#i have literally had a fucking countdown going for this that multiple people have seen and still nothing

[doperel]

ventie in tags

[bluebeetle]

what IS the worst character assassination youve ever seen? i can think of some guesses but its a long list

its a VERY long list....

1) the time cassandra was evil and could also suddenly speak perfectly when she was previously struggling. it makes no sense. so much of her character was built on doing the right thing and not wanting to kill. it was so fucking stupid and im glad its long forgotten

2) whatever the fuck jason was doing in battle for the cowl and batman and robin 2009. some of it was ok in the latter but the former... he just went full evil villain without any of the nuance he had before. also red head jason my detested

3) wanda wanda wanda wanda. she gets this so many times. her in trial of magneto where shes calling erik daddy and stuff despite not knowing that man was her dad until she was a married adult woman.

avengers disassembled where she went ~~~crazy~~~ and killed a bunch of people.

house of m with the no more mutants thing. just yikes yikes yikes. they tried to fix it later by saying she was influence by dark magic and stuff and doctor doom played a role but then that got ignored.

she's still blamed for house of m by the xmen and other mutants even NOW where they all hate her still despite it that story literally being 15 years old

4) any time bruce is abusive and hits his kids. what the fuck. bonus points to all star batman and robin for being so bad at that, its acgtually kinda funny. he made dick eat RATS in a CAVE the DAY HIS PARENTS DIED IN FRONT OF HIM after calling him the r slur

5) damian almost being turned evil after teen titans 2016 and stuff; it got fixed thank god but hes been written like he has to redeem himself for it and that racist writing ugh

6) speaking of: talia going from a loving, caring person who hadnt even killed until she met bruce and did it in self defense, who sacrified her own happiness to make sure her child was safe and away from her father, who had morals and loved bruce to a scornful woman assassin who kills people indiscriminately, abuses her child, rapes the man she claims to love, and continues to meddle with his "real" love because shes jealous, and then clones her own son and gets that clone to murder her 11 year old, also has sex with bruce's 18 yr old son who she was taking care of.

yikes

7) trickster in countdown. why is he suddenly homophobic. he and pied piper have known each other for years, theyre both old silver age flash villains. pied piper was not quiet about being gay even back in the 90s. he interacted with trickster multiple times during that flash run prior to countdown. why does trickster suddenly make homophobic jokes. answer me dan didio. ANSWER ME

8) catch all for any bad live action versions. like. everything about mcu hawkeye is a crime agaisnt hawkeye. i mean other mcu characters suck but i feel bad for him bc he usually doesnt get that treatment. jason in titans. the mcu maximoffs. stripping loki of being nonbinary and bi.

9) why did wally become a mass murdered in heroes in crisis and then try to cover it up. i know it wasnt murdering on purpose ig but also it was just a bad storyline ugh.

10) akihiro being stripped of all personality to be the slutty bi guy in x-factor. die.

anyways notice how half of these are characters of colour? yeah tip of the iceberg lol. anyways....

[sokayisaidiot]

Dream SMP Assumption #7

Today’s topic: Everybody is suffering and you know it.

Please DO NOT read if you’re uncomfortable with the themes of death, depression and suicide. It’s a very complicated theme. I did NOT study it and do NOT know some aspects of it. I just go off the things I saw in the smp and made my own theories about it. If you’re even slightly triggered by this, please stop and do NOT try to read it. Please do NOT put yourself in some kind of uncomfortable zone.

Please do not. Thank you

(This is all assumptioning from the fictional world of dream smp)

(Heavy spoilers on the resent events)

(Also just assumptions, when you know something, you can always drop it :))

(Mainly around the lmanburg way, sadly need to learn more about badlands ): )

(This Series is created by another person, that’s just too fuckin lazy to move her butt)

Trigger warning today:

Suicide thoughts

(PTSD)

Depression

War

Child Neglect

Betrayal and Trust Issues

Death

Lets get this straight, no one is pure evil just because. Everybody has something happening and BOOM, finished chaos and sadness and strange behavior and aggressiveness and- You get me? Good. I will take on EVERYBODY who says that a person in the story didn't suffer. I aint a Apologist either. I just want to make some things clear who suffered how. Understand? Good.

Stop saying “[Character] didn't suffer!” Hell yes somehow everybody, close in the lore, fuckin did.

LET’S GET STARTED

__________________________

Tommyinnit

Lets start with one, who should be pretty obvious. Tommy. In my second Assumption, I explained symptoms of PTSD and Depression. 

He was never really trusted by any point

Was just as used as Techno, because who had Tommy controlled was pretty powerful

He was exiled by a country, he HELPED saving MULTIPLE times

He saw his brother get killed by his father

He experienced so many deaths (Tubbo’s, in the final control room, Schlatts, 

He lost his pets 

He lost his belongings

Has to be on edge constantly

Gets accused by someone and then MOSTLY EVERYBODY believes, it was him

He isn’t really taken seriously

He gets seen as power-hungry person

People literally having him on the Hitlist

He nearly saw his best friend dying, on a mission, that was started by him

His older Brother, who he has an confused relationship with, doesn't even want to be revived.

Lost his brother to insanity and had to sit in the FRONT ROW of this spiral

PTSD

Depression

Suicidal thoughts

Betrayal

next to no one on his actual side

got left by almost everyone

was stuck on a island with an amnesiac ghost, who is a shell of his older brother

gets told his comfort items he had before everything else didn't matter

constantly has to live on the edge because he runs around with one just fuckin heart

Tubbo

Next to Tommy, he also suffers from PTSD, Depression and Suicidal tendencies. And that doesn't mean you kill yourself. It means you are too careless to give a fuck. And that can happen. TUbbo was way too easy to give up his OWN LIVE for something his best friend has passion in it.

He got publicly executed in a place HE DECORATED by someone he considered his Allie

Had the burden of Presidency on his YOUNG shoulders

The People who had to teach him about it, were also there for the tyranny

Got constantly considered a pawn, a throwable item

The adults use him as a figure head and proceed then to use him

He HAD to exile his best friend, or Tommy would have died sooner than ever

PTSD

Suicidal in a way of being okay for dying

Depression

Betrayal

Never gets taken seriously

Gets over-spoken a LOT

GETS COMPARED TO FUCKIN MANIACS OFTEN

Didn’t get nice words after his manipulator told him down, just SILENCE

He nearly died

He heard 

Got left by everyone, when they didn't see anything in this place anymore

got told by his best friend, that the discs were more worth than him

As Tommy, he is always on the edge of death

Technoblade

Techno is one of the most powerful people here on the server. No doubt about it. However, if someone, even a God, tries to refuse they have feelings, it’s impossible. And those feelings, when they get something terrible done to them, get hurt.

BETRAYAL

Loneliness

A bloodlust he sometimes seriously can't control, no matter how much he tries

His best friend (Wilbur), died before his eyes

He thought he could trust his (little brother figure) friend

Gets used often for material

betrayal

Has a hard time understanding his feelings

Gets talked over

Is socially avoiding talking

Gets seen as a bad guy many times

Trust issues, yay!

Also BETRAYAL

has at least some people who want to kill him

Wilbur Soot

Our favorite maniac! Yay! We can all see how he fell from a proud Leader of a family to an lost in himself man, with nothing left to loose

Had to countdown his brothers death

Was killed by his father

His OWN SON disowned him

He wasn't able to get help, especially not from his younger brother

His Allies were not really trust worthy

He got betrayed by a close comerade

His dear Brother was sometimes really chaotic

He had to lead an army to war, not one, but two times

He lost the election

He had to run away from a country he helped create

Had a hard time with this father (with how it’s shown, that he maybe was neglected and had to raise Tommy)

Ranboo

Our favorite Memory-Minutes-Boi! I think EVERYBODY in this community will protect him

His first days on the server were pure Chaos

Had to see a person, he considers a friend, being rotten away and not being able to do anything about it

A sister figure who just went angry

He isn’t trusted by anyone really

He knows things others don’t

ALSO LOSING YOUR MEMORY AND HAVING CONSTANT MEMORY LOSS FUCKIN SUCKS, TRUST ME

Has serious issues

GETS TALKED OVER

Is often forced to take a side, even if he's against it

Phil

He has a hard time. Especially with the death, failed resurrection, disowning one of his son, he didn't got even close to. Being 

Also on the edge of death every day

Was in the end peer pressured into killing his own son

Suffering from the loss of his son

Couldn't help his youngest son in exile, because he thought Tommy hated him

Wasn’t there for L’Manburg glory days

was ridiculed in his house arrest

Dream

Of course, we all know how mad he is now and shit, but you gotta think, he has some points here, that are infecting his behavior LARGELY

His friends left him, without considering helping him

He had lost his dear pet before

He actually wanted peace, but fell into the fun of destruction and chaos without someone knowing or helping him

He is homeless

Probably, he is a old being, that already suffered for millions of years

Sapnap

He’s actually one of my favorite Characters and I think we know he has a place in here.

Third wheels a  l o t

Constantly being referred as the THIRD person, who isn't important

Fought his friend, who took the side of a child

Said friend had one of his beloved fishes by his side the hole time

Said Fish got thought as dead

Fundy

Some of you guys forgot how sad actually Fundy’s character is. He IS one of the most hurt characters. And he gave up hope

constantly being talked over

disowned by his hole family

GREW UP IN OLD L’MANBURG, WHICH WAS AT WAR

doesn’t think he is a part of a group

had to disown his father, to help fight a tyrannt

Got babied his whole life

His dead father is still running away from their problems

Doesn’t know where his mum is

Lost his home so often

Nihachu

Actually the person I watched for the first long time as in the SMP

Again, being talked over

Doesn’t get taken seriously

Lost her Best friend (Wilbur)

Got betrayed by her friend, Karl, by him selling their Land to L’Manburg

Gets used as a hostage or Maid in Distress, even when she isn’t

Got her pets killed

Then constantly being used for her niceness

Jack Manifold

He has a pretty big Role now, and he's very VERY angry. And you might ask why

Got left behind by his country

doesn’t get taken seriously

Got his most powerful items removed in one thing

His land somehow is near a crater

got told he didn't suffer somehow

Went to mf hell

Quackity

Quackity, despite his funny demeanor, he's one of the hurt character

with him staying with Schlatt, he had a uncomfortable relationship a long time

got killed by the festival

somehow helped organize the death of a child

Said kid helped a revolution against him

he helped a tyrant come to power and will probably never get it live down

fought for a country so often, but, two times, it got exploded in front of his face

had to face war, also in a young age

Eret

Our favorite King is here too! Yes, he may have started the distrust spiral of Eret, but somehow, someone would still have led them to the FINAL CONTROL ROOM. Somehow History will always be happening.

Had one of the hardest time, getting forgiven

Was never really given a chance

got accused of something

gets used as a pawn

He has shown often regret

got left alone

I think we all can say they are just having MULTIPLE communicate, trust and self worth issues. Like goddamn, Puffy, please help them, you’re one of the only sane people in the lore-

[frasier-crane-style]

Watching Snyder League

-Diana literally vaporizes a guy armed with nothing but an assault rifle.

-Also, these have gotta be like the dumbest terrorists. Their plan:

A. Send multiple armed gunmen to take hostages.

B. Stall for time

C. Set off a suitcase bomb on a one minute countdown (why not just set it off immediately? It's In The Script)

You have a suitcase bomb--just park a car somewhere, set the timer, leave it in the trunk, and walk away. You can kill as many people as you want without losing any of your own guys.

-Superman's scream sends out five separate shockwaves. Which makes me think the guy's milking it, personally.

- I'm amused that both SOP for the Amazons is having, like, fifty people standing around guarding the Mother Box. AND that they don't ramp up security after it wakes up.

- And there's this system of burying the Mother Box.  Which 1. seems like the only way to get there in the first place is to teleport in. What good is this system against a teleporter?

2. It takes six guards to suicide themselves by knocking down pillars, which seems like--in five thousand years, you couldn't come up with something where you just pull a level from twenty feet away?

This is the problem with the Amazons. They're all women, so none of them go into STEM fields.

- It's also real weird that this Bruce Wayne doesn't even try to hide that he's Batman. He just walks right up to Aquaman and goes "hey, Bruce Wayne, I'm also Batman." And remember, he's getting the Justice League together entirely based on a hunch. At least in Josstice League, there were Parademons all up in Gotham.

- And should I even bother to ask why Darkseid's people can't just bring three new Mother Boxes to Earth? Are those the only three? If so, you'd think they'd try to get them back sooner. Like, A LOT sooner.

- Okay, this was supposed to come out one year before Infinity War, but still, it was pretty obvious what Marvel was doing with Thanos and the Infinity Gauntlet. They had to know they were inviting comparisons.

-I love the implication, tho, that Darkseid just lost track of the Mother Boxes and just... no one realized they were back on Earth. And they have Parademons that can specifically sniff out the Mother Boxes. 

-And if Superman dying was such a momentous occasion that it woke up a Mother Box, why not the Old Gods dying? Why not Ares dying? Wouldn't that have left Earth just as undefended?

-I have no idea why any of this is happening a couple years after Superman debuted and then died and not in, like, 1446.

-Are the Mother Boxes like finicky computers? Do you need to turn them off and on again? When Superman showed up, did they shut down for real, and then he died, so they came back on for real? Is it like a Windows 95 thing, where you can't JUST turn the computer off, you have to go to the start menu and press Shutdown and then wait for it to close up shop?

-It’s so weird that this is supposed to be a Dark, Mature Adaptation For Adults! And it doesn’t have the same basic logic you’d get from an episode of Power Rangers. 

-So. Much. Daddy issues.

-Please stop letting Ezra Miller improv.

-They cast like the gayest man in America to play the one guy with a love interest.

-Diana: "I lost someone I loved once." Well, twice, but who's counting?

-All those reshoots and they couldn't get Amber Heard to knock off the British accent?

-Why is Desaad, of all people, Darkseid’s dragon? Is it just because they were rifling through all the Fourth World saga to find the few guys with scary names instead of Granny Goodness or Virman Vundabar?

- And they really play up Darkseid appearing to Steppenwolf, but we've not only already seen him in the big flashback, we saw him get his ass kicked by Zeus of all people.

- And the whole thing where Steppenwolf is part of Darkseid's 'family' really isn't helping the Thanos-Nebula-Gamora comparison.

-It's weird to introduce Darkseid as the guy who was already beaten once. Wouldn't it make more sense that Steppenwulf was the guy who lost, and that allowed Darkseid to take over, and now he's trying to redeem himself for his defeat? Or that Darkseid was never defeated at all, but someone stole the Anti-Life Equation from him and hid it on Earth? Something. Instead, it’s literally just randomly burnt into the crust of the Earth, Darkseid discovers it, then forgets all about it for reasons the movie doesn’t get into despite being four damn hours long.

-It’s only the central plot, whatever, forget about it.

- Pretty sure Kal eye-lasered a couple Army guys to death after he was resurrected, not that he ever gives a shit.

-Third big reveal of Darkseid. Come on, you've shown him three times now. We've heard him talk.

-And this does the same thing as Josstice League with Superman being more powerful than the rest of the JLA put together. Here, he even no-sells Steppenwolf's axe. He just lets it hit him and it doesn’t do shit. So Doomsday could kill him, but Steppenwolf can't even scratch him. And yet Wonder Woman seems pretty evenly matched with both, if not outclassed by Steppenwolf.

