#i hate having pmdd | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

asukafigure · 4 months ago

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my right leg hurts which means my period is gonna start soon.

also the rage and anxiety and temporary horniness and feelings of worthlessness and suicidal thinking and the sick feeling that permeates my whole body and paranoia that my coworker is gonna send someone to kill me and craving a burger and migraines and insomnia and feeling constantly on edge and

#the list goes on.#also I'm synced with some friends of mine #fuck pmsing #i hate having pmdd #hexy posty

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battywitch · 1 month ago

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I just can't believe that zero pain is the normal amount to be in

#i literally can not remember ever having no pain and it's entirely possible i have been in pain since before birth #usually it's just distracting and makes it so i can't do what i want/need to #but on worse days i can not stop thinking about the pain and i can barely get out of bed for food and such #i feel like such a lazy useless pile of steaming shit right now #i haven't even done anything particularly strenuous #like. sure i had a bad phase with migraines and not sleeping and then pmdd and menstrual hell and the hurricane #and mixed into that i might have pushed myself physically a few times #and if i were anyone else i would be advising the exhausted person to just let themselves rest a bit #but i can not stop thinking about everything that needs to be done #and how much worse other disabled people have it #and how my partner isn't able to rest because they're working overtime hurricane related shifts #and i can't get the voices of my family out of my head about how lazy disabled people are #(but then they'll also accuse people of faking disability if the disabled person pushes themselves)#i hate this and i hate myself and it's infuriating to keep trying to make myself more normal #but it doesn't work and i just keep ending up feeling even more exhausted when i try to start working out (yoga and squats and such)#if I'd had covid and was dealing with long covid I'd understand and maybe be more forgiving #but this started way before covid 19 (which i haven't had afaik) and only got worse after i had shingles #i am so angry and so sick of being exhausted all the time #... it's a bad fatigue and not great pain time and I'm emotional and so fucking frustrated

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retrogradedreaming · 2 months ago

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Starting your period on a monday shouldn't be allowed

#why does it always do this to me #like!! whenever i have a difficult or busy week my body is like 'i'll fuck you up' on a monday #this has also been a really weird month with pmdd stuff too #already just wanna go back to bed but i have shit to do i hate it here #this is eli

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vizthedatum · 3 months ago

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I am currently not okay, but there's nothing to do except rest. And cry myself to sleep. I've been sobbing for a while.

My sobs don't matter to this world.

I'm alone.

I'm childless by choice because I do not have the needs or supports to choose to have a child. I am childless not by any choice of my own but of my circumstance. I have no money or partner to support me.

I have no family except for my brother and friends.

I will likely never have any other family.

I am alone. There is no one here and there never will be.

And I am not ok.

But I have to be because I have a full day tomorrow. So I will cry myself to sleep. Again.

#just crying #I hate this #fuck pmdd #probably have to take extra anxiety meds

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sunstainedpages · 3 months ago

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Hormones are fucking wild

#I hate it here #pmdd wants me dead #quite literally #a few more months of this before I can try a new pill #and hope that does something #although I'll be honest I'm skeptical and don't think it'll work #then I guess I just have to live with this

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flowachild · 1 month ago

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it’s my birthday 🤭

#I hate that I’m always mid PMDD every year but lots of people didn’t make it to this birthday so I’m going to be grateful #thoughts #thank God I’m alive my parents are still alive I’m generally healthy #I have people that love me even if it doesn’t always feel like it #I can see I can walk I can talk #I have a job I have a roof over my head I eat everyday I don’t fear for my life in a war torn country

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doublesidedgemini · 2 years ago

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omg guys the us gobernment just whispered something top secret in my ear they told me not to tell anyone else but im gonna b so bad and share ok are you ready

they told me if you have period cramps you can eat whatever you want and not feel guilty abt it* actually and that if you have cramps/your period you should eat food in fact and you won’t die or blow up 1000 weight units overnight and periods suck so eat what you want

*apparently you aren’t supposed to feel guilty for eating at any point but idk about that one just yet but the above checks out to me I think

#i hate that my period cramps start like sometimes even a whole week before my actual period #stupid stupid stupid stupid periods ruining my life and literally ripping my mental health apart #im always at my lowest on my periods there are times where I literally don’t think I mentally can survive #maybe I have PMDD doctors don’t take me seriously tho and I don’t wanna take BC so here we are #I’m scared an IUD would embed in my Ute bc of the horseback riding also so no thank you on that front

