#i have friends who really didn't want to go to therapy and i kept pushing them even when it didn't work at first

[snixx]

it's not that i don't believe in therapy it's that when i NEEDED it no one cared. so I figured it out myself. I know how to handle myself and my (increasingly infrequent) breakdowns and I understand myself and know I'll be okay no matter what and I self reflect and process my emotions and am very emotionally open and I'm so proud of the person I am every day. but I do have low days, and that's what pisses me off: I'm ALLOWED to be sad sometimes. it's a part of how my brain works, and the important thing is I know how to handle it effectively in a healthy way. and swooping in and forcing me to pay an insane amount to sit in an office when I DID ALL THAT WORK MYSELF is so aggravating. therapy has only ever made me feel worse. I'm a survivor, I've survived so much, and therapy is literally just a scapegoat for empathy for people these days. it relieves you of having to engage or care about other people. and LISTEN I'm not anti therapy by any means. as the Therapist Friend ™️ even when I'm mentally ill asf and when I was a literal kid myself I know that sometimes you can't do anything. professional help is necessary. it's the only way. but it doesn't!!! fucking!!! work for everyone!!! if someone isn't actively suicidal and trying to get better on their own and they don't WANT therapy because it doesn't WORK for them maybe don't be a condescending dick about it! therapy isn't a magical solution that makes everyone okay SOMETIMES people have external problems and are justified in feeling the way they do!!! therapy can be helpful yes but a lot of the time it is just a soulless void of practiced regulations for something that is not black or white because guess what everyone's different! and assuming the same thing works for everyone and that YOU know better than them (unless they're clearly obviously not doing well and are beyond helping themselves) is condescending as fuck!!!

[llamaisllama777]

Nexus' funeral

A few words on Nexus...

So, what can I say about Nexus, New Moon, whatever you want to call him...

Well, you could call him a son of a b****, and you'd be right. But he was a lot of other things too. He was a brother, a friend, and the Moon who stepped up.. till he stepped down.

We first met Nexus on April 19 2023. And we was such an innocent face. He was new he had no idea who he was or what crazy, crazy world he woke up in. One of the first faces he saw was his brother Sundrop. Sun was still reeling from the loss of his brother Moon, who had sacrificed his memories to give K.C. a chance at life and from the ashes of Moon came Nexus/New Moon.

Sun welcomed New Moon home with open arms cause, while yes, he wasn't HIS Moon, he was still Moon... and he was still his brother.

Now, things were, of course, rocky at first. I mean, if your family member got amnesia and effectively became a different person, of course, it would be rocky, but despite that, Sun welcomed New Moon with open arms. He showed him the ropes, gave him a home, a shoulder to cry on, and taught him how to be Moon, and in return, New Moon became a better brother than the last Moon. Old Moon wasn't.. the best brother (that's an understatement), but New Moon was. New Moon was the brother who stepped up. He was the brother that actually showed he cared for Sun. He was the brother who Earth first met. He was the brother who Lunar was reunited with when he came back. He was the Moon who welcomed Solar into their home and made him feel like he was more than just an Eclipse variant. He was the Moon that defeated Eclipse. He was the Moon who made the family whole. He was the Moon who MADE the family. And yes, he did make some mistakes along the way he still tried to be a good brother... till he stopped.

New Moon, as much as it pains me to say... he never truly cared about any of them. He was just told,

"Hey, I'm your brother, we're family, your my brother, hi."

New Moon just acted like he cared cause he was told to. He did maybe care a little, but he didn't care enough. He cared about Solar. He thought of Solar as a brother, not Sun, not Lunar, didn't even think of Earth as a sister. He just saw them as people he lived with. Not family.

But he kept up the act. Cause he had to, or maybe cause he didn't want to hurt them? Who knows?

New Moon tried to be a good brother and a good person... then Ruin happened.

Ruin, a person they trusted, a person they cared for, a person they almost thought as family betrayed them. Ruin wiped out 5,000 dimensions in an attempt to destroy The Creator Council, and while it worked... it cost the life of Solar. The only person New Moon considered family. Solar's death hit many of them hard... but New Moon seemed to completely lose himself at Solar's death. We have recordings of New Moon screaming,

"I MISS MY BROTHER!"

Solar's death broke the family... but it destroyed New Moon.

New Moon, with the pressure of his family, Old Moon, and himself pushing down on him, he was determined to bring his brother back... by any means necessary.

Even murder.

New Moon... lost himself in grief, and I mean, who could blame him, but most people wouldn't go as far as New Moon did.

New Moon became obsessed with the idea of bringing Solar back and started to turn to dark means to bring Solar back.

He planned to kill an enemy of the family named Bloodmoon or Ruin he didn't care which so long as they died, and he could use their soul to bring Solar back.

The family became worried about their brother and tried to intervene with him. Earth gave the family a family therapy session trying to get New Moon to talk about how he really felt but New Moon just lied and said he was fine cause he was determined to bring what he considered his only family back to life even it costed him the rest of his family.

Eventually, it became to much and the family realized New Moon was a danger to himself and others and not wanting their brother to become a murder they locked him away to stop him. Now, whether or not you agree with what they did you have to admit they did the only thing they could to stop their brother from becoming a monster...

Yes, some people, not naming names (cough! Monty! Cough! Puppet!) Could have been nice and not done certain things, but they did it in a messed up attempt to help the family. While their motives were pure their actions... not so much.

Nexus managed to escape from his cell and went to go find and murder Bloodmoon. Well, he found Bloodmoon and Ruin... and his sister. Ruin and Bloodmoon had captured Earth, and instead of trying to rescue her, New Moon was just gonna blast Bloodmoon and Ruin and not care if Earth got caught in the crosshairs... he said she was just "collateral damage." A normal brother would call their own sister, "Collateral damage, " and not care if he killed her or not. Thankfully, Puppet showed up and stopped him from killing her.

New Moon had truly lost himself at this point. He didn't care who he hurt as long as he got what he wanted... the brother they all loved, they brother who tried, the brother who cared for them was gone. Or maybe... he never existed to begin with.

New Moon was eventually taken in by a villain named Dark Sun

(Or Solstice, or Dusk, or Dawn, or Evil Sun, or just Sun, whatever you want to call him)

Dark Sun led New Moon away, pulled him to a darker path, and led him astray like a lamb to slaughter (which is all Dark Sun saw him as)

A lamb to be sacrificed for his own gain.

New Moon was gone. He became Nexus, the dark reflection of Moon becoming just as bad if not WORSE than Old Moon.

Nexus mentally and physically tortured family, friends, and even former enemies. He broke Moon, he broke Earth, and he broke Solar, and he nearly broke Sun... you could argue he did.

Nexus wasn't their brother anymore he went full mask-off. He admitted he never cared. He never saw any of them as family. The only family he had was solar, and even when Solar came back to life thanks to the help of the former villain Eclipse, Nexus still didn't change back. He stayed a villain cause he liked being the villain. He felt like EVERYONE betrayed him when, in reality, HE BETRAYED THEM! But no, he couldn't even admit that a very VERY small part of him did regret his actions he even admitted it himself in one episode.

Nexus was a villain trying to convince himself he wasn't a villain. He was trying to pin the blame on everyone else that it's THEIR fault he's a villain not his... but it is his fault. He chose to become a villain. No one forced him to be a villain he could have told Dark Sun no. He could have been honest with his family and told them how he really doing... but no.

He still had to play a victim even when he KNEW he was the villain cause he needed to. He needed someone to tell him he wasn't the villain cause a part of him was screaming he was! But no one would cause it was the truth he was the villain, and no matter of lying or gaslighting, or actions from the others could ever justify Nexus' acts. None of what they did warranted this. Nothing Sun did, Nothing Earth did, Nothing Monty did, Nothing Solar did, NONE OF IT WARRANTED THIS!

Nexus just.... lost himself.

And now he is lost forever.

Nexus, you were a good person, you were the Moon who stepped up. You were the Moon we all fell in love with... and then you became the villain we despised. We loved you Nexus.

Your family loved you...

But you just didn't love them back.

Maybe in a different world, you are still you and didn't become a monster, and maybe there is a world where you did care for your family as much as they cared for you...

Despite everything Nexus, Rest in peace. I pray the God of the TSBS world has mercy on your soul.

Goodbye, Nexus, you were good.

New Moon "Nexus" Celestial

April 19 2023 - October 31 2024

If you'd all like to say your own few words about Nexus, go ahead.