-Barry Allen spends the whole climax running in a circle. And he fails at it! Dude's really retarded when he doesn't have Team STAR Labs cheering him on.

-He also casually travels back in time to undo his side getting a Game Over, which makes you wonder how any conflict in this universe can ever have any stakes. Say what you will about Endgame, but at least they explain why time travel can’t solve every problem they ever have.

-Hell, the Mother Boxes can bring people back to life. The example used is literally “it can turn smoke back into a house.” Why not bring Joe Morton back to life? He did a good job in T2, c’mon.

-Speaking of, according to TV Tropes, Ray Fisher got to come up with his own backstory for Cyborg (”I don't praise Chris Terrio and Zack Snyder for simply putting me in Justice League. I praise them for EMPOWERING me (a black man with no film credits to his name) with a seat at the creative table and input on the framing of the Stones before there was even a script!”), which makes it kinda hilarious that this movie’s characterization of Cyborg is that he’s a genius sports hero who also loves helping out the underprivileged.

-AND his big conflict with his dad is that Silas Stone was never there for him, as literally represented by there being an empty seat next to his mom at Vic’s big sportsball game. So apparently the black experience is indistinguishable from Austin Powers In Goldmember. Who knew?

-What else? It's weird that the narrative tries to put some importance in Martha Kent, but then in her big scene with Lois, she's really Martian Manhunter (not kidding) and when Superman is resurrected, he hears encouraging words ONLY from Jor-El and Jonathan. All she really contributes to the story is hugging Superman after he comes back.

-Also, Batman spends a lot of time in the climax shooting people with a rifle. They're bug people and it's, like, a Halo rifle, but still. You can tell Snyder's just chomping at the bit to have Batman carry around a Colt Commando.

-They give no shits about secret identities in this, so why do they still bother with putting a shitty distortion effect on Batfleck's voice? He has a pretty good Batman voice outside the suit, but once he puts it on, he starts sounding like he's giving a blowjob to Daft Punk.

-One of the movie’s, like, four cliffhangers is Lex Luthor telling Deathstroke about Batman’s secret identity, because Deathstroke has a private vendetta against Batman and is out to get him. Of all the Bat rogues who are solely motivated by taking out Batman--why choose Deathstroke, the guy that’s just a mercenary for hire, to characterize as simply hating Batman? (They also imply Batman took out Deathstroke’s eye and THAT’S the big feud between him and--guys. C’mon. This was really supposed to be a whole movie of Deathstroke getting revenge for his eye?)

- The movie ends with them making Wayne Manor the JLA headquarters--God, just tell me if secret identities matter or not.

-Did we really need two ‘beyond the impossible’ scenes back to back, one for Cyborg and one for the Flash?

-Oh, it’s not Arkham Asylum, it’s ‘Arkham Home For The Emotionally Troubled.’ Was this supposed to be one of those Arrowverse things where they call it Starling City for a while, only to rebrand it Star City because that’s somehow better than just calling it Star City in the first place?

- "[Snyder] also said that the reason Darkseid lost track of which world the Mother Boxes were left on was because he was gravely injured and their forces sent limping away, and upon returning to Apokolips had to fight a civil war for the throne (possibly the event hinted where Steppenwolf betrayed him), wherein their records were lost." Imagine having a movie four hours long and not explaining the fucking backstory.

[fourteenacross]

So, if you don’t follow me on other social media, I had..........kind of a crazy weekend!

If you are unaware, @twentyghosts and I have been friends for twenty years this year. We met after I joined a mailing list she ran because a mutual friend told me it was full of other people who loved Rent. Online fandom was just finding its feet and most fannish stuff happened on bulletin boards, mailing lists, or people’s personal fansites. It was 1999 and we were fourteen and now it’s twenty years later and we’re still friends and we have literal decades of inside jokes and weird shit we’ve made up together (including a successful podcast), but it all started because of Rent.

So, when Renata got a chance to attend the dress rehearsal for Rent Live and asked me to go with her, it felt very narratively satisfying.

Rent was a HUGE part of my adolescence. I can’t overstate that fact. Between 1998ish and 2005, I saw the musical on Broadway (and a couple times on tour) dozens of times. I made many lasting friendships, people I’m still friends with today. I learned all sorts of skills, including HTML and CSS, but also things like how to socially interact with a “celebrity” in a way that’s not massively embarrassing, how to manage a group of people and delegate tasks, how to be an adult human person on your own in the world. I had a really bad break-up with Rent in the mid-aughts thanks to some friendship issues, but it’s been over ten years and I’ve moved on enough to appreciate what the show has given me. This show is a part of my DNA and always will be, for better or for worse.

(And yes, I’m aware that the show has issues and is “problematic,” as the kids like to say, but it’s also a product of its time and it wasn’t like there was a ton of stories about queer people in the mainstream media in the mid-nineties. We’ve come a long way, and that’s good, but it doesn’t negate the importance of the show Back In The Day.)

Anyway.

Renata and I went on this whirlwind three day trip to LA to attend the dress rehearsal. If you watched the show last night, you know that Brennin Hunt broke his ankle during the dress rehearsal and that the bulk of the final aired product was taken from that dress rehearsal. Life is weird!

We managed to squeeze in some touristy things and see a friend from that mailing list we met on twenty years ago, but the highlight of the weekend was, of course, Saturday night’s show. We had zero idea what to expect--Renata won the tickets in a contest and the contest people weren’t super forthcoming with the actual details of what was happening. The people from Fox were a little better, but we still showed up at the Fox Studio lot on Saturday largely unsure of what was going to happen.

We were given red wrist bands and led all the way to the side of the lot to stand on line with other red wristband holders. We ended up seated in the “back” of the stage, where “La Vie Boheme” and “I’ll Cover You” were staged, along with some other little bits of the show. We could sort of see other stuff happening on other parts of the stage, but there were monitors as well, that showed what the cameras were filming as it happened.

The dress rehearsal ran through exactly like a live taping would. An emcee told us what to expect and walked us through how the taping would occur. It started at 5pm on the dot and was expected to end at 8pm on the dot. They would run through the show and stop for commercial breaks, during which we could stretch and talk while they set up the next “act” of scenes. There was a countdown from each commercial break and the show started up again and ran straight through til the next. The emcee warned us that the footage would likely be used in commercials and behind the scenes footage and special features on the eventual DVD release, so if we were sitting next to someone we “shouldn’t be sitting next to,” that we should move. (Of course, it ended up being much more than that, but...that’s life!)

We had joked a lot during the run up to the show. We didn’t know anyone in the cast except for BVD, Vanessa Hudgens, and sort of Jordan Fisher. We didn’t know what to expect or if we’d even like it. We were still half-convinced the whole thing was an elaborate joke.

But, dang, what a night.

Straight up, I started crying when the song “Rent” started. It was just such a visceral moment--I always get amped up and emotional at that part anyway, but I just couldn’t believe where I was and what was happening and who I was with. It was profoundly emotional in a way I can’t quite describe. Like seeing an old friend after a decade apart, I guess.

Overall, I had a fantastic time. I loved the performance--it was super high energy and emotional. I loved most of the changes they made and the way they adapted the material for the medium. I loved how they made the Life Support group a bigger part of the narrative and how they wove “Seasons of Love” into it. The whole thing felt incredibly true to the spirit of the show. I saw people on Twitter complaining about changed costumes and slightly altered lyrics, which was confusing after a bunch of these live musicals where they added new parts and new songs and all that shit. Like, it’s 2019, a lot of kids watching WEREN’T EVEN BORN when Rent came out. I think it’s good that they added narrative context. Things might make sense to those of us who saw it fifty times in 2002, but less so for people who are so divorced from what the world was like when the show takes place.

Anyway, here are some more random thoughts I wanted to get down, including some stuff I said on Twitter:

Mark’s added narration really helped frame the story while simultaneously acting as another barrier that kept him apart from the rest of the group, which really worked for me.

It was super hard to divorce myself from Rent as a stage show when it came to certain aspects of the experience of watching it. For example, I didn’t start applauding after OSG even though it was a great performance because you don’t applaud after OSG! Mimi comes in too quickly and it slides right into “Light My Candle,” so I wasn’t even prepared to do it. Same with a couple other song breaks.

Also, the designated pee break, “I Should Tell You,” was unavailable as we were not allowed to leave the sound stage once filming started.

The audience was CRAZY for Jordan Fisher. Too crazy--there was a quick reshoot at the end because the screaming at the start of “Rent” was so loud it blew out the actors’ vocals. (more on that later)

There were a couple things that I missed, like “You have to get out of the house,” because sometimes when you accidentally create an entire mega ship you can’t ever shake how much you ship the characters, but I think that they did a good job of adding in enough of Mark’s caretaking in that scene that it would have been redundant.

Most of the line changes seemed to be about contextualizing the show for a 2019 audience or removing things that were inappropriate for television, but there were a couple small changes that didn’t seem rooted in either things, but were objectively MUCH BETTER LINES. “You wanna produce films and write songs? / You need somewhere to do it. / It’s what we used to dream about; / think twice before you pooh-pooh it” was switched to “You wanna produce films and write songs? / You need somewhere to perfect it. / It’s what we used to dream about; / think twice before you reject it” AND THAT IS JUST OBJECTIVELY A MUCH BETTER LYRIC. People were so mad at the change and like....chill, my friends! I have probably seen Rent more times than you, stop trying to seem superior by bashing what is an OBJECTIVELY BETTER LYRIC.

Maureen’s costume and props were AMAZING in OTM. Renata said something like, “I can’t believe that we ever thought Maureen WOULDN’T be super over the top for that number!” and she’s right--with all we know of Maureen, ridiculous props and costume felt right on target.

I liked how the use of cameras helped highlight some small details of the show people might have missed in the staged version. At the end of “Happy New Year B,” when Mimi is “comforted” by The Man, Mark lingers in the doorway to the building and witnesses the interaction. A bunch of people I follow on twitter hadn’t even noticed that when they saw it on stage, and I think it’s such an important moment.

Ditto with the staging of “Without You.” The guys behind us at the show were so confused that Roger was in the hospital bed because, despite having seen the staged show multiple times, the minimalist staging of that scene didn’t make it clear to them that Roger was sick for part of that song. (I, on the other hand, wrote at least three fics about it. It was my favorite stupid angsty thing to delve into for like, six months in 2003.)

I had never heard of Kiersey Clemons before this and she legit was one of my favorite parts. She’s amazing.

After ICY:R, which blew the doors off the place, predictably, BVD exited by our audience section and people started spontaneously sobbing and cheering again as he walked by. He was so fucking incredible.

Jordan Fisher’s real life tears during “Halloween” MURDERED ME.

Okay, so, like most dumb nerd kids who got into Rent in 1998, Mark was my favorite character. I loved him, I super over-related to him, I wrote a zillion words of fic about him, etc. And, honestly, I didn’t know what to expect from Jordan Fisher. But my god, if he wasn’t my favorite part of the show. He fucking nailed it. He was perfect. He was able to pull all of the things I love about Mark from all the different performances I’ve seen and completely encapsulate it in what he did. I walked in like, “eh, whatever” and walked out like, “I WOULD DIE FOR THIS ACTUAL TWELVE YEAR OLD CHILD WHO PLAYED MARK TONIGHT.” 

My favorite segment of the show is “Halloween” through “What You Own.” Predictably. And it was super on fire. Everyone totally nailed all of the emotional highs and lows of those songs. It was so intense and perfect.

HOWEVER.

The one thing they cut that I got legit mad about was the “For someone who’s always been let down...” Mark/Roger exchange. That exchange is important to me and important to that relationship (no matter how you read it) and I was so bummed that it was cut. Most of the changes/deletions didn’t bother me, but that one rankled.

(As my friend Jen reminded me on Twitter, they could have at least replaced it with the NYTW “Love you” exchange.)

“What You Own” was amazing, even though Renata was bummed they cut the “Compulsive Bowlers” line. (If you are unaware, the main Rent message board, which we were both a part of, Renata for much longer than me, was called “Compulsive Bowlers.”)

Okay, so it was after WYO, off stage, that Brennin Hunt hurt his foot. We had no idea anything was wrong at first; we stretched and sat at the end of the commercial break and there was no countdown. Nothing. A few people started running back and forth across the stage, including Jordan Fisher a couple times. No updates, no information. The lights came up. Still no updates. Finally, someone got on mic and explained that Brennin had hurt his foot and that he was determined to finish the show, so they needed a few minutes to reblock the last couple scenes. 

They also informed us at this point that the whole OBC was there (which we knew from social media) and that there was going to be surprise at the end.

I immediately guessed what the surprise was, and was slightly mad at myself for it, because I thought I would be less emotional knowing what was coming.

(Spoiler alert: I was not)

So they brought Brennin out, carried across the stage by two other people with his foot in an aircast. They set him up on the table, got all the lights and things set again, and finished out the show.

There was one terrible/hilarious/terrible moment, where they find out Mimi is sick, where Roger would normally run to the “window” in anguish. Instead, they just cut to Brennin screaming “NOOO!” while sitting perfectly still. We laughed. I feel bad about it, but...I couldn’t help it.

The end was great (another great line replacement: “Time to see what we have, time to see” became “Now we measure how that year has passed,” which is SO MUCH BETTER), etc

And after the finale, when I was already sobbing, they lower this “Rent - 1996 - 2019″ banner and when they raise it, THE OBC IS THERE.

Which, of course I knew the OBC was going to come out and sing SOL. Of course they were. But that did not stop me from losing my shit and full on sobbing.

I still can’t believe that part happened.

Some other highlights: Jordan Fisher and Vanessa Hudgens were so incredibly gracious to their fans. They had very limited free time between “acts” and commercials, but they made a point of giving out as many waves and high fives and smiles as they could in their limited time.

At one point, during a commercial break, Jordan Fisher walked by where Anthony Rapp was sitting in the audience and stopped to shake his hand and talk to him and I got very emotional watching that.

Brandon Victor Dixon is just............so wonderful??? At everything???

We had detailed instructions on when to hold up our candles during “Will I?” and they told us many times that we couldn’t take them with us, but Renata and I were annoyed that we were unable to steal posters and screenplays, as is our right as annoying Rentheads.

(If you know a person who went to Rent like it was their job as a teenager, they probably have at least one “poster” or “screenplay” or “stash” that was stolen from the set.)

They had a lot of nice nods to the classic costumes in places, especially on the ensemble.

I loved how diverse the ensemble was wrt age. That’s not something you get a lot of in the stage show (which makes sense given the cast limitations and needing understudies, etc) that really added to the show.

And, listen, you can take the shipper out of the fandom, etc, but dang, I remember why I accidentally started a fandom revolution by creating Mark/Roger. Mark is SO in love with Roger, my friends.

(Also, my rarepair, Mark/Benny, which I will forever love as well.)

Everyone was so talented and gracious and really seemed to be putting their all into what was happening. The energy was intense and amazing and electric.

