#i have all my design work from last semester but i need to change the formatting slightly

[quarklynx]

Casually flirting with the idea of fucking around and getting a master's degree. The time will pass anyway, right?

[piierrote]

i am genuinely so apologetic if u are here bc of some drawing i did,, i promise i am an artist and i draw it’s just like ALL uni work at the moment which is a lot of like? early character design work and then. sketches for comic pages :(!!

[sabertoothwalrus]

so I’ve been gaining a lot of insight into the animation industry recently, especially in regards to pitching & the creation of new shows. There’s a few ways to go about it.

First, there’s pitching to a studio. When you pitch, it has to be SHORT and CONCISE. You may write a lovingly detailed pitch bible that perfectly breaks down episodes and characterizations, and it might barely even get read. First impressions, first impressions, first impressions!

Most peoples’ first projects don’t get picked up. I’ve heard a few stories from directors that said they tried pitching a story they’d had for years, which got rejected, to then spend a week or even several hours in their car coming up with a new idea, only for that to get greenlit.

But that’s not the end of it. Just because a show gets greenlit, doesn’t mean it will ever get finished. There’s lots of things that can happen. Sometimes, unexpected major world events (like… a global pandemic) can cause projects to get chopped. Sometimes, a CEO change or studio merge means a single person can decide a project “no longer fits with the company’s brand.” Sometimes, the one producer that was rooting for your project gets laid off, and no one else cares enough, so it gets shelved. Sometimes, a streaming service decides to create an animation department, and then they decide they don’t want it anymore. Sometimes, the studio will be simultaneously be developing another project that was too similar to yours and they just didn’t think to tell you until they decide yours is the one with less potential.

On top of that, almost everyone in the industry is saying that “studios just don’t pick up original content anymore.” Studios want something they can franchise, something that will bring in money. New content is risky. Established fanbases are safer.

However! Studios can still be a very good thing. They can be unionized. They can provide better benefits and resources. They can have connections and infrastructure and a larger volume of workers. At a studio, you can divide the labor and produce more in less time. Longer episodes, longer seasons, more consistency in quality.

But this comes with all of the disadvantages of having more in the kitchen.

The alternative is indie animation.

With indie animation, you have total freedom. Full artistic control. It doesn’t even matter if your idea sucks ass, because there’s no one to tell you you can’t make it. You could make it anyway, and you can make it whatever you wanted.

The thing is, making animation is hard. In my production class last semester, the average maximum animation one person could make in that timeframe was 30-60 seconds, and that’s not even counting background design, sound design, or cleanup/color. To make a 5 minute animated short, you should probably have at least 5 people.

And it is CRUCIAL you have a production manager. Ideally someone who’s not already doing art for the project. Most projects without a production manager will fall apart pretty quickly. Once the adrenaline and impulse-fueled motivation wears off, you need someone to hold you accountable and enforce deadlines and proper time management.

Speaking of time, that’s also hard to get. The more people you have, the more likely schedules won’t line up. Most people will have school, or other jobs.

And it costs MONEY!!!!!! You either have everyone work for free and volunteer their time & energy, or you establish a business as a proper indie studio, with people who may or may not have experience on how to handle paying someone else’s salary. And the money has to come from somewhere, so you have to rely on crowdfunding like patreon or kickstarter. (This, by the way, is why I could never fault an indie animation for releasing merch with their pilot.)

And like, maybe you wanna do a series, and all your friends agree to volunteer their labor and time to make the first episode, but it was unanimously not sustainable. Deciding not to produce a second episode until you can raise enough money is not being suddenly greedy, it’s attempting to compensate people rather than expecting them to be continuously taken advantage of.

You have to consider your output as well. There are some outliers like Worthikids, who afaik does all his animation himself, and afaik can work on it full-time thanks to his patreon subscribers. And he still has only produced a total of 30 minutes of animation (for Big Top Burger specifically) in the past 4 years. This is an IMPRESSIVE feat and this is with using a lot of 3D as part of his pipeline!!

Indie animation also has the complication of being more accessible for fandoms. When you’re posting your Official Canon Content on youtube, it doesn’t look a lot different than the fandom-created video essay in the sidebar next to it. What’s canon vs what’s fanon becomes less distinguishable. The boundaries are blurrier. When the creator is just some guy you follow on twitter, it’s easier to prod them for info regarding ships and theories and word-of-god confirmation. They don’t have a PR team or entire international tv networks to appeal to. And this is when creators get frustrated that their fans snowball and turn their creation into something they don’t recognize (and no longer enjoy) anymore.

So it’s tricky.

Thankfully, the threshold to learn animation is fairly low nowadays!! There are TONS of resources online to learn it on your own without forking over a couple hundred thousand to a private art college. There are conventions and discord servers and events where you can network, if you know where to look.

I know it can seem discouraging in the face of capitalism, but I think that’s all the more reason why it’s so important to BE DETERMINED about animation!! We’re already starting to see the beginning of an indie animation boom, and I think it’s a testament to humanity’s desire to tell stories and create art. Even if there’s no financial gain, we do whatever it takes to tell our stories anyway.

[jjungkookislife]

Jeans

pairing: hfth!jungkook x f. reader

genre: established relationship, crack, college au, 18+

summary: Jimin buys you a pair of "coochie" jeans.

wc: 640

warnings: the word coochie is used a lot lol and implied smut?

a/n: this is not to make fun of anyone who likes these jeans, I just thought it would make an interesting drabble

date: June 20, 2024

“Jimin, I don’t need a new outfit,” you insisted as you followed him to the clothing racks of a department store. 

Jimin ignored you as he went through the jeans on one rack, eyes wide when he spotted the most unhinged pair of jeans ever. 

He doesn’t say a word as he grabs them and a few others to hide them under before shoving you into the dressing room.

Reluctantly, you try on the jeans, screaming in the dressing room before showing Jimin. 

“Jimin!”

Cackling, Jimin pops his head into the dressing room, “Oh-ho, those are worse on than I imagined.”

“We are not getting these!”

“I’ll buy them! Hoseok will have a conundrum!”

You glare at Jimin before stomping into the dressing room to change. If he wanted to waste his money on that denim abomination, that was his prerogative.

“Are you sure you can’t stay this summer?” Hoseok asks as he finishes taking your measurements for the outfit he wants to make you. Jungkook and Jimin sat on the floor, gaming controllers in their hands as they cursed when they got shot at on screen.

“I wish, but my parents got my flight tickets last semester so I can’t stay,” you inform him. Jungkook pouts beside Jimin, but remains silent. 

“Why don’t you go try on the dress we got the other day and the jeans?” Jimin chirps as he looks at you over his shoulder. The mischievous grin on his face makes you scowl as Hoseok hands you the yellow shopping bag beside him. 

“I hate you,” you utter in Jimin’s direction, but he simply blows you a kiss when you flip him off and stomp into Jungkook’s bedroom to change. 

“I’m hungry,” Jungkook states as he shuts the game off and heads for the kitchen. He’s got his head in the fridge when the door to his bedroom opens announcing your return. 

Jimin has his hand over his mouth to muffle his laughter when you appear. 

Hoseok’s eyes are wide, his jaw nearly unhinged as he takes in your pants. 

“COOCHIE JEANS?!” Hoseok screeches, grabbing Jungkook’s attention. 

“What about my girl’s coochie?” Jungkook asks as he looks up from the fridge. His jaw drops as he takes in your new pants. 

“What the fuck are those?” Hoseok feels like he’s having a heart attack. Who in their right mind would design those? Who would buy them? 

“Coochie jeans,” Jimin says, ignoring Hoseok’s middle finger aimed at him.

“Those are a fashion designer’s worst nightmare come to life! You paid for those?!”

“Jimin did,” you answer, glaring at your giggling friend. 

“Those are going back immediately!” Hoseok exclaims as he starts patting his pockets for his car keys. 

“Can we keep them for an hour?” Jungkook asks as he looks you up and down with a lustful gaze. 

Hoseok scoffs, shaking his head as he demands you change out of those monstrous jeans before you need to call an ambulance for him. 

Jungkook pouts as you walk away to change and Hoseok nearly throttles Jimin as he demands the receipt. 

“You’re not allowed to take her shopping anymore! In fact, I’ll be making all her outfits from now on!” Hoseok shakes his head as you reappear in regular jeans. 

“Aren’t you busy with your courses?” You ask as you hand over the bag with the Coochie jeans. 

“I’ll make it work if it keeps you out of these!” Hoseok shakes his head as he grabs Jimin by the ear and drags him out of the apartment, lecturing him on fashion. 

