#i have many more things to say about it but idk if anyone would want to hear them rn so i will hold off asfdsfhgd
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hey guys so I just started reading Flatland by Edwin A. Abbott and OMG AHSBNSBSBSNSNBSHZHSHDBFHGGHFHGRJ2KSHSBSNSK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THINKING ABOUT THE RELATIVITY BETWEEN DIMENSIONS!!!!!!
#probably the nerdiest thing i will ever read in my entire life but I AM SO HAPPY#Its the unabridged and corrected 1992 republication btw. if you wanna get specific#the only book in which i have actually decided to read the introductory notes and i do NOT regret it because the editor's one IMMEDIATELY#brought up the âoh but surely the second dimension has thickness how else would flatlanders see anythingâ AND GAVE A REALLY GOOD ANSWER.#which i cannot tell you here. bc it is several paragraphs long and idk how i would shorten it. i would hit tag limit. if thats a thing.#anyways. I'm only a little bit into the first part which basically explains how Flatland works as a society so i haven't even gotten to the#sphere yet but OH MAN I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED ABOUT A ROUND OBJECT IN MY LIFE#IM LOSING IT OVER THIS BOOK AAAA :D#me: im so glad i dont have a math class during my senior year! now i dont have to learn anything math-related!#also me: but what if i started studying a complex and almost entirely theoretical part of geometry#bc YEAH i didn't just buy this book bc of gravity falls. I BOUGHT IT BC IVE BEEN RESEARCHING THE 4TH DIMENSION WOOOOOOO!!!!!#one thing i will say i dont like. introductory note suggests the the 4th dimension might be time. this is ok tho bc its followed up with#also saying that time is not a spatial dimension and exist across the 0 1st 2nd and 3rd dimensions which. that epuld mean we live in 4d#already. so. i was worried for a second but THANK YOU THANK YOU OH MY GOD PEOPLE TRYING TO SAY âOH THE 4TH DIMENSION IS TIMEâ I HATE THAT SO#MUCH AAAAGGHHHH AT LEAST RECOGNIZE ITS NOT SPATIAL!!! TIME IS NOT A SPATIAL DIMENSION!!!!!!! IF IT WAS THEN 4D TRAVEL AND TIME TRAVEL WPULD#BE FHE SAME THING AND DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY MUCH COOLER POSSIBILITIES WPULD BE THROWN AWAY IF THAT WAS THAT CASE!!!!! AND. AND. IF THE 4TH#DIMENSION IS TIME. THEN WHATS THE 5TH?? 6TH?? YPU CANT KEEP GOINF ON FOREVER LIKE THAT. YPURE JUST MAKEING MORE 3D WORLSS WITH STUFF IN#ADDITION TO TIME. INTERESTING BUT THAY IS NOT ABOHT HIGHRER DIEMSBSJSNSBAKAJSHDHDHHDHDHDJ#sorry for the rant. jsut. agh i want a spatial 4th dimension. i dont think tesseracts exist through time that would just be an aged cube#anyways yeahhh i love the 4th dimension. new hyperfixation or new special interest? ill have to wait and see. anyways i have done it i have#an oc whos 4 dimensional now and she is the coolest ever i love her#but yeah this book is sosososo good i am literally gonna bring it to school to read instead of draw bc i would lose it if i didn't#10/10 would recommend to anyone who wants to Think
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Anyone else think short form social media based on algorithms designed to promote topics that create more engagement instead of more joy, the idea of fast fashion but conveyed through social media, and the fact you can monetize suffering and outrage better than ever has largely resulted in the death spiral of media literacy and the mass emergence of bad faith readings?
