#i hate him so much it's visceral
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By the way... this thing exists
Everyday I wake up in the same timeline in which this hideous thing exists.
#i hate him so much it's visceral#give me ONE good reason to like him#I NEED ONE#I CAN'T FIND ONE#steel rambles#transformers#maccadam#maccadams#shitpost#transformers bayverse#que#QUE CAZZO È QUE#PERCHÉ ESISTI#ORRIPILANTE MADONNA MIA NON SI PUÒ GUARDARE QUESTA COSA RAPPRESENTA TUTTO CIÒ CHE C'È DI SBAGLIATO IN QUEI DANNATI FILM LO ODIO
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Thinking about the fact that Mabel and Dipper didn't know they had two great uncles.
Yeah they are 12 and at 12 I had a shotty understanding of my family tree- But really? Nobody brought up their great uncle? Stanley? Especially since they'll be staying with his twin brother, Stanford?
Shermie never went to Stan's fake funeral, which to me means the twos relationship was strained on some level. If Shermie is older that means his view of Stan was poisoned in some way, that even as kids they weren't close. If the Shermie is younger then he never even got to meet Stan and all he knew about him was how he failed his family. Hell, people probably barely mentioned Stanley TO Shermie.
The fact that Stan had become a black stain upon the Pines family name makes me so vividly upset. Stanley faked his death and the family just- seemingly decided to strike him from the record. To pretend he didn't existed to spare themselves the sadness and shame.
Stanford and Shermie Pines. The only children worth mentioning of Filbrick and Caryn Pines.
It was never Stanford that was lost to the world. It was Stanley, ever since he had to leave New Jersy- it was always him that had to be struck from the record. Change his name, change his state, change his affiliations, destroy the remains of ghost that was Stanley Pines. Kill him so the family doesn't bring him up, doesn't ask questions, stops asking "Stanford" about his twin.
I just keep thinking about the fact that since the day he made one single mistake all the way up until Ford walks out of that machine- Stanley Pines was killed and did not exist. And Stan himself had no one to blame, he had to play the part in his own demise- He is the only one who ever knew Stanley was alive and has been for decades.
He lives in the multitudes of every personality he's ever taken, all in the hope that he himself can stop being Stanley Pines.
#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#STANLEYYYYYY#STANLEY THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU STANLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sharky rants#Just. Imagine the fucking shame you have to live with#the shame that you can never be yourself. That anything you were is unwanted and forgotten#The shame of just BEING- Of taking space of- of /breathing-/#Imagine the world; your friend; your family; your colleagues being so ashamed of having known you#that you feel more comfortable with a persona to present.#You feel more comfortable stealing the identity of someone you care for deeply if only to help#If only to feel capable for once. To feel like you belong- Like youre doing something good for once#Imagine the shame that brings you to be comfortable not being yourself for 40 years.#ALL CASE YOU BROKE ONE FUCKING PROJECT??????? COME ON#I mean- the deeprooted shame was started from earlier. He was 'the stupid twin“; 'the troublemaker”; “the cheat and thief”#This was a long time coming#But those werent MISTAKES- The one time he genuinely made a Mistake he lost everything#Like he really mattered so little to the people around him#and he cant really blame them.#My cousin is a genius. Hes smart and academically achieved since I was a baby.#The only thing I had that he didnt was my ability to draw. to be creative. The guy for the longest time had a better social life then me too#I used to get brought to tears seeing his accomplishments- seeing people praise him. The shame lived in me any time I had to see him#The shame that I was the black sheep of the family next to the golden standard for a son- for a student- for a friend.#when I was none of those things#And Im lucky he was my cousin- cause if he was my brother that would have haunted me EVERY DAY rather then once or twice a year#Im better with it now; Im more content with who I am- But trauma dump aside-#I very very very much understand Stans shame in being the stupid one. The unachieved one in a family full of achieved people#the shame thats angry at him for being better. at the family for treating him special. and most of all at yourself that you cant be better#its a visceral feeling that I sadly understand
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regardless, i wasn't built to be alone
part of this series 1 ; 2 ; 3 ; 4
#[posts visceral definitely-not-vent art] anyway so how's everybody been i know it's been a little while#i just finished reading It the Book which no one should ever do probably. next up is salem's lot 👍#also been writing ocs and shit. i'm working on their character sheets but one of them is so fucking hard to draw for no reason. i hate him#anyhow happy trans day of visibility that was Not intentional on my part. this one's not even that much about transgenderism too#well. it kind of is. but it's kind of not. but it is. but it's not as well. you understand#lycanthrope#my art#art#illustration#voidpunk#comic#poetry#(sorta)#oh hey there's not even blood this time. a win
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honestly while watching the untamed, i was thinking that the censorship didn't really bother me all that much, like sure they changed a few lines moved some things around, but they also added scenes so the trade-off really seemed worth it.
