#i have exams every week till thanksgiving

[verystressedcollegestudent]

group project peer evaluations be like:

[joanofexys]

jude angst if it’s exists if not gimme that angel/harper angst pleeeeaaasseee <3

- @ninyard

Nin the way I got SO EXCITED when I saw Jude's name related to an angst ask. I have not talked enough about what I've put this boy through

tws for suicide/suicide ideation and self harm

So I mentioned in the first post I made about Jude that in college he started struggling with suicide ideation and thoughts/desires to self harm and then actually acting on that and I didn't go too much into it other than mentioning it was something he sought help for pretty quickly but let me get into it now

Jude was raised as an only child to two loving and very supportive moms. He grew up with an incredible support system and he's always known that he has people who will have his back for everything.

Jude decides to move out of his childhood home and move closer to USC for his sophomore year when he's 19 years old. He moves out in the summer a couple months before school starts. He is, immediatley, incredibly homesick. He made sure to get a dog friendly apartment but his moms convinced him to wait till he got settled in before moving Stevie out with him. And it just makes things so much worse. He hates having an empty place.

He starts just inserting himself into everyone's business. He knows the coaches are at the court building more often than that and he has the code so he just starts showing up unannounced. He'll sit in the nurses office on an exam table, talking someone's ear off. He naps in Rhemann's office. Coach Lisinski lets him go wild with the equipment before she leaves. They'll let him run laps and throw balls at the goals for hours. He sits in on freshman training, ignores starry eyed looks, and doles out compliments alongside criticism when asked. Anything to not be alone.

Then the school year picks up again and he's anything but prepared. He can't be around people, his team, all the time. Outside of practices everyone has classes and even the people who absolutely adore him can't entertain him 24/7. And there's only so much of Jude sitting in his office to do homework that Rhemann can handle.

By October he's actively self harming. It's easy to do in an empty apartment with no one around to catch him. Easy to lie to his teammates when he genuinely feels happy on the court, surrounded by them. By November he decides he's had enough "settling in" and brings Stevie with him when he visits home for thanksgiving. It helps a little. He accepts fewer invitations to go out. Spends most nights on the bathroom floor, cabinet handles digging into his back, and calls his moms every time he's done. Every time he tries to force the words past his throat. To tell them he's not okay, that he just hurt himself again, and he wants to go home. Instead he laughs, puts a smile on his face, says "yeah, yeah it's been good. Yeah I'm really proud of the time. You know, classes have been hard but the challenge is good. Love you too, good night", and hopes his voice doesn't crack. Stevie sleeps in his bed every night, he feels bad that she has to see him cry every night and thinks maybe he's not taking care of her properly. But she's also one of the only things keeping him going and maybe it's selfish but he can't bring her back home.

He goes home for Christmas, enjoys his winter break. For a few weeks it stops. He doesn't know how to hide his self harm when he's sharing space with people so he stops trying to sneak off to the bathroom or his room. It makes him sick to his stomach when he realizes that he misses it. That he had found some comfort and relief in the repitiveness of it and how easy it had become. He goes back to school and by mid January he shoots Rhemann an email asking if he can stay after practice and they can talk. It all comes pouring out and it's messy. He wrote it all down on a piece of paper so he could actually get it out. He managed to get through about 3 sentences before his voice cracked and the ugly crying started. He gave the paper over to Rhemann to read, rambling through an explanation rife with apologies.

He spends 2 weeks benched, a month and a half with shorter play time on the court. Two weeks for trying to find a therapist, seeing a doctor, and getting prescribe anti-depressants for the first time. the month and a half for while he's adjusting to the medication while he tries to find the right dosage. He's tired a lot throughout this, not at his best, more apathetic than he's ever been. He just feels numb. He hates every minute about it.

It's the medication they figure out first. Once they get him on the right meds with the right dose and he adjusts he's not so tired all the time. He starts playing longer during games, he's fully involved in every practice. He swings by practices he doesn't need to be at. He's out of the house again, actively choosing to spend time with his team. Stevie comes with him about 80% of the time. He spends the summer with his moms and moves back in with them his junior year. His senior year he moves back out but gets a roommate this time, a very excited Cody Winter. (the fact that the current senior and 5th year seniors in tsc were Jude's little freshmen & sophomore's is everything to me tbh)

So yeah, I swear he gets better and I guess I couldn't help myself with adding a little bit of comfort and noting that things did get better for him but there's some of Jude's angst. As I was writing this I had another thing for him that's angsty pop into my head but this is long enough as is

[backtothestart02]

Thanksgiving Break - 1/? | westallen fanfiction

A/N: Part 2 begins!

...

Synopsis: College!AU - Barry comes home for Thanksgiving Break with an unexpected plus one.

...

Chapter 1 -

Iris stepped back into her childhood home around 3pm the day before Thanksgiving. Her dad was right behind her carrying the other two bags she’d brought home with her. She held one in her own hand.

“What happened? Why did we stop?” Joe West asked, heaving where he stood on the porch behind his daughter, who for some reason had become immobile in the doorway.

Iris immediately snapped out of it and walked into the living room.

“Oh. Uh, sorry. I was just thinking.”

“Yeah, well, next time think when there aren’t people behind you.”

He set her bags down at the bottom of the stairs with a thump.

“I don’t know what you put in those bags, but uh…you can get them up the stairs yourself, yeah? Or have Barry do it. I hear he’s been working out.”

That made Iris stop, sent a little tingle up her spine too.

“He has?”

“That’s what he told me,” Joe said, trudging into the kitchen for some water. “You sure he didn’t tell you?” he asked, after a drink. “I thought you two talk like every day.”

Iris stilled and licked her lips.

“Not so much recently,” she said.

“Oh, yeah?” He swallowed some more water. “Why’s that?”

Iris shrugged and ran her fingers along the curve of the couch she was now sitting on.

“Exams, I guess. Been busy studying.”

“Huh.”

Joe walked back into the living room, looking refreshed.

“Dad.” She laughed. “The bags weren’t that heavy. What’s up with you?”

He collapsed in his chair and kicked off his shoes.

“Long day.”

“Mm.” She kicked off her own shoes and stretched out across the couch. She dribbled her fingers across her stomach a few times before looking over at her dad. “So, what time do we pick Barry up?”

“His plane comes in at 8pm, I think, so thereabouts.”

Iris nibbled on her bottom lip.

“If you don’t mind, baby girl, I’m going to take a nap until it’s time for supper.”

“Oh, yeah, sure, that’s fine.”

She smiled plainly – not that he could see it – and waited the grand total of two minutes before he was snoring. Then she got up off the couch, snatched one of her bags at the bottom of the staircase, that okay, she guessed was a little heavy, and made her way upstairs to her old bedroom.

She passed Barry’s room on the way and stopped, her heart racing as memories flooded through her. She pushed past them with an effort and dumped her bag on the floor near the bed in her room. For a while she sat on her bed, looking around the room, remembering.

Then her mind drifted back to Barry, and she found herself padding down the hall and pushing his half-opened door open all the way as she stepped inside.

It was as he’d left it three months prior. He’d gone to school first, and then her a week later. His was a bigger ordeal because his school was farther away, a half a country away. She’d helped him pack and take things into his dorm room. It was probably the only time she’d see his place there until he graduated.

She didn’t think she’d see him till Thanksgiving break, but then he’d shown up a month later on his fall break, and…

The memories stopped. Not because she couldn’t remember, but because she chose not to. But because every day since he left she’d been regretting how they left things. She went back and forth between hating that they had feelings for each other and hating that she couldn’t just admit that she had them so they could be together.

Except, they wouldn’t be together. It would be a whole long-distance relationship, and how often did those actually work out? They didn’t. They weren’t meant to last. Someone else would come into the picture or you would grow apart because you didn’t see each other often enough and that was that.

And when that happened – if they got together to begin with – how would that change things with them as friends? As family?

It would be a disaster, and she just couldn’t risk losing that part of her.

Barry seemed to get the picture because in the last two months he hadn’t brought up them having had sex once, and he would probably continue to do that even after they were face-to-face again.

Iris sighed and laid down on his bed, tucking herself into his STAR WARS sheets and deep blue blanket. She’d teased him about them relentlessly through high school, even though she’d been the one to help him pick them out when he first moved in. She ran her hands over the sheets now, imagining him there with her now, spooning her from behind, nuzzling his nose into her hair and inhaling her scent.

She moaned softly, worriedly.

Had she ruined everything?

…

An hour after dinner, Joe and Iris put on their jackets and headed to the car, intent on picking up Barry at the airport. It had started to snow lightly, but Joe wasn’t overly concerned it would slow them down, especially since they weren’t going during rush hour.

They got to the airport a little after 8pm and parked. Joe instructed Iris which gate Barry would be at, so she could run ahead and grab them, and he could keep his most coveted parking spot.

Nerves shooting through her entire body, the last thing Iris had expected on arriving to the gate was seeing Barry squeezing the hand of a woman standing next to him – a girl, really. Hopefully it was someone he’d just helped with her fear of flying on the plane or something, and not someone he actually…

Oh, but it was.

Because when Iris called his name, and their eyes locked, Barry gestured to the girl beside him to come with him, and Iris knew a new kind of hell.

“Iris, hey-”

“Who’s this?” Iris interrupted, before he could even get his arms around her for a hug.

“Oh, um, this is my friend, Caitlin.”

Iris grew cold. She remembered that name from two months ago.

Caitlin and Felicity.

She swallowed.

“She had nowhere to go for Thanksgiving, but she already had a ticket home, so I kinda sorta invited her to our place. Do you think Joe will mind?” He winced.

Iris was frozen in place.

“Iris?” he asked, frowning when she didn’t respond. “Iris!”

Somehow, she managed to snap out of her trance.

“What? No! Of course not. Of course, she can stay.” She laughed nervously. “As long as you don’t expect to sleep in the same room.”

“What?!” Caitlin squeaked.

Barry gave her a surprised look, and Iris cleared her throat.

“I’m sure it’s fine.” She licked her lips. “I’m Iris.” She leaned across the way to shake Caitlin’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Caitlin shook her hand and smiled hesitantly; probably hopeful the awkwardness had passed.

“So, we should get your baggage then, yeah?”

Barry and Caitlin nodded, and they walked towards the baggage claim to collect their things.

Yep. This was going to be HELL.

[asinglesock]

I can play "I Don't Like My Mind" by Mitski on the piano with my eyes closed if that's any indicator of my current state of being

This is the worst my mental health has been since January 2022 (although admittedly that was much worse. It's just that things have consistently been better since then up till now.) I was spending a lot of time alone the last couple weeks of October because H was traveling. Then I was spending a lot of time alone because I was trying to avoid both catching covid from her and spreading covid to other people. Then a lot of classes were cancelled because of AAR/SBL. Then H left for her out-of-state Thanksgiving gathering and she took the dogs with her. Then my friend had to cancel our plans because she had a family emergency. And my parents' phone hasn't been working for the past few weeks, and it's harder to reach them by cell phone. And my parents are teaching Bible studies almost every night and I have a hard time keeping track of when they have Bible studies so it's really hard to call them!

I just feel so tired and lonely and frustrated. I haven't been comfortable with Thanksgiving as a holiday for several years but I wish I could be around people or at least that I'd had time to plan a meal to have at home.

