in the kitchen. 

“Im gonna get you!” She loudly shouts, Running you into the corner of the kitchen.

“I’ve got you trapped now don't i?” She pants.

“I guess so, And what are you gonna do about it?”

You tease her, She pulls you into a wet hug “Eughhhh, it's so cold” You groan feeling her damp top spread the water on your shirt. She pulls away, Snickering at the sight of your now also damp shirt, 

“You get what's coming for you.”

“Can i atleast borrow a shirt or something?” You pull your shirt away from your chest to unstick it from your skin.

“Yeah, Come on. Let's go upstairs and dry off.” She grasps her hand with yours, Her nails graze your wrist. She drags you up the stairs into her room. You stare in awe, It looks similar to when you were last here but different at the same time.

“You took down the BTS posters?” You take a glance at her as she rummages through her closet for two shirts.

“Figured it was time to grow up i guess” She sighs and pulls out the shirts. 

“You sure it wasnt just your new friends pressuring you? Not that it really matters honestly, just curious.”

“Yes its fine, seriously, YN. I dont get whats your problem is right now, they were just posters.” She throws a purple oversized shirt at you.

“Just asking, No offence and all that” You exhale deeply, “Should i go to the bathroom and change or?” She just nods and you take that as your sign to leave the room.

You reenter the room and she's laying on her bed, Phone in hand. You knock on the door frame, she glances up then pats the side of the bed for you to sit down.

“Sorry by the way. Its not really my place to ask those types of questions.” You sit on the end of her bed.

“Its okay, I'm sorry too by the way. I overreacted a tad.” You observe as she hesitates to interlock hands, You take action as you interlock your pinkies together. 

"I guess i realized how much you've changed. And i guess i wasn't ready to fully realize it." You lay next to her, Brushing shoulders.

[peachhcs]

https://www.tumblr.com/peachhcs/767185748593164288/httpswwwtumblrcompeachhcs766739881092415488

i love this omg! i’m glad they are together maybe they need one more talking seriously to each other and samy is trying to tell him her fears and what she is scared of now it’s a much needed talk

i do love a side plot but this also does feel like it could easily be in the main plot to you know? whatever you want !

part 9!! sorry this took me longer to finish 🥲 let me know what else we want from this side plot!

au masterlist

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8

will found samy on the steps of back patio as the day drew into mid afternoon. they were watching a movie together and when the hockey player vaguely remembered dozing off from being somewhat jet lagged still. when he woke back up, samy wasn’t beside him like she was when he fell asleep and the tv that had the movie playing was running through a random tv show.

the girl’s back was to him, so she didn’t will at first and he didn’t didn’t say anything. he took those few seconds to admire her and the way her brown curls fell down her torso into frizzy little ends. to will, she looked so pretty like that. the sun was casting a perfect glow around her figure despite it being early october. god, he adored her so much.

will finally cleared his throat to grab her attention. she spun around, surprised, but happy to see him there.

“hi, didn’t know if you were gonna wake up,” the soccer player teased some as he joined her on the step and immediately reached her fingers up to brush his misplaced curls away.

“yeah, guess the jet lag got to me,” will admitted while returning her soft smile with one of his own.

“guess so. sleep well?” samy hummed, still toying with his hair.

“yeah, i slept fine. maybe i’ll get used to it by the time i leave again,” the couple shared a laugh. she eventually pulled her hand away warning a small grunt in response and will missing the way her fingers felt in his hair and on his skin.

“what are you doing out here?” he finally asked, his gaze following hers that diverted towards the hughes’ nearly five acre yard in front of them. in every space and corner, will could picture a memory that occurred there and the thoughts earned a bright smile on his features.

everything in michigan felt so nostalgic to him nowadays after finishing the ntdp. will spent primitive teenage years in this backyard and to think he was in the nhl now and they weren’t fifteen anymore.

“just thinking,” the brunette shrugged with her good shoulder.

“anything in particular?” will smiled, poking just a bit.

