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anthrofreshtodeath · 1 year

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14.

Three weeks later! Baby is settled at home and slowly but surely I'm getting to these prompts. This one, "Warning Signs," is set in the universe of this little league fic I sometimes work on. I hope you enjoy.

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“You did… you did so well,” Maura pulled a kerchief from her purse, and Declan turned his head sharply, thinking it was meant for him. He definitely was not crying. Instead, Maura wiped the seat on the dugout bench next to him before sitting down.

“I messed up that last play. I fell asleep,” Declan grumbled. His feet didn’t reach the concrete, so he swung his cleats. He hung his sweaty head, and then with a spurt of anger, snatched the hat from the top of it. He wrung it, and Maura saw the twitch in his fingers like he wanted to slam it on the ground, but he refrained. He respected it.

“You sound like Jane,” Maura told him quietly, with a small smile. She knew, despite her literal nature, that he didn’t actually fall asleep. He meant he hadn’t been paying attention. And that understanding meant she was growing.

He clicked his tongue and shoved his hat back on his head. “I’m glad she wasn’t here,” he said with no small amount of disdain. “I’m glad she didn’t have to watch that.”

And then, something else clicked for Maura. “She, she got caught up at work, my love. There was a breakthrough in her case that she had to…” she paused, mid-sentence, and wondered why on Earth she was defending someone who told Declan she’d be there and then didn’t show, no matter the reason. “You know what? Let’s go home. I can run you a hot bath and then we can order a pizza.” She bit her lip at using one of Jane’s tactics - one she’d never have even considered before - even though Jane was absent.

“I’m not leaving,” Declan, who had sounded eighteen just a minute ago, sounded more like his actual eight years when he scooted a few feet further from his mother. “I’m glad she wasn’t here.” He repeated it to himself, a lie like a mantra, like a balm on his fresh wound, one that had opened up over a very old one.

Maura felt herself growing angry. “Declan, we can’t just stay here all night,” she said. The lights remained on, the baseball diamond still illuminated at Teddy Ebersol’s fields, but that wouldn’t be for much longer. Her son, however, showed no signs of budging. He pressed his palms hard against his dirt-stained home white pants and refused to look at her.

“You can’t, maybe. But I can,” he responded.

“I- I’ll be right back,” Maura told him. She looked out on the grass because she needed a grounding moment. Her son, always the calm, collected kid, nervous system firmly in freeze mode, needed more than what she could offer. She hated that, and that hate came through when she stepped away to dial a familiar number on her phone. It rang just once.

“Hey, Maura,” said Jane on the other line. She sounded distracted, maybe a little bit out of breath.

But she’d picked up. Maura wasn’t sure if that made her angrier or softer. “You need to come down here,” she answered back. She was terse, and unflinching when Jane gave her a huh? “You need to come to Ebersol.”

There was a pause and Maura envisioned Jane pulling her watch up to her face. “Wait, you guys are still at the park? The game shoulda been over an hour ago,” asked Jane. “That’s gotta mean it didn’t go well.”

Maura hated that Jane could just know that. Jane could listen to her, could get one detail, and just know. And that was why she needed to be there. “He’s refusing to leave,” Maura whispered, looking back at Declan even as she turned away to hide her conversation from him. He looked so small there in their very own chain link cage, collapsing in on himself in that boyish grief of losing. She wanted to run to him, to gather him up in her arms like she used to. Instead, she sighed. “He keeps saying that he’s glad you weren’t here to see him lose. He thinks it’s all his fault.”

“Tell him it’s not. Tell him that no one guy loses a ball game for his team. Unless it’s a closer,” Jane told her, and a little humor bled through in her voice.

“Tell him yourself,” barked Maura. “You know he doesn’t mean it. You know it hurt him that you weren’t here. He feels adrift without you, and you’re nowhere to be found minutes before game time? With nothing but a text? You’re…” Maura paused. Then she decided, yeah, she wanted to go there. Because Jane went there. “You’re doing exactly what his father does. Feeding him empty promises.”

Jane croaked. Maura heard the gaping mouth on the other line. “I… I’m on my way, Maura. Gimme fifteen and I’ll be there.”

Maura didn’t reply. She ended the call, and went back to Declan. Not too close, of course. But close enough to be heard. “I’ll sit with you,” she told him. She placed her purse in her lap, over the dress she wore to work, and waited.

Maura waited with him until the sun went down, right around seven pm. She waited with him, saying nothing, only watching him watch the diamond, having slipped his glove back on and pounding his fist against the leather every few seconds or so. His eyes scanned the lanes between first and second, between second and third, and then the grass of the outfield.

After those fifteen minutes had passed, Maura heard the horn engage on a BPD issue unmarked. Declan must have heard it, too, but he didn’t turn towards the parking lot behind him. He didn’t even turn around when block-heeled boots knocked against the sidewalk a few feet away.

Maura turned, though. She stood up, and spotted Jane, in full work suit, approaching.

“Hey,” Jane called to her as she pocketed her car keys. The sweep exposed her sidearm just before her blazer draped back over it like a curtain. “Sorry, things got really crazy with a witness.”

Maura let her in the dugout gate. “Like I said, tell him. In a way he’ll understand,” she motioned to Declan, who had stolen a glance Jane’s way, but quickly returned to his feet.

Jane nodded. “Hey, kid,” she said. Her eyes crinkled on each side and she smiled with closed lips. She took Maura’s seat, though her posture could not be more different. She slumped, and she planted her legs far apart. Unconsciously, he mimicked her. “Wanna tell me what the hell happened?” she asked him.

Maura sniffed away the urge to cry. “I’m going to give the two of you some privacy,” she announced, and then exited the gate. She loitered, close enough to hear them, far enough for her son to think she truly was occupied on her phone.

“Sounds like there was a beatdown,” Jane goaded after a few moments of Declan saying nothing. “You get routed?”

Declan’s head shot up and he gasped. “No! Who told you that? Did Mom tell you that? We lost by a run!”

Jane whistled. “Sometimes that’s worse,” she said. “Home run?”

“Error,” Declan groaned. “By me.”

He had Jane’s attention. “E4, huh? Did a ball go through the wickets?”

Flashes of Bill Buckner ran through Maura’s mind. Three months of this and already Jane had altered the visualization patterns of her own mind. If she smoked, she thought she’d want a cigarette in that moment. Everything was so complicated.

“No,” Declan said. “The player on first took off and I was… I wasn’t anywhere close to second base. I didn’t see it coming and the catcher threw the ball all the way in center field. He scored.”

“And that run won the game,” Jane extrapolated.

“I lost it,” Declan whined.

Jane risked a hand on his shoulder. He didn’t jerk away. “I’m gonna tell you what I told your mom,” she started. “No one guy loses the game for his team. Unless he’s a closer.”

Declan offered half a wry smile, but took it back as soon as it showed up. “I had no idea. I don’t… know how to tell.”

Jane knew what he meant. “When a guy is goin’, there’re warning signs,” she said. “Always.”

“There are?”

“Yeah. Subtle, but if you start to look for ‘em, you’ll see ‘em,” Jane explained. She pointed out to first base. “Most obvious is his lead, right? Most people are trying to get a little bit of a lead, but when a guy starts leaning, meaning you see his shoulder goes toward you more than a couple times, he’s thinking of going. Go to your bag. But you also gotta look for the dance. Watch his feet. He’ll start tiptoeing around the base because it’s easier to speed up something that’s already movin’ than to start something from a dead stop.”

“Oh,” Declan breathed. He leaned his back against the bench and sighed. He closed his eyes. “I should have seen it.”

Jane shook her head, but she let him sit quietly. The sprinklers turned on, crickets sounded, and she tapped her toe against the ground beneath it. Declan let her come closer, little by little. “Listen to me,” she ordered.

He said nothing, but he didn’t defy her, either.

“I know it,” she told him.

“What,” he asked, but like a statement to keep himself safe.

“That agony in your heart? How it feels to lose? I know it. And that’s a part of the game. You’re gonna feel it and you’re gonna learn how to use it. How to let it fuel you,” said Jane. “But the agony in your heart because I wasn’t here when I said I would be, that’s not normal. That’s me, letting you down. And I don’t ever wanna do that, Dec. So I’m sorry. That agony is on me.” She was quiet, and she slid a hand closer to his on the weathered green paint between them.

Maura pressed her palm so tightly over her mouth that it hurt, but at least it kept her from crying. Tears fell, but just one or two. She didn’t even hiccup. She counted it as a win of her own.

“Yeah, ok,” Declan finally replied, timid. When Maura turned, she saw his head lift, watched it turn toward Jane.

“Ok?” Jane asked. When he nodded slowly, she did, too. “I’ll do better. Promise.”

“Ok,” Declan repeated. Then, he stood up. “I wanna go home. Mom said we’d get pizza.”

Jane ushered him to the gate. “Pizza? Sure it was your mom? You know what, I’m not gonna ask questions. I’m just gonna eat my slice.”

Maura waited for them, and by the time Declan emerged on the other side of the dugout, she had put on a smile. “You look better,” she told him. Then, she held out her key fob, and looked over at the Prius. “Get in the car. I’m a few feet behind you.”

He took it without a word, but his hand was kind when it brushed hers. His eyes were soft on her face. He even took her direction and climbed into the backseat, after he tossed his gear bag in the trunk.

That left Jane and Maura standing alone, a few feet from him and a world away, behind metal and glass and still under the light towers.

“Thank you,” Maura said. “Don’t ever do this again, but thank you.” She reached for Jane’s hand, threaded their fingers together.

“I’m, I’m sorry. I know it probably, you know, brings up-”

Jane stammered, but Maura cut her off with a kiss. The kiss tasted like coffee and peppermint, and Maura didn’t know which flavor came from whom. The thought that each of them could taste like the other made Maura lightheaded. “I hate having to think of Ian when I see you. Don’t make me think of Ian when I see you.” She said breathlessly. “I want to think about you.”

Jane looked down at her, her hair falling in both of their faces. “You wanna think about me, huh?”

“No one makes him talk like you do,” Maura explained, arms wrapped around Jane’s shoulders, lips pecking Jane’s one more time. “Nothing makes him light up like this stupid, stupid game.”

“Hey now,” Jane admonished, and they both laughed, Maura’s tinged with some wet. “Watch it.”

“I heard what you told him,” Maura said. “About the agony in his heart? You’re working on the agony in mine, too. Now let’s get that pizza.”

#ask anthrofreshtodeath #lauren writes rizzoli and isles fanfiction #otp prompts April/may 2023 #drop me a line if you enjoyed

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themculibrary · 6 months

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Blind Date Masterlist

A Better Night (ao3) - Shatterpath steve/peggy G, 1k

Summary: Steve had never had good luck with women. Maybe a random encounter and a bit of matchmaking can help him out.

Blind (ao3) - PumpkinDoodles steve/darcy M, 2k

Summary: If he says yes to one blind date, Steve thinks, maybe Natasha will leave him alone for a few weeks. He'll meet this friend of Jane Foster's and buy himself a little time.

Blind Dates & Business Expenses (ao3) - yammz sam/bucky T, 3k

Summary: Yelena sputters as she gestures between them, “Do you see this? Now we’re off-topic, because you have to flirt!” When they don’t respond, she flops back onto the couch, arms crossed. “I mean, what is it going to take? Do you need to get each other out of your system? Just bang it out? Does it even need to be with each other?”

“Sam’s only flirting with me because he’s been trying to help me get back onto the dating scene,” Bucky explains, holding her gaze and speaking calmly. Nothing funny about it. Just a couple of buddies helping each other feel attractive enough to sow their seeds elsewhere. “So if you have someone in mind to help out, then he’s off the hook.”

[Prompt: Sam and Bucky flirt so much that the Avengers decide to just set them up, unknowingly, with each other. Neither of them will say no to free food. Hence begins their dating to shut everyone up, but maybe they like it actually.]

Coffee Spoons and Fish Fallacies (ao3) - 27dragons bucky/tony T, 3k

Summary: Harley and Peter think their dads would get along great, since both of them are uber nerrrrrds. They set up a date, and eagerly await the outcome.

don't know just how it happened (I let down my guard) (ao3) - orphan_account gamora/peter G, 1k

Summary: Gamora is convinced that nothing good ever comes of blind dates; thus, it follows that naturally, this was unexpected.

Flying Toward the Light (ao3) - msraven clint/phil, steve/peggy T, 3k

Summary: Steve and Clint have been friends since they met at a group home when they were kids, but agreeing to a blind date at the Fourth of July picnic is pushing the boundaries of even their friendship.

Hold Me Like A Grudge (ao3) - kiss_me_cassie clint/natasha E, 6k

Summary: It was supposed to be a one-night stand.

Instead they flirt and text and eventually fall in love. But it takes Natasha a little while to catch on to all that.

How Clint and Nat Set Steve Up (ao3) - ItsMayBiTheWay steve/tony G, 1k

Summary: Clint and Nat sign Steve up for a dating website and force him to go one a blind date, knowing full well he has a crush on Tony the size of Mount Rushmore. Steve holds his ground on hating them until he sees who's his date.

i'll wait in line (aways). (ao3) - frostfall steve/tony T, 8k

Summary: “I think it’s a great idea.”

Steve does a double-take at that. In fact, everyone’s staring at Tony in puzzlement. Except for Natasha but that's hardly surprising. Nothing fazes her.

What's surprising is Tony's reaction. The Tony in front of them can’t be the same Tony who has to be dragged or hauled out of his workshop for meals or gatherings, let alone galas and big parties. For him to willingly agree to be set up on blind dates by his friends is a huge breakthrough.

A breakthrough Steve hates but a breakthrough nonetheless.

(Or the five Avengers who set Tony up on a blind date and the one Avenger who ends up being Tony's blind date.)

i really (really) like you (ao3) - onsolsix sam/bucky T, 10k

Summary: The date so far is playing through Sam’s mind like one of those old movie reels, and he’s pretty sure his mistakes have overrun the good things. “I stranded him in the middle of this place, spilled his drink over him, and I almost let him go hungry!” Sam pauses and shakes his head, running his hand over his hair before it comes down over his face. “I almost starved my date, man!"

Sam's has a blind date with a friend of a friend of a friend. There's a reason he keeps to the swipe right kind of lifestyle.

Mistaken (ao3) - honestlydarkprincess steve/bucky G, 806

Summary: Steve thinks Bucky is his blind date that Nat set him up with. Bucky doesn't correct him.

Never the Wrong Card - maniac_intent scott/jimmy E, 4k

Summary: Scott peeked in. He was a little late thanks to traffic. On a quick sweep of the place, he thought for a moment that whoever he was meeting was also late. Or had stood Scott up. No such luck. In the corner of the restaurant, checking his phone, was a guy in a suit with a white tulip pinned to his lapel.

Huh. Scott felt a little embarrassed for snipping a wildflower off the sidewalk now, but he’d genuinely forgotten about the flower thing until he was on his way. He sidled over to the table and sat down. “Paxton’s friend?” Scott asked, then added awkwardly, “er, hi.”

Rainbows and Unicorns (ao3) - inkvoices clint/natasha T, 3k

Summary: Tired of unrequitedly pining for each other, Natasha and Clint each ask the same person to set them up on a blind date. And Sharon does set them up... with each other.

