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autistic stupid girlboy dies on cam {4k}!
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nothing we do ever matters. i used to think life was a video game when i was younger, i remember talking with my friends about my delusions and how nothing felt real but now everything feels too real and iām too self aware and itās scary. i know everything. i think too much and i feel i know whatās going to happen every second and itās scary. honestly i donāt think i was meant to be here, i feel like i lost myself and something took a hold of me and advantage of who i was. i am not who i was, i am not me and will never be no matter how hard i try. i donāt want to grow, be an adult. more responsibilities. grow old, tired and ugly. everyoneās fuckinf stupid and itās all of our faults. i hate humans. i hate men i hate women i hate this fucking species we ourselves put ourselves through hell and complain why others arenāt doing anything. the ones who didnāt do anything complain and complain and nothing happens. itās a cycle. fucking never ending, this world is turning to shit and thereās no good reason to stay alive anymore, we all die in the end. be born. learn. form relationships. puberty. love. heartbreak and fuckinf kill yourself some way or another slowly without knowing it. this world is torture and i know fucking everything. i was never meant to be here . i used to tthink i was some sort of god who knew secrets that i wasnāt supposed to know. but i donāt want to know everything ever again. i want to be a child again. even though i wasnāt happy and was getting abused almost til death i didnāt realize what was happening. i wasnāt aware and i just want to feel that again. i want to fall back into my delusional world where nothing else matters and death is just a years away concept that i donāt have to worry about. making friends easily. not being able to process the abuse that was happening, and now i have to while i have so many things to worry about. iām tired of people telling me NOT to fucking kill myself because why would you wish for someone to suffer on this earth? this fuckinf world filled with violence, hate crime, i donāt even f know fucking evetything i have tried. tried tried tried tried tried its so tiring!!! ātry more!ā please shut the fuck up and just let me rest. i donāt want to be here. i would be in such a better place than being here and too conscious. bye
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