#i have no idea where i am so i did actually end up taking the right turnings miraculously but i did panic
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mamaclownhunter · 2 days ago
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I read a few but I am kinda soft for the idea of System!SY but like a player in a Video game.
Specifically I am thinking of the game Off! Where the player is their own entity the character it kinda aware of.
So SY dies and wakes up when Binghe lands in the abyss. He is given the objective to help Binghe out of the Abyss and steer him towards the best ending!!!
SY is excited because he!!! Gets to help Binghe!!
Binghe is pissed his seal came off and now he is being ordered around by some green spirit. His powers are still sealed and slowly being released by said kinda annoying ghost.
The worst part other then the Ghost being overly excited to be in Hell and seemed to be too elated about one of the worst fucking moments of his life-
The Ghost is actually fucking helpful. ‘Shen Yuan’ (what a fucking joke to give him a ‘Shen’ as a guide) knows more about monsters and their weaknesses, has an idea on what is edible what isn’t, he knows what plants to avoid, what areas are safe- and he also seems to genuinely want to keep him safe.
SY has a the video game advantage of either knowing when attacks are coming or knowing how heavy an attack will be. He also knows what Binghe can do at anytime/is controlling the attacks to some extent- either pokemon style or like the game OFF! Where is auto attacks or manual where Binghe can’t attack unless SY! Chooses.
For the first little bit Binghe resists or does the opposite where SY directs him only to- shockingly- get hit.
So I feel like for the longest time they were just at odds and bickering before SY puts it on auto and just plays it like a turn based game. Like for him sometimes time is slower except for Binghe, so he has faster reactions and honestly is more in canon with the “protagonist halo”. Where he can spend points and has his own little influence if things are dire otherwise he is more or less following his favorite protagonist through the story.
And Being such a big Binghe fan he is more than happy to just Let Binghe have the power only taking control when things look dire. He is the biggest hype man, offering information and support, offering insight or knowledge only him as a strange green figment that only Binghe can see.
He vanishes when Binghe flirts with women though. He goes off and explores or watches monsters, he hated this aspect of the book and if Binghe wants then he should- he only gets protective and sticks around if he feels like Binghe is getting taken advantage of- (though the first few times Binghe snapped at him and told him to scram- so he did in his own pissy fit) they go right back to Bickering but fuck SY still cares and he kinda likes how he can see this part of Binghe’s story.
They can’t go far from each other (I am thinking about as far as camera can scroll out) but SY can turn off audio and stuff on his side.
Though eventually Binghe just starts to trust SY. If SY says right he is moving right, if SY says between the eyes his sword is inbetween their eyes, if SY says run and hide he vanishes from the field. Because for all the bitching, raging and ranting- Binghe does notice a lot is on his sake.
And you know…. In the Abyss he isn’t alone. He isn’t figuring this shit out by himself he has someone who floats next to him asking what he wants to improve. Attack? Speed? Health? He has someone that he can mentally connect with and they just both viciously attack low IQ villian and plots where only they can hear.
The angst that the only person to interact with SY is Binghe. Who he can’t hold when Binghe has nightmares, who he can only heal if he has the resources and to produce medicine/fast heal, but is also the only person who sees and hears SY. So if he is ignoring SY- SY is alone- and I think deep down he is a social person. Binghe is subjected to a flood of questions SY wants to ask.
And Binghe has one person who cares about him and is always at his side (even forced SY never implies he feels forced in fact he seems always excited to be next to Binghe)- and Binghe can’t touch him, can’t feed him (‘I would love to try your food- but I can’t.’), can’t cherish him.
SY who is nice, who is considerate, compassionate, he cursed like he lives in a brothel and rages like a demon- but he also scolds Binghe for ignoring people, he snaps when Binghe doesn’t actually help- just takes what he wants and leaves, he believes Binghe is so much better for the world if he only got over himself and stopped thinking with his rage and anger. He thinks Binghe is smart, he thinks Binghe is strong, he thinks even half demon- Binghe is meant to be good.
What a kick in the stomach.
They can’t touch but Shen Yuan is trying his fucking best to get Binghe through hell. He apologizes for bad calls, he gets better himself, he takes his hands off the reigns but I think there are times he can’t help it. They fight, they talk, they are together.
Shen Yuan always loves Binghe and maybe he still ends up a little blackened but Binghe is quietly determined to make SY corporal. Pull him from that control panel and somewhere Binghe can hold him close. Maybe tuck him away in a nice little cottage where there is a little farm and greenhouse with all the plants SY can tend to, bookshelves filled to the brim with books and stories, in a place where SY can see all sorts of creatures to his hearts content.
The “Video Game” character being protective of their “player”
SY being a rage gamer also is so funny to me, Binghe is the only one he hears the absolute filth and insults SY throws at their enemies and frankly he either repeats it or relents that he isn’t as creative.
Binghe maybe not aware of his protagonist halo but aware of the little green ghost who can just barely manipulate the world if Binghe is in enough trouble. Shen Yuan being the only one who gets quests and updates of things Binghe needs to do and being limited on what he can tell Binghe.
The soft apologies when SY can’t control where they go or what happens can only help Binghe respond.
This is long and I am still pulling thoughts but I am slowly getting brain rot
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azrielwingspan · 1 day ago
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THE CYBORG WHO STOLE MY HEART (Bucky X F!reader)
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A/N: I know I know, there's another Bucky fanfic that I'm already working on and yet here I am starting a whole new one. Why you ask? Because I'm a dumbass. The idea just popped up into my head and I HAD TO write it down. Hope you enjoy it.
Chapter 1 :
Chapter summary: Bucky and Sam come across a woman who seems to have lost her mind. Literally. Using Bucky’s cyborg brain, they try to figure out who she is.
Chapter warnings: Mild swearing.
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You know when you're having a great dream with a hot guy that could only possibly exist in dreams ? The happiness that breathing the same air as him brings you? That's what you were feeling right now.
Eyes as blue as the ocean, veins that were easy to put an IV in and that black shirt phew. Was it possible to drool in dreams? You were going to have a great day once you woke up. That was for sure.
Why was he looking at you like that though? Weren't they supposed to be flirting with you or puckering their lips in your dreams by now? Was this supposed to be a slow burn or enemies to lovers genre dream?
"Why is she staring at me like that?" the hot guy asks the air next to him.
"She's just coming into it, give her a second." it responds back to him.
Wait, what ?
"Are we sure she's alright and not having an absence seizure?" the air voice asks.
"She's alright. Probably in shock." another voice responds.
Shock? From seeing that beautiful man in front of me? Sure.
Okay, focus.
Wait, it's a dream. Why do you need to focus?
Eyes, the colour of piss , come into focus. "Cannn youuu hearrr meee?"
"Why are you speaking like that?" you manage to ask, still trying to figure out if you'd accidentally taken shrooms.
"Not a seizure then." the voice from earlier comments.
Piss eyes looks proud of himself. "I told you, she's in shock."
If this really was a dream, it would have to be the strangest one you have had in a while. What in the actual cockfuck was happening?
"Youu areee in theee hosp-ee-taalll. Weee---" piss eyes sounded like he was having the seizure.
