#-all that i’m still so sad. i studied for my math exam i really did. so why did i still fail. i didn’t even pass my class this time

[salsflore]

just got home from school ～ ate a sandwich to cheer myself up, think i’ll play genshin for a bit and nap ... pulling on shenhe’s banner solves everything

[youryanderedaddy]

Imagine a yandere ghost who is cursed is trapped in the doll, so one day a family came to live in his house, but what the ghost did not expect is to fall in love with the couple's eldest daughter. Maybe this yandere ghost (doll) use the younger brother to get closer to his beloved...

I didn't really include the doll, but the overall idea is here ;)

Tw: nsfw, non - con, underage sex? (The reader is meant to be around 18, her brother is 16 - 17, but the ghost is 100+ so idk), (technically) incest, ghosts, possession, possessive/obsessive behavior, slight parental neglect ig

You knew it was a mistake moving into the old house up the hill. You tried arguing with your parents so many times about the mansion being hidden in the woods, so far away from any civilization, bringing up the fact it hadn't been bought for the last 8 years despite the insanely low price or the news about the previous owners dying in their sleep just like that, from "natural causes" even though they were an young energetic couple. But of course your worries had been discarded so easily since your younger siblings were ecstatic, constantly talking about finally living in a castle, which was obviously pushing it too far, but kids will be kids.

Your family was big, consisting of your mother, father, two younger sisters and a brother currently in his late teens. Your siblings managed to take all the nice bright rooms on the second floor so you were forced to sleep in the attic. At first it didn't seem so bad, yes, the place was dark and dusty, the space was limited, but it was a quiet spot and there were many interesting things left there to explore and discover.

The first week you discovered a huge box full of old books, medals, notebooks and different souvenirs from all over the world. The second week you found a few paintings covered by a thin disheveled cloak, most of them depicting a pretty young boy with golden locks and sad green eyes, dresses in an expensive silky clothing resembling what was nowadays considered an elegant suit. You didn't pay it much mind yet the miserable longing gaze of the kid haunted your dreams in the following days.

During the third week you noticed that things were going missing one by one. First it was your favorite lipstick, then your new dress, and suddenly your favorite items were gone just like that. On top of all, almost as if fate was tickling your paranoia, you could hear certain sounds at night that were too distorted be natural and too human to belong to an animal. There were sobs, loud and tormented, sometimes you could make up a few words in a language no one spoke anymore. You slept less and less each night, you could swear you felt someone's lingering touch on your shoulders, them gently stroking your hair and even pressing their cold unmoving lips on yours. This was usually the point when you opened your eyes and screamed in fear only to realize you were alone in the room. There was nobody there.

Still you decided to speak with your parents about the creepy events taking place in the attic. Much to your dismay they brushed your concerns off once again, laughing softly and calling you a scaredy - cat, going as far as to joke around about your "oh so creative" imagination getting the best of you just like it did in your childhood. But this time you insisted on holding your ground, almost begging them to take action and help you. At the end your mother decided to let you sleep in your brother's room for a while until you calm down, and as embarrassing it was to share a room with a hormonal teen, it was better than constantly being on the edge and losing sleep. Or so you thought.

The first night you slept in Steve's room nothing out of the ordinary happened and for the first time in weeks you actually managed to rest. The second night was blissfully peaceful as well and you quickly fell into a deep dreamless slumber.

The third night started well, just like the previous two. Your brother was tired from studying all day and went to bed early, giving you the freedom to relax a little bit before following his example. You could read a book or try to revise for your exam tomorrow, maybe even call your bestfriend and finally let her know all about your new classmates and just how boring life in the village was. But in that moment all these suggestion sounded annoying, nothing was interesting enough to hold your interest for more than a minute. Thinking about what to do next, you suddenly became aware that your body was tense and tired, but your mind was restless. After all you hadn't had time for self - care between the paranoia episodes and the fear, maybe it was finally time to do something nice and therapeutic for yourself.

You snatched a quick look at Steve and he was sleeping soundly, snoring from time to time, his usually angry face now calm and childlike. Making sure there was no one in the room awake, you finally slipped a hand down your pajama bottom until you felt the soft fabric of your panties. You closed your eyes and run a finger up and down your clothed sex, following the line of your slit. Your pussy throbbed at the sudden contact, the lack of pleasure in the last few weeks making it sensitive to the touch. You pushed your underwear lower so it hanged around your legs, and shoved one finger into your warm hole, enjoy the way your walls clenched around the digit. You flicked your clit gently, feeling it swell from the arousal, rubbing slow circles and pressing on your sweet spot every once in a while.

Your free hand went to your breasts, bare under the comfy oversized shirt, and awoke the cherry nipples with subtle pinches causing them to harden. You couldn't help but moan quietly as you decreased the pace of which you teased your hole and added a second finger in your pussy, fucking yourself on it. You were so focused on chasing your pleasure you didn't even notice the hand on your thigh pulling your own away from your excited throbbing core and replacing it with a big hard cock. Only once its head reached your tight entrance and pressed on it did your mind register the atrocious size difference. Your words stilled in your throat, the sudden panic rising in your chest, making your vision blurry and your cheeks rosy pink. You finally opened your eyes, your heart racing at the image of your younger brother towering above you with his member so close to entering your heat.

"Steve, what are you doing?" You whispered as you tried to squirm away from the boy, but he was quicker in pinning your wrists above your head in a deadlock. When did the male become so strong? Just yesterday he would ask you to open up his water bottle and help him with his math homework and now he was doing this...

"My name is Henry, my love." The voice was different from your brother's, lower and huskier, gentler in a way. You narrowed your eyes and observed the teenager's face, gasping as you noticed that his eyes had changed from black to green, yet all his other features had stayed stayed the same. You wanted to ask so many questions - who is Henry, why were your sibling's eyes and voice different from before - but you were quickly shut by one stern gaze. "I used to live here 80 years ago." The stranger started off with an unexpectedly soft tone as his grip on your wrists loosened. "I'm a ghost. I possessed your brother." He confessed calmly while you watched his pink lips part slightly with each breath as if you were in a trance before you found the strength to break your silence.

"Why are doing this to me? Why did you take my brother's body?" You questioned him manically, feeling like a confused little lamb sent to the slaughter, trembling and stuttering in front of a knife. Henry simply chuckled at your adorable dumbfounded expression and lowered his torso until his face was mere inches away from yours and you could feel his ice - cold breath on your warm red cheek. "Because I love you, darling." The ghost replied with a confident smirk that looked so weird and unnatural on the younger boy's face you almost gagged. Before you had the chance to say anything, he continued. "I've been wanting you for a while now, little girl. And with this body I can finally have you all to myself." You opened your mouth in a protest but your screams were easily muffled by a harsh kiss and a wet tongue down your throat. Next thing you knew the man had pushed your brother's manhood into your wet sloppy cunt in one sharp thurst and in your despair you had yelled for help once again, the ghost taking your whimpers greedily and shushing them away. Struggling was pointless.

In the next hour you were reduced to a sweaty whimpering mess of pain and arousal, fear and pleasure. The ghost was fucking you in a fast brutal pace while his free hand was playing with your clit, bringing you so damn close but never enough to send you over the edge. You were crying and your whole body was aching, your tits red from the rough manhandlind, your lips bruised and swollen from the rough kisses and bites. There were purple hickeys adorning your neck, belly and thighs and you went quiet in embarrassment every time you wondered how you would be able to hide them the next day.

"Please, whoever you are, let me come, I'm begging you." You pleaded desperately as you arched your back to meet the next couple of deep thrusts. Your cheeks were wet with tears and you could even taste the bitter salty flavor in your mouth mixed with your own drool and saliva. Upon hearing your meek pleas the man mercifully started hitting your cervix with each shove until his moves became sharp and quick, targeting your g-spot. You were so close you could feel your abdomen clench and tighten from the tingling sensitations. "Please..." You uttered weakly again, making doe eyes at your brother.

"Say you love me. Tie your soul to mine forever and I'll give you exactly what you want, beloved." Henry basically growled in your ear as he groped your breasts, squizing lightly the soft flesh. Your mind was so hazy and clouded you weren't sure how to respond so you just repeated the words easiest to grasp. "Love... you... forever, ngggh..." You muttered under your breath before moaning wantonly when the forceful thrusts finally sent you over the edge and your pussy clamped down in a big, satisfying orgasm. Your bliss was short - lived because soon the ghost was pounding into you again and again, keeping you too tired to move, struggle or even speak properly besides whimpering every once in a while. The rest of the night was a blur but eventually you fell asleep from the exhausting and the pleasure.

You woke up sore, your eyes red and puffy, your muscles tense and unnatentive. You rushed to look at your brother, but the teenager was sleeping just as peacefully as he did eight hours ago. One side of you was more than glad to know everything that had happened was simply a bad, terrible dream, while the other one still felt extremely uncomfortable and uneasy. You couldn't bear staying in the room any longer so you got dressed and went into the hall. Everyone else was still asleep and you felt as restless as if you hadn't caught a blink at all. You finally gave in to your paranoia and climbed the stars leading to the third floor.

You knelt on the ground where you had found the beautiful paintings. Those green eyes from your dream seemed way too familiar for it to be a coincidence. When you finally got a hold of your favorite piece, the one with the sad young boy, you had to cover your mouth to suppress the shock. There wasn't an aristocrat with golden locks on the picture anymore.

Now the one trapped in the painting was none other than you own brother, Steve. Instead of misery and pain in mysterious blue eyes, there was only terror in his tormented black ones. You screamed for the last time before you dropped the picture on the ground and ran away from the attic, the tears streaming down your face, but unfortunately, there was no escape from the restless dead souls.

[annenhypen]

Falling

jay x reader

high school au! strangers to friends to lovers au!

word count: 2.8k

writer’s note: this is the longest work i have written so far and I ENJOYED WRITING IT SO MUCH! I really want to write drabbles for this pairing if this does well!!! let me know what you guys think.

tags: @gratefulmaria @azeugirdor @eggbutnotyolk @jungwon-luv-bot-pt3

Before Meeting Him

You and your boyfriend, Daniel, had a steady relationship. Growing up together and ending up going to the same schools, it was like you guys were destined to be together. You were best friends until one day he asked you out and decided to change your title to his “girlfriend”.