Stood Up (ao3) - spoffyumi steve/bucky G, 886

Summary: Short one-shot based on this prompt. Bucky is waiting at a Starbucks for his blind date to show up. So is a certain muscular blond.

the james braincell (ao3) - astrhae steve/tony T, 9k

Summary: “Right. How do we get them to admit they love each other?”

In front of him, Bucky brings out a metal flask and takes a swig out of it. “Hell if I know. You’re the genius who went to MIT.”

“I studied aerospace engineering,” Rhodey rolls his eyes, “not how to get two idiots to kiss.”

-------

Or, Bucky and Rhodey are the braincells.

In a desperate last ditch attempt, they set Steve and Tony up for a blind date.

Steve and Tony don't know that their date is each other. But they might have a braincell of their own. Might.

two tables over (ao3) - orphan_account steve/peggy T, 2k

Summary: Steve found it hard to be optimistic about the blind dates Natasha kept setting him up on. Her scheduling them at the restaurant she worked at was just another way for her to supervise him, or to witness his humiliation firsthand.

#themculibrary #masterlists #marvel #mcu #blinddate #blinddate masterlist

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rollforjackass · 1 year

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WHOOOOOO MISSION IMPOSSIBLE!!! dead reckoning spoilers under the cut

what mission impossible does in terms of fucking with my PTSD, it makes up for with hot women. amen

VERY funny chase sequences, 2 new characters who pulled their weight in gold from the second they stepped onscreen. the airport scene was immaculate, from luther & benji trying to solve shit on their own and roping ethan in in the most cryptic way possible (the bomb scene with benji broke my fucking heart) to the constant sleight of hand that reminded me of the first movie. kittridge and the white widow's semi-familial relationship was very unexpected and sweet

also, AI AS A VILLAIN!!!!!!! bitch i did not have my brain chemistry rewired by person of interest and a warforged dnd character i made just to not enjoy that. benji's voice being used to misdirect ethan fucked me up in so many ways, and its insistence on stories was very fun because as we all know, there are many different stories out in the world, and many different versions of each one. i loved that pom fulfilled the AI's prophecy that she would betray gabriel NOT BECAUSE OF THE REASON IT THOUGHT, but because it betrayed HER over a possible course she hadn't even taken yet

i AM very worried about benji for the second part, they made a point of showing him on EVERY line of that epilogue that referenced death. "the closer someone is to you, the harder to keep them alive" > benji's face (watching ethan, which says as much about benji as it could foreshadow for ethan); "should your agents be captured or killed" > benji's face. it also showed his face on a line similar to "do it alone", which makes me TERRIFIED that he'll take on the entity in the sevastapol sphere by himself and have to make a grand heroic sacrifice in the process, at which point i'll fill my pockets with stones and toss myself bodily into the nearest lake

that said, dead reckoning might be my least favorite of the franchise, and not just because it was overblown and grandiose and a two-parter. it feels like they saw the john wick movies and went 'That's what the people want', when the reason people love mission impossible in the first place is because of its rock solid ensemble cast and the elaborate deceptions that make it a Spy franchise, not just an Action one.

now the big issue. ilsa my love. i don't think ilsa is actually dead - she simply would Not lose to gabriel, she has been fighting to stay alive every second of her life - but i do think her sacrifice was necessary to get grace on their side. so i think that's a plan that we'll see pay out in the second movie.

but if it's Not a plan and they just killed her like that........girl what the fuck is happening on this day

(also the way that benji reacted to her death, and the way he hid it from the team and slapped the tears away to get back to work, thanks i hate it)

like i won't be generous with the franchise and say it's always done its female characters right - in fact i feel like 90% of the praise i see for characters like jane carter and ilsa faust comes from the fact that we as a fandom scooped them up and said 'you deserve better' and created art and fics and meta that fleshed out the parts of them that weren't created to add sex appeal/romance tom cruise. but the franchise has at least done Better for them than dead reckoning did. they didn't even give pom's character a name, dude (EDIT YES THEY DID I’M A FOOL HER NAME IS PARIS)

i think their problem is that they are Very Very good at creating wonderfully complex and obviously flawed female characters, but when they don't know what to do with them anymore, they fall into a box that says Ethan's Love Interest. and by god i will wrest grace from that box so long as i am breathing i can tell you that

that said, i can see why they made the creative choices that come across to me as bad faith. pom being a nameless henchman but ethan Still goes out of his way to save her life hammers home the ways that humans are different from AI, and how unique ethan is as an agent. grace's name being a random throwaway alias that she is then trapped with bc she keeps being chased by the people she used it with is reminiscent of her stealing the key and then being trapped in an epic struggle she never wanted. even ilsa dying is a way for her to take her story into her own hands: after so long of being treated as dispensable by MI-6 and the syndicate, she is the one who decides when and who she dies for, and why she dies. (even though she's not dead)

anyway, complaints aside, always a fun movie. extremely funny car chase. women are hot. pom klementieff is feral and i adore her. i have thoughts for days and that mission impossible fic i've got going is about to take OFF

#dead reckoning spoilers #mission impossible spoilers #keeping this out of the main tags just in case #simon pegg as benji you have bewitched me body and soul #oxly hollers

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starjane312 · 1 year

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Spider x Oc

Big Masterlist

Masterlist

Chapter 1

Rightnow I’m in my True Body, sitting in the High Camp with Spider and Kiri. The others are on a Mission to get Supplies from the sky People. Well, get is not the right word. Steal fits better. For some Reason I wasn’t allowed to go but Lo’ak and Neteyam where. Which is definitely unfair. I look at Spider. Kiri is helping him Paint blue stripes on him.

S: I’m definitely faster when I’m blue.

I scoff.

K: Skawng.

S: Seriously, and the animals respect me more. They don’t think of me as Human.

Kiri goes to kneel in front of him.

K: Wait You’re Human ? Did you know that ?

She looks at me. I laugh and push her head.

S: Ha Ha.

We hear the others coming back. Tuk runs to us.

T: They’re coming. Kiri, Spider, Jane ! The War Party is coming back. Come on !

I run after her, To the Ikran.

T: Mom !

She goes to Hug Neytiri.

Ne: Tuk, Tuk, Tuk.

I watch Neytiri Hug Tuk. Then Lo’ak lands.

Ja: Fall in !

Oh no what did they do now ?

Ja: You’re supposed to be Spotters. You spot Bogeys and Call them in. From a Distance ! Does that sound familiar ? Get here.

Me and Spider start to take the Armour of the Ikran.

Ja: Jesus, I let you two geniuses fly a Mission and you disobey direct orders. Should’ve taken Jane with us.

I look at them with raised Eyebrows. Kiri is checking on Neteyam.

Ja: Kiri you go and help your Grandmother with the Wounded. Please.

K: My Brother is wounded.

Ja: Please. Tuk go with her. Go !

N: Sir, I take full responsibility.

I look at Neteyam and roll my Eyes. We all know it was Lo’ak’s fault. I hate it when he takes the Blame. Kiri and Tuk go.

Ja: Yeah you do ! That’s right ‘cause you’re the Older brother, you gotta act like it.

Ne: Ma Jake, your son is actually Bleeding.

N: Mother it’s- it’s fine. I-

Ja: Go and get patched up. Go on, dismissed.

Neteyam and Neytiri go.

Ja: You do understand that you almost got your Brother Killed ?

L: Yes Sir.

Ja: You’re grounded. No flying for a Month. Now see to the Ikran. All of em. And get that crap off your Face.

I watch as Jake walks off until he stops and looks at me.

Ja: I was Serious Jane. Next time you’re coming.

I nod my Head.

J: Thank you.

He walks off. I let out a puff of Air and look at Spider.

J: Well …

S: At least you got away with one month of no Flying.

Lo’ak rolls his eyes. After we finished the Ikran we go to the Sully's Mauri. Neteyam’s getting patched up by his Grandma, Our Tsahik, Mo’at.

N: Ouch.

S: Aw ! Little kiss on the Boo boo.

I chuckle and lay my hand on his shoulder.

J: Don’t be so mean, Ma Spider.

He looks at me and smirks. Tuk goes to Neteyam and gives him something to drink.

K: I would use Yalnabark.

I look between her and Mo'at.

M: Oh you would ? And who is Tsahik ?

She walks to Nete.

K: You are Grandmother, move.

She pushes Lo’ak back and knelt behind Nete.

K: You are Grandma, but Yalnabark is better.

Mo’at smears something on Nete’s shoulder.

N: Ouh, Ouch.

K: It stings less.

I kneel in front of Nete.

J: Wanna hold my Hand ?

I chuckle as he pushes me away.

N: Very funny.

I sit with crossed legs and look at him.

J: Guess what. Next time I can come.

N: Really ?

L: Instead of me.

N: Oh.

I nod. After Neteyam’s patched up I go and lay in my Hammock.

J See you in the Lab.

S: See you.

I close my Eyes. When I open them I push open the Capsule.

Ma: How you feeling ?

J: Good.

He hands me a glass.

J: Smoothie ?

Ma: Yes, drink it.

I roll my Eyes drink a sip and walk to the Others who are just coming through the door.

#atwow #spider socorro x reader #spider x reader #Spider x Oc

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peace-coast-island · 2 years

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Diary of a Junebug

Strawberry cake and vanilla spice coffee

With the year slowly coming to a close and the holidays quickly approaching, I’ve been thinking about how much things have changed and what the future may hold. Being back home with family and old friends, it feels nice to kick back and let go of your responsibilities for a bit.

Daisy Jane and I have been hanging out with Team Magic a lot, especially now that Pippa’s recovering at home after the bone marrow transplant was successful. She and Almie are in high spirits so that’s good to see. Mariposa, Luna, and Skully have been checking in often as soon as she was allowed to have visitors. There had been a few complications at first but Pippa was able to pull through and now it seems like the worst is behind for her. Hopefully that’ll be the last time cancer throws a wrench in her life.

Almie can finally breathe easy now that Pippa’s doing well. He would never forgive himself if something happened to her. Even though he tried to put on a brave face, Daisy Jane and I knew that he’d been on edge since Pippa’s leukemia returned. We’d all thought she’d be one of those people who’d beat it the first time, though she later told us that her doctor always kept it real with her, which allowed her to brace herself when she got called back for more tests.

I think because of her illness, Pippa has taken on a more pragmatic approach to life over the past couple of years and that has allowed her to take her ordeal in stride. From what I remember, the old Pippa was the kind of person who feared the unknown, preferring to stay in her comfort zone where it was safe. Then she got sick and that forced her to confront with the unknown, which is understandably scary, especially if the question of whether you even have a future to look forward to is an option you actually have to think about.

Not too long ago, Pippa was featured as a guest writer on Falling Star’s blog. There, she wrote about how cancer changed her outlook on life along with her thoughts post recovery now that she was out of the woods. It was a very insightful read, especially the part about how she’s learned to live life for herself.

Pippa wrote that for the longest time, she thought you had to be special in order to live life to the fullest. I can understand that pressure to “be someone”, to always strive for high expectations and to constantly prove yourself in order to be considered worthy. She said part of the reason why she had trouble stepping out of her comfort zone was because she didn’t feel confident. Even though she doesn’t consider herself as a perfectionist, she always had that fear of doing something wrong or being inconvenient (same, Pippa, same), so she thought it was best to stay out of the way. And so she allowed herself to get lost in the background, hoping that one day she will eventually get the courage to reveal herself without feeling self conscious.

Through the ups and downs, Pippa said the biggest takeaway for her was to just live life, to just be happy with your existence. Life shouldn’t be a competition where you constantly have to prove yourself in order for others to notice you and respect you. She says it’s a hard pill for certain people to swallow, but you shouldn’t live based on what makes you the most popular or successful. Ambition isn’t always about climbing upwards, it’s about doing what makes you happy and fulfilled. In other words, life shouldn’t be a competition. You should be allowed to make mistakes and be mediocre, because in order to be comfortable with yourself, you need to accept that your flaws are a part of you too.

Luna also plays a huge role in helping Pippa come out of her shell. For pretty much all her life Luna was talked down and treated like an outcast, so if anyone knows what it’s like to constantly doubt yourself, even hate yourself, it’s her. Luna had said that she finally got tired of people talking behind her back so she said “Fuck it, I’m gonna do my own thing and not care what everyone thinks.” and that’s how she became the eccentric witch we all know and love. Not only she was a positive influence on Pippa, she also brought Angie, Willow, and Mariposa together.

Seeing the girls all together hanging out, it pretty much sums up what Pippa said the past couple years have been for her: a mixed blessing. To think that if she hadn’t been diagnosed with leukemia she wouldn’t have reconnected with Willow, meet Mariposa, and become close with Luna and Skully. No matter how uncertain the future may be, at least Pippa will be supported by those who love and care for her.

While Pippa’s relationship with Almie has strengthened because of what they’ve been through together, Alon has been pretty much out of the picture. They said he calls once in a while but that’s about it. Apparently he’s so busy that he can’t bother to make time to visit when both his siblings were in the hospital undergoing an intense procedure. As harsh as it sounds, we all have come to accept that he just doesn’t give a fuck about his own family.

Honestly, sometimes I find it a little hard to believe that Alon’s related to Almie and Pippa because he always seemed different. Maybe some of that stems from being a middle child - not that I would know anything about that so I can’t say for sure - but I think he always felt that he was superior than his siblings. Sure he’s smart, ambitious, and talented, the kind of person who’s “somebody” - which definitely played into his siblings’s insecurities - so in a way his arrogance is somewhat justified. But since going off to college and later moving out, it seems like he’s been burning bridges with a lot of people.

He and Mae have so much in common in the worst ways that it’s not funny. Even though they’ve known each other since forever they didn’t start dating until a few years ago, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that around the time they started dating and college when their egos began to get the better of them. Like with Pippa and Almie with Alon, Daisy Jane’s relationship with Mae has become increasingly strained over the past couple years.

It’s not just the fact that they have widely different world views compared to us, it’s also the fact that the way they see people in general is, in my opinion, toxic. Now that I think about it, Alon and Mae have gotten dangerously controlling, forcing those close to them to only be acquainted with certain people and tearing others down for doing things the wrong way - that’s not healthy. The main reason why Pippa was able to get close to Luna and Skully was because Alon wasn’t there to intervene - for someone who claimed that he wanted Pippa to bring out her full potential, he held her back a lot.

As for Mae, a while back, Daisy Jane, Cheyenne, and I came to a revelation about Mae. Basically, the reason why Mae is against Daisy Jane being an artist is because she simply doesn’t see artists as human. By that I mean Mae sees them as content creators who have to be constantly working and constantly churning out content to appeal to the masses. The podcast incident proved that point.

There’s also the fact that Mae just doesn’t like Daisy Jane’s art style. She’s the kind of person who critiques things based on whether they meet her personal tastes. Most of her “helpful” advice is just her trying to force things to work out the way she wants it without taking others into consideration. In her eyes, since Daisy Jane’s art didn’t interest her, she shouldn’t even bother because if she doesn’t like it, then no one should.