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zackaran · 6 months ago

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I've been trying to get on birth control since November 🙃 finally tried a combination pill in March which gave me horrible stroke-like symptoms and I had to stop abruptly after like a week. Didn't get to see the doctor until a whole month after that where we agreed to try nexplannon. They didn't call me to schedule putting the implant in like they said so I played phone tag for a bit before finally getting a call today that I'm scheduled for July 🙃🙃🙃🙃

#hes a good doctor he really is but unfortunately hes the Only One #i think I actually had to wait less when i was seeing someone through fucking Stanford #anyway every period i have makes me want to kill myself #and thats if it doesnt put me in the er with cysts or whatever the fuck its doing to me #pmdd so bad ive got a psych trying to diagnose me with bipolar #but its literally only been like this since i quit depo and started having periods again #i hate it here #shut up zack #tmi #chronic health tag

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ebonyheartnet · 7 months ago

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Today is so fucking weird, but like, positively?

Work was absolute dog shit, maintenance changing the AC filters made me wheezy, and my neck is killing me.

Over the last couple months, a day like that would require some very careful emailing of my therapist. Today? I’m actually still happy and playful??

Bruh, the fuck is this PMDD + PCOS combo attack?!

#ebony writes the thing #chronic health tag #to be very clear:#pmdd #= ‘PMS on roids + angel dust for a couple weeks before your period/until you have one if it skips #PCOS #= your cycle starts whenever Hermes gets dunked in Gatorade or whatever heavenly bodies have to do to get your hormones to do their job #like. I hate spending half the month not feeling like a person. but that? that was 70+ days in hell’s waiting room.

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mutalune · 5 months ago

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hey siri how do I stop feeling gutwrenchingly anxious in the guilt way for using the treatment methods available to me to not be in constant misery

#starlight personal #it’s very bizarre to have my life going objectively well - work is good! personal life is good! family is good!#and still be very mentally ill and feel like I’m faking it even though I know damn well I ain’t scream-sobbing every couple of days alone in #my apartment for attention because What Attention??? my cat????? Bug is never moved by my tears she cares only for string and wires #like I know that cannabis has been immensely helpful to getting me to fucking sleep on a regular schedule and that’s integral to -#my functioning and I know that having emergency klonopin in the event of a total breakout is helpful #and I KNOW that my PMDD and depression and anxiety are very treatment resistant and ketamine is the only thing that’s provided any -#meaningful relief and logically I know I’m not abusing any of these #I’m getting a promotion at work I still go out to see friends regularly I have hobbies I have a girlfriend (??? Wild right)#like clearly these things are working because i’m better now than i was for years leading up to now #SO LIKE. DON’T STOP USING THE THINGS THAT HELP. LOGICALLY THIS MEANS THESE ARE GOOD FOR ME #I always roll my eyes when ppl go off their meds b/c they’re feeling better like babes that’s what the meds are meant to do #if you stop taking them you stop feeling better - but it’s REALLY HARD to get past the cultural conditioning #the feeling that ‘but I can white knuckle my way through this I can force myself to live without’ like WHY BITCH #WE DON’T HAVE TO LIVE WITHOUT #AND ALSO. WE’RE STILL GENERALLY MISERABLE BRO. EVEN WITH OUR LIFE IN A BETTER PLACE!!!#DO YOU NOT THINK THIS MEANS THAT WE SHOULD USE WHAT WE KNOW WORKS TO BE LESS MISERABLE #basically it’s really hard to not feel like a loser when the only things that help are ‘fun’ drugs like weed and psychedelics #I feel like I’m being a hedonistic reprobate which 1) is actually kinda cool now that I wrote it out #2) @ myself were not a good enough liar-faker that every medical professional we see wouldn’t pick up on that if that was our motivation #time to remind myself that it’s arrogant to think I could trick many trained professionals without actively trying tbh #that generally helps me get out of my self-pitying ‘ohhhhh I’m awful and lazy and bad and abusing substances’ spiral #to be very mentally ill on main it is weirdly reassuring to be like ‘just as my fanon interpretation of obi wan kinda hates himself but is -#practical enough to take care of himself even when it makes him cringe and want to scratch his face off; I too am aware that self-care is -#radical and punk and In Fact Necessary to beat back the dark and live in the light with hope so yes even though I doubt and -#feel squiggly and guilty about it I’m not going to NOT prioritize my health and well-being b/c self-hatred and self-denial benefits no one’#thank you inner obi wan i love projecting my issues onto you mwah mwah mwah smooches for my favorite boy!!!!!#and smooches for me I’m going to be proud of myself gosh darn it even if I have to fake it at first #see I wouldn’t be able to be nice to myself like this if I hadn’t been doing ketamine treatment for a year IT WORKS BRO KEEP IT UP #SCHEDULE THE DAMN APPOINTMENT AND CLEAN YOUR BONG

