#i have become unwell
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world’s most awkward family dinner
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LOCK HIM UP!!!! not for my safety but for HIS !!
#i have become unwell#my favorite part of being asexual is my mind being constantly flooded with the unspeakable acts i'd like to do to fictional characters#anyway#dude's yappn
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mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.
now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.
He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.
(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)
The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.
The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.
And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.
(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)
The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.
anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)
#mxtx svsss#svsss au#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#luo binghe#disciple shen yuan#scum villain#svsss#*points at SQQ/SY* i want him to go nuts. as a treat. let him crumble just a little over the stress of his fate and the stress of survival#and the stress of having a lack of autonomy over a handful of his decisions. starry craves angst and she craves a very specific SQQ angst#he was a number 1 hater back in the day and lbr being a hater takes energyyyy. ive heard that this man was the BIGGEST hater i wanna#see him rip a man to shreds with nothing but his tongue and a voice that could cut marble clean in half. skin a man alive sqq you deserve i#*mortal kombat voice* FINISH HIM#i love without-a-cure but unfortunately i dont think SQQ would be able to have WAC and also survive in the abyss.#the succubi nest that adopted him tried seducing him at first. it didn't work. but he did somehow charm them with his cringefail ways#so now they have a brand new mortal big/little brother to dote on. SQQ is frankly delighted to learn all about succubi culture that doesnt#revolve around sex. he makes quite a few friends/allies in the abyss because of his pure fascination and unbiased desire to learn about#demonic culture and all the different niches and nuances of it across species. he's still going insane tho. like that's not stopping.#there's a single LBH pov chapter in the fic and its frankly so unhinged it was fantastic. he's so possessive. he straight up goes:#'oh SQQ isnt gonna be the next peak lord. he's ascending to heaven with me when i do :)' when Sha Hualing (also peak lord) told him that he#couldn't keep his disciple in the bamboo house all the time. what was SQQ gonna do when LBH ascends and he becomes the new peak lord?#gosh that first chapter is rotating around in my mind so bad. LBH was SO unwell. like losing his actual shit over SQQ near the edge.#i so want to write a oneshot abt this where SQQ is also in hysterics (albeit over slightly diff reasons) and tells LBH on his knees:#'this disciple deeply apologizes to his shizun. for he will not be ascending to the heavens with him.' right before he falls into the abyss#this au being disciple SY is for shits and giggles but i can also see it happening for regular SQQ bc 'fuck it im a dead man either way'#frothing at the mouth at this idea also being a SY-is-SJ au too. for the extra angst of SQQ trying to bear the weight of multiple lives on#his shoulders and trying to figure out what is real and what isn't and if he's meant to suffer in all of his lives no matter what he does.#not once in his life has he ever been free to do what he likes has he? self-hatred to the max. he's going mad. poor boy :]
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[ cw: violence mention / death mention / ]
Will never stop thinking about how Leo, all alone in an endless void and being beaten again and again and again by the only other living thing around, still finds comfort in that space. The situation he was in was completely hopeless, and in any other circumstances he would not have escaped, at least not fast enough to save him from permanent (or even fatal) damage, be it physical or mental.
And yet, despite the bleakness of his situation, despite the agony and helplessness, all he needs is one glance at a crumbled photograph, one glance to remember his family, and that’s enough of a reason for him to smile.