Jungkook approaches you, his arm wraps around your waist. 

“That’s too bad,” he says as he kisses your cheek. “We could have had fun with those.”

“Well, Jimin and Hoseok will be gone for a bit, why don’t we go to your room and have some fun?”

© jjungkookislife - I do not allow reposts or translations of my work on any platforms, this includes Youtube.

jeans

[fleouriarts]

sketchbook duuuuump :3 nothing to do in this town AND my stylus isn't working its a perfect storm for filling this thang up

descriptions and such below

feel like the fursona ones are self explanatory. the rileys are basically all inspired by this person's compilations... if you havent seen the clip that the bottom corner drawing is from please do yourself a favor

this was all development shit for the zakharovs who i posted last week. sergei is igor's former childhood friend who i have not come up with much about yet... all i know is he is also a fashion designer (who makes winter clothes specifically) and he has an illegitimate son named nikolai who is an arctic fox (and who i have not drawn yet)

omg okay so if anyone remembers my last sketchbook dump i introduced this character andre in there (and her name was andres but i changed it to andre bc i like it more for whatever reason). anyway ive been drawing him OBSESSIVELYYYYY and have decided that him and null get together at some point after argyle and jamie make up (i desperately need to make a jamie and co timeline post)... but it lasts like one semester and thats it. andre is too vain and too know-it-all for null's tastes even though shes like super hot and nice otherwise. anyway this is just a bunch of drawings of him. i really like how the one of him in my INSANE hat turned out

santiago and null's joint slay... both of them LOVE to gossip with each other and its instrumental to how jamie and argyle make up (will go into detail when i finally figure out all the actual events of that). also andre and null on a hike bc andre is a biology major. i actually drew that while i was on a hike in red rock canyon heres proof

5. mostly just scribbling trying to get better at drawing santiago including more of him and null and his prime Jamie Comforting Tactic of just letting him chill between his wool and sweater. also two drawings of jamie just 4 fun i draw him and his stupid big eyes whenever im out of ideas

6. idk this is just silly stuff. i draw johnny manhandling jamie a lot and i promise you jamie LOVES being treated like a stuffed animal he thinks its SO FUN to be spun around and wiggled and shit. ferret adjacent. him and johnny have been friends since they were in like elementary school because of this. btw santiago does not usually look like that (only having wool on his head) he just has to shear his wool in the summer because having full wool in the flurrida heat is AWFUL

7. comic i drew at the laundromat LOL. takes place either shortly before OR shortly after andre and null get together. johnny mostly hates andre for being with null (shes jealous) (she wants null all to herself even though shes super noncommittal) (johnny get your shit together) BUT ALSO andre being kinda pretentious makes her want to chokeslam him. andre is talking about bird farming specifically because johnny's family are chicken farmers... ive had a lore post about everyone's families in my drafts for months but i cant finish it til my stylus is fixed TT

8. more nonsense. top left corner is a continuation of johnny being a hater. bottom drawings are just mindless jamie doodles. top right is argyle and jamie during their relationship, i cant decide if jamie had REALLY short hair during it or hair like this that's basically just his current hair without the yellow dye and tiny ponytail. whatever

[sillylovingpupper]

I want to talk, uh, about Firefly. There will be spoilers for Honkai Star Rail 2.0

So the driving force behind 2.0 is Firefly; the current arc we're in has wider implications, but 2.0 was pretty clearly set up to introduce you to Penacony and get you to emphasize with Firefly. She is clearly designed to tug at your heartstrings. It's...pretty naked what the writers were hoping to invoke, but I want to rewind a bit. I want to talk about a certain scene, and how it relates to me, and...probably quite a few people reading this. I want to talk about Entropy Loss Syndrome.

I have very little doubt we'll hear more about it in the coming content; I keep myself away from leaks so I don't know if it's confirmed or not and I don't want to know. Everything I want to talk about is in this cutscene right here. Entropy Loss Syndrome is described as "irreversible chronic disassociation of your physical structure." Essentially, your body slowly breaks apart. Firefly explicitly says that it happens so slowly that it's hard to even notice from the outside.

This is the part that made me sit up and take notice, though.

Because while I can't tell you the date? I can tell you the year I noticed this happening to me.

This is the part where I need to tell you a bit about myself.

I was...a relatively healthy person, once upon a time. I wouldn't say I was in the peak of health, but physically I was quite capable, especially when it came to stamina and endurance. I prided myself on being able to walk further, last longer, and do more than other people. I couldn't go as fast as some or lift as much as some, but I could do it longer. And that was taken advantage of. I was a lowerclass American, of course it was. From the age of 17 to the age of roughly 29, the only period longer than six months that I didn't have a fulltime job was the semester and half of college, and the CNA training, that I attended. And in each of those jobs? I made myself indispensable because of the stamina I prided myself on. I'd work doubles, I'd work days in a row, I'd skip breaks, all without complaining. Which leads me to 2019.

After a year of difficult work as a CNA, involving...a lot of interpersonal drama at around the same time I was realizing I was transgender, I...buckled, in 2016. I left that line of work and took the first job that accepted me; McDonalds. At that point, I lived alone with my cat, and I had come to accept that was my fate. I would live alone, work at McDonalds until something happened, and move on to...a similar job, and so on until I died. I simply lost my desire to live, a desire that wouldn't return until early 2018 where, for some reason, against all odds, I pulled myself to a therapist. In 2019, I had, without any true intent on my part, ascended to the role of manager, and found myself shuffled to night shift. I took pride in my work, humble and underpaid as it was, and applied the same stamina and endurance to it that I had my previous jobs. ...until something changed. It was slow at first. I didn't even notice it, I wrote it off as a series of bad days...but thoughts were slightly out of reach. The amount of sleep I needed started to increase. The amount of time it took me to complete an order or clean an area increased. The distance I could walk or ride my bike started to shrink. I ran out of breath slightly easier. Truthfully, this had started happening when I was a CNA, but only on great exertion. I can't say it came from being less active, because of anything, I was more active, as I didn't have a car or the ability to drive...but increasingly I found myself unable to do anything but go to work, and even then, I needed more rest than before.

Fortunately, I was able to move in with some friends in mid 2020, and I haven't worked since, not for pay. I did promise them, in exchange for supporting me, I'd do housework; cook, clean, and support them however I could. A promise I have kept to this day, to the best of my abilities. But those abilities were continuing to shrink, and still do to this day. They noticed then, and they do now.

I went from being fiercely independent and active, to relying on a cane to keep myself stable and prevent falls, to now, where I can't even grocery shop on my own without leaning on the cart or using a motorized cart. I own a wheelchair for especially bad days. ...my thoughts and memories escape me on a nearly daily basis now, and I've found days, every now and again, slip through my fingers.

I've seen doctors, and none of them understand it, not entirely. There's been...theories, and a handful of things that contribute. Dehydration, sleep apnea, issues with my inner ear, even my HRT. Nothing that explains the fullness of it, though. Words like Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia are being thrown around, but we can't even point to a clear infection that could have triggered any of those. And all of this terrifies me. There's a part of me that just keeps telling myself that I'm getting older, that it's normal to slow down as you age...or that maybe it's diet, or getting the wrong kind of exercise. But at the end of the day...I'm losing abilities that I prided myself on. Abilities that I loved. I've found myself largely bound to my house and...

To be honest, I've told myself I'm fine with that. I've painted for myself a beautiful picture where I keep myself at home, take it easy physically and even mentally, and live a peaceful life. There's a part of me that even sees this as the best possible ending for me, but... with even my cognition slipping away from me...what kind of life can I have?

I've gotten through so much of my life, done things that I would have thought were impossible, simply by convincing myself they weren't. That nothing was impossible to a mind that believed. So Firefly means a lot to me because while she has a name for it, and I don't...both of us find ourselves in a body that's slowly betraying us. And Firefly was the first time I've seen someone on screen who had the same kind of struggle as me, and who also chose to keep walking forward and dreaming despite of it. I don't know what kind of life I'll have. I still don't even know for sure if this...whatever it is, is even real and not a result of me overreacting to getting a little slower and my mind filling in the gaps. But...whatever lies ahead of me...I hope that I can still live it brilliantly. I hope maybe one day, I can be the kind of person I was once again, even if I have to take it in smaller bites.

[inkofamethyst]

September 8, 2024

It's been a minute.

In brief: first week was good; finished my hair in three days and it's alright; worked deep into nights to finish the costume; ren faire was amazing!

