#i have no friends irl so the only person who texts me is my sister

[dan-whoell]

oh cool now my heart falls out of my ass everytime i get a text. this will have no long term effects on my health

[delicatetaysversion]

girls be like i feel so achingly hollow in my chest all the time

[sheyfu]

in sleepless nights, i find solitude in you

FEATURING itoshi sae, itoshi rin, oliver aiku, chigiri hyoma, mikage reo, nagi seishiro, and shoei barou

CW oliver aiku

SYNOPSIS what they like to do on sleepless nights with you

NOTE these are hcs and are not reflective of their characters!

⋆˚✿˖° itoshi sae - hearing you talk about your day

- a mundane, yet intimate moment between you two - he finds it so endearing when you talk about your day and get so passionate about it too - he just loves hearing your voice; the way you speak, the way your voice just sliiightly raises when you’re telling him about some person you abhor (big boy word), and the way you ask him for his thoughts on something you’re yapping about makes him feel like the luckiest guy in the whole world - you both end up not sleeping D: but it’s okay, he’s not complaining because it’s you

⋆˚✿˖° itoshi rin - binge watching horror movies

- you hate him for this. - but at the same time, you love it because he holds you close to him - he knows you’re scared, especially when it’s ass o’clock in the evening (more like morning) and your room’s only source of light is the television. so he holds you tight :D - he has the urge to make fun of you because you’re oh so scared, but he stops himself from doing so because he loves holding you close

⋆˚✿˖° oliver aiku - holding you close to him (in his words, spooning)

- surprisingly, he’s not horny  - i guess bc of practice, he’s tired and he just wants to de-stress and go on about his night without tiring himself out more, you included (LMAO NOT ME SPEAKING LIKE IM GANG W GREEN GALLAGHER) - so he holds you close :D  - and its not like the hold you close and talk about stuff type either - literally the hold you close and sit in silence type with occasional kisses from him :D 

⋆˚✿˖° chigiri hyoma - gossip (okay so some of you probably don't tolerate gossip but gossip culture has been SUUUUCH a big part of my life that i cant help but associate it w chigiri im so sorry you can bitch slap me for this LMAOAOAO ANWYAYS)

- he loves gossiping. he usually has THE ggoat (greatest gossip of all time) - this usually ranges from people he works closely with, or people he knows but that person doesn't know him but for some reason the news reached him LMAOAAOA  - for some reason, he also has visual references??? like if theyre related to texting he has screenshots of their convo???? if irl, he has pictures????? YOU DONT KNOW HOW HE GETS THOSE 😭😭 (based this hc off my friend who has everything for some reason 😭😭) - and most of the time theyre literally so mind-boggling you have to stop him and walk around the room to calm your beating heart down - he also loves using a soundboard while doing so LMOAOAOAO

⋆˚✿˖° mikage reo - slow dancing

- ah yes. the typical rich boy activities. - but like even if he wasnt born in that class (GANG DONT TWIST MY WORDS IM NOT A CLASSIST WLANSISOS), he'd most likely still love doing this (idk theres smth about him that js makes me think he would love dancing) - in the kitchen, dimmed lights, his hands on your waist, yours on his shoulders, herb alpert playing in the background, and his lips on your forehead  - im leaving it at that :))

⋆˚✿˖° nagi seishiro - playing roblox

- typical nagi.  - what roblox games you ask? dress to impress. - he likes playing simple games at night. and those simple games dont include dress to impress :)) - buuuut. he still plays it because the satisfaction he gets from beating 12 year olds outweigh the stress he gets from said 12 year olds - he loves to duo with you - literally caseoh just more nonchalant - he also likes to play those 2 player tycoons :DD

⋆˚✿˖° shoei barou - baking

- his love language is quality time  - and what’s more quality than baking time >:D - hes not someone for consuming sugar at ass o’clock. but he’ll tolerate it bc it makes you happy :DD  - he has those #probakingskillz bc he used to bake TONS of stuff with and for his sisters (HE ALSO BAKES THEIR GIRL SCOUT COOKIES GRAHHHHHHHH) - you also make him wear those silly pink frilly aprons (you have matching aprons but instead of yours being pink and frilly its literally the opposite) 

© sheyfu on tumblr

[beanghostprincess]

I wanna know who your favorite vinsmoke sibling is so bad actually please tell me 👀✨

My friend and my brother laughed at me when I told them my favorite Vinsmoke is Niji, and I genuinely was embarrassed that day because I didn't really know much about him at the time (I think I had only watched a few eps of WCI) and it's pretty clear in the show that he's, uh, the worst of the Vinsmokes. And by "the worst" I mean: The one who's portrayed as the worst because he's the most active one when it comes to abuse and supremacism within the family line. Unlike Ichiji (who's more serious) and Yonji (who's more playful, somehow) Niji is the one who has to actually fight for a role in his family and that's why I think he's so fucking annoying all the damn time. I hate him. I love him. I want to hug him. But also I wouldn't mind punching him very, very hard. I have mixed feelings, but yeah, Niji is my favorite Vinsmoke. And you haven't asked why, but I feel the need to do some sort of mini argument about this because I am a very resentful person and I want to show my friend and my brother that Niji is actually a very interesting character!! And my fiancé thinks I just like him because he's hot, and she's right but only like a 20%. Maybe 40%.

I will try to put my thoughts into words, but it's pretty difficult because I have a lot of things to say about this blue evil gremlin.

I like Niji the most because I think he is, between the three brothers, the one who shows feelings and ambitions outside their emotionless selves the most. I know they technically are the same, but I don't think so (btw, please assume I'm not including Reiju in this text because she's canonically different from them and I'm just referring to the brothers).

As I mentioned before, I think Niji is the one brother who is the most annoying and evil because he feels the need to stand out. Ichiji is serious, and calculative and has a secure place in the family. He is the number one, even if Reiju is the oldest (I would like to talk more about how Reiju, being a woman, even if she's the oldest, she's the number 0. Because she is the oldest but she's a woman, so she obviously doesn't and would not be able to wear the number 1 like a man would. She is the oldest and yet, she has less significance in the family line than Ichiji. But, yeah, this is something that has nothing to do with Niji, sorry). Ichiji, like all of his siblings, wants recognition from his father, but he doesn't have to try as hard as the others to be impressive because he is, after all, the oldest. The typical "older sibling in an abusive household who has to deal with all the bullshit to protect their siblings"? That's something Reiju took over. That's Reiju's responsibility as the oldest and the woman. Ichiji literally doesn't have to do anything besides leading the team and being the evil, emotionless machine his father created. That does not mean that I don't think he could be able to develop more feelings, because I think he could and I love the concept of him being the first one to protest against Judge's behavior, but you get me. When you're the oldest brother with an even older sister, your responsibilities are pretty limited. So he doesn't have to be anything but there and himself.