They needed to do one quick reshoot at the end because, like I said, the cheering at the start of “Rent” blew out the sound of the first few lyrics. They reshot just starting from “The power blows...” and asked the people in the SRO pits to not ACTUALLY scream this time, but for everyone else to scream and cheer like we did the first time. Jordan Fisher ran through Mark’s first verse and then started in on Roger’s first verse before they cut it and thanked us all for our help, and I stg I’d watch that child’s one man show version of Rent. He was super into it 😂

And I’m gonna finish with this, cut directly from Twitter:

Look, I know this show has issues and is, as the kids like to say, problematic, but it literally brought me almost every good thing I currently have in my life. I met Becca through Rent fandom a hundred million years ago, and that's why I moved to Boston with my amazing Boston friends. I met Renata through Rent fandom and that's why I have a podcast. I met SO MANY PEOPLE who are still dear to me because of this show.

Some of my longest fandom relationships - @isjustprogress, Jen, Priscilla, and a ton more I'm probably entirely forgetting because I'm so emotional right now. If we start breaking off tangentially, I know @leiascully through Renata, and @coffeesuperhero through Mary. I know all of my Boston friends because of Becca. I know so many of you because of Renata and the podcast.

Rent was a thing that happened to me at the exact right time in my life, first online and then in person. I feel like a huge amount of my independence as an adult started to bloom when my parents would let me go into the city alone to meet up with Rent friends. This show is a part of who I am, for better or for worse, and getting to see that performance last night, with one of my best friends in what will be the twentieth year of our friendship was just...enormously powerful and special to me.

So that is............pretty much all of it! I might try and jot down more notes as things come to me, but I am very hungry and want to write a few more words of fic today, so I’m leaving it here for now. Thanks for reading this nonsense, if you did, heh 😅

[htommo]

anyway i cant believe there are still people out there who dont think zayn and liam are in a relationship when:

zayn has been in love with liam since i can even remember 

THE PAIN 

:(

he knows liam’s entire music history

liam was in in love with zayn too but it took him a while before he figured it out (see tattoo section for more)

x, x

this masterpost

the vegas fight happened..... which led to the beginning of their relationship where we can see them being all loved up:

itunes x, x, x

germany x, x, trying to walk and early bird gets the worm was about zayn and liam, not louis and harry, x, x, :) :), x, x (germany is even more painful than the yougeneration video)

just as many ziam vids have been deleted as larry vids (e.g. x) 

it’s you before she happened

zayn titled his his entire album in alternating capitals just to disguise the sHe 

zayn whispered brave???? when he wasn’t even meant to be describing liam???? this isnt the only time they’ve fawned over each other either/showed how in love they are:

zayn’s always been there helping liam out

liam had a speech dedicated to zayn’s singing basically every night in the tmh tour 

they call each other babe

they’re literally attached at the hip

?????

?????

liam is little spoon

the soft waist touching??? x, x

liam is zayn’s teddy bear???

they influence each other :( and have the same interests :(

they inspire each other :( 

i need to stop (pls note the lap sitting) 

:(

flirting galore

what is this

this wasnt even meant for public consumption he just wanted to tell zayn he loved him :(, and zayn did the same another time :( 

kisses? jealousy? liam only letting zayn touch his head???

!!

larry AND ziam mirroring and again, and again

more body language!!!

:) :) :) (see section u in particular - liam can’t get comfortable) 

they get jealous too  

they love each other

:)

:(

ok boys

i hate them

:(

subtle 1d day things

liam looked distraught every time the z*rrie “engagement” was brought up (and shook his head when someone asked zayn if he was sure: x)

liam said thank you when someone congratulated zayn on his engagement 

this happened??

all this happened too (including liam saying the rings are gonna get lost) 

see i like your skirt mary’s vids for more 

but zayn and liam are probably most definitely engaged if not married:

:) :)

zayn gave liam a cartier love bracelet

they both have rings

liam’s ring (x) which he replaced with a ‘4′ tattoo which represents an angel aka zayn

zayn’s ring which he replaced with the tattoo below:

zayn has a mandala tattoo which pakistani brides get aka they are marRIED (and a follow up post)

liam’s already married :) :) :) (to zayn if u hadn’t caught my drift)

whilst we’re on the topic of tattoos:

we are the quiet ones is about zayn and liam 

zayn literally has liam’s name tattooed on him

zayn literally has liam’s outline tattooed on him?? dont @ ME 

roses are very important to the boys (liam even got them tattooed TWICE and they mean ‘i love you’) 

‘i figured it out’ and you and i 

liam figured out that he’s in love with zayn and you and i is their song - it’s so important to him that liam got the lyrics tattooed :) (from x)

liam always sings this song to zayn too (x, x) and zayn sings it back

their tattoos match :)

both have constantly made reference to having beards (see: zouiam beardy boys, zouiam ‘progression of beards’ (go to 4 mins in), zouis ‘you grew a beard’ ‘i do have one actually’ ‘so do i’)

(some of this section is only available on mobile)

liam... literally had........ beard..... auditions......

p*yzer 1.0 is shady as fuck and p*yzer 2.0 is definitely fake

z*rrie is fake

also the niall/s*phia weirdness

s*phiam is fake as fuck and rbb predicted the breakup with a 5 day countdown

do i even need to explain why ch*am and z*gi are fake 

z*gi and z*rrie are the same relationship

all the stunts follow the same storyline 

rbb predicted bg with ch*ryl aka colgate 

x

also zouiam avoiding girl questions led by liam 

“c’mon then, c’mon” is a thing (i.e. a literal confirmed ziam kiss)

also the toothpaste kiss!! 

:) (from x)

they constantly share/match clothes (esp on red carpets) 

x, x, x, x, zayn’s pocket square literally matches liam’s shirt??, x, matching bracelets

their family loves BOTH of them

they all hang out :)

zayn’s aunt constantly likes ziam posts on ig

their friends love them too

they have pets together (x) 

liam does not have a baby :)

that’s a post in itself so tl;dr liam shaded and predicted bg by calling a doll thrown on stage a fake baby multiple times, along with louis 

they both support the lgbtq+ community

liam cowrote on home and end of the day which are lgbtq+ anthems e.g. :) 

x

x, x

they are still!! together!! (because zayn leaving was a stunt and all 5 boys are still friends, x !!, x !!)

liam’s constant positive talk about zayn since zayn left 1d (x, x)

he even said i love you zayn during the ot4 history performance on txf (don’t @ me it happened) 

:)

sure sounds like they’re on bad terms!!!! 

they still love ziams news :) wonder why :) 

they! are! together!

:)

they communicate through their clothing

liam wants to collab with zayn

ziam linkage in the media

lyric parallels (get low and fdtd)

x

???? niall?????????

:)

sharing even in 2018 :)

liam brings up zayn at any given opportunity and is always up-to-date with his zayn facts and he can still do zayn’s accent spot on despite the fact that they’ve not publicly seen/spoken to each other in 3 years 

do they even have separate wardrobes at this point?

ZIAMI

ziam love roses 

zayn is liam’s protector

zayn confesses his love for the 1023923490234823th time in let me and i am not ok

this needs a point all on its own

they kissed at an award’s show

fighting the closet

ziam being extra x100

everything in this tag

ziam in comparison with larry?

why louis and harry’s closeting didn’t work, but zayn and liam’s did

they ARE TOGETher

this is definitely not an extensive list (there has definitely been more stuff but this is already long and i can’t include everything because there’s too much) but if u wanna add something feel free (if u want more ziam content, u can check out my ziam tag!)

see also my liam is not straight post

also look at i like your skirt mary’s videos 

tl;dr they are in love; always have been, and always will be 

credit to the ziam gc (in particular @softestziam, @ziam-is-golden, @xxsincerely-insanityxx, and @marvelsziam) for helping me massively 

[crescendohowell]

and when you start to feel the rush

Summary: dan’s never had sex with a boy and he wonders what it’s like.  phil says that he can show him. (literally just 2009 first time porn with minimal plot)

Word Count: 5.9k

Warnings: smut (blowjob, butt sex ya know the whole deal), swearing

A/N: i literally haven’t written in almost two months but for some reason i felt possessed to write practically 6k words of porn in two days so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ who even knows at this point tbh (title from Heaven in Hiding by Halsey)

ao3 link

Dan had never really been so sure about liking boys.  Sure, he had identified as bisexual for a few years now and he liked the way that felt.  It certainly seemed like a label that fit when he thought about all the cute boys he saw in movies and a couple that he had brief crushes on over the years.  But more often than not it seemed like the other boys his age were too brash and loud.  And yeah, most of the time he was like that, because after all, he was young too.  They were all just trying to figure things out and they would probably calm down with age.  

Nevertheless, this made Dan feel like he would never actually like a boy enough to want to date one.  He wanted someone that he could have an emotional connection with too, not just something physical like all the boys he met at parties seemed to want.

It was no surprise really when he latched onto Phil’s youtube channel.  He was older, perfectly so, and he was all the things that Dan thought were interesting about boys.  He was creative and thoughtful, not to mention breathtakingly gorgeous, and Dan couldn’t stop spending all of his time watching Phil’s videos.  He didn’t ever think that anything would come of it, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t hope.

Yet somehow, against all odds, him and Phil started talking.  Dan wasn’t sure how he ever got that lucky, but somehow him and Phil started skyping multiple times a weeks, for hours on end, and Dan didn’t think that he would fall for Phil so much more, but every time they talked, he found endless new reasons to.

The only thing was now Dan felt like the one that was much too young.  Instead of feeling like he was too old for the other person, Dan became painfully aware of how much more life experience Phil had than him in so many different ways.  Christ, Dan even knew a couple other guys Phil’s age who had a child. If they were older the age gap would matter less, but now, as only an eighteen year old, Dan couldn’t help worrying about it.  What would happen when Phil realised he didn’t want to be friends with a kid?

Of course Phil didn’t care about that.  He had his own worries about people thinking that he was taking advantage of Dan when really all Phil cared about was getting to better know the person that he knew was meant to be his best friend.  There was never actually any concern about Dan’s age from Phil himself because he so quickly knew that there was something different about Dan.  Even when Dan did things that were a little immature, Phil didn’t mind because he remembered being young and clueless.

As they continued to talk, their friendship started to get a little more than friendly.  Dan was thrilled by this development and even though he tried to push it as little as possible, Phil was very aware of how many feelings Dan had towards him.  He thought it was endearing.  Besides, Phil couldn’t help falling for Dan.  Dan was the most beautiful boy he had ever seen, and Phil couldn’t wait until he was able to touch him in person.

Dan would remember the first conversation him and Phil had about sex for a long time.  He had been curious about what Phil would have to say on the topic for a while.  One of the best parts of their friendship was that Phil never censored himself around Dan, and Dan loved that he got to see the unedited version of Phil. He loved that Phil would trust him with anything.

In return, Dan felt comfortable enough to talk with Phil about whatever he could think of.  He had had several conversations with friends in the past about sex, but that had been much more nervous and had been pretty restricted to straight sex.  Dan was really curious what it would be like to actually hook up with another guy as he had never actually done anything with any of the guys he had flirted with.

“Is it different?” Dan asked Phil one night when they were talking over skype.  “I mean obviously it is I guess.  You have had sex with a boy, right?”  They had talked about Phil’s past relationships a little but never this specifically.

“Yeah,” Phil smiled a little.  It was moments like this when he felt so much older.  Still, it was nice knowing that Dan felt okay with asking him this kind of stuff. “I mean, I don’t know if I can describe it, but it’s really good.  I’ve only had sex with one guy, the one I dated a while back.”  Dan nodded, Phil had mentioned him before.  “And I was super nervous at first but there was really no need to be.  As long as you’re comfortable with the person and can communicate it’s no different than it would have been with your girlfriend.”

Dan internally cringed a little at the mention of his girlfriend.  They had only had sex a couple times and it had always been painfully awkward.  It had gotten a little better but not really to the point where it was actually enjoyable.  “What if it wasn’t so good with my girlfriend?” Dan asked, letting out a short laugh.

“You’ll get better at it.” Phil laughed a little too.  

“Oh so it’s a problem with me?” Dan pretended to be insulted.

“Oh yeah, for sure,” Phil rolled his eyes.

“Maybe you’ll just have to be the one to show me how to really do things then,” Dan joked without really thinking.

“Maybe I will,” Phil answered completely seriously, sobering up as soon as Dan said that because it was impossible to not think of it seriously once Dan brought the idea up.  Phil had been having dreams about Dan that were not so innocent for weeks now and he had tried to banish them from his thoughts as much as possible, but hearing Dan actually say those words made it difficult to stop his face from flushing a little bit.

Dan blushed too, he could feel his heart seize up a little at the possibility.  He had liked Phil for so long, sometimes he forgot that things might actually happen in the future.  The thought was almost too much to bear.

“Besides,” Phil decided to continue, because fuck it, they were already here and Dan had shared some of his thoughts, why shouldn’t Phil share some of his?  “I’ve only topped before and I always wanted to try bottoming.”

“Fuck,” Dan couldn’t help but mutter under his breath because that too was a visual impossible to ignore.  “Don’t know if I can be of much help with that one.”  He couldn’t stop the insecurities that he would never be able to offer Phil as much as he wanted from creeping in.

“Mm, I think with a little instruction you could manage it.” Phil smirked. “Maybe after a demonstration or two.”

“Bloody hell, Phil,” Dan voice was shakier than he would have liked but he didn’t really have any control over that at this point.  “We need to stop talking about this right now otherwise I’m gonna have to end this skype call early.”

“You brought it up,” Phil decided that he quite liked teasing Dan like this.  “Besides, it’s not my fault you’re a honry teenager who can’t conrol yourself.”

“Oh really old man?” Dan tried to come up with something to say in response even though everything Phil seemed to say was only making the situation worse.  

“Is that all you’ve got?” Phil questioned when Dan didn’t continue.

“You’ve made it really had to think,” Dan protested, falling back onto his pillows and staring at the ceiling because looking at Phil’s face wasn’t helping either.  Even though he knew Phil would never admit it, Dan knew that Phil was at least a little worked up too.  His eyes looked different even through the shitty webcam.

“You’ve gotta come visit,” Phil said, in a softer voice this time.  It wasn’t just lust anymore, there was also a lot of longing.  Phil wanted to meet Dan just as much as Dan wanted to meet Phil and he would have bought a ticket months ago if Dan didn’t keep protesting that his parents would kill him if Phil showed up.

“I know,” Dan replied, still staring up at the ceiling.  “Soon.”

And that was enough to get them off the topic of sex and onto other things that they ended up talking about for another two hours.  By the time that they finally hung up the skype call, Dan could feel his eyes drooping with tiredness.  His movements felt slow as he reached to turn of the light and pulled the covers close around him.  He told Phil everything but he hadn’t told Phil that the real reason he was scared for them to meet in person was because he hadn’t told his parents about Phil.  He knew how they would react to him telling them about an internet friend, especially one that was so much older.  He knew that he needed to get over that and tell them anyways, because if everything went to plan there was no way that Phil was going to be leaving his life anytime soon.  Tomorrow, he promised himself.  He would tell them tomorrow.  

But tomorrow came and went, as it always did.  It was easy to promise himself that at night but in the mornings, with his parents asking him if he had met any nice girls recently, it was always so much harder.  In fact it took 36 more tomorrows until Dan finally brought Phil up.  

After that it only took 10 more days before the train tickets were booked and a countdown began.  Dan couldn’t believe it.

Their meeting at the train station was beyond words being able to describe.  The whole thing passed in such a blur and Dan felt like he was going to pass out the entire time.  The only part he could remember perfectly was the feeling of finally being in Phil’s arms when they hugged.  Phil smelled like boy and raspberry and his body felt so solid against Dan’s.  Dan had never thought that he would be so emotional about a hug, but he could barely stop himself from crying because after everything being so distant for so long, it was finally in reach.  And that was the most beautiful feeling.