First Week: I'm getting the feeling that I will have a decent amount of downtime to dedicate to my research and improving my lab skills this semester compared to last year. I was stressed about several things, but they turned out alright in the end. One thing was the primate class I'm taking. I don't have much primate behavioral background, but this class seems like it will mostly just be reading and discussion, so a super super chill seminar (no papers or exams, either!!). I was also worried about the new responsibilities that are lumped onto second years, but they seem manageable, especially with such a "large" cohort.

Hair: they're essentially mini twists with extensions, so I generally like the look of them, but I think the extension quality is lacking. It did take me two additional evenings to finish, but they should be good for at least another two or three weeks. Next time, I may try marley hair.

Costume: I was in the library makerspace for five hours last week to do the main machine-sewing bits. It would've been six but a friend had a last-minute birthday gathering which I forfeited my makerspace reservation to attend (I don't regret that choice, though!). While I couldn't finish everything exactly as I'd hoped to (the bottom hems on the chemise are raw (but I cut/tore them straight across so I wasn't too worried), not enough time to add the ruffle to the chemise (and I wasted like an hour at the machine prepping it before realizing that I still needed to work on the bodice), no "boning" in the bodice (which ultimately was probably for the best, as the canvas interlining was HEFTY (potentially too hefty considering the event lol)), ran out of lining fabric for the bodice so the back pieces are unlined (I was using scrap to begin with, and I'll likely go in and use scraps from the chemise just to cover those back seams)), it still managed to look REALLY COOL. I am SO PROUD of what I managed to accomplish in just a week. GAH I felt so pretty. Even despite all the incomplete bits and things I would change. Every time I looked into a mirror yesterday I would just beam at myself because I felt so good!!! I managed to complete all of my goals (chemise, bodice/corset, skirt hike) to a passable degree, and it brings me so much joy to think about. I did that!!!

Ren Faire: The faire was so good. Plenty of activities, plenty of shops, plenty to see, plenty to eat. My dnd group plus my turquoise-friend were all there for a birthday celebration, and it was a grand time. I got to try archery, I failed to eat a turkey leg by myself, I yelled my throat raw cheering for my assigned (and particularly bloodthirsty) old man knight during the jousts, I tried (and loved) raspberry mead. While my turquoise-friend and I hunted for elf ears that'd match out skin tone, we couldn't find any and instead each bought some gorgeous filigree elven ear cuffs. I adore mine and want to wear them everywhere omg. It was all-around just so great, and I totally want to go back next year.

As I was roaming the faire, it became clear that my outfit wasn't really anything special at a glance. Bodice, chemise, skirt, belt. While, yes, that was my goal, I did take some time to reflect on whether hours of designing, drafting, basting, machine sewing, and hand sewing were worth it to look almost exactly like every other bar maiden/tavern wench who bought a costume from amazon or spirit halloween. I think the answer is that it was worth it, even if the costume wouldn't pass a true seamstress' close inspection. There are absolutely elements to mine that are unlikely to be found in mass-produced versions, even ones that "look cooler". Certain seam finishes, the amount of fabric used (esp in the skirt omg), specific time-intensive design elements, even if they look simple (the sleeves are based on Jester's and are my favorite part of the whole outfit). Plus, I have something I made! That I'm proud of! That I enjoy wearing! The design process was fun, far more fun than scrolling through etsy or something. So, yeah, it's not about the complements. It's way more about the feeling I get while wearing it and how that impacts my faire experience.

For next year, I'm going to try to add elements to the outfit that give it more character, sort of like environmental storytelling, but with accessories on the body.. Will I be a tavern wench who moonlights as a royal assassin? Will I be an herbalist's apprentice who works at an apothecary and is hoping to finally brew a love potion, or perhaps a budding necromancer longing to bring their loved one back? A floral fairy who's been transformed to human size, or a bloodthirsty berserker queen? (The Renaissance Faire maybe isn't the best place to try out these ideas, as it's heavier on the historical side of historical fantasy, but maybe what I need is a larp that's heavier on the fantasy side.)

Today I'm thankful that last week was a good week! I'm thankful that my classes seem okay and that I managed to finish my costume (mostly) and that I had a lot of fun at the faire! I'm also thankful my turquoise-friend was with me at the faire. This will absolutely be a fantastic grad school memory.

Also special shoutout to the nyx eye pencil in icy blue (or something like that). I went low makeup yesterday but randomly picked that up the day before to help my eyes match the blue elements in the costume, and it stayed on all day. Impressive for a budget item.

[wheelie-sick]

do you have any experience with smartcrutches? if so, how are they?

also, what kind of doctor did/do you want to be?

oh god not smart crutches 😭 I did in fact use them, for about a year, and they were one of the biggest wastes of money I've ever dealt with

they broke exactly when the warranty ran out. the tips of the crutches no longer stay on. that's not to mention the fact that I had to super glue the handle cover to the handle because it was sliding off or the number of people who had massive chips in the plastic from light wear. the plastic is incredibly flimsy, the crutch parts all break

the gimmick is really not that helpful in my experience. I wanted them to have an in between and honestly it was nice but not nearly as helpful as I thought it would be. the gimmick makes the crutches so fucking heavy, they're literally like 4× the weight of my current crutches. most people do not actually need to be adjusting the angle of their crutches all the time. most people find one setting they like and stick with it. standard forearm crutches or standard platform crutches are much better investments (I also believe KMina has an in between crutch)

there's also a cultural appropriation problem. they created a design imitating tā moko then named it "Maori." a lot of Maori people were (and still are) very upset about this but smart crutch refuses to change it.

I used to want to be a pediatric geneticist! unfortunately I failed all my classes last semester in my manic episode so...... now I'm aiming for pediatric occupational therapy (I really want to work in pediatrics because I have been a disabled kid. I want to give disabled kids the best parts of my experience and fix the worst parts)

[rubyreduji]

My Heart Has Gone To You | 07

pairing: lee jihoon x f!reader (side son hyunwoo x f!reader) ch notes: angst, jihoon has multiple realizations, kinda fluff? mentions soft ynhoon moments, reader is a bad bitch, suggestive content, use of bunny as nickname (like once), smut [male masturbation, explicit pictures and videos, mentions of fingering] w.c.: 5.0k a/n : i hope yall arent too mad at the reader in this its kinda of a bold direction to go but yea anyways

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It’s been almost a week since the “Jihoon Incident” and you’re still fully miserable. You can barely pick yourself up to go to class and work. You don’t speak to anyone anymore besides Sana who forces you to speak to her.

There’s been no word from Jihoon, even though Soonyoung keeps texting you (you just ignore him).

You’re still not even sure what fully happened in that conversation. All you remember is Jihoon saying he doesn’t need you and then storming off. All you wanted to do was see him, for him to want to see you back. You’re completely lost without him, even though he’s been out of your life for almost a month now with how little contact you guys were having before the fight.

It doesn’t help that Jihoon is all over even when he’s not here. His clothes are in your room, his smell is buried into your pillowcases, his photos are on your wall. You don’t even get rid of them because you can’t find the energy or the heart to make the effort.

You barely sleep anymore. Everytime you close your eyes all you can see is Jihoon telling you to shut up. Sana keeps calling you a walking zombie but you can’t even care about her retorts anymore.

The only people who know are Soonyoung, Sana, Nayeon, and Minghao. They’ve all been periodically checking up on you but you only shoot down their attempts. Your heart has been broken and anything they say or do won’t change that.

You know that you should study for your finals, but you can’t bring yourself to do it. Most of your final was covered with the Fine Arts Showcase and most of your classes this semester surround photography and graphic design so you don’t bother to study.

It’s obvious that Sana is incredibly worried about you but you can’t even do anything about it. You honestly just want to curl up in a ball and die.

Unbeknownst to you, or anyone else, Jihoon has been repenting alone in his studio. He’s not even working on his music anymore, he just spends the day in his studio beating himself and wallowing in his self pity. The second he slammed his studio door shut he knew he made a mistake. He wanted to rush out of the room and make it better but he already knew he couldn’t do anything that would take back his actions.

He doesn’t even know why he said all of that to you. You were completely right. He was the one who was cutting everyone off in favor of hiding in his studio. You were genuinely just concerned for him and all he did was push you away even more.

Jihoon had been stressed. Showcase time was never nice to him as he was always swarmed with his own and other’s work. Due to the success of last year’s performance, he seemed to have even more projects than normal this year, which led him to being cooped up most hours of the day. He was aware he wasn’t giving attention to any of his friends, let alone you. Being away from you for so long made him irritable and he missed you just as much as you missed him but he knew he couldn’t go see you with the Showcase so soon.