You were seated next to him in the first period as he turned his head to face you.

“I heard there’s a new transfer student in our class” he informed you, causing your eyebrows to shoot up. Students rarely changed schools in the beginning of the senior year, so you got curious about the new presence in your class.

He entered the classroom on his first day, dressed in a black hoodie in contrast to his bleached hair but matching his black jeans. Every clothing he put on that day was black except for the four silver rings he put on his hands. He stood next to your teacher and introduced himself to the class. Despite his dark style, he introduced himself with a bright smile that caught your attention for a little too long. Jay. His name fits his appearance you thought. You watched him walk to the only empty seat in the classroom which was the seat in front of your boyfriend who was sitting next to you. You looked away when he made eye contact with you, catching you staring at him.

Meeting Him

Turns out that Jay was not just your classmate. He was also the son of the family who moved in next door. You were surprised to see him open the door when your mother sent you to give your new neighbors a welcome gift, freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. You collected yourself and smiled brightly, holding out the plate filled with cookies in front of you.

“Hello, I am Y/N. I live next door and my mother sent these for you to say welcome to our neighborhood.” you explained, finally looking at his eyes. He smiled back at you, taking the plate out of your hands.

“Thank you so much, it’s very nice of her and you. I am Jay. I am pretty sure we are classmates as well.” he answered. You nodded at him.

“I’ll see you in class then” you said and took one step back to go back to your house. You saw him wave a goodbye at you before turning around.

An Offer

Many things were unpredictable in your life. For example, you never expected your relationship with Daniel to come to an end so quickly but it did. You also did not expect your long term friendship with your -now- ex boyfriend to get ruined, following your break-up. You were still seated next to each other in class but you rarely talked. He never texted you about anything other than your classes. It was a hard time for both of you. You were sad because losing a friend who has been there all along was not easy to take it in.

“I am going to assign all of you into study groups today. I am expecting you guys to meet outside of class to encourage each other to study for the upcoming exams” announced your homeroom teacher on the third Friday of your senior year, causing your classmates to whine to voice their complaints out. You opened your notebook as you waited for your name to be called.

“Ruby, Luke, Y/N, Jay and Daniel, you guys are Team B” you heard your teacher added after checking his journal.

Here’s how these “study groups” worked: every group member had to do their best and get a good grade on the exams. After the exams week, the average grade for each team was calculated by your teacher and the team with the highest average score received a prize in return. This way, your teacher made sure everyone helped each other to increase the average grade for their teams.

“Make sure to exchange phone numbers and make a group chat to discuss your study plans and meetings” your teacher suggested.

You pulled out a loose-leaf and tapped on Jay’s shoulder who was seating in front of Daniel. He looked back with a questioning expression.

“Write your phone number down and pass the paper to Ruby” you confided and he nodded back at you before taking the paper from your hands. You took the paper back after Ruby and Luke wrote their numbers down. Of course you did not have to ask for Daniel’s number.

“I’ll create a group chat after school, we can discuss the details there” you reported, gaining a nod from every member of your study group.

You were a competitive student. Your grades were always above average and these study group contests made you even more ambitious. As nerdy as it sounded, you wanted to make sure everyone in your team performed well on the upcoming exams.

You knew Ruby was a bright student. Daniel studied regularly as well. Luke was okay as far as you knew. However, you did not know about Jay’s academics. You were determined to learn about it and help him if he needed your help.

“Hey Jay, do you want to walk home together after school?” you asked, smiling politely. He turned to you in surprise and took a look at Daniel’s face. He smirked at Daniel’s clenched jaw and accepted your offer.

Plans

You saw Jay playing with his phone in front of the school gates when you exited the school building. He was wearing his leather jacket, making you look like a child next to him with your fluffy pastel pink cardigan and white outfit. He put his phone into his back pocket when you reached his side.

“You ready?” he questioned looking down at your face. You looked so short compared to his tall figure. You felt intimidated by his eyes and chose to look down at your shoes before nodding your head.

“So… How are you?” he asked, breaking the dead silence as you walked side by side.

“I’m good. I should ask you how you are. Were you able to get used to living here?” you asked, feeling, less nervous as you walked.

“Yes… Actually, I couldn't explore much since I don’t have many friends around here and I usually just go to school and return home during the week” he explained and scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment. I probably sound like a loser, he thought. You thought for a little before speaking again.

“Hey, I can show you around this weekend if you want? I didn’t have anything planned anyway. Also, this is like the last weekend we can enjoy before studying for the exams. That is… if you want to, of course… I get it if you don’t-“ your rambling got interrupted by Jay’s little chuckle. Cute, he thought.

“I would like that,” he answered. You couldn’t help but smile at his acceptance of your invitation.

“This is kind of random but do you like pancakes?” you asked out of nowhere.

“Who doesn’t like pancakes?” he answered your question with another question causing you to chuckle. I already like this guy, you thought.

“Alright, then we can go to this local diner I know for breakfast tomorrow and start our little tour afterwards” you suggested while looking at him to wait for his answer.

“Alright, sounds like a plan” he concluded. Jay couldn’t help but think how much he wanted this “little tour” of yours to be an actual date.

Getting to Know Him

“Oh you should meet Mr. Bubbles” you insisted as you watched Jay take another bite of his blueberry pancakes. You wanted to introduce your fat Scottish fold to your new friend who apparently loves cats.

“I would love to…But unfortunately, I am allergic to cats” he replied, looking a little sad. You felt the need to comfort him inside you.

“Don’t be so sad! I can just show him to you through the window of my room” you suggested. You heard his small chuckle before nodding at your direction.

From this morning, you learned that Jay is not as intimidating as he looked from outside. He moved to your town from Seattle because of his father’s job. He was good at subjects like English and History but he said he could use some help with Math. His favorite genre of music was Rock and he took dance classes back in Seattle. He was interested in fashion and he liked cats. He had an easygoing personality and a pretty smile- wait, a big smile you meant.

In addition, Jay learned that you liked many more things other than studying: you enjoyed watching romantic comedies the most but one of your common interests was that both of you liked watching anime. You also liked cooking even though you were not as experimental as Jay when you entered the kitchen. Jay was stunned when he learned your favorite rock band: ONE OK ROCK because that was his favorite band too. He was surprised to find similarities between you two when you looked so different from outside. He also learned how much he liked your laugh and how hard he wanted to try to make you laugh more often to just listen to your laugh.

Not so long after, you paid the check and headed to your next destination.

“We’re going to the beach, I hope you know how to ride a bike” you chimed while walking backwards in front of Jay.

“Of course I know how to ride a bike! Who do you think I am?” he fought back right before you tripped on something and almost fell on your butt. He reached forward to catch you by your waist, saving you from both: the pain and the embarrassment of falling in front of Jay.

You both went silent when you were chest to chest. You looked up to Jay’s face while holding your breath. You looked at his eyes and he stared back at yours. You saw his eyes flicker to your lips and that was the signal you got before pulling away from his hold.

“Oh my god, I’m sorry, I’m so clumsy” you mumbled looking down at your feet, continuing to walk next to Jay. He strolled next to you but he did not miss the pink shade on your cheeks before looking ahead.

***

Oh my god Y/N! Get your shit together! What is wrong with you, you just spent a single day with the guy! You told yourself that night, laying down on your bed when you came back from your day with Jay.

Okay, he was attractive, funny and nice to you. He also was a good listener and he was talkative as well. You felt comfortable spending time with him and you felt bad when you said goodbye to him in front of your house before you got in. You sighed before rubbing your eyes and tried to fall asleep without thinking about your cute, hot, funny and sweet classmate.

Study Group

You opened the gates of the coffee shop you were supposed to meet with your study mates 10 minutes later than your agreed meeting time. You hurried your way upstairs where it was more quiet than downstairs and you saw your group members sitting on a table in the left corner of the room. You apologized for being late when you reach their table and took the only empty seat next to Daniel, across from Jay.

You opened your backpack to take your materials out when you realized a cup of coffee was pushed in front of you. You looked up to see Jay grinning at you. He went back to taking notes on his notebook when you reached for the cup to take a sip from it. You realized it was a latte with unsweetened vanilla. Your usual order. He remembered your order from the coffee shop you went on your little tour right before you went to see the local art gallery. You looked at his face to see him watching your reaction. You gave him a small smile while mouthing "thank you" and he returned your smile with a little nod.

Confession

It was right before the Christmas break started when Jay came to terms with his feelings for you. Between the walks you took home together, the shared snacks between classes, the laughs shared during the lunch periods, and the times he snuck into your room to watch your favorite anime together at night when you were both supposed to be sleeping, he fell for you.

Jay was a straightforward guy. If he feels something, he might as well tell you about it. Worst case scenario: you would kindly reject him and he would move on. So he grabbed his phone from his nightstand and texted you.

You grabbed your cardigan from your closet and opened the gates of the kitchen which looked at the backyard as quiet as possible to not wake your parents up. You saw Jay putting his hands in his pockets while waiting for you in the middle of your backyard. His back was facing you so you thought you could have a little fun.

You reached him while tiptoeing silently and grabbed his waist from behind.

“BOO!” you whisper screamed. He jumped and pushed you away while you tried to hold your laugh, but failed miserably. He watched you laugh while he shook his head in disbelief.

“I knew it! You’re still scared of the ghosts” you accused him, stepping forward and putting your pointing finger on his chest. He watched you having fun with an amusing smile plastered on his face. He reached for your waist with his both hands while still looking at you with the same amused smile.

“Why do I even like you?” he muttered in disbelief. You froze. He watched your surprised expression and realized what he just blurted out.

“What?” you asked looking down at his chest because looking into his eyes was very hard at that moment. Jay took a deep breath before continuing.

“I thought I was pretty obvious” he said casually. Your heart was beating so fast that you got scared that Jay might have heard its banging on your chest. You bowed your head down and your forehead touched Jay’s chest. You were shy.

