#i have never played Persona 4

[willemdafinky]

My first post on Tumblr, so here’s an old drawing I made of SpongeBob as Adachi from Persona 4 :>

[guysonroblox]

[alltheoutsinfreeeee]

you ever think about how when the team first fell into the tv world saki was still alive in there

you ever think about how if they hadnt left when they did, if they had looked around more or asked teddie to lead them to where the other person that got thrown in was, they possibly could have still saved her

(you ever think about how drastically everything in the story would change if they had saved her)

[jackass-jones]

To also go off of the point about cop!akihiko being annoying to me I gotta say that Akihiko as a character is very hit or miss with me because of how different adaptations of p3 will subtly alter his character. I felt like in portable with the femc route he comes off best, he’s a bit of a hothead with an obsession with fighting, but he’s overcompensating his strength so he doesn’t feel as weak and helpless as he’s been in many situations. He defines strength in a very literal sense, being physically strong and using that to protect others, but he’s lacking in emotional strength as a result. And in particular in this version I think he’s portrayed as a bit more goofy and sweet in a sense. He cares deeply for you as a friend and leader but he struggles with finding the words to describe how he feels. Hes kinda naive and gullible and has trouble noticing his surroundings. He has no clue what he’s doing but his heart is in the right place. I think he just comes off much more human and he has flaws, many many flaws, and that makes him all the more lovable

But then in other adaptations and spinoffs it’s like. They look at him through some hetero male bullshit filter and seem to view him as a lot more admirable and cool. Like in p3 dancing, theres literally an event where he’s talking with Junpei and Minato and they’re gushing about how perfect Akihiko is and how he doesn’t seem to have ANY flaws at all. And it becomes clear his inability to flirt with women just gets added as a way to make sure you, the Straight Male Player, don’t get insecure being next to such Perfection because at the end of the day, you’re still more charming and sexy than he will ever be because you’re better. It’s a “flaw” that’s only there to shield a sensitive male ego. And then in arena I mean, come on. He’s overly beefy and is a damn cop and travels the world and loves Protein™️ it’s his whole personality and he’s so clearly meant to be seen as hot but like, he’s just some shitty hetero male fantasy. Hes what the writers deem to be a Perfect Man that every guy wishes he could be, but don’t worry he’s still bad with women so you don’t gotta worry about him stealing your property- I mean, girlfriend!

And though I’ve not played reload and don’t really plan to anytime soon, judging from his social episodes they seem to have a similar problem. Akihiko comes off as a lot less approachable, like the year age gap is just too much of a barrier to get to know him properly. And he doesn’t have that dorky sweetness he has in portable, he’s just that perfect hetero male fantasy guy and don’t you fucking worry- he still has his protein powder with him

[almoststedytimetravel]

It's honestly so fucking funny how dead Trinity Soul is. Almost every single piece of Persona media released since has been dedicated to making that poor twink noncannonical.

[princekirijo]

I'm curious and I personally don't know the investigation team that well so:

Feel free to reblog and put your reasons in the tags :3

[kumakuma-circus]

yayyyyyyyyyyyy time to beat up adachy-baby!!!!!! 🥳

[akihikosanada]

maxed all affinities, requests and social links, defeated margaret (don't ask how many times that took.), and got the true ending of persona 4 including that sexy timeskip where you meet all the besties again 💆‍♀️ loooove that for me

[bigcryptiddies]

I have to read further into RE: to refresh myself on the gender tilt-a-whirl during the whole thing before I say anything definitive but I have some preliminary Thots about discourse about trans characters and whether or not they were written well

[michi-chelle]

god now i want to replay omori! again!

[landofgay]

bought p5strikers so I can motivate myself to finish p5r. and also cause it was on sale.