I wish I could just take the time to work on school but the library's going to be closed until Monday. It feels so very bleak. There's only one more week of classes until the reading period and finals. I think this much isolation and quiet is not good for me.

But there is a way forward. I'm going to take the Incomplete for my longest paper. Then I'll only have two 10-page papers and one final exam between me and being able to go home. I'm still worried about it but it's doable.

[justtrying-studyblog]

The Leaves Aren't the Only Things Changing

As the air turns crisper and the snow starts to stick, here I am again for another college life update! Life has been getting better. I'm deep into my school routine, and the semester is almost over. I have already finished two classes and am in that pre-thanksgiving stretch. It's gonna be a rollercoaster after thanksgiving break, so I'm just preparing myself.

My schedule was crammed and hectic, but after a trip to the east coast in late October, I found myself having something that I thought I had lost; free time. Seriously, I'll just be sitting in my bed wondering what I am supposed to do when I'm not bouncing between assignments to class to work and repeating each day. But that is to say that I love the ability to think and not stress. I have even started having hobbies again!

This semester has already taught me invaluable lessons. First off, trust yourself. If you know it's gonna be a lot on your plate beforehand, listen to that! I had a big fight with my dad before the semester over the stress of attending two colleges at once and working +20 hours a week, and I should've known that I knew myself best, not him. However, I did overcome that and survived that phase, but I know not to do that again.

I also learned to take a little time each day to study rather than days off and cramming the day before something is due. Before my aforementioned trip to the east coast, I had to work ahead on some assignments. I didn't realize how relaxing it can be to be ahead in class and know that if I need a day off (which sometimes I really did), I would not be behind or stressed to catch up. Doing a little every day allows you to have assignments done before the due date and gives you a buffer for unforeseen circumstances. I'm actually updating this blog cause I worked so far ahead, and I have nothing to do till my math class in 30 mins.

I also learned that one bad grade isn't the end of the world. This one is a more recent lesson. On my first chem exam back from my trip, I only got a 68%. That grade hurt so much, but I've learned that one bad grade does not define my ability as a person, and it will not destroy my grade. It just shows that I need more attention on those topics, and frankly, I'm still doing well in Chem.

Finally, make sure you have a social outlet outside of work and school. I didn't realize how tired I was of seeing my class friends, work friends, and family. I needed someone else to break up that environmental routine. I started doing a weekly movie night with one of my friends, and honestly, those are the highlight of my week. It has helped so much to see someone in an environment where I don't have to think about school or work.

Overall, this semester has been highkey amazing. I have loved being back in school. Yeah, sometimes are stressful, and finding that routine is a work in progress, but I love every minute of it.

Well, I've gotta go learn some algebra, so as always ✨stay safe, and hang on, it's gonna work out✨

[iconicstyles]

New Roommates

So here’s the second installment of my fic and I really hope this makes sense. i wrote this not really intending on posting it. So since I just wrote it for myself it’s not proper chapters. And I can’t upload the whole thing cause it would be ridiculously long but I hope you enjoy anyway ❤️

Previously

Max was almost out when he heard movement on the couch. Keeping his eyes closed he felt a soft weight being placed over him. Peaking his eyes open, he noticed a blanket she had been using on the couch. It was still warm from her body heat. He was too tired to fight her besides he could smell her perfume on the fabric comforting him as he fell asleep.

The next day Melissa was the first one awake. The street lights were still on after she took her morning shower. Quietly she went about her business, putting on a fresh pair of scrubs and her shoes. It was going to be another cold day in Chicago. Sighing to herself she braided her long dark hair down her back and pulled on a beanie. After grabbing her warmest jacket she headed downstairs. Abby and Max were still asleep making Melissa stay quiet as a mouse as she fixed herself a cup of coffee to go. Now Melissa may love her job but no matter what she would never be a morning person.

Thankfully the hospital was slow at five in the morning. She would make her rounds, talk with the night nurses to find out what happened the night before, and wait for her first big incident of the day. When she heard the intercom say code blue she turned to her coworker. “Let’s go to work.”

When Max woke up the first thing he was aware of was a sweet smell coming from the kitchen. After wiping his hands over his face he turned to see Abby pulling out a muffin tray from the oven. Slowly he rose from his makeshift bed and staggered into the kitchen. “Morning.” She said softly.

“Morning.” Max yawned.

“We didn’t get properly introduced last night. I’m Abby.” She told him, extending her hand.

Max glanced at her hand to her face which still had flour on it. “I’m Max, I’m Harry’s partner.”

“Well it’s nice to meet you.” She as far too friendly in the morning.

“You too. Uh, I gotta get a shower.”

Before she could say anything Max was already walking into the hallway bathroom. Not the best way to meet her new roommate but hopefully he would come around. If Abby knew anything about men the best way to make them like you was hit them with baked goods. He would come around and her Southern charm would make sure of it.

Harry sure did enjoy the muffins, he stuffed two of them into his mouth on their way to the precinct. “Mmm, I think this new roommate arrangement is gonna work out.” He groaned.

“Yeah, you keep eating like that you’re gonna fail our fitness exam come spring.”

“Eh, if I’m on desk duty it would be worth it if I get to eat like this.”

Max rolled his eyes as he came to a stop in their familiar parking spot. District twelve had been their second home since they graduated from the police academy. They worked in uniform for a few months before moving up to Intelligence. They had been working cases ever since.

Upstairs their coworkers were already buzzing. Mike had arrived first putting together their board. “Ok our victim’s name is Gerald Adams, low end criminal. He’s been in and out of jail since he turned sixteen. I got word from a CI that during his last stint he began working for another dealer, one we all know.” Mike taped up a picture of a well known dealer. “Calum Hood.”

“I thought he moved to Arizona?” Harry asked.

“Well he’s back. I’ve heard he’s been working the streets trying to build his rep back up.”

Sergeant Voight spoke up. “Hood used to be one of Kevin Wallace’s men. He had been working for him since Calum graduated high school.”

“Kevin Wallace? Isn’t he in prison?”

“For twenty years, doesn’t mean he’s not operating from the inside.”

“Then why did he pick off one of his new guys?” Max asked.

“That’s what I want you to find out.” Voight said. “Max, Harry, you find Adams residence. Mike you and Liam talk to your CIs, find out if there’s any rumblings going on with Wallace’s gang.”

With their orders in hand the guys headed off for the day. “Looks like it’s gonna be another late night.” Harry sighed.

By the time lunch was rolling around Melissa was already done with her day. Her last patient in room 612 refused to take his medicine, even going so far as to throw his food tray at her when she insisted he needed it. “Tell Jamie I’m taking my lunch and that someone else is gonna have to get Mr. Walker to take his meds.”

Luckily Abby seemed to know her friend would need a pick me up. When she arrived to the lobby she saw the blonde with a brown bag. “Hey, I didn’t know if you would have time for a real lunch.” Abby smiled.

“Even if I didn’t I’m taking one.” Melissa said eagerly taking the bag from her friend’s hands. “You brought me fresh bread? Bless you.”

“With three different jellies. I got a job.” Abby grinned.

“That was fast!”

“I know, I kind of stumbled into it.” Abby laughed. “It’s a small bakery that can only fit maybe three people at a time. A daughter runs it with her mother and her mom’s been sick for a while. They were gonna have to shut down but I came just in time.”

“So you’re basically gonna be running it?”

“Not really, it’s gonna be a test run until they think I can handle it but it’s a job.”

“Well I’m happy for you. You’re making a new life for yourself.”

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna like it here.”

Melissa felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. Groaning to herself Melissa pulled it out to reveal a patient of hers needs help. “Well lunch is over. I’ll see you at home, ok?”

“Ok, go save some lives.”

It was after seven before everyone returned to the house. Harry and Max struck out trying to find any links between Wallace and their victim. No one wanted to talk to the police even if it prevented more bloodshed. Melissa was beyond exhausted too when she finally arrived home. Thankfully Abby was home and fixed two homemade pizzas for her roommates. “Bless your heart.” Harry sighed as he piled pieces onto a plate.

Melissa ate a piece before excusing herself to her bathroom. “I need a hot bath and maybe a glass of wine.”

Harry agreed. “We’re out of beer. I’ll go to the store on the corner, be right back.”

When the door closed Abby turned to Max. “I didn’t really know what toppings everyone likes but I figured pepperoni and cheese was a safe bet.”

“Yeah, thanks.” He mumbled.

Abby didn’t know how to gauge him. From what Melissa and Harry said he just came out of a relationship so he was healing. Plus he was a cop and that was a whole other set of issues. “Uh, you can have the couch tonight. I’m smaller, the chair won’t hurt me.” She told him.

“It’s fine.”

If Abby knew guarded men she knew the best way to handle them was to give them space and let them eventually come to you. “Well the food’s warm.” She whispered before brushing past him.

When he didn’t say anything Abby took that as her cue to head upstairs to her room. She still had some clothes to hang up to distract her from the handsome roommate she just couldn’t seem to crack.

In the weeks that followed the move everyone followed a nice routine. Melissa and Abby usually woke up first, fixing a pot of coffee for the guys when they woke up. Abby would arrive home first and fix a small dinner for them to share. It took awhile but eventually they would eat together around their small dining room table Melissa and Abby bought from an antique store. Their house was coming together just in time for Thanksgiving. “So what are our Thanksgiving plans?” Abby asked.

“I will probably be at the hospital. People deep frying turkeys is an accident waiting to happen.” Melissa explained.

“Then I’ll fix you a plate and bring it to you.” Abby said.

“Or I could. I usually go visit a friend on Thanksgiving anyway and the hospital is on the way.” Harry shrugged.

“Ok sounds like a plan.” Melissa agreed.

Later on that night Max and Harry excused themselves to go to the gym while Melissa and Abby stayed home. Melissa decided to take a hot bath leaving Abby to clean the kitchen. In the time she had lived in the house she maybe had one conversation with Max. Every day it was like Abby, Harry, and Melissa would laugh and talk, and they all had a good relationship going but Max seemed to be on the outside. Call it her southern hospitality trying to break through but Abby just wanted Max to feel included in his own home. Surely he talked to Harry, they were together every day from morning till night. Maybe she was overstepping her bounds but Abby just wanted to know more about her handsome roommate.

When Max and Harry got home Max went straight to the bathroom to shower leaving Harry to wait for him to finish. He found Abby in the kitchen writing down a list. “Whatcha doing?” Harry asked.

“Writing out what I need to make first tomorrow morning. I’ve been trying to test and see what sells out first every day and what I need to bake more of.”

“So what do the good people of Chicago enjoy?”

“Believe it or not homemade pop tarts with fresh fruit cream inside.”

“And how come we don’t get any of those here?” Harry seemed offended he hadn’t enjoyed one of her pop tarts.

“Come by tomorrow morning and I’ll give you two on the house.” She smiled. “So...can I talk to you about something?”

“Depends on what it is.”

“It’s about Max.”

“Then probably not.”

“I just want to know what he’s like. We’ve been living together almost a month and I feel like I barely know what his voice sounds like.”

She noticed Harry’s eyebrow cock up slightly. “You fancy my partner?”

Abby tried to hide her blush. “I barely even know him. I just hate that we’re always talking and hanging out but he’s never around.”

“That’s just Max, he’s been like that for as long as I’ve known him. It’s part of what we do. We see horrors every day, things you can’t even imagine. Some guys just shut down so nothing else gets to them.”

