#i have no self awareness but i have a commitment to positivity and will listen to criticism

[how2spell-sandwhich]

hey squad if i ever start acting like i’m swatting at a boogeyman that lives in my head rent free just give me a heads up. i have anger management issues and trauma but i do not want to become a person who brings others down and throws tantrums on social media so just tell me lmao

[theambitiouswoman]

Green Flags in Communication 💚💬

"I want to know when I hurt your feelings."

This shows they are willing to understand and acknowledge the impact of their actions.

"I don't want you to feel alone in this."

This shows empathy and indicates that the person is supportive and does not want the person to deal with issues alone.

"I've been struggling with ___”

This demonstrates vulnerability and trust, as the person is open about their struggles.

"How have you been feeling about ___? I know it's been on your mind a lot."

This shows concern for the other person's issues or worries, showing that they are listening and care about what's important to the other person.

"I feel __ when you __; are you open to trying __ next time?"

This is an example of constructive communication.

"What do you need from me when this happens with your family?"

This shows awareness and sensitivity to the persons family dynamics and a willingness to provide support.

"I appreciate when you ___.”

Expressing appreciation is vital for positive reinforcement and acknowledging the efforts and qualities of the other person.

"I didn't handle that well."

This is a sign of self-awareness and accountability, recognizing one's own mistakes and being open to learning and growth.

"I'm sorry, I was wrong to say that. I'll try to be more mindful in the future."

Shows you are able to apologize genuinely and a commitment to improving behavior.

"Tell me more about that; I'm really interested in hearing your perspective."

Indicates a genuine interest in the other person's thoughts and feelings.

"I noticed you seemed a bit off today. Is everything okay?"

It shows you are attentive to the other person's emotional state and a readiness to provide support.

"I'm here for you, no matter what you need."

Offers unconditional support, creating a sense of security in the relationship.

"I love how passionate you are about your hobbies. It's inspiring to see."

Expresses admiration for the other person's interests.

"Let's work on a solution together. What do you think would be fair?"

Focusing on collaboration rather than conflict.

"I trust your judgment on this."

Trust and respect for the other person's decision-making abilities.

"Your happiness is important to me. Let's make sure you're taking time for yourself."

Prioritizes the other person's happiness and emphasizes the importance of self care.

"It's okay to feel that way. Do you want to talk about it more?"

Validates the other person's feelings.

"I appreciate how you handled that situation. You're really good at ___."

Praises specific strengths or skills, boosting the other person's self-esteem.

"I know we disagree, but I respect your point of view."

Acknowledges differences in opinion while still maintaining respect and understanding.

[brisquad-unit-4402]

luxiem and noisy sex

hey guys sorry i was mia for a while you see it was because i was [DEAFENING EXPLOSION AND AFTERSHOCK FOLLOWED BY COLLAPSING DEBRIS, THUNDER CRASH, BICYCLE HORN SOUND EFFECTS]

tags: established relationship, gender neutral reader, smut, bottom/top or sub/dom not specified

⚠️ blow job mention in shu's entry

⚠️ mature content under read more. content under read more is not intended for minors

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

🖋 Ike Eveland

relatively quiet. ike doesn't make a racket often— it's more likely that he'll either tease you with dirty talk and come-ons

but once his brain gets too fucked out to stay coy, he's all shaky breaths and little whines

you can hear him quivering under his breath, as if getting caught would be a problem

which it very much isn't

invite him to get a little louder if you want an adorably flustered, adorably hard novelist. he'll feel so dirty if you do, but at the same time, he feels like making noise proves how much he trusts you

if you're noisy:

even though he doesn't make much noise, sex with you isn't complete without coaxing such sweet squeaks out of you

he takes it as a challenge, trying to figure out which part of your body is most sensitive by how loud you react

it makes him feel so sexy, and desirable, and powerful no matter what position he's in

prefers when you can't form words anymore, only helpless cries. oh, and if you actually do cry? god, he'll remember that forever

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

🦁 Luca Kaneshiro

brings a whole new definition to "loud in bed". like seriously, even if you've had noisy partners before, luca puts them all to shame without even trying

he reacts to almost everything, and it doesn't take him a lot to get there. sometimes you wonder if he's faking it, but no, he's just that aware of everything he feels

he starts out with exclamations, and somehow forms words all the way until the end of the night. the sentences stop making sense halfway through, and by the time he climaxes it's a miracle if he can even get through his words without tripping up

if you're noisy:

is he the luckiest guy in the universe or what? it feels great to have someone that gets what it's like to be loud

doesn't even care what you say or do as long as he can hear it. just being able to hear those noises has his engine revving

then again, when you're lips are pressed up to him and he can still hear the muffled sounds and your vibrating throat, he just wants to fuck until you both white out in the afterglow

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

👟 Shu Yamino

shu doesn't take sex too seriously and just wants to have fun above all else, and you have to wonder if it's because he always laughs at least once when you sleep together

he's actually quite ticklish, and his moans sometimes end in giggles. they sound so sweet even though what you do under the covers is anything but

this is one of the few things he's actually insecure about. he's so worried that it might kill the mood or make his partner feel self conscious

don't take it personally. he whimpers plenty when he's not giggling, and the last thing he wants is a misunderstanding just because of how his body expresses pleasure

if you're noisy:

sometimes he wishes he could commit every one of your noises to memory. they're easily his favorite part of going down on you

he fantasizes about your voice getting excited often. if you're ever apart, he'd love to listen to you masturbate and call his name over the phone

hell, even hearing his name from your trembling lips has his cock throbbing, ready to fill that pretty mouth and give you something to really choke on

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

👹 Vox Akuma

tends to make more guttural sounds. growls, hums, and purrs galore. vox doesn't even try to make them sound sultry, they're just so low and irresistible, as expected of the voice demon himself

but if you catch him off guard you might just make him squeak in surprise and satisfaction. he even stutters and trips over his words

which is something he gets embarrassed over, especially since all his other noises are still on the low end of the spectrum, but calling attention to it gets him even more aroused

great sex usually ends with high-pitched whimpers and gasps, and the best ones have him screaming as he orgasms

if you're noisy:

your noises make him so unbelievably horny, you have no idea. the second he realizes you're loud, he wants nothing more than to hear you all night

it's a huge ego boost and fuels him to keep pushing his limits. anything to keep you crying out for him

he'll goad you into responding to his dirty talk just so he can hear you whimper in-between your words

whether you want to be praised or degraded, he tries to mention your voice and noises as much as he can since it's all he can think about

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

✧. ┊ masterpost ✧. ┊ kofi

[austinsastrology8991]

> MC ASPECTS < How you renowned around town “You make your own reality. And once you’ve done it, apparently, everyone’s of the opinion it was all so fucking obvious.” - Logan - Fucking - ROy

!!parental advisory explicit!!

