#i have actually issues i am not normal
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Ever try a colour, like wearing it or using it in a layout or something and think you love it
Until you switch it out for black and grayscale and your whole body and soul just like relaxes and sighs in relief and breathes in peace
Or is that just me....
#am i just hella goth?#is this normal?#is it the autism?#idk#bro is lowkey allergic to colour#the vampire be vampiring fr fr#high key can't ever watch Barbie cuz it hurts my head#even the promotional pics#its just so bright#i have actually issues i am not normal#anyway#emo life i guess
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To any disabled person undergoing tests to find What's Wrong: I hope your results come back the way you hope and that you receive the help you need. I hope you are not denied care, I hope you are taken seriously even after this, and I hope that you will be taken care of compassionately
#disability#currently going through something like this for myself and while i doubt there's anything 'wrong' i still did it#people are always weird about people who are disappointed or devastated about 'normal results' but...#...it's because normal results don't mean much when you still have the issue at hand...#...if my test came back that my back is physically normal that doesn't indicate that i don't have back pain does it?#because i am still in pain so often even if i have a 'physically normal' back...#...just as an example but i don't think a lot of abled people 'get it'#also like... if your tests are coming back 'normal' every time that might give your care providers pause...#...and they might just start infantilizing you or treating you like a hypochondriac...#...'are you SURE [problem] isn't just anxiety?' 'are you SURE you're actually experiencing [x] or are you exaggerating it?'
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People try too hard to make Curly an active participant in Jimmy's abuse. Isn't the whole point that he's passive in everything Jimmy does? Abuse occurs because he actively doesn't do anything? Not to call someone out or be mean, but I saw a post saying Anya's ID being in Curly's locker at the beginning shows that he intended to prevent Anya from filing an HR report and I disagree. I get where that interpretation is coming from, but I think it's a little uncharitable. I don't like being too kind to Curly because he's like...a morally mid dude at best lol But if we're going by the HR report interpretation, I would say it's more likely he requested Anya's ID in order to file an HR report on her behalf. After all, the only way to contact Pony (that we see) is in the cockpit, he's the Captain, and Pony Express sucks bad so I wouldn't put it past them to only allow the Captain to use the communication device thing. As we see before, Curly is the only one able to use tools around the ship that you would think other employees could use (ex. Swansea should be able to use the axe if he's the repair guy. Idk why they'd need an ax but that falls under manual labor which Swansea is designated for as the mechanic/fixer dude. But it has to go through Curly). I never got the vibe that Curly moved to actively protect Jimmy. He just lets things happen without say a word; Jimmy walks all over him, and by extension, the whole crew. I get why people would think that because he gives the whole "Hey Jimmy, we can get through this together, bud" spiel right before the crash. This part interests me a lot because there's so many ways to interpret Curly's intentions there. My interpretation is that Curly is on autopilot mode. The responses seem so stilted in comparison to Jimmy's. Like it's the kind of thing Curly's said before again and again and again when Jimmy's gotten in trouble. However, as others previously pointed out, I don't think Curly ever dealt with Jimmy doing something this irredeemable. He doesn't know how to respond, so he just goes for the default "You've gotten through tough situations before. Work through it one step at a time." Like the response is lame af lol I think he was in shock; he was scared (and just so I can say it one more time: he's super lame).
Anyway, this is way longer than I intended and I've said things a billion people have already stated. But uhhh tldr the whole point of Curly's character is he's passive; he never acts. He just watches. Making him an active participant in the abuse by taking actions to cover for Jimmy (like preventing Anya from filing an HR report) defeats the purpose of his character. He's a bystander.
