#i hate feeling this way. i wish i didnt need to work more than 3 days a week ever. but i do. hhhh.

[be-good-to-bugs]

i wish i could just make myself do the things i need to fix my life

[81folklore]

older - CL16

pairings: charles leclerc x male!singer!reader (fc: luke hemmings)

summary: singer yn ln releases a love song with his boyfriend, and the public are not prepared for who it is about

authors note: this has been on my mind for SO LONG. i honestly dont like how many fics ive been doing on the same people (charles, lando etc) but whenever i go to start a new one on my list for someone else i think of something that i have to do😭 also in this reader is not a part of 5sos but close friends with the 3, wfttwtaf is readers album and older is exclusivly the readers song

authors note 2: i wanted to quickly clarify i am NOT speculating that charles or luke are gay/queer and this is not my intentions. luke obviously sings older and i find it easier to visualise it this way, while the reader in this is male, this could also be read as gn!reader. this is FICTION please do not tkae this as me speculating anything

authors note 3: i didnt really know what i was doing with this so its kind of all over the place and very rushed :/ but then again when arent my smau all over the place?? also can you tell i hate writing comments by the way i just dont😭

masterlist

yourusername

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we started this song together back in 2020 and picked it back up at the end of 2022

'Older' was originally a voice memo of a 50’s-style love song that we wrote together, then forgot about. when thinking of concepts for my debut album i stumbled across the memo and fell in love with it all over again, but i put it aside yet again as to me, it deserved more than the album

the song has changed a lot from the original voice memo, but the meaning has stayed the same throughout. despite all the beauty, the ups and downs of a long-term relationship over many years, there’s inevitably going to be the worst moment of your love because one of you is going to lose each other

capturing those feelings in a song was tricky but ultimately we wrote from the heart and i think it shows in the song itself

this has always been a song between us, so having him play on this song was very importnt to me and im glad he said yes

older is now yours

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im very pleased to announce a very special one off show at the Royal Albert Hall in London this November 18th. I will be playing a bunch of tracks from my debut album and may be joined to play some others aswell! Tickets on sale this monday at 10 am BST. Lots of love always, yn x

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yourusername

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thank you for an incredible night at the royal albert hall

looking back at the best night of my life, i need to thank each and every one of you who allowed this dream to come true, i will never be able to thank you guys enough

performing in my dream venue, with my favorite people in the world was something i never thought was possible and yet here i am, writing this still on my high from last night

thank you to my friends; michael, ashton and calum who took the time to come to london and perform their songs with me, thank you for always loving me and agreeing to my crazy ideas

to my team and everyone who worked to make this night as special as it could be, thank you. thank you for making my htoughts a reality and making this night as wonderful as possible

thank you to the staff who worked throughout the show to make sure everyone was safe, well and looked after. you truly do not get as much credit as you deserve and i apreciate the hard work you put in to keep everyone happy

thank you to those who joined me, i wish each and every one of you who wanted to could have been there. thank you for singing along and listening to me pour my heart and soul into my music

thank you for letting me do this x

view comments

user55: not the pcd hitting already☹️

user1: and im supposed to pretend i didnt see yn and 5sos perform os/co??

user89: CHARLES?? YN IS DATING CHARLES??

user91: AND HE CAME ON STAGE?? AND THEY PERFORMED OLDER??

user50: i cant believe i saw this all happen live

user47: THANK YOU TO WHOEVER WAS RUNING THE GRAINY LIVESTREAM I OWE YOU MY LIFE🧎🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️

ashtonirwin: thank you for everything yn. youre a real life angel

user16: NO CHARLES MENTION??

user9: BESTIE HE HAS A WHOLE POST

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after having time to process this show, I feel so overcome with gratefulness. my music means so much to me and seeing so many people resonate with it in a live space was so special for me.

charlie, my life would literally fall apart without you and this would have never happened without you giving me the confidence to do so, i hold so much love and admiration for you

thank you for joining me on such a special night and performing our song with me, thank you for sticking with me through it all and thank you for allowing me to share this part of my life with you

i sometimes wonder where i would be if i didnt find you, if i wasnt blessed with your love. i try to think about the times before you, before us, but both feel impossible to do after feeling your love

life with you is so special and i promise to always cherish and love you

merci de m'avoir laissé vieillir avec toi, merci de m'avoir laissé t'adorer, merci de m'avoir choisi (thank you for letting me get old with you, thank you for letting me adore you, thank you for choosing me)

yn x

tagged: charles_leclerc

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charles_leclerc: mon ange, je t'aimerai toujours (my angel, I will always love you)

charles_leclerc: je suis tellement privilégiée d'être celle que tu aimes🤍🤍 (I'm so privileged to be the one you love)

yourusername: vieillir avec toi ne semble pas si effrayant🖤🖤 (growing old with you doesn't seem so scary)

[hearts4violett]

dead man

tw: r4pe (not done by/to fez or ash), abusive bf, murder, and the rest is just sweet

(i was r4ped 3 days ago so this is kinda my way of coping, also this is my first time writing on here so im sorry if it sucks lol)

why did this have to happen to me? thats all that you could think as you stumbled your way to the house you always go to in times like these, fezcos house. this time was different. usually you would go there after you and your boyfriend had an argument which would result in him hitting you. fez and ash had always told you to leave the guy. they hated him more than anything in this world. you had feelings for fez and he had feelings for you, but your boyfriend was in issue. ash had seen you as a mother. he loved you to death and would do anything for you, both of them would.

this time though was worse than you couldve imagined. your boyfriend came home drunk as he usually does and was in the mood. you said no and he didnt like that, he took it as a challenge. he had forced himself in you and left you when he was finished. hes probably out drinking again. you finally make your way to fezcos house and knock on the door softly, having no energy from walking and what your boyfriend had done to you. Ash opens the door and sees you, blood running down your legs, mascara and tears smeared down your face, and your hair going every which way. ashs face drops and its then that you see fezco come from out of his room.

they took you in instantly. fez sat you on the couch as ash went and got a blanket. "Did he do this to you?" Fez wasnt stupid, he knew what he had done and so do ash even though you hadnt told them. As i stare off blankly, i slowly nod, the words not coming out. Ash wrapped a blanket around my shoulders and walked to the other room. I knew what he was going to do.

Ash walked back in and tossed a gun into fezcos lap, ash having one of his own. "Lets go fucking kill him." I turn to look at ash and then to fezco who was shaking with rage. How could someone do this to someone like you? you were kind and gentle and you didnt deserve any of this. Fez turned to you "You want me to kill him for you? I'll do it, ill kill that motherfucker, just say the word." He said as he reached out and held my hand. Again, all i could do was nod. He was a dead man.

Me nodding my head was all fez and ash needed before getting up and walking to the door. Fez looked back at me and mouthed the words I love you before leaving. i sighed, as if i knew the one thing in my life that made me want to die, was going to be gone soon. I got up and made my way to the bathroom to shower. I could feel his hands still lingering on me and i couldnt stand how dirty i felt.

While stripping off my clothes, i noticed the marks he had left on me. He had left hand prints on my neck and bruises littered my body. I wanted to cry at the sight of them, but at this moment, i couldnt. my body couldnt produce a single tear. I wish it would though.