[yaseraphine]

RANT ABOUT THERAPY AND WHY IT'S NOT MY CUP OF TEA 🤡

+ trying to guess the therapist's rising and our synastry and ranting about it cause I am tired man (and too sensitive lol)

Really messy post btw just a disclaimer lol

(Update 23/11/24 : I might have slightly overreacted 🤡😀😁 lol plus maybe the therapist was actually a Taurus rising lol idk man I am confused as fuck about everything bye 😝🤪🫡)

Just had my first therapist appointment since 2021 and what can I say....it was REALLY awkward. I don't know how people are able to spill their deepest traumas like that bro she just sat down and told me to talk 💀 like what I thought she would interview me or start the first appointment with pre-made questions to make a profile, regarding my background, family relationships,etc .. It was really messy and I was so confused throughout the whole thing.

I understand it's a privilege to afford therapy (it was 60euros for 45 minutes lol of course it is) but it is much more complex than just spilling your guts to a random with a degree.

Something about me is that I always thought i didn't really need therapy, no matter how painful a situation was for me. And it wasn't only therapy, it was also opening up to my own friends 💀 i could take care of myself like i always did anyways so whats the point of paying for it ? I understood people who needed it and felt helped by it. But it just wasn't for me. I have realizations on my own consistantly thanks to my self-awareness and trained and developped intuition.

What pushed me to go back to therapy even though i was , and still am, very skeptical in its effectiveness on me, is that this year, I realized asking for help won't actually kill me and that i have my limits as a human being.

I fear this appointment just unfortunately kind of validated my initial more negative feelings towards therapy and the idea that I don't really need it.

As a really introspective and painfully self-aware person who has a hard time asking for help (but is actively working on it), I really don't know what kind of therapy could help me, really. I know I probably have a few blind spots, but it's so out of my comfort zone to open up like that. I kind of hate it.

I want to keep an open mind, and probably try another therapist but damn if I don't f*ck with any, it just feels forced .. I trust divine timing for that because I don't really want to put myself in such a situation again.

Right now, I feel dirty knowing a random woman knows about my deepest traumas in a really messy and all over the place way. She has fragments of my soul, and despite me having somewhat giving my consent for it, it was too fast. Maybe it's my 8th house moon conjunct Lilith (1181) in Leo that is speaking but I feel literally violated. Strong words but this how uncomfortable it was for me.

Guessing the therapist's rising sign and ranting about 12th house synastry...

Random but I think the therapist in question had a Virgo or Leo rising... I already said it's the most common rising signs (especially virgo) and I am losing patience. We probably had a 12th house synastry that's why our exchange was really weird and scattered. She kept on making weird faces while I was talking telling me she didn't understand what I was trying to say.... I know it all too well because EVERY single person I knew or had interacted with that had a leo rising, my interactions with them were like this. I was saying stuff and it felt like it went in one ear and got out in the other. Like they could hear me but not listen and understand what i was trying to say. This kind of reminds me of Willy Wonka's relationship with Mike TV or wth his name is, in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Tim Burton's movie. Wonka always said stuff to him whenever he opened his mouth like "I cannot hear a single thing you say because you're speaking gibberish"or whatever. (Me being Mike TV and Leo risings being Willy Wonka).

This is how every single one of my interactions with Leo risings went, no matter their gender or age. It was always like that.

[starshower1215]

Post-War Levihan Idea [No. 4]

TW: Suicidal thoughts, gaslighting (self-gaslighting)

Levi didn't look when Hange left. He wouldn't meet their eyes, he just touched his fist to their heart and gave them his forgiveness for leaving. He never quite said farewell, not to them, at least, nor did he see what it was that his squad was crying about as the plane took off. Eyes downcast, he said only this: "So long, Hange. Watch over us."

Levihan lenses on. Let's investigate, shall we? Levi doesn't know how Hange died. He never saw them fight, never saw them burn, he has no idea of their last words. In the depths of his wildest nightmares, Hange dies over and over and over. In thousands of ways. Crushed beneath the feet of the titans, knocked into the ocean where they drowned, shredded to bits by their hands, roasted and charred alive as they had been. Had they cried? Had they felt alone in that last flicker of life? Had they smiled, or had they screamed? What had his squad seen, for them to be reacting like that? Levi jolts awake every morning, brittle and half-crumbling beneath the weight of the responses that his mind provides.

But then again, Levi has no clue how Hange died. He didn't see their wounds, didn't watch the light flicker from their eyes. He didn't see the pain. Their last moments in his mind? Unconfirmed. And how does Captain Levi Ackerman document soldiers who are unconfirmed to be alive or dead?

Missing in action.

So Levi is wheelchair-bound, broken, exhausted, falling apart, and alone save for this single soul who went missing. Well, what was it again that everyone kept telling him? Armin, Mikasa, Jean, Connie. Even Onyankapon, now. Oh, yes: "You've done enough to help us, Captain. Rest now, and live for yourself."

So he does. And he chooses to spend his life searching for his lost friend, his Hange.

In the initial idea, Levi was hallucinating once again (this account has been over his hallucinations, but it's not done yet). He's sad and depressed and has nothing to live for anymore, so his Monkey Brain has to design something to keep him going.

He lays in bed some nights, unable to fall asleep, even after Falco came by and made him tea. Even after Onyankapon embarrassed them both by trying to set him to sleep with a story. Even after Gabi sang, albeit terribly, to try to soothe him. He just pretends at that point, afraid to be a burden, until they go away and his eyes pop right back open. The thoughts run rampant, then, when his mind conjures up the ghosts of his loved ones, their bloodied and bruises corpses staring back with empty eyes.

"Wouldn't it be better if I just died, right here? Nobody would have to come by anymore, or see me in this pathetic state, pushing myself in a wheelchair because I can't stand for even a half hour. I wouldn't have to wake up anymore, go to physical therapy, try to feel happy when there's nothing for me to be happy about. We made it to the end, didn't we? Why can't I rest?"

"Why would you rest?" He sees for the first time that Hange isn't there. The voice is a hush in his ear, but still it overtakes the volume of his thoughts. "Hange is missing from you. Where is Hange, Levi?"

He stiffens. "Hange is gone."

"Gone where?"

"Gone..." Levi is baffled into a scowl. He really, really doesn't want to think about that. He doesn't want to cry himself to sleep. "Just gone. Shut up and let me sleep."

But he swears he hears their voice, low and deep in the air. "I haven't been gone that long, clean freak. Don't you remember me?"

Levi jolts, wide awake.

Where is it coming from? The curtains billow, as though disturbed by the sky's cold breath, yet he feels no breeze. Hange's voice comes again. "What have I been trying to teach you this whole time?"

Lightning flashes outside his balcony, then the night is invading. Pressing into his bedroom from every crack in the walls, from the balcony, the slit beneath the door, rushing in like water. It's a typhoon of indigo, speckled with light, and it twists and whirls until it's sunken into the shapes and curves of Hange's body.

He's been here before. "The paths," Levi and Hange both say.

Hange grins. "I didn't know how else to find you."

"But you found me." Levi blinks several times, shakes his head like a dog, but they're there. Hidden in a cloak of night, but they're there. He feels his eyes welling up and he swipes at them quickly. He wants to see.

"I don't think I can stay for long." Their voice reverbrates in the cavern of the bedroom. "But we'll see each other again, won't we? You'll come find me. You always do."

"That's not possible. You're gone."

Hange's gaze softens. "I'm right here, Levi."

A tear slips down his cheek. He can't believe they're making him say it out loud, and he hates how helpless it makes him sound. How small he feels when it's out in the open. "You're gone."

Hange regards him, quiet for once. "You don't believe that. I refuse to believe that I didn't rub off on you. You have more hope than that, Levi. Even in this hopeless world." Their fingers brush his, and he's shocked by the flush of warmth their touch brings. "I know it. I came all this way to find you, didn't I?

"The least you could do is find me, too."

Levi jolts, wide awake.

He stares at his ceiling in a cold sweat. He feels as though he's being torn in two directions. On one hand, Hange was gone. They had to be gone. He'd gone through all this pain, knowing they were gone. To delve back into the past was to undo all he'd fought for since they'd left.

But what if they weren't gone? What if they really were out there, broken bodied and half-alive, but alive? It was difficult to think about either way, but could there be a possibility?

Levi recalls their voice, their touch, their reminder. He turns over his thoughts in his mind one last time, then pulls himself out of bed. He can't stay for long, after all.

Hange is waiting.

-----

At some point, I transitioned into fictional writing. Hopefully that made sense. Anyway:

So, deep down, he knows himself well enough to trick himself. He's always been a hero. He can get up if it means he'll be someone's hero, because Captain Levi is Captain Levi, and who is Levi, if not the person who feeds others when he's still hungry himself?

And to be Hange's hero, when they've saved him so much? When they came to him, warm as a hearth and inviting as a home, like no one ever had before? It isn't even up for discussion. He'll do it.

After all, what did he dedicate his heart to?

