#i have no support characters. and my only healing one is an R.

[autism-corner]

i am so ready for the next nucarnival event. i have at least 190 pulls saved up!!!! + it'll most definitely feature either blade or yakumo so <3333

[the-oblivious-writer]

Oh the Guilt

Sam Carpenter x Reader

One-shot

Summary: no

Warning(s): major character death and mourning/grief

Notes: Based off of this request: hey! i saw your requests are open (i am indeed busting). i was wondering if you’d do some angst with either sam or tara? maybe sam/tara spending the holidays alone because they falsely accused reader of being gf and pushed them away/broke up w them. but it only ended up putting r in danger and leading to their death? love me some good ol angst if you’re up for it! have a great holiday season :)

The Christmas lights blur through her tears as Sam clutches your photo to her chest, fingers trembling against the worn edges. Her apartment feels too quiet, too empty, the silence broken only by the distant sound of people celebrating that makes everything worse. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

Sam stares at your sweater draped over her couch - the soft blue one you always wore when it got cold, the one that still holds traces of your perfume. She doesn't deserve its comfort, but she pulls it on anyway, drowning in fabric and guilt and memory.

"We’re specimens to you, aren’t we?" Sam's voice had cracked like breaking glass, fear masquerading as anger. "I’m not letting Tara get hurt again!"

You'd reached for her, confusion and hurt painting your features. "Sam, please. You know me. I would never-"

"I thought I knew Richie too," she'd snarled, backing away from your touch. "Get out. Get out!”

The door had slammed with such finality. She'd thought she was protecting herself, protecting everyone. Instead, she'd handed you to them gift-wrapped - alone, vulnerable, perfect prey.

By the time Sam realized her mistake, she was cradling your broken body in the rain, red seeping into puddles around you both. Your fingers had weakly brushed her cheek, still trying to comfort her even then.

"Not your fault," you'd whispered, but those words haunt her worse than any ghostface ever could.

Now Tara brings food she doesn't eat, Kirby tries to coax her out, but Sam remains suspended in amber, preserved in the moment she lost you. Your clothes hang in her closet like ghosts. She wears your sweaters to sleep, buries her face in the fabric and pretends she can still feel your warmth.

The Christmas tree in the corner - the one you'd insisted on buying together - stands half-decorated, just as you'd left it. Tinsel dangles like broken promises. The star you'd picked out remains in its box, because finishing it without you feels like accepting you're gone.

Sam traces the words of your last text message: "I love you. We'll talk soon." Her phone screen has cracked from how many times she's dropped it, hands shaking too hard to hold on.

She knows she should let others in. Knows you'd want her to live, to heal, to forgive herself. But every time Tara hugs her or Kirby offers support, it feels like betraying your memory. Like she doesn't deserve comfort after what she did to you.

Sometimes, in the depths of night when the walls feel like they're closing in, Sam swears she can feel you. A whisper of movement in her peripheral vision, the ghost of your touch against her shoulder, the way the air shifts as if accommodating your presence.

"I see you everywhere," she whispers into the darkness, clutching your sweater like a lifeline. "The coffee mug you chipped is still in the cabinet. Your stupid action movies are still in my queue. I can't… I can't delete them."

The apartment creaks, settling into winter's grip, and Sam lets out a broken laugh. "Remember how you used to say these old buildings had character? God, you'd make up stories about the noises - ghosts having dance parties, you said." Her voice catches. "Is that what you're doing now? Dancing without me?"

Sam reaches out, fingers trembling in the empty air where she imagines you might be. "I fucked up. I fucked up so bad. I was so scared of losing everyone that I pushed away the one person who…" She chokes on the words. "The one person who never gave me a reason to doubt them."

The Christmas lights flicker, and for a moment, Sam's heart stops. She's learned to find meaning in these small disturbances, these tiny rebellions against reality. "I know what you'd say. That I need to forgive myself. That I need to let people in." Tears track down her cheeks. "But how can I? How can I when every time I close my eyes, I see you bleeding out in my arms?"

Something shifts in the room - maybe the heating kicking in, maybe something more. The tinsel on the half-decorated tree sways gently. Sam watches it, transfixed. "If you're here… I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I should have trusted you. Should have protected you. Should have been there when…"

The star for the tree - your star - sits in its box on the coffee table. As Sam watches through tears, a draft from somewhere catches the lid, lifting it slightly. Her breath hitches.

"You want me to finish it, don't you? The tree?" Her laugh is wet, broken. "Always so stubborn about traditions." She reaches for the star with shaking hands. "I don't know if I can. It feels like accepting you're really…"

The room grows impossibly still, as if the very air is holding its breath. Sam could swear she feels the phantom pressure of your hand over hers, guiding her toward the tree. The sensation is so vivid she gasps.

"Okay," she whispers, standing on unsteady legs. "Okay, baby. For you." She clutches the star to her chest, your sweater hanging loose on her frame. "But I'm not ready to let you go. Not yet. Maybe not ever."

As she reaches up to place the star, the Christmas lights seem to glow a little brighter, and for just a moment, Sam swears she can feel your arms around her waist, your chin on her shoulder, just like before. Just like always.

"Stay with me?" she asks the empty room, knowing the answer, dreading the silence. "Even if I don't deserve it?"

The lights flicker once, twice - like a heartbeat, like a promise - and Sam breaks down sobbing, sliding to the floor beneath your half-finished tree, beneath your star, beneath the weight of a love that even death couldn't quite end.

———

A/N: first request filled, ob-la-di (sorry if this sucks, I’m half-asleep)

[selfloverrrrrr]

Can I request yandere gojo x fem reader where the reader is a special grade sorcerer and satorus best friend since high school,

After suguru she is the only one who understands Satoru well and Satoru can show his true emotions to her but what she wasn't aware was Satoru likes her since many years now but kept to himself since he knows he loves suguru since high school and still loves him even after his death.

As days pass by he was getting more and more annoyed at her to not get the hints that he likes her and when he had enough and confessed his feeling for her she rejected him.

And after that day he came back from a mission wounded and went to her saying it was her fault and started to manipulate and forced her to heal him, (since if she uses her healing technique to heal someone else other then herself it damage her own health, and because of that she was not physically strong) and with that after many times healing him her health was not so good which made her weak,

Not wanting to wait for her Satoru noncon her and force her to get pregnant since it will tie her to him.

And even if she tells the higher uppers about this they won't do anything and rather will be happy that two powerful clans members r having childen.

I'll have you

Warnings : smut , heavy smut, unprotected sex, Noncon, Kidnapping, physically and emotional abuse, biting, size difference, Yandere Gojo, stalking, protective, jealous, obsessive, manipulative....

( All characters are aged up/18+)

Masterlist

Minors Do Not Interact

Read the warnings carefully....if you don't like my stories block me not report

I'm a old student of jujutsu high. I graduated from that school ten years ago. I'm still connected with the jujutsu high like some of my other friends. But life changed a lot...a lot means...A LOTTTT!!!

Everything changed after Suguru's death. After his death I was the only one who understands Satoru. And Satoru also showed his true emotions to me. Even after Geto's death Gojo put on a fake smile to everyone but always tells me how much it hurts him and how much he feels pain.

And I always gave him mental support. but what I wasn't aware of was Satoru likes me since many years now but kept to himself since he knows I'm in love with suguru since high school and I still love him even after his death.

As days pass by he was getting more and more annoyed at me just for not getting the hints that he likes me! One day when he had enough and came to me and confessed his feeling for me. "Look Gojo I really respect your feelings...but you know I loved Geto...and I still do" I said. "Yes but one day you will move on...right??" He asked got too much excited. "Okey...I guess I'll think about it that time...okey?" I replied with a smile. I rejected him. He started deep into my eyes and didn't say anything then he left.

One day Gojo came back from a mission wounded. He knocked on my door. When I opened the door I saw Gojo. He was wounded. "OML .... What happened?? Come inside" I said and locked the door after he came inside.

He fell on the floor after coming inside. I sat infront of him "Gojo are you gonna tell me what happened???" I asked. "I was on a mission" he replied looking at his wounds. "Haven't you infinity on??? Then how did it happened?!" I said. "I have to turn off infinity sometimes!!!!" He said in a annoyed tone. But that was an weird answer.

"Ain't you gonna heal me?" He asked. Yes healing technique.... I have a powerfull healing technique but whenever I use my healing technique to heal someone else other then myself it damages my own health. But I can feel some how he was angry on me so I didn't say no...cause I was kinda scared of his reaction.

And with that after many times healing him....now my health was not so good for which I was becoming so much weak. I fell on the floor. My body was too weak right now. When I looked at Gojo instead of seeing him worried I saw him smirking at me. He took me in the bridal style. But I felt one of his hand under my dress. And after a moment I saw him put me down on my bed.

I felt him caressing my inner thigh. "Look y/n....if you know that you are weak you shouldn't take the hard way with the strong one" he said smirking at me. "W-what you saying?" I asked feeling weak. "I'm saying you should've accepted me when I gave you the proposal and not going for the hard way" he said. Was he...?? no no no...that can't be...

Before I could react he pressed his lips on mine. His kiss was so rough. He started undressing me. I tried to push him away but he was too strong and my body was betraying me.

He grabbed my boob and started squeezing it and I moaned in the kiss. Hearing my moan Gojo stopped the kiss and crashed his mouth on my breast. I moaned out loudly. He started sucking on my breast roughly. The more I moan the more roughly he sucks and  squeeze on my breasts."g-gojo please stop... I'm begging you please stop... you can't force like that " I begged. "I don't care about what you gonna say... you will be mine!!!...no one can stop me. I'm not sceared of anyone. You know I'm the strongest." He replied with a smirk.

After a while he let go off my breast. I was breathing heavily. He started undressing himself. He took off his shirt and pant. He was now only wearing his boxers. I can see the outline of his bulge through his boxers and there was a wet spot where the tip of his dick touched his boxer. Fear grabbed me by my neck.

