#i have a jewish friend who told me that they got into an argument with their mother about palestine

[alex-just-vibing]

do you think it's weird for Jewish people to support Palestine? Because I'm a Jewish person who supports Palestine and I got called weird for it :')

not at all, i don't think it's weird for anyone to support palestine. however i am not jewish, and i am not speaking for anyone other than myself

[yellowocaballero]

RE: Your post about Israel. You want me to just, hate a country? Many of my friends are Jewish or Israeli. It seems reductive to say “if you support Israel at all DNI.” Big “Us Vs. Them” and “Inability to separate government from people” vibes.

You're embarrassing yourself. Defending a genocidal ethnostate online from the mean bloggers who tell its defenders to get out of her sight with these limp and tired 'points' is embarrassing for you. I hope you're a teenager, because thinking of you as a gullible teenager is the nicest way I can think of you.

It's massively insulting to Jewish people to equivocate being Jewish with being pro-Israel Zionist. Apparently you believe that "living in a country" = "supporting a country's actions", which matches up well with your obvious inability to have a single thought for yourself when you can deepthroat apartheid propaganda instead. It is actually kind of funny that you're clutching your pearls over being told I hate a country, when I'm guessing that you share Israel's fundamental belief that all Palestinian men, women, and children should be wiped off the face of the Earth.

More than that, it's actively depressing that in my inbox contains a criminally stupid Zionist who got offended when I drew boundaries in my own blog and decided to send a crying anon about it to me; and next to it I have an ask from a Palestinian begging for money so he can save his family's life. Delivering cool dunks against you would be extremely easy and would make me feel like a cool #activist but it feels actively stupid to do so at this point in time. I made a post blasting the fact that I don't want to engage in a debate and that I'm deeply intolerant of pro-Israel and Zionist views, and you rolled up trying to debate with me over it instead of blocking me and moving on. I'm not going to step into your Tumblr slapfest out of the desire to give sweet dunks or delude myself into thinking that I can change the mind of someone who just wanted to start an argument for the sake of it. My greatest hope for you as a person is that you're deeply ashamed of yourself in ten years, but at this point you're probably so entrenched into your victim complex that you've chosen to die on the hill of people shooting children in the head.

You're wasting your life and polluting your soul, so do what I told you to do in the first place and go someplace where I'm not asked to waste my own life speaking to you.

[jewish-vents]

I am a senior in college and have had a very dear, close friend for the entire time. We have both seen each other at our worst and best. They are also Jewish but not involved in our school's community where I am heavily (although not so much recently after an unrelated falling out with another Jewish student). After October last year, it has been unbelievably hard for me. I have had multiple death threats sent to me and lost a fair amount of my friends who started regurgitating antisemitic conspiracy theories at me. I knew that this friend of mine didn't believe in zionism as strongly as I do so I never went into too much depth of conversation with them about it but I would make passing comments about how evil the ayatollah of Iran is or how terrified I am. At the end of last semester one of their friends got arrested (peacefully) at one of these antisemitic hate rallies at a nearby college. We got in a bit of an argument about it but I had thought that was the end of it.

We met up for the first time this semester at my apartment and hung out for a while before they told me they wanted to talk about something serious. I was weirded out but said ok. They then told me that they were "no longer comfortable talking to me about politics and no longer comfortable with me coming to their house anymore". We sat in silence for a long time after that, I was trying not to cry and they kept trying to lighten the mood with jokes. Eventually they got up and left.

I don't know if I am being overly dramatic or not but I feel completely heartbroken. I feel like I am going crazy. I feel completely and utterly betrayed. I just feel so so so alone. I am a naturally paranoid person but now I think I realize that this isn't paranoia from no where. This is paranoia and anxiety because this has happened before to everyone before me. Antisemitic "Antizionists" set a synagogue full of Jews on fire in France a few days ago.

It is going to get so much worse.

I am so alone.

.

[softbutchthatlovesyou]

First things first: I am not deactivating. Just. Taking a break.

Mututals: You can get my discord if I don't ask for yours before I leave in a couple days. You can also give me a snap though I may be worse at responding to that.

This is my reasons for leaving so no one thinks I do anything crazy, or if anyone has their own gripe they can take this as a sign to take a mental health break of your own.

.

The Racism on this site remains unchecked, and the agression against black user who call it out should absolutely NOT be that high. You adore recreating the racist systems that got us here in the first place. You think your lense on how we experience opression, even the theories we wrote, are better and clearly so much superior.

Exorsexism is disgustingly rampant. We are a jokes to people. We are fakes to other. We are a convenient argument about people passing. We are "dangerous" to a preciously protected set of binaries that do nothing to help any of us.

Lesbophobia across the site has no reason to be so high on a site with so many Lesbians and yet!! We treat labels like they're more important than lives. People act like a personal interpretation of the idenity is an attack. We go "Being a Lesbian is so complex. It's intricate and special" And then when a butch takes t, or a femmes uses he and maybe even gets top surgery, or someones attraction isnt the simply wlw Lesbianism they're told they're doing it wrong and that it's not fair to try and over complicate being a lesbian.

Transandrophobia and Transmisogyny against me and other trans people on this site is out of control. People are infighting and people are lashing out laterally and comparing it 1:1 to the opression the system holds against all of us.

Intersexism continues to be like, so easy for you guys to commit no matter how many voices speak up about how best to be aware of intersex issues.

You guys adore ableism just as you have for years and years. You're obsessed with degrading people who do mental illness or disability "wrong." You see someone stuggling with illness and you don't wait to tell them your personal opinion on their experience. Adding ocd triggering guilt tripping to post. Refusing to hear out people about adding image ids/alt images and how screen readers work.

The Antisemitism I was seeing well before 10/7 was gross. It only increased as people scrambled not to be associated with "the bad jew." People had mutuals and friends for years that abandoned them at the first chance. They spread lies or twisted truths in order to chose Jewish bloggers off the site. I DO notice that when people make post on antisemitism there is often more Jewish people than goy in the notes acknowledging it. I don't think I've seen one without horrid Antisemitism in it's own notes in months. Multiple people have told me to leave my heritage out of pride in their attempts to keep out Jewish people.

Voices from Palstine are only used when they support certain ideas. You all turned supporting people into a fucking witch hunt against profiles on the Internet. You reblog a post of Palastine joy and then reblog an unsourced tweet about something Palstinians have said isn't true, that slanders Jewish people unprompted. For a long time some of you weren't even sharing the right sources for helping them bc you couldn't fact check before sharing?

-

And then there's fucking STAFF. They couldn't stop themselves from banning trans blogs if you paid them. They couldn't keep harassment campaigns at bay if it killed someone.

They used us to coax queer people here for years by sharing that they support queer identities and even at one point let our porn exist here! And then it was all fucking wiped off the map. Now one mass reporting of an untrue claim can get an minorties blog permanently removed.

