#i have all my design work from last semester but i need to change the formatting slightly

[quarklynx]

Casually flirting with the idea of fucking around and getting a master's degree. The time will pass anyway, right?

[piierrote]

i am genuinely so apologetic if u are here bc of some drawing i did,, i promise i am an artist and i draw it’s just like ALL uni work at the moment which is a lot of like? early character design work and then. sketches for comic pages :(!!

[piper-2244]

the limit does not exist!

how spencer helps college!reader understand a little calculus and therefore understand how he loves her.

MDNI | smut word count: 1931 warnings & tags & stuff: fem reader, fingering, oral sex (f receiving), lil bit of overstim hehe, pure unbridled affection, LOVE, FLUFF, hugging, reader cries, this was in fact meant to be written for spence's birthday... sorry about that school is kicking my butt lets just pretend it's october! author's note: this one is for my folks who HATE their calculus class and want spencer reid to give them head instead <3 maybe this can help you romanticize it a bit. i think this is classified as self indulgent…like REALLY self indulgent… hah... anyway i hope you enjoy! let me know your thoughts if u have any, i loveeeee you!! have a great day my hands are shaking posting this smut is so scary!!!!!

You sat in bed, staring down your notebook, eyes narrowed. Limits stared back at you. You were just about at your own limit, if you were being honest. 

Your brain, however sharp and witty it may be, is absolutely not one designed for calculus. A literary analysis essay? Done in half an hour. In depth scientific research project? Easiest months of your life. But there’s something about finding the instantaneous rate of change of a curve at one point in time by finding the slope of a tangent line that hasn't clicked yet. 

A slew of other papers- notes, practice worksheets printed from obscure websites, and formulas- surround you, a sea of unfinished thoughts from the past month of the semester.

You bite on the end of your pen, the little hope you had for a good grade in this class slipping further and further away with each passing moment, like the last ember dying in the remains of a fire.

What you really wanted to be doing was celebrating Spencer’s birthday with him right now. A chocolate cake lay on the kitchen counter and pasta simmers on the stove, but you and your boyfriend had agreed to do a solid hour of work before the celebrations ensued.

You were never particularly strong willed when it came to following through on such agreements.

“Teach me calculus,” you say, a very impressive three minutes later, flopping down on the couch. Your head makes its way to its forever resting spot, Spencer’s lap. He raises his eyebrows slightly, thumb reaching out to trace over the slope of your nose. His eyes flit between you and the file to the side of him. 

“I thought we agreed on an hour.”

“Yeah. But it wouldn’t be a very productive hour if I didn’t know how to do what I have to do. And I missed you.” 

He sighs quietly, closing the file next to him. 

“What do you not understand?” You smile at that, loving how quickly you won.

“Related rates. Like, conceptually.” 

Spencer hums in response.

“It’s October. You’re not even supposed to know related rates yet.”

“Fine. Then let's open presents,” you respond, smiley. His eyebrows get impossibly higher, hand stroking your cheek delicately.

“No. I want our night to be a little more stress free when we celebrate, okay? How about you think about that lovely cake you made for me. What if I decided to squash it so that the diameter would get bigger, going from…let’s say, 20 centimeters to 26 centimeters in 3 seconds, and the height would get smal-”

“That wouldn't be nice. It took me like four hours,” you interrupt, grumbling. He cracks a smile.

“For the sake of the example, let's say I was an awful boyfriend and really wanted to ruin all the hard work you put in for me.”

You roll your eyes.

“Hey,” he says, hand moving down to touch your jaw softly. “Don’t do that. Don’t be difficult. I’m helping you.”

“Sorry. I guess I need you to zoom out a little. I don’t really get why I’m learning this as a whole.” Spencer’s eyes pore into yours, staring down at you adoringly for a small moment as he comes up with an answer.

“Calculus helps us begin to explain the unexplainable by harnessing what we can,” Spencer says simply. “Einstein once said that, ‘Pure mathematics is, in its way, the poetry of logical ideas,’ which makes it simple in practice, but I actually like to think about it as the opposite philosophically. Trying to find logic in the more poetic ideas.”

You cuddle deeper in his lap.

“Think he would agree with that?” you ask. “I do answer to Einstein before you, unfortunately.” Spencer bends down to kiss your hair.

“I think so. He also had a really nice quote where he remarked that, ‘Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.’ He said, ‘How on earth can you explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love? Put your hand on a stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with that special girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.’”

Spencer takes a deep breath.

“Math doesn’t explain how I love you. It can’t. But I love the fact that it tries to. It kinda makes you wanna learn it as best you can.”

You process that for a long second and nod. He keeps talking.

… 

Presents get opened, and cake gets eaten before dinner. Of course.

You’re now in bed, on top of the covers, forcing Spencer to give you a fashion show of the new sweater vest and tie you got him. He turns to you after putting it on, and you beam. 

“I really like it. You look great. Do you like it?” you ask. He nods, smiling back at you.

“I’m gonna wear it to work tomorrow.” 

You beckon for Spencer to come closer, sitting up in bed. Your hands go out to the tie, tugging at the knot softly. He stares down at you until eventually interrupting your motions with a slow kiss, hands cupping your face.

“You’re so pretty,” he mutters.

He pulls away and finishes what you started, folding the tie neatly and setting it in the drawer. Then comes the vest, and soon enough, he’s just in his boxers.

“You’re the pretty one,” you say quietly. “Come to bed.” He crawls on next to you, tugging you into his arms. “Happy birthday, Spence. I love you.” He dips his forehead to your shoulder.

“I love you.”

Before you know it, he’s shifted on top of you, moving down. Fast. You blink, hard, trying to rid your head of the hazy endorphins as you register what he’s doing.

“What? No, I was gonna do that. It’s your birthday. You don’t have to,” you protest.

“But I really, really want to, darling girl,” he murmurs back, kissing your knee and softly pushing it to the side.

You fluster and Spencer just looks at you, fingers tracing shapes on your waist, waiting for you to be ready. 

“Well. Um. Okay. If you insist. I can’t really deny the birthday boy.” Your voice is small, and a little giddy smile grows on your face. Of course Spencer Reid would want to give you head on his birthday. 

He smiles a little against the bare skin of your hip where your top meets your shorts. Then he meets your eyes. 

“You know you can, though, right?” he asks, voice a little more serious. You reach out to touch his hair softly. 

“Yeah. I know.”

Fingers hook your shorts, gently pulling them down. He presses a kiss to your thigh, and then he suddenly looks down at it. 

“Soft,” he murmurs, like he’s making a mental note. He presses another, and another, incrementally going closer and closer to your soaked through underwear. His eyebrows scrunch when he sees the wet spot. “All this from a few kisses?” 

You blush, unable to respond. 