#I may be venting a lil but god it blows my mind#fyp is a blessing and a curse because i don't think ppl were ever meant to be subjected to this many ppl at once#god i took a bird site hiatus for weeks and now BARELY check it and it already feels like a hit#oughhhhh#even fandom spaces have hugely incorporated marketing and networking into them bc of cmms and sponsorship and building portfolio#which would be fine tbh if it weren't for the way socmed is designed#now it's like you can't support too many ppl or else you're shadow banned or you have to make yourself palatable and marketable#and websites with threads in which people will only read the first post before qrting because ratios are seen as five minutes of fame#features that permit beating an algorithm are locked behind a paywall that promises you money if you go viral#and what goes viral is usually incendiary content meant for those ratios or trends. whether for or against OP#even in hobbyist spaces the climate has changed so much due to the monetization and marketing and just. ugh#not to mention side accounts dedicated to gossip in this new priv account culture like...idk#if you have to make another account so you can make fun of a friend on main with selected priv friends it just doesn't sit well with me#and not every priv account does this but enough do and it makes me tired#unsolicited hate comments are still as bad as they used to be on ff dot net except now people openly are proud of it more#why do most socmed feel like passive aggressive sticky notes on high school lockers#there is so much more I could say about everything that has left me weary about the internet but I don't know the time or place#and I don't want anyone to think this is about them because it's a general statement. though if you are doing the more inflammatory things.#maybe rethink that. it's not good for anyone else and it's not good for you either#I keep coming back online to check on ppl and see art and I *know* it's draining for my health every time#but I feel a lot better now that i use socmed less overall. and that I try to focus on what makes me happy#it just sucks seeing so many people i care about endure absolutely wild struggles bc people online do not care.#I like rambling in my tags because this is the only place I ramble except my personal journal and to my wife
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#fallen london#auuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh yeowch#man. just. the chain really is a cult lmao. and i don't use that term lightly.#i don't think i've ever seen this text before today dfsgfdgf. agnes is my only celestial poet character so#just. augh. melancholy is increasing (in a positive way i suppose? not strictly negative at least)#i have many more things to say about it but idk if anyone would want to hear them rn so i will hold off asfdsfhgd#sacksmas#game text#the scientist scribbles
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oh yeah not sure where we're at w money btw. we might be able to get some of it back but we wont know anything concrete until friday
#the fey speaks#which is why i haven't been reblogging the d0n0 post#like. i got $115 total and we Do need to buy groceries before friday and also some of it has already been spent on gas for getting to work#so what i'm saying is the support i got so far has already be immensely helpful#i am just not sure how much more help i will need or by when. or anything. until friday.#and i'd hate to keep askin only to end up not needing it ig. that said if anyone still wants to send me a few bucks while understanding tha#i won't say no. there are many things i need money for in this world rn. like a new belt. been thinking abt a cane. but idk how much it#would help so i haven't been able to justify the cost to myself#but like. there's probably better things you could be doing with your money rn.#also its been really hard for me to get info bc no one (my parents. whose bank acct it was.) wants to fucking talk about it#like. i live here too idk i think i should be allowed to know like what days bills are due and exactly how much they cost!#bc originally i was told (by my mom) that Literally All of our bills were due this past monday. and we would have#no power water or gas. but we still do. somehow. so idfk#and she won't talk to me abt it if i ask she just Stops Responding or walks away#and if i try to ask dad he just responds âi don't knowâ or starts crying. or like self loathing spiral#so basically. even if we get 100% of the original money back#its ALSO possible we will have a shit tone of late fees and overdraft fees to pay. no clue : )
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fuck
#like idk i never realized just how bad she hurt me. i didnt even rly realize she hurt me at all#bc there are so so so many ways she sldve reacted so much worse. but like i never thought someone cld just straight up ignore it.#like i get the way i told her was dumb and confusing. ok. i can understand that. whatever#but idk. she said she wished my sister had told her years earlier so that she cldve helped her back then#but then suddenly it's different when it's me. suddenly it's 'but youve always been my little girl' and 'oh i dont know that sounds dangerou#s' and 'are you sure?' and 'how long have you felt like this'#well it's been almost 5 fucking years now and it hasnt changed. i havent changed. fuck#i trusted her. i trusted her to be there for me and to support me and to accept me and she threw it back in my face and never even blinked#i can never ever trust her again and she doesnt care. she doesnt even know bc shes so wrapped up in all the fucking lies she tells herself#fuck. she did everything wrong. fuck. i can never fully trust anyone with this part of me again bc of her#and it's awful bc it's such an important part of me. it brings me so much joy and i think on it often and i love myself for it#but it's just simmering in my chest and every time i think of letting it hit air again i freeze bc i thought it was safe once and it WASNT.#i wanted to get my name changed before high school. i wanted to start the medical process. i wanted all the thing i thought shed do for me.#my wants and my understanding of my identity has changed now but it still hurts.#it hurts so bad to see other ppl my age get all of that and to have the support of their family and to not be afraid to put a name to it all#im happy for them. but it's so awful hearing her point those ppl out w no self awareness like oh thats so good for them isnt that sweet#I AM RIGHT HERE! YOU COULD BE DOING ALL OF THAT! I NEEDED YOU TO BE THAT FOR ME!#and every time she does acknowledge it she gets it completely wrong or it's just to bemoan how little she understands#'oh everyones changing their name now its so confusing' 'im really trying i dont know what else you want from me' NO YOURE NOT! YOURE NOT!