#i have food it’s just all wrong that’s not the problem

[gilbertscurls]

the disaster date — matt sturniolo

Matt had been nervous before, sure. He’d gone through plenty of nerve-wracking moments in his life—filming in front of millions of people, meeting celebrities, even dealing with his brothers’ chaotic antics on a daily basis.

But this?

This was different.

This was a first date. With you.

And he was freaking out.

He had no idea why he thought he could handle this. He wasn’t a first-date kind of guy. He wasn’t smooth or effortlessly charming like Nick, and he definitely wasn’t naturally charismatic like Chris. No, Matt was the guy who overthought everything, who second-guessed his outfit five times before even leaving the house, who had googled “how to not be awkward on a date” just last night.

And now, standing at your door, his heart nearly burst out of his chest when you finally stepped out.

His brain short-circuited immediately.

You looked—

He cleared his throat, trying to find his voice. "I... wow," he managed to say. "You look... you look incredible."

And he meant it.

Because holy crap, you did.

You smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. "Thanks, Matt."

But Matt wasn’t even listening anymore because—

Don’t stare at her body, don’t stare at her body... crap, I’m staring at her body.

His face burned as he snapped his gaze up, praying you didn’t notice. He needed to get it together. Immediately.

"Uh, shall we?" he said, extending his arm awkwardly like some kind of 18th-century gentleman.

You giggled but took it anyway. "We shall."

Step one of the date: Pick her up. ✅ (Barely.)

The Restaurant Mishap

Matt should’ve known things were going too smoothly.

You had gotten to the restaurant without any problems. No wrong turns, no getting lost—he was killing it.

And then the waiter handed him the menu.

The very fancy menu.

In French.

Matt squinted at it, panic creeping into his brain. He didn’t speak French. He barely passed Spanish in high school, and that was mostly because Nick helped him cheat on vocabulary quizzes.

“Do you know what you’re getting?” you asked, casually scanning your own menu.

No. No, he absolutely did not.

He tried to play it cool, nodding like he totally understood what Boeuf Bourguignon was. "Yeah, totally. I mean... what even is food, right? It's all just... cooked stuff."

You blinked. "Are you okay?"

"Yup! Fine. So fine. The finest."

Matt, shut up.

He made the executive decision to point at something random when the waiter came back. Whatever he ordered, it couldn’t be that bad.

Right?

Wrong.

Because twenty minutes later, the waiter placed a plate in front of him, and Matt found himself staring at—

Escargot.

Which, for the record, was snails.

He felt his soul leave his body.

"Are you gonna try it?" you asked, clearly holding back laughter.

Matt straightened up, determined not to lose his dignity. "Of course. I’m an adventurous guy." He picked up his fork, stabbed one of the snails, and—

Oh god.

It was slimy.

So, so slimy.

Still, he forced himself to bring it to his mouth. Do it for her. Be the cool, cultured guy.

He took a bite.

And immediately regretted every decision that had led him to this moment.

It tasted like rubber and sadness.

"So?" you prompted, grinning.

Matt swallowed (barely). "Mmm. So good. Love me some... snail."

You laughed, and even though he was in culinary hell, the sound made it almost worth it.

Almost.

Step two of the date: Don’t embarrass yourself. ❌ (Mission failed.)

The Goodbye (AKA Matt’s Last Chance to Redeem Himself)

Despite the absolute disaster that was dinner, you still seemed to be having a good time.

You talked the whole way back, laughing at his terrible jokes, your hand casually resting on his arm like it was the most natural thing in the world.

And Matt?

Matt was gone.

Completely, utterly, hopelessly gone for you.

Which was why, when he walked you up to your door, he knew this was his chance to not screw things up.

"Tonight was fun," you said softly.

Matt nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Yeah. Even though I may or may not have eaten a snail against my will."

You giggled. "Hey, that was your fault for not reading the menu."

"Technically, it was my fault for pretending to understand French," he admitted.

You smiled, tilting your head. "I like that about you, though."

Matt blinked. "That I’m an idiot?"

"No," you said, rolling your eyes. "That you don’t take yourself too seriously. You’re easy to be around."

His heart did a full gymnastics routine.

This was it.

The moment.

The kiss moment.

But before he could do anything smooth, something very not smooth happened—

You leaned in slightly, and in his panic, Matt stepped back.

Too far back.

Right into the potted plant behind him.

He tripped, flailing wildly, and barely caught himself before completely wiping out on your porch.

Silence.

Then—

"Oh my god, are you okay?" you asked, trying (and failing) not to laugh.

Matt groaned, covering his face. "No. I’m never recovering from this."

You shook your head, still giggling. "Come here, dummy."

And then—

You kissed him.

Soft. Gentle. Just a little teasing, but still enough to make his brain fully shut down.

When you pulled away, Matt just stood there, eyes wide, completely frozen.

You smirked. "I’ll text you?"

He nodded way too quickly. "Y-yeah. Totally. That’d be... cool. Super cool."

You gave him one last smile before disappearing inside.

Matt stared at your door for a full five seconds.

Then he fist-pumped the air like a middle schooler.

Step three of the date: Get a second one. ✅ (Mission accomplished.)

tag list: @stuwniolo, @sturnobsessedwh0re, @matts-myloverboy, @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut, @lizzymacdonald06, @asherrisrandom, @sturniolowhore69, @faith5drpepper, @emely9274, @psychologyloverfr, @lovetaylorrussellgrr, @conspiracy-ash, @helpimateenagerinlove, @ghostlythinggoingaround, @sturmatt, @chris-hallelujah, @goingtojohnkramershouseee, @wurlibydominicfike, @straw8berry, @shadowthesim, @courta13, @frankdelreyy

[b0kevi]

random word prompts :P

summary: random words + random twst characters from a wheel

trope: comfort, sick trope, friends to lovers, teasing, angst

info: little angst in azuls part, kissing, jade

characters: silver, vil, jade, azul

w/c: 206 silver, 263 vil, 394 jade, 315 azul

Silver - Stomach

“thank you silver you didn’t have to.” you said as you quietly ate the soup silver had made you.