i am now realising that i felt that way just because for 80% of mdzs there wasn't that much to censor, playing with the wording was all they needed to do to meet the requirements. i have now reached that last 20% and the full weight of what the censorship robbed from us is starting to sink in.
what do you mean we don't see lan zhan cradling a delirious wei ying before fighting his own clan elders to defend him. idc if you multiplied the number of lashes he received by 10 it is so much less impactful when it's su she and jin guangyao who are the agitators also i don't understand what the timeline is supposed to be is this after wy is already dead?? how is he so composed??? i have so many issues with this and they would all be resolved if they kept the scene from the novels why couldn't that have been part of their "bromance" too???
#he's defending the burial mounds and that is noble#but what is so visceral about that scene in the novels is that it actually isn't all that noble what he's doing protecting wei ying#it is in fact one of the most selfish and reckless things he's ever done wei ying - whatever justification he has for the things he's done#he IS guilty he is not innocent at that point in the story#but lan zhan loves him loves him loves him so much#and he is desperate to save him even if he's gone off the rails even if he hates him (wy is lit telling lz to fuck off the whole time)#he will break all the rules he will fight whoever tries to harm wy or take him away even his clan elders lan zhan is SPIRALING almost as mu#as wy is in that moment#and it is not at all the same impact in the untamed it's just not#and that makes me sad#okay rant over#i hate censorship#mdzs#gwen's liveblogging again#wangxian#lan wangji#the untamed
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he's just SO annoying
#my art#my comic#described in alt text#wrath of the jo#reading my old tags and seeing 'i hope [daedran]'s kind of vain an annoying i do like that in a man' and crying because i need him died#i need to keep him around to keep me insane ive only had daedran for 15min and i hate him so much i going to maul him to death.#visceral ass reaction to this prick. i hope he's into men.
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"My poor potato bug," Brother Luke would say when he found him like this. "Why are you doing this, Jude?"
#IM GOING INSANE#I HATE HIM SO MUCH#VISCERAL FUCKING HATE#IM FEELING HOMICIDAL#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#a little life#a little life play#jude st francis#een klein leven#a little life book
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STOP PUTTING MATPAT ON MY DASH‼️‼️‼️
#i have the tag blocked AND YET#genuinely genuinely. i might not even see the movie#just bc hes in it#even if its for one scene#he genuinely gives me such a visceral disgusted reaction#i cannot i cant#i hate him so much#monnie rambles
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Self indulgent reverse TKK thoughts where Daniel is in Cobra Kai and Johnny is in Miyagi-Do.
Johnny came from a different part of Cali and is trying to blend in (which is easy for him)—not expecting five boys to come around and push him for talking to a girl he just met.
He did some wrestling before, but karate? Nope.
Maybe he was a little rude, but getting pummeled by a guy way smaller than you in front of everyone is embarrassing and undeserved in his eyes. The boy was cute. Way too baby-faced and fluffy to be so damn merciless.
To his surprise, one of the boy's buddies helped him up—the one with bleached hair he thought was just having a moment of kindness until he used that same grip to tug him close and promise darkly that he'd be seeing them again—with or without Danny. Then tells him with a shrug and deceptively casual tone that Daniel is the nicest out of all of them, so keep that in mind, man. He meant the warning. Johnny sees them at school and at random. And it's when they're without Daniel that they're far more salacious to him. Even the one with longer hair, who seemed a little concerned for him before.
