#i hate living alone when it's like this
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we've been having a snowstorm for the last 3 days and im straight up terrified
#im being buried alive!#i live in the south of norway so getting this much snow down here IS VERY RARE#i can't remember the last time we had this much snow#and im super scared! and nervous!#i hate living alone when it's like this#if i die like this remember me for giving Rooster from TGM a sexier mustache than he actually has and-#for drawing Joe from Bonanza with a slutty waist
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"Penelope should have chosen Debling!"
My sister in Christ. . .he literally dumped her???
Like just before Colin Bridgerton was on his knees after outrunning her carriage to profess how he can't stop thinking about her in his love me, choose me, I'm yours speech, Debling did the Regency equivalent of calling her a floozy who would undoubtedly cheat on him when he abandoned her for several years to chase his passions (because she would never be one of said passions since she asked outright if he could ever come to care for her and he went 'hmmmm seems unlikely! good thing you have solitary hobbies to occupy you instead!') when he has been given 0 evidence of such other than realizing she liked to look out the window because she had a crush on the boy across the street. I was ready to challenge that man to a duel for Pen's honor
His feelings for her were middling at best, I mean Christ on a Pogostick, after he asked her mum for permission to propose he isn't even happy when he opens the door and Pen is there? She's looking like a snack- nay, a whole ass MEAL, and he can't even smile? He just nods at her and dips the fuck out? You don't think it would kill Penelope to know that both her sisters have husbands who absolutely adore them and she's out here with an absent dude who likely won't even write to her?
Portia's 'Love is make believe!' speech is so transparently full of shit when you realize that we've got Dankworth who is so obsessed with Prudence that he makes heart eyes at her every waking moment and considers her his little bonbon and Albion who loves Phillipa so much that he was waiting for her to consent to sex (not realizing she didn't know what it was) for two entire years because he would never pressure her and so he was content with finishing in his pants when he kissed her to make sure she was comfortable. And you want Penelope to settle for a life of loneliness? When Colin is so besotted with her that he dreams of her and breaks every societal expectation in the book as a notorious People Pleaser to run after her and cannot even wait for the morning after being intimate with her to introduce her as his wife to his family in the middle of the night? You want her to turn down Mr "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible" Bridgerton? For LORD PENGUIN?
Be so serious right now
#polin#bridgerton#penelope featherington#colin bridgerton#lord debling#good old alfie d giving us absolutely NOTHING#'it would be so great to have a husband who is never there so I can live my life in peace!!!!' like. . .are you sure. . .you like men?#as a queer woman i get it: he'd be great for a wlw because like byeeeeee who needs love from a man when i can be left alone w/ my hot besti#but like. . .penelope wants love. . .and she DESERVES love and she wants her husband to love her!!!!#the featherington husbands are obsessed with their wives and you want pen to be out here alone in a big house? for why?????#tell me you hate penelope featherington without telling me you hate penelope featherington#she deserves her hot ass husband who finds her in every room and event they're in and hypes her up and eats the same food she does#so he can taste what she tastes#and kiss all over her and take her on his travels and show her the world and inform her that she's fantastic and kiss her all the time#and show her how much he wants her no matter where they are#LIKE BE FORREAL#you really want penelope out here with an absent husband so she can keep writing a gossip column that makes her cry all the time?#byeeeeeeee
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Text from image:
PONYBOY: Soda… I like someone but I’m scared you won’t like it
SODAPOP: Pony, as long as you’re happy and healthy I don’t care who you love
PONYBOY: Ok, I’m dating curly
CURLY: wassup
PONYBOY: …Soda?
