#is it my fault for not giving edit access? sure

[verystressedcollegestudent]

group project peer evaluations be like:

[gretavanmoon]

S A L T Y

Jake x female reader

4.8k words

+ After indulging in a shared stamina-boosting treat in the dead of summer, you find yourself twisted up in a silly argument that's laced with jealousy... the salt is heavy in more ways than one with this one.

Happy Fourth of July! Keep this in your back pocket for your post-firework bedtime story. Gracias to @gretavangroupie for edits and forcing me to post this love yaaaaa

Warnings: 18+! Angst: Cursing, Substance Use in the form of Aphrodisia, Arguing, Mentions of Alcohol, Heavy Jealousy & Possessiveness, Overall Bossiness Smut: Kissing, Touching, Penetrative Sex, Unprotected Sex, Fingering, Oral Sex (M! and F! Receiving), Dom/Sub kinda

+

“Son of a bitch, if we keep it up like this I’m not gonna have anything left in me, baby,” Jake admits as he removes his right foot from the arm of the couch, the other standing weakly on the floor, barely holding his weight. Your body is bent in half, your arms holding you uncomfortably upright as he pulls out from behind you, hands still gripped and squeezing tightly around your waist. 

You and Jake had made the early afternoon decision to each eat a special pleasure-boosting chocolate that you’d been told about by a friend a few months ago, and saying that the effects always took perfectly for the both of you would be an understatement. Just one serving would have the two of you ravenous for each other for hours on end, and seeing as how neither of you had anything to do for the rest of the day, it only seemed right to end the weekend on a high note. It was only after you’d both eaten the chocolate and after you figured out that your air conditioning had decided to go out that you told Jake about your plans for next weekend, thus sending him into a pissed-off mood that was borderline a thrown tantrum. But you accounted his mood to the extra blood flow the chemicals in the chocolate had given him going straight to his dick, leaving little for his brain to process thoughts. 

“Hah, look at you calling me baby, after bitching at me all day,” you quip, turning to meet eyes with him as you stand up straight again, the feeling of your own wetness sliding between your thighs. Your muscles already feel weak as you turn to plop back down on the plush cushions of the couch, careful not to drip anything on your freshly washed covers.

He instantly falls to his knees, growling as he grabs the insides of both of your legs to pull you closer to the edge of the couch. His mouth is instantly connected to your core, his tongue already burying itself deep inside your deepest crevices. You’re both groaning from near exhaustion, willing your bodies to keep up with your desire.

“I can bitch at you and still call you baby, Y/N. Not my fault you said yes to a date with someone else without my permission,” he barks before diving back between your legs.

Your hands smooth back the strands of hair sticking to his forehead, pulling them away from his face as you bite both your lips in, finding it insanely difficult to stop yourself from wailing his name so loudly you disturb the neighbors. He’s being facetious and you know that, but his attitude makes it all the more challenging to not give in to him completely. You love it when he gets a little jealous.

Instead of yelling at him, you bite a quick “fuck me” through your tightly clenched teeth, hoping to god he doesn’t hear you. His brow furrows as he makes eye contact with you, a maddening expression painted on his sweat-coated face that you’re sure is only there simply for the sake of playing dumb. “Are you just raving, or is that a request?” he growls as he pulls away just long enough to breathe his words out.

“Neither, asshole,” you lightly tap your fingertips to the side of his temple, knocking him sideways as he presses your legs apart, giving him further access to work you. He likes it. He gets off on you being playfully scornful to him. He cracks a short-lived but devious smile before turning back into his whiney self. 

You take a quick breath, ready to explain yourself again. “And it’s not a date, it’s drinks. With my co-workers. How in the– aahhh, fuckkkk– how in the fuck is that a date?” Your eyes begin to roll back a little as he points his tongue directly over your clit, arrogantly knowing exactly what makes you fall apart for him. 

He pulls his head back with a hiss, making you disconnect your hands from his roots as he eyes you meticulously. He licks his lips, your slick still coating the 5 o’clock shadow that’s now adorning his face after going at it with you all day. His eyes never leave yours as he plunges his two middle fingers inside you, pushing his other hand against the inside of your left thigh. “How is it not a date, baby? Don’t be fucking coy. You dated the man.”

You groan in aggravation as he pisses you off even more, still pinning your leg to the side as his fingers work inside you, hitting your g-spot with so much fucking ease you want to slap him again. “I went on two dates with him! That hardly qualifies as dating, Jacob,” you retort as he flicks his fingers with more precision. Your head falls back again, the pleasure coming in rippling waves now as you feel your stomach tightening. “Plus, he’s my manager… invited everyone… how am I supposed to say no to that?”

The air shifts a little as he loudly clicks his tongue.

“Did you ever fuck him?” he asks quickly, sitting back on his heels as he completely halts all movement of his hand.

“What?”

He leans in, hovering over your belly as his face is dangerously close to yours, his fingers still buried deep but staying completely still. “Did… you…ever… fuck him? Simple question, love.”

You swallow, not expecting the conversation to even go here, let alone while you’re literally fucking him.

Your eyes dart side to side, the blurry memories of sleeping with the man who is now your boss those some ten-odd years ago flashing through your mind. That was a lifetime ago, you were barely in college a few weeks. And it was two dates and a hookup before the two of you decided to just stay friends, and that was that. You’d only seen him in passing a handful of times over the years, but to be quite honest, after sleeping with him, he barely ever even crossed your mind. 

You swallow again as Jake’s eyebrows raise, waiting for you to answer. He shoves his fingers deeper inside you to remind you that he asked a question, making you clench around him. “Fuck! Yes, okay? Yes. We slept together one time, Jake. Once. And it was ten fucking years ago.” 

He stays silent as he bites his lip in, a rush of what looks like disappointment crashing over his face for just a second. He slowly picks up the pace again, delving his fingers inside at a much slower pace, now. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he mumbles, still biting his lips. You can tell that your admission has defeated him just a little. 

“Tell you what? That I hooked up with him once? Probably because it feels like it was a figment of my imagination, at this point. I was eighteen. Why does it matter?” you ask, wondering if he’s really upset, or if he’s just pouting at the fact that you left this little detail out about this certain person you work with. 

“He’s your fucking manager, Y/N, I don’t know…” he says, shaking his head side to side. You can see the sweat starting to form on his chest, the drips starting to form into a stream that is dripping down to his stomach. You could feel the heat of the day starting to creep into the walls now that the A/C has been out for a few hours, and the sun practically baking everything it touches outside isn’t helping in the matter. But there’s nothing you can do about it right now, the both of you will just have to suffer until the chocolate wears off and you can act like humans instead of rabid animals.

You stay quiet as you feel the knot tightening in your stomach again, wanting him to continue so you can reach your high, but also feeling the heavy shift in the conversation. You glance at the sweat pouring from him, and some kind of carnal instinct to want to taste it takes over your entire being. You suddenly need your mouth on him. You need to lick up every droplet of sweat that’s rushing down his body, and swallow it down. Taking matters into your own hands, you grab his wrist and rip his hand from you, standing up as you pull him to his feet. The soreness sets in again, having been in nearly every position in the Kama Sutra already today. 

You pull on his hands, making him follow you into the bedroom. “What are you doing, Y/N?” he asks, trailing behind. 

“Come in here, come lay down,” you order, turning him to push him down into the already messy sheets. Luckily, there’s a fan in here, giving the two of you a little reprieve as the heat fills the house. You watch as his tanned body falls backwards into the stark white sheets, his hair falling behind him as he reclines. His skin is glowing, his eyes trained on you, watching your every move as you crawl up him, purposefully snaking your body so that he has a visual of every single curve of your sweat-covered self.

You lean down, outstretching your tongue and touching his navel, working your way up his stomach and to his chest, collecting the deliciously salty taste of him on your tongue. There’s something about it, the flavor and the scent and the way he feels beneath you… it’s not the most pleasant, but you’re positive nothing on this earth tastes or smells more like home to you. You’d always read about how animals are attracted to their mates’ scent, and you never understood how it could apply to humans, too, until you became serious with Jake. It’s something that’s just wired into your brain now, and the longer you’re together, the more you find yourself craving it. Craving him.

“I’m sweaty and gross, babe,” he complains as he leans up and twists his hair into a knot behind his head, remnant baby hairs still sticking to and framing his face.

“You think I care? You taste so good… like you just got out of the ocean…” you say honestly, making him laugh a little through his nose. You run your tongue all over him, his sides, his groin, his pecs and his neck… each place tasting better than the last, and each spot making him absolutely feral at the feeling of your mouth on him. His light moans of bliss fill the room as his hands search for any part of you he can grab on to, his eyes fluttering open and closed as you watch his face light up. 

You can tell he’s getting hard again as you let your lips lightly ghost over his shaft, the chocolate still putting in work in keeping him turned on. Finally, you find yourself starving for him again, too, letting your lips cup over the head of his dick as you give it one tight little squeeze. 

“Please baby, fuck…” he grunts, his knees bending up and around your body. One thing about the way this chocolate works is that it amplifies everything, making every brush, every touch, every sensation amplified by a hundred. You have already had your mouth on him a couple of times today, but you can imagine how he feels simply from your experience with his mouth on you earlier, begging and wanting and needing the feeling so desperately. Absolutely bursting at the seams to experience the euphoria.

You move your body to straddle him, letting your already completely soaked core drift over his cock, ready and waiting to fill you again.

“Don’t think I forgot about the conversation we were having, Jake,” you tease as you position your knees firmly on either side of him. He fills his cheeks and blows out a long puff of air, his hand hitting his forehead to wipe away the sheen of sweat. 

“I don’t remember us having a conversation, Y/N, but I remember me expressing to you that I’m not happy with this arrangement,” he says, smirking at you a little while he runs his tongue along his teeth. “You fucked him! And you work with him! And you never even told me!” he all but yells.

You let your opening line up with his tip, letting yourself fall on to it just an inch or so. Your body was begging you to sit all the way down, the fire burning within your veins way past its boiling point. But you held strong. 

“You think I fucked him, Jake?” you ask, swirling your hips gently on him.

He tries his best to stifle his words, but he comes up short. “Oh my god, baby, you feel so– please…” he begs, his jaw falling slack just from the tiny touch. His eyes pop open and look at you, his expression absolutely pleading for more. “Yeah, you told me you did…”

You pause, letting the heavy air hang for just a second as you laugh a little under your breath. You shake your head side to side at his naivety, wondering just how he thought the situation went down all those years ago. “I didn’t fuck him,” you answer, letting yourself fall another inch as your fingertips pause on his stomach. “I was eighteen, I didn’t even know what fucking was…” you purr, swirling on him again. 

His chest is heaving with want, his growls now turned into desperate whimpers as he’s doing anything but begging you to let him fill you. You know that if things were normal, and if the two of you weren’t caught up in this childish back-and-forth, he’d be on his hands and knees for you, falling to the floor at your every whim. His hips buck up into you, but you rise on your knees, not allowing him to have any control over the matter.

“But you… you and me… this…” you go on as you sit back down, giving yourself centimeters. “I didn’t know what I was even missing, until I found you…” you admit. “No one has ever made me feel like you do.”

He takes a deep breath, centering himself. “None? None of them?” His hand sneaks up and presses a thumb to your clit, adding just enough pressure to make your breath catch. 

You shake your head side to side again, as you’re almost seated to the hilt, the feeling of him filling you again already making your body shudder. “No baby, none of them. So you can cut the pissy attitude, or I’m hopping off of you, and taking care of myself.” With that, you sit down completely on him, your bodies finally resting together as you feel the tip of him buried as far as he could get.

“Ffffuckk, Y/N, god damnit, yes,” Jake howls into the room as his thumb still works your clit, his other hand rushing up to grip onto your hip. But you steady your movements. Though your body is burning for you to move, you want to give him the same lack of satisfaction he gave you earlier. But just for a second. 

“Answer me, am I going to have to take care of myself, Jake? Or are you going to quit being salty over something that doesn’t fucking matter and let me fuck you how I want?” 

You know the situation matters to him. And you’ll validate that later. But not right now. Right now it’s fueling too much angst and you’re having too much fun.

His grip on your hip tightens so hard that it almost hurts, his fingernails digging into the thick muscle there. You’re fully aware that both of you can get turned on from dirty talk alone, and the chocolate is only exaggerating the feeling. Your brain is buzzing with electricity from it. You love when he gets a little rough. He can tell that your body responds to the little bit of pain, and like a switch flipped in his brain, he lets it turn on all his lights. Suddenly both his hands are on your hips, switching the places of both of you in one swift movement. Your body is pressed against the mattress, your shoulders being held down as he hovers overtop of you. “How about you let me fuck you how I want, hm? How’s that sound?” he challenges with an air of greed. 

Like a petty little pet, you nod your head, completely losing the war of being the one calling the shots the second he squeezes your clit between his thumb and forefinger. The sensation almost kills you, cuts off your ability to breathe altogether as he begins pulsing his fingers quickly, causing the desire to pool up in your belly all over again. He’s never really concentrated his fingers this pointedly before; usually his hands are grabbing and squeezing wherever they can. But with the most sensitive part of your body being held so tightly and at the mercy of his fingers, you feel completely at his will.  “How about I show you exactly why you choose to stick around, and you’ll keep choosing it, no matter how many dates you go on with your boss.”

“God, give it up, Jake,” you complain, rolling your eyes dramatically as his movements set your whole body on fire again.

You’ve barely gotten the words out before his other hand is braced across your neck, applying just the right amount of pressure to your pulse points. You want to swallow, but you can’t, all you can do is let out a pitiful whine that sounds more like a choked sob than a moan. His other two fingers are still gripped on your clit as he balances on his knees, his eyes laser sharp as the sweat continues to drip from his chest. 

“Give it up? Give it up?! Baby, you’re being awfully bossy for someone who is in the wrong, here. And for someone who’s acting so bratty today,” he says, his voice sounding gentler than the words he’s spouting. “Tell me you won’t go to the bar with them. Tell me you’ll back out of the plans.”