MC Aspecting Sun - “rome, I think you're a super talented superstar and I love you” - Shiv Roy : Its hard not to notice you, you got a poise of regality, and you work the public sphere with ease; you put yourself out there and you get a lot of attention from onlookers - and it makes you one of a kind. you are someone with dignity and maybe too much self respect for some, to give you the credit that you do deserve > because no one does it quite like you - high key a dominant force in any room you enter - wolf of wall street vibes and lets be honest you are not above having a party at the office... and paying hookers to make it more cool...... you do the most and its a vibe vibe MC Aspecting Moon - "They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had, and add some extra just for you" - Therapist in succession You know how to put people at ease, and your basically a professional therapist at this point. You can lighten up anyones mood or piss everyone off depending on how you feel. And this understanding of psychology really benefits you; because people want to treat you right, so you can give them some insight as to why they have a mental breakdown every 5 minutes (this generations daily cycle) your like a dog that lives in a hair-salon and everyone wanna get a cuddle from it/he/she/thing/you

MC Aspecting Mercury - “Information, Greg, it’s like a bottle of fine wine. You store it, you hoard it, you save it for a special occasion and then you smash someone’s face with it.” - Tom Wambsgams When you stfu people are wondering what your thinking. because somehow. someway. you've taken control of the conversation, and whatever you say is taken with heavier consideration then the average person. However that does not mean you get your way, it just means we listen to you the most - easily the most valuable insight comes from you guys, and your perceived as. a hustler. no wonder your careful with ur words because you dont really care about getting the right answer in the known, if that ultimately inteferes with your master plan you'll just stay quiet - because you know how to navigate the world with words, and your aware that ultimately the final word - the best word - is the deciding factor of what we do MC Aspecting Venus - "Here’s the thing about being rich, okay? It’s fucking great. It’s like being a superhero, only better. You get to do what you want — the authorities can’t really touch you. You get to wear a costume, but it’s designed by Armani and it doesn’t make you look like a prick." - Tom Wambsgams Beauty pageants. Everyone is interested in you, because your beautiful and your graceful, and you'd make a fine edition to the list of exes that everyone has. So besides the fact that your fuckable, you know how to charm people so easily and thats why you get so much attention, and its positive unless your insecure about how attractive you are.... which is a real thing... and id say just get that plastic surgery or stfu and find some real solutions. i mean has anyone ever tried to tell a beautiful person, that they beautiful.... its exhausting... and then they just look for someone else (more beautiful) to get that validation. its a death trap!!! dont fall for that bs... but damn yo fine ass better get used to being a fine ass or someone gonna commit a crime on yo ass MC Aspecting Mars - "I got a track record from founding one of the most exciting new media brands in the world. And what do you got? Track marks from shooting junk? Thanks for coming down. It was great to meet you." - Lawyrence Yee Unfuckwitable - you embody the underdog - and i mean an under dog thorugh and through; youll bark at anything that pisses yall offf, and thats why people watch they step around yall, no one wanna get bitten by da big dog with a small dog complex. but your fierce and people try their best to match your aggressive energy just to save face for themselves - meanwhile your just more pissed off that you always gotta show yo teeth to anyone you talk to lol. Your competitive and act like crackhead that knows karate. everyone is low key intimidated by ya, and you know it

MC Aspecting Jupiter - "Most things don't exist. the ford motor company hardly exists. It's just a time saving expression for a collection of financial interests." - Logan RoyEveryone likes you, and sometimes you don't even understand why, and thats just another reason to like you. You show a geniune uninterest in any boring mundane activities > and this lack of care for bullshit makes it so that when you do show an interest for something > you've somehow convinced everyone in the room that your enthusiasm defines whats enjoyable. and this discernment makes others believe that your the new budha for socio-economic observations . I respect it. and you did it without even realizing, like thats a feat initself, and you guys are 100 feet tall in everyone elses eyes because you got a name fo yo self MC aspecting Saturn - "the actual fact is we're persuading more and more shareholders everyday that we offer them just a slightly better chance for them to make a little bit more money on the dollar…and that's all that this is…." - Stewy Hosseini The boss is here and now everyone gotta actually do something productive. you guys have respect, and people know that if they don't come at you correctly, then you'll correct it for them, and no one wanna be daddied by the king kong daddy. Your life is defined by hardships and this is the most noticeable trait about yall, and it has molded you into a gus fring. A stone cold killer. You don't have to say much but the weight of your presence in itself, is so much pressure, that everyone wanna ask for more time, but no one wanna be scolded by yall so we just stfu and deal with it MC Aspecting Uranus - "Nothing is a line. Everything, everywhere is always moving. Forever. Get used to it." - Logan Roy Who is they? who are we? why can they get away with acting like a complete fucking retard? Well they don't 'get away with it' they just fucking do it. I mean the balls on ya'll is undeniable, but the audacity and the concept of why. well no one knows and I don't think you do either. But you literally change the game wherever you go, because you do ridiculous shit just to make fun of reality, and it really does expose how much of a cult we all live in; since we all about our own rituals of bullshit. I applaud the audacity but everyone gets nervous around your unpredictable nervous explosions - your like a charged creeper; youve been shocked by something and now you just have to explode and ruin everyones buildings

MC Aspecting Neptune - "Climate said I was going down. Climate said I should just step aside. I guess I'm a climate denier" - Logan Roy You're imagination personified. You somehow write your favourite stories into reality > and you do this so uncosnciosuly thst you've somehow convinced everyone its real. You don't care much for whats actually real, you'd rather manifest what you want to be real > no matter whats being thrown at you (and theres a lot) you have a uncanny ability to be a energy conduit > and transform that energy into what pleases you the most. And because of this you appear to be a mystic. and theres a tendency to be very calm, and if life throws too much shit at you > and you've ran outta favours, its adios to the world. and the long road of finding your purpose again awaits! MC Aspecting Pluto - "Would you like to hear my favourite passage from Shakespear? Take the fucking money." - Logan Roy You are daunting aren't you. people don't talk to you very much, at least not any normal self abiding citizen. you look like TMNT - you look neglected > look like you ate some radioactive poison > became this mutant thing > and was raised by a rat that could beat your ass... how'd that go? you look great! I would shake your hand but Im honestly afraid your gonna bite me. Look your life is intense and borderline traumatic, I get it. but this makes you so mesmerising > you can have the whole room in a trance with your dark aura, and people just hand you power like its nothing. You don't even care tho, and thats what makes you even more powerful lol > if anyone can handle the dark. its you > and a powerful 'rep' requires someone who doesn't fuck around. and you do not

highly highly recommend succession > all the quotes used are from dat show - and its a fkn masta piece

[bblovetarot]

{୨୧} Why are people attracted to you? + a Quote

ʚ ═══･୨ ꕤ ୧･═══ ɞ Pick a Pile ʚ ═══･୨ ꕤ ୧･═══ ɞ

i listen to music while doing pac, so i decided to put down lyrics down that i feel are important to the specific pile. let me know if it resonates!

i was listening to the miseducation of lauryn hill by lauryn hill

. ༄ paid readings . ༄

。°⚠︎°。follow your intuition when choosing a pile. if you're drawn to more than one pile, that's okay! you may have messages in more than one.

。°⚠︎°。tarot readings are not 100% accurate, and do not dictate your future. please keep in mind that you have free will. these readings are also general and aren't specific to one person, so please take what resonates and leave what doesn't!