Dan had been a little worried that once they were in the same place they wouldn’t be able to keep the conversation going for some reason.  He half thought that Phil would finally realise how boring of a person he was.  It would be impossible to keep up the charade that he was actually interesting in real life, right?

But it turned out Dan had nothing to worry about as they talked just as easily as they had over skype.  Instead of meeting Phil for the first time, it really felt like Dan was just seeing one of his best friends he hadn’t seen in a little while.

Their first kiss was at the top of the Manchester eye.  Dan half wished that he had never kissed anyone before so that it could’ve been his first kiss ever.  It was the kind of kiss that deserved a spot in the marked history of his life.  So Dan decided that if it couldn’t be the first then it would just have to be penciled in as the best.  He couldn’t stop smiling in the minutes following it and Phil told him that was adorable. So Dan leaned in and kissed him again.

On the way back to Phil’s apartment, Dan couldn’t help but think about sex.  Because this was only their first date, actually technically this wasn’t anything at all, they hadn’t labelled it yet.  But it seemed like a first date, and that was much too soon to do anything.  But also they had been talking for so long and god, Dan was a horny teenager after all.  Phil knew that too.  Would it really be so bad if they were to do something more than a couple chaste kisses?

“Do you wanna make out some more?” Phil asked almost as soon as the door was closed.

“Thank god, I was hoping you would ask.” Dan practically melted.

That was how they ended up on Phil’s couch, Dan practically sitting in Phil’s lap.  Their lips were stained red and cheeks a similar colour, as Dan tried his best to shift his body away from Phil’s so that Phil wouldn’t be able to feel how hard he was.  But then Phil had to go and move and all of a sudden Dan’s dick was pressing on his thigh.  Even through the layers of clothes, it was still enough sensation to make Dan let out a choked moan, and definitely enough for Phil to notice.

“A little excited?” Phil smiled as he stopped kissing Dan to talk.

“Fuck,” Dan squeezed his eyes shut as he tried not to move his hips at all, ignoring how easy it would be to just grind against Phil’s thigh.

“It’s okay,” Phil shifted again.  “It’d be impossible not to be.” He lined their crotches up so that Dan could feel how hard he was too.

The shock of that was enough to get Dan to open his eyes again as he looked at Phil almost in disbelief, because he had done that.  He was the reason that Phil was hard and the idea of that was so incredible. It felt weird having another guy’s dick pressed against his, but Dan found that it felt much less strange than he had been anticipating.  “Can I?” Dan experimentally moved his hips so that he was grinding down on Phil.

“Shit,” Phil swore under his breath.  “Yeah, that’s good.” He shifted again so that Dan could be at a better angle and oh god, Phil hadn’t felt this horny in a long time.  And while dry humping probably would have been more than enough, Phil pulled back after only a few moments.  “Wait,” he tried to catch his breath enough to talk.  “I wanna touch you. Need more than this.”

Dan had been ready to protest when Phil moved away but suddenly he had never been more okay with anything in his life.  Hearing Phil say that was almost enough to make him come on the spot.  The want in his voice was the hottest thing Dan had ever heard.  “Yeah, yeah,” Dan scrambled off Phil so that they could move to the bedroom.  “Sounds like a good idea.”

“Yeah,” Phil smiled up at Dan, his eyes full of fondness for a moment.  He had forgotten that this was the first time Dan would be with another guy and the slight bit of nerves showing through reminded Phil of what Dan must be feeling.

“Are you coming or what?” Dan sassed, as he offer a hand to pull Phil up.

Phil accepted it, standing up.  “Yeah,” He paused to kiss Dan, long and deep.  “Just admiring the view.”

It didn’t take long for them to make it to Phil’s bed.  Jeans were shed along the way and the bottle of lube and the condom that Phil had made sure were in his bedside drawer beforehand were taken out.  

Dan paused for a moment as he went to take off his shirt.  He had always had a lot of issues with body image and even though lately they had been getting a little better he was always painfully aware of the pudge on his stomach and the stretch marks on his thighs.

“What?” Phil paused after shrugging off his own shirt when he saw how Dan had frozen.

“Nothing,” Dan forced himself to start moving again because god, if there was anything motivating in the world it would have to be Phil Lester shirtless.  After seeing that all Dan could think about was how perfect Phil looked.  Once they got the rest of their clothes off, Dan reached forward.  He ran his hand over Phil’s chest, skimming his fingers over his nipples and watching as they hardened at his touch.

“Fuck. Feels good.” Phil sucked in a breath when Dan did that, his words coming out breathy.  

“Wouldn’t have thought you’d be so sensitive there.” Dan loved feeling like he was able to make Phil lose control.  Phil, who was always so grown up and measured in his actions (as compared to Dan anyways).  He probably would have continued exploring this newfound weakness, seeing how far he could take it, had Phil not offered up something else.

“You’ve never gotten a blowjob from a boy before, right?” Phil asked.  He knew the answer but he just wanted to see Dan’s shock at his words.

And he wasn’t disappointed because Dan’s eyes widened a little at how direct the question was and all he could manage was a nod of the head confirming that no, he hadn’t.  

“Well,” Phil began, as he started to trail lower, pressing kisses down Dan’s body from his neck to his stomach until he was so close that Dan thought he might pass out.  “They’re even better then from girls.”

Dan could feel Phil’s breath on his dick and he knew that Phil was doing this to tease him.  

“Because I know.” Phil pressed a kiss right at the base of Dan’s dick.  “Exactly how it feels.” He licked a stripe up along Dan’s cock and Dan couldn’t help but moan.

“What the fuck,” Dan covered his eyes with his hand because this was the most intense thing he had ever felt and he felt like he might come before Phil even properly got his mouth on him.  

Phil seemed to understand this because he pulled back for a moment, just to give Dan a second to calm down.  “Let me know when you’re good.” He offered.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dan moved his hand and opened his eyes again. “I think-” He started but stopped mid sentence because Phil was jerking himself off and Dan hadn’t realised that was what he was doing but it was so hot.  Dan had never thought that he would be one to think that a dick could be attractive but fuck, Phil’s cock in his hand was the hottest thing he had ever seen.

“Like what you see?” Phil couldn’t resist teasing, running his thumb over his slit just to make it even more intense.  Really he had just been catching up to the point Dan was at, but if it made Dan this breathless, Phil wasn’t complaining.

“You’re unreal,” Was all Dan could muster in response and maybe it was supposed to sound like an insult, but Dan couldn’t really be bothered to work up enough of a sarcastic tone so instead it just sounded soft.  

“I mean, I think we all know you’re the real beauty here,” Phil couldn’t resist complimenting Dan right before leaning forward again and taking all of Dan’s cock into his mouth so that any protesting would be impossible.

“Christ,” Dan moaned.  Phil’s mouth was so hot and wet and yeah, Dan remembered blow jobs feeling good, but this was a whole other level.  

Phil ran his tongue over Dan’s slit as he bobbed his head.  He moved Dan’s hand so that it was tangled in his hair.  Phil liked it the feeling of Dan holding him there.

Meanwhile, Dan was just trying to process what was happening because it was so much all he could really tell was that everything felt so good.  He couldn’t tell if he was making any noises and he couldn’t be bothered to worry about if he was doing anything embarrassing.  All he knew was he was holding on to Phil for dear life and he couldn’t even warn before he was about to come because it hit him all of a sudden, washing over his body in washes of a pleasure as he let out a choked shout, repeating Phil’s name as Phil worked him through it, swallowing around him without flinching.

“Fucking hell,” Dan breathed out softly as Phil moved back up so they could kiss again.  Dan could taste himself on Phil’s lips and maybe that should have been gross but instead it felt incredibly hot and Dan couldn’t stop thinking about how it should have been impossible that he, out of all people, would end up with a boyfriend as hot as Phil.  “That was amazing.”  He wanted to make sure that Phil knew how good that had felt.

“I’m glad,” Phil smiled, a little amused at the fact that Dan had been so mind blown by a blow job and the fact that he had come almost instantly.  Still, it wasn’t exactly the worst thing for his ego to know that it had been that good for Dan.  Besides, it wasn’t like Phil hadn’t got anything out of it either, because all of Dan’s noises had been incredibly hot and Phil was more turned on now than he had been in a very long time.  “Do you think that you could be up for a second round?” Phil was almost hesitant to ask - he didn’t want to rush things along - but Dan was young enough that Phil knew he would recover from his first orgasm within a couple minutes.

“God,” Dan hadn’t thought that’d be something that he wanted but as soon as Phil mentioned it, Dan could feel his dick begin to react again with interest.  

“After you catch your breath of course.” Phil made sure that was clear.  He had enough self control to be able to wait, after all some things got a lot easier to control with age.

“Yeah, sure,” Dan let his eyes flutter shut as he tried to regulate his breathing like Phil said.  He could feel his heart fluttering, though he wasn’t sure if that was all because of the blow job.

Dan had actually been quite concerned about having sex with men at all only about a year ago.  When he was first figuring out that he might be bisexual, he had been horrified by the idea of anything going near his ass, let alone someone putting their entire cock in their.  He had thought that he would be the one to top if he did ever get with a boy and then maybe it would be okay.

But lying here with Phil, and after talking about it on skype, Dan found that he didn’t really want to top at all, certainly not right now at least.  He liked the way that Phil had taken control of everything so far and he was certain that Phil would make things feel really good for him.  Besides, Dan had got over the fear at least a little after some, let’s call it, self exploration.  He had a pretty good idea of how this was going to work out and it actually it hardly seemed terrifying at all.  Instead his heart was fluttering from excitement.

“Alright,” Dan broke the silence after a moment, “I’m good.”  He opened up his eyes again and looked up at Phil, breaking out into a smile that showed both his dimples.

“You’re the cutest.” Phil couldn’t resist kissing each of Dan’s cheeks.

“No! I’m supposed to be sexy,” Dan pretended to be offended.

“Oh don’t worry sweetheart, you’re most definitely that too.” Phil replied without skipping a beat.  He said that as he leaned over Dan to grab the bottle of lube off the bedside table.

While the sight of Phil’s arm muscles as he leaned over to grab the lube were enough to distract Dan for a second, they weren’t quite enough to completely stop a last minute swell of panic.  “You’ll go slow, right?” Dan couldn’t stop a little bit of the fear from creeping into his voice as Phil opened the bottle and began to warm some of the lube up on his fingers.

“Of course,” Phil kissed Dan deeply to reassure him for a moment.  “Just let me know if you want me to stop at anytime.”

“Alright.” Dan let out a shaky breath.  He trusted Phil with his whole heart and so even though half of him wanted to run away, he knew that everything was going to be fine.

“You ready?” Phil asked as he moved so that he was inbetween Dan’s legs.

“Yeah,” Dan spread his legs further apart in response.  It felt incredibly vulnerable to have Phil sitting there, seeing him like this, and Dan half wanted to close his legs out of embarrassment.  But instead he willed himself to relax and focused on the undeniable anticipation that was building in his chest.

Phil started slowly with one finger.  He used his other hand to stroke Dan’s dick, which was already most of the way back to being completely hard.  Still, the stimulation there was a pleasant distraction from the feeling of intrusion that already felt so much more intense that Dan was expecting.  It was just that Phil’s finger felt so different inside of him than Dan’s own had felt.  It wasn’t worse or anything, it just made Dan desperately want more.  Normally he would take his time with one finger before trying to add a second, but now Dan felt that he couldn’t wait.

“Another.” He voiced his opinion, unable to stay quiet.  His voice already sounded like he was on the verge of begging with how much want there was in it.

Phil gave him a look of a amusement for a moment before slipping in a second finger.  There was a bit of resistance at first, but Dan remembered to relax and in a moment Phil was able to move both fingers in and out with ease.  His fingers weren’t quite as long as Dan’s and he seemed to be always just brushing against the spot that Dan knew would make him practically jump off the bed.

“Phil,” Dan moaned, trying to push his hips up to meet his fingers.  “Deeper.”

“Not yet.” Phil removed his fingers completely and Dan was left clenching on nothing, desperately wanting something so that he could feel that full feeling that they hadn’t even reached yet.

“W-what?” Dan protested immediately.  “What are you doing?”  He needed Phil’s fingers back inside of him immediately, he had just been beginning to feel the pleasure getting more intense.  Having Phil’s hand on his dick and and his other inside of him all at once was something that Dan hadn’t expected to feel so good.

“You’re getting too excited too fast.” Phil was just jerking Dan off agonizingly slowly now.  It probably couldn’t even be called jerking off at this point giving how slow his hand was moving.  He just didn’t want Dan to come again so soon.  Phil’s cock was aching and he knew that if Dan came again now then he would have to settle for a hand job or a blow job.  No, Phil was determined to make sure that Dan was both properly stretched and also not too excited that he wouldn’t be able to last.

“I promise I won’t come yet.” Dan caught onto what Phil was doing.  He wasn’t sure if he would actually be able to stop himself from coming but damn it was worth saying if that was enough to get Phil to start again.

“Well if you promise,” Phil smirked before tracing his finger around Dan’s rim, the light pressure driving him crazy.

Dan let out a string of curse words.  “Phil, please.” His voice broke slightly.

Luckily that seemed to be enough to finally get Phil to comply with what Dan wanted because suddenly Phil’s fingers were back in Dan, scissoring and going deeper than they had before.

“Oh god.” Dan moaned as Phil hit his prostate, making Dan see stars.  “That feels so fucking amazing, please don’t stop.”

And this time Phil didn’t, instead adding another finger as he made sure that Dan was completely stretched.  Phil knew that he wasn’t exactly small and the last thing he wanted was Dan getting hurt.  He did take his hand off Dan’s cock though, making Dan’s hips jerk up into the air as they tried to find friction from something that wasn’t there.

“I bet I could make you come from just my fingers,” Phil said, his voice deeper than normal as he spoke.  “Some other time we should try that.” Phil could see the way that Dan’s cock began to leak even more as he spoke.  He could picture it now, Dan begging for release with his dick hard against his stomach and nothing he could do about it.  

“Jesus.” Dan arched his back in pleasure as Phil’s words combined with what his fingers were still doing.  “Just get inside me now otherwise I think I might combust.”

And for once Phil couldn’t even bother to tease back because that was exactly how he felt too.  So he took out his fingers and Dan tried not to complain about the empty feeling they left.  

Phil reached back over to the nightstand and grabbed a condom.  After ripping open the wrapper and sliding it on, Phil gave his neglected cock a few stroke, sighing at how good it felt to finally touch himself.  Dan just watched on with his mouth open in a little o because he thought this might be the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.  He had never wanted to commit an image to his memory more in his entire life.

“Alright,” Phil moved Dan’s legs again so that he could fit between them.  “You’re still good, right?”

“Oh god yes.” Any lingering fears that Dan had might have had were gone at this point and had been completely replaced by lust.

And so Phil finally began to sink slowly into Dan, his dick stretching Dan open even more than his fingers had and yeah it stung a little but Dan was instantly drunk on the feeling.  Once Phil was fully inside him, holding still until Dan gave the okay, Dan was certain that he had never felt more complete.  Sex had always been okay in the past, but this was so many infinitely times better. This was a type of connection and closeness that Dan had never felt with another person before.  It was something he had never opened himself up enough to feel before.  