After getting out, i felt better in a way. less dirty. i went to fezcos room and stole a tshirt and some boxers. Fez always told me i was more than welcome to wear his clothes when i stayed here. As i had finished putting on my clothes and brushing my hair and teeth, i heard the door open. I peeked out and there stood ash and fez, covered in blood. He was finally gone.

Now my tears started to work. I let out a small sob and ran over to them, hugging them tightly. "Thank you" i whispered out. They hugged me tightly, as if i would disappear if they let me go. Fez rubbed circles on my back and caressed my hair. Ash had walked away to clean up. "Hes gone, baby, its ok" fez says quietly. I was finally free.

I took my head away from the side of his neck to look at him, i wanted nothing more than to be with fez forever. I finally could and i knew he would take care of me and do anything for me.

[lewkwoodnco]

my tears ricochet but in the context of locklyle after lucy leaves in thb:

"even on my worst day did I deserve babe all the hell you gave me" -> lockwood being so emotionally stunted didnt know how to work thru his feelings in any way other than distancing himself for lucy through no fault of hers (or his technically)

"I swear I loved you till my dying day" -> even throughout their fight/all the way till she left (and even beyond that) lucy loved lockwood so much despite how cold he was to her and how hurt she felt GIVE MY GIRL A BREAK

"you know I didn't want to have to haunt you" -> lucy and lockwood being irrevocably tied to each other

"I didn't have it in myself to go with grace" -> all the fights with holly where lucy was acting arguably petty/immature but only because she was losing her favourite person to someone else

"and you're the hero flying around, saving face" -> lockwood always wanting to preserve his/the company's reputation, wanting to be the best/the 'hero,' acting distant from lucy cuz he wouldn't confront/accept the reality of their relationship (+ strain from him wishing she wouldnt be so reckless which like LOL pot kettle black etc)

"and if I'm dead to you why are you at the wake?" -> pre aickmere's incident, where lucy was getting more and more desperate but he was still so cold towards her

"cursing my name, wishing I stayed" -> sums up lockwood's complicated/conflicting feelings about lucy SO well, he loves her but also hates her for putting herself in danger and is so scared of being that vulnerable with her UGHH

"cause when I'd fight you used to tell me I was brave" -> this is like all those times when lucy went along w lockwood even when he was being reckless cuz HELL if she was going to let him be reckless alone, and they kind of understood each other on that level the way no one else in the series rlly does like its this sacred mutual recognition thats so special to them, but the "you USED to tell me" indicating how their relationship has disintegrated and how that special bond/ANY kind of special bond btw them is rapidly dissolving. also abt how lucy who has been so tough and strong all alone for so long in her life rlly valued lockwood's support/started to need him (was quite bad off without him in her apartment). ofc she's brave and a part of her knows it, but that warmth of having someone stand by your side to catch u if u fall?? irreplacable

"I can go anywhere I want just not home" -> self-explanatory

"you can aim for my heart go for blood but you would still miss me in your bones" -> references how mean he was towards her but underlying all that was his love and need for her still </3 also, connotation of bones = skeleton = death = the empty grave waiting for him??

"and I still talk to you when I'm screaming at the sky"/"and when you cant sleep at night you hear my stolen lullabies" -> lockwood esp is so haunted by lucy after she leaves, 'screaming' referencing lucy's predisposition to get mad rather than sad, lockwood's insomnia like it all just lines up so WELL

"and so the battleships will sink beneath the waves" -> battleships symbolising all the visitors they fought together + maybe even more personal things like helping lockwood process the death of his family, lucy's trauma etc (their shared battles), all of that being left to be eroded by time as if it never existed, as if the thousand tiny moments that made up their relationship never happened

"you turned into your worst fears" -> come off it you know I'd die for you = his number one fear is LOSING LUCY which he does when she leaves. not exactlyyy the same cyz she's still alive but without him there to '''''protect''''' her (he is so that kind of bf) its one step towards this nightmare of his materialising

"tossing out blame, drunk on this pain" -> blaming himself (which is only partially warranted), acting so out of character, becoming even more reckless as he writhes with the pain of losing lucy, becoming more detached from the value of his life etc, almost manic in the haze of his agony

In conclusion, look at how lucy's tears ricochet. thank you for coming to my ted talk

also totally not thinking abt an au where lucy dies after leaving but before she returns because she never stopped loving him even when they were fighting

[flockofdoves]

help me choose living room furniture!!!

so i was mocking up my living room and it turns out i have less space for couches than i hoped and there are just not that many love seat options that match the sleeper sofa i want this is so fucking sad...

but i still wanna be able to have seats for more than a few people so im trying to figure out which of these is best. i'd love input:

two notes:

other room is the kitchen so its full i just didnt bother putting anything there but the kitchen table

i want a tv stand but am not planning on getting one yet so the dimensions on that could be flexible if needed. same thing with a lamp. and some of these include a short bookcase for boardgames but thats experimental and i may not end up getting one.

ok!! lets start

this first one is very similar to how my old roommate had things set up so i know it works and i like it on an 'ease of walking from upstairs or the front door to kitchen' level

but also i kind of hate it because there are no ceiling lights on the living room side and there are no windows beyond that window behind the blue couch and the sliding glass door in the kitchen so with the tv there it made the whole space feel even darker than it does right now

#1

this one below is maybe best as far as like. compromising between ease of walking around it, walking through it, and not blocking off light?

but while it doesnt matter that much i wish there was more room for side tables while still having it easy to walk through. there arent that many small sidetables available rn i like but maybe could add the teal and red decoupage one to this?

#2

ok actually maybe its possible to have an ok amount of room to navigate and have two side tables if you just remove the bookshelf (could also fit this with the leather top table and the hexagons or brass and glass tables if anyone thinks those look better)

#3

and then heres what full size couches look like when i try to put them with the tv against the wall. a little weird with how couches overlap with other stuff so idk if its worth it and would practically and comfortably amount to more seating

#4

#5

for the one above: second one is a little better for walking past and eventually could try to find one matching sidetable, but could be nice to have two like the first one (the hexagon tables fit about equally if those look better to people)

and then heres similar but with loveseats instead so it fits a bit better

#6

#7

and then for the rest of these: it seems kind of weird to have the tv like this because i'm a little worried about knocking into the tv if i ever walk to the kitchen in the dark but it seems like its easier to fit a lot more stuff this way while still not blocking light from the windows

#8

#9

#10

i already own that circle table and its pretty but also its too tall for a normal side table so i've been trying to sell it but maybe instead of a floor lamp i could just put a normal lamp on it if theres already a big square of space between the couches? or alternatively instead of the one hexagon table jutting out i could just not have the circle table and put the hexagon there instead

or just have the little teal and red table

#11

and then could also just have a love seat in this arrangement too i guess and then thered be even more room to walk by than if the tv was on the wall

#12

#13

idk if this swan one really goes with anything and its so expensive but its so pretty so heres a couple with it..