Pile 1

"you might win some but you just lost one"

People are drawn to your positive energy, admiring your ability to shake off negativity swiftly. It's possible, however, that you've encountered manipulative individuals offering empty promises and taking without giving. This may have hindered you from stepping out of your comfort zone to pursue your desires. You're likely someone who wears their heart on their sleeve, exuding compassion and love. Unfortunately, others may have taken advantage of your generosity, and Spirit suggests establishing stronger boundaries to protect your energy. Whether in friendships or romantic relationships, be discerning. Your commitment to connections is evident, yet you're also keenly aware when something impedes your potential. While you invest deeply, you won't hesitate to walk away when necessary, although this decision may take time. Your dedication, primarily to yourself, is apparent to those around you. Despite being caring and open-hearted, you refuse to let anything keep you in a low vibrational state for long. You're determined to rise above challenges, trusting in the universe to deliver what you deserve. You possess significant aspirations, and people admire your refusal to succumb to those who may want to limit you. Your persistence and determination resonate with others who see you as an inspiration. Your creative side, though possibly overlooked by yourself, is a gift meant to be shared with the world. The universe encourages you to press on, assuring you that your journey is not in vain. Even if you're grappling with recent departures or energy-draining situations, the universe urges you to persevere. Acknowledge your self-worth and creative talents, recognizing that your journey inspires those who witness your strength during difficult times. Your energy, though not always consciously recognized, radiates strongly, attracting people who genuinely appreciate you. Embrace your worth, rise above negativity, and trust that your dedication will lead you to the success you envision. The universe is continuously supporting your journey.

Pile 2

"girls, you better watch out, some guys are only about- that thing"

Oh dear, it seems you may have encountered individuals drawn to your physical allure, making false promises of mutual connection while harboring ulterior motives. Your captivating and welcoming nature, combined with a lack of boundaries, can attract those who see an opportunity to engage with your vibrant energy. These individuals, often described as energy vampires, thrive on noncommittal behavior, utilizing others for their own gain and enjoying the thrill of the game. The universe is sending a clear message: establish boundaries with yourself. Not everyone deserves access to your fiery energy that breathes life into everything you touch. Fight for yourself, my love, and refrain from giving everything away indiscriminately. Recognize that your fire is a precious gift, not to be played with by those who lack sincerity and maturity. By setting boundaries, you shield yourself from burnout and unlock your full potential. Your generosity, showcased in your gifts and love, is admirable, but it's crucial to discern who truly deserves your precious energy. People may desire your warmth and affection, but establishing boundaries is key to maintaining the authenticity of your connections. The universe assures you that you can manifest the deep, meaningful relationships you dream of. Despite any doubts, know that you are deserving of love and the companionship you seek. Upholding boundaries is not a hindrance but a declaration of self-worth. Rebuild your self-confidence and continue the journey of self-protection. As you assert your needs and stand up for yourself, you will attract those who genuinely appreciate and reciprocate the love and energy you offer. Trust in the process, my dear, and believe in the love and friendships that align with the standards you set for yourself.

Pile 3

"forgive them father for they know not what they do"

Pile 3, you emanate the essence of a healer. Whether in a profession that involves assisting others or simply through your natural inclination to help, people are drawn to your compassionate nature. Your emotional maturity sets you apart, allowing you to discern when situations aren't working and find compromises without resorting to chaos. As a leader in your own right, you stand firmly in your power, not reliant on others to pave your way. Individuals seek your counsel, finding solace in your wise advice. Your maturity is a beacon that attracts those tired of drama and dysfunction, as you offer a refreshing and comforting energy. You have the ability to make people feel welcome, particularly those who tend to isolate themselves. Your presence infuses life and joy, uplifting those who may be struggling. Your positivity is infectious, creating a ripple effect of happiness. Even if you possess a hint of shyness, your radiant inner light shines brightly, capturing the admiration of those around you. Your beauty, both inside and out, is truly remarkable. People are enamored by your ability to bring happiness to any situation, transforming the energy of those who may be feeling lonely or disheartened. In your presence, gloom transforms into light, and you serve as the beacon that lifts the spirits of those around you. Your light is not only captivating but also transformative, making you the radiant center of any group. People are undeniably attracted to the positive, calm, and surreal energy you exude. You are, without a doubt, the light that others are drawn to, and your presence has a profound impact on those fortunate enough to be around you.

[thecosmicangel]

Love Reading - Pick-a-Picture Edition ❣️💌✨

1. 📷

You may see this person as someone who you could have something very passionate with. You find this person extremely attractive and mature but you may feel like they have player or flirt energy and don’t know if they are taking you seriously. They may come off as very confident and self centered or selfish. You could simply be very confident in this relationship or it may feel one sided at times as you too may be very selfish.You at times may feel detached and overwhelmed with this connection and may feel like running away because it gets too deep or it triggers unhealed traumas you may have not been aware of. You may at times feel like moving on from this person or giving each other some time apart. You ultimately see this person as a long term partner and someone you could build a happy home with. Probable marriage material, filled with happiness, love, celebration and abundance. You feel like this person fits right in with your family and will give them the chance to continue growing your connection. Now the other person sees you or the relationship as emotionally fulfilling, they are ready to invest their time and energy on this connection. They feel like they could be vulnerable and emotionally open with you. You may bring out a certain side of them emotionally. They may also be scared to open up to you due to past relationships or heartbreak so they could be breadcrumbing you because they don’t want to show you how deeply they feel for you yet. For some this person feels like you are helping them heal wounds from the past.They plan on making you happy because you make them happy. For a few I'm getting that this may be someone from your past coming back after they ghosted you and are ready to offer you a real commitment. They realize how much you mean to them and regret treating you a certain way which hurts your feelings.  I see that this relationship or connection will need teamwork if you two want to make it work. You must work individually and as a team in order to see positive movement, even when roadblocks appear you will need to learn and communicate to solve problems together. The advice is for both of you to keep grounded and take things slow and steady instead of rushing into something. Overall the energy seems happy, emotional and full of celebration. 

💌“ I want to be more than friends” 

💌“ I wish i had treated you better” 

💌“I left you before you could leave me”  

💌“Past is in the past don’t look back” 

💌“Planning for the future” 

💌“Travel is good for the soul” 

💌Past is in the past don’t look back 

💌Planning for the future -travel 

💌I want to be more than friends 

💌I left you before you could leave me 

💌I wish i had treated you better

2.📷

Someone has recently had a dream, vision or breakthrough about how they feel for you.They are falling hard for you, but they also feel deceptive or may be hiding something from you or from themselves. They aren’t acknowledging something. This person could visualize you two being together and what life could be with you. This person could be very artistic or imaginative. This person sees you as the ideal person who they will be happy with. They see you as an opportunity for wish fulfillment. You are their wish to come true. This looks like a new opportunity at love, you or the person could feel trapped or lost. This person could be a friend or in your group of friends and you may not be aware of their feelings for you but it is worth giving them the chance if they confess to you their feelings. Another thing I'm picking up on is that this person friendzoned you in the past but now is realizing they have actual feelings for you. This person could be sending you messages through music, or they think of you when they listen to music. 

💌“ I want to be more than friends.” 