"Stop talking like that." you say, blinking rapidly to clear the dark spots from your eyes. Things were starting to feel more...real. A heaviness settled over your head, every breath seemed to send a slight sliver of pain through your side and your arm felt numb.
Dreams weren't usually ultra-realistic, were they? Only one way to find out now.
"Is she...pinching herself?" hot guy asks, that strange look on his face.
A set of cold hands clamp your hands down.
"HEY." you say, the slight sting of your pinch confirming your doubts.
"Self hurt or mutilation can be a side effect. We need to restrain her for her own safety." Piss eyes speaks rapidly and you hear him muttering to himself.
"I'm not...is this not a dream?" you finally ask leaving the room in pin drop silence.
"I don't think so...unless Wanda is upto something again." air voice sounds a bit unsure himself.
"Wanda?" the name seemed familiar but in this state , you could barely remember your own name.
You try to get up only to be gently pushed back down by piss eyes. "You probably shouldn't be doing that. Bed rest for the next 10 days, I'm afraid." he says not sounding apologetic about it at all.
"What even happened? And---" you're cut off by air voice.
"Where are you? Well, the Avengers compound. Now, don't get too excited and all. We can make you sign a NDA , but we aren't going to because we're hoping you're trustworthy. Stark said you might be...useful. Now, if you're feeling upto it, how the hell did you end up in the middle of a cemetry half dead?"
You blinked once, twice, thrice.
"Who is Stark?"
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"Listen, man. She's got to be living under a rock if she doesn't know who Stark is. That guy has been stuffed down everyone's fucking throat." Sam tells Bucky as he takes off he looks at their new visitor.
Bucky doesn't respond and instead stares at Sam with a poker face.
"What's going on in that cyborg brain of yours?" Sam isn't phased by Bucky and his staring anymore. He was however very sure that Bucky would not be bringing home any ladies with that serial killer look.
"What if she's lying?" Bucky finally says, turning to look at the CCTV recording of the room you were in. You were sleeping again, knocked out by the pain killers.
"Lying about not knowing Stark or not being able to remember what happened to her?"
"Both."
"What purpose does that serve her?"
"Well, that's what we're supposed to find out."
“How exactly are you planning on doing that?” Crossing his arms over his chest , Sam raised an eyebrow at his cyborg friend.
“I’ll think about it.” Bucky walked past him, grabbing his jacket on the way. “With my cyborg brain.”
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“I understand that you want to get some answers” you said for what seemed like the 100th time, exasperation taking hold of you. “I honestly cannot remember what happened. I’ve thought myself into a headache. I’m sorry, okay?”
Sam looked defeated as he let he shook his head. “It’s been two whole days. Now, I don’t want to seem like a dick and question you in this state but we need some goddamn answers.”
“Too late for that I guess.” you muttered under your breath.
“Huh?”
“She said ‘too late for that I guess.’” The hot guy, Bucky, was his name chimed in.
How the hell did he hear that? As if reading the question on your face, he simply said “Advanced hearing.”
Okkayyyy.
Sam on the other hand was giving you a flat look. You gave him one back.
“I’m feeling much better now. Can I atleast get out of this damn bed?” you scratched near the iv line, wanting to just rip it out. “Piss eyes told me I shouldn’t but I cannot stay like this.”
“Piss eyes?” Sam was clearly running out of patience.
“The doc. Is he even a doctor? He’s very…”
“Sort of.”
That explains it.
“She’s right.” Bucky takes a step forward, looking at Sam. “Walking around will help her recover faster.”
“THANK YOU. See , I knew you were the smart one.” you give him a wide smile to which you get a poker face in return. Embarrassing. Not letting it deter you, you pull the iv out.
“Hey !!” Sam steps forward, surprised at your show of stupidity.
Before he can reach you to help you out of bed, you’ve already stood up. Which was another stupid move considering that the entire room was spinning around. Holding on to the wall next to you for support, you blinked rapidly.
“That’s another concussion waiting to happen.” Bucky commented dryly.
After regaining some semblance of direction, you managed to stand up straight ignoring the slight stab of pain in your chest.
“Much better.” you say, taking a step forward. The pastel pink tee and pants that had been given to you did not compliment your current condition, you knew. To be quite frank, you were a good looking woman too. Always have been. Then why the hell was Bucky looking at you like he was going to stab you right then and there?
“Uhhh…now what?” your suddenly felt extremely awkward in front of the two men.
“Don’t ask me, you were the one who wanted to do this.” Sam still had an arm out, ready to jump into action in case you cracked your head on the tiles again. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Bucky make a slight movement. Thank fuck you did because the next thing you knew , you were holding a dagger 2 inches away from your chest by the handle.
Silence engulfed the room for a good 20 seconds before it was broken by a very calm “What. The. Fuck.” from Sam.
You looked at Bucky who stood in the same spot like nothing shocking had even happened. Finally a crack of a smile appeared on his face.
“Told you she was lying.”
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vengeancemoths · 3 days ago
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ok. yay! let's talk about jason todd autopsy scars.
WARNING: pretty thorough description of an autopsy ahead. if you don't like cut up bodies this one isn't for you.
prefacing this by saying i am not in any way a field expert in any of this, just a guy with really morbid autism and a pretty objectively concerning collection of nonfiction on the subject. i may be wrong about things! i did not crack open the books for my stupid little tumblr post (this time). people with actual experience feel free to correct me.
if jason had had a thorough autopsy performed on him, he would not come back to life* and also probably bruce wayne would go to jail.
*or at least come back with scars from it. more on that later!
if an autopsy was performed it would have to be by someone who knew about batman because robin's scars are pretty difficult to explain. it would be pretty easy to bypass an official autopsy, jason was blown up, his cause of death is not exactly a mystery.
bruce wayne might be the kind of guy who's so obsessive he needs to know exactly which event actually killed jason (if the crowbar killed him, batman couldn't have gotten there in time. if the smoke killed him....). but maybe he also wouldn't want to know for the same reason.
the most important thing is that we know jason had massive head trauma. if you were trying to figure out which of the many terrible things that happened to him was the one that killed him, you'd want to take a look at the brain.
and guys, i don't know if you know this, but the brain only holds its shape because it's inside your skull. the human brain is the consistency of silken tofu. once it's out of your head, it's not going back in.
this is inconvenient for coroners, so they'll probably spend several days soaking jason's brain in a chemical concoction designed to make it firm up. once they do that, it's time to dissect it.
but the fun doesn't end there! once they're done, if they don't just dispose of the brain separately, they're still not going to go through the trouble if wrangling it back into jason's cranium (now open on top, like an egg cup). it goes in the organ bag!
did i forget to mention the organ bag? look, they're not going to put all of his wet organs back into his chest cavity. he's already rapidly decaying. if bruce wayne gets his son back and he's leaking there'll be hell to pay.
so all the organs, which at this point have also been cut into little pieces to study, get jumbled together in a plastic bag. that they do stick back into the kind of gaping hole that the organs vacated. then they stick the ribs back in place (they were sawed off, at the beginning, to gain entry to the organs).
and honestly? without the brain in the mix i can almost believe it. i guess if jason had a really shitty autopsy courtesy of gotham's overcrowded underfunded mortuary? i mean more people who write jason resurrection fic should have to think about the organ bag, and what happens to it. would it just sort of glorp out of him while his organs wiggle themselves back into place? one day i will write my funeral industry accurate jason todd resurrection fic and it will make everyone sad and uncomfortable.