#14

#15

god idk theres even more combos that could be good that i gave up on trying to figure out bc ive like lost the plot and am driving myself crazy with this

but yeah!! i really would love any input

[gnzma]

[ thinking about. rainbow rocket: sumo edition like i dont THINK the gang goes out of their way to help lusamine ( source: wrostie ended up in kanto ) i still need to think about the BASIS, but i do see them still attacking the aether foundation and guzma joining in specifically for no reason other than "the champion and their girlfriend really want to stop these clowns and since i owe them my life i might as well tag along mind you, this is like. after 3 months of the big depression moment, the few Skulls he met were either having a bad time all on their own, hated his guts or both, most of the time, and even if he worked with Hala to find a way to Be Normal(tm), people rightfully didnt trust him.

this was during guzma's peak sad hour, and yet he's determined to give MC a hand as much as he can. like!! he's strong!!! maybe he can help out in a way or another??? and just like in the game, i can see him stuck at the entrance of the manor, holding back Rocket grunts while the champion and Lillie take care of the BBGEs- but, instead of being comedic like in the game, since we love to see Rockets Being Bastards, there aren't only two grunts Rocket is already a powerful and prideful Team on their own, imagine them in a world where they won. A world where Red, Gold and Lyra actually lost, probably died, and Rocket has a hold on the whole KanJoh region thanks to MewTwo, with influence in the League. The MC wouldve had to deal with a whole army at the entrance... and that's when Guzma comes in, his good ol' anger and wish for destruction finally returning to burn. he still feels like a failure, and knows that if there's someone who can save everyone, as much as he hates it, it's the Champion, so he might as well do what she does best and break some bones, giving them the time to solve the situation.

and, to be fair, for a long while? He managed to keep up with the waves of enemies. His Pokèmon fought alongside him, teeth were punched out of mouths, bones were broken, blood was spilled -- but, as much as he wants to think he could've done it on his own, it was still just one man against a whole Team. His bugs started to fall, and after some minutes his movements started to get sloppy. He began to hit with much less strenght, needing more time to breathe, and in return the punches he recieved seemed much worse.

He found himself in a corner, eventually. Held down, both arms restrained, and as much as he tried to fight back there isn't much one could do at that point... but that's okay, right?

The kid would fix this mess, somehow. And, welp. He always wanted to go down in a battle, it might as well happen during a battle with a whole Team of intergalactic criminals, or something like that.

Wouldn't be the weirdest thing in his life, anyway. He fully expected the finishing blow, keeping his eyes on the Rocket who took the liberty of bringing a gun into a fistfight, smug to the very end--- -----and then, instead of a gunshot, what he heard was the clear sound of Plumeria's fist slamming onto the grunt's face, smacking him out of the way, quickly followed by Dosh'Te's taser, and the battlecry of Skull grunts and their Yungoos and Rattatas coming to the rescue.

there weren't many of them, but that didn't matter. Together, they would win this. This was the moment Guzma fully realized where he truly fitted in, who his people were. That in the same way Skulls were lost without him, he was lost without them. That he needed to bring back the Team.

[sugar-omi]

HI IM AN INSANE BAXSTAN AND SWIFTIE AND UR RYT MR PERFECTLY FINE HAS IMMENSE BAXMC POTENTIAL

while i think its not Unlikely for mc to forgive baxter within the span of the dlc, i DO think theyre not given enough options to feel complicated abt it. u pretty much have to decide how to feel from the start, and arent given a lot of room to change ur mind. For example, my mc Anne is a very forgiving person, especially with bax bc she understands his need to be entertaining & liked. HOWEVER she starts the dlc off thinking "ok if hes gonna be distant i can do that" but then when he jokes with xavier shes like "well im CONFUSED now and i need answers" and shes irritated, but also still likes him. after the bowling she hugs him and is still like confused, but again likes him still. by the time shes baking with him, shes both confused and endeared with him but is kinda harsh with him, even when hes apologizing at the wedding.

All this to say; its not UNREALISTIC mc would forgive in that timespan, its just the lack of complexity mc is or is not afforded that makes it feel too fast. additionally, while u do get to be mad, theres no real moderation for it, and no way to be like "this is a start, but it will take time to trust him fully again". so yeah, it feels rushed and personally i think it was rushed to be released due to whatever reasons (either not caring abt baxter or wanting to work on olnf, who knows)

anyway, i would go on about baxters dlc and its shortcomings for hours if given a chance so for now ill just call it here <3 signed, 🌸Anon

YES YES I AGREE

i do think there was a lotta effort n good stuff but into baxter, and i also havent replayed it since they updated some stuff so maybe its a bit better since release

but i do agree i think the emotional range is very limited its either "idc anymore", "im mad", "i look back fondly", "im pretty sad abt it", n all that stuff n its just pretty straight forward in whatever you choose

i think step 4 is a bit short? maybe?

BUT I ALSO THINK ITS PRETTY FLESHED OUT, now i haven't acted professional w baxter, i tried but i just didnt have time to go through w the route. but there are options!!! its just one and done i think so its kinda like, you cant express How conflicted you are

bc realistically id be so sad but i also hold a grudge so id be like "yeah you say you love me n all that n i GET IT but also im scared"

BUT I ALSO THINK ITS BC WE ARE PLAYING IT WITH SEVERAL HOURS??? like MC has 5 years to get through the emotions, but the time between him saying "see you never!!!" and "omg hi, i miss u but u dont need me but i miss u?!?!!?!" is like less than 5 minutes so.....

LITERALLY I WAS PLAYING IT THE FIRST TIME N I WAS LIKE "you bastard, fuck you. i hate you. stfu. YOURE SO CUTE. you ASSHOLE. i am going to KISS YOU. i want to slap you so fucking bad right now"

like pls i was freaking out during my first playthru

i think baxter's dlc was more focused on the "i am hurt" and "i have XYZ reasons for being like this" and it goes through all that and its less "lets work through your complex feelings/this is how you reacted when we met again bc you felt/feel very conflicted and now we will work thru it"

BAXTER DLC IS LITERALLY "I CAN FIX HIM" OMFG

but honestly i like the baxter dlc better than the derek dlc bc i HATED how "i can do everything by myself!!!!" derek was in step 2 and how sibling focused it was, i man i still loved it of course but i wish derek n mc had more 1 on 1 time

and then in step 4 it was like "i missed out on everything, i feel shitty n im sorry!" and mc just.... idk maybe i need to play it again but i was still mad derek ghosted for a whole step n then it was still very family focused, and while i loved that as well

i just wanted more derek by himself, i wanted to pamper him n love him n just yk

idk, all the dlc's are so good but i do think the forgiveness is very quick which makes sense bc they're making ol2 but man, i would love if it was just double the length or half that to just flesh it out some bc i wanted some sweet moments w the boys as well :(((

ANYWAY YES I DO AGREE ITS NOT UNREALISTIC

just unrealistic for ppl like me who take 2-3 years to get over wtf happened and another 2 to actually settle in my decision to forgive 😂😂 but even then, if i had 5 years to get over it i could prbly forgive him after a lot of crying and a bit of screaming LMAO

[official-big-q]

Heyyy papa idk why I am invading ur inbox rn DNFNFNFB I just wanted to say stuff about how for some reason I like hearing your memories maybe cuz I never had like those kind myself just the feelings of things that happened in cannon

So I like you talking about them or your wings and your HUGE nest in las nevadas I think I would have liked to be there just us sleeping and you wrapping your wings around me and me wishing to be able to fly around with you

I think I always liked the idea

Of being a big dragon and fly around with my wings and have fun and spend time with my family

I didn't make the entire revived AU for nothing dnfbfjr

If you want to ramble abt your memories idm I love hearing them :]]

-tilin⭑

I ALWAYS LOVE RECEIVING EXTRA MESSAGES FROM YOU KIDS - ITS OK !!!