💌“You don’t know how hard it was to let you go”

💌“I lost myself for a little while” 

💌“Finding the truth crushed me” 

💌Hidden desires/ hidden intentions 

💌“Social media got me in trouble”

💌“You speak to me through music” 

3.📷

You may feel like this connection or relationship is breaking or not stable so you feel defensive and feel like you need to guard yourself. You may be scared of heartbreak, you feel like the other person is hiding stuff from you and you just want them to be honest with you. You want balance to be restored in this relationship, feeling like something is unfair or unjust. You may be overthinking multiple scenarios or expecting many possibilities of what could go wrong or right with this person. Your emotions may be all over the place. Your person sees you as a potential partner and they have some feelings for you but they are currently going through some mental conflict and can’t decide what they want with you. You or them or both could be going through a transformation or about to go through a transformation. In general I see the connection going through a transformation, whatever has caused a block or conflict in this relationship has caused both of you to go through a transformation. The structure or foundation of this relationship is being transformed, it’s like you guys are starting new or having a different approach to how you go into the relationship. I see the other person is having mental conflict or blockages because they don’t know if they are ready for a relationship or may be indecisive as to follow the logic or their emotions. They want to make the right decision for themselves, I kind of feel like they are being selfish and only thinking about what will benefit them most. They want to be successful and may be too focused on their career and finances. Some of them are deciding between money, material things or love. I see them going with the flow and just letting time give them an answer, they want to break certain cycles they have continued in the past. I feel like they are defensive or trying to hold on to something or a certain cycle. They may be someone who would always block or remove themselves from others when things got hard or they became overwhelmed. This time around I feel like they actually found something real with you, so that is why it’s not so easy to run away. If there is a breakup or separation some of you could rekindle the relationship with them, but you are being asked to take things slow. A need to nurture yourself or spend some time in nature. Going through an awakening or healing moment. You both have triggered certain traumas that need shadow work & healing. Balance will be restored whether you work things out or not, you will find healing and balance. 

💌“I want you”

💌“I wish things could be different”

💌“I remember every detail of that day”

💌“I lost myself for a while” 

💌Devotion , hopelessly devoted to you 

💌Stuck at a crossroad- major intersection

💌Reciprocity - adjustments are being made 

💌Reminiscing on past precious moments 

💌Guilt for past actions & behaviors

4.📷

You feel that you have done inner healing and this person is here because you did the work. You see this person as strong and nurturing, they protect and make you feel safe. They are a safe space for you. You can show them the best and worst parts of you and they still embrace you and make you feel loveable. You are willing to open up more to this person, and you may also want this person to open up more. You have strong passionate feelings for them and want them to express their passion for you, but they may be holding back their true feelings. They feel like they need to guard their true feelings for you because they are scared of being vulnerable. They may also feel like they can’t put all their focus and attention on you just yet because they are fighting inner battles or trying to get other things in order before they can commit fully to you. They want a reconciliation with you after having an awakening or becoming aware of what they feel for you. They want to rekindle the connection because they feel like they haven’t been true to themselves or to you. They might have been standoffish towards you because they have other issues or conflict going on. They feel like you are their wish fulfillment and want something long lasting with you because you make them feel like no other has before. There seems to be a completion of a cycle but also a new beginning or opportunity at love for this pile. Maybe this person and you took a break or stopped communicating but things will pick back up. You may be receiving a message from them soon or communication will improve. For a few I'm picking up that you are in their mind  a lot but they try to ignore you. They are fighting themselves or are hiding from their true feelings because they feel they are not ready to express them towards you. 

💌“ I am becoming a better person” 

💌“ I wish things could be different”

💌“ You and I were too young” 

💌“ You were the best thing in my life” 

💌“My life is not as together as it seems” 

💌Lurking in the shadows 

💌Reconciliation is coming 

💌Still working on it 

💌Fairy tales fo exists

Take what resonates and leave what doesn't!!

Pictures used do not belong to me, they were found on Pinterest

If you would like to support my readings please tip, it will be greatly appreciated 💗

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💰paypal: @cosmicangel777

[most-datable-datable-bracket]

ROUND 5 MATCH 3

Elliott propaganda:

“Just look at him. Pure hunk energy.”

“I will punch anyone who dislikes him. He’s like a fire emblem character in the modern day. He’s so flamboyant and handsome, he can play the piano and he’s best friends with the old fishing man!”

“dramatic writer man with sexy hair”

"Since I like elliott. I will state some reasons why I like him

Imagine if Mr. Darcy didn’t insult your family first time you met him, that’s Elliott. The man who’s basically the hallmark romance love interest. He’s a writer who moves to the small town in the country side to find inspiration for his writing. Then he finds the farmer.

He has a crab living in his pocket

He can play the piano (hopefully it isn’t the river flows in you however)

His fans sometimes hc him as a merman and that’s just a major plus IMO

He genre of the book he writes is dependent on what genre you say you like.

He also sends letters to you if you marry him

Okay and also some things I dislike

His liked gifts, the easiest one is pomegranates, which cost like 6000g to grow a tree if you don’t pick the fruit cave. I AM NOT GETTING SQUID INK IN YEAR ONE FOR YOU.

he might be British /j

The fact he has no kitchen but still likes food like lobster, like he is just a mystery. Lives in a cabin, with no kitchen, no washroom (okay no character has a washroom), but still likes the most fancy food out there and has luscious hair worthy of a L’Oréal ad.

Gifting him on rainy days when you don’t have two hearts"

Dimitri propaganda:

“He's chivalrous, he's blood thirsty, all rolled up into one package and calling you "his beloved". Get you a man who can do both.”

“My husband <3 He's schizophrenic just like me and I love him for that.”

"First, look at him. No disrespect to the monster lovers, but even if blonde, blue-eyed hunks aren't your thing, you can't deny that Dimitri is very pretty.

Second, one of the things I love most about Dimitri is how self aware he is of his privilege as a prince (or king) and how seriously he treats the gravity of his position. He has a strong sense of duty and wants to be a good leader who listens to and provides for the needs of all of his people. This includes the citizens of Duscur, who were nearly wiped out by his own countrymen in (mistaken) retaliation for his father's murder. His commitment to righting this wrong is one of his primary goals in life.

Third, while he is more than capable of crushing a man's skull with his bare hands, under normal circumstances he absolutely wouldn't. A large part of the reason why his fall is so shocking and devastating to witness is because by the time he snaps, we know that Dimitri is actually a kind and gentle soul who hates violence and understands that even his enemies are human. Even at his worst point he still recognizes this, which feeds into his extreme self loathing. He extends compassion and forgiveness to others but struggles mightily to allow himself any forbearance for his own mistakes. He's kind quite literally to a fault, as his empathy is both his greatest strength AND his biggest flaw and I find that as heartwarming as it is heartbreaking."

"Okay first for all the "he needs therapy haha funny" (and its annoying corollary "I can fix him") comments, 1) don't we all? And 2) you can't romance him til end game when he is in a much healthier place due to his own choice to change his priorities and the support of you and his friends. He battles daily with severe mental illness in a repressed society that doesn't talk about it. And on multiple occasions tells people that it is okay to feel your feelings and offers support despite his own struggles (I include that bc that is a date able trait to me). If he's not your fave that's cool, but leave the ableist language out of it pretty please 💙💙 Okay reasons he should be your boyfriend now!!