but i guess my thesis statement is that i think it would be really hard to come back to life if your brain was in 7-14 pieces inside a plastic bag where your stomach used to be.
the most likely way for the resurrection to work, in that case, would be to restore his body to its state directly before death, which does unfortunately predate his autopsy.
so what this post is saying is that jason probably wouldn't have had an autopsy, but even if he did, he wouldn't have the scars to show for it.
now, the idea that they're vivisection scars and ra's al ghul was poking around in there? i like that a lot
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gottalovetumbler · 8 hours ago
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𝓓𝓪𝔂 12
ᵖʳⁱᶜᵉ/ᵍᵃᶻ/ᵏʳᵘᵉᵍᵃʳ/ᵃˡᵉʲᵃⁿᵈʳᵒ ˣ ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ
Info: cussing (as always), short
——— 🛏️ 🍳 ———
The pounding in your head drags you up from the depths of sleep. Black tendrils try to hold on, try to pull you back under. Warm blankets and soft sheets whisper false promises of you staying forever. Bright and sharp pain cuts through the dark.
An amused scoff answers your groan of pain as you roll onto your stomach. Knuckles tap your shoulder before turning and opening, reveling two white pills.
Nails accidentally scratch the outstretched palm and you send an apologetic sound to the owner of it. A cup of water is shoved into your vision as the attempt to dry swallow the pills ends in you sitting up and nearly choking.
’𝕋𝕒𝕜𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖 𝕄𝕚𝕛𝕒. 𝕀 𝕕𝕠𝕟𝕥 𝕨𝕒𝕟𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕕𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝕖𝕚𝕞𝕝𝕚𝕔𝕙 𝕞𝕒𝕟𝕦𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕒𝕥 𝟠𝕒𝕞.’
Swallowing roughly, your eyes slightly tear up from the water hitting your dry throat. The dark blue light filtering the room from the curtains is enough to tell you, this isn’t your room. That’s confirmed by the large and soft king sized bed, not your thin twin sized. And the plush carpet instead of cold concrete.
‘Ale? Where am I?’
‘𝕐𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕚𝕟 𝕥he ℂ𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕒𝕚𝕟𝕤 𝕓𝕖𝕕 ℂ𝕒𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕠. 𝔻𝕠𝕔𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕤 𝕤𝕒𝕪 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕙𝕒𝕕 𝕒 𝕓𝕒𝕕 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕔𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕥𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕞𝕖𝕕𝕚𝕔𝕚𝕟𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕨𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕘𝕚𝕧𝕖𝕟. 𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕞𝕚𝕩𝕖𝕕 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕤𝕠 𝕤𝕠𝕠𝕟 𝕞𝕒𝕕𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒 𝕓𝕚𝕥...... 𝕠𝕕𝕕.’
’Odd? What do you mean by odd? Did I do something bad?’
‘ℕ𝕠𝕥 𝕓𝕒𝕕 𝕓𝕦𝕥 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕘𝕠𝕠𝕕. 𝕀𝕕 𝕤𝕒𝕪 𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕖 𝕓𝕦𝕥 𝕚 𝕨𝕒𝕤𝕟𝕥 𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕖𝕖 𝕒𝕟𝕪𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘, 𝕛𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕕 𝕠𝕗 𝕞𝕠𝕦𝕥𝕙.’
The idea of dwelling on that new fact was tempting but the pain in your bladder won the battle for your attention. Your legs feel like jello as you try to stand, after some back and forth Ale finally helps you to the bathroom. He’s chuckles at your flushed cheeks and quiet thanks while closing the door.
You emerge a few minutes later after successfully getting the feeling back in your legs. Instead of going left and back to the bedroom you head right, towards the noise of life. Cutlery scratching against porcelain dishes makes your face scratch and ears ring.
‘Mornin Luv, how’d ya sleep?’ Gaz greets from his perch at the bar. A plate of eggs and bacon in-front of him.
‘Slept fine,’ you rub your dry eyes and yawn. ‘what happened and why am I here?’
‘You passed out while serving soup at lunch a few days ago. Graves and Velikan were the first to notice other than your little friend. We were going to bring you back to your dorm but doctors say you need to be monitored and so, you’re here instead.’
‘I don’t need to be monitored. I’m a fully grown adult.’
‘Yes Las you do and don’t try to fight us on it.’ The boom of Prices voice makes you wince as you tune to face him.
‘No I don’t-‘
‘You called Soaps car an animal last night. You also convinced yourself that this,’ he gestures to the air, ‘is actually the main kitchen, just renovated by ninjas. Including the bedroom and the whole base also.’
‘Oh…’
‘Yea, oh…. is right. Till we deem you fit to survive on your own, you’re staying here being monitored. It’ll be like the hospital, you’re either here or there’s at-least 1 trusted adult with you at all times.’
‘A trusted adult? Are you actually being serious? I can’t tell with the accent.’
‘Dead. Today your on full bed rest, no getting up except for the bathroom. Your trusted adult will bring any food or anything you’ll need otherwise.’
‘How long will this go on? I have stuff to do. Also, aren’t you guys busy with some big mission? How are any of you going to have the time to spend watching me?’
‘We are busy but not all at the same time. Majority of it is paper work anyway so even if whoever’s here has stuff to do, they can do it on a laptop easily.’
Arguments try to fester in your mind. You can take care of yourself just fine, no need for some trusted fucking adult. Maybe you could lie that missing too many days might get you sent back to your home base. Or maybe you can go Prices boss. They might be able to make the captain let you work or at the very least, heal alone. Maybe you can-
You must have hard core zoned out seeing as Price and Gaz are gone, leaving the kitchen empty. The sound of the front door creaking open and them talking to someone fills the silence.
‘You good to watch her? Don’t let her out of your sight, at-least not today. She’ll definitely try to run.’
‘ꪗꫀᜣ ꪖꪶꪶ ᧁꪮꪮᦔ ꫝꫀ᥅ꫀ. ﺃꪶꪶ ᛕꫀꫀᜣ ꪖꪀ ꫀꪗꫀ ꪮꪀ ꫝꫀ᥅, ᛕꫀꫀᜣ ꫝꫀ᥅ ꪮꪊꪻ ꪮᠻ ꪻ᥅ꪮꪊ᥇ꪶꫀ.’
Dammit of course the one trusted adult is the fucking shed man. Maybe you will stay in bed all day, then you won’t need to struggle with understanding the walking mesh bags voice.
——— 🛏️ 🍳 ———
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bimbo-baggins17 · 13 hours ago
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So many people write about Sam taking reader's virginity, but ever thought about reader taking his? Like, Sam bragging about fucking a lot and stuff, then when reader finally decides to get down with him, all his smug posture washes down, and he's sitting on the bed like a soggy cat without knowing what to do because he never actually did anything
I love your ideas sm UGHHHHHH because I can totally see this happening.
He’s talked a big game this whole time, through text, over the phone, in person. Hell you’ve gotten your fair share of dick pics and jacking off videos from him too. But when the time actually comes (he didn’t think he’d ever end up getting the chance to sleep with you), he’s like a deer in the headlights. The only “sexual experience” he’s had is his own hand accompanying whatever overacting pornos he enjoyed.