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pupkou · 5 months ago

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i’m literally going to **** ******

#i’ve been without T for a month or so because my doctor forgot to prescribe it again when my last prescription period was over bc she could #only prescribe it a year at a time. so i went in to do bloodwork because ive been having health problems like getting a light period and #PMDD a year and a half into being on T and it happened to be when she was supposed to represcribe which iwas like ok nice!#but she forgot to represcribe it so I was 2 weeks without it before I realized that hmm something probably happened #so I called her and she fixed it. then the pharmacy told me that they're out of stock. so I called them to find out when it'd be in stock.#then they said it's in stock but she prescribed me the 10mL bottle when my insurance doesn't cover that. so I called her again to fix that.#and she said that she didn't prescribe me that because why would she when my shots aren't even close to 1 mL? so I called the pharmacy #and they said yeah idk who said that it's wrong. your T will be ready later today. I go to pick it up and quite literally the moment I pull #up to the window the pharmacists pull down the shade that says they're closed on lunch. so ive had horrible mental health and physical symp #oms for the past month because I've been without t right? so I thought okay when I come back home from moving out of my apt #because my pharmacy is in my hometown; then ill get my T. and then once I get my T I can start my new medication because I want my levels t #stabilize before we introduce something new into the ecosystem. and im cleaning my apartment today and going through bags and shit and lo a #behold? there are four fucking boxes of T sitting in a bag in my closet JUST LIKE I THOUGHT! I JUST COULD NOT FIND THEM so ive been going #through hell for fucking nothing. for literally nothing. and I was like oh my god okay I have my T I should go and pick up my new medicatio #and I go to get my shoes on and look at the clock and it's 5:01. they close at 5.#and I have my appointment with my psychiatrist on Wednesday where shes going to ask me how it's been starting my medication and im going to #have to tell her I havent started and im not better at all and im so new to her im nervous what she will say. sorry for being crazy. im not #good at this or medication. sorry. do you want me to kill myself ill do it in front of you if that would help. AUGHHHHGHHGHGHHHHHHHHHHGGHGH #NONE OF THIS HAD TO HAPPEN. I JUST HAVE SO MUCH SHIT IN MY APARTMENT BECAUSE ITS SO SMALL THAT I COULD NOT FIND PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION #I HATE IT HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME OUTTTTTT (in my brain)

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simonghostrileys · 5 months ago

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i didn't know why i was feeling so depressed and suicidal and everything hurts so much especially my hips and my left knee is numb and tingling since yesterday and then looked at the date and suddenly everything made sense 🫠

#liliana talks #my period is coming #and the pmdd is kicking in that's why i feel like killing myself and everything hurts #hate having a uterus so much #literally one of my dreams is to finally get rid of it 😭😭#suicide tw

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hylianengineer · 5 months ago

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I just checked my notes and realized we're halfway through June and I've only had two headaches! That is huge and revolutionary and exciting.

Also, it means that I get to take tylenol right now when I have a headache, as opposed to not taking it unless I'm in excruciating pain. Which I usually do because I keep hearing horror stories about people with chronic headaches building up a tolerance until NSAIDS don't work for them anymore and that sounds like hell. No idea if there's any logical or scientific basis behind it but until I get better information I will continue to be like this. Once a week or so is probably safe, though, right? I haven't needed painkillers in two weeks, it should totally be okay now.

#i hate my chronic headaches #but not as much as i hate pmdd. i have them because of birth control meds that control the pmdd.#chronic pain #chronic headaches #hylian rambles

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago

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...

