#i hate evetything about this

[wondertwinsenthusiast]

I love most of the spyral storyline (excluding the sexualization) , Dick's dynamics with Helena, Tiger, Midnighter and etc are so interesting to me and full of potential.

BUT only when Dick is written as himself. Smart, experienced, skilled, talented, a detective in his own right, etc. Not some childish himbo.

Yes, he's pretty young in spyral (21, thanks to new 52 de-aging everyone) but the cheerfulness and silliness are a front he puts on. Same as Robin's bright colors, you can't fear what you don't take seriously. It's a weapon, a tactic.

The problem is when readers don't see him as anything BUT a cheerful himbo with daddy issues, and not only do they sexualize him to the point of him being nothing but a piece of ass for the "older men" (Tiger, Midnighter... that is not to say I hate those ships at all, just when writers are being weird about them) but also disregarding everything that he is as a character. He's not some incompetent innocent fool with nothing on his mind but flirting, he is THE Dick Grayson. He is still evetything that he was before new 52.

I could talk for DAYS about how the new 52 fucked over so many characters but Dick got it easy, it's his own readers who do him dirty every single time.

[crrps3t]

Mommy Issues?

Sometimes I think I'm a bad person. I probably am to a certain degree, or maybe I'm just lonely and stuck with a lowkey narcissistic and neglectful mom, or maybe i'm a spoiled brat. Maybe I really am just a selfish, lazy, coward, disgusting, abusive asshole who doesn't deserve anything. I don't deserve to eat, sleep, get half the shit i own, i don't deserve the roof over my head.

Maybe I'm the real reason my parents are so misrealble together? Maybe someway somehow its my fault. I'm a horrible person.

But im trying, im trying to become better by admitting my faults, by admitting I can do bad things, and trying to fix those things about me. It's hard though, so fucking hard. I don't really have anyone to talk to about any of this, my mom says I'm not worthy enough to get help. I don't think I can really remeber the last time my mom gave me a real hug and said "I love you." and it not sound forced or fake. My mom is amazing in so many diffrent ways, but I think she was so focused on being my friend because her mother was so bad to her that she forgot I also need a mother. No its not ok to allow your 14 year old to vape, to skip classes, to constantly defend her even though shes wrong, what does that teach me? You shouldve been more strict with me, yes I would've hated you in the momebt but in the long run it would've been better for me.

Now look at me, 8 years into cvtting myself, a high school dropout, a 17 year old who still has the mindset of a little kid because I was raised by an emotionally stunted mom who despite being 40 is still the angry teen girl she was so long ago. Who does nothing but hurt everyone around her, including her 5 year old special ed son who if god forbids walks into the bathroom where shes locked herself up for an hour or more and wants help he gets yelled at, no SCREAMED at to "SHUT THE FUCK UP"

C, I love you. You're my mommy, youre evetything to me, I live you so fucking much. But I hate the person you are, and I hate myself for that. I hate the fact the most meaningful and impactful memories I have of you are you screaming at me, are you calling me names no mother should ever say to their children.

I could genuinly make a whole ass essay about you, about everything you've ever said about me. About how much you make me sick to my fucking stomach.

I finally understand why my biological father would beat the shit out of you.

[tetayedaedae]

Gonna use this tumblr to vent

I fucking hate myself tonight. I gare that i looked up online and saw all those people that i felt like friends, celebrating the birthday of someone who hurted me when they forgot mine. I hate that i know if people had to choose between me and someone else they would choose someone else because so many did. I hate the fact that i'm such a disapointment to people who wants to help me and then a sweet angel and good friend in other's eyes, it makes me feel guilty and i don't believe i'm really good even if people tell me i am. I want to be liked but every time i'm told i am i feel empty and guilty for liking attention. Everytime i want to be nice with someone else i feel like a two face bitch trying to buy other's people opinion on me like a desperate dog who whimp so you would pay attention to it. I try to be but i fail in being a good daughter, a good sister or a good friend. I don't do enough effort and then cry about my life when i only have myself, but even in front of myself i just cry and hate myself for not doing better, for not get over things everyone moved from, for not being honest about how fucking bad i feel and how i don't want to admit that deep down i'm not good. I am not a bad person, i believe and wish i'm not that a bad person, but that dosen't make me a good person nevertheless. I'm getting older but i just feel like i'm growing into a more pathetic and rotten version of myself. I don't want to feel myself but that the easy solution to avoid evetything, i do it all the time.

06/05/23 02:07

I started crying arround 00:40

[foxcomment]

Imagine...

Imagine being born in a wrong country, without any way out to normal humanity.

