#i have a lot of skills to develop still before i get to that point

[osarina]

im honestly shocked ur not pursuing a career in writing/literature in the first place bc the civzai series is just absolutely insane?!?! like hands down the best bsd series fic I've read on this app,, ur writing just sounds so well thought out and educated like wowww id buy a book from you if you ever wrote one 😭😭

YOU ARE SO SWEET I WILL CRY <333 my dream is to pursue a career in writing but unfortunately i had to put it to the side bc its just not a stable enough income unless you get very lucky and my parents really pushed me into the field that im in hahah. in an ideal word </3 i would be pursuing a career in writing </3 but thank you nonnie, you warm my lil heart i love u so much

[zzencat]

Final Spouse’s Energy If You Met Them Now (+ how they would be like dating you) - Current ⏳

Left to right. Choose the photo that you can’t get your eyes off of.

Where are they now? How are they doing? How would things be like if they were in my life now? May include some SUGGESTIVE comments, but is still very much SFW. I may have gotten carried away with this.

Note: This is your future spouse’s CURRENT energy, which may be prone to change within the next couple of years (ex: more maturity, better developed skills/assets, etc.) But if you were to meet your future spouse now, this is how their energy would look like.

DO BEFORE PICKING: Clear your mind. Close your eyes, inhale deeply, fill up your chest to the fullest, feel the air brush against the ridges of your nose. Breathe out.

———————

Pile 1. “Hey. Hi, I guess?”

• very chill atm, very content with life. Goes with what life delivers to them (that’s pretty cute ngl)

• chill buuuut can be too chill to a fault. Not nonchalant but rather an innocent, “oh I didn’t know you were bothered by that *scratches head awkwardly* — think: Fred liu type of energy

• handles conflict calmly (they might be freaking out inside tho)

• likable and friendly person. Gets along with others well, tho they don’t seem too close with. They have only a handful of close friends, and it’s slightly difficult them to see people outside of that circle as close — selective with who they consider friends. If you got in a conflict with this person’s friends, it would def hurt your person a lot. Ofc they would want to hear both sides out with an unbiased view. (they won’t side with you just bc you’re dating btw, but they’ll let you know as gently as possible)

• doesn’t really have the capacity to yell at people. They’re pretty reserved or have solid emotional control

• definitely could be a loner. LOVES late night walks in the breeze, just the two of you, holding hands or talking or doing wtv- they really don’t care what it is bc it’s with you. I keep seeing this play out in my head tho, where a person with a grey hoodie, hood-on, hands in pockets, walks by your place at night and pretends they dropped something or makes some sort of excuse to see you even for a few minutes. ^^This is when they like the person tho- not actually dating (yet). They will take the chance to either invite you to walk with them (with or without excuse) or hope that you invite yourself lmfao 😂. OR they’ll lean on your doorframe and ask how you are, have a little chat, and every time you think of an answer or your eyes drift away while thinking, they’ll take the chance to check you out (not body, but facial features.) No thoughts in their mind, just how your face just…makes sense(?) to them? 😂😂 Pile 1, like, their eyes will trace the lines, curves, and dips of your face. If you have horrendous eye bags or dark circles, they’ll think it compliments your face somehow. Like you just “make sense” is what I’m hearing. The vibe I’m feeling is that they’re in stage 0 of this potential relationship—like they’re trying to figure out if they just like being around you or if they’ve actually grown romantic feelings for you. In this moment, they’re possibly at that point of figuring out that they DO have feelings for you and this little moment confirms it (altho they’ll push it back until they get home.) >>> (***little note here: they won’t mast*rbate thinking abt you yet and prob for a few weeks to months, bc this is still too early on for them, esp when they’ve just started to like you. It’s more of a respect thing for them- and ESPECIALLY if they haven’t gotten any signs that you like them back. After a couple of months (still not dating you), you could pop into a few of their fantasies tho, but only for a very brief flash. But again, the restriction is there IF yall aren’t tgt yet.)

• can be naive, and probably lets people walk over them too much/has too many open windows for others to take advantage of them. They have to learn to set boundaries properly and stand up for themselves. They will defend the people they love tho. They just let it go when it comes to themselves

• good natured, clean, and has good hygiene. You won’t see pube hairs (or hair in general) in their shower drain. They don’t mind cleaning it either- could honestly clean the house w no problem. It’s therapeutic for em

• pretty responsible person. Won’t argue if you tell them to clean smth or do the dishes. They’ll just do it

• amazing listener, willing to compromise/give you time. Will apologize even if they’re not in the wrong

• they don’t care abt your financial status as long as you’re responsible with money/show maturity over it

• perceptive of other’s emotions to an extent, and especially when dating you, they will pay attention to yours and your reaction to different things. If you look like you’re goin thru smth, they’ll ask right away. The concern on their face is unmistakable

• dresses up helllla nice for a date. Sometimes, subtly sexy and not even on purpose. BUT, there’ll be times where they’ll be in the mirror like “hm, looks kinda see-thru and kinda sexy…I’ll wear it since I know [y/n] will like it.” But they don’t expect you to jump them that night or anything. May hint at it and tease you thru out date night. (The “innocent” gaslighting might be goin crazy tho)

• forgives easily but they’d rather take the hurt than be mean to you

• extremely loyal. Absolutely no interest in anyone else aside from their partner. I don’t think they have the energy for anyone more than you either hahaha

• turns down their friends to hang out with you

• has a lot to say/wants to be heard but sometimes gets self conscious of speaking (as if they’ve said too much) even tho they’ve said the least in the room

• tall or there’s a height difference between you two

Points of Interest: Fred liu’s energy is soooo apparent- he’s not going away lmfao HELP, possible MBTIs: infj, enfj, awkward silence, bad jokes when trying to go off of your joke (like realllly bad- they should stick to the simple ones like ikea puns), nerdy, very put together but allows moments of mistakes, mentally stable, a bit boring, will walk your dog with no extra charge, gets your coffee every morning (if you drink it), remembers the little details, might be a bit vanilla in bed, arms around your waist, cares abt the romantic and friendship aspects more than the sexual relief, smiles more when you’re around, observant as HELL, remembers to pick up your meds, remembers important dates and times, very considerate and kind, simple watch, humble, “how about we make that one thing you like?”, homebody, doesn’t overdress (sometimes underdresses tho), very gentle and good hearted, learns your language to bond with you more, a total romantic and daydreamer, bro gets talkative in their mindddd (the scenario above prob came from them but shhh)

————————-

Pile 2. “I like the way you laugh. Eheheheh.” - Justin Bieber Interview

• a whole ass clown. Nah I mean “make you laugh until you die” kind of clown. Won’t stop even if you’re dying and gasping for air. LOVES to hear you laugh. They somehow have an intensive arsenal of jokes and will adjust depending on people’s humor- and they’re very good at this

• extroverted and TALKATIVE. Will go to Yapville and come back. Will share a lot with you and expects your feedback. Doesn’t matter if you’re an introvert or extrovert, they wanna hear your thoughts and opinions

• also they may have good leadership skills and are witty. The only issue with this is that they might be too agreeable sometimes- they want what’s ultimately best for everyone involved. The agreeableness thing is a 50/50 thing tho and applies to only some people in this pile, while the others’ future spouses will make better decisions and more sound judgments depending on the situation and what kind of person they are.

• they also don’t like to correct people’s wrongs, but rather show people how to do something. Some fs in this pile tho, can’t call people (you included) out on bs or mistakes. This may be an issue (since they might value harmony so much). This isn’t the best trait to have if you’re thinking abt kids in the future

• also if you have a dumb ass idea, they’ll hype it up and won’t think it’s dumb at all. They’ll be very supportive. Won’t ever make you feel crazy, unless you crack a joke more unhinged than they ever have/or you ever have. Maybe you’re not the type to until you meet them

• I will say, I don’t think they’re that much taller than you

• they’re so unserious sometimes that you can’t believe they’re as responsible as they are.

• somehow always knows the best places to go for a date or if you guys have extra time

• also don’t be surprised if it’s your birthday and they tell the restaurant staff to bring out the whole cake and candles, even mariachi band- be prepared that shit’s kinda crazy 😂 If you don’t like attention in general, I can’t save you in this relationship lmfaoooo

• they’re also pretty optimistic and prepared for emergencies. The type to track your period if you have em lmfao- *they get the notif on their phone* “oh you’re starting your period next week. Sweet.” “How’d you know that?” You ask, and they’ll say casually “Cuz I got the app.” *flashes you their screen w/ app open* and will browse it some more.

• these people are kinda crazy bc if they’re a parent in the future, they’ll bring a whole colossal ass backpack to an amusement park while carrying your kid. They don’t even care if it makes them look weird

• they probably have a weird feature(s) on their face or body that you love. You think it’s charming on them and while society might consider it weird or not conventionally attractive, they’ve figured out how to make it work

• doesn’t really struggle with jealousy. If anything, their form of jealousy is making you laugh even harder or doing something ridiculous to get your attention back on them and off the other person

• ^ they really do like your attention. They also love when you share things you’ve learned with them or you get them involved/inform them in on something you’ve been working on, reading, studying, watching, whatever it is, they’ll be interested. They’ll watch that dumb reality tv show you’re watching. You could even catch them up with some gossip/drama and they’d be invested af

• tbh im not feeling that they’ll ever be bored with you, regardless if you can keep up with their energy or not, because they’ll make you keep up 😭

• one sad bit I have to mention is that they probably have gone through something in the past where they weren’t on guard so they lost the person/opportunity. [I’ll keep this vague. The person doesn’t want me to dwell on it too much. They don’t want you to be fixed on negative things.] This event has stuck with them ever since and they feel that they can’t afford to make that mistake again. If you acknowledge their efforts in a serious conversation or just a random totally unrelated moment, they’ll very much appreciate that. More than you know.

Points of Interest: Getting a whole enfj vibe in here (healthy AND unhealthy enfjs), possibly enfp, entp, esfj, estp, esfp, surprise birthday parties, *dramatic gasping*, maybe likes drinking tea or making tea (esp one that’s pale-yellow colored- idk the name) and drinking it at night(???) speaking of which, night owl, flexible, will make time for you, “it’s okay! I got it!”, confident, on top of things, “sleep is for the weak” says while eye twitches, switch/versatile in bed—does not mind trying new things (they don’t even care how good or bad you are in bed. If they wanna spice it up, they will take the reigns if you don’t, with no problem), will try their best at anything and everything, the responsible class clown, loves board games, masculine and feminine energy is balanced well, probably a masochist bc they like to stress themselves out with all sorts of duties and responsibilities, very good at adapting, open to new cultures/living in countries completely different from them- weirdly, I’m seeing an Australian guy exploring the wild (…maybe that sort of thing excites them), “if you move, I move. No exceptions”, best parent award, “positions” by Ariana grande

———————-

Pile 3. “Hm.”

• in a bit of a stump. Probably has a part time job or multiple to support themselves on their own, but it’s better than being in their last situation.

• introvert. MAJOR introvert.

• minimalist

• straightforward, doesn’t beat around the bush

• not getting the vibe that they’re dating atm — single energy, but not really bothered by it

• would have a pet (eh, maybe) if they could afford to, since they neither have the time nor resources

• they would prob turn you down the first time you ask them out OR they ask you out but in a timid/unconventional/at a later period. I don’t think they have too much dating experience either (and I thought Pile 1 was a loner)

• tsundere type of energy

• the type to say they don’t want kids but when y’all get together, they start thinking abt it a lot, and may hint at it

• good at saving up money, bc they don’t really spend on much. but will work hard to buy you something expensive if they don’t think their efforts for you are enough OR if they don’t think they’re enough for you in general

• doesn’t care what other people think. Could care less if you don’t look your best on some days, have some break outs here and there or a lip filler gone horrendously wrong — if they love you, they LOVE you fr (…should prob sue that doc tho...)

• (expanding on the last point) generally, they don’t care what others think. HOWEVER !!! when you guys start dating, one or both of you (but especially on their side) will struggle with self-esteem issues. Be careful with this, because they will fall for you DEEPLY and literally can’t get out of it —> you’ve shown that you love them unconditionally, regardless of anything, and will be there for them no matter what. Pile 3, you’re pretty soft energy- I get burrito blanket/animal onesie type feels. Back to my point, if you’re not reassuring enough or emotionally available for this person when they open up, it could turn into a toxic relationship where you fall out of love first OR you get trapped in the cycle and now both of yall are depressed af.

• they don’t fall for people easily, like at all, so the obsession will be amplified by a million fold if they ever lose you. The idea of that crushes them and could take a huge mental health toll. It seems they could have leftover resentment from childhood (be it school, family, friends…). If they open up to you, that’s an honor. (At this point, they probably even trust you with their life, don’t tell anyone the info)

• In the worst case possible, you could get someone like this but feel an uneasy weird feeling around them. I’d advise you to keep you distance cuz that ain’t yo person. Obsession can get really bad with this group’s fs. Like real down bad bad. Like put a gps on your car bad. If you meet a person this creepy, don’t stick around in their life and definitely don���t have them stick around in yours. Chances are, this is a karmic person and they’ve come into your life as a reflection of your own insecurities or obsessive tendencies.

• VERY SMART. Can be calculative to protect themselves and those they love

• on the bright side, a well developed pile 3 future spouse enjoys solitude and has managed trauma very well. Tho they might seem socially inept, they’re prob just blunt and honest. They will tell you like it is. Will literally do anything for you, uncharacteristic, even if they look like an idiot on the street

• prefers more intimate settings alone or with you. With another friend? ehh…they prob won’t go

• will only go out if you go out, bc it’s you

• either secretly freaky in the sheets or inexperienced

• jealous easily and is very possessive. They don’t have too many people around them they deem trustworthy so this reaction is to be expected

• this person handles aggressive or violent behavior well. It doesn’t freak them out. (Also right now at 3:01 pm where I’m at, their energy is very hesitant to give out the reason why so perhaps when you meet them and gain their trust, they will tell you.) {P.s I’m asking them very specific and personal questions on the side rn and the silence speaks volumes. I won’t pry any further but they ask that you have some empathy, since they’re not sure how you’d see them.}

• another p.s.: 3:09 pm I think I’ve exposed too much here. There was a strong resistance at the end since it’s so vulnerable and close to their core that it freaks them out to be outed for strangers to see and read about. I won’t say anymore about their past. I’ve also become more careful of my wording - but I will say this for their sake. There is a strong desire to change in this person tho so being someone who brings positive influence into their lives. Someone who can prove that there are still good people in the world.