But Johnny wants to see more of Daniel, yet he doesn't at all. Daniel seems kind to others around school when he’s not…irritated about something. Flip that switch and he’s making you bleed.
The aggression is attractive and Johnny can’t help but like when it’s directed at him—just a bit. Underneath the pain of a bruise.
His Sensei is even more intimadating. Has the eyes of a predator that make Johnny freeze when he gives him a once over with a smile. Looks him in the eye the whole time as he tells Miyagi to make Johnny enter the tournament.
Daniel is struggling with his morals. He and Kreese are always butting heads, and some days he truly can't stand the man—but Cobra Kai helped him get stronger. Less movable. How could he just leave something that's done so much for him? He owes at least one more win to Kreese.
He's pissed, alright. Pissed about the wreck his relationship with Ali became and pissed that he can't get that stupid blond guy with pretty lips out of his head when he keeps showing up. Pissed about his so-called friends doing things without him.
Definitely not terrified of change.
He wonders what Johnny's lessons with Miyagi look like—probably dreamily calmer.
#I had to add the visceral need the Cobras seemed to have to surround and touch Johnny lol#Just…. drawn to him in every universe#I just saw another post about reverse tkk and felt the need#I probably put too much of what I wanted here. I have a hard time censoring so more will enjoy skskks#opitional but ⬇️#(…..maybe when Kreese sees Johnny. he has way too much of an interest#(Kreese trying to rail and snatch up Johnny👌)#and Daniel notices and hates it. adds it to the pile of doubt as to whether he wants to go though with the tournament#but he hasn’t really snapped out of it quite yet#and hopes more that Kreese will be able to get Johnny to join instead of making the tough decision to leave.)#lawrusso#karate kid#og cobras x Johnny#because those boys do be wanting him bad#they might get over it
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dan's hatred for his hometown is so...it's so..........yeah
#*#yes im rewatching pizza mukbang in anticipation for the next one#and like....whenever dan talks about how much he hates where he grew up / and even when phil says he talked to his friends back home#and dan is quick to say 'i dont talk to anyone back home' it's soooo it's soooooo#essays to be made essays to be made!#i get it in a way that's so visceral i always dreamt of escaping even tho i didnt grow up in a small town but like yeah yeah#me and dan sisters forever#also knowing at this time he was thinking and coming to terms with the things that happened to him while growing up....yeah yeah
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Did a Kim/KimChay re-watch and I can confidently say that 90% of the current characterization (since the start of 2023) is pure fanon, blatant misinterpretation, and wishful thinking
Don't go claiming around that it's canon when it's just something you WISH was canon
#'Kim is shy and Chay is confident and assertive with him' LITERALLY WHERE?#give me one example that isn't an opinion of some other blog or something taken out of context#one canon SCENE where that is true#the best you can say is Chay knows his worth and is rightfully pissed at Kim but that's not the same thing#Kim's desperate messages and need to contact Chay is born out guilt and concern not whatever the fuck you've twisted it into#god i hate KimChay fans so much#all of you#the fucking 'Kim Theerapanyakul is so whipped' makes me visceral reactions now#y'all all just Chay fans but can't even do that right as none of your characterization matches Chay's actual personality#anyway rant over#Kim#KimChay#Kinnporsche#Kinnporsche the series#Kim Theerapanyakul#porchay kittisawasd#Chay is not assertive with Kim and Kim doesn't listen to him because he's naturally subservient#he listens because Chay is PERSISTENT AND STUBBORN (affectionate) and won't stop until Kim hears him out
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one of these days i'll write up a post about the parallels and foils between vivi and hermes and why it fucking kills me. for now all i can say is in hindsight the 'latched onto vivi Hard as a kid' to 'latched onto hermes Hard as an adult' pipeline is Real
