#i hate this you make me sick to my stomach
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muniimyg · 1 day ago
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♡ 04: how you're lookin' at me, yeah, i know what that means and i'm obsessed
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series m.list // taglist
note: a wild ride…. good luck y’all ,, THANKS FOR 1K 😻 my kitty is happy !!! hauwhahahahaa this part is lengthy so pls take a mfking SEAT. pls lmk what y’all think ,, send in asks 🫵 we’re headed towards the finale 💛 much wuv !!
warnings: tension/tampo vibes (whats that in english? lol) ,, male masturbation (jk gets himself off as he recalls oc slapping him) ,, jealousy (lots of it. like 90% of this part is filled with it) ,, oc has a hickey ,, angst ,, and a little mwaamwaaaa moment :')
//
life sucks. 
for jungkook, at least. 
it’s been almost a month since the incident, and you’ve done everything in your power to avoid him.
the memory of the fight—the words exchanged, the way he said your name—still lingers in the air between you like smoke, suffocating and inescapable.
at first, jungkook tried.
he texted you the next day and every day after that. his messages were hesitant and apologetic... and each one was left unanswered.
nerd [11:11PM]: ___, can we talk? sent nerd [11:28PM]: please? sent nerd [12:01AM]: i’m sorry. i mean it. sent nerd [12:03AM]: it wasn’t even like that. not with her.  sent nerd [1:09AM]: ik i’m gonna sound like a total douche no matter what so let me do it please sent nerd [1:15AM]: let me say sorry, let me fuck up, let me make it up to u sent nerd [2:01AM]: i really hate begging  sent nerd [2:01AM]: but i really hate u not wanting me even more seen
he did try to call though.
just once.
the ringtone barely lasted before he hung up, realizing how futile it was.
at one point, he showed up at your favorite coffee shop one afternoon. he sat alone by the window with an untouched drink, waiting. 
his eyes flicked to the door every time it opened, a glimmer of hope lighting his expression for a split second before fading when it wasn’t you.
after two hours, he left.
but now, almost four weeks later, jungkook has stopped trying (so hard).
it wasn’t a sudden decision, more of a gradual acceptance that whatever connection you’d shared—whatever you’d been to each other—was slipping through his fingers.
he told himself you needed time, that maybe this space was what you wanted, what you deserved. and so, he gave it to you.
he told himself it wasn’t the end. 
it couldn’t be.
he refuses for it to be. 
this is just… complicated. 
he gets that.
he's a smart guy after all!
but late at night, when the world was quiet and he was left alone with his thoughts, the weight of your absence pressed against his chest like an ache he couldn’t soothe. it... burns? it throbs in this aching rhythm that he can't quite figure the melody to.
jungkook thinks about the way you banter with him and how much it makes his day. how closely you sit next to him. how effortlessly you mesmerize him… 
how you flirted with him for a few days and now he's malfunctioning. how he spent the last month memorizing every detail of those days and can't get over it. he has convinced himself you're into him...  
like, remember how your fingers would brush his when you handed him something? that meant something, right? or how about the way you looked at him and tilted your head? shit, yeah.
that meant something.
fuck, the way you laugh and throw your head back and he gets a glance at your perfect neck—how he wants to leave kisses on it. how he… 
how he had you. 
for a moment, he really had you. 
under him, tangled, and messy. 
how he was so close to your lips. 
he should’ve kissed you. 
he should’ve locked the fucking door. 
he should’ve ran after you even more. 
but he didn’t…
and now? 
now you aren’t even around. 
he recalls what taehyung said to him night at the arcade. taehyung's words rub into his wound like salt. it stings. it makes him feel sick to his stomach and he just... get can't stomach it.
“she isn't gonna stick around forever... especially with all the shit you pull…”
there are no words to describe how incredibly helpless he feels.
if anything, he goes through circles in his mind; completely in disbelief he could fuck up this bad with you.
he hates that he can't think straight. he hates that he can't study properly. he hates that he stopped tutoring and even got in trouble with his profs for letting them down (they really counted on jungkook to help other students out).
he hates that he can't fucking breathe lately.
he can't sleep.
he can't eat.
jungkook hates the growing distance, but more than that, he hates how much it hurts.
he hates how much he wants to fix things even when he doesn’t know how. he just knows he wants to. god, fuck it—
fine. 
he hates how much he misses you.
but most of all, he hates that he was wrong. 
it was entirely his fault. 
jungkook hates it all.
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by chance, you and jungkook run into each other. 
the scene is perfect.
it's the perfect set up to cry over when you get home—that is.
the rain starts just as you’re leaving the library, soft at first but quickly turning heavier. you don’t expect to see him—not here, not now—but there he is, standing under the awning of the café across the street, shaking out his umbrella. the door chimes as you step outside, and he looks up.
for a moment, neither of you move, caught in the heavy stillness of the moment.
jungkook freezes when he sees you. 
his eyes widen briefly, then soften into something cautious, hesitant. he tucks his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, fingers flexing nervously against the fabric as he steps forward.
“hey,” he says, his voice careful, like he’s offering a truce.
the sound of him makes your heart clench, the warmth in his tone threatening to undo you. but you don’t let it show. you nod once, lips pressed into a thin line, and move to step around him.
“wait—” his hand shoots out, not to grab you, just to stop you. his fingers hover midair, unsure if he even has the right to reach for you anymore. “___, please?”
the rain is falling harder now, pooling on the sidewalk and soaking into the edges of your shoes. you glance at him, taking in the way his hair clings to his forehead, the way his hoodie looks just a little too big on him, like he hasn’t been sleeping well or eating much.
“can you not pretend like this is a coincidence?” you ask quietly, refusing to meet his gaze. 
he stays silent. 
it wasn’t. 
truth be told, he’s been waiting outside for almost 45 minutes. he didn’t even know if you were at the library today… he just had to wait and find out for himself. 
"do you have an umbrella?" he asks, breaking the silence. 
"what—"
"here." 
he cuts you off, pushing the umbrella toward you.
you blink, startled, as he places the handle firmly in your hand. your fingers wrap around it instinctively, the metal cool against your palm.
"jungkook—" you start, your voice faltering.
he shakes his head, stepping back into the rain without a word. the downpour hits him almost instantly, soaking through his hoodie as he shoves his hands into his pockets and starts walking away.
you stand there, the umbrella trembling in your grip, watching him go. the rain comes down harder, cascading off the awning above you, but you barely notice. your gaze stays locked on him—on the way his shoulders hunch against the storm, on the slow but steady steps that carry him farther and farther away.
something tightens in your chest. 
maybe it’s regret or maybe longing… but as his figure grows smaller and the storm swallows him—you feel it.
the warmth of his lingering presence and the chill of it all—
—of your favourite almost.
a few days later, jungkook finds his umbrella in his bedroom. 
he takes out his phone to send you a text, prepared to humiliate himself and to beg for a second of your attention. he’d trade all tonight’s focus for a moment of you.
just as he picks the umbrella up, he finds a note. 
___ told me to give it back to you. she says thanks (whore). ps: she said don’t text her. — taehyung
jungkook sighs. 
does he listen? 
obviously not. 
nerd [6:19PM]: don’t tell me what to do  nerd [6:20PM]: i hate this nerd [6:21PM]: u should’ve jus kept the umbrella. giving it back to taehyung and telling him to tell me not to text u is sick.  seen. nerd [6:22PM]: reply pls seen.  nerd [6:26PM]: fine. i’ll jus talk to myself  nerd [6:31PM]: i miss u sm i jerked off the other night thinking abt the way u slapped me  seen nerd [6:33PM]: come on, kitty  nerd [6:34PM]: promise to think abt me tn :(  nerd [6:35PM]: cos i’m gonna think abt u tn nerd [6:36PM]: ignore me if u want proof  typing…  nerd [6:37PM]: kitty? seen nerd [6:40PM]: fuck. nerd [6:41PM]: how do u get me so fucking hard thru text? maybe i jus miss u too much  nerd [6:42PM]: excited for my proof?  seen nerd [6:45PM]: ft?  seen nerd [6:46PM]: keep seenzoning me and i’ll cum typing... seen ___ has notifications silenced
but it's too late.
jungkook meant it.
he's sat on his gaming chair, cock heavy.
his phone is out with that group picture from the arcade (zoomed into you) as lewd thoughts of you fill his mind. jungkook runs his thumb across his tip, hissing at the way it feels over his slit. 
he flicks his wrists, gripping his dick with just enough pressure to grow the hardness. it’s already stiff and he can feel the need to cum—but he just can’t.
he can’t without thinking of you. 
so, his eyes flutter shut as his memories of you replay in his mind. 
from the way your lips winced when he ate you out—to the way that mini skirt looked on you that day. he thinks about the way you say his name; in any and every way. angry, teasingly, and desperately… he thinks about how pretty it sounds rolling off your tongue. 
how pretty you looked under him.
how good you smelt when he kissed your neck. 
how close you sat next to him—fingertips lingering... god, what he would do to be close to you again. 
jungkook thinks about the slap. 
how hard your palms hit his cheek and how angry you looked at him. despite the negativity surrounding the situation—he can’t help it. 
you looked so hot. 
it just… gets to him. 
before he knows it, his hand is covered in his sticky cum. 
he’s a loser—a nerd in your words. 
he always has been… and here he is; jerking himself off to the pretty girl he lost his chance with.
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the night is supposed to be nothing special. 
for jungkook, it’s just another event for his precious marine conservation club—a fundraiser, a schmooze-fest for potential investors, and a chance to hand out awards to appease the donors. sure, he’s getting an award, but it doesn’t feel like much.
the room buzzes with polite conversation and clinking glasses. jungkook adjusts his tie for the hundredth time, barely paying attention to the speeches and presentations. he stands off to the side with the other club members, blending into the background until his name is called.
“jeon jungkook, for outstanding contributions to marine conservation and innovation. mr. jeon has been working towards innovative chemical solutions for marine conservation, focusing on sustainable practices to protect endangered species like dolphins, and developing eco-friendly alternatives to reduce their environmental impact.”
the applause is polite but hearty.
jungkook steps onto the stage, the spotlight hitting him square in the face. as he accepts the plaque, his gaze instinctively sweeps over the audience—and then it stops.
you’re here.
sitting with the guys, casually chatting like you belong there, like you haven’t been avoiding him for a month and a half (at this point).
his heart trips over itself. 
he’s not even sure if it’s relief or panic or something else entirely, but it rattles him. he forces his attention back to the microphone, holding the plaque in his slightly sweaty hands.
“uh, thank you,” he begins, his voice steady enough, though his pulse is anything but. “our club’s mission has always been to protect and preserve marine life through education, community projects, and outreach. with this award…”
his eyes flick back to you. 
you’re laughing at something taehyung just said, your smile bright, your whole demeanor light and carefree.
“…we want to focus on…”
he falters, the words slipping from his mind as his gaze lingers on you.
“…we want to focus on… f-focus…”
a ripple of laughter spreads through the audience. someone whistles playfully. he blinks, startled back into the moment.
“…focus on sustainable practices and expanding our projects,” he finishes, clearing his throat as heat rises to his cheeks.
you’re laughing too, your head tilted slightly as you join the others. it should make him feel worse, but somehow, seeing you like that—smiling, present—grounds him.
he powers through the rest of the speech, keeping his gaze firmly away from where you’re sitting. when it’s over, he accepts the handshake from the host and makes his way offstage, barely registering the applause.
as soon as the ceremony ends, jungkook doesn’t even think. 
he weaves through the crowd, ignoring congratulatory pats on the back and comments from investors, his eyes scanning for you.
how did you know about tonight?
wait. 
shit.
he’s been texting you every day with random ass updates. of course you know. he’s yapped about it… but why? why did you come? don’t you hate his guts?
you're here so... maybe you don't hate him as much as he has convinced himself you do.
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jungkook finds you near the back with the friend group, holding a glass of champagne and listening to hoseok animatedly retell a story.
“congratulations,” you say lightly, lifting your glass in a mock toast. your words are casual, but there's an edge to them, a distance you've kept between the two of you for far too long.
his chest tightens at the awkwardness of your tone, but he nods, his hands slipping into his pockets. the space between you feels impossibly wide now, though only a few feet separate you.
“thanks,” he says, his voice quieter than he intended. “... thanks for coming.”
his gaze flickers to yours for a second before dropping to the floor, and he shifts, a little uncertain, taking a half-step closer.
hesitantly, you inch back. 
his presence is suddenly overwhelming, more than you’re ready for.
“yeah… of course,” you murmur, unsure how to navigate the new dynamic between you two. the tension is thick, but there's something else there too. an unspoken history. “what are friends for, you know?”
he hates that. 
friends. 
yeah fucking right.
jungkook tries to break the tension.
he takes a risk.
he takes a small step forward, hoping you don’t move. this is the closest he’s gotten to you in over a month—he needs this. it’s like euphoria in his veins—being with you again.
he needs this.
“how have you been?” he asks, the question coming out softer than he anticipated. jungkook scratches the back of his neck and continues. “a-are you coming to the afterparty?”
your lips part, a pause hanging between you.
you don’t want to admit how much you’ve missed this. how much you’ve missed him.
but the words slip out, more natural than you expect.
“yeah,” you say, giving him a brief but warm look. “i’ll be there.”
for a moment, your eyes lock, and something shifts. 
it’s like you’ve both forgotten all the walls, the space between you collapsing. he can feel his heart rate quicken, like his knees might give out, but he forces himself to stay grounded, to act nonchalant.
“cool,” he says, trying to brush off the sudden rush of emotions. “i’ll.. i’ll be there too.” he smiles, but it’s the kind of smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes—not yet, anyway.
“i sure hope so,” you laugh. “it’s your party, nerd.”
nerd. 
holy shit. 
never has he ever felt so relieved to hear you call him that. 
as he’s about to say more, taehyung appears out of nowhere, slapping his arm and giving him a congratulatory squeeze. 