Maybe that’s why his powers center around manipulating space - because no matter how much space is between them, no matter how dire his own situation may be, just the thought of his family, alive and okay, is enough to give Leo hope.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rise leo#the prison dimension is horrifying on its own#add in a monstrous being that towers over you and has vowed to ensure your suffering?#god I can’t imagine how scary that is#Mikey opening the portal was a miracle because if he hadn’t managed it there#it’s really up in the air what could have become of Leo#personally I subscribe by the theory that you straight up can’t die in the prison dimension#so it’s a prison in all ways#but the thought of a Leo who manages anyway who adapts and continues to have hope despite it all…#Leo saying he’s nothing without his family is a double edged sword really#because the thought of his family alone is all he needs to live. to hope.#to smile#nothing without them…but they’re EVERYTHING to him#and maybe he doesn’t realize it but…the feeling is mutual#one thing too is that hope that comforts Leo so much is not just that#should he think his family needs help - that hope can turn into determination#I’m unwell about this family#actually on my point of their powers - I truly do think the abilities tie in not only to their personalities#but to their relationship to family and love in general#kinda like love languages in a way#Mikey with his chains and time abilities values being around his family the most - he wants them to experience living in the moment togethe#Donnie is someone who is 100% a gift giver to show his love - his constructs are exactly that aren’t they? gifts of his mind#Raph is someone who willingly bears the weight of the shield - he protects his family like the best big brother possible#and Leo - he goes off on his own a lot but his mind is constantly on his family anyway#like a sailor at sea no matter how far he travels the compass always point in one direction - and for him that compass points home#even if he can’t make it back - it’s still there#and that’s enough
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evil bastards. but at least elgar'nan comforts her when she's hurt.
#dragon age#datv#dragon age the veilguard#datv spoilers#dragon age the veilguard spoilers#elgar'nan#ghilan'nain#you cant show me two evil horrors that call each other sister/brother and hold hands. because i will just become unwell about them#he hold her hand and cradles her face...#i have no idea what their dynamic looks like going forward but i need them not to turn on each other. be awful and evil but not towards#each other
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for something as trivial and simple those feelings sure are hard to get rid of
also made a gif a version for fun + alt version with no tears under the cut
the gif is in very low resolution...this is a feature (i could make it bigger but that would require saving each frame individually and than glueing it all together. also i feel like low resolution suits it better. aesthetically and fits the mood)
#hs#homestuck#dirk strider#eye strain#probably? if you think i should tag something else let me know!!#anyway hooray its time for rambling in the tags#so uhhh heres the teæ i've been sick for like a week and you know how it is when suddenly your throat becomes the main gunk warehouse#and you can't breathe lol. wish i could just pull it out. anywaaayy this is basically a vent piece for me being sick lol#also i could draw remotively the same thing with kris deltarune. oh how easy it is to project having a cold#though i have been also experiencing troubles with feelings recently as well....how fitting for dirk#speaking of the man himself (enough of me) his relationship with his own Heart...is peculiar to say the least#the thing i love about alphakids is that despite being so feral they were. so relatable. i cannot stress this enough how unwell they are an#and how they represented being a teen so well. yeah being 15 years old makes that to you#imagine being an emotional mess and trying to fit the 'norm' and act normal about your friends so youre not offputting#and then you fall in love with you friend and your ai clone falls in love with him too looool noone makes out of this one alive#uhh literally. godtiering stuff and dying remember#and speaking of it. tw for suicidal talk for the rest of tags#do you ever think dirk was suicidal. of course the part of when he teleports his head to jake was totally planned and he knew he would ->#wake up as dreamself but. don't you think the moment he cut his head off was sort of. cathartic. how much did he hate his own guts#beheading himself not only for the plan...but also because he thought he 'deserved' it#also wow he is a Prince and was literally beheaded don't you think its funny hahaa#sigh poor thing#this has ended on a not the very pleasant note hm#also fckkkkkk i didn't draw anything with rose/mary for the lesbian visabilty week#(putting the slash because tumblr search system has a dumb gag with showing you posts that contain the tag inside the other tag.#and i don't want this post to show up for the ros/mary fans because it's not!!!! its rose's father emotional crisis post!!!!)#update YOOOO WHAT THE HELL THE GIF HAS EVEN LESS PIXELS THEN I PLANNED fantastic#this your breakfast now tumblr. enjoy your crunchy flakes of dirks meltdown. mwah
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*screenshots these two moments and shoves them into your hands before running away*
(First is from s2ep1, second is from s2ep10)
#what am i meant to do with this?#idk smth abt beatrix causing the mergequake chaos#and ‘’killing’’ like half of the team by having them pulled into the portals#and arin becoming the same?#like not literally just kinda similar?#parallels parallels parallels#i am unwell can you guys tell#ninjago#lego ninjago#ninjago dragons rising#dragons rising#ninjago spoilers#ninjago dr#ninjago dr s2#arin ninjago#ninjago arin#dragons rising arin#beatrix ninjago#ninjago beatrix#empress beatrix#lloyd ninjago#ninjago lloyd
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Psst this makes no sense timewise but fucky Stephjay where teenage Jason briefly worked for Cluemaster to pay for food/rent.