“it’s no problem y/n. please take this once you finish eating, it should help with your stomach.”

silver was over at ramschakle taking care of you since you had a stomachache, you two were supposed to be studying but your stomach had been hurting all day. silver of course wanted to help you feel better so made you some food and brought medicine.

“this is delicious! thank you so much silver, really” you finished your food and took the medicine he gave you

you leaned back against the couch arm and sighed, silver was sitting next to you

“how are you feeling?”

“better than before.” smiling at him, he gave a gentle smile back, his gaze switches from you to your stomach

“could I… rest my head for a bit?” he asked sheepishly

“of course silver”

silver gently rested his head against your stomach, not wanting to add pressure to it. you smiled and planted your hand in his hair

“I’m feeling much better now.”

silver was already dozing off but he hummed in response and left a soft kiss on your stomach before nodding off.

Vil - Effective

“are you sure this is really effective…?”

“are you questioning my ways darling?”

you sighed. Vil invited you over to his room to do your makeup, you couldn’t really say no so here you are, in vil’s room with him inches away from your face.

the only thing that was left was your lip combo, vil pulled out two different colors of lipsticks, looking at the two very intensely before putting one shade on his lips.

you were confused since he already had lip stick on so why did he change it? maybe he just wanted that color all of a sudden…

once he finished he turned to you and leaned in very close

“vil… what are you doing?”

“putting on your lipstick. what else?”

his lips are centimeters away from yours while the lipstick is on his vanity.

“uhm the lipstick is over there though…” vil furrowed his eyebrows slightly

“who’s the one doing the makeup here?” sighing at his words you nodded, letting him have his way.

he gently kissed your lips, thoroughly getting the shade on your lips. vil pulled back slightly taking a look at his work, fixing it up a bit before putting another color on his own.

“this one is definitely more your color.” he said as he took off the shade he just put on you

“then why did you put this one on?”

“I thought it was this color”

“those are two very different shades vil.”

“are you questioning me sweetheart?” he said before kissing your lips with more passion than the previous one

“never.”

Jade - Decisive

“are you serious? him?”

“are you okay?”

“is he blackmailing you into saying that?”

this is why you don’t tell them anything. you’ve been crushing on a certain eel and finally told adeuce about it.

“no! he doesn’t know and what’s wrong with him?

…

don’t answer that. but yes him.”

“at least it’s not floyd”

“isn’t he worse than floyd?”

“they’re both bad!”

you sighed as the two bicker, why did you tell them…

you made your way to mostro lounge for your shift, you started to work there to make some extra money, no other reason, not to hang out and watch jade work… no just for the money.

“y/n. what a pleasure to see you.” jade said as soon as you walked through the doors like he was waiting for you.

“hi jade.”

throughout your whole shift you would spare glances at him, watching how swiftly he moves, doing the job of many but still managing. you tried to keep your glances minimal but knowing jade he could tell you were looking at him.

you two were closing together, you both were cleaning up in comfortable silent, you were wiping tables while he grabbed dirty dishes

“you seemed distracted today y/n.” you sighed, of course he knew. he knows everything.

“was I? Must have been the stress of today.”

he hummed, “really. work stress or…”

you could feel his breath near your ear, when did he get so close… “the stress of those two friends of yours?” you felt a shiver down your spine both from the proximity and his words.

was he there? did he hear what you said about him?

you turned your head, his face was so close to yours you’re sure he can hear how loud your heart is beating.

“you… you heard that…?” there’s no point in hiding it.

“perhaps.” he had his signature smile, he trapped you against the table

“I assure you I would never blackmail you my perl, but are you sure you want this? to be with me?” his heterochromia eyes were beautiful as they stared right through you, you know that first part was a lie but you’ve never seen him like this, you could tell he was being genuine behind that smirk

you grabbed ahold of his hands and smiled

“I’m positive, I want you jade, only you.”

Azul - Fight

you knew dating azul was going to be challenging with some ups and downs and you never mind it. Although sometimes his pride gets in the way of things

“you know jade and floyd are capable of taking care of things on their own sweetie.”

azul has been engrossed in his work and contracts for the past couple of weeks which you understood in the beginning but you were starting to miss him, you would be in the room with him but you wanted some attention from him every now and then.

“I’m well aware but this will only take a minute darling”

“you said that two hours ago.”

you’ve set up a little date between you two—wanting to get him out of the lounge— you were going to have a little picnic, you had everything in your basket but you were sure everything had gone to waste for how long you’ve been waiting for him to be done.

"you know, I'm just gonna go azul."

Azul finally looked up from his work, you never call him by his name.

"I'm sorry darling I promise this is the last one then we can go."

you had enough, "no azul. it won't be the last one. we both know it's not, everything is spoiled by now, your work is more important obviously, just forget it."

"y/n..." he finally got up and walked towards you but you stopped him, "I understand you got a lot going on but you have the twins to help you, can't you just take one day off for me? you've been like this for days and I miss being with you. its obvious i'm not that important to you azul. just leave me alone."

you left without giving him a chance to respond, leaving him alone in his office. He felt tears forming as he sighed, angry with himself.

"damn it."

── .✦

a/n: I should have made these longer, maybe next time, these random words were fun to do. if you have any prompts lmk ! have a good night/day ! <3

[six-white-venus]

the problem with living in survival mode for all your developmental years is that when it finally does get better, you don't know what the fuck to do with yourself.