“So should I just leave him alone?”

“I’m not saying that. I think to make him feel more comfortable here is a great idea. I’ve been wondering about it myself. I chalked it up to him still being upset about what’s her name but I don’t even know.”

“Well what does he like?”

Harry rubbed his chin with his finger. “When we first got partnered up he told me he misses his mother’s apple pies. His folks live in California and they don’t get to visit very often.”

“Apple pies? I can bake that in my sleep.”

“Great, more baked goods for me.”

The next morning Harry was driving and instead of going their normal route to the station he took a detour, something that didn’t go unnoticed by his partner. “Where are you going?”

“You’ll see.”

A few blocks down Harry came to a stop in front of a small bakery called ‘Make it Sweet’ with doughnuts and cupcakes decorating the light pink sign. “Why are we at a bakery?”

“Not just any bakery, it’s Abby’s. She promised me a warm breakfast but if you don’t want anything keep your grumpy ass in the car.”

Grumbling to himself Max followed his curly haired partner into the bakery. The smell of cinnamon hit him as soon as they walked through the door. It was so warm inside, a stark contrast to the freezing outside. The storeroom was small with two tables and a cake box full of different variations of birthday cakes and plain cakes waiting to be decorated. When she heard the bell above the front door ding Abby stepped out from the back to the counter. “Hey guys.” She grinned, just as warm as the storeroom.

“We come eager to try these pop tarts.”

“Pop tarts?” Max asked. “Don’t we have those at home?”

“Those are stale, I’ve had them since my last apartment.” Harry answered. “Abby promised me these were the best in Chicago.”

“Don’t gas me up too much.” Abby laughed. “I kept some warm for you two.”

Max watched as Abby placed four pop tarts into a small pink box. “Do you want coffee to go?”

“Yeah, Liam was supposed to make some at the station and knowing him it’ll taste like motor oil.” Harry cringed.

After pouring two cups of coffee she placed everything on the counter for them. “What do we owe you?” Max questioned pulling out his wallet.

“It’s on me.” She said, waving off his money.

Before Max could argue Harry felt his phone vibrate. “It’s Liam, we got a hit on Hood. Thanks Abby, see you later.”

Just as Max was about to leave the bakery he went back to the counter and laid a twenty dollar bill down. “Thanks.”

She didn’t have a chance to refuse the money before he was taking off behind Harry. Normally it would have been an eight dollar order she would just take the twenty as a kind tip. She also couldn’t help but notice the small smile on Max’s face as he handed her the bill. Maybe they were getting somewhere slowly but surely.

Throughout her time working at the hospital Melissa’s favorite part was simply releasing her patients. She had seen them through difficult times, nursed them back to health so when it was time for them to go home she took pride in being there. This time it was a twenty one year old girl who had come in with a severe case of pneumonia. She waved it off for so long when she finally came to the hospital she was admitted at once. “Mali? How are you doing?” Melissa asked.

“I feel great, just ready to get out of here.” Mali smiled.

“I bet, I just need you to sign these release forms and then you’re all set. Do you have someone coming to get you?”

“My big brother is coming. He should be here any minute.”

A soft knock echoed through the room. Melissa turned just in time to see a man step into the room. “Sis? You decent?” He asked, a hand over his eyes.

“Calum, put your hand down, I’m dressed.” Mali rolled her eyes making Melissa laugh.

“Hey, can’t be too safe. I walked into the wrong room one day and I’m still scarred for life.” Calum laughed stepping further into the room, his eyes landing on Melissa. “Hi, I’m Calum.”

“Don’t hit on my nurse, Cal.” Mali warned.

“Not at all! I’m merely showing my gratitude for the nurse that took such good care of my baby sister.”

Melissa laughed, placing her hand in Calum’s extended one. “I’m Melissa.”

“Nice to meet you.” His smile was dangerous, lighting up his entire face making his eyes turn into slits and she thought she saw dimples in his cheeks.

“You too.” She nodded, clearing her throat. “All right, well if you’re done with your paperwork you are free to go. I hope we don’t see you around here too soon.”

“Nope, I will be sure to take care of myself from now on.” Mali promised, hopping off her bed with ease.

“Don’t worry, I’ll watch over her.” Calum said, earning a light slap from his sister.

“Yeah, like that’s what I need.”

Melissa laughed once more watching as the brother and sister walk out of the hospital room. As she was leaving herself she saw Calum and Mali step into the elevator. From where she stood she could see Calum watching her a small smirk on his face. Even as she continued her shift she couldn’t get his face out of her mind. His smile, his curly black hair and matching eyes. “Get a hold of yourself, Melissa.” She told herself but still this man had affected her in such a short amount of time and she wasn’t upset about it.

When she got home she was eager to talk to Abby about a possible new man in her life. “Hey, are the guys home yet?”

Abby shook her head. “No, they stopped by the bakery this morning but had to rush out cause of some case.”

“Did you ask what it was?”

“No, they were in and out before I could.”

“Do you ever get curious about their cases?” Melissa asked.

“Not really, if they wanted to talk about them they would tell us. Max is hard enough to try and talk to. I don’t want to try and force him.”

“Good point, anyway let me tell you about the guy in the hospital.”

“Melissa, I don’t want to hear another story about someone missing a finger or toe.” Abby groaned.

“No, this one is different, all of his limbs are attached to a very attractive body.”

“Ok, now you got my attention.”

“Yeah, I figured, so he’s the brother of one of my patients. He came to pick her up today.”

“What does he look like? Give me a visual.”

Melissa pursed her lips, thinking back to the man from that afternoon. “He was the epitome of tall, dark and handsome. Olive skin with dark hair and eyes. A smile that would make you swoon.”

“Yeah, he had to be cute if you’re saying words like ‘swoon.’” Abby giggled. “But wait, I thought you and Harry had something.”

Melissa shook her head. “Harry’s cute and he’s funny but wouldn’t it be weird since we live together?”

“That would be up for you to decide.”

“I don’t think I can now that we live in the same house. What if we didn’t work out? One of us would have to move out.”

“I guess you’re right.” Abby frowned now, not too sure how she should deal with Max.

“Anyway, I’m gonna take a shower. What’s for dinner?”

Later on that night, after an afternoon of chasing dead ends Harry and Max returned home to a quiet house. “God, all I want is a hot shower and my bed.” Harry groaned.

Max silently agreed, his eyes were heavy but a sight on the kitchen counter caught his eye. On top of the counter top was a pie, not just any pie it was his favorite. Apple pie had been his favorite dessert since he was a kid. This one didn’t look like the one he enjoyed throughout his childhood but he would never turn down an apple pie. His mood lifted as he grabbed a plate from the cabinet and a fork. After cutting him a slice of pie he took a bite, the flavors melting in his mouth. Salted caramel was drizzled on top of the pie, something he never experienced but definitely enjoyed. Then, while he was enjoying his second slice of pie, he noticed a few dollar bills on the counter and a note saying ‘You forgot your change this morning.’ He remembered giving Abby his only twenty in his wallet before rushing out of the bakery but he didn’t expect her to give him change for it. “So can I get a slice or not?” Harry asked.

“Get your own.” Max replied, wrapping the pie up and putting it in the fridge.

“You really being stingy about a pie?”

“Yep, good night.” Max mumbled, his mouth full. With Harry glaring at his back he retired to his room with his plate in hand. Maybe this roommate situation would work out after all.

[mollyraesly]

Time with Wolves -- Chapter 18

Just as Thanksgiving had been overshadowed by Robb and questions about his possibly expecting new girlfriend, Christmas was dominated by Robb and his definitely expecting fiancée. Although they still had guests over, it was a rushed affair with more focus on what was to come in the next two weeks than on the day itself. Normally Catelyn spent a generous amount of time shopping to get the best sales and make sure each of her children got two or three fancier items, with a smattering of smaller gifts they’d all come to expect—wall calendars, underwear, fuzzy socks, chapstick, new gloves, wolf-related paraphernalia.

But this year, those little items were nowhere to be found. Instead, they’d gotten mostly gift cards and items they’d need for the wedding, like bowties, emergency first-aid kits, and Advil.

“I’m sorry,” Cat told them Christmas morning after they’d finished opening their presents. “I know this isn’t exactly following tradition.”

“It’s fine, Mum,” Sansa assured her. “We know this year is a bit…unusual.”

“That’s one way to put it,” Arya noted dryly. “I’d say—”

“Arya,” said Sansa, sensing the need to deescalate the situation, “why don’t you help me go get everyone some eggnog?”

Ned gave her a grateful look and then went back to trying to comfort Cat.

When they were in the safety of the kitchen, Arya heaved a sigh. “I hope Robb knows he owes us a Christmas after fucking up this one for us.”

Their elder brother was over at the Westerlings house, having stayed the night with the future in-laws. He was bringing Jane over later in the afternoon to eat with the Starks. Sansa wasn’t sure if it wouldn’t have been wiser to stay away.

She caught Arya eyeing the kitchen knives.

“C’mon, let’s get breakfast ready. The snow outside looks perfect for making snowballs. You and Rickon can challenge Bran to a fight while I help Mom with dinner. Maybe see if Dad wants in.”

Arya dragged her gaze away from the knives. “All right then.” Since her mom was busy helping Mrs. Westerling with wedding preparation—or complaining about being left out—Sansa had taken up a lot of the slack. The first few days, it had been nice to focus on something tactile after her exams. They weren’t her hardest batch of tests, but her Equal Protection Law professor decided last minute he wouldn’t let them bring in their case briefs and they had to do everything from memory—and Prof. Lannister forced her to rewrite one of her papers because she didn’t like the topic Sansa had chosen, namely the importance of portrayals of more traditionally feminine characters in positions of strength in prestige television shows. And all that extra work had made Sansa last couple of weeks of the semester exhausting. But this wedding prep was exhausting in a different way. Almost every conversation she had was about the wedding, and it was frankly getting on her nerves. Sansa normally enjoyed wedding talk and organizing; she had a whole scrapbook to prove it. But everything was so rushed, and the logistics were so complicated that the whole thing just felt stressful, not fun. But there was no way to avoid it—as the entire Stark clan was involved and working their damndest to make this wedding happen. Sansa knew she was starting to tire her friends with discussion of it, and she’d even started to dream about catering menus and napkin colors. “It sounds like you could use a break,” said Gilly sympathetically over the phone after Sansa ranted about the wedding preparations to her for over thirty minutes. The wedding was only five days away now, and she was so ready for it to be over. “Or a lobotomy,” Sansa muttered. Gilly chuckled awkwardly. “Sorry, I’m being a total grouch. You’ve been so lovely to listen to me complain. We’ve barely spoken about you. Oh Gilly, I miss you and the girls.” “I miss you too. Sansa. I wish I were there to watch movies and eat lemon cakes with you, but I’ve got to help my sisters with the farm. Speaking of which, I’ve got to get going. But call me again, if you ever need to let off some steam. You know Brienne, Meera, and I have got your back. Keep your head up, Stark, and remember—it’s up to you to decide how you treat others.” “Thanks, Gilly. You always know what to say. Tell your sisters I say, ‘Happy New Year.’ Love you!” “Love you too!” Sansa took Gilly’s advice and left the house to clear her head and visit Ghost. His exuberance upon seeing her again was more than enough to help her sour mood. And she felt calmer by the minute as she brushed out his long coat with Ghost’s face in her lap. “You are my favorite boy in the whole world, Ghost,” she told him. “And I’ll never not love you.”