#and I'm defining active as in like consciously taking actions to help Jimmy cover his tracks and stuff like that#because I know being passive can be seen as the same thing as actively participating in the abuse (which i agree with)#I just mean I don't think he's actually intending to help Jimmy by doing anything for him like taking Anya's ID away with nefarious purpose#I just didn't get that vibe#again I just thought he sucked lol like he just does nothing#so idk I just don't vibe when people make him too into helping Jimmy if that makes sense? I think it destroys the grayness of his character#they will never make me have a strong opinion of you Curly#but he is fine as hell ok lol I am not immune to buff blonde man#also like I hope this doesn't come off as mean to the person I'm referencing with the ID take if they see it#I just was thinking about their interpretation and was like ehhh i don't know if i agree and wanted to respond on my lil side account ;p#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#anya mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#ok and I could see people saying he actively covers for him by doing the psych eval for him and being like uhhhh good enough lmao#but to me that's him trying to placate any issues between crewmembers on his ship esp. when it comes to Jimmy#which just falls under the bystander thing because he'll do the bare minimum to keep things peaceful#but when it comes to doing anything he's just like whelp idk what I can do and just stands there#he's so cool#ok also I realize they need the ax for the foam I just forgot about that lmao#i was a little tipsy when I wrote this plz forgive hahaha I just meant like an ax isn’t like normally in a mechanic’s tool kit lmao#adding a link to the Twitter post I mention so people can refer back to it if they’d like
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Here to announce that I for one love the future design for donnie in the comic ✋🥺
#nonsense#like I know I have no place as the leo artist#but.... if you imagine it more of dirty work overalls rather than fullbody tights#but even then if its fullbudy tights no issue#something something protects him from oil when working#is black to hide oil stains#shrugs#I am also so happy that the artist did the designs THEY liked#little to no fandom influence#because in the end its sort of their character#and they had complete artistic freedom#and have NO obligation to design him how we want#I am actually pretty happy with how different it is from normal fan ideas aahhh#but also#we can still laugh at it-#BUT I LIKE IT-#its so funny because....#making fun of some fanartists design? rude awful hell dont do this#making fun of the canon designs though?#FREE GAME#even then though its not like its even canon#screw canon fanon can be whatever we want#peace and love on planet earth#oops tag ramble#<3
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I hate when people are like "I already didn't like xyz so it's not difficult for me to boycott it unlike those loser customers that actually Liked the thing which I could never understand bc I was never a customer uwu" bc like. That literally isn't boycotting lmao. That is just Never Being A Customer In The First Place, which means nothing actually.
Boycotts are primarily about applying pressure (or completely making it impossible to operate) via financial/commercial/economic impact. AKA it's about money and capital.
If you already weren't spending money on a product/franchise/company, then you were already never part of their sales data, and you just doing nothing & making absolutely no change to your daily life and just continuing to not be part of their sales data as normal, has literally no material impact. You were already never a factor. The people who WERE customers & WERE part of the sales data & ARE withdrawing their money from those sales figures actually ARE making a material impact.
"Supporting" something isn't about vibes or thoughts or feelings or you telling your best friend how much you like a thing, "support" in a meaningful sense is specifically material. It is financial. Refusing to continue supporting something means taking the money you were previously spending on it & putting it elsewhere. If you were never spending money, you were never supporting it, and therefore it doesn't make any difference if you continue to not support it. Boycotting is something CUSTOMERS and CONSUMERS do.
SO STOP FUCKING BRAGGING ABOUT IT & STOP MAKING FUN OF PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY ARE BOYCOTTING FOR "EVER LIKING XYZ TO BEGIN WITH" & STOP SPREADING THIS FALSE IDEA OF HOW BOYCOTTING WORKS LMAO sorry for capslocking I remembered I was annoyed
I just hate this low-morale mean-spirited bullshit some people do in the notifs on boycotting info posts where they arbitrarily moralize about something they just don't understand so they can pat themselves on the back for doing literally literally nothing AND inadvertently spreading misinfo in the process. Be quiet. Go do something that matters. There are plenty of posts going around, including from Palestinians themselves, with lists of references for how to help Palestine & other similar causes for people currently in crisis, please please do something For Real instead of boasting online about your fandom superiority complex as if it means anything.
#txt#It's annoying but more than that it shows that you have no desire to understand how meaningful action actually WORKS#You are not DOING anything you literally have no right to try to demean ANYONE who actually IS.#anyway just saw a comment on a post that annoyed me. I'm normal again sorries.#Like I'm a comics fan but I HATE the MCU so I was never going out and watching MCU movies anyway#I can't “boycott” CA4 bc I was never a customer to begin with. That's just me not watching another movie like it's a regular day.#But I CAN spread information about the boycott in hopes that people who might be actual consumers will see it & decide to boycott#& I can do that without insulting them bc if they're boycotting then they are engaging with more material action than I am on that issue.#But like it's not even really the insulting I care about so much as the “bragging about doing nothing (& spreading an incorrect idea of how#boycotting works in the process)” that actually bothers me most#BE WARNED THIS IS NOT A WELL-THOUGHT OUT INFORMATIONAL POST OR ANYTHING#so I may have worded things dumb/awkwardly bc I'm frustrated and I didn't like Plan Out this post#I made it on the fly in 5 minutes after getting annoyed about something I have seen enough times to be frustrated about it#coincidentally this whole post also doubles as me explaining why piracy isn't a real crime#it's a fake crime made up by people who care about Theoretical Money They Could Maybe Have but has no basis in material reality
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to my fellow creatives: never stop making art. art is an act of protest.