They say "We need money!" but when people gave it to them this site got w o r se. They use distractions and try and make stuff around the fun shit we came up with to keep us from fussing.

They mute and remove users who make a loud enough point to sway people. They mute and removes uses that are so quiet no one would notice.

Minorties inboxes are a headache.

.

So I'm out. I'll probably be back at some point because I have things I DO enjoy here.

But for mental health I just gotta catch my breath.

This will be my pinned until I get back I guess im case anyone wonders where I went.

I'll have a queue going of a few last minute things i want on my blog but when it runs out thats it for a while until I return.

Thats all

[anime-pencil-drawings]

The Paris Olympics and Homophobia

I just got into an argument with my family over this, so I am going to explain things a bit more elegantly on here.

My parents were super offended because of the Drag Queens posing for the last supper photo during the Olympics. They said it was disrespectful and they were tired of having things "shoved down our throats".

I asked how it was disrespectful, and why they thought it was disrespectful compared to other people/media doing it. They said it was all offensive (despite never having criticized anything else before), and they said it was making a mockery of Christianity. And I'm over here being like, how!? Literally nothing was disrespectful.

They were referencing a famous painting, which wasn't even how the real Last Supper would have looked like. Jesus and his followers were all young twenty-somethings, middle eastern, and Jewish, it would NOT have fucking looked like that.

They then said they were entitled to their opinions, and the problem with the 'woke' crowd is we demand to be present and respected while 'not respecting other people's opinion'.

If your opinion threatens my existence, and over all compassion and humanity, then yeah, I'm gonna argue it!

When I asked how it was shoving it down our throats, they said Drag Queens have nothing to do with the Olympics. And I just- tell me you never understood the point of the opening of the Olympics without telling me you never understood the point of the opening of the Olympics.

It's about art, and the hosting country's culture! What is France well known for? Fashion, which was present throughout the opening. Who is well known for their distinct and outlandish sense of fashion? Drag Queens and Kings! What is, arguably, the most popular form of expressive art of the modern day? DRAG!!

And minutes before, they were happily talking about how, when Britain hosted, they had Mr. Bean and James Bond. Talk about hypocritical! What in the fuck does Mr. Bean playing the piano have to do with sports? What does James Bond rendezvousing with the Queen have to do with sports? NOTHING! But because that stuff wasn't queer, they were a-okay with it.

My step-mother said we (the queer community) were purposely trying to piss off conservatives by having a child present in the show, which was 'pandering to their fears about drag queens'. HOW!? She said we know exactly how they would take it, but were still gonna cry when they got pissed at it. And what I wanna know is, why should we let conservatives' over reaching and fear mongering control us? My mom and sister were going on and on about we can't change their minds, SO WHY SHOULD WE PANDER TO THEM?? That girl wasn't being sexualized in ANY way shape or form. A big part of that fashion show was that people of all races, AGES, and physical abilities were represented. And children often go underrepresented! Non of the clothing on the Queens was sexual to begin with! It's not like she was around adults wearing lingerie, thongs and jock straps!

My step-mother also said not wanting things shoved down her throat does not make her homophobic, and she pointed out (as she always does when being homophobic) that she is friends with gay people and went to a gay wedding (she loves using that one). My sister then asked if telling racist jokes makes us racist. And, EXCUSE ME??

I obviously answered, yes, it does make you racist. My step-mother then said I was being racist by not respecting her opinion (mind you, she is a 100% Mexican woman, so she knows damn well what racism is). When I asked how that makes me racist, she said that I am not respecting her opinions, so that makes me racist. When I told her that, no, that is NOT racism (and yeah, I said it with attitude because she was being a bigoted dumbass), she proceeded to tell me 'fuck you' and if I was going to be woke know-it-all, then I could pack my bags and go live with my biological mother (my rapist :)(she likes to use that line a lot) and that no one was begging for me to stay.

She said I base all of my opinions on what I see on the internet, and like to argue, but don't know jack shit about life. She asked me if I thought I would last a day out there, and yeah! I think I would, considering I have a job, a phone, and coworkers who I don't think would mind helping me out. But I kept quiet because by this point I was done.

Overall, I hate this fucking dumbass family, and does ANYONE have any tips for getting out? I wanna get my GED but my dad says its better if I get my diploma (I'm homeschooled, so I have to stay with this woman ALL THE TIME) and I know schools will prefer a diploma, but I'm kinda at a breaking point here, and have been for a while

[drifting-pieces-blog-blog]

Listen there is so many characters that represent intergenerational trauma in bemis run, (Ra as Khonshu's dad and a foil to Elias, Ernst as the personification of the people who killed Marc's family) but then Bemis doesn't explore that or botches the exploration

Like we already the Khonshu-Elias foil from Lemire run and then there's the grandfather Marc never knew. Who he only knows about through Yitz. and like I hate Yitz and Ernst being the same person (and a rabbi, it's not egdy it's just antisemitic) but Ernst is compelling to me (you are allowed to also be bored by him).

Here is the personification of what your father escaped and hey maybe if you kill your grandfather's murderer you'd get closure? Ha ha no.

But also clearly that's a story that Jews, not edgelord messianics get to tell.

I refuse to ever say anything nice about Bemis.

So the characters that represent intergenerational trauma do NOT come from Bemis' run.

Let's head back to "Death of Elias Spector" by Zelenetz.

This is where we get the story of the generational trauma and start to understand Moon Knight… Where we start to understand Marc Spector.

Up to this point, we have seen him be angry about Antisemitism, fight neonazi scum, and protect Jewish shop-keeps and the likes. We see him get angry about the bombing of a Synagogue and we see him become emotional over the loss of friends.

Before Zelenetz, we understood these to all be proper responses for a Jewish man. Or even just a man in this time period.

But it's when we see the generational trauma that was put so heavily on Marc's shoulders that we start to see those responses as more. We start to see his inner struggles with identity and expectations. We see him be a good man that sees himself as a bad one.

Bemis didn't see any of this.

Bemis said "What if the Rabbi is a Nazi and Marc witnessed him killing people?" He wants it to be more about personal betrayal and revenge than about the horrors of what an actual Nazi is!

There was no undertone. There was nothing deep. This was a man TRYING to tell a deep story for the sake of feeling an egotistical rush so he can pat himself on the back and let people think he's a good Jew.

You don't have to make a Nazi into a supernatural serial killer out for blood to make them into a horror figure.

The real horror lies in the fact that they were regular people that did these things because someone with a little power told them that it was okay.

But let's play with the story a moment. For argument's sake.

Ra as Khonshu's father SHOULD have been a fantastic foil to Elias. Much like in MCU when Ammit was a foil to their mother.

We should have gotten the dissapointed father. We should have gotten the failure for Khonshu to change the world for the better. We should have seen Khonshu change and grow and be able to rise up and declare that HE protects the travelors of the night. That he has chosen a perfect Avatar that can change the world. That he is the Pathfinder, the Embracer, the traveler, and the Defender.