“hey, man, nice speech. well deserved,” taehyung says, grinning like an idiot. “what did you want to focus on, again?”
you laugh while jungkook rolls his eyes. he shoves taehyung playfully. 
suddenly, you can’t help but feel the awkwardness settle back in, like something’s shifted again. you feel a pang in your chest as you turn toward the other people nearby, the ones you've been socializing with before jungkook showed up. the buzz of the conversation pulls you away, and you focus on the group, hoping to escape the overwhelming emotions that jungkook’s presence stirs.
jungkook watches you go, his eyes lingering as you slip away from the conversation. 
he can’t help it. 
you’re in his head again.
he looks over at taehyung, catching his eye. 
“hyung, is she coming to the dinner before the afterparty?” he asks, trying to sound casual. his voice betrays him, cracking with just the faintest hint of hope.
taehyung raises an eyebrow, taking a sip of his drink. 
“yeah. excited?”
“no.”
taehyung scoffs. “say that again but take away the lying.”
“fuck off.”
“___’s a good friend, man,” taehyung chuckles, redirecting the conversation. “you’re lucky. you just might be back in her good graces.”
jungkook’s heart skips a beat. 
“really?” he asks, trying not to sound too eager.
taehyung grins, leaning in a little. 
“yeah, but... she’s bringing her little boyfriend with her.”
you’re doing what?
jungkook feels the need to rub his eyes or something.
was taehyung shitting on him? boyfriend? when did this happen? no fucking way. 
jungkook refuses to believe it. 
… yet, the words hit jungkook like a punch to the gut. his breath catches, and his stomach tightens. 
"what?" his voice is barely a whisper, the weight of it settling in. 
"she didn't tell you?"
"we haven't been talking."
"rightfully so."
fuck. 
no. 
he doesn’t want to believe it, but the hurt is already seeping through.
taehyung shrugs, oblivious to the internal storm brewing in jungkook. 
“shit, well... yeah, she’s been seeing him for a while. dunno if they’re officially together, but… guess she’s really moving on. good for her, right? i mean, now you can really focus on just being her friend.”
the air stills. 
the reality of it all comes crashing down. jungkook’s heart sinks, his chest tightening in that all-too-familiar ache. 
that's why you’ve been busy... 
you’ve been moving on.
his fingers curl into fists, the anger bubbling up before he can suppress it. but he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t let his emotions spill out in front of taehyung, even though every part of him is screaming. 
“yeah,” he forces a smile. “i guess.”
as the night goes on, jungkook can’t shake the feeling that he’s lost something he can’t get back. something that’s slipping further away with every step you take, every laugh you share with someone else. and no matter how much he wants to fight for it, he’s afraid it’s already too late.
jungkook doesn’t want to go to dinner anymore.
he has no appetite.
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jungkook is already at the dinner when you arrive. 
his mood is off, grumpy but with an undercurrent of sadness that he can’t quite shake. he’s forcing a smile when people congratulate him for the award, but it’s clear it’s not reaching his eyes. the night’s just been a blur of congratulations and polite smiles, but all he can think about who will walk in with you. 
does he know him?
is he gonna be some super cool prince charming?
does he know that jungkook was eating you out just a month ago? 
all valid questions…
however, you arrive a little late, and immediately his gaze searches for you in the crowd. when he sees you, his heart lurches. he spots you talking to someone, and the knot in his stomach tightens.
you make your way to the table, your eyes scanning it before you stop. for a moment, you aren’t sure where to sit. usually, you sit next to jungkook… but the spot is occupied by jimin. 
not by choice.
jungkook had saved the spot for you… you just came too late and he didn’t have it in him to tell jimin to move. but, jimin catches the milli-second exchanged look you have with jungkook and immediately shifts. 
“oh,” jimin begins. “shit, i forgot… didn’t know you were gonna show up so late—”
you chuckle, shaking your head. “it’s fine we’re gonna sit on the other side! by the way,” you pause and push the guy you came with forward. “this is do-hwan. he’s a biochem major and we have a few electives together… um, what else?” 
biochem?
serisouly?
do you have a thing for nerds or something? bro doesn't even look the part. he should be majoring in physics or something even more lame.
jungkook's thoughts cut short when he hears you giggling.
“hi,” do-hwan says with a grins at everyone. then, he turns and extends his hand to jungkook. “jungkook? shit, man. congrats on the award.”
he chuckles, giving jungkook a playful look. “organic chem, huh? i guess someone has to study the pretty side of chemistry.” 
what the fuck does that mean?
jungkook’s ears turn red. 
“yeah,” he grumbles under his breath. “nice to meet you too.”
with that, you and do-hwan make your way to the other side of the table. jungkook watches, his gaze hardening as you take a seat beside him.
he’s trying his best to stay calm and to not show it—not show how absolutely fucking mad this entire thing is.
this is ridiculous! 
his chest tightens painfully at the sight of you sitting with him. his fingers curl into his glass as he watches you laugh and chat with others, inserting do-hwan like you’re some proud girlfriend. 
you've probably known do-hwan like 10 seconds.
and jungkook can’t help it! every word you exchange with do-hwan makes him feel like he’s being crushed from the inside out. 
he’s trying to focus on the conversation happening around him, but his mind keeps wandering, drifting to you.
he watches as you lean in to talk to do-hwan, the way your eyes light up when you laugh at something he says. it’s the same laugh, the same warmth in your smile, but somehow it feels so much farther away from him now—like a memory that he’s trying to hold onto but can’t quite grasp.
he forces himself to look at the group again, but his gaze keeps slipping back to you. every word you exchange with do-hwan makes his chest tighten.
it's like he’s suffocating, and he can’t tear his eyes away. the way he moves so casually, his hand brushing against yours as he reaches for his drink. 
it’s too much.
it’s too familiar.
and then, as you turn your head to respond to someone else, he sees it.
just a flash of it—right there on your neck. 
a small hickey, barely visible, but it might as well be a brand. his heart stops for a beat. the sight burns in his chest, and before he can stop himself, his breath catches in his throat.
his stomach churns violently, a rush of heat flooding his veins. everything feels like it’s collapsing inward. the noise around him fades, and all he can hear is the pounding of his own heartbeat. the world shrinks, and the weight of the jealousy hits him like a truck.
he can’t stay here. 
not like this. 
not with this tightness in his chest, not with the ache in his stomach. the room feels like it’s closing in on him, and he knows—he knows he has to get out.
without a word, he stands abruptly, pushing his chair back. his heart races as he excuses himself from the table, slipping away into the hallway outside the main dining area.
the rest of the table doesn’t seem to notice his sudden departure, but your friends quickly start murmuring, and one of them nudges you. 
"you should probably go check on him," taehyung says, giving you an almost knowing look. “i told you not to bring him.”
you hesitate for a second, then stand, glancing at do-hwan.
“it’s not do-hwan's fault.”
taehyung rolls his eyes at you. 
“you’re playing it kinda mean tonight though,” he tells you. “jungkook’s been miserable. sure he deserves to be dragged through mud for whatever happened and for whatever he said, but this? on his night? i don’t know ___…”
you gulp.
maybe taehyung is right.
but you didn’t intend for it to be like this. you genuinely brought a friend you’ve been spending time with! and, sure… yeah. you’ve been kissing him for a few weeks now, but so what? jungkook has probably been fucking every student he’s been tutoring so why the fuck does this matter?
“___…” taehyung urges you. 
“yeah, yeah… i’m going.” 
you wave taehyung off as you get up from your seat. you excuse yourself and let do-hwan know you’ll be right back.
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you find jungkook outside. 
he stands with his back pressed against the cool metal of his car, arms crossed loosely over his chest. you notice that his posture is stiff... like he’s trying to keep himself grounded, but his shoulders still carry the weight of what he’s just seen.
his jaw clenches every so often, like he’s holding something back, but when his muscles tense, it’s almost as if the anger or hurt inside him is too much to contain.
as you walk towards him and he notices you. he runs a hand through his hair, tugging at the ends, clearly agitated. he lets out a slow, shaky breath, his eyes cast down toward the ground as if trying to collect his thoughts. he shakes his head slightly, as if to shake off the frustration that has settled in his chest, but it doesn’t seem to help. 
then, he looks up at the sky, his gaze distant, unfocused, lost in the swirl of thoughts that seem to chase him in circles. his arms drop to his sides for a moment, his fingers flexing and unflexing like he’s trying to release the tension that has built up in his body.
after a long pause, he lets out a frustrated sigh, raking his hand through his hair again, this time pushing it back as he exhales sharply.
his whole stance is restless.
it’s like he can’t quite settle his thoughts or his body, caught between what he feels and the reality of what’s happening. 
he’s trapped in his own head, unable to escape the weight of the situation.
by now, you’re next to him.
are you here to set him free?
“so… have the dolphins ever thanked you for your hard work?” you ask, trying to break both the silence and tension with your light tone. “you do so much for them… ungrateful little brats—you know they’re psychos right? they bully—”
he doesn’t turn around. 
“what’s on your neck?” he asks. “did your boyfriend do that?”
your chest hurts at his words. “he’s not... he’s not my boyfriend.” you swallow, trying to keep your voice steady. “he’s just a friend.”
there’s a long pause, and when he finally turns to face you, his eyes are a mixture of frustration and hurt. 
“the same kind of friend i am to you?”
he’s trying to sound nonchalant, but there’s a tremor in his voice.
you shake your head, not knowing how to explain, not knowing how to make him understand.
“you know what? i didn’t come here to make you feel like this…” your voice cracks slightly. “i didn’t... i don’t want to hurt you. i didn’t want to come.”
he scoffs bitterly.
“maybe you shouldn’t have.”
his words sting, but you can’t back down. 
“what do you want me to do?” you ask, frustrated. “if i didn’t show up, you’d be upset and blow up my phone. now that i’m here, you’re still upset—”
“and this is how you chose to show up?” jungkook raises his voice, turning to you. he steps forward, towering over you. he brings his hands to your hair, pushing it back and leaning in to look at your hickey properly. 
he squints. 
“are you proud of this?” he hisses. “fucking bug bite bullshit.”
“stop—” you snap, cutting him off now. “don’t—”
“okay. sorry, fuck..."
a beat.
"___, i miss you,” he breathes. “i just… shit. can you stay still for a second?”
there’s a long silence between you two, the air thick with things unsaid. jungkook looks like he’s about to say something, but his mouth closes, his frustration evident in the way he grits his teeth. 
instead, he just breathes you in. 
for the first time in a month and a half; jungkook can breathe.
then, he steps away and sighs. 
“think i’m gonna head home first. i… i need some space or something,” jungkook tells you. “let them know for me?”
“y-yeah. sure.”
“okay,” jungkook nods. “i’ll see you later.”
“see you.”
for the first time in a while, jungkook offers you a smile and you return it. 
short and sweet—he takes it. 
he leaves and thinks about it the entire drive home.
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when you arrive at the party, you’re still reeling from the brief exchange with jungkook. 
your thoughts are completely a tangled mess. 
from the words he didn’t say to the way his eyes held that edge of something unspoken—it all lingers in your mind like an unsolved puzzle. you thought you had it all figured out…
that you could be fine.
that you could move on—but now, after that moment, you’re not so sure anymore. 
your heart races in a way that you can’t explain. why does it feel like you’re standing on the edge of something—something big, something scary—and yet, you're not sure if you want to fall or pull back?
your mind keeps returning to the way he looked at you, like he was caught between wanting to say everything and nothing at all. it’s not a feeling you can shake off easily.
it’s heavier than you thought it would be.
at the party, you try your best to focus on the people around you. do-hwan is by your side, chatting casually with a few people, most of them strangers to you. some faces are familiar—people from jungkook’s marine conservation club, and others... just people. 
you make your rounds, greeting them politely, exchanging pleasantries, but your thoughts are still drifting back to him. to jungkook. the air is thick with anticipation, and no matter how much you try to focus on the conversations happening around you, your mind keeps wandering.
and then, there he is.
jungkook is standing by the drink table, his posture relaxed but not at ease. 
his gaze flicks to you for a moment, a brief flicker of something—maybe surprise, maybe something more—before he meets your eyes. there’s a tense, palpable moment of silence.
he’s holding a red cup in one hand, his fingers wrapped loosely around it. his other hand rests in his pocket, but his stance is still too rigid... too guarded.
it’s like he’s waiting for something to happen, for you to do something.
he doesn’t smile. 
he just nods at you. 
a small, deliberate movement that somehow feels too formal, too distant.
no words.
just acknowledgment.
you feel the knot tighten in your stomach, the nervous energy in your chest quickening. it’s the simplest thing, but it feels loaded with so much more.
you can’t look away. 
something inside you is aching to go over, to close the space between you, to ask if everything’s okay, to say something—but you're frozen. the tension in the air between you is thick enough to suffocate.
you swallow hard, trying to calm the unease building in your chest, but it's no use.
the silence stretches out, heavy and thick, as you stand there, caught between the desire to run or to take a step closer, not sure if you're brave enough for either.
you take a step back, trying to break eye contact, when suddenly, someone bumps into you from behind. you stumble forward, your feet catching on the edge of a rug, and you let out a startled breath as you lose your balance.
before you can fully fall, a strong hand grips your wrist, pulling you back against something solid. your breath catches as you feel the warmth of someone’s body close to you.
it’s jungkook.
without a word, his other hand slides around your waist, steadying you, his fingers briefly pressing against the fabric of your shirt. the contact is brief but grounding, like the world, slows for a moment, just the two of you, suspended in time.
he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t offer the usual reassuring words. 
his grip is firm, and steady, but he doesn’t linger. as quickly as it happens, he pulls away, his hand leaving your waist just as the tension between you starts to build.
you open your mouth to say something, maybe a thank you, but before the words leave your lips, he’s already moving away, stepping back with that familiar, unreadable expression.
you stand there. 
you’re frozen for a beat longer than necessary. your chest tight as you try to catch your breath… his sudden departure stings more than you care to admit. there’s no time for you to process what just happened, what that touch meant—or didn't mean—before he vanishes back into the crowd.
fuck.