He calls you his beloved and wants to hold your hand 🥺

His happiest moments in game are when you smile

And in conclusion, he is shaped like a dorito and has a huge cloak to snuggle you up in"

[see-arcane]

And as she so sat she became aware of an aged beautiful gentleman with white hair, drawing near along the lane; and advancing to meet him, another and very small gentleman, to whom at first she paid less attention. When they had come within speech (which was just under the maid’s eyes) the older man bowed and accosted the other with a very pretty manner of politeness. It did not seem as if the subject of his address were of great importance; indeed, from his pointing, it sometimes appeared as if he were only inquiring his way; but the moon shone on his face as he spoke, and the girl was pleased to watch it, it seemed to breathe such an innocent and old-world kindness of disposition, yet with something high too, as of a well-founded self-content. Presently her eye wandered to the other, and she was surprised to recognise in him a certain Mr. Hyde, who had once visited her master and for whom she had conceived a dislike. He had in his hand a heavy cane, with which he was trifling; but he answered never a word, and seemed to listen with an ill-contained impatience. And then all of a sudden he broke out in a great flame of anger, stamping with his foot, brandishing the cane, and carrying on (as the maid described it) like a madman.

This bit is sticking with me in a way it didn't last year.

We'll see Jekyll's explanation for what he says is the cause of Hyde committing this murder. Maybe he believes it, maybe he's guessing, maybe he'll somehow believe there's a last fig leaf that needs hiding behind, even in the wretched condition he'll be in by the time of his confession. But looking at the details of poor old Carew laid out like this, I think I can spy a shortcut to a pretty good reason without just his word on it:

Edward Hyde saw in Sir Danvers Carew everything that Dr. Henry Jekyll could only pretend to be.

At least he leaps to that assumption. This is a story in which the impression of someone's character is always somehow visible at a glance--dreary but beloved Utterson, jovial Lanyon, respected but sly Jekyll, loathsome Hyde, odious housekeeper, et cetera--and we're to take the maid's opinion at face value. Carew was a stately old pinnacle of natural politeness and kindness. Aged, distinguished, self-content.

The point of Hyde's existence is to let Jekyll hide. To wear his own worst impulses as an outer disguise, free of inhibition or blame. Repression as physical manifestation, because he's so certain of his need to distill himself into two selves, the better to keep Jekyll 'pristine'--at least as presented to the world. Now here's Carew. Carew, who seems to radiate an intrinsic goodness. Carew, a happy old man. Carew, who is serene, who is at peace with himself.

No need of a 'Hyde' for him.

No shame.

Nothing to bury or let run wild.

Carew, for as much as we and Hyde get to know him, is only himself. Good. Kind. Needing nothing but directions, if you could point him along, sir.

Another strike. Sir Danvers Carew bowing and smiling to a loathsome little nobody like Hyde. This, when surely he has to have been disgusted like anybody else with sense..! Hypocrite! Liar! Fraud!

I think it's that very sterling regard that broke the dam in Hyde and let out the flood of verbal bile and violence. Insults and bludgeoning and a great childish fit--the kind of senseless viciousness of someone desperately flinging mud at the proof that they are Wrong, they are Lesser, they will Never Be Up to the Level of the Person Before Them.

Worse, Carew looks hurt even before the first blow lands. Not angry, not shocked. Just hurt. A final proof-positive (in Hyde's eyes) that he is as untainted and innocent as he looks.

So down comes the cane.

Striking the old man the way someone else might smash a mirror in frustration.

[eldritch-spouse]

Hiyaa, I just found your blog recently and already love the messed-up characters lmao. Especially all of the messed up morbid shit they do in the Clergy. But I wanna go ramble about my sudden scenario idea, feel free to entertain the idea of my brain, mx Pinnie!

(CW: Mentions of Suicide)

Imagine the scenario where all of the TCE boys S/O's have known and were close to Admin in the past before Krulu fucked up everything.

Though in context (I'm basing this off of from Lobotomy Corporation & Library of Ruina story between Angela and the Sephiroths) of Admin and her relationship with the TCE obsession's:

Video of Angela's lore in case you're curious (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxbsSPjBWCA&t=1357s)

Admin was the others personal indirect torturer due to the circumstances of one selfish bastard, who was Admin's father and former boss of the other darlings, that forced Admin to follow the script that he left behind in order to complete the project he and his coworkers wanted to achieve. If Admin didn't follow the script, then everything will reset to the beginning with only Admin aware and remember these loops that repeated thousands of times. To make matters worse, Admin HAD to push the TCE's obsessions till the brink of breakdown to follow the script and hope that the loop will end - it doesn't help that Admin directly had a lot of conversations with the other darlings because they were all in the higher positions and maintained order within the facility.

Admittedly, Admin WANTED to alleviate the sufferings of the others , including the employees (that were seen as expendables), from working in what can only be described as Hell on Earth itself because Admin genuinely cared for the Darlings. But she can't because if she deviates from the script then everything will reset and would further continuing everyone's torture. The Admin's role in this monotonous play was to be the stage's gear that pulls the levers. Watching everyone getting slaughtered, losing their sanities or committing suicide.

When the curtains came to a close, the Darlings were (understandably) not happy with Admin for not only mentally torturing them, but also responsible for undermining all their pain and suffering by fucking up the Script at the very end. Yet despite the anger the Darlings had, they can't entirely blame Admin for it because they were all victims of their Boss' abuse. So they tried to lead her to a better path so Admin doesn't become like her father and further her pain.

Boy. It will be very angst worthy for Admin when she meets the others again in the Clergy and becoming the source of the TCE's obsessions.

Now the fun part, Admin and the TCE's obsessions dynamics!

-) With Morell's, Gallon, and Grimbly's Obsession: The three held very little grudge against Admin in the present and were the more sympathetic of her unfortunate situation (Especially after finding out what happened with Krulu and Ludwig). They're mainly the ones to let her vent and listen when Admin needed to let out all her frustrations and emotions. However, Gallon's S/O would be the one to give insights (albeit Philosophical) because she can gouge out what Admin is thinking.

-) With Nebul's & Patches' Obsession: The two could emphasize with Admin's guilt, because the two (despite having different personality with Patches' S/O being the more dominant and responsible while Nebul's S/O is the more quiet and submissive) knew what it was like to be helpless with the circumstances against you and you can't save everyone. That very guilt could swallow you whole and trapped one into a cold suffocating abyss, so the two would often make sure Admin doesn't force herself and wallow in self punishment for too long because despite everything that Admin did and done both in the past and present, the two still genuinely care for her wellbeing.

-) With Belo and Santi's obsession: Ironically, those two were the most upset/disappointed with Admin in the past and present and had no hesitation to express it. Yet, it's what made Admin relaxed around them because the two will be transparent, critical and not sugar-coat what they feel and their beliefs towards the situation to the Admin's face. And Admin knows that the two did it because they don't want to coddle her like the others.

-) Sybastian, Vinnel and Fank-e's Obsession: These three are there to distract Admin from the toxic self-guilt mindset with doing normal stuff like shopping, watching a movie night etc, and had told her: "What's done is done. There's nothing that we can do to make the situation less traumatic and immoral for all of us, but most of us don't blame you for our current life with these monster people. Who's to say we can't be happy here in the future? It's not like it'll be any worse than our last job"

-) Ludwig's Obsession: As if it wasn't bad enough that Admin was Ludwig's crush and best friend, but his S/O is Admin's closest companion out of everyone before the Repetitive Loop. Ludwig's Obsession was the only one who understands Admin the most and how she functions even post-Krulu's vessel. So naturally, Admin would go to her first to have a heart-to-heart with despite the awkward tension in the air with Ludwig into the picture.