Yonji, on the other hand... He is the youngest. Even younger than Sanji. He doesn't have to try, because Niji and Sanji should be the ones to do so. Little siblings are not expected to do much besides existing because irl parents are usually tired of raising children and they end up either getting neglected or seen as decoration. As a little sibling myself I can confirm that these things affect really badly to your brain growing up, but I got a more Sanji treatment so I can't speak for Yonji here. The thing I can say, though, is that in comparison to Niji, Yonji is just there. He's silly and goofy. He's funny. He's dumb. He has the excuse of being the little one to act that way. Getting lost eating or doing whatever. Even the fact that his powers are more physically focused instead of power/intelligence centered shows that he can just punch away his issues. He's the gym bro of the siblings. Don't expect much from him. <- Thing that's often said about little siblings, btw, and affects real fucking badly in early teenage years. The fact that he's portrayed like that is so on point tbh but after all, they don't have high expectations for him, so little to no effort is everything he does.

Then there's Niji, of course. My favorite. Love him. Hate him. Whatever. Niji is the middle child. And God, do I have to say things about middle siblings.

The thing about Niji is that he actually has to try and make a name for himself in the family because otherwise he'll probably get forgotten. I often wonder if he had that fear of becoming the next Sanji once he "died" (he's the only one genuinely asking if Sanji died on them before Yonji and Ichiji say they don't care) because his role is not as noticeable as the others. Reiju is the woman, Ichiji is the successor, Sanji is the weakling getting bullied (being technically one of the little siblings but still being in a limbo of middle/youngest because the little one is Yonji), and Yonji is the little one. Then... What's Niji?

Niji needs Sanji way more than he's willing to admit, and I love that. I absolutely love how he's written because he constantly shows that he needs Sanji, through both words and actions. He needs him because without Sanji's existence -without Niji being his bully- Niji is nothing but number 2. And there's nothing more frustrating than being the number two when it comes to family hierarchy. Not going to mention every little thing he does, but as I said, I love how well-written he is. He's the sibling Oda uses the most to show the abuse Sanji went through, but that's only because Niji is the only one who needs to do that. Niji is the one to talk to Sanji first, all the damn time. He gets angry when Sanji doesn't respond. He gets angry because Sanji can't be bullied anymore. He gets angry out of fear, in my opinion, because if the weakling can't get abused anymore, then he's not worth anything. If Sanji isn't the third, the second one is left alone. 2 can't fight 1 because 1 has the protection of starting the line. And 2 can't fight 4 because there's a missing link that keeps 2 from 4. So Niji is mad at Sanji because Sanji isn't the same weak crybaby he used to be, and he can't use him anymore to be secure and safe.

That's fucking horrifying when it comes to family hierarchy.

I like Niji because, despite being an asshole, he has reasons to be like that. First of all, because his father literally made him this way. But also, the little feelings he has (selfish emotions, yes, evil. But they're feelings, anyway. Urges. He's supposed to be emotionless and yet he knows how Sanji feels enough to use that to his advantage) are used as a way to feel superior and safe because he feels inferior. I think he's the one showing more emotions out of the three, even if those emotions aren't healthy or good and it's just him being angry all the time. That means that if he has urges and needs like that, even if he doesn't fear his own death, he could end up developing more and more empathy. His type of empathy comes from a place of fear. He feels what Sanji feels. And it's not that he doesn't care (I mean, I am aware that he technically doesn't, but let me dream) but it's just convenient for him not to care and keep bullying him to secure his place in the family.

Also pointing out that I like Niji because, being the one who says he hates Sanji the most, he's the one to protect him with his own body when that scene of the siblings helping Sanji escape happens. The others only clear the way, Niji stays with him. There's a really cool post about this on Niji's tag somewhere!!! I personally think he does this because, as that post said: Niji keeps seeing Sanji as weak, instead of believing in him enough to just clear the way. He protects him because he thinks he can't protect himself. Because he's weak.

And yes, it might sound offensive and emotionless and it doesn't make Niji a better person. But it makes him an older brother. Believing in Sanji would be great, but thinking that he's weak and needs protection after years of projecting on him only shows that the weak one is Niji. That he wants and is willing to protect his brother, too. If he didn't care about his well-being he would've just cleared the way for him, not caring about what could've happened to Sanji. But he goes all the way to help him out and protect him longer than the others did. Idk. I find that a very beautiful way of ending their relationship.

All of this being said, I have to be honest with you: When I said I liked Niji for the first time I only did it because people around me kept saying he was the worst one and it bothered me because I found his design pretty fucking cool. And tbh when he started being an actual character? I loved him even more. Because during WCI he's a fucking asshole but the way he acts towards Sanji is wanting to get a response from him, and I just find that so curious and complex... Like, if he just wanted to be evil he'd be more the Doflamingo type. But Niji looks for a response in Sanji's eyes. He wants to feel powerful because he knows he isn't.

And also, well, he's very cute and I like his hair a lot and he makes me furious sometimes which is great because if a character doesn't make you want to punch him at one point, is he really a good character? Look at him! He deserves to get slapped in the face. But also, I would love to kiss him afterward. What's that Olivia Rodrigo lyric? Ah, yes: "I wanna break his heart, then be the one to stitch it up. Wanna kiss his face with an uppercut." That's how I feel about him.

I really hope it's obvious, with all of this, that "Succession" is one of my favorite TV Shows, because I could go on and on and on (and nobody would listen but idc) about how the Vinsmokes are just the Roy family. Both One Piece and Succession deal with family in which hierarchy is crucial in a very specific and accurate way. It makes me sick. I love it.

Anyway, have some pics of my blue idiot:

I want to hit him in the head with a baseball bat.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for yelling at my friend?

this ones a long one.

bg info

so we're both 15, and he's done this thing a couple times where he'll create a new groupchat and exclude certain people who he's not as close to.

to me, this is mean, and i've spoken to him calmly about it before but he kinda just brushes it off and says he's just including close friends.

its also relevant that previously i may have enabled him. like, theres a girl neither of us like and we'd make fun of her sometimes, though not to her face, which is probably worse. i'm trying to be nicer to her but i dont get along with her very well.

on top of that, the origin of the gc we use now is that there was a bigger one and he told me "i just don't feel comfortable with some of these people". so i created a new group chat and let him pick who got added, with the agreement that we'd have to come to an agreement before adding more ppl, just for the sake of everyones comfort.

not sure if this is actually relevant or if im just salty but he doesn't spend time with the people in the gc at school, he sits with a group of juniors n seniors for lunchtimes and only comes around every so often. not sure if he's just spending one-on-one time with everyone or if he's actually not hanging out with us anymore.

into the actual inciting incident

today, we were talking about the groupchat to a friend we'd made recently and added today. he offhandedly mentioned one of the smaller groupchats he'd made for closer friends, and how no one had used it. i got really mad about how casual he was about something i thought was mean of him to do, so i told him something like "i just think that it's a rude thing to do."