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the night only gets louder as more people flood into the house. 
the music thrums through the walls, bass-heavy and relentless, blending with the clatter of cups and the hum of overlapping conversations.
you weave through the crowd, the heat of so many bodies pressed together almost suffocating. your heart races—not from the chaos around you but from the weight of the unspoken tension that’s followed you since you walked in.
you couldn’t bring yourself to drink, though do-hwan had handed you a cup earlier. 
it’s long forgotten somewhere, left behind on a table. you’re too afraid of what a single drink might loosen in you—afraid of saying or doing something you’re not ready for.
you don’t want to make worse what already feels so broken.
“hey.” do-hwan’s voice cuts through the noise, his hand resting lightly on your arm. he pulls you aside to a quieter corner of the room, away from the crush of people. “you okay?”
you nod, a small, uncertain smile tugging at your lips. “yeah. just... a little overwhelmed, i guess.”
he watches you closely, his expression softening as if he’s trying to read between the lines. “you sure? you’ve been kind of quiet tonight.”
“i’m fine, really.”
“you don’t have to be,” he says, and it’s the way he says it—gentle, almost understanding—that makes you crack a real smile. “pretty sure jungkook hates me. pretty sure he’s killed me 10 times in his head in the past hour or so… and he knows all the organic chem shit to make it a really clean murder, you know? “
you let out a weak laugh, but it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. 
he grins at the sight, his confidence blooming as he leans in closer, his shoulder brushing against yours. 
“there it is,” he says playfully. “i was starting to think you didn’t know how to smile anymore.”
you laugh softly despite yourself, and his grin widens. 
do-hwan then dips his head lower as he talks, his voice dropping slightly, as if the two of you are sharing a secret. it’s intimate in a way that makes your cheeks flush, his proximity unnerving. his eyes flick to yours, and he leans in just a little more.
across the room, jungkook sees everything. 
is it hot in here?
because fuck, he’s burning up.
actually, the entire house is on fire in his mind. 
he’s been watching you for most of the night, though he pretends not to be.
the way do-hwan hovers near you, the way you laugh at something he says—it feels like a punch to the chest. every small interaction between you two is a reminder of what he’s lost, of what he could’ve had if he’d been braver, better.
his grip on his cup tightens, his knuckles white against the red plastic. he can’t hear what you’re saying, but he doesn’t need to. the way do-hwan leans closer, the way his hand brushes your arm—it’s enough to make jealousy coil hot and bitter in jungkook’s stomach. it burns through him, unbearable, as he watches do-hwan dip his head lower, his lips so close to yours.
and then something inside him snaps.
fuck it. 
before he knows it, he’s moving through the crowd, his feet carrying him faster than his mind can keep up. his hand reaches out, fingers wrapping firmly around your wrist just as do-hwan’s face nears yours. you barely have time to process the sudden motion before you’re being yanked back, stumbling slightly into jungkook’s chest.
“what the hell?” do-hwan says, his tone sharp, but jungkook doesn’t even look at him. his focus is entirely on you, his jaw tight and eyes dark with something unreadable.
your breath catches, your heart hammering in your chest as you look up at him, startled. 
“jungkook—”
he doesn’t let you finish. 
his hand wraps firmly around your wrist, and before you can process what’s happening, he’s pulling you away. his grip is steady but not rough, a silent insistence that leaves no room for argument.
“jungkook, wait—” you try again, glancing back at do-hwan, whose confused expression barely registers in the rush of your heartbeat.
jungkook doesn’t look back, his jaw tight and his steps purposeful as he weaves through the crowd, his hand never leaving yours. the air around you feels heavy, the muffled music and chatter blurring into white noise as he leads you up the stairs.
your pulse thrums in your ears as he pushes open a door and pulls you inside, closing it behind you with a quiet but final click. the sudden silence of the room contrasts sharply with the chaos outside, and for a moment, you can only stare at him, your chest rising and falling as you catch your breath.
he finally lets go of your wrist, his hand lingering for a split second longer than necessary before he steps back. his gaze is dark, unreadable, but the tension radiating off him is palpable. the weight of the moment presses down on you, thick and suffocating, as you wait for him to speak.
a moment passes.
then, another.
and another.
and another.
and then—
“dump him.” 
you clearly your throat.
“can’t dump him. he’s not my boyfriend—“
“you and your fucking situationships.”
you gulp.
you hate the way he says it.
situationship… fuck him.
the room feels smaller than it is, the air thick with the weight of the moment. jungkook’s jaw ticks as he stares at you, the sharpness in his voice cutting through the silence.
“you’re… fucking with me, right?” he spits out, his tone teetering between disbelief and frustration. “you can’t be fucking real right now. you were just—”
“i was just what?” you snap, your glare matching his. “no fair, jungkook. i got to hear you fuck some girl, but you don’t want to watch me kiss—”
“did i ask you to?” he cuts in, his voice rising.
“no,” you huff, crossing your arms. “but what are you asking from me right now? huh? jungkook… i don’t understand you—”
“what do you think i’m asking?” his voice lowers, but the intensity behind it doesn’t waver. he steps closer, his presence almost suffocating. “you’re always trying to act like this doesn’t matter. like i don’t matter.”
“maybe it doesn’t,” you challenge, even though the words taste bitter on your tongue.
jungkook laughs, but it’s humorless, sharp. 
“yeah, sure. that’s why you still give a fuck about me fucking—”
you snap. “don’t tell me her name.”
“what?” jungkook grumbles. “is that it? you get to parade around, yelling his fucking name and announcing it to the entire fucking world but i don’t get to tell you about the girl that came onto me for months? do-hwan biochem this, do-hwan that—do-hwan kiss me! is that it?"
"jungkook—"
"fuck, ___... listen to me, okay? let me tell you what i've been rehearsing for the past month and a half.... the girl i declined over and over again and fucked a total of 3 times because i was thinking with my dick is done. okay? if you’re trying to tell me that i fucked up—fine. yeah. i fucked up. but i meant it when i said it’s not what it looked like. ___, it wasn't like that. she spread shit about me being a good tutor and twisted it. how the fuck do you think i feel about myself? how the fuck do you think i feel about you seeing it differently—seeing me differently?”
your throat tightens, and you look away, desperate for a moment to compose yourself. 
“jungkook—”
“tell me how to fix it,” he cries, his frustration spilling over. “tell me what you want, because i’ll do it. i’ll stop tutoring if that’s what you want. fuck, i already did to be honest with you.”
you glance up at him, startled.
“why? that’s not going to change anything.”
“but i have to try…” his voice cracks, and he runs a hand through his hair, his exasperation evident. “i’ll give up anything—whatever it takes. just tell me what you need, and i’ll do it. want me to stop wearing ugly ass shirts? fine. want me to stop saving the dolphins you hate so much—”
“i don’t hate dolphins—”
“you’re scared of them.”
your eyes soften. 
“how’d you know—”
“it’s obvious,” jungkook breathes. “the same way it’s obvious you’re scared of this.”
this...
what even is this?
the silence that follows is deafening. you don’t say anything, and the tension between you stretches taut, threatening to snap. his chest rises and falls heavily, his eyes searching yours, desperate for something you’re not sure you can give him.
he takes another step closer, his proximity making it impossible to think straight.
“say something,” he pleads, his voice barely above a whisper now.
but you can’t.
you don’t trust your voice, don’t trust yourself not to break under the weight of it all. so you stay quiet, the space between you charged with everything unsaid.
the weight of unsaid words and unresolved feelings pressing down on both of you. you take a step back, trying to create some space to breathe, but jungkook mirrors you, closing the distance effortlessly.
then, you look around his room for some kind of break… but it backfires as your eyes meet a plushie, laying on his bed.
hello kitty.
“what’s that?” you ask a little shyly.
jungkook turns his head, feeling a little embarrassed at what you’ve seen.
“what do you think it is?” jungkook asks gently. "___... i... i can't do it. i'm sorry, i can't..."
"can't what?"
"i can't want you," he confesses. "i can't want you when i need you that bad."
he points at the plushie and sighs. "fuck, do you know how stupid that fucking claw machine made me feel? i spent like 1 or 2—"
"hours?" your eyes widen.
he shakes his head. "hundred."
hundred.
you stay silent.
"i'm sorry, ___... for everything. i'm a shithead. i'm mean and inconsiderate. i'm a waste of time—i know... but i want you to know that... everything about my life feels so weird without you in it. the past month and half has been absolute hell. it's like... if you're not around, all i do is think about you and it fucks with me. i wonder what you're eating, who you're with, and what you're going to do next... i get excited when you seenzone me. i feel like i can finally breathe when you're near. i don't know what you did and what fucking pavlov doggy shit experiment you did on me—but fuck. woof woof. whatever you want, ___. seriously."
then, you do what you fear.
you give in.
“how am i supposed to trust you,” you start, your voice shaky but firm, “when you’re not even a good friend? you’re always so mean to me, jungkook. think about it… when have we ever been good friends?”
he scoffs, the corner of his mouth twisting into a bitter smile. 
“maybe it’s because i don’t want to be your friend.”
the words hit you like a slap, your breath catching in your throat. 
“what if i want you to be?” 
his eyes search yours, as if trying to figure out if you’re serious. 
“really?” he asks, his voice dropping lower, softer.
“really.”
his gaze flickers down to your lips, then back to your eyes, and his voice drops even lower, a dangerous edge creeping into it. 
you can feel it… you can feel it about to happen. 
“even when i’m about to do this?”
before you can process his words, his hand moves to your waist, fingers curling around you in a way that sends a shiver down your spine. he pulls you closer, the heat of his touch searing through the fabric of your clothes.
his lips find yours in a kiss that’s as sudden as it is inevitable. 
it’s not gentle—it’s firm, deliberate, and entirely consuming. his other hand comes up to cradle your jaw, tilting your head just enough to deepen the kiss. your hands instinctively reach for his shoulders, gripping him as if to steady yourself against the storm he’s unleashing.
when he finally pulls back, his forehead rests against yours, both of you breathing hard. the air between you feels different now—heavier, laden with something you can’t quite name but can’t deny.
when jungkook finally pulls away, the world feels quieter, as though it’s holding its breath. his hand slides up, brushing a loose strand of hair from your face, and he looks at you softly, his dark eyes searching yours. the tender gesture sends a fresh wave of confusion—and longing—coursing through you.
“bad friend,” you scold him in a whisper.
his lips twitch, a soft laugh escaping him as his thumb grazes your cheek.
“don’t do that,” he says, his voice low, almost pleading. 
you raise a brow at him. "do what?"
"don’t friendzone me.”
“why not?” 
“i just kissed you.”
“so?”
“so?” he mimics, his tone teasing, but there’s a sharpness in his voice that makes you squirm. his arms tighten around your waist, pulling you impossibly closer. 
“kitty,” he murmurs, his voice dropping to a rough whisper, “i’m gonna be impossible to get rid of now."
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p0orbaby · 3 days ago
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sick lessi fic 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️ clingy gf
taking care of that cutie
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Alessia is splayed across your sofa like an artist’s rendering of human misery. Her hoodie—an oversized navy monstrosity with a faint Arsenal logo she swore she didn’t steal from Leah—clings to her like damp moss. The grey sweatpants are worse. They’re not hers, nor are they yours. They came from the pile of clothes you were supposed to donate three years ago but never did because you thought you might need them someday. This is the day. You resent the foresight.
She’s been coughing sporadically for the past fifteen minutes, which is to say, coughing exactly every 47 seconds. You know because you’ve been counting. Alessia calls it “a tickly throat.” You call it self-inflicted.
“Stop licking your lips. You’ll make them worse,” you say, watching her smear yet another layer of cherry ChapStick over the crime scene that is her mouth.
“I have to,” she whines, drawing out the words like a five-year-old begging for a toy. Her voice is raw, a strange mix of gravel and helium.
“You don’t. You really, really don’t”
She ignores you, opting instead to roll onto her stomach in a manner that could only be described as unnecessarily dramatic. Her head flops onto the throw pillow you bought at a John Lewis clearance sale. The tag is still attached.
“I think I’m dying,” she declares, muffled by the pillow.
“You’re not dying, Less. You’ve got a runny nose and a bad attitude” you deadpan, sitting cross-legged on the rug in front of her, a bowl of soup balanced precariously on your knee. It’s the tin stuff—Heinz, chicken, condensed. She hates it. It’s why you made it.
“It’s the flu,” she says. “I Googled it”
“You can’t even spell ‘flu’ properly when you text”
“That’s because I was using my thumbs.”
“You always use your thumbs.”
“Rude.” She huffs, tugging the blanket tighter around her. It’s your favourite one, the soft grey one you bought when you first moved in together. Now it smells faintly of menthol rub and despair.
“You know, my mum used to make me this lemon and ginger tea with honey when I was sick,” she says suddenly, wistful, like she’s narrating a nature documentary.
“I’m not your mum”
“She also used to rub Vicks on my chest,” she continues, undeterred.
“Still not your mum”
There’s a pause, her blue eyes narrowing at you. “You’re actually a terrible girlfriend”
“Debatable”
She sneezes. A full-body event. You flinch, watching in real-time as her face contorts, her nose scrunching, her eyes shutting like a malfunctioning robot. The sound is seismic. You wonder if the neighbours heard it.
“Bless me,” she says automatically.
“No”
She sniffles pathetically, then gestures weakly towards the coffee table. “Can you hand me a tissue?”
You glance at the tissue box—one metre away from her outstretched hand. “No. Work for it”
Her lips twitch, the faintest flicker of a smile, but it vanishes as she rolls onto her side. “Why are you like this?”
You shrug, finishing the last spoonful of her soup. It’s cold now, congealed in a way that makes you feel vaguely ill. You wonder if this is what marriage will look like—fighting over tissues, stealing each other’s soup, and coexisting in a quiet ballet of passive-aggressive care.
As you scrape the bowl clean, Alessia shifts again, her head now hanging off the side of the sofa like some deranged bat.
“You’re so lucky I love you”
I know,” you reply, leaning over to press a kiss to her forehead. She’s warm—not feverish, just Alessia warm.