At first it makes you hesitant. Were you not good enough? Not what he pictured? “Sam?” Your voice pulls him from whatever virgin stupor he’s in. He barely manages to croak out a “Huh-..yeah?” “Is…everything okay?” He can only manage a simple nod of his head.
“You..can touch me..y’know?” You say to him, your voice coming out soft. His eyes would snap up to your’s off of your body, swallowing past the lump in his throat. “Y-yeah..yeah okay..I-I know..” He tries to regain some of that cool exterior but the way his voice waivers and almost cracks while sounding two times higher, gives away he’s anything but.
His hands would reach out for you but wouldn’t make contact yet as he tries to figure out where exactly to put them, what to touch first. His cock was painfully hard and throbbing. His uncertainty was getting annoying.
“Why are you being so shy? I thought you promised I wouldn’t be able to walk tomorrow.” You say teasingly. His face would immediately flush as you call him out. “I-..yeah..I am..I just er-“
The way he stumbles with his words and his lack of touching (not to mention the redness of his face) gives away immediately to what the truth was. “You’re a virgin.” You point out, a grin slowly spreading onto your face.
“What?” He’d scowl immediately, “No. No, I’m not. I’m just-“ “No, you’re totally a virgin.”
The blush would creep up to the tips of ears even as he hears the teasing lilt to your voice. “Shut up.” The words are mumbled.
Your smile softens hearing how embarrassed he is to be caught in his lies, “Don’t worry, I don’t mind,” you take his shaking hands in your own and guide them onto your body, earning an audible gasp from him, “Just wish you woulda told me. I don’t mind having to teach you.”
You’d spend the rest of the night riding him and making him see stars, only stopping to use his prostate as a trampoline. Safe to say he’d be the one unable to walk in the morning.
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izzyy-stuff · 22 hours ago
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For your 300 follower bash, can I request a short story/drabble where the reader is either the sixth member of TXT or a member of a gg like maybe Le Sserafim or Aespa and is in a relationship with any member (I'm ot5 so it really doesn't matter who <3) I do kind of like the idea of Hyuka being the love interest and can totally picture the other members teasing him a lot, but again any member is fine <33
𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 - 𝐇𝐔𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐊𝐀𝐈
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bf!blond!Kai x fem!reader
in which no matter how much his friends tease him about his girlfriend, he knows they love her just as much as he does.
wc 1.4k
warnings kissing, slightly suggestive
↪ izzy speaks... first fic for the 300 bash!! I am happy it's with huening too! I've been meaning to use these pictures for a while now.
event post | event masterlist
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The smile on your face slowly fades away as you watch the three dots disappear, leaving you on ‘seen’. You raise an eyebrow in confusion, but you don’t get a chance to pay it any more attention as your best friend, Yunjin, wraps her arm around your shoulders, smirking.  
“Look who’s being all lovey-dovey again,” she teases, giggling as she snatches your phone. “You guys are so adorable it makes me sick.” Kazuha and Chaewon share a laugh with her, shaking their heads at the brunette. “Hey! Give it back! I’m in the middle of a conversation!” You try to take your phone back, but it only leads to more of Yujin’s laughing. 
Little did  you know that your dear boyfriend Kai is in the same situation as you, hiding his face in embarrassment as Beomgyu holds his phone. 
“Can’t wait to see you again,” Beomgyu reads out loud, running around the room. Usually, he wouldn’t dare to do something like this. It was Kai’s privacy, and there was no way he would cross the line, but a dare was a dare. 
“Just read it all! Get it over with,” Kai whines, his cheeks red as he stares down at his lap, listening just like everyone else. “Oh, god. I’m not reading that. That’s for sure,” Beomgyu frowns, catching Yeonjun’s attention. The youngest’s eyes widen as he realizes what chats one of his best friends has just stumbled upon. “No, no, no, don’t look through that! This far is enough. Give it back,” the blond looks up again, his eyes full of fear and awkwardness. 
But before Beomgyu can do as he asked for, Yeonjun is already up, stealing the phone from him. “Yeonjun!” Kai yells, his mind too clouded with thoughts to use honorifics. “Oh my god!” The eldest gasps. “How can our fans call you an angel?” He dramatizes. “You’re nasty.” 
“Just kill me,” Huening sighs, closing his eyes. Taehyun chuckles, patting his back. “It’s not the end of the world,” he reminds the blond, rolling his eyes when he notices Yeonjun taking pictures of the chats on his phone. Sometimes, he doubted if Jun was actually the eldest of them all. “It might be, though! She is going to kill me if she finds out you’ve read our chats.” 
“I won’t tell a soul,” Yeonjun proclaims, still laughing as he hands Kai his phone back. “But I’m glad you don’t act like a complete angel, at least with your girlfriend. Honestly, the whole innocent act has been freaking me out.” 
“I’m not even going to say anything to that,” Kai answers, gripping his phone tightly as if he were scared someone might take it away from him again. “Now, answer your girl. You don’t leave a girl waiting when she asks to hang out.” Hyuka rolls his eyes at him, opening his phone again, “I’m not stupid. I know what to do and what not.” 
“Right,” Beomgyu is the first to scoff, but it doesn’t move Kai a bit. Once his girlfriend had his attention, nothing bothered him anymore. 
♡⸝⸝  
You watch Sakura, Yujin and Kazuha go over the choreography repeatedly, mentally going over the steps along with them. You definitely couldn’t say you would excel the dance yet, but you’ve had enough for today. If you went through the choreography again, your legs might as well give up. 
“Okay, we’re clocking out now! Have fun!” Eunchae grins, swinging her bag over her shoulder while Chaewon stands beside her wearing the same annoying smirk. You catch Yujin rolling her eyes and have to laugh. “I am going to leave in a bit, too,” you say, and your best friend immediately turns to you. “What? I thought we were grabbing dinner together after practice!” She complains. 
You open your mouth to answer her, but all that leaves your lips is a shaky breath full of regret. You squeeze your eyes shut as you remember the plans you made, clapping your hands together and muttering a quiet “sorry” through them. Yujin sighs when she notices your eyes. She can’t even blame you. Not when you seem so genuine with your apology. “I kind of…forgot about it,” you admit. “And made plans with Kai instead.” 
“Alright then. You’re lucky I know Kai has been busy, and you haven’t seen him much lately,” she shakes her head, and you smile again, jumping up to hug her. “Thank you, thank you!” Yujin smiles as she wraps her hands around you. “We can have dinner tomorrow. What do you think?” You ask hopefully, and she chuckles, nodding. “Go hang out with your boyfriend now,” she says, pushing you toward the door with a laugh. 
“I’ll see you tonight! Bye!” You quickly wave at Sakura and Kazuha before the door closes behind you, and you stand in the hallway, beaming as you notice your boyfriend sitting on the side, scrolling on his phone. “Hey,” you greet him quietly, making him raise his head immediately. “You should have come in. No one would mind.” Kai grabs his bag from the bench, slightly shaking his head as he walks to you. “It’s fine,” he assures you before gently pressing his lips on yours, one of his hands wrapping around your waist while the other rests on your cheek. “Hi, pretty,” he mumbles his greeting against your lips, making you bite your bottom lip to constrain your smile. 