“not really, no.”

they exchanged a glance and maybe will was just in his head again, but he didn’t quite believe her. he knew when samy had something on her mind and didn’t say it and this was one of those times. she was being way to quiet for his liking because she’d always have 100 things to talk about no matter how stupid it was.

“you’re gonna say you don’t believe me, right?” samy beat him to it, a tiny smile on her lips because she also knew what her boyfriend was thinking. that was just how well they knew one another. will’s cheeks flushed a bit.

“uh, no. i wasn’t, but if there is something on your mind, you know you can talk to me right?” will offered because he wasn’t gonna over push it if samy really didn’t want to talk about anything.

“what if i said it’s about us?” her tone dropped and will could feel the seriousness washing over them.

he sucked in a breath, suddenly feeling the need to straighten himself up. “okay,” he waited for her to go on.

“i guess i’ve just been thinking more about..about why i didn’t call you..” the brunette began just as will shook his head.

“no, no you know you don’t have to keep apologizing about that. i get it. i do. i—“

“no, no, will, i should’ve called you. i don’t know why i didn’t. i..i guess i’ve just been..scared?” the girl’s voice became small and timid which wasn’t something will heard a lot from samy.

“scared? of what? me?” his heart twisted at that idea.

“no, no, god, no. i’d never be scared of you, don’t worry,” samy quickly clarified.

“then what is it? is it something i’m doing? not doing?” will was really determined to not fuck this all up again, so he’d literally do anything to make samy comfortable and meet her needs.

“no, it’s nothing you’re doing. i think it’s just my own insecurities,” she shook her head, but will wasn’t really following.

“what do you mean?”

“i think..i think i’m still a little bit affected from our breakup this summer. it might sound stupid but my insecurities have made me feel like i’m a burden to people and i’ll just be too much again. or not enough? i don’t really know,” samy dodged his glance by staring at the ground.

her words felt like an arrow straight into the hockey player’s heart that he didn’t even know how to respond. a pang of guilt washed over him and suddenly, he felt horrible that he fucked their entire relationship in the first place all because he thought he couldn’t do it.

a painful silence washed over them mixed with a bit of tension when will didn’t answer right away. samy bit at her lip, knowing she shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place.

“shit, i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have said anything. it’s stupid—“

“wait, no, no it’s not stupid. it’s not. don’t invalidate your feelings,” will finally found his words.

“i-i’m really sorry i’ve made you feel this way. i was being dumb and..fuck. you’re not a burden, samy. god, you could never be too much or a burden to me. i’d literally drop everything for you i mean, i did drop everything for you,” the boy continued, trying his best to reassure samy of any doubt in her mind.

he searched for her gaze and when she finally looked at him, will saw all of it in that single gaze. the hurt, the pain, the mistrust and it broke his heart into a million pieces that she still felt all of this.

will reached out slowly, a hesitation and a silent request that he could touch her face. when she didn’t refuse, will’s hands cupped her cheeks, bringing her so close that their noses were inches apart.

“i love you, samy. nothing will ever change that for me, i promise. you mean so much to me. i’m really sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me you were hurt and i’m trying to do better. i wanna be better for you,” will admitted everything. he watched the girl’s gaze slowly soften out which he took as a good sign, especially when her forehead laid against his own.

“i love you, will. you mean a lot to me too. it’s just been a long journey to getting back together that i’m still working on. i’m really glad you’re here,” the two exchanged loving smiles and that’s when samy opened her mouth to kiss him. he took the hint fairly quickly, their lips connecting and closing the little space left.

“tell me what needs to happen to gain your full trust back and i’ll make it happen. i promise,” will said when they pulled apart.

samy smiled, “how about just spending all our time together until you have to leave again?”

“i like the sound of that,” will kissed the side of her head.

the couple stayed outside until it got too cold to be out there in just a sweatshirt. they cuddled back up on the couch together and for once, there was no anxiety about anything—just what they were eating for dinner and what movie they were gonna watch next.