#i know that this is outside of what i normally post but a few days have passed and i've had time to think#the results of the US elections are hitting me really hard. i feel so gutted and betrayed and have no idea who the hell to trust anymore#so with that being said#I just want it to be abundantly clear that I am anti-Tr*ump and if you voted or support him in any way just unfollow me#actually do me a favor and block me#you do not deserve to read and enjoy art made by me if you think i don't deserve the right to fucking exist.#support black lives#free palestine#very fucking pro-choice#queer lives matter#disabled lives matter#i dislike the performative act of providing a list like this is a menu at a restaurant but i want there to be NO DOUBT where i stand.#there are many others who are more qualified and smarter than me to speak but i want to make it very clear to my followers where i stand.#and before someone says 'keep politics out of art' shut the actual fuck up. art and consuming art is and always will be political#and the only art worth anything is made by people like me and people who I love and support#and don't think it's only the US. the issues we have here are just as present in canada europe and asia and everywhere else.#there's so much more that i could say but that's all for now. my inbox is open.
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Look, I just think it's VERY funny and on brand that I thought of an entire premise of colorful characters for half the cast and immediately drew the only one void of color.
#my characters#i will not bore you all too much in the main post but now its story time in the tags so yeefuckinghaw#noll is a fae and is distinctly the only one that just lacks colors#at first he was like well surely i can wear colorful stuff to make up for my dark hair and eyes !#and then he overhears some of the fae talking about how hes a blemish to the fae and hes like well fuck#guess its time to go all in baby! and decks himself out in all black and jagged clothing#and he tries to play it off as hes an idiot and a lot of the fae actually believe its not ALL an act#like they can tell he thinks about stuff but he normally does it staring into space so they dont care to ask#cause surely it isnt important enough to brood about hes just thinking about stuff#and he really REALLY has a lot of confidence issues and worries that more fae are disturbed by his darkness than let on#but then the other fae that like to hang out with him are like#YOOOOOO THATS OUR LIL VOID! THATS OUR LIL GUY! our lil black spot look at him hes so edgy and cute!#and treat him like a pet cat at times giving him head pats even if he bats their hands away#and the plot premise is that some of the fae are bored and decide they should go play with some humans! give THEM enrichment too!#and noll gets roped into it and The Game is basically go find a human partner and convince them to be an ally#then the fae give the humans cool lil toys (weapons) and are like GO FORTH MY CHAMPION!#so noll keeps like ... not picking anyone to participate because its not just A Game to him#if he can prove victorious in A Game with outside factors such as humans then he can prove hes not#an absolute disappointment to the fae like he has a lot riding on this in his mind#and his friends are just like buddy you cant even play if you dont pick a human you gotta#anyway here is noll and then i have ideas for two other fae and also a veeeery vague idea for two of the humans though not as sure yet#rae if you read all this you should know the cobalt is a fae thanks bye#i am so stressed posting ocs every single time and i am incredibly depressed and anxious#so good lord please let me not just delete all the tags in an hour bc im ashamed
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I haven’t posted art in forever, (I am currently working on art tho!! It’s just taking me a bit cuz.. job..) but! But… what about if instead of the art u guys came here for. I instead posted pictures of the cool lil outfits I’ve been wearing recently that im rlly proud of… what about that???