[sketchtastrophee]

more old art!! featuring theo and my human harley fan design!! RUN THEODORE RUN (he's cooked)

im gonna talk about chapter 4 under here so only click if ur ok with spoilers! also its a huge yapfest. like HUUGE. i just want to voice my opinions about prototype because i've seen ppl sort of miss the point of what happened at the end of the chapter

I LOVED CHAPTER 4! IT WAS SO COOL!! i was sooo worried but im glad it turned out good. rip pianosaurus tho..

tldr (for the bunch of paragraphs where I talk abt prototype)

prototype being ollie is deranged because it means he was terrorizing the toys of safe haven on purpose for the fun of it when he could have killed them at any time. he also created an extremely close emotional bond with poppy for OVER A DECADE just to tear it all away from her at the end and tell her it was meaningless (he then proceeds to taunt her over the phone abt it). bro is LITERALLY TROLLING

you cant tell me that final scene w the "ive got something special in mind. i prepared it just for you, and this time you'll never want to leave." isnt some tom and jerry shit

ABT PROTOTYPE REVEALING HIMSELF AS OLLIE... (the long explanation)

we ALL knew he was ollie, but i don't think people are seeing the point of this reveal. it wasn't about revealing himself to us the player, it's about the implications that arise from it. he had been playing both sides for 10+ YEARS. that's deranged enough but not even CLOSE to the end of it

as ollie he had emotionally supported poppy in her lowest moments (as heard in the ollie and poppy tape). this tape also insinuates that (at least around the time it was recorded) the two of them called frequently, possibly every night. he wasn't just pretending to be everyone's ally, he was PRETENDING TO BE THEIR CLOSEST FRIEND THAT THEY COULD VENT TO 😭 he heard this poor girl sob into the phone and tell him about how she felt her humanity being taken from her, AND HE KEPT UP THE CHARADE AND COMFORTED HER, KNOWING THIS PATH HAD BAD INTENTIONS

what's worse than all of that, though, is that him being ollie means that at any time in the last 10 years he could have used the persona to force his way into safe haven. AT ANY TIME HE COULD HAVE KILLED THEM ALL. HE COULD SIMPLY USE THE OLLIE VOICE AND ASK THEM TO OPEN THE DOOR. why is this worse, you ask? because HE WAS LITERALLY TERRORIZING THEM ON PURPOSE.

think about the note in the cart/cave area. a toy from safe haven writes that prototype was right outside the door the night before, he'd gotten past the traps and was just tapping on the wall and staring. they said after he was gone they still felt they could hear it. HE IS LITERALLY BEING SCARY ON PURPOSE???? LEGIT TRAUMATIZING THEM AND FOR NO REASON. HE COULD GET IN THERE, HE'S SIMPLY CHOOSING TO MAKE THEIR LIVES HELL

so thats crazy.. BUT ALSO THE ENDING? in the poppy and ollie tape he says "im right here, poppy. for you. i'll always be here." AND AT THE END OF THE GAME, WHEN POPPY ASKS WHAT HE DID WITH OLLIE, HE SAYS THAT. you know what that means? that means he said that shit to her ALL THE TIME. clearly only the two of them would be familiar with the phrase which is why after he said it, she immediately knew he was ollie the whole time

i feel bad for poppy. she ran off but she was valid for that. all her friends from safe haven are dead, the only ones left are the player, kissy and ollie, but she soon realizes that ollie is WORSE than dead. he is LITERALLY HER ENEMY. the thousands of conversations they had, probably hundreds of times she vented and told him her plans and discussed her life with him? ALL FOR NOTHING. any time she thought she was winning the past 10 years was a lie, she was ALWAYS LOSING because he was GETTING ALL THE INFO FROM THEM. she genuinely never had a chance and i think she realized that

in her dialogue you can tell she's grieving ollie (obviously he IS prototype, but i think she's grieving the thought of him). saying "you lied to me" to the prototype of all people is absurd (considering he's done far worse than lie) but when you think about how she feels, it makes sense.

also the part where she said "this isn't right". again, a weird thing to say to him of all people, but if you put yourself in her shoes she's grieving the friend she thought she had, and she's struggling to grapple with the fact that it all meant nothing. somewhere in her mind she believes "ollie" as a personality is there somewhere, because how could someone be that close with you and mean none of it? she thinks that voicing this pain he's inflicted will change his mind, but it won't. and that's why it's genuinely really sad. that's why she asks if there was ever an ollie. i don't think she meant it literally, and i don't think his answer was literal either. she didn't mean "were you a mf named ollie once" she meant it like "was our friendship ever genuine?" which makes his response both heartbreaking and interesting.

so not only is her world shattered now, most of her friends are dead and the one who wasn't turned out to be her opp, but now he's TAUNTING HER OVER THE PHONE AND THREATENING HER. nice one... (loved the quip after she ran off btw. that shit was hilarious. like bro u made her crash out and went "some friend, huh?" YOU CANT SAY THAT BRO)

anyway think of it from her perspective: everyone you knew is gone, and soon the only 2 people that remain will be too. you can't run, or hide, or do anything. he WILL find you, and when he does he'll lock you away FOREVER where NOBODY WILL BE LEFT TO SAVE YOU. I WOULD RUN TOO.............. plus her running off probably led him away so.. she saved us sorta.