And with that, there is more than violence and fighting. that he can be gentle and kind too.

But we didn't get that.

And Khonshu remains the same.

Moving on to the grandfather. Marc's whole family was murdered in WWII. None of them made it out except for his father and mother.

We don't need an enemy to be a murdering Nazi that specifically targeted his grandfather to make Marc angry.

We don't need a revenge story. That isn't what Moon Knight is about. Because he can't forgive a Nazi. And a Nazi should not live. And there is no way Marvel is going to show him killing a former Nazi out of pure revenge and not have that mess up the character of Marc Spector.

This isn't a revenge story of him hunting down Nazi.

He should never have touched on this. Because there ARE real Nazi that got away with it. There are real Nazi fucks that did terrible things and then wandered off to live normal happy lives.

Having him hide in plain sight AS A JEWISH RABBI is such a kick in the teeth.

And I'm going to do a review specifically on this run in a bit. Expect that soon.

I liked having Yitz as YITZ. Marc getting close to an older Rabbi because he couldn't get close to his own father is a good story. It shows his disconnect with people his own age and his father. It also shows him studying the Torah and working hard to be a good perfect Jewish boy, which leads into Steven's side of things and then further into Jake's take on the spiritual protector.

Heck, an interesting story would be if Yitz had done something that he felt betrayed his trust because then we have a good solid role model that somehow abandoned him or hurt him in some way. And it wouldn't have had to be something terrible. Maybe he left to another state to be with a different Synagogue without warning. Maybe he died suddenly? Any of those things could have hurt him and made him feel alone, since he already didn't connect to children in his school or his own father. We know that Marc feels alone and worthless. It's not a far stretch to show that maybe it started from losing someone he looked up to as a good Jewish person and then not having a role model anymore.

I did not like Ernst. Was he interesting? Probably. I get where he can be compelling as a villain. We all want to hate a good Nazi villain. It's one thing Hollywood has shown time and time again.

But there is no closure in this. There will never be closure in this. Marc still lost his family. His grandfather was a drop in an ocean and if they REALLY wanted to put Nazi fucks in the story, they should have just had young Marc accidentally walk into a KKK rally or something. Because we don't need the threat of the old Nazi. The Nazi just changed their hats. They're still out here today.

This is a story Bemis should never have touched.

I apologize it if sounds like I'm angry. I'm not angry at you by any means!

I'm just so pissed off at Bemis. I respect your wanting to see a better story from the stones Bemis laid before us. It's nice to dream that he could have been a better writer.

Marvel has a lot to answer for and this is just one more thing they managed to really screw up.

[magical-girl-coral]

Hey, just wanna say i understand why you're upset (an understatement, I'm sure) about ppl using the conflict in gaza as a reason to be antisemitic, as it should absolutely not be a valid one, since there IS no valid reason for antisemitism, or any other type of biggotry. Antisemitism should absolutely be fought with all we've got, and ppl who use what israel is doing in gaza as a reason to hate on a whole faith are indeed vile.

But only ever bringing up antisemitism when talking about the genocide going on in gaza, and using the past persecution of jewish ppl and the genocide they themselves suffered is a vile, terrible way of shifting the debate far away enough from the tremendous suffering the ppl in gaza are experiencing to make it seem like the debate is a debate. There IS a genocide going on in gaza. Israel IS comitting genocide. Zionism is a vile fucking movement that lead to so much suffering and death, that even if you believe in it's core principle, you should absolutely have a mind enough to condemn the way it was executed.

I have not gone through your whole blog, so if you were only conveying a genocide denial sentiment in your first few posts, I'm very sorry for accusing you of something like that without reading further. But i have got to say it has become exhausting to see ppl use so many terrible arguments to defend the indefensible.

Yes, antisemitism is a disease and it's spread needs to be stopped. And so is using antisemitism as a way to excuse the ending of 31 000 plus lives, incessant bombings, and starving of children.

Look, i don't know you, i hope you're a good person with a good heart behind your screen, and you don't read this message as a personal attack. It's not. I just want to see people have just a little bit of empathy online

Ceasefire now. Free Gaza

If you go into a Jewish blog, see the first post about the conflict from it being about calling out antisemetism in leftist spaces and decide they are using it to excuse the deaths of thirty thousand+ civilians, you're antisemetic.

If you don't bother to go through my blog and see all the times I called out other people for spreading disinformation ( since it's obvious you are too lazy to do your own research, disinformation is misinformation that is being spread on purpose) about either Israel or Palestine, or using the war as way to spread Nazi beliefs, you're antisemetic.

I don't care if you say you're sorry. I don't give a shit if you add a cute little slogan at the end to make sure you look like a good guy to whoever decides to waste their time by reading the entire ask. You're obviously someone who just realized for the first time in their life they might be wrong, and instead of thinking it through, you're taking it out by writing "meaningful" messages that are actually just a way for you to feel more superior.

I've been told since I was twelve that I am not allowed to speak Hebrew outside of Israel or else I'll get assaulted on the street. I had to let go most of my friends because they didn't care the slogans they shared put the life of my American relatives in danger. This is the third hate wave I saw against Jews since I've joined tumblr. These manipulative tricks won't work on me.

Antisemetism isn't a disease. It's a choice, and you've obviously made yours.

[ihatepolice1234]

the mistreatment of people with personality disorders is so infuriating. why does no one love me. why was i the toxic one in the relationship when my partner was literally transphobic and ableist and racist. literally was friends with nazis. literally im trans and disabled and jewish. literally made me uncomfortable despite me telling him to stop. literally told me it was my fault and its not okay if i am vocal about the fact im uncomfortable. why do you hate me. why are my mood swings the end of the world.

"youre acting weird" -him "i havent been doing so good lately" -me "this behavior is making me uncomfortable and it concerns me" -him