Sorry for the long post, but I want to get this idea out of my head and possibly share it to you

[Thenk you! I'm a woman, you can use typically feminine ways to adress me, but I'm not a stickler about it.]

I'm going to confess I don't understand most of what is happening here, probably because I'm not deep into the lore of those two franchises you mentioned, but I do find it interesting.

I suppose it can work as a separate AU wherein Admin retains her memories? And her father somehow orchestrates things to a surprising degree. But it does beg the question, where does Krulu fit in this? Because Krulu is extremely controlling, and I don't see him giving an ounce of control or power to someone in Admin's family. If Krulu is absent from the picture, this can work pretty well!

Overall, I'm genuinely interested, because I love the concept of looping and "restarting" as well as characters that are aware of it to some degree (yeah sure I had an Undertale phase, but it's not like this fondness stemmed solely from there), so I really enjoy the possibilities you can explore here. You've made an interesting narrative, congrats! 🤔

[astrojulia]

hi! i hope you’re having a good day!

What how do you think Sun in 10th house would manifest? I am a taurus sun with a leo rising.

i hope you get to my question, thank you!!

Taurus Sun + Risings

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✧.*Aries Rising: You possess Taurus sensibility with a splash of Aries extroversion. While practicality is your norm, occasional impulsiveness creeps in. Leadership comes naturally, and self-interest emerges. Managing this needs attention to relationships. Your warmth and sociability boost popularity, but you learn less from past errors.

✧.*Taurus Rising: Strength, composure, and determination define you. Decision-making is your strength, yet adaptability matters. Beauty captivates you, and material value is important. While fiery at times, you're quick in endeavors. Balancing passion and anger is essential. Intelligence thrives, but human understanding can falter. Your opinions may shift, but confidence remains. Embracing societal ideas drives you.

✧.*Gemini Rising: Your Taurus core blends with Gemini's flexibility. Kindness, honesty, and a humane nature characterize you. Anxiety dissipates swiftly. Creativity and chatter flourish, and a touch of secrecy intrigues. Solitude is alluring, and trusting intuition is key. Family discord might arise, but self-awareness helps.

✧.*Cancer Rising: Sociability and imagination define you. Sensitivity and receptiveness stand out, yet forgiveness takes time. You're a nurturing presence, but guard against overextending. Emotional depth connects to smell. Balancing indulgence and discipline matters. Excessive sympathy requires caution.

✧.*Leo Rising: Kindness, generosity, and leadership radiate from you. You're a natural leader and empathetic listener. Coping with failure challenges you, but success is vital. Ambitions flourish in social circles. You're deeply caring, and your vulnerability hides beneath a confident exterior. Self-assuredness defines you.

✧.*Virgo Rising: You embody practicality and studiousness. Meticulousness is your forte, but avoid over-focusing. Humility draws people, though shyness conceals depth. Forgiveness doesn't come easily. You're loyal and ingenious, with a concern for humanity's betterment.

✧.*Libra Rising: Your pleasant demeanor and beauty appreciation shine. Adaptability is vital. Balance indulgence and discipline while overcoming procrastination. Sincerity attracts others. Temper flares, yet forgiveness prevails. Taurus stability guides your path.

✧.*Scorpio Rising: Intensity, passion, and protectiveness define you. Stubbornness blends with intensity. Observant and insightful, you captivate with your personality. Ambition and intensity are evident. Moderation is key. Balance love and hatred, intimacy and independence.

✧.*Sagittarius Rising: Social and practical, adaptability underlies restlessness. Candidness and ambition guide you. Multitalented and occasionally reckless, seek balance. Optimism endures even in adversity. Embrace both independence and caregiving.

✧.*Capricorn Rising: Strength, commitment, and ambition resonate within you. Capricorn's influence adds ambition and hierarchy. Beneath your exterior, you possess kindness and humility. Taurus' appreciation for beauty balances Capricorn's seriousness.

✧.*Aquarius Rising: Practical idealism defines you. Family holds immense importance. Open expression and adaptability guide your actions. You serve as a catalyst for positive change. Candidness, empathy, and determination shine through.

✧.*Pisces Rising: Artistic and expressive, Pisces enhances Taurus. Eloquence and introspection set you apart. Romantic inclinations mix with poetic sensibilities. Balancing indulgence and discipline is crucial. Generosity and imagination are your hallmarks.

Extra Sources: Drawing by Destina Eroland

(CC) AstroJulia Some Rights Reserved

[informaltorching]

yippee tell me about vesper so i can adopt him into my mind palace where all my mutual's wod-characters live! 🚗 ❤️🤍💔

Got a little lengthy!

🚗 CAR — does your oc have a driver's license? can they drive/operate any automobiles/machinery besides cars? Yes. Vesper has had his license since he was 16 (and permit when he was 15). He owns/can drive a motorcycle. Not anything else, though! He has a single dot in drive, so he is the second best driver in his coterie and also has yet to crash into anything... ❤️ RED HEART — what are three of your oc's positive traits? Honest - Vesper is many things, but never a liar. it could be considered a breath of fresh air in kindred society - But he is also going to refrain from gentleness. He is blunt, but not in a way where he wears that as an excuse to be an asshole. You can count on him to tell you what you need to hear, but not necessarily what you want to. And if you know Vesper, then when he tells you something, you know you ought to listen. Loyal - Vesper does not betray those that do right by him. If he feels some sort of allegiance to you, he will commit to it. Responsible - Vesper always cleans up his own messes. He owns up to his losses just as much as his wins, probably even more than them. 🤍 WHITE HEART — what are three of your oc's neutral/questionable traits? Protective - Vesper's humanity has been dwindling. The way he views others is a bit more skewed than it used to be. This trait could be looked at in a positive light - him using himself to shield the ones he has come to care for. So, loving and noble... but lines get crossed. Before you know it, he is slipping up, getting aggressive with others the moment he feels his place amongst his people is threatened. And being so hyper aware of horrible dangers, especially the ones that have happened to him... how does he keep them safe if he can barely keep himself that way? Maybe, turning to options he would have never dared considered before are really starting to creep in... Selfless - Most put selflessness on a pedestal. We all see the good in it. The sacrifices and kindness of it especially. But sometimes that means you give all of yourself and are left with not a damn thing - and in Vesper's case that has been if he was lucky. He knows what it is like to give himself to someone just for them to spit in his face. And still, he can't shake being this way... Decisive - Being decisive is great. Something MUST be done. Someone MUST take action. We cannot sit around when time is racing against us. But sometimes it isn't so good to slam down that hammer is it? To make a call too soon. Sure, he means well, but monumental fuck ups are made this way. 💔 BROKEN HEART — what are three of your oc's negative traits? Self-destructive - Mental illness, self-hatred, and desperate wishes to punish himself... Insecure - Abandonment issues can really fuck up one's self-worth. Judgmental - Self-righteous, hypocritical asshole. Banu Haqim moment.