Being alone for prolonged periods of time wasn’t great for Jihoon. It left his mind to wander which then led to him thinking about things he didn’t want to. Things like his feelings for you.

He’s always sworn that he doesn’t have romantic feelings for you but a conversation with Seungcheol made him rethink that.

“Hyung!” Seungcheol turns around to face the younger boy. “Never give Y/N’s number to some random stranger like that again, got it?”

“Namjoon? He said that she wanted to go on a date with him.”

“She was drunk. You should have asked her before giving it out freely. That was stupid.”

“Jihoon I know you’re all protective over her and everything, but why do you care so much? She can take care of herself, and she can date whoever she wants. Unless you don’t want her dating someone.”

“Why wouldn’t I want that?” Jihoon scoffs.

“Maybe because you’re fucking in love with Y/N.”

After that conversation the idea couldn’t get out of his mind. Him…in love with you? Lee Jihoon in love with L/N Y/N? Could that be possible?

Despite all of his songs about love and heartbreak, Jihoon has never been in a relationship before. He’s not exactly what being in love feels like.

Whenever you’re with him he feels empowered, like it doesn’t matter whatever happens because you’ll be there with him, holding his hand, and it will all work out. Is that love?

Is love when he feels safe whenever you’re around? That he’s supported and taken care of, that there is someone in his corner.

You’ve always there for him. Besides maybe Soonyoung and Seungcheol, nobody else bothered to check in on him when he closed himself off. But without a doubt you would be there dragging him out of the apartment to go get lunch together or take him to go check out the new bookstore that opened up downtown. Just seeing your smiling face could make all of his stress melt away.

When you press soft kisses to his face and he feels a comfortable warmth spread throughout his whole body, is that love?

He thinks about you all the time, even if he doesn’t realize he’s doing it. You inspire his work and push him to be a better person. There’s nobody else in his life who means the world to him the way you do. 

Is he in love because out of everyone in the entire world, even out of supermodels and celebrities, he would choose you? And that he wants you to choose him back, no matter what. Through the good days and the bad days, through all of his highs and lows, he wants you to choose him and nobody else.

Jihoon can’t imagine you being with anyone else other than him. He doesn’t want other men to flirt with you and he wants all of the special moments to be between you and him, nobody else. He doesn’t even want to think about anyone else kissing you or playing with your hair or anything he does with you. He wants to be the only one who does that to you. 

If he is in love with you, where has it been hiding? Why hasn’t he figured it out before now? Was the love hiding in intertwined hands and whispered jokes? Was it in the late night adventures and early morning cuddles? Jihoon wonders if your love was hidden in movie nights and grocery shopping.

Jihoon can’t kid himself anymore, he’s thoroughly infatuated with you. He wants to spend the rest of his life by your side, and he wants to cherish you everyday, and tell you he loves you with all of his being whenever he can.

The realization sends him into an even deeper spiral. Jihoon loves you, and now he’s gone and fucked up the best thing is in his life.

You won’t ever forgive him, and he doesn’t want you to. He can’t even begin to think about how badly he’s hurt you. Not just from his words but his actions as well. He’s been ignoring you, brushing you off, hell he even stood you up. You deserved better than Jihoon.

You deserve better, but the selfish part of him still wants you to love him. He wants to be the one you pick, but that’s not fair of him to ask you. He told you he didn’t love you even after you laid out your whole heart for him. He left you crying on his living room floor and he did nothing to make it better.

He had no excuse for his actions. It didn’t matter how stressed he was, he let his own insecurities get a hold of him and he took it out on you. He got into a big fight with Bumzu which left Jihoon feeling unconfident in his songwriting abilities. He threw himself into his work even more to make up for it.

Then one day Soonyoung came home from a photoshoot with you and he raved about how you seemed to be thriving. You were busy but were still able to keep up with everything and he was envious. Envious that you could so effortlessly handle the stress of your life. You could get your work done and still have time to see your friends. You were also still texting him, checking up on him periodically all while he ignored you.

If Jihoon is being honest, he’s always admired your work ethic. You’ve always been known for your phenomenal photography, even back in high school. When college hit you got your apprenticeship at your agency within the first semester of college. Jihoon’s music career didn’t truly pick up until this year and he felt like he needed to work even harder just to get up to your level. People have always sought your photography skills and you were always working on multiple projects and were able to flawlessly juggle them. You worked and did the newspapers and plays and were still able to help people with their photography needs and take care of your friends. On top of all of it you were still able to make time for Jihoon as well. Jihoon was never that good at juggling multiple things; his attention is very all or nothing. 

It wasn't fair to you for him to take up your time when you had so much going on so he started to avoid you. After he realized how much it affected you, it was too late, he was ashamed of his actions and he was so guilty that he didn’t want to see you because it would be too much for him. He would then have to face his actions. So he avoided you even more.

Then he missed the day you guys were supposed to meet and he felt like an even bigger asshole. Bumzu had called him to the office to apologize and introduce him to the new project he wanted Jihoon’s help with, and he was too hyper focused on that to even remember you. He’s not sure what was wrong with him, he’s never forgotten about you.

Then he got even busier with the Fine Arts Showcase and he got into a fight with Soonyoung. The older boy was pressing him to get out of his studio, that he was being childish for ignoring all his friends, and Jihoon snapped at him. He said a lot of fucked up shit about Soonyoung’s dancing career in comparison to his music career. Soonyoung hasn’t talked to him since.

Then he still had to worry about you so he thought that if he sang Ruby you would be able to finally talk to one another and get things worked out. Everything would be okay. He knew he was guilty of not coming to your exhibit with the others but he knew that he could make it back up to you, but he would never have a chance to network like that again. Bumzu had just told him about the new K-Pop group he would be producing for and he knew he couldn't mess that up. If he was being honest he was also trying to steer clear of Soonyoung because that guilt was also eating him up. 

On Saturday he was so nervous for his performance. He wanted his heart to reach yours and for you to be touched by his lyrics, for you to come find him after the show and make it all better. But after the show a bunch of girls crowded him and all he could think about was a conversation he had with Bumzu.

“Are you dating anyone right now?”

“Excuse me?”

“Are you dating anyone right now?”

“If you’re trying to set me up with someone, I’m not looking for anyone to date.”

Bumzu snorts at this. “Okay but dude, there’s no way you’re not seeing someone, Ruby is way too intense not to be about someone.”

“It’s…complicated.” Jihoon frowns. He’s not dating you but the song is about you.

“Well if anyone asks, no it’s not. You’re an attractive, young, talented guy. If girls think you’re single your fame will be through the charts, trust me.”

“Whatever you say hyung.”

That led to him telling those girls that the song wasn’t about anyone. He didn’t even know you heard him until he heard Soonyoung shouting your name as your figure disappeared into the crowd. He didn’t even realize you were standing there. It was still a stupid decision on his part. He never should have listened to Bumzu, and he never should have let those girls flirt with him. It felt wrong the whole time and as soon as the words left his mouth he knew it wasn't right. He wanted to run after you but Minghao was glaring at him and he felt like he didn’t have the right to go after you anymore.

On Sunday Jihoon went to the photography exhibit. He was hoping to catch you there but he should have known better. Your art was the first thing he saw though, hung up in the center of the room for everyone to adore. He looked over each photo, warmth filling his heart at the sight of his friends doing what they love.

He frowned at the fact he wasn’t there though. Why wasn’t he there? He racked his brain trying to think of why he wasn’t there and then he realized it was because he never had time for you. You had brought up the project to him on multiple occasions but he was always too busy for you. It seems he’s been too busy for you a lot lately.

Then his insecurities started to eat at him again. It seemed that you were still able to function without him. He could even say you were thriving. Your photos are beautiful, you had amazing friendships, what right did he have to be in your life and mess that up? You don’t need him.

Then he ran into you and he couldn’t handle it. He couldn’t handle hurting you even more so he pushed you away, only to come to regret it. He wants you around, he needs you, he doesn’t think you’re annoying, and he never wants you to shut up.

He didn’t mean anything he said, he didn’t even know what he was saying, he just needed to let out all of his emotions and he did it in the wrong way to the wrong person. He betrayed all the trust you put into him and he threw it back in your face.

The week following has been the worst week of Jihoon’s life. He barely goes to class and he only leaves his studio in the dead of night. He doesn’t want to see Soonyoung, to see the way Soonyoung looks at him in disgust.