#YOUVE NEVER BEEN WILLING TO TRY. NOT FOR ME.#you never fucking loved me you loved the idea of what you thought i would be and you cant fucking let it go even when the truth is staring#you dead in the face. fuck. you complain about how i 'hate you' or 'think youre stupid' well maybw treat me with an ounce of respect and act#like you understand the things youve EXPLICITLY BEEN TOLD. even a little.#but honestly it's too late. if she were to suddenly have a change of heart now i wouldnt give a damn.#the damage is done you dont get to have this part of me and act like youre such a good and supportive mother.#i cant even say i hate her. i love her but shes hurt me more than anyone else ever has and i can never trust her to actually love me or even#fucking see me or support anything about me that actually matters to me#i dont know. i dont know. thinking about it again.#ive thought abt telling my dad. not bc it wld do any good but bc ik he values honesty and maybe hed throw me a 'damn that sucks'#my sister said this is something i have to fight on but she doesnt get it. i have no ground to stand on as far as shes concerned
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are we really back to "oh you support (blank)? name ten people who (do/are) that right now or else youre lying for allyship points and everything you have to say should be disregarded". i thought we left that back in like. 2012 misogynist nerdbro culture
#i have seen it on two entirely separate topics lately and its like. hello?????#'if you cant name 10 trans authors off the top of your head you shouldnt be talking about trans issues full stop.#i dont think thats an unreasonable expectation for anyone wanting to engage in rational discourse' how about we all go outside#because like yeah i couldnt name you too many trans authors but given my transgenderismness i think i do in#fact still deserve a seat at the table. and i dont think there should be a prerequisite academic education level to be allowed to talk.#'but you could find them for free-' yesâ you canâ but people should still be allowed to a) choose what they read based#off of what interests them and not mildly-to-extremely dense nonfiction writing and still Talk About Their Own Lives And Have#Opinions#shockingly not reading a lot of one specific type of author doesnt prevent a person from having reasonable and valuable opinions#if youre not capable of parsing someones argument because theyre not well-read enough then that just imo means you dont actually understand#the things youve read to be able to give them a synopsis#this isnt school. we're not being graded. there is no required reading and you are perfectly capable of giving people an#explanation on your stances if theyre unfamiliar with them#i had a b) but i dont remember what it wasâ i think it probably was part of what i covered there that i thought was a separate thought#but yeah just like. idk you can just say 'hey i would really recommend reading xyz but to summarizeâ (thing that disproves them)'#it is not . difficult to either Explain yourself orâ if that is not possibleâ Not be condescending to the person youre not willing to teach#for not knowing#ill stop there bc ive already done that ramble before but. yes#origibberish#edit: ok upon reread i got turned around and switched from addressing the less educated one conveying their arguments#to the more well read one#bc that was the b is i was gonna talk about both#yall get what i mean though just like. split it in half and flip it turnways
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it feels like almost every post i see about dr starline is either woobifying him and pretending he did nothing wrong or saying hes a bad character and their only reasoning for that is that he did bad things. even though hes a villain and hes supposed to do bad things thats the whole point? i dont get it . where am i
#i'd be more understanding of the second argument if like. starlines actions were portrayed in a positive light#and the writers wanted us to believe hes a good person. but thats not the case at all hes very obviously supposed to be evil#the comic doesnt defend him his actions are obviously wrong and we are shown the negative impact hes had on the people hes hurt#so i dont really get. how his actions make him a bad character? hes just a bad Person. which is a completely separate thing#im not even a starline fan either those takes just kinda confuse me#and im NOT saying you cant dislike him because of his actions. or be uncomfortable with fans of him who call him a girlboss and stuff#i can See why the way he treats surge and kit would be very upsetting for some people and i agree that its horrible he did that to them#just again. that i dont really understand the take that hes a bad character because he does bad things. hes supposed to be bad#i never really see people talk about other sonic villains who are just as bad if not worse like this either? just starline. idk#not vagueing anyone in particular btw this is just a response to many many posts ive seen#and i dont agree with the people in the first category either to be clear i just didnt have as much to say about that
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Me at the legacies writers
#and itâs not just Landon/Hope/Handon#itâs all the characters/âfriendshipsâ/storylines#the truly messed up the last two seasons of the show#they would write Hope/Landon occ just for the sake of whatever they wanted to do#they would have these big speeches/moments to show good friendships(panda promise Hope wouldnât fight alone only for Hope to fight alone)#a whole speech about how Lizzie couldnât kill Hope to Lizzie trying to kill her the very next episode#talking about how they would never leave a friend behind but would gladly leave them behind if it was convenient for them#I bet the wouldnât have even tried to save Cleo if they didnât need her muse powers#and so on#or them foreshadowing something only to make all that foreshadowing for nothing#spending a whole season setting up something only to make it pointless#making a big deal about malivore wanting Cleo to use her muse powers/gave him a vision and did nothing with it#save them with him taking Hope/golem Landonâs hair & ripper Kaleb#OG triad was over before it even began. idk if I can call the god storyline a storyline at all#limbo?? they kept changing limbo like it was nothing/even the ferryman thing made no sense#oh and does anyone else remember before s4 started they said all would be revealed? revealed nothing/gave us more questions#as well as so many other things#I donât when or if Iâll ever be over what they did to show#bc it truly says something when the show ends with me only liking to characters and wanting justice for them