Deep down, you know Jake doesn’t give a fuck who you hang out with. You’re both comfortable enough in your relationship that trust is paramount, and neither of you have ever tested it. He trusts you, and you him to come home to one another every night, never straying or giving the other a reason to be suspicious about anything at all.

He squeezes a little harder on your throat, sending a shockwave of pleasure straight to your core as his eyebrows shoot up. 

“Come with me. Come out with us. You haven’t met them yet, anyway… come let them see that I’m yours, we don’t even have to tell them. We can show them…” you suggest, honestly liking this idea way more. His grip on your throat loosens as bit as he contemplates the idea. 

“Show them, hm?” Finally he nods, giving in to your suggestion. “Okay, yeah, I’ll show up…”

You nod back at him as you give him the tiniest smirk, bringing your own hand up to cup over his, squeezing his fingers a little tighter on you. “What’s with you today, huh? Testing me every five minutes…” he asks. His teeth grit against one another as the wind from the fan hits the back of his head just right, blowing his damp hair over his face as he lets go of his grip between your legs, adjusting his body so that he’s positioned perfectly above you again. His hand moves from your throat straight down to your tit, gripping the whole thing roughly as he takes his dick in his hand, running it up through your wetness. The sensation is enough to floor you, every single atom in your body on fire and wanting to feel him completely. 

Your hands find his waist, pulling him into you with everything you have, your legs already wrapping around him. “Stop making me fucking wait Jake,” you spout. “I’ll stop bitching, I promise, just please…” 

“Oh now you wanna back down…? Not like I haven’t gotten you off three times already today…”

“You’re the one who’s been fucking bitching like a teenager all damn day! God…” you rouse, knowing that your voice is probably grating on his nerves right now. He presses himself harder against you, daring you to say another word. 

“Watch your mouth,” he warns, still holding himself in his hand. You can feel his pulse throbbing in the head of his dick as it presses up against you, and you know if you say another cross word, you’re in for it. 

“And what if I don’t?” you press, sounding as prissy as you possibly can.

He taunts you with the same ultimatum that you gave him earlier, “Then I’ll just have to go and take care of myself, I guess… and leave you here unsatisfied. Your mouth has been nothing but aggravating today, Y/N, I swear to god…”

You roll your eyes at him, knowing he most definitely hasn’t forgotten about your lips sucking at him for nearly an hour today, if you added it all up. 

“Will you just fuck me, Jake? I’ll keep my mouth shut if you shut yours…” you spout as you feel your core drip down onto the sheets. 

“Is that a fucking promise?” he asks, cocking both eyebrows.

“Swear.”

Like a wild animal that can no longer control it’s instinct, he presses all the way into you, stifling all the noises that you know he wants to make. His body lurches to hover over you as he picks up a slow pace, his hips cracking with extreme precision as his thighs smack against the backs of your legs. “God, you get on my fucking nerves,” he jests through his teeth.

“Mutual,” you say quickly, jutting your chin upward.

Your throat is burning with rage as you stop yourself from crying out, only tiny breaths of whimpers escaping as you hold your side of the quiet bargain. His eyes are dark and devious as his hips snap harder, hitting you more deeply than he has all day. Your vision blurs into a deep black with each thrust, the pleasure threatening to make you go nonverbal, anyway. 

An especially harsh breath falls from you as he bends your leg up, hitting you even deeper and at a new angle. He brings his left hand up to his mouth, pressing his pointer finger gently over his lips with a hushed ‘Shhh’. 

Your hand flies up and cups around your mouth as you follow his order, ceasing all sounds that could possibly escape you. His eyes stay trained on you as his hair falls across his face and yours, his scent wafting across your nose as you take in chopped breaths through it. You force your eyes closed as the pleasure builds in your stomach, the familiar feeling of the beginning of another delicious orgasm overtaking your psyche. It burns, the threat of overstimulation creeping up in your insides, but you ignore it simply for the fact that you are going to feel him so wholly again, letting him bring you to the brink of no return for the third, fourth, fifth… whatever time it will be today. 

Suddenly you feel his lips on the shell of your ear, his teeth biting in as he whispers. “I’ll go on your little work outing with you, but if I’m gonna endure being around a man who’s already fucked you, you’ll do things to my liking, got it?” he asks, and you know better than to say no right now. Your stomach muscles are tightening, jerking your body as the bliss builds up, so you nod in agreement as your hand is still clamped over your mouth. “You’ll wear that low-cut top with the lace straps that I like so much… and that black leather skirt that cuts at your thigh… wear my favorite perfume, and that pretty little necklace I got you for your birthday. Sound good, babydoll?”

You nod again as his teeth pull on your earlobe, his voice low and gravelly, still. “Good. Then it’s settled. Then everyone will see how tantalizing you look outside of your work clothes, and they won’t be able to do a goddamned thing about it… they won’t be able to touch you… They’ll just have to admire you from afar while I tease you under the table…” his hand ghosts down and his thumb finds your clit again, making your eyes shoot closed and your head tilt back into the pillows. Fuck, if he doesn’t always manage to win these things. And you know he isn’t lying, either. You know your entire work outing will be full of his hands secretly snaking between your legs under any table you’re sitting at, his hand gripping your ass at every turn, his eyes staring daggers through you from across the room…begging you to sneak with him into the bathroom.

You know how the game is played, and somehow, he always fucking wins whether you want him to or not. What you don’t know though, is that he thinks the exact same thing of you. You winning him over with the way you feel wrapped around him, your body drenched and buzzing beneath him. He always wins, even when he doesn’t. 

“You gonna cum, baby? Let me have it one more time?” he asks, his hand now pressing down on your stomach where he can feel himself entering you with each pointed thrust he’s still delivering. 

“Mhmm…” you moan into his neck, his mouth still sucking hard on your ear and everything surrounding it. 

“You’re mine… all mine… no one else’s… give me what I want, baby,” he gloats, and his possessive words send a slow shockwave through your body, the rippling effects of the most intense orgasm you’ve had today sending your mind into a noiseless world of white light. All you can feel is him, all you can think about is him… and when you finally catch your breath and let your hand fall to the back of his neck, your pitiful moan on the come-down reverberates off the walls, sending him to finish right behind you. 

When his breath finally evens enough to come back to earth, his body collapses on top of you, completely spent as he pulls himself out of you. You lean down to kiss his neck, his skin still coated in that sweet-salty goodness that is enough to get you going again, but you relax, feeling the effects of the chocolate beginning to slowly wear off. 

He flips his head around to face you as you both lie face-down on the bed, and a smile that you haven’t seen all day sweeps across his pink, pouted lips. “Do I still taste like the ocean?”

You let your fingertips tousle the hair around his face, drenched and sticky. “Better than the ocean. You taste like you.”

His cheeks blush as his demeanor completely shifts into softness. “You know I love you, right?”

“Yeah baby, I know,” you reply with sincerity. 

“And you don’t have to wear all that stuff to the bar. You’ll look beautiful in whatever you choose. You could turn heads in a burlap sack.”

You giggle as you pull his hand up to your lips, kissing his palm. “But what if I want to wear all that? What if I want you to tease me all night, make my boss even more jealous than he probably already is?” you press.

“Then it’s a no brainer. Do it up, baby. I trust you,” he says with confidence. 

“Maybe I will,” you reply, taking a deep breath. “Not pissy anymore now that I gave you what you wanted?”

He smiles coyly, snaking one arm underneath you to pull you on top of him again. “Nah. No more bitching from me. I think I was about to have a heat stroke.” His hands are ghosting all over your body again, but not in a wanting way. His fingertips drift over your curves as if he’s adoring the body that is sitting over him. Simply taking the time to appreciate you.

“Me too,” you giggle, and you know that the festivities for the day have most likely reached their bittersweet end. “I’ll go start us a cold shower while you call the landlord, sound like a plan?” you ask, holding your hand up as you await a high-five.

“Deal,” he says, clapping his hand to yours. “But you can’t try and seduce me in the shower, I don’t think I have anything left in me. You’ve drained me dry, girl.”

You laugh through your nose as you hop into the floor, rushing off to the bathroom. “We’ll see about that.”

+

xoxoxo Jules

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[navstuffs]

5 stars ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Pairing: Re4!Leon Kennedy x F!Reader

Summary: Leon Kennedy is on his way to pick you up in 5 minutes.

Warning tags: SMUT SO NO MINORS, NSFW, porn with plot, car sex, roleplay of rideshare driver x passenger, ooc leon (he doesn't hit the car), masturbation (female), sex (p in v), public sex, creampie, image taken from google and edited by me

Author's Note: heeey, i had this on my draft sitting for so long and wrote this from 11 pm to 2 am, in a frenzy. i had so much fun writing, (not so much fun editing this picture let me tell ya), so i hope you enjoy it too!

my leon's masterlist

Leon Kennedy is on his way to pick you up in 5 minutes. 

You blink at the message sent to your phone, confused. You had just finished a good walk in the park and could definitely walk back home, no biggie. The weather had been great, not too warm or humid. Your husband had other plans, clearly. You pinpoint your location to your driver, excitement growing inside of you.  

Not even four minutes later, the black Range Over enters the park's gates, and you start giggling. Before getting in the car, you must laugh as much as you need, you think. If your husband was doing this, he had an excellent reason.

The car stops by your side, and you open the backseat door. Inside, a handsome and familiar face looks at you in the rearview mirror.

"Leon?" You hold back a laugh, simply giving a timid smile. Leon asks your name, and you confirm. "Would you mind if I rode in the passenger seat, Sir?"

Leon mumbles an inaudible "Not at all." You know just calling Leon "Sir" has already affected him. You close the back door, open the passenger's and jump right in. Leon is wearing a black baseball cap over his golden locks, and you control another urge to not chuckle. To complete the look, he wears one of his tight black shirts (which makes his chest looks huge) and the black pants you love on him.

Leon is staying in character: it is weird he isn't smiling at your presence, but you are to be blamed for this. He is trying, and it is your fault.

You were the one who revealed, while drunk, how interesting it would be to get fucked in a car by a rideshare app driver if, of course, he was Leon. You knew it was a silly fantasy, but Leon considered it a great idea to surprise you at the right time. And the moment finally came, when you left the house ready for a walk, wearing a green shirt and those tight pants. 

"Is the AC okay, ma'am?" You are taken aback by how serious and smooth his voice sounds.

"Mhm, yes, thank you, Sir." But two could play into that game.

You can feel Leon staring at your gym pants, going up to your shirt and cleavage. You lied: the car was a little too cold, and your nipples, protected by your bra top, were starting to get hard, a fact that didn't pass unnoticed by your driver.

"Are you sure you are not cold?" Leon asks again, his blue eyes struggling to stay focused on the road. 

"Maybe a little," You admit.

Instead of raising the AC temperature, Leon places his warm leg in your upper leg. Surprised by the sudden touch, you don't move as Leon caresses slowly. 

"This help?" Leon murmurs, and you nod as his hand starts raising up slowly. "How do you plan on paying for this ride?"

"I have no cash on me. Or cards," You whisper, your body shaking with anticipation. Your eyes wander outside momentarily, not recognizing the empty road you are on and not even caring.

"I guess you will have to pay me in another way, then," Leon sounds decisive, a naughty smile playing on his lips.

"What other way, Sir?" You pretend to sound nervous, despite your body warming up. 

Leon answers by firmly pressing his thumb against your clit, as the rest of his hands grab the middle of your legs. Bastard, who knew your body so well by now. He rubs circles through the fabric, an approval hum coming from his chest.

"I think this could work."

You moan back a frail "Yes," spreading your legs open so Leon can have easier access. Your worries about him hitting the car don't even come to mind: you would trust Leon with your life. And the windows are tinted, so fuck it. Your head falls back against the seat as Leon continues with the lazy strokes.

"Touch yourself. Pull your top up."

You follow as told, pulling your shirt and top up until your collarbone. The cold wind from the AC makes you wince a little, the seatbelt scratching against your bare skin. You don't mind, your nipples so hard Leon licks his lips with desire. He also notices your chills, and suddenly you have your husband back.

"Do you want to raise the AC, sweetheart? I don't want you to get sick, and my hand is quite busy down here."

You nod, raising the temperature before going back on, pinching your nipples, a fire spreading in your veins. Typical of Leon getting worried about you getting sick like he doesn't have his hand in the middle of your legs.

"S-sir...Leon." You moan desperately, and Leon grunts an answer. You think he might pull over any minute now, but Leon continues driving, despite his attention flickering between you and the road. 

"Take your pants down. And your panties as well."

You take your gym pants down, together with your panties. When you place your feet into the seat, Leon momentarily loses control of the car, causing it to jolt to the left, but he quickly retakes control. You are going to be the death of him, spreading your legs like that, your body turned to him.

Fuck, Leon thinks. You look adorable, sexy, hot, spread like that, your pussy wet and ready for him. Your chest is rising up, and your face is heating up. He wants to stop the car and take you now, but Leon is committed to giving you what you want.

"Let-let me check" You hide a smile when Leon Kennedy stutters, but your smile disappears when your mouth turns into an "o" while he rubs his index finger, starting from your clit down to your entrance. He pulls in just the tip of his finger before pulling out.

Leon tastes his fingertip as if savoring it, making your stomach drop. You are so fucking glad you aren't driving this car, or you both would be dead by now.

"It should be enough as payment," Leon declares, not hiding his proud smile when he sees you even more embarrassed. He wanted to grab his phone and record it. Maybe next time, he thinks. 

Without wasting any more time, Leon shoves two fingers inside of you. Your head goes back against the seat and the window, the cold feeling good against your warm skin. He rocks his fingers slowly, admiring your pleasure expressions. 

"Look at the mess you are making on my seat," Leon says, smooth and proud. You look down, your wetness even more evident against the dark seat. Leon doesn't seem to care, pumping his fingers fast inside you. 

"Leon," You moan, desperate.

"I know, sweetie, I know." It is your Leon back again. You barely know how your husband is holding up, keeping you safe as your eyes glance at the hard cock between his legs. Your hand tries to approach it, but Leon shakes his head, a blush rising on his cheeks. Not if we want to live, Leon thinks. 

"It is about you now, okay? Be a good girl and touch yourself for me."