#part of the issue w art is also for some reason. FOR REAL. the default shit I want to draw is just ME. IN MY VARIOUS CUTE LIL OUTFITS#I’ve become a narcissist… a fashion obsessed narcissist.. i just want everyone to see and admire my cool fits…#I struggle. so much more drawing shit that is not me nowadays. and I have so much less free time#but then I don’t FINISH the pics of me cuz I’m like ‘this is too self indulgent!!! stop!! draw fanart!!#like a normal person!!! ghgh-‘#ur rlly gonna come back from an art hiatus w just a bunch of silly pics of u being cute… get a fucking grip..#uhhh.. but anyway lol#I am still drawing. I’m currently working on some expiremental lineless digital art#cuz I felt shaking stuff up might help#we shall see if I finish it tho!#it me#pepper words#anyway look at my fits#my one. 2 curses r in bad at taking pictures#and I live in a dingy basement so the lighting fucking SUCKS#u cannot see all the detail…. u cannot make out All of my lil accessories#it’s sad…#all these outfits r very black and white i do in fact wear colors… mostly red. n green#but I am rlly In my aristocratic vampire / witch era right now… and I’m loving it…#middle 2 pics r the same outfit. just w and without cloak lol#also pls do me a kindness and ignore my messy ass room#lady outfit is actually my most recent and my room HAS gotten less messy! I cleaned it up!#but it’s still kinda. got some clutter lol#*last outfit. not lady outfit ghghg- these r gender neutral femme leaning outfits I’ll have u kno typo!!#also pls ignore the shit on my mirror!! the lil white speckles and stuff! I rlly gotta fucking clean that.. if I wanna keep taking cute#pictures of my outfits lol… I mean. it’s not MY mirror so I don’t think to clean it.. but it is in my living space…#mayhaps… I should clean it lol
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So on the list of things that have made Gorgug genuinely mad:
Telemaine Lomenelda
That time Fabian tried to kill him over a fake hat
Learning what his parents do in their free time
Guy claiming he never shits
An FBI agent showing up at his house without a warrant
Porter (just in general but specifically Porter being one of the multiclass paladin advisors)
Tell me what I'm missing this is fun it's like the world's slowest drinking game
#i have never been normal about a zac oyama character and gorgug has always been one of my very special little guys#but he is on top of his game this season i am loving him#i really hope that 'i think gorgug might be getting a little too mean' is a joke and not an actual thing i will cry#let him be a sweet little guy with anger issues#i mean like i'm so down for more gorgug character development#but it's gonna hurt my soul#gorgug thistlespring#zac oyama#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#dimension 20#dimension 20 fantasy high#dimension 20 fhjy#d20 fhjy#dropout tv#this show has too many tags
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“og 4 aliens very particular vibe in being ‘three distinct flavours of socially awkward loner and also valentino rossi’” LMAO I WAS JUST THINKING THIS!!!!!! That he has the funniest possible 3 foils in that era bc like…those three guys could not be less his vibe ~personality wise if they tried. And actually tbf I do think they WERE trying a lot of the time. Feeling very curious if you think there’s anything to the idea of how Marc was the first alien-era rival he had who was more on his level all around? Like early days Marc was kind of just 😀😀😀 all the time but I do think he can be v charming and is clearly extroverted as hell (tho like…notably also a loner but like…not by choice??). Like idk where im going w this but the contrast is interesting to me. IDK
to some extent! I'm not sure I'd necessarily call marc an extrovert, you can be charismatic and cheerful without being an extrovert - but also this is splitting hairs. the og four aliens are one guy who's on the 'roughly as extroverted as you can possibly get as a professional athlete' end of the spectrum and three guys who are on the 'roughly as introverted as you can possibly get as a professional athlete' end. now, tbh, I don't think valentino massively minded this. he's extroverted but crucially he's also got enough charm going for him that he could get his rivals to chat with him if he was so inclined. he had an increasingly friendly relationship with dani, there's real genuine warmth in how both of them talk about each other - ultimately dani might have been quite sullen and withdrawn in general, especially in his early years, but he got on well with valentino. casey and valentino had perfectly decent interpersonal chemistry, they got on well, and tbh they were still warm with each in-person long past the point where that relationship had rhetorically soured. with jorge... I mean, okay, no chemistry there, but that was also very much valentino's choice. I do not fundamentally doubt valentino's ability to charm twenty year old jorge lorenzo. I think just because they were DIFFERENT characters, that doesn't necessarily mean they weren't valentino's *type* personality-wise, like he does seem to be happy enough to be the chatty one who draws them out of their shells in that scenario. unless competitive necessity requires otherwise!! but as marc discovered, somewhat higher levels of extroversion does not protect you if that's the case