AND THATS VERY VERY SWEET HBSJDBD

That’s heartwarminngg hhhhh<3

I WOULD HAVE LOVED FOR YOU TO BE THERE IN MY NEST AS WELL - that nest was so cozy it made me feel so safe and it was SO MUCH BETTER THAN WHAT I HAVE NOW SOB

BUT I TOTALLY WILL RAMBLE - ILL ALWAYS RAMBLE VIA REQUEST >:D

I was so very very vocal around you kids - dsmp and qsmp,, im just full of bird noises :]!! Coos, chirps, quacks, squawks, you name it !!! I had a large variety of bird noises I made towards you and your siblings <3 !!

In the dsmp i had a bad track record with love and was verY traumatized so the way I showed love at first was through gifts !!! I used to spoil Tommy rotten :]. (Tubbo wouldnt let me - he refused to take my gifts)

And then after I healed and realized I didnt need to hide my affection for others - I gave out words of affirmation and physical touch !!!

I WAS LIKE. PRETTY FUCKED UP ???? In the dsmp, after I got my injury to my eye/face, I had to take a couple weeks at least to be able to properly navigate again. Karl and Sapnap forced me into using a cane, which was something I very much needed if I didn’t want to walk into something or just fall over-

And just the eye thing in general messed me up permanently ??? Like I stopped using my cane and was okay most of the time without it - but my vision was really fucked and I couldn’t read cursive at all and needed bigger writing on documents to be able to read them, but the dsmp wasn’t a very accessible space so I just sucked it up and dealt with it.

I even learned braille because of it !!! Sam taught me braille !!! Sam also taught me some basic ASL and Foolish taught me more in depth ASL.

I remember Wil getting bad back pains and just aches after they got revived. I think it was just a side effect they had to deal with after it all. We couldn’t do much to help it, but I always made sure to give them a heating pad and some good pillows !!

Speaking of - I believe both me and Wil had chronic fatigue ? I think I just had it while Wil got it as a side effect from getting revived - either way it SUCKED

I remember playing with Fundy during Pogtopia and making sure he stayed fed and kept him company when I could :]

This isn’t a memory but in my head I always refer to Ranboo as the weird stray cat my kids decided to start feeding that never left lmao /lh /aff

Phil took care of me once ???????? I’m pretty sure I was grieving Wilbur and dealing with a whole bunch of feelings about that entire situation when he died - and I ended up on Phils doorstep basically completely shut down and he took me in and just started fully taking care of me. It was a weird experience- I don’t like the man for my own personal grudges but he’s still a kind soul.

Wilbur had a tendency to work himself or keep himself busy until he passed out - he hated sleeping after revival.

Schlatt but the bi in bitch - and other than that fantastic line I don’t want to talk about him lmao

OH I once panicked after I couldn’t find Tommy in the penthouse thing we stayed in in Las Nevadas and made various chirps and warbles while searching for them- they were simply in another room and I was panicked for no reason , Tommy did end up responding with quiet confused chirps hhdjdbd

I HAD SHARP FANGS AND TALONS >:D!!!! I think I also wore fingerless gloves too - sometimes just wearing plain gloves to hide the burn scars that I had on my hands

AND I DONT HAVE AS MANY QSMP MEMS BUT I remember feeling uneasy around Bad ????? He was a friend of mine n all but I remember avoiding him for a bit and feeling unsafe around him annnd I don’t quite know why

OH AND I DEFINITELY PERCHED ON ETOILES SHOULDERS !!! He was THE friend ever actually :3

Jaiden and Baghera were / are like siblings to me, almost !!! I remember we were pretty close :D !! Jaiden and I were close friends and Baghera and I had more of a sibling relationship !!

I vaguely remember Maximus introducing me to his daughter !!! She was pretty cool and it was an awesome experience

THATS ALL I HAVE FOR NOW- I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS !!!!!

[onlyjaeyun]

Honestly, I'm not even a damn singer, and if Enhypen was all you wanna feature on our song, my ass would have came up with a verse, like maybe it's just praise kink coming out, but I would want to impress who I'm working with since you think you would want your feature to add something to a song, not just sing over the original song, like this ain't karaoke babes. I feel like the perfect song length is like 3:40, not too short, not too long, but all Hybe is making lately is like 2:20, like I think they are allergic to making long good songs, the longest song on both &Team's album and Enhypen's together is 3:48, and it's not even a real song, it's the prologue Mortal. Like War Cry is even shorter than Sweet Venom, like you don't have time to jam or get into the song, you get the vibe and just boom over, give us longer songs, like it's ridiculous, not every song needs to be short so it's easier to stream. I saw a Sweet Venom line distribution video, and it was probably the worst one I've personally seen for Enhypen; like Sunghoon got like 8 seconds, Jungwon got 10, Jake got 14, Niki got 15, Sunoo got 16, Jay got 18, and Heeseung got 46. Like I get it Heeseung main vocal, but you telling me the others couldn't have each hit one of those swee-hee-hee-t venom-nom-nom. Like War Cry is somehow better distributed with 9 members, despite Fuma getting only 4 seconds, Jo who has the most only got 22. Honestly, it do seem like that, like Enhypen with Bella, TXT with Anitta, and BTS with Sia. I honestly just want one question for Hybe regarding the next comeback, Chamber 5 studio version when, since it was just a cute song, and I think we need it, like Chamber 5 mv and all, I know Sunghoon would probably hate it seeing how he hated when Sunoo picked him to perform it, but that Chamber 5 dance practice with them dressed like fruits lives rent free in my mind, and we need a studio version. Also you listening to 10 Months while writing angst reminds me how I wrote this sad fic while listening to this song called Heartbeat by Carrie Underwood on repeat the whole time. Like the song is all 'I love the way you look in a firefly glow', 'dancing to the rhythm of your heartbeat' meanwhile I'm writing "No matter how long it took, even if he never found his way back to you again, you would never love another, and your heart would always ache for him, the one you believe is genuinely your one true love."

i wholeheartedly agree with the first part! i feel like ever since not only enha's but also new jeans' debut they've been making their new groups' songs shorter and shorter but i just dont get why? there was still so much potential in sweet venom as well as bite me so why not add another verse and make the song just thirty seconds longer??? i honestly dislike this wave of short songs like let me have at least 3 minutes to enjoy ???? i cant even get into the groove bc by the time i do it's already finished?💀 but yeah, genuinely wishing for their future tt's to bw a tad bit lobger to make the line distribution a little fairer 💔 i love love love jungwon's and hoonie's voices and would have loved to hear them more but we got them in still monster so i'm super happy (plus jay got to shine a lot this time and it makes me so 🥺 bc his voice is kind of my fave? but yeah)

also personally i just know those features are nothing but a way to promote bc she wasnt bad or anything but she also didnt add anything to the song imo 😭 i liked their harmony but that's it? she didnt even get a verse (which makes sense as the so g is so short already) but looking at proper collabs from their seniors like bts x nicki minaj it's just kinda disappointing but expected atp

and omg i love listening to happy songs when i write angst bc it kinda makes me write it even sadder than it is LMAO

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

life's been okay. nothing special. days just keep on going. ive had a job for bout 2 weeks. ig thats not really an achievement tbh.

before this, that work from home place i was barely working, prolly 5-10 hours a week. and i'd slither out of those where possible anyway. this one week i worked a whopping 2 hours within 2 weeks. I was planning on killing myself and occasionally tried to all throughout having those jobs so i wasn't really worried about the consequences

before that the only other in person job i had was for my ex best friend. she worked there so i applied and got a job o work with her. only for her to quit 2 weeks after i got in whiich lead me to quit prolly a week n a half later cause i finally got fed up with the manager.

so now, even tho it ain't the longest ive held down a place, its the first that i really cared to put in effort to hold a job.

im semi celebrating but im honestly miserable. my feet hurt so fucking bad so it literally doesnt matter how good my hours are i never want to leave my bed. the people up there are so cliquey and on my 2nd day out of training one of my coworkers went off on me for going too slow and "not putting in my part". theyre starting to give me longer and longer shifts. i went from working 3-4 8 hour shifts per week to working 3 doubles just like that. they sooo generously give an hour and a half break in between the 6:30-3 and 4:30-8 shift but.. who in their right mind is even leaving atp? i live too far for that. i'd be home for at most an hour. waste of gas.

and to me what's worse, this whole situation is exactly what i've been avoiding. i knew it'd come down to this someday. but what alternative do i have?