and he said something like "well im just including our close friends", we kept going like this for a bit, and I yelled at him "why are the only people that matter the ones YOU like?" and there was more of a kerfuffle i don't remember, but i did in fact cry (self-provoked, he didnt say anything). i apologized for being so dramatic, and he left. it was class time so i left too, and my sister drives me and she had work so i left school really fast.

we have a little routine where we watch a show together on call though and he said yes when i asked about that. after asking him abt our show, i texted him n apologized for yelling at him n asked to talk but i said that i still thought that the way he treats people kinda sucks. no response.

what people irl said

like one person said that i was brave? and that they shoulve said something. the girl we added didnt say anything, and my other friend asked if i was okay after it was all over

why i might be an asshole

i think im being kinda on a moral high-horse when ive enabled and even kinda participated in this behavior before and ofc, yelling was very much an overreaction on my part

additionally, its not exactly a choice to not get along with some people?

why he might be an asshole

excluding people on purpose and ignoring my attempts to talk things out.

with the bias filter on, this behavior is pretty self-centered, because he doesn't hang out with us much at all, and he's never very invested in any of our interests or issues, but he still gets to dictate who gets to be in the "close friends" group chat?

for any advice

i really don't want to drop him as a friend, not just because i like spending time with him, which is most of it. the other part of it is that im really scared of what will happen if he gets mad at me, because i don't want to break up the friendgroup into people taking sides, and to a lesser extent im scared that if that does happen no one will take my side in that conflict. it just doesn't seem worth it to get into a blowout with him about this when i don't want to lose anyone.

thanks for reading all that, this is mostly just to organize my thoughts. render moral judgement at will.

What are these acronyms?

[moonlightcookie]

a love letter to seamoon

disclaimer this will get Very long. majority will be under the cut. this will be very personal

i didn't grow up seeing lgbt media, only glimpses of gay fanart and fanfiction, created by fans. openly gay or trans characters in media didn't really exist when i was a child, and when they were, it was all homophobic and transphobic stereotypes, meant to get a laugh out of the cishet audience.

i grew up in a society where being gay (or trans), was a bad, shameful thing to be. the very first time i came out to anyone, it was my best friend in 7th grade. i texted her, crying bc i was so ashamed of myself, and afraid of her reaction. i texted her, bc i couldn't bear to say it aloud. she was the only one i had told, for years.

It's terrifying to even think of outing yourself when your peers were like hungry wolves, taking any opportunity to find anything wrong with you. i was already fat, ugly, a teacher's pet, etc. I generally kept to myself, and other kids didn't like that. especially since i was poor, and would often show up to school in old, torn clothes every day. nooo way i felt safe enough to come out to anyone else, until a few years later in high school (which was still super scary btw!!)

imagine how i felt as a teenager, seeing Steven Universe on air, especially after the Ruby + Sapphire reveal. a kid's cartoon with largely female/nonbinary characters AND canon lesbians? with onscreen lesbian kisses? on the MOUTH?? nowadays it might seem silly to praise SU for its lgbt representation, when now there's a lot more (by comparison) of openly lgbt media. but i feel like people, esp young people who grew up alongside SU and other openly lgbt media, don't realize just how revolutionary (and recent!!) SU was for its time. SU had actually been cancelled shortly after the Rupphire wedding, for obvious reason. before then, people would jump thru hoops to say that Ruby and Sapphire were sisters, or just "very good friends" . other countries would censor their relationship or not air it at all. sadly, i still see the same happen to other sapphic characters/relationships, including seamoon.

All of this is to say, i just want to let out how important Sea Fairy and Moonlight, and their relationship, are to me.

I first learned about Cookie Run 6-7 years ago when kinning CR characters was a big thing on tumblr lol. one of my mutuals would post about it, and the characters i saw looked cute, so i went to the wiki to look at some more. immediately i was drawn to Moonlight Cookie, and getting her on the official CR personality quiz didnt help either lol

then when i saw Sea Fairy's page, and her mentioning her deep love of the moon, i immediately knew she was really talking about Moonlight, and that seamoon was intended to be canon. this was all before the relationship charts, mind you. all we had were Sea Fairy's inital LINE/Kakao release event, and both Sea Fairy's and Moonlight’s loading lines to go off of

even back then, people were upset at the possibility of them being in love, headcanoning them as sisters or just "best friends", others would say Sea Fairy was talking about the literal moon, or even the moon that Moonlight rides on...

frankly, it was obvious to I and many other sapphics that seamoon was canon. the moon affecting the sea's tide IRL, Sea Fairy being the legendary released after Moonlight, with her entire story up to that point was of a sea fairy who was cursed to be frozen upon trying to reach the moon she so loved. Both their lines referencing longing + loneliness, the City of Wizards and the Tower of Frozen Waves's proximity... it all added up.

finally, on November 14th 2019, Devsisters released the "I Want You Every Day" MV. where we finally get real confirmation of Sea Fairy and Moonlight's relationship, and especially Moonlight's reciprocation of Sea Fairy's feelings, with this legendary moment:

(gifs from @/kumiihocookie) to finally have confirmation- there is no sentence in the English language that could accurately describe my feelings. Elation, jubilation, vindication, ecstatic, the list goes on. literally where else am i supposed to find a character who's just like me, including being canonically sapphic?! to have a character i see so much of myself in, be confirmed to be in love and in a relationship with another woman, one who loves her so much as to literally go to the ends of the Earth(bread) for, i cannot find the words although LDRs arent for me, they are the reality for many lesbians, including my own at one point. seeing these two women continue to love each other unconditionally despite their distance, despite the very real reasons they cannot physically be together, brings me hope as a lesbian.

i hope that i too, can find a love that will always look to the sky, thinking of me. a love that will love me unconditionally, the way Sea Fairy loves Moonlight. a love that can bring me peace and comfort, the way that Moonlight does for Sea Fairy.

[your-everyday-theatre-kid]

Do you guys have a friend...A best friend...who anytime you hear their voice or see a pic of them you cry? I do...

I have a best friend (more like sister) who I love with all my heart, and she moved schools and I was so fucking depressed. But today over summer break I finally got to text her and we called and the moment I heard her fucking voice I started crying...were hanging out tomorrow I'm so happy I cant-

We are gonna karaoke every song from Hamilton. She is the only person i've met irl more obsessed than me! I won't get to see her at school but I'm so glad I get to see her! And hear her amazing singing voice! AHHH <333

Still upset I couldn't hang out with my girlfriend tho

[thatrandomlemononyourcounter1]

tw rant/vent

I just realized how torn up I am about having almost 0 irl friends. Me and my younger sisters were sitting outside, and I just randomly started crying. They obviously freak out and ask what's wrong. I just blame the sunset (cause it was literally stunning)

They do not believe me.

So I start talking.

I tell them how lonely I feel here, and how it's so hard as a 16 year old girl who has graduated high school and is now doing college online, who has debilitating social anxiety, who just moved across the country, how hard it is for me to make friends. And how my old friends only talk to me when I text first.