Hyuka holds your hand as you walk through the HYBE building, telling you about his practice and some of the stupid dares they did during their break – purposefully not mentioning the one involving his friends reading your chats – while you tell him about your practice and the main points of your new choreography, bragging about how fun they are. 
He only lets go of your hand when you get to the entrance, smiling as he lets you walk outside first, watching you walk to your car while he waits for a few minutes, just like he did many times before in order not to get anyone suspicious about your relationship with him. People don’t need to know that you’re on your way to his dorm. 
♡⸝⸝  
You chuckle at the familiar voices as you step inside the dorm room. You feel at home. Not only because of your boyfriend, but also his friends, who’ve never been anything but welcoming to you. 
“Don’t mind then. Beomgyu and Soobin got immersed in League again,” Yeonjun simply waves at you as he passes the front door on his way to his room. “Taehyun just finished making dinner, or you know where the snacks are,” he smiles. “Thank you,” you smile back, taking off your shoes. 
It doesn’t take much longer for Hyuka to arrive, too, pulling you in for a hug as soon as he gets to you. You giggle, wrapping your arms around him and relaxing. “Have they been bothering you a lot?” Your boyfriend asks softly, and you swear you could get lost in his eyes when they lock with yours. You shake your head, grabbing his hand. “You know that’s not possible.” You’re right. No matter how much his friends tease him about you whenever they get the chance, they love you just as much as Kai does. He has to smile, remembering all the times they had told him how happy they were for him. 
“Right,” Kai mumbles quietly, his eyes on your hand holding his as you take him to his room. 
No matter how much time he spends with you, every moment and touch will always be as important to him as when you first got together. “Get a room!” Beomgyu yells, making Hyuka snap out of his thoughts. “Shut up!” He yells back at him, hiding his flushed cheeks as he follows you. 
You never need to do much with Kai to have fun. Honestly, you prefer not to do anything when you’re with him. Being able to relax after a long day with some lazy kisses and back rubs sometimes means so much more than having big plans. And today is no different. 
Kai tugs your hair behind your ear and pulls you in for a kiss as soon as he sits on his bed. You get comfortable on his lap, grinning into the kiss as you close your eyes. “You’re so pretty,” he mumbles against your lips. “I haven’t been in the shower yet. I’m all stinky,” you laugh, cupping his cheek. “Still beautiful,” he assures you, not wasting any time and pressing his lips on yours again, unable to get enough. “I love you.” 
“I love you too,” you whisper back with a smile.
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marietheran · 3 days ago
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@tzarina-alexandra, @siena-sevenwits, @muse-write and @smhalltheurlsaretaken:
Sorry for taking a while to respond, but basically — as far as I can see the popular idea of WW1 in the West, one that has been present since its ending more or less, is that it was a huge pointless waste of life that had no good reason and no real positive result for anyone. Meanwhile, WW2 was obviously awful because of the horrific deeds of the Axis powers, but all in all, it was a straightforward battle of good and evil with a relatively happy ending. You see CSL feeling comfortable comparing the Ressurection to a D-Day of cosmic significance — not in any blasphemous way, just with a sentiment of "there will be more fighting to come, but the war is won and the rest is clean-up". And I think, from his point of view it's a very good comparison, but it is not one that anyone round here could have made.
Now — on to Eastern Europe, specifically Poland, although I feel the same may apply to most other countries in the region (with the glaring exception of Russia and Belarus + Ukraine, though for different reasons each). In simple words, WW1 is what shook the geopolitical landscape enough to give a bunch of countries independence from Russia, Germany, the Hapsburg Empire, or some combination thereof (in our case, all three), and in many cases, this was the first time the nation would have had autonomy for a century or more. So all in all, 1918 is usually considered a strong victory, and the blood paid for it, an acceptable cost — almost forgotten in the larger picture.
Now, on to what happened twenty years later — and this time I will explicitly remark that I am talking about Poland, because the various combinations of circumstances were complicated enough from country to country that I do not want to make a sweeping generalisation (although I still think a lot of this will likely apply). Where the West sees heroes and villains, we see ourselves beset by foes and allies that betray us. And yes, the Polish people is painted in heroic colours — as doomed moral victors, to be precise¹ — but the Allies as a whole will be considered more pragmatic than actually helpful. There is (1) the unfulfilled promise of aid in 1939, (2) the fact that the USRR switched sides in the middle of the war — after having attacked us together with Hitler and unrepentant of the fact — and we were supposed to accept them with friendship, (3) the Report of Pilecki, detailing the conditions in death camps being summarily ignored after it was secretly sent west in 1943, and finally, (4) the fact that the Allies generally agreed to "sell us out" to Russia and into its sphere of influence at the end of the War. The "liberation" of 1945 had a bitter taste, since it did not really bring freedom, and I think the best description of the prevailing sentiment of the time can be found in the words of the poem: "We await you, red plague, that you deliver us from the black death".
Here, there was no clearcut victory.
¹Let us please not get into the question of the co-responsibility or not of the Poles as a nation for the Holocaust here. It does not really impact the point of this particular post and I don't think that it is resolvable as long as the apparent state of matters delineating that anything written on the subject sets out from the beginning to prop up one thesis or the other remains. All I can say is that the official government of the time ("underground" or in exile) was firmly pro-Jewish.
Remind me to explain why I think the perception of WW1 and WW2 here is basically switched as compared to the West one day.
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triglycercule · 10 days ago
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killer being like "yeah i know every single little thing about horror and dust" (because he watches them as a part time hobby (freak) (find something better to do)) and then he acts surprised when they do something that he wouldnt expect them to do in his little predetermined absolutely perfect concept of them
like what do you MEAN horror licks spoons clean when he's using them so he doesn't have to get a completely different one for the main course and the dessert. what do you MEAN dust has a lisp even though he speaks fluently and uses even more complex words than killer himself. horror knows how to sew and he often patches up their things without either of them noticing?? dust always wears oversized and clothes that cover him up just because he finds it comfy?? what??? out ra geous???? these guys have small little quirks to them that killer doesn't already know about???? killer immediately wants to know more. so he can expand his internal profile of them of course. not for any other more endearing and sweet reason. not at all,,,,,,,, (:3)
#AASHSHAHHHHH this one is so cute....... this thought. thank you brain for making this thought#it's like killer's experiencing sonder (except he's not aware of his own complexity of life because of his own derealization/personalizatio#actually i dont think this deserves to be a side blog post. this is too damn CUTE#at first the 2 were probably weirded out by killer watching them and now they probably dgaf...... killer comments less than youd expect#but now theyre used to his shit so they do all these tiny things that killer gets to pick up on and learn more about them#its so interesting...... killer can do as much reasoning as he can to try and find a logical reason for why they do these little things#but in the end if the real reason is just because they wanted to or they felt like it then how can killer comprehend that?#how can they just do that so easily and choose to do things based off a whim instead of having a calculated precise reason for personal gai#he wouldnt realize it on his own but noticing those little things coming fron horror and dust who used to be like him could help with the#everything is just a game and i am simply an avatar and the ultimate goal is the win aka be the most powerful#for dust and horror theyve already turned their consoles off. theyre out of their games theyve finished. their goal was just to beat it#(like if horrortale finally got the good ending it deserves because of aliza horror would have finished#if dust beat the player and due to extreme boredom (ITS GOTTA BE EXTREME EXTREME) decides to leave to explore the multiverse)#in killer's eyes theyve achieved their goals. but killer's still playing his game. maybe he IS the game. but eitherway he's not done#like they r. so taking into consideration how other versions of himself act when theyre finished with the game could he act like that 2??#did HE also finish his game and he never realized it? should he be basing these ideas off dust and horror when theyre kinda not the same gu#killer would find so many hoops to jump through to justify getting rid of the everything is a competitive game idea but there would be smth#IDK im just rambling. i gawt this idea from me imagining them fight. ya you wouldnt believe this sweet thing came from trio abuse :3#killer psychoanalyzing dust and horror is one of my favorite things eva. horror would HATE IT (if he were aware#and dust would totally be freaked out and keep to himself incase killer's planning anything against him#but uaaaghhh pretend this isnt canon this is triglycercule's ideal little world where they explore the mv and have fun#killer watching dust and horror sleep because he doesnt feel tired while theyre all in bed#and he's just picking up on how theyre positioned. how they breathe. the little things.......... djdjshahahaaahsushdjwbdsn ssosooooo cuuut#tricule hc#killer sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#utmv#dare i say mtt poly. ok i dare say it. but like lowkey he'd do this whether theyre together or not...... killers just weird like that......