And when Daisy Jane gained a significant following, Mae shrugged it off saying that mentally ill gays seem to have low standards, which is like wtf. No one forcing her to like her sister’s work and somehow she acts like it’s a big deal that people like it. It’s not like Daisy Jane’s art is niche or anything, it’s just not something that interests Mae and as disheartening it is to hear that your sibling doesn’t like your art, well, it’s their opinion and just leave it at that. At this point Daisy Jane just wants Mae to leave her alone instead of barging in with her useless opinions that contribute nothing except make her look like an entitled bitch.

Speaking of entitled, it came to no surprise that Alon and Mae are a part of Hologram Viral, an infamous streaming platform known for its toxic community. Sad to say that they do fit into that crowd, especially since they have the power to decide who succeeds and who flops. From what I’ve heard, it’s the kind of community where you choose friends based on what you can get out of them. As soon as you fall short of their unreasonably high expectations or they can no longer exploit you or they simply don’t like you anymore, you’re out. Mae especially has built a reputation of playing favorites, contributing to the worsening state of Hologram.

Let’s just say that it’s for the best that neither one has returned to Rosevine since moving out. Truth be told, they probably think they’re too good for this town. I’d say good riddance to them - I know I’m not the only one.

Willow and Mariposa have some major updates on their lives. Mariposa’s staying in Rosevine, as in actually living here instead of it being a temporary thing. Her mom’s in the process of moving here so Mariposa will be moving out of Luna’s soon. Luna won’t admit it but I’m sure she’ll miss Mariposa’s presence, but at least they’re still in the same town. Mariposa said it’s hard to leave since she’s been with Luna all this time but she also wants to be with her mom too and they have a lot to catch up on. She doesn’t go into too much detail about her family situation for obvious reasons, though she’s been slowly opening up a bit more, so I take it as a good sign that things are improving.

Even though Mariposa’s moving out, Luna and Skully still have Hunter living with them, this time for good. I’m glad he’s decided to stay. I think being with Luna and the others is good for him. It’s also good to see him more up and about, which he credits hours of physical therapy to. He’s still using crutches, though he says he’s able to walk without them for short periods of time, which is good. However, he has fallen a few times due to overconfidence, but luckily someone was quickly by his side and he was fine.

Yeah, I don’t blame the others for being anxious. While it’s clear that Hunter wants to get back on his feet, he shouldn’t be pushing himself too hard. I mean, it’s understandable that he’s probably restless, especially now that he can relax after escaping an abusive environment. Hunter never talked much about it but we can put two and two together. In other words, he’s been through hell and back, and hopefully at this point he can move forward. With Luna taking him under her wing, Hunter’s in good hands.

As for Willow’s family situation, her father’s safe, but still keeping a low profile. She and her siblings just found out a couple days ago that the divorce was finalized, which happened a lot faster than they expected. Last we heard, their mother didn’t take it well when he told her that he wanted out. Given their status and power, him leaving means that his reputation will take a massive hit and he will be seen as an enemy in the eyes of many. It can’t be easy leaving a situation like that so good for him. Like Willow and her siblings said, the old man has finally flown the coop.

Along with catching up with friends and family, I was looking forward to Flora’s strawberry cake and vanilla spice coffee. For as long as I can remember, around this time of year the local market begins selling cakes. Right before the holidays is when the market gets hectic as people try to buy desserts before they’re all gone. When I was the one picking up the cakes, I can’t help but feel a bit victorious when I walk out with the boxes while the line grows longer outside.

Since moving out, I think it’s become a tradition for me to treat myself to a strawberry cake when I come home around this time of the year. Strawberry is their most popular cake so I gotta grab it while I can before it’s sold out. Fortunately, since their cakes are big, making it impossible for me to eat by myself, I share them with my friends so they get to enjoy it too. Nothing like food to bring people together.

And of course, you need a good drink to go with dessert, so for me, coffee is the way to go. Vanilla spice coffee is one of my favorites, especially the one at Flora’s, so it makes sense to pair that with the cake. Even though Flora’s is a market, their cakes and coffee are top tier in quality, rivaling some popular cafes in my opinion.

The days have been slow and I don’t mind. As nice as it was to hang out with everyone, I need time for myself to recharge - such is the nature of an introvert. I came home to take it easy, so that’s what I’m gonna do while enjoying some cake and catching up on some knitting.

#animal crossing #animal crossing pocket camp #Diary of a Junebug #headcanon ramble

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redorich · 4 years

Note

A favorite trope of mine has always been- getting to see another person’s past. Is it some kind of judgment thing by a higher power? Something like Freeze Day from SCTFOE? Person trapped in a nightmare and their nightmare is being projected? Who knows. All that’s important is after months of healing, some of the Hermits get to see exactly what Tommy went through. It shows short clips of him before being happy, the rise and fall of Manburg, Wilbur going insane, the festival, the withers, all of it. Just short clips of these things though. The last clip of the SMP is just Dream’s mask outlined by his green hood saying, “you’ll stay here alone with just me until you learn to be quite and respectful and not fight those who are in power over you. Even if you have to stay out here *forever*.”

This turned into a whole drabble smh xD

((btw @give-grian-rights helped me so thank you))

-------

The remaining hermits aren’t sure what happened. They have no way of knowing. There was a witch involved, Cub thinks, but what their fallen friends must have done to piss her off to the point of getting cursed is beyond their ken. Among those laid out are Cleo, Grian, Xisuma, Zedaph, and Tommy.

Scar and Cub work their Vex magic together to figure out that their friends are trapped in their worst memories. (Etho calls it a Demonic Hell Viewing Illusion, and False smacks him upside the head for the Naruto reference.) Holding hands with a victim pulls you in, but that’s what they’re counting on. Joe’s already wading through Cleo’s nightmare before anyone gets the chance to ask, and Impulse and Tango aren’t far behind doing the same for Zedaph. However, it doesn’t work for Grian, Xisuma, and Tommy; they were found already holding hands. They must have figured something out about the curse before they succumbed to it. All the hermits can do for them, for the time being, is hope.

Tommy, Grian, and Xisuma wake to the smell of sulphur and smoke. The ground is orange and littered with bullets. Grian grabs Tommy’s hand, and Xisuma grabs a discarded rifle. Tommy points his finger up at the top of a mound of scrap metal and dead bodies. There’s a nether portal, except the obsidian is whiter than quartz. That's where they have to go to get out of here.

All around them, demons lurch and shriek and hiss and all sorts of unholy behavior, bodily flinging themselves at the trio as though they know none of them can take the men on their own, and that just by dogpiling them all one of them will get lucky. Xisuma instantly snaps into a professional mode, the way he sometimes does when he's killing zombies but they keep social spawning. He takes up the lead with machine gun fire and grenades, carving a path through the crowd. Grian takes up the rear with a handgun. Neither Xisuma nor Tommy ask why Grian is so comfortable with a gun. They've got more pressing issues.

An imp gets lucky. It's just enough to crack the visor of Xisuma's helmet, and the imp instantly gets mowed down.

"I can't see," Xisuma rasps through gritted teeth.

"Then take the helmet off," Tommy says, cleaving through an enemy with a sharp piece of scrap metal. Grian breathes in sharply. As far as Grian's aware, Xisuma always wears his helmet.

Xisuma goes quiet for a second. "I suppose you've got a point."

The helmet gets dropped to the ground and demon limbs shuffle it away. They don't have time to look at Xisuma's wild brown hair, his purple eyes, the burn scars on his jaw.

They make it to the portal all in one piece. Xisuma takes one last wistful look at the Martian hellscape, then takes his friends' hands. They step through the portal together.

----

They step out of the portal into the foyer of a high school. Grian's eyes shutter.

"We'll be headed toward the roof, I believe," he says, staring dully through the spectre of a broken, bloody man holding a rope.

Tommy latches onto Grian's clammy hand to ground him as the three ascend stairs and traverse the dark, winding hallways. The ghost follows them. It isn't like Ghostbur-- it's, well, not vengeful, but it's not kind. The man named Gareth keens about Grian's sins, about a boy named Taurtis who Gareth hates, about mafia and yakuza, about his poor wife Jane.

On the last set of stairs, Gareth makes a wailing remark that causes Grian to bodily flinch. Tommy doesn't even know what the ghost said (he wasn't listening).

"Fuck off," Tommy says, "you're the shittest ghost I've ever met. Even my brother could..."

He trails off. This is not the way to fix things for Grian. On a hunch, he reaches into his pocket. Of course the object he's looking for is in there; it's his brother's coat.

He holds the object out to the ghost. "Have some blue."

Gareth warily takes it, dropping his rope. It floods periwinkle, then cyan, then dark royal blue. A weight seems lifted from the ghost's shoulders as he clutches the blue, mutters something about Jane, and leaves.

Tommy takes Grian's hand, then Xisuma's, and they go through the door to the school's rooftop together. They halt as one. The portal is there. Standing between them is a boy maybe Tommy's age, with a corpse at his feet.

"Sam," Grian whispers. "Taurtis."

The standing boy smiles, eyes obscured by a purple mask with a rectangular symbol on it, and flexes bloody wings. The corpse on the ground has blood all over its back, where wings once were, and broken headphones around his neck.

"Man, Grian, you really held out on me," Sam says. "This Watcher power really is something else--"

Sam topples over backward. His body hits the ground in front of the portal. Xisuma lowers his gun.

"He looked like bad news," Xisuma says.

Grian grimaces. "He was. Come on, let's go."

They once again step into the portal.

----

“Do you want to be a hero, Tommy?” Technoblade roars, “Then die like one!”

Their paltry little group of three gets no chance to take in their surroundings, to see what’s going on and where they need to go. All they can process is the legendary PvP champion, acolyte of the Blood God, Technoblade, unleashing Withers upon what once might have been a town.

Tommy yanks them into cover. “I don’t know where the portal is,” he hisses.

Grian squeezes his shoulder. “We’ll find it.”

Explosions rain hellfire down upon them from all angles-- not just the Withers, but TNT buried in the ground. They’re so close, they can see the man who set it off. And he must have, because he’s yelling about it, yelling about his L’Manberg and his unfinished symphony and begging his father to kill him. He’s wearing Tommy’s coat--

Bile rises in the back of Grian’s throat. Tommy wears his brother’s coat.

Tommy’s eyes are glued to the gleaming diamond sword that Wilbur gives to his father. He watches his brother die all over again, and he knows where he must go. He turns his back on his broken family and breathes.

“We need to go to the Nether,” he says. They nod.

The black portal is across the battlefield. They come across corpses more than once on their way, but ignore them. They can’t afford not to.

In the Nether, there is a rickety, dangerous pathway with no rails, made of cobblestone and obsidian and oak logs. Manic-depressive ravings on signs proclaim the path as the road to Logstedshire. Piglins try to knock them off to no avail, and ghasts blow up the bridge behind them as they run. On the other side of the Logstedshire portal is... actually not a hellscape, as Grian and Xisuma have come to expect, but a little village encampment. Nothing is blown up, nothing is amiss, except Tommy himself. And, of course, the figure they spot after they catch Tommy staring at it.

It’s Dream. The up-and-coming famous speedrunner who Grian faintly recalls killing once in MCC, which was apparently a big deal. The man approaches, and Grian realizes where he recognizes the mask from. It’s the same one that Tommy wears.

“Tommy,” Dream says conversationally, “items in the pit.”

Tommy’s hand wavers, reaches up to unclasp his chestplate, but Xisuma’s hand on his shoulder stops him.

“No,” Tommy says.

“No?” Dream parrots incredulously. “You know the rules. It’s for your own good. Armor in the pit. Tools in the pit. Friends in the pit.”

They all gasp, though for different reasons. Tommy’s eyes narrow. “Friends in the pit? You’ve never said that one before.”

Dream’s head twitches. “Friends in the pit. Friends. In the pit.”

The man’s voice is deeper than Tommy remembers. Something seems to resolve within Dream’s behavior, yet he keeps twitching. “You’re in exile, Tommy, you don’t need. Friends. I’m all you need. You were doing so good. I thought you learned to behave. I’m all you need. You don’t need friends.”

What happened to the eloquent poison that used to drip from Dream’s tongue like honey? He sounds like a broken record. All at once, Tommy staggers under the weight of the realization that this isn’t Dream. Somewhere underneath that horrible man that abused him is the real Dream, trapped in his own body and watching the dreamon that possessed him hurt his friends.

Xisuma’s gun makes an appearance again, but Tommy holds up a hand in a silent request for the admin to hold his fire. Tommy grabs Dream by the shoulders, removes Dream’s mask and then his own so that he can look the man in the eyes. “I know you’re in there, Dream. When I get out of this nightmare, I’ll save you. I swear it on my discs.”

Dream’s face twitches erratically. The movement spreads to his whole head, neck jerking. He raises straight up into the air, higher and higher, then explodes into a shower of items and no body. A white portal shimmers into existence.

“What the hell was that?!” Grian demands.

Tommy grins, taking the man’s hand and leading him to the portal. “I’ve got a friend to save.”

Grian snarls. “Tommy, he abused you. He’s not your friend.”

“That wasn’t Dream. It was a--”

“Dreamon,” Xisuma breathes.

Tommy nods. They walk through the portal together, and when they wake, holding each other close, they know they’ve got a mission. They can do it.

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transdemigod · 3 years

Text

Cutting Yourself Off from the Entities: A Comprehensive Guide

I am once again overanalyzing the Magnus Archives for fun. This topic is super interesting to me, and I haven’t seen it explored as much as other theories, so here we go.

So, you’ve pledged yourself to one of the Dread Powers, but decided that you’ve had enough of terrorizing others. Not to worry, there is a way out. Melanie King did it and lived all the way to the end of the series!

Here is the summary, though I’m sure a full explanation will be more satisfying:

To escape the Buried, lose yourself to the emptiness. To escape the Corruption, kill what loves you. To escape the Dark, give yourself to the sunlight. To escape the Desolation, choose kindness. To escape the End, cut yourself off from dreams. To escape the Eye, blind yourself. To escape the Flesh, give up control of your body. To escape the Hunt, tear out your teeth and claws. To escape the Lonely, bind yourself to others. To escape the Slaughter, remove your emotions. To escape the Spiral, destroy your voice. To escape the Stranger, make yourself known. To escape the Vast, trap yourself in a small place. To escape the Web, give up your autonomy.

The rest is under the cut. Let me know if you have any ideas that you think I missed, I would love to discuss theories.

We know for sure that the way to escape the Eye is to gouge your own eyes out. The other entities have less information, but we get a few clues here and there. In the season 4 Q&A, Jonny and Alex joke about leaving the service of the Stranger by running naked through the streets. They also mention that the Desolation can be left by an act of true altruism. With these details, as well as other details in the rest of the canon, we can make a list of criteria that must be satisfied for an act that will cut someone off from each of the 14 Entities.

Firstly, it isn’t enough to just stop feeding your god. Daisy and Jon both tried to abstain and ended up wasting away, and it is implied that they would have died if they had continued. Dying is certainly one possible way to escape the service of a Fear, but we’re going for living out the rest of your natural life here.