I told them how hard it was always feeling like an outcast. In eighth grade, when I transitioned from homeschool to public school, I had to come home from my terrible first day of school, where no one talked to me at all. And hear about how all my siblings already had friends, and were the most popular ones in their classes. I had to deal with that for two weeks, until some girl who I sat next to in science invited me to sit with her.

So I did.

Turns out, she was a part of the popular kids. I got kinda excited. Hey, this is my chance. And you know what those kids did? Ignored me.

Even the girl who invited me to sit with her.

So for almost a month, I was ignored at school. then, I accidentally scared a girl into being my friend cause I couldn't shut my damn mouth. After awhile, we really did become friends and for the rest of eighth, and all of freshmen year, I was happy. I had friends. I was starting to make more friends who were in theater and choir, I was finding my people. Then I moved schools, and it all went downhill from there.

Now I've moved again, and it's been almost six months, and I don't have a single friend here.

And I only regularly talk to one person.

So what is it? What is it about me that makes me an outcast? Anyone have an answer?

I guess I just really want friends.

[weabooweedwitch]

I dunno I kinda get the vibe that you also view your mom as a defective loser who can't change? you don't really have any nice things to say about her and seem to hate her about as much as you hate yourself (not to say that your mom isn't a pain and immature as fuck to boot bc she absolutely is). you call her subhuman and an idiot and all these horrible things a lot, before I thought it was just harsh online venting of your deepest most private thoughts but I guess you say that stuff to her irl too? just from seeing those texts, I feel bad because I know you're going thru a lot and you're hurting I don't want to make it worse but I kinda had to agree with the verbal aggression and suicide threats comment. not defending your mom, she is a pain-in-the-ass womanchild, but I can kind of understand why she's so defensive and reactive if that really is the way you speak to her. I'm sorry I know that's probably not what you want to hear or the most validating thing, your feelings are absolutely valid too here and I understand how grating having that type of parent can be, as someone who has a similar-but-maybe-not-as-bad situation over here

btw, as I understand it personality disorders are actually very responsive to therapy. the only reason people with certain disorders like aspd and npd don't get better is because a lot of them don't view themselves as having a problem or view their life problems as mostly other people's fault and don't want to hear the negative criticism. bpd has a very good prognosis too for those that recognize a need to change their behavior.

I mean, ultimately yes, i am real shitty to her off and on, but my opinion I guess is that, the temper and the insults are something that developed over time and is specific to our specific relationship. Like my mom and I have always kind of butted heads, but me being, I guess openly malicious towards her is a development that came about within the last few years, or decade maybe, just progressing over time

It's sort of like, you know, one of the things I hate the most is having to repeat myself because someone wasn't listening the first time, and with my mom, we just have the same issues over and over again that are never resolved, or I keep seeing weird behaviors in her, or she makes decisions that I find literally nonsensical. And its just. I look at her and I see someone still making all the same mistakes she always has, and it makes me angry because, I mean, my entire childhood was fucking ruined from constantly moving and literally being trapped in cars with her while she ranted. My relationship with extended family was ruined just because she had personal grudges that I kinda lowkey think are also her fault tbh. I got moved away from my grandmother because my mom was randomly like "oh I can't find any jobs in Missouri, let's just move 8 hours away to Wisconsin" and she didn't regret it but like, my older sister was completely devastated, and by that age, I myself was so desensitized to the constant instability that I was like "well yeah I don't mind moving again, we switch schools almost every single year or sometimes twice a year, do you really expect me to have any friends to even miss"

Like this developed over time. I didn't always feel this way about her. But as I've grown up, I've changed and she hasn't. She's still the exact same person. Even my father says she is literally the exact same person. It's like the thing with her moving my hairbrush out of the shower and never putting it back. I had to tell her over and over to stop even taking it out, that it's literally just a fucking hairbrush, stop taking it out of the shower where I keep it amd not putting it back and also it quite literally wasn't in her way in any way whatsoever, and she kept doing it, and there's only so many times you can "hey mom please don't do this" "mom please just put it back ok literally just put it back after you remove it" "ok I've asked you repeatedly can you stop touching my fucking hairbrush i need in the shower" until you snap and say "alright you STUPID CUNT if you do this one more time I'll remove YOUR things from the shower and I'll take them straight out to the dumpster" and THAT got her to finally stop

Like it's literally gotten to "you don't listen to me when I'm nice so why should I even waste my emotional energy pretending to be nice to you when i don't think you deserve it". "Why should I act nice to you when I feel so massively unsupported and drained and exploited by you"

Like she quite literally doesn't fucking listen, TO ANYONE. You can communicate clear as day with her and she'll still do whatever the fuck she wants. In the past my sister stopped even letting us into her apartment because my mom would start TOUCHING THINGS every single time we were there, like literally opening her fucking cabinets and touching her dishes and unloading her dishwasher, until my sister was basically screaming at her to stop and then it's "ugh Emily is so hysterical she doesn't take her medicine" like no you fucking dumbass you won't let her have agency over her own belongings in her own apartment after she moved out to literally run away from you and you're still doing it to her as an adult and she'll just look at how extremely upset you are "ugh I was just trying to help 🙄 you should think about how I FEEL"

She pushes and pushes and pushes and then when you snap and lose your patience with her, she goes straight for your fucking throat and acts like everything is your fault and she's just the blameless fucking saint. Sometimes I wonder if she is even capable of giving legitimate apologies because any time you bring anything up with her, no matter how valid you are, no matter how upset you are, she just Always responds with "im sorry but *laundry list of excuses*" or "no that's not what happened. You exaggerate. You need to be medicated." Or the favorite, classical deflection she always uses of "well what about when YOU--"

She will tell you every single day the exact same suggestion that you have already said no to. I was literally growing up in school and she'd constantly say "oh you're so smart, you could be a doctor" until I was telling her over and over "I DONT WANT TO and you make STRESSED OUT because it feels like you're trying to force me". Jesus fucking christ for example it literally makes my goddamn blood BOIL absolutely fucking BOIL that she still says "you should put highlights in your hair" when I've been telling her MY ENTIRE LIFE I DON'T WANT TO, I DONT WANT TO DYE MY HAIR, I DON'T WANT CHEMICALS AND BLEACHES, and she literally STILL SAYS IT like it's this kind of thing that makes me go "what would actually make you listen, fucking beating you like your ex husband? Are all these 'abusive relationships' you cry about and told us about when we were inappropriately young to try and squeeze sympathy out of us just you pushing people until they swing on you"

Like. I'm 26 years old and I feel like my own mother doesn't even try to understand me and i feel like if you asked her a list of personal questions about me that she'd gst most of them wrong. And I also feel like, and have felt like for a long time, that, well I guess to outright be cruel, the biggest reason she had kids was because literally no one liked her and i guess she thought children would have some sort of indentured love to her. She won't even like acknowledge i was an accidental pregnancy, she just deflects and says "no you're my miracle baby bc after I had you I found out I had endo-" "ok but mom you were not actively trying to be pregnant and you didn't like my father by the time I was born can you just at least say I was I unplanned, I'm not even saying it as you hating me, can you just acknowledge I was an unplanned pregnancy" "no :)"

I get absolutely no closure with her. Like. This might seem like an extreme comparison but the other day I was watching bodycam footage for the arrest of Joey McVay, a 10 year old who shot his mom. The story is all "oh his mom shot him because he got mad when he was asked to do chores" but then they dug a little deeper and asked the grandmother and the story was "oh this kid had a disability and his mom was actually a rude slob who worked him like a horse while also still treating him as defiant and incompetent and stupid and even being physically abusive and his house was a borderline dilapidated shack and he snapped and shot her because she made him feel literally worthless" and I was watching that thinking, wow that could have been me.