"you're still so childish," my mom had chided fondly one day when i was laughing at a crude joke that wasn't all that funny and i had to hold myself back from asking, "really?"

because in all honesty, i don't really know what it means to be a child. i didn't even know happiness before now, and i've never lived a day without the sheer intensity of my emotions crushing me. have i ever been a child? i don't know, because this is how i remember my life so far:

me, aged 6, sitting in front of the TV with my cold plate of food, watching dora the explorer

Sad.

and now

i'm still getting used to the novelty of having a full night's sleep everyday and not waking up wanting to kill myself, what do you mean i have to figure out what to do with my life? i have been handed something that i never wanted, that i never dared to hope for, and i hold this life in my palms with all the care i can muster with my jagged edges and freezing skin.

i'm living life in non-chronological order. i was 37 before i was 15, i am now 13 when i'm supposed to be 20. sometimes i feel older than life and so, so tired. the other day i found myself being hit with a wave of jealousy so large that i couldn't breathe for a second while looking at a 14 year old because i would never be able to have what she does. and it really is a new low, hating a middle schooler just a little because when i was 14 my biggest concern wasn't failing math but keeping myself from breaking my clean streak of two days by reaching for the kitchen knife. it's disorienting to walk around trying to 'act my age' because i feel like i'm in a whole new world than everyone else. everyday i'm made to write a surprise quiz that everyone but me was informed about. not everyone knows how to walk someone down the ledge. barely anyone fists their hands on their lap while listening to lectures on mental health thinking wrong, wrong, wrong that's not how depression works, that's not how children who want to die think, that's not the only reason for a young person to lose themself, that's not how misery feels on your skin, on your tongue. wrong, wrong, WRONG.

no, i don't know my plans for the future but i do know how to carry the weight of the world in my chest and how to hide finger nails bitten till raw and red and how to write with blood and how to cover it all up with a smile and- all of that is useless? oh. oh.

it feels like an elaborate joke, almost; like the universe is having a good laugh at my expense because the world is asking for a sculpture and all i have are my barely healed hands and a broken clay pot that has no hope of being salvaged. it's not about falling behind in the race, it's about being shoved into a goddamn marathon when you haven't even learned to walk yet. and no, dragging myself to the finish line on all fours with scraped knees and palms shredded by gravel is no longer an option.

how the hell do you live when all you know is to survive?

but really, it's not as bad as i'm making it sound, at least not all of it. this liminal space that hangs between childhood and adulthood and everything that comes before and after that, it's not awful. yeah, i'm still not sure if i will get into med school, but i'm falling a little bit in love with the sound of my laugh. i might have a huge void in my head where the last 6 years should be, but i'll never forget the laugh that bubbled out of my chest when my doctor halved my med dosage. i still carry my grief like a cloak over my shoulders but i've been leaving it behind in my house more and more because it's getting too warm for anything more than a t-shirt these days.

and after all that, the question still remains: what the hell do i do now?

laugh with my friends, maybe. make a mean cup of tea. learn everything all over again, from the start. smile till it sits on my face like it always belonged there. go to sleep early, because that's something i like doing these days.

what do i do now? i ask my mom and she tells me to help her with lunch. what do i do now? i ask my sister and she tells me to shut up and listen to the latest gossip from her class. what do i do now? i ask my best friend and he throws me his phone without looking and tells me to order whatever i'm craving.

what do i do now? i ask and they all say, isn't it obvious? you start living.

[spookyyew59]

long rambling about Kevin smh, but this thoughts been bothering me for a bit, sorry if it’s unorganized.

Y’all can we stop reducing Kevin as a single celled organism 💔, he’s his own character with numerous traits, why do people reduce him to “Kevin boy failure!!! So cutie patootie skunkle-bob skinny twink man!!!!! He’s absolutely die if we was by himself!!”, like vro what 😭

I haven’t done a full character analysis on Kevin, so correct me if I’m wrong, but I very much do NOT believe that “he’d kill skid and pump if given the chance!” Like what??? No he?? Wouldn’t??? He’s a normal man??

Kevin is a human being, not a monster. He doesn’t hate them (not a lot anyways, I assume), he gets very irritated with them and it’s very understandable why he does.

Skid and Pump, in all honesty, need to learn basic manners and like, not cause several crimes. You can say that “they’re just kids! They don’t know any better!” But I don’t know anyone who had a childhood where it involves messing up several stores, causing problems for the employees, committing damage to private property, and assault (if you’re counting when they got possessed by Moloch.)

But back to the main thing, Kevin would NOT kill them! He’s tired of working and I get that, he’s tired and most likely underpaid, being the only one to work there at the CandyClub each day so he’s tired, underpaid, and Skid and Pump make his job and mental health worse. He’s not some “twink” who would kill two kids, he’s probably in his mid 20’s trying to get a date somewhere while also trying to pay his rent, afford food, afford clothes, and pay for all his entertainment needs (streaming services, WiFi, etc). He wants to be happy just like anyone else, and he wants to get money the LEGAL way.

He wants to be happy, and despite people saying “he’d kill skid and pump!” he DOES care about them. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have asked that question in episode 6, “and why is an old dude hanging around kids?”, if he didn’t care, he wouldn’t have asked. Kevin cares about those kids, like he cares about anyone else, even though it was his first day in the shirt and he snapped at them, I don’t entirely blame him for it.

Two kids came into your store on your first day, asked you for free things and when you declined they mess it up so you end up giving them free stuff anyways. I understand why he snapped, and me personally, I would have too. But that doesn’t mean he hates the kids, it was his first day and he just didn’t wanna be fired!

I also gotta love how society sees a man interested in more than one gender and go like “OOOOOOO YESSS. Let’s get rid of his ENTIRE character traits and EVERY theory, and lets mold his character into ONE singular shape and lets only use him for bad angst and shipping purposes!!”

Kevin is MORE than a side character used for shipping purposes, the man’s had a prophetic dream of all things and you all are focused on the fact that he’s into every gender possible?? Can we get some theories about this man? Cause where are those at??? I don’t see anything about that, and it all depends on where the timeline is for the Kevin short.

“I had nightmares you two!”, was a line he said in episode 5, so if everything they’ve done was true, shouldn’t he technically be able to guess what happens to himself and the town? And possibly the WORLD???

You all can have your headcanons and see Kevin in your own eyes, but we need to STOP reducing cool characters as a single celled organism who revolves around “twinks twinks twinks twinks. Ooo gay men. Twink twink twinks.”

[scribbly-artist]

With You in the Dark

Summary: You were having a really bad day. Nothing you tried seemed to help, it was a pretty awful episode, not uncommon for you. You’ve gone to your two favourite people to help, Viktor and Jayce, and they are happy to listen to your problems and put a smile on your face in return.