His hand reached for my pantie and he ripped it off. He looked at my pussy hungrily. He parted my pussy lips with his fingers and crashed his mouth on it, sucking on it roughly. I moaned so loudly. I tried to push him away by pulling his hair but nothing nothing nothing. He just continued his work. He pulled back and lined himself with me."please please please no no no" I cried. "Shhh....this is the main fun part" he whispered and slammed his whole length in one slide without any warning."Gojo!!!!" I scremed and grabbed his back."oh my fucking god god god god god god......ahhhhhhhhhhh" he moaned out feeling my warm wet walls around him.

His thurst became harder and harder. I was an moaning and crying mess."you are so fucking...ahhh .... tight" he moaned out. With a few more thurst I came. dig my nails on his back. Feeling my warm wall clenching around him he came within a minute. "Now bring my babies and be mine forever" he said before pulling out. Then fell beside me....

"I'm gonna tell this to the higher ups" I said before I fainted. He cackled. "Y/n you are too innocent...do you think those old shits gonna do anything when the big two clans are having children together?" He said in a seductive tone.

Give me your requests guys....

I love when you give me your requests 💕

[boatemlag]

Build guide for the NEW 5* hydro polearm fWhip!!!

Ok so when I heard the archon was coming out this early in 6.x i was suspicious, but holy moly this kit is INCREDIBLE. Absolutely gonna be insane for all sorts of teams. This guide is going to teach you a generalist fWhip support build. Leaks r saying he's gonna look good for taser meta going forward, but I dont talk about leaks in these so shhh you didn't hear it from me.

✦✦✦ Explaining the kit ✦✦✦

◇ Basic Attack:

Normal, basically just does 4 strikes. Pretty slow compared to other polearms, and the charged attack is not the spinny one.

◇ (E) Skill:

Jumps up and plunges a spear into the ground, dealing hydro in a small AoE and draining 10% of his HP. For every 40 HP drained, increase fWhip’s crit DMG by 1%. Up to 100% crit DMG can be gained in this way.

Basically your benchmark is 40k HP, which is super reasonable of a buff. Not the best non transformative reaction based buffer for someone like Shrub or Etho, but probably gonna be busted for upcoming dpses and old crit dpses alike.

◇ (Q) Burst

Causes nearby party members to enter the Inspired state. While in this state, normal attacks will be faster, and charged attacks will consume less stamina. Additionally, at level 9, for every max 1000 HP fWhip has, reduces nearby enemies all-type resistance by 1% to a maximum of 40%.

Really busted res shred.

◇ Passives

Gradually heals the 10% HP from his skill back, even when off-field. Also heals the on field party member by 70% of this healing. Additionally does AoE hydro DMG around the active character for each tick of healing.

The crit DMG gained by fWhip’s skill applies to the whole party.

Ghrelian local specialties on the map!

✦✦✦ Constellations ✦✦✦

C1: Increases all-type RES PEN by up to 50%, and cdmg increase by up to 125%.

C2: Passive 1 heals 150% to on field character other than fWhip.

C4: After using fWhip’s skill, infuse his attacks with hydro for 10s. Infusion will be canceled when he leaves field.

C6: When fWhip is on field, increase the cdmg and all-type RES PEN gained to 2% instead. (Basically means max RES PEN is 100%, and max cd gained is 200%. I really thought no way this was getting past V5, but holy shit.)

Obviously C6 >>>>>>>> everything in the game, but all of his cons have great value. If I had to say, C6 > C1 = C2 > C4. C1 has a crazy good value. Definitely C1R0 > C0R1. We'll get to his sig in a second, but C1 and C2 are great value.

✦✦✦ Ascension & Talent Materials ✦✦✦

◇ Drops: Skulk Crawlers

From the new-ish underground area in Hermitopia, which is really interesting to me. Wonder if there's a lore reason.

Whisper piece x18

Echo shard x30

Wailing cry x36

◇ Felicitous Claw

From the new Ghrelian boss, Animalian Hoarde. x46!

◇ Innovation Talent Books

Monday/Thursday and Sunday! This is really close to the waypoint from the southmost tip of Hermitopia, so you can just run there and unlock it. Pro gamer tip.

◇ Raw Gold

New Ghrelian local specialty.

◇ Mask of Deception

From the Winterfell weekly boss, The All-Knowing All-Seeing God of Terroir-eating.

✦✦✦ Artifacts & Stats ✦✦✦

Autonomous Art’s Grim Calling (Grims) is his sig set. The 4pc is decent, increasing incoming healing and EM for on field characters and the wearer (great for bloom comps), but you could even run 2pc Grims 2pc Seven Days for the HP bonus. Hell, if you have Echodark pieces lying around, 2pc 2pc HP is fine for him too.

If you have C4 and are running fWhip as a DPS, you might wanna be more picky and go with STBN for the attack speed bonus.

The most important thing with fWhip is to hit these benchmarks:

HP: 40k (50k if C1)

ER: 140-150%

Everything else is on an as needed basis. EM is nice, but depends on the team. Focus too hard on crit ratio and you can go crazy as a sub-dps, but hitting benchmarks is the most important for burst uptime and max buffs.

✦✦✦ Weapons ✦✦✦

Should you go for his sig? Eh. Caregiver Spear is only really viable for DPS/C4 fWhip. I think the lack of infusion in his kit really makes this weapon meh on him. It's a decent weapon to have for Mumbo or other 4 stars with no signature as long as you're running them with fWhip, but otherwise I say it's a skip.

Pearl's sig is GREAT if you have it. But his BIS is actually R5 Telemetry for the healing bonus & ER. Alternatively, you could run Asclepius or Nighttime Arrow as an HP stat stick.

✦✦✦ Talent Priority ✦✦✦

Burst = Skill >>>>>>>>> NA. Don't level up NA unless you have C4 imo.

1/10/10 lbh, but 1/9/9 is also fine.

✦✦✦ Team Comps ✦✦✦

Like I said, he really works with any crit DPS. Here are some fun ones, tho.

Sausage mono-hydro: Sausage main dps, skizz for additional shred, fWhip support, and flex crowd control. If running with Joe, I'd say a rotation could look like Sausage skill -> skizz burst, skill (for ERR) -> fWhip skill -> Joe skill, burst -> fWhip burst -> Sausage burst

Lizzie mono-hydro: Literally the same as the above team, but a different rotation. Hydro mono cracked.

EMmaxxing Swirl support: Oli as a reaction driver, fWhip for off field app, Grian for off field, Scott for off field. I'm realizing this is "archons and oli" team, but this would go crazy for just constant reactions.

Hyperbloom premium: fWhip off-field, on field crit benefiting dendro like Etho, electro False to drive hyperbloom, and a flex unit, like Pearl. This rotation might look like Pearl skill -> fwhip skill, burst optional -> Pearl burst -> False burst skill -> etho full rotation with skill and burst while procing hyperblooms

You can run fWhip in so many comps he's just cracked. He's probably getting a dedicated DPS in 6.x, and if leaks are to be believed, it's gonna go crazy. Abyss is about to be insufferable without him.

◆ ◇ ◆ ◇ ◆ ◇ ◆ ◇ ◆ ◇ ◆ ◇ ◆ ◇ ◆

That's all! Put your predictions or questions in the comments and I'll try and answer as many as I can! [NettyNom]

[elizabethrobertajones]

Frog Time

I'm so bad at tagging people so consider yourself tagged if you want to be :)

B A S I C S

Name: Bounding Frog (redacted roe language name because I forgor)

Nicknames: Frog

Age: 18-22 (ARR-EW)

Nameday: 23rd Sun of the 5th Umbral Moon

Race: Hellsguard Roegadyn

Gender: cis woman

Sexuality: Bi

Profession: She has a summer job working with the hippo riders, although that doesn't pay as well as adventuring, so she's looking forward to Dawntrail and doing more than delivery runs.

P H Y S I C A L     A S P E C T S

Hair: maroon and light pink

Eyes: maroon and light pink

Skin: brown

Tattoos/scars: I headcanon the single choice of tattoos per face for roes are meaningful somehow - I chose coming of age, getting her Adventurer Name, and leaving home, so those were fresh porple swoops over her cheekbones in ARR :D I've only known her as long as she's been Frog and looked like this.

The scar on her nose is from being underhand punted like a rugby ball by an older brother back when she was an orb shaped child. Since adventuring the regular healing has stopped her getting too scarred up from any misadventures.

F A M I L Y

Parents: Notable members of their remote mountain community, maintaining an important set of Arcanima wards around an aetherically dangerous geological fault. Of course, they're good at their jobs so this wasn't very scary as an upbringing. They're a lovely couple and make a hell of a bowl of soup. All else I know about them is they're very supportive and Frog writes to them regularly.

Siblings: like six rowdy older brothers. She was very spoiled by this squad of bodyguards tbh. (Ignore the previous comment about one of them maiming her, they DO love her even if they saw her as a cannonball under other circumstances.) A couple of them left to be mercenaries, uncertain if for Garlemald - they don't write home as thoroughly.

Grandparents: Probably, tbh. We're getting out of my limited perception of Hellguard culture and history but I think I can say the remoteness of their village is an excuse for nothing too terrible to have happened to any of them :P

In-laws and other: She was sort of starting to think of Edmont as a potential in-law and he began acting like it after Events so she's acquired some without marrying. He DID also adopt Aymeric informally, so now she's courting him it's coming back around!

Pets: Multiple, even not counting animal sanctuary beasties. Some she drops by to visit where they're being looked after once she'd raised them or sheltered them for a while (the baby hippo was donated to the hippo riders thankfully before he got too large and hungry for example). Others live at the free company house getting spoiled by the staff. The free company is named after the baby tapir who is the best and cutest. :)

S K I L L S

Abilities: In character, she has yet to find something she isn't good at after a couple of false starts. (ooc is much more of a mess depending on my ability) As an all-jobs all-crafts all-gatherers weirdo she's genuinely alarming to contemplate.

Hobbies: crafting/gathering/fishing is more of a wind down respite than a career calling for her. Canonically she's finished the fishing log... ooc I haven't by a long shot :P She also loves visiting bars and pubs across the world that she's visited to drop in on old friends, or go on foodie tours of places she's liberated. They stole G'raha being a foodie traveller in the dawntrail trailer from her actually.