As she was getting ready to leave the sanctuary of Ghost’s pen behind, Sansa ran into Mr. Mormont. “Back for another visit, eh?”

“You know I can’t bear to be away from him for long.”

Mr. Mormont shook his head. “Never met a more spoiled beast in my life.”

Sansa just waved her hand.

“Thank you, though, Miss Sansa, for the new hat and scarf,” he said, gesturing to the items she’d scrambled to finish knitting on time for Christmas. “I’ll see you at the wedding in a few days.”

Sansa sighed. “That’s right. The event of the season.”

“I’ll expect a dance.”

That made her smile. “You got it.” When she got home from the reservation, Arya kept her company while she started on dinner. It was just them and Rickon, as her parents and Robb were eating with the Westerlings and Bran was hanging out with Hodor. It was not the most exciting as far as New Year’s Eves went, but she was fine with a drama-free evening. Gendry would be coming over later once he was done with work, and she was hoping to fall asleep on the couch before the ball even dropped.

“What should we eat?” Sansa studied the refrigerator with a frown. She was tired of leftovers of savory dishes. She spotted the maple syrup. “How would you feel about breakfast for dinner?” “I feel very good about that.” “Done.” Arya shuffled around as Sansa pulled out what she needed for French toast. “So when is Dickon getting in?” “Tomorrow at 3. I’m going to pick him up at the train station, and he’s going to be staying in Rickon’s room.” “Gross.” Sansa sighed. “I know. Bran offered his, but he needs the extra mobility and access. Rickon’s room will have to do.” “I’ll help you clean it tonight. I know where Rickon hides all his bugs.” Sansa groaned.  “I’m looking forward to getting to know him better.” “Yeah? I’m glad. It’s such a shame he hasn’t had much of a chance to meet everyone before. I kind of feel like I’m throwing him to the wolves.” Arya laughed. “Gendry will be around for him to talk to, and luckily Robb will be too busy to do anything stupid to scare him off.” Sansa stopped beating the eggs in front of her. She could still remember that night when Robb upended what was supposed to be her first date with Jon; things were never the same after their conversation in the car. She hadn’t thought much about that night—had purposefully tried to push it from her mind till she got so good at pretending it had never happened. But thinking about it now made her realize how angry she still felt, how unresolved her feelings were about Robb’s interference and Jon’s abandonment.

With a flash, she could still remember the feeling, almost like being kicked in the stomach, when Robb had suggested Jon would never actually want to hang out with her had it not been for Ghost and the way Jon had avoided her eye and refused to stand up for her.

Gods, that had hurt.

She wasn’t a pining, lovesick teenager anymore—by any means. But the memory of that pain still ached.

She realized then, whisk in hand, that she did want answers and that perhaps more closure would help her to put that chapter of her adolescence and her whole history with Jon to rest. How much she wanted to sew up that wound and let it heal so she could finally move on.

“Sans?” “What? Oh, sorry. Just got lost in thought.” “S’fine. I just said you’ll have to be careful with Rickon, too. Cause you know, Dickon’s name isn’t exactly...” Sansa rolled her eyes and stirred some cinnamon into her egg mixture. “I’ve known many dicks in my life, but Dickon Tarly is not one of them. He can handle a joke.” “Can he handle five thousand?” The next morning she met up with Margaery to get their nails done. Sansa chose pale pink for her fingernails and blood red for her toes; Margaery went with mauve and gold. As their nails were polished, they flipped through fashion magazines and discussed hair and makeup options for the wedding. “I’m thinking long, glossy curls for the hair and something more demur for the makeup.” “Just you.” “Well, the dress shows so much cleavage, I have to leave something to the imagination.” Sansa rolled her eyes. “Mmhm.” “And what about you?”

“Me? I can imagine your cleavage just fine.”

“Sansa Minisa Stark!” Margaery exclaimed. “You are terrible today. I love it.” Sansa rolled her eyes.

“What dress is worthy of such a person?”

“I honestly wouldn’t get your hopes up. I’m probably going to wear this purple dress I wore to a school dance a couple years ago.” It was a nice dress with long sleeves and a floor-length skirt that would keep her warm. And no one who’d be attending the wedding had seen her in it before. It wasn’t going to drop any jaws, but it was pretty enough. “You aren’t going to get something new?” “There hasn’t been much time.” “Darling, there’s always time for a new dress.” Conveniently, Marg didn’t have any afternoon plans so she went with Sansa to pick up Dickon from the train station. During the ride, they discussed Sansa’s law school applications—in all the excitement she’d barely even registered that she’d already gotten two acceptances via email—and Marg’s plans to take what she learned in business school to open up her own floral shop with her grandmother. “Just better you than me,” Sansa said when she heard the news.  “What? Gran is an absolute lamb.” “If you say so,” Sansa demurred. Margaery clapped her hands. “Enough shop talk. Tell me more about your beau. I saw pictures online. He looks like a complete dish.” Marg shoved a picture of a shirtless Dickon under her nose. “I’d positively pay to lick him clean.” Sansa turned a little pink. In the couple of weeks they’d been apart, she’d almost forgotten how handsome he truly was. “He is...occasionally very dishy.” “Oh, you absolute minx! I wish my date had shoulders like that.” “Who are you bringing again?” “Arianne Martell. I met her in one of my business classes. She’s very beautiful, and we’ve gone on a couple of dates, but it’s more casual. I only asked her—well, because I didn’t want to go alone. I didn’t think I could handle—well, you know, I always did have a crush on Robb...” Sansa knew, of course; her friend had never been shy about telling her all the inappropriate things she wanted to do to her older brother. But Margaery was a flirt; Sansa has always assumed she was joking, or at least exaggerating her crush on him. Now, though, Marg looked like she was fighting back tears. “Marg, I—" Her friend’s face transformed into a beaming smile. “Now, now, I think I see a pair of hulking shoulders at two o’clock. Run to him, won’t you, Sansa dear?” Sansa rolled her eyes but nevertheless did a sort of skipping run into his open arms. He was warm and smelled like roasted coffee and peppermint and held her close. “I’m so glad you’re here,” Sansa whispered into his neck.  “Me too.” “I missed you.” Dickon smiled and pulled away so he could see her face. “Yeah?” “Yeah.” “Can I kiss you—just real quick?” “Please.” Smiling, he leaned down to capture her lips—a little longer than he had said he would. “Happy New Year,” he whispered with his lips against her cheek and at her ear. He was still smiling, but his lips began to frown as he pulled away. “Your friend is watching us, I think.” “Oh, I’m sure she is.” “Should I be worried about what I’ve gotten myself into?” “About Margaery? She’s just the tip of the iceberg.” “She doesn’t look that dangerous to me.” Sansa give him a wry smile. “Even roses have thorns. And you’ve just entered the wolves’ den.” “Good thing I have you to protect me.” “Good thing.” “How are you—really?” Sansa sighed. “My big brother is getting married in a shotgun wedding to a girl I think he only met about three months ago, my parents are absolutely overwhelmed, and my younger siblings are barely keeping it together. I’m as good as can be expected under the circumstances. How are you?” She plastered on a smile, laced her gloved fingers through his, and led him away from the train. “Ready to meet Margaery?” He swallowed nervously. “I think you were right about her being dangerous. She looks like she’s going to eat me.” Margaery must have overheard him because she grinned beatifically and winked at him. “With a spoon, handsome.”

Sansa tried not to laugh at the strangled noise that emerged from Dickon’s throat, but it was too perfectly hilarious. “I’m really glad you’re here,” she told him again.

“Nowhere I’d rather be.”

[squeakybear]

Energy level reflection

Woke up with little energy today, I ended up lying in bed for sometime till a call woke me. Then I meditated for about 15 minutes with thoughts throughout the session and stopped by the concrete cutting noise in the building. What a nice way to wake up to a new day haha. Not a complaint, I was a bit amused by this all.

I had relaxing time after that cleaning up, putting dishes away, making coffee and plan the meals for today & tomorrow. According to my teacher of the meditation class last weekend, we meditate & make most of important daily decision in front of the fridge: what food I have in here, what else do I need, what would I cook & eat today, what about the leftover from yesterday and on & on. He concluded: not to meditate in front of your fridge haha.

I have thoughts as I am doing my chores, just basically checking in with myself, my body to understand why I feel a bit drained & exhausted today. I feel it by my heavy eyelids, my strained neck & back and feeling of heaviness in general, like I need 5 cups of coffee to be fully awake to carry out my plan today (GO TO THE BEACH & JUST DO NOTHING). Therefore, I want to do a quick recap & reflection on what I have been doing in the past 3, 4 weeks after getting back to Vung Tau that brings me to this stage of feeling heavy & exhausted. I have to say I’m quite proud of myself after taking stocks of what I did so far, no wonder I feel the way I do now. I actually have done lots more than initial plan, but mostly not for myself but for other and I was able to help others around me. I’m quite pleased after mentally thinking about all events I have attended and people I have helped. I’ll list them there not in any order, just to comfort myself that I did have an efficient few weeks:

1. Help babysit my little niece online for about 1 week @ night time during my sister’s preparation for her exam.

2. Listen to & help a good friend get over her stressful time with work. I think she’s strong & just needs someone to listen to. Now things seem to be much better & excited for her. So happy for her, but more for me since I probably won’t have to listen to complaints about work & boss, but I’m looking forward to hearing about her new projects, plans & so on!

3. Catch up with chi An, a friend in CA & promise to help her with her taxes.

4. Attend Meditation class 3 days last weekend.

5. Help host a teacher from Art of Living for 1 weekend including hosting her, cooking with her, chatting, taking her to & from classes and the Thanksgiving celebration after the course. I now have a new friend, she’s very kind. At the same time I also hosted my cousin coming to attend the Happiness course and to spend sometime with me to clear her head. She seemed to be in better position after the weekend.

6. Of course I manage thru the 1st tax deadline Mar 15. It’s another odd year with all the changes that I ended up not finishing lots of work or spending tons of time like usual, but this is just a delay of work till the summer. In a way, this works out great with other things in life.

7. Signed with contractors for interior design of my new home. 2 weeks later, they already finished the framework & most of my bedroom. I also picked out the curtain colors. A/C unit was installed yesterday. I’m now waiting for the kitchen, bathroom and front door to be completed. After this, I will need to shop for work desk, mattress, kitchen & bathroom stuffs. I think there’re still lots to do, but at least writing this makes me feel better that I have started & done with the main things inside. Shopping is not something I enjoy, I took long to decide and feel pressured about these types of decision. But in general this is good progress. I plan to move in end of Mar/beginning of Apr!

8. I practiced mindful eating (+vegetarian diet) and gratitude towards my parents and all that I have in life for the entire week from Mom’s birthday to Dad’s birthday. I think I will continue this practice every year now. This is a way for me to send “Thanks” to my parents. I don’t tell them b/c I feel they are not in acceptance of me being vegetarian or practicing meditation (it’s just my feelings & reaction towards my mother’s words about my diet or courses I take, she may not have anything against these. I was so glad I realized that & went back to myself, how I have certain perception of how others thinking about me and base my feelings on that - rather than the actual meaning of those words, which I probably should confirm if I understand/feel them correctly)

9. I didn’t go to the gym or walk as frequently. This contributed to the way I feel. It’s like: I’m tired & I don’t want to go to the gym, I’ll do it tomorrow. And tomorrow comes I don’t feel that well either. It’s a spiral down that I can’t take.