Spencer’s fingers hook a centimeter of your underwear. “These?” he checks.

“Yes, please,” you manage. He tugs them down, silently noticing the slickness of your sex, and exhales shakily.

“How many times on average does it take for a guy to call you pretty on a given day before you get annoyed?” he murmurs, soft smile playing on his face. You smile too, head cloudy from his words, but it immediately drops when his lips press directly against your pulsing clit, kissing it softly.

“Fuck,” you say (Spencer would argue moan) softly (loudly). You let out a content sigh, and he moves to suckle it, actions becoming less and less delicate. 

It’s not harsh, but incessant. Spencer knows what you can take. He knows exactly what you can take. You’re both quiet for a bit, save for your breathy moans. 

“Spencer,” you say softly, ripping you both out of your individually hazy and dirty and distracted minds. “You’re too far away.” He looks up to you, face parallel to your aching core, hair beautifully messy and mouth glistening.

After a second, he grabs your hips, gently pushing you up against the pillows so you’re propped up at a better angle. He then shifts his body up wordlessly so he’s more above you, dipping his head down to give you a soft kiss. You taste yourself, tongue darting out to lick your lips.

His hand takes over where his mouth was, sliding in between your folds with a practiced ease. Spencer looks down at you, eyes wide and flitting between yours, searching for a reaction.

You reach out and wrap your arms around him, holding him close. “Holy shit, I love you,” you murmur.

His fingers lightly graze your clit again before one slides into you. “Angel,” he breathes out, so quietly. “I love you too. This okay? Are you okay?”

You nod feverishly and lift your hips to meet his hand, always in a perpetual state of wanting more, to be closer. Your bodies are melded so close together, barely giving him room to push his hand into you. He doesn’t even bother to ask you to use your words or keep your hips down, like he might on a regular night.

He pulls his head back to watch as he pushes another finger into you, stretching you just a little. “There we go. You always feel like heaven around me.”

Your eyes flit up to his face as he says those words, now having a little more room to observe him. You focus on the slope of his nose and curve of his mouth. 

“You’re so perfect,” you say quietly, adoringly, before you even realize it was true.

You blink at that thought. Spencer Reid is perfect, despite whatever universal odds deeming that impossible.

Those graphs, those formulas, now laying discarded & crumpled on the ground. They click, a little bit. You understand why Albert Einstein wanted to spend his life developing theories of relativity.

This is how Spencer sees you? What he was talking about earlier?

This is how he sees you?

The thought is almost too much.

Spencer sees your face, and not knowing what's going on in your head, slides down his free hand from your cheek to your carotid, feeling your racing pulse. “Take a deep breath for me, okay? You're about to come, huh?”

You inhale and are met with peace. Then your orgasm hits you like a wave. You clench hard around his fingers, and he just watches it happen, fascinated. “Baby,” he coos softly at you.

It wasn’t just your sensitivity he’s currently maximizing on or the little kisses he dips down to leave on your neck that sealed the deal, but the very thought that you could be loved in a way that is so perfectly impossible.

You exhale breathily as Spencer pushes you through the last trails of your climax, fingers not caring one bit that you just had your world tilted on its axis. 

“Spencer. Ohmygodohmygodohmygod,” you say eventually, overstimulated.

“You’re okay. Did so good.” he murmurs, fingers slipping out of you. 

His thumb brushes your cheek, wiping away a tear you didn't even realize was dripping down.

“Don’t cry, you always cry. It’s my birthday. Don’t cry on my birthday,” he whispers soothingly, affection lacing his voice.

“I’m not.” 

Another one falls. 

You reach and press out that perpetual little slope between his eyebrows with your thumb, gentle, like you might break him. “I’m not crying.”

Spencer lets you lie.

[sabertoothwalrus]

so I’ve been gaining a lot of insight into the animation industry recently, especially in regards to pitching & the creation of new shows. There’s a few ways to go about it.

First, there’s pitching to a studio. When you pitch, it has to be SHORT and CONCISE. You may write a lovingly detailed pitch bible that perfectly breaks down episodes and characterizations, and it might barely even get read. First impressions, first impressions, first impressions!

Most peoples’ first projects don’t get picked up. I’ve heard a few stories from directors that said they tried pitching a story they’d had for years, which got rejected, to then spend a week or even several hours in their car coming up with a new idea, only for that to get greenlit.

But that’s not the end of it. Just because a show gets greenlit, doesn’t mean it will ever get finished. There’s lots of things that can happen. Sometimes, unexpected major world events (like… a global pandemic) can cause projects to get chopped. Sometimes, a CEO change or studio merge means a single person can decide a project “no longer fits with the company’s brand.” Sometimes, the one producer that was rooting for your project gets laid off, and no one else cares enough, so it gets shelved. Sometimes, a streaming service decides to create an animation department, and then they decide they don’t want it anymore. Sometimes, the studio will be simultaneously be developing another project that was too similar to yours and they just didn’t think to tell you until they decide yours is the one with less potential.

On top of that, almost everyone in the industry is saying that “studios just don’t pick up original content anymore.” Studios want something they can franchise, something that will bring in money. New content is risky. Established fanbases are safer.

However! Studios can still be a very good thing. They can be unionized. They can provide better benefits and resources. They can have connections and infrastructure and a larger volume of workers. At a studio, you can divide the labor and produce more in less time. Longer episodes, longer seasons, more consistency in quality.

But this comes with all of the disadvantages of having more in the kitchen.

The alternative is indie animation.

With indie animation, you have total freedom. Full artistic control. It doesn’t even matter if your idea sucks ass, because there’s no one to tell you you can’t make it. You could make it anyway, and you can make it whatever you wanted.

The thing is, making animation is hard. In my production class last semester, the average maximum animation one person could make in that timeframe was 30-60 seconds, and that’s not even counting background design, sound design, or cleanup/color. To make a 5 minute animated short, you should probably have at least 5 people.

And it is CRUCIAL you have a production manager. Ideally someone who’s not already doing art for the project. Most projects without a production manager will fall apart pretty quickly. Once the adrenaline and impulse-fueled motivation wears off, you need someone to hold you accountable and enforce deadlines and proper time management.

Speaking of time, that’s also hard to get. The more people you have, the more likely schedules won’t line up. Most people will have school, or other jobs.

And it costs MONEY!!!!!! You either have everyone work for free and volunteer their time & energy, or you establish a business as a proper indie studio, with people who may or may not have experience on how to handle paying someone else’s salary. And the money has to come from somewhere, so you have to rely on crowdfunding like patreon or kickstarter. (This, by the way, is why I could never fault an indie animation for releasing merch with their pilot.)