ALL THAT TO SAY THAT I REALLY LIKE THE OLLIE REVEAL FOR REASONS FAR BEYOND A SIMPLE TWIST. him being ollie for over a decade raises many many questions, and suggests very dark things.

hes crazy and the fact he did a monologue means he knows he won. he wouldn't have spilled the beans otherwise...

[zerocoded]

summary: this is a deep dive into zayne's persona in bed. just a heads up! this is my opinion babess ♡

authors note: just got back from a 4-day trip with my family and knew i had to write more about this post of mine AND I WILL. but until then, here's a little something to keep my zayne girlies on check hehe. i found this beautiful drawing on pinterest, credits to the beautiful owner.

warnings: nsfw content ahead! please proceed only if you are of legal age in your country ♡ • minors dni • talks about temperature play, edging, overstimulation, manhandling, etc.

word count: 1.3k

☆ zayne was a composed man until he was between your legs. his usual stoic demeanor crumbling down to sweet praises and a potty mouth for god knows how much time you allow him to go down on you.

☆ he's obsessed with pulling your torso closer to him and feeling the arch on your back with his hands. i said what i said and i have PROOF.

☆ that is because he is a control freak and loves to feel your body bending to his will.

☆ bro is all chivelry and gentle mannerisms until you both got your own house and freetime on zayne's hands. people can think that he is all vanilla and everything but i will say this man has the stamina of an athlete and the precisive hands of a surgeon canonically.

☆ this man CANNOT be vanilla with the little time he has on his hands and the iq he has to know everything about your body.

☆ i can see zayne paying attention to your every little move at the beginning of your relationship, commiting every little reaction of yours to his memory so that he never does something you won't enjoy.

☆ and he takes pride in that. glimpses of his smirk and the little sassiness he only shows in these moments are the proof of it.

☆ back to his potty mouth, i think zayne is the type of man to spend hours going down on you because he truly enjoys it. i'd say he's only second to xavier to spend major of his time between your legs.

☆ "fucking hell" "just like that, baby"

☆ oh he looooves talking you through it and i know it. like, in every intimate situation, zayne just loves to tease you and torment you with his mouth.

☆ and i mean the occasional "good girl", "that's it, princess", "let go for me, yeah", etc. he WON'T stop until you are overstimulated every time.

☆ i don't think zayne is into overstimulation when it comes to you, but he will go until you are pushing his head away from your core and spitting profanities in his ear. bro loves to hear you go mindless because of him.

☆ like he won't push you after you asked him to stop once (while giving head). but when it comes to him? bro takes pleasure in edging himself.

☆ zayne will be using his last drop of energy into thrusting into you after you both come a thousand times and he will be closing his eyes and throwing his head back and clenching his jaw and tensing all his muscles but he WON'T stop it until you are crying for him to stop. literally.

☆ his dick would ache and both of your bodies would be a mess but he would overstimulate himself for the pleasure of it.

☆ and when you find that out? you'd be making this man drool when giving him head. like he could already have come twice but you'd still be going at it and he would grip your hair so tight and keep fucking himself into your mouth until his body can't take it anymore.

☆ i feel like zayne doesn't know how strong he is when it comes to intimate sessions. like he has a powerful evol and knows how to fight, but he doesn't think much when he is pushing you around on the bed.

☆ manhandling final boss and that's on PERIOD. his last card literally screams this.

☆ loves praising and to be praised.

☆ funnily enough i feel like he has zero patience when he is actually horny but still be committed to the foreplay.

☆ the only time he is irritatingly patient is when you’re trying to dom him and he sees it in your eyes that you like being on top. he would muster all the patience he has and wait for your signal that you are tired and want him to take the control back.

☆ roleplaying? it's a yes in zayne's book. he can't count how many times he has dreamt of you being his secretary or something really corny like that.

☆ bro secretly has a restraint kink. like he loves to see you struggling so you could touch him or see him when all he did was tie your hands with his tie or cover your eyes while he sucks your chest.