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sheliesshattered · 4 months ago
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somehow, I don't know how, but somehow sewing machines always know when you're nearly done with a project and pick that exact moment to throw a hissy fit
#sewing#sewing machines#I am so close to finishing this dumb swimsuit that I started in 2020 for a vacation that ended up not happening#and which I stuffed into a shoebox and into the back of my sewing stash when I realized I wouldn't get to wear it in 2020#then pulled it back out to finish for this family gathering coming up in a few days here#it's a one-piece suit and I hate one-piece swimsuits#and no one-piece has fit me off the rack since puberty so I'm stuck sewing it for myself#but I'm very happy with the design and relatively happy with the finished look#the idea is just to have something that is supportive and modest enough to wear around family#and in particular to wear to something like a waterpark with my nephews#something that won't ride up or fall down or come untied or anything like that#so it has a low-cut leg hole and a high-cut neck#and an entire invisible superstructure in the lining underneath to actually provide support and enclosure and all#it's plain black but it fits and supports and won't fly apart at the seams#but this very last step. oh this last step.#I had to drape the exterior bust area directly on me bc I can't account for curves and stretch and such if it's flat on the table#and then I had to wiggle out of it carefully with a ton of pins in the underarm and neckline area#I'm using a double-needle to top stitch the edges as a finish across the whole suit. it did one underarm and the neckline just fine!#but the turn from where the neckline meets the strap and down into the other underarm it just. won't do it.#it has thrown a fit and created a tangle of thread multiple times now. there are only 4" left to sew! just sew it!#it's not hard! we just did the exact same thing on the other side and it worked fine! but no! gotta throw a hissy fit!#ugh. anyway. I have removed all the thread and needles from the machine and turned it off and basically sent it to timeout lol#wrote this rant and gonna make myself some food and I'll fucking finish those last 4 inches later tonight or tomorrow#and then I have one tiny repair to something else I want to take on this trip. hopefully my sewing machine won't throw a fit over that too#istg the only projects this doesn't happen with are the ones that end with a bunch of handsewing#that's the way to trick my sewing machine I guess. but I'm not handsewing a swimsuit lol#at least I'm not so pressed for time that I can't just walk away from it for a bit. getting close to time to pack but not quite yet#my sewing#2024 mood#tagtalking
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townslore · 6 months ago
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discovery of the day
#im sorry i do Not see what everyone sees in this movie. although from the years of browsing the internet ive began to realize#that i actually dont know if people actually like the movie or not#why is everything so rushed#their romance felt like nothing to me because i dont KNOW what they see in eachother#listen you dont have to tell me straight up into the camera why they love eachother#but the aggressive kissing and cut sex scenes arent telling me much#i get that it came out in 2005 but cutting mostly every gay sex scene? even the kissing for the most part?#but oh we NEED to see this happy husband and wife doing it. yes im bitter#a german movie by the name of summer storm came out the year before this one and actually shows something that feels like actual passion#i sound like i need to see people doing it in these movies all the time I promise thats not it#but even the kissing? the thing i Actually like the most? the thing that makes me feel things? felt like nothing at all#and oh i forgot that this is a tragic gay movie where one of them dies. Oh yeah. forgot.#mentioning summer storm again: it actually has a relatively happy ending. feels good that i dont need to be reminded of how gay people are#doomed 24/7.#the romance started good. with jack telling the guy whos name i already forgot to get his ass in the tent already.#the Pulling his arm over my body thing. it was going great#THEN IT WENT SO FAST! WHY WAS HE SUDDENLY SO INTO IT! WHY WERE THEY BOTH SUDDENLY DOING IT#im sorry i expected a slighter slow burn than this!!! calm down cowboys i have no idea why you two like eachother all of the sudden!#i seriously thought they would show these little moments of tension#and it just growing bigger and bigger#until they couldnt take it anymore#that would explain the aggressiveness of it! why they were so desperate! but it literally just HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!#im sorry i. I expected more of this movie that i hear so much about.#the most it made me feel was at that moment that turned into a meme where i thought “Hop on fortnite”#chuckled. that was it. did i cry? did my heart race at any moment? was i worried about what was gonna happen? not Once#im so. Disappointed.#after this i wanted to watch summer storm but netflix removed it. Its a german only movie no one knows from 2004. where the hell am i gonna#🏴‍☠️ that#AAAGHHHH!!!!!!!#not being able to watch summer storm made me cry more than this movie did What the hell
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crossbackpoke-check · 1 year ago
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56 and any Yamo pairing! 🫶
i just wheezed so hard when i saw what the song was i almost snorted coffee out of my nose i am so sorry for this one
#56 - kyoto phoebe bridgers + yamo
the story of how this song ended up on my wrapped is too long so it’s going in the tags but. let me set the scene for you.
2026 NHL GLOBAL SERIES™️ JAPAN - Presented by YPPI
November 13 & 14, 2026: Dallas Stars, Montreal Canadiens, Seattle Kraken, Vancouver Canucks
Saitama Super Arena, Saitama, Japan
It’s a pitiful excuse of a consolation prize for not being able to go to the Olympics, but Kailer’s not going to look a vacation horse in the mouth. The arena’s cool. It’s huge. The people are cool. There’s so many more of them than he thought there’d be with jerseys that have his name on the back, and a lot more that have the familiar orange and blue. He takes a picture of the fifth Oilers Yamamoto jersey he signs—this one’s the good Reverse Retro—and texts it to Connor, says,
no one here has even heard of mcjesus
and gets a moon face emoji in response. Leon’s influence. Kailer’s still never really deciphered what that one means, and he doesn’t think Connor knows either.