Imagine being me, having all those deceases, and having no access to Any jobs because of that.

Imagine being not straight person in these country.

Having no will to live because you're in these country.

Imagine being called transphobe because of your trauma, while you have a Fear of Process, but Not the hate towards peoples. Eat more Salt to feel better, Cassie.

Imagine loosing lots of friends you in one day because of it. What a misunderstanding.

Imagine having a same nightmare every night.

Imagine having those Not Fair feeling, while you ripping your butt apart and others are getting evetything doing basically nothing but re-texturing same avatar model for 100-500$.

Imagine staring at the way peoples selling themselfs on OF for crazy money, and having giant audience.

Imgine freaking Aging.

Should I even continue this list? I wish there's was Someone, SOMEONE who can just solve issue with me not having job, because I cannot do Anything about it, who even needs an autistic hole like me? There's No company in my country that hire this type of peoples. My giant dream is working in educational VR company or something like that. That utilizing all technologies, new, old, from 90s and forms something crazy new, providing a new accessible ways of experiencing VR for kids and adults. But now all I can do is study. Study as hard as I can. To show that I worth something. That I Might be special, even with all my issues. There's always a chance. And then I'll look at the peoples who laughed and hated me. But at those point they will mean nothing for me, I will work on my projects. ...just like I do now.

[schizey]

nothing we do ever matters. i used to think life was a video game when i was younger, i remember talking with my friends about my delusions and how nothing felt real but now everything feels too real and i’m too self aware and it’s scary. i know everything. i think too much and i feel i know what’s going to happen every second and it’s scary. honestly i don’t think i was meant to be here, i feel like i lost myself and something took a hold of me and advantage of who i was. i am not who i was, i am not me and will never be no matter how hard i try. i don’t want to grow, be an adult. more responsibilities. grow old, tired and ugly. everyone’s fuckinf stupid and it’s all of our faults. i hate humans. i hate men i hate women i hate this fucking species we ourselves put ourselves through hell and complain why others aren’t doing anything. the ones who didn’t do anything complain and complain and nothing happens. it’s a cycle. fucking never ending, this world is turning to shit and there’s no good reason to stay alive anymore, we all die in the end. be born. learn. form relationships. puberty. love. heartbreak and fuckinf kill yourself some way or another slowly without knowing it. this world is torture and i know fucking everything. i was never meant to be here . i used to tthink i was some sort of god who knew secrets that i wasn’t supposed to know. but i don’t want to know everything ever again. i want to be a child again. even though i wasn’t happy and was getting abused almost til death i didn’t realize what was happening. i wasn’t aware and i just want to feel that again. i want to fall back into my delusional world where nothing else matters and death is just a years away concept that i don’t have to worry about. making friends easily. not being able to process the abuse that was happening, and now i have to while i have so many things to worry about. i’m tired of people telling me NOT to fucking kill myself because why would you wish for someone to suffer on this earth? this fuckinf world filled with violence, hate crime, i don’t even f know fucking evetything i have tried. tried tried tried tried tried its so tiring!!! “try more!” please shut the fuck up and just let me rest. i don’t want to be here. i would be in such a better place than being here and too conscious. bye

[niscuit-gravy]

Happy birthday Mello! Simple sketch for my boi.

[dyklopces]

we're talking about the confederacy in my us history class (which is full of maga kids) killing myself asap

[lovealarms]

i have like . 17 drafts still to do but i am so exhausted from doing NOTHING but act up all day so that’s a tomorrow issue fdjvnxd

[covid-created-chaos]

I swear... this shit just gets harder each and every day. I feel lime I'm suffocating without her. I can't breathe, got no motivation, no reason to go on. I really wonder if she has any idea how I feel? I just refuse to believe she could really be that far off. She's too intelligent for that. I just want the truth. Plain and simple with no bullshit. It's seemed like I haven't been able to make any decisions on my own for over a year. I've just been reacting to all the bullshit and lies assuming they're real. Then she would degrade the shit out of me criticising my reaction to bullshit? I'm sorry, but once you put falsehoods in the mix, you'll never know how a person would've reacted to the actual truth. We were like that perfect couple everyone wants to be like. I was positive that I was set for life. She never even tried to work anything out? She just played games and tried to fuck with my head. Completely destroyed my confidence and self esteem. With all the extra shit from covid I barely survived the last 6 months. I eas shot at more times this summer alone than I had been my whole life and was all but beaten to death by the police. She didn't give 2 shits. She's thrown my ass out countless times in the middle of the night, carrying tons of things I shouldn't. Total disregard for my comfort and or safety was the norm. Yet this entire time I would've literally given my life to see her happy for just one day. The worst thing is that even after a year of excruciating pain, I would still do anything I can for her. Why? I should hate her fucking guts and I know it? I even tell her on the rare occasion I get a chance. Instead of ever once trying to understand why I'm acting this way she just blames me for evetything and continues bitching at, yelling at, and degrading me? She's nothing like the loving girlfriend and mother that I fell so hard for, yet when I look at her that's all I see... I feel like she's trapped inside somewhere gasping her last few breaths before she gets devoured by the beast that took over? I am not some little pussy ass bitch boy, but I cry every time I think about her. I still love that woman with every drop of life left in me. I wish to God that she could just stop worrying about what went wrong long enough to remember how right it was. She'll never be replaceable. I don't know how long I'll survive with this hole in my chest? I literally feel why old couples pass on shortly after their partners. That connection can not be faked. She's my soulmate and her head's a doped up mess. I need my 😘😘SugarBumBum😘😘 back more than anything ever. Baby I love you and I'm a broken train wreck without you...