Author’s Notes: I was reluctant to post this (and even finish this, really) as I was writing this when I was feeling really shitty myself (yaaaay we love feeling sad a lot). But I figured if someone else is feeling this way and reads this, maybe they might feel better, too. I projected a LOT onto the Reader, but still used they/them pronouns so everyone can put themselves in their place. I just wanted comfort by getting tickles by my two faves. :( Stay safe out there, everyone.

Words: ~2,500 | AO3 Link

Everything currently feels so… grey. 

You saw things in grey. The food you ate tasted grey. The bags under your eyes were grey. The feeling inside your chest… all a disheartening, disgusting monochrome blended into your heart and soul. It felt unavoidable at this point. 

And you felt awful about it, as you felt as if you were always meant to be colourful and bright for others. You felt like you were the light for your friends when they needed it most, when they were feeling awful themselves. People came to you when the world was grey for them. But how could you be that shoulder to cry on when you were in this state yourself? 

You tried many things to distract yourself from this feeling – but your usual tricks didn't seem to work. Reading books at the library, going for a walk, drawing whatever silly pictures you could, just sitting outside and feeling the warm sun hit your skin… nothing worked, it was all so demotivating. 

You lay your head on your arms that were resting on the bench, sighing, looking down at your lap. 

You were in one of the academy's laboratories with your two favourite people – Jayce and Viktor. Usually, they would be able to cheer you up right away with their presence alone. But the awfully sad look on your face struck something in them today. You had asked them if you could just hang out and think as they worked. Of course, they agreed. 

They attempted to try to help you at first, but you just wanted to be alone with your thoughts for a while, but in the company of others as you felt safer that way. So, at your request, you just… sat and existed for a while. 

You wondered if you could bring the colour back into your life at all for a while. You were prone to these episodes, each one feeling like it was longer than the last. It just… happens, you supposed. 

You disassociated into your thoughts, constantly thinking for what felt like an eternity. Your brain couldn’t be silenced, loud noises that wouldn’t stop. Time seemed to pass without your knowledge as your thoughts swirled into more of that disgusting colour you despised. At one point, tears started to bud into the corners of your eyes that you couldn't stop from running down your cheeks. 

Once the tears came, that's when you finally noticed that the unusual comforting sounds of metal being hit and chalk being scraped halted to a stop, as a warm, comforting hand gently touched your shoulder. 

You whipped your head up – both Jayce and Viktor were sitting on either side of you. You hadn't noticed they stopped until now, let alone moved their chairs to sit beside you. Your hands darted to your eyes, wiping the tears away. Looking at both of their faces, though, they started to well up again. 

They looked sad – you immediately thought you did something wrong. 

“I-I'm sorry,” you gasped out, but their expressions changed to concerned confusion. 

“‘Sorry’? What for?” Viktor was the first to pipe up, his golden eyes radiating worry. 

“You don't have to apologise for crying,” Jayce nearly looked like he was going to start tearing up himself. “If you feel up to it, you could tell us why you're feeling upset today.” Jayce’s hand on your shoulder slowly stroked some comforting circles into it with his thumb. 

You let out a sigh so deep from inside your lungs, you felt like you were going to shrink up and run out of air. “It's n-nothing, really guys–”

“We know it's not just ‘nothing’,” Viktor interrupted you before you could get another word in. “Both of us can tell when you're feeling especially awful. We've known you long enough to deduce as such.”

They were both very perceptive young men. Nothing could get past them. 

You turned to your head to your right, seeing what Jayce wanted to say about that. 

“You don't have to tell us if you don't want to,” his hand slipped down to your back. “We’re not trying to force you. But, maybe we can help you if you open up.”

You paused for a moment, your face changing from thinking everything over, to an upset frown. You sucked in a shaky breath, mentally preparing yourself to spill all your thoughts out in the open for the first time.

“I don’t know what triggered inside me to feel this way…” your hand reached up to the collar of your shirt, fiddling with a button. “Sometimes, nothing does. Sometimes, my mind will wander and it’ll just happen,” you lowered your head, not daring to attempt to look your two friends in the eye. “But I hate feeling this way. I’m meant to be the one who’s meant to make people feel better, not the other way around,” tears started to well up in your eyes again as your words escaped your throat with raw, bubbling emotion. “How am I meant to help people if this feeling in my chest, suffocating me, won’t go away?”

Your hand moved hastily to fiddle with the hem of your shirt instead. Both men didn’t utter a word as you continued.

“Everyone thinks I’m a happy-go-lucky person, but I’m not. It’s a mask… and sometimes, it falls off,” the tears started to sting more, threatening to fall as your pained voice continued. “And when it falls off… I hate people seeing me this way. I feel stupid for being upset. For crying,” the tears were starting their descent now. “For being a burden. For worrying people… g-guys, I’m sor—” 

You weren’t able to get another word in.

Two pairs of warm, comforting arms wrapped their way around your body. You could hear heartbeats through chests on both sides of your head. You were confused in your frenzied state for a moment, until it dawned on you.

They were hugging you.

You couldn’t stop your tears from falling any longer, letting out a wet-sounding sob.

“You will never be a burden on us,” Viktor spoke from your left, hand tangled in your hair. “Please. Understand that.”

“We’re your friends… we want to be there for you, through thick and thin,” Jayce was next to speak on your right, he sounded as if he was on the verge of tears. “It’s fine if you need to lean on us, that’s what we’re here for… you need to fill your own cup up, too…”

Their words were the breaking point.

You cried — you cried a lot. You weren’t even sure how long you cried for, but they stuck by you the entire time. They didn’t even budge, they just held onto you tightly, as if you would go somewhere far away if they let you go.

It grounded you. And it made you feel better. You hadn’t had a big, long cry in a very, very long time. Same with such a nice, comforting hug…

Once you ceased, your head lowered, hands in your lap. “T-Thank you…” your voice was hoarse, weakened with every syllable you uttered.