I will say I know you do put alien-era as a caveat, but it is still important to point out that marc is very much not the first valentino rival who doesn't fall in the introverted loner camp. valentino had a rival who matched his vibe!! who he had a real proper off-track friendship with, who he went on holidays with, who he had a warm relationship with for substantially longer than the marc/valentino honeymoon lasted. I think you can see the early marc era as a bit of a return to the friendlier vibes of the early noughties, but crucially it is a return. the early noughties was the last gasp before the sport came to be completely dominated by a bunch of young prodigies who had been moulded into perfect athletes and had less chance to grow into people outside of the sport - valentino is already part of that camp in everything but temperament, cf the contrast with biaggi. in the early noughties, he was surrounded by a bunch of older riders who varied dramatically in disposition... biaggi was the guy everyone had issues with, capirossi was always fond of valentino, kr jr he got on well with, he played a mentoring role for in hayden's rookie season... and of course, most importantly, the friendship with sete - now there's an obscenely friendly rivalry right until the very moment when it isn't. 2013-14 is a bit of a return to that more congenial climate, but at the end of the day that lot were still less likely to socialise than riders were back in the day. they just didn't have the time lol
so yeah, I mean. valentino clearly did take to marc on a personal level, and marc is definitely closer to valentino on the introversion/extroversion spectrum than the three other aliens are. though that is also... not difficult. there is something quite funny about how 2006-07 went from valentino's pov. the engine regs changed, valentino literally blinked and suddenly all his opps were toddlers. went from goofing off with capirossi on the sepang 2006 podium to running a daycare centre overnight. and marc is part of that! it's also a massive change in that suddenly, valentino was surrounded by rivals who had been influenced by watching him ride as they grew up and were all really, really, really weird about him. marc with his little bike collection, jorge with his dabbling in pseudoscientific schools of psychology, casey and his championship-winning shirt, dani... well, tbf, I do actually think dani was pretty normal about valentino - probably because he'd known him the longest. had gotten drunk with valentino in the days when the bloke was just an idol and not a god. which is an underrated reason why the dani/valentino relationship never got so weird imo, one that goes beyond competitive calculus - dani was the most capable of interacting with valentino as just another guy. with all three of marc/jorge/casey, that idolisation dynamic does contribute significantly to the interpersonal turmoil
but that's a topic for another day! in conclusion, marc defo the dispositionally cheeriest foil of the alien lot, albeit somewhat by default, and WAS part of the reason why motogp got a bit of a mood lift in that 2013-14 period after what had just been a dire few years vibes-wise. mediocre racing, devastation caused by the financial crisis, tragedy... motogp was feeling quite lifeless in 2011-12 in particular, and those years do have a bit of a drab energy to them. in that sense, what followed was a bit of a reversion to the mean until the vibes completely went off the cliff. have they ever recovered? who can say
#20 yr old jorge lorenzo prob could've been charmed with two compliments and a hug like fundamentally it's not that hard. send me in chief#I think I'm slightly off the extrovert marc train because me and bikefuckersoftheworldunite (well mainly not me)#have recently stumbled across a bunch of old pressers primarily from 2004#and. brother. the vibes were very different back then#i do fairly regularly watch thursday pressers during the year and let's just say it's a contrast from watching pecco marc and jorge -#- discover new exciting ways of examining dust particles three metres to the left of each others' heads#and marc's not just like that with his actual rivals!! he supposedly 'likes' 'bastianini' and that's not exactly flowing chitchat is it#this wasn't just a valentino thing either. guys back then just talked more idk what to tell u#casey would repeatedly stab me for this and i am SORRY king i am a gutter-born philistine with poor morals and wretched taste#but this is also why you desperately needed valentino in the alien era. like you need somebody to get these guys talking#but crucially i think it's a great contrast!! i think it's sweet when dani and casey discover speech and beam at valentino!!#i also don't think valentino massively minded friendly!casey like again the basic chemistry really wasn't ever the issue#//#brr brr#alien tag#batsplat responds#vale said in mid 2008 that his relationship with his rivals (read: dani/casey) was more 'normal' than in the past which is incredible stuff#given the generational acts of psychological and also literal terrorism he was about to commit#but yeah i mean aside from some barbs in the media that three-way dynamic was pretty all right. they did have fun together#honestly even those pressers probably had substantially better vibes than the stuff today. where ARE the messy extroverts#farewell aleix </3 last of a bygone era
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oh btw since i didn’t get to add him in the post earlier because i literally ran out of room: kaiser’s stability levels noticeably decrease even further when he misses me. he’s exponentially cuntier but also has moments where he’s so silent that people are like... afraid lmfao
he tries to throw himself into plays so extra hard until he’s overdoing it and/or having a meltdown because he screwed up until noa or someone calls me like “how quickly can we arrange to get you here???”