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it's so difficult to articulate the feelings i get when i see my friends engaging in healthy and good behaviors like asking for emotional support and taking the time they need to arrive because i just can't and i know i'm wrong for it but it still feels incredibly isolating
#i ofc never show this externally because i know how to act like a person i know to show empathy etc etc#and when i say i'm wrong i mean that i recognize that it's my problem how i feel and it's caused by my own issues and#it's not something i would ever put on somebody else because as i said it's not their fault i'm too repressed to do anything#but still it feels so strange to see other people having many relationships and doing so many things and still being like :( i'm so lonely#or outwarldy saying they really want to talk and that they need support with something#or always being late#i support all of that!!!! but i also know i can't do that and when we discuss relationships i know i always relate to the bad people#in the story who are not open and who do things wrong and are not considerate enough and so on#there are these common expressions such as loneliness that have vastly different meanings for people and that difference not being expresse#externally really ever makes me feel insane because it makes me feel like other people apply their understandings to my experience#anyway this was inspired by me not having friends to do sports with and also feeling like an ed relapse could be on the way#but it's not like i can do anything to either of those things because first i would never force people to exercise if they don't want to#and my friends don't enjoy the same things as i do or at least not in the ways that i do and it would be difficult for me to ask them#and second it's not like anyone even knows anything and even if they knew what could they do. nothing#the kind of âaww remember to eatâ thing just doesn't fuckign work for me i need to stab myself with something#two years of uni left two thesis to do but after that idk what's keeping me here there are things that i like and people i care about#but on the long run i'm just sad and will get more alone and lonely as time passes and people find their places in each others' lives#in between these episodes it's fine i like my space i like to do things alone it's exhausting to be with people all the time but yeah#shit talking
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idc if ppl think im problematic i just want it to be for the actual real reasons i am
#like... im kinda aggressive and might attack if provoked... i intentionally exude a threatening presence and personality to#scare ppl away but also bc i will actually try to fuck you up if you fuck with me too much. i also struggle with not knowing#how to handle my cat yelling besides yelling at him which reinforces him but it doesnt matter bc he does it anyways even#if i stubbornly ignore him so idfk what to do i think he just think thats the normal way to talk atp and it driveS ME INSANE BECAUSE#HE IS MOEWS ARE SO LOUD AND SOUND LIKE A FUCKING BABY CRYING WHICH TRIGGERS A PRIMAL PARENTAL THING IN#ME AND HES MANIPULATING THAT TO GET MY ATTENTION FOR SHIT HE DOESNT NEED HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#LIke. im problematic in some ways. no im not as problematic as you might think but like. i still recognize i got a lot of shit to work on#over here yaknow. its shit i think about all the time and keep trying to figure out what i can do about.#which is also why i dont need ppl riding on my ass about shit that i already know better about#i honestly think yall think me being inflammatory online makes me a bad person... idk. and i dont really think im all that controversial#or inflammatory in what i say but anyone being that in any capacity in your opinion makes them Bad for some reason?? idrk.#im trying to figure it out. like you either just have to believe any lie someone tells about me or you just hate how annoying i am to you#on the internet. something you can easily avoid by blocking me.#also the things i say online... dont necessarily directly translate to offline? im not really like this irl... im definitely a lot more#aggressive online than i am off...#offline i try to keep things calm and gentle and i try to be considerate and nice to those around me. ig i dont feel like tumblr#has earned that side of me yet đ€·#i literally have an idyllic ass garden and essentially green house ok. i dont talk about the happenings of my daily life on here#much bc i worry talking about it on here will taint it somehow.#maybe im too superstitious. maybe im worried about being stalked. maybe its a combo of many things but theres certain info#i dont trust with certain types of people and if tumblr was a person i would not trust that person with that info.#the friend to get drunk with not to watch your cats and house while you're out of town. etc.#ill vent about my trauma but i dont want you... in my life... Like That lmao. we just go to the same bar...
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#tag talk#I've gotten pretty good at talking in such a way as to reassure and assuage peoples doubts.#currently working on selling my electric piano on fb marketplace (I had to make a new account for it cause I deleted my old one years ago)#and there's a lot of automatic suspicion people have that it might be a scam. but there's a lot of details you can add to fight that.#when working out a time to meet. mention you have a job or mention things you'll be doing when you're busy.#people love pictures or videos because we still have that inherent trust that videos and photos can't be faked.#I used that one a lot of grindr. a lot of people would just use the same two or three grainy photos so sending fresh photos occasionally..#-occasionally would stand out against everyone else who puts no effort into their profile.#there's just so many little ways to communicate authenticity but you can't try too hard or you'll come across as scammy.#idk though. maybe my inability to conceive of anyone mistrusting me makes me also just seem trustworthy.#in nursing I could gain paranoid residents trust really easily and could calm down anxious residents by just explaining the process to them.#which honestly is a victory for the autistic urge to just explain everything and then maybe explain it again and again#idk. I just try so fucking hard to be genuine and authentic in everything I do and that's kind of a skill you can artificially apply#like how you can learn to be kinder to people. learn to be more patient. learn to be more loving. likewise you learn to be more authentic#*whispers* (which also helps on the offchance you do need to lie about something. people believe you about that too)#but lying isn't something you ever want to get caught at because that shatters your whole reputation and then you're fucked#but you know what? confessing a lie yourself boosts your credibility massively. if you think you're about to get caught? get ahead of it#turn a lie into a mistake you feel oh so guilty about so you just had to say something and suddenly you're a golden child with integrity#anyway this has been manipulation 101#use your powers for good not evil or whatever. you want people to like you and if you ever fuck up and lie they won't like you so don't