Jihoon’s eyes flit down to the framed picture on his studio desk. It's the one that Mingyu took during Halloween. Your bodies leaning into each other in your couple’s costume, giant smiles spread across your lips. It pains him to keep the photo, but it would pain him more to get rid of it.

He knows he has to make this better with you. He also knows there’s a big chance you won’t forgive him, but he at least needs to apologize to you, to try and make it better. He owes it to you to get proper closure if you really do want him to leave you be. He just needs to figure out a way to do it.

“Are you okay?” The voice startles you and you look up to see Hyunwoo.

It’s been a little over two weeks since you and Jihoon had your “break up”. Finals were over and winter break was upon you guys but nobody in your friend group was going back home. You had too many obligations at your jobs to go back home, but you didn’t mind.

Even though you are coming into work everyday, you know your performance isn’t the best. You didn’t think anyone would notice but here Hyunwoo is, standing in front of you, noticing.

“Uhm it’s complicated,” you chuckle darkly. “I’m sorry if I’m dragging the team down.”

“No, no! Not at all! I didn’t mean to imply anything like that, I was just…worried about you. You seem down lately. If you don’t want to talk about it you don’t have to but I just wanted to see if there was anything I could do to cheer you up.”

“Ah, you’re so sweet Hyunwoo, but I think this is something I just have to wait until it passes.”

“I see.” Hyunwoo is quiet for a moment before starting up again. “I know this might not be the best timing but I think I’ll kick myself if I don’t do it. Y/N, will you go on a date with me?”

You look up at the tall man with wide eyes. That is…not something you were expecting. You think about the day when Jihoon asked you if you would go on a date with Hyunwoo if he asked and you shook the idea off. Now here you are, being propositioned by him.

“Hyunwoo…I’m kind of going through a break up of sorts? I don’t know, it’s complicated. I just don’t want to use you as a rebound.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry. Is that who that small guy was at the grocery store? Wait, don’t answer that, I don’t want to pry. But if you’ll have me, I’d still like to take you out. You deserve a nice night without thinking about him.”

You weigh your options. Soonyoung, Minghao, Nayeon, and Sana have been trying to get you to go out and feel nice for once and you keep shutting them down. Maybe this is your chance to at least try and if it goes horribly wrong you know then you know not to do it again.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay, I’ll go on a date with you.”

You guys agree to go out tomorrow night (Friday) and Hyunwoo leaves with a giant smile on his face.

When you tell Sana about this she’s more excited than you are. She even helps you get ready for the date.

“Sana I am not wearing lingerie on this date. It’s not like that.” You snatch the pair of black strappy lace panties out of Sana’s hands.

“So? Don’t do it for him, do it for you. To feel good.” Sana picks up the matching bra and hands it over to you as well. “What’s the worst thing that can happen? He sees it? Oh no you’re going to get laid Y/N, the horrors.”

You glare at her but make a decision to wear it. Not because you think you’re going to get laid, just because you want to feel nice about yourself.

You pair your undergarments with a dusty pink satin dress and white heels. Sana finishes up the final touches of your makeup when you get a phone call. It’s Hyunwoo.

“Hello?”

“Hi! I’m here and I was going to send you a text but I wanted to be a little more romantic than that. I’d go up to your apartment door but I can’t exactly get inside the building.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll be down in a minute.” You hang up the phone and tell Sana that Hyunwoo is here. She gives you your hand purse and one final look over before she’s sending you out the door.

When you get to the front of your building you can see Hyunwoo standing outside with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. You blush deeply and hurry up to greet him. His mouth drops open when he sees you but he quickly recuperates.

“These are for you, and they’re nearly as beautiful as you are. Wow Y/N, I’m not kidding you are stunning.” Hyunwoo takes your hand as you do a little twirl for him.

“Thank you, and you look very handsome as well.” He’s in a black button up shirt with matching black pants and a black blazer. The top button of his shirt is unbuttoned and the only bit of color in his whole outfit is the silver of his belt buckle.

Hyunwoo leads you to his car and you two take off. You guys converse as you drive and you find that making conversation with Hyunwoo is easy, even outside of work. You talk about how busy you’ve been and everything going on in your life and he listens intently.

You two pull up to a restaurant and park before Hyunwoo is at your door opening it for you. You take his hand and he leads you all the way into the restaurant. The building itself is nice and you don’t think you’ve ever been in a restaurant so nice before.

When you two sit down Hyunwoo is sure to pull out your chair for you before seating himself. When you pick up the menu the prices stun you for a second and you hear Hyunwoo laugh across the table.

“Darling, don’t worry about the prices.” He then leans across the table towards you. “You didn’t hear this from me but trust me, the agency pays me a hefty sum of money for modeling for them.”

You giggle at this, all of the worries and stress ebbing away.

The rest of the night goes without a hitch. Hyunwoo is genuinely sweet and funny and good at holding a conversation. You find yourself not thinking about Jihoon and rather laughing along at Hyunwoo’s stories he tells you.

Afterward as you’re walking back to Hyunwoo’s car he speaks up.

“I’m going to be honest here, I’m not sure I want this night to end yet, so would you like to come back to my place for drinks?”

You find yourself agreeing and soon you’re in Hyunwoo’s penthouse living room, a few drinks in but not even tipsy yet. Hyunwoo had put a random movie on but it’s been forgotten as you sit in Hyunwoo’s lap, making out. You can’t even blame this one on the alcohol. Hyunwoo had asked if he could kiss you and you agreed, it was as simple as that.

Hyunwoo pulls back from you, chest heaving as he tries to catch his breath. “Y/N. I know that you’re still getting over your other guy and that there’s a chance that this will turn into nothing, but I want you so badly. I don’t care if you still love that other guy, who by the way is nowhere near good enough for you, but please just let me help you forget about him. Just for tonight.”

His hands sit on your thigh and your brain is already a little fuzzy from just making you. You blink at Hyunwoo for a moment before nodding back. “Please, help me forget.”

With that Hyunwoo is scooping you up into his arms and carrying you off to his bedroom.

Trying to make a plan to get you back is proving to be harder than Jihoon has expected. It doesn’t help that none of the people closest to you seem to be talking to him and everyone else is unaware of the situation.

Everytime Minghao is over to visit Jun he can’t do anything but glare at the other boy and make off-handed comments about him. It’s gotten to the point where if Jihoon knows Minghao is going to be over he’ll leave the apartment.

So Jihoon can’t ask anyone for help and he’s not too sure anyone would be his side anyways. He knows you better than anyone else though, so he should be able to do this. 

It doesn’t help that everytime he thinks about you though, he wants to just hit himself in the head and hide away forever. He misses you even more than he did before everything blew up. He never realized how much it meant to him to be able to hold you at night and now his sleep schedule is messed up even more than usual.

He knows the real way to fix this is talking to you in person, but he can’t do that while your friends are hiding you away from him and he’s too much of a coward to just text you. So his next best idea is to do what he’s best at: writing music.

Jihoon is clicking through his files when he sees an unlabeled file and frowns. He prides himself on being very organized, especially with everything on his computer. He moves his cursor over to the file and clicks it open.

His eyes go wide and his face blushes red when the photos of you pop up onto his screen. One night while you guys were still on good terms, he was locked away in his studio working on a song. He had a bit of free time while all of the audio clips transferred over and he was bored so of course he pulled up his stash of sexy photos and videos of you. He wanted to see them on a larger scale so he uploaded all of them to his laptop and put them in an unlabeled folder for him to use when he was feeling particularly needy for you but was stuck in his studio.

The photo on the screen is one of his favorites. You’re face down on the bed with your ass in the air. Your lacy red panties are pulled to the side and a pretty silver butt plug with a red gem sits in your ass. Below it your pussy is dripping. Jihoon’s cock is in frame, his tip lined up to your wet entrance.

Jihoon remembers how hard he fucked you that day. He fucked you into the mattress while he shoved a dildo in and out of your cute little ass. You were so full and you came at least three times just from his cock and the toy alone. 

He clicks to the next picture. It’s a solo mirror picture you sent to him one day while he was in class. You’re sitting in your room with your legs spread under you. Your tits are out in the open and a pair of pink panties sit over your core. He was in his music history class when you sent that photo. You had also sent him a video to go along with the photo where you pulled your panties to the side and bounced on a thick dildo while whining for Jihoon and wishing it was his actual cock pistoning into you. He couldn't pay attention for the rest of the lecture and afterwards he stormed all the way to your apartment to make you choke on his dick. Before Jihoon even realizes he’s doing it, his hand reaches down to palm at his cock in his sweats.