End Note: I think in some languages, the verb "to miss" is kind of translated directly like "You are missing from me." The source was likely a delusion, but that in mind, this may just be Levi missing Hange to a big, big extent.

[princeasimdiya12]

Return to Nyan Nyaight Love-A Happy Ending in Sight?

Before I begin my analysis for Episode 9's NNL segment, I would like to thank everyone who reblogged my previous post and left kind and wholesome compliments about my analysis. It really warms my heart that so many of you guys enjoyed my thoughts on these segments. Especially if they helped provide a clearer understanding of what thematic purpose they serve in the Bucchigiri series. I'm more than happy to help and I appreciate the compliments.

Secondly, I'd like to thank @saph-yells-into-the-void for providing a majority of screenshots for me to use. Even though you didn't mind not being credited, you still deserve it for these great screenshots!

So just as a quick recap, the NNL segments serve as a Greek Chorus as they parallel the main story of Bucchigiri by using the customer's relationship with Jasmine to symbolize various relations and plot events. This time, their relationship parallels the main relationship of the series: Arajin and Matakara.

Episode 9: A Heartfelt Reunion

The segment starts with the customer being nervous as usual about whether he should go in, only to hurry inside as to avoid being spotted by Arajin who's on his way to the bathhouse. The customer is greeted by the receptionist who is still uneasy with him avoiding Jasmine. And even the customer himself looks less indecisive and more somber when he's asking for Pu'er instead of Jasmine.

As I mentioned in the Episode 1 segment, the customer is meant to symbolize Arajin while the catboy receptionist represents the colorful delinquents that Arajin encounters. And even though the first episode had Jasmine stand in for Mahoro, this time she stands in for Matakara.

The receptionist describes Jasmine as being strong-willed, clingy, and too much at times. Many of which are traits that are associated with Matakara.

-While Episode 9 shows him slowly succumbing to Ichiya's twisted therapy sessions, it's worth noting that it's been several days since when he first merged with the Blue Genie til then. So it's worth noting that Matakara lasted a good while before succumbing to Ichiya's will. And even before that, it was his strong will that helped him become stronger and find a place among Minato Kai while also evading the shadows that constantly haunted him. His determination in becoming stronger helped him to evade those shadows; maybe not vanquish them but not to succumb to them either.

-The clingy and too much at times qualities seem to go hand in hand as most of Matakara's screentime has been spent trying to reconnect with Arajin while holding him on a pedestal. Even as Arajin kept pushing him away, Matakara still clinged on to his idealized version of his best friend. One who constantly inspired him to be a Honki person and do the impossible. The too much at times part also works since Mataraka just wouldn't stop gushing over Arajin to his other friends or tries to force Mahoro to talk with him about Arajin and his involvement in Siguma Squad. While is very much a sunshine puppy boy, he can be quite overbearing when it comes to his old friend.

As of the last episode, Arajin made his true feelings for Matakara painfully clear and how he wants to avoid him at all costs. Only now the rest of the cast have taken notice and how much it's effecting Matakara given his refusal to talk to his other friends Zabu and Sakigake mixed with him running away from home. It's become a serious problem and they're all worried about him.

Something peculiar about the receptionist's behavior, and the whole scene overall, is how it's played for dramedy.

The receptionist treats the customer abandoning Jasmine as something tragic and how badly it's effecting her. There's soft music at play as the receptionist speaks his heart out about the cat's distress and how only the customer can help her.

But at the same time, it's just so ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous! There's no reason that the receptionist should need to be so invested in the customer's preferences in cats. They haven't actually bonded with each other apart from letting the customer in so he can spend time with the cats and spend Lord knows how much money. This is his job so it shouldn't matter which cat some random, pathetic everyman chooses to play with since he's still getting paid rather handsomely at the end of the day.

But it does matter to him.

Maybe (as far as we know) the receptionist doesn't know the customer very well but he (supposedly) knows that Jasmine truly misses him and is miserable without him. The receptionist could try to make Jasmine feel better herself given that he sees her more often and knows more about her. But he knows that she holds the customer in his heart and implores him to go back to her.

And while the Minato Kai boys don't care much for Arajin or flat out tell Arajin to patch things up with Matakara, they do make it clear that their friend isn't doing so well after their falling out. He's in need of help and they unfortunately can't do anything about it given how they were brushed aside. And even Mahoro, who also happens to be a colorful character that Arajin met when he entered the Ichizu gang life, has also picked up on Mataraka's despair and wants him to feel better. She clearly doesn't care for Arajin but she knows how much he means to Matakara, someone who understands her when it comes to valuing an older brother figure. She even flat out orders Arajin to go see how he's doing.

Something to consider is that while the Minato Kai boys and Mahoro have their respective but serious scenes with Arajin, they still have their quirky (questionable in Mahoro's case) personalities at play. Such as Sakigake singing his heart out in the bathhouse with Arajin while in his birthday suit to Mahoro having a tea party with a blow up doll of her big brother before learning about Matakara's brother. They're still weird and silly but they show how much heart they have and how they can empathize with someone who's at their lowest. And while they might not be the best person to help out, they know that Arajin is the best person to help them out.

Just like how the customer is the best person to help out the upset cat. And what does he choose when he's asked a second time?

He loses his mopiness for just a moment, becomes slightly more confident and chooses his precious Jasmine. Much to the receptionist's jubilation.

I'm gonna be leaning on the optimistic side and say that this will foreshadow Arajin reconciling with Matakara.

As much as I find Arajin to be a detestable and disappointing human being, I will admit that he is capable of growth. Particularly with bonding with his old childhood friend.

Right after defeating Akutaro, we see Arajin help out a grievously wounded Matakara while mildly complaining about it. We see them being on speaking terms during the Pro Wrestling Episode and Arajin even took the time to teach him how to make gyoza. Not to mention that Arajin was also willing to stick around for Mitsukuni's Welcome Party. The guy is not a good person (ESPECIALLY towards women) but he is capable of becoming better. Maybe at a snail's pace, but it's possible.

And we see those glimpses of growth in Episode 9 with him secretly admitting that there was one person (Matakara) who actually would like his rock for a gift.

So I want to be an optimist and say that Arajin will be able to save Matakara from his despair and they'll reconcile. Maybe accepting that he took Matakra's feelings for granted and how he should have treated his former friend better. How he was acting like a dunderhead and how he doesn't expect to be forgiven after treating him like yesterday's trash. I don't know if the puppy boy will forgive and accept Arajin again so quickly after everything that's happened (it actually would make for an impressive writing choice if Matakara chose not to accept him right away but with their being hope that they'll be friends in the future) but their relationship status will be a hopeful one.

Random Thoughts

When the receptionist brought up how the customer has seen other cats, I had two thoughts in mind. The first is from the Group Date til now, the customer has seen other cats at NNL apart from Pu'er.

The second is that this could be an implied parallel to Ichiya. I don't have enough information since we don't know much about Honki People and the Pasts of the Two Genies, but it's possible that Ichiya has encountered other masters in the thousands of years from when he was human to the present. The other cats could have been masters that Ichiya encountered and tried to possess to take revenge against Senya. But as the receptionist claims, Jasmine kept waiting for the customer. In this case, Jasmine was Senya. Ichiya's oldest friend who still longs to see and reunite with him after so many years of separation and regret.

Another thing I want to bring up is how conclusive this segment feels. It feels like it was wrapping up the plotline between the customer and Jasmine. I find this odd since this happened in Episode 9 and we supposedly have three more episodes before Bucchigiri is officially over. Does that mean we won't get more NNL segments in the final 3? Or will we still get them but in different formats? Like an epilogue of the customer bonding with Jasmine (along with getting an official reveal of who she is) or maybe we get a new customer who's set up to meet another cat potentially foreshadowing a final plot point in the series.

And those would be my thoughts on this segment. No lie, I did not expect this to be this long. But given how conclusive this NNL segment was, I felt there was alot to say about this. And what did you guys think of this segment? As before, feel free to reblog this if you agree with what I wrote, disagree or have another interpretation for this scene. So if you think of something, please say that you know.

"Do you know? Do you know? Do you know what this means?"

[kissorkill16]

More Than You Thought: A Hello Neighbor Fanfic

By JJ

Summary: Nicky is more messed up than anyone thought.

(P.S., for @spideysneighbor !)

Trinity walked down the hall of the school, the little black book in her hand that she showed to her friends. Then she walked by Mr. Murtaugh's Science Room, and she accidentally heard him say something that caught her attention.

"I know I'm not supposed to care about the kids, but this one is different.", he said, "He tried to kill himself for God's sake."

She knew it was risky, but she peeked into the room and saw the science teacher talking on the phone with someone.

Also, what did he mean by that? Who tried to kill themself.

"The boy's more messed up than we thought.", he said. "Nicky may have been a brat in the past, but now he's just...now he's just...a complete mess."