☆ a brat tamer. OH MY GOD. why don't i see more people talking about this??? like zayne is the ultimate brat tamer. and i don't mean it for fun like sylus or rafayel would be into, i mean it in a way where zayne would LIVE this on a daily basis.

☆ he'd probably be ACTUALLY pissed if you don't go by a rule both of you previously established. or when you tease him when he is at work.

☆ you both know zayne needs his sanity to finish his crazy work hours, and that he is completely a freak when it comes to lingerie on you. so he would be actually LIVID if you send him a more revealing selfie or a full-on nude while he's at work.

☆ bro LOSES IT. and spends the rest of the day semi-hard or completely distracted. the worst part? he has a 6-hour surgery scheduled today.

☆ expect this man to pounce on you once he gets home. it doesn't matter where you are or what you are doing, zayne would use his strength to manhandle you to his arms and take out his frustration on you for the rest of the night. that's where he will enjoy your cries and pleas the most.

☆ i probably will make a whole drabble about temperature play with zayne but for now i'll say this: zayne is new to this as much as you are.

☆ the first time that he loses control of his evol while with you bro panics. he thinks you are screaming from pain but you are actually coming from the temperature difference inside of you.

☆ imagine...

☆ he didn't realize his cum would actually become fucking snowflakes and that you are extremely hot on the inside, making your body jolt from the initial shock and scream from pleasure.

☆ he would stop everything and start to wonder why were you getting even tighter? and why is his hands fucking freezing the bedframe?!

☆ he probably would come twice as hard now and you would scream even louder than before because his ropes are actually chilly.

☆ fuck, just imagine how red he would get after realizing what truly happened? like he didn't even know that was possible.

☆ and when he gets out of you and he sees just how much he came, he would get even more horny than before and want to go another round.

☆ "can you feel this?", he pushes his cold cum back into your heat and you start spasming from the sensitivity, his even more cold fingers making you see starts. "zayne...", you'd whine and push his hand away, trying to stop the niagara falls between your legs.

☆ he is SO dirty i just know it. loves getting it messy, especially if you both have the time.

☆ if you don't, he'd also be the biggest fan of a quickie in his office where he can shut your mouth and bend your ass over his desk. he'd probably blame the time and say it is more "effective" for him if it's this way.

☆ man just likes to shut you up and make you take it.

☆ i swear i am finishing this but i need to say it: zayne would deny every little thing you accuse him of doing inside the bathroom. like bro would pretend that was a whole different person.

☆ you are like "you literally just fucked me in a public bathroom, z!", and he'd be like "i don't know what you are talking about, woman".

☆ let me finish this here or else i won't be able to stop.

author's note: this was nicer in my head, but ig it is the zayne brainrot making my thoughts all incoherent and numb. lol anyways, tell me what you think of this. send me a request • my masterpost

[kumakuma-circus]

shadow namatame jumpscare. why do namatame and adachi's shadows both possess them randomly and why is it never really addressed dfslkkjdfdflskjldfs-

[xoxoaugust]

See You Again

In which: Sae Itoshi knew what he wanted from the beginning. He wanted to be a professional soccer player, and to play alongside those who weren't a waste of time (well according to him). Unbeknownst to Sae, a little birdie told him that you, a childhood friend of his, would be in Spain for the next three years. He didn't think he'd ever see you again, especially not after your, not so peaceful falling-out. But who knows what might happen when he comes face to face with you again? (2.0k wc)

an: This is 4 years after the start of the first selection, so Sae is around 22 years old. In this timeline, Sae and Rin have made up (because I said so) and he has returned to Spain to continue playing. I put this with the U-20 team because the only other person I know of that was on the Spainish team is Luna, sooooooo idk idk. Reader is fem, and is a university student in film studies. Enjoyyyy!(might make multiple parts)

His POV

January 1st, 2022

The New Year, god he hated the New Year. What is so special about a new year? It's just another 365 days to spend, what is so different that you must celebrate so loudly. Sae was just a little bit grumpy that all he could hear was loud music, drunkenly cheers, and laughter all night long.

Sae was meticulous about his night routine, he would work out, shower, brush his teeth, wash his face, set his hair, put on his sleep mask and then pass out. Unfortunately for his teammates, he couldn't sleep properly that night, so now everyone must suffer. Luckily, practices were called off for the week, for new years, and weather reasons.