[cornyonmains]

I am SO getting the vibe from Mew's character that he and Top are going to wind up in the 'they deserve each other' category by the end of the series.

Firstly, anyone who thinks Mew didn't 100% plan on backing out last minute on Top has not figured out the game that's being played here, because that was part of Mew's screening process. He wanted to see how Top would respond, he also wanted to bait him in so he could accomplish two things, the first is the it gives Top time to get to know him, and the second is it gives Mew time to figure out Top. See, Mew likes stories, he understands cause and effect. He understands Top's archetype in the gay hierarchy almost immediately, and knows he needs time to figure out which buttons to push. And he does.

Mew picks up fairly quickly that Top likes the dichotomy being created between them, the lothario meets boy next door, it's very storybook, it's what he understands. It's what he plays into, but not so much so that he becomes a parody, because he knows Top's intrigued by how self-possessed and sure of himself he is as well. He's also likely aware of how well-positioned he is to occupy a place in Top's life, because Top comes from a family with money, he's in his final year of college, and the reality of that is when Top does decide on someone to take home to meet the parents, it's not going to be someone like Boston. It was never going to be someone like Boston. It's going to be someone like Mew with his perfect grades, flawless social reputation, and easy-listening music. Mew knows how this game is played.

Except, he really doesn't. And that's where shit will inevitably get toxic. No amount of reading or manipulation is going to prepare him for what happens when he catches feelings, and Top manages to wrestle some of the control Mew has back. He's going to be completely in over his head when control is lost, and emotions come into play. Because emotions are what Top understands. Because he'll know exactly how to use Ray and Boston to drive a wedge between them, and get Mew to himself. And at the end of the day, Mew's sensitivity will probably see him choose Top over Boston and Ray, because he's not going to be able to shake the attachments that form after sleeping with him easily.

And let me tell you something, Boston and Ray are sure to be far from the only problems. If this is as true to the queer community as I think it's going to be, we're talking about a small community. One where certain figures are considered like... the top tier. Two well-known and desired figures in the community coming together like the next Bennifer? Oh that's gonna make waves that extend well beyond Boston and Ray. We're talking about a community where locking down certain people is front page news. We have our "It" girls, same as straight folks.

I haven't been so excited for a piece of queer media since Queer As Folk, and I mean it wasn't actually good. It was Russell T Davies using fan-fiction tropes to get good looking guys to act out his thinly veiled sex fetishes, while throwing queer women the most boring bone of all time. Only Friends is both sexy and infinitely more watchable and it's only been a single episode. I'm ready to commit to six seasons and a movie of these messy whores.

[greentrickster]

For the Judge Larry AU, I just had the idea of how Larry might affect Investigations 2 and the characters from that game. On one hand, I can imagine him having a slightly tense relationship with Justine Courtney at first, with Justine thinking him too casual and lenient while Larry probably doesn't have much beef with her. On the other hand, I had the mental image of him consoling Sebastian, I don't know how exactly it would happen but it works so well.

Listen.

Listen.

Justine Courtney is firmly of the belief that judges being emotional is a weakness and detrimental to the impartiality a judge requires and thinks Edgeworth is corrupt/unfit to work as a prosecutor.

Larry Butz is one of the most emotional people on the planet and considers Edgeworth one of the most admirable people he knows.

If these two meet it will be on sight, you want to walk into his courtroom and insult one of his prosecutors' competence and skill level and replace him with an obviously inferior model? Penalty! Penalty on you, penalty on your family, penalty on your cow-!!! This is a Larry who's still whimsical and artistic and a hopeless romantic, but he also managed to get into and pass law school. He's an official judge, he's in a position of respect and authority and been forced to get his act together better as a result. Which means that, while canon!Larry is still riddled with self-doubt and probably a decent amount of self-hate he needs to work on, Judge Larry has a decent amount of confidence in himself and his position. Will he bring popcorn with him to a trial if he knows the lawyers involved are going to be entertaining to watch? Of course! But he's absolutely aware that he's got the final say over the goings-on of any court he's presiding over, and it's had a positive effect on him.

Prior to this series of events, Justine and Larry probably knew of each other and disapproved of each others' styles, Justine thinking he's compromising his integrity, Larry claiming that if you don't get emotionally invested in a trial then you won't be able to preside over it with full commitment, but they hadn't really interacted. Now though? They've been set against each other, they each have a boy in the ring, and it is on.

So basically the whole situation just got skewed a bit more in Kay and Edgeworth's favour, but it also got a lot more chaotic. Sadly I don't see this version of Larry consoling Sebastian, since he's viewing the guy more as a threat and insult to one of his oldest friends than anything else, so that role's going to have to stay with Edgeworth. I can see canon!Larry lending Sebastian a shoulder to cry on and whatever words of comfort he can manage, that has the potential to be a fun interaction!

Thanks for the ask!

[astroyongie]

Blackpink February Reading 2024

note: please take it lightly

Jisoo

Love: is she dating? Yes. Is Jisoo happy? She has no idea. She has no idea if the relationship she is in is actually is something she wants to take further however she also doesnt want to finish because she likes her partner to a certain extend 

Career: I feel like Jisoo has cut ties with so many people in the industry, she made a huge cleaning on who she wants to have around and who she doesnt. She havent spent much time with people she likes either because she is too absorbed with work 

Self: Unfortunately, Jisoo has been a little bit of an ass with her partner and a little bit of emotional manipulative towards them as well. I also feel like lately she has been moody as hell, probably due to everything happening in her private life 

Jennie

Love: listen, yes she is dating but no she doesnt want to keep the relationship she Is in at the moment because she knows it lacks of commitment and it wont be something that will last until marriage and right now what she wants is someone that will give her that 

Career: the way she is so hurt with someone that used to be close to her in the industry. Be aware, any rumors concerning Jennie - if info ends up getting leaked-, know it was from someone that was very close to her and she really took that personally and to heart. the deception is real 

Self: overall she is happy with her life because she counts her blessings and she knows that despite the tough times she has everything one could wish for. Jennie doesnt like to dwell on her bad karma and focus on the positive. Her family has been her pilar for everything 

Rosé

Love: GIIRRl, still dating but!! Keep an eye open because Rose will probably make some type of teamwork, collab or post something where her partner will in in, just because, she can (and who would notice?)

Career: she has been a little bored lately because she doesnt really know where she wants to take her career. The opportunities given to her doesnt sem to phase her enough to stay and accept it. Rose wants something that gives ethereal 

Self: Rose will be focusing on her schedules that are bringing her outside Korea and overseas. She is expanding her name since she is searching for something exciting to do but also for progress and success elsewhere 

Lisa.

