#i hate everything right now btw

[ghuletteintraining]

Survived yet another round of layoffs. It feels like the longest most stressful game of musical chairs, except I never know when the music will start up again, and there's no fun to be had watching as another chair gets yanked away.

🥺🥺🥺🥺

[cultofcipher]

Bill Cipher thoughts (BoB Spoilers Ahead)

I'm really sitting on how Bill's displayed so much of himself indirectly in the BoB. How during the Love section he denies having exes, marking them out. How said exes show up SEVERAL times scratched out or are regarded with this bitterness of someone who did NOT do the breaking up part. Bill got dumped. Every time. And is desperately trying to bury his feelings.

And that's something I think the Book of Bill really highlights in a way. The fact that Bill has feelings. That deep down he's a broken triangle. It's all over the book's writing. Him pointing out how to use denial and rationalization and other bad coping mechanisms to basically ignore and lie to himself (and show us how to do it) and basically convince himself that he is as heartless as he tries to be. Him avoiding his exes. The tone he uses and the avoidance really giving the "I don't handle breakups well and I'm still petty about it". Him constantly telling himself that he's fine. He's not fine. Him crying over Ford leaving and getting wasted. Him being bitter about the henchmaniacs not calling. His regret over what happened to his world. His loneliness. GOD his loneliness. His self-hatred. His scathing remark about definitely NOT having some tragic backstory that humanizes him and how he's not an "I can fix him case". Calling himself a monster. His longing for home. The "Last one breathing". The "I tried to change the past". The "my hands shaking, as I realized I could never undo the". The "until there was no one left but me, covered in blood, alone in the universe". The goddamn "I don't want to die alone" Valentine's card. The last few pages. Just, the last few pages. That isolation, his pained "I'M FINE". The almost sad plea for someone to let him out.

Bill cares. He's fucked up, unstable, violent. But he does care about people he gets along with and he feels understand him. For every "I'm just playing the bit" and using people with nice gestures, I think a fraction of that is somewhat genuine. And he hates it. He hates his own vulnerability. He hates his lack of apathy. He's denying himself his own emotions constantly under so many layers of distractions, eldritch horrors, and repression. He can't think about home, about failure, about how every relationship he's ever had, platonically or otherwise, ended. And it wasn't on his terms.

Him talking about/to his mom when he's drunk. How his mom called him Billy as a kid. How his home life sounded simple. How Bill as an individual is anything BUT simple. And how his drunken state holds such fondness for that simplicity, yet it was suffocating. How he would've broken free eventually, inevitably, because he knew that's who he was. It's his nature. He was destined for more.

How it cost him everything.

How he's constantly chasing insanity like it's a drug. Like he needs the power trip to stay high. To not think too hard. To drown out his emotions and his self-reflections and everything he hates about himself.

How in Gravity Falls he still tried to get Ford to side with him after everything, cause that was his vulnerability showing, for the slightest glimpse of a moment. Cause he doesn't want to do it alone. Him reaching out to the reader in his book, because he doesn't want to do it alone. Can't do it alone. Even when he eventually betrays that person, I think him offering Ford that cushy spot alongside his henchmaniacs makes me think that yeah, Bill actually would've upheld his end of the deal.

He thinks he wants multiversal domination. He thinks Weirdmageddon is his Magnum Oppus. His purpose. But he's so lost. If he ever does get what he wants, he won't know what to do with himself. He'll be faced with the "Now what?". He'll hit the end of the road and realize how unsatisfying it is. How this isn't what he wanted.

How lonely it is to be God.

I think the Axolotl sees that in Bill. It's why he doesn't try to destroy him or attack him or anything. He sees that inner self of Bill. Sees him for what he really is. Someone who needs a LOT of therapy, a true, honest to goodness friend or partner in his life, and maybe a more sustainable life purpose or hobby. He has so much potential and in a way his pursuit of power, rather than being an actualization of his abilities, is a waste of them, because it gets him nowhere.

And he needs help, even if he doesn't think he does. He's a depressed alcoholic frat boy trying to drown his misery in a way that hurts and kills worlds. He's a girlfailure, a bisexual/pansexual disaster (he's at LEAST canonically bisexual or at MOST canonically pan cause this guy has dated both ways).

Bill's book is so incredibly amazing for what it is. All the lies, all the unrealiable narrator parts of Bill's facades and flaws and him being himself and all of his genuine thoughts and feelings bleeding through the lines and showing themselves but only in a way that you can really understand if you understand him and can tell when he's lying and when he's not. To see the real parts of him, and everything else. This book was perfect, and it was perfectly imperfectly him. This truly is Bill's book. It's so him in such a raw and genuine yet dishonest way. I'm gonna cherish this damn book forever.