It's the constant like dehumanization she has pushed upon me while also expecting me to listen to her rant and rant and rant for years about her own problems. 'Sympathy for me but not for thee' kinda shit. I can't keep pouring from an empty cup bro? I can't give sympathy that's no longer there because it was sucked out of me like some kind of energy vampire

Ok but like exactly as I'm typing this my mom woke up and I mentioned to her how I'm trying to book with a dermatologist bc I'm having hair thinning and nail denting and I didn't want to be on the phone so I start trying to Google online, and then I end that topic and switch to , bringing up to her this personality disorder conversation, and she literally fucking interrupts me in the middle of my sentence "do you want me to make the call for you" and I just broke down sobbing because I'm sitting here reopening all my emotional wounds to write this post about how unheard I am and, there she goes doing it again, and now I'm refusing to speak to her because like, you didn't let me speak the first time, why should I waste my time saying it all again 🙃

I dont know. I guess it sounds mean but at this point she does it to herself. I've been worn down and demanded to care over and over while being ignored so now I have no sympathy. At this point its no longer "oh gosh I'm sorry that happened to you" and now it's "well what mistake did you make to fuck things up this time" which, in my defense, like, she does cause most of the problems in her life and my own. Like my god there was a period of time where we had just moved and we barely had any money I mean like financially struggling and she's like "oh I hate having all our canned goods on the floor, it just looks so GHETTO, I don't like it" and she ordered furniture off online and it. It literally. We've lived here for like two years and it still isn't fully assembled becuase she didn't read the instructions when she made it and refused to finish it without my help. Like we barely had money for rent and she wasted money on, a cabinet, because things not looking nice made her feel bad. And then in that same period of time she tried to order a dining room table that we have literally no room for, and I can't even tell you how many months ago she ordered a larger size glass enclosure for her bearded dragon and its been sitting in a box for literal months because. Uh. She expects me to help her assemble it and I told her straight up she shouldn't have even bought it if she won't even put together HER cage for HER pet which she takes poor care of, though I'm one to talk considering how little I've gotten to hold Louie

You just. Can't keep demanding sympathy and never giving it back? You can't raise your daughter constantly texting her instead of speaking to her for every little "oh I have a headache bring me a glass of water" to like the point there were periods of time she'd be lying in bed just shouting out for me instead of getting it herself and I'd barge into the room "it's just a glass of water your bedroom is literally next to the bathroom and we have neighbors, stop shouting you stupid bitch"

Like it gave me a COMPLEX. I've been sick and throwing up and refusing to take medicine and refusing any help from her because I grew up watching her pop pills for everything and argue with doctors and just constantly want help that I never saw returned the same way. She's on the couch next to me right now and she's trying to talk to me and I'm still so upset over being interrupted earlier I'm just popping earbuds in and pretending she isn't even here because the couch and her office chair are the only seats in this whole apartment which of course means she lives on it

Like maybe I could overcome my trauma and change with therapy. But mom? She'll argue with doctors. She'll argue with therapists. She'll like you and then you'll make the smallest slight against her and suddenly she wants nothing to do with you and has a laundry list of things she hates about you. She's a fair-weather mother and I'm sick of it. It's at the point where ant help or assistance or support or love she gives me almost doesn't even matter anymore because the constant mistakes and talking over me is still so constant that there's like a 70/30 hate to love ratio at this point.

I know that's a lot of text but, yeah I guess I can still keep certain disorders in mind but my mom is literally the only person I treat like this

[mxmasters]

who do u consider closer friends out of the GAW?

ahh, well, "close" is relative. GAW is a lot like family, in that there's lots of people in the mix and you don't really know all of them as much (or as little) as you might want to.

mind you, they're also comrades, so I'd step up and fight for any of 'em. Especially the kids. it's a fucked-up world and they need someone in their corner.

last thing: I have, uh. problems. sharing past events. so I'm scared of getting too close to certain people. you know how it is.

aside from that... wait, am I allowed to be specific?

I don't see a problem with it, so long as we make one thing clear: only a few of these characters are original to the MxTape. Everything else is based on my interpretations of existing works, and the original authors always have the final say.

MxTape Originals, aka Steal These OCs

Doreen Gray (alwaysbpositive): Met her because of my delivery work. She needed some ethically-sourced B+, and I knew some queer people with units to spare. Not like Canadian Blood Services wants it! Homophobes. Anyway we've been friendly ever since. She's got two moods: energetic and depressed. I can relate.

meatgerm: I've crashed on this man's couch twice and still don't know his name. Do NOT eat his cooking! He WILL prank you. Really good fiddle player, though.

Tanya Miller (twilight_tone): Extremely close! We are partners! Sometimes we even dream together.

Louis (WHEREISMYHOG): never met IRL but he's got some wild stories and a solid understanding of magical theory.

Penelope Gore (whistl_stahp): yo we've talked about this.

MxTape Guests, aka Upcoming Attractions

Desmond Callaghan (gothicalfallacy): really, really cool! Hand member. Fellow Jojo appreciator. Probably the only person I know who understands theory better than WHEREISMYHOG. Go-to-guy for questions. Too bad he's only available, like, half the time.

Judith Feingold (thisisstupid12345): Desmond's sister; also a Hand member. Barely involved with GAW, but she kept logging into her brother's account and bones said that was against the rules, so here we are. Not magical, but very, very keen on guns, so she mostly talks with _FuddruckeR_.

GAW Members, aka "Janitors call us PoIs"

bones: we got to talking after the whole "terrestrial years" thing, and as it turns out... it's not doing a bit! an actual alien satellite. That sorta blew my mind. bones is a bit short and perfunctory sometimes but I think it's just doing the absolute best it can with people it doesn't entirely understand, which... same, tbh?

acuterobot: adorable. following her tumblr blog got me in some trouble, but I don't hold that against her.

polaricecraps: ehhh complicated. I see a lot of myself in PIC, but he's smarter than I was at his age and that cuts both ways. He's in it for the right reasons but speaking from experience, that's a great way to shoot yourself in the foot. He also lost my fucking TAPE but I puked in his van a while back so we're calling it even.