HA. you know as a kid, i never understood addiction. I never thought I'd have to deal with it. By the time I was 8 I knew I'd kill myself someday. if i ever felt bad, that'd be what i'd do. no need to force myself to do something i didnt really wanna do. but now it seems so easy. i don't know what i wanna do from here. i hate my job. i hate my home life. i dont like to talk to my friends anymore. im bored of games. im bored of music. bored of tv.

whisking the days away doing what i have to would be a lot easier if i didnt have to be fully present for all of this. just something to pass the time until i have a better handle on what's the next move. right now, the only thing i can do is save up money. i have shit to pay off if i wanna keep a good credit score and i have things i need to buy. what's me hating every second gonna change?

though i know it's a slippery slope. abusing shit aint gon work out as smooth as I wish it would. I'll get addicted and then I'll get used to feeling that way so it'll take more for me not to get annoyed. then it'll turn back to me immediately running back to it for every minor situation. and honestly with the job i got i'd just have to hope i would be able to push through it without it being noticeable

i'm not happy i stopped. i feel like had i still been on dph i would've known for a fact how to make myself look normal. i could be gone out my mind but long as i get the shit right i could just daze through the days. but ya know. now. i ratted myself out

and now im stuck.

nothing more for me to do. nothing else i could be doing. nothing else i should be worried about other than making money

I never understood why adults always told me i'd miss being a kid since i was always struggling so bad. all they ever said is that my problems then were gonna feel like nothing once i was an adult. but they were wrong. i guess for now. but all i wish now is that i used all that freetime back when nooo one woulda suspected anything if i was away for a lil while. back when i wasnt ful grown and it'd prolly take a whooole lot less to finish the job

but here we are. forced to keep going and doing what i can to suppress what i really wanna do

ah speaking of which... i got pissed the other day and i tossed one of my drawers and broke it. then broke my bottle for my vitamins by throwing it to the ground. then i accidentally knocked over this container of beads and instead of just sweeping it back into the thing and reducing the mess, i just kicked it as hard as i could and tore the container apart. there's still beads everywhere

that is something i can't force myself to contain anymore. everything else i've been dealing with fine but when im pissed im pissed. i gotta get that under control too

[meownotgood]

i keep seeing a lot of himeno hate recently and i wanted to ask some questions and kinda vent ig?

himeno offering a kiss to denji was supposed to just be her teasing him but did she explicitly know he was a minor at that point? even then, since she was kidding and no serious intention to romantically engage with him, shouldn’t that be okay? like it’s weird? but not im going to call the cops on you weird??

people saying she’s 30????? is that like kinda ridiculous, she gives me 2-3 years older than aki and aki in present time is like 21-22?

my question is something in regards to what ive seen so much online “himeno met aki when he was a teen so falling in love with him is gross” and “himeno only likes aki for his looks”

himeno commented on aki’s looks when he was a teen and she literally said she doesn’t like the whole stoic, cold people energy. she also is the only person that has a firm grasp on aki’s entire character?? so falling for him based on solely his looks is super surface level to me.

also himeno never expressed romantic feelings for aki when he was a teen, it developed throughout their time when he became an adult. it’s probably not even just a romantic love, but more platonic even as she built such an emotional connection and attachment around the idea of protecting him and keeping him safe simply bc she DOESNT want to lose him.

i think the bigger thing about himeno that people forget is how she doesn’t want to build friendships and memories and connect herself with people that will just ultimately leave. that’s why she asks aki about the new recruits and what he thinks about whether they will live or die. she’s scared about losing them.

himeno also prioritizing aki’s safety and her “love” and connection to him is probably one of the only motivations in her life and the thing that keeps her going ESPECIALLY in the line of work that she is in.

when he was a teen, she just cared about keeping him alive. her falling for him was most likely during when he became an adult. so is knowing him when he was a teen like really bad? / gen

the stuff about denji too. like it’s inexcusable. even if you’re drunk, you’re still responsible for the decisions you make. but as explanation (not an excuse) she did not want denji, apologizes the next day because she was not in her senses, and commented that she would have gotten arrested. she also NEVER wanted denji in the slightest. like yes she made a terrible choice and regardless of circumstance, it was gross and i would not be cool with it. but is she really a pedophile when she WOULDNT have made those choices without the influence of alcohol. she doesn’t want to date children.

i dunno thank you to reading this i needed to get my thoughts out. i DIDNT mean to pile this on you. i think himeno is a tragic character that plays a huge role in the story when looking at it at a literary standpoint. im a bit disheartened that she’s reduced to JUST this.

I totally understand why people dislike or even hate himeno, I just think a lot of people take it a bit too far, or fail to see the aspects of her character and writing because they hate her. I'm not even the biggest fan of her character honestly, but it's clear to see that people blow things way out of proportion

when himeno offered to kiss denji, she didn't know he was a minor (he didn't reveal his age to anyone until the drinking party). I definitely think it's weird, I don't think it's difficult to tell that denji is a teenager. but I don't think it was her trying to be weird towards him, she was just messing with him, probably like she does with all of the new recruits.

in terms of her age, it's definitely debatable. in my opinion, based on the flashbacks we see with her and aki, I think she's maybe 24-27? but obviously it's subjective (wish fujimoto would just confirm the actual ages....). I don't necessarily think her attraction to aki is weird or wrong, I just think it would be a bit of a toxic / codependent relationship, and I think perhaps himeno is too old for him? although, they're both adults so it's really not that big of a deal, not worth losing your mind over people shipping it, imo. save your energy for people who are shipping characters who are minors with adults instead of people who want to ship two grown, fictional adults together...