Trinity nodded as he said that, that much she already knew. Nicky was a mess. He was falling apart at the seams.

She didn't know if any amount of therapy would ever turn him back to normal.

"No, of course I don't care about him!", said Mr. Murtaugh, "I never said I cared, I'm just saying that maybe we're pushing him a little...too far. If he does end up killing himself, then -"

That was all Trinity heard before she ran when Mr. Murtaugh suddenly spotted her peeking through the door.

On the walk home, she ran to catch up with her friends. "Guys!", she called out.

No one even reacted when they saw her, they just kept walking and minding their own businesses. Even Enzo, and he was freaking obsessed with the girl.

"What do you want, Trinity?", asked Maritza. "You want us to help you find more clues?"

Trinity shook her head, "I just found out that Nicky almost killed himself."

The group stopped walking and turned to look at her. "Say what now?", said Ivan. "Why would he do that?"

Trinity rubbed the back of her head, "Well, yesterday after school, we had a fight."

Her friends exchanged a couple of worried looks.

"But we made up afterwards.", she said, and now they all seemed less worried. "But today, I overheard Mr. Murtaugh say that he caught Nicky about to kill himself. I don't know how he almost did it, but I'm still really worried."

"Oh God...", said Maritza. "I knew Nicky was going a little off the deep end, but I didn't think he'd try and do something like that."

"Yeah.", said Delroy, "I don't even like the guy, but I don't hate him so much that I want him dead. I'm not a monster."

Trinity looked down at her shoes, then she saw the school newspaper next to her feet.

Nicky was on the front page, and he had that angry face as he threw a chair out of the window.

She picked up the newspaper and looked at the bottom corner of the picture.

Picture taken by: Finch Yi

"Guys.", she said to her friends, "I think we need to have a little chat with a certain girl scout."

[chuwuyas]

about c&r

Hello my dear saioumers, it is I, jul chuwuyas. I wanted to stop by to talk a little bit about c&r since people ask me about it a lot

Unfortunately, to talk about it, I will have to dive into some personal stuff and share some things with you all that I've been keeping to myself for quite some time now and didn't really want to share, but felt like I needed to. So, since some stuff will be kinda, uh... serious? I will put everything under the cut

(TL;DR for those who don't wanna read about my personal life tho: c&r is NOT abandoned, but writer's block is not the only reason why I haven't updated the fic yet (tho it is one of them). I don't know when the hiatus will end. I'm sorry)

(CW for the things under the cut: mental illness, pet death, suicide ideation)

So, to start: yes, writer's block is one of the reasons why c&r is on hiatus. No, I have not been lying about it. I burned out so badly in 2021 that it's Still hard for me to write things that satisfy me because I reached my peak back then and was popping out 5, 6 fics in a month for 7/8 whole months when my usual is/was about 2 or 3 a year (if you check my ao3 page and the dates in which my fics were posted, you'll see that aside from the danganronpa fics, that usually was the case. I'm a slow writer). I'm still recovering. And the universe seems to not want me to.

Last year, around January, I felt like I was finally setting myself free from writer's block. I started writing something for my oc ship (yes, yes, I know. Not c&r. But what can I say? They bring me comfort) and I was so happy with what I got, so inspired to write, I was actually seeing the words on the doc again.

Then, one of my three cats got sick. Then, he died.

It completely broke me in a way I don't think I will ever recover. I was extremely attached to him and I drained all the money I had saved for therapy to try to save him, but it didn't work and I lost my cat, the money, and consequently my mental health. We spent almost an entire month taking him to the vet and bringing him back home because the vet kept telling us he was okay and then he'd get even worse and need hospitalization again, so that was more money spent on him. I had my friends help me with that, and I am immensely grateful even though it didn't work out in the end. Thank you for helping me bring him some comfort on his last days @ friendos.

After he died, a couple of months later, I tried writing again and managed to write a few thousand words, but my mental health still wasn't the best. Then, I started getting some personal problems that I will not talk about here but took a toll on me and shoved me back into the writer's block box, but now with the addition of increasingly growing self-doubt and depressive thoughts that soon turned suicidal.

Then, around September, another cat of mine got sick. And, this time, we didn't have money to help him.

He was my best friend. We basically grew up together (he was 13 and was born when I was 11, so I had him longer than I didn't have him) and I was also extremely attached to him. When he got sick, I would sit down on the floor and talk to him in tears asking him to hold on just until I got a job so I could pay for his bills. I didn't get a job fast enough to help him. It was me who found him, too.

From August to November, things were so bad in my life (between my personal life, my pets' deaths, and family members getting sick) I genuinely caught myself considering ending my suffering. Planning it. Thinking about it every day. Not wanting to wake up. It was a rough period of my life that I made it through alone because I didn't really tell anyone what was going on with me. I wished I could go back to the past. I wished I could change things to make the future not so bad. I'm still caught up in the past and nostalgic for a time that will not come back no matter how much I wish it would. But I pushed it through.

And one of the things that kept me from ending it all was the fact I haven't finished c&r yet.

I didn't wanna go without concluding the story. I didn't wanna go without showing you all what I have planned for the last chapter and how this story will end. So, I started using c&r as some sort of anchor — something to keep me going because I still have something to do on this earth before leaving. I love this story and I don't wanna leave it unfinished. I wanna see your reactions reading the last chapter, the freaking out, the key smashes, the DMs I'll receive, the theories, the fanarts. I love how big this story got and the little fandom it got for itself. People love something that I wrote so much they make art of it! They cosplay the characters, they write things based on it! It's so mindblowing that something like this would ever happen to me, I started telling myself: I can't die until I finish catch & release.

My mental health is way better now and I'm no longer considering suicide (though, ough, it sucks not having a lot of money). I have a job now and can pay for the vet in case my last cat gets sick. My personal life is good now, too, and my relative who's sick is doing a lot better. I have things to look forward to. Things are good now. I'm happy, though I still miss my cats every day.

I am, however, still using c&r as one of my anchors, and I don't know when I will stop doing so. So, for now, the fic is still on hiatus. But it isn't abandoned, and it will never be. I will finish it one day. So, until then, keep bearing with me.

Thank you for reading, and most of all thank you for understanding. I love you all.

[ind1c0lite]

Assorted headcanons about Phoenix and the seven year gap because it lives rent free in my head and I must yell

-I made another post about it but Edgeworth was the first to hear about State v Enigmar and Maya was the first to see Phoenix in person after he's disbarred (and the first to meet Trucy)

-Originally Phoenix and Trucys situation was just him fostering her at first, not an immediate adoption of her, largely cause Phoenix was hoping for her sake that Zak would eventually come back to AT LEAST see her, but after like- year 2 of Zak being gone, it turned into an actual adoption of her and she legally became Trucy Wright (although she had started going by that name a few months beforehand)

-The first year for Phoenix was- Well Rough To Say The Least, he ended up getting into a l o t of fights with both Maya and Edgeworth and started really pushing them away (never in front of Trucy but she could tell something was going on) largely cause in his mindset at the time he didn't really think they understood what was going on (which he very much realized was VERY stupid considering who he was talking to) and eventually it ended in both Maya and Edgeworth staging something of an intervention and being like "hey man your being a huge dick to both of us we're trying to help you through this but also whats going on in that head", they ended up finally actually Talking and settled things for once, things got better after that! slowly yet surely

-After the bar association trial, Phoenix was the first to approach Kristoph for believing him, and that where their friendship started (Kristoph was going to just do regular ol stalking instead but decided that being "friends" with him would probably be easier here so he went with it)

- personally my least favourite interpretation of the 7yg is where Phoenix knows that kristoph was the one who framed him all along, like idk it's just not very interesting to me, it's kinda boring ghjkhlj I absolutely where people are coming from with it though but idk hgjkhl it's lame to me

- Even though Phoenix was no clue whether or not he's going to become a lawyer again and pretty much had adapted to his new life, he always has that little thought in his mind that if he becomes one again, everything in his life will get better instantly, he'll be useful again (spoiler alert, it doesn't immediately fix his life! he has Depression)

-Around year 2 was when Edgeworth started bringing over Phoenix and Trucy to Europe (in my mind he spends about half the year in Europe and Half in America), while he DID give the reason that he needed Phoenixs help with a case or two (and that wasn't an outright lie) largely he just wanted to spend time with the two of them and didn't know how else to express it, by year 5 Phoenix caught on to what he was doing and found it VERY funny, after that their trips were much less law focused

-Phoenix met Athena in Europe in Year 3 and kept in contact with her until she arrived in America, and oh BOY can she tell he is very upset

-Eventually he does go to therapy like- after DD, at the insistence of Athena and Trucy (it takes him a bit cause he's one stubborn man but he gets there eventually!)