Points of Interest: istp, intp, entj, intj, istj, either good memory or doesn’t care to rmr (no in between. It varies from person to person, their values and where the info is coming from), notices every little detail, doesn’t care about your flaws, desensitized if you have breakdowns, unexpectedly a good comfort person. Again, a lot of resistance and hesitation, so I won’t say any more abt them. Ooh, ominous. Also, do you struggle with gut issues? Or smth diet related? Could be a whack diet. Okay, I had to go back and delete an important piece of info I put in initially but there’s a lot of disapproval over it. I will throw a small hint out since they’re allowing me to; it’s related to growing up. They don’t want me to be specific abt the period of when but that’s what you get just as a preface. I can tell they want to tell someone about it though. There’s just no one they trust. Also, rmr I said they don’t care abt what others think? Apparently, they care strongly abt what YOU think. It almost feels regretful? Embarrassing? To admit/write this. Thanks pile 3. That’s all you’re getting out of me today.

——————-

*Teddy Note: Teddy here!! I hope your day is going smoothly wherever you’re at! We’re back again with another reading and this time, it was a bit heavier to take in. I mean, this is future spouse we’re talking about so there’s definitely going to be a handful. I have to mention briefly, this is the first time I’ve ever felt a clear shiver against my body when doing a reading. Like a full on force that left me blinking like “wtf just happened…” Especially for a certain pile, who doesn’t want me putting them in the light too much. I saw someone with so much guilt on their face, but they looked so…small? Innocent? Youthful? As if they hadn’t done anything wrong in their life, it’s just that people looked at them…not wrong, but differently? It’s uncomfortable to find the word even after finishing the reading but “differently” undermines their experience and what they’ve been through. But they also don’t want to use a more negative word to describe it either so I’ll leave it there. Thank you for reading!! Remember, take what resonates, leave what doesn’t. I would appreciate any constructive feedback and if you guys reblogged with what pile you chose. It helps a practicing reader like me learn to be more accurate and aligned! Until the next reading, Teddy outttt 😎😎

[unoislazy]

Jealousy Looks Good On You

Mizu x Jealous! Reader

Summary: You and Mizu have been close friends for quite some time. You truly enjoyed each others company, that was until Taigen showed up.

Disclaimers; light language, has not been proofread, I am currently delirious from packing and moving all day but I had to write this out to feed the starved mizu lovers. A fair amount may not make sense at this point in time. My apologies ❤️

————————————————————

You and Mizu have been friends for a while now. Honestly you were surprised you could even say that. Mizu was not someone who would openly accept friendship applications on a daily basis, they usually wouldn’t even talk to people unless it was absolutely necessary. But somehow, despite this, you had gotten past that wall and weaseled your way into becoming her friend.

That was how you viewed it at least, you liked to think that she at least enjoyed your company seeing as she had yet to just up and leave you randomly, which she very well could successfully do if she wanted. You two had learned a lot about each other through late night talks and just general conversations. You of course, had learned about her secret, and you vowed to keep it from anyone else that would cross your path. She in turn had learned a lot about you, things about your past, your likes and dislikes, the usual things that a companion would know.

However, there was one thing she didn’t know about you and you planned to keep it that way. You had been traveling alongside Mizu since you two had crossed paths in a town that she did not intend to stay long in.

Since then you had always admired Mizu for her skills with a sword. That admiration eventually turned to something much stronger.

You would never admit it outloud but you had developed a small crush on the blue eyed woman, and in all honesty it was pretty hard to keep it under control.

Your dynamic had just been you and her for a long time and once Ringo was added to the group it only added to your enjoyment. You loved spending time with them. You honestly found it pretty adorable how Ringo persistently followed the two of you around, just as you had once done to Mizu well before him.

However, once Taigen joined… things changed.

He was never supposed to stay this long, the only reason he did was because Mizu had saved him when escaping that stupid tower. You wanted to go with her, you pleaded with her to take you with her to at least have some back up in case something went wrong but she refused. She wouldn’t give you any other reasoning than, “I need you to stay here.”

No matter how many times you asked why, she would just give you the same answer until you listened. She didn’t want you to go along with her, she wanted to do this alone. And yet when you and Ringo had found her, was she alone?

No… of course not.

He was there with her.

You didn’t recognize him at first of course, you simply thought him to be some random man Mizu thought it was in her best interest to save. In the time you knew Mizu, that didn’t happen often.

You and Ringo had managed to get them both out of the icy water and make your way to the sword fathers house, keeping them both as warm as you possibly could while in such a state.

It wasn’t until Mizu had initially woken up did you finally find out who the man was.

“You’re awake.” You exclaimed, making your way over to a very dreary Mizu who was trying to prop herself up. You smiled, feeling a sudden wave of instant relief as she looked up at you,

“Is Taigen awake.” Were the first words to come out of her mouth.

“Taigen?” You asked, the name felt familiar but you couldn’t tell from where.

“He’s not awake yet.” Ringo answered, he was still very upset with Mizu after their last meeting and that would’ve been clear to anyone just through his tone of voice.

Taigen… Taigen… where have you heard that name?

That’s when you realized, on one of your very late night talks, Mizu had opened up to you a bit about her childhood. In the tale she told, one name continued to pop out.

Taigen.

The kid who was absolutely ruthless to her. All because of the color of her eyes. You remembered just from listening to the story, the anger you felt for Mizu, but even as she was telling the story she didn’t seem quite bothered by it. You supposed she’d have had a lot of time to think about it to the point the memories no longer brought up any emotions.

You looked away from Mizu and turned to the man who was resting quite peacefully not too far away from her. Your astonished gaze turned to a very clearly displeased glare. Never in your life would you think that you wouldn't end up coming across this man, not once, but twice. You had seen the man before, he had shown up a few other times before this, the only reason you hadn’t reacted as harshly was because you didn’t know who he was. You guessed you hadn’t recognized him this time due to the amount of bruising he sustained from his stay at the tower.

Deserved, in your opinion.

Once Mizu had woken up, she of course got right to work just as she usually did. She had no idea what the words ‘take a break’ meant. You helped her out with most of the tasks she tried to perform, but there was one she was insistent on doing alone, again.

So you sat back, preparing whatever medicine Ringo had asked for you to make as he followed around the sword father like there was no tomorrow. You sat in silence, Taigen sleeping not too far away from you, the fire still blaring keeping you both warm.

Why him of all people. Why did he have to be the one she brought back?

There was nothing you could do about him now except for hope that when he wakes up he just gets up and goes on his way.

You rolled your eyes, even thinking about the man made you mad, so you went back to your mundane task. That was until you heard the sound of what you realized to be Taigen stirring as he finally woke up.

“Great, you're awake.” You said sarcastically as you turned towards the man who had rolled over, making sure to make several groaning noises in the process. Sure he was in severe pain but literally everything he did, logical or not, annoyed you.

He didn’t even truly process who you were or why you were there, the first thing he asked was,

“Where’s Mizu?”

Seriously? Why did these two suddenly care about each other so much?

You tried your best to remain as neutral as possible as you very lowly answered, “Outside.”

You didn’t want to tell him, you didn’t even want to speak to him in the first place and You sure as hell didn’t want to leave him alone with Mizu. How could anyone trust him? Sure people change, and most of what he did to Mizu was from when they were kids… but your concern still stands. Who knows, maybe he’s still an asshole.

But in the end, it wasn’t your choice on whether he and Mizu got closer. You would protest it, and you‘d protest it hard but when it comes to it, if Mizu for some reason completely unknown to you decided he was good enough to keep around you’d have to be okay with it.

Some time had passed since they had both woken up. Mizu had gone out to try and remake her sword and Taigen had gone off to… well you didn’t really know nor did you care. You had been sitting outside on the snow covered ground, looking up at the night sky, trying to just clear your mind.

You didn’t like feeling so angry all the time, especially over someone who you personally had no reason to truly be angry at. You felt guilty, it wasn’t your place to make such decisions on who was good for Mizu and who wasn’t but you couldn't help it. It felt almost as if it was some kind of instinct, but you couldn’t really place what it was or why you felt it. All you knew was that you hadn’t felt like this before, and it frightened you. You didn’t want to be so pushy or mean to the two just because you didn’t enjoy one person's presence.

You sighed as you continued to stare up at the sky.

“What is wrong with me?” You whispered quietly to yourself.

While you were having your moment of self reflection, you noticed Taigen who had made his way back from the village carrying food. The guilt you felt seemed to double as you looked at him, so you simply looked the other way.

He walked inside the house not even sparing you a glance, he probably didn’t even know you were there. You were sitting in almost complete darkness, the only light being the glow from the fire inside and the moonlight. You enjoyed the isolating feeling it gave, it felt as if time had stopped as you stared at the bright moon above. You were completely lost in thought, zoning out as you stared at the moon. The only thing to snap you out of it was the sound of a large thud, as if something had hit the ground.

You panicked thinking that Taigen had attacked, just as you thought he would. You rushed over to the door of the house but you stopped once you noticed the position the two of them were in. They were so close to each other, and it didn’t seem like they were actually fighting with each other. You hid behind the door frame, not wanting your presence to be known as you thought about what you had just seen.

Does she actually like him? Why are they so close to each other? Is this seriously happening?

All these questions ran through your head as you backed away from the door. So badly did you want to ‘accidentally’ stumble inside and ruin the moment but then you knew you’d feel even more guilty about it. You just tried to let it go and move on with your night.

You tried.

The next day you had become incredibly standoffish. Mainly towards Mizu and Taigen which made it especially noticeable. Anytime Mizu had asked anything of you, you wouldn’t respond like normal, in fact this time you barely responded at all. Usually you seemed so happy to do anything within her company, but now it was as if you were looking right past her.

When Taigen would even attempt to talk to you, you wouldn’t even make a move to acknowledge his existence.

It was extremely petty and you knew that, but you seriously had no other way to deal with your emotions. You were trying your hardest to keep your thoughts down and just be happy for the two that you thought had some kind of chemistry but you weren’t getting far.

Later that night, you walked into the same room as Mizu. she had been sitting down drinking something from her cup, and staring off into the distance deep in thought. Once you had noticed her, you didnt give your normal greeting, you just sat down across from her and paid her no mind.

“What is your problem?” She finally asked. You simply looked at her, your face was as empty of emotion as you could make it.

“What do you mean? I don’t have a problem.” You lied, trying to not get ahead of yourself. You had so many things that were just so eager to get out, but you didn’t want to share them. You wanted to keep quiet and never mention a single one. If you never mention your problems you don’t have to feel guilty about them, right?

Mizu stared at you, astonished by your persistence with this new attitude.

“Why won't you acknowledge me?” She asked. You averted your gaze by the slightest bit, the guilty feeling coming back.

“I’m acknowledging you right now.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I don't understand your problem here, I’m the exact same.” You lied. You were trying so hard to keep everything under control.

“No you’re not. We both know that.”

“Since when were you an expert on personalities?”

Just because you were trying hard to keep your cool, doesn’t mean you were doing good at it.

“Since I’ve known you for almost a year.”

“You don’t know everything, you know.”

“Why are you acting like this?”

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask Taigen, you seem to go to him for everything anyways.” You didn’t mean to let that slip. If you could take back the words you had just said, you would’ve in an instant. You knew once you had brought up Taigen you wouldn’t be able to stop.

“What is wrong with you?” She asked, confused by your attitude towards every single thing she said. You would never act like this normally, so why now? It almost frightened her, it reminded her a bit of how the people in her past would turn on her so suddenly based on some trait about her, so she assumed the worst.

“There’s nothing wrong with me, Taigen is the problem!” You shouted, now standing up to make your point clear, which took Mizu by surprise. You had never truly gotten so angry before and especially not at her.

“What did he do? Did he do something to you?” She asked, a whole new level of possibilities jumped forward in her mind. She had let her guard down around Taigen, what if he had made a move on you and she didn’t know.

“Are you kidding? I’m not worried about me, I'm worried about you! I mean, what hasn’t he done to you. You’re telling me he was an asshole to you for the entire duration of your childhood that you spent together, and then he suddenly comes waltzing back in claiming he wants to kill you? And then you forgive him? You saved his life sure but now he wants to act all buddy buddy with you? Are you serious? You’re setting yourself up for failure here.” As you went on your ramble, Mizu had begun to relax as she realized the situation. Her eyes followed you as you paced back and forth in front of her, an amused expression creeping its way onto her face.

“Hey.” Mizu began but you could barely hear her over the sound of your own voice.

“You could’ve picked anyone else to start getting close with and I would’ve been fine with it. I mean I don’t control who you can and cannot be close with, but him? Seriously?” You continued.

“Hey.” Mizu repeated, once again trying to get your attention to no avail.

“I mean, you could do so much better. The guy who bullied you for years on end? Oh please, even I would be a better candidate than him, not that I’m saying I should be, but I could be-”

“Stop talking.” Mizu had raised her voice just enough for you to finally hear her and take the hint. You immediately stopped yourself and looked at her with a shocked expression. You had gotten so lost in your thoughts you almost forgot you were ranting to her in the first place. You watched as Mizu’s stern expression shifted to one of a more… smug nature as she stared at you, her eyes looking at you from just above the rim of her glasses so you could see the color in its entirety.

“Are you… jealous?” Mizu asked, an amused smile very evident on her face as she slightly turned to you. Your head shot towards her direction as you opened your mouth to protest but nothing came out.

She was right, you were jealous. Really jealous. You had gotten so lost in your hatred towards Taigen you had forgotten to take a step back and realize how stupid your actions looked.

“I just… don’t think he’s right for you.” You muttered, crossing your arms in defiance as you averted your gaze. You weren’t looking at her but you could tell the woman was just staring at you with a very plain look, a look that probably said something along the lines of ‘are you serious?’

“Not right for me?” She asked, placing her dish down on the ground before looking back up at you. Once she had looked back towards you she had realized you still weren't looking at her, and that wasn’t going to do.

“Look at me.” She demanded. Her tone was not harsh but she was quite stern about it. You did as she said without another question, turning your head to look at her even though you wanted to do anything else but that at the moment.

“What do you mean he’s not right for me?” She asked again, wanting a serious answer out of you.

“I saw the two of you… last night. When you were sparring. I saw how you looked at him and I just. I don’t think he’s a good choice for you.” You admitted. You felt so stupid, couldn’t you have just kept your mouth shut and moved on like an adult. Why did you have to be so petty about someone who didn’t even reciprocate your feelings? You were friends, why would you become anything more than that?

She didn’t say anything in response, she simply stared at you as she usually did, but this time her staring made you feel so small. You already felt guilty about feeling this way and now that you had actually said it out loud to Mizu’s face and all she was doing was staring, it made the feeling unbearable. You wanted to cry, but you wouldn't dare to, not now. To risk looking even more childish than you do already? You’d rather die.

“Then who do you think would be a better choice?” She inquired, earning nothing more than a shrug from you. You had said what you needed and you feared if you said anything more you would dig yourself into a deeper hole. “Come on, you don’t have anyone in mind?”

She was teasing you.

She wasn’t mad?

Why was she playing into this, why wasn’t she upset with you placing your own opinions on her feelings.

“I don’t know… literally anyone else?” You responded quietly, not really wanting to answer the question.