literallyyy he said women are the "greatest thieves of a man's energy". literallyyy called his mexican friend a tacoslave. literallyyyy said to a THIRTEEN/FOURTEEN YEAR OLD "this is why your mother abuses you". literallyy told me this when he found out that 13/14 yr old was an ISTP "i cannot trust ISTPs they will attempt to hurt or destroy me" in which i said "??? (name) is like 12". "leftists are really closed off and judgmental" youu got 100% judgment for MBTI (saying this since you used MBTI to dictate all of your thoughts) and you admitted to being really closed off. called a leftist version of a nazi we knew and that im ignorant and i dont listen to other beliefs. when the conversation was either 1) unrelated to politics or 2) about people dying. "instead of hating muslims you hate christians" i think every religion is cultish.. i used to be a christian.. he had no reason to say this except for the fact i stated i was either atheistic or satanist.. "instead of hating black people you hate white people" im literally white.. i dont hate white people.. i just acknowledge that white people are oppressors.. and that racism exists.. and that white supremacy isnt good.. "you want to genocide those of differing ideologies and races" ??? where did this come from?? 'differing ideologies and races' WHO????? who and what are you referring to???????????? "you get your beliefs from jreg and sources that shouldnt be taken seriously" my interest in politics came from jreg.. sure.. but i KNOW he shouldnt be taken seriously.. thats why i dont take him serious.. thats why i spend my time learning about politics.. from actual good sources.. "why should i have to listen to you when you shut me down whenever i wish to add something" when did i do this??? maybe you were just wrong.. and saying some racist or ableist bullshit.. maybe that should be recognized as wrong by you.. but it isnt.. you make jokes about being schizophrenic, you dont care about my mental illness and how it affects me, you blame me for it like its my fault ??? like come on bru.. you misgender me after i stop talking to you.. as soon as you found out i was trans (which was NEVER supposed to happen) you called me my deadname.. "i think i understand, you dont dislike me, youre just out of control of your own emotions and need to become a better person" so close.. but so far.. "i cant separate myself from my mental illness as well as you can" -me. AND THEN HE LAUGHING EMOJI REACTS ME??? WHAT??? "i cant do the same things you can" -me "skill issue" -him. LIKE WHAT "not a lot of people understand me only (name) does" you told me you wanted to kiss me and have a future with me. you told me you wanted to go places with me and hug me and be with me forever. and then you proceeded to make fun of that person behind her back??? are you kidding? and then when she found out you told her it wasnt true?? and just a joke??? and now she isnt friends with you, because now you make fun of her, and you basically left her for someone else who even called you explosive and scary.

"vin my not understand tone as well as you do and the thing about online arguments is that theres no way to tell tone besides tone tags. i dont think he was coming off as rude (nor was he trying to, as stated by him), just different" -my friend

"ok, well some people being slow and incapable of processing social ques doesnt enable them to be cocky and belittling. there is a way to show tone, you can read it in someone's speech patterns, and if youre incapable of picking up on those tones then you simply have a bad intuition and understanding of people and how they work." -him

why are you a hater

[steamishot]

3 year anniversary 😵‍💫

i had totally forgotten until today, but it had just passed my 3 year anniversary of living in NYC on 9/11. that's crazy. this is now 3/4 of the time i spent in college lol. i guess i'm a junior now.

we (mostly i) drove to boston last thursday. it was about a 5.5-6 hour drive due to the traffic. my laptop was on in the backseat with the mouse jiggler on. matt had just got off 9 days of working straight and was ded. the first night, we had AYCE shabu which was recommended by matt's coworker. it was just OK and our stomachs didn't feel too well the day after. we checked into the hyatt in cambridge (thanks chase points again), and was very close to MIT. there was a sign welcoming MIT parents because it was the back to school era. the hotel was situated across from the charles river, and we got to creepily watch smart looking people run along this river from our room. we opted to park our car 0.8 miles away in a different lot to save money ($40 vs $95 for two nights).

on friday, we met my reddit friend K in her condo in cambridge. i remember her to be meek and softspoken when she was in NYC for a short period, but she was quite the opposite in cambridge. now i understood it as her being overwhelmed in nyc because of all the stimulation, which caused her to shut down a little. anyway, her voice was a little louder than i remember haha, and her presence was a bit intense that i became quite shy. i got to meet her two cats and her bf M, who ended up hanging out with us for the majority of the time.

because K and M are both very intellectual (hello cambridge), matt really enjoyed conversing with them. M kind of embodies an altruistic jewish man with SF tech culture. M has an open library project, is anti-consumerist, and often wears a purple shirt with his name and QR code to his website. he keeps a public spreadsheet of his goals since 2015 and told us he's done 80K pushups. we walked around cambridge, went to an ice cream shop, linen shop, and a tea shop. then we chilled a bit at her condo where he made us some tea. got yummy udon at the nearby lesley university, and then went to a brewery afterwards. it was a long hangout, lol!

right after this hangout, i felt really self-conscious. i was the least accomplished one and honestly felt like the dumbest one in the group. they're (more so her) quick on their feet, decisive/opinionated, and can churn out thoughtful intelligent responses in seconds. her condo had a tiny TV, but many books and board games. she texted me after the hangout saying it was so nice meeting us and she appreciates me for going to visit her. i was dealing with my own feelings of unworthiness, and feeling like i don't quite fit in. i also usually don't see the intellectual side of matt often because he's totally drained from work and doesn't want to do more thinking outside of work. he had more of the spotlight because they were interested in his career. i felt like i didn't have much to share.

i felt self-conscious for a whole day afterwards, and felt weird responding to her texts, even though we chat so often (over text, reddit, and IG). i kinda wondered if we would even be friends organically if we didn't already have such deep chats via the internet. i finally got over that mental hump of not being worthy enough, and began chatting with her like normal again. instead of feeling unworthy, i tried to shift my perspective to feel lucky and inspired to have such intelligent company who i can learn things from.

matt and i also got to stay in the machimoodus getaway cabin in connecticut for the first time for two nights. i'm keeping a google sheet of the number of countries and states i've been to. so far, it's 18 countries and 18 US states. i didn't count the ones that were just layovers/pass throughs. we got into a frustrating argument in the car ride there, which i understand is all based on emotions. he's pretty much ded after the longer work week + one whole day of socializing with new people, which made him highly anxious and easily stressed because he had not had any alone/quiet time for a while. so, he gets highly anxious when i'm driving (stop!, slow down!) and i in turn get upset and react negatively to his anxiety because it triggers my anxiety. i get super annoyed at back-seat driving, especially when i'm the better (and more conscious) driver between the two of us.

i know that this was something that was discussed in my therapy session, where i don't have to fix his anxieties, and at the very least, don't need to take it personally. it's a work in progress for the both of us.

the getaway: it's the most secluded glamping site that we've been to. it's semi-luxurious, and not nearly as luxurious as autocamp. autocamp provides very nice dinnerware, a hairdryer, a TV, fast internet, etc. both autocamp and undercanvas had a community area where you can purchase food/drinks and hangout. getaway was much more isolated, and their store is self-service. no hairdryer and the dinnerware is a little cheap. the cabin is actually very tiny and thoughtfully designed (to stow away luggages and shoes). i really enjoyed the giant glass window and the windows throughout the cabin to feel at one with nature. since we had a 4 night package and also wanted to go glamping during the fall foliage season, we booked another two nights in october. K&M may join us (but not sure, as M does not like to spend money).