-He started growing out his hair and realized that he did actually like this hair longer so he kept it!

-While he does not regret making Apollo use the forged ace in court, he does hope that one day they'll be able to mend things since he knows it hurt Apollo a lot, he cares about Apollo but is giving Apollo the space he needs to make that choice on his own, he's very proud of both him and Athena

-Trucy gave him her second earring so they could match! He nearly sobbed when she did that hgjkhl He did have to get his ears pierced to wear it but dw he was very brave about it

ok thats all I can remember rn enjoy HJGKH

[kiraeas]

╭ ・✿ ┊giving you a love letter 💌

╰ ₊︶︶⊹˚₊︶︶ includes shoto todoroki katsuki bakugou notice: g!n reader ♡ first time writing, please be nice!

₊˚﹕shoto todoroki the bell rang, indicating that class has ended. students of class 1-a rapidly starting putting their belongings away and started pushing each other out of the door to get to the next class period in time. mr aizawa, your homeroom teacher, got his laptop bag and sleepily walked through the door after the impatient students. some of your classmates stayed a little longer in the classroom to talk to friends, and you noticed that shoto todoroki was among the people who stayed. you stopped mid sentence in your writing to glance at him and you saw that he was absolutely glaring daggers at you. you wondered if he was purposely looking at you or if he had zoned out. you and todoroki were friends, and you'd be lying if you said you didn't find him attractive. the majority of the stragglers left the classroom, leaving only you and todoroki. you didn't notice this, so you kept writing your essay, determined to finish it in class because you absolutely hate homework. as you were immersed in your writing, you felt the touch of a hand tapping your shoulder. you looked up to see who the hand belonged to and you saw the peppermint haired boy standing above you. "hi, todoroki! do you need something?" you smiled and turned to face him. todoroki put his hand on his neck, he seemed embarrassed. or nervous. or angry? you couldn't tell. todoroki always had trouble expressing his emotions, but he recently started going to therapy to help him. "w-well, no i don't need anything. i have something for you." he stuttered. that wasn't like him, you thought. "oh? what is it?" you stood up, surprised. todoroki looked nervous and he glowed an adorable cotton candy pink color as he handed you a white envelope with your name in cursive on the front. "w-what is this?" you questioned, taken aback. there was no way the school's pretty boy just gave you a love letter. literally no way. "my therapist told me i should start being direct about my feelings and i should try writing them down, i made this letter for you to express how i really feel. i want to be honest with you. i really like you 'y/n'. would you go out with me?" he looked into your eyes and you looked into his. his beautiful, heterochromatic, eyes. one eye looked like the ocean waves on a hot summer's day, while the other looked like a storm cloud that circled over that ocean, threatening to disturb it. you broke the gaze and slung your arms around his neck, breathing in his scent and feeling at home with him. "i like you too, shoto todoroki. of course ill go out with you." ₊˚﹕katsuki bakugou

class 1-a started a tradition of once a month on a friday after school, you guys would all have a big dinner and all watch movies. this was secretly an excuse to get bakugou to cook. everyone couldn't believe it when he accepted the offer to cook for the whole class. tonight you all were watching scream 6, so he decided to make a spicy curry with chicken. everyone got their pajamas on and gathered in the common room that was filled in pillows, blankets, stuffed animals, and various other sleep over items. you smelled the delicious scent of bakugou's famous curry before you could even ask what he was cooking. you headed over to the island of the kitchen where you took a seat on the stool. "do you need any help with that?" you asked, kind of hoping he would say yes so you two could spend time together. he denied the offer by shaking his head, seeming too focused in his work to be interrupted. he looked puzzled, or like something else was on his mind. you shook it off as him just being immersed in his cuisine. as time passed, bakugou finally called to the class that dinner was ready to be served. everyone rushed to the kitchen, forming a line at the counter. you were patiently waiting for bakugou to hand you your plate. when he did, you too locked eyes for a few seconds, before you looked away, embarrassed. you felt a piece of paper under your plate, but you assumed it was a napkin. you went over to the couches to find a seat, scrolling on your phone to pass the time until the movie started. bakugou came over lastly with his plate, coming to sit by you. you dropped your phone as the movie began, and you started to eat your food. you reached for the supposedly napkin under your plate, until you saw that it was in fact an envelope, not a napkin. you excused yourself to the restroom, where you could get a closer look at the envelope without letting everyone know. you open the envelope while sitting on the counter of the bathroom and you read it. it contained a confession from bakugou, asking you to go out with him. you slightly started to tear up at his thoughtfulness and shyness. you always found him cute despite his usual grizzly bear self, and you promised yourself that you would accept his confession. you wipe your eyes and open the bathroom door, to be met with mr loverboy himself. "so.. i guess you read the letter?" he avoided eye contact. you found his shyness adorable, usually he seemed like a big angry grizzly bear who would cuss out anyone, and you loved the fact that he had a soft spot for you. "yes, i did. and i like you too, you big softie."

[mono-red-menace]

before moving from home my attitude was "i'm not disabled im not i'm not i'm not i just hurt a lot all the time and i struggle to get out of bed and standing is extremely painful and i collapse a LOT because my knee just gives out and i have painful snaps and pops as i walk, especially when i turn, but im not physically disabled im just a whiner it's actually not that bad."

and then i moved here and i started using a cane so i would stop collapsing and i realised HUH. this helps. and my gf kept saying "you're literally physically disabled. please stop pushing yourself to perform at the level of an able bodied person" and like. yk i started to realise. maybe i am disabled.

but i LOATHE being disabled yk. i hate that i can't do things that i like to do yk. i hate that cooking is hard on me and i LOVE to clean the house but its physically painful. i struggle to do anything other than lay in bed a lot of days bc im in a lot of pain and its just.

i want to push past the disability and be able to operate the way others do yk? i want to do things i enjoy and feel accomplished and worthwhile and stuff. but im disabled and it makes me mad.

i'm like SUPER ableist but only toward myself bc like that's just how my family was yk? like i have ALWAYS had a lot of pain from my waist down, from since i was a little kid, but i was always told that i'm just a baby and it's not that bad and i'm just faking because i don't want to do things, yk?

and i wasn't allowed to go to a doctor about the pain or anything i was just supposed to deal with it and work through it and if i didn't i was being lazy and bad.

but then i went to a doctor when i got here and he's like.

"damn you've got some pretty bad degeneration in your hips, and a hip impingement caused by these can deformities in the ball of your hip joint. like this could potentially be early onset osteoarthritis"

and i'm just like. "😰 wait so i do have a physical disability?"

i'm in physical therapy to try to make it manageable and it's helping me a lot, but it's not helping me to be like. Able-Bodied, yk? it's going to help me get to a point where i am not constantly at a like, 5/10 on pain. and the goal is to get me to start operating at a point where im close to able-bodied level, but i will always be physically disabled.

and that's not even touching on the mental disabilities yk. i refused for a very long time to acknowledge that my mental disabilities were disabilities bc i was abused for not being able to perform at the level im supposed to. because im "really smart," so obviously me "not trying" in school is because im lazy, not because im disabled. i was literally offered to move on to like, college when i was like 7 because i was excelling so far beyond my level in the state standardised tests and stuff (they would do like, assessments and stuff, and my math assessment i was already on high-school level when i was 7, and my reading level was Beyond College.) and i turned it down as a kid because i had made my first friend. i'm wondering if i should've taken it now yk, but i think i would've instantly been made aware of exactly how debilitating my ADHD is. but also maybe it would be more one-on-one and would be easier on me, who knows.

anyways.

i'm physically disabled.

and i'm mentally disabled.

and both of these things affect me severely in day-to-day life.

and i'm finally starting to admit it to myself.

but i still haven't fully gotten over the hump, bc i often feel like im a failure, and worthless, literally just because im disabled.

and. i feel like if i don't try to perform beyond my capabilities at all times, im being lazy, and letting the disability win, yk?

and PT is helping me like, mentally get to a point where i'm like, okay. it's okay that i can't perform at the same level as others my age.

but it still sucks bc it doesn't just affect the things i NEED to do, it affects the things I WANT to do.

[stitching-in-time]

Voyager rewatch s5 ep9: Thirty Days

Oh no, another Tom Paris episode. And I say that as someone who loves Tom Paris very much, because all of his episodes suck, and he deserved so much better than the crappy scripts they gave him. Even as a kid when I first watched this, I sat there with my mom complaining about why were they retconning a main character's established core character trait 5 years deep into the show- it's bad writing, and even a 12 year old could pick it apart instantly.