“What, like you?” She retorted with a playful scoff.

“I didn’t say that.” You denied, quite defensively one might add.

“Yes you did.” She corrected.

“You heard me wrong.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“I heard you wrong.” She repeated, confirming the fact that you were actually trying to play that card.

You nodded.

“So you didn’t say, ‘even I would be a better candidate than him’.”

Well, she got you there, Those were in fact the words you said. You were in too deep to go back now so you committed to your sense of denial full force.

“Where are you getting these words from?” You tried to play dumb, obviously it wasn’t going to work.

“Don’t try to lie to me, I heard you say them.”

“I wasn’t saying that I would be the only candidate, I was just using myself as an example. I’m not saying that you’d have to pick me over him I’m just saying that in the grand scheme of things I just-” You had begun to ramble yet again. You couldn't stop yourself, you felt like everything you wanted to say needed a further explanation to make it not sound as bad as it did. Luckily, this rant was cut very short.

“Hey.” Mizu said, very quickly getting you to shut up unlike the last few times. This time however, she was much closer than she was before. Much, much, closer. You hadn’t noticed that throughout the entire duration of your little banter match, she had slowly made her way towards you and you had absentmindedly been backing away from her. Well, that was until you couldn’t back up any more. Now she was standing no more than a few mere inches away from you, her hands had managed to slither their way onto your waist, holding you in place.

“What…” You whispered. You didn’t know what else to do with yourself, you felt as if you could melt into a puddle right then and there as you stared into her eyes. Her eyes however, had not stayed focused on yours, and instead began to travel around to other areas of your face. You had never really seen this side of her. There would be no reason to really, unless she truly felt the same way.

There wouldn’t be any logic behind Mizu just messing with you to mess with you, she only ever really put up fronts for people she needed information from, and the only information you had was how much you wanted her in that exact moment. You would never say that outloud though.

“Stop talking.” She whispered back, her eyes almost entirely focused on your lips as she very slowly neared you. You couldn’t hold yourself back, moving yourself forward and making the move to seal the kiss yourself.

Words wouldn’t be able to accurately describe how you felt in that moment. Neither of you truly expected it, but the kiss had become a lot more heated way faster than you truly expected. Turns out you both had buried feelings that were going to be known one way or another. Your hands had made their way to Mizu’s hair and her hands had begun to travel away from your waist. Once you had eventually parted from the kiss, you both looked almost surprised that any of that truly happened.

Mizu laughed a bit to herself as she looked at you.

“You know, Jealousy looks good on you.” she said before you rolled your eyes,

“Stop talking.” Was all you said before continuing where you left off.

[iamhereforfunnzies]

Okay, so the longer you go blind, the more your other senses heighten. Humans have proven that they can develop echo location. Especially since humans already have a form of it in their every day lives.

Just one of the Bat Fam hearing clicks, only to find Reader making the noise to pin point where things are. But the second they turn the corner, Reader stops and turns their head towards the 'sibling' that suddenly came into their room.

"Why were you clicking so much?"

"Oh, it makes it easier to get around when there isn't anyone else to make sound. Usually, any amount of sound can help me locate what's around me."

"Like... a bat?"

"I guess? It's not new. Lot of blind people can do it to some extent."

-

On another note, I feel like Tim would be the least likely to treat Reader as a baby when his attention is on them. He literally trained to fight blind. So did Bruce. But for Bruce, he hasn't had to use that skill in so long, and it was a small part of his training. Tim frequently makes use of his skill in some way, even if he can see, using it as a way to dodge or attack behind himself.

Maybe this leads to Tim getting Alfred to recommend blind self defense training and some martial arts training. After he gets back from his own blind training for Robin. And then just forgets about Reader.

But this leads Reader to actually favoring Tim a bit more, cause he doesn't treat them like an idiot or an invalid. He also made sure Reader has a form of training.

Maybe, when he starts becoming Yandere, he invites Reader to the training mats to help him keep his blind fighting up and teach her more.

Heck, we can even continue on this line. Reader walking with a friend in Gotham, and a mugger to try to grab the blind person. Damian, as Robin on patrol with his siblings, tries to intervene before the 'weak' sibling gets hurt. Only to watch the mugger get bodily tossed, or their feet swept out from under themselves.

And Tim isn't surprised.

OH MY GOD I AM SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER TO ANSWER😭😭

Yeah , when you treat a child like an adult it will imitate you. Many actually confused children's accent for not knowing how to pronounce words because of lack of knowledge (still a key factor) but it's actually them imitating the baby talk they hear.

Tim would be the type who shows you how to fish instead of giving you fish. I feel like in some sweet way he used to read to you not fairytales but hardknock books be it from science to history. Reader would slightly have better manners with Tim then anyone else because even with their relationship strained she is happy with the memories.

The exact scene Tim will become yandere would actually seeing you do the stuff he taught you doing alone , like slight training in your room , reading alone in braille (it looked low quality since finding braille books are difficult to find) he didn't know what you were reading , he felt bad , so he secretly started learning braille to make books for you and making sure they are the highest quality paper and making sure it's the best of the best translation by going to professionals and staying up to make the cover textures you like. He does ask you about your constant clicking and tapping of foot and gets you so many clicky pens.

Damian , unconsciously followed you walking home and was upset you walking around the street without a cane (he was jealous of your friend holding your hand for guidance) , a rush blurree was about robbed you blind but your insticts bodied him so hard in the cement floor that your friend was the one screaming. Damian was stilled shock and waited for you and your friend to leave to check on the man , kicking the robber's leg and checking his heart (he's alive but paralyzed) he is Honestly excited , HIS OLDER SIBLING CAN FIGHT! Though still amateur move , THEY CAN STILL FIGHT.

In Damian's mind fighting and playing is practically the same.

[psychemochanight]

Honestly, even if (just sometimes, normally I don't) I love the new interpretation of Dick as the "angry Robin" that we have these days, sometimes it feels bad that you can't talk about a version of Dick as Robin that isn't like that without getting people saying things like "that's not Dick, he's the angry one, the bloodthirsty one" and... What?

It takes away a lot of depth from the character when people only think of that when talking about Robin!Dick, when, since always, Dick was, quite possibly, one of the best written characters, and one of those that has more nuances to make him a completely human character, not only in the sense of not having superpowers, but of being able to empathize with him.

There are many versions of the story, but the most widely accepted version is that Dick lost his parents at the age of eight, watching them fall because they sabotaged their act, an act Dick probably saw many times, one he knew for sure his parents would never fail... Until it failed, and through no fault of their own.

Dick was a little boy who grew up in a loving family (as far as we know, I still think they were strict, but not necessarily bad parents... We'll talk about the Court of Owls later), and from one second to the next, all of that ended. Even if Bruce was there for him, things obviously weren't the same anymore, they never would be again.

Although many have the idea that Dick escaped from youth center to kill Zucco, in the original stories Dick didn't even know yet about him, at least not that much to know what he really did; but he wanted to escape from juvenile so as not to lose his values, so as not to stop being who he is, who his parents taught him to be.

Even in the lines where he DOES say he wants to kill Zucco, in most cases, when push comes to shove, he wants to prevent Zucco's death. There are some moments where he even confesses that he didn't want Zucco to die, he just wanted justice for his parents.

People now see Dick as the Robin who only saw misfortune and was an absolute menace to society, and while, yes, Dick was an absolute menace, it was only to the villains, who heard a little boy laughing at them before beating the shit out of them. Plus, even as a child he was a master manipulator, both for enemies and allies.

But what about the rest? Robin was supposed to be the light where Batman was the darkness. He was the one who comforted scared civilians when Batman couldn't. He was the sensitivity that Batman cannot afford to show.

Dick Grayson was the one who saved Batman from losing himself in the same darkness that he himself was making his only way of life, and this is something that Alfred has pointed out before. It is thanks to Dick that Batman stopped being the ruthless "hero" he was becoming. Damn, he was the one who softened Alfred's heart in the first place too.

This was the Robin that Superman saw as worthy of carrying the mantle of Nightwing, whom he saw as someone who could represent hope itself.

Bruce didn't start smiling just because of the other Robins like many people now believe, no. Dick was the first to make him smile again, the one who opened the doors for the others.

Dick was always kind and tender-hearted, always joy where there was only devastation.

Even if he was the living nightmare of villains, he was still that cheerful child who wanted to avoid the pain of others. The boy who inspired other heroes, not only because of his skills, but because of his heart.

Dick is a character who, while he is now more recognized as Nightwing than as Robin (which doesn't bother me at all, because that was always his goal when he became an independent hero), he still has a history that people seem to increasingly forget about and pigeonhole his development into something... Flat.

Were there times when Dick had more anger and pain than any other feeling in him? Yes, absolutely YES. But this stage is mostly in his Discowing years, not of Robin as such (I'm not saying there weren't such moments, but there aren't as many as people describe now, and even then, he was more serious than angry), or as some animated series showed (I love these series, even if they turned Dick into a feral child who is unable to smile, lol)

Again. I LOVE Dick's portrayal as a feral child and absolute menace to society (which he was), but I also LOVE when artists, writers, and the entire fandom itself appreciates the different nuances of his personality, from his ability to laugh despite the misfortunes in his life, to his sadness that never ceased to be a part of him, until the moments where he could only feel rage and pain and felt that the world was only darkness, unable to see the colors that emerged from the light he projected by himself.

Look at him, he's so cute <3

Does anyone care about this yap? No, but I wanted to let out what I've been repeating in my head for days because people on tiktok have me fed up HAHA

[morteisshipping]

Development of Sung Hyunjae-ssi

From this:

"I treasure you quite a lot, Han Yoojin-gun, but." Along with the words slowly spilling out, Sung Hyunjae's grip closed around my neck. Then he lightly pulled me to his side. [...] Without Fear Resistance, the gaze boring into me as if to pierce inside would undoubtedly have given me chills. No, I might've been struck by terror even more than that and avoided it. But I could face him head on without a tremble. It wasn't normal, but that was why it was a relief. "It's not to the point of giving up part of my body." "Do you really think that way? When it isn't your life, but only an arm and an eye? Sung Hyunjae-ssi, there are still many things I'm hiding." My lips curved in a smile. "So it'll be more fun from now on."

chapter 101: Cursed Contract

To this:

A large figure holding on to me, whose face I couldn't see in detail. If I didn't have Fear Resistance, I'd be scared stiff. "Your eyes." Sung Hyunjae's hand came close as if to touch my eyes. "Is this because of me?" "Technically speaking, it is. I'll recover as I did before, you don't need to worry." "I don't think you can see at all." I don't like having a debt like this, Sung Hyunjae murmured. Still, it was better than Chief Song-nim giving his life. "Take my right eye." "Excuse me?" "Since I've already staked it once." [...] "I'll leave the left eye to the young master." "I mean, why is our Yoohyun-ie even come up here?" "Because if I kept you all for myself, he'd undoubtedly be angry. The young master will be happy to do for you." That... um, I thought he actually would, so I was even more freaked out. I pushed Sung Hyunjae, sitting upright. [...] "There's no need. I'm started to be able to detect light, and even if I can't see forever, other's eyes... uh, I won't need them. I'll just get a monster to be my eyes and raise them." Even now, using the Teacher's skill wasn't that inconvenient. "Besides, if you lose one of your eyes, won't your combat ability diminished? Why would you take such a loss because of me?" "If I had to choose, I'd choose you, Han Yoojin-gun."

chapter 314: It's a Holiday

From unwilling and threatening, that he didn't like Yoojin that much to stake an arm and an eye, to very willingly offering his eyes to a currently blind Yoojin, and this happens on a bed. On. A. Bed.

[crystalizedcryolite]

Woah woah woah what's this I'm hearing about Green hate?? Is this true? Probably not, but this is a great opportunity to explain character flaws! :D (I was saving this analysis for when the entire arc is done but whatever)

A perfect, flawless character is a boring character. What fun will there be if your character did everything right in the world, no mistakes to let them grow or problems they can learn from? This helps create conflict, which helps expand on a character and develop them further.

Green's ego problem, his whole attention and fame-obsession thing, is a part of his character for a reason. Flaws in a character makes them more realistic and relatable, you feel me?

Green is actually a really complex character, and that's something I love most about him. That's why he's my favourite.

He can be kind, he can be a cocky jerk, he can be selfish, he can be selfless, he loves his friends, he doesn't understand what he's doing to them, all of it. His character flaws make him feel real.

His wanting for a bigger taste of fame, his slowly losing himself to the world of content creation? It's realistic. It happens everyday.

I, of course, hate what he's doing to his friends, hell, I've been there before, but that's simply necessary for his character arc. When he realises his mistake, he's going to grow from it. He's going to become a better person, I just know it.

How do I know? Because we've seen it time and time and time again.

Green showing off when he wins every build battle, Green getting cocky when dodging Red’s pranks, his anger when he loses? Those flaws have been established since day one.

Except he's still a good person.

He remained loyal to his friends, genuinely loves and cares about them so very much, and most definitely the type to drop everything for them.

(I hope, if my analysing skills are any good..)

And who's the one who comforted Purple after all he's done to them?

Green.

He's still including his friends, albeit a lot, lot less. He still cares about them, he's still trying to give them some spotlight, but he doesn't understand that they don't want that. Doesn't understand yet, anyway.

Sure, he's losing himself to the taste of fame, sure he's currently filled with an ego-driven, attention-seeking drive right now, but he'll learn soon.

That's what makes a character arc so darn good. Sometimes the problem isn't an outside force, or an enemy to battle, or something to stop.

Sometimes the problem is yourself, and it's something that needs to be changed.

Maybe the whole point of this fame-chasing arc is to let Green learn more about humility, in all it's glory, and the dangers of devoting your life to giving content to a bunch of strangers.

Or maybe not, who knows? There's still two episodes for the influencer arc, after all.