For a moment, there’s quiet. She shifts again, her head now resting on the arm of the sofa, her eyes fluttering shut. You stand to pull the blanket up higher around her shoulders and tuck it in gently.
And just before you leave the room, she murmurs, soft and sleepy, “Love you”
You smile to yourself, the words lingering in the air like a balm. “Love you too, Less”
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takumiraine · 2 days ago
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Once Upon A Time chapter 4
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Danny should avoid him, because of his father. Danny should just brush him off and let him drown. Danny should keep his distance from anyone and everyone, but especially him.
Danny was never the best at doing what he should do, and worse, he was hungry.
—-
The cafe on campus was quaint, filled with light chatter and Jason was hating every second of it. Danny showed up just as he said he would, which meant he met Jason there, the man having already taken a back corner table for them. Danny walked up and set his books down. Jason had to wonder, did the kid not have a backpack?
“Any idea what you want?” Jason asked instead, standing. Danny looked over to the menu, eyes skimming it over.
“Uh… burger and fries okay?” Danny seemed uncomfortable. Jason would feel bad if it didn’t put him at the tactical advantage.
Jason nodded at his request. “The works?”
“Please.” Danny bit his lip and Jason waited, while he worked up the nerve for something, “and a coffee? Black?” Was that it? Jason almost rolled his eyes.
“Sure thing.” Jason went off to place the order and leave a hefty tip, because one, he wanted someone to bring it out and two he wasn’t that kind of asshole. He came back and sat on the chair he had been occupying, back to the corner, and resisted the urge to spread out.
Jason the Red Hood man-spreaded, Jason Todd-Wayne did not.
So he sat. And he rested his forearms on the table. “You do not need to look so nervous Danny.” Jason tried for the patented Wayne smile, certain he was coming up short.
“Huh…?” Danny turned to look at him, “oh, sorry. Long day.” The young man raked his fingers through his hair, pushing it away from his face. Jason knew it was a lie, but it seemed a familiar one. Danny tried to position himself so he could have the most visibility while drawing the least attention to himself. The position of a man hunted or used to being ambushed.
Danny refocused his attention after a moment, and looked at Jason, tilting his head slightly. “I hope it wasn’t a drain on your day to wait for me.” Jason waved his hand in response, the perfect practiced rich-bitch wave he hated.
“Nah, my friend works in the library on days when she doesn’t have class. I bothered her.” Danny seemed to relax a bit at the words.
“Oh good. I know I’m like… doing this for you, but…”
Jason cut him off there, turning the train of thought. “Speaking of, have you thought about what you want to be paid?”
“Oh… uh… not really. Most campus jobs make minimum wage right? Is that cool?” Jason wanted to throw Tim at this guy to teach him business sense in negotiation. If he really was 19, what had happened his whole life to make him feel like he needed to be invisible, while also walking away with a literal knife to the stomach and show up to class the next day?
“Most campus jobs do make minimum wage,” Jason agreed, “but nobody in my family is in the habit of paying just that. Just because I think my father is…. Well, words not fit for the polite company he insists I keep, doesn’t mean I’m going to stiff someone out of a well earned wage just to spite him. Twenty an hour is the lowest I’ll go.” He grinned now, all teeth, and something in him got a sick little thrill at watching Danny go even paler at the amount of money.
“Are you sure?” Danny asked, as their food and drinks were brought to them on a brown plastic tray.
“Say yes Dan. It’s a good deal.” Jason offered his hand to shake over the food.
Danny looked like he was offering his soul to the devil as Jason heard the man’s stomach rumble. “Okay. Yes.” Danny took his hand, and while the hand was ice cold, Danny shook with a surprisingly firm grip. Maybe the kid had a spine after all.
“Good. Now dig in,” Jason said after they parted. He picked up a fry off of his own plate and bit it, watching Danny with a sort of idle curiosity, as the boy - no, young man, went about his food with a carefully controlled gusto. Jason couldn’t help but wonder when the last time Danny ate was. He made a mental note to have Oracle check where he lived so he could do some recon later.
By the time dinner was finished, Danny seemed much more alive. His skin seemed to have better color, his eyes seemed more bright, and his energy was up. The kid was definitely going hungry if those changes were so immediate. Since Danny was scrawny, he assumed it wasn’t a new problem.
“So what makes math so difficult for you?” He asked, wiping his mouth and tilting his head. The question was blunt, but there was no open malice behind those bright blue eyes. The same kind of blue as his own when he wasn’t pit mad.
Jason shrugged. “Not really sure. It’s always been my weakest subject.” Not a lie. “Beyond money, my brain doesn’t seem to care.” Half a lie, but plays into the rags to rich bitch stereotype.
“I get that. I told you about me and literature right? For me it seems like there’s poetry in the way the math just… works.” Danny paused then, skin flushing red. “Sorry, that was…. Really stupid.”
In another life, Jason would have really liked this kid he thinks.
“No, not at all. Whoever told you your insights weren’t good obviously never stopped to listen to you.” Was he flirting? Should he be flirting? He flirted to maintain a cover or gain intel all the time. That’s all this was.
He almost missed the way Danny’s skin flushed deeper, from his ears down his neck. Almost.
“Well…. You’re in the minority then.” It came out a little bitter. He watched Danny take a breath and “Anyways.” Danny waved a hand, banishing the thought and something serious took over his expression instead. “I’m not going to take it easy on you just because you’re paying me. I expect you to put in the work too.”
Jason was right, the guy did have a spine. “Sure thing.” He waved his hand and stood, grabbing his bag and the tray. Danny stood and grabbed his books too. “Library?”
“Library.” Danny agreed.
Over the next week Jason was “surprised” to find out that they had three classes together. Math, Lit and Comp and History. All three remedial, and really the only one that Danny seemed borderline to deserve was the Introduction to Literature and Composition course. What he was genuinely surprised to find was that he enjoyed spending the combined nine hours of classes a week with the kid. Although in ‘basic mathematic principles’ Danny was quiet and allowed Jason to focus so they could work on their tutoring more effectively, in their history and English classes Danny was witty and sarcastic. A second thing he had noticed was that now that the tutoring sessions were happening, an hour, sometimes more, after every class, to make sure he ‘got it’, Danny was almost always eating.
Jason had learned that Danny’s ‘big life goal’ was a roof over his head, where his friends and family could visit or stay as they liked and room to tinker. A job that let him help people.
It was that information that made Jason fully convinced that even though he hated the Justice League with a viciousness that most rogues would balk at, for reasons he had yet to disclose, Danny was not really likely to become a rogue unless something big happened.
He should stop the college charade now. It was no longer needed for recon, and the other birds were starting to get suspicious. Bruce was looking at him differently too now. Something like how he used to.
A pen tapped on his notebook and Jason brought his attention back. Danny didn’t say anything, or even look at him, he was too busy sketching what looked like a circuit board in a secondary notebook. Jason quickly wrote down the notes before the slide changed, not looking forward to a disappointed look from his tutor.
Surprisingly, he ran into Danny as Red Hood once more that week. He was doing surveillance on a rooftop, when a sound caught his attention from the fire escape. Jason dipped back into the shadows and around the concrete and brick entrance from inside the building as a familiar mass of unruly black hair appeared and Danny hauled himself up with a surprising amount of finesse for someone who didn’t look muscular in the slightest.
“Damn it. Where’d you go guy? I thought I saw you land here.” Danny grumbled to himself, hands on his hips as he looked around “stupid not a bat disappearing just like the real ones…” While Jason was certain that he wasn’t meant to hear that, he finished his route and appeared almost behind Danny.
“What do you need?” He asked, thankful for the voice modulator as he knew Danny would have recognized his voice by now even if muffled by a helmet.
As it was, Danny startled with a yelp, swinging around and aiming a punch right for his solar plexus. Jason caught his wrist with practiced ease. “Fuck! Don’t scare a guy like that!” Danny yanked his arm back in a way that was meant to break unpracticed holds. Clever.
Jason waited while the kid caught his breath. “Well?”
“What? Oh. Uh. The guy. That…” Danny mimed the stabbing. “Is he okay?”
“Checked himself into the hospital about two hours later. He’s fine.” Oracle’s voice sounded in his ear. He nodded.
“Good, good…” Danny pushed his hair out of his eyes again, looking up at Jason through his helmet. Jason was hit with the disconcerting thought that somehow Danny was seeing through the bullet resistant one way visor. “Um… do you need the knife back? Or…. Should I….keep….it….? Or dump it? What’s…. I don’t know the protocol here, but I think ‘hey officer I was stabbed with this knife and the not-a-bat down in Crime Alley beat him up and then I accidentally stole it’ is a bad one.”
Jason snorted at the rambling, while Oracle laughed in his ear. “Even static filled he seems hilarious. I know why you like him.” He was going to kill Babs next time he saw her. “Knowing what he looks like doesn’t hurt either.”
“I can take it for you.” Jason said instead.
“Great! Wait here.” Danny turned and hopped back over the edge of the fire escape with the ease of someone who had years of training or practice.
“Is he like this all the time?” Babs asked, and Jason shrugged.
“Off and on.” Jason answered, sliding back down the fire escape completely silently as opposed to the obnoxious clatter Danny had made. He had seen and heard Danny move silently, like in the library, even on those creaky metal ladders for the top of the stacks, but he just assumed this was some sort of half assed survival mechanism.
Danny appeared again a few minutes later, with the knife wrapped in a towel in a bag. “I didn’t know how you wanted it so…” like Danny was bringing him coffee or ordering a pizza. Jason opened the bag and took the knife out, examining it.
“Good job kid. Now go home. It’s late.” It was barely ten. But he knew the Alley got more dangerous the later it got.
“Yeah. Okay.” Danny turned.
“Red Hood.”
Danny turned back. “What?”
“My name. Not-a-Bat isn’t as effective at striking fear into the enemy.”
Danny scoffed some. “I don’t need to use you as a shield.”
Jason held up the knife. Danny crossed his arms. “that was under control.”
“Right.”
“It was.”
Jason shook his head and pulled out his grapnel, firing it into the distance. As he swung off he had more questions about Danny than he was sure he would ever have answers.
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ienjoywritingfilth · 5 hours ago
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a sinner i am part vi
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trope: Boyfriend's Dad PP character: Joel Miller x f reader this chapter summary: A trip to the beach has everything with you and Joel coming to a head warning: they finally fuck guys, joel's a dirty old man, cheating on your bf (but it’s cool, cuz its with Joel and everything is fictional in this universe), alternative universe b/c daddy miller stays alive and hates golfand he has a son named Shawn, no Sarah. words 5.8k rating: E you guys left so many reviews that i called in sick and wrote this so i really hope you keep leaving me reviews because i love them sooooooooo much xoxoxoxoxoxoox taglist: @lady-viscera | @cjdign | @fuckthatbazinga | @liciafonseca | @stevie75 | @joelalorian | @oldenoughtoknowbettersstuff | @akah565 | @dontknow446 | @pedritosgfreal | @yesjazzywazzylove-blog | @untamedheart81 | @ashleyfilm | @sptbear | @elegantduckturtle | @noneofmyshipsarereal | @blahkateisdone | @wintersquirrel | @shivkillian | @auteurdelabre | @sheepdogchick3 | @moel-jiller | @cuteanimalmama | @gossipgirl-03 | @cowboymarcs | @tahi2006 | @guelyury | @churchofjoemiller | @r3dheadedwitch | @tutarrads | @galway-girlatwork | @supertoga | @ghostofzion | @casssiopeia | @tateypots | @yxtkiwiyxt | @regalwhovianbrowncoat774 | @pastelpinkflowerlife | @inept-the-magnificent | @meleekabenjamin | @stevie75 | @animejunki5 | @zooty-and-fruity | @drunk-and-capable | @lunpycatavenue | @joelssluttyknee | @getitoutofmymindwrites | @swankyorange | @joeldidnothingwrong | @thischarmingmandalorian | @604to647 | @pedr0swh0r3 | @annieispunk | @doblasftcisco | @ilmattmurdocksthighs | @bunnybeheaded | @swaggydogsblog | @untamedheart81 | @watermelonslut | @loudtimetraveljellyfish
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part : in deep water
“What a beautiful madness, to explore the darkness in one’s own soul and find joy in the unearthing of such wicked thoughts.”― Wiss Auguste.
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"Let's go snorkelling," Shawn suggests the next morning over breakfast. "There's this place about an hour away that looks amazing." 
"I think that sounds fantastic," Tess agrees with a smile. "I need to work on my tan." 
Joel just nods, taking a sip of coffee. You feel a bit of panic at the thought of being stuck with them all day. 
"We didn't bring snorkel stuff." 
"We can rent our gear there babe," Shawn says with a kiss to the top of your head. 
You and Joel just nod and stand, neither of you making eye contact with one another. After he went down on you last night you ran to join Shawn and Tess at the fire dance. You made up some excuse about not being able to find your wristband that they bought. 
When you came back to the room Tess disappeared into the bedroom and Shawn was amorous. You were still wet from his father but you let him cage you under him in bed, moaning in an effort to make him cum faster. It worked, but you were feeling so guilty. As Shawn went to dispose of the condom you flipped into your tummy, sighing into your pillow. 
Now you sit in the back of the Jeep as Joel drives and Tess holds his knee loosely. It appears they've made up from whatever was causing the tension before. You wish that you didn't feel so jealous at the sight of it. 
The bikini you've chosen is skimpy, barely covering your tits and ass. And while you wish you could say you wore it for your boyfriend, the fact is you wore it for his father. You want Joel hard and aching for you because you want more of him. 
Just for this week, you reason. Everything will go back to normal after this vacation.  
Joel focuses on the road ahead as Shawn and Tess chat animatedly. He darts his eyes to the rear-view mirror to see you gazing out at the passing water and he feels his stomach clench. 
When Tess got back last night he thought for sure she would see it in his eyes. That he'd tasted your sweet cunt that he'd made your eyes roll back as you moaned daddy. But she was reconciliatory, even sweet. 
"I'm sorry I've been so angry. I think I'm just getting insecure about seeing so little of you. I'm worried we're growing apart." 