Kinda always wanted to do a in character review of all the drinking establishments in game.

T R A I T S

Most positive trait: determination and everything that went into being strong enough to do the end walk, which did feel like a culmination of all the positive things they ascribe to the WoL. Since she's living the life of box art Meteor with no plot deviations or alterations except what I can put into the downtime and spaces between cutscenes, I can't argue with times when they REALLY show the admirable heart of the WoL.

Most negative trait: She's not going to say no, so if you need a favour just stand near where she wanders by routinely and look forlorn and you WILL get helped to within an inch of your life.

L I K E S

Colors: royal purple, dark reds and deep blues

Smells: fresh baked anything. Probably also the fresh morning smell when she gets up at ass o'clock to do stretches or whatever gross things morning people do.

Textures: G'raha ears >:)

Drinks: black coffee, red wine, milky tea

O T H E R    D E T A I L S

Smokes: tried it with the Vath and hated it. Still has no idea if Fogweed is a drug or not.

Drinks: socially and merrily with a bottomless liver.

Drugs: nothing harder than caffeine and alcohol.

Mount Issuance: her sweet blue chocobo is called Turbulence and threw off everyone who attempted to ride him before that.

Been Arrested: not outside MSQ run ins with the law

[en-djinn]

hiii hope I’m not bothering you with this but in my mind you’re like the magus connoisseur and I was wondering how would you envision him in rivals?

I’m really hoping they add him and I’m guessing it’ll be like a malice kinda situation but idk what do you think? It’d be soooo interesting if he had different voice lines or something (it’s not gonna happen)

i loooooove ppl talking to me so its never a bother, i have answered this before bt i think i was drunk/tipsy when i did and ive had more time to think abt it i guess so i can revisit my answer

i think i said before that that im not sure i wanted it in rivals? and the chances r very low anyway. bt i said that coz i feel like theyd make it a dps and i dont agree with that. magus was the avatar of life before warlock was, warlock got that role because magus had it first. magus IS way more violent and aggressive and i think his kit should reflect that bt i dont want him if he isnt a support. ik they said they wont do skins that change who the character is but idk where magus falls there? to the devs at least. cz they ARE the same character bt also separate enough to actually just be separate too. so who knows. im just praying for magus themed chromas.

anyway i think coming up w a fake kit for it could be rly fun bt im not a hero shooter vet or anything so i cant actually do that lol. other than that i think he should be one of the supports thats more focused on personal damage like mantis and warlock himself. smth that supports reckless and aggressive play. or maybe more of a harasser like jeff is. im not sure if itd work in this genre but if this were something im more familiar with (an rpg) then id suggest he'd be the type of healer that functions by hurting other things, like disc priests in WoW. the more dmg u output, the more healing u output too, all ur dmg gets converted to heals on allies. esp since we see magus suck souls out and get stronger for eating them. so maybe even a personal buff when he gets a kill or final hit? or is just Around a kill? shrugs. random ideas. im going for vibes here

bt it had also crossed my mind that they dont have to do a counterpart to adam necessarily, if they go with gotg v5 magus. the little reborn one. u could potentially make a totally different char around that concept. bt ik they said peni is 18 right, i had to ask my sister abt that lol, so im assuming maybe if they add nova itll have to be richard rider (which i think id prefer anyway so we get richard+peter lines lol), but idk if peni was aged up For rivals or whatever. and idk if sam is 18 at this point anyway cz ive only seen him when he first got the helmet and also in the gotg cartoon.

[rollingblakely]

Hey there, welcome to the chaos. ✨I'm disabled, chronically ill, neurodivergent, and proudly intersex—and if you're any of those things too, I hope you feel seen here. 🫶🏻

Dynamic As Hell 😎

I'm an incomplete paraplegic with dynamic disabilities-meaning some days I can pivot off a foot with assistance, and other days I can't scoot myself up on the couch because my arms are like "bestie no." | use a manual chair with power assist when I can and a power chair when I can't. (Shoutout to my Quantum Edge 3-coming soon to a hallway near me.)

My very unsexy but educational medical resume:

Congenital Myasthenic Syndrome (CMS): A rare neuromuscular disorder where my muscles and nerves straight up ghost each other, causing muscle weakness, loss of sensation, fatigue and joint subluxations (my joints out here freelancing).

Glycogen Storage Disease: My body stores energy like a toxic ex- inefficiently and with long-term consequences.

Dysautonomia (IST): My heart rate is the only thing about me that knows how to hustle.

Also living with: ME/CFS, cluster headaches (ow), fibromyalgia, incontinence (fun!), Hashimoto's, skeletal abnormalities in my spine (lost the genetic lottery) and chronic pain so consistent it's basically a roommate.

Intersex + Gender Is A Journey, Baby! 😮‍💨

I'm intersex and nonbinary, a proud blend of both. l've had male characteristics since I was 9, and when I got my medical records as an adult, I learned my original birth certificate just said "O." I don't fit in any binary box-so I don't try to. I'm both. I'm neither. I'm a little beard, a little glitter, and a lot of "what gender feels correct today?" I never know if I'm gonna wake up feeling like a glam queen or an Adam Sandler character. Either way, I always slay. 😉

Raw Dogging Mental Health:

I'm healing out loud after a childhood of abuse that started at 9 that contributed to my C-PTSD, ADHD, OCD, autism spectrum disorder, and agoraphobia.

I can't take SSRIs, atypical antidepressants, or antipsychotics due to my conditions and genetics-so l'm rawdogging my mental health journey and somehow thriving anyway?!? 👀

I'm at the gym 3-4x a week (yes, even in a wheelchair-accessibility is radical), exposure therapy, shadow work, and finding the delicate balance between respecting my body's limits and pushing through executive dysfunction. I’m unlearning all the cruel ways of thinking my parents taught me growing up, and learning to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Some days the healing looks like deep inner work. Some days look like watching reality TV and crocheting until mv hands cramp.

It's messy. It's magical. It's all mine.

Breaking News: There’s No “Bad” Foods After All.

I'm healing my relationship with food. After years of chaos and a major health crash last year, I've lost 80 lbs total-12 of those since getting back on track. Now that my partner is my legal caregiver, l've got the support I need, and my body finally feels like it's starting to work with me, not just against me. I'm not chasing thinness-I'm chasing peace when I make a meal or shop for groceries.

My Little Joys

• Crochet: If it's practical, chunky, or a granny square, l'm in. Currently obsessed with amigurumi but forever starting five new projects before finishing one.

• Reality TV: Yes, I watch 1000lb Sisters, Teen Mom, and Sister Wives. No, I will not apologize. The tea is PIPING. ☕️🐸

• Financial Literacy: My partner and I watch Caleb Hammer while eating dinner. We paid off $10k in debt last year, and now that I have been approved for SSDI I'm able to support myself for the first time in years-and it feels so damn good.

• Art + Gaming: I love painting, drawing, and chill cozy games on the Switch (Paleo Pines, Cozy Garden, anything where I can grow fake plants and pet fake cows).

• Music: Raised by my grandparents = 60s-80s classics. Mom gave me 90s-2000s R&B/pop. Godfather gave me Latin music. Stepdad gave me Bob Marley. Theater kid brain gave me musicals. If I'm conscious, music is playing.

This space is for disabled joy, queer magic, healing energy, and a lot of chaos. Hope you’re hungry, cause baby I’m serving. 💖

[easybrainrot34]

What Piercings The Haikyuu Boys Have

I deeply beg any fan artist want to run with this p l e a s e do 😘😘

Characters - Atsumu, Osamu, and Suna

ATSUMU

* Has earlobe but normally out of laziness doesn’t wear anything in them. If he’s going out then he put in fake little looking black gauges or little studs

* This man was on tiktok one day tho and saw that filter that shows different nose/face piercings and did a tiktok saying “whatever i land on I’ll get” and he didn’t take it seriously. It landed on a simple side nose piercing on the left

* Until his teammates called 👏🏻 his👏🏻ass👏🏻out👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

* It took a bet of 1v1 match vs Oikawa where if he lost he had to get the piercing, but if shittykawa lost he would get a tramp stamp

* …….shittykawa whipped his ass

* He made Bo and Osamu go with him for moral support

* He got a little stud. It’s little and simple. He puts a hoop in every once in a while but he wears it more often bc he doesn’t like how it looks with nothing in it.

OSAMU

* Has 8mm to 10mm gauges

* Got them a couple of years after he graduated bc he was sick of looking like atsumu

* Did it bc atsumu kept giving him shit about the gray hair so he died it back to brown but hated how much they looked alike so he went and did this

* Has only 3 pairs. black, silver, and white

* Man is a c l e a n f r e a k about them

* He’s terrified of them smelling bad bc he’s a chef and he’ll catch it before anyone else

* He has been bouncing around the idea of a nose piercing but after sumu got his he became more indecisive

* Now at least he knows he could pull it off

* But is it worth it at the chance he’s gonna look like sumu again??

SUNA

* NOW ik this man is headcanoned to be the piercing king™️ but I don’t think he’s that crazy with how many he has

* So he has double ear lobe piercings and a cartilage on the top of the left side and a one in the middle on the right

* but he doesn’t wear earrings in all of them all at once he’s just got them over the years

* They r usually cover by his hair so he rarely takes them out for games

* The one people don’t know about is he has his belly button piercing

* He never wears a ring in it but the whole is still open

* This all happened when he lost arm wrestling after a night of drinking to Kita. Kita told him he got to come up with his punishment.

* Suna thought it was gonna include some community service, or helping him on the farm but nope

* “Since ur a little jewelry slut, ur gonna get a slut piercing” - kita , 6 beers in and a giggling mess. Aaron and Osamu were also there

* (Disclaimer I’m not slut shaming u if u have a belling piercing. I think they r very pretty. It’s just for the headcanon.)

* So the next day Kita, Aaron, Osamu and The Victim went to get it done.

* Did they have to drag him there? Yes. Did it include blackmail? Yes. Was this ethical? Prob not. Did they give a fuck? Nope!!