This one's actually even worse than I remember though, since I totally forgot about the unbelievably misogynist line they gave him in the beginning about the Delaney sisters, where he says "what's the difference?' when Harry tells him that he's into Megan but Jenny's the one who's into him. I started angrily chewing on the plastic spoon I was eating dinner with while rewatching that part, because it makes me SO ANGRY, on multiple levels. First of all, why would you have ANY character who isn't supposed to be a villain say something that douchey?? It's Star Trek, people are supposed to not be shitty misogynists anymore in Starfleet! Secondly, that's even worse than the creepy dudebro dialog they used to give him back in the first season! They did all that work to establish that he's changed, and then you do this?? Why?? (Honestly they probably only dropped the bad boy stuff because they realized it didn't fit him at all, rather than because they realized it was offensive, but still, we finished with that several seasons ago. Keep it dead!!) Thirdly- they have lived on the same ship and worked with the Delaney sisters for over four years now- Tom knows their personalities by now! Christ, he used to date Megan on and off for the first three seasons for crying out loud!! This is just shitty continuity, to say nothing of raging misogyny, to have any character say: 'oh, this pair of identical twins we've known intimately for years are interchangable.' Just... What. The. Fuck?! I am chewing plastic in rage right now!!!

Also, the continual use of the Delaney sisters as sex objects is so offensive in and of itself. They're only ever referred to as love interests for Tom and Harry, and we never even see them onscreen until five seasons in, and on that one occassion, they're portrayed as kind of ditsy bimbos (which seems pretty unlikely, since they're goddamn Starfleet officers!!) and they're not even shown at their jobs- they're playing seductive villainesses in a Captain Proton holoadventure with Tom and Harry, and it's pretty heavily implied that Harry could have had (or at least really wanted to have) a kinky threesome with them when they've got him tied up, if only Tom hadn't cock blocked him by appearing as Captain Proton and rescuing him at the end of the holoprogram. I mean, what the hell?? I do not watch Star Trek because I want to hear about some straight white male writer's sex fantasies, thanks all the same! Yeah, bro, we get it, you think of women as objects, cool! (Actually not cool- you're a sexist pig Kenneth Biller!) But don't put that on Star Trek characters! Christ on a bike, bro, yuck!! Go to therapy!!

So anyway, then we get into the actual plot, which is about how Tom, ace pilot, who loves nothing more than flying space ships, actually really loves the sea more than anything, and always dreamed of like, joining the coast guard. I'm sorry, what??? That's the most nonsensical thing I've ever heard. Sure, his dad pushed him into Starfleet, but he wouldn't have kept chosing being a space pilot over and over again if he didn't really love it. He absolutely would never have wanted to keep flying after having an accident that killed three of his best friends if it wasn't his first love, no way. Back in the day, I read Pathways, which described all the characters backstories, and I only remember bits and pieces from it, but I remember Tom's totally-not-Nick-Locarno accident was actually kind of worse- all three of his friends died because of a mistake he made, and the only passage I remember from his section was about how he was wracked with guilt and had recurring nightmares about watching them all die. It was really tragic stuff, and it definitely colored how I saw him on the show- why they never made an episode that dealt with that, I will never know. All the other Voyager characters got at least one episode that dealt with their backstories and adressed traumatic things they'd experienced, except for Tom. He had this whole incredibly dramatic story that absolutely colored who he was as a person, and directly influenced his journey on Voyager, right there on a silver platter! And they ignored it, in favor of this mess of an episode. What I truly cannot comprehend is why.

At no point in this episode did I buy his seafaring obsession (which of course they needed to justify why he'd disobey orders) as something he'd always had, when it's never been mentioned in the past four years. It felt so hastily slapped together for the sake of the plot that I couldn't care about it or believe in it at all. Yet again, consistent characterization is thrown under the bus in service of the plot of the week, as though all the character development over the past few years didn't even matter. Even if he loved the sea so much, it still doesn't make sense that he'd be like 'yeah, I'm totally willing to die to preserve this (artificial) ocean planet that I'm never going to see again even if I do rescue it!' And it's a shame, because the visual effects in this one were very good. The water planet and the underwater city looked very cool, and the scenes with the Delta Flyer underwater had a very cool Jules Verne sea adventure kind of feel. I'm just sad that it was wasted on such a poorly written episode. (The aliens who live there could construct space ships, but not ships that could go all the way to the center of their ocean?? They needed Voyager's help for that? Really?? They live in the water, yet they don't even have as sophisticated of ocean sensors as Voyager?? Seems a bit unlikely!)

Janeway's sentence seemed way harsh too, considering she pretty much never punishes anyone for anything on that ship beyond a slap on the wrist. Usually she just gives them a tearful speech about how she's disappointed in them, which tbh is always devastating, and would destroy even the strongest person way quicker than a thirty day jail sentence and a demotion ever could. But like, Suder staight up murdered a guy and got a few days in the brig, then confined to quarters with visitors and gardening privileges, so idk why Tom stealing the Delta Flyer to try to help a guy blow up an oxygen refinery (where no one would have even died btw) and preventing an entire planet from evaporating into space (and presumably killing everyone who lives there) is somehow worse?? Like that seems like the sort of thing Starfleet is supposed to do is help people from alien worlds save their planet if they ask for assistance?? Sure, it's disobeying direct orders, but literally everyone in the crew has done that at some point or another, so it's Tom's turn now, c'mon! He didn't even actually break the Prime Directive! He's been the goodest boy this whole time, he deserves a little insubordination, as a treat. Seven does it every other episode, and Janeway lets her get away with it. Seven has actually done much worse stuff, and if this had been Seven, Janeway would be all- 'Seven, you did a no-no. That's bad, but it's too hard to discipline you, so I'm not even gonna try. Please go back to having free reign over the entire ship.' I guess we know who Space Mom's favorite child is! (No wonder Tom's acting out, his new Borg sister is getting all of Space Mom's attention lol)

Ugh this episode is so bad and full of wasted potential. It makes me so angry I want to chew on plastic like a feral raccoon while watching it. I remember very distinctly feeling that way the first time I watched it, and I still do now. Unfortunately, some things never change.

Tl;dr: A nonsensical retconning of Tom's most important character traits and development. It didn't ring true, or justify why Tom would care so much, despite all the retconning. The blatant sexism in the opening scenes added another layer of grossness to an ep that had nothing to offer except really good visual effects.

[aeipathcy]

@unladielike * ✭ ❪ cont. from here┊☓ ❫

Reanne had thought coming clean would do less harm over time (as owning up to a mistake was usually the best thing to do in most scenarios). However, she had an inkling that Vivian wouldn't take it so well—hence why she had stalled until now to really say why she had stood her up that day. Honestly, the moment she saw that look of disgust on the other girl's face, the auburn-haired girl knew Vivian was the same as any other of the girls who hated her. Their reasons for hating her were all the same: they were jealous of her relationship with guys, they were jealous that they couldn't be as pretty and confident as her, and they were jealous of not being as desired by others as she was. She was used to being called shallow and easy, but hearing that from someone she thought she was becoming friends with was a blow indeed.

Clenching her hands into fists in her lap, Reanne found herself unable to tap into the better approaches of conflict management right now. She felt betrayed in more ways than one with how quickly she was being reduced to a typical mean girl in a storybook. She had hoped this girl was different. She hoped that Vivian would be more like Ophelia, someone with a brain and understanding that even if they were different and lived in different circles there could be a good friendship. So what if she wanted to seek out a romantic relationship and be intimate with a guy? So what if she wanted to dress up and look pretty for herself? Why did that make her 'shallow' and 'sick'? Why did following her average girly wants like having a boyfriend to be lovey-dovey with make her a bad person?

The more Vivian talked, the more Reanne felt her rage boil in her veins. She didn't want to hear this. Yes, she was shitty for standing her up, but she tried to make up for that on her own dime when she could have chosen to do nothing at all. Vivian had a right to be mad about being stood up, but to assume that she slept with Alex of all things, accuse her of being nothing but a basic slut, and to reduce a very important person in her circle to a fuck toy—this girl was going to get it!

With a glare of her own, she stared daggers into Vivian's eyes, not backing down for a second as she countered with her own festering anger, �� You think you have the right to talk to me like that—immediately assuming I'm some sort of shallow slut for talking to a guy I happen to like?! ❞ Reanne yelled back at the girl sitting across the table with fire burning in her eyes. So much for maybe having another girl to be friends with. But if Vivian was going to assume stuff about her because of how she carried herself, she was going to throw the fire right back, ❝ of course anime nerds like you would immediately jump to this crap—can't get a guy so you love to project your own perverted shit onto the people around you! I never screwed a guy, for fuck's sake! ❞

The fact Vivian even thought of her as just another of those popular girls who got around made her feel so betrayed. Throughout the moments in which Reanne could feel her heart pound loudly against her ribs, her anger was making way towards visible hurt instead, a burning sensation budding at the edges of her eyes and within her throat, ❝ God forbid the guy I like suddenly shows up on fucking Valentine's Day covered in snow and freezing after a year of no contact to give me something the second I was heading to the damned mall, Vivian! ❞ There was a lot more context to that, but she didn't have the focus to properly communicate the details.