"O-okay." You sob. You take your fingers into your clit, rubbing in a circular motion, squeezing Leon's fingers even harder. You close your eyes, trying to focus on the knot on your belly. You are so close now.

"Open your eyes. Open your eyes, sweetheart."

You hear the command and obey, your eyes focusing on Leon's blue ones. He shares the attention between the road and your eyes. He is sweating, his other hand holding the wheel with his fists white. You want to touch him so badly, it hurts. Leon is panting now, jerking his fingers fast inside of you, your movements in your clit following the speed. You moan his name over and over again, finally releasing the knot in your stomach. You cum, tears in the corner of your eyes, as your head falls back. Leon only stops when your whole body just relaxes against the seat. 

The car jolts when Leon finally pulls over and locks the car doors, but you barely seem to register a drunken smile on your lips. He pulls his fingers out, pulling them inside your mouth.

"This is my tip. Come on. Lick them clean."

You lazily lick his fingers back, still trying to catch your breath. When he considers them clean enough, Leon pulls his fingers out of his mouth, his eyes entirely focused on you and only you. Your Leon seems back, releasing you from your seatbelt to pull you into his lap. You can feel his dick against your ass as Leon rubs your back.

"You okay?"

"Mhmmmm. Where are we?" You ask drunkenly.

"I have no idea," He chuckles while you hide your face in his chest.

"That's why you didn't come in the walk with me, you were plotting, sneaky bastard."

Leon chuckles, letting you relax for a few moments. He looks outside the car for signs of human presence, but there is nothing, just trees. No other vehicle has even passed since Leon was driving on this road. He doesn't want to push you to do anything you don't want, of course, especially after how much energy you just used. You seem to understand, though, turning off the car.

"What are you doing?"

"Deciding for you. Come here."

You release Leon from his seatbelt, pulling him to the backseat. You finally kiss, Leon's body covering yours, his clothes reminding you he is too dressed.

"I probably won't last," Leon states apologetically. With his help, you undress him leaving Leon only with his black boxer briefs. Leon finally throws your bra and shirt far away. You want to argue those were your favorites, but he steals another hot kiss from you.

A car passes fast, illuminating Leon and your faces for a second before disappearing. It doesn't have to be an idiot to understand what is happening inside, especially with the now car's foggy windows. You pull his boxer briefs down, and his cock presses against your belly, causing you to chill. You lick your lips, adjusting your position in your backseat as Leon's forehead frowns.

"Hey. Don't worry about it: if it is the police, you can just show your badge and say it is a secret mission or something."

Leon chuckles, knowing you are probably right. He tries to say something, but you finally stroke his dick, just the tip, and Leon is trembling in your hands, his blue eyes glowing.

"Shit, sweetie, one second."

"We don't have much time, Leon." You argue, impatience. You wrap your legs around his waist with your back leaning against the window and the car seat. Leon stands kneeling in front of you, one of his hands at the window and the other holding the seat behind your head. 

Leon enters you slowly, causing you both to groan. Leon is much louder than you, and the car starts shaking as soon as he starts moving.

"Shit, you feel so good. You liked your driver that much?" Leon teases, his golden locks rubbing your face.

"5 stars. Ri-right there, baby," You answer, holding him close to you. Leon knew precisely where and how to poke you with the right intensity. You try to stay silent, focusing on the noises of your pussy and Leon's groans. As his thrusts become harder without you even needing to ask, another car in a different direction passes, this time much slower, his high beam on. Leon notices your worried expression, pulling your chin back to look at him, and biting your mouth.

"Let them hear. I want them to see you are mine. Come on." Leon changes the angle slightly, and you scream, squeezing his triceps. He is thrusting so hard you can hear the car groaning. You forget about the existence of other cars and everything else, focusing your eyes on Leon's.

"S-so close," You sob, and Leon takes his hand to rub your clit. It takes two strokes until your body arches from the seat, shaking. You moan incoherently, while you close your hands in Leon's arms, as a way to keep you from passing out. Leon soon follows you, biting your neck as he cums deep inside of you, jerking his hips until the very last drop.

You two remain breathless. Leon's hair is damp with sweat, and he looks a mess. You kiss his cheek, looking at Leon's arm flexing so he doesn't put his weight on top of you.

"Are they gone?" Leon barely registers what you are asking, finally remembering the other car from earlier. He has to pass his hand over the window to take the condensations, searching. It seems that they left.

"They are gone."

"Bring me up, Leon, please."

He nods and gently brings you to your lap, still deep inside you. You just need a moment to catch your breath. You rest against his shoulder again, a happy and small smile on your face.

"Well, this tops the cowboy experience."

Leon chuckles, relaxing his head against the seat. When he starts feeling sleepy, Leon lifts his head, finding you already napping.

"I have to drive away soon, sweetheart. Before you fall asleep completely, why don't you wear your shirt and pants, okay?" You murmur something inaudible, and Leon smiles. He finds your shirt under his seat and your pants in front of yours and helps you dress, you more asleep than awake. Next, Leon pulls his shirt on and his pants, swearing low when he does not find his briefs. Guess he is going commando, then. 

Leon leaves you half-lying in the backseat, placing your seatbelt before jumping back into the driver's seat. He gives you one good look, sleeping peacefully, before finding his cap on the floor and placing it on his head. It is time to take you home.

[gatitties]

Dye it baby

─ Yandere!bonten x motherly!reader (Platonic)

─ Summary: a special day with your boys, a day of memories and torture

─ Warnings: obsession, metion of bullying, toxic behavior, blood, mention of torture, yandere stuff

Part one / Part two / Part three / Part five

How the first two parts have 1000 likes ??? thank you very much!! 🫶🏻

Lil edit: sorry @boycigs it's been so long i forgot i had to tag you 😭

You never knew how to measure quantities when cooking, because you didn't want to go short, you always ended up adding more ingredients than you should, which led you to make too much food, in this case, little strawberry cupcakes along with some other fruits.

You had time to do it on one of those rare days where you weren't being stifled by the presence of any Bonten executive, having you as their secretary made it easier for them to be accessible to you, but unfortunately they couldn't stop you from interacting with other people, more than anything because they also needed men to do their dirty work, men you seemed to talk to from time to time, which they didn't like.

For you, it was just small interactions, greetings, small talks with the guys who were hanging around, who came from missions or bodyguards who watched every corner in the barracks, nothing really important, you were just being nice like you would to anyone else, although most of them would only nod at your presence or words, they had already been threatened and knew the consequences.

But that didn't stop some clueless from enjoying your presence more than they would like, not to mention the fact that you want to distribute the leftover cupcakes among those men, they'd rather throw away your homemade food before those creeps could taste it, but they couldn't stop you, at least not most of the time.

You wanted to think that the disappearance of some people with whom you spoke or shared that leftover food was not your fault, after all, working with this type of criminal exposed you to many dangers, but you really did not know how far your boys could go for simply smiling at another person.

You put those thoughts aside, clutching the box full of cupcakes tightly, you reached the elevator in the main building, dialing the highest number, you waited patiently, humming the light music on hold, on your way out you simply walked a few more steps and knocked on the door already well known. It opened with a creak, as soon as you entered, being received by an arm hooking onto you in a loose hug, you smiled when you saw Mikey, anxious to see what you had prepared this time, despite not being his favorites, everything you did to he, would be a culinary work.

"By the way, today is dyeing day."

"Hmm? It is?"

You muttered at Rindou's words, noticing now, the boys who already had part of their natural color at the root of their hair, you shrugged smiling at the younger of the Haitani, nodding at his request, earning pitying glances from Kakucho, who was the only one who decided not to alter his original hair.

You approached him, rubbing his shoulders in a comforting way, trying not to let his kicked puppy look affect you, you offered him a smile that was enough to warm his heart, looking for a second at the expressions of his companions to silently boast of being the only one that received all your attention.

"Don't worry Kaku, I'll make sure that my next day off is just for you, we can make that recipe you told me about the other day, or visit some place you want."

The completely bitter and serious expressions of the others turned into small grimaces that were meant to be smiles as you turned to them, letting Takeomi lead the group out while you give a last silent wave to Kakucho, who simply nodded at your action, as soon as you were out of sight a frown on his face.

Kaku really hated 'dyeing days' because he was the only one not included in the bonding time with everyone, but then again he could always take advantage of it, just like now, he always got an extra day with you, and best of all It's just that it was just you and him, so he had your full attention.

Although he had to leave that for later, now, returning with the boys and you, you went out of the building to the crowded streets of Tokyo, everyone staying on the sidelines except Kokonoi, who was the only one who went with you to buy the hair dye, since the group itself would draw a lot of attention and he was the one handling the money, the others reluctantly agreed as he took your hand to guide you to the nearest store.

"Don't you want to dye your hair too?"

"I think not for now, my hair doesn't look so bad right?"

"Of course not! It's perfectly fine."

You laughed at how Koko was quick to make sure your hair was perfectly fine, knowing how delicate people your age could be because of the dreaded gray hair. You both walked out of there after choosing the appropriate colors for everyone, smiling at the packages you were holding in your hand.

It reminded you of your youth, you went through that stage too, you learned how to apply the dye on your own because going to a hairdresser would be a lot of work and much more expensive, although you stopped applying so many dyes to your hair because it started to get drier. When the boys discovered this —snooping through your old photos from your high school days— they asked you to apply the dye.

While everyone got used to being treated by a ridiculously expensive professional hairdresser, nothing could compare to taking advantage of this to spend more time with you, not to mention enjoying the feeling of being pampered by you, giving them a little scalp massage when you applied the dye to them, it was something that even the most experienced or expert hairdresser could not achieve.

"Who should be first?"

You all ended up in your house, because you continued to maintain that house even though the boys told you it wasn't necessary, but you hadn't spent most of your life working to buy this property and now just abandon it so abruptly, no, you weren't going through that, plus it was always like a refuge of your own peace of mind, although in the majority there was always someone who interrupted you on your day off.

You observed that everyone had impatient eyes, watching as you internally debated who should be the first to go through your majestic hands and head caresses, taking one last look at everyone you made up your mind once and for all.

"I guess we can start with Ran, since I'm going to take longer with him, you go after Rin, the rest of you shouldn't take that long so you can choose the order, oh, without any shouting or throwing knives."

You warned before taking the brothers to the bathroom, aware that the last time you told them to choose the order in which you were going to dye them they ended up fighting to see who would be the first to receive your attention. You started working with Ran, massaging his head while applying the dye, it took you half an hour to finish them both as they had two different colors, which complicated the process, luckily the others only had one color to choose from.

You weren't surprised that the next one to enter the bathroom was Mikey, after all he was the boss, and if the brothers had been lucky enough to go before him, it was only because it was your decision and he respected it. You took your time with him, knowing that he enjoyed more than anyone the reassurance that your fingers gave him, running over his skin in a firm but gentle way, it was refreshing for him, the only place where he could let his guard down and relax to the point where he almost falls asleep

The next one was Takeomi, he was the fastest since he only had a small part of his hair, that didn't mean that he didn't feel satisfied by the simple fact of being with you alone. He was followed by an impatient Sanzu, who was always very restless despite being with you, as if he were the rebellious and hyperactive son of the group, then Mochizuki entered and finally Kokonoi.

You sighed once you kicked Koko out of the bathroom, leaving you to relieve yourself while cleaning the dye stains left on your hands, you wet your face to cool off, feeling tired after a long day.

"Guys… can you tell me what the hell are you doing with my school album again? I thought I had hidden it…"

You stared blankly at the group of men who decided to deliberately ignore your words, one of the few times they did, more focused on gossiping about your past as a student.

"Who is it? You have many photos with this person."

Sanzu pointed, you approached to check who was, a smile tugging at your lips upon seeing that person, the boys silently stared at your expression, feeling an internal anger against the stranger despite not knowing anything about that person.

"That was my first couple, although we didn't end up very well."

"Why?"

"Cheated on me with someone else." you immediately noticed how the tension increased in the room, rushing to continue talking "Oh, but we were both very inexperienced, it was the first relationship for both of us and we had many ups and downs."

"Why would you keep the photos of this person? Seems useless."

"Mikey… that's rude, I keep them because it's a memory of my life, although I only keep the good times."

They continued to look at more photos —some embarrassing— and judge the people you had the closest contact with in the past, Takeomi making a mental list of the few names you inadvertently let slip as you remembered between laughs and blushes of embarrassment your adolescent adventures

Although there was someone who annoyed them more than anyone, a girl, an old classmate who decided to mess with you for something quite common in pubescence, pimples and early physical changes, her harassment was only verbal, small teasing so that her group of friends would laugh, luckily nothing physical happened, mostly because one day you decided to stand up to it and set the record straight, since teachers don't do much, you decided that sometimes taking control of the situation wasn't a bad idea.

The girl was embarrassed years later by her attitude towards you and apologized when you met her as an adult, you simply forgave her because she was not and would not be anyone important in your life, there was no point in hating her when you could just forget her.

But the boys did not like this at all, they heard from your own mouth ─because they begged you to tell them the whole story─ that many nights you cried, self-conscious about your appearance, forcing you to do things that were dangerous to your health, both mental and physical, you didn't go to extremes, but without a doubt that year was a bad time that you prefer to bury in the depths of your mind.

Oh boy, Bonten was going to dig up the shit for you to clear your conscience, rather his own under the guise of 'doing it for you', what better way to get over someone than to just wipe them off the face of the Earth? It's a pleasant job for them anyway, especially if they're people who had hurt their mother in some way. You may have taken it as a joke, but the idea of hunting down your former bad classmates, or teachers, were not empty words, it was a promise.

"Hello, Kakucho? Didn't we have an important meeting today?"

"Ah, we can always do without one or two, so don't worry, isn't it better to spend the day with me than listen to us talk for hours about business?"

"I suppose you're right, hearing about your companies is more boring than working as a cashier."

You smiled tightening Kaku's grip on your hand, leading you through a pretty garden full of different flowers, completely oblivious to the reasons why you hadn't been allowed to attend today's meeting. You let go of his hand when he had to take a call, seizing the moment alone you bent down to see a lovely red rose, touching the soft petals of it, going down to the stem just feeling a little prick.