* So he got it done and they made him keep it in until fully healed and they knew it wouldn’t close.

* Jokes on them tho bc he thinks he looks good as fuck with it in and has the playboy ring (iykyk) and wears it every once and a while

LET ME KNOW IF U WANT A PART 2!! I’m half tempted to do a spicy part bc my mind is going brrrrrrr 💅🏻💅🏻

[sailormoonandme]

Mamoru is NOT useless in the Anime Part Deux: Manga Comparisons

In my previous post I talked about what Mamoru actually does in the anime and debunked the persistent narrative that he is useless.

Ah, but perhaps the narrative shouldn't be taken so literally.

Maybe it isn't that he literally does nothing, or that what he does truly useless.

Ya see, 'Mamoru is useless' is actually a super secret spy code phrase that is actually intended to express the following sentiment:

"Mamoru's power is of such a low level that he is unworthy of Usagi'. But in the MANGA he has the Golden Crystal and a uber kewl finishing move and actual magical powers and isn't just some guy. He has a power and a destiny WORTHY of being Sailor Moon's lover."

Let us be charitable and accept that a shitton of fans are indeed expressing a sentiment along those lines when they claim 'Mamoru is useless in the anime'.

The problem is...this is bullshit...on multiple levels.

Manga and Anime Power Levels

Now to be clear, I like Manga Mamoru a whole lot. My intention is not to critque him as a character, neither to hold him up as superior or inferior to anime Mamoru. I am just trying to deconstruct this line of thinking. With that being said...

As originally written, Mamoru in the manga IS just 'some guy' (read: a normal human with no supernatural powers to speak of) until he 'dies' and is possessed by Queen Metalia.

It is only then that he gains any kind of abilities but these are obviously just Metalia's powers working through him. He is her glorified meat puppet during this part of the story. The situation changes at the end of the Dark Kingdom arc, when Mamoru displays psychogeometry powers.

Later in the consequent arc, the Black Moon arc, he is shown to have minimal healing powers too.

In addition he displays psychometry powers and later in the arc, prompted by how he feels useless and unable to help, his future self (King Endymion) helps him to unlock his one and only offensive technique, Tuxedo La Smoking Bomber.

In the Infinity arc (the scans of which currently escape me) I believe he (like his anime counterpart) acts as a magical life support system for Chibi-Usa, but this is owed to his own magical abilities, which isn't the case for anime Mamoru.

In the Dream arc he learns he possesses the Golden Crystal, an artefact that is connected to the all powerful Silver Crystal and serves to boost its power. It is here that Sailor Moon creator Naoko Takeuchi retcons that it was this artefact that was boosting Sailor Moon's powers during past battles.

Bear in mind, the Dark Kingdom arc was originally intended as the sum total of the Sailor Moon story, meaning the Golden Crystal was not in Takeuchi's mind at the time.

Following the Dream arc, Mamoru consequently dies.

So...how are things over in the anime?

Well, whilst we do not initially know this, over the course of the first season we discover that Mamoru as Tuxedo Mask has the following abilities:

He can magically transform into Tuxedo Mask, whereas his manga counter part is literally just wearing clothes

He can sense whenever Usagi transforms and is in danger, triggering him to automatically transform and travel (possibly by teleportation?) to wherever she is

He can generate a seemingly infinite number of roses the stems of which are as sharp as darts, and can throw them from significant distances with pin point accuracy

He has a cane that can magially extend itself and might be magically empowered to be tougher and more resilient than a normal cane, since he often uses it like a sword

He clearly has beyond human durability, streangth, speed and agility as he leaps from rooftops and is able to survive hits that would cripple a normal human. The same is true of the Senshi, implying they all possess similar vague enhancements

In addition, in season 2/Sailor Moon R, he reveals that he can fire a whole barrage of roses that are apparently powerful enough to diffuse an attack from Rubeus, one of the high ranking generals of the Black Moon Clan.* And, of course, as I mentioned above, through his emotional connection with Usagi he was able to generate the Spiral Moon Heart Rod, though this doesn't seem to be an ability he developed in season 3 so much as simply another application of the 'love energy' he and Usagi seem to share.

Beyond that, his magical abilities do not evolve throughout the anime. Meaning that Manga Mamo starts out as weaker than his Anime counterpart and only later develops magical powers of his own, all of which are...well...not overly useful in a combat situation. Not until he gets Tuxedo La Smoking Bomber roughly halfway through the Black Moon Arc anyway. It is only then that he surpasses his anime counterpart's power level.

Sure, psychometry and psychogeometry can be useful when it comes to gathering intelligence, locating allies, etc. But when a Youma or Droid or Daimon is seconds away from stabbing you or someone you care about its not THAT useful to know where everyone is at the time or how they are feeling about it. His healing abilities are also kinda cool...but also redundant when Usagi's own abilities can literally bring the dead back to life.

And then you have the Golden Crystal. Let me be clear, I personally wish Mamoru DID have the Golden Crystal in the anime. But, him not having it...doesn't really matter in terms of how useful or useless he might be.

In the anime, Mamoru's love and emotional support BOOSTS Usagi's power levels. In the manga the Golden Crystal ultimate is just a literalisation of that same concept. It is a solid tangible object that functions the exact same way and its magic is clearly activated through Mamoru's emotional connection to Usagi anyway. So, on a practical level, what's the difference really? Especially when you consider:

a) In the anime and the manga, Usagi's power levels are boosted via the love and support of her friends anyway. Takeuchi in the manga simply literalises this also in the form of the Holy Grail, which in the manga is formed from the connection the Senshi share. It amounts to the same thing though.

b) In the manga, Mamoru is dead, his Golden Crystal has melted into the Galaxy Cauldron, and yet, without the power boost it provided, Sailor Moon was still able to go head to head with Galaxia, the Senshi of Destruction. So, clearly Sailor Moon was mindblowingly powerful no matter what.

So, the idea that manga Mamoru is worthier because he is more powerful than his anime counterpart is simply nonsense. Until he got Tuxedo la Smoking Bomber he was catagoriclly less powerful. And by that point in the story, the narrative had already repeatedly emphasised how in love the pair were, to the point of possibly implying they had had sex and already introduced their daughter from the future.

Are we to take it that Mamoru wasn't actually worthy of her affection until he could reduce monsters to dust with his Kamehameha-esque energy attack?

If not, then anime Mamoru must also have been 'worthy' of Usagi too.

There is a lot more to say about the statement at the top of this post but I will save that for next time.

*He also displays some other abilites in the final episode of season 3, but he is charged up on evil energy at that point so I don't think its fair to count it.

[cerromoreno]

Starbula Week, Day 3: Alcohol / Jealousy

Now for something completely different...a GOTG/Parks & Rec headcanon! (I tried to keep this relevant to everyone, whether or not you've seen Parks & Rec...though everyone definitely should, as it's a fabulous show!)

Context: I recently finished a Parks & Rec rewatch, and thanks to Starbula/GOTG being on my brain, I began imagining ways for the characters to be part of Peter's life, post GOTG Vol 3. So for Starbula Week Day 3, here’s my brief overview of how Parks & Rec characters became part of Peter Quill’s Missouri found family, and the *~jealousy~* that one of these people ended up feeling towards Nebula… 😏

Just look at how cute they are 🥺

Ok, here's my headcanon:

After Peter has settled into life back on earth a bit, his grandpa has an idea. Being part of a grief support group had been a lifeline for him after Meredith’s death and Peter’s disappearance. Maybe it would be helpful for Peter to try one out, too, in addition to the therapist he’d recently begun seeing?

Peter agrees that it sounds like a good idea, and finds a new group that has space for one more. When he shows up for the first meeting, he meets...the Parks & Rec main cast, just their alternate MCU versions. (And all living in Missouri instead of Pawnee, Indiana, of course 🤓)

Side-note: I have no idea how grief support groups actually work, but in this fic, I'm saying people have to join a new group for a set number of sessions instead of just dropping in. It's relevant to the headcanon, and it's how the MCU in my brain works!

During that first session, while everyone introduces themselves, Peter learns about the different types of grief they're all dealing with: losing family members, friends, clothing stores (that would be Tom), etc. Ron Swanson is the only attendee who doesn't want to be there; he's been court-ordered to attend a grief support group, probably after some kind of crazy shenanigans with Tammy II 😆 And of course, April Ludgate is only there because she's fascinated by death and observing grieving people lol

After the first session, led by none other than Chris Traeger -- who seems like he'd be delighted to do something like this -- everyone (aside from Ron) is pretty shocked by how cathartic it was, and they all decide to keep coming.

The support group keeps meeting weekly and grows very close, and once the official term of the grief support group ends -- let's say, after four months -- they all decide to continue meeting together, just unofficially. And like in the show, this eclectic little group becomes a lovely found family. It's so sweet to think about Peter having amazing people on earth and Knowhere who love him so much. And I love thinking about how, even so, he still eventually decides the place he truly belongs is back on Knowhere. Somehow, I feel like his decision to be on Knowhere, and (eventually) with Nebula, is even more special knowing that he also could have had a happy life in Missouri.

I also love the idea of the P&R characters gradually observing Peter's journey of healing/moving on from Gamora and his growing feelings for Nebula. I love imagining him getting advice from Leslie or Ron about what to do with these confusing new feelings, and what to do with his life in general.

Ok, onto the Starbula Week stuff...

All the while, April, who's only in the support group because she wanted to observe/enjoy everyone's grief, ends up staying in the group and growing as a person, just as she does on the show. And in a similar vein, she develops a major crush on Peter. (Also, she's in her mid/late-twenties instead of in college because that age gap is Too Much.)

Unfortunately for the April of this universe, of course, Peter just sees her as a good friend and remains oblivious to her growing romantic feelings for him. Sorry April :((

The jealousy (and alcohol) of today's prompt come to a head when Peter's support group friends and his Knowhere family all meet for the first time, about a year after his arrival on Earth. Peter has just finished his GED and, after his graduation ceremony, everyone (aside from his grandparents) goes out to celebrate. Thankfully, Peter is no longer tempted to numb the pain with alcohol anymore, so he can have a drink or two with his friends. He's just excited to dance with them -- overjoyed to finally have both his earth and his space friends together in one place.