His guilt brought her into his arms, her body curling around his. He intended a sweet snuggle as a reaffirmation that he cared about her because he really does. She fell asleep with his arms around her. 
And then Joel heard the soft moans coming from Shawn's room and he could feel his cock swelling. Your sweet sexy voice moaning brokenly as his son fucked you. Joel tried to ignore it, squeezing his eyes tightly but then he heard the rhythmic squeak of the mattress and all he could think about was the sweet nectar of your cunt. 
Squeak. Daddy Squeak Please Daddy
He stole to the joined bathroom, his footfalls silent. The light was out and he could see the light peeking out from under the door. He stood there, ear to the door and listened to the sounds you made. 
They were weak, uninspired and Joel wanted to gloat about how good he made you feel with just his tongue. He made you arch off the bed, pussy wet and needy. 
But now as the four of you journey to snorkel after grabbing gear from the beach hut Joel is tense. Joel sets up the towels and chairs unable to look away from behind his sunglasses. You're so fucking hot, your breasts the perfect size for his hands.
"I'm gonna tan for a bit first," Tess says before stretching out on her chair. You and Shawn slip off your clothing 
Joel nearly grins seeing the bikini you packed. It's flimsy and tight and your breasts spill out if it enticingly. It's tied in sweet little bows at the hips. 
"I like the suit," Shawn says to you suggestively as you smirk.
"Got it especially for the trip."
He grabs your hand and the two of you rush into the waves with your snorkel gear. 
Joel continues to set up before collapsing onto the chair next to Tess. "You wanna join em?"
"You go on," Tess tells Joel with another yawn. "I'm too relaxed."
Joel is about to wave off this suggestion when your shrieking laughter sounds out from the waves. Shawn has you over his shoulder, tickling you as you attempt to swim away. Joel’s thick fingers curl around the arms of his beach chair.
Stop touching her. 
A wave of possession for his son’s girlfriend t propels Joel off of his sun chair and into the water after you two. 
You watch Joel enter the water from the corner of your eyes. Your pussy clenching as you watch his muscled form glide through the water towards you. He's tanned and broad and you see the droplets bead off of his firm body. 
You and Shawn swim together, splashing and having fun. Eventually Joel swims over, smiling handsomely at you.
"Thought I'd join," Joel says coming near you. You make sure not to look at him. Shawn smiles at his father before pointing.
"I found a good spot over there where everyone says the fish hang out." 
Everyone pops on their snorkel gear, following Shawn. Joel swims closely behind you, watching your ass ripple with every kick. He's getting hard as he swims, trying to distract himself with the colorful fish but all he can seem to fixate on is your body in that bikini. How the bottoms leave so much of your ass exposed and how he can see the outline of your cunt when you dive. Shawn points to something ahead, glancing back at you and giving you a thumbs up that you return. Despite the tension with Joel joining you both you're blown away by the beauty of Hawaii. 
The fish swim by you, their fins skimming along your body as they pass in colorful schools. You twist in the water, amused to see Joel nearby. He's floating, gazing at the small school of fish that come to dance around his face. He looks so sexy like that, focused and unaware he's being watched. Your eyes can't help but go between his legs, seeing the heavy erection there. You feel like you can't breathe but it's not from snorkelling. You swim to the surface before popping out like a cork, tugging the snorkel out of your mouth before coughing profusely. 
Shawn breaks the surface, looking concerned as he pulls the mouthpiece out. 
"You okay?"
"Yeah," you say still sputtering. “Just inhaled some water."
Now Joel is bobbing nearby, watching you from the corner of his eyes. 
"I'm gonna go a little further out," Shawn tells you and Joel. "You wanna come?"
"Nah this is as far as I wanna go but you have fun I'll meet you back at the chairs," you say breathlessly as you bob in the water.
"What about you, old man?"
"I'm good too, son," Joel smiles. 
"Wimps! I'll see you at the shore."  Shawn laughs and waves at you both before readjusting his snorkel gear and heading further out. There are a few couples swimming out there so you don't feel too unsafe. 
"Pretty out here," Joel mutters from beside you. You glance over to see he's pushed his goggles over his head, brushing back his curls to show off his handsome face. 
"Yeah it's beautiful," you exhale staring at him. His eyes move from the horizon over to you and your gazes lock. 
"S'not the only thing, darlin." 
You know your face is red and it's not from the sun. Joel grins to himself at your shy reaction. You're not swimming away screaming so he pushes his luck. 
"Been trying not to stare at you in that bikini all day," he says as his eyes drop to your chest in the water. A thrill goes through you and you force yourself not to smile. "You really wear it for Shawn?"
You shake your head lightly. "I wore it for you." 
Joel groans softly, aware that his cock is hard and throbbing in the water. 
"Wanted me looking at your sweet fucking body, baby girl? Wanted me hard out here in public? Wanted me desperate knowing I wanna touch you and can't?"
Your eyes shutter but you nod because yes that is exactly what you've been aching for. Joel's eyes slowly scan around the waves noting that Shawn is way out and that Tess is still sleeping in her chair. The other swimmers aren't close to you. The two of you continue to swim but Joel reaches out to place his wide hand at the small of your back. Your eyes fly open in fear as you pull back. 
"Joel they'll see."
"Just looks like we're talking," Joel says soothingly. His eyes don't leave yours. "You just gotta keep your face neutral."
Before you can challenge him on that you feel his other hand coming to slip between your legs. You feel him move your bottoms to the side, knuckle dragging along your slit. Your eyes widen at the pleasurable sensation and Joel chuckles richly. 
"More neutral than that, darlin'." 
You smile embarrassedly at him, eyelashes fluttering when his fingers breach your cunt, sliding up into your core and curling. 
"Fuck," you groan, forcing your eyes to remain open. Joel grins down at you, his legs kicking slowly to keep you both afloat. He thrusts his thick digitts into you, his thumb circling your twitching clit.
He watches the way you start to shatter around him amazed at how quickly he can make you cum. He's never had a woman cum so hard just by being fucked by his fingers.  
You're trying to appear calm, your eyes darting to Tess to make sure she's still asleep before going to Joel's sharp gaze. 
"Doing so good baby girl," he says coaxing you as his fingers go deeper, hitting that spongy spot that makes you whimper. Your hands go to his hips underwater, legs circling his waist loosely holding yourself in place. 
Your eyes are half open, mouth hung open and Joel can't help but nudge his cock against your thigh, desperate for friction through his swim trunks. He hears the soft gasp you make and then the sensation of his fingers being squeezed. You're so close. 
"That's my girl," Joel whispers over the lapping waves. "Gonna come on these fingers?" 
"Yeah," you nod, trying not to moan too loudly. 
Joel continues, holding you to him as he fucks you with his fingers. His forearm flexes and he hopes this still looks innocent. 
"Yeah what?" He needs to hear it. 
"Yes... Daddy," you groan, unable to keep your eyes open anymore. 
"Daddy's making you feel so good isn't he? Out here in front of everyone? Even though it's so bad?"
Joel knows exactly what to say to make your pussy throb. You nod and you rut your hips against his fingers because you want more, you need his cock in you. The sound of a shrieking child from the shore startles you both into breaking apart, your orgasm forgotten. 
"Let's keep goin," Joel tells you with a half curl of his mouth when your heartbeats slow.
"Joel I can't, Shawn is... Shawn is my boyfriend and I don't know what I'm doing," you say swimming back from him. 
Joel feels an ugly heat in his guts at the way you turn on a dime. One second your cunt is milking his fingers and now you're looking at him like he's the asshole? 
"You know exactly what you're doin," Joel frowns, "otherwise you wouldn't be out here flaunting those tits for everyone on the beach to gawk at."
Joel has never said anything this unkind to you in all the time you've known him. It makes you pull back angrily. "Fuck you, Joel." You glare at him before making your way to the shore, heart beating furiously in your chest as you slide through the water. 
Joel watches you leave feeling regret as he watches your tanned form collapse into one of the chairs next to Tess. 
You feel furious at Joel watching him paddle around in the water. He's probably trying to stop his erection before exiting. Shawn appears on the shore, smiling at you and dropping his snorkeling gear next to you on the sand. He shakes his wet hair over you, laughing as you whine through a giggle for him to stop. Tess wakes up, stretching and sighing gently. From behind your sunglasses you look at her lithe body, the plump of her breasts and the way she's slick with suntan oil. It's no wonder you hear she and Joel fucking all the time. 
"I love being lazy on vacation," she says with a laugh when Shawn teases her for being a beach bum. The two of them start to talk about the water and the fish Shawn saw. 
Meanwhile you read for a bit, ignoring when Joel comes in along the shore looking like a Greek god, broad and slick from the water. His shorts cling to his hips and ass and even flaccid his cock is huge. You remember it in your mouth. He catches sight of you reading and takes the seat next to Tess. 
"You're all wet, Texas," she says with a gentle elbow when he kisses her collar. "Get outta here." 
Joel chuckles, speaking with her about dinner as you force yourself to go back to reading about Euripides. You glance up when a shadow is cast over the pages. 
"Gotta return the gear," Joel says nudging your calf with his toe. "Wanna help?"
You are about to refuse when you see regret showing plainly on his tanned face. He wants to talk and you're surprised that you want to listen. 
"I'll help ya, dad," Shawn says about to get up from where he lays on his towel on the sand. You jump up, quick to follow Joel. 
"I'm happy to do it babe," you say kissing the end of Shawn's nose. "I wanna stretch my legs anyway." 
You and Joel gather the rented gear and start moving between the bodies on the warm sand. Joel feels a nagging sense of unease when he realizes you won't even look at him. 
"I'm sorry for what I said before. That was horrible of me. And not the truth at all," Joel tells you on your walk to the hut. "I was just embarrassed I guess." 
Joel Miller is the kind of man who runs a successful business, the kind of man who never says he's sorry. But with you it comes easy after seeing the hurt in your eyes. 
"I get it," you tell him. "It's a weird place we're in. I mean, everything we want is so wrong but..."
".... It feels real right when we're doin it," Joel finishes for you. 
"Yes. Exactly."
The two of you reach the rentals hut handing the stoned teenager the snorkel gear and then heading back on the warm sand back towards Shawn and Tess. 
"I'm open to suggestions on what to do," Joel says. "Because at the rate we're going were gonna get caught and screw up our lives." 
"Maybe we just need to fuck it out of our systems," you say surprising yourself. Joel stops midstride to stare at you. 
"What?" 
"I dunno maybe it's because we haven't fucked properly," you insist, eyes wide and doe-like. "So it's just hanging over our heads making us act insane."
You've thought about this a lot the last couple of days, trying to reason out why you both keep doing this. Joel can't tell if you're serious, but when you don't smile or giggle he knows your are.
"I can't have sex with you," Joel says shaking his head. Then as if realizing what he's saying in the crowded beach be takes you by the wrist and drags you to the large rock face, hidden from view. He drops your wrist when the two of you are in a quiet, isolated area. 
"What we've done already is bad enough," he whispers urgently. "Fucking you with my cock would be so far over the line." 
"But fucking my mouth wasn't? Finger fucking me in the water just now?"
"A'course it was," Joel replies heatedly. "And I’m sorry I have a hard time controlling myself around you. But full sex? That's just, there's no coming back from that. I couldn’t forgive myself for that." 
"Or maybe it's the only thing that's going to stop all this tension." 
You can't help but squirm, your pussy fluttering at the thought of being impaled on Joel's thick cock. 
"I can't do that," Joel says shaking his head. "I'm sorry but I won't." 
Something about his denial sets off a fire in you. This big man who orders his staff around, who acts boldly is insecure for once. He's doubting himself. You step closer to him as he casts a wide eye around to ensure you're still alone. Your hand goes to his pecks, brushing over the muscles. 
"You don't wanna fuck me, Joel? Don't want to feel how tight my cunt would be around your big dick?" 
Joel's pupils grow wide as you speak and he tries to deny you. "No."
"Thought you wanted me," You ask, fingers sliding between your legs. He watches as you tease the edge of your bikini bottoms. 
"You're skating on some mighty thin ice," Joel says through a groan as you take his hands in yours. 
"I think you want me," you tease. He feels powerless when you take his hands and gentle urge them under your bikini top. "I think you want me to cream all over your big cock, Joel." 
Joel squeezes your warm breasts groaning at how perfect they feel. You grin up at him, stepping closer. Your mouth comes to graze along his neck. You huff hot air along his neck as you speak and he shudders. 
"You don't wanna watch my tits bounce while you bury yourself in me?" 
Your nipples are hardening under his fingers and it takes everything in him not to tweak them. Instead he squeezes your breasts again watching as you hum in pleasure. Joel thinks he might die if he can't stuff himself in your wet heat. He can't remember the last time he wanted anything this badly. But you're his son’s girlfriend and you're so sweet and naive in many ways. And he has a girlfriend. And this is so fucking wrong.
"I can't, baby girl."
You can feel him rock hard against your thigh and you begin to grind your crotch against his erection. 
"But I wanna feel you," you whine, giving a breathy moan against his earlobe. "Just the tip." 
You reach into his swim trunks, finding him pulsing and hot to the touch. He doesn't try to stop you, just keeps kneading your breasts under your swimsuit.
"I could cum from just the tip," you promise as you begin to stroke him. "I know I could. Then you're not crossing any line."
Joel offers a strangled groan before his hands pull from your bikini top to fall to the stone behind you, boxing you there with your hand down his shorts. You start to jerk faster, watching as his mouth hangs open.  The slick slapping sound of jerking him off makes you pant. You can feel his resolve weakening as he begins to thrust into your slick palm. Your mouth moves to his earlobe. You nibble it there before speaking. 
"You make me so wet." 
Joel's eyes roll back as your hands wrap tighter around his cock, tugging harshly as you beg him. You're gonna make him cum right here. 
You're disappointed when he pulls your hand from his shorts but this gives way to interest when he grips you by the wrist again and drags you to one of the caves. It's empty, shielded from most of the view. It's a volcanic tube that's been marked off as closed by ropes and signs. It doesn't stop Joel from stepping over the rope and dragging you with him. If you peek you can see the back of Tess and Shawn's heads. The two of them are talking about something you can't hear as Shawn shows her something on his phone. The cave is warm and quiet, dark but with enough light for him to see your body. You're breathing raggedly, your pulse ticking in your neck as he watches you with hooded eyes. 