'no practice' is not a thing to Sae, even if they were called off, he would still be at that field. So there he was 6:00 AM on January 1st, practicing alone. He didn't mind being alone, he was more than used to it. But sometimes, even just for a split second, he forgets that there was a time where he wasn't truly lonely. That split second eats at his mind like that plague, he hated how vulnerable it made him feel, so he would act like it never happen.

January 5th, 2022

When he wasn't at the field practicing or at home watching clips, he would be found at the little family cafe down a couple blocks from his penthouse. He would go there after an early morning jog, and order the same thing. An unsweetened iced matcha with a yogurt fruit bowl, he liked it because it didn't fill him up too much before a practice.

That morning at practice in locker rooms, he overheard something...interesting. He couldn't give a crap about anything Aiku had to say, but this was the only time he was truly listening.

"A close friend of mine is coming back for some time, she hasn't told me how long she's going to stay, but she's studying here."

Out of curiosity, Sendou asks,

"What's her name? Is she hot?"

"Why is that the first thing you think of? She's pretty but thats so weird to say. Her name is [y/n]."

"Well my bad! Its not like i'm going to try, I'm going to date a hot actress."

The groans let out in that room echoed from wall to wall, but Sae on the other hand broke character. Sae is know for his neutral, cold demeanor, but hearing your name clashed against the chink in his armor, and was enough for the walls to come crashing down.

November 27th, 2017

His POV

God, what a drag. Why was Rin so damn persistent on that dream, it wasn't even realistic.

Sae had just won the goal against Rin, and sealed the deal of scrapping that old dream. He had to say, he didn't enjoy saying this to his brother, but if no one was going to be honest with him, who was?

He knew his brother would be at that field, but he didn't know that you would be there.

He turned to look at you, standing there with a shocked expression and teary eyes. He couldn't stand it, why were you looking at him like that? Like he was evil, or something.

You walked closer to the brothers. Sae thought you would walk to him and say something. Maybe a 'Welcome back!' or something that matched your usually cheerful personality. But no, you walked right over to Rin, and helped him up off the ground.

Rin saw you like an older sister, you basically were. You always made sure he took care of himself, even before Sae left. He had immense respect for you, he considered you his best friend.

Rin stared down at you with a heartbreaking expression, tears flowed down his face as he avoided making eye contact with you for too long, he thought it might spare some of his dignity.

Your POV

At first you were shocked, how could Sae do this? Easy answer, this wasn't your Sae.

Your Sae would rather die than ever hurt his little brother, he would never intentionally hurt him. Your Sae would give his younger brother the last popsicle, he would bandage his wounds, he would play with him, protect him from anything or anyone that even tried to harm his precious brother. They were like peas in a pod.

You would know, you and Sae had practically raised Rin. You would pack him and Sae food to eat after playing because they would always forget, and they would always get hangry. They would stop by your house right next door and take you to their games, to get popsicles. You saw how kind Sae truly was, Rin brought out the best in him.

But now, he's changed.

Now you felt anger, unadulterated rage.

You didn't hesitate. Not even a little bit.

You shot a glare at him before marching up to him.

You slapped the everliving shit out of him.

You left a red mark on his face, the hands he used to hold had now hurt him.

The two of you never dated, but you acted like a couple. Just two kids holding hands on the park benches eating snacks, stolen glances and warm cheeks.

Sae was your first love, and you were his first love.

No, scratch that. You taught him love.

He stood there, like a kicked puppy holding his cheek. No expression, just a frown tattooed on his pretty face, the same on he walked in with.

You never yelled at him, until today.

"Sae Itoshi, I don't know what happened to you in Spain, and honestly I don't care right now, but you cannot treat Rin this way!

I don't know who you think you are, maybe that 'Japan's Treasure' title finally got to you, but the audacity is appalling!

You come back after FOUR WHOLE YEARS, you didn't contact Rin or I for three years out of the four.

and the first FUCKING thing you say is say is this lame, no PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A HELLO?

no, you don't get to treat either of us this way, some treasure you are."

That got his attention.

"What did you want me to do? Let him live on with some childish dream? He won't get anywhere dreaming like a toddler. I was busy building my career, not that you would know anything about that."

If you weren't angry before, you were SCATHING now.

You took a breath in, and out.

You wanted to scream, but you knew it would be a lost cause.