SODAPOP, UNDER HIS BREATH: be happy for him be happy for him be h
#it’s 1am#I had to draw this though the idea came to me#soda fucking hating their relationship is so funny to me#Darry wants pony to get with a nice girl and have a nice big normal live outside of Tulsa#but at most he just has his gudgemental stares#and never lets them stay together alone#but soda is so fucking mad#his ill support you as long as you’re happy :) goes out the window SO FAST#the outsiders curly#the outsiders se hinton#the outsiders ponyboy#the outsiders fanart#the outsiders sodapop#the outsiders#sodapop curtis#ponyboy curtis#curly shepard#purly#my art 24#don’t show pony this drawing btw he’s just a little guy#one time he was reading a fic and was like#…was he flirting with me when he said that#he’d go bonkers if he realized his sysmate was teachnically shipping him lmao
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will NEVER understand people who are like "scary, i don't like this animal gross" and you ask them why and they just say "look at it, it could kill me :( " like SO? i asked if you like and respect them as fellow living things on this beautiful planet not if you would give it a hug brother
#animals#i just dont understand like why is that something you even think about when looking at an animal#same with like an animal that looks ugly or weird to most people#like if i see an animal i haven't seen before and it kinda unnerves me thats like a plus for me#like wow what a freak im so happy i get to live in the same time period as you because your bones could never do you justice#also like just saying if like a dog really fucking hated you it would kill you too#like cute animals you probably like could also do that so#just ranting like please see the value in animals and plants around you even if you think they are weird or kinda scary please#no one is asking you to spend a night in a room alone with them so like why do you even care about that#civetspeaks
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whenever i feel like i’m being crazy when my roommates overstep my boundaries i remember that i literally never wanted roommates and got stuck in this situation because of the dire housing crisis and the fact that my biweekly paychecks are consistently ~$260 or less and not in fact enough to cover rent of single room apartments in my area
#and i’m also pretty much the only one furnishing the apartment#truly wish i could live alone#if it seems like i hate having to live with strangers it’s because i do and it sucks#sorry if that makes me a cunt!#i like people when i don’t have to share a bedroom with them#roomie vent
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Favorite c!Tommy headache go
Good morning my dear Taco <3 Favorite cTommy headache hmm.... Would mean like those HCs that are stuck in your mind? I loved that one HC of cTommy carrying the clow plushie (Henry) around because it was a gift from cTechno and it brought him comfort - and the tearing of the plushie representing their relationship throughout the DSMP Now for my own Headcanons, I like to think cTommy was found by SBI (Or more specifically, cWilbur) as a really tiny baby and EmDuo thought Wilbur had stolen the kid before realizing that cTommy had no parents around and taking him in as part of the family
Post-revival, one of cTommy's favorite hobbies are making crown flowers, and giving some of them to those he cares for as a coping mechanism - Alliums for Ranbo, poppies for Tubbo, edelweiss' for Techno (although those he'd keep to himself), purple hyacinths for Wilbur, white jasmines for Puffy, marigolds for Jack and sunflowers for Niki :> Also he'd always rip off the white streak in his hair, but every morning it's back again - he even tried dying it, it won't work tho :D Also I kind of ignore the DSMP finale because I don't like how it turned out so for me everyone just kept living their lives in the DSMP, trying to heal - cTommy lives with cTechno but often spends time with cRanboo and cTubbo
#ask me#ctommy#also my ctommy is kind of trans but it's that type of trans where you don't know if it's a guy or a girl and they just say “bet” when u ask#i don't like the dsmp finale but it's because I find it lazy#and erases cTechno which for me is the biggest no no#I hate cRanboo living in Nether alone with Michael too#anyway#they happy#dsmp#ctechno#cranboo
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Shout out to Seymour and Audrey for possibly being the fictional couple with the worst communication skills. Literally they're so bad that the world ended because of it
#yannow. because if Seymour had told her about the plant being man-eating she wouldn't have died and then he wouldn't have#probably Audrey would've wanted to stay in Skid Row for a bit longer so they could supervise it until it died#instead of that stupid plan Seymour had of just leaving the killer plant alone in a shop that he was hopefully at least gonna board up???#also Audrey didn't tell him she loves him for probably years so like#technically he didn't tell her either but it's even more obvious with him so he doesn't really have to#and she lived for probably years thinking that if he knew a certain piece of information about her he would hate her#when she was upset after Orin's death and couldn't stop herself from crying she tried to get away from Seymour so he wouldn't see her cry#also Seymour lived for probably weeks thinking that she didn't actually love him while they were in a relationship#overall really bad communication skills all around I love them 15/10#lsoh#little shop of horrors#audrey lsoh#seymour lsoh#seymour x audrey
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i support Yoo Joonghyuk Wrongs because i'd be so pissed if i was severely suicidal and some asshole convinced me to Give Life A Chance and gave me hope and then fucked off for three years letting me think he was dead??? leaving me to watch all of our friends do stupidly risky shit like the stuff i used to do before he made me Care about my and their lives?? NOT warning me and NOT telling me what he was doing like okay fuck that guy actually!!!!