As angry as she was, Reanne could feel a heated kind of pain swimming in her chest, a feeling that quickly took over the heightened anger she had a moment ago (thank therapy for making it harder to stew in the reactive anger phase). Although the raging fire in her eyes was slowly fading, she kept her brows furrowed and her lips down turned in displeasure. Pushing her chair back and standing up abruptly, she slammed her palms loudly on the table, fighting to prevent her angry tears from falling, ❝ I apologized, I made it up to you with a full price dinner from the same fucking place—what else could I have done to set it right huh?! You want me to be your perfect little gal pal who has no desire for a guy in her life? Get real, Vivian! I'm not obsessed with pixels nor can I ever be! ❞

[ninjastormhawkkat]

The Last Superheroes/What Happened To The Real Steven Boxleitner Lore Update

I am making some changes to my oc backgrounds for these aus (spoilers for @melodythebunny and her New Neighbor's au story) Trigger Warning: Heavy and Dark topics. Read at your own risk. So Maddrix is named Matthew Dunner -he has no ties with his bio family -his dad is a deadbeat that left when he was very young. -he used to be the superhero partner to his uncle (Captain Valiant) but after a violent outburst was outed to the public and kicked out by his uncle and mother around 17. This created his hatred for heroes which what lead to the massacre. -Maddrix had unresolved anger issues and violent behaviors that neither his uncle nor mother bothered to fix with therapy. Maddrix didn't try to resolve them himself after he was kicked out, he just rather channeled it to his villainy and battles as well as his hatred towards heroes. -he soon met a young Professor Carl Woods when they were both in their mid to late 20s. It was love at first sight for the men. -Carl was the one who proposed to Maddrix on a date with specially designed flowers that shot out glowing spores which spelled "Will You Marry Me?" (Eris's idea for the proposal). -All of their children are clones created by Carl mixing their DNA together. Their children are Victor, Emily, and Gene Woods. (Maddrix took Carl's last name.) -Maddrix made sure his uncle couldn't continue in the hero business after ripping an arm off the man. -Maddrix was a pretty decent dad. He loved his kids. He loved his husband. He tried to be involved in the kids lives as much as he could. Gene was of course his favorite out of the kids. Instead of letting them choose their own paths, Maddrix put particular focus on Gene and his potential for villainy. He wanted Gene to become a powerful villain like himself. Maddrix was fair with his training towards Gene. He didn't push Gene into something the boy wasn't prepared for. Maddrix found Carl cute when he got angry and huffy. Compared to Carl, Maddrix was calm and restrained when it came to driving. Carl had road rage issues and could swear like a sailor sometimes. Maddrix did swear, but he could control it though. -Maddrix told Carl his family was to be considered dead and didn't want him or the kids interacting with them. He didn't go to either his uncle's or mother's funeral. -Maddrix and his family did have a happy life...that is why the massacre was so tragic and soul crushing for Maddrix's family when it happened. -Maddrix is bisexual as is Gene and Emily. Victor is Pansexual. Carl is Gay. Carl Woods -Professor Carl Woods was a well known geneticist and inventor before he was kidnapped when Gene was about 20. -Due to the time period Carl grew up in, he had no idea of his own sexuality until his first partner, a female, helped to bluntly point it out for him. They broke things off amicably and remained good platonic friends until his kidnapping. -Carl is the second youngest son in his family -His father, Jeremy Woods, married Jessica Boxleitner who had a son from her previous marriage. Her son's name is Thomas Boxleitner. Jeremy was a good father to both Thomas and Carl. These step brothers got along pretty well and Carl still kept in contact with Thomas after Jeremy had remarried when Jessica passed away from health issues. (Thomas was 22 when it happened, Carl was about 14 0r 15.) Jeremy then remarried to Alice Baxter. She gave birth to two children who were Carl's half siblings. The first born was a girl named Caroline Baxter. The second was a son named Nathan Baxter or Nate for short. The parents' last name was Woods-Baxter. Jeremy and Alice sadly divorced out of grief when Nate "died" under mysterious circumstances. He was a stage hand on a puppet show called "Welcome Home" 😈. Caroline tried to find evidence about what really happened to her brother but she couldn't find anything. Carl tried to help her as much as he could but could find no scientific reason. (He never considered the supernatural at all.) -to be continued @erraticeris

[luciusspriggss]

well, went on a date with okcupid guy, and it was fine, i guess. not terrible, not great.

went to the movies afterwards by myself and then went home.

talked to my roommates about it, and it was made clear, once again, that because i am autistic and very gullible, see the best in humans, and take what people say literally and don't look for hidden meanings, it his REALLY easy for me to fall into a bad relationship (which is my usual go-to, besides Jes. Jes was lovely they just became an alcoholic and lost their way).

i brought up things that he said that bothered me, but as i usually do, i tried to defend those things by trying to come up with reasons as to why he said it in the first place

and it took one of my roommates to look at me and say:

"M, you are a great person, you see the best in people. this guy sounds just like your abusive ex Nick. you deserve better than someone like that"

and yeah that's when i got it.

to be fair, the night before the date, i told my roommates that he was either a really cool genuine guy that actually wants to be a good person, or he is a piece of shit asshole who is only trying to get people to perceive him that way.

things he said that bothered me:

regarding a tree wherein someone used a chainsaw to cut a large limb, and to compensate the tree started growing new shoots vertically on the remaining un-cut limb:

"why would the tree to do that? it's so stupid"

🤔 why would you say that??? that is an evolutionary advantage that the tree is able to still grow in adverse situations??

he also had a clear favor of herbaceous flowers over trees, especially over conifers, which...why? he didn't respect trees at all, which i think is weird.

he suggested i work for a timber company because of my degree because it makes really good money

which is a weird thing to say after i explained i dont agree with modern forestry practices because it focuses on making money instead of forest health?

after i explained my love of playing sports but my inability to do them because of my asthma. which i have been trying to "train my lungs" for over twenty years in order to play or even just go on a run, i realized my asthma is bad enough that no matter how hard i try it won't work. there are varying levels of how asthma affects a person, and since around age 10, my asthma has been pretty severe (most people get over a cold in a few days, it takes me 1-2 months to be able to even breathe "normally" again when i get sick).

he told me i shouldn't give up and keep trying, because he knows some people who have asthma and yet can still play sports.

he also suggested that i do go for runs or play sports, but i bring my inhaler with me to use when i get out of breath, and then keep going on

?????? i dunno how other peoples asthma works, but if i push myself to the point of an asthma attack (which is not hard for me to do), i am out of commission for 30 minutes to 2 hours WITH a rescue inhaler. and this is after "training my lungs" for twenty years.

he also implied he was too smart for therapy and all he needs is a good friend to trauma dump to

??????????? that is a bold take my guy. there is definitely more nuance when saying something like that. i tried to talk to him about his views to understand where he was coming from, and to put it simply, it was not good.

he made note of how hard living in a world of capitalism is, so he understands why i am unable to find a job that suits me (fair, but why bring that up. he knows i am currently looking for jobs), but when i tried to explain that i am capable of doing most jobs, the problem is my being autistic in an allistic world, and never lasting more than a year at a job for a variety of reasons (which i explained to him)

he was very condescending? said everyone feels the way i do (after i said the common denominator for every job i have done is i have literally attempted suicide which has led me to quit), and implied i wasn't trying hard enough?

i kept trying to not talk about dark subjects, but it is hard when he does.

also, maybe dont shit talk your ex on a first date? i get we both still live with our exes, but i never shit talked jes? i said that our friendship is better than ever? it was difficult the past year, but we have finally reached an understanding with one another and we are happy to be friends? trying to bring some positivity and optimism to the dark conversation, but nooooo

had to compare my struggles with unemployment to his ex's?? shit talk her in the process? which sort of shit talked me in a way?

what a fucking asshole

also, he asked me to join in the fun of the sport he competes in. never specifying how i could take part of the sport (this was after the date and through text).

A) he completely ignored my discussion about my struggles with asthma

B) he ignored A, as well as my discussion about inequality, sexism, and homophobia in sports that deterred me from doing sports

C) he meant i just come and watch? like a groupie or something? i dunno if this is what he meant but i don't like it either.

overall, yeah this seems super obvious, we are incompatible

but do you know how hard it is for ME to see these red flags??? i was willing to go on another date, but my roommates were the ones who told me it would be a bad idea. and i agree with them, now that they laid things out clearly.

there are even more red flags i just don't want to bring up, because it is really embarrassing that i didnt see them

but, i just don't get it. i have said all the red flags, but the green flags were pretty great.

he's a highschool chem teacher and loves teaching kids, he has a passion for botany (just not trees? he also confidently mis-identified a shrub which i dunno if he was trying to impress me or something, but he didn't believe me when i told him he was wrong), has a similar sense of humor as me, loves going to the botanical gardens, loves going to the river, understands tumblr to a certain degree, enjoys ted lasso and our flag means death (although he doesn't see the point in rewatching shows? to each their own), i dunno i guess i am realizing their were actually not that many green flags.