“Ilikeyoutoo” you mumbled so fast, Jay almost couldn’t catch it. Cute, he thought and you felt his lips press on your forehead. You hugged his waist while he nuzzled his nose in the crook of your neck under the light of the stars.

Secrecy

Ever since you started going on dates with Jay, it was during the Christmas break. You went to cute cafes to drink hot chocolate, went ice skating, and did all the holiday activities together. One thing you didn’t talk about was how you were going to act when you got back to school. So you started sneaking around instinctively.

It was another study group meeting before the upcoming exams. You were seated between Ruby and Jay at one of the tables in your local library’s study hall when you felt Jay’s hand grabbing yours under the table. You turned to look at his face but he shrugged his shoulders like he didn’t care. You intertwined your hand with his and put them on top of your thigh. He rubbed his thumb on the back of your hand as both of you continued reading your textbooks.

When you were done with studying for History, you had to grab another book from the aisle where English textbooks were put. You got up, letting go of Jay’s hand in the process and went to the English books section. You searched through the bookshelves to find the book you needed. As you were focused on reading the names of various textbooks, you felt a small kiss pressed on the exposed skin of the back of your neck. Your breath caught in the back of your throat when you turned around to see Jay smirking at you.

“They could have seen us” you whispered to him, slapping his arm.

Not So Secretive

Jay entered the class, playing with the straps of his backpack when he saw you sitting on your seat while playing with your phone. He reached his seat to find Daniel sitting on it.

“Why are you sitting here?” questioned Jay, tilting his head to the empty seat next to you where Daniel seated every day except for that day. Daniel let a sigh before looking up at Jay.

“Don’t you want to sit next to your girlfriend?” he asked, already knowing the answer to the question.

Jay did not respond before sitting next to you. You turned your head to see who was seating next to you in surprise before he leaned forward to plant a sloppy kiss on your cheek in front of your classmates.

[voiceshearingyouloud]

I’m making way too many original posts recently (or at least far more than I usually do) but I’ve had actually the worst week or so and it’s really getting me down. I suppose that’s just how midterms are and after all these are my first ever uni exams, so I think it’s stress and lack of sleep because those are of course the best contributors to good mental health.

I’ve just been feeling all my emotions really strongly, like being really sad and missing my s/o and my dad and my friends really badly. Then, in order to study for midterms enough I cut off my emotions and had a depressive episode which was really horrible. (Not on purpose, my brain just does it if it thinks it’ll help me.) I got out of that by talking with my s/o but I’m still awfully sad and small feeling. I think it’s partly trauma response because feeling small and helpless and like I’m a kid again and can’t deal with being an adult like this always a sign that I’ve been triggered by something.

I think in this case it’s that I got a 60% on my midterm because I was/am really ashamed of it and it feeds into my fear of being too stupid to study math. Keeping that a secret for the few days like I did, even though I wasn’t really doing it on purpose as I did intend to tell my dad and my partner but I kept stopping myself without knowing why, really wore me down and I think triggered the old wound of feeling like I couldn’t tell anyone how much I was struggling after we moved here and with social situations as a kid. I had kind of forgotten/buried how it felt but now I remember it exactly and it is not fun.

I’m already feeling better from having told my partner and we’re calling on thursday so that’ll help. Also, I’m going to call my dad tonight, I think, because I miss him and I know he’ll make me feel better too. It also helps to just know it was a trauma response because when I’m ignoring it my inner child throws a fit and makes me really sad so I’ll listen to what she’s saying and understand how she feels, and once I’ve done that she kind of chills out and I don’t hear from her for a while. So that’s good!

[foster-the-world]

Bad Day with an unexpected ending

Woke up to my Mom calling because my Grandma passed away. 99 years! She had a good run and I’m glad she gets some rest. However, it’s still sad for us. At CVS I started walking toward the card aisle to buy her a Halloween card - when I remembered. She was a cool lady. They are going to spread her ashes over my Grandpa’s tomb - per his request. She took care of paying for her cremation over a decade ago. She wasn’t one to leave work for anyone else.

Then I got my Med Math exam back. I missed four and I was only allowed to miss two :( I have two chances to retake. The problem is I have no idea what I got wrong. They aren’t releasing the correct answers or telling us which one we missed so that we don’t pass on the test questions to next semesters students. I had plenty of time to do each problem three times and felt like every response was correct. Which leaves me with no idea what to study. The Professor said almost everyone’s mistakes were “silly.” Which is not helpful. The Professor scheduled a study session for Thursday and a retake for Friday.

Of course, the retake is during the Grandma at daycares funeral. Her family (the other daycare teachers) asked me to give a speech on behalf of all of the children/parent’s she’s cared for. I don’t feel like I can miss it and don’t feel like I can pass up a chance at the retake. I emailed the Professor. Fingers crossed they give me another option. I have no idea what they will say. I honestly cannot imagine telling her family I am not coming. I also don’t think I can risk not having two more chances to retake. They claim you are kicked out if you don’t score a 90% by attempt #3. 

Bee’s biological sister (6.5 years old) father sent us pictures of Bee’s sister with her biological Mom today. None of the six children have EVER met her. She hasn’t had contact with her family (some of whom are raising some of Bee’s siblings) in a decade. He didn’t really make it clear but I guess he reached out to her via Facebook. I am her Facebook friend and after not posting for over a year she has been posting a lot in the last week. In fact, this weekend she sent me a message (a first) that asked how I was. When I responded she did not write back. The Father said the visit went really well. Apparently she is interested in meeting all of the six kids. We would like Bee to meet her/have a relationship with her. I would prefer if the first meeting was only Bee, us and her Mom. I am not sure she will handle it as calmly as her sister did. If there’s any risk of her not responding well I’d prefer she’d have some privacy - instead of her six siblings watching. I would imagine Bee’s 16 and 13 year old brothers may feel the same. Although I don’t know. The Father (of Bee’s sister) said he told her he would help her meet all of the kids. We’d also prefer to talk to her without the Father’s involvement at first. I have no idea what the Great Aunt who has one of the siblings (and helped raise another) would think. Or the Great Grandma. I would like to get their opinion first. Honestly, I would love to get Bee an adoption therapist first. We have been meaning to do that anyway. This feels heavy and we don’t want to get it wrong. I don’t think will have time for that. I’m predicting some big emotions after any meeting. Bee is known for big emotions in general. But maybe I’m wrong. The Dad seemed to think there was only positives for his daughter. They are planning to see her again next week, I think. I do think it would be a good thing for Bee overall. I just want to make sure we handle it properly. It feels like a lot to process for anyone - let alone a four year old. The sister’s Dad said the Mom is sweet. Child like. I’m also unsure what language to use when explaining this to Bee. What if she doesn’t show up? What if she only shows up once? These concerns don’t mean I don’t want the visit to happen. I just want to have good language to prep her. I know we can’t avoid Bee having emotions but I do want to offer some cushions for those emotions. I have no idea what her Mom’s life has been like beyond what I read in a court report. She never showed up for any court date, visits, etc. The caseworker did see her for vacation approvals. He said her mood varied. If anyone has any experience with anything like this please let feel free to share any advice. For context, Bee will be five next month. 

Now I’m all hyped up and can’t sleep. 

[jeni182]

Hi here's a prompt: Andrew keeps insisting it's 'nothing' right? So now Neil is hell bent on making him admit that it isn't, so he's trying various things to do so, including making him jealous.

First, I’m sorry this took so long! Second, I know this is probably not what you had in mind and I’m sorry for that. This is just where my mind took it, and I think I just didn’t want to see Neil making Andrew mad on purpose to get him to admit it bc I’m fragile okay I HOPE THIS IS FINE.

_________________________________

Andrew’s mouth was cold.

Usually, it was warm, and Neil knew it would warm up soon enough, but he’d been sucking on an ice cube right before they kissed, and Neil was enjoying the novelty of a cold mouth on his own.

They were at the Columbia house in their room, in their bed, in their feelings. Neil was, anyway. He suspected Andrew was too, but he’d never admit it.

That was the thing though, wasn’t it? They’d been doing this for a year now. They’d been together practically every second. They’d stood together and fought together and taken each other apart together, after slowly and carefully building trust bit by bit.

Neil pulled away from Andrew’s mouth, panting slightly. Andrew turned his attention to Neil’s neck instead, and he had to fight against the urge to close his eyes.

“Hey.” Andrew stopped and looked at him. “One of the soccer guys asked if you were my boyfriend.”

Andrew’s face didn’t change. “So?”

Neil shrugged. “I didn’t know what to tell him.”

“You? At a loss for words? Wonders never cease.” Andrew didn’t lean down to kiss Neil again, and Neil knew he wouldn’t. He’d wait until it was made clear that Neil wanted to keep going. He sat up instead. They faced each other on the bed and Neil looked down to the soft black blanket Andrew kept on it because he liked rubbing his feet against it at night.

“Seriously, though. What should I have said? Are we?”

“Are we what?”

“Boyfriends?”

Andrew tilted his head just slightly, his mouth turning down a bit at the corner. “No,” he finally said, and moved to leave the bed. Neil stood with him to stand in front of him.

“So, what then? It’s been a year Andrew. This is still nothing? This is still just a fun way for you to pass the time?” Neil hated the way he sounded. This wasn’t him. Whining and carrying on about labels. He didn’t even need a label, really. He just wanted Andrew to admit that yes this was something and yes Neil was something.

Andrew patted his pockets like he was looking for his cigarettes. “Fun is objective, don’t you think?”

Neil crossed his arms, clenched his jaw, and threw his cards on the table. “So, you’d be totally fine if I hooked up with someone else? Since this is nothing and I’m nothing?”

Andrew’s head snapped up and his gaze met Neil’s. He could see a muscle tic in Andrew’s jaw, but all he said was, “Do what you want.”

He left the room. Neil didn’t follow him.

****

They were quiet with each other after that. Still together, still connected. It was like Andrew was inside his own head constantly, but Neil didn’t mind. He didn’t really know what to say anyway. He was still thinking about it but pushing Andrew to admit something he wasn’t ready to didn’t seem like a good idea.