The men broke their embrace, Viktor sliding a comforting hand up and down your back as you coughed and hiccuped, Jayce using his thumb to wipe the tears off of your cheeks. “Do you feel better?” He asked, a tiny bit of his own tears in the corner of his eyes.

A heavy weight was lifted from your body, so partially. However, you were a bit horrified that they had to bear witness to all of that.

But, at least you could feel a little colour again. 

“Guys… I-I'm sorry for crying in front of you.”

“You never have to apologise for showing emotion like that,” Viktor replied. 

“We’re glad that you felt safe to do so,” Jayce piped up, placing his hand on your shoulder again with a soft smile. “We just want to see you safe and happy.”

You responded with a nod, a small smile making its way to your face. But not a big one like they were expecting. 

Jayce got up, leaning a hand on the bench. “C’moooon, you can smile a little bit more than that, right?” A smirk grew on his face. 

To your left, Viktor wanted to be cheeky, so he reached over and gave your cheek a little pinch, pulling on it slightly. “I've seen much larger smiles on your face than this before. Surely you have more in you?”

Your cheeks started to reveal a bit of pink dusted on them. “W-What?” Your head darted to both of their faces, turning left and right. Their gazes started to look a little too eager… both of your index fingers pointed at your face, smiling a tiny bit more to show some teeth. “This is a big enough smile… right?”

Both men exchanged glances, then looked back at you. Clearly not. 

A chuckle escaped Viktor. “I believe our friend here may need some… ah, further convincing to cheer up.” He gave you a little poke in the side. 

You jumped at the touch, a shiver going up your spine. Your current smile started to turn wobbly. 

Jayce’s smirk only grew to look more evil and mischievous. “I agree. We need to make sure our friend doesn’t have anymore sad thoughts in their head, y’know.”

“Don't talk about me like I'm not here!” You jokingly piped up, a bit of nervous sweat started to build up on your forehead, cheeks ablaze. 

“I think I have just the trick.” Jayce clapped his hands. 

You attempted to get up with a start. You weren't sure what they were planning, and you didn't want to know. But, your escape failed. As soon as you rose from your seat and tried to sidestep Jayce and Viktor, Jayce grabbed you. He held you against his chest, an arm slipping around to hold you just under your arms and along your chest, resulting in you not being able to lower your arms. 

“W-We can talk about this, right? Right?” Your bargaining attempt fell on deaf ears, both men shaking their heads. 

“We just want to see your big, bright smile. We can help you with that!” Jayce spoke near your ear, and then nodded at Viktor. Viktor’s hands started to approach you, wiggling his fingers. You squirmed on the spot. 

“What are you going to– ahahaha!!” You erupted into giggles as Viktor’s fingers touched down on your ribs. Oh no! Tickling? You were too sensitive for this… they’ve played this game with you before. “Nohoho! Wahahait guys!!”

“Laughter suits you much better than crying. Don’t you agree, Jayce?” Viktor nonchalantly said as he scribbled right into your ribs and sides, making you flail about in Jayce’s hold with bright, bubbly laughter filling up the room. 

“Definitely! And your laugh is adorable, to boot!” Jayce cooed right into your ear.

If your face wasn’t already red, it was definitely on fire by this point.

“Dohohon’t say that!!” You protested with a whine. Viktor was switching things up to keep you on your toes, digging his roaming fingers into your unprotected armpits, causing you to bubble up in more laughter.

“But it’s true! I wouldn’t lie about that. What’s wrong, don’t you like being called cute?” 

You tried to respond, but you tripped over your words with your laughter, shaking your head.

“Quite the opposite, I believe. Judging by how flushed they got… I think they like it.” God, Viktor was annoyingly observant.

“Aww, that’s so cute!” Jayce teased. Realising his other hand was free, he decided he wanted to join in as well, his hand giving your side a couple squeezes.

Your laughter exploded.

“NOHOHOT THEHEHERE!!” A bit of fang was showing from how wide your smile got. You threw your head back, resting it on Jayce’s shoulder.

“Woah, a bad spot?” Jayce pointed out, giving you tender squeezes wherever he could reach, a much different feeling compared to Viktor’s agile wriggling fingers. It was hard to think straight with both sensations at the same time.

“What a charming smile you have,” Even Viktor teased you a little, your ears started to blush alongside your rosy cheeks. “I wonder…” Uh oh, you could hear the curiosity in Viktor’s voice when you knew he was up to no good…

Viktor’s hand’s darted down, squeezing right into your hip bones.

Oh god, you didn’t know how awfully ticklish you were there. You have never been tickled there before, but now you know it was definitely a bad spot. You nearly shrieked from the contact alone.

“I believe that might be what they call a ‘death spot’ ehehe…” Viktor chuckled to himself, giving it a few more squeezes to see you squirm and laugh.

New tears — tears of mirth — started budding into the corners of your eyes. You began to wheeze as your laughter grew hoarse, so both men slowed to a stop. You started catching your breath with a cough, Jayce releasing his grip on you, but he kept a hand on your shoulder as you were a bit weak in the knees from all that energy being sapped from you. He wanted to make sure you didn’t fall over or sink to the ground.

“There, how was that? Feel better?” Jayce asked, giving your shoulder a pat.

You weakly nodded your head, giving a thumbs up as you wheezed.

“We’ll have to remember this for next time you need some cheering up,” Viktor gave a small smirk when he looked in your direction, meeting your eye. “Your laugh and smile… it’s very endearing.”

“Ugh, noooo, stooooop…” You covered your face with your hands, not daring to look at either of them as they shared a laugh at your expense. “It’s embarrassing…”

“What, being called cute?” Jayce piped up behind you.

Your body whipped around, slapping a hand over his mouth. “Shut up, shut up, shushhhhhh.” Your cheeks only burned more.

“Alright, we’ll stop teasing you,” he grabbed your hands, lowering them back down, absentmindedly rubbing a thumb over your knuckles. “How about we go and get you something to drink?”

“You should have some sweetmilk. For a sweet friend. I’ll pay for it.” Viktor patted a hand on your shoulder, a small smile gracing his features.