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my perception of grades totally changed since i started uni
#in school i just did the bare minimum a pass was fine and a 3 great#it's insane to think about it how little i did like for a lot of subjects not at all and if i did i'd study like 2 hrs the day before đ#and i thought this was studying hard or if i studied 3 hrs at least whaaat#well for some subjects i did a bit more#but like it is no comparrison#at uni i also did study the day before a few times but then i did an 8hr session#(i might just need to do that tmrw but the thing is the exam is one you can't study for so literary idk what i'd study so long for??)#(or how to study... it's translation but how tf do you study translation it's highly subjective and there are no practice exercises)#(i will probably just look at the notes)#but anyway for my last exam i spent 5 hrs in the library a day and i already started 2 weeks before (altough just in smaller bits)#but bumped it up exam week i did like 2-3hrs on average a day#even if i start too late like i did for one of the hardest test of my studies i only studied for 2 days but like all day or 10hrs sth a day#it by far exceeds the 2hrs lmao and even that was very little for this exam many studied 2 weeks but like i got a good grade so it's okay#but my point is now that i get better grades good one's a C is a massive disappointment for me đ
#unless it was a really difficult one then i'd take it but like it upsets me#a teacher once told me when i got a c on an exam quite a few failed that many would be happy to have that grade well true tbh but i can't#and once i almost cried because i got a C because i thought it was an easy course but it was an oral exam and i'm worse in these#(because in written i often remember the answer later in the exam and then go back but in oral i can't do that)#well that was embarrassingđ i'm trying to never do that again so if i get asked how i feel abt it say it's okay ig#but sometimes even a B is meh đ
especially if an A was possible and it was an easy course/exam#i want more A's less B's tbh B's also because i really want to go abroad and raise my grade average for that#i want to go from a B average to an A something average to improve my chances#but yeah younger me wouldn't believe this đ#i really want to study harder to make that step up to more A's than B's like uni does come quite easy to me#and while i study way more compared to others i still get away with less effort and good results but i could have excellent grades#on the one hand it's good that i improved so much on the other those expectations might not be because i'm almost never satisfied anymore đ
#and i know it's kind of really unimportant because there are real problems and also many uni students struggle to pass their classes#it's maybe even a bit disrespectful because they'd be happy to have these grades and i should be more grateful#but i swear i don't look down on anyone with worse grades i know how difficult it can be and also how outside factors play a role#some have it more difficult some have to work a lot next to uni or really suffer from mental illness besides no one's brain is the same
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âïž //
#tag vent bullshit would highly recommend just scrolling past this if vent bs aint your thing#so run along now for those who would rather avoid. im just tossing in tags bc its easier on me.#anyway⊠just⊠âŠ#this stress is really eating me alive & im so tired#ive been crying on & off since yesterday esp w my health taking a swan dive to hell amidst this#but i have to just. deal with.#crying when alone specifically like fuck am i gonna show a damn thing to anyone. fuck no â€ïž#esp when it feels like my emotions im feeling are me somehow being manipulative.#because i dont have a right to any of this right. its just a pity party im throwinf for myself.#& yet all these feelings emotions everything i havent processed continue to fester & bubble up to the surface in pure vitriol.#pure hatred & anger bc of it coming from a place of hurt but what does that matter. right? âŠim just.#i feel manipulative expressing anything. i feel manipulative having feelings. i need to remove them at once. i need them gone at once.#i feel manipulative even so much as talking about situations that hurt me. bc i âshoulsnt feel this wayâ#all this shit to me feels like it just reads as âwoe is meâ bullshit i hate it so much.#im tired. i dont know. im in distress & emotionally really falling apart but just.#it almost feels more comforting to just let myself bleed out on myself metaphorically speaking than to dare task anyone via asking them#to help me w my own metaphorical wounds. bc then im shoving a burden onto them. & Iâm not supposed to do that.#so much for being a pillar of stability for others LMFAOOO. whatever. whatever.#faulty ass pillar thatâs just falling apart from being built on an unstable foundation#im tired im tired of hurting both emotionally & physically due to flare ups from the sheer stress as well#& crying feels fucking humiliating & like im just begging for pity.#i shouldnt be fucking crying. i shouldnât. im supposed to be fine. i say. & at first i was fucking able to fucking.#dissociate & let quinn join me too so i could be fully coldly detached. from it. but thats not happening bc i cant control when she joins#joins front w me. & i almost wish she could take front fully. take front from me fully for as long as this situation keeps going.#even if that means i end up in solitude & w barely much recollection of what may transpire. at least when sheâs upfront? i dont have to be.#solitude bc she doesnt like talking to anyone even my own trusted friends.#unless its somehow fucjing necessary but at least w her upfront i just. i dont. have to feel. i can disconnect & forget everything.#i just want to stop fucking falling apart & i have so many unprocessed emotions over this all that feel unacceptable to talk abt STILL.#im that fucking convinced any neg emotion i show is wrong somehow & while ive gotten better w this im still. not. idk. just. w/e. ifg.
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(hi its the anon from earlier, now clearly not an anon. im sending this before I fold into myself. <3)
Scar has been tempted to fold the towel for the past half hour, no matter how safe and lucrative this scheme is.Â
Doing anything in front of a crowd for 5 hours nonstop is a tiring task by itself, but singing on top of that could make the most experienced performer want to keel over.