They were in the library one day, studying for midterms. Neil felt good about this, because Andrew despised the library and the fact that he was here at all was, Neil was pretty sure, just to be with him. They sat across from each other, both reading. Neil, a history textbook. Andrew, something that looked very unacademic.

Neil startled a little when someone slid into the seat next to his. He’d gotten too comfortable here, he thought for the millionth time. He was out of immediate danger, sure. But for how long?

He looked to the person next to him, and it was a guy he vaguely remembered from one of his math classes.

“Hey, Neil.”

Neil didn’t say anything. He looked at the guy confused. He didn’t know his name. Tad or Jake or Brad or something similar to the hundreds of other white guys at this school who all looked exactly the same to him. Brown hair, eyes, a nose maybe, taller, weakness is in their lack of speed.

Tad or Jake or Brad cleared his throat, eyes flicking to Andrew before landing back on Neil’s face. Neil looked at Andrew too, who was still staring at his book, eyes not moving.

“I just wondered if maybe you want to study together? This statistics final is gonna kill me, and I know you’re so good at this.” He flashed Neil a smile of straight white teeth.

Neil shrugged. “I guess, sure.” He needed to study, too, after all. He didn’t think he’d have a problem, but his scholarship was dependent on his grades and the last thing he needed was to risk it now that his choices were to go pro or die.

“Perfect. Here’s my number.” He reached over and used Neil’s pencil to write his number on the corner of his history textbook, which seemed unnecessarily rude. He squeezed Neil’s arm and left with one last glance at Andrew. Neil watched him leave before shrugging to himself and looking back down at his book. He could feel Andrew’s eyes burning a hole in the top of his head a minute later.

“What?” he asked, without looking up.

Andrew didn’t answer. Neil did look up at him then, confused. He was staring at Neil with his normal blank expression, but there was something about the tightness around his mouth, the slight narrowing of his eyes that Neil didn’t like.

“What’s wrong?”

Andrew stood, shoving his book in his bag and leaving the library without looking back. Neil started to follow him but stopped. Whatever Andrew was pissed about, he probably just wanted space to sort it out. Neil knew by now that bugging Andrew to talk was only more likely to send him deeper inside his shell. So, he stayed in his seat, wrote flashcards to study, and thought about Andrew the whole time.

He let him have until after dinner before he tracked him down to the roof. Andrew was there like he was always there. Sitting at the edge with his knees pulled up, arms circling them loosely. A bottle of vodka at his hip and the acrid scent of cigarettes on the air. Neil took a seat beside him and looked out over the glowing lights of campus.

Neil waited for Andrew to talk first. Whatever this was, he was here as silent support until otherwise requested.

“Did you set up your date?”

Neil looked at Andrew in surprise. “Date?”

“With statistics boy. He seemed awfully eager.” Andrew threw his cigarette off the side and immediately lit another one.

“You mean to study? No, that exam isn’t until next week.”

Andrew snorted. “Oh, Neil. You can’t be this clueless. Don’t think I didn’t notice that you mention hooking up with other people and then you agree to study with a guy who looks at you like he’s already fucked you.”

Neil’s hackles rose immediately. “I seem to remember you telling me to do what I want. Or did I hear that wrong?”

Andrew threw the new cigarette off the edge, too. Even though it was only half spent. “No, you didn’t.”

“Then why are you complaining?”

Andrew took a swig of the vodka in answer, and Neil grabbed it from him before he could take another.

“I don’t plan on hooking up with anyone else. I don’t want to hook up with anyone else. I still don’t swing for anyone but you, in case you’ve forgotten. That guy was asking me to study, and I agreed. I’m not going to manipulate you into admitting that there’s something here by fucking someone else. If you really think I’d do that, you don’t know me at fucking all which is a shame, because I know you, Andrew.”

Andrew laughed with no humor. It was sad, and Neil thought maybe a little broken. “You don’t know me.” Neil’s chest tightened to the point of pain. Because he did know him. He knew this man, knew him better than he knew himself sometimes.

“Yeah?” Neil leaned into Andrew’s space and Andrew did not lean away. “I know you’re afraid of heights, and you’re afraid of me. I know you think as soon as you admit to yourself - to me - that this isn’t just two guys getting off together, it becomes real. It’s one more thing for you to lose in a life where you’ve lost so fucking much. It’s one more thing someone can hold against you when they want to hurt you again.” Neil leaned closer, and not getting any resistance from Andrew, he placed a kiss on his neck. Andrew shivered. “I know you’ve never had this, because I’ve never had it either. And I know it’s scary, because I’m scared too. But Andrew,” Neil sighed and leaned back again, “I’ve been nothing my entire life. I still feel like nothing sometimes. You are my something, and the fact that you also think I’m nothing is fucking soul crushing sometimes. As much as you don’t want to hear it, you are everything.”

Andrew looked from Neil to campus, and Neil watched his throat work as he swallowed hard. He closed his eyes before looking back to Neil.

“Are you going to study with that guy?”

“Not if you don’t want me to.” Neil honestly didn’t know if the guy was flirting, but if it was something Andrew took this seriously, he would take it seriously, too.

“I don’t want you to.” He took out his pack of cigarettes but didn’t light another one. He just flipped it over and over in his hands.

“Why?” Neil couldn’t help but ask.

Andrew looked at him, pale and washed out from the artificial lights, but eyes still bright as they landed on his.

“Because you are everything, too.”

 AO3

[bbyboibinnie]

two of us

synopsis: love is hard to come by, especially when the boy you’ve been pining over is already taken. pairing: reader x jisung  genre: fluff, angst, romance, college au  warning: explicit language/cursing wc: 2.8k

one

It was halfway through your senior year in high school when you two had met. This was unexpected to say the least because it was the last semester of your last year; you had no intentions of making any new friends, considering you already had a handful of people you were close with and stuck by for the last three years. It was Chan that introduced you to him. You had known Chan for awhile–he was your lab partner for two consecutive years now–and although you considered him as a friend, you had never actually hung out outside of school before, unless it was for a group project of course. However, one day he had invited you to his birthday celebration and that was the day when you met his other friends, one of them being Jisung.��

“Woah, slow down there.” His word caught you by surprise as you were stuffing cupcakes in your mouth. You didn’t really know any of Chan’s friends at the time and socializing with new people didn’t exactly come by easily for you, so you had opted to linger around the snack table instead. 

Hastily dusting the crumbs off your face, you introduced yourself, “Oh, hey. My name is y/n.”

“I’m Jisung. I think we have calculus together right?” You looked at him closely; with black hair, deep brown eyes, and round cheeks you couldn’t lie–he was pretty cute, but you shook your head in response as you didn’t recognize him.

“Ya, Jisung! Come help me set up the cake!” Another one of the boys had called out, cutting your conversation with him short.

“Keep an eye out for me in calc.” He said as he was dragged away into the kitchen.

two

Sure enough, he was in the same math class as you. Honestly, besides your best friend in that period, you really didn’t pay attention to the other people. After all, the class was impacted and half of them were underclassmen so why bother remembering all the names and faces? 

It was the day after the party and you looked around at everyone in the class; it only took you a moment before you spotted him in a seat two rows over. The lecture hadn’t started yet so he was talking to his friends. You didn’t feel the need to get up to go over and spark a conversation or anything, but when you two made eye contact, you gave him a quick smile before turning back to face the front board. 

For a while, you two would occasionally spare glances at each other and wave or smile if you locked eyes, but there was nothing more. It wasn’t until after the latest exam when he approached you again.

“Hey, how’d you think you did?” He asked, waiting as you finished packing up your belongings. 

“Could’ve done better. What about you?” You made your way to the door and he followed suit.

“Just hoping for that passing grade. Anyway, Chan and I were going to meet up to grab food after class today, wanna come?” You debated going with them for a second but ended up agreeing anyways. 

You didn’t know what to make of Jisung at first, considering you had only exchanged a few words, but after hanging with him, even if it was just for a few hours, you found him to be quite likable. 

From then on, he stuck around and you didn’t mind, in fact, perhaps you enjoyed his presence a lot more than you were willing to admit. 

three 

High school came and went but you were ready to face the new challenges and opportunities that college presented. Most of your other friends had been accepted to places further away, but you had settled for community for the time being. For the most part, you were an independent person; therefore, you tried to not be clingy when your friends left to reach their own goals–you’d see them soon enough again–but you had been worried about starting this whole new chapter of your life alone, luckily for you, someone by the name of Han Jisung had enrolled right alongside you.

As days went by, you two were seen together more and more. Of course he met new people, and so did you, but it was always nice to have someone familiar to go back to and for you, that familiar face was Jisung, and for him, that person was you. 

Your majors were completely different and so were your classes, but you still spent time with him studying, ranting about professors, and passing out in each other’s rooms after staying up to finish assignments. 

“Hey, Jisung,” you whispered, trying to not startle him awake, “it’s almost midnight. You should probably head back to your place before it gets too late.” He was slumped over your desk, fingers lifelessly placed atop the keyboard of his laptop, already drifting into a deeper state of sleep. “Jisung.” You tried again, only to have him groan in response. Shaking your head, you draped a throw blanket over his figure before returning to your workload. 

It had gone on like this for weeks, months, nearly a year. One night he’d sleep over at your place and the next you’d be at his. Both of you had been accustomed to this routine now and you thought nothing of it, however, the more time you spent with him, the more you found things to like about him, and that’s what you were afraid of in the beginning–falling for him.

four 

You were never the type to fall head over heels for anyone, all throughout elementary, middle, and high school, you only had occasional crushes but nothing significant. Yet,

there was something about him that you couldn’t shake off. Maybe it was the way he always made stupid jokes that you couldn’t help but laugh at, or perhaps it was the way he played his guitar and share the new songs he wrote with you first before anyone else got to hear them. It was the smile that reached his eyes and the way he knew you so well, like the back of his hand. It was everything. 

You didn’t expect anything more out of the platonic relationship, but you couldn’t just get rid of the feelings on demand, so you had to let them settle and hope that they’d go away eventually, of course that didn’t work. 

five

Just because you saw Jisung differently, didn’t mean he would have the same outlook on you. 