"Ow, it has very sharp spines."

You muttered, a drop of blood falling onto the green grass, staining it slightly red, you immediately felt someone pull your shoulder back, meeting you with a worried look that caused you to laugh.

"Let's get you a doctor."

"Kaku, it's just a cut, some water and a band-aid will suffice."

"Oxygenated water, we don't know if more people have touched that."

"Okay big baby…"

As you spent the afternoon nonchalantly by Kakucho's side, the rest of the boys personally took it upon themselves to give proper torture to that girl who once messed with your appearance, all taking turns slowly draining her blood, letting her life slowly and painfully escaped from her body.

"This teach you not to mess with mom, you stupid bitch."

Sanzu smiled sickly, taking the last turn to finish at once, the others watching in silence, their faces, hands and clothes stained with fresh blood, feelings of pure hatred manifested with blows, stabs, cuts… it was the price to pay for messing with someone she shouldn't, and she had to accept it. Sanzu grabbed the trusty pistol from him, without thinking twice, drowning out the agonized screams that did not stop ringing for four full clock hours, the last drops of blood spattering the walls.

BONUS

"Where have you been? Arriving like this full of blood what the hell?"

Everyone ─except Kaku─ shrank from your angry gaze, ducking their heads like children scolded for doing something wrong, they already knew what they were up against when they arrived at your house completely covered in blood.

"Sorry mom."

They all answered in sync, avoiding your gaze at all costs so as not to feel worse, but they were too eager to see you after having disposed of yet another piece of garbage in the world.

"No 'sorry mom' do you know how difficult it is to get blood stains out of clothes? You're lucky I have my laundry hacks."

[vantedaes]

Not shy! 1/5 (Leon x F!Reader)

Author: @vantedaes Editor: @141s-chewtoy Pairing: Leon S Kennedy x fem reader! Word count: 2.350k Tags/Warnings: MDNI (+18) age gap, Banter, pining, romance, flirting, shy (introverted :p) reader, fluff, miscommunication, eventual smut, maybe slow burn? we'll see.

Summary:  1/5 When senior agent Leon Kennedy joined your unit the last thing you were expecting is for him to pay any attention to you let alone make you his partner, you, the outcast, shy, and officer rookie from the whole unit.

And it wouldn't be a problem if he didn't find pleasure in driving you crazy.

A/N: So here we at with my first fanfic in a long ass time (Also my first one in English be nice it's not my first language!) So i just wanted to make a wholesome banter with Death island Leon in mind! there will be eventual smut but later so buckle up to some old slow burn.

Thanks to my girl, the one, the only, the QUEEN: @141s-chewtoy for editing this nonsense and making it better and greater, ilysm bestie.

✩｡:•.───── ❁ ❁ ─────.•:｡✩✩｡:•.───── ❁ ❁ ─────.•:｡✩

When you first met Leon you thought he would never even grant a glance at you. 

As an officer researcher rookie, you were usually picked on and the spot of jokes from your whole department, it didn’t help you were the first woman to achieve that high-ranking position. It should mean you receive respect from others, right? Well apparently not, and you knew that it was partly your fault, you’ve always been introverted and also maybe kind of a pushover. 

So maybe being the target of jokes from the whole station and also having no other friends than the lunch lady —Sandy, god bless her heart, and her delicious croquettes—, was enough to make you invisible, and you were fine with that, mostly, it helped you not attract too much-unwanted attention which you hated but it also made you the odd one out that you also hated, but in the scale of things you’d rather be the quiet girl of the unit. 

Therefore you didn’t even make an effort to leave your office when everyone was running laps because the great senior agent Leon Kennedy was coming down the department.

You figured that he was another know-it-all dickhead, that would only come to you to shove your face in his big achievements and how he single handedly saved the president’s daughter and some many other stuff, cause yes you did peek at his file —What? you have access to it, you were the intel and researcher of the unit, and you had to—  Suuure, he was jaw-dropping gorgeous to say the very least but that was not the reason you sought shelter in your office, no, you just knew he had to be a fucking asshole like all the others you worked with. 

Of course, you couldn't hide forever, as much as you wanted to. Eventually, you had to face the man of the hour and oh boy you were nervous… you were so nervous that Sandy had to give you a pep talk for you to just do your job

“Girl I know he’s hotter than the Sahara desert but you can’t just miss out on your job! the guy’s been asking for the researcher for days now he thinks you’re a slacker.” 

“I’m not hiding because he’s hot! I’m just…scared he’s an egocentric idiot.” 

Sandy gave you the most ‘you think I believe an ounce of that?’ look she had ever given to you. 

“For sure honey and that’s why you have been eating in the kitchen and actively avoiding your work that you never do cause you practically breathe for this job.” 

Ugh, you hated how right she was and how much she knows you.

“Whatever.  It’s not because he’s hot, I’m just…busy with personal stuff.” 

Oh, the way she scoffed was nothing amicable. 

“Riiight, busy thirsting over the guy! I've seen the way you cling to his file, you ain’t fooling anybody and you’re sure as hell not fooling me so woman up and face him once and for all.” 

You sucked in a breath and shook your head. You knew she was mostly right, you just couldn’t avoid your work so you had to face him sooner than later… but it wasn’t because you were attracted, no, you just didn’t want to lose your time with the insufferable prick he surely was.  

It was an especially bad Friday morning when you sensed something off, could it be the fact that your coffee wasn't as warm as you usually prefer it? Or the way everyone was staring at you as you made your way to your office? Sure, you’d been coexisting with these idiots long enough to just ignore their shit but this morning they were drilling your head in with the intensity of their staring and whispering. 

You couldn't bring yourself to ask what the fuck the problem was but you soon regretted not doing so. 

Because at the other side of your private office was no other than agent Leon S. Kennedy sitting on your desk and examining your files in excruciating detail —making a total mess. You were frozen at your own door, your hand still on the handle and a part of you wanted to close the door and run away but, that wouldn't be so professional on your part and also he already had his cold blue eyes on you and, oh fuck you felt yourself trembling and clinging to your almond latte cause the pictures and the videos didn't do the  man justice… He was even hotter —and wider— in person. 

Regardless, you tried to maintain your calm and remain professional. This was your space of work and how dare he just intrude in your office! Sure you were avoiding convening with him and that was part of your job, but still! Wasn’t this a bit too much? And how did he even get into your office? You always closed it with a key, a key you and only you—oh, fucking Sandy! 

You could only snap out of your internal conflict when he called your name with that smokey-ass voice that made you weak on the knees. 

“I hope you don’t mind me barging in like this,”

Was he for real? Of fucking course you fucking minded but of course you couldn’t gather yourself to say or do anything but  just look blankly at him.

“It was the only way I could find time for us to meet since you kept avoiding me.” 

Fuck.  How did he realize that? And why did he look so amused by it? God, you knew he had to be a prick, and worst of all, and breathtaking prick.

Well, you ought to speak up for yourself because the silence was flooding the room and it wouldn’t help your case just to stay quiet and wait for him to leave. 

“Agent Kennedy, what a pleasant surprise,”  You uttered in a breathy tone, still without the strength to actually step inside. Leon raised an eyebrow and cocked a smile that just made you even more annoyed. 

Before he could even speak, you continued: “Sorry for the delay in our meeting, I’ve been busy with personal errands.” 

Ugh, at least you were good at being professional-ish.

Leon's eyes were full of something between total disbelief and something else you couldn’t really place.

Your heart almost crawled out of your chest when he approached you, so incredibly close to where you were standing as still as a damn statue. You could do nothing whatsoever as his huge physique came so fucking close to you and you almost felt like fainting when his arm reached behind you to just close the damn door. However, judging by the smug grin he had on his lips, he knew exactly what he was doing.

Your eyes were fixated on his huge chest and the veins on his neck, your nostrils absorbing the delicious scent of cologne and something citric… Dear god, this man was a danger walking.

You could only breathe again when he finally gave you personal space. 

“Sorry, don’t like the ogling eyes.” 

He said smoothly, returning to your messed-up desk. You were at a loss for words as you tried to regain some confidence to answer him. He had some nerve to keep meddling in your stuff and— wait, was he holding the file you had on him?

“Hey! Keep your nose out of my stuff!” 

Well, that was out of character for you, the way you snatched the folder out of his pretty hands like a toddler wanting their toy back. The coffee —that by this point was cold —in your other hand almost spilled on your carpeted floor.

You just tugged the file with your hand while he looked at you in surprise, clearing your throat and taking a step back. Now you probably needed to explain why you had a really specific file of him on your desk in the first place…

One that looked like it was thoroughly reviewed over and over again, and also had many pictures of him… 

At least the look in his eyes  —which were still full of amusement — prompted some explanation. 

 “What? I’m the researcher, I needed to know who you were before the meeting,”

As if anyone could believe that, he certainly didn’t, but god knows you were going to cling to your lie like it was the truest truth ever. 

“When they told me you were shy I wasn’t expecting this.” 

You scoffed and rolled your eyes, trying to move freely in your space around him. You carefully saved his file on your cabinet and just threw the fucking cold coffee in the trash, it was ruined anyway.

“Not shy, introverted.” You corrected, trying to get behind your desk. He looked at you still with a smug grin on his lips, he was enjoying making you nervous and annoyed. 

Before he could make another clever remark, you stopped him. 

“Listen Agent Kennedy, I would appreciate it if  in the future —”

“Call me Leon.” 

What? 

“I’m sorry?” 

“You have nothing to apologize for, please call me Leon.” 

Oh but wasn’t he just a fucking smooth operator.

“Listen, Leon,” Oh your patience was running thin, and it wasn’t helping that he kept looking at you with that smug grin and those huge arms  —like seriously, huge — crossed, just owning your personal space like it was nothing.

“Right now I don’t have any time for you, so I would appreciate it if in the future you don’t just break into my office.” 

Firm, professional, you felt proud of how you handled it. Cause right now you just really wanted to erase that smug expression from his face with a slap. Of course, he could be a real smoke show but he was just getting on your nerves with all his…all of him, really. 

Nevertheless, he continued to just sit on your desk giving zero fucks about how much you wanted him gone. Clearly he was having a great time making you uncomfortable and maybe a little flustered. It wasn't like you to yell or have a bad attitude towards anyone really, but you were having a hard time remaining cool in front of this smug man who kept meddling in your papers! 

"Do you mind?!" 

You said almost in a yell. Leon giggled, looking at you innocently. 

"I don't mind at all."  

You opened your mouth in disbelief,  he was just toying with you now. 

"Listen kitten— Can I call you kitten?"

"No, you may not!" 

Now you were sure you were red as a tomato.

"So, kitten, I understand your annoyance but I think we’re even, given your very specific investigation about me I could say that we both broke personal boundaries.”  

You were speechless, he was somehow right but clearly, you were not going to give him the satisfaction of agreeing with him. He was the one who broke into your office and he was the one who’s all in your personal space. How dare he compare your innocent file of everything you could find of him with this? Pfft, you did nothing wrong. 

“Now that we are somewhat acquainted, there should not be any problem with us working together.”  He leaned in and you felt your breath catch in your throat, “Closely, together.” 

What now? 

Leon kept staring at you, scanning your every reaction, almost savoring your internal struggles like he could read them completely. 

“Wh—What do you mean?” You asked in a tremulous voice.

Something in Leon’s eyes flickered as he bit his lower lip and almost suppressed a chuckle. 

“You know, because you’re the best researcher and the first line of intel it makes sense that we work alongside one another.” 

Ok, you were having an actual breakdown and it showed. What did he mean about that? Well, you knew what he meant but like what did he really mean? That you were going to have to see him every day? You could barely bear this unexpected intrusion and now he's telling you that you're going to be working partners? You didn’t do partners, you worked alone, you researched and informed the headquarters and that was it. 

Leon kept looking at you with his head slightly tilted to the side, clearly enjoying your reaction. You sucked in a breath, trying to collect yourself. 

“Is it really necessary?” 

And it was the only thing you thought to ask, you knew Leon was there to join your unit and it did make sense what he was saying but a part of you just wanted it to be a lie. You didn’t know how much you could bear having someone like him all over you at all times, the thought of it just made you…quiver. 

And no, it wasn’t because he was incredibly hot and unbelievably gorgeous, no, it wasn’t because his mere presence made your heart race and your insides burn and of course, it wasn’t because the sound of his voice and that stupid grin and the way he just called you kitten made your panties soaked in a fucking second. 

Fuck, you couldn’t be thinking of that when he was still right in front of you like a fucking predator smelling how aroused his little victim was…

Ok, you really needed to stop now.

Leon chuckled, “Don’t worry, I won’t bother you too much, kitten.” 

That fucking nickname again, your panties were as soaked as they could get. 

“Stop calling me that.” 

You tried to sound more serious than strangled but failed completely, Leon cracked another one of his fucking smirks and you felt the heat in your body increase, god, you weren’t sure if he annoyed you as much as he turned you on. 

God no, he just annoyed you, that’s all. 

“Why? It fits you perfectly, a shy kitten.” 

Oh god, you could kill him.

“I’m not shy. I’m introverted!” You exclaimed, feeling your face burning up, “And certainly not a kitten!” 

Sandy better fucking get her hands ready making you all the croquettes you wanted, she owes you one after this. 

[jon-withnoh]

Give me the hot Elisabeth and Rebecca takes!

Sure thing! (Oh boy this turned out long.)

Elisabeth disclaimer: this is purely based on vibes. I have some knowledge of the historical background, but it’s not really my field of study.

Rebecca disclaimer: this is my field of study and I have very strong opinions on it, though I do not claim that I am always correct. I do however maintain that I could back up many of my claims if I had the time to do proper textual analysis and read secondary sources.

I genuinely think Elisabeth (the musical as it was written) is a masterpiece. The framing device, the way certain melodies mirror each other to foreshadow events or indicate character development — it’s amazing! Plus, the music is ridiculously good. 100/10. I love this musical.