“Dan?” Phil’s voice was suddenly concerned.  “Are you okay? Oh my god you’re crying-” He started to pull out.

“No!” Dan instantly had his hands on Phil’s back holding him in place.  “It just feels so good.  So fucking good.” He could feel a couple tears running down his cheeks now but he didn’t try to wipe them away.  “Please just move.  I promise I’m okay.  Really.”  

“Okay.” Phil could tell from the look in Dan’s eyes that he was telling the truth otherwise he would have immediately stopped.  But he understood so he began to thrust slowly, not able to stop himself from moaning at how incredible Dan’s tight walls felt around him.  “Fuck.  You’re so good Dan.”

Hearing Phil swear always made Dan’s blood run hot and the feeling of him beginning to move was perfect.  It was everything that Dan had been aching for since they had started.  Phil started to hit Dan’s spot after a couple thrusts, relentlessly creating a deep sort of pleasure that seemed to seap into all of Dan’s veins.

Dan couldn’t stop himself from reaching down to run his hand over his cock, the pressure so badly needed that it made him cry out.  “I’m not going to last long.” He warned Phil.  To be fair this was longer than he would have expected already.

“Me neither,” Phil admitted because truthfully it had been much too long and the feeling of being inside Dan was better than Phil remembered it ever being in the past.  The tight warmth engulfed him so perfectly and Phil knew he was already close to being able to lose himself in all of it.

“Oh god,” Dan couldn’t stop the warm feeling in his stomach for any longer as he reached his second orgasm of the night.  Everything just felt so fucking good.  For once in his life Dan wasn’t over thinking anything.  There was only pleasure.

Phil came after a few more thrusts.  Dan was still clenching hard around him and the face that he had made when he came was the most beautiful thing Phil had ever seen.  He knew that as long as he lived he would never forget the image of this.  Of Dan looking so completely blissful and fucked as he looked back at Phil with his dark eyes.  It was all because of him and that was more than enough to get Phil to come, his dick buried deep inside of Dan, as he moaned Dan’s name.  

“I should probably move.” Phil finally said when he could begin to think again.  Dan was just laying still, waiting for Phil to make the first move because out of the two of them, Phil had the much more intense orgasm, which made sense considering that he had waiting double the amount of time.

“Yeah,” Dan laughed a little despite the fact that Phil’s softening dick was still in his ass and that probably should have been uncomfortable than funny.  Dan didn’t mind though.  Had it been anyone else he would have cared, but not with Phil.

Phil pulled out of Dan as carefully as possible and kissed Dan once softly when Dan couldn’t help but grimace from the feeling.  The kiss was long and gentle.  Even though the words weren’t quite there yet it almost felt like a promise of love.  At least that’s what Dan knew that he was putting into the kiss.

Next Phil went and got a damp washcloth so that he could wipe the both of them off.  Showers sounded like way too much work and Phil insisted that Dan didn’t get up if he didn’t want to.  Normally Dan would have said that he could do things himself, but with Phil it felt nice to be the one taken care of.  Besides, Dan knew that sometimes he would be the one to do this for Phil.  

The crawled under the covers, not bothering to put on any clothes.  In the space of only an evening, Dan had gone from feeling like he could barely take his shirt off around Phil, to not caring at all.  There was something about him that just made Dan feel comfortable in every way possible.

As Phil pulled Dan close, he pressed more kisses to Dan’s neck.  He couldn’t believe that they were finally here.  Neither of them could actually.  And although in the morning the fears about them living so far away and the age gap and what other people would think about their relationship would come back, but for now those fears were far away from both of their minds.  Instead everything was warm and comfortable.  They had each other for tonight and that was enough.  

[apatheticaria]

my spoilery thoughts on the last of us part ii

i apologize in advance for this super long post that you have to scroll past because i don’t know how to do the “keep reading” option thing

the only reason i’m writing this out is because i’m literally going insane from not being able to talk about my feelings for this game to anyone since no one i know actually cares lmao so this is mainly just for myself and anyone who wants to read this

the intro:

as i played through this game, i also watched a few playthroughs up until the point where i stopped to take a break. this was a game i couldn’t binge just because it’s so heavy and intense and sometimes you just gotta step away and take a breather

one of the playthroughs i followed along with was jacksepticeye’s and at the end he gave his review of the game like he normally does. i didn’t completely agree with everything he said, but for the most part i thought what he said lined up pretty well with my own opinion.

in particular, one thing that stood out to me was when he said that the introduction to this game shouldn’t have been Joel talking to Tommy about what he did at the end of the first game, but rather the whole flashback of Ellie’s birthday at the museum. then at “one” during the countdown to liftoff, the screen should’ve went black and fast forwarded to four-years-older Ellie opening her eyes in her home in Jackson (idk if i’m explaining this well, but Jack’s editor, Robin, edits this together and really sold it to me. if you wanna see it, go to the last part of Jack’s playthrough and look for it towards the last 30 minutes). i think this would have given us the time i think we all needed with Joel before he died and all the following flashbacks would be more focused on how/why Joel and Ellie’s relationship turned so distant - or hostile on Ellie’s part - and could’ve helped the pacing a bit.

Joel’s death:

potentially an unpopular opinion? but i actually like how Joel died. or uh lemme rephrase, i like the way they wrote his death. in this world of violence, hate, and brutality (actually doesn’t sound too off from our world but ahem moving on), i think the way he died was realistic, especially since he doomed all of humanity by saving Ellie in Part I. it just makes a lot of sense that someone would go after him and hunt him down

from the moment Abby and Owen stood over Jackson from the cliff, i was thinking: well theyre gonna kill Joel and since we’re gonna probably be playing as this girl for some (emphasis on some) of the game, they’re gonna go hard on the grey area of perspective in terms of revenge. which i was super on board with, but we’ll get back to that

when this game was first advertised, i didn’t know how i felt about a revenge story. it’s been told so many times and i’m never as hell-bent on revenge as much as the character is because it never feels warranted enough. that is, until i saw Joel die. watching Ellie pinned to the floor with a perfect view of his body, his face, beat to shit as she screams and begs for Abby to stop? haha that’s fucked Naughty Dog, thanks. but i do appreciate that they were able to make me just as mad as Ellie because of just how brutal his death was and how much i care, cared, about that character. no story has ever made me so incredibly enraged to the point i was with the main character full-stop to just destroy the perpetrator and take revenge. that’s why i think the way Joel dies is perfectly done. the fact that that cutscene is so horrible to watch for so many reasons just proves that it does it’s job.

Ellie’s half:

i actually don’t have too much to say about Ellie’s half of the story. this was what i both expected and wanted from the game, the whole game. while i can’t say i was having “fun”, because this isn’t really a fun game to play, you know what i mean when i say that this part was fun to play and follow.

side note: Naughty Dog’s improvement of your NPC buddy is so good, Dina and Jesse were both actually helpful, still not perfect, but also they’re not supposed to do all the work for you. i think the added layer that they could also get caught/seen and alert the enemy was completely unexpected and such a good addition to the gameplay (ofc this goes for Lev as well).

throughout the whole story, there’s kinda a problem with the pacing, and i know i’m not the first person to say that. however, i think the only big pacing issue i had with Ellie’s perspective was that kinda weird attempt of an open world map that they did with the gates. it felt a little unnecessary since i, and most other people, are playing for the story, not an open world with various side quest-like things. i missed the guitar cutscene with Ellie playing the guitar and singing to Dina (which kinda sucks, but i obviously just watched it after) because i just wanted to get back to the story rather than explore a large area. it was an attempt at something different so i won’t fault the game for that too much, but also stay in your lane lol so that section was a bit of a miss for me personally. i really liked the rest of it though, it had me engaged the whole time

Abby’s half:

ok. i have a lot to say about this half of the game since this is where most the problems occur.

first, let me preface this by saying that i don’t hate Abby. as i said, from the very beginning i knew she was going to have a, not justifiable, but an understandable reason for murdering Joel and that the game was going to be about seeing two sides to the same story. except, at the same time, i came here for Ellie, so why am i playing as this heterosexual? im mostly kidding. but fr i didn’t need the entire half of the game trying to get me to sympathize with Abby. i really didn’t need the message to be so spelt out for me, i got it from the moment i realized she was going to kill a favorite character.

i think my main gripe with the way they told this story is the way they formatted it. this story has all the elements to be amazing, but the execution just lacked the...finesse? idk if that’s the right word.

rather than splitting up the game into two halves, they could/should have integrated Abby’s story into Ellie’s so that when we cut from Abby holding the gun at Ellie in the theater to suddenly Abby as a young girl, it won’t feel so jarring when we have to start all over again with the upgrades and the timeline.

i really liked how we switched between them in the very beginning so why couldn’t that have just continued? in a book with multiple povs, the author often switches back and forth between every or every few chapters. you never see a book that starts with one perspective, then at the climax you have to start all over again from the other. at least, i’ve never seen this in any books i’ve read and i’ve read a lot ngl

maybe they forced us to stick with Abby for so long because if we’re forced to play as her, then we’re forced to get invested into her story. while this makes sense, it also really degraded at my enthusiasm for the game. it took me so long to just give up on the idea that we would be going back to Ellie relatively soon and when i did actually realize that was what was happening i was really disappointed.

instead of separating their stories, i would’ve liked to have Abby maybe one step behind Ellie the whole time so that while we play we’re just anticipating when Abby will finally catch up and it builds to this whole thing. instead, when we actually got to the point where everything was supposed to go down, we’re hit with whiplash and back to the very beginning with tutorials?? like did they just expect us to forget how to play since we switched characters?

i’m thinking, after Ellie and Dina jump over the barbed wire that explodes and Ellie’s knocked out, we could have switched over to Abby waking up in the WLF stadium. after Abby sneaks out of the stadium and you have that interaction with Jordan where he mentions Leah at the tv station, then we go back to Ellie waking up and tied to the table and we see Ellie kill Jordan.

after this i think Abby should have met Lev and Yara way sooner because i barely even remember what happened before Abby was caught by the seraphites it was so boring. so she gets caught by the seraphites AFTER we meet them through Ellie being shot through the shoulder (i still want to get all the first impressions of new stuff with Ellie because then it still makes her feel like the main character) and we meet the siblings and blahblahblah.

as a follow up, after Ellie kills Nora, which by the way, Ellie’s facial expressions are just so good with the red light while she’s just beating Nora to death? wow that entire interaction was so well done. anyway, after Ellie kills Nora, and Ellie gets back to the theater and the scene ends with her and Dina hugging, then we would switch to that whole section with Abby and Lev traveling to the hospital to get the meds and it would be cool if on her way in, Nora helps Abby and then on her way out, we run into a door we have trouble opening so we push and when it opens, Nora’s beaten up body is right there.

you get the gist. Abby’s story was barely intertwined with Ellie’s until the very end where she finds Owen and Mel dead. she doesn’t know that literally everyone else, except Leah, is dead too. i feel like that would’ve made the impact of Abby and Ellie’s fight at the theater more effective. affective? whatever i’m not an english nerd

i also think we should have gotten the flashback with Abby’s dad a little later when we’re expected to understand her character a bit more.

overall, i’m not mad about getting Abby’s side of the story, but i am mad that the way it was told felt so disconnected from Ellie. we could still get that whole arc of Abby going to the island to get Lev, she can still get her own story apart from Ellie, but she needed to have more of a interaction with Ellie’s actions.

Abby vs. Ellie, Abby’s pov:

i absolutely hate this fight. i really hate the way it was written and the way it happened. i get that the game is trying to give us Abby’s perspective and to show that in her point of view, Ellie is the villain in this story.

except, AGAIN, i don’t need this spoon fed to me!!! i KNOW that the world isn’t black and white and that people’s perspectives are different, but also? i don’t really care. both characters have gone through shit and both have done shitty things. neither of them are innocent, no one in this world is innocent (hence why i really dislike Mel, but that’s not really relevant), so it really comes down to which character you value more. in my - and most other people’s - case, it’s Ellie. i know the whole point of this fight is to make the player uncomfortable, but i wasn’t just uncomfortable, it made me legitimately start to dislike this game (spoiler for the end of this stupid-long review: i don’t completely dislike it)

the game really emphasizes that this is Abby’s story as much as it is Ellie’s and i get that, but this fight did not need to happen the way it did and the game didn’t need to be even longer after this. a lot of people say that we played from Abby’s perspective because Ellie would have killed Abby and that would be that (and she did, by the way, i relished watching Ellie get her revenge because while i don’t hate Abby, it was still so satisfying even if that wasn’t how the game wanted me to play). however however however, Abby wouldn’t have showed mercy either. she was absolutely going to kill Ellie if Dina hadn’t intervened then she was going to kill Dina if Lev hadn’t intervened.

here’s how i wouldve wanted it to go: we go back to Ellie’s perspective once Abby has the gun pointed at Ellie in the lobby and during their fight, Ellie would get the upper hand because she has weapons and shit (let’s be honest, Ellie would not win in hand-to-hand combat with fully-healthy Abby, we saw that first hand). Lev would try to jump in, but then Dina would disarm him and prevent him from escaping her grasp. then eventually Ellie would have the barrel of the shotgun pointed at Abby’s face and she would hear Lev tell her to please stop don’t kill her and Ellie would listen because the same exact thing happened to her (we could get a short flashback or something for more emotions, idk). so instead of killing Abby, Ellie would knock her out and her and Dina would leave and Lev would run to Abby’s unconscious body. this would end that cycle of revenge and because Abby has something more important to her than revenge (Lev), they would move on.

the ending:

if the game went how i just imagined, we probably wouldn’t get an ending that’s as depressing and open ended as it is, but i’m sure Neil and his team could figure something out, such as Ellie still has to deal with PTSD and Tommy’s really pissed at them and Ellie still looses her two fingers. so we get that little domestic sequence and the PTSD flashback and Tommy coming with his eye missing and showing the map. he leaves and when Ellie is about to leave in the middle of the night, Dina convinces her this time to stay and the next day Ellie tries to play the guitar one last time before giving up since she doesn’t have her fingers (i still want that last heartbreaking flashback, that one fucked me up i love it) and she goes out to leave it somewhere in the woods with it all ending with her walking away from the guitar that Joel gave her to symbolize her letting him go. idk man something like that, still not that open ended, but i’m just talking out of my ass rn

anyway that’s not how it went so we’ll stick to reality.

an open ending isn’t supposed to be unsatisfying, because that’s what this ending was. Part I does an open ending perfectly as we still get closure even though we don’t know exactly how things go afterwards (until now obviously).

after playing from Abby’s perspective for so goddamn long, it was weird to play as Ellie again, even while it was also a relief, and that makes me really sad. in the end, i did feel bad for Abby when she was literally left to starve and “hang” (but again i didn’t need 15+ hours in order to feel basic sympathy).

from the way they wrote the story, i knew Ellie wasn’t going to let it go and she was going to leave Dina and JJ. it made sense and i don’t think it was out of character for her, but the fact they did that in the first place and that Abby was the one to let go first? Abby got her revenge, she killed Joel, but Ellie never got that closure so of course she was going to go after Abby.

in the very end, Ellie is left with no one and Abby still has Lev and a group of fireflies to run to. Ellie’s biggest fear was being alone as she said in the first game, but that’s exactly what she’s left with. yeah life is unfair and i do like that the consequences feel real in this story, but i don’t think Ellie deserved to be done so damn dirty while Abby is living her best life. sure all of Abby’s friends were murdered because of Ellie and Dina leaving is Ellie’s own fault and i don’t blame Dina, but i mean we have no idea what happens to Ellie after this, where she goes. it at least feels like she’s on the road to eventually being relatively okay, as okay as you can be in this world.

i can’t completely articulate how i feel about this ending, even after three days having finished playing. all i do know is that while it’s realistic how Ellie’s story ended, i would’ve liked for Abby to get the same treatment. for her to not actually find the fireflies through the radio and escape from the Rattlers only to have no where to go so that, just like Ellie, revenge cost her everything and we don’t know where she went after.

maybe because Abby’s story was pretty much wrapped up and Ellie’s wasn’t, they’re planning for a trilogy, but i guess we’ll see.

the tldr;

this game has all the elements it needed to be amazing overall imo, i just wish they were all utilized Better. the reason it’s so hard to figure out how i feel about this game is because it has so much potential that just never came through and i’m really jealous of all the people who were blown away by this story. it’s still a good game though, but a 7/10 seems too high and 6/10 seems to low. ig it’s a 6.5/10 for me.

thanks for reading if you made it this far

[hellyeahheroes]

Secret Empire: Top Ten DUMBEST Moments

As far as events go, Secret Empire is probably one of the worst. And considering both Civil Wars, Ultimatum, Amazons’ Attack and Countdown are events, that bar has been set pretty low. So as it finally comes to an end, seven months too late, let us showcase some of the worst decisions made during the creation of this story. They made it into such colossal trainwreck.