I can't wait to see how Green's character arc goes for it :D

(I don't mean any malice towards anyone, by the way! This is just me analysing Green's character :>

[loemius]

here’s my hot take of the night:

the e-temples that have been cropping up lately are cool, and im glad to see people making specific spaces to come together to worship. that’s awesome! i’m very here for that as a concept. i love nothing more than to see the theoi get the praise they deserve.

that being said, i am very wary about the amount of people i have seen calling themselves priests/priestesses lately. not even just in the e-temples! ive seen multiple people in the tags who have in their bio “priest(ess) of [deity].” i realize most people probably don’t mean harm by it, but it gets under my skin. to call yourself clergy implies a specific level of knowledge and experience with a religion (which isn’t my business to get involved in your praxis like that, that’s personal unless you wanna share it), but more importantly, official recognition by an established institution. there are not that many of these (that i am aware of) for hellenic polytheism. calling yourself clergy is simply that — calling yourself that. there’s no backing for it, and it genuinely concerns me.

we as the polytheist community talk a lot about harmful practices in spirituality, things like spiritual psychosis or cultural appropriation, which are important topics to discuss. it’s been said before and i’ll say again — people claiming to be spiritual authorities of some kind without any kind of proof can be very dangerous. i don’t assume anyone has bad intentions. i give people the benefit of the doubt and assume that everyone is just trying to help other people worship. but it doesn’t change the fact that calling yourself a priest(ess) will make impressionable or unsure people look up to you, and that is a hell of a lot of responsibility. i am concerned that there are minors running these kinds of blogs. that’s a lot of pressure on someone’s shoulders, especially to put on someone who is still growing up and developing their research and critical thinking skills. i don’t want to gatekeep or anything like that. im very glad to see minors having really good experiences with their faith, that they’re excited to share it with others. but it just concerns me.

im certainly not as experienced as other practitioners on this site, having had about two years of experience at this point, but i am very wary of anyone who claims to be any kind of authority on anything unless you can back it up. regardless of if your blog says that you’re not an authority, calling yourself clergy of any kind implies that. people will take it that way. it inherently implies a level of authority, knowledge, and experience on a particular subject, which is usually backed up by having an official institution that recognizes you.

perhaps this is a little callous of me, but in the same way that when someone makes a claim about the theoi academically, i expect them to have sources to prove it, i expect clergy to have some kind of proof of their authority. otherwise, what are you doing that’s different than any other tumblr blog?

to be clear, i don’t have an issue with these devotional spaces. i simply take an issue with people referring to themselves as clergy when that is a particular term with a particular context and a particular implication. words have power. i earnestly think if people just called themselves something like ‘stewards’ of a particular temple, i wouldn’t be so bothered by it. or just call yourself a devotee of a particular god. ultimately, at the end of the day, the words we use have power and implications, and that has to be acknowledged and respected. send tweet

[girlgenius1111]

when i break, it’s in a million pieces

alexia x putellas!reader

the pressure on r is intense, from her sister more than anyone. an injury pushes her to her breaking point. desperate not to let her sister down, r struggles under the weight of her injury.

-----

Something that was always said about your sister was that she pushed everyone around her to be better. This was something that you knew to be true on a whole other level. The pressure of being Alexia Putellas' sister was immense; not just from the media, and the coaches, and the team, but from your sister herself. She expected a lot from you, she always had.

Alexia knew better than anyone what it took to be a great footballer, and when you expressed to her that you wanted it too, she promised herself that she would help you get there. The raw talent was there, and with your sister by your side, it seemed to the world that you would be unstoppable.

It was your first real season with Barça, having spent the last 2 seasons on loan at Sevilla. It had been good for you, helped develop your skills and allow you to be independent. Now, at 20, you were back in Barcelona, playing with the first team, and with your sister, for the first time.

Your sister always toed the line between pushing you just hard enough, and pushing you too hard. Your mother often had to step in, and get Alexia to back off, just a bit. Not that you were on the team with her though, where she was the captain, training with her everyday, you couldn't really go to your mother for help when Alexia pushed you too hard. You just... took it.

It was a lot, several stressful months at the beginning of the season where you tried to carve out your place in the team. It felt like Alexia was breathing down your neck, always asking for more. It was an environment that you had thrived in, before. And then you'd gone on loan, and you'd learned to push yourself.

Alexia's pushing, compounded with your pushing was, if you were honest, too much for you. You could never tell your sister, though, not when she was just trying to get you to be the best version of yourself.

It didn't help that the media had wild expectations for you; they were expecting you to perform how Alexia had when she was 28, and you were only 20. Every mistake, every missed shot had media outlets questioning if you would ever be as good as your older sister. You knew Alexia didn't pay attention to the things said about her online, and you tried to do the same. You weren't as successful.

Things only got worse when Alexia hurt her knee. Your heart ached for her, knowing exactly the toll not being able to play took on your sister. Still, you were suffocating in her absence from the pitch.

You needed to be better, stronger, faster, play harder, pass more precisely, shoot right on target every time. You needed to be passionate, but not hot headed. Confident, but not cocky. You felt like you were being pulled in a thousand different directions; every move you made seemed to be the wrong choice. Your solution? Work harder. Train extra. Push yourself to the absolute brink.

Everyone seemed to realize that you were pushing yourself too hard. Everyone, that is, except your sister. She only saw the results, how well you were playing. It was like she was blind to how exhausted you looked. Your teammates tried bringing it up with you, and with Alexia, but you both insisted that there was no problem. Alexia, because she genuinely didn't think there was one. And you, because you would rather drop dead than disappoint your sister.

Somewhere deep inside, you had convinced yourself that if you weren't perfect, completely and entirely perfect, Alexia wouldn't love you the same. Your sister's praise and approval was something you'd always sought; only recently did it reach the point that you were willing to do anything to make her proud of you; fuck your body and it's limits- Alexia was counting on you, expecting things of you, and you were going to do them. No matter what it took.

-----

It made sense, then, that your body would reach it's breaking point. The load on you was immense; playing almost every minute of every game. You were overworked, but you wouldn't admit it. You'd gone back out for the second half of the game against Eintracht Frankfurt, dismissing Jona [and Irene, and Patri, and Marta]'s questions about coming off to rest. You had more to give, you assured them. And give it your all, you would.

You were on the left side of the pitch, attempting to dribble past one of the opposing midfielders. The tackle wasn't really very clean; she came sliding in towards your ankles after the ball was already sailing towards Mario. Still, if you weren't so exhausted and overworked, you would have seen her coming, and moved out of the way. Or, at least, you would have managed to move just enough that the tackle wasn't catastrophic.

Instead, she caught you just right, crashing into you so hard that your ankle rolled in a way it wasn't supposed to. You felt the crack as well as heard it, the excruciating pain that followed forcing you to the ground.

Your head was left completely untouched, and the ref let play continue, apparently feeling that the tackle didn't deserve a yellow. You felt like you could feel every nerve ending in your ankle being lit on fire, at the same time as a deep ache permeated out from the bones in your lower leg. It was unlike anything you'd ever felt before, truly. You were on your stomach, face hidden away in the crook of your elbow, as you raised your other hand in the air, gesturing wildly for help.

Your heart was racing, ankle throbbing, as you felt everything come crashing down around you. This couldn't be happening. How could this be happening?

"Y/n?" Ingrid asked quietly, resting a hand on your back. Mario had kicked the ball out, and the medics were sprinting across the pitch towards you. Ingrid was closest, and while the rest of the team stood frozen, praying to anyone they could think of that this wasn't as bad as it seemed, the Norwegian crouched down by you, able to hear the small, pained whimpers escaping your lips.

"Ingrid, help," you choked out, reaching blindly for her. She grabbed your hand, holding tight.

"The medics are almost here, just hang on."

-----

Up in the stands, Alexia sat, watching on in absolute horror, at the way your body laid on the pitch. She'd been much too far away to hear the crack, but she knew what a broken ankle looked like. Your reaction only confirmed it. She was gripping the arms of her seat like her life depended on it, barely able to tear her eyes off you when Mapi called her name for the third time.

"Go, Ale. Get down there. She'll need you." Mapi nudged, looking to Jana when Alexia made no move. Mapi was still on crutches, unable to grab Alexia and go like she needed to. Jana got the message, standing and grabbing Alexia's hand in hers.

"Alexia," she called, waiting until her captain's eyes looked up at her. "Come on. She needs you." With another tug on the blonde's hand, Jana got Alexia to stand, before she pulled her out of the row of seats, and towards the stairs.

-----

The medics had maneuvered you onto your back, before they asked you what hurt. They already knew, even as the question left their mouths.

"What hurts?"

"Ankle. It's bad, it's really bad," you cried, before yanking your jersey up to cover your face. It was bad enough that this was happening, and the entire stadium, everyone watching being able to see you cry only making it worse.

You stayed in your little hiding place, shirt covering your face, until the crowd of medics around you, combined with the medical cart that had been driven onto the field, provided enough of a shelter. When you removed your kit from your face, you were met with the sight of most of the team standing over you, pained expressions across their faces. You were handed the dreaded green whistle, which you tried to push away. The medic insisted, and Irene leaned over you, as if daring you to reject it again.

You accepted it, then, taking deep inhales of the medication. Your brain felt hazy, suddenly, and it didn't really register when they put the puffy orange cast over your leg.

The team hovered, silent support, as you were moved onto a stretcher, and then the cart. You were left with pats on the shoulder and kisses on the forehead before the cart began moving, driving off the pitch. The crowd clapped as you went, and all you could think was that you had no idea how long it would be before you could get back on the pitch.

-----

"Where is she?" Alexia questioned, grabbing the arm of the physio attempting to pass by her. She'd been waiting for you by the medical rooms for a few minutes, only growing more nervous as time passed.

"Ambulance. They're taking her right to the hospital." The physio replied, looking sympathetically at the blonde.

Alexia swore, taking off down the hall and towards the doors. Thank god she was cleared to run again. The blonde just barely caught the ambulance before the back was slamming shut, hopping up and in. She slid in right next to the stretcher, instantly leaning over you.

"I'm here, pequeña." She murmured, taking in the absolutely devastated expression on your face.

"It broke, I heard it break." You whispered. Alexia felt like her heart was being squeezed at the sound of your shaky voice.

"It's all going to be okay, I promise."

You shook your head. "I'm sorry, Ale." You barely got the words out, a loud sobbing ripping it's way out of you.

Your sister looked confused, reaching a hand down to cradle your cheek. "You don't have anything you need to be sorry for, hermanita. Nothing."

The conversation was only agitating you, and the paramedic gave your sister a look, one telling her to change the topic.

"Does it hurt?" She asked, glancing down at your heavily wrapped ankle.

You bit your lip. "No."

Just then, the vehicle hit a bump, jostling the stretcher slightly. Your ankle was jolted, and you let out a high pitched squeak, gripping on tight to the sides of the stretcher.

"Sure, it doesn't hurt." Alexia sighed. "We're almost at the hospital, okay? They'll fix you right up."

Alexia was speaking to you like she had when you were much younger; when the injury to be fixed was a scraped knee, not a broken bone. It was comforting, though, a glimpse of soft and sweet Alexia that you hadn't really seen much of recently.

"Can you call mom?" You asked quietly. Your sister swallowed back tears of her own at how young you seemed suddenly. You were only 20, and though normally you acted much more mature than that, she was reminded of your age by the look of complete fear in your eyes.

Your mother, however, was out of the country on a girls trip with her friends She had been texting Alexia pretty much nonstop since the injury, and Alexia had only managed to reply to one of the texts. She told your sister, though, that she didn't have good enough cell reception to call. Alexia was going to have to be enough for you.

"Her internet isn't good enough to call, remember? I'm right here with you, though. I'm not going anywhere." Alexia vowed, peeling your hand of the side of the stretcher, and wrapping her hand around it.

Your sister didn't miss the unsure glint in your eyes, and although your hand tightened around hers, she could tell that you were holding back from her, at least a little bit. The trouble was, she didn't understand why. You used to go to Alexia with all your problems; she was one of the only people you would let see you cry. Now, though, you chewed aggressively on your bottom lip, blinking away your tears.

Alexia wondered when you'd stopped trusting her the way you used to, and why.

-----

Thank god that Barça had connections at the hospital; you were in and out of x-ray fast, seen by the doctor, put on crutches within the hour. Your foot was encased in a moon boot, all the way up your shin, and you were... miserable. There was a permanent scowl set on your face, and you were answering your sister's questions with simple yes's and no's, refusing to make eye contact.

Alexia's chest ached seeing you in this much pain. She felt like she used to feel when you were little, and you'd cry; like she'd do anything, anything at all, to make you smile again.

Your other sister arrived in a flurry of chaos, and Alexia watched on as you practically melted into the hug Alba offered. She didn't understand; you went to Alba when you were in trouble, or if you wanted to goof around. You went to Alexia if you were upset. That was how it had always been, but suddenly, you couldn't look her in the eye.

"Olga went to go get you some stuff from your apartment. You can stay with Ale until you're better, alright?" Alba said.

Alexia didn't know when Alba had contacted her girlfriend, or how the decision for you to stay with her had been reached, but she was glad for it. You shouldn't be on your own, physically, and if your current attitude was any indication, also mentally.

"Did the doctor say how long you'd be out?"

You grew visibly pale at the question. "At least 4 months."

Alba opened her mouth, clearly about to comment on how that was... a long time for a broken ankle. Alexia elbowed her in the side, sending her a look to not bring it up. Alba promptly shut her mouth, figuring Alexia would explain later anyway.

What she didn't know was that you'd broken both your fibula and your tibia. The bones would take time to heal, time to rehab, as well as the partially torn muscles in your ankle. You'd asked about surgery, but the process wouldn't be sped up at all if you were operated on. You had no choice, but to wait it out. 4 months away from the pitch. 4 months.

"Hey, y/n?" Alexia said, waving a hand in front of your face.

"What?" You asked.

"I said your name like 5 times." Alexia told you, taking in the bewildered expression on your face. You'd completely tuned out, lost in your thoughts.

"Oh."

"Ready to go?" Alexia asked finally, when you didn't offer an explanation.

"Yeah."

You stood, slightly shaky on the crutches from the pain medicine, and began to make your way to the doors of the hospital. Your sisters followed close behind you. They didn't know it, but anyone looking at the two of them would have instantly known they were sisters; sporting matching worried frowns as they watching you move down the hall. Neither of them was really sure what to say to you, to make you feel better, and they hated standing by and watching you be upset. Nothing seemed to be working though, and you offered them nothing as you made it to your sister's car, sliding into the backseat without a word. The car ride back to Alexia's was completely silent, both of your sister's were lost in their thoughts, as you were.

-----

Alexia lay awake in her bed, unable to shake the feeling that she needed to check on you. Staring at the ceiling, her mind was racing, through every interaction she'd had with you recently. She couldn't figure out when you'd started acting so... strange. In retrospect, it had definitely gotten worse recently, and she hadn't noticed. The blonde had been busy, dealing with her knee and her contract renewal. Now that she'd taken the time to really look at you, for the first time in weeks, she saw someone who was hurting. All she wanted was to fix it.

"Go check on her, Ale." Olga spoke up from next to her girlfriend. "I can hear you thinking from here, just go so you can see she's fine, come back, and go to sleep.

Alexia considered for a minute, before leaning over to kiss her girlfriends cheek, and sliding out of bed. She was wearing socks, and her footsteps were quiet as she padded down the hall and to the door of the guest bedroom. She was just going to peek in, but when she rested her hand on the knob, she heard quiet snuffling whimpers coming from behind the closed door.

Twisting the knob and stepping into the room, the sounds cut off with a sharp breath. Alexia didn't say anything, not yet. Instead she walked closer to the bed, towards where you were facing away from the doorway, pretending to be asleep in the middle of the bed. Your body was trembling under the covers, so much so that she could see it even in the dark. She took a careful seat on the edge of the bed, reaching out to rest a hand on your arm. As soon as she did so, you broke, curling up into yourself as a heart wrenching sob fought it's way out of you.