I think himeno never had romantic interest in aki when he was a teenager — I talked about this in length in a himeno analysis I did, but basically I feel as though himeno latched onto aki from the start because of her attachment issues and because of aki's determined personality. I agree with what you said: she became attached to aki because she was so terrified of losing another person. she only fell in love with him much later on, when she was able to see a different side to him.

also the thing about his looks? that's from the scene where denji and himeno are talking after denji stayed over at her house, and when denji asks why himeno likes aki, she answers simply: "his looks". I think it's pretty obvious she's only saying that to give an excuse to denji, not that it's her actual feelings. people who think "his looks" is the only reason himeno likes aki were possessed by the lack of reading comprehension devil

and obviously the stuff himeno did to denji is inexcusable. like I'd never try to defend it. being drunk is never an excuse. but yes, it wasn't because she specifically wanted to manipulate or hurt denji. it was a mistake — a horrible mistake that she needs to be held accountable for, but a mistake nonetheless. people saying she was after denji from the start or something like that are just plain wrong.

she's a very flawed character, and a very flawed person but sometimes people just take things way too far because they can

[starnightlover]

Hello star, can I confide in you please , I am in need of advice and reassurance

I just raed a post of yours ir was an ask from someone several weeks back. This person talks about struggling to improve their sc and how their siblings are treated better and they are treated like shit. I think they also said they would never wish that on their siblings and how everywhere they go they are ignored and stuff. And I resonate so much with this that I hate to even admit

I know I am the creator and I know about loa and stuff still my sc is bad. I totally get their pain when they said about being treated worse than others. I know how shitty it feels. I will tell you about yesterday we went to a party and met other family members abd all that and again my sister went along with my other cousins and I am awkward and nervous coz its always been this way. If I try ti say something everyone acts like it was stupid or just ignores. Then one of (my cousins husband came along saying to my sister "she us my fav sis in law" and introducing her to everyone around calling her his fav. I know its such petty and stupid things to even think about but I felt really bad I was right there. My mom always sides with her and talks oo me like shit a lot if times.

I remember once 2 or 3 years back I was sitting on my couch and I said my skin looks so dull and then my dad said out of nowhere stop being jealous and youll be fine { he meant it pointing towards my sister as if I was jealous of her and he said in a way more mean and rude tone. Idk how to express that feeling but I was so shocked as it was so random. Back then I had none of these problems. I didnt even care if anyone treated my sister better than or shit like that. I was fine in my sc and had fun wherever I would go and life was so much better. My parents were the only ones who would compare me to my sister and say look at her does she ever demand for stuff or does she refuse to do this and blah blah and at that I time I could have cared less coz I knew for a fact that I was not wrong in voicing my opinions and thats why they always compare me to her (if I ever felt bad about their behaviour and expressed it to my parents they would call me toxic, or my head is filled with negativity while all I was doing was letting them k ow how hurtful their words can be ). I remember that day when I heardmy dad say that about me it hurt me so bad idk how to explain but even today when I recall it feels like I am getting physically stabbed AND after that I got so concious of every little thing I started comparing myself to ger and with all the circumstances I went through these years my sc just got even worse.

Now when I try to work on my sc I feel like I cant be the best, or good enough , or the most beautiful or all those things I want because I dont deserve it yeah but my sister does. I am stuck at home so I have to face this everyday. Like all these things are reserved for her. All I wamt to have is the best sc I dont want my sister to experience any shitty stuff and I dont want to be the one to experience it either. I sometimes get so angry on her in my mind and I just get irritated and I hate being with her coz I dont want to feel less than and looked down upon and then I feel guilty for feeling this way.

You might dislike me for saying the things I did but I really dont know how to get rid of all this. I dont want to be ignored or sidelined or treated like some third or 4th option or always getting shit from my parents. I know I have to affirm and persist or states but how do I even maintain it seeing the 3d it all feels like such a lie to me.

I see so many people manifesting weightloss and df and db and so much more. Even people who say they were horrible at manifesting and stuff like that they did it so quickly and I struggle to even manifest biscuits.

First off, I want to say I am so sorry you have gone through these experiences! You deserve the world and nothing less, hell you deserve the whole universe/multiverse! You wanting to change your self concept is a huge step! I know you are in hard circumstances but you are still in control, you are still limitless! You can manifest anything you can ever think of!! You are NOT limited whatsoever! You're amazing, talented, beautiful, worthy, loving, extraordinary just because you exist! You are the first choice because this is your reality! Pick yourself up and know you are chosen because you said so!! Recognize your limitless power! You have the power to bend all of reality t your will, realize how amazing and powerful you truly are! YOU ARE THE GOD OF YOUR REALITY!! Isn't that amazing? Don't blame yourself for everything that has been told to you or that you have gone through, you are not your trauma! I advise you to not identify with the 3d! The 3d is merely a reflection of your imagination. You fulfill within your imagination and the 3d has no choice to reflect that. Your emotions don't manifest, feel them all you want! Cry your eyes out, as long as you are not identifying with the outside world but with your imagination, which is the true reality you can not fail! YOUR DESIRES ARE INEVITABLE!! Nothing, I repeat nothing has control over you! Not your family, not your friends, not your 3d, not a single thing has any power over you! Failure does not exist you will always win! You can change your self concept by starting to identify with what you desire and not the unwanted circumstances! Change your conception of self because the world is merely a reflection of thyself. Change your assumptions towards manifesting! Change your assumptions to you always get what you want, people treat you amazingly, you are always the first choice, you manifest anything instantly! You need to change your conception from having such assumptions and identify with your power and awareness! You can maintain a good self concept by persisting in the dominant assumptions that align with your self concept being at a peak! Remember you are in control, you got this!

[streghe]

mmhh I definitely have Thoughts about the tlou finale. I didnt dislike all of it - as always, some scenes were definitely elevated by the format - but some decisions felt very weird to me. not strictly because of a difference from the game, in fact I wish they strayed more on some aspects. but I think game ellie almost drowning was very poignant and it should have been left in, not only because it was a very good set-up and payoff (and the setup is still present in the series! the gun just never goes off), but cause it entirely removed the choice of giving up her own life from her in an undeniable way that made joel's decision truly gray. I think ultimately tv marlene is the real issue. this marlene had plenty of time to ask ellie what she wanted, since they actually talked before the surgery, and very deliberately decided not to, so it feels very hypocritical when she springs the same dilemma up on joel as a gotcha. also I always felt like game ellie and marlene had more of a friendly almost parental relationship before ellie was shipped off, while they were definitely always antagonistic in the series, at least from ellie's POV. so its not a gut punch when she asks about marlene in the end, she doesnt expecially care about her. I also liked marlene's delivery of her "a cure, joel. a cure" speech much more in the game, it felt genuinely moving as her voice trembled but I felt nothing here, which is super weird because its the same actress! I loved ashley's scene, the meta of it all was the most teary eyed I got and a brilliant idea, but also I hate when media over-explains its lore so I'm 50/50 about it. I dont need to know WHY ellie is immune! I dont care! I dont need to know how and why the cure would technically work! that's never been the point! I think they tried to compensate the lack of marlene's point of view and relatability by making joel more ruthless, cold and almost robotic in his killing rampage (as if to say see? its still morally ambiguos because he's terminator, he's gone crazy!) which in itself I liked, but it didnt feel like balance to me, just tipping the scale and rising his red evil meter a little because it was too late to "fix" the firefly empathy problem. and that's just a waste when they used the tv show to their own advantage so well expecially in ep 3. I know this sounds very negative, I was still very moved and I like tv joel much more than I ever liked him in the game. I want bella ramsay to win an emmy or I'll blow hollywood up. they were great. overall I'm glad the story got told again because it's worth it, I was just really rooting for it to be a 10/10 after the first few episodes and it was close but missed the landing.