Honorable Mention: Dress Like a Nazi To Work Day

Out of all moronic decisions in this event, this was the one that irks me the most because it slipped into real life. Marvel tried to get their retailers to not only dress in Hydra shirts the day the book premieres but also dress their entire store in Hydra symbols. At least one store owner told them they hire LGBTQ and Jewish people and will be dropping Marvel. Hard to blame that person. Who in their right mind tells people selling his product to dress like a Nazi?! And don’t tell me the old “Hydra isn't Nazis” crap. First of all, even if they’re not, they’re still a fascist death cult that had absolutely no moral qualms about working with the Nazis during World War II, copying from their style and being effectively taken over by remnants of Nazi Germany multiple times. At this point, it’s splitting hair. And two, Marvel, you had Steve Rogers say Hail Hydrand a whole year before. Since then you were constantly trying to tell people Hydra isn’t a Nazi organization and NOBODY BOUGHT IT! At this point, you should have looked at the “Hydra Takeover” idea and realize it might backfire. That this wasn’t recalled but went through only proves that Marvel’s head is so deep up its very ass they no longer see the reality.

Number Ten: Captain America Walking Out Of Himself and Standing Nearby

It is undeniable that Marvel did horrible damage to Captain America in this story, basically twisting the guy into everything he wasn’t. I was honestly afraid how, if ever, they manage to fix the character. But I was not expecting them to pull out the good, old-fashioned chickening out by having an identical copy of the character before he was ruined appear to take over. While seeing real Captain America beat the shit out of Captain Nazi is really cathartic, one cannot forget it came to be through rather...ridiculous means.

Number Nine: Tony Stark

Okay, this one is simple. Tony Stark is in this story. Despite being in a coma. Tony Stark holographic A.I. from Brian Bendis’ Invincible Iron Man is filling in for him. Only here he parades around in Tony’s old armor all the time without anyone commenting on it, recalibrated his personality to be constantly drunk and at one point Steve Rogers tries to decapitate him, a hologram, talking some technobabble about how Hydra made it possible for Tony to die this way.

He’s just Tony Stark. He is Tony Stark because Spencer had scenes requiring Tony Stark to be there and instead of killing his darlings like a good writer, he just wrote clearly human Tony Stark and threw some half-assed explanations and lampshades. It’s silly and makes every scene with him impossible to take seriously.

Number Eight: All the Fucking Quislings!

This one is bad. And I mean, just simply bad. Okay, it’s multiple problems, not a singular one. But it makes my very insides turn at the thought. Nick Spencer asked how can he threw some moral ambiguity IN AN EVENT ABOUT HEROES FIGHTING LITERALLY NAZIS and the best idea he had was to have some random heroes join Hydra. I’m not talking here about those who were brainwashed, like Wanda and Vision, although that is a conversation to also be had by their fans about how often this treatment occurs. Although I wonder - if they are too powerful to let them roam freely, why even HAVE them in this event? It’s not like every superhero was there, currently, heroic Victor Von Doom could probably break Hydra at day one and he was nowhere to be seen.

No, the real problem is with the fact they made some heroes join Hydra willingly. Sometimes they tried to throw flimsy reasons in. Punisher joined to get his family back...even though in previous stories he refused the same offer from less evil people. I feel it’s kinda funny they did this with Frank, considering the man who more or less defined him, Chuck Dixon, has thrown in with real-life Nazis like Milo Yiannopolus. Meanwhile, Deadpool and Thor just go along with letting Nazis rule the States because....Steve Rogers said so and Steve Rogers is always right. That’s just a plain stupidity and total lack of compassion on their side. I’m sure don’t feel like buying any book starring them ever now.

But the worst one is, by far, the Hulk. Who also comes back to life for this event, only to smash for Hydra and immediately die.But that is not the worst part. The worst part is how they build up to it. By having Hydra Steve give Bruce Banner long speech over how Avengers and everyone mistreated him over the years and with Hydra he will finally be accepted for who he is. And Banner calls him a Nazi and tells to go fuck himself. And it is a very powerful moment, Bruce Banner symbolizes everyone disfranchised by the society being offered hand by Nazis and heroically rejecting it... Nah, turns out Rogers was talking to Hulk who felt like changing his catchphrase to Sig Heil. I don’t think Spencer even realized what message he sent by this one moment. He basically said that everyone who has been screwed over by the system secretly agrees with the Nazis, but are “too PC” or “too weak” to say it out loud. It’s stupid AND extremely insulting, two for the price of one.

Number Seven: BARF!

How to properly seed a classic Chekov’s Gunman and yet STILL make him feel like a Deus Ex Machina? Make him ridiculously fucking stupid, that’s how!

Enter Barf, a random Inhuman with the power to vomit up things he needs. He shows up in the first issue, is absent through the entire story only to reappear in Captain America #25 and vomit out a fragment of Cosmic Cube. Because why let people work for their victory and earn their happy ending when you can just have all their efforts blow in their faces and just have means of victory handled to them on a silver platter in the most blatant way possible! If Nick Spencer knew he’s going to write himself into a corner, couldn’t he simply change the plot to avoid it instead of setting up something so stupid?

Number Six: Thou Shalt Not Kill, Miles

After Civil War II we were left with a vision of the future where Miles Morales kills Captain America. Once Secret Empire rolled around and we saw Rogers go full Alt-Right on the country, many were hoping this will actually happen. And Miles, with a handful of friends, does join Black Widow in her efforts to off Captain Nazi. And she spends most of the series training them to be more like her....then talking how she doesn’t actually want them to be more like her and how her generation screwed things up....then taking them on the assassination day anyway only to lock Miles up to kill Rogers herself and when that fails, give up her life trying to stop their fight. Which, in the classic refrigerator fashion, pushes Miles hard enough to actually do this. Only to be given one of the most hollow, lazy-written speeches about how killing is wrong. It hits all the old, tired notes. “Heroes should be better than villains”. “If you kill him, you will be just like him!” (a reminder that “you” in this situation is a Black-Latino and “him” is A FUCKING NAZI FOR CHRIST”S SAKE...). “Natasha wouldn’t want this for you.” (she showed it in the strangest way).... It’s especially bad when you have a character who has a backstory of being trained to kill but rejecting those ways, like Nadia Van Dyne, delivering this speech. Despite her background and personality none of this sounds like her words. It reads like she was going through a checklist of tired cliches.

This is why I came to hate this Aesop that superheroes shouldn’t kill. Because nine times out of ten this isn’t done to actually be a piece of a character driven narrative. It’s done to give a bunch of excuses to let villain live when he deserves to die.

Also, that entire plot point dragged since the previous event, in the end, amounted to BUG FUCKING NOTHING!

Number Five: Who Cares About the Civilians, Right?

So okay, the day is saved, villains are defeated, Captain Nazi got his ass kicked by Steve Rogers and Kobik, a sentient cosmic cube, undoes all this damage. EXCEPT FOR FUCKING VEGAS, WHICH HYDRA LEVELED AND LEFT NOT SURVIVORS! Seriously, I don’t care about the explanations given. Someone should have asked her to do it. And no, some “leave it as a reminder” excuse doesn’t work, Kobik is mentally three years old, she isn’t some wise all-powerful being like Odin or the Stranger from whom we could buy this shit. This is pretty much done only so that Nick Spencer can claim he kept his promise to not undo everything by the cosmic cube. He didn’t undo EVERYTHING, that counts, right? It makes all the heroes look like morons and assholes. Even Z Fighters in Dragon Ball have enough decency to ask the dragon to resurrect all dead civilians when they undo everything after every arc. Marvel heroes, for all the “lessons” this even taught them, couldn’t be assed to do even that.

Number Four: Ultron the Centrist

I’ll be honest with you, Pymltron wearing “Kiss the Overlord” apron, forcing Avengers and Hydra to sit and roasting all of them was one of the best parts of the event. But then it also comes off as paying lip service to the “both sides are as bad” mentality that we saw being used by people of today to desperately try to equate alt-right and those opposing them in real life. It’s pretty much justifying this approach in this story and it doesn’t matter one saying that is a fusion of mentally unstable man and a genocidal robot - he never gets challenged on this position because, for all his talk otherwise on twitter, Nick Spencer apparently cannot think of a compelling argument against it. I guess he secretly agrees with him...

And it doesn’t help that while Ultron ends up aiding the good guys, he does say it’s because Hydra became too strong and might pose a threat to him. Sending a message that any outside powers that show support to those opposing Nazis, in reality, wants America’s destruction...

Number Three: Nazi Pandering

Do I really need to explain this one? The entire event does nothing but bends over to kiss Hydra, and by the extension, Nazi ass at every possible opportunity. They beat up all superheroes because the plot says so, while the narrator goes on and on about how NAZI STRONK! We’re told they were supposed to win the World War II and that Allies “cheated” by rewriting reality...but for some reason let the Holocaust in?! Their rule is shown as being the strongest, which is water to the mill of real-life Nazis as their philosophy is based on “might makes right” and they beat up pretty much everyone, even Wakanda. Every victory heroes have against them must be immediately undermined by giving Nazis another win for consolidation. And while the heroes win at the end, this comes after several issues portraying them as absolutely pathetic losers who didn’t really earn their happy ending but it was handed to them by a random inhuman and Deus Ex Machina device. Which brings us to the next point...

Number Two: Cosmic Cubes

All the dumb shit going in this event can be tracked back to Cosmic Cube, be it as Kobik or the shards. She causes Crazy Steve to emerge, launching this story. And she fixes this mess at the end. Shards of Cosmic Cube serve as a distraction to put both good and bad guys on a wild goose chase because Spencer couldn’t think of any actually interesting plotline for this event. All dumb shit evil Steve pulls out can be explained by them. When it’s time for heroes to win, Barf vomits out a shard. And It undermines everything. A story that entirely revolves around this crap doesn’t have any time to actually show things it’s talking about. Maybe instead of running after Dragon Balls, more time should be developed to show how lack of trust and resentments between the good guys gets in the way? You know, something the narration keeps talking on and on and on but never is reflected in the book? Or show more of them acting like an actual resistance would? Worse, thanks to them heroes no longer win because they’re heroic but because they’ve been handed the I Win Button. Any easy win of the villains can be explained by them holding the Fuck You That’s Why Button. Making you wonder why even care if everybody wins only by writer’s fiat?

Number One: Bown Down To the Gary Stu

Most of the problems in this entire story can really boil down to just this. Steve Rogers is a gary stu. He wins because Nick Spencer wants to show how cool and badass he is. His plans always go without a hitch and he never has to adapt or improvise, under him, Hydra wrecks everyone's shit, even if he loses he still wins and in the end, the only man allowed to beat him is...another Steve Rogers. All other problems in the story can be traced back to Spencer’s desperate need to make him look strong. And believe me, he tried soo damn hard. Up to have him go full Super Saiyan God Super Saiyan Four Madara Uchicha with Cosmic Cube Dojustsu on everyone’s ass at the finale. I don’t think we’d see a guy being shoved down our throats so hard if Roman Reigns joined Ultramarines! This is where the book truly falls. Nick Spencer could not let go of his fanboyism over the character and it twisted everything he supposedly wanted to say into a parody of itself, often sending the exact opposite message to accommodate the need to make evil Steve Rogers look good.

So, these are ten dumbest moments in the series. As far as events go, this was one of the worst. It looks like it might have ruined Nick Spencer’s career at Marvel and maybe in general, and will probably make it very hard to look at certain characters for years to come. The only good thing you could say is that it finally ended.

Fuck this book.

- Admin

[spideys-pack]

Death(s) in Infinity War??!!

My purely speculative ideas on what might happen to our heroes.. I hope none of it happens but in my mind, it’s possible.. Lets hope no one actually meets these fates.. 

I don’t hate any of these characters, unless I state so, I don’t mean any beef with anyone because again, these are just ideas that have been bouncing around my head since the trailer was leaked.. I thought I might as well let my thoughts out instead of letting them consume me at 5am or while I'm trying to take a relaxing shower. 

They aren’t in like a countdown order either, I just need to number them because you know... OCD. I DO SWEAR SO BEWARE IF YOU DONT LIKE THAT. Now, without further stalling. Lets get to it. 

1. Vision

Vision is probably on everyone’s lists because of the same reason which is an Infinity Stone literally being in his face. Thanos needs the Infinity Stones to complete his gauntlet. Considering the Mind Stone has the biggest spot on the gauntlet, perhaps it gives him the most power? Anyways, I think Thanos will want to take the stone from Vision and I’m willing to bet like my left big toe that he wouldn't be gentle about it and Vision wouldn't be able to survive the process. That’s why he’s on my list. 

2. Wanda Maximoff / Scarlet Witch

As much as I hate to put Wanda on my list, it seems likely and makes sense that she could die or get seriously injured during Infinity War. Why? Because she may still be harbouring guilt over what happened in Lagos in Civil War. Yeah she did say to Vision that she couldn't control everyones fear and seemed to have accepted that she had made a mistake but I can’t help feel like because this is Wanda, one of the sweetest little smol beans in the MCU, she still feels bad about it and would die trying to prove to people that she is one of the good guys. That or her other most likely cause of death is trying to protect Vision from Thanos and dying in the process. I would honestly hate to see Wanda get hurt let alone die. 