[kaiserouo]

im actually hyped to see that warframe

[cranberrymoons]

.

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

why is everything (showing other people respect. being patient and kind. not flying off the handle about stupid things. emotional regulation and self-control. et cetera.) so easy when I'm not around my parents and so so so so hard when I AM around them?

[hl-obsessed]

okay coz it's been nagging me since the damn aotv and now that post is back so i have to say this. so many wrong takes on Louis and his 'stress cleaning'.

he just checks if windowsill is clean enough to sit. he has black trousers on. he cleaned it so he doesn't end up with dirty ass. there is no stress cleaning there. he would be cleaning much more than that if it was, not just small space to sit on. he probably would start cleaning that damn window no matter if it was clean before or not.

also someone just said in tags 'that's why i don't think Louis is messy.' please. i'm messy as fuck and i would check and wipe space to sit on. it has nothing to do with one another.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

So you know this party banter between Aveline and Carver?

Aveline: I don't like some of the people you've been associating with, Carver. Carver: Talk to my brother/sister. He/She's the one in charge.

If you're on the rivalry path with Aveline, she says:

Aveline: Who says I don't mean him/her too? This city's full of people who are dead set on ending badly. I don't want to see you end up the same way.

I just- Aveline, you- you're so- hhhhnnnngggggg

I always rival Aveline when I play a mage, and if you think Edgar Aristide Hawke, who practically raised Carver and Bethany after Malcolm died and Leandra became a distant mother in her grief, wouldn't stop dead in his tracks at Aveline heavily implying he's a bad influence on his brother and Carver shouldn't hang around him so much since apparently Ed's someone set on ending badly...? Absolutely not.

This is another case of me wishing Hawke had the option to jump in during party banter with different options, because Ed would've chewed Aveline out for that.

Oh, and then there's:

Carver: Would asking you to stop spying on me help in the least? Aveline: No.

Aveline...................stop it.

[theflyingfeeling]

...🫥

[thekingofthenameless]

Just a reminder that if you don’t have anything nice to say THEN DON’T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL!

“And you don't see how you're incapable of writing happy things?” (after I told them what I thought TKN is in one emoji)

“Me personally I wouldn't want the emojis people would describe my story with to be literally all of the sad looking ones”

[itsahotminuteinbetween]

Random hug attack!

Hihi friend! Just here to drop some love. Sending you warm vibes. Hope your day's been alright <3

*hugs you back* hey cappy, we're doing about as well as we can right now (which is to say, not very well, but we're holding up alright); thanks for the hug, it's appreciated :)

[beanghostprincess]

hi bean! i wonder if you have watched/ read given? if not, feel free to ignore this question :)

how do you think shizusumi's relationship was with yuki and mafuyu? what do you think he thought about them? (not as a couple, individually).

I'm a lesbian who plays the guitar and sings, how could I not love Given? It's one of my favorite mangas!!!! <33

Shizu mention Shizu mention Shizu mention Shizu mention Sh-

I like him. A lot. And I've seen so much hate for him going on lately (tbf it was on TikTok and TikTok is commonly known for having the worst takes to ever exist. That was on ME) that I'm happy you ask about him!!!! <3 (although, bear with me, it's been A LONG WHILE since I read the manga so some stuff might be wrong)

Shizusumi's relationship with Mafuyu and Yuki is something that I would've loved to see more of :( We can tell they were close childhood friends and I think he considers them both important people to him. I wish they had used more of that (perhaps this is just me begging for more Shizu content) (and more childhood flashbacks).

But of course, Shizu has always felt a bit out of place in the group. They've said multiple times that despite all of them being friends, Mafuyu and Yuki had their own thing. The one person Shizu actually had was Hiiragi, and at the end of the day, Hiiragi admired and idolized Yuki so damn much that it got to Shizu's nerves. I've seen so many people saying Shizu HATED Yuki??? When it's not like that AT ALL???? I think he considered him a close friend too, but envying someone for how bright they are in comparison to you, even if they're a friend, it's completely normal (especially if your crush admires him). And it doesn't make you love them any less.

However, I think Shizu's perception of Yuki (as blurry as it is because we don't really have that much content of them both) is the one of someone so bright and colorful he decides to keep at arm's length because he doesn't feel included in his light. Shizu has his issues being close to people (the way he is with Hiiragi) and if they don't really push him to the light he just... Feels left out. So I don't think he hated Yuki. Jealous of him? Definitely. Not even in a romantic sense, either, just in general. Yuki had a passion and talent for music Shizu didn't. Yuki had a light Shizu couldn't match. Yuki had Hiiragi's admiration and eyes on him to the point that Shizu had issues believing Hiiragi could love him back. But that doesn't take away the friendship they had.