[igglemouse]

Simón stared at the product and wondered about it. He never used. He followed that old rule, don't get high off your old supply, but the thing is, this wasn't his supply. He was just the transportation. He brought the stuff in, he brought the stuff out, and that was it. Didn't pay much but it did pay enough but as he looked at it he wondered if it was time for a promotion. If they were going to drag him back in then why should he remain on the sidelines?

It was something he had to seriously consider. If he had the blessing of the cartel, maybe, just maybe he could pull it off. But without their approval? He'd be dead. You don't run from Los Tigres, at least not for long, so if he were to become a dealer he'd have to be a partner.

Still, as he looked around his cramped rundown and dusty trailer he started to wonder if this was his only move. He didn't have many job prospects but he had a lot of ambition. Maybe this was his opportunity...

Tuesday morning and yep, still doing chores. We're planning to hire a maid soon because honestly otherwise this place would be a little too much for me to handle. I do think it would be a temporary thing. I'm not sure if I want Flora growing up to be spoiled, thinking someone will always do her laundry and clean up after her, but who knows how I'll feel about it once the maid checks in. Maybe they will spoil me. It's hard to imagine myself as one of those pampered player wives but I feel like that's the path I'm going down.

As for Flora I'm taking care of her the best I can which of course includes feeding her right from the source. There are a lot of benefits to it, health wise and I've heard it helps with bonding. Not that we'll need help with that because I feel like I've already completely connected with her! She's growing so fast too, every day I can see her getting just a pinch bigger, or maybe I'm imagining it?

Overall, life feels perfect right now! I know I keep saying this but I really can't imagine that I would be in this spot a year ago. A beautiful baby girl, a beautiful house, and an umm, yeah, a good looking but somewhat goofy boyfriend! I just feel so good that even a plain apple salad gets me excited!

I'm really pouring as much of myself as I can into this new social media thing when I do get free time. I want to feel productive and I know taking care of Flora is being productive but like I've said, I don't want that to be my only thing. I know being a mama means limited free time too but I'll manage. I think my new career is off to a great start as well!

As for Pascal, well, you can probably guess. Yep. Working out and of course without his shirt. If you've got it, flaunt it, is what I always hear.

And I'm trying to get it back with a little more free time given to me or at least enough time to hop on the treadmill. I have my mind set on losing this baby weight and I am also motivated by the fact that Pascal does this every single day so I can do it too!

I did spend most of my day on the treadmill and got a solid workout in. I feel so much better! I can't head to bed though without checking in on Flora who was whiny and wriggly and needy and this time I bottle fed her. I also hang out with her a little, chat with her a little, and let her know I love her more than anything in the world. How could I not? Look at her!

Pascal is out for a road game and that's why I've been here home alone for most of the day. I was going to slip into bed but I remember I have to check my socials before sleeping. Which means just seeing the reaction to my last video and interacting with people here and there and also checking in on Pascal's socials since I'm nosy and he's my guy so I have a right to be a little nosy. That's normal right?

Is it also normal that he's liking this woman's post?

Frida Varela - Next Episode 9.4

[thewardenisonthecase]

Moments in Between - Chapter 3

Lucanis Dellamorte x Grey Warden!Rook

Chapter 2

Read on AO3

Summary: Rook has a nightmare and Lucanis has a funeral to arrange.

A/N: I didn't like this chapter that much but it needed to get done. I'm still figuring out where this story is going. Also MAJOR SPOILERS FOR DATV AT THE END (its about one of the big reveals in the third act)!!!

Another night, another nightmare.

She was amongst them, one more darkspawn in the middle of the hoard. Her thoughts were not her own, as she heard the sweet calling of the archdemon, beckoning them to keep digging. 

Just keep digging. Digging. Find it. Find the source of the song. 

Come to me. 

The sound of metal against stone echoed in her head, each time louder and louder until the earth exploded, as a pair of giant wings emerged and the intense roaring of the Archdemon shook everything around her. 