CT: so beautiful and lush, went to the nearby cat cafe where we were the only asians and they displayed an "antiracism" sign on the door (which i'm guessing that means that racism is prevalent in that area), checked out boho farms and got a pumpkin spice candle, went to the local grocery market twice, and did a short hike at machimoodus state park.

work: my new boss (director) officially announced my promotion yesterday in an email and included what duties will be shifted to my previous manager and my colleague. it's definitely weird to give my old manager work to do? so i'm trying to do as much as i can. there's a lot on my plate right now as i'm taking over compliance management and resolving previous payroll issues, all while still doing majority of the work for the VCP and housestaff populations. i do feel happier though, like that i'm actually looking forward to doing this type of work. it's very introverted and a bit more challenging so i'm excited to give a good impression in my first few months.

[giraffeonstrike]

My wife asked me what my papa would think about me marrying someone who had a kid already when we met. I don't know what she thinks when she envisions an older Jewish Slav...and I don't even know what I would think about any others besides my parents. There's a lot of weird media depictions of Ukrainians, Eastern Europeans, Russians...cold, stony, heartless...I don't know where that comes from but maybe she's picturing a movie version of my papa and THAT guy just didn't exist.

Sure, my relations recently displaced from Ukraine are a little conservative but not by American standards and are downright disgustingly liberal according to the MAGA crowd that infests the state I live in. They are all my age or younger, the old folks have either passed away or moved (my bubbie is currently just chilling in Boca, living the stereotypical retired Jewish lady dream), and being younger may have a lot to do with them not being so dry. Some of my (male) cousins will call me a pidor, and if I didn't know them all my life I might be offended...it's never had a tinge of judgement or malice, just a fact that Cousin Eli is a bit of a fag.

My father never talked to me directly about my sexual orientation but there were lots of times his "maybe you meet a nice girl someday?" had more emphasis on the "girl" than the "maybe". The question, now that I'm older and fully realizing, was always "are you queer like I think you are?" When my mama was here helping with the baby after she was born, we talked a lot about this...he asked her so many times if there was any "NEWS from Elias" and she always took that to mean "has he come out yet?". So, they both always knew but I didn't ever actually tell them. To mama, after papa was gone, I just introduced her to my male partner and she was more shocked that my wife had no issue with me having them both, and that "my friend Moses" was firmly more than a friend.

When I got married the first time, the night before the wedding, my father asked me if I was sure. I wasn't, but I didn't want to be a dick and back out. When I got divorced, he was already gone and so I'll never know what he'd think about that but I can guess, based on a conversation we had maybe six months before he passed away. My now ex-wife and I were having pretty extreme issues and she'd punched me in the face after an argument about, of all things, where to go for dinner. I left the house, sat in my car, and did something I had never done before...I called him to bitch.

He told me I could come home any time I wanted. My room was open. He'd make varenyky and everything would be fine. And then he said something I will never forget...

"Maybe it's a long time before you date again or get married but you will find a nice SOMEONE someday...and you will be happy, I promise."

I don't think he'd care about anything other than that. Whether that made him atypical for an older Ukrainian man or a Jew is beside the point. It would make him typical for my papa, always wanting his children to be happy. Wanting us to be well, even if he just couldn't ask us directly what that wellness meant. I learned a lot about being a father from him, even if I never thought I'd get to apply it. Now that I have a son, a daughter, and a mystery on the way, I know for sure that I'll never want anything more than I want for them to be happy.

If my papa didn't fit the Hollywood standard of Eastern European masculinity then I guess that's genetic, and probably the best genes I got.

[jeanmoreausautismstickers]

my marauders headcannons <3

Remus Lupin

heterochromia. I don't care what the films say this man has two different coloured eyes tyvm. the left ones dark brown, nearly black, and the right is a light shade of amber.

DYSLEXIA !! my dyslexic little mate we can match. he absolutely adores reading but it takes him longer if he doesn't use a spell (ty to MsKingBean89 for the spell idea mon ami(e))

hEDS. me too king

cat lover. he absolutely adores cats and sirius gets SO jealous. I think he absolutely owned a cat at some point b4 he started teaching and he dotted on that cat

wears elastics on his wrists (specifically during hogwarts for sirius and lily, but kept wearing them after out of habit </3)

Sirius Black

hard of hearing. I think he probably lost it cos his mum hit his ears or screamed so often at him in close quarters. he'd definitely be vv resentful over it too cos now he's not able to listen to music much

audhd fr. this man was definitely neurodivergent but he must be just like me and be autistic and have adhd cos yh

he whined. loads. not like whinging but like genuinely high pitched whines when he was frightened or upset, kind of like Enid from Wednesday

adored kids but was terrified to have them because of how his mum was

this is gonna be controversial but idc. this man absolutely fancied Remus when he was shagging women, but at one point dated Marlene and Remus at the same time. it's ok tho cos Marlene was kissing Mary on the side

James Potter

vegetarian. refused to eat meat after he became an animagus because it felt cruel, but ESPECIALLY wouldn't eat deer jerky ("it's practically cannibalism, padfoot!")

mama's boy through and through !! this man LOVED his mummy. told her all about his friends and Lily

taught Sirius how to treat people and house elves better when they were first years. you can't tell me this man wasn't the reason sirius wanted to improve himself

he fought w sirius a lot. im sorry I love them both but brothers fight and like. even found family brothers. sirius is the most petty bitch you cannot tell me that James didn't get annoyed or frustrated with some of Sirius' habits and didn't begin arguments over them

so bad w kids until Harry. he was absolutely terrified of them, cos he never had interacted with them much before he had his own, my man Sucked at babysitting and frequently panicked whilst lily was pregnant because he was scared he'd be a bad parent

Peter Pettigrew

#1 James fan. my guy didn't go anywhere if James wasn't going to be there

become You Know because of his jealousy of James and Sirius' friendship

aroace fr. absolutely Disgusted w the amount of PDA by jily and wolfstar

tried to protect Harry for as long as he could w out being suspicious. he still loved James and Lily, and their son, and was just too scared to fight back at You Know Who once James and Lily were dead

a whole virgin, never even tried getting with anyone before he realised he was aroace

Lily Potter (Evans)

actually thought the Marauders were pretty funny but put on a face because of being friends with Snape

a whole pansexual queen

bought everyone in Gryffindor Christmas gifts, or if they were Jewish/Muslim/any other religion that doesn't celebrate Christmas she'd figure out when their holiday was and got them gifts

first person Remus came out to. and she accepted him immediately because she knows what it feels like to be an outcast

so autistic. her special interest was absolutely Jane Austen books I take no criticism <3

Regulus Black

hated his mum just as much as Sirius, but actively tried to conform because he was too scared to be hurt by her

was angry with Sirius for running away, even if he understood why Sirius did it, it still hurt him immensely. that was his older brother, the only one he could talk to, and when he left, it broke off the little bit of familial love he had left

in love w Barty Crouch Jr. I DO NOT CARE. platonic my aSS they were boyfriends, but they hid it very well. absolutely such a healthy couple before the war though. got together when they were 13 or 14 by accident, and stayed together until Reg died

actually really enjoyed being called Reg and Reggie, but pretended to hate it so he wouldn't be perceived as weak or soft by his mum

chess fucking champion

Marlene McKinnon

the flirtiest person you'll ever meet. flirted with everyone but was actually an aromantic lesbian

loved her family unconditionally, and constantly was going home on weekends to help her mum before she died of breast cancer

hated school, she was dyslexic and never told anyone so everyone just thought she was a dumb blonde

half Japanese, but her biological father left when she was a baby, so she wasn't really in tune with that part of her culture.