[knght0wl]

just finished the game

botw and totk shouldve released together as a packaged deal to make it worth the total $70, like a chapter or part 1 and 2 kind of thing. i get making games takes time and you cant please everyone in the corporate world but still

gripes. annoyed you can’t find and wear gerudo vai clothes anymore, peeved they saved the data of your horses but not all your clothes, and the items you’d hung up on the walls of your hateno house (they honestly couldve just had bolson hold onto your stuff in storage for your newly bought house in totk). Ticked they didnt transfer over the data from your shiekah slate compendium to your purah pad, link should already know what all/most of the edible food stuffs, creature ingredients, and monster parts are if youve played botw on the same device.

something i hated but this extends to most japanese games: i wish we could skip cutscenes especially if they were the same animation x5. also didnt like the way they introduced the tutorials via shrines, mainly boring and sometimes frustrating. went into two of the temples not realizing i needed the characters to be there and say their dumb little comments before activating them. very handholdy and feels like theyre talking down to you, not trusting you to make the conclusions on your own/can’t pick up on where the designers are pointing to or where they want you to look or go

HATE HATE HATE how they made the dark skinned great fairy hypersexual that says innuendos constantly, double hate how some npcs have light lips that look a little too similar to jim crow art, its 2023, jesus fucking christ.

wish you could just summon the sage’s wills through a wheel or assigned buttons like in botw, having them out like that was clunky and the ai was not fun to work with especially the mecha and riju, turning em off is an option, and running around the same monsters all the time that riju and sidon can kill in 2 or 3 hits is also an option.

wish the depths were more spooky/scary or atleast darker in themes, more stuff to interact/look at, Something. skeletons laying around everywhere, gibdos even, maybe apparitions of the lost souls standing or laying around or in a fighting pose idk the entire place was pretty big but bland/lacked character. that can also be said for the sky islands too really.

storywise, it wouldve been cool to see past heroes and princesses coming together and teaching link and zelda stuff alongside rauru and sonia’s powers. wouldve been way more interesting to see the different heroes’ journeys and how they defeated their version of ganon/related event (that would then contribute to how to better defeat our ganon?) in times past, rather than the rehashed cutscenes with the powerstone holders or whatever getting decimated from each of their perspectives

the ganon fight cutscenes made me wish we were playing that game instead of running around looking for zelda. i did like the game, but only in the sense that i liked the artstyle, the ascend ability and the fact that the roads, strongholds, and towns feel a lot livelier. and i really liked the end fight with ganon, that was tense and fun (personalized opinion since i didnt have enough sundelion meals and was on 1 heart before the transition to the dragon fight); a major step up from botw’s ganon fight

[luna7822]

remember when a majority of deep cut """"f^^s"""" used to be really chill until a whole ass year had passed before unfortunately being so divisive and hateful cuz some fictional character didnt need to win 24/7 to ne anywhere near """"pearl 2,0"""" or some shit as if its literally just the most cliche thing ever and therefore made frye 5t4n5 even worse and delusional beyond belief than they already are since theyre now completely greedy even AFTER they won like once or twice now if u were to count japan victories too as if both resulta from diff countries still matter?

me too ;-;

even if i didnt start playing splatoon 3 until i got the game a while after i got my switch in christmas of 2022 i feel as tho i wish ppl were better than this and that times would actually be more simpler for once when no1 hated shiver for just simply existing and taking Ws, no1 was begging frye to win 24/7 in the most dumb way possible and therefore taking everything too srsly for no reason whatsoever, and no1 was being an idiot and actively hating the game for no reason too cuz its unfortunate how awful ppl became ever since a harmless go to greeting splatfest happened or some shit like that since it just pisses me off when i feel like ALL deep cut members dont even deserve any kind of backlash or overpraise at all and that they really deserve to be treated like equals for once without some1 throwing pitchforks at shiver and/or big mam for even dare winning only once or twice cuz i hate how these sad indivduals have fallen over the past year tbh when they cant even treat them all with respect for once just as they deserve ;-;

dont get me wrong idc if frye won like once or twice or that the part where she wom again was kinda wholesome too in a sense but im saying this as some1 who thankfully didnt talked abt her 24/7 in the most boring way possible since its in all honesty the frye f^^base thats REALLY at fault here for not only overreacting everytime she just doesnt win as if she doesnt have to do it all the damn time since i feel like it would honestly get tiring if she did but also the fact that i dont appreciate how theyve been unneccessarily harassing any shiver/big man fans at all and also any1 who doesnt pick fryes team 24/7 since these ppl in all honesty are just very petty, overly obsessed with their dumb fantasies for a character that doesnt have to be perfect all the damn time, and hell even going as far to throw a huge ass tyrate over """"""unfair"""""" results screens as well when they cant even do any real math to know how it works besides stacks cuz i think they somehow have some favoratism problem with somehow wanting the same damn idol to win 24/7 cuz even then i barely understand their thought process at all when its literally just complete utter nonsense and also why i despise frye 5t4n5 in the first place for just overall being incredibly delusional and having the most pathetic behavior during turf wars and splatfests too and also why i hope that they lose so badly since they need to understand that their fav is not even anywhere near """"little miss perfect""""" at all and that they should just accept taking Ls for once like a normal human being should as if thats what they should be doing rn instead of getting mad over the most minor ass shit ever

no wonder why most of the oth fanbase is literally chill compared to most of the dc one anyways cuz i srsly think that frye 5t4n5 need to just chill tf out for once and overall just stfu for more than 5 fucking minutes when this ridiculious behavior of theirs has gone off for far too long atp and that i feel like we (ie ppl that are actually normal in a literal sense) should actually do smth abt this for once when the next splatfest happens instead of just letting them be even more pathetically stupid in nature than they already are since i just really want revenge against them so fucking badly u have no idea and i just hope that whenever big man and/or shiver has smth that i can agree with like usual next splatfest then u bet that ill be damn sure to get my revenge against those so called """""frye f^^s""""" one way or another since they really dont deserve anything anymore and ik not every f^^ of fryes is like this but its really rare to see any actual normal frye f^^s that arent miserable for no reason 24/7 tbh when even if i would be on like aliens, milk chocolate, wisdom or whatever without havimg to be on the same team 24/7 then i still wont tolerate their sad behavior at all when theyre in all honesty the reason why no1 cant be normal and have a good time for once unless ur from the japan side of things that i wish was just as chill as here in murica tbh and that its literally fryes f^^base thats THE problem and only the problem when most of the assholes there are unfortunately too problematic to even do anything fun and enjoyable anymore and therefore the reason why ppl need to just step up their game, take Ls like a normal person would/embrace losing, and just treat ALL deep cut members like equals for once without any dumbshit toxicity abt a harmless group of idols that barely did anything wrong other than existing in a fictional squid/octo game series thats meant to be played for fun whatsoever ;-;

basically reason number who knows anymore as to why i think theres no need for any hatred or unneccessary overpraise towards shiver, frye, and big man when ALL of them should be treated like a normal friendly silly trio of bandits for once instead of doing some unneccessary war abt them over quite literally the most ridiculious ass shit ever to the point where its literally no secret as to why most off the hook fans act better than those idiots do anyways if u dont count any idiots who treat shiver and pearl like """"guys"""" for no reason despite being lesbians as if its literally a GIRL ONLY thing and nothing more when it doesnt need to be anymore complicated than shit has already been for a long ass while now unfortunately ;-;

and overall i just hate most of the sploon f^^base in general for being so unneccessarily divded over the funni squid/octo game that in all honesty should be played for the sake of having fun and actually enjoying it for once instead of yelling abt stupid shit that doesnt fucking matter 24/7

this has been another episode of lunas rambles and shit and i hope that nobody throws shades at me over an actual harmless goddamn opinion for once and actually be fucking normal abt it for once istggggggg

[wiltedprimrose]

EPISODES OF MY LIFE.