Andressa (gaycopmp4) and Dahlia (hetcopogg): literally the cutest couple I've ever seen. Fierce, passionate, committed to justice... and, uh, their kid? pretty sure Heather (Ms. Mad About Video Games) counts as their daughter. I send them tons of care packages with how-to books and chill retro games.

Armand (harmpit): extremely funny, lots of cool tricks, really difficult to understand in conversation. Marginally easier in text.

kkrule and kektagon: drive me ABSOLUTELY FUCKING INSANE. They're basking in the low-grade background radiation of the Internet and they're going to get emotional cancer. I've been there and I desperately want to help steer them out of it but GOD DAMN they are insufferable.

opossum: even worse. Probably the single most abrasive person I've ever met. Always arguing. Banned multiple times but never perma'd.

FreakyGhostBed: doesn't get out much, so I installed a media server in his family's basement so he can keep busy while they're asleep. we've hung out a few times since then. we mostly talk about movies.

_FuddruckeR_ and orbhorse: live and work on a ranch in the Southern States. Fantastic hosts, so long as you can tolerate Fudd plinking at targets all day.

CommunismAnarchismNihilism: incredible source for zines and materiel, a decent percentage of which have some kind of juice to them. We trade stuff. we also argue a lot (politics) but that's all in good fun (I think?)

fallout_meta.txt: escaped some real nasty characters to become a better person. I respect that, and I respect their top-tier opsec, because I don't know a single thing about them besides what's necessary.

FunkoPopFan1: not very active in the chat (super shy), but extremely resourceful, good at manipulating plastics, and passionate about her hobbies. Sadly one of those hobbies is collecting funko pops.

tabris, hybridRainbow, starspark, chokerless and bluefootedboobies: I would ride or die for all these kids.

And finally, The Big Three.

Esther Kogan (lesbian_gengar): friendly in the chat but we haven't met in person, bc she has deep ties in Three Ports and maybe she heard something about my fuckup back in 2008. On the other hand... remember what I said about having a type? The type who could kick my ass? Well, LG could definitely do that. In fact she could probably fry my brain. Yow!

JJ (jockjamsvol6): this dude defies description. I mean yes, he's hot, and he's chill, but the second he walks into a room... you know you're in for some shit. JJ is always EXACTLY where he's supposed to be, and as a genre-savvy person, that is TERRIFYING, because the narrative flows AROUND HIM. It's like watching someone waltz through a hurricane; it's cool, but not super safe for whoever stands around gawking.

And lastly... Jude Kriyot (bluntfiend). The man, the myth, the legend. The guy who walked away from AWCY and lived to tell the tale. (Or lie about it, at least.)

This is where things get really difficult for me, cuz... well, I'm an anarchist. The idea of following any one guy doesn't appeal to me. BUT! there is no GAW without Jude, and once you meet him, you can understand why. He's got something special. Not confidence or charisma or whatever (he's actually a clumsy dork), but heart and integrity, for sure. He believes in humanity. He believes in something good, and when you're hanging out, you want to believe in it too.

That said, he's also a fucking mess. I'm not judging (I'm a mess too), but on some level, I like to think I'm getting my shit together. Jude is more like... uh, a shonen protagonist between story arcs. You know? He just sorta stews in his own funk. Depressed. Off in his own little world. Like Johnny Joestar, before meeting Gyro. There's only one person who can reliably shake him out of it, and... well, it's not me.

I admire Jude. I really do. I want to trust him with my secrets, but I can't, because he doesn't trust me with his. That's... fair. Trust is hard to earn. It's easier to lie. But when the chips are down, I've got Jude's back. I hope he'd do the same for me.

[thelasttime]

honestly i understand having irls on here, sometimes i wish i did. but i just can't risk Real World Consequences for the vulnerability i have on my blog

that's so valid!! i think there's a huge level trust that has to happen when you tell an IRL about your blog. i truly only let my closest friends know about this blog (like anything i post is something they would probably hear from me anyways in text or in person).

i also think that none of them even actively check my blog? like the only person i knew who USED to check my blog somewhat frequently was my sister

[hecateisalesbian]

UNO REVERSE. GIMME ALL 50 OF 'EM.

For the wild card... what was your least favorite question out of all of these to answer?

 Do you have freckles?  i think? Yeah? Only like a few tho

 Do you drink tea or coffee? How do you take it?  hohoooo your gonna regret asking me this question >:3 For Tea I have a very specific tea brand I always buy and it’s the Arizona Green Tea Diet and then yknow occasional Peace Tea and on some occasions tea leaves. For Coffee when it’s at Starbucks I get one Grande size Vanilla Iced (Gay) Latte with 2 Splendas and almond milk! At home though I just brew up some coffee and put creamer and vanilla unsweetened almond milk with a 1:3 ratioish and a spoonful of Splenda.

What was the last song you listened to?  The entire Nimona album lol

Do you sleep on your back, stomach or side?  Back or Side because I rotate but never directly on the stomach

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?  Yes. The amount changes tho. But rn I have a stuffed animal called Rat Cat and then my dog 🐶

Do you prefer drawing or writing?  they equally suck

What’s your ideal number of blankets to sleep with?  i always always always have to sleep with a very specific blanket for my anxiety and that’s really all I need

What’s your favorite band/artist?  errrrr Lovejoy or Lemon Demon or Mother Mother?

When is your birthday? Not sharing that but my fake one is March 7th

How tall are you? Like 5’2”

What color are your eyes? Very dark brown (boring Ik)

Who are five (or more) people you want to hug right now? My Irl friends and my sister

Fears? Bugs, Spiders, T h e D a r k

What’s your favorite color? Purple obvs 💜

What’s your favorite season? Fall, because depending on where you are it’s so wonderful and the weather is perfect and everything is so pretty and also it’s SPOOKY SEASON 🎃

Want any tattoos? What of? Many. Idk how many but my basics are a sibling tattoo with my sister, a matching tattoo with my mom that I’ve already designed, a star, sun, and moon tattoo with my sister and my mom, a snake or two somewhere, some flowers maybe, a semicolon, etc

Want any piercings? Where? YES. Lots of places! I want to deck out my ears, probably get some nose piercings, lip piercings, eyebrow piercings, and then idk from there

Who is the last person you texted? My friend

Do you have a best friend? How long have you been friends? I used to but not anymore

What/who do you miss? My sister

How was your day today? Well I woke up like 2 minutes ago

How much sleep did you get last night? Idk man I just pass out whenever

Do you believe in aliens? Idk theirs probably smth else besides us on this dingy space rock

When was the last time you cried? Why? When I sneezed 6 times in a row a minute ago

What’s your favorite decade? Hmmmmm. Idk. Early 2000’s maybe, 60’s-80’s seem cool

What are some seemingly childish things you like? Stuffed animals, ‘kids’ shows, wanting to play on swing sets

What’s your favorite book? Or just one you’ve read a few times? Uhhh Idk if this is my favorite but I really really like the book series called Strange The Dreamer!