“I think I need a drink after being tormented…” You were being a tad dramatic. They began to walk to the lab’s entrance, you following them in tow. 

“Torment? I think you loved it, actually.” Viktor couldn’t help but tease you just a bit more, chuckling.

“I’m not afraid to hit you, y’know,” You let out a dramatic whine from the tease, sighing. There was silence for a moment as you walked, until you spoke up. “…thanks, guys.”

They were always here for you when you needed it. And they were happy to help out.

Everything felt a little bit more colourful and brighter being by their side.

[genericpuff]

Life updates!

Got my new driver's license with my updated legal name change which allowed me to change my name on my bank account and Paypal. Had to call Paypal support because my birthday was wrong on my account which caused an automatic rejection of my name change request (as it didn't match with the birthday on my ID), I can only assume it was younger me skirting by the age requirements at the time so I could make that Deviantart commission money LMAO (more shockingly, the Paypal support guy was really nice and we had a good laugh about it). Thankfully the fix was quick and easy :>

Only thing I'm waiting on now is my new provincial health card so that I can FINALLY book a bloodwork appointment. Once we're over that one hurdle, it's (hopefully) HRT time! <3

-------------

Psuwis is doing much better! He was on a round of various medications for a week to treat his jaundice / liver problems, and in between medications we got him eating as much as we could, swapping out foods and trying new things until we figured out what would stick. Unfortunately he has already gone back to being his picky self, but he's put on weight again and his jaundice has finally cleared. I'm incredibly relieved, and thankful to the vets at the urgent care clinic who were so good with him. I'm hoping this means we're still stuck with him for a few more years, as much as he drives me crazy with his antics he's still my boy and the fear of losing him really put into perspective how much of a positive impact he's had on my life and how much I need to appreciate him being here in whatever limited time he has. I love owning pets, but man, it's hard during those times when you're reminded that you're gonna outlive them 😭

Even now as I'm typing this, I can tell he just went to the bathroom because I can smell the stench of his frigging POOP emanating from his butthole five feet away. But dammit, he can stink all he wants, because at least that means he's still here <3

-------------

I've started playing Red Dead Redemption 2. Or rather, I had started playing it a while ago, but stopped shortly after the opening tutorial of the game. Since then, I've switched primarily to PC for most of my gaming outside of Nintendo Switch games. So I recently bought it again while it was on sale for practically dirt cheap, and finally took another crack at it.

I'm not sure why I stopped playing it the first time around, going into the PC versions I had vague memories of dropping it as soon as the opening section was over and I had access to the camp. All I could feel vaguely in hindsight was a sort of confused boredom and reluctance to try and get back into it. But I'm glad I gave it another shot, because honestly... I have no clue why past me struggled to get a sense of it, I love the first RDR (I've beaten it multiple times, easily one of my favorite games from the PS3 era) and RDR2 isn't exactly that much of a departure from it as far as gameplay philosophy goes.

Now that I'm actually progressing through it, I'm having a great time! The writing is as clever and hilarious as its predecessor, and the attention to detail in the worldbuilding is phenomenal. It's so silly but what I really appreciate most are just those little mundane moments of going into a grocery store, picking up a tin of hair gel or a stick of butter, and just... looking at it. Like damn, they really invested a lot of time and care into ensuring that I could interact with just about every item in this game and get some trivia out of it.

The game runs exactly how it should, if not leagues better than it did on the PS4. It still has the usual Rockstar bugginess, but unlike Bethesda's brand of jank, Rockstar bugs are just MSG, they provide that extra lil' kick of indescribable flavor. They're never game-breaking, always hilarious.

Assuming the game's performance won't be affected by it, I'd love to stream it sometime. Maybe get my husband on the mic with me as co-host. After all, as much as these games are primarily sold as single-player story-driven experiences, they really are at their best when you have someone to experience it with. I can't express to you how much I wish we had been streaming during the bar scene with Lenny. Truly an iconic moment I wish I could forget just to re-experience it all over again LMAO

-----------

The other day I got an ask inquiring about Kore's planner. I hadn't really thought much of it at the time, probably because I'm so used to Rekindled being an obviously non-profit project, but someone pointed out to me that I could theoretically make the planner as a digital notebook.

And boy howdy, did my ADHD run with that, because I spent like 3 hours after this making exactly that! Here's a little preview!

Obviously it's been buffed up a bit compared to the original, but I really wanted to build upon its brief original appearance and make it feel like a genuine notebook that someone like Kore would own, with little dedicated tabs and sections for different things. As a baseline, I'll be formatting this for PDF so that it can be imported into most major drawing software - including Clip Studio and Procreate - however I'm also gonna be fiddling around with the Goodnotes app (which I used to use a lot of myself) and seeing if I can make a Goodnotes compatible template with hyperlinks and other clickable parts.

Overall I've had a lot of fun making this, it took a lot of initial work in designing the base look and feel of it, but now it's coming together pretty smoothly! I'm hoping to have it ready in the next few days <3 Once it is, I'll be selling it as a digital download on my new Ko-Fi page! :> So if that's something you're interested in, give that page a bookmark/follow and check back in a bit! It'll be fairly inexpensive, within the $5-$8 range depending on how much gets included (i.e. if I can provide the Goodnotes template or not).

------------

January was an extremely hectic and chaotic month. It brought about a lot of unfortunate circumstances that were difficult to weather through. Despite this, I'm doing what I can to hold onto my hope that it'll all work out, that there are still opportunities for joy and progress, and that even the worst things that have come to pass will still pass. It's hard, but it's worth it.

[dumbgoondog]

Dogged Characters(part 1?)

Ft. Gojo and Geto

Cw/Tw - metaphors for forced pregnancy, death, spoilers

How I portray/understand the characters. As well as personal headcanons for them that will and won’t have basis for those ideas.

Might delete later tho.

SATORU GOJO

The strongest sorcerer, considered extremely gorgeous in canon and by fans, good at everything he does, and the loneliest man. Infinity while being an amazing CT is also a representation of the separation from idolization. Everyone wants him, and when there’s something so many people enjoy the cruel people have to hate that thing. We see this often online with media. He HAS to be perfect, any mistake no matter how small is deeply ridiculed and blown out of proportion! There is one flaw to that though when applying it to Satoru Gojo.