Secondly, there has to be some sacrifice made that relates to the specific power. This is where the Desolation’s explanation kind of falls apart; doing one good act doesn’t stop you from just continuing to be destructive, so the act must also include giving up the thing that ties you to your Entity. In the Stranger’s case, one could argue that exposing yourself does count as giving up your anonymity, and there are several Stranger avatars that seem to thrive on being unknown. My theory is that each Entity has a draw of some kind, a power that it gives its followers, which you would have to completely give up if you are to leave it for good. Jon mentioned that the blinding has to be permanent, so I’m assuming this applies to the others as well. Basically, the avatar who wishes to leave must give up something that one who does not wish to leave would never want to.

Third, the change can be physical or symbolic. Obviously blinding yourself is a very physical change, while committing acts of altruism or making yourself known are less so. Some of the Entities will have pretty clear parts of the body that connect you to the power, others will need a bit more of an explanation. In special cases where a person gets their power from an artifact or a Leitner, destroying the thing would probably be enough to cut them off from that power. And of course, if you are as lucky as Georgie Barker and manage to completely get rid of your fear, that would probably be enough to cut you off from them as well.

So, here are my explanations for what you would have to do to cut yourself off from each of the 14. I’m basing it on examples we get in the series, the few rules I have decided to set, and what would seem thematically or symbolically appropriate. Realistically, each individual would have their own personal journey and each avatar is different, but it’s more fun this way.

The Buried- The draw of the Buried is a little difficult to narrow down, we’ve heard about restfulness, the comfort of enclosed spaces, the desire to be a part of the earth, etc. The thing Buried avatars seem to dislike the most is wide open spaces, though I don’t know how that would translate to something you can change about yourself. How would a person cut themselves off from the earth? You could move to a place that is very open, but you could also just leave. I’m not sure if there is a way a person could give up the concept of space, so I’m probably going to have this same problem when I get to the Vast. Probably the only thing you could give up that makes sense is the type of space the Buried is tied to, so you’d have to keep away from enclosed spaces. However you’re supposed to do that, I have no idea. This one is just going to have to be a less satisfying answer, unless I find another idea later.

To escape the Buried, lose yourself to the emptiness.

The Corruption- Most people who get into the Corruption get filled with bugs, and we know from Jane that it is appealing because you have a sense of belonging and purpose. The Corruption focuses a lot on toxic love, and I think communities specifically because the things we think of as infections are multitudinous: insect hives, bacteria, fungal colonies, etc. Even in the case of that one guy with the beetle wife, it was implied that there would soon be many more beetles. So, I think to stop being fed by the Corruption, you have to get rid of the infection in whatever form it takes. The one woman in the statement about the cult ended up leaving, but she wasn’t a full avatar, so I think that would require a bit more drastic action. If Jane had wanted to leave, she would probably have had to kill every worm inside of her. Knowing what we know about her, she would never want to do that, but she also had no regrets about becoming the Hive. Someone like John Amherst would have to get rid of all the diseases inside of him, so it might be as simple as a hospital visit and getting pumped full of antibiotics. If you got hollowed out by bugs, you might have to fill in the space somehow to be able to move, but I’m sure you could find a way. Maybe some help from the Flesh? It does seems to be in opposition to the Corruption in many ways, so that would work thematically.

To escape the Corruption, kill what loves you.

The Dark- Another abstract one. What’s the opposite of blinding yourself? The Dark, aside from the literal definition, includes things like weird science and unknowable things that lurk in the dark. Seeking knowledge would be a good opposite to darkness, but that’s not making a sacrifice or a permanent change. It’s not very clear what avatars of the Dark would hate to lose. Manuela Dominguez describes hating the light, how traditional divinity and knowledge are unnatural as opposed to the dark state of the world. This might be another location based one. Apparently, the sunniest places in the world are in northern Africa and the southwest parts of America, so moving there might do it. There isn’t an easy permanent change to make, but committing yourself to being in the sunlight as much as possible would probably work. Change your sleep schedule, move somewhere sunny, just avoid the dark in general. Maybe even start worshipping the sun; that would be in opposition to the cult following the Dark has.

To escape the Dark, give yourself to the sunlight.

The Desolation- We know it’s an act of altruism. I think it might need some adjusting, though, to make it more of a sacrifice by the person who serves the Desolation. This fear is all about sacrifice and loss, so it’s a bit tricky to think of something a Desolation avatar could give up when they’ve already committed to giving up everything. Well, everything except themselves. Many avatars, like Jude Perry, have shown themselves to be selfish, but I don’t think even they would be opposed to going out in a blaze of glory. No, the hardest thing for them would be to settle down and live a prosperous life. This one probably would have to be continuous effort instead of one grand sacrifice. It doesn’t fit with the others, but it does fit the theme of the Desolation. Yeah, I’ve just gone in a big circle. Altruism does make the most sense. Just make sure that selfless gesture counts. It’s not a real choice if you don’t mean it. I guess that would be really difficult if you’re used to burning everything around you, so maybe it’s more of a sacrifice than I thought.

To escape the Desolation, choose kindness.

The End- We actually already have a canon answer for this one: lobotomize yourself. Adelard Dekker found an End avatar that was killing people with carbon monoxide through their dreams, and he stopped him by cutting through his pre-frontal cortex- the part of the brain that lets you dream. It’s implied that this didn’t completely work, but I think the reason for that is that the avatar was not the one to make the choice. It’s emphasized again and again that serving the fears is all about personal choice, so it makes sense that any attempt to cut someone off wouldn’t take if the person hasn’t decided to give up their connection. The End is associated with dreams in most appearances, so I believe that a person who chooses not to dream would no longer be bound to it. Oliver Banks could see those whose deaths were coming in his dreams, which directly led to him becoming an avatar, so if he had decided to stop dreaming, that would be it. This procedure might be a bit difficult, I can’t imagine performing your own lobotomy would go very well, but I’m sure getting someone else to do it would count if you were the one to make the decision. Of course, Terminus would still have you in the end, but that will happen no matter what you do.

To escape the End, cut yourself off from dreams.

The Eye- This one is already answered. The draw of the Eye is the power to watch, so you have to give that ability up. Simple, straightforward, and definitely fits the theme.

To escape the Eye, blind yourself.

The Flesh- Oh boy, this is a weird one. We have dysphoria, consumption, body horror, I can’t say this one sounds very appealing. But it must be, or else it wouldn’t have people serving it. A lot of the draw to serve the fears could be interpreted as dishing out what you can’t take. You don’t have to be afraid of being watched if you do the watching, you don’t have to fear harm if you harm them first. Maybe the appeal of Flesh is making others share that fear that you are nothing but meat. I don’t think it’s really possible for people to give up their corporeal form, unless it’s metaphorical but I have no idea what that could mean. I think those who serve the Flesh thrive on being “more” than others. More body parts, more mass in general. You could go on a diet or become a vegetarian, which I think the writers may have joked about once? I want a more concrete solution, though. Diets are easy to break. You can’t fully give up food without dying, so I guess you could give up the control of food. Giving up your sense of taste would be interesting, but I’m going to keep it more general. No easy answer for this one either.

To escape the Flesh, give up control of your body.

The Hunt- People are drawn to the Hunt by that deep, primal desire to chase and attack. Humans have both predator and prey instincts inside of us, so you would have to completely leave the predator behind to escape the Hunt. I think a good way to do this would be the get rid of your teeth, or nails, whichever you use to cause harm. Daisy was able to temporarily leave behind her power in the Buried, but as soon as she got out, she started starving. I think this is a good argument that you could partially cut off your power by using a power that opposes it in some way, but you would have to give up a part of yourself to make it stick. As soon as she had the freedom and ability to hunt again, that was when the urge came back, and she eventually succumbed to it. Getting rid of the parts of your body that do harm wouldn’t completely stop you if you were dedicated enough, but it’s the choice to do so that matters. This one is a bit more of a symbolic choice, and you could probably do something else to your body that would prevent it from hunting, but I am going with the cooler option.

To escape the Hunt, tear out your teeth and claws.

The Lonely- Probably all you have to do to escape the Lonely is just…be around other people. I’m sure this is easier said than done, but there are lots of ways to commit to other humans. Get married, join a club, make a blood pact and permanently bind yourself to another human. The possibilities are endless! This one, I think more than the others, would require a bit more of a continued effort. I know that the whole point is to make one drastic, permanent change, but the Lonely feels like something that’s easy to relapse into. Maybe it’s the depression metaphor, I don’t know, but I don’t think this one has as easy a solution as the others. It’s hard work forcing yourself to stay connected to others, and it’s something most people in real life struggle with. Giving up any of these powers is a difficult choice, which is the whole point. Life is hard, and we have to make tough decisions. Anyway, I’m okay letting this one be a bit more abstract.

To escape the Lonely, bind yourself to others.

The Slaughter- This one is very similar to the Hunt in terms of actions, so I think the solution might be similar as well. Destroying your weapon would fit well, but it is just way too easy to pick up something else and continue hacking and slashing away. To give up violence entirely, you might have to destroy a significant part of your body. For the Slaughter, I think we should go with a less physical act. The opposite of violence is healing, so maybe become a doctor? You would have to really commit to helping others instead of hurting them, and that is too easy to go back on. I think the sacrifice made here would have to be emotion. Anger and the desire to hurt would go away if you couldn’t feel anymore. I don’t know how you would do this, except through drugs, but that isn’t permanent. There is probably a part of the brain you could destroy that causes emotion. It’s not the same as the prefrontal cortex, which we destroyed back in the End section, so at least it’s not the same solution twice. Honestly, the drugs could work if you did them long term, it’s about the choice anyway. However you do it:

To escape the Slaughter, remove your emotions.

The Spiral- The draw of the Spiral is the power to lie and deceive. There are many ways to do this, and there are probably just as many ways to stop yourself from doing it. However, there is one way that I think fits very well and is absolutely a permanent change: destroy your voice. This is actually the first one I thought of because even though it’s not technically the only way to stop yourself from lying, it fits very well thematically. Michael as the Distortion calls itself the Throat of Delusion Incarnate, so what better way to break yourself off from the same power then by tearing out your throat? It’s not perfect, but I like it so much that I’m going to pick it. I don’t know how one would go about destroying one’s voice, except with very careful surgery. Or screaming for a very long time.

To escape the Spiral, destroy your voice.

The Stranger- We got our answer to this one in the Q&A. Run naked through the streets, and make sure to engage with everyone who talks to you so that you can’t hide. Utterly terrifying. It makes perfect sense though; we heard from the Not!Them that beings of the Stranger hate losing their anonymity. Whether by switching skins, tricking the mind, or looking so generic that no one can remember your face, being known is antithetical to the Stranger. There are probably other ways to go about losing your anonymity then running around naked. You could get up on a stage somewhere and pour your heart out, or publish an autobiography. Basically anything the Eye would like. As long as you are putting yourself out there in a way that you can’t take back, you should be able to successfully cut yourself off from that uncanny fear.

To escape the Stranger, make yourself known.

The Vast- This one might actually be easier than the Buried, because it’s not purely spatial. It includes things like longevity, our insignificance in the face of a massive universe, and large scary things in general. A Vast avatar would hate to be enclosed, but they would also hate to be made responsible. They enjoy making others afraid of their insignificance, but what if they were important to the universe? What if the world was actually very small, and they fit neatly into it instead of being lost? There’s a lot of different ways to go here, so narrowing down one sacrifice might not be the best answer. I can’t really think of any one action that makes a person feel as though the world is small and trapping them. Giving themselves to the Buried would, probably. A direct contrast is the easiest answer.

To escape the Vast, trap yourself in a small place.

The Web- Avatars of the Web are manipulators, through and through. There are so many ways to manipulate a person that no one action could prevent you from doing that, so this one would likely vary a lot between individuals. That movie director who had people puppet him in his own house comes to mind, I think giving up your freedom like that is a good way to do it. Being paralyzed wouldn’t stop you if you used your voice to control others, and giving up both would suck, but if that’s what you need to do, then I guess it’s your choice to make. Maybe all you would need to do is let someone else tell you what to do, and fully trust them. That would be difficult, coming from the Web where everything is tied together and you know how easy it is to manipulate you.

To escape the Web, give up your autonomy.

#tma #the magnus archives #the buried #the corruption #the dark #the desolation #the end #the eye #the flesh #the hunt #the lonely #the slaughter #the spiral #the stranger #the vast #the web #tma entities #tma analysis

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trampledore · 3 years

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So.. I am now going to explain why I have come to realise that I ship Sylki.

I know a lot of people don't like that ship and I totally understand why. In fact, I still prefer a sibling dynamic between them bc I ALWAYS prefer sibling dynamics. For me, those relationships feel much more profound and real, especially in the context of the MCU. That's probably one of the main reasons why I loved Black Widow so much. It had that awesome sisterly love between Yelena and Natasha.

In my opinion, as soon as it comes to romance in the MCU, it's underwhelming. Some relationships like Thor/Jane are there just for the sake of it, develop way too fast and without any good reason and leave me completely cold. Then there is the bad ass/dumb ass dynamic, where a kick ass woman falls in love with a guy who's unable to stay serious for more than 5 minutes; like Hope/Scott and Gamora/Quill. I kinda buy those, bc there is actually a development from "I hate him and his stupidity" to "I can stand him and am kinda fond of his antics". Those ships usually kinda grow on you and in the case of Gamora/Quill I actually buy that they deeply love each other.

Then there is Nat/Bruce...let's not talk about that...what the hell was that even. They never addressed it again after AoU...

And Pepper/Tony....which I know many people ship but I'm really not a fan of. With them it's a friends to lovers story. Cute, but tbh I never felt like they were truly romantically in love or anything. But that's just me.

The notable exception here is Wanda/Vision, which actually had a strong emotional impact on me in WandaVision and made Vision's death in Infinity War more heartbreaking, BUT it developed mainly off-screen and I could not have seen that coming in CA:CW. If it wasn't for their own series showing us Wanda's grief for him I would still be wondering "How did this happen?".

What I want to say is this: Almost every singly one of the canon MCU ships feels inconsequential and/or convenient to me. Like, with the exception of Gamora/Quill and Wanda/Vision I feel like all those couples could break up tomorrow and the characters would more or less easily get over it soon enough. Even if they are together, happy and somehow in love, I always feel like "this love story could have happened with another character as well. This was not his/her soulmate, they just learned to get along and then something started. If they had never met, that character could have ultimately found someone else".

NOW. With Sylki it's the first time that I feel like this is not the case. The series gives me the feeling that Sylvie might just be the only person in existence that Loki could ever truly love bc she accepts and understands him fully. If they had not met, neither of them would have found anyone who they would have loved equally (and I know Mobius/Loki is a dream team, but even with them I don't feel like they were really made for each other. In fan fiction perhaps, but as a canon ship?)

And beyond the plot obviously suggesting that they are fated for each other in some way (the nexus event on Lamentis), Sylvie and Loki seem really cute together. And I mean that as an objective fact. Their interactions in the 5. episode was made to look cute and project teenager awkwardness.

They seem to fit well together on an emotional level and they truly need each other. When I look at them I can actually see how they might be the perfect superhero duo.

So essentially, I feel like Sylki is a much more real and profound love story than what the MCU usually offers us.

On another note (and I don't wanna get too deep into that rn) there is the issue with this so-called self-cest, whether that is a thing or not.