#ss: michael#i feel like this happens so often that he’s eventually just not allowed to be away from me for more than a specific amount of time#like i HAVE to be there. even if i’m not even totally near him or able to speak to him#everyone’s afraid he might actually kill someone. or himself.#it’s a progressive mental spiral of having every shitty thought about himself#because not only is he competing against everyone to be the best at soccer#but he also feels like he’s constantly competing against the entire world for ME. to be the one i see as no. 1#and if he’s not there to try and prove himself for like every waking moment then he’s eventually going to lose. and i won’t love him anymore#(this is false. but he literally doesn’t know how to do or think anything else)#it’s the deeply ingrained self-worth and abandonment issues <3 we’re working on it#he’s my little anxious cheetah. and i’m his emotional support golden retriever. lover. mother. thing#like i don’t even really have to say or do anything he can just look at me and be like ‘ah. yes. i am Normal.’#(as normal as possible for him)#anyways. if you need me i’ll be jumping off a cliff
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private clinics in costa rica really treat you right, during the vacation portion after classes were over i caught a local stomach bug and i remember one of the nurses touching my arm going pobrecita :( and then they gave me amazing pain meds and sent me home with a giant jug of juice to drink, and anyway i just had my first er visit in appalachia and the vibe was honestly similar
#they actually gave me pain meds i couldn't believe it#i was crying on the phone to my mom bc i've gone in for this exact issue before when i lived in the midwest and they never did anything#but everyone was nice to me!!!#and they didn't know what was wrong but they still treated the symptoms anyway#basically i have some kind of issue where my stomach gets so bloated that it physically hurts and i get nauseated#and normally i can manage it with otc stuff but it was really bad for some reason this time#my track record with urgent/emergency care has made me extremely mistrustful#i am never anything but polite and the condescension... i wish i could trade places and see if they'd be as nice as me :)#i just wish i knew what would trigger this stomach thing so i could never do it ever again
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my sense of urgency for this election was all used up watching a genocide play out live on instagram while my mom continued to talk about which politician might make the housing market better and i tried not to genuinely lose my mind over the dissonance. in all honesty short of bombs dropping on americans' houses my adrenal glands are beyond checked out. i'll show up to the polls and do my part and try to plug into the bare bones direct action i can find in the middle of nowhere deep red county state but god. there are so many posts circulating trying to fear monger me into voting for one genocidal president of this genocidal nation over another and i may as well live on a different planet. i can fathom the urgency but i could not make myself feel it short of being held at gunpoint. which may even be on the ballot but that's how americans have been voting for decades now and each of them regardless of party has worried about the idea of being held at gunpoint while a right of theirs is taken away while there are people who are already being held at gunpoint and their rights have already been taken away by the very people being beamed into my eyeballs as the escape from this hypothetical violence that's already non-hypothetically happened to millions who aren't US liberals because of the america they're trying to save from trump the same america regardless of democrats or republicans or whigs or federalists and does anyone else feel like they're going crazy
#j.txt#2024 elections#cannot imagine how american palestinians are feeling#it's genuinely... like i felt honest to god insane watching the boots on the ground journalists over there every day for like 4 months#and then going to work 5 days a week like any of this fucking matters#like nothing about this election can compare in my psyche to that like i'm not even trying to compare them but my brain like#changed shapes this year. and its shape now does not include a sense of urgency about fucking dollhouse barbie american politics after#experiencing all that. last year early this year#i still think about gaza every day but i'm privileged enough to have burned out obsessively getting updated every day#the ocean we swim in said this is normal now. israel committing genocide w our dollars is normal now#it's the same shit with the pandemic and i don't buy into it but the dissonance of the entire world around me spinning on that axis#while mine spins on a completely different one where thousands of people we could have saved are dead now#like sorry that is genuinely insane. i feel like my mind will actually break if i think about it for too long#it's a worldwide gaslight and it's Unfathomable that these political issues in my world#where thousands are dead. is not on my mom's political radar whatsoever like she's thinking about jesus and the housing market#like those thousands upon thousands of lives were never even REAL#i feel like i'm going crazy man it's so fucking ridiculous how am i supposed to take politics seriously with that split#like i know how and i still do but. can anyone here me it's just#it's genuinely a gaslight to think about it too long like i will feel like my reality is splintering
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image I.D. below the cut
image description start:
[a promotional picture of Sam and Dean Winchester, Sam on the left and Dean on the right, their images from circa 2010. They both stare challengingly into the camera with their arms crossed, though Dean also holds a large blade. The background is a two lane blacktop with an older style of power line and corn on either side. At the top and bottom are flames. Sam says "im restricting", Dean says "and im bingeing" and the flaming text gif at the bottom reads "the eating disorder brothers.]