In the meantime, April's feelings have been growing stronger for Peter over the past few months, and she's decided that tonight is finally the night she'd confess her feelings to him. She is scared but excited.

Throughout the day, Peter had been focused on being a good friend to everyone, and to spend time with everyone equally -- even though he really wanted to be near Nebula whenever possible. Peter wanted everyone to get along and have a good time, and that had been his main focus. Now, finally at the bar and able to relax and have fun, Peter finds himself naturally gravitating toward Nebula. He finds that he really wants to dance with her, to tell her about the weird new earth musiians he'd been learning about that were currently blasting on the dance floor.

After dancing by her side in the larger group for a while, Peter couldn't resist. He reaches out and grabs her hand, trying to make his voice teasing when he asked, "Dance with me?" Nebula, of course, desperately tries to hide how flustered she is, and the two begin dancing.

Of course, this all is taking place while April was at the bar getting a round of shots for everyone. She's still formulating her plan of how she'd hint to Peter of her feelings, walking back to the dance floor, when she spots Peter and Nebula dancing. And her stomach drops.

The dance moves aren't intimate, per se, but their eyes. The two can't take their eyes off of each other as they move together, in sync to the music. The blue alien's lithe form moves smoothly and quickly, and April can't look away. Neither, of course, can Peter.

All of the sudden, April understands what was happening -- what had been happening for months and months, as she'd heard more and more mentions of Nebula's name. How could she have been such an idiot?

Leslie notices her younger friend staring and comes to check on her, giving April a knowing, sad smile. "You okay?"

April scoffs. "Dammit, I can't even hate this bitch -- I mean, look at her, she's fucking awesome."

Leslie nods, staring back at the pair dancing. It's clear that neither Peter nor Nebula were seeing what every single one of their friends did, and she has no idea how. It's pretty obvious, from her vantage point over here, that the two are absolutely head over heels for each other. They'll figure it out eventually, she thinks. My main focus is being there for April tonight.

Putting an arm around April, and ignoring her cries of protest at the unwanted physical contact, Leslie lays her head on April's shoulder. "You know, you're pretty awesome, too."

The two drink a shot in solidarity, watching Peter and Nebula dance together until the song ends.

---

Ok that's it -- sorry for the Starbula-light content, but for any fellow Parks & Rec fans, I hope this was fun to imagine!

Just think of how fun all the P&R cast would be at a future Peter/Nebula wedding... because I definitely have lol

And in closing, it's time to bask in these amazing characters being adorable together, imagining that all the photos below are actually post-Vol 3 Peter Quill instead of Andy Dwyer... 🥰

@starbula-week

[szalonykasztan00]

There is something so incredibly unredeemable to me with priests/priestesses that were spouse to be these pineculs of morality but are doing disgusting things instead, even in fiction. I can enjoy reading about Beron's or Amaratha's horrible things because it's for the plot but as soon as Ianthe steps on the scene I want to murder her. She sucks up all the joy out of it. And it doesn't really matter that she is a priestess in the story. She could be Tamlin's childhood friend who was married to some dude on the continent and after the curse was lifted she returned because her husband "mysteriously" died like a decade ago and nothing about her story would specify change from the perspectives of the plot, characters, and narrative overall. Ferye after becoming fae does not have a religious crisis (because for example, she sees The Mother instead of looking through R/hys eye on her resurrection and starts questioning her atheism) or religion is not part of her healing (religion can help some people to make sense of what happened to them and of the world in general, some people find peace in the repetitive motion of prayers or closeness and support of the religious community, etc). She doesn't even attend or need to attend many religious ceremonies or anything. Neither Tamlin nor Lucien are religious people. Not ONE (1) character has any religious subplot or even bloody characteristic. Religion in courts or in that world in general DOSEN'T MATTER. And making Ianthe a priestess instead of a power-hungry courtier doesn't matter either. Like her plan to make the priestess important again? They shouldn't stop being important in the first place. Fae should be crazy religious with Calanmai and shit. They should follow strict rules and be very pedantic about their tradition. It not only makes it easier for the author to explain why slavery was, how it happened, and why it lasted so long especially if fey are so superior to humans and don't need them because they could make everything better anyways. And the second why was she the only one who was thinking that way? There are no others? If she had such a BIG desire and this GENIUS plan, why she was working alone? No disciples, no big sponsors across Prythian or from the continent? No mentions of religious movements or anything? It may be my catholic trauma speaking but it's not only a mountain of wasted potential but also just disrespectful to religions/religious people. Mostly because her being a priestess

DOSEN'T FUCKING MATTER.

[gordonengineswifenirmal]

Narcissistic Paranoia In The Fandom

Each time these idiots post, it gives me more to write about. (Thanks? I guess….lol)

The funny thing is I’m here for the trains. They post the trains, but if they want to act like arseholes, great. I don’t NEED their attention. I will continue to love the trains with or without them. That won’t change. I’m happy to talk to decent folk who don’t have their head so far up their arse they can see daylight, but I don’t NEED their attention like these people do. They may have succeeded in silencing others they didn’t like (which in itself is extremely sad), but yeah…..think again.

I find it funny that these people claim I’m harassing kids. The truth is most of them r in the 29’s, and they harassed me first, then networked to create chaos.

They don’t like people who don’t fit their rules.they are ok with people ‘humanising’ engines, and are fine with fans being their age. They can’t stand older fans who drool over the engines as engines. This upsets them greatly. However, they’re fine with making their humanised characters do extremely disturbing things.

In fact, these people give me more attention the more they post, whether I want it or not. I’m no longer angry as much as I am laughing. They’re hilarious and pathetic. This is now becoming fun to witness. They r putting their immaturity on full display, and it is quite a show.

Narcissists are always afraid their supply of attention will end. In fandom terms, this means the people who blindly follow them and add to the echo chamber of agreement. Remember, they thrive as a cult like collective on those who agree with them and should then from criticism. These same suppliers feed the need for attention, like drug dealers supplying them drugs. When that starts to end, and when their supports begin to realise they’ve been used and go away, the narcissists know they will have to face reality. They fear scrutiny, they fear coming to terms with the gravity of the actions. Again, in fandom terms, this means revealing who they are, uncovering the false veil they’ve made for themselves - especially when former supporters begin to speak out again them. However, this is crucial to healing. The narcissist will continue to cycle as long as they don’t need to face their consequences.

They will also befriend and try to turn those they think support the victim against the victim. This is how their numbers grow.

Also, adding to their paranoia-

They will spread comments out across blogs. They want to remain visible, yet pretend to be afraid of being seen. It’s another ploy for attention.

https://www.tumblr.com/number1spongebobfan/

771146193351966720/my-reaction-to-an-objectophile-in-the-thomas

Lmfaooo here we go again! (Also they conveniently act as though A) I’m the only one who drools over engines n B) that none of them do it, n that they are pure as snow.

Percy’s build date is listed as anywhere from 1900 to 1935. Older than all of us. He also swears. Profusely.

Why do people do this? Read on. It’s typical blame shifting.

Ok, so as we have been discussing - note how they are paranoid and exaggerate about being on a ‘hit list’ and being ‘in danger’. They know they have done wrong, and they are trying to hide their guilt. They constantly repeat ‘I don’t know why I’m here, whilst posting it IN THE NARCISSIST’S COMMENT SECTION! THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DOING. The playing coy/playing innocent act is a smokescreen!

The infamous list is just a directory so other folks can see more examples of this. It’s also so I have proof of the original links to their comments and blogs. They are helping me by giving me proof to discuss!

Also, notice again, as we have been mentioning - they talk about ‘taking sides.’ In addition, see how one sided the comments section is? If the comment doesn’t feel neutral enough - if it feels enough like the victim is being defended, they won’t allow it.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/toxic-relationships/202108/the-concept-narcissistic-supply?amp

Narcissists hunger to have their needs met. If you’re in a close relationship with a narcissist, they expect you to supply them. The term “narcissisticsupply” originates in the psychoanalytic theory that concerns the essential needs of babies and toddlers to maintain their mental and emotional equilibrium. Loss of necessary supplies in childhood can lead to depression and later attempts to get them through addiction and other means.

Narcissists’ deficient self and inner resources make them dependent on other people to affirm their impaired self-esteem and fragile ego. They only validate themselves as reflected in the eyes of others. Despite their facade of confidence, boasting, and self-flattery, they crave attention, respect, and constant admiration and actually fearthat they’re undesirable.

How Narcissists Get Their Supply

Other people are used as objects in order to provide their supply. Freud identified two main paths to fulfilling narcissistic supplies: Aggression and ingratiation. Eventually, he called them sadisticand submissive. To be admired and to get their supply, narcissists employ various strategies, including impression management. They ingratiate themselves using their charm, emotional intelligence, bragging, seduction, and manipulation. Receiving attention and admiration boosts their weak self and lack of self-esteem.

They manipulate and try to control what others think in order to feel better about themselves, making narcissists dependent on recognition from others. If you refuse to provide what they want and need, they resort to their secondary means: Aggression with narcissistic abuse. They go on the offensive, attack, and belittle you. By discounting you, in their eyes, their self-image is elevated. In relationships, they can become sadistic. As their abuse escalates, their partners and coworkers become passive and submissive to avoid coming under attack and to maintain the relationship. By assuming a submissive role, you establish, an unhealthy dynamic in relationships with a narcissist.