“What do you think would make a good first date?” Jisung had asked casually over the counter. You were currently on shift at the local boba shop and Jisung often tagged along; typically he just sat there and did his homework as he waited, but on days where store traffic was low, he would ease your boredom by talking aimlessly. This particular caught you off guard though.

“Um, I’m not sure. Why do you ask?” You said, trying to sound casual, while restocking the ingredients.

“Well, I finally managed to receive a ‘yes’ after I asked someone out earlier today.” He said, smiling to himself in satisfaction. You were shocked, but at the same time, not at all. During the twelve months or so that you’ve known him, relationships weren’t a common topic of discussion. Yes, it did come up a few times but college and just life in general was already too time consuming so you didn’t bother with relationships, and neither did he.

“Wow, I’m impressed Jisung. I didn’t think anyone would fall for a clown like you.” You teased him, hoping your disappointment wasn’t showing. You knew that it was a platonic relationship and had set no expectations, yet you still felt a wave of sadness wash over.

“Oh, haha. Seriously though, I only prepared on how to ask them out, but I didn’t think past that because I wasn’t sure I’d even make it this far.”

“In that case, why don’t you consider what the person likes and try to set up something that you both would enjoy? Personally, I don’t think you could go wrong with arcade, pizza, and boba though. I could even hook you up with a discount on the boba.” You said jokingly in an attempt to lift your mood up. 

“What would I do without you? You better keep your word about that discount though. Oh shit, I gotta head back and finish my essay, see ya y/n. Also, text me when you get back to your place!” He shouted the last part as he was in the midst of exiting and the door jingled as it shut behind him. 

six

So his date had gone well and now his status went from ‘single’ to ‘taken’ while you were still struggling to manage your unrequited feelings. You had accepted the situation for what it was but that didn’t make it any easier. 

Naturally as he began to split his time between his new relationship and you, the time you spent with him dwindled down. Weekly study sessions became bi-weekly, which turned into monthly events. You didn’t hold this against him though, you were glad he found someone to connect with. 

“Hey, sorry I’m late… again.” Jisung said sheepishly as he entered your room, with a backpack slung over his shoulders, messy hair, and pink marks peeking out from under his t-shirt. You were flustered at the sight, knowing that he had just come back from being with his significant other, doing who knows what. 

“Uh, it’s okay. Just–let’s just get to studying.” You preoccupied yourself with your various notes and textbooks and tried you best not to be distracted. Suddenly, somewhere along the line, tension began to build. Maybe you were just imagining it but something had shifted between you and Jisung these days, and it gave you a sense of hopelessness because there was nothing you could do about it.

seven

More time had passed and your friendship was still afloat, but it definitely wasn’t the same as before. It seems like everything has its peak and you two have surpassed that; what goes up must come down, so it was all downhill from there. 

As his relationship became more unstable and doubts, he slowly began to make his way back to you. You should’ve been happy, even elated at this fact, but you weren’t. 

“I don’t know what happened. One minute we were fine and the next we were arguing. It’s like I am dating a different person now.” He expressed to you, once again at the boba shop you were still working at. It had actually been awhile since he came.

“Mmhhm.” You nodded wordlessly as you continued to spray down the tables with disinfectants.

“The argument was so petty, I should’ve known better than to engage in it.” The rant continued on and on and you had mindlessly agreed with everything he said, until he noticed you weren’t even paying attention.

“Y/n, are you even listening to me?” 

“Yup.”

“Okay, then will you give me your entire life savings?”

“Yes.”

“Y/n!” He shouted, getting up from his seat to stand directly in front of you on the other side of the counter. His loud voice startled you and you looked up, only to face a boy who was seething in anger. “Why are you blatantly ignoring me? I’m trying to rant to you and you’re not even helping.”

That was the last straw. 

“Listen, don’t come in here asking me to be your guidance counselor after cancelling our plans on dozens of occasions. Also, how could you really expect me to give you my time when you can’t even spare me a minute on any other day. You’ve been a real jerk lately and you haven’t even noticed it! I can’t believe I ever liked someone like you!” The indirect confession left your mouth before you could stop yourself, and he stood there absolutely dumbfounded. 

eight 

 That night, you immediately wanted to hide in the back of the store and hope whatever happened never happened, but you were tired of miscommunication.

“You like me?” Between the two of you, he was the one who had the courage to break the silence.

“Liked. I liked you. Past tense.”

“Do you still like me? Present tense.” 

“No, I don’t–or maybe. I don’t know right now.” You had mentally convinced yourself that you were over him, but trying to admit it out loud proved otherwise. 

“Y/n, I–” He started but you cut him off before he could finish.

“Maybe you should just go home now. I need some time to think.” He had hesitated for a moment, but eventually, he respected your wishes. 

nine

It had been over a week, nearing two weeks, since you’ve talked to him. You already had so much on your plate with finals coming around and constantly having to work, so this was not something you wanted to deal with now, or ever actually. But closure was necessary, for you and for him, so you decided that once finals were over, you’d set things straight.

Grabbing the phone off your nightstand, scrolled through your contacts to find his name.

(11:57 PM ) 

[ you ]  hey, we should talk after finals r over

You sent the text, hoping he’d want closure as well, but minutes passed there was no response. Just when you were about to sleep, your phone vibrated.

(12:05 AM)

[ jisung ] okay, see u after finals then. gn 

ten 

You had just gotten out of your last class of the day when he came into view. Frankly, you hadn’t expected to meet up with him until later on in the day, but that was your own mistake for not specifying when or where to meet in the text. Although this had slightly caught you off guard, you couldn’t put this off forever so you made your way towards him.

It was a relatively cold day; he stood there bundled up in his hoodie and a beanie atop which tamed his hair from the strong winds. 

“Hey.” You said as you stood face to face with him.

“Hey, it’s been awhile.” He responded, eyes softening when he saw you. 

* * * 

Together, you ended up walking back to his place to talk. Nothing much was said during the trip back, besides the occasional polite small talk like “how have you been?” and “how were finals?” 

When he opened his door, you entered wearily; although you had visited his place numerous times in the past, the last time you actually came by was months ago so it felt odd to be back to place so familiar, yet foreign again. 

You were grateful for the fact that it was so warm in his apartment because the weather outside had left your body feeling numb. 

“Here, I know you get cold easily.” Jisung handed you an extra sweater he pulled from his closet and you thanked him before sliding it over your shoulders. 

The both of you just stood in his living room, no one knew what to say or how to start the conversation, but you were here now so it was time to say everything you’ve felt. With a deep breath, you began. 

“I thought I could let go of my feelings for you, but I couldn’t.” You said, focusing on the floor as you couldn’t look him in the eyes. “And I’m sorry if this makes you feel uncomfortable or jeopardizes whatever is left of our friendship, but I can’t keep lying to myself anymore. If you don’t like me, then I’ll have to accept it and move on but I just had to let you kn-” 

Your spiel came to an abrupt stop when he drew you into his arms. Not knowing how to react, you were frozen from confusion and shock.

“Y/n, do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you?” He held you at arms length and gently titled your chin up so you could meet his gaze. “If I had known you liked me, I would’ve never looked at anyone else.”

His words were forming incoherent sentences in your head. Was this his confession? Did he feel the same way? 

He must’ve sensed your puzzlement because he smiled at you and said, “Yes dummy, I like you too.” 

Your immediate response was to smile, but then something dawned on you.

“What about your current relationship?”

“I’m no longer in a relationship. We have been broken up for nearly a month now.” 

“So what does that mean for us?” You say, almost too optimistically. And his response was to pull you in close, so close to the point where you could feel his breath fanning across your cheeks and your noses were barely touching, before closing the gap between your lips and his.

a/n: honestly, this piece is kind of all over the place since it’s my first one but hopefully more practice will make my writing better! also, this is not proofread so my apologies for any grammatical/punctuation errors. 

also here it my masterlist in case you want to read my other works!

[sansang]

HELLO MY LOVE OMG OMG IM SO SORRY FOR THIS LATE REPLY i saw your message about you being tired and all before and i really wanted to send a cheer up message but i had all my important exams this week ive been so busy TT but omg are you okay now? still feeling tired?

i hope you dont mind me calling you love since idk you feel younger than me hehehehehe

hmmm est time huh i used to live in Seattle too before for two years but oohhh its soo cool that even you are desi!!!

and yes yes yes you right!! they have like their own genre and touch it all their songs no matter what genres they are! tbh even their sad songs puts a smile on my face for me!

ooh yeah i used to learn traditional dance too since you are desi you might know i used to learn Bharatanatyam. originally i used to learn hip hop when i was around 4 or 5 but my mom made me switch to classical and i ended up hating dance -_- in the end i quite by the age of 9.

man they must practice for houuuuuuuuuuuuuurs for so many people to fall into such a crazy sync. i remember in road to kingdom how veri very specifically chose svt over nct so that they could show their strength in dancing and synchronization!

ooh i'll def listen to these recs after my maths exam since lmao im actually not uspposed to be using the laptop rn cus welp maths doesnt need any studying from devices

asdghjkl thats a cool fic idea tbh then ill try writing something around that instead so that you like it!!!

oooh ateez i dont stan them but i love the dudes they are so hilarious and i love love love wonderland!!! its sooooo goood!!!!! tbh they deserved to win kingdom along with the boyz tho i stan skz too TT

im sorry if this ask is very short exams have taken up so much of my time TT

HIIII IM ALSO SOSOSO SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY ;; how are you anon :o ? ive also been extremely busy with school work and have not slept bc of it 😵‍💫 I hope your exams went well !!