Before your sister could say a word, you were twisting to face her and gasping out an apology. "Sorry, Ale, I'm sorry."

Alexia didn't know why you kept apologizing to her, but she desperately wanted you to stop. "Shh, just let it out. It's all okay, nena."

"It's not okay, Alexia, it's not. I can't play. I can't play, not for months. I can't do it, I don't want to do it." Nothing you were saying was really making any sense to your sister, but she was sure she wasn't getting any more out of you while you were still so worked up.

"Just come here, nena," she murmured, opening her arms up for you. For a second, you looked so unsure, so apprehensive, and Alexia felt like crying herself. Then, something inside of you must have given up, and you were launching yourself, as best you could, across the bed and into your sister's arms. Alexia held you close, humming a soft tune as she held you tight against her, like she used to do when you were very small.

For once, you didn't worry about disappointing her, or seeming weak in front of her. You let yourself fall apart completely, your sister's arms wrapped around you feeling like the only thing stopping you from breaking into a million pieces.

"You are strong, pequeña, so strong. You can do this, I know you can. My strong hermanita. You can do anything. I bet you'll be back on the pitch before 4 months is up." Alexia's words only seemed to make you cry harder, so she stopped talking, focusing on rocking minutely back and forth.

What if you weren't strong? You knew you weren't as strong as your sister. What if you were weak? What if you couldn't do it? Alexia said you should be able to come back before 4 months, but what if you didn't? You'd be disappointing everyone, Alexia most of all. The fear of that, of letting her down, felt like it was squeezing all the air out of your lungs, until all you could do was cling to your sister, and wait for it to pass.

It wouldn't pass. The thoughts wouldn't stop ricocheting around your head, your deepest fears and anxieties. Everything you'd been pushing down for weeks was bubbling to the surface until you were a trembling mess in your sister's arms.

"You have to calm down, nena, breathe." Alexia tried to remind you. You could only shake your head frantically, and your sister sighed, her worry increasing. "Okay, let's go call Alba."

Without another word, she held tight to you and stood up off the bed, walking towards her room. You were past caring, at this point, where you had your breakdown. Calling Alba might be a good distraction, you thought. So, you wrapped your arms around your sister's neck, trying to steady yourself.

-----

Olga had just been considering getting up, and going to check on the pair of you, when she heard her girlfriend's steps returning down the hall. They were slower than normal, and her lips tugged into a smile, knowing exactly what was about to walk through the door.

Her smile fell when Alexia walked in with you in her arms, the miserable sounds you were making filling the silent room. She made eye contact with her girlfriend, feeling her heart sink at how helpless she looked.

Alexia placed you in the middle of the bed, pulling away just slightly so she grab her phone and call your other sister. She hit Alba's contact, absentmindedly rubbing your back as you cried into her. Olga scooted closer, resting her head on Alexia's shoulder, hoping to provide some comfort to her girlfriend, who looked completely distraught at the state you were in.

"Hello?" Alba answered, grumpy at being woken in the middle of the night.

"She's really upset, can you talk to her?" Alexia asked, forgoing a greeting and holding the phone to your ear. Alba sat straight up in bed, her soft voice a stark contrast to the tension and stress flooding her. She began talking, about her day, about her week, about the silly thing she'd seen at the dog park the other day.

Your sister's soothing voice, your other sister's calming patterns rubbed into your back, Olga's nails scratching lightly at your scalp, all probably combined as you began to calm down.

Alba's voice had vanished, and Alexia smiled despite herself, knowing the other girl had probably fallen asleep talking. When your sobs quieted to small whimpers, and your sharp gasps for air turned to the occasional hiccup, Alexia spoke again. You were half asleep, and you felt safe, so safe, so tired. You let Alexia's words wash over you, the final push before you shut your eyes, drifting off on top of her.

"I love you, so much. Always. I'll be with you the whole way, nena. I promise you."

Groggily, you wondered if she meant it. If she really would be with you through this, if she really would still love you when you inevitably failed. Because you were sure you weren't strong enough for this. Despite your certainty, you also knew that you would do everything you could to meet your sister's expectations. The doctors had said 4 months, you'd do it in 3. No matter what it took, no matter how hard it was. If you failed, you'd deal with that later.

-----

[genderkoolaid]

Examples of transandrophobia: i've seen sections of Leslie Feinberg's piece "Sisterhood: Make it Real" passed around this site for literally years, and TODAY was the first time that I saw the whole thing and learned that ze called out cisfeminists in it for getting rid of trans men the second they started transitioning. Like I always thought it was a good piece but I had literally NO IDEA that it talked about trans men because that part was never included in posts about it, even when those posts were calling out cisfeminism for being transphobic. I'm just gobsmacked tbh

This is a great point!

Honestly more people need to read that full chapter. There's a lot of really good points.

Amongst other things, Leslie talks about how "women good men bad" is poor feminism:

Of course, as a result of the oppression women face growing up in such a violently anti-woman environment, some women draw a line between women as allies and men as enemies. While it’s understandable that an individual might do so out of fear, this approach fails as theory. It lumps John Brown and John D. Rockefeller together as enemies and Sojourner Truth and Margaret Thatcher together as allies. This view of who to trust and who to dread will not keep women safe or keep the movement on course.

How feminine men are victims of gender oppression:

The oppression of feminine men is an important one to me, since I consider drag queens to be my sisters. I’ve heard women criticize drag queens for “mocking women’s oppression” by imitating femininity to an extreme, just as I’ve been told that I am imitating men. Feminists are justifiably angry at women’s oppression - so am I! I believe, however, that those who denounce drag queens aim their criticism at the wrong people. This misunderstanding doesn’t take gender oppression into account. For instance, to criticize male-to-female drag performers, but leave out a discussion of gender oppression, lumps drag queen RuPaul together with men like actor John Wayne! RuPaul is a victim of gender oppression, as well as of racism.

How masculine women are assumed to know less about gender oppression:

But I grew up very masculine, so the complex and powerful set of skills that feminine girls developed to walk safely through the world were useless to me. I had to learn a very different set of skills, many of them martial. While we both grew up as girls, our experiences were dissimilar because our gender expressions were very different. Masculine girls and women face terrible condemnation and brutality including sexual violence - for crossing the boundary of what is “acceptable” female expression. But masculine women are not assumed to have a very high consciousness about fighting women’s oppression, since we are thought to be imitating men.

And as you said, how trans men deserve access to women's and lesbian's spaces without having their transmasculinity ignored or seen as being butch-in-denial:

And our female-to-male transsexual brothers have a right to feel welcome at women’s movement events or lesbian bars. However, that shouldn’t feed into to misconception that all female-to-male transsexuals were butches who just couldn’t deal with their oppression as lesbians. If that were true, then why does a large percentage of post-transition transsexual men identify as gay and bisexual, which may have placed them in a heterosexual or bisexual status before their transition? There are transsexual men who did help build the women’s and lesbian communities, and still have a large base of friends there. They should enjoy the support of women on their journey. Doesn’t everyone want their friends around them at a time of great change? And women could learn a great deal about what it means to be a man or a woman from sharing the lessons of transition.

Not that "trans women belong in feminism" wouldn't be a good point on its own, but people's selectivity with which parts of that chapter they share definitely warrant scrutiny.

[onskepa]

Stxeli: Trust

Helloooooooo~!! Here is another part of the ongoing series! Hope you all enjoy~!!

Stxeli series

--------------

Trust is one of the main important elements in a person's life and in the overall society. Trust helps gain and benefit from others by mutual trust. Trust creates long lasting relationships, no matter the type. Trust is as strong as a stone, but fragile as glass. One wrong move and the trust is gone, one right move and its stronger. 

And sometimes, trust takes a long time to develop. Just as it can quickly grow. 

There really is no between. 

It has been some time now since Jake has joined the clan. Learning their ways and even speaking better, heavy on his english accent but better. His hunting skills are improving, but much better than his first day. His relationship wih the villagers has also improved greatly. Many have come to like him, sharing their honest words to their leaders. 

Even neytiri has come to enjoy his presence. Would often look forward to spending the day with jake. 

This leads to mo’at and eytukan having to think very long and hard about what their next move is. 

Is jake trustworthy enough to meet their child? 

Mo’at can come up with millions of excuses to not have the dream walker see her precious child. But at some point, it has to happen, if jake is to become part of the clan, the seeing stxeli is inevitable. 

She just wishes there were other ways. 

“And then you add just a pinch of this aaaaaaaaaaand tada~!!” stxeli proudly shows kame how to make instant healing glue should he need to heal an injury fast enough. 

“This still needs work, I recommend doing this for small cuts, I plan to make this glue be a replacement to stitches” stxeli explains. 

Kame claps his hands in amazement. 

“Incredible, it also shouldnt hurt as much right?” he asks. Stxeli looks at the glue then back at him. 

“No….?” she says in more of a question. 

“No?” he repeats. 

“Well, that is the goal. I have seen so many go to my sa’nu and get help. I know she is tsahik, but when I help, I see many get stitches. And those hurt a lot, but it's to help with their wounds. So, to help them without causing anymore pain, I want to make a special glue that can help! Still needs work though” 

Kame listens to stxeli, his eyes stare with adoration at her goal. What she wants to do to help with their people is very inspiring. In kame’s eyes, stxeli is kind, very creative, maybe a bit too obsessed with the yovo, but stxeli is just simply amazing. 

That is someone kame loves to have around. And being around her lifts his own spirits up. 

“I still need to make lots of adjustments but! I like to think I am on the right path” stxeli says happily. 

“Are you going to show it to the tsahik?” Kame asks. Stxeli slightly frowned. 

“Not so soon. I still need to figure out how I want it to be. I won't show it until it's ready” she answers. 

“But if you tell her, maybe she can help you make it better,” kame suggests. 

True, her mother is an expert and can look at any plant and instantly know what it is and what it does. 

“Yeah, but she has enough to deal with. Im gonna figure this out, so, promise not to tell anyone?” stxeli stares deep into kame’s eyes. 

“Yes, I promise. You can trust me” 

“He has tamed his ikran today” neytiri informs her parents. She looks over at Jake as he retells his recent victory of having an ikran of his own to the other na’vi. All seemed very interested in his overly exaggerated story. 

After a huge success, it called for a huge feast. Everyone gathered to celebrate his accomplishment, now there is only one last step to take. 

Well, more like 2 steps in this case. 

“He has to meet stxeli before he can complete his iknimaya” eytukan says suddenly. 

Mo’at, neytiri, and tsu’tey all turned their heads towards him. Shocked that he said that. “Eytukan, you cannot mean that” mo’at says, fear crawling in. 

Jake isn't ready, he will never be ready. One look at her and its over. 

“If he is to become one of us, then he must meet our daughter” eytukan affirms. 

Neytiri switches places, now sitting to her father’s left side, “sempu, jake sully is growing but this, this is too much to demand. What if he hurts her?” 

The olo’eyktan turns to his daughter, “you spent more time with him than any of us combined. As his teacher, you see how he progresses. You shall give the final judgment”. 

All eyes were on neytiri. 

Mo’at silently pleaded with her daughter to say no, tsu’tey felt the same. But eytukan remained neutral. 

Neytiri looked up to see the soft glow imitating from stxeli’s little nook in the tree. If they could, they would keep her baby sister hidden forever. But this is about mutual trust. Jake has given his all, it's only fair they do the same. 

“Jake shall meet her” 

Kame was making his way back to his home after a playful evening with stxeli in her little nook. Supervised of course. But it was fun nonetheless. She even gifted him some of her better version of the healing glue. 

“To heal long scratches,” she said. 

He will use it wisely. Kame also promised to take note of how long and how well it heals should he get hurt. 

“Little boy” a female voice called to him. 

Kame turns to see an elderly woman. Her body and hair are adorned with various beads, unique clothes and a head piece that oddly resembles something a tsahik would wear. Not that kame takes a closer look, this woman has more items decorating her than tsahik mo’at wears. 

“Hello child” she speaks again, her smile trying to be soft but kame can sense something is not right. 

“Hello…” he responds. The need to leave intensifies. 

“Easy child, I bring you no harm. My son teaches you” the lady tells. 

Kame tilts his head, “your son?” 

“Tsu’tey, he speaks very highly of you” 

The lady is tsu’tey’s mother then, still doesnt help in easing his nerves. 

“The vile you have, is it to heal?” she asks as she gets closer. Kame wants to back away, but this is his teacher’s mother. Would it be rude and disrespectful if he moves away from her? 

Kame gently touched the vial that held stxeli’s healing glue. 

“Why?” he asks, a bit defensively. 

“If it is to heal, may I have it? My poor son comes home nearly every day with bruises, scratches, even deep cuts from all the training and hunting” the woman explains with some sense of true worry. As a mother should for her child. 

“But nearly every day I see him go to the tsahik so she can fix him. Even her youngest daughter helps” he said. 

It was quick, despite how dark it is, kame caught a sneer from the woman. Her face back to being a false happy smile. 

“Hm, yes. A tsahik’s duty is to help those in need. However, my son comes home still in pain, even after visiting the tsahik….” 

Kame was not liking where this was going, he felt a bit of anger rise within. “Are you implying that our tsahik does not do a very good job at healing tsu’tey?” he snaps. 

“Oh I know mo’at is not doing very well at healing, much less being a good tsahik” 

If stxeli was here, no doubt she would bite the face off of this woman. The audacity! The boldness she dares say! 

“If I were the tsahik, I would make sure not only my son, but everyone leaves the tent free of pain. Wouldn't you agree?” she pushed on. 

Kame held the vile tighter, ready to head back to stxeli. To tell her what he is hearing. She would believe him. 

“And I would make sure your father lives to see your iknimaya complete. Unlike mo’at who let your mother perish. Wouldn't you agree, kame?” 

“Are you alright sa’nu? You look like you have a lot on your mind” stxeli observes her mother. Her eyes are heavy with deep thoughts. Usually her parents come with bright smiles and are ready to sleep. Even her father seems hesitant. 

Mo’at shakes her head and easily picks up her daughter. 

“Nothing worth telling you. Besides, you have a full day tomorrow” mo’at says as she boops her daughter. 

Stxeli boops back, but curiosity now takes over. 

“I do? I was gonna play with kame” she says. 

“No, I believe you had enough from today” eytukan mutters as he guides his mate and daughter to their hammock. Mo’at rolls her eyes but gets comfortable. 

“Sempu, kame is my best friend. You have to accept him at some point” stxeli giggles. Seems like eytukan still doesn't like kame no matter how much he proves himself. 

“Bah, when he passes his iknimaya, we shall see” 

Mo’at decides to change the subject. 

“Your big day is coming very soon ma’ite. Are you excited?” she asks. 

Stxeli nods enthusiastically. 

“Mhm! Neytiri is helping me with my new outfit! I wanna look extra pretty!” 