#oh okay we're life and death companions?? CAN YOU ACTUALLY LIVE FOR A CHANGE THEN???????#i'm living i chose to live because of YOU BY THE WAY so if we're supposed to be life or death companions you have to live too!#that's how it works! you fucking dingus jerkwad bastard asshole!!!!!#orv#omniscient reader's viewpoint#yjh#kdj#my posts#love kim dokja. also hate him on behalf of every single character.#the way he comes back and his biffles 1) lock him up 2) sedate him 3) try to get the right of life or death over him so as to forcibly#remove his ability to sacrifice himself all the goddamn time 4) get arrested with him so he won't be alone in the underworld 😂🤣😭#just picturing all of them working out a chore list in the industrial complex but it's just shifts of#Sitting On Dokja-Ssi's Chest So He Can't Go Anywhere Or Do Anything#usually when there's a character who doesn't realize how adored they are i'm dragging my fingers down my face like#rapunzel the lanterns are for you!!!#but with this guy specifically i just want to hold him down and shriek directly into his earholes.
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Well Critters the year is almost up, at least for me here in England. Aside from the general pensiveness and reflection of the past year, it also means I'm about to (technically) complete my first full year of following the CR episodes as they came out; a year full of twists, turns, uprisings, downfalls, and just so much going on - only for the campaign to now be nearing its end.
We knew the end was coming sure, but since December's 4SD announced itself as the last of the campaign the number of episodes remaining has grown more finite, likely to be around 1-4 more episodes, and confronting the end is very different to acknowledging it ending. Admittedly in the confronting part I've become a liiiiittle bit of a mess, loaded with panic and worry beyond my own control; I sometimes tell myself that I'm being silly, they're fictional characters, the story's likely already recorded its end, and I never had any control or influence on the story to begin with, but as expected such attempts are both hollow and in vain. It's been a while since I was this invested in a story, or fandom for that matter, and the fact that most key and decisive moments will be determined by dice rolls continuously does nothing to soothe my nerves, or my uncertainties towards how it'll end - after all, the hardest battle has yet to be fought, the biggest decisions yet to be made, and Ludinus Da'leth is way WAY too calm about being trapped in a Force Cage for my liking.
I wonder if the fear and dread was the same for those watching the end of the previous two campaigns? If it was more or less than it is now by comparison? In hindsight, while the final stage so far feels more grounded compared to the more spectacular, massive miniature, larger-than-life endgame battles against Vecna and Lucien's Neo-Somnovem phases, it feels like the stakes are riskier for Bells Hells, on a low Level 15 with no cleric, dismal openings for additional support, and little wiggle room to get creative, especially since killing Ludinus - who continues to be touted as the 'strongest mage of our time' and could get even stronger depending on which way Matt goes with him - alone potentially won't end the overarching conflict, though he should still die nonetheless. At the very least I want the Hells (as we have for VM and the Nein) to all be free to live happily, be it settling down, embarking on new adventures, or just being the best they can be - and doing so with the people that mean the most to them - and at the very most I want them to make the best and kindest decision for the world as a whole, which I hope they get the chance and take the opportunity to do so.