"This is a bad idea," he tells you. But his cock is tenting his shorts and he doesn't look like he's going to stop advancing towards you. 
Your spine presses up against the stone wall of the cave, your eyes wide as he steps closer. 
"There's no going back from this," Joel says, but he's already pushing up your bikini top, exposing your breasts. They fall heavily from the flimsy fabric and his mouth descends, sucking at one nipples as you grip his neck, arching. 
"Joel! Fuuuuck that's good!" 
Your body tightens with every suck and your hand slaps over your own mouth. You're terrified the sound might carry outside the cave. 
Joel takes his time with each of your breasts, squeezing them and groaning before nipping until the nipples are throbbing. They're tight points that pucker beautifully for him. He would spend a whole day on your tits alone but time is of the essence and he needs to feel more of you. He pulls back to see your hair tousled and your mouth red from where you bit your lips to keep from screaming. Your breasts are out and your hips cant towards him. You look absolutely fucked out and Joel needs more. Your bikini bottoms are thrust to the side with his finger. 
"Just the tip," he pants as he lines himself up with your slot. He presses forth slowly, eyes on where he enters you. You watch as well, your body tingling. He stretches you with the wide head and you look on in amazement at the sight of your pussy straining to take him. 
He notches himself shallowly within you before his eyes dart to your face. You look pained but its pleasure that makes your hips start to roll. He holds himself at the base, feeding only the bulbous head into you in such slow measure.
“Just the tip," he pants as he lines himself up with your slot. He presses forth slowly, eyes on where he enters you. You watch as well, your body tingling. He stretches you with the wide head and you look on in amazement at the sight of your pussy straining to take him. 
"You said you could come from just the tip," Joel reminds you. It's taking all he has not to thrust forward. He takes the base of his cock and drags it along your clit, tapping the head before slowly entering you again. 
Maddingly slow he holds himself at the base, feeding only the bulbous head into you. You clench down around him instantly, pussy greedy for him. .
"More," your beg, hands clutching at his shoulders. "More, please." 
Joel feels as you try to force his cock deeper, but he holds himself back, his fingers digging into your hips. 
"We said," Joel grunts, circling the head shallowly, "just the tip."
Despite your whines and your canting hips Joel keeps his cock shallowly within you, blowing out frustrated air when you keep going. It's clear he isn't going to budge unless you do something drastic. 
Joel watches your hands reach behind, inhaling when your bikini top loosens and then falls to the ground before your moving to the ties at the hips of your bikini. The fabric slithers down your body, leaving you bare to him. Joel sucks in his breath as he takes all of you in, cock hanging heavy and slick between his legs. He watches how your naked body responds to your own touch, stomach twitching, breasts jiggling as you lean against the wall and part your legs.
"I need more," you say sweetly, fingers coming to slide between your thighs as you keep his eye contact. 
Joel stands there with his cock wet and hard between his legs. You watch it twitch under your gaze and fell your mouth water. 
"More of what?" Joel baits you. "Use your words." 
You shoot him a coquettish smirk as you walk towards him, arms coming to wrap around his neck. You tug his face towards yours. 
"I want your cock Joel," you whisper against his mouth.”All of it." 
Joel knows that he’s powerless now. You aren't his son's girlfriend; you're a woman he desperately needs to bury himself in. Your voice turns plaintive. 
"Please daddy. I need your cum." 
Joel's body is on fire at those broken whines. And he knows this is the ultimate crossing of lines but he can't fight it anymore. He pulls one of your thighs around his hip, opening you more to him. He feeds you more of his cock, intending to go slowly until you start moaning at the sensation of him rubbing against your walls. The sound unlocks something primal in him and he thrusts into you brutally to the hilt. You fight to catch your breath, eyes wide. 
"You're so big," you gasp. 
"Yeah, I am," Joel says with an arrogant grin. "Biggest you've ever had."
He doesn't know that for sure but judging by your reaction he's right. And he knows his cock is big, he's had enough women in his bed to know. But your reaction has him preening. 
"Gonna ruin this tight little pussy," Joel tells you as he withdraws and then thrusts in one fluid motion to the hilt once more. "Gonna make her cry." 
He feels even better than you could have imagined. Better than Shawn, better than anyone. You don't know if it's his cock or because this is taboo all you know is you've never been this wet before. You lick at his neck, tasting the salt of the water and his sweat. His cologne invades your nostrils. His fingers come to your clit, lightly grazing as he fucks you. Your thighs begin to tremble. 
"Yeah you like that," Joel groans as he watches your eyes fall shut. You're so close to cumming. 
You don't say anything you just throw your head back and hold in a gasp. 
Joel growls before sliding his palms down behind your thighs, hauling you into his arms and continuing to fuck you through it. You whimper as you interlace your fingers behind his neck. His arm muscles bulge as he holds you aloft with ease. Joel watches how you ride out the pleasure with the guidance of his hips, your eyes on where the two of you are joined. He beams up at you and you swoon at how the skin around his eyes crinkle. 
"You like it? Seeing how daddy stretches you?"
"Uh huh." 
Joel watches himself saw between your legs, your body rolling as he fucks harder and harder into you, pinning you against the wall possessively. 
Over the wet slap of his hips against yours you hear Tess and Shawn laughing nearby. The realization that you could easily be caught makes you moan into your arm, desperate to stay quiet.
"You're not fucking Shawn anymore," Joel tells you in a grunt as he thrusts into you, the ball of your foot digging into his tight bare ass
"What?" You gasp confused by the statement. 
"You heard me," Joel grunts again, his breath hot and possessive against your cheek. "He's not fuckin' you again."
"He'll get suspicious," you insist, clutching Joel's shoulders. 
"Make something up," Joel says rolling his hips, tilting up and making you whimper. "I'm the only one fucking this sweet cunt from now on. Only cock you're gonna suck you hear me?" 
You don't know if he means for this trip or in the future and that floods your pussy. It clenches tightly around his cock. Your fingernails dig into his shoulder as your tits bounce for him. Joel is mesmerized at how your tight body looks swallowing his cock and a wave of possession overtakes him. 
"This is my cunt to fuck," Joel growls into your neck, thrusting aggressively on every word. "Repeat it."
"This is your cunt to fuck," you whisper, body rippling as he thrusts himself into you over and over, his face red, his breathing tight. 
Your body is sluggish in its movements, the bliss having worked its way into your muscles. Joel wishes he could finish inside of you, dying to watch his cum drip out of your used pussy. But it's too dangerous and he doesn't have a condom. 
"Gonna let anyone else cum in this cunt baby girl?"
"Nuh uh," you whisper against his mouth. "Only you." 
"That's right," Joel growls as his hips snap up, filling you over and over. "Only me. Only daddy. Say it again."
"This is daddy's cunt," you slur, starting to sag against his chest. “only daddy gets to cum in it.”
Joel bites your shoulder to keep from groaning loudly when you start to whisper only for you, my pussy is yours daddy. You tighten everywhere and Joel watches with glazed awe at you cum on his cock, your hips rutting and your face flushing as he covers your mouth to stop the loud cry of pleasure from escaping. He watches your body jerk as your arousal drips down his cock. Your eyes are rolled back only the whites showing and your hands clutch his shoulder for leverage. You bounce against him, chasing your high. 
"That's right baby girl, you soak Daddy's cock like a good girl does," Joel groans against your ear, pounding you against the cave wall. 
You quake in his arms before blinking and your eyes roll forward to gaze at him. Joel feels himself about to release and so he lowers you and withdraws before furiously stroking himself as he stares at you. You stand fully naked, your inner thighs glossy with your own release and your gaze faraway. Joel palms your left tit with his free hand. He doesn't let his mind fixate on your age or the fact that his son is in love with you. 
"This body is all for me," Joel says more to himself than anything. "Perfect fucking tits. Tight fuckin pussy. Fuck baby girl, get on your knees and open." 
You fall to your knees, mouth going around his cock to suck groan around his thick length. His hand comes to the back of your skull, forcing your mouth to strain around him deeper. You gag but he doesn't stop, if anything his cock twitches. 
It's nothing like it is with Shawn who is all tenderness and kisses when you're in bed. With Joel is like being used by someone who needs you so badly it burns. 
He grips your hair, thrusting and chanting your name, coming undone at the sight of your cheeks bulging with him, your eyes wide and un-blinking up at him. You whine gently. 
"It's coming baby girl," he gasps out, forcing your mouth to the base of his cock with a growl. "I just wanna take my time." 
"Joel?"
The sound of Tess voice reaches you both inside the cave she sounds like she's walking along the beach in search of him. She and Shawn are likely wondering where you both are. In terror you immediately go to pull off of Joel's cock but to your shock he holds you in place. 
"I didn't say we were done," Joel says licking his dry lips, his movements not slowing at all. 
"Bhut Teshhh," you garble out around his cock anxiously. He's got you pinned between the wall and his hips and he isn't moving anytime soon. 
"I don't fucking care," Joel tells you without ceasing the cant of his hips. "She could walk in right now. I'm not stopping until I cum down this pretty throat."
Your eyelashes flutter. Why does that make your pussy flood?  
"Take it," Joel urges you in a rasp, "fucking take it all like Daddy's good girl does. Swallow me down."  
You do, swallowing the salty release without pause, moaning around his cock as your do. Joel continues holding your hair in his fist until he's finished before he releases you. 
The two of you pant, looking at one another. Joel helps you to a stand before going to his knees and helping you tie the knots of your swimsuit at your hips. He kisses your bare belly as you pull on your bikini top and adjust it over your nipples. 
"Okay, we got that out of our system so now we should be able to go back to normal," you reason as you push back your hair matted from the sea water and Joel's hands. 
"Sure," Joel says. But you don't miss the smirk on his face as he says it. 
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what do uou think they should do next? should they get caught or continue it at home please leave me comments or i dont wanna keep going ;p i skipped work to write this one so plsssssss write some good long comments for me okayyy i luv uuuuuuuuuuuuuu
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h3arts4harry · 1 day ago
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- favourite girl -
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warnings: ANGST(resolved), sls, TW, self harm, anorexia, hospitals, sewerslide attempt -lmk if i forgot anything
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y/n is 17 and has really bad mental health issues, she started struggling with self harm and eventually disordered eating at 14 years old. it only got worse when her safety net, her brothers, left to move to LA.
-y/n pov-1:53am-
"just one more" i whisper, swiftly moving the blade across my wrist for the 6th time. "fuck.." i mumble as i stand off the floor. i look at myself in the mirror, staring at the girl infront of me. i cant help but feel sick with hate from what i see. my cheeks are swollen and red from crying, mascara smudged down them from the countless tears that have fallen. my eyes all ugly and puffy. i look down away from my face, down to my body. my monstrous body. how could i look so horrible all the time? how is it possible for someone to be so fucking hideous? my hand moves slowly over my stomach, i hate this. i hate what i see. i hate how i feel. i hate all of this. why do i have to feel like this? i divert my eyes away from one horror to another, the blood from the cuts, a beautiful crimson, dripping down my arm, creating a puddle on the floor. for a moment i just watch as it falls, rippling as it crashes to the floor. then it hits me, i cant leave a mess, they cant find out, im struggling again. "fuck fuck fuck" my heart pounds out of my chest as i fall to my knees, wiping the floor with toilet roll, flushing away the tissue. i carefully place band aids over the straight red lines, then wrapping my arm with a white bandage. i look at myself in the mirror once more wiping my cheeks with a deep sigh. i quickly hide the blade back into the back of my phone case before rolling my long sleeve shirt down, heading back to my bedroom.
-the next morning-11:47am-
i roll over with a groan as a bright light fills the room. "morning sweetie, theres a surprise downstairs for you, get dressed and come down" mum says as she opens my curtains then walking back out the door. i huff as i blindly move my hand searching for my phone, grabbing it and turning it on. the time reads 11:40am. i really have to fight myself to not fall back to sleep. i sit up wiping the sleep out of my face, groggily standing up and walking over to my chest of drawers grabbing out a red hoodie and baggy jeans throwing them on, messily tying up my hair in a loose bun, before walking downstairs.
i turn the corner into the kitchen, "so whats this surprise you said about" i ask with a yawn. my eyes snap open when i hear 3 familiar giggles. chris, nick, and matt were stood there with the biggest smiles that could always brighten my day no matter what. i immediately ran to them jumping into their arms, not have seen them for over 3 months. "hey kid" matt greets rubbing the top of my head, "h-how-when?" i struggle to speak through the shock, "we flew in last night, we knew your lazy ass wouldn't be up by earliest 11 so we got here a couple hours ago" nick says, pulling my into the hug tighter. "i-you- you said you couldn't fly back for another 2 months?" i step back, our hands still holding each others. "we managed to get everything done early and surprise our favourite girl" chris explains, his smile not once moving from his face. i step forward back into the hug again "i cant believe youre actually here, i- i missed you guys so much" i sniffle, a tear or two falling down my cheek. "are you okay kid?" "i-yea" i pull them in tighter "just really fucking missed you guys" "hey! language smalls" chris laughs poking at my ticklish sides, making me double over and step away giggling.
-12:29pm-
the four of us decided to go out for a drive, not having much to do in the house. "yo anyone else really feeling a mcdonalds right now?" chris asks turning to have the three of us in his view, matt and nick agree and matt pulls through the drive through. "hi can we get a double cheeseburger meal with a pepsi, and then- what did you want again nick?" chris looks to the older boy, "same as u works" "and another of the same please, and then- matt?" "ill get a chicken nugget meal with a pepsi please" matt says into the speaker box, "y/n what about you?" chris asks, "i-uh, im not that hungry, can i get just a water?" i fidget with my fingers, "are you sure? you haven't eaten yet today?" "im sure, im just feeling a bit sick" "mhm okay, and can i get a large water with ice please? yea that's all thank you" and with that chris sits down properly in his seat.