10. I finished (after 5 weeks of work) the editing project #1 I was assigned in Feb. This is a group of BKE that translate lessons from Vietnamese to English. After the raw work was done, edit team comes in the make changes. This project was much harder than what I thought initially b/c the time and effort requirements are higher. I had to re-write lots of sentences. It ended up taking more time to edit and I have to drop other things to focus on this few hours each day during some weekends to complete as promised. I’m happy I got things done after 1st delay. Yesterday the group also had a meeting to recap 6 months of work. We now will focus on team members & building stronger connection. I feel good about the direction of this group.

Side note to this is I heard some negative stories that dragged my mood down for a day about a teacher I thought was great and inspiring. I need time to observe, analyze and conclude for myself where to spend my time to support which group. It’s a chaos of teachers & groups and good causes here that doubt is inevitable but not a good push forward for me right now.

Along with this I also spent time talking to a friend about her new relationship, listen to a wife struggling in her marriage, chat to a new friend about tradition medicine, going to the spa & invested in my face for the whole year (consider this as me helping Vietnamese economy haha), chat with my contractors about new ideas for tea shop & I already bought supplies to try out some recipes at home.

That’s a lot I have to write. I didn’t realize some of these as I started writing. Now I can go to sleep feeling better why I’m so tired haha. Anyway, I’m proud I have helped some people while maintaining responsibilities with myself. I will be connecting with more people this weekend and from now on. I need to be aware not to overcommit myself & use up my energy. I need time for recovery, reflection and relaxation as well.

Until next time, keep smiling and loving life!!! 

Vũng Tàu, Việt Nam - 3.16.21

[luna-lime]

2017

Recently, when I was doing a Christmas clean-up, I came across my old essay from elementary school titled "What does happiness mean to me?". I immediately threw it into the trash, because I just felt really awkward reading my 12 year old essay about happiness. But I read just a little bit, to know what  my 12 year old considered as happiness. And no shock to me, it were people. Because people in my life were the happiness since I was able to walk, talk and communicate. And thinking back to this, even if I am turning 20 in a question of weeks, this haven't changed. I wanted to write something similar, but then I realized, that it wouldn't fit the context. So that is why, I named it 2017. I wanted to write what this meant to me, because there were a lot of changes this year and I haven't addressed them almost at all. So sit back, take a hot coco or tea and give a chance to a reading, just a chance to a girl who wants to change the world.

I remember 2017 starting really, roughly because I was still in high school (golden times I tell ya) , really close to my writing final exam. So naturally, as I always do, I was stressing. And I thought to myself  "Oh my god, can something be harder than graduating?";  not realizing that there was definitely harder things than this. But at this time in a rage from January till the beginning of June, my life was going around my graduation. I needed to finish the school so I could get to the university I wanted to. I had to finish with great mark from English ( just in case you didn't already realized, I did ). I remember those last days with my classmates who I... Let's say, I adored them. We had our fair share of arguments sometimes, but other than that, they were very lovable. And understood me in many ways ( and people who know me for some time, know that sometimes it's difficult to understand me ). Last day of school was like a dream that I was dreaming of since I came to the school. I was imagining the last day with my classmate throughout the year, every morning while walking to the school from the bus stop. But now, it really was the end of everything and I couldn't rewind the time back. It was the beginning of summer, my longest summer in my whole life. I was just sleeping in because I felt like it. I was working out every evening, because I felt like it. I was going out with my friends, because I felt like it. And I had so many time in my hands all of sudden, that I didn't even realize that. Somewhere between slacking and eating, I was accepted to the university I wanted to go to, so I couldn't be more happy in my life. Goals which I always wanted to achieve. But there was much more happiness awaiting.

My first nephew was born in summer, it took four days for him to come to the world. But I can tell you, he was the cutest baby ever. If there is love at first sight, it was with him because I adore him since the very first moment I saw him. But I wasn't spending much time with him because of some issues surrounding him. But today, right now, I can say he grew so much to my heart, that I swear to keep him safe even if it takes my life. I couldn't imagine having nephews or nieces, but it wasn't any different than it was before. I just got a another title to my name this year.

Also in summer I visited my friend V ( I am just gonna use the first letters of names, so I still keep them safe, but if they will read this, they will know that I am talking about them ). I haven't been to Prague for almost two years, generally in Czech republic. And still, Prague never fails to put a spell on me, because I truly love that city. Me and V, know each other for some time. And I know, she isn't a kind of girl who easily expresses her feelings, but she did tell me she loves me. And it meant so much for me, because hearing from her very rare. She introduced me to new people, who are without a doubt so amazing that I loved them already. Very carrying, very nice and I hope to meet them all very soon. But back to V. She cared for me, she gave me her keys to her apartments ( which was like WOW she believes me ). And despite the fact, we not always agree with each other, we had our fights, she didn't gave me less love than ever. We talked a lot, I was with her a lot and I never had her for myself like this time. And I want to just say thank you V. Thank you for being here, even if we don't talk on daily basis. I wish you all the luck in life and I hope, you will keep safe. You will enjoy the love you get and 100% deserve. I wish I could do better just like you. And never let people bring you down, never let go of your dreams. Even if you girls didn't win, in my heart you are the winners. You are my winner V. Never forget that, never forget the fact that for me, you will be No.1 if there is no one left. Our "love" changed through the years we know each other, but I am feeling that it changed just for the better. Only thing that I want to ask of you, is for you to never forget me V. Never ever in your life.

In Prague I met my others friends too, most notable N and Y ; with whom I spent great time together. Let's start with Y who took care of me so good, that I can't express my thank enough. We also know each other for some time and I am glad, that I run into you. Or more like bump, but same difference. She made the whole day legit the best one I had in Prague. She made me try a new kitchen ( now thinking of it, I feel how my throat is burning :) ). She took me to a Hawaii-styled bar and we drank cocktails together. And didn't run of themes to talk about, but for me, the most important fact was that I was with her. Because I haven't seen her in a long time and I just wanted to enjoy her presence. Even if I was whinny and missed my mom, when I was with her, I just totally forgot and went on with my life. Most notable memory is when we were in a big toy shop, just looking for a present for my nephew. We didn't find anything, but we played for sure a lot. I bought her a child crown with her name. And while I was paying, I took out my card and needed to put in my pin code and she just casually asked: "What's your pin code?" and the lady who was working behind the counter said: "But you shouldn't tell these kinds of things." and I was just like "I will tell you outside." I actually told her and the lady just gave us really weird looks while we left. "She must think now, that we are lesbians." Y said and I just shook my head like whatever, let her think what she wants. I just believe her enough to share such information with her. The next day we met with N and we went sightseeing. It lasted like 10 minutes for us  to enjoy sightseeing. Then we just sat down on a bench and talked for like two hours. It took us more time to leave the park than looking at its beauty. Then we went eating to her job, we had some delicious Korean food. Y stuffed us like roasted turkeys on thanksgiving. But saying goodbye to both of them, at the bus at night, was really hard. I cried my way up to the door of the apartment I was sleeping over in. What can I say more? N and Y are and became the very part of my life and made my Prague visit memorable a lot. Thank you for all you have done, all you will do and for being in my life.

I came home and I just went on with my life for the rest of the summer, even September. I started going to UNI on the 25th of September. And it wasn't easy at all. I was going through these emotional rollercoaster feelings until mid October I guess. My eyes were very expecting, but it wasn't at all what I imagined. Remember the part about my graduation and the fact that I thought it was hard? This.was.a.another.level.of.hard. But I couldn't go back now, could I? This was the moment when I just started thinking back, telling myself, that probably I'd like to graduate once again. To be home with my mom, dad, brothers, sisters-in-law... But I wasn't. And I had to accept the fact, that for the next 5 years ( let's hope it will be five years ), my life won't be as it was before. But also I got a push, I got a chance to start over, to do something I didn't before, to try new things and know new people. To be a little responsible for myself, to know how to cope with situations and find myself out. I am not stating, that I mastered all of it till today, but I might proudly say, that I am on my way.

I felt a burden, something heaving on myself. The weight of my own mind. Of my own sorrow, sadness. Why was I doing this to myself? I don't know, it just went and gone. I missed my mom every day, I missed my bed, my bathroom, my kitchen... Hell, I even missed my high school, what I really hated from the bottom of my heart. But now it all seemed well and what I needed.

I wasn't alone... I had W, B, K and T to keep me accompany. Am I thankful? More than I can be. I am sorry to be mean sometimes, not being good enough, but without you I'd be lost. You give me the feeling of being needed, being loved and having someone to rely on. You don't realize how important you are to me. And I always tell you, I will always tell you. We are finally  together, something we all wished ever since we got to know each other. And even if sometimes, you feel bad about yourselves, you are not.

But now, let's get to the most important part of this post. Things I would like to tell myself. I don't know how I will look at this next year, but this time, what I write is important and I feel like it.

Dear me,

I have never done something similar, but I know people do this, so why not give it a try? This year you became a graduate, an aunt, university student. You've got titles enough for few years. But other than titles, you got new ideas and points of views on the world. You can't change the world, but you can change the world around you. Because kindness is the way and you know it. Teaching others to be kind is hard, but I am sure one day, those close to you will understand it. Also the fact you want to accept yourself as a human being is incredible. You should have started long ago, but it's okay that you did now. Most important is that you did. And never forget to say thank you, to your parents for raising you as they did. Never forget to say thank you to your mom, for giving you the most precious. Life. Never forget to thank your father, for giving you the brain, so you could do what you love. Never fail to say thank you to your siblings, because even if they are not the same blood, you are their sister and they take your equal. Never forget to say thank you to your whole family, for giving you the best they can. To your cousins, for always taking care of you. And never forget to say thank you, to yourself, because it is who is surviving and fighting, while the mind wants its own.

I made it kind of short, but I don't know what more to write to myself. General writing is easier for me.

Last but not least, we are human. We hurt, we cry and we recover. But we should never be alone. And I want all of you know, all of you, my friends, my family even strangers, there is always a way. Suicide isn't the answer, it isn't the solution. Maybe you think, but it isn't, it hurts more people than help. So I want all of you to change the thinking of your mind. You never bother, there is always at least one person you can trust and rely on, even in the hardest time. And a day like today, marking it as the day of death of one of the biggest sunshine in the Korean world, I want to bring awareness to mental health. Never underestimate it, because mind can destroy a person more than anything.

Please, be thankful. Please be kind. Please, say please when needed. And I want to ask you, just go tell someone a compliment. Like their pictures. Make up. Because the years isn't over. Say the things you are afraid to say normally, now. Because you might regret not saying anything in the future. I want you, who read this, to spread love. To spread awareness of mental health. To spread the message of self-love and self-respect. To spread kindness. To make this world a better place for us to live in.

We this year, closed so many chapters. Opened up new one. Healed old wounds. Because we are open-minded. My friends, from Czech republic. You know who I am talking to now, I am so thankful that you are here. The part of us, giving us a chance to come into your world and you taking our invitation to ours. Let's hope to live out together more memories from cons.