But, a group of powerful and wealthy adventurers entered the tavern 30 minutes ago, and Grian's eyes narrowed in their direction. It's a look the Aarakocra only has when a bigger fish (a bigger prize) unexpectedly appears on the job. It's a look that leads to some of their biggest catches. So, Scar will sing and entertain the party til they're blackout drunk and his throat dies so Grian can snatch whatever caught his eye.Â
The energy in the tavern has long since died down, as most rowdy tavern goers are either off to bed or too tired to be loud anymore. The only thing that fills the room now is quiet chatter, the barkeep's everlasting service, Scar's continued performance. He concludes yet another song and basks in another round of faint applause.Â
From the corner of his eye, he can see a faint bird-like footprint appear in a small puddle of cheap alcohol near the extremely drunk targets.
With Grian so close, Scar needs to have an iron grip on the room's attention again despite the itch in his throat and the room's energy being at an all-time low. There are too many drifting eyes that could see something being stolen.Â
After staring at the puddle for a moment too long, he gets an idea.Â
"You've been a delight tonight, kind folks! It'll be just one more song to wrap up the night." Scar declares to the whole tavern from his stage, "Though I'll be sure to leave you all filled with wonder and awe! As a treat, for being such an Amazin' audience tonight." He finishes the segway with an exaggerated wink, causing some patrons to giggle.Â
He casts minor illusions with a flourish, making the sound of soft instruments echo around the room. As a viol begins to play, the quiet conversation amongst patrons lulls as every eye--curious, confused, excited--turns to the stage once more.
Scar's eyes close, and he relaxes as he takes in the music the magic creates. He thinks of the song with intent, pulls upon vivid memories to inspire emotion, and lets the feeling consume every movement. He takes one more breath, then, at the cue, begins to sing with a slightly rough voice.
"In a perfect world⊠one weâve never knownâŠâÂ
The tone is jarringly different from the previous songs of the night.
"We would never need to face the world aloneâŠ."
The instrument choice, low soothing energy, a soft romantic sway, and the bard's renewed life- all combined- make a near-perfect hook for everyone within the tavern.Â
"They can have the worldâŠ"Â
All Scar has to do is follow through with the catch and reel in the hook enough to let Grian catch the fish before anyone in the pond suspects a thing.
"We'll create our own."
He opens his eyes slightly, half-lidded to obscure where he looks but wide enough to see one of the wealthy adventurer's satchels be swiped off the table and quickly replaced by an identical copy. A bit of panic wells up inside him at the precarious move, but he swallows and trusts his partner knows what he's doing.
"I may not be brave, strong, or smart, but somewhere in my secret heart-" His voice slightly cracks at the rise, but he breathes through it and tries not to let it go completely off-pitch. Scar looks at the ceiling and tries to force his movements make it look intentional, stretching out the ache in his throat.Â
"I know, love will find a way⊠anywhere I goâŠ" Scar lowers his head in time to catch a now visible Grian acting like he just walked in the room, "I'm home if you are there beside meâŠ"
He lets the music breathe, in a tune he knows by heart, as he watches his partner-in-crime casually head for the exit. Â
Grian turns around and leans against the wall by the door, a stolen bag tucked under a wing. He signals to leave. They make eye contact.
The warm tavern lights again, and Aarakocra's red tones make Grian look like a painted sunrise. Scar, despite knowing he should be focused on finishing this scheme, doesn't look away. Doesn't stop to think about causing glorious chaos in their victorious exit.
Scar continues to sing, holding Grian's eyes within his own all the while.Â
"Like dark, turning into dayâŠ"
Grian subtly pauses, confused but suddenly seeming as spellbound as the partner-in-crime in the metaphorical spotlight.
Still, their eyes hold.
 "⊠somehow we'll come throughâŠ"
Grian's incredulously mouthed words, which he fondly knows are along the lines of 'Scar, what are you doing?!'
Still, their eyes hold.Â
"⊠now that I've found you..."
Scar's posture slightly sags with the exhaustion of this performance. He feels the cantrip near its minute end, but the violins swell into an off-script crescendo anyway.
Their eyes still hold.
"⊠love will find a way..."
The music cuts off abruptly as the spell ends.
He sees Grian suddenly look rather lost, but Scar is not sure why.
The whole tavern is bathed in silence.
He feels compelled to make the song at least sound finished. SoâŠ
"Now that I've found you..."
⊠he repeats himself, even with nothing else to support the song.Â
(Scar doesn't admit that, at that moment, as he and his partner swim in each other's eyes, he didn't only repeat it for the performance.)
"⊠love will find a way."
The room roars into one of the loudest applause at night despite the smaller number of people.