3. Drax The Destroyer 

Everyone loves Drax and if you say you don’t you’re lying. But if you genuinely mean it... We can’t be friends. Perhaps everyone thinks Drax is going to die in Infinity war. Due to the fact that since the first Guardians movie he has been out for revenge for the death/killing of his family. That has been majority of his story arc. At first, he thought the killer and target was Ronan, the Accuser but in the first Guardians he declares Thanos the “real mission” after finding out Ronan was acting under his orders. Although Drax did literally punch Thanos’ heart out in one storyline, I feel like Marvel/the MCU won't let him get away with it and survive. I have a feeling they might kill one Avenger and one Guardian so each team has a reason to fight for one another or remain allies after the war. Drax will probably be the one to kill Thanos. That’s very likely. (But between you and I, I kind of hope it’s Nebula. After years of him shitting on her, I hope she seriously gets a few licks in or honestly fucks him up). Though he’ll probably be the one to do the deed, Drax will probably die doing it. This way, Marvel gets their victory and Drax gets his vengeance and doing so, is reunited with his family. But also saving his friends doing so. Making him not just Drax the Destroyer, but Drax the Hero. 

4. Nick Fury

I know this one seems kind of far fetched, I mean I pitched it to one of my friends and she looked at me like I had sprouted a second head. Just hear me out though... So, basically The Avengers have broken up that’s obvious. 

Side note: (For Friends fans...) It would be funny if like Cap or someone that got arrested because of Tony and his team brought it up and Tony just goes “We were on a break!” I would literally cackle myself into an early grave.. 

With the Avengers at odds, what could possibly bring them all together again emotionally more than physically? The death of Director Fury. I mean it worked for the first Avengers movie when Agent Coulson “died”. Since Fury has roots with pretty much all the Avengers, they may feel a need to unite to avenge Fury as well as protect the Earth but as a team. Marvel sometimes reuses plot ideas, perhaps they would do it for this one? Plus, Nick Fury is a fan favourite and it would no doubt have a very big emotional impact not only in the MCU but with the fans as well. 

5. Thor 

Now I would honestly rather rip my own intestines out of my ass than see Thor die. He’s one of my favourite characters from the MCU. He had the potential to be such a bruiting, tough guy character but instead we get our version and I couldn't be more in love with him. I mean this guy is literally a Norse God and he’s sitting there in his trailer telling Hulk/Bruce about how he “So much has happened since I last saw you! I lost my hammer like, yesterday so that’s still pretty fresh.” Like this guy is literally huge and I love that he’s not serious. “Did I win?” “No. I won. Easily.” I was laughing the whole trailer. Just fyi. Anyways, enough about my crush on Thor...

I hate to think that we could lose Thor. But, his death makes too much sense. The Thor movies don't make as much as the others (Cap, Iron Man). After Ragnarok, The Thor movies are done. Ragnarok ends his individual storyline. The movie also brings Asgard into the war. It’s likely Marvel will kill off Thor because they had even said they wanted to switch up the Avengers team line up, and getting rid of Thor who is one of the strongest could prompt the Avengers to recruit not one but multiple heroes to fill his place. My theory us sadly also backed up by the fact that Thor/Chris Hemsworth is not yet confirmed for the following Avengers or Marvel movies. Perhaps he has signed a contract and they’re keeping it under raps because they know we look into that shit but that could also be my wishful thinking... 

6. Tony Stark / Iron Man 

*Collective gasps from the crowd* 

No, but seriously Marvel loves to build us up but then (hulk)smash us down. Think about how involved and intertwined Tony is with the whole MCU. He’s such a big character and he does a lot for the heroes. Plus, Marvel has launched a comic reboot storyline where Iron Man is now an Iron WOman. And let’s be honest, everyone is crawling over each other to get media attention over being supportive of women/races/LGBTQ... So, they would most likely kill Tony to bring in Riri Williams. Not only will this get them even more media coverage BUT it also allows them to send a huge shockwave throughout the MCU. With Tony being at odds with Cap and most of the Avengers, and him having a son-like figure in his protege, Peter Parker... He has people to leave behind and mourn in other movies. Tony Stark’s death would change the MCU a lot. But maybe too much? I’m still iffy on this one. 

7. Natasha Romanoff / Black Widow

There’s no denying that Nat is a fan favourite. She’s also just about as much interweaved with the MCU as Tony. Appearing in several films, she is a huge supporting character but as much as we try, she's a supporting character and is in a group with heroes like Vision and Hawkeye where they are the most likely not to get stand alone films. She seems to always play a big role in the victory of the team we’re supposed to root for, An example would be when she helps Steve and Bucky get passed T’Challa in Civil War. 

Side note: I would love to link this to the fact that Bucky and Natasha have a history. In the Comics that is, it isn't canon in the movies but I would also like to link Nat saying “You could at least recognize me” to Bucky in Civil War to that as well. Considering Nat and Bucky were romantically involved briefly, that could be an interesting arc considering whatever she has/had with Bruce. Either way, I would love Red Room flashbacks or even a movie... 

It seems likely that Nat could get killed trying to help everyone with the war. Considering she is one of the team members who doesn't have powers... Thanos could easily, and regrettably rag doll the shit out of everyones favourite red head. 

8. Bruce Banner / The Hulk

MARVEL. FUCKING. WOULD. 

They would take Bruce “I know, I tried” away from us. One of Marvel’s biggest hard-hitters who also needs to be protected at all costs. For as long as he’s been in the MCU, Hulk has been seen as the tank. “We have a Hulk”. Perhaps during the Infinity War, our heroes over estimate Bruce and he goes up against Thanos and ends up dead because of it. 

9. Thanos 

Marvel has a tendency to kill off their villains before they necessarily should. I admit, I haven't even met MCU’s Thanos and I already want this mother fucker to get dropped but I would also love to see Marvel develop a villain. The only villain(s) they’ve really developed are Loki and The Winter Soldier and majority of us would argue that these two are not villains. They are pretty much the only two however who have been on the opposing side of our heroes and survived to come back and/or develop. Loki jumps back and forth between good and evil and Bucky was never truly evil, he was brainwashed. The other ones like The Red Skull and Obadiah Stane/War Monger die in fiery explosions before we even get to experience their full story. Although we spend most of their movies hoping and wishing for it. I just hope Marvel gives Thanos enough time to develop outside of the post-credit scenes before the Avengers and Guardians eventually bring him down, if they even do that in Infinity War. 

10. Steve Rogers / Captain America

The thought of losing Cap really hurts, especially since he just got his bestie Bucky back. Although we all know this is going to happen. Chris Evans has been reported saying that he has indeed signed one more contract with Marvel after reading it over and feeling that one more movie was needed to wrap up Cap/Steve’s story. My thoughts are, what exactly is stopping Marvel from offing him in Infinity War and just making him majorly flashback-type scenes in the next one. We all know both Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes have dawned the Cap suit and Shield but he true question would be exactly who is Marvel’s choice? Perhaps Cap will in fact die in Infinity War and it will be Bucky who takes up the mantle and the only reason we see Steve is through Bucky’s returning memories as he tries to handle being Cap? 

11. Loki

Loki is another one of my favourites, only due to the fact that I’m weak when it comes to misunderstood villainy... *cough* Jason Todd *cough* It’s not just me who has succumbed to the seduction of the God of Mischief and his constant knack for well... Mischief. Loki has died in the MCU but he always seems to come back. If Marvel is planning on keeping Thor around, having Loki actually die just might break him if they want to pro sue a more serious angle, we’ve seen what Loki’s death does to Thor. Perhaps having Loki die after he presumably gives over the Tesseract may fuel Thor with enough rage to be one of the potential people to take Thanos out.. 

12. Nebula 

Nebula is a likely casualty of the Infinity War. Simply because of her role in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. 

Or, perhaps she plays a much larger role in Infinity War. In one storyline Nebula steals the Infinity Gauntlet and sabotages Thanos betraying him. If Nebula does this, Thanos could easily kill her. After she was humanized in GOTG Vol. 2, this might be an emotional trauma Marvel could want to inflict on Gamora. Gamora has a possibilty of playing a big role in the destruction of Thanos but having her lose her sister who she kinda patched things up with... That could give her the edge she needs. Despite how much I want to see more of Nebula and have more development for her, this seems possible. 

13. Sam Wilson / Falcon

Sam Wilson would honestly in my opinion, be a tragic loss. His character was amazing from his first 30 seconds on screen. He has heart and humour and it’s hard not to love his character but that’s also a moth to flame with Marvel. They might kill off Sam to not only hurt Steve but also promote Bucky to have something to avenge after Steve dies and he has to become Captain America. We’ve already seen Bucky throw himself in front of Sam to take the brunt of a hit from Spidey so maybe, just maybe there’s some sort of friendship there and killing one of them might trigger Bucky’s need to become an Avenger kicking off a storyline that could support Marvel’s 9 contract deal with Sebastian. 

14. King T’Challa / Black Panther 

Why T’Challa? You ask... Well, as much as I would like to say it’s because Chadwick is just too precious for this world and be done with it, I must make a point.. Marvel probably won’t want to have two multi-billionaire badasses with equally badass suits in play. This is assuming they don't kill Tony, perhaps they will kill T’Challa? Again, this goes back to my theories surrounding Sebby Stan’s  9 contract deal. I think it’s very likely they have chosen to follow the storyline of Bucky becoming Cap after Steve is gone. From the Infinity War trailer, it looks like Bucky is settled in with T’Challa and the Wakandans. Or is that just me? Perhaps Bucky decides to stay in Wakanda. After all, the world isn't exactly welcoming him with open arms at the moment.. How do they get Bucky out of Africa so he can become Captain America? They kill off T’Challa. His only tie to Wakanda. 

I don’t know a lot about Chadwick Boseman’s contracts and I can’t seem to find anything but this again is one of my more iffy theories. I hope it doesn't come true, I love T’Challa, or what we’ve gotten so far, I hope we get a lot more.

15. Peter Parker / Spider-Man = Tony Stark Version 2?

I know, I know.. The thought kills me too. We just got our MCU Peter Parker and I think it’s safe to say, everyone loves having him. 

I have Peter on my list not as a death though. I just think he’s going to get seriously injured. Marvel might just be baiting us with that whole trailer “Tony, I’m sorry.” snippet but at the same time, Peter getting injured makes sense to carry a certain plot line. *cough* Tony’s death *cough*. Tony stated in Spider-Man: Homecoming “And if you die, I feel like that’s on me. I don’t need that on my conscience.” Tony’s compassion and love for the people in his life is a special thing. Something I honestly love about Tony. But, it could be his downfall. In Ultron, we saw that Tony’s worst fear is the Avengers dying and the fact that he “Could have saved us. Why didn’t you do more?”. Tony is a protector. So, having Peter around during the battle could be dangerous and potentially fatal for Tony. Peter has sort of become Tony’s surrogate son/protege and I don’t think he would let anything happen to him. If/when Peter gets injured in Infinity War, I think it will throw Tony off his game. He may feel guilty or worried about Peter and being distracted like that while facing someone like Thanos? Let’s just say if anything happens to Peter, we shouldn't just be worried about him, we should also be worried about Tony. 

16. The Stark Era/Legacy

I swear to you, I don't hate Tony or RDJ. I just can't shake the thought that we’re going to have to say goodbye to him. 

The MCU started with Tony, even if the earliest events take place in the 1940′s with Cap. It was a Stark that made Steve Cap. The Starks are rooted in the MCU and are the basic foundation of it. They’re heavily involved with all of the events of the MCU. This theory isn't entirely the death of Tony Stark but the death of Stark involvement. 

Let me explain/paint a picture... 

Captain America: The First Avenger: Howard Stark develops a serum that can turn an ordinary man into the ultimate soldier. Thus, creating Captain America which in turn saved America from destruction. And well, German rule. Howard’s super soldier was the one that took down The Red Skull before he could develop and distribute deadly weapons to Hitler and his Nazis. In doing so, the Americans and their allies were able to stop Hitler. Also, it was Howard who built that iconic shield and thought to build it from Wakandan vibranium. 

Iron Man: Tony is running his father’s business seemingly where he left it. Using intellect no doubt inherited from his father, he develops weapons and other tech to continue to protect the world that Howard had helped protect in the 1940′s. The plot of Iron Man is showing Tony not only becoming Iron Man but Obadiah, becoming greedy with power and wanting to overthrow Tony. It was Stark tech that ended up saving Tony and America from terrorists and Obadiah.

Skipping forward to the Avengers... 

The Avengers: It’s obvious that Tony had been playing with the idea of the Avengers with S.H.I.E.L.D. He doesn't say something like: “What the hell is that?” When Pepper mentions it. It also seems like it was Tony who had been talking to Pepper about it in the first place when she says “Which I know nothing about...” So obviously Tony had been part of coming up with the idea. So, we can thank a Stark brain for the Avengers too??? 

Avengers: Age of Ultron: No one lets us forget that Ultron was Tony’s fault. Especially Tony. “And then Ultron.. My fault.” (Civil War). Tony was scared for the safety of Earth and more importantly it seems, his team mates. After his vision of the Avengers laying dead and Cap accusing him of not doing enough Tony gets the idea to create the synthetic being that is, Ultron. His intentions were good but his execution faltered. 

Captain America: Civil War: I won’t say that Civil War was Tony’s fault because it wasn't, it was equally Cap’s too for not wanting to sign the contract just as Tony did want to. It was a Stark who opposed the title character which carried the plot. And when all of the basic plot lines were complete, the big finale drawing the movie to a close for the final climax battle was because Tony found out Bucky had killed guess who under HYDRA’s control?? 

Howard and Maria Stark.

At the end of that fight, we see Cap give up his mantle to continue protecting Bucky. What was the reason to give up his mantle? 

“That shield doesn't belong to you.You don’t deserve it. My father made that shield!”  

(Oh, yeah.. a little side note.. Go back to watch that fight scene and at the end when Steve helps Bucky up, Sebastian’s groan in that scene holy fuck, jesus on a tricycle it’s HOT.)

Spider-Man: Homecoming: Tony was the one who built Spidey’s new suit. He was also the one that gave Peter the idea that he was capable of a lot more than stopping “grand theft bicycles”. I mean he held his own against THE Captain America. In one scene Peter and Tony start to argue and Peter’s reasoning for all of his behaviour throughout the movie was because: “I just wanted to be like you.” So, Peter’s mistakes and actions throughout his movie were rooted from the fact that he just wanted to be like Tony. 

Avengers: Infinity War: This movie hasn't even come out yet so I’m not going to act like I know Tony’s full involvement or whatever, but we do know that Peter is prepared for the war because of his brand new Iron Spider suit curtesy of you guessed it, Mr. Anthony Stark. 

Also, Marvel might lean more towards this option because keep in mind, RDJ is getting hella expensive because even he knows how important he is to Marvel’s cinematic universe. They might lean more towards offing Tony to save themselves some cash..

Therefore, if Marvel really decided to kill off Tony, that would be the end of heavy Stark influence. Of course, the Starks would still be present but only as a memory and a company. There wouldn't be an actual Stark to back everything up or come up with new ideas. Unless Pepper is cooking up a little Stark bun in the oven, Tony’s death would mark the end of the Stark line, thus, lessening his influence in the MCU. 

[taeinmycup]

Countdown To You | Pt. 1

Genre: Angst, fluff, maybe some smut in the future

Member: Park Jimin

Words: 3.4k

“Your soulmate clock is actually a countdown of how long your soulmate has left to live and holy shit you have to find your soulmate soon because your clock says you have three months left.” (source.)

A/N: Surprise!! :D A little present because I haven’t written and posted anything for a long time ;) I had this in my drafts for a while, and I decided to go on with it and post it because I love soulmate aus and especially ANGSTY soulmate aus. I think I will split up this fic into two or three parts. It won’t be a long one anyways. 