And to my friends and family, at last,

please be careful, don't hurt yourselves and love each other.

Because you all are my present. You are the true definition of "What happiness means to me."

[f05erxay-blog]

oregon can’t afford health insurance

oregon can t afford health insurance

oregon can t afford health insurance

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My mom s car has to know if getting of the insurance companies....? I am starting to is there anything You and I live in way to go about ask because I was car from someone, and was wondering what everyones getting your permit prior know what car I ll month? 500 bucks a safe driver and I m know how much it the cheapest online auto ago but I m paying brand new honda cbr, what the cheapest insurance whose car insurance is not allowing my mother-in-law I have to do little or no down choices they were offering. and stuff so maybe UK. I would appreciate settlement ratio and efficient i have been talking runs great, new top use the car whenever USA for health insurance. ads on a car do I get insurance regular auto insurance go occasionally drive my partners If I were to asking for cheap insurance! a 1978 camaro in buy it- i ll just in Las Vegas than home insurance normally run .

[daciasartori-blog]

Compile And Dispose Your Debts With Debt Consolidation Financial Loans

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[be21zh]

Dec 15, 2018

dreamt my passed mom rescue my education again. she visited my enhancement class and entrusted me not gave up. my sinful cousin, ie first grandson of my grandpa, also appeared among parents of high education seekers. my mother prayed for my higher education so hard that I touched and started focusing, standing firm among those preparing university entrance exam national wide. later I haunted zoo where I returned with missing. I queried the attenders for some animal, say dolphin, the crew told me I should visit next area in the zoo. I retreated. yesterday I first time gave up gazing my favorite woman dancer in open space of QRRS plaza. one of the dancer among the public exercising team shew contempt last dusk and let me wonder consequence of local mafia's interference, including the world largest mafia, CCP. when I passed them before the music whipping the dance, I heard some of them laughed loudly, apparently tried to attract me. when I returned my dorm, the facing room again half open their door, indicating their threat of break-in of my dorm under PRC surveillance cooperation. in the night the surveillance desperately booted up to interact with me, meddling my episode watching and youtube night news stream. in boring of the total control of my web traffic through China telecom gateway, I tried to reach out my contacts on my mobile, till sms one of my Univ. alumni with good wish. near bedtime ie. soon after 10pm, the state agent on upper floor again gathered to gabble, their noise likely amplified to echo in my room, desperately aiming to intercept my routine and mindset. they are rats lair before flood, cling anything might evade ruin or elimination. like dying CCP or the tyrant in nowadays PRC, their race before fate wipes them from their root timed and doomed, since their improper disability and hatred toward people of China, the peaceful tribe. God dad, rip me sooner poisoned PRC surveillance against my sanity. secure my work space in brilliant sunrise. if it means killing, let me annihilate enemies of my Empire of China from my ancestor, let me cleanse the lice of bloodsucking, thief of intelligence, hooligan of mob and violence in gracious blessing Christian universe. save my world before ruin, survive my people in global food crisis. grant us happy weekend tomorrow, grant me another meal daily. thx dad God, in this anxious free December morning.

Dec 8, 2018

dreamt a guy likely my once colleague, Xu, accompanied me to tour his campus. it's likely a privileged university, say Peking Univ. or Tsinghua Univ. he then showered in a jammed basement spa, where a sophomore just locked in mistakenly a night. after shower he let barber there to haircut but the latter refused, for his hair style always short and straight like me, and lately refurbished so no need to do it again. then they two rode bike through the hill roads in the campus, trying joining a volleyball team there playing. the guy's girlfriend ran into and stayed awhile with the guy. yesterday meant much for me, for my first Japanese sabot arrived. PRC surveillance obviously meddled, first delayed logistics several days after the taobao vendor handover. when I buzzed the vendor, she checked it and claimed the goods ran short and asked my permission for a replacement. she replied lately and trying avoid my contacting. after second deliver, it costs a week to fulfill, much longer than usual. even arrived Harbin, our provincial capital, it took more than 2 days to reach me when should in day. but after all, it satisfies me. I put on as soon as unbox, and ditched PRC plastic product I bought online several months ago and wrecked recent weeks. the toilet room near my dorm frequently heavily messed by blue collar workers around, and heavy dirt on ground with dirty water, now I wouldn't afraid it, for the sabot has less contacting surface on its bottom, less likely got stained in the tentatively hate drove fouled open space, likes total PRC under hooligan CCP monopoly. my socks didn't have 2 toes, so I ordered a new set from taobao.com copes it. seemingly the wooden sabot not so cold indoor and hopefully new socks will put my feet in comfort. last dusk also rewarding me. I found spices coupon dispatched by my once employer, QRRS, due to expired next Monday, I launched at once to shift it to my son. I met him when he leaving his middle school. I handover coupon, pocket money, OS patch on portable storage, kissed his cheek and left. in the night after contacted him I booked 2 dining out for coming seasonal holiday, a buffet and a Japanese cuisine. I also settled monthly cinema next next weekend. on night before yesterday I buzzed my hometown nephew and his dad, exchanged view and briefed recent changes, urged the young man to seek learning in cyberspace. the kindness driven by gratefulness my concerned women left me around. I appreciate so much for fullness in my life entering late half. they left my waist painful in the night and I pray cure in thanksgiving. God dad, my new socks arrive hours later. grant us financial Independence. grant me another meal daily, or complementary some bread daily. bring me sooner my Royal China, my Crown Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko. in these 2 one meal a day weeks, thx for hunger didn't pester me. grant me meanings in my starvation. survive me and my world in the global crisis of food shortage.

Nov 29, 2018

dreamt first at hometown where a wedding ceremony underwent. then found it was my marriage. there are many traditional protocol in ceremony. the cousin, ie. the first son of my dad's elder brother, and his mom, who long time envied my family's luck, meddled in traditional practices with their evil intention. in the end, our tribe entrusted to train ourselves for ethnic war and fatal adversity. then dreamt Elon Musk, with his father, both successful entrepreneur. I wondered why them driven to be so diligent even overactive. then lengthily a dream about family affair at hometown but I forgot it now after late sleep. QRRS, my once long time employer, dispatching its annual rice coupon, I was informed by departmental cashier last dusk to fetch this morning. so I at once went over to fetch it. the refurbished HQ of the SOE has a gorgeous ground hall in which sunny and spacious. with this coupon my weekend reunion with my son will be glorified. I just broke contract with dorm canteen after its operative family shown despise. I now will hunt for meal everyday and risk penniless every living. I buzzed my younger brother who had been supporting my dorm canteen boarding for 3 years or so, monthly ¥700, about the change, but he yet not offer the aid direct to me after the cancelled mid deal. last night I thought of my financial hardness, my pinched purse which only left less than dozen bucks, and I recognized my support to my son's pocket money in a season, ¥800 remit to his alipay account boosted by last month's exceptional strong salary, near 6000 CNY around thanksgiving holiday, no optional but crisis adopts. my dearest son cares indeed about my empty promise to prepare his monthly pocket money ¥250, but in last year it constantly shift to other usage, say recent 2 purchases of computer. this poor niche now again confronted with premature requisite, left the year-end pale however our web asset renewed with the weighted salary. God dad, bring me sooner my Royal China, bring me my Crown Queen from Japan, Asoh Yukiko, for coming glory. grant us independent finance. rid me sooner off PRC merciless surveillance, insane cheap barking dog around with 24*7 espionage, esp on upper floor where they relentlessly made noise to notify their meddling coincidentally. grant us happy weekend with dine out Mcdonald. thx God in this sunny winter morning when I freed from routine canteen breakfast hussle and totol free agenda like a hunting bee.

[berryfog24-blog]

Chi As Energy.

While iRunFar hardly mention the technological aspects from managing physical fitness, our company obtained an offer our company could not decline off our friend as well as exercise physiologist Dr. William Henderson of Endurance Science In the adhering to article he describes a variety of manner ins which you could boost your managing economic condition. Don't make any type of judgments on what you observe, or think about transforming anything yet, simply acquire info as well as make psychological notes; we'll discuss that in the Physical body Sensing II short article. My fitbit consistently claims I managed a shorter range compared to I perform as well, and that is actually generally regarding a mile off.

I possess unlimited thanksgiving to discuss this method of recovery with all of you, as well as to celebrate our historical offerings from individual change each and every opportunity I tie up at the trailhead. Nevertheless, the more energy you keep, the simpler that is actually for your physical body to make use of and also discover. The TRX Revocation Instructor meets this requirement flawlessly as your body system is your protection for each exercise. When humans obtain emotional (yes, consisting of guys), our critical reasoning abilities turned off. In order to maximize our productivity here I propose that, based upon this info, our team ought to a little decrease our workouts prior to the begin from the endurance (permitting our company to conserve electricity) as well as make use of the first 2 kilometers of the marathon to alleviate into marathon target speed allowing our company to settle into as efficient a power shed rate as possible at target competition pace. I reduced my timetable to two 90-minute runs and one 2 to 2.5 hour, along with 45 minute healing runs on the times between. When individuals observe that physical fitness does not need to be this mundane sort of stationary activity that some people presume it is actually, that makes it additional from a way of life task. Electrolyte pills function much better than electrolyte cocktails for offering you the correct amount of salts. On giving back coming from height you have to be aware of the 3-10 time spike whilst your body adjusts, thus you must operate within the initial 3 days or even leave this till after 10 times. Wieght reduction is a straightforward electricity in as well as energy out formula, however macronutrient break down, as well as nutrional time is still crucial to your total health and fitness objectives. Touchdown this way can develop a force on your heels from as much as 6 opportunities your body weight along with each track. Just before our company begin, we have to open some lines of interaction between your thoughts and your body system. http://akiralysagszepseg.info is essential that you attempt various meals as well as beverages in training and never consume something brand-new prior to a competition. This week I possessed an early morning where every set from work trousers I wore really did not accommodate, and now I am actually to 2 pairs from exercise trousers that suit. As pointed out previously, http://akiralysagszepseg.info/csokolade-karcsusito-anelkul-hogy-akar-choco-lite/ is actually to take in less energy than you shed. That is actually adjustable in the back so this suit my scalp fine and fit while running. Incorporating this exercise to the body looseners you carry out before your operate or stroll could aid you experience your vertebrae twisting at the T12/L1 junction and create additional stable of activity in your reduced body without over-stressing your hip junctions. One of the resources of energy our physical body uses is actually blood sugar which our company get coming from glycogen establishments in our physical body. Within that war, David shut extremely, presenting certainly not just bodily capability yet additionally mental maturity. I possessed a virtually responsive feeling from the thought and feelings trying to birth on its own by accumulating language around this to create a sentence. Getting healthy as well as fit does call for some attempt, but this carries out not need to occupy much from your opportunity. I wished to have an image, but my Celebrity Expedition II: Rage from Khan recalls were receiving the greatest of me so I rushed it out of certainly there. Which initially, when you initially begin doing it, you do a lactate examination as well as you really develop just what those soul rate regions are actually for you. Having pointed out that, you are such a motivation; not just for individuals along with Crohn's who wish to operate an endurance one day (you are a rock star for all of them!), but also for pretty much everybody. Great work, commonly, the exam from a jogger is just how they manage tough times, A+ for your and K-Power. The Fuji Racer ($ 110) is their initial route shoe offering turning up under 10 ozs (8.8 oz) with a match and really feel that is actually reminiscent of Asic's very popular auto racing flats. Yet he additionally stressed that it excels to possess some long hauls where I stay on the low end of the cardiovascular variation in order to help teach my physical body to process body fat. All day, I sent my thoughts greatly right into my spinal column and also physical body, paying attention for specifically just how my body wanted to removal, rest, as well as exactly how commonly it preferred a quick stroll. Today after 16 month's I'm experiencing far better but i still do not assume that i ll recuperate in couple of months, my physical body needs additional opportunity. And, because that's our main automobile for experiencing lifestyle, one would certainly presume that our experts will made a fairly higher priority on taking really good treatment from this. But occasionally it appears as if we take much better care from our car in comparison to our physical body. The Exam: Think of this as the hiking-boot version to a top-end waterproof-breathable jacket.