I doubt Jason would be a drug runner as a kid but I can see him as a lookout or maybe bodyguard/errand boy for the Browns.
YOUR MIND MY GOD THIS IS SO GOOD
Jason working for Cluemaster is *so* good, my god. especially if Jason doesn't want to be there and doesn't like it, but he has no other option to pay the bills (i think this would be a fun AU to keep Catherine alive in, maybe he's trying desperately to pay medical bills to ensure she keeps getting medication she needs which makes him even more desperate for money and willing to do things he wouldn't normally) so he starts working for small time villains, ones he thinks won't be as bad as Joker or the like. which lands him as a goon for Cluemaster and somehow, he's either useful or interesting enough to Arthur that he decides to keep promoting Jason. until one day, he offers a very high pay raise for Jason to look after Steph. it's not necessarily that Arthur cares about Steph or her mother, but he does care about his reputation so when someone threatens his family, he needs to save face.
i think this could be fun to explore before Jason becomes Robin (maybe making him Robin a *little* later just so he and Steph have a significant time together as teenagers). and Jason ends up sort of close to this spunky, angry kid of Arthur Brown who calmly tells Jason she is going to do everything in her power to get her father behind bars and she's sorry but not sorry if and when that lands Jason out of a job. bc maybe she's suspicious of Jason first, bc what kind of guy willingly works for Cluemaster, but then, as she learns more about where he is in life, she Gets it. she understands bc she sees the shady things her own mother, Crystal does to get by under Arthur's thumb.
when Jason vanishes bc he becomes Robin, Steph is disappointed but she gets it. Bruce Wayne suddenly publically has a new ward and hell, Steph can't blame a guy for taking that chance bc that kind of money will *definitely* help Catherine. Steph's life goes on with her father being her father.
it's a bit unrealistic but. i sort of like the idea that when Jason dies, Bruce is so caught up in grief and funeral proceedings and anger that he sort of forgets about Catherine. and Steph will be damned if Catherine Todd is forgotten about and left to rot as a childless mother. i'd love to write Steph and Crystal finding the money to manage to keep Catherine afloat as well and Steph getting really close to Catherine bc of it. also would be fun if Steph becomes Spoiler partly in honor of Jason bc (not knowing he was Robin) she wants to do the good he never got to.
and THEN the fucked up-ness of it all that Steph finds out Jason was Robin when she takes up the torch and so quickly dies afterward she never fully gets to process how she feels about that. how to handle her pride in Jason for getting to be more than what he was versus her anger at Bruce for letting him die. and on the horrible flip side, Jason comes back and finds out Bruce let another kid die as Robin, and that kid was *Steph*. he finds out it was Steph who kept his mom alive, Steph who died in a mantle that should've ended with Jason and he's even angrier at Bruce. i do think he'd kill Black Mask in a slow, painful way to avenge her since clearly, Bruce can't.
and then Steph comes back and there's all the complicated feelings i just. oh your brain this is such a good idea i want to write it so bad. anything that explores connections Jason and Steph could've had before Bruce because they truly deserve to be more entangled than they already are. let them be weird about each other DC.