Eytukan and mo’at look at their sweet baby with great love, her big day is coming soon. The day the whole village celebrates Eywa gifting her to them. 

“You will always be pretty, my sweet girl. Eywa bestowed you with potential beauty” eytukan proudly comments. 

“Enough now, best we rest before stxeli here riles up again” mo’at says as she gently tickles her daughters tummy, making stxeli giggles. 

They huddle together, letting sleep take over. 

Jake sits on his wheelchair and he makes his way to his bed. 

“Good news” he says while mid-munching on some food crap. 

“It better be damn good news, fucking lighter won't work” grace grunts impatient as she tries to light up her last cigar for the night. 

Jake boldly took the unlit cigar from her mouth, having her full attention while making sure no one else listens. 

“I gained their trust just enough to meet someone special” he whispers. 

Grace furrows her eyebrow, wondering who. 

“That human kid living among them. Neytiri said it's time I meet her little sister” 

In that moment, Grace's heart sunk deep inside. 

“Here you go sempu” kame gently offers a neon green liquid to his ill father. 

“Thank you my son” his father praises as he drinks the herbal liquid. Kame smiled but his does not meet his beloved fathers. 

Already guilt is eating him alive. 

[forgive me stxeli….I broke my promise to you…] 

his hand reaches for his side, where the vial of stxeli’s healing glue should have been. But it's gone now, he given it to artsute. With the promise from her that she will heal his father way faster than mo’at can ever heal. 

He is doing it for his dad to get better. If that is the case, why does it feel he made things worse…? 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that is it for this chapter! How do you guys like it? Whatchu guys think of what will happen next? lemme know your thoughts!

Until next time! see ya!

Liking the story? click HERE to join the taglist!

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Taglist:

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[sadhornydemons]

The Other Possible Stepfather and Daughter

Because it may be awhile until we see Blitz and Via interacting, I wonder what (if any) relationship Loona and Stolas could develop, living under the same roof, working at the same job and basically being two of the most closest individuals in Blitz's life currently.

I've seen some harsh takes, some claiming that Stolas simply thought of Loona as Blitz's pet, not knowing she was his daughter until the hug moment in Mastermind, ect, ect.

The current storyline hasn't given us many clues or interactions, but here's what I've gathered and some of my own thoughts:

The first among the few times these two shared the screen was in Truth Seekers were they don't really interact but Loona manages to record Stolas in his full demon form as he possesses and terrorizes their captors.

She's among the group as Stolas scolds them for getting caught, but Blitz, Moxxie and Millie seemed to receive most of his focus for these few seconds.

Grimoire in hand, Loona leaves the portal before Stolas can pick up Blitz to have an exchange of words and tongues.

Seeing Stars is when Loona shines as the only one with the nose and social media skills to locate Stolas' runaway daughter. (Nevermind that she was the one who allowed Octavia to break in and steal the Grimoire, because Blitz is certainly not going to tell Stolas this.)

And despite being a low ranking demon by Hell's standards, she's the only one besides Stolas who can take on a human disguise.

(not that anyone comments on this in universe)

So yeah, until the group is separated, they share a few scenes, but no dialogue.

Later when Loona does finds Via, she defends Stolas a little, while also reflecting on her own relationship with Blitz.

"You know, your dad's really worried about you."

"..try to cut your dad some slack."

That said, Loona still decided her own father needed a nice kick to the groan to make things right upon seeing him next, something which seems to freaks Stolas out a bit:

But Loona seems to brighten upon seeing seeing Via, whom she recently bonded with, making peace with her dad.

In Western Energy, Stolas' kidnapping takes place the same time as Loona's hellbies shot appointment, which took Blitz 5 years to book. During their phone call, Blitz explains this, to which Stolas responses:

"Oh, ha, ha. Well, I do agree that is very important…But, I-" Before Striker takes his phone away.

Which, while not the best reaction, is pretty short to base a lot of opinions about. Does Stolas know what a hellbies shot is? I'd say definitely not. Does Stolas believe he's in real danger at this point? Seemingly not, since he utters "Oh, shit. Am I in danger right now?" in realization after Striker crushes his phone.

Full Moon opens with Loona waking up to her father making breakfast while singing about his "Nice arrangement," situationship with Stolas,

But upon hearing at work that Stolas been giving Blitz excuses to not see him, she brings up the idea that Stolas is getting bored of him.

Blitzo: "Whaaaat?"

Loona: "Yeah, man. If someone wants to see you less and less, big red flag. If they give you chances to ditch, they probably want out themselves. Just wanna be more passive aggressive about it. Dicks."

Later in the episode, Loona is seen with Moxxie and Millie, following Blitz, in which they encounter and fight the members of C.H.E.R.U.B.

Loona: "Find ya? We were already following our dumbass boss to make sure he doesn't fuck up and lose our meal ticket."

Unfortunately the falling out of that night leads to Blitz abandoning his job duties and spending all the company's money on frivolous purchases including 300 taxidermy owls that he makes Loona burn.

Blitz eventually is able to recover emotionally, but his involvement with the grimoire is used to bring him to trial, sentencing him to death until Stolas intercepts,

taking the blame and losing his power, title and home as a result.

Upon hearing that Stolas needed a place to live, Blitz walks him back to his and Loona's apartment.

Blitz is greeted with cheers from the crowd, while they throw things at Stolas. Loona, rather wisely, tries to step away from the two, less she gets pelted with anything herself.

But when they are back home, she takes the time to embrace the father she nearly lost:

"Hey, um. I'm so glad you're okay."

"I love you, Dad."

Already in a depressed state, Stolas is further reminded that he is separated from his own daughter and appears to shut down physically and mentally, resulting in Blitz helping him clean off in the bath. During that, he hears a knock.

Unprompted, Loona gives Blitz two pieces of her own clothes so that Stolas has something to change into, apart from his old stained royal attire. Stolas gets a lot of use out of this outfit until Blitz attempts to purchase him more (which instead turns into a theft).

Weeks pass, and when Sinsmas comes, Blitz brings Stolas into the office with him and Loona, with the intention of Stolas helping or learning Loona's job.

Stolas is none too pleased about going to work, but gives a nervous wave to the room when Blitz introduces him and a second wave to Loona when Blitz asks her to teach Stolas how to "secretate".

Loona: *sighs* "It's literally this: Ring, ring. 'Hello? I.M.P. Yeah, we can kill that asshole. Wanna schedule an appointment? Thursday cool? See you then, dipshit.' Click. It's easy as sin."

However, after being placed at the desk, Stolas manages to have a breakdown upon realizing that he no longer has any of his personal wealth. An action that doesn't go over well with his new coworkers, all whom are all among the lower or middle class money bracket:

After an aborted mission, the group return to find Stolas missing and discover he went back to his mansion in an attempt to see his daughter. However, in the process, he is captured by Andrealphus. Blitz instructs the group to separate before fighting and Loona makes the first attempt to free Stolas:

Andrealphus is ultimately defeated, by Stolas is left devastated by Octavia informing him that she no longer wants to see him.

Blitz, Loona and Stolas return home, where Loona announces plans for the rest of the holiday.

Loona: "Whew. That was intense. I'm gonna see if my friends can still come tonight. I need some drinks after what happened today."

Despite being preoccupied with Stolas once again shutting down, Blitz makes sure to give Loona the okay. Seemingly, he spends the rest of the evening with Stolas until the party starts. But someone does gradually put Sinsmas decorations throughout the apartment.

And we've reached our end.

So, Loona and Stolas. Not many interactions, but I don't see any bad blood between these two.

Loona appears to have some respect that Stolas tries to be a good father. And although Stolas' relationship with her own adopted father started out in a very messy transactional manner, their disastrous fallout following the Full Moon episode, and fomer's actions in Mastermind might have clued her in that from Blitz's perspective, Stolas had become more than the company's "meal ticket".

Loaning out her own clothes at the end of Mastermind, speaks volumes, even for someone like Loona who doesn't hesitate to speak her mind. Her father suddenly brings his complicated, homeless ex home to live with them, but Loona shows her support.

She keeps her space, living her own life, but still supports her father as he begins something new in his own.

Stolas seems nervous around Loona. I think, despite them living together, Loona may spend the majority of the time in her room, while Blitz is constantly keeping watch over Stolas. Blitz's affection for Loona as his daughter is quite obvious. Stolas was even witness to it as each ran to their daughters at the end of Seeing Stars, so I doubt he would be unaware of how important Loona is to Blitz. I think that that may be where some of the nervousness, which wasn't present in their early scenes, comes from.

Time will tell if these two will have reason to interact or work together in the coming seasons. Or if Loona's brief bonding with Stolas' daughter will come up again.

[thesilmarillionblog]

𓏲 𓂃 L o s i n g Y o u

Part:𝟷𝟷

Click here to read the first part.

Summary: Everything was good as a member of Payback and Soldier Boy's secret girlfriend until the team and your relationship with him began to fall apart due to a new member and her developing relationship with Ben right in front of your eyes.

Pairing: Soldier Boy / Reader

Warnings: heavy angst, hurt, language, soft Soldier Boy, sensitive Reader, comfort, mention of drugs

Word Count: 4435

A/N: English is not my first language.

* This story is inspired by the song "Losing You" by Dream Evil.

Sipping your whiskey, you looked out the window, listening to every sound as the gentle breeze entered the little room. Then, you sat down on the coach and switched on the television.

After you and Ben had spoken a little more and made it clear that you no longer wanted a romantic relationship with him, Ben had left the room, leaving you alone. You additionally stated that it would be best for you to put the past behind you and never bring it up again. After everything that had happened, you knew you had to start over, but before that, there were a lot of things you needed to take care of, including purifying your name, though you had no idea how to accomplish it. 

When you informed him you no longer loved him, you could see his confusion and insecurity in his expression, and your own heart began to turn cold toward him. When he was trying to start over with you, maybe you should have been relieved or in a state of satisfaction, but that didn't make you feel any better. 

Since you were the only person he had known for years, with whom he had intimate connections, and who was still loyal to him no matter what, it was obvious that he just wanted you by his side all the time. Ben didn't know the difference between romance and being teammates. He just loved the idea of someone being loyal to him until the end; it didn't matter to him if he loved that person or not.

He most likely believed that you would be the finest person to rely on for anything, whether it be a love connection or just someone to work with. It was the same thing for him.

He needed decades to get over his mistrust of you, but it also damaged yours for him. It didn't require lots of pain on your part to convince him that you still loved him back then. 

After Ben had a quick shower, you heard that he was talking about other Payback members on the phone with Butcher. Being a superhuman with exceptional hearing in such situations was terrible; you couldn't stop listening to him even though you didn't want to concentrate on the noises he was making. You could hear every breath he took. 

Ben went to the kitchen and started looking for something to eat, and you two exchanged an odd glance. You knew you were starving at that point. 

He asked you softly as you got up and moved to his side, “Are you hungry too?”

You sighed and said, “Starving, actually,” giving up on finding an appropriate meal. “It seems Butcher lied about having everything we need here.”

“His lying ass will pay for that when he comes back,” he muttered as he showed you the spaghetti he found. “Guess we found something here.” 

You sat on the chair and asked him, “Well, you know I can't cook, right?” raising an eyebrow in response. He was aware of your lack of enthusiasm for cooking because you were terrible at it. 

Ben chucked lightly at you and added, “Unfortunately, I know that damn well. You would have killed me long ago if I weren't the most powerful being to have ever lived. You know, you're lucky to have me right now. It's time for the strongest supe to prepare some spaghetti for you. Others would die for such a chance.”

You rolled your eyes at his arrogance as he continued to compliment himself on his cooking skills. Ben was actually just as bad at cooking as you were, but you complimented him when he did it for you, simply to make him feel special and to reminisce about the joyful moments you two shared. He was just too ignorant back then to see this. 

“Others would definitely die, but not because of the thing you're thinking,” you said to him as he appeared confused and unsure about what to do first. With that dead serious look on his face, he was almost funny. 

With his rough beard, blue t-shirt, and gray sweatpants, he looked like someone else entirely—but in a good way. In some sense, he just seemed more manly and muscular. Ben had the most punchable face you could ever imagine, but he continued to act haughtily, knowing that no one would dare do such a thing and that he was unbeatable.

While he was adding water to the saucepan, he saw that you were staring at him and turned to face you, asking, “Why that look on your face?” 

“What look?”

He muttered, “Don't know,” as he lit the stove.

At last, you said, “You just look different.”

Ben frowned at your word choice and turned to face you, waiting for the water to boil. “What do you mean by ‘different’?”

You examined the serious expression on his face, ignoring his closeness.

“I'm not sure; maybe it's because of your coarse beard,” you just said. “You've never grown a beard before,” as his palm caressed his face, and a small grin appeared on his face.

“I knew you liked it, though,” he remarked, eyeing you. “Don't be shy to admit it makes me look even more masculine and fine, though I'm already good enough at this, you know.”

Yet while you couldn't help but roll your eyes at his cockiness, you couldn't help but think it suited him better. 

“Whatever you say,” you sighed at the table, his rough hands still lingering around yours. He was sketching abstract circles on the table with his fingers. 

You looked up at his shield and moved toward it as Ben gazed upon you. You asked him if it was acceptable before touching his shield by glancing at him and whispering, “Is it okay?” When it came to his shield, he wasn't the most generous man. But occasionally, you lifted it when he wasn't around in the past. He didn't know that at the time. 

He watched you and answered, “Of course,” crossing his arms across his chest. He had a small smile on his lips, and he thought you looked heartwarming with his shield under your hands. He knew he would give you whatever you wanted.

Inhaling nervously, your fingers touched his shield. It was best to see if there was something wrong with you by gripping his shield because you were feeling a little unsteady, as though your powers had become drained and weakened, and you weren't sure why. Some supes found listing this shield to be rather heavy as well, so it would be a good way to see if there was a serious issue.

You shivered as the shield seemed heavy this time when you lifted it while holding it firmly. It was still able to be lifted, but the weight was making your hands tremble a little, which wasn't something that had happened before. When your body could take no more, your face turned white, and you carefully dropped the shield on the ground.

Your body tensed up as your mind raced with thoughts, attempting to make sense of what was happening to your body. Was it something that transpired in the laboratory during your torture, or was there another reason? You were completely clueless. Ben had a side effect that may switch him into a live nuclear bomb whenever he gets angry, but you didn't realize you were losing strength because it appeared like part of your power had been taken away from you. 

“You are aware that only you and I have the ability to lift that thing, aren't you? We are somewhat on the same level,” Ben remarked, sounding satisfied as he gave you a kind of proud grin and making it obvious that he was unaware of the situation. 

“Yeah,” you mumbled, attempting to hide the dread in your voice. You weren't sure whether or not to discuss this with him. “I barely could lift it, though.”

When the water boiled, Ben stood up and said, “It looked good in your hands. Everything seems to be fine in your strong and little hands.” 