And like, maybe you wanna do a series, and all your friends agree to volunteer their labor and time to make the first episode, but it was unanimously not sustainable. Deciding not to produce a second episode until you can raise enough money is not being suddenly greedy, it’s attempting to compensate people rather than expecting them to be continuously taken advantage of.

You have to consider your output as well. There are some outliers like Worthikids, who afaik does all his animation himself, and afaik can work on it full-time thanks to his patreon subscribers. And he still has only produced a total of 30 minutes of animation (for Big Top Burger specifically) in the past 4 years. This is an IMPRESSIVE feat and this is with using a lot of 3D as part of his pipeline!!

Indie animation also has the complication of being more accessible for fandoms. When you’re posting your Official Canon Content on youtube, it doesn’t look a lot different than the fandom-created video essay in the sidebar next to it. What’s canon vs what’s fanon becomes less distinguishable. The boundaries are blurrier. When the creator is just some guy you follow on twitter, it’s easier to prod them for info regarding ships and theories and word-of-god confirmation. They don’t have a PR team or entire international tv networks to appeal to. And this is when creators get frustrated that their fans snowball and turn their creation into something they don’t recognize (and no longer enjoy) anymore.

So it’s tricky.

Thankfully, the threshold to learn animation is fairly low nowadays!! There are TONS of resources online to learn it on your own without forking over a couple hundred thousand to a private art college. There are conventions and discord servers and events where you can network, if you know where to look.

I know it can seem discouraging in the face of capitalism, but I think that’s all the more reason why it’s so important to BE DETERMINED about animation!! We’re already starting to see the beginning of an indie animation boom, and I think it’s a testament to humanity’s desire to tell stories and create art. Even if there’s no financial gain, we do whatever it takes to tell our stories anyway.

[jjungkookislife]

Jeans

pairing: hfth!jungkook x f. reader

genre: established relationship, crack, college au, 18+

summary: Jimin buys you a pair of "coochie" jeans.

wc: 640

warnings: the word coochie is used a lot lol and implied smut?

a/n: this is not to make fun of anyone who likes these jeans, I just thought it would make an interesting drabble

date: June 20, 2024

“Jimin, I don’t need a new outfit,” you insisted as you followed him to the clothing racks of a department store. 

Jimin ignored you as he went through the jeans on one rack, eyes wide when he spotted the most unhinged pair of jeans ever. 

He doesn’t say a word as he grabs them and a few others to hide them under before shoving you into the dressing room.

Reluctantly, you try on the jeans, screaming in the dressing room before showing Jimin. 

“Jimin!”

Cackling, Jimin pops his head into the dressing room, “Oh-ho, those are worse on than I imagined.”

“We are not getting these!”

“I’ll buy them! Hoseok will have a conundrum!”

You glare at Jimin before stomping into the dressing room to change. If he wanted to waste his money on that denim abomination, that was his prerogative.

“Are you sure you can’t stay this summer?” Hoseok asks as he finishes taking your measurements for the outfit he wants to make you. Jungkook and Jimin sat on the floor, gaming controllers in their hands as they cursed when they got shot at on screen.

“I wish, but my parents got my flight tickets last semester so I can’t stay,” you inform him. Jungkook pouts beside Jimin, but remains silent. 

“Why don’t you go try on the dress we got the other day and the jeans?” Jimin chirps as he looks at you over his shoulder. The mischievous grin on his face makes you scowl as Hoseok hands you the yellow shopping bag beside him. 

“I hate you,” you utter in Jimin’s direction, but he simply blows you a kiss when you flip him off and stomp into Jungkook’s bedroom to change. 

“I’m hungry,” Jungkook states as he shuts the game off and heads for the kitchen. He’s got his head in the fridge when the door to his bedroom opens announcing your return. 

Jimin has his hand over his mouth to muffle his laughter when you appear. 

Hoseok’s eyes are wide, his jaw nearly unhinged as he takes in your pants. 

“COOCHIE JEANS?!” Hoseok screeches, grabbing Jungkook’s attention. 

“What about my girl’s coochie?” Jungkook asks as he looks up from the fridge. His jaw drops as he takes in your new pants. 

“What the fuck are those?” Hoseok feels like he’s having a heart attack. Who in their right mind would design those? Who would buy them? 

“Coochie jeans,” Jimin says, ignoring Hoseok’s middle finger aimed at him.

“Those are a fashion designer’s worst nightmare come to life! You paid for those?!”

“Jimin did,” you answer, glaring at your giggling friend. 

“Those are going back immediately!” Hoseok exclaims as he starts patting his pockets for his car keys. 

“Can we keep them for an hour?” Jungkook asks as he looks you up and down with a lustful gaze. 

Hoseok scoffs, shaking his head as he demands you change out of those monstrous jeans before you need to call an ambulance for him. 

Jungkook pouts as you walk away to change and Hoseok nearly throttles Jimin as he demands the receipt. 

“You’re not allowed to take her shopping anymore! In fact, I’ll be making all her outfits from now on!” Hoseok shakes his head as you reappear in regular jeans. 

“Aren’t you busy with your courses?” You ask as you hand over the bag with the Coochie jeans. 

“I’ll make it work if it keeps you out of these!” Hoseok shakes his head as he grabs Jimin by the ear and drags him out of the apartment, lecturing him on fashion. 

Jungkook approaches you, his arm wraps around your waist. 

“That’s too bad,” he says as he kisses your cheek. “We could have had fun with those.”

“Well, Jimin and Hoseok will be gone for a bit, why don’t we go to your room and have some fun?”

© jjungkookislife - I do not allow reposts or translations of my work on any platforms, this includes Youtube.

jeans

[fleouriarts]

sketchbook duuuuump :3 nothing to do in this town AND my stylus isn't working its a perfect storm for filling this thang up

descriptions and such below

feel like the fursona ones are self explanatory. the rileys are basically all inspired by this person's compilations... if you havent seen the clip that the bottom corner drawing is from please do yourself a favor

this was all development shit for the zakharovs who i posted last week. sergei is igor's former childhood friend who i have not come up with much about yet... all i know is he is also a fashion designer (who makes winter clothes specifically) and he has an illegitimate son named nikolai who is an arctic fox (and who i have not drawn yet)

omg okay so if anyone remembers my last sketchbook dump i introduced this character andre in there (and her name was andres but i changed it to andre bc i like it more for whatever reason). anyway ive been drawing him OBSESSIVELYYYYY and have decided that him and null get together at some point after argyle and jamie make up (i desperately need to make a jamie and co timeline post)... but it lasts like one semester and thats it. andre is too vain and too know-it-all for null's tastes even though shes like super hot and nice otherwise. anyway this is just a bunch of drawings of him. i really like how the one of him in my INSANE hat turned out

santiago and null's joint slay... both of them LOVE to gossip with each other and its instrumental to how jamie and argyle make up (will go into detail when i finally figure out all the actual events of that). also andre and null on a hike bc andre is a biology major. i actually drew that while i was on a hike in red rock canyon heres proof