Most stagings/recordings of Elisabeth since 2012 though? More than questionable. Levay/Kunze musicals in general appear to be following a pattern where the original production and a maybe one or two productions after it are full of nuance and complexity, only to have that complexity broken down and reduced over time. That is no fault of the musical itself, but a worrying trend of not trusting audience to be able to handle nuance and trying to make every element of a production more palatable and easier to handle. I hate it. Both the 1992 and the 2005 Wien productions have so much to recommend them (I can’t speak for the German productions but would humbly turn over the questions to more Elisabeth-versed mutuals like @fitzrove), but it all seems to be going downhill.

HOT TAKE: I think bringing on more and more “Broadway-sounding” performers to do both Elisabeth and Rebecca is a mistake. For me, Levay/Kunze shows have a very specific sound to them, a sound that fits into European musical theatre and makes sense for when and where they were created. Hiring almost exclusively people with a way more modern, belt-y sound is not a direction I personally like for these shows. Don’t get me wrong, this is not about any specific performers, it’s about trying to change the sound of these shows into something more akin to a big Broadway musical and that really doesn’t work for me. Both Elisabeth and Rebecca are so idiosyncratic in how they sound and how they’re written, trying to make them fit into a mould they don’t belong in does them a disservice. (Looking at you, VBW.)

Maybe not a hot take: but I love the 2005 Wien production of Elisabeth so much. It was my first exposure to the musical and remains my go-to cast album. It certainly has faults and I totally understand why people might gravitate towards different productions, but since I haven’t listened to the full 1992 Wien and 2001 Essen (?) productions yet, I can only compare it to 2012.

REBECCA HOT TAKE: Michael Kunze has stated that he views Rebecca as first and foremost a love story and I think he is WRONG. Daphne du Maurier herself would probably think he was wrong (seeing as she hated the story being described as a romance). This is a core problem with Rebecca das Musical. There are many things to love (Danny, Danny, Beatrice, and did I mention Danny?), but in my opinion, the whole “this is a great love story” angle does it a huge disservice. Let’s make it weirder! Let’s make it as bleak as it fucking is! (Probably not a crowd pleaser but let me have my fun).

Rebecca the musical could have done with some serious editing.

The Magdeburg production of Rebecca, which I am aware was not very accessible to a lot of people, might be one of the best productions of Rebecca ever. Kerstin Ibald absolutely knocked it out of the park with her Mrs Danvers and gave her all the nuance and emotion we so desperately crave. Her Danny is so broken, so lost. Patrick Stanke’s Maxim strikes the perfect balance between the haughty upperclass Englishman who takes kind of a fatherly tone with his young wive, and the haunted, jealous husband who absolutely did murder his first wife. Also in this production Maxim and Ich finally have some chemistry! This production’s Ich (Sibylle Lambrecht, I think) has such a great character arc and it is completely believable that she is into Maxim, even (or especially??) after his confession. Plus, the set design was amazing!!!

More Rebecca hot takes that I’ve definitely brought up before: I know we all like to write Ich as a repressed queer woman who ends up not being all that into Maxim, but honestly, she probably is very attracted to him. We can speculate about the why, but like, it is strongly implied that they have sex for the first time shortly after Maxim’s confession. She wants him.

I maintain and will die on this hill that making Danny sing “Ich liebte sie, doch sie hat mich verraten” is a mistake. I mean, yes please let Danny tell us she loved Rebecca, but come on. Danny doesn’t lose her faith in Rebecca. She doesn’t stop idolising Rebecca. Whatever her reasons for setting Manderley on fire may be it’s not that she thinks Rebecca betrayed her. I don’t even think Danny thinks highly enough of herself to even consider feeling betrayed by Rebecca. Rebecca is god to her.

I definitely have more, but this post is really long and I’m running out of steam… Hope you enjoyed!

[planetkiimchi]

spread some love !

talk about your favourite mutuals and why you like them

hi anon !! first off, thanks for this ask, i'm always up for appreciation posts! secondly, sorry for getting back to you so late 🥲 thirdly, i did mention some moots that i haven't spoken to in a while, i'd love to catch up with y'all sometime 💗 and anyone i didn't mention: feel free to drop into my inbox!

@a-gay-mushroom | let's start with aster! you probably never see me talk about him here LOL bc i'm pretty sure they don't have access to their account anymore but we still talk on discord and he sends us lil updates on his life 🥺🥺 like how cute is that

@realparkminkyun | seok is a REAL ONE cuz why is he the only one that appreciates my wayv posts :/ also among one of the first mutuals i made here when we were both kinda figuring tumblr out lol

@blue-jisungs | ofc axe is on this list LOL my first writer mutual !! she's super cheerful and nice and sends the server lots of great edits and likes my translations of wayv vids hehe

@alterenjun | don't talk to nae very much but she makes really pretty moodboards! also she's super sweet

@fylithia | moon always has smth to say and also they tagged me in a bunch of stuff and has cats.

@wheeboo | rania is so cool !!! she gives rlly good advice and is super mature and i love seeing her life updates

@jisungsdaydreamer | dreamy has rlly good writing and also never faults me for forgetting to talk to them sometimes 😰

@eternalgyu | hannie brings much-needed chaotic energy into my life lol the only thing is we don't stan the same groups 💔 except svt

@wqnwoos | hana has the prettiest writing ever ?? and she's so sweet i love interacting w her!

@kyrjnie | val has sent me multiple check ins even when i fail to interact w her regularly 🫶🏼🫶🏼

@welcometomyoasis | we live in the same country !! also kind of like an older sister bc she has more life experience HEHE

@slytherinshua | makes presentations to help us stan new groups and has writing for almost every kpop group she stans (which is. a lot) and also leaves amazing comments and replies to my rbs of her work ?4&!//

okay i think thats it!! love y'all <3

[nomsfaultau]

Daily ask №29!

Murder edition!

I was bored so here's my attempts at figuring out the fastest and easiest way to murder or disable the fault crew. And you can give me the chances of that actually working and what would your best bet be at killing them?

1. The first one is Phil cause he's the easiest one. I'm just gonna show him the fic and your shitposts and have him turn into words. Also I specifically do that in some isolated (as in no cracks and only one entrance) barn or something like that. And I also put some pine needles in the room and light them on fire. You'll see why.

2. The second problem would be Tubbo since they would absolutely already know about me turning Phil to words. Luckily they're a pacifist. I'm not sure how far that pacifism goes exactly, but if I pretend that I turned Phil to words on accident, I'd probably get at least some time. I pretend that it was an accident and run to Tubbo like omg what happened help. And lead them to the barn. In the barn, the pine needles already produced a shit ton of smoke. So I then go ahead and say that Phil is in there and then close the door behind Tubbo, and then light the barn on fire. Even if some bees do escape, the main body would be gone.

3. Wilbur. I do not remember how his connection to the void works exactly, but I also haven't said that I have to keep the world from being destroyed so I'd just probably give the void access to the real world. Which would probably destroy both worlds, actually. I wonder if that counts as killing the whole fault crew or not.

4. Tommy. I shoot him. Like, he's not that dangerous. Not really. I don't gotta touch him to kill him. Or, ideally, I shoot him with the neutralising dart and use him to defeat the Blade.

5. The Blade. Sigh. My only ideas on how to kill him include just not being seen. At all. So that he doesn't even know who's doing the thing. You can't fight someone if there's noone to fight or challenge. The plan is to kidnap Tommy and get him into some metal container on the bottom of the ocean. And then cause him to summon The Blade in one way or another. (Ex. Drug him with some bad mix of drugs causing great distress and fear, insert speakers into the metal box, potentially actually have someone lethal there with him.). The Blade would most likely just tear the walls of the container apart. That would be a mistake. Did you know that some boars can hold their breath up to 20 seconds? Yeah that ain't nearly long enough so technically he'd just doom both himself and Tommy. And also infect the ocean with the red so that's fun.

I enjoyed thinking and strategizing about this more than I thought I would. Concerning.

Had a great time with this one, an invited a special guest to add his insight.

1.Ah trying to safeguard against Tubbo I see. However, while I rag on Philza, I think just handing him a blog would not have the concrete proof enough to believe his entire existence isn’t real. He’s the most mentally stable of the group, and much like when someone is confronted with a conspiracy theorist talking about how reality is an illusion and we live in a simulation, Phil would just roll his eyes and move on with his day. The fic would un-nerve him a bit…but this is a world with anomalies. There’s a thousand possible explanations for someone with partial omniscient (say, Tubbo), and though I think the chapters from his perspective would very much creep him out, Philza is DEFINITELY not making that far into the fic before he sets it down and goes to figure out if Tommy is okay. He might not entirely believe the fic reflects real experiences and thoughts, but he will investigate it, and then will be way too busy dad-moding to die. 

What I would try: I think the fastest way to kill Philza is to grab one Wilbur and Redify it, as seen in Fault Whumptober prompt 5. Philza physically can’t fight back, and ultimately is assuming even if he dies he’ll reform in a few minutes. Only, Wilbur can devour conceptual souls and gain power, so chomp chomp lizard boi! 

Problems: Philza just simply leaving, waiting for the Red to wear off, though he may be trying to protect the others. Bathe everything in godflame and scooping up wilbur in dragon mode and just leave, not minding that his hand is getting eaten. When mentally stable he usually needs time to become a dragon though, so that might not work. 

What my partner would try: Amnestics! Force him to forget his beef with the Foundation, then introduce him to a new Foundation Approved™ family. Then one week systematically have all important people in his life leave/say they hate him in rapid succession until he takes so much emotional damage that pure angst murders him, since he takes psychic damage literally. Okay on second thought you pump Phil full of amnestics to erase all of human history to revert him back to a non-person. Like he went insane after only 15-25 years erased but im suuuure you can do it. In 5 year increments. Okay maybe just have him snort Ranboo like cocaine. The Foundation is sure to nail it this time. Then kill him and have the Dovahkiin absorb his soul (me: how do you kill dragon or true form Phil) don’t worrryyy bout it.

2.Assuming step 1 worked….hell no they don’t believe it was an accident. Tubbo could’ve been reading over Phil’s shoulder and knows that what you gave him melted that sucker’s brain, even on accident, so there is absolutely zero trust. None whatsoever. But they aren’t going to attack you about it; actually they will give you a bee high five for killing Phil, even if they disprove of the whole murder thing. They would also see the smoke that you made in the barn, or try to go in and fall asleep so know that way that it’s super duper a trap. Especially since they’d have no reason to go to Phil, since there’s like not a lot that can be done for a pile of words. Tubbo just flies up like 6 feet to stand over your head and give a whole spiel about murder bad. 

What I would try: Pesticide BABYYYYYYY. Specifically consumable, since things that are consumed are shared with the rest of the Hive. I think the first time a trick would work but past that they’d be hella cautious. But enough constant exposure could really strip down the population. As numbers dwindled they’d get more concentrated at the body since they need a set amount of bees to carry it, and just carpet bombing the area with pesticide and smoke bombs would…still likely not kill all of Tubbo, especially since they’d know it was coming and could prepare/try to escape. Even The Blood God couldn’t manage to kill Tubbo. But with luck you could maybe kill the queens? But then they’d raise new ones…arg. Tubbo is invincible. 

What my partner would try: Use a lot of bullets. There is definitely no other better than using a full army armed with muskets. It's the best strategy every I have no idea what you're talking about. Alternatively smoke one (1) cigarette in the general vicinity. Or acme brand dynamite?

3…How are you giving the void access to the real world? Like that would definitely count as killing all the Fault guys don’t get me wrong. I just don’t know how you would do that. Bringing real world objects wouldn’t necessarily give access, just make you a target. My best sketch of how the void gets to devour the real world is by first devouring all of Fault so that nothing stands between. Potentially a hole could be ripped in Fault to the world beyond, you shove Wilbur out it, then make peace with your short life? But I don’t know how a human could make that hole in the first place. If you have an idea feel free to shoot that in the comments, because it would be very very effective. Still I think it would be easier to walk up to me in real life and just…shoot me. Here’s a hint to help you on this quest: something published in Fault doxxed me. Gooood luck! 

What I would try: Midday. Unexpected flashbang. Wilbur goes into a trauma response, meanwhile flood the area with helicopters with spotlights, the kind banned for causing permanent eye damage. Catch him from every angle, then get him with a high voltage taser. You’ll want a lot of people armed with this, because at this point Wilbur’s going to be going crazy with the cannibalism. In the few seconds while the entire void is screaming in agony (wherein most people in the radius experience things like instantly going mad, ear drums/skulls bursting) it won’t be able to fight back and Wilbur won’t be in enough sense to devour the bombs being dropped. 

Problems: Wilbur noticing the helicopters coming and booking it. The void eating the flashbang. Eldritch voice being employed quickly enough to prevent tasers (it’s not extreme when not in agony, but still has some potential to keep distance). Wilbur eating a hole through the ground in order to escape light/attacks, at which point the darkness will be enough for the void to fully retaliate. Wilbur tends to get extremely dangerous when cornered and not holding back, though that could potentially be mitigated by having friends in the area it doesn’t want as collateral damage? Potentially Tommy since otherwise you now are fighting two+ overpowered anomalies. But past a certain point he would be far too pained/scared and even that wouldn’t dampen retaliation. 

What my partner would try: Flashbangs. Or to stop him from attacking, throw tommy at him (no! Then it’ll get Red’d and cause more problem!) Solution: get someone weak to throw Tommy. Or use a lightning bolt for extra traumatic damage. To do so, ally with Thor the god of Thunder, who is sure to help you on your brave quest. Or wait for him to sleep and use a sledge hammer (me: he has insomnia dude) yeah but he has to sleep eventually! Eventually… 

4.Yeah just shoot that man lmao. In his own words:

“Well, no, obviously, like I’m pretty sure a bullet through the head would be a greater weakness. Or like if you blew me up or something. Boom. No more Tommy.” He made exploding gestures with his hands. He figured it would take a fast death to get rid of him, but the Foundation had always preferred slow ones. The crimson was sunk to his elbows and racing up his biceps. “Who’d have guessed a nuclear bomb would’ve taken care of him? Shocker.”