He just doesn’t care!

He doesn’t care what anyone else thinks, he cares what HE thinks. Again with infinity, nobody can get to him because he’s just alone in there with himself. This is not to say I believe he’s a depressed person who’s secretly really sad. That is a good trope tho. To me Satoru Gojo, is a live by the moment type of person. Which sounds wrong when he says he wants to future to be great or thinks about Highschool and what could have been. You can contradict your opinions, it’s part of being human.

To cut this some cuz I got others to do -

- Gojo is a very self centered character. His ego of knowing how much people want him, believing he is the only one who can do things that he is “the honored one”, not willing to accept that others could be better than him, not seeing Geto’s decline, etc.

- Gojo is a good teacher. You have all of these kids from multiple backgrounds and troubles that should but heads of be loners but look at him! He also helps with disabilities no problem, Maki, Inumaki, etc. while he isn’t your standard teacher we have to realize we only see what’s shown but he’s with these kids for their whole lives for some and others for only half a year.

- Gojo is TIRED. He doesn’t want to be the strongest anymore. His hobby is stamp collecting because it isn’t skill based, he eats sweets constantly which give dopamine, he became a TEACHER. That who maniac left Highschool going “I want to be a teacher!” And he often ran away from home.

- Gojo is lonely. He’s constantly busy, his students are the closest thing he has to family, we know that when he was born his parents were lifted to a higher status and he was taken to be trained. Geto was one of the only people he felt he was close with, Shoko too but look how their lives have taken different paths. Do I think he’s sad though? No. You can be happy and lonely.

- Gojo is an experience and live by the moment person. He’s looking for fun in everything! Being a teacher every student is an experience! Traveling and trying new foods! He doesn’t care if something doesn’t go correctly, he still is having fun and or learning!

SUGURU GETO

The worst curse user in history. How fitting to be Gojo’s opposite, his foil. A man who came from nothing with a gift he learned on his own, how he worked for everything he has, swallowing every curse from a young age to his death. He has the opposite of infinity, he swallows and carries everything inside of him. This again is a metaphor, to show how he carries the weight of all of the dead sorcerers, the curses he swallows, his every mistake. He cares about everyone else so much that he gives up his body for them.

I’ll give a hot take, Geto’s CT is an amazing allegory for forcing women to give birth no matter where the baby is from.

He’s not allowed to just exorcise curses, because they could be useful in the future, think of what they can do for us! “But what if that baby would go to cure cancer?” No matter how disgusting it was to swallow, how hard of a battle it is, no matter who it killed. He’s trying to rationalize and convince himself it’s worth it, that people appreciate the work he does but they care what he can give them. Gojo was the ONLY one saying that he didn’t have to eat that curse, saying it’s gross and he shouldn’t have too.

Anyway bullet points -

- Geto is a very loving character. Even after becoming a curse user, he goes on to save two girls(Mimiko and Nanako) taking them in as his own. Helps Miguel and his family! All of Geto’s family are people who have been hurt by the system, and ignored by the people.

- Geto is a bad leader. He cares too much about too many people, his ideas are flawed, he’s too ridged with his thinking, and in the end that’s what does him in. He refuses to be flexible in his ideas, he refuses to grow as a person and stew in his fear instead.

- Womb Profusion is Geto’s domain expansion. Given my earlier reasonings, we see Yuta use Gojo’s DE, and the tower. I will say I think Kenjaku influenced how it looked and worked tho.

- Really great song for Geto and Gojo, “This Is A Life” by Son Lux, Mitski, and David Byrne, from Everything Everywhere All At Once. Listen to it and you’ll understand.

- Geto isn’t lonely but is sad. He wishes things didn’t go this way, that Riko Amanai was alive, that Toji never told him those things, that he and Gojo were still kids together. He loves his family though, he doesn’t regret saving Mimiko and Nanako, Miguel, any of them. He would do it all again. He believes in his cause, he just wishes he had his best friend, the man he loved(romantically) and never got to tell.

GOJO AND GETO

God these bitches gay, good for them fr tho. Geto is Bisexual and Gojo Pansexual. Geto fell first, Gojo fell later mutual pining but both were oblivious tbh. If they were called out or either of the grew a pair I genuinely believe that could’ve helped/saved Geto.

Shoko is an ace lesbian and she clocked them both but thought they were the best god damn rom com ever. She and Mei Mei had bets fr.

Gojo calls Geto Subaru, after the car, as a dumb nickname. Sometimes Gojo will pat his back and quietly say “beep beep”

Geto in turn calls Gojo “Toro” after the bull because of how easily annoyed Gojo can get. As a taunt in their arguments Geto will pretend to hold a flag and say “Toro! Toro! Ole!”

Geto is a snake and Gojo is a cat/snow leopard. Geto is seeking warmth and Gojo only lets certain people pet him.

[deadpogasm]

i need to eat but i can’t eat anything and it’s stressing me out im gonna cry why can’t i eat im so hungry what is wrong with me

[al-luviec]

still haven't moved on from zane in this episode (aka I hit tag limit again and am unhappy about it)

[werebutch]

Oversharing 💪

Probably insensitive but if my disabled dad cannot function well enough to heat his own food up in the microwave, take his cup to the sink, throw his trash in the garbage bin, what am i supposed to do? What is HE supposed to do ? And how much of this do i question without being an asshole? And seriously truly what the hell am i supposed to do?