Types of Narcissistic Supply

Because their sense of self is determined by what others think of them, narcissists use relationships for self-enhancement. Everyone must feed them. In addition, they seek validation and attention in their public and professional life. Other people are used as objects in order to provide their supply. For example, they may need constant compliments or applause, more status and money, or may check their appearance in the mirror several times a day. Some examples of narcissistic supply are:

Praise and compliments

1. Accomplishments and professional success (even if by cheating or using unethical means)

2. Financial gain by any means

3. Status symbols, such as a big home, gold toilet, expensive car, 5-Star dining and hotels

4. Acquaintances with celebrities, public figures, and other high-status people and institutions

5. Wearing designer labels and expensive accessories and jewelry

6. Winning

7. Using alcohol, drugs, or other addiction

8. Sex

9. Provoking arguments, emotional reactions, and chaos

10. Receiving awards

11. Attention in the news or social media

12. Being admired and loved by romantic partners

13. Having a mate that is desired by others, such as a trophy wife or influential or successful spouse

14. Expressions of gratitude

Types of Narcissistic Supply

Because their sense of self is determined by what others think of them, narcissists use relationships for self-enhancement. Everyone must feed them. In addition, they seek validation and attention in their public and professional life. Other people are used as objects in order to provide their supply. For example, they may need constant compliments or applause, more status and money, or may check their appearance in the mirror several times a day. Some examples of narcissistic supply are:

Praise and compliments

1. Accomplishments and professional success (even if by cheating or using unethical means)

2. Financial gain by any means

3. Status symbols, such as a big home, gold toilet, expensive car, 5-Star dining and hotels

4. Acquaintances with celebrities, public figures, and other high-status people and institutions

5. Wearing designer labels and expensive accessories and jewelry

6. Winning

7. Using alcohol, drugs, or other addiction

8. Sex

9. Provoking arguments, emotional reactions, and chaos

10. Receiving awards

11. Attention in the news or social media

12. Being admired and loved by romantic partners

13. Having a mate that is desired by others, such as a trophy wife or influential or successful spouse

14. Expressions of gratitude

https://survivingnarcissism.tv/why-are-narcissists-so-easily-paranoid/

At the foundation of narcissism is pervasive insecurity. Now, most narcissists are too self-deluded to acknowledge their insecurity, nonetheless, there it is. Narcissists are known for being selfish, controlling, falsely superior, disinterested in understanding others, entitled, and manipulative. But as you gain insight into this pattern, you will observe that beneath it all, narcissists are driven by fear.

Narcissists fear being rejected. They fear being deemed inadequate, insignificant, or irrelevant. Narcissists fear being mocked, ridiculed, and invalidated. They fear appearing stupid or uninformed. On the outside, they desperately want to be known as A Force To Be Reckoned With, but make no mistake, they are in an ongoing mode of compensating for their fears.

The two easiest ways of detecting narcissists’ fear is their quick defensiveness and their out-of-proportion anger. They dread having to admit faults or frailties, and if confronted, they cannot have honest, adult conversations. Instead, they try to crush you. Again, that is them compensating for their insecurities.

It can be normal for each of us to have moments when we wonder who can be trusted or how much self-disclosure we should use. This is, after all, an imperfect world, and there are moments when healthy fear is necessary. But as you peer deeply into the souls of narcissists, it is clear that their fears are not healthy, but they typically rise to the level of paranoia.

To get an idea of how narcissists are paranoid, notice multiple tendencies:

* They are chronic keepers of secrets. They don’t want you to know who they really are.

* Narcissists have an exaggerated need to determine: “Are you for me or against me? Will you esteem me or reject me?”

* They find it difficult, to the point of impossibility, to rationally discuss their hurts, mistakes, or miscalculations.

* Instead, narcissists respond to conflicts as The Victim. A go-to strategy they use is blame-shifting.

* They are very reluctant to say words like: “I blew it,” or “I need help.”

* Your simple differences become a referendum about them. They easily presume you wish to harm them if you just have a separate preference or interpretation or emotional reaction.

Very early in life, narcissists concluded that openness and honesty will get you into trouble. Most were exposed to relationships that emphasized power, authority, and correctness, meaning there was little allowance for uniqueness or vulnerability. Being exposed to messages of judgment and shame, they became convinced that cover-up was safer than self-disclosure. Buying into the notion that power is the ultimate sign of significance, they vowed to themselves (sometime consciously and other times subconsciously) that they could never allow others to know their weaknesses. Hiding behind the veneer of a False Self became far more important than authenticity.

The net results of their self-protective paranoia are quite varied. For instance:

* They have an excessive need for you to agree.

* Narcissists expend little to no energy knowing your hurts, needs, or desires.

* They struggle with envy when they see others doing well. Somehow your good fortune is interpreted as an unfair advantage over them.

* They hunger for compliments and validation.

* When angry, they find it almost impossible to break down problems or conflicts constructively.

* Their need for control is pervasive as they insist that others should be subordinate.

* They put great effort into building their personal brand. Image is all important.

* Being the victim, they hold onto grudges for a long time. Forgiveness is not at all common.

* They act as a know-it-all, meaning they are unable to learn. Admitting they do not know it all is tied to shame, something they struggle with greatly.

* Tenderness and gentleness feel awkward due to the vulnerability it represents, so instead they prefer to be feared.

As you might imagine, one of the byproducts of a narcissist’s paranoia is the inability to self-reflect. That would require them to examine both their pluses and minuses, but their insecurity won’t allow that.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malignant_narcissism

Malignant narcissism is a psychological syndrome comprising a mix of narcissism, antisocial behavior, sadism, and a paranoid outlook on life.Malignant narcissism is not a diagnostic category defined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR). Rather, it is a subcategory of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)which could also include traits of antisocial personality disorder or paranoid personality disorder.

Malignant narcissists are grandiose and always ready to raise hostility levels, which undermines the families and organizations in which they are involved, and dehumanizes the people with whom they associate.

https://www.mindsettherapyonline.com/blog/why-are-narcissists-paranoid

Today I want to discuss paranoia and the narcissist. When I refer to paranoia, I will discuss paranoia in the context of high anxiety and not the more pathological psychotic process.  You can read my blog “Why do I feel paranoid?” for more information on the distinction between these two concepts.

As a summary, however, one way to differentiate between paranoia seen with anxiety and paranoia of a psychotic disorder, is to determine whether the person can consider the possibility the thoughts are not true.  Let’s take the example of someone who thinks they are being followed.  If the person has paranoid ideas that are a component of anxiety, then they will be able to consider evidence that it is not possible.  You can show them no one else has been in that area for weeks so it wouldn’t be possible for them to be followed or show them a video that shows no one is following them and they will believe this.  They can consider the evidence and change their mind on whether something has happened.  When someone has paranoia that is a delusion and part of psychosis, they will be unable to consider it as untrue despite ample evidence suggesting the contrary.

To understand why narcissists are paranoid, you must remember the narcissist is always on the defensive.  They have fragile senses of self that they must always protect against.  They present as confident and competent, but this is an act they put on to prevent exposure for who they really are. The narcissist sees danger in everything and everyone because each new experience or person they encounter has the potential to find out who they really are.

For this reason, the narcissist must be paranoid. Everything and everybody has the potential to do them harm.  It doesn’t matter who the person is and whether they have done harm to the narcissist in the past. None of that matters.  The only thing that matters is the narcissist’s belief that their true selves could be found out. 

The narcissist’s fragile sense of self makes any negative encounter seem to be a perceived slight against them. They believe everyone is out to get them and this maintains and worsens their paranoia.  The narcissist is suspicious of everyone.  They never know what someone’s true intention is, and this place of uncertainty and ambiguity is not a place a narcissist likes to be.  This is also where a need for control comes from.  The narcissist must protect themselves at all costs and will control whatever they can to maintain a feeling of control in their own lives.

If someone else tries to take control in the relationship, this makes the narcissist feel more paranoid because they think they are losing control.  And when I refer to the other person taking control, this can be anything, including their partner making choices on what they have for dinner.  It doesn’t matter what the situation is.  If the narcissist feels like they are not making all decisions, they feel out of control, and this triggers their paranoia. 

When the narcissist is paranoid, they can become unpredictable because they are only focused on themselves and no one else.  The only person that matters is them and they have blinders on to anything else happening around them. This unpredictability is when the narcissist might move into narcissistic rage, or another narcissist punishment tactic, to regain control in their lives. The paranoid narcissist is dangerous because they will not hold back in their brutal words and actions.  They move into the defensive and their focus is on protecting themselves, no matter how it affects anyone else. If you try to figure out the narcissist’s next move, this is largely why you will be unsuccessful – the narcissist is reactive and much of their actions don’t make sense to them, much less anyone else. 

To a narcissist, like a drug addict, it’s survival. They crave recognition and have an insatiable need to be admired. Psychoanalyst Heinz Kohut observed that his narcissistic clients suffered from profound alienation, emptiness, powerlessness, and lack of meaning. Beneath the surface, they lacked sufficient internal structures to maintain cohesiveness, stability, and a positive self-image to support a stable identity.

Narcissists’ early losses, emptiness, and needs are so great and painful that when not fulfilled, they mentally disintegrate. Thus their need for their supply is never-ending. They require continuous reassurance from those around them, but, like a parasite, no matter how much you give, it’s never enough to fill their emptiness and satisfy their hunger. Their need is constant and relentless. Like vampires who are dead inside, narcissists exploit and drain those around them. Once their charm wears thin, notice if you feel drained around a narcissist.

If you continue to sacrifice yourself for them, you, too, will feel empty and dead. You may start to experience what it was like for them to have an invasive, cold, or unavailable narcissistic parent. Anne Rice’s vampire Lestat in The Vampire Trilogy had such an emotionally empty mother, who devotedly bonded with him and used him to survive.

Trying to please them feels thankless, like trying to fill a bottomless pit. The hole is their inner emptiness, of which they’re unaware, but expect others to fill. Of course, it’s impossible. Instead, focus on meeting your own needs and healing your own emptiness.

https://www.verywellmind.com/narcissistic-supply-7852699

“Narcissist” is a term that can be thrown around loosely to describe people with certain behaviors. But only 5 in 100 people have actually been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder.1 Narcissists have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, think of themselves as superior to others, and strongly desire to be adored and admired.1 They feed these feelings through a practice called narcissistic supply.

“Narcissistic supply is the ‘drug’ that the narcissist is addicted to in order to feed their false self (their mask) and avoid their true self and the shame that comes along with that," explains Avigail Lev, PsyD, founder and director of Bay Area CBT Center. "Narcissism is a shame disorder, and narcissistic supply is what a narcissist gets from other people to mirror, validate their mask, and avoid the deep-rooted shame underneath their grandiosity.”