And their eyes still hold.
bard scar singing a little love song at the crastle tavern and making direct eye contact with warlock grian
i think i just got murdered by my own thought what the fuck
#cover's writing#cover's work#can you tell I haven't written many stories in a while - let alone recently?#scarian#trafficblr#trafficshipping#here's the time to indulge in my favorite I discovered about Tumblr: dumping in the tags#Primarily Scar's POV I hope I did him justice - he's really just living in the moment and feeling things but not thinking to hard abt it#I also definitely see Grian having Invisibility - idk when his warlock class would get it but he'd definitely get it at some point#The chaos that could be caused by invisibility combined with the Watching that could be done when you can't be Seen? Definite pick#Scar also HAD to sing a Disney love song it was basically legally required#its âLove Will Find A Wayâ from Lion King 2 if anyone's curious#that song definitely deserves more love and I think could be covered in MANY different ways#it also does feel slightly trafficblr coded - could work for multiple pairs#also this isn't even all the ideas I had tumbling in my head#soon after this that the adventuring party (who I may or may not have imagined... being ren's adventuring party...) realizes the bags gone#(the bag that may or may not have info about the red king's crown??? (big eyes))#of course Scar and Grian immediately scatter in mad cackles#after a wild goose chase - with comical arguing all the while - they break for camp#Grian quietly compliments (unsubtle in real intent but Scar does not pick up) Scar's singing - and asks about the song#Scar laughs. Says he completely butchered it - that it was cut off early and meant to be a duet#He offers to teach the duet to Grian - and asks if he was filled with wonder and awe#oooooough boy this AU gives me so many feelings#torn between wanting to dump all my world building ideas (the DM part of me can't help it) and the desire not to step on any toes#thank you so much pluma - and that one reblogger - for giving me the courage to share at least this tho <3#have a good night/day everybody! o/
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beau is such a trailblazer of an oc cause he's the first dallonwrites protagonist to have a good relationship with his family
#LMAOOOO LIKE#i know they're the type of family who would have a group chat together and that concept is so wildly foreign to me#my relationship w my family is actually fine dw it's just like all recovering from things. we make do#felix and dorothy were definitely like the product of me fully realising i had a fucked up childhood and not being able to get therapy#i think my whole pov on it is changing now though which is interesting#like i havent outgrown RR but i would never write the things i decided for that story if i came up with it now#but 20 year old me wanted to write about those things for a reason so it's almost become a time capsule#i actually have sooo many thoughts of this because my brain is so interesting to me lately#recently more often than not i hate reading characters with fucked up childhoods from other writers#idk why but i'm just like. i want the kids left alone for the most part!#some more than others and its like i dont know what the reasoning is because its not like i can know where their inspo is coming from#(that's another thing i want to write about one day because i do think some people esp newer writers like#don't fully know how to write an interesting backstory yet or aren't confident in it so they lean on#very traumatic childhood things like abuse neglect addiction etc.#and without saying what I Went Through it's very interesting when you see things you went through IRL#that for others are just like interesting character development ideas#NOT TO MAKE ANYONE FEEL BAD! because i mean i do and have done it before with things irrelevant to me#it's just something i've noticed and like. i think easy to sensationalise when you're a newer writer#even things you HAVE gone through)#not me testing the waters for essays in the side blog tags again. i need to actually write something for my silly little substack#actually similarly to this i rly want to write abt how i can't get with the whole my old writing is so bad and cringe!!! anymore#bc now i know younger me was in such a scary place and needed those cringey stores#but i need to do it in a specific way bc i dont think that line of thinking is problematic. i just cant do it
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Mine, Only Mine â Mr. Crawling, Gap, Silvair, Chopped, Hugeface, and Scarletella x gn! reader
summery: how jealous do some of the Homicipher boys get?
tw: unhealthy relationships (Mr. Hugeface & Scarletella)
wc: 1.2k
Master List
Ëâ· ÍÍÍÍâłâ„ Mr. Crawling
â„I know people have written about how he gets jealousâŠbut I donât really think he does? Or at least not terribly. The scene with Mr. Chopped and the cat ears show that Mr. Crawling wonât pout or get sad at you showing affection to others, just that he wants to gain the same attention (the ear sceneâŠ). So jealousy with Mr. Crawling isnât too bad, just be prepared to shower him with more affection than the person you originally did.Â
â„On the other hand, I do think his jealousy may increase if you ignore him. Say you give more attention to Mr. Scarletella, Mr. Crawling would get a bit sad and pouty, thinking you donât like him anymore. If this happens, give him lots and lots of attention and reassurance, heâll be super grateful. I mean he loves your affection anyways, so might as well give him some extra headpats and kisses. Even better if you only show certain signs of affection with him, it makes him feel special.Â
â„Overall, not the most jealous, but not completely unaffected either. Make sure he gets his daily dose of attention/quality time and heâll be as right as rain.
Ëâ· ÍÍÍÍâłâ„ Mr. Gap
â„Uh, he gets more jealous than youâd think. LikeâŠhis whole thing is he wants to be special to youâŠin his own strange way. Doesnât like the thought of someone taking his place as a jokester to you. Also why he brings you things heâd think you like from time to time, just to make sure you still have that special place in your heart for him <3
â„Hates hate hates when you call him bad or not good. Heâs good! He swears! Remember how heâs helped you before! Gets all frowny when you call him not good and then call someone else good. Heâs good too! Guess he has to prove it, AGAIN. Itâs honestly kind of endearing how he has no clue how he actually kind of does like you? But not exactly in a romantic way? Itâs honestly hard to label his feelings towards you, so why should I?