It's still difficult to ready myself for it ending mind you, since I could have very easily spent another year with these idiots and still not be fully ready to say goodbye to them. On that however, I know not everyone shares my sentiment; some are truly ready for the campaign to be over and for C4 for explode (pun intended) onto the scene with brand new characters that in a few years time we'll also likely be unready to say goodbye to, and that's fine. But for all that can and will be said about Campaign 3 - positively and critically - it has very much delighted, disheveled, and deranged me for most of the year, usually at my desk of work, so trying to brace myself for the climax has, and continues to be, a lot of mental effort. Keeping myself positive and hopeful in these situations is tough especially when on the verge of a big battle; sometimes the negative thoughts creep in, Youtube videos full of pessimists and clickbait titles appearing unwantedly on my recommendations don't help, nor does the memory of what happened the last time the Hells were in a major boss battle at the tail end of their time on Ruidus, but when the campaign does end I want it to be looked upon fondly, and a lot of that does hinge on its conclusion. Obviously, I trust the group and Matt's storytelling, but that is only to an extent; defeating Ludinus is something I know Bells Hells are capable of doing - so long as the dice gods play ball and Matt doesn't inexplicably overbuff Ludinus to the nth degree like he did with Otohan - but the Predathos decision remains the root and focal point of the campaign's criticisms for good reason, often overshadowing and playing obstacle to character growth and direction. There is a satisfying and spectacular conclusion in there, but navigating it - even for a group that embraces 'when given two options, we pick option 3' more times than not - let alone achieving it is a very delicate path of fine margins, one that can indeed make or break the campaign - and a lot of my worries lie there, that and approaching/confronting an entity so voracious and eager to escape that it makes the gods terrified enough to deliberate breaking down the Divine Gate.
Without talking more to death about the god stuff and Predathos thing like we the fandom have already done aplenty, there's not much else I can say except that I'm worried but also trying to be hopeful. The campaign ending in tragedy or a pyrrhic victory is possible but it's not an outcome I personally desire or want to entertain. You could perhaps aptly translate that to my general feelings towards the new year too; having wants and wishes, hopes and hesitancies, fears and fandom, just currently a bit more compressed here than it is for the full year - and given our recent run of the years playing dystopia simulator, I'm more hopeful in one than the other right now - and perhaps it would do good to start the year with something to smile about. Right now, it's just that it's happening; it's happening, it's soon, and it's very apparent how close we are to finishing, which means I'm panicking and rambling, and panicking, and of course, rambling. I don't know what emotions will January send me through, but I do hope with all my being that they'll be positive ones.
So whether or not you reached the end of this, I wish you all a Happy New Year and, much like the end of Campaign 3, I hope it's a good one.
#critical role#cr3#c3 spoilers#campaign 3#bells hells#cr spoilers#waiter could I get a serving of rambling with a side of panic and dread - medium reflection on a bed of edits no sauces#also your finest bottle of fretting - one that desires for things to hit the right notes amongst the maelstrom of my imagined scenarios#the cast are all devious though because they know to play coy and with our emotions - I love and hate (affectionately) them so XD#'now Danny make sure to keep things short and sweet annnnnnd that's seven paragraphs...'#god knows what I'll be like when OP ends - in like 2055 or something#CR's 10th year is gonna be huge anyway between this and the M9 wedding one-shot alone - not to mention the other one shots and maybe C4#we started the year getting on the moon and we'll start the new year wrapping up stuff on the moon#my prayer circle is very much in full force too - gonna be all jitters every Thursday night/Friday morning for a while#if I can fight the sleep I'll try to watch 118 live - in hopes it's the one where Ludinus' ancient elf ass gets handed to him permanently#since I spend most of my pto during the xmas period I have that thursday off - but after that I'll be doing the usual Friday morning panic#I hope someone has at least enjoyed my slow descent into madness this past year#just...y'know! Pull it off! I know you can do it! Roll well (not you Matt) be well and make the right choices!
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I was told by someone that I couldn’t call myself a transsexual because I had to go off T for health reasons and I haven’t had any gender affirming surgeries yet since I’m poor and disabled. Is this true? What are like, the requirements to be a transsexual? /gen
The requirements to be transsexual: to identify as transsexual
This might seem too... straightforward, but genuinely, medical transition is so complex and individual that it's worthless to make it so ridged. There are so many reasons you have to stop some aspect(s) of transition, even if you didn't want to! That doesn't mean you never transitioned or that it's "lesser" now that you stopped.
Genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, I, for one, couldn't care less if you call yourself a transsexual. To my mind, it is as political as it is an identity. Being a transsexual isn't just about your identity but also your place in this world. "Transsexual menace" isn't just a cutesy little slogan but a political battle cry. It can be an attitude about changing sex, about the lucid and plastic nature of people, and so much more.
The word transsexual was made and popularized, honestly, with the idea that we are separate from others. I think we can take this back and make it ours. We can start by actually making it our own, not the cis world's own.
#ask#anon#trans#transsexual#transsexual FAQs#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#it seems extra shitty to me when somebody goes 'oh you can't transition in the ways you might want to for outside reasons? fuck you anyway!#like how awful do you have to be to see that a trans person is in multiple positions of marginalization...#...and make it about how YOU feel about THEIR labels?#maybe that's an uncharitable read on my end but. i just hate when you have justify your OWN damn identity.#like this isn't debate club and if you are bothered by it then that genuinely is not their problem?#(sorry for ranting anon. this is just something that alwaysssss grinds my gears and isn't directed at you but them)#inuded the bit about 'transsexual menace' because people forget that transness can be just as political as it is an identity#it is the scathing reminded that we are here and we're *going* to fucking stay no matter what. we live in the bones of society#we live in the corners you think are empty. we are the reminder that humanity is sacred and divine...#...and to forget this means we will remind you. we are *going* to fucking stay on this earth with or without approval or understanding#THAT is why i think it isn't solely an identity. my political stance is transsexual. my blade is my manhood.#basically transsexualism is: i'm not afraid to keep on living; i'm not afraid to walk this world alone.
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my fellow anxiety havers what is one of your mundane day-to-day tasks that should by no means be anything remarkable but feels like you are being hunted for sport. i’ll go first: putting all of your groceries on the conveyor belt during checkout is like a long series of quick time events to me
#marzi speaks#it’s bc like. you have a cart Full of groceries#there is a cashier looking to scan the groceries#there is (often) a bagger looking to bag the groceries and put them back in your cart#goal: get as many groceries onto that belt as fast as possible#REMEMBER: heaviest items go first so that nothing gets crushed when the bagger puts the groceries back in your cart#it is so stressful. move so fast ‘which of these items is gonna be heavier’ getting to the end and realizing you missed like 3 cans…#it’s even worse if there are ppl behind you. i live in texas so i can at least make socially acceptable conversation with the cashier#EXCEPT i’m already way overthinking the conveyor belt situation. i’m already frazzled#and now i gotta do small talk? oh god#on the bright side i am so fast at it it’s insane. i move faster than the cashier can keep up with#which is A Good Thing. bc that means i am at max efficiency#but like. WAAAUUGHH#and then u pay and hope the card reader isn’t gonna be a bitch#and you sit there for a moment while the cashier and bagger bag the rest of your groceries#and ur like ‘….should i help should i stay here’#tbh checkout is why i like never go grocery shopping alone if i know i won’t have self check out#bc what if there is no bagger. then i gotta balance Get Groceries On Belt. Pay For Groceries. AND Bag The Groceries#ouh god the time concerns. no . never. you can’t make me do that alone#someone handles the transaction while the other person bags it’s the only reasonable way to do it#i KNOW logically that it is not a big deal. but i hate the idea of making anyone wait for me
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On a scale of one to ten how emotional was readers reaction seeing megumi alive again
8.7 but she never really believed that he was gone. call her crazy but her son isn’t going to blindly submit to some manic gym bro from the heian era
megumi takes back his body and she’s basically jumping up and down with yuji and applauding. a standing ovation for her son, obviously.