"so what you been up to angel?" nick asks from next to me, eating from his fries. "nothing much honestly" i shrug, turning from the window to face him. "really? its been almost 4 months and nothing interesting happened? sorry kid but i dont believe that for a second" matt says, looking at us in the back through his mirror. "i dont know what to tell you guys, i really haven't done anything" i look back out the window, biting my bottom lip. "hows school going? mum said youre grades are dropping again" nick tilts his head, attempting to get a glance of my face, i sigh and slump back against the seat. "smalls? whats going on with you?" chris turns fully, slightly leaning against the dashboard. "nothing going on im fine" i snap, bringing my legs up onto the seat and hiding my head behind them, along with the hood of my hoodie. the boys dont push further and just drive home.
pulling into the driveway, i quickly jump out and start heading straight for my room. "hey kid wait-" matt yells, running in behind me. "leave me alone" i huff as i keep walking, "smalls hold up" chris says, lightly grabbing my wrist. i wince in pain as i snatch my arm back, tears forming in my waterline "y/n?" nick whispers softly, "dont tell me you-" he cuts himself off, silently pleading that chris just grabbed me too tight. only nick knows about my struggles with self harm. i had promised nick that if i ever felt like i had to do it again that i would instead go to him. obviously i didn't. i dont respond, i just look down with guilt. "baby no-" he breaths out pulling me into a tight hug. "im sorry, im so sorry nick i swear i- im so sorry" i apologise between cries. chris and matt look at each other confused then back at us two. "nick? y/n? whats going on?" nick moves back a little, "can i?" i shrug with a small nod, i cant believe this is actually happening. my gaze doesn't move from the floor as nick explains everything. how he found me on the bathroom floor back when i was 15 with a razor blade over my bloody left wrist, and how he helped me clean everything up, and how i swore id go to him, and how i clearly didn't stick to said promise. "oh smalls, cmere" chris's voice sinks as he rushes to bring me into a hug, matt following behind and nick not long after joining.
we all stood there for what felt like hours, them just holding me. "how can we help you kid?" matt asks, "i-i dont know- i mean- i dont even know how to help myself, h-how am i meant to know how you can?" i manage to say between sobs. "shh its okay smalls, we'll figure it out together"
-timeskip-11:48pm-
"laura no- what do you mean we need to come back? we just got here" i wake up hearing nick on the phone, to laura from what it sounds like, i creep out of my room, to the top of the stairs that lead down to the living area where the boys supposedly are. "nick what? put it on speaker" chris says. "theres been a couple meetings that you guys need to be at come up" i can just make out through nicks speaker. "what? no we cant, cant you rearrange them for when we're back?" matt grumpily says down the phone, "im sorry matt, i already tried since i knew you guys were going back to boston, theres nothing i can do, you guys need to be back by tomorrow night" "this is so fucked up, what is this even for? we're needed here and not to be rude but this is way more important than any meeting" chris snaps, not at laura directly but at the situation hes found themselves in. "its a meeting with the big companies about brand deals, like i said i really tried to organise it for a month from now but they wouldn't do it, these guys really want to partner with you guys, theyre offering a lot of money" "fuck, can we call you back laura?" nick mutters, "yea sure, call me back asap so i can book your flights okay?" "yea okay bye laura" and he hangs up. "what the fuck are we gonna do?" matt asks, "im not sure, we cant leave y/n but mum and dad will not let us bring her with us either cause of school" nick thinks out loud, "what if we just dont go?" chris shrugs, "we cant not go chris, dont be fucking stupid" nick claps back in a duh tone. "for fucks sake, how many meetings did she say it was?" "theres three, one on Tuesday, one on Thursday and another on Monday" "what if we go and then fly back like straight after? would that work?" matt suggests "i mean it wouldn't not work" nick shrugs "but we cant leave y/n right now dude, shes struggling and what will happen if we just leave again?" chris pipes up again, to which matt huffs falling back into the sofa. "i dont know what to do you guys" nick sighs almost in defeat, "me neither", "fuck."
i let out a shaky breath before getting up and head straight back to my room, getting back into bed. 'are they gonna leave me again?' 'what if theyre gone for months again' my mind starts to race. i snatch my headphones off my bedside table and place them over my ears, playing my playlist, turning the volume all the way up, attempting to silence the thoughts.
-9:34am-
"hey y/n? kid wake up" i rub my eyes open to see my brothers, matt sat on the edge of my bed with chris and nick stood behind him. "whats going on?" i ask slightly dazed, "we gotta fly back to la but only for 9 days and we're gonna be right back okay?" matt says softly. my face drops, i thought i just dreamt last night. "youre leaving me again?" i mutter, "no- well- kinda? but we're going to come right back we swear" chris rambles. "whatever" i mumble, pulling the covers over my head and turning away from the three. "y/n please, we dont want to go but we have no choice, laura called last night and we tried to get her to rearrange it but she couldn't, please understand that" nick pleaded, i didn't reply, i just stayed still and ignored them. i cant believe theyre leaving me again. "im sorry smalls, please dont stay mad at us, we'll be back before you know it" chris says rubbing my shoulder, they all mutter small goodbyes and leave. after i hear the door shut, i let out a small sob i had been holding in.
-7 days later-
the last couple days have been really difficult, and i mean really fucking difficult. i havent left my room unless it was to go to the toilet, which ive only done like twice. i haven't showered. i haven't eaten, or drunk anything. mum and dad are really worried, they keep leaving plates of food and water outside my door but i physically cant get up to go get it, and even if i did its not like im going to eat it anyway. i hate that im such a burden for them, i hate that im worrying them so much. all i knew was i needed them, i needed my brothers. i tried messaging them in our group chat for help 3 days ago but there isn't much they can do being 5 and a half hours away. i huff, slamming my phone down onto my bed. i cant do this any longer. i push myself out of bed, trudging towards the bathroom, locking the door behind me. i tiredly look in the mirror, a worn out, struggling girl looks back to me, begging me not to do what im about to, but i ignore her silent pleads. i turn to the shelves, reaching for my basket on the second bottom shelf, grabbing a box of meds, then lifting a bottle to reveal a new razorblade underneath. i pick up the blade and put the bottle back into the basket. i fill a small cup we have for rinsing up with water before sliding my back down the cabinet, leaning against it. am i actually gonna do this? what am i saying i cant continue suffering like this anymore. but am i gonna leave without saying goodbye? that's a good point, ill write out a text, something simple so they dont suspect anything. a simple "i love you all and appreciate everything you guys do for me<3" yea thatll work, and i hit send. i turn off my phone, placing it on the cabinet, above my head. taking a breath i take a sip of water and swallow a handful of pills, then another, emptying 2 boxes. shit i really just did that. i look down at the silver blade in my hand, so much power is in such a tiny little thing. i slowly move it over my unwrapped wrist, the recent gashes already starting to heal. i push down hard against my wrist and pull, blood pushes out of the slit like its been waiting to escape. again, i push the blade down and pull. again. again. again. again. again. again. the crimson blood pooling around me. again. again. again. i start to feel faint. shit. am i really doing this? i dont want to die? i just want the pain and suffering to stop. shit shit shit. i try get up but my vision starts to blur, no no no, not yet i cant die just yet-
-the same time but sturniolo triplets pov/ no pov?-
ding ding ding all three of their phones went off. chris checks his phone and sees the notification from y/n, to their group chat, even though hes in the middle of a meeting he opens it anyway;
"i love you all and appreciate everything you guys do for me<3"
for a minute, he smiles at the kind words. but it doesn't last last before his smile turns into a frown, "guys, look" he says shoving his phone into his elder brothers faces, "chris what? we're in the middle of something here, sorry about this" nick apologies, as if chris is a toddler interrupting his parents at work, but his face quickly drops as he reads the message, snatching chris's phone from him, to make sure hes reading it clearly. "im so sorry about this but a big family emergency has just come up and we need to go, ill get laura to contact you, and again im so sorry but we have to go" nick rambles as he packs his stuff up and leaves, matt and chris right behind him.
"nick what is going on? you cant just leave like that, that was the most important meeting out of the three!" laura almost yells down the phone, "sorry laura but i think y/n is in trouble so that meeting can kiss my ass because y/n is way more important, i gotta go" "nick-" and he hangs up. the three boys grab their bags that they still hadn't unpacked from before as they planned to fly straight back after the last meeting, and drove straight to the airport. they rushed in and got straight on the plane.
-5 hours later-
knock knock knock "cmon y/n open the door!" jimmy yells knock knock "sweetie you've been in there for hours, are you alright?" Marylou softly but loudly speaks "cmon lovey open the door for us".
"dad mind out the way" chris says and he runs up the stairs, "oh fuck chris you almost gave me a heart attack" jimmy huffs, moving out of the way, along with Marylou standing next to him. once chris gets outside the door he starts to kick it in, matt and nick are not long behind chris and start helping to kick the door in. it only took around 4/5 kicks with their combined strength for the door to slam open, but the scene revealed on the other side was the worst thing they could've ever imagined. they all froze at the sight. the shriek from Marylou seemed to bring them all back as it rung through all of their ears, "boys call 911 now! and get away from the bathroom!" jimmy yells as he takes marylou downstairs and away, sure his mind was running but he knew he had to get his wife and eldest kids away before he could actually do anything.
its like time has paused, yet moving so fast simultaneously. the blue lights can be seen flashing outside the sturniolo residence, matt almost flies down the stairs and lets them in and guides them to where y/n is laying, with chris next to her, holding a washcloth tight over her wrist, trying to stop blood flowing out. "chris move, the paramedics are here" matt shouts as he follows behind them. what feels like at the speed of light, they take y/n into the ambulance before asking "theres only space for one extra person, or we could take her on her own?" "ill go" "ill go" chris and nick say in sync before death glaring each other. "we dont have time for this, im going, you two talk to mum and dad then meet us there okay?" matt says calmy, although much like his dad, hes freaking out like crazy inside.
"is she going to be okay?" matt asks as the ambulance is racing to the hospital, "please tell me something? anything? i need to know shes going to be okay?" he frantically rambles, "i cant be 100% on whats going to happen but no matter she'll live" the paramedic stood over y/n confirms, "so shes going to be okay?" matt says hopeful, "i didn't say that" and with that whispered statement his heart sinks.
-2 hours later-
the ambulance arrived at the hospital and they rushed y/n in. a doctor met matt in the waiting area to question him and ask what happened. nick, chris, jimmy and Marylou arrived around half hour after matt did. matt then had to fill them in on what he knows, which really isn't much. and from then they have just been waiting for a doctor to come over and say shes okay and breathing, and that they can go see her. jimmy and Marylou had nodded of as its almost 3am but the boys were very much still wide awake, not fully used to the timezone change yet.
"um for y/n sturniolo?" a doctor shouts, the triplets jump up and rush over, "and you guys are?" the doctor questions, "her older brothers" "is she okay?" "whats going on?" they all blurt out over each other, "ah, shes doing okay, but she is asleep still. she has a drip that helps try save her liver and we've stitched up her wrists. she'll physically be okay if all goes well but you might want to get her some mental help, i brang out some leaflets that have different ways to help, here" he says passing over a few leaflets to the boys, "thanks" nick hums putting them in his back pocket. "can we see her?" chris asks "give me like 20 minutes to check everything and ill be right out to getcha" the doctor nods with a polite smile.
-20 minutes later-
"hi boys, so everything is okay, you can now go sit in her room but she is still infact asleep so try be quiet, she needs the rest. shes in room 197, second floor" the doctor finally reveals, "thank you so much" all three boys say in sync before rushing off to the stairs.
"there look 197" nick points the a sign hanging above a door. they slowly walk in and see y/n laying there asleep, connecting to a drip like the doctor had said. "she looks so uncomfortable" nick mumbles walking closer to her. "did they say anything about how long it would take for her to wake up?" nick asks his younger brothers, to which they both shrug, and so they decide to sit and wait for her to wake up.
-hours later-y/n pov-
i slowly wake up and my head feels like its throbbing and my heart feels so heavy, like it weighs a thousand pounds. i lift my arms to rub my eyes but i have a strong pain shoots through both, i squint my eyes open to see bright white lights shining down on me. i look down to my arms and see my left wrist covered in bandages, and my right arm is connected to a drip? where the hell am i? i look around a bit more, with my eyes fully open now and i see the boys asleep, they should be in la still? what the fuck happened? -oh. that explains why i feel so numb.
i feel sick to my stomach, i cant believe how selfish i was. to do that. and to let them find me. my whole body feels like its closing in on itself, my heart pounding out of my chest, my lungs being tightly squeezed to the point i can barely breathe. im such a horrible person, why on earth would i put my favourite people through this? i tightly shut my eyes and let out multiple shaky breaths. my head running wild.
"y/n?" i snap out of my trance, to see matt stood over me, drowning in anxiety. i bite my bottom lip and look down, away from his worried eyes. "kid look at me. please?" i reluctantly look back up to the older boy, terrified of what hes going to say. a moment of painful, awkward, silence passes, just looking at one another, no verbal words being exchanged but everything needed was said. he pulls a small, comforting smile onto his face and leans forward pulling me into one of his hugs, attempting to squeeze out all of my suffering.
"omg y/n youre awake!" is almost yelled from behind matt, he pulls back to reveal a happy but anxious chris. "hey smalls, how are you?" i lightly shrug. nick then walks into the wrong with 4 bottles of water, "i bought y/n some water to for when she wakes- omg y/n!" he drops all 4 bottles and runs over to me wrapping me in his tight embrace.
-timeskip- a month later-
its been hard this past week. i got released from hospital like 3 days after i was admitted. ive had therapy sessions three times a week with Dr Louise, shes nice i guess, it might just be me but it feels like she doesn't understand what im going through or what ive been through. like i get shes there to work and get paid but it feels like that's the only reason shes there, like she doesn't care, but hey, i have my brothers. the boys haven't left boston yet, they told me theyd stay for 2 more months minimum before they had to go back for a couple weeks for work then theyd be back again. i know its gonna take some more time but i really feel like im eventually gonna get better. and its all thanks to matt, nick, and chris.