image description end.
#theyre both so unwell#grew up in a financially unstable environment and coped opposite ways.#and i left it broad on purpose bc theres a lot of ways you can interpret their weird shit about food#bc i too am deeply unwell i counted every time sam eats on screen (not sits next to a plate of food–actually puts it in his mouth) and its#22 times. less than twice a season. i realize this could be in large part bc jared didnt want to have to act that but im choosing to Believe#not in him but my mentally ill agenda. bc you wanna look at me and say that hes totally normal aboht this when he has a guilt complex#autonomy issues a holdup with purity/cleanliness a boatload of self-loathing and an obsession with control.#and this feels familiar so just message or comment for credit or removal :)#i dont mean to plagiarize#also i didnt talk about it much but. dean definitely sees food as an assurance of safety and turns to it when under duress to the point of#excess. and also gets very specific and protective/territorial about his food.#so.#this is a silly meme but there are so many thoughts behind it#sam winchester#dean winchester#spn#ed mention
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So I got bored and I sort of drew girl kazuma in an hour bc I can ALSO design by @unamusedyams ‼️‼️
Yams I would like to say thank you so much for your contribution I needed asoryuri in my life 🫶🫶🫶
#ace attorney#the great ace attorney#dgs#dgs fanart#kazuma asogi#tgaa#tgaa fanart#tgaac#i got bored#doodle#genderbent#sketch#help what am i doing#i should really go to sleep#i have issues#kazuma asougi#kazuma and ryunosuke should’ve been girls that would be so cool and nice and everything yk?? just me? byjgasdhcgduasyjvcyhjas#as you can see#i am very normal#not losing it AT ALL#what the hell am i putting in these tags#okay i think that’s enough tags#asdfghjkl#damn its kinda ugly actually#why did i post this#dai gyakuten saiban#fanart
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I need to stop having one weird reaction with someone and then letting the anxiety decide in my head that the friendship is doomed because I ruined it like it's my absolute worst trait and I just have to move past it but it's hard
#i have to operate under the assumption that if people have an issue they will tell me but unfortunately this isnt true .#and it has happened to me in the past that i thought everything was ok because people were giving signals i wasnt picking up on#due to the autism so now im paranoid and constantly looking for signs i did something wrong and people are mad#and then i find them where they arent there which perversely does more to ruin a friendship than almost anything else#like the constant Are you mad at me... so i try to force myself not to do that and just#try to again assume that people arent however. im so worried about being blindsided Also of course i naturally dont want to make people#upset so if i am doing something wrong i want to change my behavior. however the fact its nuanced like#where you have to only do that a little bit and then take people at their word most of the time#fucking sucks like you actually are required in relationships to read peoples unspoken signals but you cant do that Too much#and if you misinterpet them its bad... but you cant ask for feedback too much because thats bad too. IT DOES MY HEAD IN actually like#it makes it so hard for me to interact with people because im just worried All of the time . and i have to be constantly like#ok check the facts and adjust behavior. check the facts and adjust behavior. make sure the facts are facts and not jumping to conclusions.#ok how do i do that . ok when do i ask directly. also people dont always tell the truth when you Do ask directly .#and then this is why my whole life i have mostly kept to myself and im trying to stop doing that but its hard because talking to others is a#puzzle for me that stresses me out more than anything else. man this sucksssssss can i just BE NORMAL!!!!!!#i know like Everyone has this problem its a common issue with relationships Communication but it feels especislly difficult for me .i#like cant fathom how other people manage very large numbers of friendships like even being able to count my close friends#on one hand i feel like im barely managing everything and im letting everyone down constantly but again i think thatsnonly my perception/#worry and not even true. god
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