Narcissistic supply seems to embolden the narcissist, while being detrimental to their supplier.

Narcissists use narcissistic supply to feel the “affirmation, applause, and adulation of others.”2

They need to feel in control and seek someone who, through their interactions with the narcissist, will help the narcissist feel the power that they crave. Narcissists are fueled by how their supplier responds, whether purposefully or not.

Experts say narcissists thrive on that predictable response. The reaction creates the drive for the narcissist to continue their behavior. If there is no one to react, then a narcissist has no one to exert control over and no one to help inflate their self-image.

Narcissists often also have a fear of being unwanted and unloved. Manipulating others to give them the acceptance they crave is a part of the narcissistic supply relationship.

Realistic examples help paint the picture of what this type of relationship looks like:

* A person insults their significant other to feel better about themselves. “A narcissist puts down their partner in order to lower their self-esteem, making the partner more dependent on the narcissist,” says Alana Carvalho, LMHC.

* A parent continues to pay for things for an adult child to be able to manipulate them. “A narcissistic parent may provide financial support [with conditions] in order to maintain control over their child’s decision-making,” Carvalho notes. Narcissistic supply can also be present in parent/child relationships in other ways. “A narcissist may utilize their child as supply and seek the child’s compliance to help them feel in power such as criticizing or punishing them when they make a decision that goes against their authority,” she adds.

*

* A person will befriend someone needy so that the narcissist can be seen as a hero. “This sometimes means finding a narcissistic supply that is vulnerable, fragile, sick, mentally ill, impoverished, or dependent, in order to create a relationship with power imbalance and the continual expression of gratitude and appreciation,” Dr. Lev states.

While friends and associates can be suppliers, the main supplier is often someone close to the narcissist, like a partner or family member.

In terms of online relationships, especially when actual relatives are less likely to be available (although may still be recruited, especially if they are also in the fandom) online associations take over this role. They become toxic family dynamic, like the Manson family.

Narcissistic supply relationships are unhealthy. Because the narcissist’s goal is to build themselves up at the supplier’s expense, their behavior leaves the supplier feeling vulnerable and with low self-esteem. The supplier can struggle with depression or anxiety, and even post-traumatic stress disorder. The feelings a supplier experiences take a physical, emotional, and mental toll.

Narcissists, in turn, feel like they are in a favorable position. They feel empowered, valued, and worthy of esteem. They enjoy the feelings of power and inflated ego. If you’re concerned that your relationship, whether It’s with your partner, co-worker, or parent, may exhibit narcissistic supply, there are signs you can look for.

“You know that you are a narcissistic supply if you're being love-bombed, idealized, and mirrored, and you feel like the best thing in the whole world. Conversely, you feel like a worthless, insignificant piece of garbage when you're being devalued. If you're feeling either one of these extremes, you're most likely the narcissist's supply,” Dr. Lev explains.

When you are the supplier in a narcissistic supply relationship, building yourself up to combat the negative messages from the narcissist is key. Again, this lessens your dependency on the narcissist.

In the case of online relationships, this means separating yourself from the narcissist. Gather facts about the narcissist’s behaviour. Convene with others to expose the narcissist instead of their target. The narcissist will hate this and lash out, but this is necessary for everyone’s healing. The narcissist might publicly call out those who they deem as defending their target, trying to make them look bad for doing so. This is a common tactic. They want to intimidate anyone who might engage in the same behaviour, in order to not only keep the victim silenced, but also to keep the status quo. This is why they will not allow differences of opinion. Any differences of opinion are automatically taken as offense.

This is why the narcissist lashes out at their victim- they are losing precious control, and thus losing their perceived friend circle. In reality, these are just the supply they’ve brainwashed into controlling. They are much like a cartoon villain. Cartoon villains are essentially a metaphor for this premise.

https://psychcentral.com/health/what-is-narcissistic-supply

Narcissistic supply is the driving force behind many narcissistic behaviors. Recognizing the signs and patterns can help you set boundaries, get support, and care for your well-being.

If you know someone with narcissistic personality traits or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), you may be familiar with some of the ways they attempt to maintain a sense of superiority. It may be through:

* a constant need for validation

* lack of empathy

* manipulation

* other controlling behaviors

At the heart of narcissistic behavior is narcissistic supply, a term that refers to the emotional sustenance narcissists seek to maintain their self-esteem and self-worth.

Narcissists are often skilled at finding sources for their supply, according to Dan Auerbach, a clinical psychotherapist and relationship counselor in Sydney, Australia.

“They are often adept at identifying vulnerable individuals who are more likely to provide the emotional sustenance they seek,” he says.

Narcissists employ various tactics to obtain the supply they desire, says Dr. Ryan Sultan, teaching psychiatrist at Columbia University in New York.

“Some narcissists resort to aggressive behaviors, while others use charm and charisma to elicit admiration,” he notes. “The specific methods used can vary widely among individuals with narcissistic traits.”

Other common tactics include:

* manipulation

* emotional coercion

* feigned affection

* control or dominance over others

* intimidation

* negative attention

* excessive admiration

* notoriety

Narcissistic supply examples

Some potential examples of narcissistic supply in action might include:

* engaging in excessive self-promotion, seeking validation through compliments or social media likes

* always steering conversations back to your achievements

* creating drama in relationships to elicit emotional reactions, reinforcing your sense of importance

* belittling a subordinate in a group setting, only to elevate your own stature

Signs you may be the source of narcissistic supply

Narcissists often thrive on any form of attention, whether positive or negative, that reaffirms their sense of self-importance, according to Sultan.

There are some telltale signs you may be the source of narcissistic supply for someone in your life. The person with narcissist traits may:

* seek constant praise and admiration

* exploit you emotionally or financially

* expect special treatment

* dominate conversations

* seek to be the center of attention

* react strongly to perceived slights or criticism

The narcissistic supply cycle

Some mental health professionals think of narcissistic supply in terms of a cycle with three phases:

1. Idealization: The narcissist views their source of supply as “perfect,” showering them with attention and praise.

2. Devaluation: Over time, the narcissist begins to devalue their source, becoming critical, manipulative, or emotionally abusive.

3. Discard: Once the narcissist has received significant validation, or can no longer get their needs met, they may discard their source of supply and seek a new source.

It can be a never-ending cycle of never enough. Sultan adds that in some cases, a narcissist may return to their initial source in what’s known as “hoovering.”

“If they later feel a shortage of admiration, they might return, attempting to draw the individual back into their sphere,” he explains.

How to break the narcissistic supply cycle

Breaking free from the narcissistic supply cycle is a complex process that requires awareness, determination, and often external support, according to Sultan. He and Auerbach offer some tips that can help:

* Create firm boundaries: Being consistent is key to maintaining your boundaries.

* Seek professional help: This may be in the form of intervention with couples therapy, or individual therapy to help you cope with your situation and difficult emotions.

* Disengage: Withdrawing from the narcissistic supply can lead to what’s known as “narcissistic injury,” where the narcissist may react with heightened aggression or manipulation, warns Auerbach.

Auerbach adds that it’s crucial to prioritize one’s emotional well-being, even if that means distancing oneself from a narcissistic person.

[theastralassist]

Hey Yami!

I plan to go back to play HSR and tbh with you i didn’t play that far in the game and only still in first chapter of the game so i am basically playing as a new player lol.

What I wanna ask is what type of relics I should get as a new player and what best team I should use?

I know seeing my character levels is a pain but in my defence I never really played the game sooo~ any advice and tips when I play the game again?

zero points! /ref

anyways, hii klai! your relics will heavily depend upon what characters you're using in your team, so we'll create a team and THEN go through what relics to use on them! For the sake of simplicity, we'll go with one team and expand on relics from there.

I shall refrain from my... Dr. Ratio team propaganda (Dr. Ratio, Pela, Tingyun, and Natasha in this case! ... oops I did it again.) and give you. a different option! I introduce to you... the ✨Qingque team✨fun team to play, silly unit to build, my girl is just a DELIGHT to play tbh.

The Qingque team consists of the following: Qingque, Gepard, Pela/Tingyun and Natasha! Gepard will be your sustain, responsible for keeping you alive, Qingque will be your DPS, Pela/Tingyun will be your support character, providing buffs/debuffs, and Natasha will be your healer!

Depending on if you play this team on auto or manual depends on how skill-point-heavy this team will be, unfortunately. For the most part, you can get away with not using Pela, Natasha, and Gepard's skills, thus obtaining skill points for Qingque to use in her next turn. What is the most important for those three are their ultimates, which give DEF down, healing, and shield!

As for relics, here are my suggestions! Since you're still in Belebog, your options will be limited, unfortunately! So, I'll be giving you two relic sets, one you can work with now, and the ideal set once you get to the proper places in the story!

Qingque - For Qingque, I would suggest the Genius of Brilliant Stars set, which boosts quantum damage and ignores enemy defense! You'll find this set in Belebog at the Cavern of Corrosion: Path of Providence in the snow plains! As for what to use on Qingque later on... honestly you could just stick with GoBS since it is technically her best in slot set. Alternatively, you can also use Pioneer Diver of Dead Waters on her and still get decent damage. It boosts damage dealt to enemies with debuffs and increases crit rate and crit damage.

Natasha - For Natasha, I would suggest the Passerby of Wandering Cloud set, which increases outgoing healing (meaning Natasha will heal everyone for more HP) and recovers a skill point at the beginning of the battle! Which, with Qingque, you will NEED that skill point. You'll get some of these pieces as you travel through the game, so no need to specifically grind for them! But, once you get past the Silvermane Guard Restricted Zone, you'll be able to find the Cavern of Corrosion: Path of Drifting if you want to grind for better pieces. As for later on, I would suggest Messenger Traversing Hackerspace if your team is having issues with speed and attacking before the enemy! This set boosts speed and grants the entire bonus speed when they use their ultimate.