Love: she has her priorities straight and those are her relationship. Well no news for Lisa, she is focused in providing image and adapt herself to the new life her partner wants her to have 

Career: honestly she is struggling a little, because due to her relationship, Lisa might have lost quite some opportunities. But at the same time she has become a little paranoid and believes people only want to work with her to get closer to her partner. She is also overwhelmed with the fans demands 

Self: again the energy of being overwhelmed is very present, I believe that she is exhausted and truly needs to rest. But her soul needs to go back to its roots and she isnt ready for that 

[omegalomania]

the thing that truly Truly unhinges me about infinity on high is that it is not simply an album about the horrible stomach-wrenching rollercoaster of fame and it is not solely an album about wrestling with your demons but it is a marriage of those two it is very much about fighting the worst parts of yourself in the most public avenues available. it's an album that all but rattles with the amount of references there are to medication. every seeming bout of narcissism is undercut with a sardonic twist and the snap of subtle self-loathing brimming beneath.

and the worst part of it is how that isn't even the worst part of it. the worst part of it for me is the fear. the fear of becoming something other than what you are. the fear of getting better. because this is how the world likes you - broken and stripped down to your ugly parts and embittered and exposed. this is how the world wants you, consumes you, because it's in your brokenness that they pick out such pretty patterns like finding rainbows in shards of glass. it's your wrecked-up brain with all its sporadic misfirings that draws everyone to you like moths to a faulty porchlight. i only keep myself this sick in the head 'cause i know how the words get you off. infinity on high. van gogh, the poster child for the ethos of creating something even at your lowest points. the poster child for the speculative, horrifying ethos of how your flaws and faults and fuck-ups are the only things worth keeping. how often have we seen that rhetoric. if van gogh wasn't depressed, we wouldn't have gotten starry night.

on september 15th 2006 at 9:08pm est pete wentz answered a fan question about what accomplishment of his he is proudest of.

I don’t really think about success or accomplishments too often. I guess just being around. Letting myself move past who I used to be- because that person was continually unhappy. Or at least trying to get to that point and not feel like im “changing for the worse” just because im letting myself feel ok. 10 years ago I didn’t listen to anything anyone said ever for the most part.

on september 18th 2006 at 2:36am est pete wentz wrote on one of his blogs how infinity on high was beginning to feel like a "nocturnal record" as it began to take shape.

somehow the things we say mean more in corners of dancefloors and we focus on love below the waist and outside of the head. "dont you want to get better"- i just dont want you to worry. "dont you want to get better" - tonight i do. the way they say "youre committing slow suicide" when someone lights up or cuts loose. but arent we all. everything we do just shortens our life, every breath is one less. but its what makes everything so treasured. in my head. it aint a funeral babe, i just want the headline to die. recovery is the new drug.

it hurts sometimes thinking about who he was in that moment. someone so fucking scared of getting better and desperate to get better, committing every flaw and insecurity he had to paper and trying to make art out of how desperately he fucking hated himself. as if his pain was the only compelling thing about him.

that's what kills me about this record. truly. it's not just about the perils and pitfalls of fame and renown. it's about how it feels, really feels, to think that your fame is reliant on you fucking hating yourself and how that is killing you.

and yet. infinity on high. a title taken from words written in 1888, from van gogh to his brother, as he talks about how his improving health has had a positive effect on his art.

Be clearly aware of the stars and infinity on high. Then life seems almost enchanted after all.

van gogh did not give us starry night because he was depressed and suicidal and falling apart. van gogh did not make incredible works of art because of how much he was suffering. van gogh created in spite of that, because he had a brother who loved him and reasons to keep going.

pete wentz did not write some of his best lyrics on infinity on high because he was depressed and suicidal and falling apart. he wrote them in spite of that, because he had people in his life who loved him and over 15 years later he is still alive, he has 3 kids, he has his band who have been together for over 20 years and still love making music together, and at least externally, he no longer feels the need to self-immolate so the onlookers can make pretty patterns from the ashes left over.

[goshdangronpa]

Sayaka Maizono!!

Hi, anon! I'm so glad someone asked about her, she's always fun to think about. A character you can really play around with in different contexts and interpretations. It's weird that I haven't written a story about her yet.

Sexuality Headcanon: Sayaka is straight-up gay. I saw that one bit from Danganronpa S, they're no way she could like Makoto as more than a friend!

Gender Headcanon: Cis, but the type who's actually thought a lot about gender rather than passively assuming that vagina = girl. I believe she'd support a transfem idol ... so long as she remains the Ultimate.

A ship I have with said character: I recently wrote about a couple of reasons why I find ikuzono so appealing! It can be a real mutually healing relationship, with two people who've hurt and been hurt finding solace and sympathy and redemption in each other. It can also be a relationship where they bury bodies together. I've also read a truly great (and tragically incomplete) series that anyone who likes Sayaka, Mukuro, and good writing in general should check out: Sing Me a Song of Despair!

A BROTP I have with said character: Sayaka's goal is to be an inspiration for girls and women. All girls and women. As a transfem Chihiro supporter, I quite enjoy the idea of this embodiment of femininity helping Chihiro reconcile some of her gender hang-ups. Women with strength don't have to be ripped like Sakura, athletic like Aoi, or scary like Genocide Jack. They can be beautiful, sweet, girly, confident, and determined like Sayaka. I think her support would really shake Chihiro's worldview ... though Sayaka might still agree with her that it's a dog-eat-dog world out there.

A NOTP I have with said character: Sayaka is virtually the only female Danganronpa student I wouldn't ship with Ibuki, mostly because I'm really committed to a rather detailed sayabuki arc that ends in turmoil. Two teen girls hit the big time at the same time, and their managers get the bright idea of pairing their acts in a summer package tour. As they travel across the country and work hard to one-up each other's performances, they show each other the weirder sides of themselves that the public doesn't get to see. They bond over a mutual passion for music ... and, one night, discover a mutual passion for girls. It doesn't take long for them to start exploring their sexuality together, snatching kisses and cuddles in the rare moments when they can evade their bandmates and entourages. Ibuki lets herself fall wildly in love ... but Sayaka's keenly aware that the tour will end. One night, after sneaking onto the roof of a supermarket after hours to have a truly private moment and watch the stars, Sayaka asks, "You know this won't last ... right?" She lays it out: idols aren't allowed to date anybody, much less someone of the same sex, and she won't compromise her career or her dream over a little summer affair. Ibuki’s devastated. It proves to be the last push she needs to drop her own pretenses and be her true, freaky self, ultimately splitting the band and creating the rock iconoclast we know and love. Sayaka would still think about her sometimes, even listen to her new singles when few former fans would, wonder if that girl was right that prioritizing her career over her relationships may bring success but not fulfillment ... She doesn't regret anything.

A random headcanon: Sayaka didn't accept the invitation to Hope's Peak immediately because she feared it would eat up precious time in a career that's already expected to end in her late 20s at most. She eventually accepted for precisely that reason: that Ultimate status will open doors long after the industry stops seeing her as youthful enough to sing on stage.

General Opinion over said character: I'm of two minds, and both are extremely positive. 1) How can anyone possibly dismiss Sayaka as a loathesome snake when the entire goddamn point of that first murder trial is that the killing game, one of the most stressful and extreme situations a human being and especially a literal kid could ever face, could compel even an otherwise kind person to commit murder? You don't have to like her for her attempt at murdering Leon and framing Makoto, but if you don't buy that Sayaka was ever a nice person, I reckon you've missed the point of Danganronpa. 2) Sayaka has a devious and coldly pragmatic side ... and that's fun. I like the idea that she's generally kind and sweet, but a bit of a sneaky bitch when she really wants something or really doesn't care for someone. In a non-despair AU, this would be ripe for drama and especially comedy! Let her be little a snake, as a treat🐍