Personally, I feel like Tumblr tends to oversexualize everything. Like, for all I care they will never have sex or even kiss. For me that is so completely unimportant for a love story...idk. like, I feel like the physical aspects is all the fandom thinks about...but guys, look at their emotional bond!!! If they weren't incidentally both born as Lokis they would be PERFECT together in all ways. Like...on an emotional level they ARE!

(Please note that this is basically me ranting and I don't expect anyone to share my opinion or agree with everything I said. I realize that some of this is quite controversial)

#loki spoilers #loki series spoilers #loki #loki series #loki tv show #loki tv series #sylki #pro sylki #loki laufeyson #sylvie x loki #sylvie laufeydottir #loki episode 5

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americasass91 · 4 years

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His Kind of Beautiful

Hello lovely people! I don’t even know where to begin here. My ex popped up as a friend I may know on Facebook the other day. Of course it brought up all these memories. (I’ve been with my husband for over a decade so this ex was from way back when.) Anyways, I couldn’t help but think back to when and why we broke up. We worked together (that was a mistake) and I was chatting with one of our coworkers. The guy looked at me and was like ‘I don’t want to get in the middle of anything but your boyfriend said something about you the other day and it bothered me.’ I told him to tell me what he said. ‘He said you weren’t pretty enough to blow him.’ (Fun fact! I had already blown him a few times by this point.) So of course I thought my life was ruined. I mean I was only 17/18. I called him right away and asked him if it was true. The fucker didn’t even deny it! He was like I was just joking around. So I told him since I wasn’t pretty enough to blow him, I wasn’t pretty enough to date him either. That’s the last time I spoke to him.

Anyways! That’s what inspired this little fic. I know we all go through days where we don’t feel pretty or beautiful. But you know what? We are all beautiful no matter what! Please if you ever feel less than that and need to talk, I am here and willing to listen! Nobody should go through life feeling anything less than beautiful.

So I knew I needed to somehow incorporate this into a fic. At first I was going to go with Steve but I took a look at my Masterlist and realized I only had one Andy fic on there. That’s just despicable! So without any further ado, please enjoy this fic with our lovely, handsome floofy haired lawyer daddy!

Rating: Explicit (Like I could write something that doesn’t involve sex with Andrew)

Words: 5.3k

Warnings: Language, fingering, unprotected sex(Remember: Sex is cleaner with a packaged weiner), and just Andy being fluffy

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You honestly didn’t even know why you had agreed to this. You hated first dates in general, let alone a blind date.

But your friend, Jane, assured you this guy was handsome and nice and worth your time to go out with.

So, you pulled a blue dress from your closet that you’d only worn maybe twice in your life and actually did your eye makeup.

After getting fully ready you take one last look at yourself in the mirror. For once you didn’t hate the woman staring back at you. This dress happened to accentuate your curves and the color of your eyeshadow made your eyes pop. You wouldn’t necessarily say you were pretty, but you looked decent.

You slip on your heels and grab your purse and head out of your apartment. As you go to lock your door, the apartment door behind you opens.

“Good evening, neighbor.”

You turn around with a smile on your face and return the greeting to your sinfully handsome neighbor, Andy.

He can’t help but notice how pretty you look. “Where are you going all dressed up?”

You blush and start heading towards the elevator together. “Oh, my friend set me up on a blind date. I’m nervous. Haven’t been on a date in awhile.”

He presses the button for the lobby. “Blind date, huh? Yeah I went on one of those recently. First date since the divorce. It was...interesting.”

You couldn’t help the giggle that escaped as you both headed into the elevator and pressed the button for the lobby. You turn towards him. “Interesting, how?”

“Well, for starters, she was almost an hour late. Then when she showed up, she didn’t even apologize for being late. She just sat down and demanded the waiter bring her a cocktail. By snapping her fingers at him.”

The elevator doors open. You head into the lobby and notice Andy following you. “So I think it’s safe to say you aren’t calling her for a second date?” He opens the door to the outside for you. You smile in thanks and head out into the warm evening air of Boston.

He rolls his eyes as he follows you onto the street and hails down a cab. “Absolutely not.” He gestures for you to take the cab.

You look at him confused. “Don’t you need one?”

He waves you off. “Nah, I’m heading to pick up Jake to take him to dinner. He finally found some time to fit his old man into his ‘busy’ teenager schedule.” He heads towards his Audi you now realize is parked in front of the building right behind your cab.

You scoff at him as you open the cab door. “Old man? Oh, please. You can’t be more than what? 38?”

He opens the door to his own vehicle and smirks at you. “Try 43, sweetheart. Hey! Good luck on your date!” He waves and gets into his car. You return the wave and get into the cab and give the driver the address to the restaurant and try to get your mind off of how good Andy’s ass looked in the jeans he was wearing.

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You arrived at the restaurant with a few minutes to spare. You wanted to get there a little early so you could get a drink from the bar and calm your nerves.

You find a seat away from the other patrons and order a glass of wine. You scan your eyes over the room to see if your date has arrived yet. You weren’t entirely sure what he looked like but you knew he was going to be wearing a red shirt.

The bartender sets your wine in front of you. You hand over a 10 dollar bill and tell him to keep the change. As you sip your wine, you check your phone for the time. 7:02. You’re about ready to text your friend to ask if your date is normally late when you feel a tap on your shoulder.

You turn around and look up at who you assume to be your date for the evening. He was handsome. Not as handsome as Andy, but handsome enough.

He gives you a small smile. “Hi, are you Y/N?”

You nod your head with a smile. “Yes, hi! It’s nice to meet you. You must be Jason?” You then gesture to the seat next to you. “Would you like to have a drink before we get a table?”

He nods once and takes a seat next to you and flags down the bartender to order a scotch.

The bartender sets the drink in front of him. Jason thanks him and pays for his drink.

You can feel the awkwardness start to creep in. And when that happens, you tend to get chatty.

“So, what do you do for a living?” You smile hoping to ease the tension building.

He turns to look you up and down. And not subtly. He shakes his head in disapproval and downs his drink before standing up. “Listen, I’m sorry but I can’t do this. Jane lied to me.”

You can’t help the confused look that crosses your face. “She lied to you? How?”

He gives you another not so subtle once over. “She told me you were beautiful. And no offense, but I just don’t see it.”

You can’t help the jaw drop. Sure you knew you weren’t gorgeous but damn. You’d never had a man be bold enough to actually say it to your face. “So, you’re just gonna leave? Not even give me a chance because I’m not your version of beautiful?”

He scoffs and checks out a girl that walks by the two of you. “What can I say? I’ve got standards that you just don’t meet.”

You feel like you’ve just been punched in the gut. That’s it. You’re fucking done. You reach behind you and grab your wine glass and throw the drink in his face.

You grab your purse and head towards the door. You turn back to face him. “I may not meet your ‘beauty standards’ but at least I’m not an asshole!” With that you flip him off and head outside to hail a cab to head back home.

You manage to make it almost all the way home before the tears start to fall. Sure he was a stranger and his opinion didn’t matter. But it still fucking hurt that he didn’t want you and didn’t even think you were pretty enough to share a meal with. Your self esteem already sucked and this asshole sure as hell didn’t make it any better.

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The blue dress goes in the trash as soon as you step into your apartment. You take off your nice lace bra you had put on. You take your makeup off with a wipe and pull your hair up in a ponytail. You throw on some hello kitty pajama shorts and a t- shirt that’s at least 2 sizes too big for you.

Then you head into your kitchen to pour yourself a glass of wine from a bottle you keep in the fridge for emergencies. You think this classifies as one.

You grab your phone off the counter and call your favorite Chinese place. You order double what you normally do because nobody wants to sleep with you. Might as well eat whatever the fuck you wanted. God, you can’t believe you shaved your legs for that asshole.

The lady on the phone lets you know it’ll be at least an hour. You give her your card number and thank her before refilling your now empty glass.

As you’re sitting on the couch waiting for your food, you can’t help but replay the events of the evening. Then that takes you into a downward spiral as you think back to all of your exes.

Come to think of it, they’ve all left you for one reason or another. A majority of them cheated with someone way prettier than you. Wow, maybe you were the problem. Clearly you were going for guys out of your league.

Maybe you needed to reevaluate the standards you had. Which quite frankly, wasn’t much. You just wanted them to not be a serial killer.

Perhaps you should just give up on dating. You were perfectly happy alone. Maybe that’s how it was supposed to be for you.

Before your thoughts could spiral anymore, your doorbell rang. You glance at your phone. Damn that hour flew by.

You grab $10 out of your purse for a tip and open your door. As you’re grabbing the bags and thanking the delivery guy, Andy steps out of the elevator with confusion written all over his face. “Hey, Y/N. Thought you had a date?”

You could almost feel the tears trying to well up again. No, you weren’t going to cry. Especially in front of your handsome neighbor.

“Yeah, it uh, didn’t work out. Shit happens.”

He puts his key in the lock and opens his door then turns to look at you. “Not your type?”

You can’t help the rush of air that leaves your mouth. “Not exactly. I wasn’t his. Apparently Jane, our mutual friend, told him I was beautiful and well. He didn’t agree with her.”

Andy furrows his brows and cocks his head to the side. “What? Was he blind or something?”

You shake your head. “Nope. I just wasn’t up to his standards.”

Andy mumbles something under his breath. “Well, I’m sorry. Some guys can be real assholes.”

You wave him off. “No need to apologize. I get that I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.”

Andy shakes his head. “Still, I’m sorry. That really sucks. And he really said you weren’t beautiful to your face?”

You give him a sad smile and shrug your shoulders. “It’s okay, really. I’m used to not being wanted. Have a nice night, Andy.”

You turn and head back into your apartment before he has a chance to reply. You don’t need his pity. You just need to drown yourself in the rest of your wine and gorge yourself on the greasy Chinese.

Just as you set the food down on the counter, you hear a knock at your door.

Confused, you head over and open it to find Andy standing there. And he looks kinda pissed.

“What do you mean you’re used to not being wanted?”

You sigh and put your hands on your hips. “It’s not the first time some guy hasn’t wanted me and it won’t be the last.”

Andy shakes his head as he pushes his way inside and shuts the door with his foot. “There’s just something I’m having a hard time wrapping my mind around.”

You cross your arms over your chest. “And what’s that?”

He then proceeds to walk closer to you, forcing you backwards until your back touches the wall. He puts his hands on either side of your head and gazes down at you. You’ve never been this close to him before. You can feel his chest move against yours as he breathes. You can feel the heat radiating off of him.God, he smells good. You realize you’re not breathing and take a deep breath. He smiles down at you and takes his left hand to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear that had fallen free from your ponytail.

“That some moron would think that you’re not beautiful. He’s fuckin crazy, Y/N.”

Your breath hitches as his left hand has now grabbed the back of your neck to raise your lips towards his. You close your eyes, waiting for the inevitable kiss. “I guess I’m just not everyone’s kind of beautiful.”

He leans in, just barely brushing his lips against yours. “You’re my kind of beautiful.”

WIth that, he presses his lips to yours for a slow but intense kiss. You can’t help the moan that escapes your mouth. You wrap your arms around his neck and pull him all the way up against you. He grunts when his hardening cock comes into contact with your soft belly.

After a few minutes of intense kisses that take your breath away, he pulls back and presses his forehead against yours. “Will you let me show you how beautiful I think you are?”

You don’t even need to think about it. “Yes, please.”

He smiles and leans in for one more quick kiss. “Take me to the bedroom, pretty girl.”

You quickly grab his hand and lead him down the hall towards your bedroom, making a quick stop in the kitchen to throw the Chinese food in the fridge.

Once in your room Andy spins you around and presses your back up against his front. He leans forward and starts placing soft kisses against your neck. His left hand rests at your waist while his right hand moves up under your shirt towards your breasts. “Is this okay, pretty girl?” His voice is so low and husky. Your panties didn’t even stand a chance.

You nod. “Yes, please. Touch me, Andy.”

He groans a little and reaches up to cup your right breast in his hand. You hear him let out a growl as he continues to fondle your breast. While his left hand makes its way into your shorts, brushing his finger over your clit. You jolt forward at the sensation, whimpering out in the process.

“You like that, pretty girl? Like my fingers on your little cunt?”

You grab a hold of his wrist and writhe against him as he lowers his fingers towards your entrance. He gathers your slick up before moving his fingers back towards your clit and starts slowly circling it.

“Fuck, Andy. Feels so good.”

“Yeah? You want my fingers inside you, baby?”

You quickly nod. “Please. Need to feel you.”

He lowers his hand back down to your entrance and slowly slides his middle finger against your walls. You arch your back and moan out his name as he starts pumping it slowly.

“Fuck, Y/N. You’re so tight. When’s the last time you’ve been touched, pretty girl?”

“Too long. Feels so good. I need more. Please.”

His index finger quickly joins the middle one. He starts pumping them in and out of you quicker, curling them just right so they rub up against your g spot. “Oh, fuck!” You can’t help but yell out at the feeling. It’s been so long since someone’s taken the time to pleasure you, let alone find your g spot. You could feel the coil tightening already. You were embarrassingly close and he hadn’t even really started yet.

“You gonna cum for me already, pretty girl? Do it. Make a mess on my fingers.”

He moves his thumb and starts circling your clit. Your legs start shaking. He presses his thumb down just a little harder and you’re gone. You cum with a shout of Andy’s name into the otherwise empty room.

He continues pumping his fingers in and out but removes his thumb from your clit, not wanting to overstimulate you too much. “Good girl. So fuckin’ pretty when you cum.”

You lower your head in embarrassment. He spins you around and places his finger under your chin so he can raise your head so you’re looking at him. “Don’t hide from me, pretty girl. I want to see everything.” He takes his left hand and raises it to his mouth, sucking your essence off of his fingers. He moans into his hand. “You taste so fucking sweet. Knew you would.”

He grabs your face to pull you in for a sweet kiss as he slowly pushes you towards the bed. The back of your knees touch your mattress before he pulls away. He smiles down at you as he grabs the hem of your shirt and pulls it up and off, tossing it somewhere in the room. His gaze then falls to your breasts. He licks his lips hungrily. Before he can get too caught up, he hooks his thumbs into your shorts and pulls them and your panties down and off your legs, helping you step out of them.

He stands back up and pulls you in for another kiss, your hands fall to his chest. You start to unbutton his shirt, revealing his chest to you a little at a time. You pull away to get the last few buttons and push his shirt over his shoulders and are surprised to see his chest and abdomen sprinkled with various tattoos. You never would’ve guessed. You can’t help but let your hand trace over a quote on his collarbone or onto the eagle covering his pec.

“I never would have pegged you for a tattoo guy. These are amazing.”

He chuckles. “Yeah, I only have them where they can be covered up by clothes.” He grabs your wrists to stop your tracing. “You can trace all of them some other time, pretty girl. Right now, I need to be inside of you.”

You can’t help the shiver that runs down your spine at his words. His dirty talk was going to be the death of you.

He moves his hands towards his belt buckle and starts undoing it. You couldn’t help but notice the slight tremble to his hands. You place your hands on top of his and look at his face. “Hey, if you don’t want to do this, that’s ok.”

He looks into your eyes and gives you a shy smile. “No, I want to. God, do I want to. It’s just, I haven’t been with anyone since Laurie and I guess I’m a little nervous.”