"When did you get so cruel?"

...

Thats where the memory ended before Aiku's loud voice snapped him out of his daze. His mind clouded by the vision of her teary eyes.

It couldn't be you right? There could always be another person with the same name, there's no way you could ever be friends with Oliver Aiku.

*incoming call from [name]*

Oliver picked up his phone and answered your call.

"Hey what's up?"

"I'm at the airport right now, can you drop me to my apartment building?"

"I am nothing but a servant to you huh?"

"So dramatic, i'll just take an uber you lazy ass"

Oliver laughs before saying

"No i'm done with practice i'm on my way"

Now he was sure, it was you. He would never forget that voice. The voice that he would wait to hear every night over the phone when he first went to Spain. The voice that brought him comfort when he was homesick. And the same voice that flooded him with guilt for the last 5 years.

a week later ----------------------------------------------------------------

He jogs to his little cafe down the street, same time as usual. He walks in, slightly sweaty.

As he approached the counter, he froze.

"Can I have one sweetened iced matcha and one avocado toast? Thanks!" You smiled as you swiped the card and clicked the 20% tip option before turning around to find a nice table.

When you turned around, you made eye contact with Sae.

It was as if time stood still, or rather time spun backwards.  

You hated this, you hated how you turned into that lovesick little girl in his presence, even after five whole years.  

You broke eye contact. You weren’t going to let him ruin your breakfast or ruin your stay in Spain. You walked past him to the nice table next to the window.  

He walked up to the register and order his usual. He tends to forget that he grew to love matcha because of you, yet another reminder of you.  

He grabs his food and sits at the table right next to you.  

“You just can’t leave me alone, can you?” You said sharply. 

“You’re sitting at the table I usually sit at; this was the next best seat.” 

“Still an ass I see” you laughed bitterly. 

You sipped on your matcha as you typed away on your laptop, being an exchange student was no joke. You felt Sae’s eyes on your screen.  

“What are you studying here?” Sae asked. 

You sighed, loudly.  

“I’m here for my bachelor’s degree, in film studies.” 

“You still want to be an actor? Wow, you haven’t changed.” 

You turned to him and glared. 

“No, I'm studying to be a director.”  

He turned his head to look at you.

"You always talked about how much you wanted to be an actress, what changed?"

You scoffed, how dense can one man be?

"Well people change, you're walking proof."

He sighed, he and Rin had made up years ago, why were you still upset?

"You know Rin and I made up right?"

You stopped typing.

"I know." You said softly.

In all honesty, you didn't know why you were still angry, it was probably bitterness because he didn't reach out in those five years to say anything, but then again you didn't expect him to anyways.

In your mind you felt bad, you shouldn't hold a grudge, especially not for this long, but you'd never admit that out loud.

"How have you been? It's been a while." You said, in effort to reciprocate the conversation.

"Not too bad, what about you?"

"I'd be good if my professor wouldn't assign more than he can grade, but aside from that i'm good."

You smiled awkwardly before turning back to your laptop to type. Sae felt relief, he's never felt this tense about anything.

"How is Rin? Did you see him before coming here?" he asked.

You felt a smile creep up to your lips, you knew he loved his brother.

"I did, he's doing great, he's playing in pro leagues now, watch out though, he might kick your ass."

He almost laughed, you're still the funny and loving girl you've always been. You sat in comfortable silence for the remaining time, but as you got up to leave and say goodbye, he stops you. He writes something down on a notecard that slipped out of your bag.

"Is this your number?"

"Yes, I got a new one back when I got a new phone. Call me if you need anything."

You smiled.

"I will, i'll see you around." You waved at him before walking out of the cafe.

You had only just left, but Sae hopes that you'll call soon.

As he jogs back to his penthouse, he feels his phone vibrate.

Today 7:13 AM

Is this Sae? It's {name}

Yes this is Sae.

jeez you text like an old man

Using grammar is being like an old man?

yes

Now I see how you and Aiku are friends.

thats so mean :(

whatever

Oliver told me to come to one of your practices so you might see me there

Okay, see you then.