#ffix#ffxiv#vivi ornitier#ffxiv hermes#final fantasy xiv#final fantasy ix#the absolute fuckor#hermes really is just such an interesting and visceral deconstruction of/foil to vivi's themes#ranging from *vivi* being the one in the same role as the familiars here#in comparison to hermes meaning the best in the world and trying So Hard; but ultimately coming from a place of immense privilege#and the fact that he was fumbling around in the dark in a society that very aggressively tried to insulate him from any meaningful#perspective on the shitty things he had internalized about familiars without realizing it; much less knowledge to unpack it#and how in the end he still was shitty to and about familiars; including and especially his daughters; who he abused#and some of that stemmed at least partly from his own selfishness and the things he was in denial about#to the fact that vivi had *support* when it came to things like grief and fear and life being precious#and the importance of finding your own meaning in it; while at the same time treating unavoidable death with weight and respect#and people in his life being like 'yeah it's pretty fucking understandable to be fucked up about all this'#instead of at most condescendingly treating him like a freak and an outlier for like. fucking being sad or angry about things. lol#bc *vivi gets angry.* he doesn't just feel sad he gets fucking furious; he feels real ass hate; he wants people to die for what they've done#and when he *does* question that in himself it's not ~uwu if i hate people i'm just as bad as them~; it's 'i've repressed so hard that i#literally have forgotten how to identify what sadness feels like; and it bothers me that my grief response skips straight to hatred now'#i just. god i love vivi so much i could go on. anyway when someone tries to pull a 'familiar-equivalents are soulless puppets#with a single purpose and it's fine to kill them if they're defective or obsolete' vivi tries to explode him with his mind#and his friends go i'll help! and that's why i love ffix#ffixtag#ffxivtag#FF tag
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was going through my blog trying to track down an old post i made talking abt my feelings on jolene and it was. much longer than i remembered it being. and haha yeah i still agree with it. i need to fucking. sort out my feelings on that character and that subplot
#like. its just been A Thing where once i thought abt it too hard it was just Wow i hate this actually#its not entirely like a visceral discomfort but its a sort of like. its unpleasant to think abt this for too long#like??? the easiest way for me to explain it is that normally its fine like ok a pursuer antagonist character to add lil backstory#but the moment you toss in the implication that she still has romantic feelings for him it jumps up to WOW THIS IS UNCOMFORTABLE#for me. for me. like just all of it? and some fan stuff that influenced it like. bad jokes and uncomfy phrasing that leans to linebeck bein#like an unwilling participant or ‘giving in’ like fan stuff also REALLY hasnt helped so i just. yknow avoid it#salty talks#might delete later but i didnt delete the og so whatever#like she is absolutely just. badly written. shes a joke and poorly written and its just. there and there are implications#it does just come down to. shes badly written and the way linebeck reacts to all of it doesnt help#like when i worry abt like. coming off as sexist. its like nah shes just fucking badly written#casca is a similar kind of character as someone aggressive to her love interest and lashing out at him despite having feelings#but shes like. well written. and guts reciprocates. and you like. see them communicate and grow closer#here youre just given a disastrous fucking aftermath where communication is completely broken down#and while the aggressive party still has feelings the other party actively wants to just not engage with it and actively doesnt care#cuz like. he literally does not bring her up or allude to her outside of her being immediately relevant i cannt see him being interested#GOD. i just need to write all this out i keep justifying myself with it i need to. get it out#im narrowing down. something. for how i think their backstory together goes with it being a lot of miscommunication and it just being like#a bad situation anyways with their last actual encounter being a violent one and its like yeah no that was a trainwreck#i know its a fucking like. comedic(????) subplot in a lighthearted childrens game#but it has Vibes to me and that game does have some darker vibes to it we all know that#and it just. i dont like her. i dont. i remember i used to be like. alright with her. and then i thought on it too much#casca addendum ig. shes objectively not like. well well written. but all things considered. shes pretty good#like im p sure she was made to suffer to make guts feel bad but. she does happen to be a kickass character in the midst of that
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The campfire popped and crackled, embers and smoke swirling into the vastness of midnight.
A hushed, dulcet baritone accompanied the symphony of crickets and the wind whispering through the trees.