"hey angel, we spoke to laura and we managed to clear our schedules for the next 2 months so we can stay here with you" nick sits down next to me on the couch, chris and matt mimicking his actions sitting the other side of me. "we told her that our favourite girl is more important than any work stuff and we would risk it all just to make sure our favourite girl is okay" chris smiles, wrapping his arm around my shoulders pulling me into a side hug "we would drop everything in a second to fly back here for you kid." "im sorry, about everything. i love you guys" i say with a small smile. "dont apologise smalls, we love you more than youll ever know, like i say, your our favourite girl"
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NOTE: sorry im not being too active on here, college is kicking my ass and im js not in the best mental state rn so ive js been a bit distracted? ig idk. i saw that 750 people are now following me and im like speechless, i appreciate and love all of you so fckn much istg🫶
as always feedback is appreciated <333
THANK YOU FOR READING
LOVE YOU HOES
taglist:
@m0r94n @chrisgetsmewetterxo @raysmayhem-72 @junnniiieee07 @sturnzsblog @sturniolo-slvt @mattspolitank @cerismo @chrispotatos @ncm9696 @pvssychicken
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00000000point00000000 · 7 hours ago
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so i got like 150 cals too much today (shoulve been 300) bc i was travelling for like 6 hours and my day was PACKED.
had 2 eggs for breakfast and fried them in water which, lets be real, doesnt fucking work. visited my family and had a salad with cranberries, lenses, quinoa and a little bit of feta for lunch while spending some time with the reason i have an eating disorder (my mum) and drinking her beloved detox tea.
had a huge anxiety attack when i got home (note to self, dont drink coffee) and ate some of the food (broccoli and tortellini) my boyfriend made. i dont feel really bad about it bc i probably burned it off today anyways and will cut the amount of calories from tomorrow too. still stings a little thoooo. im proud of myself for just eating a little bit and not giving into the urge of shoving the whole pot down my troath🥰
anddd i told my boyfriend yesterday that i kind of relapsed and he was so understanding. i know hes worried but i also know he realized it before i told him, so its better to be honest right away ig. he promised not to force me to eat but im not sure how this will play out when it gets really bad again. it still feels right, at least i dont have to lie to him now.
my body is getting used to not eating as much i think, which makes it easier to get shit done. so thats great! but lets be fr, relapsing is so scary. especially when your logical side and your sick side are like two different people. bc there is a voice in my head that says "wtf are you doing to yourself". its just not loud enough.
if you hear that voice, try to listen. reach out, recover, get your life back. coming from me thats pathetic, i know, but i genuinely wouldnt wish this shit on my worst enemy and im so fucking sorry for everyone who has to live like this.
anyways, enough food for thought🥰
i had a glass of white wine with my friend. idk i just feel like drinking is such a waste of calories, i hate that a beer is 250-300. like??! but im not 16 anymore so theres no way im drinking vodka on an empty stomach😭
feeling: tipsy🤪
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woman-respecter · 8 hours ago
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oh and one last thing. i cannot believe how leftists and queers are treating sarah mcbride. it makes me sick to my stomach. i can't stomach it actually.
bullying minorities who happen to be "privileged" i.e. rich, white, etc is so fucking gross and easy like bullying a child (and is part of the reason for all the antisemitism btw! since they think we're all whiter than aryans and that we are the most privileged). seeing everyone jumping with joy to harass sarah mcbride a trans woman who's an easy target since she's white and trans (white trans women bad unless they prove themselves by getting arrested for....palestine with jvp like hunter or they threaten to kill biden for cool points like ethel) for sucking up which. all minorities have to do for a place in this world is INSANE.
these are the SAME PEOPLE calling everyone a terf and being misogynistically distrustful of women/feminists because we're all a potential zio- um terf is so sad because 1) transphobia is a serious problem among cis women which should never be downplayed and a lot of cis women are transphobic. i know this because i've faced transphobia lite since i have a bit of an adams apple as a cis woman which leads to transvestigation :/ but 2) the "solution" isn't and will never be to act like cis women are the enemy/worse than men/to be misogynistic towards us either. 3) it's all so sad because these people are doing so much harm by being misogynistic "in the name of good/in the name of trans women" but they're just bullies who also hate trans women but get to hide it because they're #allies. they're "allies" who spread hate in the name of a people who want to be left alone and they spread that hate because deep down they hate trans people and want to make them look bad (not downplaying misogyny that is present in the trans community but yh). these people are trying to stifle the 4b movement in the name of trans women while trans women like veondre mitchell dont gaf (obv trans women are not a monolith). it's so evil. who needs enemies with "allies" like this? (also if you wanna deal with the transphobia the solution isn't to misogynistically try to shut 4b down. but they just hate women and it's never been about trans people so!)
anyways back to the topic. sarah mcbride really breaks my heart. they hate her and they've been treating her so terribly (theyre giving her the jew treatment 😓). no one has her back and it goes to show how the left is a lost cause. if you arent what they want, if you step out of line, they treat you like the conservatives treat you.
yeah i’ve been somewhat following the sarah mcbride saga thanks to the wonderful mariacallous and it is disgusting. i think in part what happened was that post calling her a “zionist” got popular so people wanted to look for more reasons to hate her. these days everything comes back to the Omnicause.
i also think that the trans girl tankies are kind of having a crab bucket moment about a trans woman being successful through grace and intelligence instead of posting graphic threats at people they deem subhuman from behind an anime girl icon on a microblogging website. they hate to see a class act thriving.
sarah mcbride is doing the best she can in a very shitty situation, and people who should be her allies are just making it worse.
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ibit3u · 8 hours ago
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Skylar didn’t have time to react nor defend himself. One minute he was standing, mouthing off to the elder vampire. The next, his back collided with brick and he let out a hiss of pain as something cracked. Red eyes glared at James as the younger vampire attempted to break free of the hold, to retaliate. But it was no use. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, James was stronger.
The grip on his throat was like a vice, and while Skylar didn’t need to breathe, he felt himself panicking. Though, James had successfully found a way to silence the kid and allow him room to speak. All Skylar could do was listen and struggle within that grip. Yet those eyes spoke for him, glaring the elder to death. There was so much rage, so much anger and frustration in those eyes. It was clear he wasn’t used to being scalded like this, nor expected to be when he ventured out tonight. Meeting an elder was one thing, but for said elder to be Homelander’s puppet was a whole other can of worms entirely.
A growlhiss left Skylar as he felt that knee to his stomach, nails clawing at that hand around his throat, trying his best to break free. Oh, how he wanted to make James regret his actions, get his own back. He wanted nothing more than to beat the arrogance out of him. He met those eyes dead on with a mirrored look of fury. James may have the upper hand but Skylar was standing his ground…as best he could until his feet were dangling in the air. He squirmed like a caught feline, feral and hissing at the elder in response to the threats and warnings. However, his face fell at the mention of being taken to Homelander.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! I’m not going anywhere near him! I want nothing to do with him except put him six feet under.��� Skylar growled, struggling as he was dragged, doing all he could to make it difficult and frustrating for the elder. A true brat indeed. “Actually…on second thought, sure. Take me to your master, dog. I’ll be more than happy to drain him dry. I’ll even let you watch.” He laughed, cruel and mocking, returning the tone he’d been given. “What, you think I’m scared of him?! I despise him with every fibre of my undead being. He’s a narcissistic prick, all show, all glamour. He makes me fucking sick.” Skylar spat, knowing his words got to James, but he didn’t care. He was that frustrated, that angry, he was running his mouth without really thinking.
Skylar still struggled, making things as awkward and difficult for James as possible while he was pulled toward the tower. Despite his efforts, it didn’t stop the inevitable and before long Vought Tower was right in front of them. “You have no idea how satisfying it would be to burn this goddamn tower to the ground with your precious boy scout inside. This is like a modern version of Dracula’s castle. God, I hate cliches.” He huffed, lip curling at the sight of the tower up close. Given it was a public building, he knew he wouldn’t need permission to enter. Even if he did, James seemed fairly set on him meeting Homelander whether he liked it or not.
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Of course, just because they arrived at the tower didn’t mean Skylar didn’t stop being awkward and struggling. Oh, no. He was fully set on making James’ life hell, still pulling against that grip, dragging his feet, gripping and holding onto anything he could. Sure, he might be making himself look like an idiot by causing scenes, but he didn’t care. Even as they walked past visitors and employees, Skylar ran his mouth at them. “What’s so special about Homelander anyway?” and “Don’t you think Homelander is getting a bit too old to be doing this sort of thing?” and “Y’know, there’s definitely more to that Flight 37 thing than they’re telling us. Funny how things always fuck up whenever Homelander is involved!”
The instant James answered the phone it was obvious who it was. Skylar had taken a few steps, distancing them both. He was oh so tempted to leave and merge with the night. It would’ve been the perfect opportunity to considering the elder was very much distracted. Except it was the complete change in demeanour that caught Skylar’s attention, made him stop, listen and watch.
His senses could pick up the deep authoritative tone on the other end of the phone. His jaw clenched in disgust and loathing, hating no one more than the fucking Homelander. It made him sick to see the effects he clearly had on the elder vampire. The way he stuttered, cut himself off from speaking. The way he shrank into himself, became unsure. Far less confident. Frankly, it was embarrassing to watch, yet Skylar was frozen in place unable to look away.
Homelander had this vampire wrapped around his gloved fingers so much so that, frankly, it was quite pathetic. What did a vampire have to fear against a mutant Supe? Surely James could end his life if he wanted to. The problem was that by the sounds of things, that’s the last thing he wanted. Skylar’s brow furrowed in confusion. None of this made any sense. Vampires were superior, deadly predators. So why on earth was James rolling over and allowing himself to be ordered around? Questioned?
He shouldn’t care. It was none of his business. He should just leave, take off and find some peace and quiet for the rest of the night. Leave James to lick Homelander’s boots all he wanted. …Yet he needed to know why. Why an elder was reduced to a bumbling, anxious mess at just the voice of Homelander. What was there to fear?
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That confused look remained when James ended the call and took a moment to gather himself. And then he couldn’t help but scoff laugh. “No, no, no. You can’t possibly expect me to take you seriously after that. Where were we? I was just leaving actually. Seems you’ve been tasked with a very important fetch quest, little doggy.” Skylar taunted, no longer intimidated by the elder vampire.
The young vampire took a few steps before pausing to turn and glare at James with a look of disgust. “You’re a sorry excuse for a vampire. You give us a bad name. The way you roll over for that…fucking maniac…for a human! It’s pathetic. You’re supposed to be stronger, wiser. Yet you let him order you around?! No. You’re not a vampire. You’re a goddamn lapdog licking at his boots.” Skylar all but spat, shaking his head. “We’re done here. Perhaps one day I’ll meet an elder who has a goddamn fucking backbone.”
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pupine · 12 days ago
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i hate you you dont fucking own me dont tell me what to do
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ilostyou · 2 years ago
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thinking of any relationship ending as "it had just run its course" makes me so physically ill
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a--messy--blog · 19 days ago
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when you're having a good day and it hits you that stanley probably used to promise himself all the time that he would never become his father and he still unintentionally ended up somewhat looking like and acting like his father, filbrick's suit which was never meant to be his was his signature outfit and everyone had perceived him as a greedy grumpy old man who loves money for most of his life
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sxtellary · 7 months ago
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BLLK SPOILERS!!!
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BRO WHAT IS THIS MY BABYYYY
they could never make me hate you michael..
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i genuinely can't do this anymore I just want to hug him and tell him everything's gonna be ok bro :((
I genuinely feel sick to my stomach someone said his tshirts legit says "happy family" I AM SOBBING MY POOR BABYY
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killjoy-laserbeam · 16 days ago
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Face card so fierce, he gave her 20/20 for a moment
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dekarios · 3 months ago
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finding out one of ur mutuals is into incest is always a kick in the teeth
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a-very-tired-raven · 3 months ago
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The enemies to lovers trope is so dear to me because it's basically looking at two people that are driven by their hatred for one another, and going 'what if I was driven by obsession into caring for you with the same passion I use to hate you?
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outlying-hyppocrate · 3 months ago
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well. did you fucking miss me.
#random thoughts#apologies for sounding in such a sour mood. life is fucked as of late.#scheduled post. i made this on 10.08.2024.#everything has just gone to shit. so far i've been eating less than ever. feels like my stomach is eating itself augh (':#(technically the so-called relapse started on 24.12.2023. but we are not unpacking that today or ever.)#and i am filled with this desperate urge to cut myself. really really deep. not sure how to cope with it#i also?? hate how i look??#and yet i spend all my time?? in this dark dark room?? taking pictures of my face?????#i'm not killing myself off just yet don't worry. i considered it but it won't be happening any time soon.#i originally planned on disappearing for twelve days. partly to make my friends feel bad because i'm awful#which. obviously didn't work. as i don't think anyone noticed or cared particularly.#but mostly because i can't fucking handle it. it being everything. my future feels so uncertain#i am barely alive. i love all the people in my life. but they're too far away physically and emotionally.#but yeah. back finally. although ciel disappears for a lot longer than me and if you know hym my absence would be a small stint.#ciel if you're here when i post this i love you please come back. ):#this place is so scary to come back to. i'm not sure why. i'm just. scared.#i'm not even sure if i want to return really. i'm having second thoughts now. i haven't gotten worse enough#and i can't say what that means. because in theory there's nothing wrong with me that's been speculated upon. so.#i don't think anyone would care if i disappeared for longer than this.#but being away is torture. and then again being here also sort of is. it's scary#fuck.#i can't get out of bed without feeling like shit. i don't know if i can come back. i'm so sick of everything.#if you're seeing this i'm so sorry.#I NEED TO CUT MYSELF I NEED TO CUT MYSELF NOW. I NEED TO. I MADE SO MANY PROMISES BUT I NEED TO DO IT NOW#I'VE GOT THE SCISSORS I NEED TO DO IT#I NEED TO DO IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW#(<- tags canceled for now)
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