Your face heated at his filthy words the moment he turned to face you and winked. Sitting back in the chair, you questioned, “Why does your brain always focus on filthy stuff?” The smell of spaghetti filled the air, making you feel even more crave it. 

“Come on, I said absolutely nothing. It's really difficult to compliment a woman these days.”

“You're very considerate, Ben. I appreciate it,” you interrupted as you observed Ben carefully setting the table. 

Ben believed that by doing anything for you, you would be able to see that he had changed over the years, and he truly meant it when he told you he wanted a start over. He knew he needed to make you feel good and show you how much you meant to him. You always appreciated it when he made an effort for you, even if it was just for one small thing. And Ben knew it was a lie when you told him you didn't love him anymore because he was aware of how much you really did love him. You were just in denial, that's all. Ben would make you see your own feelings soon enough. 

You thanked Ben after enjoying your dinner in silence and were astonished to find he had done a nice job, but you kept that hidden from him. 

You quietly uttered, “Ben,” remembering the uncomfortable situation involving your strength. “Can we have some training? just for practice?” 

Ben raised an eyebrow, taken aback by your sudden desire to train with him like you had in the past. He kept getting thrilled, though, because he was continually thinking about how each one ended—on top of you, spilling within your pussy. He cleared his throat, trying not to think of those times of sweetness and heat that could change your opinion. 

“Of course, but why? I assumed that once you left Vought, you quit training altogether.” 

You immediately defended yourself by getting up and pushing the large coach to the other end of the room with ease, saying, “As you see, things changed. I was trapped in a tiny box for years, and I have no idea what tomorrow holds, so I need to have the ability to defend myself.”

Ben said in a serious voice, “I don't know how many times I need to say this, but nothing will happen to you as long as you stay with me; don't think about such meaningless things.” He then got up and immediately removed his blue shirt from his head and placed it on the chair. 

While attempting to look away from his massive, muscular chest, you said, “Why do I feel like you are showing off?” He appeared notably more sculpted than before. It seems that as you grew weaker, he grew stronger. Nothing in life is fair to you. 

When he was standing in front of you, just in his gray sweatpants, you didn't back down. To your surprise, as you tried not to lose yourself in his gaze, he stared at you sincerely, as though he genuinely wanted you to know you were safe in his care. You would believe him if he hadn't hurt you that much. 

You took a big breath, attempted to seem confident and optimistic, and mumbled, “Okay, do your best. Punch me.”

Ben stiffened while you awaited his attack. Despite pushing you to your limits during your training, he never physically attacked you. When he realized you were genuinely waiting for him to use force, he became uneasy. 

“What?” he questioned, sounding enraged at your apparent seriousness. “I won't fucking punch you or something.”

You put your hands on your hips and teased him, asking, “Who is acting like a pussy now? Will we train properly or not?”

He admitted that you were someone who was sometimes difficult and took a deep breath to attempt to find the right words to say without hurting your feelings. “You can't convince me to beat or punch you; that's where I draw the line. End of discussion.”

You started to become irritated with the way he was treating you, acting as though you might break and like a doll, so you asked, “Why don't you have some respect for me?” His shield felt weighty under your palms, making your nerves already tense. “You betrayed me, abandoned me, and now you're calling the shots? You're extremely kind to do that.”

You desired you were the deadliest poison right then and there, drenched in his blood.

He answered in a rough voice, “I do respect you,” trying not to offend you while ignoring the bitterness in your voice. “However, I won't hit you.”

To show him how serious you were, you gently pushed him across the room by his chest with a swift move. You were aware that in order for him to fully understand what was wrong with you without revealing anything to him, you had to push him as far as he would go.

You both exchanged looks as you noticed the enormous hole in the wall where Ben's nude back had hit. “Look, what have you done to the home of that cocksucker?” Ben said, obviously taken aback by your abrupt aggression, as he wiped the dust off himself. You could argue that instead of being upset about it, he gave you a sly glance that sent shivers down your spine. 

He said, “What would he think of if he saw the wall, huh?” as he stood in front of you.”Would he think that we had primal, animal-like sex? That I fucked you raw?”

You moved again to push him back against the same wall as your eyes grew wide at the pure filth coming from his mouth. But this time, he was prepared and quickly stopped your hand by palming your fist. He then gave you an evil smile, as if he wanted you to realize that he remained the strongest supe. 

“All right, show me what you can do, and let's see if you're still a good girl,” he groaned as he effortlessly stopped all of your attacks. 

You were making a lot of effort to hit him in the face, but you were consistently failing. Compared to your previous trainings, Ben was much harsher this time, or perhaps you weren't good enough for a proper training. You tried to move fast and step up your strikes, not wanting to give up, this time focusing on his legs. 

“You seem like a pretty tough one today, don't you?” You were trying your hardest to punch him when he teased you, but you were even more enraged because he seemed quite thrilled. “Do you remember how our training used to end once?”

As you grasped one of his muscular wrists and ultimately hit his stomach, you nodded and acknowledged that it had all happened "once." Despite your best efforts to control your breathing and not give him any indication that you were weak, you were already exhausted from trying to harm him and witnessing how much worse your powers had gotten.

He murmured softly, “There's something wrong with you,” and you succeeded in bringing him to the ground. He frowned his eyebrows, trying to figure out whether your lack of energy was the cause or something else.

You didn’t answer and he caught your wrist on the air and made you freeze on top of him, adding, “Are you really attacking?”

Ben was surprised by your lack of strength, even though he knew he was stronger than you, because there had never been such a large power imbalance in your training sessions. It seemed like you weren't giving it your all.

You muttered in a harsh tone, “I am,” attempting to get free of his tight hold. “I guess you've become somewhat more powerful.”

“No,” he said right away, perplexed by your lack of energy. The only thing that altered in him was the energy that was concealed beneath his skin and that would surface when he heard a Russian song or felt extremely angry. “Perhaps you need to get some sleep in order to grow stronger. You appear to be a little worn out here.”

Ben felt his heart melt as he understood that you needed more sleep and rest and that this wasn't the perfect moment to train at all. He should have given you more time. His hands loosened as guilt filled his body.

His harsh voice said, “You should be resting,” which briefly caused you to freeze. For the first time, he had finished the game so quickly on his own.

You attempted to punch Ben again by straddling him, but this time Ben didn't back down, so he changed your position; he was on top of you with ease, revealing his full strength. Ben wanted to stop you and give you time to regain your breath, but you were determined to fix whatever was broken inside of you.

You finally gave up after trying your hardest to unbalance him and free yourself, but he grabbed both of your hands and placed them on your head while examining every inch of your body with concern. You attempted to seem hopeful even though you were about to cry. Perhaps he was right. You were just pushing yourself a little too hard, and you needed to rest a little more.

Ben surprised you both by not making another dirty joke and by releasing your hands so you could both stand up.

When he saw that your face had fallen, he questioned, “Are you okay?” and lightly patted your arm. He forced himself to restrain himself from touching your face or anywhere else.

“Yeah,” you quickly nodded to him and straightened your t-shirt.

“Just try not to give it too much thought. You're being a little too hard on yourself. If you get enough sleep, everything will be fine.”

You whispered, “Perhaps,” as you massaged your hurting head. “I guess I should take a shower now.”

You heard Butcher's car approaching, and you and Ben exchanged looks. Your superior hearing skills were still working, at least.

Ben said, “He must have brought the stuff I told him to,” as he watched you enter the bathroom.

With the packages clenched in his hands, Butcher entered the house and peered at the big crack and break in the wall. The ground was covered in rubble and dust.

Ben violently grabbed everything from Butcher's hand and relived his seeing all with weed, cocaine, and fast food there. If he hadn't brought some, he would have had to kick that sucker's annoying face.

“Fuck me, for God's sake. How in the world has this happened? How is your teammate doing? Where is she?” Butcher questioned, gazing at Ben's bare chest, which was lightly dusty. Observing your absence, he patiently awaited a response.

“Fucking calm,” Ben said, rolling his eyes over Butcher's worried voice and giving him a wink. “She is in the bathroom, cleaning up.”

“And what did you two do here?” Butcher's hands brushed the wall, and he lingered around the gaps as he asked in a gruff manner.

Ben had already begun smoking weed, while Butcher continued to swear and talk about how bad the situation at the house was.

Butcher sat in the closest chair, his hands in his pockets. “This place smells like babymakers. I hope you're having a great time on your vacation, or should I say 'honeymoon.'”

Ben sighed, “I will start to enjoy it when you bring some good, strong shit,” as Butcher gave him one of his nasty smirks.

“Sorry, it's a bit hard to satisfy you, darling,” he smiled.

Ben murmured, “Fuck off,” and grabbed a drink out of one of the pockets while listening to you take a shower.

“Since you two won't be living here for very long, could you kindly do as you wish as humans without ruining the house? How in the world am I expected to pay for that?”

Ben growled, puffing on a joint and flexing his big muscles. “Do I look like I give a fuck? When I call you, answer the phone and get the fuck out of here already.”

“Don't call me every second like we are lovers,” Butcher teased him, grinning. “I have too many people to look after.”

Ben started cursing Butcher, telling him to choke on sucking Hughie's balls.

You finished your shower, put whatever you found in the wardrobe, and stood in front of the window to take in some fresh air while thinking back on the half-hour training session you had with Ben. Listening to him while he fired Butcher from the house, you acknowledged that there was an obvious difference between your training in the past and the present and that you had become weaker. You witnessed how perplexed Ben was when he realized it as well.

You made an effort to remember everything, including whether the scientists had altered your genetic code or, worse, restored your full potential, but you were unable to recall your memory. Would they not also do the same to Ben if it were possible? Or perhaps your body was not strong enough to withstand it.

You tried not to cry since you were anxious and frightened, but tears still came down your cheeks. At that time, it didn't matter if Ben heard you crying or not. He was, after all, the cause of everything that happened to you.

As you kept crying in front of the window, you heard Ben tapping on your door. He opened the door regardless of whether you hadn't told him to go inside.

“What's wrong?” Ben approached you and asked in a curious tone. “Is it because of the training?”

You never said anything; you just cried and nodded at him when he brought it up.

“Come on,” he murmured, gently brushing your arms. “You did quite well. It's only that your body requires time and rest because you haven't moved an inch in decades.”

Ben tried to calm you as much as he could, but he saw that you weren't feeling better and kept staring outside. He added, giving a compassionate smile to you, “You're still a badass; nothing has changed. You ruined the entire house by pushing me against the wall with such force. It's obvious that you're stressed out, which is why you're not feeling like in the old days.”

As he attempted to lighten the situation, you finally murmured, gazing into his green eyes through your weeping ones. “I couldn't lift up your shield.”

Ben's eyes softened seeing you open yourself up about your abilities. It had never been a problem before, and he had assumed that, in contrast to him, you weren't particularly obsessed with power or supe stuff.

“Even the other supes couldn't lift it.” He smiled at you and added, “Remember the TNT twins? They couldn't even lift it an inch when I ordered them to.” He hoped this would help ease your discomfort.

“No,” you murmured in between sobs, unable to stop yourself from crying and seeking the right words to express to him what precisely you were going through. “When you weren't around, I could lift it with ease and without even using a lot of force, but suddenly, today it felt heavy for the first time. There's a problem with me.”

You wanted to talk to him about how worried you were right then, even if you weren't sure why.

When you told Ben the truth, his face fell, and he gave you a warm embrace while massaging your back and wet hair, not sure how to respond. This time, you didn't ignore him and instead allowed him to comfort you.

He whispered, “I'm sure it's nothing serious,” as if he needed to reassure himself first. “Being a supe is not something you can suddenly stop being after decades. No one can take your powers from you.”

“We'll continue those trainings, so you'll improve, I promise. You're aware that you must work your body. You're pushing yourself too much and forgetting that I'm the baddest supe—the one you're training with.”

You questioned, as though he were somewhat knowledgeable, “What if I'm getting weaker or they have done something to me in the lab that I can't remember? Could it be a side effect of mine?”

Ben's mind was racing with possibilities as he gave you an even tighter hug. “You wouldn't even be a supe anymore, and they could have done the same to me already, if it was ever possible.” He put his chin on your head and wrapped his massive arms over your entire body, whispering, “Don't say or think of such things.”

You said, “I need to be able to defend myself. Without assistance from anyone at all, including you. What should I do if you are mistaken? How long would it take me to adjust to being a regular human when it took me years to become accustomed to being a supe?”

Ben wanted to reassure you that you were all safe with him, but he realized you didn't need to hear that just then.

Ben caressed your wet cheeks with his powerful hands and murmured, “I won't let that happen,” looking intensely into your eyes. You trusted him in that vulnerable moment because he seemed so sincere and confident. “I'll fix everything, and you'll be alright with me.”

Next Chapter

A/N: I don’t know why, but I suffered a lot writing this chapter.

Comments and reblogs are very appreciated!

*Losing You series masterlist is here and here is my main masterlist.

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[pannman]

Fix it

Platonic Alastor x tech savy/graphic designer reader

He didn't quite understand you

In fact people never expected you to be friends, and it certainly didn't start put that way

You started out working at Voxtech, you spent hours designing advertisements and editing commercials but when Vox told you to start working for Valentino and editing his porn videos you refused. Vox gave you an ultimatum: work for Valentino or be fired. So with no job you decided to try your hand at redemption

You didn't count on Vox's greatest enemy being the facility manager

At first Alastor threatened you. Suspecting you might be a spy since you were associated with Vox but Charlie convinced him to give you a chance

So he mostly ignored you. Keeping conversations short. Especially since it seemed you guys had absolutely nothing in common

Charlie wanted to find away to put your skills to use for the good of the hotel. You suggested creating a website

Charlie loved that idea so you got to it. You designed and developed it. You made it simple but eye catchy. And you decided to regularly upload edited videos of the shenanigans going on the hotel to attract new patrons (and to give yourself some fun).

Charlie being the person that she is wanted Alastor and you to get along better so she came up with the brilliant idea for you to interview him and create a page on the website for first hand accounts

Alastor agreed and as long as it was not a filmed interview

You had prepared a list of questions

Q. Why did you decide to join the hotel?

A. I decided to help the pathetic princess in her silly little dream to watch others fail miserably in attempt to change their already determined fates as entertainment for myself

Q. What has been your favorite moment here at the hotel?

A. Possibly when Niffty released an entire colony of roaches into Angel's bed. That was quite hilarious!

Q. What progress do you think you or someone else has made thus far that's worth mentioning?

A. I finally managed to get my new radio tower to look exactly like the old one. It was nice gesture really. But I do have preferred place for everything

After that you didn't know if Charlie was still going to be for this idea

You really didn't think you and Alastor would ever see eye to eye until one night you woke up to a knock on your door

You jumped out of bed still in your pajamas and opened the door to see Alastor standing there

You were... quite surprised. He told you he needed your help and it couldn't wait till morning

You followed him to his radio tower to see his system short circuiting. He warned you not to get to close or you'd get a nasty shock

"You're the one who deals with this technology stuff, fix it!" You thought to point out the two issues here

1. You don't fix technology, you utilize it to make things

2. This radio recording system is really old and you only knew what you were doing with MODERN technology

But you could tell he was very agitated. You wondered how it even got broke in the first place

You decided to do the only thing you could think and you Voxtubed it

You found some weird guy with obsession for fixing ham radios and old vintage tvs and watched a few of his videos. After assessing the broken system there were a lot of similarities. And after one boring audio book and online purchase of some parts you fixed it

Alastor was impressed. He tried very hard not show it but he couldn’t help it.