Pela - For Pela, I would suggest the Guard of Wuthering Snow set, which you can find in the same domain as GoBS! So, I would start here for artifacts here since that's two characters in one shot! It reduces the damage Pela will take and restores HP and energy when she falls below 50% hp. Honestly, I would continue to roll with this set in late game, since there is not really a better set for Pela since she's kind of a broken set kind of girlie? What she needs is effect hit rate, but there's no set out yet that boosts that specifically... If you do end up wanting to change her, I would suggest Messenger Traversing Hackerspace once again! But, just be aware if you have two MTH users in a team, the teamwise SPD boost on ultimate will not stack.

Gepard - For him, right now, you'll want to run him on the same set as Pela, Guard of Wuthering Snow, since his best-in-slot set is not available until you start the Xianzhou Luofu. This set is the Knight of Purity Place set, which increases defense and the maximum damage a shield Gepard makes with his ultimate can absorb. You'll find this set at the Cavern of Corrosion: Path of Holy Hymm and it's Gepard's best set.

I hope this was useful information to you, Klai! If you need any more information like how this team would play on manual mode or anything else, just send me another ask!

Oh yeah.

And build your Dr. Ratio when you get to his stuff. Trust me, having him as an option makes life so much easier and so much funnier. Will hearing "Knowledge is the measure of all things. It reveals truth... and falsehood" and "zero points... next" a million times in an hour's time drive you up the wall? Yes. Will he absolutely kill everything in a 20 mile radius? Also yes.

[mischas]

i've been a lifelong ryan and marissa stan but now in my late 20s and after living a quasi-situationship, i can finally understand just how messy r/m were and how exhausting their dynamic would be. still love them and it's tv and what not but now i get why some people throw the toxic label around. also their attachment styles are interesting to think about, ryan's deffo avoidant and marissa's probably a fearful avoidant. they basically met at a time when they both had a lot of healing to still do to be healthy together

Ah yeah I get this. The version I have of them in my head absolutely has them sit down to talk their shit out eventually but I think it's apparent from at least s2 on, and the forthcoming book basically says this, that the show benefits from their miscommunication. It shoots them in the foot, but the show actively engages with Ryan and Marissa never being on the same page due to their avoidance issues. It only propels the plot and the writers' room was only looking for tension when it came to their storylines. So my love for them still to this day is taking elements of those building blocks and imagining a healthier scenario for them that's not always looking to be torpedoed by a writers' room who stopped knowing how to properly write for them by s2. I can understand why other people don't do the same lol. But so much of viewing this show, to me, is looking at what they gave us at face value and realizing that it's torture/trauma porn for Marissa and how absolutely gross that is. And trying to pivot from that whenever I can just so I can enjoy it at all. Still no word from the book on how harmful that is as a narrative for a teenage girl. It's like they still don't get why she was so relatable to at least half their audience.

I think the word toxic gets carelessly thrown around a lot and RM are thrown into really dark and counterintuitive plots but I don't get why people think their actual relationship is toxic. They're avoidant but moreso because plot + dealing with adult feelings/situations at such a young age. Marissa feels she can't speak to her boyfriend about her feelings so she leans into a third party character meant to be her emotional support. That's, like, actually really sad. And it's not right, but both those plots resolve themselves without Ryan and Marissa having a real conversation about it! Insane. The show didn't want them to resolve anything because then there's no more constant conflict. They aren't even allowed to talk about the assault or shooting! Or even the death of one of those third party characters. It's just.... such bad writing. The writers' room hated them bad after s1 and it's really obvious.

ETA: Sorry I completely forgot to mention your own situationship. I'm sorry that it seemed (on my end here) to be a bad thing in the end. I think they can be really tricky and a way for a lot of men (though not exclusively) to string people along and that really sucks. Emotional maturity is something I'm still working at myself and it's really hard. So much of what I've seen of situationships is like settling for all someone can give you and I don't think it's inherently all that bad really, but everyone involved deserves better. And better tools to confront those things.

[mcalhenwrites]

I don't know if I can express how much it means to me that people like my writing. How much that is actively healing me and bringing me the confidence in my writing that I lacked for so long. Which I know doesn't make it sound genuine, but when you've heard negative criticisms for so long, it's hard to believe the ones who counter that. I was told for years to have confidence in my writing, and I just couldn't find it. Some of those same people told me to have confidence, but then they'd also make fun of my writing/characters (or characterization for fanfics), they'd defend their friends for insulting me, they never cared about boosting my works when I posted them but cornered me if I hadn't immediately seen what they posted of their own writing, just plain ignoring me unless I could benefit them with crochet patterns/reading their stories/etc. (Some of these things overlapped.) I would spend most of my day working on my writing or reading books, and people would say, "You're not even trying hard enough to get better." (How many of them immediately ditched me when I said I wasn't going to crochet anymore so I could focus on writing? Heh. The number isn't zero, that's for sure. Note to anyone who does crafts: don't become that person known for gifts and be cautious about how often and who you gift pieces to...) I'm moving away from that level of damage. I feel a lot better about my writing. I don't feel as much shame about what I write, how I write, and why I write. There are people out here supporting me. They're buying my published books! I'm finding so much joy now. I will go on r/AO3 and just start upvoting all the celebration posts bc they make me happy. (Highly recommend doing this btw) Anyhow, this is a big thank you to all the people who have supported me, whether it's on Ko-Fi, Patreon, buying my book, leaving comments on AO3, sending asks, etc. (Links can be found easily by looking at my blog, but I wanna get back on topic.) I write dark, heavy content, and my intention is to break hearts or make people think. I'm getting feedback now that I do exactly that, and I'm finally feeling prouder and prouder of myself. People say that you can't find real confidence if you base it on what others think, but honestly, like many things? If people are tearing you down, it helps to have people lifting you up. We're losing the spirit of community in all ways, and that includes supporting artists and writers. My stories matter. They matter to me, they matter to other people. They are so worth telling. I'm glad I didn't give up. And honestly, maybe it's a bit petty but let me be petty: I'm still going, people who didn't want me to, and I'm not only doing fine, but I think it'll only get better with time for me! <3

[ellsieee]

Thai QL Favorites!

Tagged by: @benkaaoi (I miss our watch parties bb! 😢)

Credits to: @thatgirl4815 for the Thai BL Favorites Tag Game!

Favorite QL: 

My Tee. It's hard to quantify what exactly equals favorite, so I'm going with the Thai ql series I've rewatched the most. My Tee is my comfort series. It has its issues, but it's not boring or as confusing as the people on mdl would have you believe. I enjoyed the low key, humorous, slice of life, coming of age story. The ending admittedly leaves much to be desired, but the Mork/Tee parts of Our Skyy make up for it.

Favorite Pairing: 

As in acting pair or CP from a series? For established acting pair it's a toss up between EarthMix and KhaotungFirst. Both acting pairs seem to genuinely be good friends which is probably why they have great chemistry. I might have to give the edge to KT and First because I think they're both better actors individually. For a couple from a series it's gotta be Fighter/Tutor. Why R U was one of my early forays into "spicy" Thai bl so Fighter and Tutor have a special place in my heart. Many spicy Thai bls later, I still think their UST/physical chemistry is one of the best. Honorable mention goes to my favorite fluff couple RamKing who was just barely edged out by Tutor's obsession with Fighter's adam's apple.

Most underrated actor: 

I don't follow Thai ql closely enough to know who is underrated or overrated. I'm just going to say Drake Laedeke because I wish GMMTV would stop doing him dirty and give him some lead roles. He was decent in My Tee and has been great in his supporting roles, so I think it's about time he got another shot at ml.

Favorite Character:

This one is really hard. I'm going to cheat and say it's a tie between Noey from I Will Knock You and King from My Engineer. Does King count as a main character? I adore Noey for his quirkiness, loyalty, and (over) confidence. The way he bossed Thi into falling in love with him. 😅 I love King's curiosity, persistence and patience with Ram. I also find his spacey, plant loving, dog fearing self very cute.

Favorite Side Character:

My poor long suffering Gap from Triage. 💙 I loved his friendship with Tin and with the rest of the hospital staff and while I am still salty about being robbed of seeing SingGap become bfs, I still love my sweet, exasperated Gap.

Favorite Scene in a BL:

This scene healed my soul. I Told Sunset About You was such a heavy series that I needed this scene so much. It felt like all was right with the world and I believed in true love again.

Favorite Line in a BL:

My mind is totally blank and I cannot think of any profound lines. Instead, the only thing that comes to mind is Praram's "Brother that isn't a brother. Just like how daddy doesn't really mean father" from This Is Love Story. 😅

Most Anticipated BL (and why): 

I waited too long to do this, all of my anticipated bls came out already (Laws of Attraction & I Feel You Linger In the Air). I guess now I'll pick Sunset Vibes because I am ready to watch MosBank play assholes that deserve only each other again. I am anticipating a most wonderful trash watch. 🧡

Healthiest Relationship in BL:

Saen and Aii from You're My Sky. Saen took it slow with Aii and respected his boundaries. They talked about their problems and tried to meet each other halfway. And they were just all kinds of adorable.

Most Toxic Relationship in BL:

Pok and Tong from Gen Y/Gen Y 2. Threats? ✅ SA? ✅ Manipulation? ✅ I remember thinking damn these bitches are so toxic when I was watching Gen Y, but I was also a bit mesmerized by their toxicity. 😅

Guilty Pleasure Series: 

Guilty pleasure implies that the series needs to be bad, but what's bad? One's trash is another's treasure. A lot of people rag on My Tee, but I like it, so does that make it a guilty pleasure? It doesn't feel like it. I guess I will go with Big Dragon. I can understand why people think it's awful, but I loved it.

Most Underrated Series: 

I really want to pick You're My Sky because it was a pretty well done uni/sports bl that got very little attention, but I'm picking He's Coming To Me because it's a very good series that doesn't get enough love. The ghost story part of it was both touching and funny and the investigation/non-bl plot was interesting. Ohm's acting was great too.

If this wasn't restricted to Thai QL, this would have been a lot harder and a lot of my answers would be different I think. I never know who to tag for these things. If you see this, consider yourself tagged. Edit: I tag YOU @victooooorious