and then later she goes home and cries herself to sleep because a. she’s really proud of him and b. the world is a terrible terrible place
#i mean she could potentially cry in front of him#but i feel as though she absolutely HATES being upset in front of the children and after ten years she’s learned how to control her emotion#in the moment#definitely a bittersweet feeling#but no#when people were like ‘if megumi does blah blah—‘ she would interrupt and 🤓☝️ ‘WHEN he does blah blah’#and yuji is wholeheartedly agreeing#nodding along#she’s also like… probably fighting for her life in the moment??? so she can’t be super dramatic#but using that as ammunition for the rest of their lives for sure#and her and megumi go home and talk about gojo and tsumiki#they were always very close but it brings them together for sure#and i think it gives megumi the same kind of perspective that she gained when she was a kid and her friends died/left#so a loooot of understanding going on#but hey#they’ve got each other so it’ll all be alright#(and then megumi and yuji make out and take seven years to confess to each other)#jjk spoilers#a typical family#OH#AND she definitely talks to megumi about guilt#about not taking it all alone#they could’ve saved everyone together but they weren’t strong enough#because you can never be strong enough#and she tells him that it’s okay#that’s why strength exists in the first place#(aka not letting him go down your typical satoru route)
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hm. idk, maybe the reason Luke Newton isn't announcing new projects or posting any Bridgerton content is because some of you demons treated him like hot trash instead of a creative that you wanted more work from and he decided fuck it, this isn't worth the stress. you know, like a lot of creatives who get mistreated do?
like this is a man who went from couch surfing in a friend's house and bartending to make ends meet, deciding that the Bridgerton audition was the last one he'd do before he quit, to suddenly being recognized on the street because that last audition propelled him to star in a global show where fans who have zero media comprehension blamed him for his character's actions and literally stalked him at any hotel he happens to stay at. he went from being a dude doing musical theatre and shopping at thrift stores and recording random songs with friends and posting silly memes on Twitter to being harassed on his only social media page and his friends insulted and his partners bullied by his supposed 'fans' and anything he posts being so microanalyzed that he can't do a damn thing without someone coming out the woodwork screaming about how he's the WORST and won't he think of the FANS!?
like damn he can't have a girlfriend without being harassed, he can't travel without being harassed, he can't like or not like social media posts without being harassed, he can't post a fucking MEME without being harassed, he can't take a vacation or cut his hair or hold someone's hand or just live his life without being blamed for some bullshit or another. but yeah, okay, 'when will Luke Newton come back?' as if it isn't your fault he's AWOL now
#luke newton#colin bridgerton#polin#lukola#bridgerton#bridgerton has a bullying problem- from kanthony fans to benophie (i see y'all with your anti blogs and your mean opinions) to polin#y'all lukolas say you're fans but most of you are the ones microanalyzing and feeling entitlement to this dude#and you know what?#jakola#because y'all straight up sip the hateraid and lbsr rn and call a spade a spade: you don't know this jack (jake? idk and idc) dude#you don't care about his achievements and aren't fans of his 'work'#you just want your stand-in avatar nic to have male attention as if male validation is the end all be all of a woman's success#and you see luke as the stand in for all the men who hurt you in the past but like he is literally not doing anything and y'all will be mad#and project that he somehow hurt nic as well by 'rejecting' her for his girlfriend who you hate because lbr she's conventionally attractive#when NICOLA Is conventionally attractive TOO ffs#how dare y'all make me step up to bat for a white man this way#leave him alone#aren't you exhausted?#'he didn't like xyz social media post and his girlfriend gives me the ick and he's not posting and appeasing me and blahblahblah' shut up#like y'all shut down at someone so much as raising their voice at you or posting some mild criticism for your bad takes#but you expect a man who has openly revealed his ADHD and anxiety to be the punching bag for all your vitriol#because he's not living his life in a way YOU approve of? like who are YOU to dictate how someone does and does not exist on this earth?#do some soul searching#do i love Luke's acting and want more of it and for him to star in everything i wanna watch? of course#but rn i'm gently cradling his face going 'baby you should RUN' because y'all are the PITS#YOU are the problem#one day y'all will realize that
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i once had an anti tell me to stop sexualizing their trauma on a story i wrote that was a word for word retelling of my own actual trauma but with names changed and its been 2 years and i still cant stop thinking about that
Ah, yeah... Unfortunately a non-insignificant number of antishippers seem to genuinely believe they own the concept of trauma, so any story they read that they believe to be portrayed in a romanticized or sexualized light therefore must be romanticizing/sexualizing their trauma specifically.