Before he could get back to it. You decided to listen to last chapter of the audio book one last time to make sure it was up to code. Unfortunately you forgot to connect your Bluetooth

Alastor standing in the tower with impatiently tapping his foot waiting for you to give the ok so he can give his listeners a much delayed broadcast stiffened at the sound coming from your phone and static buzzed loudly in the air

"Lovely I imagine the imagery to this is just flashy and distracting as it always is" he says rather annoyed

"Actually" you replied "it's an audio book. There is no visuals. It's just sound. Someone reads aloud a book and records it for people to listen to" you pointed out

It was not that much different from radio

You apologized and told him you would connect back to your headphones so he didn't have to hear it

"You may leave it on" he said surprisingly. So you did

Finally when you were done you went about your business. Everything went back to normal. Except... Alastor kept calling upon you before every broadcast demanding you play your audio book again to look over his system to make sure it won't crash on him mid broadcast

And each time he told you there was no need for your headphones

You finally decided to grow a pair and challenge him

"Once again I'd like you to check it over and make sure it's up to code. Play your dumb sound book again and get to it" he spoke as if the audio book did not matter at all but you knew better

"Oh I have it memerized by now. No need to play it again" you responded mischievously

His eyes narrowed and you could hear the sound of a record scratch. "Now, now. I won't allow for any mistakes that would not end well for you. Now play it again" he demanded

"You know if you liked the audio book you could just say so. Also you don't have to listen to the same end chapter over and over again. I have other probably more exciting books" you proposed

He acted offended. "How dare you insinuate that I would enjoy something as pointless and boring as that." Of course he didn't want to admit that anything that came from technology could possibly be good in any way and he could never ACTUALLY like it. No way

"You know its not a lot different from radio. Telling stories with just your voice. Like any kind of art this is just another medium. Another way of expressing oneself. You don't have to suddenly be Mr. Technology guy to like audio books" you said

Alastor seemed to pause in thought. "Hmmm... fine. I guess... it wasn't too horrible to listen to literature being read aloud in a soothing voice. Maybe I'll give some other pieces a try"

And after that you were at the radio tower all the time. Playing audio books for him. You eventually showed him your art skills and showed off the new website. He taught you a lot about his Era and about radio. You guys even redid the interview live on his radio show. Though the results were still quite similar

Though Alastor still hated technology he respected that it was something you enjoyed. And he did listen to the occasional audio book, although it was more like he made you play it for him

An unlikely friendship had formed. And nobody saw it coming. But you wouldn't trade it for the world

[drdemonprince]

I have a lifelong hypnokink but for years and years I completely hid it and only engaged through checking the what's new page on the mcstories.com every week and other forms of porn. I have been slowly opening up about it over the last few years and reached out to other people who are into it and I also now have an interested and supportive partner who is starting to explore hypnotic play with me.

I am at the point where I talk pretty openly and earnestly about this with them now (I used to have to really veil it in layers of detached irony and jokes) and we have engaged in roleplay around it which has been very fun, but when we try to engage in actual hypnotic sessions where they try to hypnotise me (even nonsexually) I get these massive waves of shame bubbling up and start crying.

There's a lot of tangled feelings and I don't know how to separate them all out. At least part of it is just feeling ridiculous and stupid for wanting this. And also that I am making them do something weird and awful and gross. This is mixed up with feelings about my own performance as a subject—I am in my own head a lot and constantly second guessing what I'm doing and experiencing and find it difficult to know how to engage with hypnotic suggestions.

The first time we tried I broke down into a sobbing mess before we even started. It has been getting better and my partner has been incredibly sweet and supportive and helped me feel very safe as we make progress on this, but they are also pretty new to all this and I was wondering if you had any advice or insight that might help?

Hi there Anon, I am answering this question on voice to text because it really touched my heart and I wanted to get to it and give it attention right away even though my hands are still pretty busted and it's been a long day. so please excuse any typos or weird homophonic errors.

like you, I was consumed with shame about my hypnosis fetish for a very long time. I knew since I was a very young child that hypnosis called to me, and fantasized about it in a deeply sexual way from very young, but I never said a word about it to another person until my late twenties. and even then it was a pretty fleeting, glancing thing. I found it a lot easier to play online with remote partners than to tell someone that I was in a intimate real-life relationship with. I also retreated into fantasy a lot, never believing that it would be possible for me to share in the kink with another person in a genuine way.

eventually I did meet some really wonderful play partners and Doms who helped me to realize I wasn't alone in harboring this fetish, and really populated my inner world and mental architecture to make me a better subject who was more capable of experiencing pleasure and transformation in hypnosis. but without that good fortune and their mentorship I don't know where I'd be.

One thing that I would recommend to you is locating the hypnosis fetish community and plugging yourself and your partner into it a bit more. there are both in person and digital conferences throughout the world for hypnosis fetishists. The kink's stock is up in a major way, especially thanks to the widespread popularity of pup play and bimbo play that incorporates hypnotic elements. if you are in a major city or on one of the American coasts, there are hypnosis oriented events and groups available to you. I even know of hypnosis fetish groups in relatively small towns like Winnipeg that are thriving and filled with other people.

I think both you and your partner will learn a lot technically about enjoying hypnosis scenes well, and that you'll rid yourself of a lot more of your remaining shame if you can take in some of their resources and really be in community with people who get this desire. hypnosis is a skill that requires a lot of time to develop, and there's really no ceiling to the amount of skill a person can get in it. both being a hypnotist and a subject are really intensive discrete skills, and knowing other people who are honing those skills will really help you and impart you some tips and tricks that could really spare you a lot of pain and give you some new ideas for how to have fun together.

as for the shame and crying freak outs that you are experiencing, it sounds like you are having an abreaction, which is a pretty common form of emotional spillage following an intense hypnotic event. these reactions can happen when we get triggered or a nerve gets struck, but also sometimes they emerge just because we've really plunged into emotional depths or a dark headspace and our brain is freaked out by it and trying to draw us back up.

letting a person into your mind is really intimate and revealing, and when you are embarrassed or ashamed of even wanting that degree of revealment, there are a lot of emotional explosions that can occur. continue to move through this and process it with your partner. if they are enjoying exploring this kink with you, they probably find a lot of value in getting to explore your mind and learn how you react to things, and a lot of intimacy can be built through examining strong reactions and processing freak outs together.

I know that it is hard to believe, but you are not inconveniencing your partner, or putting them out, or failing to make the most of their supposed generosity by not always having an easy and an enthusiastic response to them engaging in hypnosis play with you. these disturbed intense reactions are part of the work, and potentially it can take you to new places together, if you let it.

I think you should probably also continue to explore your own hypnotic capacity on your own, watching spirals, listening to hypnotic audio files, meditating, writing mantras in a notebook or on a website such as Write for Me, and learning carefully how to bring yourself down into a trance, as well as how to bring yourself out. if you haven't yet, you and your partner should read books on hypnotic techniques and safeties; Mark Wiseman and sleepinggirl's books are probably the best place to start.

One of the things I was really fortunate to experience early on was having a Dom who installed safeties into my mind that force me to articulate when I am feeling unsafe and bring myself out of a trance automatically regardless of whatever the hypnotist is doing or if there's even another person there. I really believe that every hypnotic subject should have these kinds of safeties put in place early on and have them reinforced regularly so that they are ultimately able to pull the rip cord on any suggestion or mental state that is damaging to them.

beyond that, I'd say just keep working at it. if anything, these strong emotions that you're having are a demonstration of how powerful and significant this kind of stuff can be. hypnosis is heady fucking stuff. and that's part of what's so hot and enchanting about it. this stuff is real. it's a level of profound control and knowledge that you're giving over to a partner when you do this stuff, and that alone can be incredibly rewarding to them, even if they didn't have a hypnosis kink before they met you. what you are doing is not silly or disgusting, nor is it a waste of a partner's time. It is a beautiful, really really intimate gift. really. a lot of new people have gotten into hypnosis in the last few years because it is such a flexible and vulnerable kink that really pushes a lot of sexual and emotional buttons. any partner who shares in this activity with you is lucky to get to do so, you have nothing to apologize for or feel ashamed about. I hope you have a really enriching time with this. this is a very special part of you and a very special way to connect. I hope you can enjoy it for all that it is, even in its darker and scarier moments.

[stupidlittlespirit]

You asked for some cute fun asks, so I've appeared to help!

If you've ever played (or watched someone else play) the Swooning Over Stans game, there's a scene in Stan's route where you go to a 70s dance night with him. It's very fun and flirty~

Ever since then, I've wondered if Ford would enjoy going for a dance like that with his s/o. I can definitely see him getting SUPER nervous about it beforehand because he's having flashbacks of his prom night disaster and thinking he's going to totally bomb it. But maybe his date would coax him to just have a little fun, let loose.

I agree with your thought that he'd be the kind of guy to like old classic crooner music (and now I'm swooning for real just thinking abt it), but maybe some 70s funk can get him going, too. Now every time I listen to that stuff, I can't help but picture Ford trying to teach his date how the dances really went (and possibly failing miserably but laughing over it)

GOD yes, I played Swooning when it first released and it was wonderful. I've played it through on both routes about 10 times each lol. I still can't believe we were gifted such a gorgeous game by all of those talented people for free.

I know exactly what scene you mean. That was such a nice touch.

I daydream about this fucking scenario with Ford a lot. It's so silly but I do it when I listen to that kind of music and it's really nice haha Very normal of me, I know, so expect a long answer to this under the cut:

I'm going to set this within GF, but at a function beyond the town he might struggle a little more unless he knew the people there.

I think Ford would be (naturally) nervous beforehand for the reasons you mentioned. He's not very fond of social interaction that isn't super necessary, though post portal he is definitely better at that than he was, and the thought of doing something that holds bad memories would be very daunting for him, to the point that he'd probably refuse at first. More so with the excuse that he doesn't have time or doesn't care about stuff like that than admitting he's nervous.

Mabel would definitely encourage him to go and Reader would mention that they'd enjoy having some fun/seeing him have fun as well, plus they'd certainly miss Ford if he stayed at home. They would understand his hesitation around the event but a little gentle comforting from them around the knowledge that they'd be there to support him would go a long way, I think.

"There's no pressure to stay if you get there and don't like it," and "We can just go home, you're in control of the situation and I'll be by your side no matter what," kind of thing. I think he'd find that very soothing and helpful, just to be reminded that no one will force him. Eventually, he'd give a little and agree on those terms. Plus, Mabel would guilt him a bit because she wants to see him to be included haha.

Once he got there, he'd be a wallflower to begin with. That's fine, obviously. He needs time to settle in. Maybe a drink or two, as well (I know how he feels LMAO) before he can really get comfortable. He'd look to Reader for comfort but he'd also not want to prevent them from enjoying themselves, so he wouldn't insist they stay with him all the time.

I don't think he'd refuse to engage with other people; he'd be reasonably accustomed with the townsfolk anyway so he'd know them and their demeanours a bit more than if he was at a totally new function or with people he had never met. He wouldn't start general conversation (unless it was with Fiddleford), though.

He'd definitely be more inclined to hover around the edge of the party rather than step straight in like Stan would, but if people came up to see him and say hi (and they would because the family is known and liked) then he'd be able to hold good conversation. Post-Portal!Ford is going to have developed his social skills a great deal from his time away and I think he'd be more willing to hear what other people have to say and engage with them.

When he was younger, I think he might have only really been interested in talking about the topics he knew about because they felt safer for him, they were something he was good at talking about, but obviously when you're that smart it's nigh on impossible to find that level of conversation with others so he would have considered himself a failure in terms of social ability purely because he struggled to connect on that aspect, when really he'd just be expecting a bit too much from the general populous. That, combined with general awkwardness and a lack of knowledge on how to make menial conversation would have made it really hard for him. He does talk about that in TBoB, actually, with the joke he makes about pie in the diner. It doesn't land because the waitress doesn't have that level of understanding. It's a funny joke though! He is good at talking to people, he just comes at it from a unique angle.

So, anyway, I digress. He'd be a bit shy but he'd be open to chatting to others, and eventually he'd warm up. He'd realise he's been overthinking everything a bit too much and getting in his own way, and then start to ease up without even realising.

Reader, meanwhile, would have to strike a balance on making sure he was okay and also giving him the space to bloom on his own. Maybe making eye contact with him from across the room and giving him a little thumbs up-thumbs down gesture to check in, only for him to return a thumbs up and big, warm smile, much to their relief. They'd have known he was capable of it, he just needed to remember his capability himself.

So after a bit of time and a bit of space to find his feet, he might overhear that they're playing the kind of music he used to listen to in his youth. I'm going to project here (because you guys know my affinity for 70's music) and say maybe some Baccara (Yes Sir, I can Boogie is a banger), some Bee Gees (duh), just anything fun.

Ford would know the words by heart and once you'd returned to his side, he'd be singing them under his breath or tapping his foot or whatever, and you'd ask him if he wanted to dance. He'd say no because dancing requires a level of self-humiliation and he'd be too self conscious initially, but again, you would coax him a little.

I think you could ease him into it (I think that's the trick with Ford generally anyway). Maybe Reader would take one of his hands and he'd twirl them around, just indulging them a bit because he'd think it's endearing even if he won't do it himself.

I think seeing someone else be a bit silly puts other people at ease and makes them a bit more willing to be silly themselves, so he'd kind of get a little more into it as the music went on and once things changed to those slower, crooning songs, he might just take Reader's other hand and (much to their absolute joy) slow dance with them a bit. He'd prefer to stay tucked into a corner rather than make a show of being out on the dance floor like his brother, but I think he'd be inclined to sing a little bit, just quietly, privately, and lead Reader in a dance.

He wouldn't be a practised dancer but he'd be able to keep time and count beats (it's math!) and although he'd still fuck it up, as would Reader because I doubt many of us are classically trained dancers, he'd be able to laugh along with you and have fun. He'd forget the room, as would you, and you'd be able to really have an intimate, joyful moment together.

God fuck I am so normal about this old man. This is the kind of shit they put you on medication for if you tell the therapist too much LMAO

Also shameless self plug but here is my playlist for this exact scenario. 'Misty' by Lesley Gore is my personal favourite Ford song. Don't judge me, I beg.