You couldn’t help the pull you felt at your heart at his words. He was nervous. Thank god. So were you. This beautiful man wanted to sleep with you, of course you were nervous. “If it makes you feel any better, I’m nervous too. You’re kind of intimidating.”

He cocks his head to the side and furrows his brows. “Intimidating? Why is that?”

You remove your hands from his and gesture up and down his body. “Just look at you. You’re breathtaking, Andy. And I’m just me.” Your gaze falls down to your feet, unable to look at him.

He puts his finger under your chin and raises your head so that you’re forced to look at him. “Speak for yourself, pretty girl. You’re the breathtaking one.”

You scoff and roll your eyes. “Yeah, right.”

His gaze on you hardens just a little. He grabs your hand and places it over his pants against his erection. “Do you feel that? Feel what you do to me? Nobody but you can make me this hard, pretty girl. I’ve been in a constant state of arousal since I moved in, watching you coming in and out of your apartment in your tight skirts and almost see-through blouses. Making me go fuckin’ crazy.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything or make a move then?” Of course your self doubt was starting to creep in. Maybe this was him just wanting to get his dick wet. You needed to know.

He grabs your hands and brings your knuckles to his mouth, giving them a soft kiss. “Honestly? I thought there was no way in hell an old man like me would have a shot with a sweet thing like you.”

You couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped your mouth. “Please. You’re only 43.”

He pulls you in for a sweet, lingering kiss. “Yeah, well. Probably too old for you. But after what you said to me, about how you’re used to not being wanted? I stopped caring how old I was. I needed to show you just exactly how much you’re wanted. So, can I still show you, pretty girl?”

You quickly nod your head and help him finish removing his pants, leaving him in just his black briefs. The fabric doing nothing to hide the outline of his hard cock. Jesus. He looked big. Bigger than anything you’ve taken. You couldn’t wait.

You quickly pulled his briefs over his hips and down his legs. His cock sprang free and smacked against his inked abdomen, making him hiss. You grab him at the base and slowly start pumping him, looking at his face for his reaction. His head is thrown back and his eyes are closed as he moans out your name at the feeling. His hands are gripping your hips.

You smear his precum that’s gathered at the tip and use that to help jerk him off a little faster. You tighten your grip as you pick up your pace, loving the sounds you're pulling from him. You start to go on your knees when he suddenly pulls you back up. You look at him in confusion. “If I let you continue, this will be over before it even starts. Gonna make me blow my load like an inexperienced teenager.”

You couldn’t help but feel proud of yourself but once again furrow your brows as Andy walks to the other side of the bed. He starts looking around in your nightstand. “Do you have any condoms?”

You shake your head. “I did but they expired. If you’re okay with it, I’m on birth control. And I got tested after my last partner and I’m clean.”

He pushes the drawer to the nightstand back in and climbs onto the bed and lays on his back, hand lazily stroking his cock. “I’m more than okay with that. I just had a full work up done. I’m healthy as well.”

You barely acknowledge what he said, unable to remove your eyes from his hand that’s wrapped around his cock. You pull your bottom lip in between your teeth and let out a little whimper. Andy chuckles at you. “Well, are you going to just stare at it, pretty girl? Or are you going to hop on my lap and get comfy?”

That gets your attention. You meet his gaze. “You want me on top?”

He nods. “Wanna be able to see all of you, baby girl.” He removes his hand from his cock and pats his thigh. “Come on, pretty girl. Ride me.”

Well that sight just caused a new wave of arousal to pool at your core. You had only been on top once before and it was only for a short time.

You place your knees gently on the bed and crawl the short way to him. You swing your left leg over him so that you're sitting right above where he wants you. You thread your hands through his hair and lean down for a heated kiss. You lick his bottom lip, wanting in. He doesn’t even hesitate to open his mouth to let you in.

He places his left hand on your hip while the other grabs his cock. He pushes your body down so that you’re hovering over it. “Please. Fuck me, pretty girl.”

You keep your lips attached to his as you slowly sink down on him. You get about halfway before you stop and pull away to look at him, trying to slow down your breathing. He brings his right hand up to cup your cheek. “You ok? Do you wanna stop?” The quick shake of your head makes him chuckle. “No, god no. I just need a minute. You’re fucking huge Andy.”

He can’t help the cocky smirk that appears. “Yeah, I know. Just take all the time you need.” He rubs his hand up and down your back to help calm you down. It only takes you a few more seconds before you continue to impale yourself on his impressive dick.

You let out a breath of relief when your hips settle flush against his. He grabs the back of your head and pulls you in for another kiss. You slowly start rocking your hips against him. He feels fucking incredible. Hitting all the right spots inside of you.

You pull away from the kiss and raise up a little and plant your hands on your headboard for some leverage. The rock of your hips speed up significantly. You move all the way up until his tip is barely inside before you slam yourself back down against him. You’re pulling the most beautiful sounds from his lips. It makes you move that much faster and harder against him.

Andy moves his hands to your breasts and gives them a good squeeze. Then he starts pinching your nipples, eliciting a moan from you. “That’s it, baby girl. Doing so good. You look so gorgeous fuckin’ yourself on my cock. Goddamn. Riding me so well.”

The praise he’s giving you just spurs you on. You raise up even more and place your hands on his chest and pick up your pace just a little more. You can feel the coil tightening in your belly. You’re going to cum and hard.

Andy keeps his left hand on your breast and keeps pinching your nipple. He moves his right hand down until his thumb is pressing against your clit, giving you the friction you needed. “Can feel you squeezing me, pretty girl. Cum for me. Make a mess.”

He presses his thumb just a little harder and that’s all it takes. You free fall over the edge of bliss with a scream of Andy’s name, your hips faltering from their rhythm.

You slow down your pace as you come down from your high, collapsing against Andy’s chest. He cradles you in his arms and rubs his hands up and down your back. “Still with me, sweet girl?”

You weakly nod your head and take just a second to catch your breath. It takes you a moment to realize he didn’t finish. You raise your head off his chest to look at him. “Why didn’t you cum?”

He smiles and pulls you in for a sweet kiss. “Oh, I will. Don’t worry. Just wanted to watch you fall apart on top of me. And let me just say, it’s one of the prettiest sights I’ve ever seen. You look gorgeous when you cum, Y/N. Almost made me lose it. Think you can take some more?”

You nod your head eagerly, already wanting to cum around his cock again. “Then why don’t you be a good girl and turn around and get on your hands and knees for me?”

He doesn’t have to tell you twice. You quickly pull off of him and turn around to get on your hands and knees. He takes a second to admire the view of your once again dripping pussy before he gets up on his knees behind you. He grabs a hold of your ass and gives it a hard squeeze. “Such a nice ass. I bet it’ll jiggle real nice while I’m fuckin’ you.”

He grabs a hold of the base of his cock and moves it towards your entrance. Before he starts pushing in, he gives your right cheek a hard smack. You drop down onto your elbows and moan into the sheets below you. Fuck. You didn’t know you liked that. He places his right hand on your hip and squeezes.

“Hmm. We’ll have to revisit that later.” And that’s the last thing he says before he slams home. You arch your back and fist the sheets as he sets a hard and fast pace.

And boy was he right. Your ass does jiggle nicely with every snap of his hips against it. He threads his left hand through your hair and gives it a tug. It makes you clench around him. “Fuck, baby girl. Keep squeezing me like that and I’m not going to last long.”

You move your head to the side and peer back at him. You clench around him again and it earns you another groan and smack to your ass. “Want you to cum for me, Andy. Please. Fill me up.”

He stills for just a second and wraps his left arm around your chest and lifts you up until your back is flush against his chest. This time he keeps his thrusts nice and slow. He places a kiss to the side of your neck. “Yeah? Want me to fill that pussy up, huh? To claim you as mine?”

You let a whimper escape your lips and you grip onto his arm that’s holding you against him as he starts picking up the pace of his thrusts. You clench around him again. “I am yours, Andy.”

He quickly moves his right hand down and starts circling your clit. “Fuck, Y/N. You’re gonna make me cum. Cum with me, please.”

You start pushing back and meeting his thrusts, desperate to get him to his release.

It only takes a few more snaps of his hips and circles against your clit before you're both falling over the edge while moaning out the other's name.

He continues pumping his hips until he’s completely spent and gently moves to lay the both of you onto your sides, basking in the afterglow of your orgasms.

He slowly pulls out of you and turns you around so that you’re facing him. He tucks your now loose hair behind your ear. “Hi, there.”

You chuckle and move up against him and press your face into the crook of his neck. “Hello.” You place a gentle kiss to his pulse point and relax as he wraps his arms around you.

There’s only a few minutes of peaceful silence when:

“So, was that good for you?”

You pull away and look up at him with an incredulous look on your face and smack his shoulder. You both start laughing.

“Of course it was good for me. Did you enjoy yourself, Andrew?”

He pulls you in for another sweet kiss. “Oh, yeah. But you know. Just to be sure. We might need to do it again.” He wiggles his eyebrows at you. It only makes you laugh once more.

“You are such a dork. How about we get a shower and then heat up the food you so rudely interrupted me from eating before?”

His jaw drops in mock hurt. “You weren’t complaining when I was making you come around my cock, pretty girl.”

You sit up and stretch your arms over your head. You swing your legs over the side and stand up, wobbling just a little. You hear a chuckle behind you and playfully send a glare his way as you make your way to the bathroom.

You turn on the light and can’t help but look at your reflection in the mirror.

Your hair is a hot mess, having fallen out of it’s ponytail. Your lips were swollen and red from all the kissing. Your nipples looked slightly red from all pinching they had been subjected to. Your skin flushed from the orgasms. And there was what looked like a bruise forming on your hip in the shape of his hand.

And yet. You’ve never felt more beautiful.

You see Andy walking up behind you in the mirror. He smiles at you.

You turn around and return it before throwing your arms around his neck and raising yourself up on your toes to pull him in for a kiss. He gladly wraps his arms around you and reciprocates.

You pull away with a smile still attached to your face. “Not that I mind, pretty girl. But, what was that for?”

You shrug. “Just thank you. For making me feel beautiful.”

He smiles down at you and pulls you in for another quick kiss. You can feel him hardening once again against your hip. “Why don’t we skip the shower for now? I’m not quite finished with you yet.”

And with that he pulls you back into the bedroom where he spends the rest of the night showing you that you’re his kind of beautiful.

Permanent Taglist: @stargazingfangirl18 @drabblewithfrannybarnes @harrysthiccthighss @IIIoIs

#chris evans #chris evans smut #andy barber x reader smut #andy barber smut #andy barber fanfiction #andy barber x female reader #andy barber x you #andy barber #Cici91 writes

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isthisthingeven0n · 4 years

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darkest truths : s.r

returning from his time in prison, spencer joins you and the team on a mission that takes a darker turn than you could’ve imagined. (2k)

darkest truths / brightest lies

all my links

(everything on my blog is my own writing. if it is shared on another page or website know it hasn’t been approved me unless specified. all rights reserved. - i have to start doing this as I had some shit on my other blog with plagiarism)

DO NOT STEAL MY WORK - IT IS ALL MY OWN WRITING

Everyone was a tad nervous for Spencer to return, yet despite the team's anticipation to watch him walk through the glass doors to the bullpen, a few kept a close eye on you.

“Todays the day, huh?” Penelope nudges you, snapping you from your deep thought about the situation in hand.

Spinning in your chair, you hum in response. “Yeah, today is the big day.” You laugh lightly, but Penelope as always can see straight through you.

Tutting under her breath, she perches herself on the edge of your desk. “What is it? You didn’t have a fight or something last night?” Penelope asks, but you shake your head.

“No, we, we’re good, I promise you.” You reach out, resting your hand on her arm as you listen to a long sigh of relief from Penelope. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind, but nothing I can’t handle.” You assure her, wanting to move the topic onward.

“Thank the heavens for that,” She rises to her feet happily. “I can’t have my forbidden lovers at a loss.” Penelope dramatically claims before a gasp sounds from her.

Leaning back, you catch sight of the reason for her gasp; Doctor Spencer Reid returning to the bullpen, something no one thought was a possibility for a short while.

“You’re back!” Penelope yells as she rushes over, enveloping Spencer into a tight hug.

Spencer hugs Penelope back, patting her back as he looks over at you with a small smile. You knew he was nervous about returning, he’d been up half the night talking to you over the phone as he rearranged his book collection for the twelfth time.

Quickly, everyone welcomed Spencer back with open arms. JJ was the last to greet him, having a quiet word before glancing over to you. “Don’t leave her waiting any longer, Spence.” JJ mutters to Spencer, patting his arm as she smiles your way.

Rising to your feet, Spencer hovers in front of you. “Welcome back, Doctor Reid.” You chuckle, even after all these years, some things never do change.

“It’s good to be back, Y/l/n.” He tells you, his hand reaching out for yours as he squeezes it lightly. “Thank you for last night, and staying on the phone.” Spencer mutters, feeling you squeeze his hand back for a moment.

“Anytime, Spence. You know that.” You whisper back, hugging him briefly just as Emily emerges from her office.

“I hate to say it now, but we’ve got a case.” She announces, and you all quickly file into the conference room.

Taking your seats, Spencer sits beside you as Penelope places all your files down. “Can’t say this is the warm welcome I expected to be giving to the good Doctor himself but seems serial killers refuse to take a day off.” Penelope states as she picks up her remote.

Shuffling forward in your seat, you watch closely, oblivious to Spencer glancing out of the corner of his eye. Yet, despite your lack of knowledge, Rossi could see it clearly. Spencer could barely take his eyes off of you, admiring the concentration as your brows furrow together, the determination and focus in your gaze as you listen intently to Penelope. Truth be told, Spencer missed it, more than he allows to let on.

“Today you’ll be heading to Beavercreek, Ohio. Within the past week, there have been three separate homicides. All three victims have yet to be identified and were found with eight gunshot wounds, one of which in the head, killing them.” Penelope shudders as you all look through the case files.

“Shot execution-style, efficient.” You comment, looking at the photos of the two male victims found on the outskirts of town, dumped with their ankles and wrists bound.

“Do we have any leads?” Tara asks, and Emily steps in.

“Since we have yet to identify our John and Jane Does, we’re going based on missing person reports within the past twelve months. These victims were all taken and killed recently, so our unsub isn’t keeping them long. Wheels up in thirty.” Emily explains. “Oh, Y/n, mind if I have a word?” She asks, exiting the room as she heads to her office.

“Someones in trouble.” Luke jokes as you roll your eyes, but Spencer glances over as a look of concern crosses his expression.

“It’s fine, Spence.” You assure him. “You go ahead, I’ll be right behind.” You smile to him as he exits the conference room with JJ whilst you make your way over to Emily’s office.

“I know this is Spencer’s first day back, but I wanted to ask how you are.” Emily states as she gathers her things whilst you hover in the doorway.

Smiling softly, you nod. “I, I’m good.” You tell her, but Emily raises a brow, clearly unconvinced. “I promise, Em. I’m doing fine.”

“Okay,” She sighs, walking toward you. “but if there’s any change, you have to let me know, alright?”

“You got it, boss.” You salute to her as you both exit her office, catching up with the rest of the team as you enter the elevator.