Of course, I would argue that Tommy could be extremely dangerous if he chose to be, but he’s mostly contact based. Well. Unless he starts coating bullets in Red and fighting armies so thick even he can’t miss…anyway like he’s killed more than The Blade at the very least, so, 

What my partner would try: Kill him with a tommy gun

5.Well the not being seen thing won’t work since The Blood God is physically drawn to challengers and battle luck can affect people halfway across the globe if they decided to beef with The Blade through indirect means. So you would hella not survive, but that doesn’t exclude his death as well. I think the ocean thing would deffo work and be very apt considering the ‘sea of voices’. Now I will say, Tommy is extremely used to being tortured, and anything nonlethal with minimal long term damage you can think of the Foundation has done. And, crucially, Tommy values his friend’s happiness over his own wellbeing and has been suicidal in the past. Basically the perfect recipe for a martyr. There’s a good chance he’ll kill himself just to ensure you can’t hurt The Blade. Past that…I mean I know Philza doesn’t change forms in doors, but I don’t know if that’s sense or because magically one can’t create a form where there isn’t physical space? Not something I ever considered. Potentially The Blade could be sliced in half just by trying to be summoned into a too small space, but I figure that would also be something the Foundation tested? Idk man. But assuming he can be summoned, either due to space or suicidal prevention, The Blade would drown. 

What I would try: First, do it when he’s hibernating post large battle, since while The Blood God will destroy people via twisting the universe while asleep, it does limit reaction on his end. Second, a challenger has to be alive for The Blood God's battle luck to be in play. So a suicide bomber could definitely take him. Or a score of them. One of the worst injuries The Blade receives is actually from shrapnel that occurs the second after a battle ends when The Blood God can’t use supernatural luck to avoid it. AI drones could also potentially do a lot of damage, though remote control won’t work at all. Or, get an enemy that’s undead! That one comes up much later :)

Or wait. Potentially has already come up. HOLY HELL DOES TUBBO COUNT AS AN UNDEAD CONSTRUCT- I think Tubbo has double defense against The Blood God omg..

What my partner would try: I think the moment Tommy wakes up in a metal box, even without the claustrophobia, would be bad. You don’t need the drugs. He’s already panicking. (I reminded him of the torture thing and he changed his mind) Actually Tommy has already been in a small metal box for a long time. Just put Jeff the killer in there with him. And watch him say his iconic line ‘im going to jeff the kill you’ 

As for The Blade, all you need is Loony Tunes level unrealistic focus fire from comically large automated weapons. Like the comically large gun from Despicable Me, or an entire wall of machine guns. Oh! I know! Go back in time to when he was a normal pig before he became vessel for The Blood God and kill him then. Also go back in time before the concepts of anger and fire existed, be the first to create those, and then have tiny Philza in your hand and crush. EZ.

[harrumphingtons]

Rewatching "We'll Never Have Paris" and I'm just thinking about the locker room talk with the team and the Jamie-Keeley talk at the end (which, side note, we got The Hug!!! We got Jamie getting another hug!!!) and the difference between the who considers to blame when it's something he's watching from the outside and something he's directly involved in.

In the locker room scene, Cockburn (which. why did Jamie call him cowburn. oh jamie. what. but's that's irrelevant i just thought it was funny. Edit- the ‘ck’ is indeed silent but I just meant that Jamie says cow-burn instead of coh-burn. He has indeed, in general, been so good with names this season though, with Richard and Jan and such.) says, "If you don't want your private pictures out there, just don't take naked pictures. Especially being famous."

And Jamie responds, "Fuck that" and "The only people to blame are the dickheads who steal your shit and put it online."

Versus the Keeley's doorstep scene, wherein Keeley says, "Jamie, this is not your fault."

And Jamie's response: "It is my fault." and "It's so stupid. I should've been more careful."

This boy literally so staunchly argued that it's only the fault of the people who go hacking and snooping (which I totally agree with, by the way), but as soon as the situation applies to Jamie himself? Never mind, it's 100% Jamie's fault. And yes, I also agree that Jamie using 'password' as his password was a pretty colossally large mistake, that still doesn't make it his fault. Sure, he's famous, but most people don't really go around thinking they're going to get hacked.

Obviously, lots of people have been relating this back to the accountability thing way back in season one (although accountability, especially in Keeley's relationships, has always been a big factor even when it hasn't been explicitly stated as there). I am so, so so extremely glad that Keeley got a person who very obviously made it clear that this wasn't her fault and she had nothing to regret, because the ways certain people treated her this episode was remarkably shitty. It's also nice that Jamie owned up to the mistakes he did make that made it easier for hackers to access his files (his password being very weak, forgetting to delete the emails). However, Jamie really needs to start cutting himself some slack!!! Because you just know that if it had been anyone else in his position, he would've been super supportive and did everything he could to convince that person it's not their fault. But he doesn't give that to himself.

And sure, being a bit harder on yourself than others isn't an uncommon thing. I do that too (although I'm not a good model of like. good mental health. so I can't really say if that's normal, even if I feel like it is). But Jamie definitely takes it pretty extreme and I just hope we get to see him learn to be a bit easier on himself when he messes up :(

[mrrightandmrbubble]

I hope you’re doing well XO

Hi, hello, I still exist though my blog upkeep would say otherwise. It's been a minute. That's really sweet that you 1) thought of me and 2) wanted to check in. I start to type up something about last year but keep abandoning it because how do you casually introduce that to people's timelines?

So, yeah, ripping off the Band-Aid (putting behind a read-more in case of triggers):

Someone tried to kill me. Well, not just someone, a now-former housemate who I thought was a friend. I still don't understand what lead to it and I don't know if I ever will, because they swing between "nothing happened" and "but if something did, it's her fault" (the O.J. defense). They were removed kicking and screaming from the house by police, and a provisional APVO was served that night with the provision that they must not come within 50 metres of any place where I live or work. It's already had a few court mentions, which I didn't have to attend, but an actual hearing has been adjourned to my birthday this year (happy fucking birthday to me) upon which I expect i'll be called to give my evidence. Charges include: Armed with intent to commit serious indictable offense, destroy/damage property, intimidation, common assault, and intentional choking. They're pleading not guilty on the grounds of mental health, but pull the other one. They had awareness and intent, and the ability to understand the events and make different choices in real-time - such as putting down the knife and saying to the other housemate who was trying to keep me safe, "The only reason i'm not killing her is because you're here".

They tracked down CC (after i'd shared that shit heap of a situation with them) to try and dig for dirt to use against me. They sent the other housemate messages and accusations through her via text for a few months, until the other housemate moved out and blocked them on everything. Some continued willful actions.

Once the property recovery order was finally sorted, they sent a family member and their partner to collect their belongings, and it became obvious rather quickly that they have not been honest with anyone about what they did. The fact that they refused my initial proposal of having a mutual friend do the collection supports that. Not that them acknowledging it would provide any kind of validation or resolution - they've bent over backwards to avoid taking responsibility for themselves since i've known them. But it's that which worries me re: how the hearings could go. I have to prepare myself for the likelihood that they won't face any natural consequences for their actions. The mentions so far have been more concerned with their wellbeing than mine. I haven't been contacted by anyone in months. If it eventuates that they get to go on their merry way, i'm not sure yet how I would respond.

At least the Department of Justice has been amazing, approving an Immediate Needs Support Package to fund a complete security overhaul for the premises. My GP also referred me to a psychologist while the local Domestic Violence Court Advocacy Service applied to VOCAL (Victims of Crime Assistance League) on my behalf, though nothing's come of that yet. [EDIT: I just called to follow up and they seem to have lost me in the system, which is awesome but they can't all be winners.]

I wasn't seriously injured, thankfully, besides a chunk of my hair being pulled out (and subsequent blood) and cuts and bruises around my body.

As for my mental health, i'm...okay, I guess. That I knew I needed to quickly access support to mitigate development of PTSD probably saved me from being much worse. I had panic attacks and would replay the event like a video over and over for the first few months after it happened. I have occasional moments when I have trouble dealing with it and get real hard on myself, wishing they'd finished me off. But those moments, thankfully, do pass. Maintaining connection with friends and family, as a means of navigating the trauma recovery, hasn't been easy in recent months (will cover it in another post) but in fighting against my old instinct of avoiding asking for help, it serves as a reminder that there are places and people I can still trust and feel safe around. I've basically treated myself like a client and thought, "Ignore the lies your brain is trying to feed you - what would your best self do right now?"

I survived. I'm continuing to survive. That's the big takeaway.

[courtofcass]

The fact that US authors and book companies put the majority of exclusive editions US only is such a crime.

As a UK based reader can I not have access to the other editions??

I am irritated simply because I am sick of Sarah J Maas doing this. It’s so annoying.

Ma’am I don’t want a Bryce and hunt scene. Give me that damn Nesta scene.

Another thing that bothers me is the fact that Americans can purchase from UK stores but I can’t buy from American ones?

It’s simply not fair. Not hate to Sarah because I’m sure it’s not her fault but what do I have to do to get my hands on the other copies? Sell my kidney and move to America?

[sleepingdeath-light]

Re: an anonymous hate message I just received

as a forewarning for anyone who might read this, below the cut are some pretty awful statements and foul language directed towards me from this anonymous individual. these accusations are why i’m placing my full response under the cut.

but as a tl;dr — someone says awful and upsetting things, death is rightfully upset.

I’m also assuming that this individual is coming from the ‘toh’ fandom based on their statements — which is incredibly disappointing but oh well.

This is the complete message, which I will be breaking down and responding to point by point — so you can see that I’m not editing it to mince anon’s words.

now let’s get on to the breakdown.

————

INTRODUCTION

I’m sure that I don’t need to tell anyone that this isn’t a good way of introducing your point. Right? If anon is trying to get me on their side or show themselves to be a sympathetic or genuinely concerned person then this is going about it the wrong way entirely. You’re immediately presenting yourself as antagonistic and making yourself not likeable as a speaker.

But don’t worry it gets worse.

————

POINT ONE

They’re not real people, anon, they’re fictional characters. It’s effectively the same as when you take two dolls and make them kiss (as I’m sure most kids did at some point).

I draw the line at rpf or at sexual fiction of characters played by real children/real minors because that’s way too far. For example, smut of the IT (2017?) cast is vile to me in concept and execution.

What you’re talking about is me writing about drawings — lines/pixels with a voice actor — being in sexual situations. Fictional characters can be aged up because they’re, by definition, not real.

And besides you’re definitely in the minority opinion here as the vast majority of requests in my inbox are for hunter. Don’t you think that says something?

————

POINT TWO

Ah yes, non-con. That old beast. Its a dead dove topic and whenever I or another writer in my circle depicts it, it’s done with plenty of explicit warnings about the contents therein.

Again this is fictional content we’re talking about. Dark fiction has always been a thing and will always be a thing.

I’m taking a literature course at uni and we discuss media depicting rape and worse regularly because it’s part of literature. Writing about something doesn’t mean the writer condones that act and you shouldn’t make assumptions of character based on what someone writes.

That’s like critical media analysis 101 — you sound like you’d go after whump writers and call them murder fetishists or something lol. You’re just really not helping your case AT ALL.

Fiction is fiction; repeat until you understand that principle.

————

POINT THREE

Anon has a good point here, actually! Like their phrasing was terrible and accusatory, but if they’d led with this I’d probably be open to discussion. But burying it beneath two accusations and two insults (at minimum) isn’t going to make someone want to actually discuss the error of the system they’re using.

Of course I’m aware that people lie on the internet. I’m not an idiot — we’ve all clicked on the ‘yes I’m 18+’ pop up on dodgy sites before. I’m also aware that most smart minors will lie about their age to begin with because putting anything smaller than ‘18’ in your bio/pinned is basically a bright flashing neon sign shouting that this person is easy prey for a nonce or something along those lines.

Similarly the use of anon is dodgy and the trust system I use with requesters can easily be taken advantage of.

But what you’re incorrect about is that if I have proof of someone telling me that they’re an adult then I will not be at fault for what happens. If a minor lies to get access to an adult space and gets hurt, then that minor is liable for their own hurt — which is unfortunate but inevitable.

I’m not going to force people to give me their government issued I.Ds because I’m not a complete nutter. That would be dangerous for everyone involved and also probably doxxing. Which is, again, a big no-no.

So for as unfortunately dumb as it is, I’m going to be sticking with the honour system for requests for now. If I find a better, safer way then I’ll use that — but as we don’t have that yet, I’ll use what I’ve got available to me.

Thanks for pointing it out though! Like genuinely this is the only good part of this message lol.

————

SEND OFF

You’re already accusing me of being a nonce mate — and over fiction, at that. And to add to it all you didn’t have the gonads to do it off-anon, which is unfortunate but inevitable of this sort of person. And besides you know nothing of my tastes and attractions based on the requests I write.

To be perfectly frank out of all the characters from TOH, I’m only attracted to Belos and Alador. Most of the ‘characters’ that I end up attracted to are played by people much older than me and, also, not cartoons! Like most slashers, the avengers, and hell even Pierce Brosnan in Black Addam lol.

But that’s irrelevant. You shouldn’t come in to random people’s ask boxes accusing them of horrible things and speaking so cruelly. And if you ever do this in the future I’d recommend having the confidence in your statements to do it off anon. Or admit that your opinions are clearly in the minority.

Oh! And as a final note: no this wasn’t ignored and deleted, you got a full response. But you’re right that I don’t care, because you’re spouting complete and utter nonsense.

But oh well, since you want to be deleted so bad, I hope you enjoy your block. Have a wonderful day, anon. I hope you learn to be a better person : )

And to anyone that’s read this far: thank you for your time. I hope you all have a wonderful rest of your day /gen. ^^

[nerdnag]

How is your work situation? Still improving?

Yes!!

Well. The main thing that fucked me up is still improving, at least! The coworker who used to be really negative toward me has been nice recently, and I suspect it may be because my new boss has talked to her about it (which I have to assume she has done). The new boss and I have an excellent relationship and we think alike on all the most important stuff. Also a lot of the things I had to do in the past year are now no longer my responsibility which is a huge relief.

However. I may be a tiny bit--ok large bit swamped right now.