Rook woke up in a cold sweat, her heart hammering in her chest, her mouth dry. Standing on shaky legs, she didn’t know what to do. 

Ever since her Joining, she too had struggled with nightmares, but none that ever felt this…real. And none that featured an archdemon. 

She could feel her feet taking her somewhere, her body moved even if her mind didn’t command it to. She stopped, not knowing where she was until a voice spoke her name. 

“Rook, are you alright? You look pale.” She heard someone speak, her mind still trying to catch on. The voice was familiar, but the sound of her own ragged breath muffled the next sentences. 

Next thing she knew, calloused hands with a gentle touch led her to a chair, helping her sit down. A water cup was put in her hands. Slowly, and with help, she brought it to her lips and drank almost everything. 

Rook closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. When she opened them, she was met with a certain crow crouching in front of her, his eyes filled with concern. 

“Lucanis.” She whispered, as her mind cleared, looking around the room. “Hi.” She saw his face relax a bit after she spoke. 

“What happened?” He asked, softly. He covered her hands, the ones holding the water, with his own. “You’re shaking and you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

She gave him a small chuckle that sounded more like a gasp. “I…I had a nightmare. A very, very, bad one.”

Lucanis nodded and stood up. He thought for a moment and then said “If you want, I can make you something to eat.” 

“I…thank you.” She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly before saying “Can you make that chocolate drink? The one from the café.” 

He gave her a small smile. “Of course.” 

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him get to work, as she slowly gathered her thoughts. She had never dreamt with an archdemon before, but she remembered the warden commander telling her about it. 

“It’s intense, terrifying.” She remembered hearing the commander talk. “The nightmares are bad on their own, but during a Blight they’re worse. And when you see the archdemon…I was lucky to have Alistair with me.” 

She didn’t know how much time had passed but the smell of hot chocolate filled her nostrils, as her empty water cup was replaced. 

“Thank you, Lucanis.” He nodded and began to walk away, into the pantry. “Can I…ask you for a favor?” She said, unsure. 

“What is it?”

“Could you keep me company? Just for a while.” 

He stood there, thinking and for a moment, she thought she had overstepped, until he grabbed his cup of coffee and sat on the chair opposite to hers. The two drank in silence, until Rook asked “Do you also have bad dreams?” 

“Sometimes, although lack of sleep prevents them. Do you have them often?” 

“All the time. It comes with being a warden.” 

His head tilted to the side. “I don’t understand.” 

She sighed. “I guess most people don’t.” Rook leaned back on her chair, as she thought of a way to explain it. “Because of our connection to the blight, we often have dreams with them - the darkspawn, the taint. And if you’re unlucky enough, you’ll dream with the archdemon.” 

“And I’m guessing that was the cause of your nightmare.”

Rook nodded. “I had never dreamed of one before. They’re not really supposed to happen unless a Blight is going on, and even then, I’d thought we’d have more time before…”

“Before, what?” 

“Before an archdemon was uncovered.” She took another drink before asking “Do you know how they came to be?” When Lucanis shook his head, she explained “The darkspawn, they’re always digging, looking for the Old Gods trapped beneath the earth. They call them constantly until they get them out. The Old God is then corrupted by the taint and becomes the Archdemon. It’s how we know it's a true blight, if an archdemon is spotted, and usually, our dreams are the first indications we have.” 

“So what you’re saying is that our situation is worse than what it was?” 

“Exactly.” Rook rubbed her forehead. “I don’t know if there’s any connection between the Old Gods and the Evanuris but if they are controlling the blight and got a hold of one of these archdemons…I don’t even want to think of the chaos that would be.” 

“It is something to consider. Have you contacted the rest of your order yet?” 

“We, uhm…aren’t on the best of terms right now. But maybe Harding and I can come up with something.” She finished her drink by putting it on the table. “Thank you, Lucanis.” 