#me for forever: i probably have ocd. that would make a lot of sense. psychologist: u seem to meet the diagnostic criteria for ocd. me: >:-O #so yeah. i officially have ocd. shocking. i know. its only exactly as i suspected #i did not expect to get so much investigation into bipolar tho. checked a lot of boxes on a bipolar checklist sheet #and like yeah this issue probably goes back to hs but like its not that obstructive. i mean. it is but like. its not that bad #and yes. the fact that i had a fucked up reaction to Lexapro may support that diagnosis. but like i dont really remember what happened that #well. it could just b how ocd and anxiety along with whatever spectrum problems i have manifest. it could just b pmdd #i do have recorded spells of high energy outside the expected phases of my cycle. but like ya kno #it would just truely truely shock me if i was bipolar #but what i described was apparently fucked up enough that my counselor was like hm have u looked at a physical medical issue?#and im like. ive not been to a doctor in 6 years. so i have a doctors appointment next week lol #yeah. so interesting so far. this does mean exposure therapy which im gonna hate but i mean #its the thing that works with ocd and i wanna get better so lets fucking go i guess #unrelated

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piplupod · 5 months ago

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ik sometimes the body just does stupid things that are harmful to its functioning bc bodies do not always work right but it is so endlessly frustrating and scary to be extremely suicidal for no real reason for a few days every single month, and not be able to do anything about it. and theres no cure or even any real research into it because misogyny 👍

"oh pshh ur just hysterical lol." okay then let me get a hysterectomy. "nooo we cant do that! then you'll be useless bc all ur good for is making babies! you'll want kids later, trust us!" i have literally never in my entire life been interested in having children, not to mention going through the entire process of pregnancy. but cool man i guess I'll go kill myself. "we dont care :) actually we would appreciate that bc then you'll stop bothering us and being a burden on society!"

#like i am... nauseous almost. from how fucked up mentally i feel.#my body feels all wrong bc i just so badly want to be dead fjfkdl #and its so incredibly cruel bc i dont WANT to die !!! but my brain is convinced i do for a few days every month bc hormones go fucky (pmdd)#like i want to make art and try to figure out how to scrape a life together even though its nigh impossible. i want to at least try.#but it is like... wrenching my hands away from self harm tools and medication bottles all day long #fighting with myself and trying desperately to convince myself we just need to make it through these few days #and that it will go away after a few days and things will be mostly tolerable again #but it is such a big feeling and terrifyingly difficult urges. and just long unending spirals all day long.#like it is to the point where i have to seriously ask myself if i should bite the bullet and go for a third psych ward stay #but no thank u that will not help. its just a few days of this hell and i am very experienced at fighting w myself to hang on fjdkdl #i just hate that this happens and I've got no control over it #theyre like uhmm have u tried birth control? yeah dawg it did jackshit for me. and then they've got no other suggestions!#theres just nothing i can do !!! i just get to go through this every goddamn month !!! thats insane !!!#it is so insane that i just have to deal with being incredibly suicidal every fucking month !!!! thats so insane. what the fuck.#pippen needs 2nd breakfast #suicide mention

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sunlightfeeling · 1 year ago

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gonna maybe be away for a lil bit (I say maybe because it really depends on my brain’s temperment)

currently fighting some darkness atm that won’t fucking stop (I’m okay, though, I swear, but its been all fucking day and I need to sleep and I can’t because thoughts)

leave a message after the beep

#i might stop in to like and reblog random things here and there #but ill probably stick to dash rather than digging through blogs like i usually do #anyway #autism adhd and c-ptsd is such a fucking shit hand like cash me tf out ON FUCKING-#like already have emotion regulation problems that gets worsened by it #(it being ptsd)#adhd already brings an endless monologue so ptsd goes ‘oh hey..gimme da aux for a bit’ and plays THE MOST VILE SHIT #ON REPEAT #also the impulsivity omfg #im already terrible and use it to distract whenever i can #but its like im also telling myself i need to because i need to get away from this #but instead of buying things i feel like i want to do something ‘worse’ and i…like actually don’t wanna #anyway idk im really sorry for all the negative posting lately #ibut also this is my home so :(#i started a side blog to actually scream in a void but its kind of odd still tbh and that’s a tangent anyways #im still holding myself to shipping things tho! so I will be reaching out to y’all when i get material wooo #(hopefully next week or the following~)#im hoping that this is just pmdd flaring my ptsd #because then its temporary #BUT OMG WHY WONT MY MEDICINE WORK I HATE YOU PMDD 😭#oh…yeah…sorry #beeeeep

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