He says he finds the fact that everybody loves Yuki a bit irritating, right? (I didn't make that one up, he says that, I remember) But that's just how envy and jealousy are. It doesn't mean that he believes Yuki shouldn't be loved, it means that he was just... Too perfect in the eyes of everyone and for someone who doesn't feel that way, it stings. I think Shizu is so devoted to Hiiragi that we forget he was friends with the other two, but tbh, it's also because he personally feels like he doesn't belong in their world. Not being in Mafuyu and Yuki's world is one thing, because they were in their love bubble. But Hiiragi was somehow there too or at least admiring it from afar while Shizu admired him instead.

So what I end up assuming is that they were close friends but Shizu had his issues with Yuki and kept him far away since he felt left out, and it doesn't take away the fact that they were friends, even if his love for Hiiragi is stronger than the friendship he shares with Mafuyu and Yuki (dude is devoted). It's the feeling of knowing a friend is on another level and that's fine, you still love them, but the sensation of not belonging forever rests within you (I wish they had talked more about his grief, but focusing on him taking care of Hiiragi's mental health instead is great to show how his friendship with Yuki was strongly linked by Hiiragi too. And how much he is willing to push away his own needs for him).

And Mafuyu!!! He's the one I wish the manga made Shizu talk to more. I think their dynamic is sooo powerful. Shizu is very, very direct and honest with his feelings for Hiiragi. He's painfully devoted to him. Mafuyu, on the other hand, doesn't get why if he's so, so sure, he doesn't do anything about it. But the point is-- Mafuyu doesn't understand Shizu the same way Shizu understands him, if that makes any sense.

I think Shizu reads Mafuyu pretty well and is very analytical about him (he did live their childhood seeing his whole thing with Yuki from afar and also dealing with the suicide and the argument with Hiiragi in a moderate way), but Mafuyu cannot fathom his feeling of being left out or longing to be with Hiiragi and doing nothing. The first thing Mafuyu does when he realizes he likes Uenoyama is confessing, and his whole life he has been already romantically involved with Yuki (it happened naturally). I think Shizu, despite loving Mafuyu as a close childhood friend, also feels a bit of jealousy towards his luck when it comes to reciprocated love. (On the other hand, I don't think he can understand the pain Mafuyu goes through after Yuki's death. Not even Hiiragi's pain. Not because he didn't care for Yuki, but because it was... A different type of pain and relationship. But he does understand what it is to love someone just as deeply since the very beginning of their friendship).

Once again, the whole thing I said about his relationship with Yuki, Shizu sees both of them from afar. At arm's length. Instead of keeping them as close as he keeps Hiiragi. Tbf Hiiragi is pretty damn stubborn and forces his way into people's hearts (which is what Shizu needs), but even if Mafuyu and Yuki had tried harder to include him (which we don't know) I think he would've still seen the light surrounding them instead of himself. Now they help each other out and I think their relationship and closeness are very stable in comparison to when the manga started! Mafuyu literally goes to him exclusively for advice and Shizu cares deeply for him too. I think, and I might be wrong, that some part of Shizu wants to protect Mafuyu and Hiiragi. The Hiiragi thing in their dynamic is obvious, he's always taking care of him. But I don't think we talk enough about Shizu caring for Mafuyu too...

To conclude, I apologize if my lil analysis is wrong in some stuff because these are the things I remember mostly from when I read the manga and now that the movies are airing I truly need to reread them before watching them 😭😭😭 Shizu is one of my fav characters along with Ugetsu and I don't know how I haven't watched the movie that's out yet (I've been busy </3)

[arolesbianism]

Thinks oh so hard abt the spiraling upwards clan founders, especially the birchclan founders. Silly lil kitties who's pasts are drenched in blood with the primary regret of not drawing it sooner

[wild-at-mind]

God help me...is the good leftist meant to like AI or not now?

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

fellas, is it a cop-out to have your narrator use A Grounding Exercise to avert a panic attack (but also stealthily get in some setting description during a Very Bad Time For It, momentum-wise), or is that actually a brilliant way to incorporate said details, asking for a friend

[salsflore]

just got home from school ～ ate a sandwich to cheer myself up, think i’ll play genshin for a bit and nap ... pulling on shenhe’s banner solves everything