5. mostly just scribbling trying to get better at drawing santiago including more of him and null and his prime Jamie Comforting Tactic of just letting him chill between his wool and sweater. also two drawings of jamie just 4 fun i draw him and his stupid big eyes whenever im out of ideas

6. idk this is just silly stuff. i draw johnny manhandling jamie a lot and i promise you jamie LOVES being treated like a stuffed animal he thinks its SO FUN to be spun around and wiggled and shit. ferret adjacent. him and johnny have been friends since they were in like elementary school because of this. btw santiago does not usually look like that (only having wool on his head) he just has to shear his wool in the summer because having full wool in the flurrida heat is AWFUL

7. comic i drew at the laundromat LOL. takes place either shortly before OR shortly after andre and null get together. johnny mostly hates andre for being with null (shes jealous) (she wants null all to herself even though shes super noncommittal) (johnny get your shit together) BUT ALSO andre being kinda pretentious makes her want to chokeslam him. andre is talking about bird farming specifically because johnny's family are chicken farmers... ive had a lore post about everyone's families in my drafts for months but i cant finish it til my stylus is fixed TT

8. more nonsense. top left corner is a continuation of johnny being a hater. bottom drawings are just mindless jamie doodles. top right is argyle and jamie during their relationship, i cant decide if jamie had REALLY short hair during it or hair like this that's basically just his current hair without the yellow dye and tiny ponytail. whatever

[sillylovingpupper]

I want to talk, uh, about Firefly. There will be spoilers for Honkai Star Rail 2.0

So the driving force behind 2.0 is Firefly; the current arc we're in has wider implications, but 2.0 was pretty clearly set up to introduce you to Penacony and get you to emphasize with Firefly. She is clearly designed to tug at your heartstrings. It's...pretty naked what the writers were hoping to invoke, but I want to rewind a bit. I want to talk about a certain scene, and how it relates to me, and...probably quite a few people reading this. I want to talk about Entropy Loss Syndrome.

I have very little doubt we'll hear more about it in the coming content; I keep myself away from leaks so I don't know if it's confirmed or not and I don't want to know. Everything I want to talk about is in this cutscene right here. Entropy Loss Syndrome is described as "irreversible chronic disassociation of your physical structure." Essentially, your body slowly breaks apart. Firefly explicitly says that it happens so slowly that it's hard to even notice from the outside.

This is the part that made me sit up and take notice, though.

Because while I can't tell you the date? I can tell you the year I noticed this happening to me.

This is the part where I need to tell you a bit about myself.

I was...a relatively healthy person, once upon a time. I wouldn't say I was in the peak of health, but physically I was quite capable, especially when it came to stamina and endurance. I prided myself on being able to walk further, last longer, and do more than other people. I couldn't go as fast as some or lift as much as some, but I could do it longer. And that was taken advantage of. I was a lowerclass American, of course it was. From the age of 17 to the age of roughly 29, the only period longer than six months that I didn't have a fulltime job was the semester and half of college, and the CNA training, that I attended. And in each of those jobs? I made myself indispensable because of the stamina I prided myself on. I'd work doubles, I'd work days in a row, I'd skip breaks, all without complaining. Which leads me to 2019.

After a year of difficult work as a CNA, involving...a lot of interpersonal drama at around the same time I was realizing I was transgender, I...buckled, in 2016. I left that line of work and took the first job that accepted me; McDonalds. At that point, I lived alone with my cat, and I had come to accept that was my fate. I would live alone, work at McDonalds until something happened, and move on to...a similar job, and so on until I died. I simply lost my desire to live, a desire that wouldn't return until early 2018 where, for some reason, against all odds, I pulled myself to a therapist. In 2019, I had, without any true intent on my part, ascended to the role of manager, and found myself shuffled to night shift. I took pride in my work, humble and underpaid as it was, and applied the same stamina and endurance to it that I had my previous jobs. ...until something changed. It was slow at first. I didn't even notice it, I wrote it off as a series of bad days...but thoughts were slightly out of reach. The amount of sleep I needed started to increase. The amount of time it took me to complete an order or clean an area increased. The distance I could walk or ride my bike started to shrink. I ran out of breath slightly easier. Truthfully, this had started happening when I was a CNA, but only on great exertion. I can't say it came from being less active, because of anything, I was more active, as I didn't have a car or the ability to drive...but increasingly I found myself unable to do anything but go to work, and even then, I needed more rest than before.

Fortunately, I was able to move in with some friends in mid 2020, and I haven't worked since, not for pay. I did promise them, in exchange for supporting me, I'd do housework; cook, clean, and support them however I could. A promise I have kept to this day, to the best of my abilities. But those abilities were continuing to shrink, and still do to this day. They noticed then, and they do now.

I went from being fiercely independent and active, to relying on a cane to keep myself stable and prevent falls, to now, where I can't even grocery shop on my own without leaning on the cart or using a motorized cart. I own a wheelchair for especially bad days. ...my thoughts and memories escape me on a nearly daily basis now, and I've found days, every now and again, slip through my fingers.

I've seen doctors, and none of them understand it, not entirely. There's been...theories, and a handful of things that contribute. Dehydration, sleep apnea, issues with my inner ear, even my HRT. Nothing that explains the fullness of it, though. Words like Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia are being thrown around, but we can't even point to a clear infection that could have triggered any of those. And all of this terrifies me. There's a part of me that just keeps telling myself that I'm getting older, that it's normal to slow down as you age...or that maybe it's diet, or getting the wrong kind of exercise. But at the end of the day...I'm losing abilities that I prided myself on. Abilities that I loved. I've found myself largely bound to my house and...

To be honest, I've told myself I'm fine with that. I've painted for myself a beautiful picture where I keep myself at home, take it easy physically and even mentally, and live a peaceful life. There's a part of me that even sees this as the best possible ending for me, but... with even my cognition slipping away from me...what kind of life can I have?

I've gotten through so much of my life, done things that I would have thought were impossible, simply by convincing myself they weren't. That nothing was impossible to a mind that believed. So Firefly means a lot to me because while she has a name for it, and I don't...both of us find ourselves in a body that's slowly betraying us. And Firefly was the first time I've seen someone on screen who had the same kind of struggle as me, and who also chose to keep walking forward and dreaming despite of it. I don't know what kind of life I'll have. I still don't even know for sure if this...whatever it is, is even real and not a result of me overreacting to getting a little slower and my mind filling in the gaps. But...whatever lies ahead of me...I hope that I can still live it brilliantly. I hope maybe one day, I can be the kind of person I was once again, even if I have to take it in smaller bites.

[inkofamethyst]

September 8, 2024

It's been a minute.