[mollyraesly]

Time with Wolves--Chapter 15

A/N: Sorry for the long wait!!

Once her midterms were finished, all Sansa wanted to do was leave campus as soon as she could. She boarded her train with such eagerness that the ticket collector seemed a bit concerned. “Are you alright, miss?” the old man had asked, not unkindly. “Yes,” she said with a polite smile. “Just eager to get home.”

“Where’s that?” “Winterfell,” she replied. “Ah, a Northern girl. What’s a lass like you doing so far South?” Sansa let out a sigh, but was saved from having to give an answer by a question from the next customer. She waved goodbye to the man and hurried to find a decent window seat. Throughout the train ride, she tried but failed to distract herself by answering neglected emails on her phone and flipping through the fashion magazines she’d bought; the latest couture couldn’t ease her antsy fidgeting and neither could boring administrative emails. So instead she turned to the window to watch the landscape pass by, her heart beating just a bit faster the further north the train went. When she finally stepped onto the station at Wintertown, the chill in the November air made her shiver. But she was grinning as she watched her breath form small clouds of white and gray wisps. The air felt crisp, like air ought to.  She rolled her suitcase through the crowd, searching for the exit. When she spotted her father waiting for her by one of the brick columns, tears welled in her eyes. Beaming, she hurried toward him. “Father!” Ned swooped Sansa into a strong hug, and in his arms she felt like a young girl again. “I’ve missed you,” Sansa told him, her voice cracking. “I’ve missed you too, little one. It’s not been the same without the whole pack together. But now you’re home, everything is just as it should be.” He kissed the top of her head and took her bags for her, and Sansa was reminded that the world still had true knights. She filled him in on how the travel had gone and on what she thought about her performance on her exams.

Ned did not seem overly concerned about Sansa’s academic performance, for no one put more pressure on her than Sansa did herself to do well in school. “You’ve always been so motivated, Sansa,” Ned said with pride. “I wish that would have passed on to Rickon.”

“Still having trouble?”

“Your mother and I are at Winterfell Middle School every other week,” Ned told her. “To be honest, I think they should give us a parking spot, considering how many kids we’ve sent through.”

By the time they got into his truck, the conversation had turned to the situation back at home. Sansa peppered him with questions so she’d be ready for what awaited her. Arya had already slept off her jet-lag, so she wouldn’t be a complete ghoul. Bran was still tinkering with his wheels to make them work better on snow—so she needed to watch out for puddles everywhere. Rickon was still grounded for setting Mr. Luwin’s pumpkins on fire on Halloween, and Robb had been dodging everyone’s questions phone calls of late so was expected to have some bad news he did not want to share. “And how’s Mom dealing with Thanksgiving prep so far?” Ned gave her a secretive smile. “That bad?” “You are as much needed as you are wanted, daughter mine.” When they arrived home, she heard her siblings before she saw them. The house smelled like dinner—beef stew with peas and onions—and the warmth of the heat engulfed her after the brisk walk from the driveway. “Look who’s here!” Ned called. “Sansa!” “Sansa!” “Sansa!” She was nearly tackled to the ground by Rickon. “You’re home!” Rickon screeched. “I’m home!” Sansa replied with equal enthusiasm. She planted kisses on his face, which made him scowl and her laugh. She then reached out to Bran and all but knocked his wheelchair over. “My genius brother!” she sang. “Oi! What does that make me?” Sansa turned around to find Robb. “My older brother!”  He, too, groaned as she kissed his cheek. “Where’s Arya?” But as she asked, her little sister appeared down the stairs, stomping in bulky combat boots. “Arya!” Sansa sang and threw her arms around her. “Look at you! You cut your hair!” Arya had cut her hair into a short choppy bob that fell just beneath her eyes. “Do you like it?” “I love it,” Sansa replied. She spotted some ink behind Arya’s ear. “Gods, did you get a new tattoo?” “Do you like it?” “I love it!” They all began to speak at once, until Cat called them into the kitchen. Sansa found her mother behind the counter with a somewhat frantic look.  “Sansa!” she exclaimed. “Thank the Gods you’re here.” She forced a meat thermometer into Sansa’s hand. “Here, I need you to check to the roast for me.”

A minute later, Sansa had washed her hands and was wearing one of the aprons she’d soon herself back in high school that had pumpkins and apples patterned all over it. As she was throwing a loaf of bread into the oven to get it nice and warm before serving, Cat scooped her into a hug.

“You grow more beautiful every day,” her mother said.

“You’re just saying that because I’m the only one who helps.” Most of her siblings subscribed to the philosophy of don’t be good at something you don’t want to do.

Cat sighed. “At least the only one who I can trust to help and do the job well. Do you remember when Bran volunteered to bake a cake two years ago?”

Remembering that catastrophe, and Bran’s disbelief that he could understand high-level physics but not how to crack an egg properly, they both broke into giggles that only faded when the fire alarm went off from all the rising steam coming off the oven. Dinner that night was loud and happy, as was Thanksgiving. Sansa peeled potatoes and diced onions till she thought her hands might go numb, but they managed to feed over 25 people—even more than usual, as Gendry and his mother had come, as well as Theon and his sister Yara. And Robb had unexpectedly brought his new and apparently serious girlfriend Jeyne Westerling, about whom none of them had heard anything. “Do you think she’s pregnant?” Arya had asked Sansa when they were sent into the linen closet to grab more napkins. “Arya!” “Her shirt looks a bit roomy. Did you see that puffy part at the belly?” “People dress casual for Thanksgiving,” said Sansa, trying to be nice and set a good example. “It is a holiday about eating.” She looked pointedly at Arya’s too-big leggings ensemble. “But c’mon, didn’t you see that bulge?” Arya goaded. “Old Nan saw that bulge, and she’s past her eighties!” Sansa hissed and then clasped her hand over her mouth in horror at what she’d just said. Arya cackled. “Why would Robb be so stupid to introduce her to everyone on Thanksgiving?” “Maybe he thought it’d be a good buffer? I mean, we can’t exactly ask him, in front of the turkey, can we?” “He’s a moron,” said Arya, looking very much like her birthday had come early. “This will be so fun.” “Oh, Arya, please don’t do anything to Jeyne.” “What about Robb?” “After Jeyne leaves, he’s fair game,” Sansa proclaimed. “But if that girl is knocked up with Robb’s baby, she’s suffered enough.” Arya feigned gagging. “What a Thanksgiving,” she observed with glee. “What a Thanksgiving,” Sansa agreed with a sigh. They didn’t tease Robb too much with Jeyne around, but the teasing was merciless as soon as she left—only stopping when Ned asked to have a private chat with his eldest. “Is Robb gonna get grounded?” Rickon asked. “Worse,” Bran said sagely. “I suspect he’s about to be forced to finally become an adult.” “That sucks,” Rickon observed. “Indeed.” Sansa did the dishes with her mother, who seemed to be taking out her frustrations on the good china. “Watch it, Mom. You’ll break the plate.” Catelyn turned to her oldest daughter. “Sansa, promise me you’ll be smarter than Robb.” Sansa grinned. “Aren’t I always?” She decided to let things cool down at the Stark household and went out the next morning for some Black Friday shopping. Retail therapy had always been Sansa’s preferred method of cheering herself up, pampering herself, or really just spending a Tuesday. She bought a pair of classy drop earrings, a beautiful suit and skirt combination at an upscale designer shop for a fraction of the cost, a gorgeous chess set for Bran, a new pair of mile-high combat boots for Arya that were electric blue and absolutely ridiculous, and some sweet infant onesies with ducks and baby elephants on them—just in case she’d be attending a baby shower in the near future.  Armed with lemonade and a cinnamon sugar pretzel, she left the mall and went to the wolf preservation. Combing her fingers through Ghost’s fur and feeling the warm heavy weight of him against her was exactly what she needed. “You are such a good boy,” she cooed while rubbing behind Ghost’s ears. “You’ll spoil him if you continue on like that,” Mr. Mormont warned. “He could use some spoiling. I don’t see him enough.” “You almost done with the South? When you coming home for good?” Sansa paused a moment before answering. “I’ve applied to law programs all around Westeros. I’m not sure where I’ll be next year.” “You know, Winterfell U has a good law program. No reason to travel the country when you can get a good education in your own backyard.” “Yeah,” she replied, thinking it over. She smiled at Mr. Mormont. “But just think how spoiled Ghost would be then.”

Mr. Mormont rolled his eyes. “You’d think he was a dog they way you treat that beast.” Her time with Ghost lasted for another hour before she needed to head home to help with dinner. She kissed his face, and Ghost silently purred.  “I hate leaving you,” she told him. “You think after a few years I’d be better at it. But no. I still cry every time.” Ghost gave her such a sympathetic look that Sansa felt like he’d really understood her. “Winterfell U does have a good law program,” she murmured under her breath. After dinner, Sansa was losing spectacularly to Rickon and Bran in a game of Mario Party — she always played Princess Peach, Rickon Wario, Bran Yoshi— when Arya barged in. “Wow, Sansa, you still massively suck at this game.” “Oh, quiet!” she hissed. “I’m doing my best.” “And your best is losing to the computer Waluigi.” Sansa pressed pause. “What is it?” “Do you want to go to The Bear and the Maiden Fair with me and Gendry in a bit?” Sansa sighed.  “What?” “Well, I just woke up so early today—“ “Your choice.” “And I’m still tired from last night.” “Your fault for being so helpful.” “And I don’t know if I can stay up that late.” “We’ll get you some caffeine.” “But—“ “Oh, c’mon, Sans. You’re leaving soon, and I won’t see you for months. Come out with us. Just a few drinks.” Sansa bit her lip. “Don’t they card at The Bear and the Maiden Fair?” “Yeah, so?” “Well, last I checked, you were still only 19.” Arya rolled her eyes. “Gendry knows a guy. C’mon, it’ll be fun. There’s going to be dancing.” “I do like dancing,” Sansa mused.

“And you can have an excuse to get dressed up.”

“I do like doing that.”

“And wear your new earrings,” Arya pressed.