#necrotic answerings#jaysteph#stephanie brown x jason todd#this thought is fucking galaxy brained oh my GOD#I cannot stop thinking about all the ways it could be done#bc you could even go in a “Jason never becomes Robin and works with Steph when she's spoiler” route#and tbh you don't have to keep Catherine alive. I just want to.#bc I think Steph taking care of her after jason's death could be super interesting#these two deserve the world.#ty for this au. I'm unwell.
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it scares me to think what I'd lose.
so how are we feeling about that new episode tonight
#stolitz#stolas goetia#blitzo#blitzo buckzo#helluva boss#hellaverse#helluvaboss#helluva fanart#my art#sorry im becoming the hellaverse hand lady i just love hitting these guys with the realism beam#and not having to figure out how the hell to draw their weird faces#anyway if any of yall need me ill be unwell <333
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That han fancall is truly truly truly like the most horrendously embarrassing and deeply unsettling shit ever
#and this is why i truly barely follow any han or lee know people outside of tumblr bc everywhere else#its not even that theyre cringe inducing (though they are) but so many times it goes beyond into somethinf that i think is actually truly#unwell and like. deeply parasocial and unhealthy and creepy to a worrying degree#yeah kpop attracts that in general but those two especially just have so many hardcore fans that are simply worrying#like thats the crux of it#i see fans on twt on ig in the youtube comments and i actually am like Oh im worried by you#its not normal !! its weird !!#like getting his tattoo asking rude questions??? leave and dont come back and become normal#also seeing someone say theyre just trying to find out if theyre 'canon' these are real people you fucking lunatics
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i hate the fact the term karen went from describing a bitchy entitled customer to basically the modern day equivalent of calling a woman a harpy (misogynistic as fuck) and that people use the term on people out in public who are at the end of their rope emotionally from stress or a shitty day. I get it just because your having a rough time doesn't mean you get to be a dick but sometimes I think people are seriously lacking in empathy and I get it a lot shit the customer might be dealing with isn't your responsibility but like if a customer is struggling with something simple maybe don't be a dick? Just a thought.
#I'm so done with people calling customers with legitimate complaints/concerns Karen#If you messed up someone's order and they ask for a new one then fix it#What if they're on special diet for health reasons#What if they're practicing lent or are Muslim and you give them food that they can't have#What if the customer that's struggling with a simple self checkout has autism or something#People shouldn't have to give out these reasons unless they want to#Also corporations love to make customers out to be idiots and karens when they've seriously fucked up#Like that lady who got McDonald's coffee on her crotch suffered 3rd degree burns and was portrayed as an idiot/greedy#Don't be like that#ableism#misogny#Karen#I'm not kidding when I say it's becoming the modern day equivalent of calling a woman a harpy#Someone breaking down crying and freaking out in public can be annoying but maybe don't record them#Idk as someone with autism if someone recorded me having a meltdown or mocked me I'd be pissed#Even if they aren't mentally unwell no one deserves to bullied when they're at their own limit#Watch somebody call me a Karen for this#Like fight back against dickheads throwing temper tantrums but also don't be a bully#when you hear something about a Karen try and see if they are actually being a Karen or if they're just being put in a bad light#Like did they hit record after a bunch of harassment#cause thats happened
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ive been at drowning level deep in the krisnix rabbithole and i cant decide whether the idea of phoenix being the closest thing a psychopath could come to feeling love is better than the idea that despite everything, kristoph really did love him, and phoenix would have to feel his heart shatter for the man who destroyed and kept him on a leash for nearly a decade.