He felt his chest bubble when he heard you call Aiku by his first name. But, at least he knew when he'd see you again.

xoxo, august

(pt 2 upon request)

[apple-onigiri]

oo what were those thoughts on isabeau's change? sounds spicy

ahhh thank you so much for asking!! i'm excited to talk about this :D (hopefully in A Few Hundred Less Words than the siffrin/loop self-love and self-hatred dichotomy ask hjdsjh)

i feel like i need to preface this by saying i mean more the Change in personality isabeau went through here rather than any physical changes that would amount to transition in our terms! so any changes that were more physical will be discussed as something that was meant to drive home the change in his personality more than anything. okay? okay!

we get a lot of details about how some part of Change is destruction - in the kitchen on the first floor when getting the egg key and both during isa's regular friendquest and its mangled version from act 5.

this is what we learn when we ask about the egg key in the kitchen. while some of mirabelle's seeming uncertainty here might be stemming from her own hang-ups about changing (since she likes who she is and doesn't want to change anything about herself), she acknowledges that an important part of the Change belief is leaving things behind and breaking something to create something new. as fitting of a housemaiden! she explains thought and caution is needed, that you have to consider all the consequences of such an act first.

however, isa seems even more enthusiastic about the idea of leaving things behind and destroying what's left, no matter the cost. there's some pride in his own Change, yes, but it almost veers into the area of overcompensation.

later on, during his friendquest, he talks about his Change, and how he did an almost complete 180 in personality because he was tired of being shy and afraid.

which, on one hand, seems to be something he sorely needed! a boost of confidence, becoming someone he thought would help his younger self come out of their shell. he put a lot of effort into becoming someone else. and he was ready to commit to that capital-C Change. he trained a lot to play the part (put a pin in that turn of phrase) of a strong, buff guy that he wanted to be and everything! but the way he talked about it... seemed a bit disquieting to me from the very beginning.

isa seems to talk about his old self that way not because he wants to cement he's a new person but to seemingly almost express some contempt to them with it. he never truly learned how to appreciate that version of himself and just discarded it whole cloth, to the point of pretending he's not smart at all and way stupider than he actually is, because it's easier to distance yourself from everything that used to make you you. at multiple points of the story, we see the party being taken back by the fact that isa is knowledgeable on something. siffrin only notices after being told this and then looking out for it.

(cut here because, despite my best efforts, this got long)

there's something siffrin thinks in act 4 during isa's quest when isa talks about changing again because who he is now also doesn't seem quite right that's pretty poignant to this whole thing.

despite the drastic Change isabeau went through, he still thinks of himself as someone you'd be ashamed of knowing. he still doesn't like himself! he still feels unhappy with who he is! and that's sad!

the issue here is that isa's Change was motivated externally; he seems to have focused on how people would react to him rather than how he himself would feel in his own skin. him and siffrin aren't dissimilar - both of them pretend to act in ways that keep others content because that specific behavior is expected from them and the persona they take up. there's a heartbreaking fragment of the quest in act 4 that i myself missed in my playthrough because the bad touch event overrides it that tells us how siffrin took up most of his personality as a "funnyjokespun person" only after meeting the party and couldn't really describe it beforehand.

war and hatred on planet earth! this is very much a takes one to know one situation which is why when siffrin attacks isa in act 5, it cuts so deep.

okay. the worst part of that exchange in act 5 is,,, that siffrin hits where it hurts because they don't make anything up. they aim to be hurtful and insulting, yes, and they project the hell onto isa but only with the aspects that have some overlay between them. they're both scared of being rejected if they're not acting a certain way, being a certain type of person, embodying an archetype.

isabeau, instead of doing the honestly genuinely hard and heavy work of learning to appreciate yourself and all your parts, goes all in on a new persona, even if it means suppressing parts of yourself and going against what you might want. he's unable, or just simply afraid, of not thinking in a binary when it comes to changing and growing as a person. he thinks it's much more comfortable staying in your lane as a strong buff guy that reassures people and not have to deal with the fact that being smart would Obviously Clash With That. well, it wouldn't, but he's scared! and doesn't even want to risk it!

this fear of upsetting the status quo can also be a p big motivator in Not Confessing Ever At All. this guy is so scared of being ever so slightly different than expected that he's immediately hit with the flight response the moment he tries.

tl;dr isabeau used Changing his personality as an escapism mechanism and discarding the entirety of who he used to be instead of dealing with the mortifying ordeal of learning to love yourself, and is too afraid of upsetting the status quo to mix and match personality traits, only operating in strict archetypes when shaping his character. boy why are you so identity crisis. i love you