got bullied in primary school for being the "only dumb Asian"

Mary Macdonald

the most supportive person you'll ever meet

helped the younger POC in Gryffindor take care of their hair properly, and absolutely was like an older sister to all the young girls

not a mean bone her body

muggle born, but she grew up with a friend that had a wizard father so she knew about magic before Hogwarts

terrified of dogs, except for Padfoot, because of being bitten by one when she was in nursery

Dorcas Meadowes

a lesbiannnn. she was in love with Pandora, and they dated for a while before she decided she was done with the Wizarding World and cut contact with everyone

slytherin, but she was friends with everyone

loved Quidditch

oh she was a Pureblood but her parents died when she was young and she stayed with a squib aunt til hogwarts

took muggle studies and would hex any Slytherin who made fun of her for it

Pandora Lovegood (Lestrange)

a Lestrange until marriage

terrified of Narcissa and Bellatrix, but was one of the bridesmaids at Bellatrix's wedding

Ravenclaw, but best friends with Dorcas, Regulus, Barty, and Evan and was hardly if ever in her own common room

she ADORED muggle musicals

her and Dorcas met in a Care of Magical Creatures class in third year and immediately became best friends

Evan Rosier

really homophobic outwardly but was in the closet (for a HOT minute)

flirted with girls constantly

super protective over Pandora and Dorcas

had the worst penmanship and Regulus and Barty both refused to help him with homework because of it

managed to be the only Slytherin who sucked at potions

Barty Crouch Jr.

gay little lad with gay handwriting

LOVED cats. this man was the BIGGEST cat lover I do not care im right ur wrong. absolutely adored them

had a little sister who he was really protective over, she was in Hufflepuff and died during her 4th year which is what made him follow Regulus into joining up w the Death Eaters

daddy and mummy issues for days. bro never had a civil conversation w them

he absolutely beloathed Walburga and Orion Black when he found out what they did to Regulus, but obviously never said anything about it

[doberbutts]

Re: tags it was me yeah

I have like. A *bunch* of trans guys in my personal friend group that are all roughly my age, but come from wildly different walks of life. I was just talking about this funny enough with one of those trans guy friends.

I know a trans guy who has been raised as male since he was 3 years old. Literally outside of his parents and doctors (and the odd background check that dives this deep), no one knows he's trans. He may as well be a cis guy who happens to have a vagina. One of those "mom wanted a girl dad wanted a boy" situations except when he adamantly told his parents he was a boy and to stop calling him a girl the second he figured out the difference, parents went *shrug* ok guess we have a boy now.

I know another trans guy who went through full medical transition as a minor. Again, no one in his adult life except maybe doctors and background checks and his parents know he's trans. He passes so well for male that he's *told sex partners* that he's transgender and they're still surprised when they find the evidence of it on his body.

These guys I would argue (and, so would they) have a lot of access to male privilege. But still not quite comparable to a cis man. They have "get paid better" and "treated with respect at work" and "don't get catcalled" and "more likely to be hired" privilege.

But, "laws written in their favor" privilege? "Politicians biased towards them" privilege? "Doctors actually willing to listen to them" privilege? "Medical industry prioritizing them" privilege? They don't have access to any of that. That's cis men, and only certain cis men at that.

Both of these guys I'm using as examples are deeply, deeply stealth. They do not have the ability to be known *and* to have access to this privilege. It's like arguing that a gay man deep in the closet is privileged because he doesn't experience as much overt homophobia as someone who out and very loud about it. Sure, the closet grants some safety. I wouldn't say that hiding a large portion of your identity is a privileged existence.

And when it comes to statistics regarding violence against transmasculine individuals, it's not like they're safe from this just because they're so good at passing. Both of them have experienced sexual violence. Both of them have experienced domestic violence. Both of them have been deeply suicidal in their lives. One of them still needs access to abortion and his state has banned it nearly completely. One of them lives in a state where HRT is increasingly becoming less and less legal and he doesn't have any other means of producing enough hormones in his body, which means he is looking at the potential of being forced to medically de-transition if testosterone gets banned entirely. One of them had a coworker figure it out and needed to leave his job for his own safety due to the harassment. One of them has survived multiple suicide attempts. One of them still self-harms.

And like. This is just two neurodivergent white guys.

The guy I know, who disappeared after his parents forced him to marry someone he was assaulted by? He's South Asian. I'm black, I've got my own stories to tell. I know a guy who's Egyptian with *his* own stories. And a guy who's Native, and one who's Jewish, and another who's Mexican. These guys are all various levels of passing themselves, where they pass to most strangers in their day-to-day, and they have much different lives than the above mentioned two.

But for me, I do make the argument OP's talking about, only because I keep seeing the argument "trans men are men and were always men and thus always had male privilege" at which point I go "how does a 5 year old in a pink frilly dress and pigtails have male privilege".

Like I've said before I think it's not as simple as "have" or "have not" to describe any transgender person's relationship with gendered oppression vs privilege, because there is a lot of nuance there we're ignoring, but also I don't think it is a condemnation of character nor a moral dilemna to be seen as male and thus be treated accordingly, because privilege is something society bestows upon you and usually for things out of your control.

while i get where this comes from and it’s true to an extent, i reeeaaaally don’t like how people try to explain “trans men don’t [necessarily] have male privilege” with things like “some trans men don’t pass”.

like sure that’s the most obvious example (someone who is seen as a woman won’t have the privilege that comes with being seen a man) but you’re still acting like being a passing trans man is just a free opt-in to male privilege which is………kinda the issue.

[tempobrucera]

Because I have enough and I usually don't talk about the anon asks in my inbox or anything that isn't fun on here (for reasons) but I have a limit. And this here is just ugly.

TW: Antisemitism, saying Ukraine is lead by a Zionist (yeah, Jewish people rule the world - got it), rape mention, literal death treats, ect. The list is long. Here we go, those are the highlights from about 100 asks or more, I am going to spare you the holocaust denial.

@anon - You're a clown. An antisemitic clown but you're still a goddamn clown and nothing more. I hope you're aware that I could take this to the police.

Discussing with people who feel the need to talk like this is absolutely senseless but maybe we can show someone else what the problem here is.