The next file to come up is a video. The camera shakes as the phone is awkwardly placed down and propped against something. Then Jihoon comes into view as he walks over to where you’re laying on the bed. You’re already naked but Jihoon is fully dressed. He slides into place behind you and picks you up so your legs straddle his thighs.

“Sit up baby, let the camera see you.” Jihoon hears his own voice flow through his headphones. In the video he’s pulling you up so your tits are in frame, as well as your soaked pussy. “Mmm, look at your pretty little cunt, already so wet for me. Want me to finger you bunny?”

You only nod but it’s enough for Jihoon. His hand is sliding down your body and to your clit. He rubs circles the bud and you’re already shaking. You let out small begs for Jihoon to finger you. After a few more jerks of his fingers he complies and sinks a finger into your cunt.

Your whimpers make Jihoon’s dick stir and he’s pulling down his sweats and boxers to get his dick out of his pants. He spreads the precum around his dick a bit before pumping his cock into his hand. He watches the video intently as video Jihoon curves his finger into you. Soon he’s adding another finger and thrusting into you quicker. His thrusts get deeper the quicker he plunges into you, his fingers grazing your cervix.

Jihoon fists his cock to the pace he’s fingering fucking you at and he wishes he has the real thing. That it’s your pussy clamping around his dick and not his hand, that the real you is in his lap instead of just a video of you in his lap. You’re freely moaning out now and Jihoon can feel his balls tightening. On camera you let out a sob as you fall forward, Jihoon catches you and continues to fuck into you as you ride out your orgasm.

Real life Jihoon cums as he watches you squirm around. His cum squirts all over his hand and torso and he releases his dick to lean back, his breathing heavy. The video stops and he finally gets a hold of the situation.

What is he doing? Jerking off to pictures and videos of a girl whose heart he broke. He’s disgusting and shameful and he misses you more than anything. He wants to be able to hold you again, and not just in a sexual way, but in a romantic way as well.

Jihoon knows he should clean up and forget that this ever happened but instead he finds himself clicking to the next video and grabbing at his cock again. And if he jerks off for the rest of the night thinking about you, well nobody else has to know.

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[xo-lesserafim]

FALLING FOR YOUR SMILE AND EYES.

EPISODE 9. SNAFU

a/n: Episode 9 yay! I feel kinda bas because I like fast past stories but this is kinda slow. But i promise once we reach a certain point it begin to accelerate. Anyways Enjoy<3

Bold: Korean

Italics: Over the phone.

Both: Korean and over the phone

Divider by @benkeibear

Back to masterlist

“Hey, Andrea!” Yuri said.

“Yea?”

“I was wondering if I could have a sleepover at your house.”

“Yea! But um, why?”

“Okay, I told my mom I was gay, so I moved in with Kitty, but I decided I wanted to have a sleepover with you!”

“Oh, my.”

“But at least I said it. I mean, I feel scared, excited.”

“I’m sure Jenny eonnie is okay with it.”

“All right, see you after school?” Yuri asked.

“For sure.” I said as we headed our ways.

After school I met up with Yuri.

“My chauffeur will pick us up in a bit.” I said as the car came.

We got into the car and put our seatbelts on.

As we made it to the house, I gave Yuri a tour.

“Wow, your house is huge!” Yuri said.

“It’s not my house, I’m just lucky enough to stay here.” I said.

I showed her the last room, the room where I design and make clothes.

“Wow, do you make clothes here?”

“Yea. Oh! Let me show you what I’m working on.” I said running to a mannequin.

“the mannequin have the following pictures on.”

“Did you make all of that?” She asked.

“No, just gloves and dress. I bought the pearl items.”

“I’m just amazed on how it looks!”

“Do you want some food?” I said.

“Sure.”

(You can imagine the things you guys do for the night)

“If you’ve done well all semester, you should have no issues with the final,” Professor Lee said.

“It is fair. Hard, but fair.”

“Yes,”

“What if you have not done well all semester?” Kitty asked.

Thank God she asked that. I had a B+ in Korean Lit but I need that A-.

But all my other grades are fine.

“Probable doom.” Professor Lee said.

“But, I’m not unreasonable, Any student of mine who choose to participate in the end-of-term talent show,will get a ten-point-boost to your lowest grade.”

Eunice and another girl said some stuff.

“No, you must perform a traditional Korean art form with dignity.”

“Andrea,” Yuri said.

“My mom made me take fan dance lessons forever. I can teach you.”

“Really? Thank you so much!” I said.

She on to tell Kitty the same thing.

After school, Yuri gave Kitty and I fan dance lessons.

“So, the idea of this is the fans, the Hanbok we wear, the choreography, the music all come together to create the image of butterflies and flowers in spring.” Yuri said.

“Okay.” I said.

“It’s gorgeous,” Kitty said.

As she was teaching us, I got it first try.

“Here, it’s like this Kitty.” Yuri said.

“Open, close.”

Kitty looked weird, but I decided to ignore it.

After practice, Kitty ran after me.

“Andrea!”

“What?”

“Why have you been ignoring me?”

“You sound like Min ho on the camping trip.”

“So? We want to know why you’ve been ignoring us?”

“I can say, but I don’t want to.”

“Andrea, you’re gonna have to. I mean you’re gonna have to live with me for winter break.”

“And if I’m not?”

“You’re not coming home from winter break?”

“Yea, I told dad already.”

“Seriously! Min ho and I have been trying to talk to you, but you’ve been ignoring us…”

“I have to go, my chauffeur is here.”

As it was time for talent show, there were a few acts before us, so we watched from backstage.

After the acts, it was our turn.

We all got on stage, and waited for the music.

During the dance, Kitty fell on this box thing, and sparks came flying out.

“Kitty,” I said running up to here.

There was a small fire on her Hanbok and I tried to make it go away.

Then, Min ho came running up with his jacket.

“Kitty! Are you okay?” He said.

“Um, excuse me.” I said running off.

I changed quickly, gave Yuri the hanbok, and ran off to a random coffee shop.

I order an iced latte and some food they had.

I feel bad for just running off like that, but I think Min ho could solve the problem.

After I got my food, I called my chauffeur and went home.

Gosh, tonight sucked.

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TAGLIST: @chaewon-slays @cherrriesss @lysira340

Copyrights © 2023 xo-lesserafim. All rights reserved. I do not own XO, Kitty , Netflix does. do not copy, translate, or repost anything without my permission.

[sourcrayons]

My work at the end of Uni

Where has it come from?

My work during my last semester of uni has been all about climate change and the people fighting against it. For my degree show, I created a display showing illustrations and my magazine, A Guide to the Future.

It has come from a growing interest in climate change, focused on people getting together and forming communities and finding solutions to cope with the challenges brought by the climate crisis.

2. What is it about?

Here are the subjects that were covered in my magazine:

Low-tech

Empowering women to work in climate change

Sociology and fundamental human needs

Upcycling

DIY

Slow fashion

Food sharing

Solarpunk

A students’ initiative to create a sustainable shop

3. Where is it going?

I have notes and ideas for a second iteration of A Guide to the Future. What could be interesting is to explore other forms of sharing that work, that is not in the form of a magazine. That could be in the form of videos, blog posts, photography, zines…

I am also very interested in thinking of graphic design in a sustainable way and how sustainable techniques can create limitations and foster creativity.

(uk only) you can buy my magazine from here

[watercolor-hearts]

tell me about your favorite uni assignment you’ve ever done 🧡

Thank you for this ask. ❤ I've arrived home since then, sorry for the long wait, I needed my laptop for this and it'd have been difficult to use it on the bus.

I think it was time for a positive graphic design-related post because all I do here is to cry about 3D and webdesign because I'm really new to them and don't know anything, and it can look like I don't enjoy what I do but in reality it's my dream to become a graphic designer so I enjoy most of the things, I just don't really talk about the good things that much. I guess. But now I will. 😊

So, there's this chocolate brand called Stühmer which I really love for their packaging design because it's really unusual compared to other chocolate brands. You can check it here but I'm gonna put some examples in the post later from last Christmas.

This semester our first packaging design assigment was Christmas packaging for an existing brand and I instantly knew I wanted to make a Stühmer packaging because I'd already made three other for my portfolio to get into university.

[Please don't steal them.] (The heart was my first ever digital drawing made with a Genius drawing tablet that was... Let's say not a good one.)

These were three of my proudest pieces in my portfolio so I showed them to the packaging design teacher and he told me they were shit because this is not how chocolate packagings should look like. That hurt a bit to be honest and after that point I wasn't sure whether he was going to like this Christmas one. But I kept working on it because I had to.