I’m fine with you calling me that !! i probably am younger than you tbh- im on the vvv younger side for caratblr I think :,) and omg how did you like seattle ?? desi carats B) I ALSO USED TO LEARN BHARATANATYAM WOWOWOWOW- im sorry to hear that you ended up hating it 😔 i quit bc i decided to prioritize competitive swim over dance and honestly just did not enjoy it at all as well. i do wanna learn hip hop tho ;;;;

woaaah i did not know that :o thats so cool that veri very chose svt for that reason !! glad to see them be continuously recognized for their amazing performance skills :] onnn the topic of svt, ive literally been using their and ateez’: songs to keep me sane when completing my schoolwork it’s so bad 😭 i think I would have gone mad if I didn’t have it to ease my mind tbh. listening to vocal unit songs while studying is >>>> also also also i hope you enjoyed those recs hehehe (if u got to them yet !! if not, no worries :>)

ateez is known for their humor atp- literally so unpredictable but predictable it’s funny 😋 wonderland is a god tier song very excellent choice I must say 😼 I THO. DO RECOMMEND WONDERLAND SYMPHONY NO.9 !! it’s an elevated version of wonderland and I literally can’t go back to just listening to reg wonderland bc I love the elevated ver sosososososo much- it rlly pretty but also powerful and the performance is so well done too ;;;;

I’m excited to read my gift <33333 AND KNOW YOU TOO !! it’s been so fun to talk to you and I hope we continue this :D and don’t be sorry about the length of the asks, i completely understand !! whether short or long, i love and cherish them either way since they came from you :] <33

[futurewriter2000]

Heartless - pt. 16

A/N: Whoever was the anon that told me to do a Mulciber x reader from this- I hate you and love you at the same time. Goddamn! God-fucking dammit I love myself some evil characters. Also, no gif for this because I don’t have time because I have to get to work in like 20 minutes and I’m still in my bath robe. Hope you like it babes and mwa <3

XX

‘ You walked into the classroom, empty as it was, so was your head. You hadn’t studied for this exam- was it Charms?

“The test will begin now.” you heard Professor Slughorn say as he waved his wand and the exam papers flew open to the first page.

Your eyes had gotten more confused. This wasn’t Charms, nor Potions... was this math? You looked up at the professor with your heart racing fastly, then your anxiety leading into frustration. You looked down for a pencil and you had not pencil, nor quill, no any other pen.

“Are you joking?” you heard someone laugh from a seat behind you.

You turned around with a panic, thought the paper exam disappeared in front of you and so did the professor. The classroom was empty, your soul started to become more soothing.

There; at the desk behind you sat a boy with his eyes, green as the colour could be, he kept chuckling, tilting his head back and running his hands through his dense curly hair until they rested behind his head. His smile was wide, his teeth perfectly straight and the corners of his mouth had perfect lines with dimples far in the middle of his cheeks.

“Mulciber?”

“You’re dreaming Hogwarts? And professor Slughorn?” he continued to laugh, putting his feet on the top of the desk.

And it was as if the tension you felt from your dreams, the control that you were not able to grasp before, was now in your hands and your hands were on the wheel. You could move your hands and you could stand up as if you were in the real world.

“You’re a Legilimen- and the dreamer one and you cannot control your dreams?” he kept looking at you and with your eyes solely focus on him, the background of your dreams changed back to the same place when he first visited.

“I’m starting my training soon.”

“Soon?” he scoffed. “Soon as in when school starts and then probably in the mid-October when that piss off Mad Eye Moody decides to actually mentor you?”

“He’s a great Auror.”

“He’s a drunk!” Mulciber started to get frustrated. “And would only waste your potential. You know what he would do to you?” he started to take steps towards you. “He would restrict you of all the things you could do with your gift and your gift- the gift we both share. It has no limits.” he was now close to you, whispering with greed and desire.

“You’re talking about black magic.”

“I’m talking about magic, darling.” he stepped away, jumping on the rocks that seemed to appear only in a second. “There is no good magic, bad magic. There is just magic and there are only bad wizards and good wizards.” he turned around on the last stone and kept looking at you with his eyes blazing into your soul. He jumped off, changing his whole energy into this playful, yellow aura that you could feel so lightly.

“And what do you propose?”

“You know exactly what I propose?” he walked to the edge of the cliff, looking as the sun started to set. “I know you’re considering it, so let’s speed this up-”

He was suddenly in front of you- in a flash. “I don’t want-”

“Yes, you do.” he was growling at you with eyes that screamed danger. “I’ve taken a notice in you, (Y/n) Potter since the moment you stepped onto that train- even before. “ he started. “With your pig tails that you took off the moment you got on the train, I knew you and me are meant to be connected.”

“Connected?” you laughed.

“Haven’t your mother told you about your ancestors, (y/n)?” he asked and your smile immediately faded. “Haven’t you ever wondered where you got this gift from? From who?” he continued to pull your curiousity, word after word. “You think you’re the first of the family? Why your mother acts so tense?”

“You’re-”

“I’m not lying. You know I can’t lie in dreams- and not with you since we’re connected.”

“We are not connected.”

“We are. The moment you let me into your head and the moment I let you into mine, you and me made a soul contract, darling. This isn’t the 3D world, love. This is much more greater than that. This is 5D. This is more than magic, more than anybody else could think. This are unlimited minds, thoughs, emotions, intensity, secrets to life, secrets to magic, secrets of people-”

“And you’re using it for evil.”

“I’m using it for my own personal gain. You would too.”

“I would never.”

“Yes, you would.”

“You don’t-”

“Let me finish.” he pressed his hand on top of your mouth gently, his other hand on your hip and squeezing you tenderly as his body pressed against yours. He was looking down on you with eyes, filled with lust and desire. The would wander on you for only a moment before he would speak in his voice low, almost like a hungry wolf talking down its prey. “The train ride was hopeful. I knew you’d be in Slytherin but you never were. You were a hat-stall. Two long minutes of indecisiveness and I was tensed because I needed you to be in Slytherin but you asked the Hat to put you in Gryffindor because of your brother-”

“I-” you tried to speak, your eyes furrowing angrily.

“Shhh.” he hushed you down, leaning forward until his lips were pressing onto his own palm as if they wanted to kiss you into silence. “I’m talking, remember?” he said with dominance. “But I knew you were a Slytherin. I saw how you managed to do everything by yourself. To pull yourself from the depth- I could have felt you dying inside for a year, filling yourself with pills-” your eyes widened and for a moment you looked away. “And I wanted to reach out to you so desperately because how you felt, I felt. It wasn’t easy but my father wouldn’t let me. He said it’s a test for you- a test you passed. You pulled yourself out by yourself, you took your own pain and turned it into something good- something great. Oh, I knew you and me will become the unstoppable pair just like our ancestors.” he smiled. “But that’s for another day.” he winked and pushed himself away from you, turning you his back.

“You-” you started to talk but felt like you couldn’t breathe. “You knew about-”

“Of course, I knew. I felt you. Your year was my year. Year of torture.” he seethed through his teeth. “I wanted to murder you, you know? You put me in such misery back then.”

“Then why didn’t you? You could have done me a favour.”

“Because I’d screw up my life if I ended yours.” he let out a laugh. “Seeing you in the hall- Merlin, you were so pathethic and sad. It almost made me cry.”

You felt something bubble inside of your stomach, a ball forming in your throat as tears wanted to push themselves from their eyes but you only swallowed thickly and felt the anger bubble.

“Seeing you trying to emotionally fulfil yourself with torturing others, bullying them because you weren’t pleased with yourself, beating Sirius because he rebelled towards his family and you couldn’t, made me almost cry too.” you snapped at him and his eyes widened. There was pure surprise on his face but it started to resemble much more like pride.

“And then came the passion.” he continued to smile, walking down to you. “When I saw you standing up to your brother and his friends, when I saw you hate them as much as I hated them, oh I knew you and me were about to have so much fun in the futrue and I have been patient so the day you reached out to me was the day that I had been waiting on.”

“Reached out to you?”

“The day at the woods. I read the book, you were in the bed- who do you think created that scene in your head. Who do you think pulled you out, dummy? You think I wanted the Dark Lord to take you away from me like that. No, I had to scare you away from him. I had to tip off that piss off twat to come and rescue you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Merlin, (y/n)? Are you really that daft?” he continued to laugh. “Or just naive? Or just ignorant? Me and you are connected. When you were dying on the ground, your soul reached out to me- because of our ancestors- because we are the reicarnation-”

“You’re talking crazy.”

“Am I?” he opened his arms. “You and me were meant to be- when we’re together, we’re stronger but first-” he started to walk towards you. “-first you need to learn what I had learn and the best was to do that is with my help.”

And he was right. Despite how much you did not want it to be him, you wanted this for yourself. You wanted to see where this gift or curse or whatever it was, lead you to. You wanted to unlock every single potential in your body and he knew so much. He knew so much more and he had told you everything in just these short period of time meanwhile your own mother was holding back your family secret. You had always been the odd one out and you could never figure out why but now since you had found out that one of your ancestors were just like you- you trusted him more. You wanted him to be the one to teach you because he was the only one who did not lie to you and you were just so sick of people lying to you, constantly to your face. It was tiring and you wanted this. You had the need for this and it may have sounded heartless but you didn’t care about your family at the moment. All you cared about was you and your comfort and your future.

“Meet me at the bar down the Muggles street tonight.” he was close to you because he already knew the answer to his proposal. “I want to see you in person.” he touched your cheek with his soft hand, looking at you with eyes so caring. “Wear something... edgy.” he winked, starting to back away as you just wanted to reach out for his warm hand. ‘

The moment you blinked was the moment you woke up in the dark room. You sat up and looked around- letting something catch your eye at the window. You walked to it and found a ripped piece of parchment on the shelf.

“Don’t drink your coffee this morning, darling.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, seeing as the letters had burnt out and changed it shape. “Don’t you trust me?” it said on it and you rolled your eyes, laughing.

“Said the scorpion to the the frog.” you told yourself.

“And then they both drowned.” said the parchment. “We’re in this together, darls. Keep that in mind.” and the parchement burnt itself, poofing into dust and resolving into thin air.

[saiilorstars]

Ch.4: The Mind Intruder

Chapter summary: The mind is a very tricky thing but Mamoru seems to have the right abilities to get in.

Fandom: Sailor Moon (Crystal)  – – [Rewrite of season 2, AU-ish in that there’s new OCs and the fusion of plots from the manga, crystal and the og series]

Pairings: Eventual OFC x OMC, Usagi x Mamoru

Taglist: @ocfairygodmother @anotherunreadblog @maaaaarveeeeel @stareyedplanet @perfectlystiles

{If you’d like to be added to this OC’s taglist, let me know!}

// Story Masterlist //

~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 

"Miss Keena?"