This is the problem: Jewish people are currently telling you that your rock icon (R*ger W*ters) on his pedestal is walking on antisemitic terrain and has done so for years. Not the first time Jewish people do so and are disregarded by people who don't know about our struggles or what we face. I told someone today that it's not good to talk over Jewish voices when it mainly concerns us, we might be few (open a history book - antisemitism didn't start during the 1930's) but we still have the right to be heard and to be threated like humans. I said this in a reply to a post and in DMs (which haven't really been answered, neither was I listened to - you can't apologize one billion time for "personal backlash" (......... you mean antisemitic hate death threats which don't have to do anything with me except for me being Jewish? Stop pretending this is "personal backlash") and was literally told, that they aren't talking over Jewish voices (you are - I'm not the first Jewish person pointing his tendecies out) and basically that it was disinformation. You're still talking over me.

So. We established that he used a pig with a Star of David on stage. People already pointed out ten years ago that this is antisemitic and he tried to weasel his way out of it with a half-assed explanation which btw doesn't make it better.

I am aware that Pigs is part of one of his bands concept albums and that they stand for wealthy, cunning people in office. He has said and claimed that it isn't the represent Jewish people. The problem is when you don't want to represent Jewish faith it is easy enough to not use the Star of David. "I have many Jewish friends" is an argument like "I'm not rassist, I have a Black friend", "I'm not a homophobe, I have gay friends". "it is almost inevitable that the symbol of the religion becomes confused with the symbol of the state" - No, you are the one who is confusing it. I have never stepped foot into Israel (while I worked for humanitarian aid in Palestine and Iraq (that's a story in itself) - when these countries where labelled active war zones), but I'm proud of my Jewish heritage. Stop confusing Israeli (government) with Jewish faith. Most Jewish people live outside of Israel. The other problem here is that "Judensau" / "Judenschwein" (Jewish pig) is used as an insult, especially by Nazis and people who are leaning towards antisemitism (you might not know that as a person who's not Jewish but I've heard this enough times growing up), so putting the symbol of Judaism (not goddamn Israel) on a pig isn't the smartest idea by default. In Germany and Europe, in churches and paintings, Jewish people were often depicted as pigs or Jewish people sucking on a sow (I can tell you, not in good faith). Furthermore have Jewish people adjectives like "wealthy", "cunning", "manipulative", "dirty" or that they "secretly run the world" associated with them for millenia. So putting the Star of David into this context is not a smart idea. Not at all, because it's heating up antisemitic rhetorics and resentments. You might not want to be associated with Nazis but I can tell you, Nazis will always be happy to associate themselves with you and they always do, I have seen them leech onto less than this.

He also claimed that the U.S. is being controlled by Jewish Republican donor Sheldon Adelson and described him as a “puppet master” who is “filling the coffers and pulling all the strings” on U.S. policies. Which brings us back to the antisemitic believe that Jewish people run the world. If you think, he said something like this only once, no he did it more than once over the years. (Also more than twice, or three times, honestly I STOPPED counting).

"Waters repeatedly promoted antisemitic conspiracies and themes, including that a nefarious “Israel lobby” prevented the election of Jeremy Corbyn in the UK" - this interview is from this year btw, not ten years ago because you all so fixated on how long some bullshit is ago.

"(Sheldon Adelson) believes that only Jews – only Jewish people – are completely human, that they are attached in some way… everybody else on Earth is there to serve them" - That is a quote out of the interview from this year. He's talking about JEWISH people, not ISRAEL. You get what the problem here is? It doesn't matter that he apologizes anymore, he does it so often, his apologies are fucking worthless at best at this point.

He also implied Israelis / Jewish people are kind of responsible for George Floyds death (yes, Jewish people run the world, it is getting boring)

He called verified reports of Beijing’s enslavement of Uyghur Muslims and massacre of Tibetan Buddhists "absolute nonsense".

I don't know how much bullshit has to come out of one single person that you might think, maybe I shouldn't support this.

All of this leads to another problem. You can always say stuff like "I don't agree with everything this person does", "I don't agree what he said about Ukraine", "I can disagree and agree with some one" (Yes, but you're automatically treating some people as lesser with this view, congratulations. One good thing doesn't make the other things better or excusable). The problem is that there's also other people who will be like "Thank you, but I agree with the view on Jewish people and I think the same on Ukraine" and in a few hours you will have a person under your post that says Ukraine is being lead by a Zionist (yes, Jewish people rule the world, we got it). And then you don't even have the balls to call this out or you think the same, who knows. And people who feel encouraged to send death threats, are denying the shoah, and so much more. This is the problem, if you think it's okay on a small scale, people will use it on a big scale. If you really don't see one problem with any of this, you're the problem, not me.

And for fucks sake: Stop getting on people's nerves who talk to me, are nice to me or reblogged my previous post.

[jewish-privilege]

(...) [Trudy] didn’t like Anne Frank. At first I couldn’t absorb the sentiment, couldn’t really believe my ears. It was like hearing a Catholic say she wasn’t fond of the Virgin Mary, that she was sick of all her tiresome bragging. Virgin birth – big deal. But then I realized that Trudy’s distaste for Anne Frank the person – whatever girlhood tiff set it off – returned the Holocaust to where it belongs, in prosaic human history. It’s not a myth, or a sacred narrative, with demigods and martyrs and supernatural heroines. It’s not a biblical story, a tragic moment pointing to redemption. It’s a story of girls and boys, Annes and Trudys, and their brothers and sisters and parents, murdered and tortured the way humans have murdered and tortured since time immemorial.

But the next day, at lunch, I discovered that Trudy’s Anne Frank induced scowl wasn’t merely personal (it was mostly personal).  “Of course, she was a mean girl ��� like you see today in the movies, yes?” Trudy said.  “A mean girl. That was Anne. But that wasn’t really her fault. It was her father, you see, who spoiled her, and, well, never mind, I’ve said too much. But to me, what became insufferable was her optimism. ‘I know in my heart that people are good.’ That was from her diary, yes? People are good? Do you think she believed that in Bergen-Belsen?”

I’m not sure she realized it — she didn’t follow Jewish intellectual arguments — but Trudy had stumbled onto one of the key controversies surrounding Anne Frank’s diary: its supposed optimism. It was actually the hit Broadway play that highlighted Anne’s line about the essential goodness of the human heart; both the play and the movie end with the quote. The diary itself includes the line, but also Anne’s observation that the world would be better off without any people. Critics of the play, including Cynthia Ozick in an influential Commentary piece where she half-wishes the diary had never been found, accuse the playwrights and their supporters of using the diary – and therefore the Shoah – to promote an anti-Zionist, anodyne universalism that negates Jewish national concerns.

But Trudy wasn’t responding to the diary’s politics, or to the political uses others made of the book or the play or the movie. She was just pissed off at Anne Frank because, in her opinion, Anne got it wrong: People aren’t basically good. For Trudy, the Shoah was never a rhetorical weapon or a political tool – it wasn’t up for grabs to the loudest shouter. It was her personal story. To me, it felt like Trudy longed for Anne to have survived, just so that Trudy could have told her off, survivor to survivor, person to person.