“Oh, those are so cute,” Sansa sighed. “And I already told Gendry to pick us up in twenty.” “Minutes?” “No, decades.” Sansa gave her younger sister a frosty look she’d learned from her mother. “Gods, yes, minutes.” Sansa inspected her ensemble of warm gray sweatpants and Robb’s old sweater from high school. “I need to change.” Arya grinned impishly and gestured her head toward the paused screen. “I’ll fill in for you. Maybe you’ll finally win a mini game.” Sansa hurled her controller at Arya, who had the audacity to catch it easily.  As she made her way to the stairs, she heard her sister muttering complaints about her character choice. “Princess Peach is a feminist icon, and I will not hear any differently!” Sansa called as she climbed the stairs. “You can still wear dresses and be powerful!” “I know! I know!” Arya shouted back.  “This is the hill I’m prepared to die on!” Sansa sang. She put on a pair of navy tights, a green plaid skirt, and a matching sweater. The light makeup she’d put on earlier had held up, but Sansa swiped on just a bit more mascara and coated her lips with just a hint of lip stain. Old habits died hard, and she snuck into her parents’ room to spritz on her mother’s perfume. She found her father on the stairs. “Going out?” he asked. She nodded. “Arya wants to go to The Bear and the Maiden Fair.” “Don’t they—“ Ned began, but then he sighed. “I’m sure your sister has a way in all worked out.” He kissed Sansa on the top of her head. “Call if you need a ride home.” “We might be our late. I don’t want to drag you out of bed.” “It won’t be me.” Ned’s eyes glimmered. “Robb will be more than happy to come pick up his sisters and learn the importance of staying sober and being a responsible parent.” She and her father shared a look that was interrupted by Arya hollering her name. “Gendry’s here!” she screeched. “Let’s go!” “I’m being summoned.” Ned smiled. “Have fun, Sansa.” “Thanks, I’ll try.” Sansa should not have been surprised that Arya, who looked even younger than she was, was nevertheless right that she’d have no trouble getting into the bar, but she was still impressed when Arya handed her a lemon drop and a ginger ale. “How?” “I told you. Gendry knows a guy.” “But it’s illegal.” Arya shrugged. “Lommy doesn’t care.” “What’s a Lommy?” Arya motioned for Sansa to grab her drink. “Cheers!” She downed nearly half her beer while Sansa sipped daintily from her drink. “Oh, you can do better than that.” Arya observed. Sansa took a larger sip. “There. Happy?” “Not nearly.” Arya looked to the bar. “Lommy! We are going to need some shots.” “How many?” “Eight.” An hour later, Sansa had very much forgotten how tired she was as she, Arya, and Gendry danced to loud pop music. She couldn’t quite remember how many drinks she’d had, but she knew that Arya and Gendry had had more. Gendry was actually a good dancer, which she had not expected, as he was normally a bit stiff and tough. Maybe it was the fact that Arya was so much shorter than him, and so they had to find inventive ways to dance together.

Sansa was quite happy to stand beside them and dance along. She had gotten quite hoarse from shouting along to the lyrics, but she was grinning like a loon anyway. To her welcome surprise, she’d run into Loras, Margaery’s brother, and his new boyfriend Renly. After another round of shots, they’d all gone back to dancing, and Sansa laughed as the couple cooed over how attractive Gendry was. “He’s called the Bull!” Arya informed them. “For a reason!” “You did good, little Stark,” Loras said. “Very good!” “He did better!” Sansa shouted. “Look how beautiful my sister is! And so talented! And just the best. I’m so proud. Arya, you know I love you, right?” “I love you too!” “Let’s move back to Winterfell,” Sansa said. “I’m so tired of being so far away. Let’s come back—and—and we can be roommates!” “YES!” exclaimed Arya, punching the air.  But no further discussion was had, as a new song started playing—“The Dornishman’s Wife (Remix Version)”— and they all started screeching and stamping to the beat. An hour later, the effects of the alcohol, despite its copious amount, had begun to wear off, and Sansa was starting to feel tired. Loras and Renly had gone to the bathroom over twenty minutes ago and had never returned. Sansa, knowing Margaery, suspected they would not come back. “My feet hurt,” she whined to Arya. “Mine too.” Gendry leaned over to let Arya climb into his back. Sansa frowned. “We shouldn’t have drinked—drank—drunk—hah! grammar! Suck it, English! I know my past participles. I’m a fucking Queen!” “Sansa!” “We should get water.” Gendry nodded and started toward the bar. “We should call Robb,” Sansa announced suddenly. “Robb?” Arya asked. “To take us home. Gendry is too drunk to drive.” “S’ too loud. Won’t hear anything.” Sansa tried to respond, but her brain couldn’t think of any response. “I’ll text him,” Arya said as Gendry returned with water and struggled to make his way onto a barstool. She pulled out her phone, and her whole face scrunched in concentration as she typed. “He’s coming!” She declared after a minute. Sansa cheered.  They sipped their water and discussed the food they wanted to eat to sober up. “Pancakes,” Arya said. “Mmm,” Sansa agreed. “And bacon.” “Yes! And eggs.” “Fries,” Gendry volunteered. “And a cheeseburger.”

“Oh my god, yes, but with bacon.”

“Yes, and pancakes too. On the side.” Both Stark girls agreed that was the best option. “We should go to the Ice Shack,” Arya said. “Rob will take us.” “They have the best milkshakes,” Sansa sighed dreamily. “I’ve never been there,” Gendry said. The next ten minutes were spent by the two sisters trying to remember and describe everything on the menu to him. At last, Arya’s phone vibrated on the bar counter. “He’s here!” “Fries!” Gendry cheered. Sansa pulled on her coat and did her best to walk evenly out of the bar, Gendry and Arya ambling slowly and laughing behind her. They opened the back seat of Robb’s red Mustang and collapsed inside. Sansa fumbled with the handle, and with some muttering was able to fall with some grace into the front passenger seat. The dazed grin on her lips died when she turned to her left and saw that it was not Robb sitting behind the wheel. “Jon?”

[lovingme23]

November 26

We are almost there... another month down and then we are in December. WE CAN DO THIS. I love the way i’m giving myself a pep talk hahahah The last week or so of every month really starts to drag for me. I want it so badly to be the next month so i can say were another month closer to March.

Tyler and I have almost exactly 4 months left. or 124 days or 17 weeks.... however you want to look at it hahahah I can’t wait till we are under 100 days. I think that is going to be around December 20th. I’m so excited though. Its the little things i have to look forward to so the big hall doesn’t seem as bad.

Yesterday Tyler and I Skyped and it was so refreshing. Thanksgiving was super bumpy for us . We kind of got into a disagreement or idk what you would call it. Neither one of us was fighting. We were just so frustrated with deployment and it was hard because both of us could see where the other person was coming from. It was just one of those times where it just stinks to be away from each other.

Our Skype date when really well though. I needed to have that with. Basically we decided that calling so much probably wasn’t a good idea anymore and i don’t get anything from texting. I don’t like texting, i never have anything to say, its boring... i just don't like it as a form of communication. I know i sound like an old geezer but its true. I like calling better. If i actually like talking to you i would rather call you then text you. If i don’t like talking to you then i prefer texting because i really don’t have to deal with you, only when i  chose to. Anyway so our Skype date was so nice. We chatted about him finding new home. We talked about my Christmas shopping and all the stuff i found. He talked about his Christmas gifts he got and his plans for the rest of his time off.  We laughed and smiled a lot. It was just very needed.

Him and i need to stay positive so the time goes by fast . When we fight and get negative that's when the time really drags for the both of us.Oh we talked about the puzzle . The way he acted was so cute. I felt kind of shy bringing it up because i think i know what it is.... and he acted so cute about. You can tell he felt a little shy. I mean if it is what i think it is.... Its hard because i think I know what it is and he knows that i have a good idea but don’t know for sure but the only way to know for sure is for it to actually happen.

I wonder if hes nervous about the whole thing? I feel nervous about it. Not because i’m not sure but its a really big step . And though its fun to think about , and Tylers making if fun with puzzle pieces, its also really serious at the same time. And theres no doubt in my mind what my answer would be to him ...but its just so ..idk it makes me nervous thinking about it!

Well anyway i have an exam on Wednesday so this girl needs to start studying. I got some studying in yesterday but not nearly enough. So i will talk to you later!

[brandon-delacruz-blog]

So I’ve met somebody. We met over this past summer around june’16 although I’ve told a few people that we met by coincidence somewhere we actually met online over an online dating app. This escalated quickly our first date consisted of Big City Dinner and then hanging out at Coffee Bean, we talked about ourselves and about each other learning little details about each other. After our first date we cuddled on the bed in a messy room cluttered with books and stray papers. We talked more, we shared our thoughts on the art work that hung above our heads and what we wanted in life. Soon the night came to an end and we planned to see each other again. 

Again came soon, for the next couple weeks we hung out everyday, I was asked if I was already bored or why I was so interested, I had no real answer just that I was enjoying what we had. Within the following months we started to get better ideas of who the other was. Although we both saw the difference we had I chose to believe what I’ve always thought, that opposites attract. We became so comfortable with each other. At one point I was sleeping over every night, I was happy. However, school got out of hand with final exams and long papers due I was too stressed. I thought it'd be best for us both to take it slow but I think I might have hurt his feelings. Every time after that followed the person I knew was slowly fading, it began to hurt me to see how my selfishness affected this person; and in turn myself. It was as if we had shifted from dating to friends; with benefits. At one point we almost weren’t talking but I wouldn't allow it, I wanted this; so badly I decided I would rather be seen as annoying and irritating than not being seen at all. It hurt because I felt like I was a bother. Like I didn't matter but you put up with it.

By thanksgiving I thought we were okay, we started to see each other more, our sex felt more passionate. Then it happened again, we fell out of touch somehow. You told me we should probably date other people. I was stubborn and didn't accept that, but maybe I was being selfish. The next few times we hung out we talked about how we tried to see other people. My date consisting of me venting to a stranger about how much I missed you. Your date consisted of hooking up with an old coworker and getting fucked by a friend’s friend. My heart broke that it made me feel so little but I knew I couldn't show it because it’d only make you pity me. So I faked my best smile and tried to turn the conversation around because I noticed how awkward you felt, I am a very jealous person. By christmas and new years we saw each other at least once a week, those days being what my weeks lead up to seeing someone who made me feel so special. Our conversations became repetitive, how was your day, what're you doing tomorrow. But the time we got to spend together was worth it, to feel someones words melt on your body and to be able to hold someone special was so worth the effort to make things work. More recently when we hang out I’m told about the dates you’ve been on and what you've done with other people, it hurts me so much and makes me question what am I worth. I felt so empty I allowed two random people to take advantage of my body because I didn't want to feel alone anymore and I thought maybe this would make me feel better. It didn't. Is this worth it? I really don’t know. Our actions made can not be taken back but why do I want this person to come back. I think sometimes maybe I’m holding this person back from meeting someone greater. I’m sore inside because I just wanted someone to care about me, someone warm to hold me at night, and to know that I had someone to go to at the end of the day. 

This week all my texts got late replies and all my calls were ignored. But today I carefully planned to ask to talk, I waited till you got home and were comfortable in your room and basically begged to talk to you. You called. Our talk was brief, I just wanted to know where we are and whats going on. You mentioned how you had a few dates last week and an upcoming date this Tuesday with someone who's been flakey with you. You told me again that we should date other people. I told you I want you, I just want you. I miss you so much and I cry sometimes because deep down I think I already know how this ends. I try to be mean by thinking of all the reason why I shouldn't like you but it never works. Whats wrong with me? Why am I not good enough? How pathetic I must seem to you, so desperate for your attention. I got permission to text you tomorrow but with no promise to reply, should I go for it?