#and my lack of wealth and who i INHERENTLY AM AS A PERSON wasnt good enough despite it being good enough for you to stick around for 2 YEARS | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

troybarnesbucky · 5 years ago

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ok.... not my ex boyfriend dming me on instagram from a new account (i blocked him on his old one), inebriated (conformed by a friend) and asking to “catch up” and wanting to hearing about my life. not my ex boyfriend telling our mutual friend a few weeks ago that he wishes he could talk to me so he could tell me that his life is better than mine, even though he knows absolutely fucking zero about my life. not my ex boyfriend— two years after dumping me because him and his family couldn’t accept me with my hearing loss, my past with mental health, lack of familial wealth— still managing to find a way to weasel his way into my life and demand closure that he doesn’t deserve after dumping me on the phone and throwing out a two year relationship. not me still policing my words so that i’m not perceived as angry, resentful, hurt, or concerned and him, again and again, ignoring the boundaries that he fucking ask for and i agreed to, only for him to ignore them and demand my attention after two fucking years.

#im so tired #im so done #i have told him multiple times to leave me the fuck alone. that i dont want or desire closure.#i never even said ‘i dont owe you closure because you treated me like shit and you dumped me over the phone and told me that my disability #and my lack of wealth and who i INHERENTLY AM AS A PERSON wasnt good enough despite it being good enough for you to stick around for 2 YEARS #i never got to be angry or hurt. he never let me express myself or explain how i felt. he dumped me and asked me to not text him #AND I DIDNT. BECAUSE I RESPECT BOUNDARIES. and when he decided he wants to talk— because again despite me being fucked over and me #not getting a chance to even GET A WORD IN!!! i still respected his wishes #he decided he wanted closure and i said no. and i blocked him after he attempted to contact me two more times and I MOVED ON.#AND NOW. TWO FUCKING YEARS LATER. fuck. fuck im so angry #and im so mad because i was never allowed to be angry!! i had to accept and move on in silence because that was what i was given.#now he finds a way to contact me— because apparently me blocking his number and all social media isnt indication enough that I DONT WANT TO #TALK— and acts as if its just ‘we havent spoken since we broke up’ OH SINCE U DUMPED ME ON THE PHONE AFTER INSULTING ME AND MY ENTIRE FAMILY #SURE OKAY.#and the WORST PART IS?? i feel exactly how i felt two years ago. i feel GUILTY for saying no. i feel GUILTY for not responding. WHY.#why am i never allowed to be angry?? why do i always have to control my feelings for the sake of people who dont care about my feelings??#im so angry and so upset #and im exhausted from work and from my argument with my friend last night and my period #and all the added stress of generally being jewish in the world right now. like #i just wanna go to sleep and not wake up to deal with this.#im so exhausted. im so tired and im so sick of feeling like my feelings dont matter. the world has made it abundantly clear.#personal

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