In brief: first week was good; finished my hair in three days and it's alright; worked deep into nights to finish the costume; ren faire was amazing!

First Week: I'm getting the feeling that I will have a decent amount of downtime to dedicate to my research and improving my lab skills this semester compared to last year. I was stressed about several things, but they turned out alright in the end. One thing was the primate class I'm taking. I don't have much primate behavioral background, but this class seems like it will mostly just be reading and discussion, so a super super chill seminar (no papers or exams, either!!). I was also worried about the new responsibilities that are lumped onto second years, but they seem manageable, especially with such a "large" cohort.

Hair: they're essentially mini twists with extensions, so I generally like the look of them, but I think the extension quality is lacking. It did take me two additional evenings to finish, but they should be good for at least another two or three weeks. Next time, I may try marley hair.

Costume: I was in the library makerspace for five hours last week to do the main machine-sewing bits. It would've been six but a friend had a last-minute birthday gathering which I forfeited my makerspace reservation to attend (I don't regret that choice, though!). While I couldn't finish everything exactly as I'd hoped to (the bottom hems on the chemise are raw (but I cut/tore them straight across so I wasn't too worried), not enough time to add the ruffle to the chemise (and I wasted like an hour at the machine prepping it before realizing that I still needed to work on the bodice), no "boning" in the bodice (which ultimately was probably for the best, as the canvas interlining was HEFTY (potentially too hefty considering the event lol)), ran out of lining fabric for the bodice so the back pieces are unlined (I was using scrap to begin with, and I'll likely go in and use scraps from the chemise just to cover those back seams)), it still managed to look REALLY COOL. I am SO PROUD of what I managed to accomplish in just a week. GAH I felt so pretty. Even despite all the incomplete bits and things I would change. Every time I looked into a mirror yesterday I would just beam at myself because I felt so good!!! I managed to complete all of my goals (chemise, bodice/corset, skirt hike) to a passable degree, and it brings me so much joy to think about. I did that!!!

Ren Faire: The faire was so good. Plenty of activities, plenty of shops, plenty to see, plenty to eat. My dnd group plus my turquoise-friend were all there for a birthday celebration, and it was a grand time. I got to try archery, I failed to eat a turkey leg by myself, I yelled my throat raw cheering for my assigned (and particularly bloodthirsty) old man knight during the jousts, I tried (and loved) raspberry mead. While my turquoise-friend and I hunted for elf ears that'd match out skin tone, we couldn't find any and instead each bought some gorgeous filigree elven ear cuffs. I adore mine and want to wear them everywhere omg. It was all-around just so great, and I totally want to go back next year.

As I was roaming the faire, it became clear that my outfit wasn't really anything special at a glance. Bodice, chemise, skirt, belt. While, yes, that was my goal, I did take some time to reflect on whether hours of designing, drafting, basting, machine sewing, and hand sewing were worth it to look almost exactly like every other bar maiden/tavern wench who bought a costume from amazon or spirit halloween. I think the answer is that it was worth it, even if the costume wouldn't pass a true seamstress' close inspection. There are absolutely elements to mine that are unlikely to be found in mass-produced versions, even ones that "look cooler". Certain seam finishes, the amount of fabric used (esp in the skirt omg), specific time-intensive design elements, even if they look simple (the sleeves are based on Jester's and are my favorite part of the whole outfit). Plus, I have something I made! That I'm proud of! That I enjoy wearing! The design process was fun, far more fun than scrolling through etsy or something. So, yeah, it's not about the complements. It's way more about the feeling I get while wearing it and how that impacts my faire experience.

For next year, I'm going to try to add elements to the outfit that give it more character, sort of like environmental storytelling, but with accessories on the body.. Will I be a tavern wench who moonlights as a royal assassin? Will I be an herbalist's apprentice who works at an apothecary and is hoping to finally brew a love potion, or perhaps a budding necromancer longing to bring their loved one back? A floral fairy who's been transformed to human size, or a bloodthirsty berserker queen? (The Renaissance Faire maybe isn't the best place to try out these ideas, as it's heavier on the historical side of historical fantasy, but maybe what I need is a larp that's heavier on the fantasy side.)

Today I'm thankful that last week was a good week! I'm thankful that my classes seem okay and that I managed to finish my costume (mostly) and that I had a lot of fun at the faire! I'm also thankful my turquoise-friend was with me at the faire. This will absolutely be a fantastic grad school memory.

Also special shoutout to the nyx eye pencil in icy blue (or something like that). I went low makeup yesterday but randomly picked that up the day before to help my eyes match the blue elements in the costume, and it stayed on all day. Impressive for a budget item.

[wheelie-sick]

do you have any experience with smartcrutches? if so, how are they?

also, what kind of doctor did/do you want to be?

oh god not smart crutches 😭 I did in fact use them, for about a year, and they were one of the biggest wastes of money I've ever dealt with

they broke exactly when the warranty ran out. the tips of the crutches no longer stay on. that's not to mention the fact that I had to super glue the handle cover to the handle because it was sliding off or the number of people who had massive chips in the plastic from light wear. the plastic is incredibly flimsy, the crutch parts all break

the gimmick is really not that helpful in my experience. I wanted them to have an in between and honestly it was nice but not nearly as helpful as I thought it would be. the gimmick makes the crutches so fucking heavy, they're literally like 4× the weight of my current crutches. most people do not actually need to be adjusting the angle of their crutches all the time. most people find one setting they like and stick with it. standard forearm crutches or standard platform crutches are much better investments (I also believe KMina has an in between crutch)

there's also a cultural appropriation problem. they created a design imitating tā moko then named it "Maori." a lot of Maori people were (and still are) very upset about this but smart crutch refuses to change it.

I used to want to be a pediatric geneticist! unfortunately I failed all my classes last semester in my manic episode so...... now I'm aiming for pediatric occupational therapy (I really want to work in pediatrics because I have been a disabled kid. I want to give disabled kids the best parts of my experience and fix the worst parts)

[xo-lesserafim]

FALLING FOR YOUR SMILE AND EYES.

EPISODE 9. SNAFU

a/n: Episode 9 yay! I feel kinda bas because I like fast past stories but this is kinda slow. But i promise once we reach a certain point it begin to accelerate. Anyways Enjoy<3

Bold: Korean

Italics: Over the phone.

Both: Korean and over the phone

Divider by @benkeibear

Back to masterlist

“Hey, Andrea!” Yuri said.

“Yea?”

“I was wondering if I could have a sleepover at your house.”

“Yea! But um, why?”

“Okay, I told my mom I was gay, so I moved in with Kitty, but I decided I wanted to have a sleepover with you!”

“Oh, my.”

“But at least I said it. I mean, I feel scared, excited.”