“Et Eärello
Endorenna utúlien
Sinomë maruvan
Ar Hildinyar
Tenn' Ambar-metta...”
Noticing @vicit-vim-virtus stirring, Nenya still in his grasp, the stranger by the Elvish garrison’s fireside raised a hand to remove his hood. Striking yet somehow familiar features, framed by dark curls, were illuminated by ethereal moonlight. The Ranger studied Elrond’s features with keen, yet tender, blue-grey eyes.
“Would that you were ever so,” the Man murmured, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Rest. Morning and its troubles will come soon enough.”
#ic.#vicit vim virtus#aragorn [muse.]#dynamic [elrond.]#verse tba.#[ooc] i was struck by inspiration what can i say#[ooc] i think arag.orn would be So Charmed by rop el.rond… his beloved ada but with so much wonder and life still in him#[ooc] i’m sure elron.d will be less so… poor boi just lost his best friend and now this#[ooc] this weird not quite man not quite elf just showing up randomly and acting all mysterious in the middle of the night#[ooc] i’m also so curious what happened when elro.nd was technically the bearer of galadr.iel’s ring (nenya)#[ooc] when he viscerally hates the idea of their existence (much less powers of foresight and whatever)#[ooc] (this is especially funny when he eventually gets his own ring but that’s not for a while yet)#[ooc] is aragor.n really there or is it a product of the ring… who knows… (we’ll figure it out)#[ooc] also he’s singing a song elend.il will sing and pass down but hasn’t yet so that’s fun too#[ooc] if the formatting is weird i’m on my phone so sorry about that!!!
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i hate them with a passion
#this may turn into one of my long ass posts with hundreds of screenshots of quotes from the books#but i dont have the energy for that just now#anyway. this moment makes me wanna throw shit at the walls. their relationship is my favourite thing from the very beginning#but dumas went really went out of his way to make it even more insane in the last book#and dont hit me with a 'aww they have such a big/little brother energy its so cute uwu' please im begging you stop saying that#nothing irks me more than hearing their relationship described as something that innocent. its so much more complex and intense come on#there is pure visceral hate there. jealousy. bile. cruelty. some fucked up form of codependency even? maybe? from d'artagnan's side?#there's nothing more horrible and cruel than the fact that THEY are the only two left alive in the end (not for long but yknow)#they would NEVER be friends if not for athos (and they would never hate each other so much if not for him too)#they hate each other so so much. but remember that d'artagnan starts out being absolutely bedazzled by aramis and looking up to him#his first impression of aramis is just. hearteyes and 'wow i wish that were me'. he doesnt do that even with athos at first.#he grows to adore athos yes but upon first meeting him he doesnt think much of him. unlike with aramis.#and then it changes instantly. does a 180° flip when aramis is a bitch to him.#and it stays that way for the entirety of the trilogy. until this moment. this one short moment when d'artagnan#who. mind you. is not innocent himself and was also manipulating the hell out of porthos and talking shit about aramis behind his back.#but he makes that step. he reaches out. 'i fucking hate you let me help you you dumb evil cunt' and aramis says 'no <3'#you know i have this thing where i am OBSESSED with finding the one moment where a character condemns themselves for good.#the one moment when they figuratively sign the contract for their perdition. that up to that moment they could still be saved somehow.#for rodrigo it is when he tries to kill eboli (in the play). for don giovanni it is when he refuses elvira's plea to change#(NOT when he accepts il commendatore's invite mind you)#and i feel like THIS is that moment for aramis.#the fact that it comes from d'artagnan is so just so fucking agsjssgsgsh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and of course he says no.#there is no version of this where he lets himself be helped. he has to say no he will always say no.#but boy oh boy is this making me bang my head against the wall.#the three musketeers#les trois mousquetaires#vicomte de bragelonne#alexandre dumas
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Steve is most likely to end up in a lavender marriage and Tony's most likely to end up in a “married for tax/immigration/inheritance fraud” reasons.