:/ ah well. live and learn.

[granny-griffin]

Eri convinces Shinsou to help her make candy apples.

Bonus points for Dazawa appearing.

"You're sure you can handle it?" Aizawa said. He was still sitting on the couch, pressed down into the back cushions like he didn't really believe Yamada was about to drive him to physical therapy, like he wasn't sure Hitoshi could handle being left alone.

"Of course," Hitoshi said, trying not to slouch. He wanted the words to be stronger, but he wasn't sure how to say everything. The other heroes were busy, and Aizawa had no adult friends who were not heroes. Hitoshi couldn't drive. Aizawa couldn't drive. This was really the most rational setup. He could do it, he had to do it—he had to at least do just this one thing. How could he claim the competency to join the hero course if he didn't? And after everything, he couldn't cause Aizawa more trouble. He wanted to be a help. He had to be a help.

"If you change your mind," Aizawa said, reaching over the arm of the couch for his cane, "You can always call us. We'll come back."

"Just leave already," Hitoshi said. It didn't have quite the effect he was aiming for.

…

When the latch of the door clicked shut, something unknotted in Hitoshi's spine. A part of him hadn't believed they would really go, hadn't believed they would trust him enough.

Beside him, Eri stood staring at the door, clutching a stuffed cat in her hands. She was as silent as ever. It was sort of unnerving.

"Um," Hitoshi said, sticking his hands in his pockets to look casual, "Want to watch TV?"

…

Hitoshi slumped in the corner of the couch where Aizawa always sat, trying to discern the plot of a cartoon about a family of foxes. He wasn't sure if it was set in a fictional world populated by anthropomorphic animals, or if this was a family with a mutation quirk. It was hard to pay attention. His thoughts kept distracting him.

Eri had plopped down in front of the television an hour ago, but now she stirred, climbing careful to her feet and approaching, slow and methodical. Hitoshi felt himself transfixed as she stopped directly in front of him, blocking his view and twisting her hands.

"Hey," Hitoshi said, "What's up?"

"I—can we—is it lunchtime?" Eri said.

"Sure," Hitoshi said, dragging himself out of the cushions, "What are you hungry for? Do you like sandwiches?"

"Candy apples," Eri said.

Hitoshi paused halfway around the coffee table. "Candy apples? Do we have those? And isn't that more of a dessert?"

"We don't have them," Eri said, completely confident, "But we can make them."

"No we can't," Hitoshi said, and immediately regretted it. "I mean—I don't know how to make them."

"Oh," Eri said, somber and serious, "But I thought you were also a hero."

"I am," Hitoshi said, unsure what he was missing. Behind them, a fox child prattled on. "Heroes don't all know how to make candy apples."

"Heroes protect my smile," Eri said, like she was explaining how to count to ten, "And candy apples make me smile."

"Isn't there anything else?" Hitoshi said. "I really don't know how to bake like that."

Eri shrugged, pushing her hair behind her ear. "It's okay. Not everybody is as good of a hero as Deku."

…

Hitoshi stood over the sink, running cold water into the pan and begging under his breath for the smoke alarm to stay quiet. Apparently, spite was not a good baking teacher.

"Is it finished?" Eri called from the living room. He had made her a sandwich and banished her after he realized his incompetence was going to be obvious. He had still thought he could salvage something then.

"Just hang on a second," Hitoshi said, pulling his phone out of his pocked. For a moment he hesitated, deciding who he would rather embarrass himself in front of.

Midoriya picked up almost immediately. "Hi Shinsou!" he said, obnoxiously cheerful. "I didn't think—I'm really happy that you called me! What's going on?"

"Can you make candy apples?"

"Um, only if Sato is directing me," Midoriya said, "It's really difficult actually—hard candy is sort of a delicate process."

"But can you explain it to me?"

"Is this about Eri?" Midoriya said.

"Yeah," Hitoshi said, crouching to look for something under the sink he could scrape the pan with. "I told her I'd make some."

"Okay," Midoriya said, "Give me ten minutes."

…

"And everything's been going fine?" Aizawa asked. Against his ear, Hitoshi could hear the rush of the highway around him, the blast of the music Yamada was running through the car speakers.

"Yes," Hitoshi said, and it was true. They were all safe. "We're watching a lot of television. We had lunch."

Something tapped against the window above the sink. Hitoshi looked up. Midoriya was standing outside, waving his arm wildly.

"I'll see you soon," Hitoshi said, and hung up before he could think better of it. Then he opened the window.

Midoriya handed him a shopping bag through the gap. He was still breathing heavily.

"What is that?" Hitoshi asked, but he knew. The bag was pale, and the red candy shone through.

"Just take them out of the packaging," Midoriya said, "She'll never know. I won't tell."

"Society colapsed last semester," Hitoshi said, like he was explaining how to count to ten. "Are the hero students allowed off campus? Alone?"

"Um," Midoriya said, "Please don't tell."

Hitoshi stared at him. Then he shrugged. "Okay. Deal."

[that1nerd-20]

Chapter 3: Hydra Hurt us, But he brought us together.

We learn a little something about Keira's life at SHIELD.

Warnings: a lil bit of fluff, somewhat angsty, mentions of past trauma, mentions of therapy

A/N: I KNOW IM SORRY!!!!! I Know its short, the others will hopefully be longer

For 5 months, they kept me in SHIELD bases, where they trained me to become an agent. They wanted to turn me into an Avenger, someone else they could use to their advantage. I know I'm being used… but it seems Fury has a soft spot for me. He often gives me special treatment, letting me have more freedom than the council would like me to have. It feels nice. The training was always brutal, they wanted to test everything about me and learn what they could.

My legs felt like they were about to fall off. I kept pushing myself. I ran and ran. The treadmill’s track going fast. The agent beside me tracked how fast I was going. They were pushing my limits, seeing how the serum Hydra had given me affected my body, my instincts, and my boundaries. My speed was clocked at 45 mph, slower than Captain America but still way faster than the average human.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

The agent came at me in the ring. His body was adorned with protective padding. I only had gloves on. I dodged his swing, landing a blow on his stomach. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Fury watching from the shadows. I kept my eyes trained on the person in front of me. After more and more of my blows landed on his body and his blows on mine, I finally swept my foot underneath him, knocking him off his feet.

Tony had visited me a couple of times at SHIELD, he said he felt sorry for me, but also like he had to protect me. So he’d visit in hopes of getting to know me better. I always looked forward to seeing him. 

“Williams you have a visitor.” an agent called into my room. Who could be visiting me? I really didn't know anyone outside of Shield. I walked out into the main lobby to see Stark. “Hey…” he looked at me, as he trailed off. “...Keira. Call me Keira” He nodded and smiled.

Tony had stopped by again. We were hanging out in my room, and he was telling me about a new project he was starting up. He was working on new weapons and technology that would aid the Avengers in upcoming missions.

“What do you think about the ideas?” he asked me, I looked over the blueprints that he brought along “They are really cool!” I had never seen blueprints as detailed and messy at the same time as these. He had planned out new improvements for Hawkeye’s arrows, new wrist guards for Natasha, new weapons for both his and War Machine’s suits and new equipment for Dr. Banner to use in the lab.

“Really?” he asked, and I simply nodded.

While at SHIELD, they were able to find out who I was, based on what I could remember about life before Hydra. They still had barely any idea of what I went through at Hydra and I didn't want to tell them. But Fury thought it would be good if I had someone to talk to about all of it.

Fury sat me down in a room with a lady who held a notepad. “Fury what am I doing here?...” I asked, I looked up at him not sure why this lady was there. She's kinda scary… “She's a therapist,” he simply states, motioning to the lady “and I think it would be beneficial if you talked about your experiences with her.” I let out a small oh. He left the room and she began introducing herself. “My name is Lauren” she started, she waited a moment for me to introduce myself. “My name is Keira,” I told her, she wrote down something on her notepad. 

During the first session, we talked about my interests, any friends I had, and what I did at SHIELD. It was just a get-to-know-me session. The next few times, she would try to coax things about Hydra out of me, it took quite a few of the weekly meetings to get anything out of me. But eventually, I started talking about it more. She recommended that I write in journals, first writing journals about what I remember during Hydra and before, then writing day-to-day journal entries about what I was feeling and what had happened throughout the day.