“I’m sure Jenny eonnie is okay with it.”

“All right, see you after school?” Yuri asked.

“For sure.” I said as we headed our ways.

After school I met up with Yuri.

“My chauffeur will pick us up in a bit.” I said as the car came.

We got into the car and put our seatbelts on.

As we made it to the house, I gave Yuri a tour.

“Wow, your house is huge!” Yuri said.

“It’s not my house, I’m just lucky enough to stay here.” I said.

I showed her the last room, the room where I design and make clothes.

“Wow, do you make clothes here?”

“Yea. Oh! Let me show you what I’m working on.” I said running to a mannequin.

“the mannequin have the following pictures on.”

“Did you make all of that?” She asked.

“No, just gloves and dress. I bought the pearl items.”

“I’m just amazed on how it looks!”

“Do you want some food?” I said.

“Sure.”

(You can imagine the things you guys do for the night)

“If you’ve done well all semester, you should have no issues with the final,” Professor Lee said.

“It is fair. Hard, but fair.”

“Yes,”

“What if you have not done well all semester?” Kitty asked.

Thank God she asked that. I had a B+ in Korean Lit but I need that A-.

But all my other grades are fine.

“Probable doom.” Professor Lee said.

“But, I’m not unreasonable, Any student of mine who choose to participate in the end-of-term talent show,will get a ten-point-boost to your lowest grade.”

Eunice and another girl said some stuff.

“No, you must perform a traditional Korean art form with dignity.”

“Andrea,” Yuri said.

“My mom made me take fan dance lessons forever. I can teach you.”

“Really? Thank you so much!” I said.

She on to tell Kitty the same thing.

After school, Yuri gave Kitty and I fan dance lessons.

“So, the idea of this is the fans, the Hanbok we wear, the choreography, the music all come together to create the image of butterflies and flowers in spring.” Yuri said.

“Okay.” I said.

“It’s gorgeous,” Kitty said.

As she was teaching us, I got it first try.

“Here, it’s like this Kitty.” Yuri said.

“Open, close.”

Kitty looked weird, but I decided to ignore it.

After practice, Kitty ran after me.

“Andrea!”

“What?”

“Why have you been ignoring me?”

“You sound like Min ho on the camping trip.”

“So? We want to know why you’ve been ignoring us?”

“I can say, but I don’t want to.”

“Andrea, you’re gonna have to. I mean you’re gonna have to live with me for winter break.”

“And if I’m not?”

“You’re not coming home from winter break?”

“Yea, I told dad already.”

“Seriously! Min ho and I have been trying to talk to you, but you’ve been ignoring us…”

“I have to go, my chauffeur is here.”

As it was time for talent show, there were a few acts before us, so we watched from backstage.

After the acts, it was our turn.

We all got on stage, and waited for the music.

During the dance, Kitty fell on this box thing, and sparks came flying out.

“Kitty,” I said running up to here.

There was a small fire on her Hanbok and I tried to make it go away.

Then, Min ho came running up with his jacket.

“Kitty! Are you okay?” He said.

“Um, excuse me.” I said running off.

I changed quickly, gave Yuri the hanbok, and ran off to a random coffee shop.

I order an iced latte and some food they had.

I feel bad for just running off like that, but I think Min ho could solve the problem.

After I got my food, I called my chauffeur and went home.

Gosh, tonight sucked.

PREV EPISODE MASTERLIST NEXT EPISODE

TAGLIST: @chaewon-slays @cherrriesss @lysira340

Copyrights © 2023 xo-lesserafim. All rights reserved. I do not own XO, Kitty , Netflix does. do not copy, translate, or repost anything without my permission.

[sourcrayons]

My work at the end of Uni

Where has it come from?

My work during my last semester of uni has been all about climate change and the people fighting against it. For my degree show, I created a display showing illustrations and my magazine, A Guide to the Future.

It has come from a growing interest in climate change, focused on people getting together and forming communities and finding solutions to cope with the challenges brought by the climate crisis.

2. What is it about?

Here are the subjects that were covered in my magazine:

Low-tech

Empowering women to work in climate change

Sociology and fundamental human needs

Upcycling

DIY

Slow fashion

Food sharing

Solarpunk

A students’ initiative to create a sustainable shop

3. Where is it going?

I have notes and ideas for a second iteration of A Guide to the Future. What could be interesting is to explore other forms of sharing that work, that is not in the form of a magazine. That could be in the form of videos, blog posts, photography, zines…

I am also very interested in thinking of graphic design in a sustainable way and how sustainable techniques can create limitations and foster creativity.

(uk only) you can buy my magazine from here

[asexualjedi]

Have to figure out in the next couple of weeks if I want to take the bar exam bc apparently it’s a pain just to apply and like a fight against god to try to get accomodations. And I’ve been trying to get accommodations for the mpre since April so like :/. Pain. Idk. It’s. Haha I didn’t think I could get more disillusioned with the legal system by coming to law school. And like I feel like it didn’t?? Idk. I’m just. It’s just only so much you can see and understand how the system not only sucks but is also designed to make lawyers lose empathy, and like pretend they are above politics even though the profession is inherently political and. Like. It’s a nightmare huh. Like. Idk. I don’t want to be part of such an awful system but like if you don’t then liek it’s all filled with people who don’t care or don’t have the capacity to care. Idk. I think I need to talk to my clinic professor bc she said she came to law school intending to not like take the bar and be a human rights advocate. But ended up becoming a juvenile public defender after being in a clinic. And maybe also like my restorative Justice professor bc she is also very disillusioned by the ideas of lawyers. I feel like I was having this falling apart like. In her class haha. But. It just I thought I’d have more time to decide!!! Like I signed up for a class where you meet lawyers each week who do soemthing different so you can learn what you want to do. But… you can only take it your last semester and it’s like ok at that point you’ve already signed up and paid for the bar exam. And applied haha. And like yeah you can start anything at any age but it feels like. Ok I’m going to be 27 and still have no clue what I’m doing. Like. Idk. But. It’s also just like. Everything you learn about the system you realize how resistant to change it is and how slow it is to get anything down like 7 years on average to pass a regulation for the environment sort of shit. And it’s like ok ok well we don’t have that long on this bitch of an earth. But also like?! Idk. and idk how much of this is me just having bad shit happening with my mom, no free time at all bc of my schedule, and losing sleep bc of both things clouding my judgement. But like ??! I’m going to have to decide either way. I just. I guess I could take it and then decide after wards but like!!! That would be like 3 months of my life studying and like thousands of dollars to study and take the damn thing and like. Ahhhhhhh. This is how I felt graduating from undergrad I was like surely I’ll figure out what I want to do. But then I was just like the world is terrible idk if I can be an artist with such horrors and even if I did I want like health insurance and not to have to find a new job every 3 months and that has started to not be a thing sny the time I graduated and it has only gotten worse on that account since the years have passed haha. Idk I’m spiraling and I have a paper to write and parole hearing to prepare for so I’m going to do my deep breathing. Remember that maybe. Uhhh I’ll have a week after Christmas to make a fun dress inspired by commander cody. God if only I could make silly dresses for a living but I fear my environmental code re fabric purchasing and also my slow nature make that something that wouldn’t work and also again. I want health insurance. Honestly my entire life has me been running from having to be a freelancer and it’s honestly. Just. I think that’s what I’m going to have to do. Law degree or not. Idk. If I don’t be a lawyer. It. Idk. I’ll. Focus on paper lock in. And then. Idk. Get through the semester try to not break down over my mom. And uhhh. I think after Christmas. I might have free time to break down? Maybe I can move some shit around and try to have sometime to figure out what I’m doing but honestly like I’m so busy ignoring that my clinic has me doing shit after the semester ends. Ok.