See, for the past half year or so I have been working on developing an IT platform for our clients which will replace our old one. (I have built it within another software, so don't go thinking I'm a pro software developer or anything, I've just played with lego basically...) Although some of my coworkers have gotten involved in the later stages, I'm still the main project owner, and I'm the only one who fully knows how everything works.

We have a little over 100 clients to move from the old platform to the new one, it takes somewhere between 1-2 hours minimum to move one of them (as well as 1 hour more for some extra polish), and we might lose access to the old platform on Sept 1st because of... reasons. So we need to move as many as we can before then.

Also I've been stressing around in the past week trying to write the manuscript for/edit informative videos about the new platform (and if it hadn't been for the fact that my partner happens to love recording voice stuff and is also good at it then I might have had to fully record the videos as well, but thank god my boss allowed me to bring in my partner to do it instead, so now I only have to write the script, record the moving pictures and edit the videos together), all while scribbling together a manual for the clients (which I'm giving almost the exact same content as the script for the videos because fuck it) and moving the very first client to the new platform two days ago, while writing an internal manual for my other coworkers who are involved in the project as for how to move a client, and struggling to fix last-second bugs, and tomorrow I'm live-showing all our co-workers who have not been involved so far how to use the new platform, and on Tuesday I'm doing the same for our clients, and... And...

And next week I'm starting up a new client (who will take up 50% of my time until december) while juggling another client (on 25%), and who knows what unexpected issues may occur with the new platform in the meantime, not to mention all the other more sporadic clients which I have barely had time for in the past year, and other internal company stuff I need to do...

... Ok I'm a huge bit swamped.

But tbh I'm much rather swamped as in "too much to do" than treated badly by coworkers. And things will improve in a few months.

(Besides it's partly my own fault anyway that it's this stressful right now, because I've known for over a year that we had the Sept 1st deadline, but because I was swamped by other things and felt horrible at work most of the time and because my adhd happens to thrive on short deadlines, I delayed the project until I basically couldn't delay it any more. I mean, it's not only my fault. It's just. I can't really duck away from all the blame, you know.)

But yes! Things are improving for sure ^_^

[lonesilverw0lf]

Weird, I had an idea similar to this but not a RWBY AU. Magic girls are chosen by magic Artifacts to fight the darkness using the power of friendship and love yada yada, except they all believe that this is a game, solo act, over inflates their ego, etc. so their friendship, teamwork, effectiveness and everything is absolute dogwater. Normal guy manages to figure out about this shadow war and does what he can, which can be argued is comparatively more than the magic squad combined. Granted he’s not rich or powerful, but he has a sense of responsibility, discipline, and common sense! And he has a gun. He’s not entirely sold on keeping this whole shadow war a complete secret. Hard to protect yourself if you don’t know what’s out there. And his trying to work with the magic squad goes poorly. Strategy? Oh no, magic go brrrrrrr! Collateral? It’s their fault for putting something in my way! Teamwork? Now why should I do that? Caution? With this magic I’m indestructible! So yeah. And then there’s the story of what happens after they lose their magic Artifacts and memories.

For your au though, one bit of shenanigans you could do is give Jaune a secondary reputation as some kinda Shadow Knight. Kinda a Batman thing and a nod to his Rusted Knight time. Normies see bits of him during his own crusade fighting creatures that can’t exist yet do. He doesn’t have a MIB neuralizer nor access to security cameras to edit their footage, so he has more evidence of his actions. While the girls are fighting the big monsters, the Knight actually stops and tries to help the people. Sometimes he puts the beating on crooks when he happens upon them. He doesn’t have that magic glamour that the girls do, so he has to be more careful with his identity than they do. Jaune is just some dime-a-dozen troublemaker, but the Knight is a hero! There’s no way they can be the same person right? So why bring it up? How dare you put those two in the same sentence! Even the girls if/when they meet the Knight don’t connect the dots. Jaune is a bit of a surly asshole, but the Knight is kind and chivalrous if not a bit mysterious. Imagine the shock of the Team when they find fanfiction of the Knight with the Magic Girls. Mayhaps have Junior somewhat begrudgingly aid the Knight because he saved the twins from some Grimm. Sure he’s part of the underworld but he’s not a complete asshole.

stupid rwby au idea

set in a world where the Grimm are hidden from the general public five heroes stand to defend them the maidens Pyrrha the fall maiden blake the spring maiden Weiss the winter maiden  yang the summer maiden and ruby the silver-eyed warrior  together these heroines fight to drive the forces of darkness out as magical girls the story would be focused on the character interactions of the girls and would generally have a happy tone to it. ya know your typical magical girl anime while at the same time jaune arc is a teen in the city of vale. his sullen jaded attitude tends to drive others away but his friends ren and Nora still stick by him. a delinquent through and through he spends most of his day sleeping and recovering from the wounds that he no doubt got from fighting at night. the truth is however that jaune isn’t fighting humans, no he fights monsters. armed with only a sword and his wits the boy faces off against creatures of darkness far beyond human capabilities, always just a swing of a sword and a misplaced step away from death. but still, he fights to save others as a knight of house arc jaune’s story is an urban fantasy mixed with horror. he’s a completely average human just trying to survive and protect people. unlike the maidens, he has no powers to heal him so he’s perpetually tired and wounded when he shows up to school giving him something of a reputation. only ren and Nora are willing to actually talk with him. that is until one day he meets a girl by the name of ruby rose. a snap decision from him leads to her befriending him (by force) along with her little gang. now as an even greater threat looms over the city jaune has to juggle his duty as a protector with the expectations of his new friends all while hiding what’s really going on behind the scenes the core of this story is the dramatic shift from the cute girls doing cute things of rwby and Pyrrha’s magical girls story, and the dark terrifying world jaune arc finds himself struggling to survive in as an urban fantasy/horror. with each side hiding the truth of what they are and what they’re doing from the other trying to protect them. some things to note, jaune’s a really great fighter. and if he was fighting anything other than Grimm he’d win hands down. but against superhumans, he’s barely holding his own with his ancestral sword. ruby and the maidens are all superhumans who slaughter Grimm by the hundreds but they’re not very tactical fighters and tend to rely heavily on their powers for everything.  outside of the fantasy, elements jaune has to deal with the negative reputation he has as a delinquent and how that affects his friends. while his friends have to deal with the fact they can tell jaune is not happy with how things are but won’t let them help out of what they assume is stubborn pride and maybe even suicidal depression. the dynamic is jaune tries to pull away to keep his friends safe, his friends forcibly befriend him because they know he’s a good guy who goes out of his way to help them some things i would wanna see is. a story about the girls following jaune around and coming up with all sorts of wild theories about him jaune being weirdly intense about certain things and making references to Grimm the girls have only ever heard about jaune finding out about blake being a catgirl and just shrugging like “it doesn’t matter, not like you guys would let me stop being your friend anyway, you’re still blake” rumors about jaune building a harem because he’s only ever around pretty girls or ren (who’s a very pretty man)  the girls coming up with crazy excuses for why they’re always missing and jaune totally believing them because he’s still jaune and kinda dense feel free to add your own shenanigans to this if you like

[mrpenguinpants]

Please go out with me for tax benefits!

— When you randomly pointed to a handsome man and declared him to be your boyfriend, you didn't think it would get this out of hand. You just wanted a couples discount!

— Alhaitham, Ayato, and Kazuha

-> Part 2: Overdue Bills [Masterlist]

This was originally written for my upcoming "Help me break my engagement by marrying me instead." fic but I got carried away and it became too plot-heavy. So I made a new one. Most of these have nothing to do with money, I just thought the title was funny.

Alhaitham

You blame Kaveh for this. This is entirely his fault and you will not be convinced otherwise. If he hadn't opened his big mouth to Alhaitham about the fact you've been spouting that he was your boyfriend, then you wouldn't be in this mess. It wasn't even that serious, it's not like you were actually emotionally invested with the man and this was all a delusional dream. You barely knew the guy aside from the multiple rumors about him in the first place. You just needed to access some limited-edition books for your thesis and his name happened to be the easiest way to get ahold of them. Sure, you may be lying to authority for the better half of a year about your relationship with the scribe, but it's not your fault they didn't ask questions. If you happened to threaten to tell your very scary and very influential "boyfriend" about this "mistreatment", that's just a byproduct if anything. But now you have a very irritated silver-haired man crowding into your personal space asking why the hell you're announcing to the world that you're both in a relationship. It's creepy. He called you creepy. Is this where you roll over and die in shame?

You swear you didn't think it would get this out of hand. You just happened to spot him in the background while the librarian was giving you a hard time and your dumb brain-to-mouth filter was taking a break that day. So you just blurted that you were Alhaitham's partner and that he would be very upset to hear that you were being treated this way. It's not completely far-fetched, Alhaitham seems like a very, very, private person and on the off chance you were telling the truth? Well, the poor librarian didn't want to lose her job. Besides, it's not like you were planning on doing anything illegal and you don't think you're the absolute worst person to be fake-dating.

By some stroke of luck, or maybe he felt too much pity for you, Alhaitham decides to cut you a deal rather than get you kicked out of the Akademiya. He gets multiple love letters, confessions, and heart-eyed individuals trailing after him all the time. Frankly, he's getting tired of it and since you've already taken the liberty, he won't say anything if you don't say anything. Though he makes it clear that if you ever do anything embarrassing, you're taking the fall and he's going to pretend he doesn't know you. A bit harsh but that's only a safety net. Plus it's not like you actually want to date him so he wouldn't have any commitments. The added bonus is that since he's well-known for having a...rough personality, you don't need to act affectionately with the man or go the extra mile. As long as you have each other's backing, you'll get to check out any textbook you want for free and he gets to be left alone. So for both your benefits, to the rest of the Akademiya you and him are a couple.

You should have known this deal was way too good to be true. As soon as people hear that Alhaitham acknowledges that you're his partner, they're on you like rabid fungi. In comparison to the scribe, you're far easier to prod and poke for any gossip and your quiet day-to-day life is suddenly thrown into the wind. Multiple people a day come to bother you about what it's like to date the moody man. It gets to a point where you have to actually dress incognito just to go and get some coffee. Seriously, didn't people have deadlines and exams to prepare for then to hound you down to talk about your fake love life? Alhaitham is no help either, only shrugging off your complaints and telling you that this is what you agreed to.

He's a horrible partner, fake or not. This isn't your storybook romance where he suddenly falls in love with you, he straight up ignores you sometimes! If anything, this entire situation has stopped you from feeling intimidated by him. Before you wouldn't dare approach him, his appearance and body were enough for you to shy away. You're impulsive, not blind. Alhaitham is drop-dead gorgeous but now that you've reached such an absurd situation it stops intimidating you. You begin to regularly pester the man because you know that even though you're both not actually dating, it would look really bad if he shunned you constantly.

He actually doesn't mind you. Unlike Kaveh or anyone else who interacts with him, you know how to be quiet and independent. Most of the time you both sit in silence, the only noise between the two of you being the flipping of pages and the scratching of ink against paper. If you ever do speak, it's always with a purpose. It's just a bonus that while everyone stares at your table, no one ever approaches. If they need to speak with him, they see your body right next to him and they decide to come back at a later time when he's alone.

Over time, he finds himself seeking you out instead of the other way around. He's come to find your presence comforting and it's the only time when he can actually sit down and read. Being an observant person, he starts to notice your little habits. For one, touch seems to be how you interact with others. You always bump elbows whenever you greet him, pinching his half coat whenever you want to drag him to see whatever captured your attention, and nudging his arm with your hand whenever you need him to bend down so you can whisper something into his ear. He's honestly surprised and concerned that he doesn't push you away with your skinship. If it were anyone else, he would have sent them a sharp glare and pushed him off but he doesn't for you.

All things must come to an end eventually and you've finally finished writing the last sentences for your thesis. Your pat on the back is the firm shut of a book as a deep sigh escapes your lips. Tired but relieved. The goodbye is uneventful, you simply tell him that you don't need him to pretend to be your boyfriend and he's free to live out the single life. He just nods and with that, you're gone.

No one says anything when they notice that Alhaithem sits at a table alone for the nth time that week. There are a few whispers back and forth about how you either got fed up with this attitude or he realized that he was way out of your league. Either way, everyone assumes you and Alhaithem are no longer together and his routine before you arrived settles back in. Yet, he feels off. He refuses to call it longing, you both were hardly affectionate in the first place, but he feels a bit lonely without your presence beside him. it's been plaguing his mind ever since you packed your things and left. He's hardly been able to concentrate on his book, rereading the same sentence for the fourth time before snapping it shut. Letting out a deep sigh, he runs a hand through his hair before setting it against his closed eyes. What's gotten into him?

"Is this seat taken?"

His eyes shoot open, turning around to see you with an armful of books looking expectantly at him. You look nervous and he can't lie to himself that he doesn't find that just the slightest bit endearing. He can tell that you're struggling to carry all of them from the slight shake in your hands.

"I thought our deal was over?" he says this but he gets up anyways to take the books out of your hands and places them on the table. You just roll your eyes at him because of course that's what he would say first and push forward. You're probably the only one who would act so brazenly in front of him besides Kaveh but he doesn't find it irritating when you do it.

"What? So I need to be in a relationship with you just to sit at a table? I know your ego is big but not thattt big," you stretch your words as you settle comfortably into your seat.

He wonders when he started thinking of that specific chair as yours.

"No. I suppose not," he says with an exasperated smile as he sits back down. You beam back at him as you shuffle your chair closer to him as you open your textbook, your fingertips gave that familiar tug for him to lean in closer.

"Good, because I need some help with this section. I have no idea what the hell "bloom" is."

Ayato

Although Valentine's day was mostly celebrated in Mondstadt and Sumeru, Inazuma still liked to dabble in the festivities during the day of love. Various couples' discounts on tricolored Dango or limited edition books from the Yae Publishing House. There was one popular series in particular that was having a huge discount to celebrate the holiday and even though you weren't in the market for a partner, you weren't going to pass up on such a steal. Only for your excitement to fall flat when the lady informed you that the discount was for couples only.