â„Iâd say heâs the second most jealous in this list of characters, watching on angrily as you praise someone that isnât him. Be prepared for magazines and books galore when heâs in this mood, trying to prove his worth to you. Kind of strange for someone to try so hard when they claim to not like youâŠ
Ëâ· ÍÍÍÍâłâ„ Mr. Silvair
â„Definitely the chillest one here. Doesnât really get jealous at all :/ If anything, he finds it entertaining when youâre affectionate with others. Gives him more insight to his lab rats. Yes, he sees everyone as a lab rat. Idk, I canât really see him get jealous.
â„MaybeâŠMAYBE if someone else tries doing research on you, or if Ms. Nurse treats you instead heâll feel a bit off. LikeâŠyouâre his test subject, he knows you from the inside outâŠliterally and not in the fun sense. Why would you go to someone who doesnât know as much about you and how this world affects you? Itâs very hard to spot his jealousy, doesnât even notice it/recognize it himself. He just doesnât want anyone to mess up his dataâŠthatâs allâŠtotally.
â„In conclusion, not really jealous. Doesnât feel like he needs to be. Youâre âfriendsâ, doctor and patient, mad scientist and lab rat not many others threaten that balance between you.Â
Ëâ· ÍÍÍÍâłâ„ Mr. Chopped
â„HonestlyâŠMr. Chopped Iâm kinda mixed on how heâd be. Like on one hand, I could totally see him getting jealous if you call others cute or pay too much attention to them. On the otherâŠhe could probably care less. He loves himself, you love him, why does he need to get jealous? Itâs clear how much you like him with the way you pamper him. I mean we get so many examples where youâre affectionate to Mr. Crawling in front of Mr. Chopped and he doesnât really bat an eye.Â
â„Now, I can see if he gets a bit insecure he might get more jealous. Whether it be because Mr. Crawling pats your head or tucks you into bed, Mr. Chopped feels a bit sad. Heâd like to tuck you in, you look so comfy. Might be just a bit pouty, eyeing you like a dissatisfied cat. Easily rectified with head pats or even cuddles. Gets side tracked from his jealousy as soon as you give him a sliver of attention honestly.
â„Mr. Chopped is fifty fifty when it comes to jealousy, but itâs never too bad. Heâs pretty comfortable with what you both have and doesnât really feel threatened by others. After all, you did call him cute.
Ëâ· ÍÍÍÍâłâ„ Mr. Hugeface
â„I wouldnât say he gets jealous? More possessive than anything. Like that scene when Mr. Machete stumbles into his little makeshift dollhouse that he made for you and gets all angry that heâs there. Itâs more of a âyouâre not supposed to be here, this is our playtimeâ more than actual jealousy. Throws a little fit whenever someone messes up your playtime. Very accusatory lmao.
â„Does not like when you try to escape. Was he not providing enough for you? Were you unhappy? Youâre not allowed to leave! Youâre his cute human! He canât just find another one yâknow. Mr. Hugeface may be lenient if he sees you happier, you need enrichment after all. Feels extra happy if you come back on your own violation.Â
â„The most childish out of all the characters on this list. Isnât afraid to throw tantrums, will also punish you by putting you in a solid concrete cube if heâs really upset. YeahâŠnot the most healthy of relationships to haveâŠBUT! I do think you could convince him to be a bit betterâŠ? Maybe? Only if you put enough work in communicating with him though. Maybe punish him in your own way like leaving for longer if he threatens to trap you.
Ëâ· ÍÍÍÍâłâ„ Mr. Scarletella
â„Uhhhhhhhhhhh. Top of the list when it comes to jealousy. Watches your every move with curiosity and spite. Why are you doing that to Mr. Crawling? Do it to him instead. Why do you look so happy braiding Mr. Choppedâs hair? Style his hair instead. Why are you looking so fondly amused at Mr. Gap? Donât you find him amusing? You do like him, right? He likes you. He likes you a lot, and he thought he was enoughâŠwas he not?
â„Will stare through your skull. It is so intimidating. His smile? Strained, it makes your skin crawl. You have to make sure he doesnât hurt your friends, heâs so close to snapping, but he knows that would upset you and thatâs not his goal. So instead he stands ominously in the background, body staticing in and out while his hand clenches the handle of his umbrella.Â
â„Not that easily mended. Likes to monopolize all your time and affection. Needs constant reassurance as well, heâs quite needy. If you like constant validation and no social life go for it, just donât get too upset if he threatens your other monster friendsâŠhe canât stand that you could like someone that wasnât him.
#â„ âą my works#homicipher x reader#mr crawling x reader#mr gap x reader#mr silvair x reader#mr chopped x reader#mr hugeface x reader#mr scarletella x reader#homicipher#mr crawling#mr gap#mr silvair#mr chopped#mr hugeface#mr scarletella#x reader
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