———— ONE.

im shameless, i know. i just cant get over it. i just want you to know that you left so much memories in me. there are so many things and places which remind me of you. it feels like i cant even live my normal life ever again. i sometimes struggle to even catch a breath. still remember how much i trembled that night. losing weight, cutting my hair short. i dont know, perhaps thats just hows life after break up. dont worry, im getting better now.

i have so many things i wish i said and did to you back then. i regret i didnt do any of that just because i was too embarrassed if i look like i love you too much in front of you. yet here i am, dare to hope you only take the good memories when youre with me. such an irony while i might be hurting you more than creating good memories with you. im sorry.

if later in life you dont seem to find anything youre looking for in someone else, come back to me. i might still standing at the same door, waiting for you. i’ll be welcoming you with the warmest hug i could give. i promise i’ll love you better.

i hope you can go back to the life before you met me. you dont need to lie just to make me feel good anymore—im sorry if you thought you need to do it when you were with me—im sorry if being with me made you unable to express your true self. and while youre doing that (going back to the life that you had before), i’ll also try my best to move on with my life, living a better life. spent almost 3 years with you made me learn so many great things. thank you. i wish i could be with you longer because everyday i just want more of you. i dream about the day where i can fully live my life with you, share and discuss our thoughts whenever we want to, listening and to be listened, doing fun things together, waking up and feel safe because i’ll get to see your face every morning. i wish there would be a way to make “us” happen again. i wish i could be with you longer.

im sorry. youre always be enough for me.

eat well. live well. have a good life.

———— TWO.

life after break up sucks. what about the time when i miss you too much? what should i do to fill the void after you left me? never imagined there’d be a time for me to keep on going living my life without you in it.

can i call you?

i really want to hear your voice.

oh, life after break up sucks. i cant even call you whenever i want to and tell you about my day. i cant even send messages to my friends, especially guys because i dont feel comfortable texting them. i have nowhere to go. i miss you so much.

i wish i could be with you longer.

turns out i love you too much to the point im irrational sometimes.

———— THREE.

just a mess. my messy thoughts. i’ll just write whatever that popped in my head.

why do i love you so much it hurts… i tried to think about your bad habits, bad treatments you gave to me while we were together, and yet i failed to be mad at you. i found myself hoping for you to come back again. i want you. it felt right when i was loved by you. trying hard not to call you for only god knows how many times. i hate when i relapse while im at work, my mood suddenly drops and i feel empty inside. cant we meet up just for me to have some closure? i wake up every morning just to be reminded that youre not here with me anymore. cant we just try again and rethink about everything? fuck i hate it because every corner reminds me of you. why did you left so much memories in me I JUST CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE. day by day those memories make me feel miserable. i want you and only you. WHY DID YOU THINK YOU CAN LEAVE ME JUST LIKE THIS? WHY DID YOU NEED SO MUCH TIME TO REALIZE THAT WE ARE NOT MEANT TO BE? so cruel. bringing up my old mistakes, made me feel guilty and blaming myself. i believe we already talked about that and i thought you were okay with it? i left it all in 2022 and never want to do it again because I KNOW IT HURTS YOU. only have my eyes for u bc i dont want to hurt you again. whenever i chatted with a guy it felt like i cheated on you and thats why i dont really replied to them. I RESPECT YOU AS MY BOYFRIEND. about that one specific person you’ve always mentioned, it happened when that bitch dmed me about you. i thought i wouldnt want to be in the middle of other’s relationship so i left you. I DIDNT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT NO MORE BC I KNOW YOURE UNCOMFORTABLE. i said it was okay and it was your past so i never want to talk about it ever again. I RESPECT YOU. im responsible with what i chose. i tried to change my way of seeing things and learned about everything you dont like. when you stood me up that time bc you suddenly said you couldnt make it to my office while im waiting for you to bring my flashdisk, remember what did i tell you? i told you it was fine. i wasnt angry nor badmood. bc i was fully aware that you might had important things to do. you also hate it when i complained. I LEARNED ALL ABOUT YOU AND TRIED HARD NOT TO DISAPPOINT YOU. i learn to be a better person. i learn to be more patient and think about whatever you said to me. after you said you hate when i complained about you being late, i never got angry whenever someone makes me wait for them. i left my ego. but you didnt want to see it as my effort. you always thought your effort always bigger than me, no? and YOU? constantly reminding me about my past mistakes, made me feel bad about myself. think about how many promises you gave to me and now you think you just can go away with it and YOU REALLY THINK I’D EASILY FIND SOMEONE NEW? lol. i guess im really that cheap in your eyes. LITTLE DID YOU KNOW YOUR PAST TRAUMATIZED ME. THATS WHY IM SO WORRIED WHENEVER YOURE OUT OF THIS TOWN. im happy when you updated me and told me whatever you were doing that day. i just cant forget about that dm. it was terrifying. you never want to share everything to me while i always shared every little thing with you. was afraid you’d find someone else who could listen to your problems better than me. about your parents, if your fam talked to me how theyre mad at me bc youre the only one who initiates to become closer to my family, youre the one who initiates to bring me closer to your family, im quiet sad bc you do know i never go to your town even after my dad moved there. but once my family had a plan to go there, i automatically think about your family. i even bought a new cloth and ordered so much snacks bc i was excited to see your parents. you knew about it. sadly at that time i suddenly couldnt go there bc my car broke and need to be repaired. my dad went home and brought all the snacks i ordered that day. that night when i visited your house bc i know your parents there, did you tell me to do it? no. i planned to go there myself bc i wanted to see your parents so that they know im serious with you. i want to be with you.

i often said sorry to you bc i know i couldnt reciprocate all things you gave to me. you said it was ok so LET ME ASK YOU, whats with the change of heart? bc when you decided to leave, i just read contradictions in every reasons you pointed out and all the things you said to me when we were together. you just wanted to justify your decision.

you know i didnt want to be with you since day one. i rejected you many times. i wanted our relationship to end since day one. i told you to find someone new since day one bc all we did just argue with each other. BUT YOU REFUSED. you asked for a chance, second chance, and so on BUT WHEN I FINALLY GAVE IN AND FELL HARD, you decided to leave. and when i asked for a chance, you didnt even want to give it to me. funny bc after all these times you always said we could always communicate yet this time you chose to not to do it. ive only known you for almost 3 years—a short moment—so i thought it was normal for us to have different opinions. like what you said to me, we could always discuss.

you just left me here all alone in the dark while blaming myself and you think that i could go on just fine with my life. being with you used to be my dream. now that it shattered, i dont know how my future would be. you dont know how it feels like whenever our friends asked me about you. you dont know how it feels like to relapse whenever i finally thought i’d be just fine without you. you dont know how hurt it is when something which once was your biggest dream has to be buried.

———— FOUR.

im tired of feeling this way. never thought i need you so much. cant we just go back together?

———— FIVE.

one last cry.

heard about you from a friend. they didnt tell me before bc they know i’d be sad. now i know and i dont know how to feel about it. stupid me for begging you to stay in my life. stupid me. whats the point of trying to change things we cant change? stupid me. but i guess it is what it is. i’ll deal with it on my own. please be happy with whatever you choose to do with your life.

guess it’s time to put you out of my mind and start anew.

god bless.