Standing in the ME’s office, the sight before you made your stomach churn.

Usually, these sort of sights never had an effect on you, but something this time is different.

“Hey, you okay in there?” JJ asks, resting her hand on your arm as you snap from your daze as you stare at the bullet hole in the centre of the forehead, wishing that it was the only bullet hole on the John Doe.

“Sorry,” You mumble. “lost in thought for a second.” You clear your throat, stepping closer to the John Doe as you bend over, taking a closer look at the bruising on the wrists from the ropes. “So these victims were tied up, restrained and then shot seven times in the torso and once in the head?”

JJ walks over with the ME’s report in hand. “Actually,” JJ trails off and you stand up now, looking at her as her brows furrow. “it says seven shots were fired post mortem.”

“Why would the unsub shoot seven times after their victim was already dead? Seems like severe overkill.” You reason, and JJ hums. “Sometimes not adding up, we better let the others know.”

“Hold on,” JJ pauses, reading further into the report. “it says there’s something on each victim's mastoids.”

Turning around, you walk over and glance down. “It’s the letter T.” You tell JJ as she bends down beside you, taking a look for herself. “Could it be a signature?”

“I’m not sure.” She states. “Let me get the report for our first Jane Doe, see if there’s anything different for hers.”

As JJ exits the room, you exhale deeply and take a seat. “It’s fine, Y/n.” You tell yourself as you rest your hands against the cool metal cabinet behind you as you try to recompose yourself.

“Y/n,” JJ calls out. “we gotta talk to the team, look.”

Passing you the file, you sigh at the sight of what is on the Jane Doe’s ear.

“T & D?” You speak up, and JJ nods. “Let’s go.”

“Truth or Dare.” Spencer states as he stands in front of the boards. “Our unsub is playing truth or dare with our Jane and John Does. Answer truthfully, avoid being shot. Lie, and well.” He trails off as he motions to the pictures behind him.

“Any update on who our Does might be?” JJ asks as Penelope remains connected and the sound of her typing echoes through the line.

“I’ve found a potential match for our Jane Doe. Lucia Hanes, 24, went missing six months ago. On her way home from work but never arrived, reported missing since and never found.” Penelope explains.

“Garcia, can you-”

“I’ve sent you her families details to your tablets.” Penelope finishes before Emily could even ask.

Chuckling to yourself, you open your tablet, looking at the information. “Thanks, Pen.” You call out as you all split up, you and Luke heading to Lucia’s mother's house.

“So, how does it feel?” Luke asks as you pull up outside Marie Jakings house.

“How does what feel?” You question as you walk up the driveway, Luke behind you.

“Having Reid back?” He nudges you playfully. “Come on, he’s your guy, or whatever you two call it.”

Rolling your eyes, you knock on Marie’s door. “He’s my boyfriend, technically.” You comment, knowing Spencer has spent more time in jail than you have officially dating. “But my best friend first and foremost.” You add as the door opens.

“Hello?” Marie answers, crossing her arms as she looks between you and Luke.

“Ms Jakings?” Luke asks as he holds his badge out. “I’m Agent Alvez and this is Agent Y/L/N. We’re here regarding the disappearance of your daughter, Lucia Hanes.”

Marie’s hand rises as she covers her mouth, muffling a sob. “Ms Jakings, I understand this has been hard for you, but we’re only asking for a few minutes if that’s alright?” Your voice softens as Marie straightens up and stifles her sob, allowing you both inside.

Sitting in her living room, you can’t help but notice the pictures of Lucia covering the mantelpiece and as you blink, you can’t help but vision Lucia lying on that metal table, lifeless.

“Thank you for your time, Ms Jakings,” Luke speaks up as Marie sits opposite you, her hands shaking as she picks up her mug of coffee.

“Do you have kids?” She questions, looking between you both.

“I, no.” You stumble over your words as she simply nods.

“So you have no idea how hard this is? Your daughter goes to work and never comes home, and has potentially been a victim of, of a serial killer?” Marie’s voice cracks as tears fall from her eyes.

“Ms Jakings, I’m sorry, I truly am. But right now, we’re just trying to find any connection between your daughter and our unsub.” Luke explains, leaning forward whilst you swallow the vomit rising in your throat. “Was there anyone who would’ve wanted to hurt Lucia? Or had a problem with her?”

Marie hums to herself for a moment before glancing towards you. “No, she, she was a kind person. She studied hard, she was saving up to go travelling. I, I’ve never had an issue with her.” Marie states. “But, there was this incident in High School,” Marie mutters.

“An incident?” You ask. “What, what sort of incident?”

“Well, Lucia and her classmates took part in an online game. She told me it was something everyone was doing all around town.” Marie glances over to the framed photo of Lucia and herself on Lucia’s graduation. “I didn’t think much of it, none of the parents did.”

“What game was this?” Luke speaks up, now taking his phone out to record the conversation between the three of you.

“Truth or dare.” Marie tells you both, noticing the look shared between you and Luke.

“Ms Jakings, I think it’s best if we bring you into the station, for your own safety and we can continue the conversation there.” You explain as you rise to your feet, Marie complying.

“I’ll call Garcia, have her check into the history of this game in the school.” Luke comments as you walk out to the SUV with Marie.

As you all sit in the SUV, Luke pulls away whilst you sit in the back with Marie. “It’s to do with that game, isn’t it?” Marie asks, her voice shaking now as you remain silent. “I knew it would catch up with them.” She mutters.

“Ms Jakings, what do you-”

Before you could finish your sentence, Luke yells as a force collides with the car. Immediately you’re knocked to the side, slamming your head against the window as you faintly hear Luke calling your name until everything becomes black.

PART TWO

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pynkhues · 2 years

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🙄😌🙊🥹🥵 but I want romcoms or romantic dramedies pls and thx

Thank yoouuu, and oh man, this was actually surprising hard, haha.

Eyeroll emoji - Adam's Rib (1949). You can never really go wrong with a Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy romcom, they're both excellent actors with chemistry for days (like, god, there was a reason they were in nine romances together) and this one is probably my favourite. In it, they play a married couple who are both lawyers who end up working on opposite sides of the same case - a case where a neglected woman attempts to kill her husband. At the time of it's release, it was a bit of a grenade and it actively tackled conversations of changing gender roles in post-WWII America, and the social and relationship pressures a lot of people felt. You really feel the fact that it was co-written by a woman too, and even beyond the great premise, it's genuinely really funny. Eyeroll emoji only because - - well, it did come out in 1949 so some of the gender politics are outdated to say the least, haha.

Relieved emoji - Bright Star (2009). Yes, sure, this movie is technically a 'tragedy' or whatever, but it's totally a comfort film for me too. It's so exquisitely made, and is probably my favourite Jane Campion film. The story of the poet John Keats' romance with Fanny Brawne is just really tenderly told, and the cinematography is to die for.

Don't speak emoji - The Children's Hour (1961). This movie never seems to feature in conversations of early lesbian cinema, which is a real shame, because it's genuinely very good and I think features possibly both Audrey Hepburn and Shirley Maclaine's best performances. At an all-girls school, a vindictive student accuses two of her teachers of lesbianism, and it trickles out in ways most of them couldn't imagine.

Holding back tears emoji - Hold Back the Dawn (1941). Another teacher-themed one just for youuuu. The synopsis of this movie always sounds a little silly, but it has so much heart and is inherently a film about kindness. A Romanian male sex worker is trying to get into the US to meet up with his lover who's recently married a man there in a green card marriage. He gets stopped at the border though and ends up stranded in Mexico. While he's there, he meets a teacher from America who's out with her school group, and plans to marry her for the green card, only to actually fall in love with her in the process. Olivia de Havilland is always my #1, and she's just so, so sweet in this, as are Charles Boyer and Paulette Goddard. It's really a movie about how to find and build a home, and I just love it a lot.

Hot emoji - The Handmaiden (2016). Oh man, what can I say about The Handmaiden? In Japan-occupied Korea in the 1930s, a young Korean woman is hired to be handmaiden to a reclusive Japanese heiress, only the handmaiden is actually a pickpocket recruited by a swindler posing as a Japanese Count who's trying to rob the heiress blind. And that's basically just the first ten minutes. I know you're going to hate this, haha, but the best way to go into The Handmaiden is without knowing much about it, because it is a ride. It's also a deeply intimate and compelling love story and while I do think some of the sex scenes can be a bit much, on the whole it's a movie that oozes sensuality and I love that for it and for me.

Send me an emoji + a genre and I’ll send you a movie rec

#really hope you watch these actually haha #film asks #emoji film rec #movies #welcome to my ama

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burneddownthegym · 4 years

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When do you think Buffy and Spike started developing feelings for each other? I think for Spike it started in season 2 which has been kind of confirmed by Dru, but what about Buffy? Their relationship seemed to change after Spike let Glory torture him to protect Dawn, but I like to believe Buffy had unregistered feelings for Spike way earlier. I don’t know what’s true though. She let him live many times when she shouldn’t and that could just be the writers wanting to keep Spike but it could also be read as Buffy not wanting to kill him for some reason. If I were Buffy I would have at least been attracted to him from the start but I’m not Buffy. What do you think?

oh god. i started writing this and it just got more and more unhinged until i was left with a novel. but here’s my headcanon under the cut.

i think for spike it started in season 2, yeah. kind of immediately. i mean in his second episode he already has like ten tv’s mounted on the ceiling to obsessively watch buffy fight? ok weirdo. obviously the writers weren’t planning on spuffy at the time but it all fits with the dru retcon in “fool for love”. i think any feelings he had were super repressed in him for a while though, and were probably closer to obsession than anything (where does one draw the line between obsession and love? much to think about!!). tbh, and maybe this is controversial, i kind of think it’s not until “intervention” that he really understands just how in love with her he is, or what it really means to be in love with her. he definitely thinks he’s in love, he has a raging, identity-crisis crush, but i don’t know, something just feels different after that episode. i feel like it’s when his feelings for buffy really become less about him and more about her. like, less about having her or wanting her to recognize him, and more about wanting to be what she actually needs. less about *loving* buffy and more about loving *buffy*, maybe. so even though his feelings before then are real, they feel real in a different way to me after “intervention”.

buffy is harder. personally, i don’t think she was ever consciously attracted to spike until maybe s5. (buffy being immediately attracted to him in fic is actually a huge pet peeve for me; it doesn’t feel in character at all and can even make me stop reading). i think there was latent attraction, but spike was just so far outside the bounds of who she thought she would be attracted to that it doesn’t register that way (reason #34095 spuffy is a lesbian ship, obv. also it’s why her being attracted to him immediately can turn me off in fic, bc it makes the relationship feel less gay, and that’s kind of important to me). i think she finds him tacky and annoying and lame and just not a sexual object. he’s a soulless vampire and you don’t sexualize those. and so anything sexual she felt toward him she dismissed the way you might dismiss a weird sex dream about someone you’d never want in real life (jane espenson apparently had notes on her desk pre-s5 saying buffy had sex dreams about him, which i totally buy, especially after “something blue”). i think one of the reasons she freaks out so bad in “crush” is that suddenly spike isn’t in the non-sexualizable category anymore. like, what, vampires and slayers are sexualizing each other now? like in real life not just innuendo? you broke the rules, what am i supposed to do now? it’s why she’s so weirded out when he tries to kiss her in “fool for love” and goes on about how people can’t love without a soul in “crush”. spike isn’t fitting his sexual category and she doesn’t know how to deal with it so she tries to stuff him back in. long story short, i think it’s only after “crush” that she actually consciously thinks about his attractiveness, because before then he just wasn’t someone on the table for her to think about that way.

(oh i should also add—i think spike’s “crush” moment with buffy is “who are you?” when faith comes onto him. because it was sort of a similar thing for him. even though he was attracted to buffy before that episode, it was something he repressed or treated as kind of a game. innuendo and eroticism as a battle tactic but not something you’d actually follow through on in real life. but he thinks buffy breaks the rules in “who are you?” and suddenly makes herself real-life sexualizable. so i think his attraction becomes more conscious after that, even if he’s still trying to act like it’s something that disgusts him, like buffy post-“crush”.)

(also, this is why it’s so easy to read violence and murder as sublimated desire in a gay way with spuffy. it’s not really about murder and violence. it’s about them expressing romantic/erotic desire within the bounds of what their roles allow, because they can’t conceive of each other in other roles.)

but i do think buffy did still have some sort of draw to spike before s5. i feel like instinctually she saw him as more of a person than other vampires pretty early. definitely not consciously, and definitely wasn’t love. but she talks to him like he’s a really annoying guy more than she talks to him like some sort of mindless enemy. she doesn’t bother telling other soulless vampires that she violently dislikes them, or mock them about their breakups. i think the only other soulless vampires she sort of treats that way are harmony and holden in cwdp, which makes sense since both of those are vampires she knew before they were vamped. she didn’t kill harmony either, and wasn’t excited about having to kill holden. but spike is the only “stranger” vampire she sees that way, and i think that’s interesting! i think a lot of her conflict over him is due to this too, tbh. he instinctually feels like both a person and not-a-person to her, and that’s hard for her to process.

i have zero canon to back this up, but i think the first time buffy kind of sort of falls in love with spike is in “the gift”, when he says he’d protect dawn until the end of the world. i mainly think this because i don’t think it can be understated how important dawn is to buffy, or how telling it is that she kisses spike in “intervention”. other people have said this, but she just doesn’t kiss people every time they do something nice for her. i don’t think she would have done that unless she felt some sort of latent *something* for him, and unless he’d done something that really deeply affected her. him being willing to sacrifice himself for dawn’s sake, or protect her above all, affects buffy first: because of how self-sacrificing she is. she’s always the one who has to die or put herself on the line for other people. and second: she’s the only one who cares about dawn the way she does. no one else goes into a coma or threatens giles or vows to protect her until the end of the world…except spike.

so the fact that spike would understand the self-sacrificial and protecting-dawn parts of her, or help her with them in the same unthinkingly committed way, when no one else is, i think hits her where she lives. he understands and is not just supporting, but *embodying* this hugely important thing to her at the time when it counts the most. so she falls a bit in love with him. maybe just a second, or a minute, and then she ignores it and saves the world. but that’s the first time it happens.

then as far as s6 goes, i pretty much take buffy at her word when she says she has feelings for him, but that they’re not love. i think she has really intense and confusing emotions around him and for him, but they just don’t cohere into something that could be called something clear-cut like love. and that’s sort of the tragedy of that season? it has all the potential and intensity and chemistry for love, but she doesn’t like or trust herself and she doesn’t trust him, and he isn’t in a place where he can understand the guilt and self-hate she’s going through, or be moral without her guidance, and so in a lot of ways her lack of trust really is justified. so it just can’t quite reach the realness of love, where you want and want to care for the other person’s whole self. but (adding this edit based on a comment by marinxttes!), i totally agree that a lot of her breakup with spike is about her feeling enough for him that it doesn’t feel right to use him anymore. i think that’s the decisive moment when she stops being confused about whether he is or isn’t a person (and whether *she* is or isn’t), and decides he is one. maybe not one she thinks she can love yet, but one she genuinely cares about doing right by, and that’s a huge shift.

i believe her in s7 too when dawn asks if she loves him and she says she feels for him. i don’t know when exactly that whole mess starts cohering into something that really is love for buffy, but i feel like it’s happening the whole season. like air condensing into water. all the pieces have been there, amorphously, for a long time, and finally they’re allowed to take form. so when she says “i love you” in “chosen”, it’s at once something new, and also something that’s been there all along.