You can't believe this. You just stood in line for hours only for them to tell you this now? What kind of shady place was this? Of course, they didn't advertise the specifics of this sale, they knew this book was popular. People waiting in line wouldn't just walk away once they found out and they would end up paying full price! Well, two can play this game. You randomly gesture off to the side, saying that your boyfriend was just standing off to the side because he wanted to grab some refreshments. You aren't really looking where you're pointing, too busy digging through your pouch and counting your coins of mora before a sharp gasp stops you. The lady quickly bows and beams at you with a mega-watt customer service smile. She hands the book to you free of charge while profusely thanking you for your patronage. You look off to the side but you don't see anyone, but you weren't going to say no, so you shrug and take it. A free book is a free book.

To be fair, you were making it really easy for the Archons to mess with you. You hear whispers around you that you can't make out, anytime you glance at passing people, they quickly bow and shuffle along. You have a horrible sinking feeling forming in the pit of your stomach and you quickly rush home so you can avoid whatever the hell you just caused. Unfortunately, word travels fast in Inazuma, and every shop you pass by you're being confronted left and right with sales pitches and gifts of appreciation for your partner's hard work. All of which you decline, half of it because you're not actually in a relationship and the other half because you have no interest in their gifts. But you've already dug yourself this far in your grave so you just give a hasty no thank you as you try and dodge everyone who looks at you with that glimmer in their eyes. Who did you point at to receive this much praise?

Ayato is greatly confused when people approach him to congratulate him on his engagement. He wasn't planning on getting married any time soon, his duties as the Yashiro Commissioner taking up most of this time. Did the elders set someone up for him without informing him first? He's curious about who his mystery person is but everyone he asks doesn't seem to know where they went. Apparently, his fiancee is shy but humble, declining gifts from various shopkeepers no matter how expensive they are.

That's until one of the children points in your direction and his eyes slide over to you who looks just as confused as him. He's never seen you in his life and you don't look like anyone from a significant clan. He gets clued in that you boldly announced your relationship with him when you were checking out a specific book meant for couples only. Ah, he's starting to understand now. He offers a piece of candy for the helpful information as he makes his way over to you. His mysterious fiancee.

As soon as the man in front of you says Lord Kamisato's name, the uneasy weight in your stomach drops. You quickly spin on your heel to see the pale blue hair and amused light purple eyes. Oh. Oh, Archon's above, please, out of everyone you could have pointed to, please don't make it be the Yashiro Commissioner. You're about to burn this book into ashes and do a ceremony to banish whatever youkai were stored within the pages if you manage to make it out of this alive.

If Ayato was upset about this situation he's found himself in, it would be immediately wiped away because you look like you're about to collapse. He's trying his best to not laugh at your torment right in front of you, but the mix of emotions that's so openly displayed on your face is making it hard. It's obvious that you didn't mean for this to happen, you've just tripped and fallen into a web of misunderstandings. Too entangled to explain yourself without making a fool out of yourself.

If looks could kill, this storekeeper would be dead on the floor twice over. This man calls out to the Yashiro Commissioner, and just to add salt to the wound, proudly congratulates him on his engagement with you. You said nothing about an engagement, you're far too young to be thinking about that thank you very much. But Ayato just nods along with that ever-pleasant smile without bothering to correct the situation. You're not sure if you should be thankful or not. He might be planning your murder in his mind so you stay silent as well.

When Ayato's gaze shifts to you, you do what any creature does when they're in danger and there's nowhere to run. You hide. You automatically raise your book to cover your face so you don't need to look at the source of your embarrassment. Although it does nothing to hide just how red your face is, you don't see him and that's good enough for you. But this also means you don't see the questioning glance the storekeeper shoots Ayato about your behavior, to which Ayato gives a pleasant smile and waves a hand to dismiss the situation.

"Please excuse my fiancee, we didn't mean to announce our engagement so early," Ayato muses, and the storekeeper nods in understanding while you bring your book down low enough to peer over the edges of the pages. Is...is he covering for you? He looks down expectantly at you but when you don't move, he awkwardly coughs into his fist and tilts his head toward the shopkeeper.

"A-Ah yes, that's right! It was a slip of the tongue and I hadn't realized I said it out loud. Please excuse my behavior," you bow and you can hear Ayato turning his head to snort into his hand. This is awful. You think you would prefer if he just outted you so you didn't need to show the world how awful your acting skills are. This is why you read plays, not star in them. But the shopkeeper nods in understanding, apologizing for saying your engagement so loud for others to hear before you're leaving with Ayato's arm wrapped around your waist.

"I'm deeply sorry. There was a discount for couples only and I just pointed in a random direction and it just happened to land on you. I swear I didn't mean to start any of this," you quickly rush out as you bow before Ayato as soon as you're out of sight from the public eye. He still has that annoying look in his eyes but you're completely at his mercy right now. The smug bastard definitely knows that.

"It's no trouble at all. I found the situation quite entertaining," he chuckles before looking you up and down. Okay...a tiny bit weird but you suppose your actions are worse. There's a long silence between the two of you as if he's pondering something and you've had enough of today's events.

"Um...well if that's everything I'll be getting out of your hair. Please enjoy the rest of your day Lord Kamisato," you mumble as you turn to leave but his hand hooks onto the back of your kimono and drags you right back.

"Ah, ah. It would make a bad impression if my fiancee suddenly left me on Valentine's Day. Oh and please, call me Ayato," he smiles that same polite smile but his eyes tell a different story entirely. His smile even widens at how hard you're biting your lip as you match his with a strained one. For Archon's sake, you just wanted to buy a book, how did you get into this mess?!

Kazuha

As soon as Inazuma's borders reopened, you were jumping on the fastest ship back to Liyue. You even got extra lucky that your good friend Beidou happened to be on the pier and offered you a well-deserved ride back to your home free of charge. You've been so homesick but unable to leave due to the regulation the Electro Archon placed, so to say that you were excited to finally go back was an understatement. Although the Crux Fleet was mainly an armed carrier delivering goods between places separated by sea, it did occasionally transport passengers if they paid enough. It only made sense that others would be like you and wish to return home as soon as possible. It's too bad that one of them happened to take one look at you and decide that you were born to be his.

It's an incredibly awkward affair. This wealthy businessman doesn't appear to mean any harm but he's incredibly dense with no sense of social awareness. Although you've politely declined his advances, he doesn't seem to stop. Even when Beidou herself threatens to throw the man overboard, he just keeps his distance and makes heart eyes at you. Unfortunately for you, Beidou can't actually throw him into the cruel watery depths no matter how much you plead with her. The man seems to be an important figure from Snezhnaya so she can't exactly treat him badly. Thus you spend most of your time ducking away and running away from your creepy admirer.

You're usually not so bold but the mix of overwhelming homesickness and just wanting to get this journey over and done with, all of it compels you to act rashly. If your new admirer can't take a simple no then you'll find a different way and show him you're off limits. You've seen the man who sits on the crow's nest, you believe Beidou said his name was Kazuha, whose been a part of her crew for a while now. You've only made passing small talk with each other and he seems like a nice person, at least you hope so. Because as soon as his feet touch the ship's deck, you're throwing yourself at him. You have to give him credit, he has lightning-fast reflexes and is a lot stronger than his demeanor expresses since he manages to catch you and stop you both from sprawling across the floor.

You make a show of throwing your arms around him and whining about how he doesn't spend enough time with poor dear you. You can tell he's infinitely confused so you lean in and whisper into his ear about your creepy stalker who can't take a no. Your eyes desperately plead with him to play along with you, just until the ship reaches Liyue Harbour. It only takes Kazuha to look over your shoulder and lock gazes with said "stalker" before he's turning to you with the most tender smile on his lips and a soft apology for being neglectful. A promise to spend more quality time to make up for his behavior. You swear that should have been an omen because you feel your heart stop for a second right then and there.

It's not completely out there. As the lookout, he would have to stay up in the crow's nest most of the day, and given how soft spoken Kazuha normally is, he doesn't look like the confrontational type. But he does make good on his fake promise and you find yourself spending most of your time in the crow's nest with Kazuha rather than ducking into the shadows of the lower deck. Kazuha is a relaxing presence and you can understand why he stays up here rather than with the rest of the crew. The gentle sea breeze brushes through your hair and it's so peaceful all the way up in the sky. You're almost jealous that he has an anemo vision because you think you'd love to stay in the winds forever.

He's also a gentleman through and through. You're not entirely sure if he's just pretending alongside you or if that's just how he normally acts. You think both options are equally plausible and endearing. At some point, you forget that you're supposed to be doing this for show to keep a creepy man away from you and you genuinely start to seek him out. It's during one night when you watch Kazuha whistle a tune through a leaf that you realize just how deep you're in. Now your position is reversed and you start to feel like the creepy heart-eyed stalker. It's something that you must absolutely not let happen, not on your watch.

Your sudden distance from Kazuha leaves him a bit hurt. He knows that this originally started as an act but he felt that you and him were getting close to each other without any ulterior motives. That all your talks of your dreams and aspiration were real and meaningful. But now that you've suddenly pulled back, he question's if everything was made up in his head. It's not like you owe him anything, he decided to help you out from of his own volition. Beidou can only look at this scene painfully at her two idiotic friends pushing themselves away from each other because they can't sit down and talk it out.

She drags the two of you into a private room, her only warning to fix your emotional angst or she really will throw you both overboard. You both know she's entirely serious so you both obediently nod as she slams the door closed.

Beidou leans against the wooden crates with her head propped up with her arm. She should probably stop watching, she's being far too nosy with her friend's love life, but what kind of friend would she be if she wasn't? She hopes you both managed to talk it out and realize that you're both crushing hard on each other. She had been far too busy with Liyue fastly approaching to check in on your progress but from the looks of things, she thinks everything went well. With the red cheeks and your fingertips linked together, it's so cute that she wants to gag on her wine. Don't get her wrong, she's happy for you and Kazuha, but any more of this puppy love is going to send her into an early grave.

"You're not going to stay in Liyue?" she overhears you say. Huh? She honestly thought that Kazuha might pitch a tent and finally settle down with you but the small shake of his head and your fallen expression says otherwise. Damn, talk about a heartbreaker. But he gives you a soft expression, something really vulnerable, and his hand comes up to caress your cheek- and that's her cue to turn away. That's something that even she knows she shouldn't be watching. She instead takes another swig of her cup.

"Captain."

She looks up to see Kazuha standing beside her, the air of nature and sea breeze clinging to him wherever he goes. She politely doesn't bring up the charm clutched tightly in his hands.

"You sure about this kid?" Beidou asks, her eyes still trained on her empty cup of booze. She doesn't need to look to know that he's watching your back disappear into the crowd longingly.

"If I try to force something I know I'm not ready to finish, it would only lead to disaster. Right now isn't the right time. But I'm sure in the future, our paths will cross again," Kazuha nods to himself solemnly. This time Beidou does look at him before she shows a fond smile herself before she brings her arm back and slaps it against Kazuha's back. It's loud and hard enough to jolt him out of his temporary sadness.

"If you ever need a ride back to Liyue, just let me know. We'll get you there in no time lover boy," Beidou grins cheekily as Kazuha flushes a bright red. How cute, he can't even be honest with himself huh?

[goldensunset]

AITA for trying to kill my students?

Title sounds bad but hear me out.

I (90?M) have three students (20M, 18F, 16M). The older two are pretty normal people that I just kinda found somewhere when they were kids. The youngest was dropped off at my door about four years ago, having suffered clear brain damage. He was brought there by an on-again, off-again friend of mine (also 90ishM) who claimed that what happened to the kid was somehow his fault. I told him everything between us was forgiven and that I’d handle it.

Now, the thing about the kid (let’s call him ‘V’) is that what my old friend did to him was essentially trying to turn him into a living superweapon. V’s heart got split in half into pure light and pure darkness (I’m not sure where the other one went, but if I ever see a being of darkness, it’s on sight), and if those halves ever come together again, the weapon will be forged, and with it, the power to end the world. But my friend (let’s call him ‘X’) pinky promised he wasn’t gonna try to do that anymore after it failed the first time, and I believe in my friend.

But just to be safe, I’ve kept V from going off into the outside world for these past few years, in case X or anyone like him ever found the kid and used him to try to forge the weapon. All three of my students are homeschooled and I don’t let them access the Internet, nor have they ever really left this place since coming here, so they’re pretty sheltered. I have much stricter rules for V in particular, and I’ve managed to keep him from ever finding out who or what he is, since he can’t remember a thing. He complains about being treated like a child all the time, but that’s just teenage angst, you know? I’m doing what’s best for him.

Anyway, to make a very long story short, V found out about the half-of-a-superweapon thing. He finally came back after having run away from home (which I did not give him permission to do, mind you), looking upset, so I tried to comfort him. But then he confronted me about his newfound knowledge, which he learned after running into X, who was in fact unfortunately trying to pull off his plan again. I admitted to having hidden this knowledge from V for his own sake.

So here’s where I might be TA. I knew what he was all these years, but I still tried to protect him and let him live his life as much as possible while simultaneously protecting the world from him. But at this moment I figured I couldn’t do that anymore, and so the only way to prevent him from becoming the superweapon was to preemptively destroy him. Believe me, I didn’t want to, but I didn’t see much of a choice. It was for the greater good of protecting the world.

So I tried attacking V, but my oldest student (let’s call him ‘T’) showed up and interfered. He wouldn’t get out of my way, and I didn’t get a chance to explain my reasoning to him. So I told him that if he didn’t listen to me and let me do this, I’d have to kill him too. It’s worth mentioning that V himself then said he agreed with me about him needing to die. But T kept resisting me and started using the power of darkness, which was absolutely terrifying, (I have severe darkness-related trauma, btw), and then he sent V through a portal to protect him. So then I tried attacking T. All darkness everywhere needs to be destroyed, at any cost. It’s a serious threat.

So, Reddit, AITA? I tried to attack and kill two of my students for the greater purpose of saving the universe.

EDIT: I am dead. T actually bested me in combat and then X delivered the killing blow. I’m typing this as a ghost, yes. It’s kind of a complicated situation. Stop asking me to go do anything or apologize to anyone; I’m stuck here.

EDIT 2: No, I am not a troll.