They don’t have a lot of time off between games, but Kailer’s trying to be a good tourist. His dad had been so happy when Kailer had told him about the series that Kailer’d had to stop him from trying to book a flight a year in advance, and his mom’s been just as bad, sending him every article she sees about Best New Spot in Tokyo! Cool Restaurant! Have You Seen This Japanese Cat Café? that she scrolls across on Facebook since June. Suzy’s in the same boat, so they’ve been crossing off their compiled travel-guide list together, looping in as many guys as they can. Everyone’s been pretty game. All the teams are crammed into close quarters at the same hotel, which means everyone wants to spend as much time as possible outside of it, and it helps that Kailer’s gotten pretty close with all the other guys that the NHL picked up as Global Series figureheads. Robo’s memes? Absolutely fire. The groupchat loves them.
For every item he crosses off the list, Kailer takes a picture and keeps it tucked in his phone notes. It’s like speed-running a scavenger hunt—they’re only here for four days—but he’s doing a pretty good job. His favorite so far has been all the gardens. They’re stunning, trees shining bright red and yellow, and every vendor has been selling maple candies, maple cakes, and even fried maple, though the official maple festival doesn’t start until next week. The second garden he visits, he does it on his own after practice, buying two cakes from a cart near the gate and walking until he loses the bustle outside. It’s easy to get lost in the winding pathways, heading deeper into the quiet, and there’s dozens of benches underneath the burnished leaves where young couples are tucked away on dates, or old friends are laughing and catching up. In some of the little clearings, there’s small shrines where people leave offerings, a prayer for good luck or good fortune.
Kailer stops at one without any people and sets the second maple cake on top of it, then sits and scrolls through all the texts that he’s missed. His mom gets replied to with a picture of him outside the garden gate, grinning and surrounded by other travelers. He sends his brother a picture of a trashy graphic I Love Japan t-shirt with the threat that he’ll buy one for him, and Kailer’s dad gets a picture of the meticulously arranged and cut bonsai that are across from the bench where he’s sitting. The Seattle groupchat gets a recycled meme from Robo, and he gets two thumbs up and an “LMAO” before he can even exit the thread. Finally, Kailer takes a picture of the half-eaten maple cake in his hand, holding it next to a fallen maple leaf on the bench, and gets halfway through typing another message before he thinks better of it.
(On the plane over, Drieds was reading them a story about how when they first introduced the high-speed railway, people were afraid to use it because they thought it would be too fast for their souls to keep up.
“Bro, if that were true, you just left your soul in the middle of the Pacific,” Ebs had laughed. “Planes are faster than trains.”
“Are they?” Matty asked. “Isn’t the train in Japan the fastest in the world?”
Drieds couldn’t make it through the rest of the story over the sound of everyone ripping Matty to shreds, so Kailer didn’t get to ask whether or not they found out anything about planes. Kailer’s not worried about his soul, but the logic makes a strange kind of sense; after all, he traveled 429 miles in five and a half hours once, and that was a little too fast for his heart to keep up.)
Fuck it. Kailer’s been trying to write a response for the past ten days, and he’s sick of swiping in and out of the message, staring at the keyboard so long he starts to see swirls in his vision.
Kailer drafts the text again and sends it, no context, no caption. A text travels faster than a high-speed train or a jet. Maybe it’ll pick his heart back up on the way.
#I don’t know how this song ended up on my Spotify wrapped because phoebe bridgers is too emotionally damaging for me to listen to like.#at all unless i am In It HOWEVER. there is this one silly video that brings me so much joy and made me feel semi-reasonable about listening#to kyoto & it’s the one video of the two painter guys painting the room & the lil guy is being a menace & the other guy just looks at him s#fondly & so lovingly & is that not the thesis of kailer yamamoto. be small be a menace be beloved by everyone. ANYWAY#liv in the replies#look this was going to be such a different thing and then. my brain went HEY BUDDY GUESS THE FUCK WHAT kyoto is a city in Japan.#day off in kyoto. guess who’s Japanese. guess what the nhl loves to do as HIFE publicity. also growing the AAPI audience is HUGE and i thin#they should. like originally i had NO idea what this was going to be (i’m so lying. the line ‘i’m gonna kill you’ but incredibly fond a la#the two painters video kept replaying in my head and i was like l m a o. klimmer & kailer. no plot all vibes it’s klimmer & Kailer that’s i#there is no real plot there is no actual idea the amount of googling that i did to write just this is UNREASONABLE i would love to be norma#about anything ever but i ALSO invented so much backstory to this that has no way of appearing in the actual fic and also jokes for ME#for instance. YPPI is the american manufacturer for yamaha motorcycles and. suzuki. yamamoto. (it’s not my brainworms it’s due to a fancam)#respectfully also i cannot write this fic. i have never been to japan and i think it would take me eight years to google enough#to be relatively comfortable like y’all have never seen the extensive research i put in to fucking phiLLY and a whole other COUNTRY???#where the premise of the fic is learning how to be a tourist in your life and sometimes you have to grow out of things?#yeah i AM going to make something with the idea of Momijigari and life is ephemeral. is that a plot? no it’s vibes.#kailer goes to japan in the fall and realizes he’s a liar. who lies. (he misses [redacted]) (the redacted is because i haven’t decided)#also also. the garden reference is because a) i spent WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON GOOGLE and found out things to do in saitama and also that#kailer’s grandpa had a meticulous garden and i just think that’s neat#hiding-from-reality-56#random ficlet is unbeta’d un-anything’d i don’t know WHERE this came from or the real plot of it at all. ok thanks byeeeee
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dredshirtroberts · 6 months ago
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it is not slacking off to write or create it is not slacking off to do things that are fun i am not slacking off or procrastinating right now i'm allowed to do things i enjoy doing for fun including playing games and writing and such
#if i say it enough i will remember it's true#can you guess which aspect of capitalism i'm struggling with today?#it does not help my bones are somehow WORSE than yesterday even after all of the rest i took so that's Super Fun:tm:#so i've got that on in the back of my head#ugh#i... am putting off calling my grandma - i meant to do it last week but i got too in my head about it#and uno reversed myself into forgetting to do it at all until the Worst Times Possible#(generally around Normal Fuckin Meal Times)#i want to call to wish her a belated mother's day and check in re: grandpa but also...#also i don't want to have to do a phone call i don't want to talk to them about anything at all#they stress me out to talk to and it makes me super uncomfortable to be on the phone in general let alone with a Heavy Topic over our heads#like.... i'm comfortable with where i'm at acceptance-wise with Grandpa's whole situation#and i know i am late for a better relationship with the pair of them in general#like i'm not going to repair a relationship that wasn't built to collapse down to this point this is as far as it got built up to#i'm not building more relationship between me and someone who i know is passing soon when they didn't take the opportunity either#like they had just as much chance as me to improve our relationship after i became an adult and they chose to use my mother as#an intermediary which has stunted their connection to me and that's not my fault#i admittedly did not reach out but i was not taught i could safely do that to anyone#because my parents badmouth literally any person they know for one reason or another#i regularly fuck up in conversations with my grandparents because i'll say somethign that is a holdover from my understanding of them#through my parents and it's like. kind of really insulting! and i've been doing it my whole life and i know as soon as i get their reaction#and i can't recover because i don't actually know them at all#so i can't be like ''oh my god i know that's inaccurate i have no idea why i said that'' because i *don't* know until after i've done it#every goddamn time it happened the last time i got a call from them too#like... my bio fam/family of origin is just not good at keeping in touch and i know i'm a product of that#and i know theoretically how to adjust for it but it does require work on the other end of the line too#and unfortunately i know my bio family too well and know they won't do their part#i grew up in the group project everyone hates#and i'm on my way to deciding they can show up to the presentation day without me#i've started a new family project over here with blackjack and hookers