I couldn't tell you the amount of times I've gotten the "stop sexualizing my trauma!!!!!!" or adjacent comments from antishippers that universally garner a response that basically boils down to
Like, bitch! I'm talking about my trauma! I literally did not even know you existed until you fucking commented!
#proship#proshipper#anti bs#just anti things#glad to know antis assuming every story about trauma must be about them specifically seems to be a universal proshipper experience lol#like *how* am I sexualizing *your* trauma when I literally do not even know who you are?#like if you hadn't commented I would've gone my entire life not knowing you even exist#if I had omnipotence like that I certainly would not be using that power to sexualize the trauma of some random fucking stranger! lol#you think my petty ass would be doing *that* instead of the infinitely more infuriating thing of spoiling every show you love at any chance#jokes aside though like seriously get fucking real#I hate to burst your main character syndrome bubble but nobody fucking cares about you#not in the ''nobody loves you and you'll die alone'' sense#but in the ''you are just Some Guy™ and the 8 billion other people on the planet have their own problems to worry about'' sense#if someone is writing about trauma maybe take your self-centred goggles off for 5 fucking seconds#and maybe you'll realise that it is 1000000% more likely this random stranger is writing about *their* trauma#and *not* the trauma of a person whose entire existence they are not even aware of#I do believe the tiktok trend of referring to strangers as ''NPCs'' has at least contributed to this epidemic of main character syndrome#people you don't know are *not* ''NPCs'' you fucking robot!#they are human beings just like you with lives and dreams and loved ones#you just don't know them#sorry but I genuinely think I'd go to jail for murder if I ever heard someone refer to me as an ''NPC'' out in public#'cause genuinely who the fuck do you think you are!?
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ok last thought of the night I was out w a dear friend today and mentioned smth to them that i wanna put here too esp after dating excursions!!! i am beginning to realize that the life i’m living now is the life i always wanted? there’s nothing i would change about it. i like where i live.
but more crucially — i was talking to this friend about that and tumbled into talking about a teacher of mine who i was very close with all through elementary/middle/high school (i was a favorite) and who lived alone in an apartment full of art and whimsy + who had a casual boyfriend here and there but who was very much a solo spinster unit. and realized in that convo that i think my dream life looks so much like that. so so much like that
#musings#the thought of a long term relationship with another person is like ……#hate the thought of giving up living alone??#i love the notion of being kind of an adventurous solo unit with a lot of different connections!#i feel like maybe in ten years i’ll feel differently but right now this is the dream#and when i imagine 40 yr old celia they are always unmarried. which is kinda cool to realize
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#feeling really lonely lately and idk why#i mean i guess this is what 5 years of complete isolation do to ya lol#but yeah... sometimes it hits me that i don't really have friends (my fault obvs) and i just sit here with no idea how to change that lol#cause i have the curse of being ok while i'm alone and feeling incredibly anxious when i'm with people#so i convince myself that i'm better alone#and i am for the most part#but then 5 years since the last time i met someone that wasn't my mom or my brother go by and i go ''hmm... i don't think this is healthy''#and i spiral into a pit of dispair#like i can't believe that my highschool years when i was an absolute emo ''i hate everybody and everybody hates me'' kind of dude#were healthier than now#because i had online friends whom i talked to for hours about just random shit#and i met incredible people in uni but i haven't talked to them in literally i'm gonna say 5 years?#and the fact that they live 3hs away doesn't help but still#and i fully know I'M the problem#cause i isolate myself and i don't text and i don't hang out when they arrange hang outs#(again being 3hs away. relying on public transport and not feeling comfortable going out at night don't help..)#but also i put waaaayyyy too much pressure on this so that doesn't help at all#and i'm waaaay to awkward and self depricating to even attempt to have a meaningful friendship with anyone...#so i'm left here (by my own actions) alone and sad lol#i might be getting my period btw so maybe that's why i want to die today#but yeah... it's been in my head for a while now and i wanted to get it out so i can move the fuck on#if only i could be a normal person... sigh#angel talks#personal
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