"Hm?" Azula looked up to find her teacher, Miss Nano, standing impatiently in front of her desk.

Azula sheepishly hid her notes with an arm and watched as her teacher put down her last math exam. She nearly fell out of her seat when she saw the ugly red '30' at the top of the paper. "WHAT!?" she picked up the paper and nearly crushed it against her face from how close she looked at it.

Miss Nano went on to continue handing out the class exams back. Azula kept blinking as if the grade would go away in one of those. This had to be a mistake!

"Miss Nano, please!" she trailed after the tall blonde teacher around the classroom after school, begging for a second review of the exam. "I don't know what happened…" Well, actually she did know. She had been focusing on Sailor Hemera, Senka and the Shadow Crystal mystery…but Miss Nano didn't need to know about that. "I know I can do better!" Azula followed the teacher towards the door and quickly scurried outside first to block Miss Nano's way.

"Well you really should have," Miss Nano said like she really lamented having to grade the exam. She knew Azula to be a well studied student and couldn't understand what happened. "I expected better than this. I thought you understood the material-"

"-but I did!" Azula exclaimed, though she stuttered to give a reason on her poor work. "I-I just h-had a, um, a th-thing that I had to do that, um-" she gasped when the teacher returned to her classroom and shut the door. Azula blinked and stared down at her exam that really seemed to be burning her fingers the more she held it. "I don't get 30s!" she said just a tad loud for the passing students to hear.

"You got a 30? In Nano's class?"

This was truly the last thing she needed right now. She turned to Mamoru and violently pointed a finger at him, forgetting for a moment that he wasn't used to her usual behavior when she was upset."I don't need this right now from you!" she went up to the closed class door and continued to call for the teacher. "Miss Nano, please. The only way I'd get a 30 in my life is I was...dead!"

"Then I suppose you're the walking dead," Mamoru remarked smugly.

"Oh my God!" the red haired girl whirled around in his direction. "You're still here!?" Azula was very used to their old sibling-like relationship that the words and sarcasm just tumbled out of her mouth. It most certainly did not help that she was possibly at her worst moment right now.

"I was on my way out," Mamoru, surprisingly, remained calm and merely pointed at the doors at the end of the hallway. "But then I saw you shouting and I figured I'd like to see how this plays out. Heard Miss Nano can be difficult."

"You're not funny, and I'm not laughing," Azula stood with a straight face.

With such a straight face it would be impossible to feel anything. But then again not everyone was a reincarnated Earth prince.

"Usagi, c'mon, this is simple math!" Azula rubbed her face in frustration. The blonde in question had let her head fall to the table, over her math book to be precise. "Get up, c'mon!" Azula gently hit Usagi's foot with her own under the table.

Usagi slowly raised her head off the book. "Why do I need to know this again?" She was startled when Mamoru lowered himself beside her, having just entered the cafe. He put an affectionate hand on Usagi's back.

"So that business people like her-" he shot Azula a look, "-don't take advantage of you."

A sarcastic smile spread across Azula's face. They always joked Azula would end up taking over her family's business, except she didn't find it amusing. "You're not funny, and I'm not laughing."

Azula recognized that remembering face on Mamoru's face and was tempted to slip away before he came back to the present. Besides, Miss Nano would have to see her tomorrow anyways. But just as she turned away, he called out to her.

Crap! she thought with eyes shut before she turned back. "Yes?"

"Th-the blonde girl who was...who was with you the other day…?" Azula was sure that not even he knew what he wanted to say. It looked like he was still trying to process whatever he saw.

He probably means Usagi. She's the only blonde I know. And Azula severely doubted he meant Minako. Though that would make it easier...

"What was her name?" his question pulled her back to the present.

Azula cleared her throat and whispered the answer so low it almost seemed as if she didn't want to answer. "Usagi…"

"Have you ever tutored her at the Fruits Parlor Crown?" Mamoru seemed afraid to even ask the question.

"W-well, yeah…" Azula wasn't sure what the hell was going on but she knew he was starting to remember things. She had tutored Usagi on several occasions on her math in that cafe and many times Mamoru had come in to see how things were doing. Azula thought it was more to distract than to help. Usagi was all for distractions.

"Okay, I-I…" Mamoru rubbed his face, frustrated with himself. What the hell was he doing? Was he really asking a random girl about another random girl?

"Are you okay?" Azula felt the need to go check up on him. Whatever was happening to him she was sure wasn't meant to be happening. She walked up to him and reached to touch his arm. As soon as she did they both saw something.

"Here," Azula set a pink milkshake in front of Usagi and sat down right across from her. "It's exactly what Mamoru would order for you right?"

Usagi whimpered and buried her face in her hands. Azula sighed when she heard the small sniffles.

"If it's not right then I can ask Unazuki for something else, or…" but Azula trailed off knowing this wasn't the problem. She rubbed her forehead and stared at Usagi for a moment in silence before speaking up. "Look, Beryl might have taken Mamoru but he will come back, alright?"

"How do you know?" Usagi lowered her hands for a second, her sparkly blue eyes now red and glossy. "I couldn't save him…"

"Give yourself a break, Usagi, you just realized who you were in a previous life. You're not God. But you are a fighter and even though you spend half your days crying over something as petty as a broken cup, when the going gets tough...I have confidence you get tougher."

"You think I can be strong?" Usagi's lip quivered, doubt etched all over her face.

"Mamoru does," Azula said softly. "And though I like to purposely disagree with him just to annoy him, in this case he's actually right. You are a strong girl and I know you will get through this."

 Azula gasped deeply and pulled her hand off Mamoru's arm, the latter quite stunned by what they saw.

"How did I…?" but he didn't get to finish the question because Azula began to back away, and fast.

"I-I have to g-go!"

"Wait!" Mamoru called in vain. Azula was gone in a flash and all he was left with were strange feelings and new images in his mind.

~ 0 ~

"No you don't understand - he was in my mind!" Azula flopped on a park bench. Luna and Artemis hopped the bench and each rested on one side of the girl. "I-I felt him actually in my mind! I didn't even know he could do that!"

"Well, Mamoru isn't a Sailor Scout but he was the guardian of Earth and thus given powers he might not have developed yet," Luna said, rather reasonably and calm too. It was nothing to how Azula was reacting.

"He's remembering," she said, truly destroyed just by the thought. "You two said they wouldn't remember anything."

"Minako and the girls remain the same…" Artemis said thoughtfully, "...but none of them have the psychometric abilities that Mamoru does. Rei does, in a sense, but she's another story-"

"Not helping, Artemis," Azula cut him off. "So you think because of Mamoru's powers he'll be more likely to remember?"

"He's connected to the Earth because of who he was in the past and so by extension he's connected to everyone on the planet. This memory wipe works best on humans, specifically…" Luna trailed off, leaving Azula to make her own conclusion.

"Sailor Scouts," Azula finished with a small sigh. "So, basically, because Mamoru was the prince of Earth back then he's more likely to figure things out. That's just...great," she gritted her teeth together.

Luna affectionately pawed at Azula's uniform coat. "Don't fret, Azula, please. You are taking this far too serious-"

"Luna you don't understand," Azula calmed somewhat. A despondence slowly took over her facial features. "Back when Sailor Moon and the Scouts were active my only job was to look at the perimeters, stay on the computers...I couldn't help them out there. When they went off to fight Beryl and Metaria I had to stay here and just...wait. My job was to literally wait and see if they would come back alive."

"That wasn't your fault. You would have put yourself in grave danger if you accompanied Sailor Moon and the others…"

"It doesn't make me feel any better," Azula said glumly. "I was useless to them. I thought - I thought that now since everyone lost their memories and Usagi wanted to be normal...that this could be my job now. I would make sure they were all normal and safe. It's stupid, I know, but...it was my job this time to protect them." Azula paused for a full minute, her sadness overflowing. "But now Mamoru is beginning to remember and...now there's a Sailor Hemera and a stupid shadow hellbent on getting a crystal no one knows about."

"Azula," Artemis hopped off the bench and turned to look up at the girl, "Luna and I can keep an eye on the girls and certainly on Mamoru, but you can start to live your normal life as well. You shouldn't burden yourself with problems that we can solve. You just live a normal life..."

Azula snorted at the idea. "Normal? I'm at the park talking to cats - yeah, that's normal."

"Azula-" Luna began but Azula had gotten overwhelmed and rushed away.

"I'm going to go check on Minako," Artemis said after a couple of seconds. "And maybe we should patrol the other girls tonight just to see if any of them are remembering anything too."

Luna acknowledged his idea but preferred to stay back a little while longer. It was crazy to think that even now things still hadn't gone back to normal. Usagi was living her life as she wanted but outside of her blissful bubble things were beginning to get worse again. This time there were no Sailor Scouts to defend the planet from the evil trying to find the Shadow Crystal. Sure there was a Sailor Hemera but they still didn't know who she was and what her intentions were. Luna didn't know whether to feel grateful that Mamoru was remembering little by little because then that would mean he would be able to help a little...or should she be further concerned because now a second person had managed to avoid the memory wipe - it was still a grand mystery how Azula did it first.

Luna thought about this as she hopped off the bench and started her way back to Usagi's home. Usagi had been questioning lately where her dear old cat kept wandering off to and Luna didn't want to jeopardize her close position with Usagi. It was simply a challenge having to act like a true Earth cat all the time. It was why she often found Azula to keep conversation and her personal mind stimulated besides Artemis.

As Luna went off, a tall girl with long, brown and straight hair walked up to the bench where Azula and Luna had been. Her dark brown eyes glimmered golden for a second. "So you know where the Prince is…?" a smirk tugged at her pink lips.

~0~

Azula shivered as cold wind drew into her room from the open window. She went over and closed it then turned back. There were various newspaper clippings on the grounds with her own notes attached to it. Sailor Hemera and Senka needed to be stopped at all costs. Azula felt like she didn't have the luxury to get emotional. She took a seat on the floor, in the middle of the papers, and began sifting through them to reread what she already knew.