Partly inspired by this song. listen to it while reading this pls its an awesome song i love hyorin and hwarang dfjgkshkj

Pt. 2 | Pt. 3 | Pt. 4 | Pt. 5 | Pt. 6

You hated the concept of a soulmate clock.

The bright, red numbers displayed on the soulmate clock right next to your bed drove you insane, and you wanted nothing else but smash the stupid, useless object against your wall. You’d do everything to get rid of that clock and not lay eyes on these bright, red numbers anymore.

Ofcourse, you already tried smashing the clock against the wall, and ofcourse, the object did not bulge one bit, as the countdown kept going, and going.

Okay, a correction. You actually didn’t necessarily ‘hate’ the concept of a soulmate clock, but you just thought it was completely useless to have a countdown clock of your soulmate, signaling how many time you still had left to meet your soulmate until… he or she would leave this world.

Yeah. A soulmate clock was basically a countdown of your soulmate’s life.

You had seen the soulmate clock of your friends, and you could see there was a huge difference between theirs and yours. Their soulmate clocks contained numbers with multiple digits, signaling that their soulmates still had many years to live, and that your friends were given a huge amount of time to find their soulmate.

However, the digits that your stupid clock contained, did not have such multiple digits, and as you soon realized the situation, you couldn’t help but become angry, sad, and especially hopeless.

Because, according to the clock, your soulmate, whom you did not even know, and whom you had never seen in your life, still had three months left on this world, before he would leave it.

You had three months. 90 days. 2160 hours. You had this much time left to look for your soulmate, to get to know your soulmate, and most important, to fall in love and make precious memories with him.

To put it in simple words; you were completely fucked.

“Ninety days. Ninety fucking days left Namjoon and I still haven’t found him,” you mumbled angrily, slamming down your cup of coffee on the wooden table, causing your other co-workers turn to you with an irritated look on their faces.

Kim Namjoon was one of your many co-workers in this huge ass corporation. Park Inc., aka your workplace, was one of the most successful corporations in South-Korea, and you had been told that if you would be able to get a job here, your monthly salary would increase thrice, and your social status would get higher.

Well, part of it was true. Your salary increased, and you were not seen as someone with a low status. However, it felt like something was missing. You should be happy, seeing that you had a well-paid job that most of the people wanted to have. You were successful, and you reached the goals you wanted to have since your college days. But why did you feel so… incomplete?

“I can see that your hope is tumbling down,” Namjoon remarked dryly, his cup of coffee in front of his lips as he blew on it, waiting till it cooled off. You raised a brow at him, before letting out a defeated sigh as you dropped your head on the table, making Namjoon jolt a bit.

“Yes Namjoon, my hope is crashing down. Thanks for emphasizing it,” you sassed back, letting out a small whine of desperateness. Namjoon let out a small chuckle, putting down his cup of coffee before he stretched out his arm, only to pat your head softly, showing his sympathy to you.

“Are you sure the clock says 90 days? Not 90 years, or something?”

You lifted up your head, causing Namjoon to retreat his hand as you nodded your head as an answer, a small pout forming on your lips. “Do you think my soulmate knows that he has three months left?”

Your question had your smart co-worker in front of you shrugging, and you could only sigh once more, as your thoughts wandered to your soulmate again. You couldn’t help yourself but keep wondering every single day about what kind of person he was. Was he kind and caring? What would his age be? Would he be older, or maybe younger? Was he handsome? Was he healthy?

You could feel yourself going insane, so you shook your head slightly, trying to keep your thoughts about your soulmate aside, telling yourself that you needed to focus on your responsibilities first. The worries about your soulmate would come later, after you finished your work for today.

“My fucking head hurts,” you mumbled, massaging the sides of your head with the top of your fingers. Although these thoughts about your soulmate stressed you out, you were sure that it was better than the stress your own job gave you.

Was an increase of your salary really worth all this bull?

“How many work do you have left?” Namjoon asked you, his tone calm as always, and sometimes it drove you nuts how calmly he could maintain himself while you were basically in a sort of midlife-crisis.

“A lot. I have to replace Seulgi this week. She has fallen ill and Manager Kim has assigned me as her replacement.”

Namjoon raised his brows at you, putting his cup of coffee back on the table again, a soft tinkling sound emerging from it.

“Seulgi? Kang Seulgi? CEO Park’s personal assistant?” Namjoon asked in a surprised voice, his tone increasing slightly with every word he said. You nodded your head, your shoulders hanging as you kept thinking about how much work you had to do as the CEO’s own personal assistant. You recalled Seulgi constant complains about the amount of work she had to do for the CEO, but that she couldn’t quit her job because she claimed that she would not be able to find another job which would pay well like this one.

“Wow, good luck. You will need it,” Namjoon spoke up, aware of how much work it was, being the CEO’s personal assistant. Especially with Park Jimin as your CEO.

You mumbled a little thanks, and it sounded a bit insincere, but you knew better. And Namjoon did as well. The guy gave you a half-hearted smile, wide enough for his dimples to show, giving you a wink as he gave you a small ‘Fighting’ gesture.

You had heard a lot about your CEO. Although you had never met him directly, you saw him walking in the bright hallways often, mostly with Seulgi by his side, looking so tired and worn out that you thought she would be quitting her job any second. You never had the chance to ‘observe’ him, though, because the man walked as fast as lightning, and before you knew it, he already disappeared around the corner, and you would not see him for a couple of days again. Sometimes even for a couple of weeks.

You had never heard Park Jimin speak, but according to Seulgi, the guy had a velvet-like voice, so smooth that it could sooth you into a deep sleep easily. You were in a position where an encounter with the CEO was something you could not even dream of, so ofcourse, Seulgi was the one who would tell you all the little details about the handsome CEO.

You learned from Seulgi that he was a slow talker, always careful of his words, and thinking through everything twice. Sometimes even thrice. Patience was the keyword, and the main secret to being a good personal assistant for Park Jimin. Seulgi also told you that Park Jimin was a punctual man, and preferred to have his meetings and other appointments in the morning and early afternoon, so that he could have the evening all for himself. Seulgi did not know why he liked his evenings free, because she apparently never asked.

“Don’t ask. Just do.”

Seulgi’s advice to you was short, but powerful. So when you were on your way to the 13th floor, the sound of your clacking high heels echoing through the empty hallway, you repeated her words in your head like a fucking mantra, and you could only hope that you wouldn’t forget them.

The receptionist of the 13th floor had a respectful and nice attitude towards you, as she told you the right way to the CEO’s office in a friendly tone, her smile bright and wide as she pointed with her index finger towards the right direction. You thanked her with a slight bow of your head, but as you walked away, you did not miss her semi-judging look lingering on you, and you knew that she wondered why a regular office-worker would be here on the 13th floor, the fucking floor of the CEO, instead of her regular second floor.

You decided to ignore her judging look, and kept on walking towards your destination, the echo of you clacking heels even louder as this hallway was more empty than the ones underneath. You lowkey fumbled with your fingers, the nervousness eating you from inside out as you tried to steady your breath. You did not know the exact reason of your nervousness. Perhaps, because it was the first time you would meet him directly? Or maybe because of the fact that you might face some sleepless nights, considering the huge amount of work a personal assistant was obliged to do.

However, it was too late to turn back, and you couldn’t help but slowly regret agreeing with replacing Seulgi as Park Jimin’s personal assistant. You were desperately in the need for money, though. And you knew that Kang Seulgi’s monthly salary was literally thrice as much as yours.

“You can do this, Y/N,” you muttered underneath your breath, straightening your back as you already arrived at your destination, standing in front of the shining, wooden-colored door, eying the golden nameplate screwed against the surface of the door.

Park Jimin, CEO.

You took a deep breath, telling yourself that you would be fine, that you would be okay. You then knocked on the wooden door. Once. Twice. Thrice.

“Come on in!”

You jolted a bit in your stance, not expecting the CEO to holler at you like that. Taking another deep breath, you grabbed the golden doorknob with your clammy hands, before opening the door slightly. The door made a soft creaking sound as you opened it further, and before you entered his office, you first stuck your head into his office slightly, clearing your throat softly.

“Hello, Mr. Park. I’m Y/F/N, can I come in?”

The back of his chair was facing you, which was the reason that you could not see his face. The only thing that was in your vision at the moment, was the back of his head, his dark-brown hair neatly combed to the side. You quirked up your brows, as this was the first time you saw him having his hair like that, his bangs gone as his hair was styled upwards.

Not that you didn’t mind. You liked this style much better than his sloppy bangs anyways.

His huge, black leather chair made a soft squeaking sound, causing you to jolt up once again as you saw the chair turning around slowly. Soon, the front side of his chair was facing your direction, and so was the perfectly shaped face of the person sitting in the chair.

It was hard to suppress the small gasp you were about to let out as your eyes came into contact with his.

But what was even harder, was to ignore the burning sting on your right wrist, as you balled your fists silently, hoping that the sting would fade away like that eventually.

You knew he felt it as well. By the way his left hand flew towards his right wrist as his sparkling orbs looked right into yours, and his face slightly cringed into a pained expression, you were sure that he felt the same damn burning sting you felt as well.

The longer the two of you looked at each other, the more your wrist felt burned, so you couldn’t help but look away quickly. As your eyes were settled on his desk, the sting on your wrist already lessened a bit. The both of you were not looking at each other anymore, but you were still holding onto your wrist, as you were trying to convince yourself that it was not what you assumed it could be.

And you knew that your CEO was doing the same thing, as you slowly shifted your eyes back to him once again, his face retorted in utter shock. Maybe panic was a better word for this.

Falling for a certain person has always been a weird concept to you. It actually still was. You never felt these so-called ‘butterflies’ in your stomach, and you never let a certain someone occupy your thoughts throughout a whole fucking day, like someone would do when they were in love. Simply said, you never let yourself fall in love with someone, at least not someone who was not destined to be your soulmate.

However, you never expected the utterly handsome and unreachable CEO in front of you, to be your one and only soulmate.

You shifted your eyes to your stinging wrist, the known, red tail clearly visible to your eyes as you tried to hold in a shocked gasp. You let out a trembling sigh, closing your eyes for a moment, somehow not ready to eye your soulmate directly, as if you were afraid to fall for him at any second.

And to be honest, you actually were afraid to fall in love with the man in front of you.

Because eventually, you were going to lose him. And the lively red tail on your hand would change its color into a dull grey one, a thing that would happen when your other half would… die.

“Jesus Christ,” the man in front of you mumbled, a small chuckle following afterwards, his eyes shifting towards your face as he shook his head with a deep sigh escaping his lips. Your eyes were already opened at that moment, but instead of looking at him directly, you locked your eyes with the grey, marbled floor beneath your slightly trembling feet.

If you were not so messed up and confused, you would have laughed at your own, ridiculous reflection on the shiny floor.

“Fate really is cruel. I never thought I would meet my soulmate in this short-lived life.”

Your eyes widened at his words. His voice was smooth and tender, yet the tone held something… harsh in it, as if he was trying to let out his anger in a somewhat neat way. You slowly lifted your head towards the man, trying to control your semi-irregular breathing, as you mentally prepared yourself to look at him.

As you laid your eyes on the CEO, you felt an intensity that you had never felt ever in your life. As if you couldn’t control it anymore, your heartbeat went insane, the speed increasing drastically. You laid your hands on your stomach, in which it felt like a million of butterflies were flying around, the feeling so intense that happiness was the right way to describe the feeling.

Is this what it felt like to meet your own, beloved soulmate?

“I don’t even know you, yet I already feel like you’re making me nuts,” he stated, the corners of his thick lips moving upwards as he looked at your form, scanning you from your slightly messed up bun to your black heels, your own feet trembling in them. You felt vulnerable, intimidated as his brown-colored eyes scanned you thoroughly. You learned from Seulgi that it was a usual habit of his when he would meet someone for the first time, and you couldn’t blame him for that, of course.

However, why did it feel so… insanely intense?

You cleared your throat once again, straightening your position before eying him directly into his eyes. Ignoring the shiver you felt going down your spine, you took a deep breath, your mind working hard to come up with some words which were acceptable enough to say out loud.

“Then, I think it’s the right time to get to know eachother, isn’t it?”

No, these bold words were not what you originally intended to say at your first meeting with Park Jimin at all.

You already imagined the anger on his face, the image of your CEO scolding you as he would show you who the real boss was here. Seulgi would be disappointed in you if she would be here, shaking her head disapprovingly with her arms crossed over her chest. You had to resist the urge of rolling your eyes at the thought of a disappointed Seulgi.

But instead of being furious at his temporarily personal assistant, who also happened to be his dearly beloved soulmate, Park Jimin could only smile at your bold words, his head tilted slightly to the side as he watched you from behind his desk, his black-raven hair swinging to the side as it followed the movement of his head.

“You might regret getting to know me better, Miss Y/N.”

You lifted up your brows, your lips pouted slightly as you gave him an impressive look. Rich, handsome and well-mannered. That was something to be impressed of, if you had to be honest.

Park Jimin rose up from his big-ass chair, looking like some kind of Goryeo king that was standing up from his throne, his expression not telling you anything as he took some steps forward, coming closer towards your figure. It took him five steps until he stopped, making him stand right in front of you. As you looked up, you realized that he was not as tall as he looked like, causing you to chuckle softly.

The idea of a ‘not-so-tall’ CEO amused you, really.

He touched your chin with his delicate fingers, the contact causing your wrist to burn slightly, but the feeling was more pleasurable than painful, and you didn’t know whether you liked it or hated it. His hand moved to your cheek slowly, as you saw his own eyes following the movement of his hand as well. His soft touch made your legs tremble and your scarred, or rather tattooed, wrist throbbing, the small distance in between the two of you driving you crazy.

“I feel bad for you being my soulmate, love,” he whispered out loud, causing your confused heart to skip a whole beat as you eyed him with wide eyes. You knew exactly what the guy was talking about.

And Park Jimin knew, that you were aware of what he was talking about.

“You’re my soulmate. You’re my freaking soulmate. I’m glad to inform you that you will live a long and healthy life, sweetheart.”

You wished he could stop with giving you these sweet nicknames, as the lively color in his eyes slowly faded away, his watery orbs slightly showing. You didn’t understand. Meeting your soulmate should make you happy, as you should be jumping around in joy once you would feel the burn on your wrist, before jumping into his arms as he held you in a warm bear-hug.

But all you could feel after meeting Park Jimin as your soulmate was confusion, sadness and pain. Maybe also some slight relief, but there was no happiness, nor joy found in your inner feelings.

“I’m sorry, Miss Y/N. I’m sorry that I have to be your soulmate.”

His sad and painful words stabbed you in your drastically throbbing heart, and before you could even stop them, tears were already flooding over your face. You did not exactly know why you felt sad all of a sudden. Maybe it was the fact that he felt guilty about being your soulmate, because he knew he did not have much time left on this world, and had to leave you before you would be able get to know him well. Or maybe you felt sorry for him. He had just found you, his soulmate, only to be taken away from him soon because he knew that he would had to leave eventually.

On top of that, you knew exactly why he felt sorry towards you. And you hated it. You hated it so much.

Because you knew it shouldn’t be like this. The both of you did not deserve to be treated like this.

Park Jimin was right. Fate was indeed, very cruel.