How are you, really? Idk

Does it take you a long time to make decisions? I’m extremely indecisive

What are you looking forward to in the near future? Doing some musicals/plays, Halloween, seeing my sister again, going to a con

What are you looking forward to in the distant future? Moving lol, hopefully finding a partner

If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go? My home state Colorado

Do you sleep with your door open or closed? Who- who sleeps with it open? Ew. Closed.

What’s your favorite flower? I don’t have one 🤷🏼‍♀️

Do you currently have a squish?  😎 🤏🤨🕶️🤏 a what. Okay after a quick google search this looks like a QPR. I used to but not rn

Do you like your middle name? I love it! It holds a lot of meaning to it and it’s actually the name I choose after realizing I’m trans (and also I generally hated my first name)

Do you prefer dogs or cats? Im allergic to cats so I have to say dogs but I love cats. But snakes are number one 🐍

Do you have any phobias? Arachnophobia

Do you stay up late? Well let’s just say im daggers friend from two days ago

Do you like the beach? Do you prefer it sunny or cloudy? Hate the beach. Clouds all the way. Mountains are THE BEST

What’s your favorite cartoon? The Owl House 🦉

Tag 5 of your favorite blogs @bloodied-dagger @el-fandom-birb @haystarlight@imhumanguysiswear@stars-and-birds@threegoblinart@childlikegoblinqueen@artkittycatty@tardismama@fandomsandflyingstingrays@rosy-tickles@ALL OF MY MUTUALS

Do you have siblings? How many? Uh I have two blood related sisters, two step brothers, and one brother in law

Who was the last person you said “I love you” to? My dog probably. Other than that my mom

Is there anyone you would die for? My sister, my dog, my friends, my parents

What do you need when you’re sad? Happiness lol. Naw in all seriousness my dog

Have you memorized your phone number? If you haven’t I hope you like dying

Who’s someone you can trust with your life? My sister 

What does your last text say? “Oh”

My least favorite question was all of them because I woke up 6 minutes ago why am I doing this

[moodywyrm]

moony i’m all over the place right now and i just need advice? comfort? unsure but..

i’m going to college soon, and i’m moving away from all of my family and friends. i don’t know what to do. i’m awful at making friends, i’m shy, i’m quiet, and i’m awkward, and the only reason i actually have something of a friendgroup is because i got brought into it by someone else :(.

i’ve never been able to have actual friends, even now, like i never get invited to their hangouts, and what makes it even worse is that when i invite them somewhere, they’re ALL busy with sports or homework, but then i see a few hours later that they all went out to do something fun. they never text me even when i make attempts to text them, they all have inside jokes that i’m never part of, and i’m so scared of that happening again.

i can’t even hold online friends - last time i did, we got in a fight because someone made up stupid lies and fabricated messages about me and then they all dropped me.

i don’t know what to do, i don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. do you have any advice?? :(

oh honeybee. (also im assuming your like just graduating highschool? or like a transfer? 18+ obvs) we're about to get kinda personal.

I was in the Exact same position. my entire first year was online bc of covid but when I moved here I had absolutely no one. when I tell you I was the exact same way, no friends of my own and terrible at keeping them, I mean it. by the time I moved to college in my second year i had just lost (or was about to lose) all but one of my online friends (who is now my best friend loml, the good ones will stay with you I promise) and only had one irl friend (my best friend of 10 yrs now). I was in pretty much the same position.

so my advice/words of not very wise wisdom: I'm not gonna sit here and tell you it won't be scary or sad for while because it probably will. college can be scary. it can also be wonderful! and freeing! you 100% have to get used to being on your own, enjoying your own company. it'll make the alone time so much easier. also, for the love of everything good in the world, don't shut yourself up in your dorm or apartment. I did for basically a year and it was miserable. go to the library, go hang out on campus, something! try to make friends in your classes, even if it's just for that class, you'll get more comfortable talking to people. and honestly, most importantly, don't lose hope and fall into the permanently alone I hate everyone mindset. I hit that and it SUCKED and then I met two of the most incredible, kindest people I could have ever met. and it takes a while!! don't expect to find friends immediately, genuinely just take some time to learn how to be alone with yourself, it will be so worth it. don't try to force yourself to be friend with people you don't really like, btw. it doesn't make you any less lonely, it just makes you sad.

I know it sounds scary and daunting, but it will be okay! and if you ever need big sister advice and comfort, im right here. I know it's scary, but you're there for a reason. it will be okay, I promise you.

im sorry if this wasn't helpful but I was in the same position for the first two and a half years of college before I met my friends

[happygslfreedomcore]

Guys.. you don't want a yandere bf irl 😭 he's everything I love bc hes a 6ft handsome Russian boy that reminded me of tartaglia and he saved me from kms but a year later in the relationship he used to show up at my school after school so no other ppl talked to me, told me he'd k word anyone that I got too close to, made me block everyone including my gal friends who were my only support, basically isolating me... I didn't wanna stay with him but he made me believe I needed him and that I can't do anything by myself, my body and soul was always rejecting him but my delusions about him from romanticizing our relationship to cope clouded my vision, I don't wanna neglect myself no more... He also had homies and he kept telling me that he was always watching me thru the city cameras... And that people were always watching me... He didn't like that I went to an "opp" school... I'm not affiliated btw but he made that my problem.. there was this emo skater boy that liked me and he found out and he was so mad and scary, he took my phone when he saw that the guy texted me and recorded a video of him trying to claim me... that was embarrassing asf btw.. he didn't let me text anyone actually..... He had access to my accounts too and would judge me on my past conversations with people and put me down, he'd call me stupid dumb and slow, when I'd get offended he'd get all soft and cuddle me... And I have ADHD (diagnosed) and BPD symptoms that make me forget what I'm feeling... He never let me stay away from him for more than 2 days max... So I never had time to process anything

He was always paranoid... Cheated on me hha... Wasted my teenage years bc he didn't wanna break up with me n kept leading me on, and tried to move on while never letting me know, I found out when his sisters told me when I was babysitting them... I thought he loved me bc I rlly fucking loved him, the whole time he was boomin this cokehead whore. I neglected my best friend and family and myself for him...

He made it my problem anytime he felt a person had a crush on me...