This is the mockup without background because I couldn't find a good background yet. (The mockup isn't perfect because it's a downloaded one so the sizes are a bit different, that why the weight is too close to the edge.)

[Please don't steal this one either.] (What's not visible on the mockup is that all the text and the icing in the cookies would be silver printed in reality.)

It isn't what my original idea was (gingerbread cookies on a table with some flour under them, so Christmas baking vibes) because the teacher said Christmas packagings are about stars and snowflakes and things like that so he told me to change the background and put on as many snowflakes as I could. I wasn't sure if it'd work but to be honest I've grown to like it, especially after finishing the bottom of the packaging with all the boring text on it and seeing the whole thing come together.

What makes it my proudest/favorite piece is that 1) it's for the brand that's my biggest dream to work with, 2) when my teacher saw it he told all the people in the classroom to gather around me and look at it because this is how a proper Christmas packaging should look like. That was a pretty good moment. 😃

When I was looking for a pic in my gallery today I accidentally found a pic I took last winter in a shop of Christmas edition Stühmer chocolates, and... Well, mine probably doesn't really fit in but I still like it. 😃

If anybody has any graphic design/graphic design uni related questions feel free to send an ask or a private message, I'm happy to help if I can. 😊

[quibbs126]

What the hell am I saying at this point, my brain is just mush

Sorry, I’ve been trying to go to sleep but I can’t because all I can think of is my own incompetence, and right now it’s academics wise, and I’ve been crying for like the past 15 minutes now

So I got Ds for Calculus and Physics, which means I passed, but I’m required to get a C or higher for ETAM, meaning I have to take them again, along with my Engineering class which I failed again, so I’m taking those classes for a third time now and I really am like a year behind now. I should be in to my first year on my major, and here I am on my last chance to get it right, because you only get three opportunities to ETAM, and I’m on my last one

I know what I’ve been doing hasn’t been working, I need to get help outside of class to properly learn these subjects, as well as put actual fucking effort into studying, but I can’t because I’ve become so terrified of human interaction, I can’t possibly go and ask someone for help, and I won’t try to better myself. And I keep telling myself I’ll change things, but I know I won’t, as that’s what’s happening right now, I’m still being my usual, lazy, procrastinating self

Because not only am I failing at my classes and having to redo them AGAIN, but I’m supposed to have done a degree planner LAST SEMESTER, and because I didn’t it’s a hold on registering for classes, and that ends on Friday at 5. And I haven’t registered for any classes because I haven’t done a degree planner. But I was looking earlier to be like “okay, just get it done now so you can pick classes tomorrow”, but I don’t understand what it’s talking about and asking me to do, but I can’t go and ask someone about it, because again, it was supposed to be done last semester, not two days before the last day to register for the semester’s classes, and I can’t deal with that disappointment from someone else

And I can’t tell my parents about it because they’ll be mad at me for leaving everything until the last minute like always, and justifiably so! But I don’t want to deal with the consequences of my inaction and would rather do literally anything that doesn’t involve them getting involved

I don’t really even want to do Engineering or make video games anymore, I just want to do character design. But that’s not a course at my college, I don’t know how to transfer to another major, the only one close to it I need a GPA I don’t have and I don’t have a good portfolio to get in since literally all my art for the past year has just been fankid designs, and I don’t even know the first thing about character design in the first place, or those I do I don’t apply. And it’s not like I can just stop going, that’d be a complete waste of everyone’s time and money and for nothing

I’m just a stupid idiot I tell you, stupid idiot. This is all my own fault

[raw-law]

In response to the other anon asking if you guys look for our identities, frankly i couldnt care less if you know who i am, its fairly easy to figure out. i just like reasons to relate myself to Deer. I did a self portrait once as a deer mount pouring blood. it was quite...something. definitely got a lot of responses to that one.

as for art being subjective vs objective:

i can see where each of you in coming from in that sense. some things ARE blatantly what they are and it would be kind of wild to say otherwise. like who am i to tell Da Vinci that the Mona Lisa is actually an space cat alien, not a woman. but i do still think its possible to get multiple interpretations out of her.

i will also be the first to say im not a fan of the genre of what is technically in the art world called a "ready-made". basically like what you said, taking an object that already exists, fastening it to something, setting up lighting for it, etc. ya know, MINOR changes and calling it art. im not a big fan. its lazy and unoriginal in my blunt opinion. it doesnt create new ideas and thoughts in my brain unless i BS them. like if i see an apple on a pedestal, im taking it at face value, because its simply an apple on a pedestal. it being placed on something doesnt make it any less or more to me. its just an apple. and according to your definition, it would not be art since it does not cause or create new ideas or conversation to flow. it furthers nothing.

unfortunately, in the art community, its hard to have this debate because the widely used definition is the "everything is art" one and some people cannot take criticism to save their life. if you tell suzy sue that her michael jackson x barack obama fanart is not visually compelling and offer her advice, she might cancel you on twitter. we all need to stop being wusses and also stop being rude in the art world. its important to give your fellow artists helpful and meaningful critique and feedback without being harsh or condescending. and it is of equal importance to learn to accept that feedback and use it to better yourself as an artist.

i think another big thing for me and whether something is actually art is the design itself. does it have an interesting composition? does it use an impactful color scheme? does it have a focal point? etc, etc. if these points can be argued for a piece, im more willing to call it art.

realism is also a point of contention because some will ask "whats the point if it just looks like a photo?" the skill, the effort, the time. the unique touch of human hands that gives it a slight charm even in the most hyper realistic pieces. that is the point.

have another piece as a treat. a drawing i did from life for class last semester, its a plant. about as opposite as you can get from the other piece i shared:

https://imgur.com/a/hkcqYKK

-🦌

Light:

Ooh, that's interesting. Why the choice of deer, though, so specifically? Is it for some reason, or just an instinctive decision?

And I agree with your point on what you've referred to as "ready-made". I guess, for art to be meaningful, it has to mean something in the first place, and an apple sure as hell doesn't mean anything to people. Honestly, it seems like lazy artwork to me, even though I'm not an artist. But I'd like to ask you: what exactly would you define as 'ready-made'? Would that mean, then, that photographers' work are technically also 'ready-made', as all they're doing is taking picture of something preexisting and hence not creating, in that sense? What's the boundaries between something that's art, and something that's 'ready-made'? Is it something that you can define at all?

There's this branch of art called 'Dadaism', and there are some works inside that may be considered 'ready-made' in a way. For example, Marcel Duchamp's Fountain and Bicycle Wheel are famous examples of that art movement. And Dadaism was actually made up of artists who wanted to use this nonsensical, crazy form of art to express horror and disgust of the bloodshed that occurred during World War 1. It was commonly known as the 'anti-art' movement, and its main purpose was to create art that would confuse, shock or even aggravate the public.

This ties in to what you'll see Ryuzaki discuss below. Perhaps the occurrences of this 'ready-made' art isn't really the art itself, but it's the thoughts and emotions the artist wanted to express when making the art. And, if this 'ready-made' art exists because of a true effect the artist intended to create on the general public, then it's arguable that it could be considered as art, because isn't art used to express your feelings in the first place? Even though I still don't really consider 'ready-made' pieces as art...it's still interesting food for thought.

And your piece is wonderfully drawn. I love how you rendered the leaves; it looks really beautiful. Kind of reminds me of Chinese bamboo paintings...I'd love to see more of your work, if you'd like to share!

Lastly, thanks for your ask. I love having these kinds of discussions, even though I unfortunately took a long time to get back to you..

L:

wow.. the plant piece is beautiful.. all of the strokes come out so nicely and eloquent. it really makes me want to see this deer self portrait now. that sounds even more intriguing. no pressure though, of course. i just think it's a really fascinating idea.

and as much as i despise "ready-made" pieces too, i honestly have a slight respect for them. i would still consider them art, because i do think it evokes a conversation, but specifically the kind of conversation that makes you question it's existence, if that makes sense.

for example, that duct-taped banana i mentioned in the last ask, that's actually what made me question the whole idea of art in the first place. if something so insignificant can be considered so valuable to people, then who am i to tell them that it's not really art? maybe it is. or maybe the questioning of what it is was the whole point. maybe, the conversation it was actually sparking was more-so like.. a rebellion. a taunt. almost as if it were saying: "you want art? i'll give you art. and you'll be forced to take it." if i remember correctly, there was actually another artist who did that exact thing. his name was richard mutt and he submitted a urinal with a signature of his name as an art piece. it was stupid, and absurd, and that was the point. he submitted it to prove that if he signed his name on it and paid the application fee, the group he submitted it to would've accepted it no matter how thoughtless. he made an art piece that was meant to depict what stupid art looks like, and it worked. so as much as i despise the pieces, i do still think they're art, at least to an extent.

it's things that are made with the intent of gaining either popularity, money, or whatever else there is that i don't consider art. i'd go into more detail about it, but there's already a video out there that depicts it really well, so i'll just link it here. it's by cj the x and he's known for being very chaotic, so it might be a difficult to listen to at first, but i personally really like it. their points always wrap together really nicely as the video continues and the humor is my style, so i swear it's worth a watch, hah.

anyways. i'll stop myself there so i don't annoy you too much, but i do also agree with your points on the design, process, and overall thought that gets put into art pieces. i really like this discussion overall, actually. i apologize if i sounded rude at all, i have no intention to. i enjoy being able to converse about these topics, haha. so thank you for letting me, truly.