I cried a little the day Trudy’s daughter emailed me that her mother had died; she was a friend, and I will always miss her. But a deeper gloom hit me the next day, when I realized that as the last of the survivors pass away, the Holocaust is truly up for grabs. Without the grounding of Trudy and her contemporaries, we’re free to hurl the term “kapo” at whoever doesn’t share our politics, free to spin the Auschwitz narrative whichever way suits our ideology, free to twist and bend and stretch the Shoah so that it speaks to whatever issue is on our mind. Trudy is gone, so there’s no one to shame us into stopping.

This is genuinely one of the most well-written things I’ve ever read about Anne Frank and the universalization and dehumanization of the Holocaust and its victims.

[troybarnesbucky]

ok.... not my ex boyfriend dming me on instagram from a new account (i blocked him on his old one), inebriated (conformed by a friend) and asking to “catch up” and wanting to hearing about my life. not my ex boyfriend telling our mutual friend a few weeks ago that he wishes he could talk to me so he could tell me that his life is better than mine, even though he knows absolutely fucking zero about my life. not my ex boyfriend— two years after dumping me because him and his family couldn’t accept me with my hearing loss, my past with mental health, lack of familial wealth— still managing to find a way to weasel his way into my life and demand closure that he doesn’t deserve after dumping me on the phone and throwing out a two year relationship. not me still policing my words so that i’m not perceived as angry, resentful, hurt, or concerned and him, again and again, ignoring the boundaries that he fucking ask for and i agreed to, only for him to ignore them and demand my attention after two fucking years.

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

Yes, it's definitely true that if you were taught a lot of bs/antisemitic ideas about Jews and Judaism through Xtianity growing up, you very much need to deconstruct those before converting.

Personally, I grew up in the church equivalent of a Reform shul (lefty Presbyterian) and so what I internalized was very much liberal Xtian misinformation/antisemitism. This meant that my community taught us on the one hand, that Jews should be respected and loved and not proselytized to (like all other religious minorities) but that they held backward beliefs and were effectively pre-Xtians. I was taught to be as wary of the social positions of Jews as I was of, say, Catholics - like sure, there were some cool individual people and you should approach everyone with respect, obvs - but like the institutions were definitely conservative. I was definitely taught that Jesus was a radical who shook things up in a good way, and his rebellions against Rome were effective and helpful. None of the antisemitism baked into or commonly read into the NT was unpacked or even discussed, except maybe the "Jews killed Jesus" libel - I'm pretty sure they told us that was exaggerated or basically an intra-Jewish argument at the time and not something to levy at modern Jews. I was taught that Pharisee = thing that doesn't exist anymore in any form, and good riddance (there's literally a song about this? That they taught to children?? Idk I learned it at Vacation Bible School 🙄 Edit: found it, acckh cringe) I was absolutely fed supercessionist ideas without any historical context. I didn't even realize that the Beit HaMikdash was THE Temple, rather than like, Jesus' home church lmao. You don't want to know what I was (and wasn't) taught about Israel.

The early things that I look back on now, as a Jewish adult, and see a spark of that neshama in are the fact that at five years old I argued with first my parents, then the Xtian Education director, then the pastor, about why we shouldn't be selling things at church if Jesus overturned the tables in his Temple. I remember being absolutely enamored by the Exodus story, and honestly preferred it to the NT stories. And the thing that I most see my adult self in, is the time in my confirmation classes that I kept the teachers after class for two hours just relentlessly demanding context about the Tanakh that they absolutely could not give me. They eventually told me that for that, I'd have to read the text in Hebrew and my immediate, unhesitating response was, "if that's so, then let's have at it. What are we waiting for and where do I sign up?" I was told that was too hard for civilians, but that I was welcome to go to seminary.

Turns out, the answer to "where do I sign up" is Judaism, lol. But I can never forget the feeling of this extreme absence in the NIV text, like I was trying to study Shakespeare based on someone's class notes without any of the original poetry or historical context.

Didn't help that I didn't know anyone who was [openly] Jewish and practicing growing up. I knew one Jewish girl who was a staunch atheist child of two atheists, one from a Jewish background and one from a Catholic background (her descriptors, not mine.) If there was anyone else, they didn't talk about it with me, and I honestly don't blame them at all.

As an adult, though, I went to college and somehow found myself suddenly friends with Jews, including one of my closest friends to this day. It was that friend in particular who helped me understand, identify, and unpack the antisemitism I'd grown up with. (In hindsight, the patience that must've taken - lord help me.) But I learned, and I listened.

It helped that I left Xtianity the first week I got to college. I went to one church - the one that I'd researched and seemed like it should be the best fit for me - and when I went in, it just felt wrong. Not because of the people or the space or the practice; that it was wrong for me. I was wrong there. So I left, and I never looked back. And over the years, I learned, and I unlearned.

I think the biggest a-ha! moment for me was when I really pinned down my bestie to ask about the "no proselytizing" Thing in Judaism. I remember asking, "okay but they [religious Jews] think they're right, don't they? That what they're doing and believe is true?" And ze was just like "....yes?" And so then I asked, " okay, so then why not share that with other people? Why hide the truth from the world if they believe it to be so?" And in that moment, suddenly my friend understood a critical misunderstanding of mine, and explained "Oh! Right. Yes, they believe that is the truth. But there are also other truths. Also, you don't have to be Jewish to be 100% good within Jewish tradition...." and explained the whole binding covenant vs. righteous gentile thing. And that was extremely eye-opening. From there, I started unraveling so many other Xtian ideas, that I eventually found myself on the road to conversion.

The thing that really tipped the balance, though, was actually hearing Torah read in Hebrew. I'd already fallen in love with the Jewish people, Jewish culture, and had dear Jewish friends. I had already become fiercely protective of Jews and was trying hard to become a better ally.

But when I heard Torah read - untranslated, unfiltered, real - something in me changed. I woke up.

The part of me that was desperate for the true meaning and context of Torah finally heard it - in the beginning of beginnings, as it were - and I fell in love with Torah as well. And that planted the seed that eventually led me here: home.

The conversion process is as much about UNlearning as learning!! As a convert, a lot of people come to conversion with a host of mental baggage that they've picked up from gentile backgrounds. Seeing people on that website who were raised xtian is so concerning to me because I generally find people with christian backgrounds much harder to talk to about judaism/my conversion because their own religion teaches extensively about jews and judaism in a way thats often deeply wrong. you can be very well-read and still have these beliefs, but a secular jew who knows very little torah would not, so in some ways unlearning defines a conversion more than learning does.

Sharing this in case any convert wants to share their own experience about this topic! Reading this was incredibly informative and interesting. It makes sense, having to deconstruct your Xtian background first before you can even touch Judaism.