I KNOW he can do the above things. He’s physically able, he can walk, but he has pain and will sometimes faint bc of blood sugar and stuff. But most of all he says he’s too weak to do that stuff. There was a time after he got out of the hospital + physical therapy where he was able to walk around and do stuff. It was difficult but he could still do things like walk around a grocery store or do dishes. Btw we have a dishwasher — when i say do dishes i mean just simply put them in the fucking dishwasher. Idk. He doesn’t manage his diabetes well at all, so he’s constantly in a state of crisis bc he neglects himself. Anyways. My question is, if he’s too weak to do that stuff anymore by living at home (he works from home, so he’s not even exerting energy by working. He’s on his phone most of the time anyway. Cleaning up after himself is pretty much the only thing i ask of him), why the fuck is he letting himself be that way. If it’s possible for him to not be as disabled as he is, why is he not trying even slightly to make it easier on himself? He hates being this way

He’s told me so many times how one day he’s gonna get more physical therapy done and he’ll be able to hike w us and stuff, which is smth we all like to do together. He’s holding himself back — im not saying this in the dumbass way where will can overcome all disability but i AM saying that there IS a realistic way for him to improve and yes, he is too depressed to do it, but he’s also a grown man who has his family begging for him to get somewhere with this . You don’t think I’m depressed too ? yet I still force myself to do all this because I care about my family. You’re grown. You have to choose at some point. After years and years of this and after so many people support you, i genuinely cannot sympathize with the idea that it’s out of his control anymore

What am i supposed to do? Am i just supposed to accept that he’ll never be able to do anything himself and just let him have that? I’m literally fulfilling the housewife role, physically with tasks, emotionally, and parentally, and it’s disgusting to me. He works from home all he does is sit at home apologizing to me over and over about not doing anything, but still not ACTUALLY being sorry enough to do anything about it. And ofc i say it’s ok bc what am i supposed to do. I’m tired of wrestling myself back and forth thinking im bad for expecting anything of him -> getting fed up with doing everything for him -> thinking im bad again. And yeah maybe one day out of every 2 weeks he’ll have a day where he’ll clean the kitchen or get all the trash up that he throws down by his chair and throw it away. It makes him feel good, it’s great. But as soon as it’s done, he continues not putting in any effort. You are tired from going to fucking Walgreens? From putting the clothes away that i washed dried folded and brought to your room? So you just throw them on the floor and now they’re mixed with the dirty ones so I have to wash everything again, because you can’t remember what’s clean ? And you’ve taught your (now adult! Adult!!!!!) kids to behave in this helpless way as well? Now they think they can scream in my face if i tell them to take the garbage out a second time because they didnt do it the first time i asked ?

If it’s true and you’re tired, then you need physical therapy. Walking to the kitchen should not wind you, your illnesses don’t explain that. It’s simply because you haven’t built your muscles up enough to do that, which I understand because it’s hard, but what the hell. Our insurance will cover it so there’s no reason not to. Also, my dad is known for being lazy even before he became this disabled, so how do I know what to question and what not to? I’ve caught myself being an asshole to him but I’m also tired of him choosing helplessness, it’s so hard. Obviously he is never going to be at full strength, i don’t expect that, i just expect him to pick up after himself and just help me a little. Please

And I don’t even know if my complaints are truly valid (hate that word but ok -__-) bc 1. Could be way worse like years ago and 2. Is it really that big of a deal to clean? Except yes it is and no one understands how disgusting a house can get unless you are in this situation . Detrimental effects on my mental health no matter if i choose to clean or not. So idk. Or the secret third thing which is most likely - I’ve been depressed for so long, houses we’ve had have always been gross + cluttered bc of mental illness in the family, so now as an adult my threshold for what i can stand is very small, bc it’s been built up this whole time with no breaks. So yes it’s bad here, but I feel so stressed bc of the history of it, not just current events... I just feel sooooo trapped lol like this has been going on forever and slowly I’ve regained control so now I solely control the house, which has improved it, but it’s also a huge stressor on me, because the more i take on, the more is expected of me. Like how my dad can’t microwave his own food or pick up his meds at the pharmacy drive thru. LOL

So much oversharing and idgaf if no one reads bc it’s embarrassing and probably pretty dumb like i could be dealing with sooo much worse lol but im so fed up and don’t feel like going to get my journal lol. So yep sorry bout that but GRRAAAAAHH!

My dad is not evil my family is not evil. They are depressed. Not evil thats unrealistic and cartoonish and i think if ur response to this is to say smth like that i understand but u may want to evaluate ur life and relationships. My family is depressed. I’m depressed. Thanks for trying to validate my experience but it makes me feel strange when people view my family as cartoon villains when literally everything is nuanced and I’m sure that from their perspectives, what they’re doing is rational. Humans ok lol but i am very frustrated

[isabellaofparma]

they got/himym/spn finale'd my boy

[critterchitters-closedcaptions]

trying to decipher if the overwhelming dread & Thoughts are cause of the state of the world or cause i need a shower.

vent post in the tags. idk. do whatever 👍

[clowngremlin]

basically made dinner all by myself today (older brother only seasoned our chicken breasts and i did the rest of everything)......i cooked raw meat which is something i don't do very often and was worried about, but everything turned out great!!! i also did my laundry today, took the dog for a walk and fed him and have been on top of making sure his water dish is always full, loaded the dishwasher with dirty dishes (idk how to turn it on, i'm gonna ask my dad how to do it when he gets home so i can begin to do it by myself!), did some drawing, wrote in my journal, and pulled myself out of a depressive spiral i was having earlier in the day!!!! really beating the "spencer can't take care of himself or do anything ever" allegations......

[vraska-theunseen]

aughhhh. aughhhhhjhhhh

[kateis-cakeis]

people are really so weird and so fatphobic huh

(and oops most of my commentary is in the tags XD)

[july-19th-club]

i love when characters suck and are bad people like the thing about murphy is that i liked him before he was the incredible wife guy (which is also pretty great, dont get me wrong) but like. i thought he was cool when he was a horrible jackass that everyone hated . like he was interesting before he got morals; he was interesting as a guy who gets lynched in a frontier justice display of retaliation for a murder because he just seems like the kind of dude who would murder someone. and he is! just not that dead guy, specifically. whereas the actual killer is a twelve-year-old girl who the whole crew spends the episode trying to proctect from any kind of punishment, while murph runs around trying and failing to get anyone to admit out loud that the only reason there's a difference between punishing him and punishing her is because he has a bad personality . and also the murders but at that point in the show he hadn't killed anyone, he just seemed like he would