[looosey]

Lucys Main Quest: Hireability

I work very hard. In fact, I'm working all the time. I work all the time very hard, but I'm still not hireable. I have very few hireable skills.

1. Hireable on Resume

When I look at my resume, I am pretty distant from it, because it has few lines of substance and even those lines I don't really resonate with.

The best possible read of my resume is: she can code python and has done so for MIT labs and classes. Okay???

But can she code a server? Has she ever deployed a personal website? Does she know how to use public API's? No... Can she solve coding challenges? No. (Is she passionate about anything she has learned so far at this institute?) [1]

To think I have to put in hours outside of school to achieve these things makes me sad. I spend most of my hours outside of classwork on dance, painting, cooking, reading, writing, listening to music, and traveling on MIT money. When @tumblasha and I talked about dream job assignments, mine was organizing Lollapalooza. It was not programming graphics, video, and music software for the entertainment industry (as is written on my resume).

2. Hireability at MIT

My friend recently switched her major to design (in her junior year of college), and that's changed her MIT experience 180 degrees for the better. Which is inspiring because imagine if you aligned all of MIT's resources to back what you're actually passionate in. You would be unstoppable. You could do anything you really wanted.

It would be a shame to let go of this opportunity, a shame to trickle down the path of least resistance. Because I'm hard working enough to manage the burden of the path, but not hard working enough to sit down and forge my own.

I wanted to write something about hireability since the beginning of this semester. MIT's career fair was last month, and even before that I had an inspiring coffee chat with an MIT alum/startup CEO (I stepped in for a friend who wasn't feeling good). This Friday, I went to Harvard's creative careers fair, which was a small thing held at the top floor of the smith center. It was small and exclusive, see side story [2]. But I met an artist manager from Chicago who worked with people on Lolla last year. An old white grandfather. A Bizarre exchange continued.

He was very interested in my passion about music work, I was interested in the fact that he worked on Lolla, and I handed him my resume which had a bunch of technical gibberish on it, and he told me that he hadn't thought about paying his interns this summer but this could change if needed.

It was bizarre because I didn't know what I wanted from that exchange. Would I drop everything and be okay with bringing nothing MIT-grade to the table as an entertainment hunchman?

3. The future of things

But all is not lost at the same time. Inklings of hope arose this semester. I'm working towards something, because my classes have FINALLY began to move from fundamentals/tools to how to use this tool to build something of your own design. I can finally speak creative stories because I have learned enough of the technical vocabulary. So now, it's the next step: if I had a portfolio full of work that would attract the right crowd what would it look like?

My goal by the end of this school year is to have a resume I am proud of. Not by Course 6 standards or industry standards. But my own. To have done personal projects I want to show off to people and a body of work that speaks for me.

[1] I feel this cognitive dissonance/out-of-body experience when I read my resume... Exactly like when someone asked me who my favorite artist was and I responded Sza. I was weirded out at myself because I felt like I was lying: yes, I listen to her enough, but like I can't name multiple albums of hers. I am not a fan fan. I am a fan fan of Tyler the Creator, Billie Eilish, and Ariana Grande. But they didn't come to my head at all. What is going on????

[2] Security stopped me on the first floor because I was an MIT student with an email invitation but was not on their registration form. They let my boyfriend with a Harvard guest ID through. Harvard Career Advisors stopped him on the tenth floor because it was for current registered students only and then told him "you can go sit at that chair over there though." And let me through. So much gatekeep.

[nightroo]

May or may not have forgotten what I posted here myself months ago so the last post had a few repeats. oops.

Well I know for sure this one won’t because I stopped posting when I started the second semester, which is what this post is about. So the drawing above is the start of working with more complex shapes, using the ones we learned from last semester. This is also where things got interesting, since I could see the potential for architectural drawings.

There are a lot, and I mean A LOT of drawings like these in my sketchbook, I’m gonna show you only the ones I find interesting.

After that we went back a bit for cast shadows, which I have decided are my new mortal enemy in art. A long time ago it was rendering hair, but that’s nothing compared to this.

The amount of calculations you need to do for this and the different formulas for each shape make me wanna rip my hair off. And that’s before getting into more complex shapes.

They're not 100% correct but my teacher said the majority of people won’t notice anything wrong so I shouldn’t worry about it. I won’t until I need it for a personal project, then I’ll get very annoyed again.

After that nightmare I got rewarded with finally using colors to render for the first time!!! I love rendering with colors so I was very excited haha

The copper (right middle sphere) is my absolute favorite, and my teacher really liked it as well.

We also had a small lecture on arrows and ribbons/fabric and we got to render them with colors as well.

For all the colored drawings I used a combination of alcohol markers and colored pencils. The markers melted and blended the pencils and I could use this to mix colors I didn't have. For example, I didn’t have a red marker at all.

After that we had a fun exercise where we needed to either study an object or design our own. The purpose was to use the previous lessons about shapes in perspective, and the rendering of different materials. I went with a gun design, but not just any gun-this one is technically 3 guns, a pistol and an SMG that you can connect and form an assault rifle. So I designed each gun separately (somehow I managed to turn this exercise to designing 3 objects instead of one, leave it to me to make it harder on myself lmao), and thought about how they connect, making sure the chambers kinda align and stuff like that.

I don’t wanna brag but I got the highest grade in the class for this assignment. Mostly because I’m the only one that actually rendered the different materials (or tried to), but also because my teacher liked the idea and thought it was interesting, and something people would actually buy if it was real.

It’s not the best but I literally didn’t have a grey marker so I was pretty limited. I chose a stained-glass theme for some reason, I didn’t want to make it a normal looking gun. The scan made it a bit more contrast-y than it is irl.

After a huge break we came back and had one lesson of silhouettes, something I kinda knew but never went out and made studies of. The challenging part of this was the time limit, at the start we had a minute, but it went down to 30 seconds. We were allowed to go overtime but it wasn't considered good.

On the same lesson, we also had life drawing, using each other as models. We had to get the pose down in one minute, and then take that as a reference for a more detailed drawing. I chose to completely change the context at that point lol

The next lesson was about isometric perspective. I don’t think I’ve actually talked about this here, but I got scammed by a guy who asked me to make him a city island in isometric perspective, then when it came time to pay, he “took a vacation” for two weeks. Came back to tell me he’s definitely gonna pay me. Proceeded to disappear. Anyways I haven’t done isometric from that moment until this lesson, where we were given a prompt word and had to draw an environment following it. I used only colored pencils for this one because I forgot to bring my markers, but it was a nice restriction to only use 12 colors and try to combine them to make the rest. I really enjoyed this one since I got the freedom to make something cool.

(the prompts are top-to-bottom forest, COVID-19, underwater and space) my teacher walked up to my desk to see what I’m doing while I worked on the space one, and he said “you are crazy” every time he passed by. He showed everyone’s work around, and a lot of people liked mine :) The space one is based on a black hole btw, but if it was an eldritch horror.

The last lesson was a time for the teacher to review everyone’s work one by one, so most of the time we were waiting for our turn. He put up a pic of an old camera if any of us wanted to draw it, but I used it as a reference for a building because it reminded me of art deco architecture. After finishing that, I had an idea for a shrine kind of place, inspired by a spot I built for a friend’s minecraft server that we didn’t end up using. And I topped it off with Lykena and Eivrun sketches (that for Eivrun might turn into a full painting when it’s her turn)

The entire year my teacher was occasionally asking me if I’m not getting bored, because we were going through a lot of basics I was obviously proficient at already, but I always found something new to learn, no matter how small, even on topics I practiced a lot before. So I’d say this workshop was very useful for me. And besides, it’s always good to get critiques from a professional, and from people who are interested in art.