They meet as married men and pine for each other hardcore and are also trying not to read too much into how their interest seems reciprocated and oh nooooo both Immigration/the IRS and the the Church/in-laws/DADT era army dudes or whatever are snooping around at the same time at each of their marriages and they have to be so good at being married at the people they are married to oh noooooo and they other guy doesn’t know why they are suddenly being iced out and maybe they were just imagining things? maybe it’s for the best with all these eyes around on them…
#not to get too real but i love queer people. we see each other and we save each other#i wish i could talk in depth about this lgbtq history panel i went to tonight without doxxing myself#but basically all of these panelists were older gay ppl & one of them won a very monumental court case in the state#and right after introductions one of the other panelists turned to her and thanked her so profusely for the sacrifices she had made#and the work she did to win that case#and that by achieving that win for herself she paved the way for this other panelist to have her own family recognized legally by the state#i don't know i'm not explaining it well but something about knowing and seeing that gratitude in real time. understanding so viscerally tha#so much of our history has happened within one or two lifetimes. to the point that many of the champions of our current rights are alive#today for us to learn from and listen to and THANK#i met two nb ppl through school last year and have since become very close to them#they are the only two ppl on this planet who use my pronouns the way i want them to be used. they switch it up every time and i love them#a little bit more each time i hear them talk about me. it's magical#my childhood best friend told me he liked boys and girls like a month after we first met each other in the fourth grade#he told me there's a word for that; he's bisexual#i think abt how incredible that was a lot. how brave he was to say that and to own that and how long it might have taken me to figure#out that i was the same had he not said it.#anyway all this to say that yes absolutely i love this#steve and tony meet at a military gala. steve's being recognized for his service and tony and his wife were invited by some higher-up who#imagined he could use the event as a way to cozy up to him and earn some good favor before negotiations start on SI's contract renewal#their eyes meet while steve's up on stage. he hates these things. hates being dragged into the spotlight. he feels naked and bare and#vulnerable every time. trapped in enemy territory with no cover. but he sucks it up he kisses his wife on the cheek and she smiles#big and beautiful; perfect like they've run their lines 1000 times over. like they could recite each other's parts by heart#he makes his way to the podium. breathes deep to center himself before he launches into his thankless thank-yous. steve's a terrible liar#but somehow he's made it this far in his career. he can manage for one more night. except#right as he lifts his eyes to speak he sees him. bright eyes burning into his from a shadowed table in the corner. the brass speaking at hi#on his left and a lovely woman who's bored and unimpressed on his right. and him looking directly back at steve#steve's breath catches and he chokes on air. trips on his lines. forgets himself and loses the beat of the scene#he looks down at his notes and ignores them. raises his face to the light and plays himself to be seen by an audience of one.#anon#signed sealed delivered
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I am coming to the realization i have been slowly killing myself with work i think oops
#m thinking now and im like#i havent read ... anything consistently .. or watched anything .. or had time to like do anything#in genuinely so long#and i was like kinda becoming ok w it#my brain issues .. nothing matters i dont need anything all i need is me i dont need to have anyone or anything with me <- bad. stop it#part of this was the i need my dad to be proud of me braincell but well i win award i have 4.0 gpa and he still yell at me#deciding now to stop caring so much (i still do but ill ignore it) i need 2 be alive again i dont care#im so mad i dont even know .. im so viscerally angry like actually i dont even know what to do with that lmfao#my brother does shit all and u give him sm slack have NEVER treated him as bad as youve treated me#and nothing i do NOTHING is good enough or changes how u look at me#like idk he called me and i cried so much i got so fucking upset i fhkdhdkf ok. ok.#he will b like omg im so proud of u i love u so much ive always believed in u and i just think back to when#he yelled at me once like fiiive years ago and i was like u just make me feel so worthless all the time#and he was like yeah bc you are worthless#and im like hmmm idk bestie i dont think youve ever changed from looking at me like that and it is insanely obvious lmao#i dont even know bro im crazy. m insane got given an inch and tried to take a mile like omg i can actually be recognized as worth something#nevermind ill stop killing myself for that pipe dream now lol#m not even upset im just mad lmao i dont wanna hate my dad and i dont but every day i feel more and more like i should#vent
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