“Of course.” He smirked. “But you’ll be owing me a favor.” 

“I told you we would all be owing each other.”

She smiled one last time and made the lonely journey back to her room. There was another problem hanging in the back of her mind. 

If there truly was an archdemon and if this was truly a blight…then her end was nearer than she’d expected. 

. 

It did not take long for Lucanis to reclaim that favor, as the very next day, a letter from Teia arrived.

The walk to the Cantori Diamond had been silent, but Lucanis was glad. Since Teia had told him about the funeral, he hadn’t been in the most talkative mood.  

Still, he had asked Rook to come along, in case Spite got out of hand. 

But also…he needed someone that wasn’t so involved, so familiar to be there. 

Once they arrived at the casino, Teia and Viago greeted them. 

“Good, you’re here.” The Seventh Talon said. 

“Thank you for making the arrangements, Teia.” 

“For Caterina…how could I do otherwise. I’m so sorry, Lucanis, this must be such a blow.” She turned to Rook. “Thank you for coming with him. I need one Dellamorte to plan this. His cousin has been no help at all.”

“I’m sorry, Teia.” Illario said mournfully. “This is just…too much right now.” 

Besides him, Rook took a deep breath and said “If there’s anything I can do to help, just say the word.” 

That was the other reason why he had asked her to come along. After a year surrounded by Venatori, having someone so…nice around was a breath of fresh air. 

“You’re such a dear.” Teia smiled. “I hope these two are paying attention.” 

Lucanis noticed the familiar, charming tone Teia used when talking to Rook, and he shifted the weight from his feet, slightly uncomfortable at the notion. “Teia, don’t flirt with my…” he stopped himself. 

What were they? Teammates? Friends? 

“Colleague.” Was the word he settled on, hoping the others did not notice his hesitation.

“Jealous? Fine, to business, then.” Teia said. “There’s a lot to plan, but first, I need the ashes.” 

“Ashes?” Illario asked, causing Lucanis to frown. His cousin seemed too surprised, though he couldn’t blame him. With how fast things had been…

“Maker help us, yes, the ashes! Caterina’s ashes. From the cremation?”

“Oh. Yes. Of course. I’ll get them to you right away.” His cousin said. 

In Lucanis’s mind, he had tried to think of every scenario about how this all came to be but there was still too much confusion. Before Illario left, she asked “Illario…what happened?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Caterina. How..? How did the Venatori get to her? When? Where? In the estate? In the city?” He bombarded his cousin with questions. “How did they get past our people? What did they use? Poison? Blades? I need to know.” 

He needed to be prepared. They would come for him too - if he did not find them first. 

But it was still strange. How could the First Talon had fallen so easily?

“Cousin, stop. You can’t dwell on this. It’ll drive you mad.” 

“I am not dwelling. Zara killed the First Talon. I have to know how, if I’m going to stop her.” 

“I told you. I’m handling it.” 

Illario and his stubbornness. If he continued like this, he’d get himself killed and Lucanis…he would be the only one left. 

He couldn’t stand the thought. 

“Boys! Enough. We have other things to discuss.” Teia intervened. 

“My apologies, Andarateia. Continue without me. I’ll…get you the ashes.” His cousin said and left. 

Lucanis sighed. He was still as confused as before and Illario seemed to refuse to cooperate. He turned his head, seeing a frown on Rook’s face. 

“Something’s wrong with him. I don’t know what.” 

“When he’s not on the job, my cousin always has his head on the clouds.” 

“Still…”

“Illario can be a handful, but this…The only time I’ve seen him like this was when Lucanis died.” Teia looked at him. “You’re worrying, aren’t you? What will people say when they discover that “the Demon of Vyrantium” has a big, soft heart?” 

Lucanis huffed and ignored what she said, opting to focus on Illario. “He’s been careless at times, but never when his own life was on the line. Zara took down the First Talon. Anyone could be next. And my cousin doesn’t want to think about it.” 