#i cant continue reading krisnix fics this is bad for my mental health#everytime i read a fic where kris and phoenix have a final chat before kris is executed#i become more and more insane#im unwell just as these two are#i actually do believe kristoph loved phoenix but not in like#not in a normal way#in a weird kristoph way#these two are so destructionship#anyhow i just finished reading surviving you by pantswarrior and have concluded that im going to go insane#krisnix#ace attorney#phoenix wright#kristoph gavin
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ok Catholics and Catholic adjacent girlies, I have a conundrum
if I ask my husband how many kids he wants, and he responds with “idk as many as God wants us to have” every single time, do I have the right to be annoyed about it or am I not submitting properly to the will of God
#personal#this has been an argument over the past couple of days#before we got married I accepted his answer for some reason#idk maybe I was hoping it’d become more concrete#or maybe I admired his dedication to the will of God#but now that we’ve had one child and pregnancy was disasterous for me#and previous pregnancies that ended in miscarriage made me awfully unwell#I have been asking him to clarify how many he wants#and he buckles down on this response#and I have yelled at him out of frustration so often in this past week alone#because I can’t handle that as the only response
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they are so cute I may die
@sonderfairy
#the moth prince fanart#the moth prince#fercade#anddddd that concludes the sketch page I was working on with these two#sadly I must ignore the voices and actually work on my schoolwork for the rest of the week#this won’t be the last of them tho#enough of my excuses#tried my hand at arcades spiky hair it was v fun to sketch#I never draw hair like that so it was a v welcome change#plus I’ve been trying to get a simpler version of my style down recently#so it was v fun to experiment with these#and fern is always a joy to sketch ofcofc#I love that silly moth fairy sm#they are the besties (lol) of all time I adore them both#honestly this is the most I’ve regularly drawn in like a week or two#so ty to the universe for allowing me to stumble upon this story#and ty to sonderfairy for sharing your lovely ocs#your mind is immense I can’t wait to read more and probably become more unwell about them than I already am#if that’s even possible LMAO#ok uhhh I have nothing else to say byebyeee
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i could KILL him for this. motherfucker's every interaction with children has him being, if not nice, then at minimum kind and forgiving and genuinely invested in their wellbeing.
he asks crying kids what's the matter, he's afraid to hold a baby because he's worried he'll drop it, he goes after people who are mean to kids without a second thought. his whole mentorship with timothy hunter is him trying to do right by that kid no matter how he feels about it at the time. man would be the most loving dad in the world but because of his own awful goddamn father and the ways he thinks he takes after thomas, he doesn't think that's true. i hate.
#this panel made me SPITTING mad for real he breaks my heart#the way his father fucked up his whole mindset and self-image is something that makes me so violent#me rattling the bars of my cage yelling about how the family man arc was a vessel for conveying constantine's fears about his father#how it made him feel responsible for his father's murder after his dad had called him the killer of his mother his whole life#then made him a literal killer which turned that childhood nickname into a self-fulfilling prophecy & his dad into an unintended oracle#how constantine has always been afraid of becoming his father and yet that's exactly who he had to emulate to survive the world of magic#and then vertigo gave him the fucking rosacarnis arc which made him unwillingly a dad and his kids killers. i'm unwell#i NEED john constantine to know how good a person he really is and how loved any kid of his would be#the one thing new 52 did right for him was making him genuinely loving and caring towards rose#instead of making him pawn her off on everyone around him. which i fear a lot of writers would make him do these days#i NEED him to know he's better than who raised him#they say mary anne constantine would have been a good mother if she'd lived and i think there's a lot of her left in her son#not that he'd ever believe it#hellblazer#john constantine#i'm very emotional about him right now#oxly hollers
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<-Human hummingbird
#He needs ocean spray fruit juice to live (& and other things as he is human#Realizing thangs about dopamine and food which is either real or fake. But sometimes it is like trying to get a dog to eat its pills#Which is also a process with my actual own pills. Xbox hate sertraline Xbox just get nauseous and still mentally unwell.#I am fine to be clear I just dip regularly and rise randomly. Predictable body and mind surely im sure#i have this amazing ability to see any inane thing and become filled with an unplaceable dread. This helps nobody so just eat a cucumber if#I forget what I was posting about btw
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