Guilt tripped me alot n used my emotions against me, would tell me I'd never see him again if we broke up and implying he'd khs........... argued with me in class/school and the teachers were genuinely concerned.. would mistreat me, I hate that he put me in those situations where I shouldve just been at school and socializing, but he just wants control, broke me mentally... One time we argued over the phone for 5 hours and I just woke up.. after we were done bc I was genuinely tweaking, I called my friend and I realized I actually lost brain cells bc I could barely speak normally and i felt sped. he'd show up to my house and force me to talk to him... I hate him so much... He stole my energy and my passion, sometimes I wish I'd let him die from those drugs... He's always assuming I'm going behind his back n cheating but in reality he's projecting onto me bc he's a whore, unlike me bc I'm pure and clean... I also don't like sex anymore, I feel dirty and unhappy after. mentally I regressed to 13 bc of all the trauma he's caused me... I always wanted someone to save me... There was this girl that liked me and I liked her too but I was scared to leave him and she said she'd save me from him but he manipulated me into blocking her and staying with him... I eventually found god and Jesus and healed enough to function and be able to smile and laugh again, got my passion for art and anime back and went back to my first love tartaglia.. I feel better writing everything down, I'm crying but I'm finally free...

[nightcall99]

Dream from 17.11.23

AJ and I are in the same class at primary school (but we are the same ages as we are now). In each class, we are learning about some kind of arts and crafts project like making bracelets, painting etc. I sit next to my other friends during the class but when it finishes, I always head straight to AJ and check up on him. Usually I try to make sure we travel home together since we live in the same street. During my interactions with him, he always seems very vacant and child-like, like he is not there anymore. He barely talks to me but doesn't seem to mind my presence so I try to stick to him since I feel responsible for his safety and well-being like an older sister.

One day there is a new teacher, a middle-aged grouchy-looking type of woman. The whole class is sitting on the floor in a circle and she is teaching us about a new craft. Somehow she gets on the topic of autism and how she thinks it’s not actually a real condition. She is talking in a very nasty tone. She’s says, 'Can anyone explain it too me', seeming to dare a volunteer in the class. Everyone is looking to me to answer, so trying to be as confident as I can, I begin to give a brief summary of my understanding. I say, 'It's a developmental disorder where the people who have it, they take in information from the world around them and process it in a different way compared to neurotypical people. This makes them largely misunderstood'. I don’t think she gets it at all. I look across the room toward AJ to gauge his reaction. I am worried that he will be hurt by this lady's gross ignorance. He doesn't seem to care or even notice what is going on.

At the end of the class, there is a sign-up sheet for the activity that we will be partaking in during the next class. It's some type of knitting/crocheting and there are little garments on the table which demonstrate the type of things we are allowed to make. Each person is to mark down which options they prefer so that the teacher can ready the materials. I wanted to knit two different patterns of leg- warmers but the options weren't there on the sheet, even though the samples were sitting right there on the table. I was disappointed by this and marked down other things that I wasn't as excited to make.

I am going to walk home with AJ since he lives next door to me. I see him coming towards me with a bicycle in tow. He silently gestures for me to sit on the seat and and I do, immediately getting to work on the right-size pedal with my foot. He is situated behind me and in charge of the left pedal. I think he is also wearing roller-blades on his other foot, or both feet, which makes this a lot easier balance-wise since he doesn't have a seat. Together we coordinate the bike pedals effortlessly and ride home. The primary school in this dream seems to be in the exact location of the primary school I attended irl, so the distance to get home is only 1km. As we turn round the corner into our street, I ask him what he kind of plans he has for the days ahead. He says he is attending EM's (my old primary school class-mate) birthday party. It's going to be at her house, in her backyard. I had heard about this party but I didn't know her anymore so obviously I wasn't invited. I feel kind of downtrodden by this for some reason. I tell him I hope he has fun.

After I've dropped AJ off at his front door (he lives in the house of my irl neighbour J), I suddenly realise that the next day (tomorrow), is when an important assignment/task/project is due. Something we have been working on for awhile. We have to make sure to get to class on time in the morning to submit it or present it or something. I figure I will text AJ tonight if he wants me to give him a lift to school in the morning since this is a class you definitely want to attend. I wasn't too sure he would be going though, since he is quite flakey with attending classes and joins them according to his own whims. But I wanted to give him an easy option to get there tomorrow morning and plus, I wanted him there.

[shootingxstardust]

Okay need to vent because I need to write my thoughts down a little.

I have a sister. She and I were always close. We're just 16 months apart and we had always been together. We were best friends. She was always the innocent little sister, while I was the responsible older sister. We spent time together, played video games, and even rped together (IRL, not on here). My step mom said we behaved like twins, and yeah we were about as close as twins could be. Besides my paternal grandmother (Sadly not around anymore), she was my best and closest friend. And then just a couple years ago that came crashing down.

Back in high school, my sister became friends with B. Now B was a mormon.. but that was alright. She and my sister got along pretty well, and they were buddies, though because she was a mormon, B was pretty sheltered. Now once out of high school, just a couple years ago, my sister joined a D&D group through B, and that was where the problem started. Despite the mormon bit, I liked B, when she was around, it felt like she was part of the family, but now I wish my sister hadn't met her, especially now that B is giving my sister the cold shoulder for no apparent reason, but ehhh that's neither here nor there.

My sister joined a D&D group with B and a few of B's friends. I didn't see my sister that often at this , but she was happy and I was fine ... however, the problem arose when she developed a crush on J. Now J.. He's mormon, a Trump supporter, racist, and a bigot, and none of that was a red flag to my sister.. All my sister cared about was that he was nice, and liked Power Rangers... I and the rest of my family voiced our disapproval, but she said if we gave him a chance, we'd like him... I hate him...

The moment she confessed about dating him, she stared leaving the house at 8 am, and not returning until midnight.. Neither I, nor the rest of my family saw my sister. It was as if we ceased to exist.. Back in July of 2021, my parents were out of the house for a week, and I had just gotten home after getting in a car accident.. Instead of being there to support me, she went to his place instead.

She also was not honest about anything with this relationship.. After only being with him for 10 months, she has a kid with him.. Meaning she got pregnant one month into the relationship.. When asked why she wanted to have the kid she said "Because babies are cute, and sweet." I am 100% positive this controlling asshole baby-trapped her.. and neither are prepared to raise a kid.. I've said it before, but it'd be one thing of that baby, stayed a baby, but babies become kids, and then kids become teenagers, and then adults..

She had a kid with someone... who is mormon, is all around just a gross person in general, eats his boogers, baby-trapped her, manages her finances, controls her transportation, has plans to move her away to some small mountain town, takes her phone and reads through her text messages, has her listed as MILF in his phone and is all around just a gross person in general... He called my parents evil.. and even made sexual comments about me and shxxtteredfantasy... He also had an awesome job.. one that was making probably at least $18 an hour... and he shat all over it.. Because he was prouder of his job at Taco Bell, making $13 an hour... I don't know what my sister is going to do, and I fear for that kid honestly. He doesn't deserve to have parents that crappy, especially the dad, my sister is unfortunately just dumb...

But god.. I hate it and I fear that my sister is gonna get sucked into that mormon cult, get moved into some closed-minded yeehaw town, and then I never hear from, or barely hear from her again... It's sad.. we were so close, we were best friends, and now it's like I know nothing about her, or her life..