#ship: spuffy #do i have evidence to back up 90% of this? no #am i going to post it anyway? absolutely

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qiqi-media · 3 years

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How I feel about Mal Bertha and her character PART 1

This is not a Mal bertha Biography and it is biased in the sense that I don’t like her at all. Read with caution.

Descendants 2 was actually the first movie of the trilogy that I had watched. My little sister was watching it and I happened to be passing by and sat to watch it with her when it caught my eye. 2017 me had a completely different opinion of Mal bertha than today not because I was younger but simply because D3 hadn’t come out yet and I hadn’t watched the first movie or even knew there was books. I can’t stand Mal bertha, not even the D1 version of her and that’s the one even Mal antis love. I didn’t like her in the first movie but it was more of a “I wouldn’t be friends with her.” I didn’t think that she was unforgiveable and that it was impossible to give her a second chance. She made her own bad choices but she expressed genuine regret for them and was only 16. Despite me, loathing Mal’s existence I related to her in sense that it’s scary wanting to change but you don’t know whether or not your actions have caused too much damage.

In D2 watching it as a stand alone I saw a girl wanting something other than the ‘happily ever after’ and deciding she would go for what would make her happy when she went back to isle. I was desperately hoping that after the ‘It’s going down’ scene that she would go back to the isle and not choose to stay somewhere she wanted to leave. But we know how that went and the ending left me bitter and sad not for her, but for Uma. She began to leave a bitter taste in my mouth when she broke up with Ben and came back and just expected him to get back together with her. I’m going to go around every version of her character.

PRE D1

She was a dick. That’s the simplest way I can put it. I don’t like even acknowledging pre d1 Mal because it leaves me with this very negative view of her character that I don’t think was necessary. I feel like this is a big fuck up, wanting to have Mal be her ‘evilest’ before coming to Auradon. I understand the reason why they wanted to show her growth and change throughout the series. But after looking at some real life scenarios with a similar Mal situation it made me look at it differently. Imagine this: someone who severely bullied you and harassed you and everyone around getting to go to a new place and get the best treatment there, then she’s congratulated with becoming queen of that land and not only that she then decides she’s going to be queen of the place she was bullying and harassing people at without ever properly apologizing. This happens in real life and these people get exposed which is why I don’t like it. It would be different if Mal actual grew throughout the series but it was real just her gaining more power and the scenery changing from Pre D1-D3. She also continued to make the same type of ‘mistakes’ with no actual direct consequences all she had to do was cry and they forgave her. She would be okay if it Descendants was a stand alone movie. But knowing the type of life she would get to live after all of this behavior puts me off from reading it. It would also be different if Mal lived a simple life in Auradon (Aka not trying to take control by dating the king and then stepping all over said king) She got more than what she deserved to have. In my opinion she did deserve the chance at all better life just like all the other kids who didn’t commit any crimes to be locked up. But in the eyes of people she victimized she wouldn’t deserve to be Queen become royalty, live in castles and get gifted with limos and bikes.

D1 is the version of Mal everyone generally likes however, like I stated before I didn’t like her even then. At the start we see someone who is clearly trying to please her mother so if her mother wants bad behavior she gives her that. Throughout the main plot she did things of her own accord that she can’t use her mom as an excuse for. There’s a couple different things but a lot of them had to do with Ben and I’m making a whole post on how Ben was treated like shit throughout the franchise so that will be addressed then and not in this post. However for a reference she drugged him with a spelled cookie into falling in love with her for the wand. He wasn’t even willing to eat the cookie at first but she guilt tripped him into eating it. We could brush this off as her doing whatever she needed to do to get to the crown but to me she took advantage of the situation by actually going on dates with him. He was already spelled and willing to listen to whatever she wanted so besides for her own personal interest why would she go on the dates? (Granted a 16 year old wanting to get cute and have a nice date with a nice boy is not a fault or wrong in any way the fault here is all of this was happening when Ben was not in his right state of mind until the spell washed off.) Her taking advantage of Jane’s insecurities was not cool either and I’m interested in what ways she would’ve tried to use Jane if it was easier to get to the wand through her. Since her main crime in my opinion was Ben and since he’ll have his own essay post I’ll focus on Audrey here.

Her disrespect to Audrey

It was unnecessary, she had no reason to have had Audrey’s name in her mouth as much as she did D1. It would make more sense for Mal to like Audrey’s sassy boldness to me not shit talk her every chance she got. At the start they had a small passive aggressive conversation that could’ve just been left at that because technically they burred the hatchet between the two families. It was a “hey I don’t fuck with you, you don’t fuck with me” type of a situation that could’ve grown civil. However, throughout the movie in comparison to Audrey who really just had a problem with Mal’s mother until she spelled ben then it became direct problems with each other. Mal was continuously talking shit about Audrey as if Audrey was the one who fucked with her family. This time her upbringing can be referenced, on the Isle she most likely was allowed to openly hate things and Audrey was most likely raised to at least pretend to be polite. But from the Audrey we’ve seen she clearly doesn’t care about holding her tongue she’s straightforward with how she feels and she didn’t have a problem with Mal she had a problem with her mother. The only time she talked about Mal directly was about the hair spells which she ended up being right about (Mal’s addictive reliance on magic in D2 and Jane at the end of D1). After completely ignoring Audrey’s feelings and literally stole her boyfriend (not even on the the you can’t steal a loyal man type of shit she literally stole him he wasn’t even allowed to consent to it.) She later in Audrey’s Diary multiple times tries to reason this with she never meant to directly hurt Audrey and that she didn’t really want Ben she just wanted the wand etc etc. The evidence doesn’t back this up Mal, you’ve made your disdain for Audrey clear and talked shit about her to Evie right after you spelled Ben the did I mention bs claiming “Chad will see her horrible personally” as if you knew her personally and that Chad didn’t grow up with her. Mal can say she didn’t mean to hurt Audrey but she clearly didn’t mind that she did.

I’m going to make a whole separate on Audrey and how I do think she gets a lot of slack because people can relate to her, but also how her treatment in comparison to Mal’s is unfair.

I did think she deserved a chance to show remorse for her behavior (spoiler: she didnt) Again, I like to look at things from the pov of other characters for things like this. If I was an Auradon kid who was friends with Mal and ended up finding out she was using me and plotting to take over and destroy the place I lived with/for her mother but changed her mind last minute. I would see her as forgivable I just wouldn’t want her around me. In other words I would expect her to start her own new life, not continue trying to live the one where she was plotting without even actually apologizing to people. AU: After descendants instead of continuing to date Ben she breaks it off and goes to an Art school frequently coming back to visit Auradon and after high school she goes on a quest (with the C4 of course) exploring all kinds of different kingdoms and countries because she was locked up on the isle her whole life. In the future she possibly returns to Auardon and even could get back together with Ben with a proper start.

The first Descendants Movie I ever saw so it holds a special place with me and I actually rooted for Mal the first time I watched it. I sat in to watch at the argument scene and knowing all of the plots now and after rewatching it my opinion has change greatly. We see a blonde and very stressed Mal who’s dealing with the pressures of becoming a royal in order to secure her place with Ben. I do feel bad for Mal when she was talking to Evie, she was trying to reach out to her friend about her situation and was basically told to stop talking about it. I understand Evie’s feelings of wanting to leave the past behind but I can also understand Mal feeling like she’s cornered and can’t even talk to her best friend. I can also understand her feelings of ending up overwhelmed with her decisions from going to somebody who did whatever whenever to becoming a royal with duties I get the pressure. If Mal decided that wasn’t the life she wanted to live and went back to the isle where she felt more comfortable I don’t see anything wrong with that. She wasn’t required to stay in Auradon if she felt like she was unhappy there. That says a little something about Auradon to me if somebody would rather live where they ate rotten food than live there. My sympathy for Mal stops there because everything else was a result of her own actions and things she brought onto herself.

1. The royal situation

Let’s get one thing clear nobody was forcing Mal to hand sign up for the prime and proper royal life. She did that herself.

Nobody told her that she had to dye her hair blonde and have a complete wardrobe change, she did.

Nobody said she even had to continue the terrible relationship she had with Ben and go straight into being a royal in order to basically become Ben’s wifey, she did.

She’s saying all of these people are expecting things of her when 6 months ago she was stealing candy from babies when she was the one who let people have these expectations. She decided to take up the role herself because that was what she wanted. Let’s be honest with how it happened Mal would not live in Auradon if she had to be a regular citizen she wanted to be in control of everybody and to have power because that how she always lived. However once she realized that nobody was just about to hand her this power just for being with Ben unlike with her Mom (getting to rule the isle just because she was her daughter and not because she actually worked her way up there) and that she actually had duties and work to fulfill if she wanted to be the boss. She let her pride get in the way by feeling she had to prove she could last with Ben and become an Auradon girl and ended up miserable and blaming Ben for something she decided to do herself.

She then had the responsibility to fulfill all of those duties and she was struggling unlike anybody else who would’ve had to abide by the “don’t use magic” quote on quote rule she decided to use Magic after claiming she’d give it up and was still a hot ass mess. She can’t even use the excuse that was to help her with her lady in training because she was using it to not be late to class and later to try and manipulate Ben. @ishiphumasohard made a good response on why it was unfair for Mal to use magic as her ‘right’ because at what point would it be unfair to other kids? While all the other kids have to show up on time to school Mal gets to use magic to turn back time instead of just being on time. If other kids studied all night for a test Mal can use a speed reading spell. If there was a cooking contest Mal can spell her way into a feast while the others would have to the actual labor. You get the point, because magic is not universally used by everyone in Auradon and it’s an unspoken rule that it’s not to be used then she should have followed this rule.

I will say the girl was stressed and was feeling alone, I already gave my sympathies for that.

The magic situation really hit the fan when she felt comfortable enough to spell the boyfriend who had already put enough trust in her to continue their relationship that started with her drugging him for her own benefit. Compared to her Ben did seem to be taking it easy but maybe like her, he didn’t want to show it. It seems Ben and Mal had a sort of pack to work hard together to become ‘the king and queen’ of Auradon they were supposed to be in it together. In my opinion it would make more sense for Ben to be hiding things from Mal than the other way around due to the nature of their shitty relationship. But that’s just not how it went down and after Mal tries to spell Ben into not finding her spellbook he gets RIGHTFULLY ANGRY. That entire scene was her fault, she could’ve explained herself and why she was using magic and that she was having a hard time but she once again decides to take advantage of Ben’s trust. Then proceeds to make sure she ends the fight with her being the victim. So much so that the entire fact that she spelled Ben was never brought up again.

Going back to the isle

She then decides to go back to the isle, if this was really her decision I wouldn’t mind it. There’s nothing wrong with her liking the isle better than Auradon if that’s where she felt at home. The problem was she was clearly emotional and let’s be honest, if she had called all of her friends together and actually broke up with Ben and told them this was her decision to go back to the isle before leaving they MIGHT (hard might) not have ran after her like they did. Not only that the duties that we were speaking of earlier, she didn’t formally pull out of anything which is why it irked me when she was so irritated that they came back for her.

Some people actually didn’t like her attitude as soon as she got back on the isle because she expected to run it. That wasn’t surprising to me honestly, because for her whole life that’s how it was, only person she was scared of was her mother. She quickly realized however now that her mom isn’t around and in lizard form nobody was scared of her. Most unrealistic part of D2 was how Mal didn’t get jumped as soon as people realized she got back. Like I said Isle Mal was a straight dickhead and had too many enemies to be walking around like she was.

Another point was when she got her hair dyed by dizzy, the shop wasn’t open, she saw this, ignored it and went in anyway. Not even because her and Dizzy were tight like that she just expected her to do what she wanted (get the pattern with Mal here?)

Skipping her scene with harry because it did nothing to the plot.

The rest of the C4 and Ben come to get Mal back as expected and she acts all surprised and angry. Ben apologizes to her and instead of apologizing for what she did and then explaining that she doesn’t want to go back to Auradon and be a lady of the court. She continues the narrative that Ben wanted her to change and that she’s not good for Auradon so she’s going to stay on the isle. What’s the difference between the two? The first one is her taking responsibility of her actions and deciding for herself that that’s not the life she wants. While the other is acknowledging none of the blame and deciding to run away not because that’s not what she really wants but because everyone will turn on her so she has to run first. It painted a narrative that nothing of this was her own doing while at the same time making it seem like she is doing the right thing by backing away which in hindsight probably was the better decision. Mal’s feelings weren’t the problem I understand them, she thinks she won’t be accepted as herself so she wants to leave before they can kick her out but that’s not what caused her to leave and she knows it. You got caught doing something shitty and instead of apologizing you ran away.

After Ben gets kidnapped she lectures the C4, again she does have some blame in this. With the way the fight ended it made it look like Ben was in the wrong so he was going to try and apologize regardless if they brought him or not. The rest of them came to keep him safe and as her gang members come back for her. Was this not something she considered after she calmed herself down? Ben honestly had no reason to be directly on the isle unprotected besides to sneak and apologize to you so are you really going to just blame the C4 for bringing him there and getting him captured?

Then when Uma, who has him captured plans a meeting she antagonizes her like that’s what is best for Ben at the time. Even in the mist of Ben being in danger she thought it was a good idea to try and piss off the person holding him captive. If you don’t remember what she did she called her shrimpy, insulted the smell of the restaurant and said she never thought of Uma while implying that Uma always had her on her mind for no reason. None of that was necessary to ask what Uma’s conditions were to give Ben back she just couldn’t help herself.

She didn’t care about Dizzy

Who had just performed a task for her and right after she paid her got robbed and had the place trashed just for Mal to say she’ll be alright. This should’ve been foreshadowing at the very least that she wasn’t ready to be making decisions for other people’s lives because besides her own and her friends she didn’t care for many especially those on the isle.

It’s going down

Even though it was in the song and not directly her words again antagonizing the person who has Ben held captive and threatening his life, insulting them is stupid. This entire scene is messy and they shouldn’t even had been able to win a fight against pirates outnumbered. When has Mal ever picked up a sword???

Car ride Back

She gets mad when Ben has sympathy/ shows understanding for Uma. She somehow realizes that it’s wrong Uma kidnapped him but was comfortable spelling him without a second thought. In my opinion she thought she had some type of ownership over Ben she could do what she wanted to him and if somebody else did it was wrong. (Even though this can be applied to what she did in D1, I’m only talking about D2 because most people agree she showed regret for her actions in D1) When he calls her out on her hypocrisy she goes mute and does that thing, of letting her mouth hang opened whenever she gets called out on her shit.

END OF PART 1

I was going to make this one long post but I’ve been putting this off long enough so here is part 1, no idea when part 2 will be up. I do hope to have the Ben posts up before that.

#anti mal #anti mal bertha #anti bal #anti ben and mal #ben florian #ben descendants #descendants #disney descendants #audrey descendants #princess audrey #Audrey Rose #evie descendants #ben deserves better #uma descendants

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