[nope---nothing]

2, 51 & 90 (I hope the late night philosophy includes copying the answers rip!)

I hope it includes copying the answers (im guessibg you meant questions) he says. Well you coukd do it yourself 🙄

Given the chance to reset your life (with none of the knowledge you currently have), would you take it?

I mean nothing would change then? Like the only point of reseting your life is if youre gonna do something diffrently, and if you font know what or at least have a vague hunch (lo9king at fineal few episodes of the good place here) than you cant make a diffrent choice.

What question could you ask to find out the most about a person?

Idk, tell me evetything about yourself? Its hard to have just one quastion, that would guarantee you a good answer. Like its more than that. The answer ypure getting wildly differs already from person to person, but even with an individual it depwnds, how close they are, how much they trust you, how theyre feeling in that moment (sometimes i give my most intimate thoughts to strangers ive met 10 min ago, and not my friends). And maybe youre luck and you two crwate an atmosphere of like complete honesty and comfort and then youre gonna answer these questions without being asked

Do you mourn for a place or person you’ve never known?

I mostly mourn for people ive briefly met and hit it off greatly, but thwn never met again or never had that moment with them again. And i mourn people i could have closer relation with if i said more. And i mourn the people i stopped hanging out with simply, even if its for thw best. But i never had a huge attachment to a place (like when i was a kid a had nightmares at the thought of having to move places, but by the time we actually move it was pretty eh). I dont think thats what its asking me, but like i year for a person, that i could really be close with, to be the first choice, to smhave spontanious sleepovers, that wouldnt need to be initiated by me, to go on an exchange and know they would still keep contact with me and after i got back they would wait for me. Someone i wouldnt ever have to wonder if theyre better friends with someone else, that i wouldnt wonder if their silence means they hate me or theyre having second thoughts about me. To be completly honest with (not that we would know all of eacothers secrets, but i could always fell like i could ask anything and theyd tell me if they didint want to answer, that id never douvt or second guess or overthink their words, cause id knew they were honest)

Anyway it yearn-o'clock here.

[nooneelsecomesclose17]

I just can’t understand how Victoria is actually contemplating even seeing Luke. Just the whole narrative. Of course I know he might not be like Lee, but it’s so disgusting how Robert technically left yesterday in the show and she’s already moving on. Her anger at Aaron and not defending Robert but Luke. What is happening?

I don’t hate it because he’s not his brother but I absolutely get all the issues with it and in real life I’d likely say the same.

The timing is awful, it really is. Basically, as horrible as it is, Vic just isn’t the main player here. She did that tonight to fit in Aaron’s story, same as Wendy tomorrow.

I’m not getting into my thoughts on Vic and Robert because today has been stressful enough but yeah, it’s not good.

As far as the show is concerned, Robert’s gone, evetything else moves on. That’s the horrible bit about soaps. They could do it better but mostly it’s they’re gone and that’s it. Some don’t even get the mentions we got tonight.

[dollov]

i hate evetything about me about my body my nose my thighs my legs about my personality about my voice about my stupid pathetic things i like about my eating disorder about everything i wish i could cut me open and then throw my insides off a cliff

[betanyagito]

jobkanan replied to your post : I have my bnha OC’s character a little more down...

I need to know evetything about her

She failed the practical exam where they had to take down giant robots so she got into general studies rather than the hero course, but she’s like!! Fine w/e, then I’ll just do my best here! She got appointed as class representative because she just seems like someone people can rely on

Her Quirk is called Puppet, which means that her limbs are like a ball jointed doll’s limbs. A very strong cord runs through the middle of her wooden limbs, which means she can extend them to a certain length. 