[knavearcade]

November 2024 Oracle Cards for Each Human Design Energy Type

If you’re like me, this past month has felt very long in a hazy, restless kind of way. Based on these cards, next month wants us to take some time to process what’s transpired so that we can use it to make December better than the whole year’s been. There’s a “footnote” kind of energy I’m getting and I think that’s primarily because Pluto will finally leave Capricorn for the last time. Since 2008, it’s mostly been in that sign, save for most of this year (Pluto went into Aquarius on January 20th and then retrograded back into Capricorn on September 1st). While the specific area of your chart will tell you what that’s meant for you personally, as a whole, we’ve been grappling with our concepts of work ethic, hustle culture, and the gig economy. How has that affected you? Who were you prior to 2008 and who are you today?

We are entering uncharted territories and that can be seen with the cards I’ve chosen for the month. The illustrated herbal cards come from the Apothecary Spirits Oracle, which is a beautiful deck that was just released a few months ago! It’s quickly become a new favorite!

As for the square, collage-style cards… they are actually from my upcoming oracle deck! The Refract & Reflect Oracle is still a work in progress and if you like what you see, I need your help to make it a reality! I have bills and other expenses to prioritize before I can get another prototype made, so now more than ever, every dollar made from booking a reading or leaving a tip means a whole helluva lot. 

~~

Generators

Nocturnes & Gardening Tools

Even though they say the veil is thinnest towards the end of October, you can always develop your magick. Generators, you’ll benefit from doing inventory on the routines that work for you in terms of getting things done and making things happen. What healing modalities have helped keep your mind clear and body energized? Is it time to book a therapy session or perhaps find a new therapist entirely? Have you ever tried the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT aka “tapping”)? November is a month for you to fine-tune what tools are in your toolkit; sharpen, replace, and donate as needed.

~~

Manifesting Generators

Softness & Passionflower

Getting ahead doesn’t always require a forceful hand or putting the pedal to the metal. Sometimes, all you need is a gentle touch, a little lightness on your feet, or a clear head after a good night’s sleep. For many of us, the end of the year gets very hectic with family gatherings, business deadlines, and the end of the school semester, and we try to go full-speed ahead. But instead of trying to push through and get everything done on nothing but three cups of coffee and two hours of sleep (on and off, of course), I invite you to rethink your task list and give yourself some grace. Pay attention to where you’re running on auto-pilot because that’s simply the way it’s always been this time of year. But what can be approached with more ease? What do you truly need to attend to? What can you release?

~~

Projectors

Illuminate & Darling River Rose

This month, Projectors, I invite you to remember all the ways you’ve grown. I invite you to remember what you’ve realized about yourself, your truths, and your capabilities. As we near the end of the year, how have you changed? It’s so difficult for us to see ourselves as well as we can see others, but it’s so beneficial when we can. Take some time this month for introspective work and don’t be afraid to broaden the scope of your trajectory. Who were you at the beginning of the year? What were your goals and hopes? What about five years ago? What about 15? If you have the opportunity, look at old photo albums, playlists, journals, and anything else that you can get your hands on.

~~

Manifestors

Cleanse & Juniper

This November is a good month to clear your physical, emotional, and energetic spaces. There are some big revelations and ideas that are eager to make their way to you, but the paths are a little crowded or murky. Spending time on both literal and metaphysical cleansing practices will prime you for whatever comes next. This can be as simple as carving time out for ritual baths, clearing out the photos on your phone (at least back them up, Mercury Retrograde is coming up on the 25th btw), or vacuuming the cobwebs in your home. It can also look like lighting herbs (I love rosemary), playing good music, and visualizing all your anxieties melting off your body and sinking into the earth.

~~

Reflectors

Stories & Nettle

It’s bitter medicine, but heartbreak always teaches us something new, right? For many of us, November (and the end of the year in general) can bring up a lot of sore spots, especially in the realm of relationships and family. If you find yourself revisiting a lot of hurt, try to look at things from different perspectives. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes or try to think of how an outsider would see things. And don’t forget about the scope of the timeline. In a longer trajectory, how did things turn for you or anyone involved? You don’t have to do any of this on your own either, talking it out with a trusted confidant or therapist can lead to some breakthroughs in the patterns you may have been holding onto.

~~

If you like what you’re seeing of the Refract & Reflect Oracle, I’ll be sharing more of the cards and the process on my Ko-Fi membership site! Thank you!

[watercolor-hearts]

tell me about your favorite uni assignment you’ve ever done 🧡

Thank you for this ask. ❤ I've arrived home since then, sorry for the long wait, I needed my laptop for this and it'd have been difficult to use it on the bus.

I think it was time for a positive graphic design-related post because all I do here is to cry about 3D and webdesign because I'm really new to them and don't know anything, and it can look like I don't enjoy what I do but in reality it's my dream to become a graphic designer so I enjoy most of the things, I just don't really talk about the good things that much. I guess. But now I will. 😊

So, there's this chocolate brand called Stühmer which I really love for their packaging design because it's really unusual compared to other chocolate brands. You can check it here but I'm gonna put some examples in the post later from last Christmas.

This semester our first packaging design assigment was Christmas packaging for an existing brand and I instantly knew I wanted to make a Stühmer packaging because I'd already made three other for my portfolio to get into university.

[Please don't steal them.] (The heart was my first ever digital drawing made with a Genius drawing tablet that was... Let's say not a good one.)

These were three of my proudest pieces in my portfolio so I showed them to the packaging design teacher and he told me they were shit because this is not how chocolate packagings should look like. That hurt a bit to be honest and after that point I wasn't sure whether he was going to like this Christmas one. But I kept working on it because I had to.

This is the mockup without background because I couldn't find a good background yet. (The mockup isn't perfect because it's a downloaded one so the sizes are a bit different, that why the weight is too close to the edge.)