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nerdie-faerie · 1 year ago
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Thinking 'oh I'll be able to find my way, I used to live here' and immediately remembering I lived here in a pandemic and rarely went out is not a great start
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milo-is-rambling · 1 year ago
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Me when I want to be wanted more than anything else
#I think I’d be more normal if I had more friends but every friend I lose makes me isolate more and more and now it’s like I can only trust#people I’ve interacted with for years already#and then every time I try to make friends I either don’t respond (anxiety. not feeling a vibe. whatever) or they stop responding when I#actually like them (someone who talked to me for like four days in an row and then randomly blocked me no explanation)#I think if I made more friends or even talked to more people I’d understand how to do it successfully but I don’t have enough experience and#no one wants to be friends with me (and it’s scary when they do!!!) wahhhhhhhhhh#I need to move somewhere new and talk to strangers I’m good at that#I made more friends a a concert age 14 than I have from me the ages of 16-19 and i think that’s ridiculous#how do I explain to everyone ever that nothing bad happened to me I’m just mentally ill bc my hormones are fucked and it’s let me to spiral#and ruin my own life and then slowly painfully build my life back up and then crush it all again over and over again for years and years#to the point where I’m afraid I’ll never amount to anything so the idea of ever truly having people who find any value for me in their lives#feels like it’s fake and then when I do finally trust people I end up loving too hard and fucking it up and then I isolate for even longer#it’s takes me twice as long to find a new friend and trust them again and then it happens all over again#it feels like I’m destined to be alone bc I can’t tell the difference between platonic shit and flirting so I have a wall between me and#everyone else bc I’m afraid to like someone too much and confuse my brain bc I don’t ever want to like someone who doesn’t like me even if#it’s as friends bc I’ve put more effort in than other ppl always but it’s bc I put too much effort in and expect too much and no one else#is as weirdly obsessive and clingy and dedicated as I am bc I’m not normal and that’s why no one likes me bc I try too hard or not at all#and it makes everyone in my life family friends crushes whatever hate me bc I’m all or nothing forever I can’t just be normal#I think a lifetime of living with my mother has permanently damaged the way I see myself#who are all these normal ideal people in my brain why did my mother put them there and why will I always be worse than a hypothetical person#designed to shame me for struggling which gets louder the more I struggle#spirals cycles etc etc etc#ugh. I want my brain to turn off I’m gonna go take a dab and maybe delete this later
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nomaishuttle · 2 years ago
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ohh butter lass i do wanna play sdv
#I got a thang for taking notes IN THE GAME ! im rly liking jt.. its helping me cut down on paper#bc everytime i play sdv i end up making 5 lists every season#but now i only need likee 1 piece of paper.. si that i cn plan out my planting + harvest schedules#i like t decide th layout of my plots before i even start itis fun.. ive never done one in th formation im using rn :DD#i think i stopped on umm spring 15.. and everything wsngoing awwsome :DD#I RLY SRSLY CANT PLAY I HAVE WORK TMRW. BUT OGIGKHKH#its my first time Actually playing with mods.. i like dabbled a couple years ago but i got overwhelmed#n i have a Pretty good amt but theyre modtly judt little tweaks . AND SEASONAL OUTFITS :DD#its also my first time using a recolor and i rly like it :] im using vibrant pastoral recolor#but im using umm. the daisynikos eartly recolor for ui#i ws using it 4 everything Buttt i didnt rly like how much th interiors + houses got dulled down...#i am a little bummed bc i did love the idea of the map changing based on season.. BUT that wouldnt have worked anyway bc i have the umm#th one where it shows ppl on the map so u cn find them.. so th map is changed anyway#bummer tho. BUT i do love the vibrant pastoral bc it adds little seasonal decorations which i find saurr cute#n then im using seasonal outfits - slightly cuter aesthetic... i rly rly like it :]]#i like how umm. bc some seasonal outfits mods that ive seen just completely get rid of the villagers og outfit#and i dont rly like that sobsob.. so i like that th one i use keeps their ogs but just has them wear it during 1 specific season if that#makes sense :DD#basically mods mods mods i love mods...if anybody has any recs lmk :]#i lot of th mods r likee. for late game.. i got one t go on dates wth yr spouse which i think is so cute . n 1 to help customize the kids#I RLY WANTED th one that allows yr kids t Actually grow up n go t school#but th portraits that come with it r not at allll vanilla styled. so i couldnt... super upset abt it#but also well. it wouldve annoyed me if my kid grew up to be vincent and jas age while nobody else aged#i rly rly rly would love if somebody would add in like.. an aging mechanic#I GET WHY NOT BC THATD ACTUALLY BE SOOO MUCH. BUT YK..#i havent ever actually gotten too far last year 3 bc it just gets so stagnant...#i also got umm. 2600 canon friendly dialogue expansion.. whatever that mods called#so im excited abt that :DD
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stardustedknuckles · 3 months ago
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*scrubbing hands down my face* how can you compare magical ability to cocaine with a straight face and also support that the solution is to give Laudna unrestricted access to the cocaine. What mental gymnastics are you doing for that to make any sense. I know marisha used the metaphor. I also know people use metaphors that most closely match their life experiences and if parental/guardian/whatever broad mentor category Delilah belongs to abuse was something she'd struggled with, she very likely would have made that comparison instead! Creators are in fact fallible and trying their best with limited vocabulary and/or experience. It's not an entirely bad metaphor, but it does not take motivation and narrative impact as far as abuse and in fact puts Laudna in unflattering light that she doesn't deserve.
The magic wasn't making Laudna a worse person. Delilah was, and could also crucially physically take over her body to do shit she didn't want and which, again crucially, she was not actually responsible for. The magic was not interfering with her ability to live her life. Delilah was. And if anyone was hungry for power, it was Delilah.
Addicts are accountable for the actions they take in the name of getting their next fix, even though those actions are not what they would do without the disease of addiction and they are so often horrified by them and feel out of control. Laudna was never accountable for the things Delilah forced her body to do. The only possible blame she could take was MAYBE for not trying harder to get rid of Delilah earlier, which. She had fifty years to learn that wasn't fucking possible so forgive her if that certainty took time to change in the presence of powerful and kind friends giving her strength to not only try, but to even want to try.
Addiction as a metaphor for Laudna and her whole deal with Delilah would squarely assert by extension that everything Delilah did to her and through her was her own fault. The term for that is victim blaming.
Hey so can we stop with the addiction metaphors now that Delilah's been bejeweled. It was never a great metaphor and followed more along the lines of an abusive relationship, and now Laudna is in control of her life. Like. Addicts don't recover by continuing to access the thing that made them feel powerful, because again. Addiction was an incomplete and inept metaphor for that whole deal. The cocaine does not throw itself at your face and taunt your every waking thought, because it is in fact an inanimate object. Manipulators do that. People do. And when people do it, that's abuse.
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