Teia stopped to think and replied “You have a point. It’s not like him to ignore a knife coming in his direction.” 

The three stayed there, in silence. Rook was right - there was something wrong with his cousin, but he couldn’t tell. He sighed, mentally, not sure of what to do. 

Lucanis shook his head. He had come here for a reason, and that reason was not worrying about Illario. “What do you need from me for the funeral?” 

“Come. I’ll get us drinks, and we can make arrangements.” Teia led them further inside the casino. 

They didn’t take long. Mostly, they asked what flowers they should use and where to place them, which people could be invited to the wake, if they should bring a Mother. 

All sorts of things that made Lucanis wonder how it must have been like for his family when they thought he was dead. If they had done all of this. 

The only time I’ve seen him like this was when Lucanis died.

And now he might as well be the reason why his cousin would get himself killed.

Before they left, Lucanis spoke with Teia. “Our house owes you for handling all this.” 

“Caterina was family. Can you imagine what she'd say if she saw us all like this?”  

His face lightened. “She’d be furious. Especially at Illario. As usual.”

Rook, who had stayed mostly quiet until now, spoke “How did you manage to stay on her good side?” 

Lucanis laughed. “What good side?” 

“To hear Caterina tell it, Lucanis can do no wrong.” Teia added.

“It’s easy to look good standing next to my cousin.” 

Rook smirked. “You’re not so bad, give yourself some credit.” 

Lucanis looked away, remembering the previous night. He then saw Teia’s eyes narrow, a small rise in one of her brows, before he cleared his throat. 

Teia straightened her face and said “I’ll have my people keep an eye on him for you.” 

“Thank you, Teia.” 

“Go on. I’ll let you know if something comes up.” 

They said their goodbyes and left. 

They were in the middle of the Crossroads, getting close to the Lighthouse eluvian when Rook stopped and asked “Are you ok?” 

Lucanis blinked, confused. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean…I don’t know what if feels like, but losing your grandma must be hard, right? I just wanted to check in.” 

“If you’re wondering if I can still do my job-”

“It’s not about that.” She shook her head. “I’m asking as a friend. I mean, I hope we are friends, but I just…” She sighed “Varric recently told me that it’s important to check in on your friends, especially when you’re on a mission as big as killing elven gods. So…that’s what I’m doing.” 

Lucanis stood still. He wasn’t used to this sort of caring, much less from someone he knew for such a short period of time, but he could see that Rook was genuine. 

“I-thank you, Rook. I will be fine.” He said, hoping. “And yes…I think we can be friends.” 

“Good.” She nodded and they kept on walking to the Lighthouse. 

But a sudden question formed on the back of Lucanis’s head. 

If Varric was dead, how had Rook talked to him?

[sollucets]

first kanaphan & khaotung thanawat as sand and ray in the only friends trailer

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

I am exhausted, good heavens.

[purpurussy]

I know this is 100% my personal problem and idk if anyone can relate but as an afab person with some weird gender shit going on I kinda hate it whenever dnp make jokes like "you know us we don't like pussy/tits" etc like 😭 I love that they have fully healed from the comphet "fyi I like vagina" era but I hate being made to feel like a Woman™ because of my anatomy if that makes sense. Like my brain interprets it as "we don't like those traits because they make you a woman and we're gay" idk it gives me like a weird wave of dysphoria every time they say it 😭😭 the first time I watched BIG I interpreted Dan's monologue about "I don't care what kind of anatomy you've got going on, I don't feel attracted to the signs on bathroom doors" as being like trans inclusive but I fear he's walked it back with these constant jokes dsdfghjkl and to be clear I'm not saying anyone is obligated to find me or my body type attractive like that's not what this is about. It's just the equation of genitals/anatomy with gender idk. And this is not even really something that's specific to dnp and I know there's a lot of discourse about genital preferences or whatever idk idk maybe I should've just sent this to phannieconfessions and allowed everyone to take it in the worst possible faith over there. I just need to get it off my chest