[Please don't steal this one either.] (What's not visible on the mockup is that all the text and the icing in the cookies would be silver printed in reality.)

It isn't what my original idea was (gingerbread cookies on a table with some flour under them, so Christmas baking vibes) because the teacher said Christmas packagings are about stars and snowflakes and things like that so he told me to change the background and put on as many snowflakes as I could. I wasn't sure if it'd work but to be honest I've grown to like it, especially after finishing the bottom of the packaging with all the boring text on it and seeing the whole thing come together.

What makes it my proudest/favorite piece is that 1) it's for the brand that's my biggest dream to work with, 2) when my teacher saw it he told all the people in the classroom to gather around me and look at it because this is how a proper Christmas packaging should look like. That was a pretty good moment. 😃

When I was looking for a pic in my gallery today I accidentally found a pic I took last winter in a shop of Christmas edition Stühmer chocolates, and... Well, mine probably doesn't really fit in but I still like it. 😃

If anybody has any graphic design/graphic design uni related questions feel free to send an ask or a private message, I'm happy to help if I can. 😊

[quibbs126]

What the hell am I saying at this point, my brain is just mush

Sorry, I’ve been trying to go to sleep but I can’t because all I can think of is my own incompetence, and right now it’s academics wise, and I’ve been crying for like the past 15 minutes now

So I got Ds for Calculus and Physics, which means I passed, but I’m required to get a C or higher for ETAM, meaning I have to take them again, along with my Engineering class which I failed again, so I’m taking those classes for a third time now and I really am like a year behind now. I should be in to my first year on my major, and here I am on my last chance to get it right, because you only get three opportunities to ETAM, and I’m on my last one

I know what I’ve been doing hasn’t been working, I need to get help outside of class to properly learn these subjects, as well as put actual fucking effort into studying, but I can’t because I’ve become so terrified of human interaction, I can’t possibly go and ask someone for help, and I won’t try to better myself. And I keep telling myself I’ll change things, but I know I won’t, as that’s what’s happening right now, I’m still being my usual, lazy, procrastinating self

Because not only am I failing at my classes and having to redo them AGAIN, but I’m supposed to have done a degree planner LAST SEMESTER, and because I didn’t it’s a hold on registering for classes, and that ends on Friday at 5. And I haven’t registered for any classes because I haven’t done a degree planner. But I was looking earlier to be like “okay, just get it done now so you can pick classes tomorrow”, but I don’t understand what it’s talking about and asking me to do, but I can’t go and ask someone about it, because again, it was supposed to be done last semester, not two days before the last day to register for the semester’s classes, and I can’t deal with that disappointment from someone else

And I can’t tell my parents about it because they’ll be mad at me for leaving everything until the last minute like always, and justifiably so! But I don’t want to deal with the consequences of my inaction and would rather do literally anything that doesn’t involve them getting involved

I don’t really even want to do Engineering or make video games anymore, I just want to do character design. But that’s not a course at my college, I don’t know how to transfer to another major, the only one close to it I need a GPA I don’t have and I don’t have a good portfolio to get in since literally all my art for the past year has just been fankid designs, and I don’t even know the first thing about character design in the first place, or those I do I don’t apply. And it’s not like I can just stop going, that’d be a complete waste of everyone’s time and money and for nothing

I’m just a stupid idiot I tell you, stupid idiot. This is all my own fault

[looosey]

Lucys Main Quest: Hireability

I work very hard. In fact, I'm working all the time. I work all the time very hard, but I'm still not hireable. I have very few hireable skills.

1. Hireable on Resume

When I look at my resume, I am pretty distant from it, because it has few lines of substance and even those lines I don't really resonate with.

The best possible read of my resume is: she can code python and has done so for MIT labs and classes. Okay???

But can she code a server? Has she ever deployed a personal website? Does she know how to use public API's? No... Can she solve coding challenges? No. (Is she passionate about anything she has learned so far at this institute?) [1]

To think I have to put in hours outside of school to achieve these things makes me sad. I spend most of my hours outside of classwork on dance, painting, cooking, reading, writing, listening to music, and traveling on MIT money. When @tumblasha and I talked about dream job assignments, mine was organizing Lollapalooza. It was not programming graphics, video, and music software for the entertainment industry (as is written on my resume).

2. Hireability at MIT

My friend recently switched her major to design (in her junior year of college), and that's changed her MIT experience 180 degrees for the better. Which is inspiring because imagine if you aligned all of MIT's resources to back what you're actually passionate in. You would be unstoppable. You could do anything you really wanted.

It would be a shame to let go of this opportunity, a shame to trickle down the path of least resistance. Because I'm hard working enough to manage the burden of the path, but not hard working enough to sit down and forge my own.

I wanted to write something about hireability since the beginning of this semester. MIT's career fair was last month, and even before that I had an inspiring coffee chat with an MIT alum/startup CEO (I stepped in for a friend who wasn't feeling good). This Friday, I went to Harvard's creative careers fair, which was a small thing held at the top floor of the smith center. It was small and exclusive, see side story [2]. But I met an artist manager from Chicago who worked with people on Lolla last year. An old white grandfather. A Bizarre exchange continued.

He was very interested in my passion about music work, I was interested in the fact that he worked on Lolla, and I handed him my resume which had a bunch of technical gibberish on it, and he told me that he hadn't thought about paying his interns this summer but this could change if needed.

It was bizarre because I didn't know what I wanted from that exchange. Would I drop everything and be okay with bringing nothing MIT-grade to the table as an entertainment hunchman?

3. The future of things

But all is not lost at the same time. Inklings of hope arose this semester. I'm working towards something, because my classes have FINALLY began to move from fundamentals/tools to how to use this tool to build something of your own design. I can finally speak creative stories because I have learned enough of the technical vocabulary. So now, it's the next step: if I had a portfolio full of work that would attract the right crowd what would it look like?

My goal by the end of this school year is to have a resume I am proud of. Not by Course 6 standards or industry standards. But my own. To have done personal projects I want to show off to people and a body of work that speaks for me.

[1] I feel this cognitive dissonance/out-of-body experience when I read my resume... Exactly like when someone asked me who my favorite artist was and I responded Sza. I was weirded out at myself because I felt like I was lying: yes, I listen to her enough, but like I can't name multiple albums of hers. I am not a fan fan. I am a fan fan of Tyler the Creator, Billie Eilish, and Ariana Grande. But they didn't come to my head at all. What is going on????

[2] Security stopped me on the first floor because I was an MIT student with an email invitation but was not on their registration form. They let my boyfriend with a Harvard guest ID through. Harvard Career Advisors stopped him on the tenth floor because it was for current registered students only and then told him "you can go sit at that chair over there though." And let me through. So much gatekeep.