She likes ribbons, sewing, stuffed animals, sleeping a lot and electro swing!! She hates to talk about her feelings, and she’s scared of fires and woodpeckers.

[zackilada]

Since this most recent chapter of snk I'm now constantly thinking about that titan that ate eren's mom LIKE HOLY SHIT THO

[myfootisinatree]

Yeah no I'm like full on panicking.

Thank god tomorrow is my stupid coworkers last shift with me cause I can't deal with her any longer

Fuck she probably hates me because I'm literally always correcting her shit because she doesn't ever seem to learn

She needed more training but the problem is that she's excellent at manipulating people into thinking she's good but then you turn around and like 5 nurses are screaming at me cause she fucked up and I'm too nice to throw her under the bus

I gotta practice my presentation FOR MY FREAKING CAPSTONE

Oh god I'm going to have to talk to a room full of people.

My capstone isn't as deeply entrenched in theory as my classmates so obviously I won't be allowed to graduate

Oh god all of my professors are going to be staring at me and realize just how stupid I am

What if i start crying or loose my mind while I'm presenting that's NOT GOOD

Fuck I have four other mother fucking assignments due that day

I NEED TO MAKE CHANGES TO MY CAPSTONE PAPER

Okay, but I can turn in late assignments right because I have As in those classes

ONE OG THOSE IS THE FINAL PROJECT FOR THE CLASS AND IT'LL TANK MY GRADE IF ITS LATE.

I wanna do something big for the project bit it's just so intense trying to implement

I NEED TO PRACTICE MY CAPSTONE TALK

WHAT IF I FORGET EVETYTHING WHRN I START TALKING

I'm getting on a plane and taking my first plane ride at the end of the week holy fuck what if my earrings get dinged and security makes me take them out and my helix closes up it's been infected

What if I get harrassed or assaulted while I'm on my own out of state

Fuck do I really trust the friend who is letting me crash on his couch

The airport might be awful so maybe I should just stay up all night and sleep on the plane

My poor cat will be lonely while I'm gone

FUCK I HAVE A TEST NEXT WEEK

Wait why tf do I have three papers due next friday

Finals week shouldn't be bad

BUT JESUS FUCK IM GETTI. OFF AN AIRPLANE, DRIBING BACK FOR A FINAL, I HAVE ONE DAY OFF, THEN I TAKE ANOTHER FINAL, RHEN I HAVE TO MAKE ANNOTHER LONG DRIBE TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STATE

But after that things will calm down

But what about dnd

What if this will be the last time you have a dnd group

So many of your friends are graduating

What if your roommate decides she doesnt need to pay rent when she's not here like wtf.

Your plant is dying water it

You aren't giving your cat enough attention

What if she DIES while you're gone

What if the apartment burns down with her in it

What happens to her (cat) if I die

Remember your dad being abuseive and how violent he is

Why are you just sitting around playing games and staring at the wall

Hey btw you need to see a doctor because there is something really wrong and you are in pain

But what if it's just stress

But what if it isn't

Medical bills

Man don't you feel the crippling loneliness settling in after one week of break

Oh look you're crying again

HEY DUMBASS YOU COULD BE WORKING ON YOUR SHIT

You got a club to run on monday too bitch

And you gotta break their hearts about the tshirts

Man what if everyone actually hates you

[proanactive]

I literally can't do anything without considering my girlfriend. And that's horribly exhausting. "Can you-" "I don't know let me try to remember everything she hates and evetything she can't eat and if someone skinnier than her will be there that she'll compare herself too and if one of the guys looks even a little bit like someone who hurt her in her life we can't go. Oh and if she's not completely feeling leaving the house that day I'll have to cancel." Like shit I'm gonna start just doing things and if she wants to come that's cool.

I want to go out with my boss and coworkers to a karaoke bar in a couple weeks. I know she's going to throw a fit. I'm ready to tell her that I'm going and she can come if she wants to. But I get really mad when people invite me out to things. I feel like I have to think about her first instead of whether I really want to go or not. And she has no drive in her to just come out and say that she doesn't want to do something. She'd rather bitch and moan about doing it or go and space out the entire time. I hate that. I don't give a fuck if I go by myself or not.

And she does this with stupid shit like not watching tv. It's starting to be spring. I'm done watching tv. We don't have to go out we could like color or draw or write or do tarot. Nope. Tv.

Iunno. I think I'm depressing her. But I have no money saved up. :/ so it's not like I could just move out. And I really don't wanna break up with her. I just want to know of it's me.