One hour later, her step-sister Keiko opened the door. "Hey, Azula, dinner's read - woah," her green eyes landed over the mess of papers around Azula. "What are you doing?"

"Homework," Azula supplied the excuse quick as she reached for another clipping.

Keiko caught site of some of the headlines and made a small whistler. "About that weird cloud thing and the Scout? What class is this for?"

"Communication - uh, intro to communications," Azula glanced at her sister with a small smile. "Journalism might be fun."

"Though you always wanted to work in something related to space, or something...?" Keiko left the door open so Azula could follow her out. "Sorry, you talk a lot sometimes and I tune it out so-"

"-Dad?" Azula blinked at the sight of her father already sitting at the kitchen table. "What are you doing here?" he was usually tied up with the business that he was rarely home for family meals. Kaito Keena was a man of business, and since he owned the Game Center Crown which was very popular in the neighborhood...he had a lot to do.

"I live here, remember?" came the black haired man's answer. His sarcasm made her playfully roll her eyes. "I'm also the one who pays the rent, so..."

"Okay, okay, I get it," Azula took her usual seat at the other end of the table. "I just didn't hear you come in, that's all."

"You never hear anything when you get into your work," Keiko pointed out.

"Oh, a lot of homework tonight?" Kaito asked.

Before Azula could answer, Keiko cut in with what she'd seen. "She was looking into that creature and the mysterious Sailor Scout who've been making appearances around the city."

Kaito's eyebrows shot upwards, making Azula dread what he would say about it. "Really? Well, makes sense since you always talk about the galaxies and whatnot. You think they're aliens, then?"

"Um..." Azula cleared her throat and put both her hands on the table. "I mean, the Scout looks humanoid. But that shadow thing probably is."

"Oh, but you know what I learned today?" Keiko excitedly asked. "It's actually funny what they name themselves. Hemera is a Goddess of day and light while Senka means 'shadow'. Can you believe that?"

"No, I...I hadn't considered the etymology of the names," Azula blinked rapidly.

"I just wonder where these aliens come from," Keiko went on, "And I'd definitely would love to know what a Shadow Crystal was."

"Yeah, that would be nice," Kaito agreed. "It would certainly help get the two out of the city before anyone gets killed."

"I should have asked that cute little fortune teller at the shrine…" Keiko said wistfully.

Azula raised an eyebrow. "What fortune teller?"

"Oh from the local shrine," Keiko leaned away from the door. "What was her name? Hino Rei? I went in to ask whether or not I'd get the school secretary job I applied to a couple days ago."

Azula blinked. Rei. How could she forget about Rei and her mind abilities? Mamoru wasn't the only one with mind tricks - Rei could sense danger! Sure Rei's mind was cleared of anything Scout-wise but her ability had come way before she awoke as Sailor Mars.

It was a stretch, but Azula would take it.

[jayflrt]

akka <3 thank you so much but it's still 22 nd in here, but for the early wish, i appreciate it!! my weekend was the worst and my day was too. i got my vaccine today and my hand hurts, jsjsjdj. did you know that i like jaywon or you just yk like guessed or simply put them, but i love them tho-

i opened tumblr today and i went through your blog and didn't expect a birthday wish 😭😭😭 really thank you saur much T_T i have nothing to say but this weekend i'll write my college admission exam and i hope i'll do good!! also do you have any study tips, these days my motivation for studying is decreasing and i'm procrastinating a lot :(

and the jay tiktok, oh my god! the guitar he had it since highschool 😔 he is so precious :( he's good at keeping gifts. jay is so cute and the en-o clock episode, jay was the mafia and he's like 🤫 i'm the mafia, hahahsh.

yea- tamil, telugu, kanada and malyalam have similar words and tone, so it is easy for me to understand tamil, hehe. my dad knows how to speak like the basic and my mom too, so i visited kanchipuram when i was young, yea- that was the only time i went to tamil nadu, lmao.

most of the girls take medical more than engineering and boys take engineering the most. it's like the majority, right? medical is like, my mom said no because she knows that i can't take much stress and i won't study properly so i'm sticking with engeneering but i'd also study bio just 4 fun, haha.

also please wish your friend a happy birthday too, on my behalf and tell them to have a good day too <3

i was an infp-t but it changed into entj-t lmao and my enneagram type is 5, 9 and 4— 5 is like investigator?? and 9 is accommodator?? 4 is romanti(s)c, tell me what they mean akka...

and i felt so happy yesterday, idk the reason but i was just happy and then fucking sad all of a sudden,😂😂😔 and i always keep seeing this time 11:11, what does it mean? whne i googled it, it said my ancestors are giving me signs or some shit and another one said- it'll make my wish come true!!

also what is your opinion on nmixx debut, i'm disappointed and the music taste isn't mine and i didn't like lily's high notes, it didn't suit in the music, here voice is way more better if she sings alone :) i'm like really disappointed. this is my opinion and i'm not hating them.

how was your trip, weekend and day btw?? hope you have a good day/night!! i have a lot to say but i don't really have the energy to write lmao, it pains (≧﹏ ≦)

bye q(≧▽≦q) *muah*

— 🦔

heyhey !! omg sorry i didn’t realize i was too early 🤧 but i’m glad i got to wish you regardless !! how was your birthday love? 🌷 omg yes my arm was a little sore after the booster !! i think it was definitely better than the first two rounds tho :’’) and you’ve talked about jaywon before and talked about watching compilations of them on youtube so i thought i’d add them to your little bday post 🥰 

good luck on your college admissions essay !! :o i hope everything goes well with it 💗 also as for study tips, i would recommend writing out your notes so you retain the information better (i type my notes because of time but writing is very useful), and i do active recall by using flashcards to test my memory !! <3 if you’re doing math or science or smthn tho, it’s useful to practice problems until you understand the concept ♡ also make sure you take breaks and put your phone away when you study !! i used to be terrible at procrastinating in high school and then my mom took my phone away LOL and i got so much more done 🤩 

AHHH GUITARIST JAY HAS BEEN HAUNTING ME 🤧💕 I REWATCH IT EVERY DAY BECAUSE HE’S JUST THE SWEETEST EVER D; i haven't watched any en’oclock since college started tho sobsob i have to wait until i’m on a break again !! ♡  

(more under the cut.)

omg rlly ?? 🤧 i used to live in kanchipuram for a little but im a chennai city girl 🤩 yeah usually engineering is very male-dominated but it’s still v difficult so good luck !!! i don’t know how it works over there but here we have to take bio anyway for our GE (general education) courses :’)

ooh entjs have the extroverted, intuitive, thinking, and judging personality types :’)) this is what the website says about it !! <3 omg haknyeon from tbz is also entj 🤧 

i’m enfp-a so we literally only have the extroverted part in common HAHAH but the -t stands for turbulent and the -a stands for assertive and it has to do with how people cope with stressful situations, i believe. the -t refers to being more swayed with decisions and being turbulent under stress, while the -a is more set on goals and deals with stress better i think. and for a little breakdown on the rest of the letters:

i-e - the introvert-extrovert divide determines if your dominant function is introverted or extroverted. (where you focus your attention)

s-n - the sensing-intuition divide determines if the perceiving function, (either sensing or intuition) in your top two functions is a sensing function or an intuition function. (the way you take in information)

t-f - the thinking-feeling divide determines if the judging function, (either thinking or feeling) in your top two functions is a thinking or feeling function. (how you make decisions)

j-p - the judging-perceiving divide determines if your stronger judging function is introverted or extroverted. judging types have an extroverted judging function, and perceiving types have an introverted judging function. (how you deal with the world)

i did this mbti compatibility thing with enha and im not compatible with any of them with the mbti except sunjay HAHAH

i don’t know much about enneagram types but i’ll send what i read on it 🤧 maybe you should take the quiz again tho ?? :o i think people just get one or two types 

type 4 (the individualist) - fours want to be unique and to experience deep, authentic emotions. type fours fear they are flawed and are overly focused on how they are different from other people. 

type 5 (the investigator) - fives seek understanding and knowledge, and are more comfortable with data than other people. the biggest fear of the type five is being overwhelmed by their own needs or the needs of other people.

type 9 (the peacemaker) - nines like to go with the flow and let the people around them set the agenda. type nines fear pushing people away by prioritizing their own needs, and they tend to be passive.

enneagrams are also grouped into head, heart, and body types, and type 4 (heart), 5 (head), and 9 (body) are actually in each of those categories 

heart types - heart types react with emotions first. they connect with other people on an empathetic level, and make sense of the world by understanding their feelings about it. these types are guided by the feelings connected to their emotional relationships with other people. they value things such as emotional support, recognition, and inclusion.

head types - head types react with analysis first. they connect with other people on an intellectual level, and make sense of the world by understanding the systems and theories that underlie what they observe. these types are primarily focused on control, which they gain by maintaining stability, security, and competence.

body types - body types react with an instinctive, gut feeling. they connect with other people based on their physical sense of comfort, and make sense of the world by sensing their body's reaction to what is happening. the primary drive for this triad is to maintain their independence and limit control from outside influences. they respond by being either overly controlling, overly passive, or overly perfectionistic.

omg i experience mood swings sometimes as well love 🤧 it’s okay it’s perfectly normal !! :’)) also 11:11 is kind of a meaning in numerology that’s linked to chance and luck. so that’s why people go “11:11 make a wish” because it’s said you can manifest ✨ at that exact time 

oh goddd i think the girls of nmixx are definitely very talented but that debut song was a little disappointing 😭 the song just seemed all over the place but wow they’re definitely all strong dancers !! :o i just dont know what jype was thinking with that song <//3 i actually had no idea they were a group debuting until i saw that song all over my tiktok HAHAH omg these idol groups are getting younger and younger 🤧 i feel so old sometimes 

also my trip was so so fun tysm for asking !!! 🥰💖 we ate out for every single meal tho so my wallet was dying LOLL and i had kbbq for the first time :o i think all of our meals were in little tokyo or ktown as well so it was v good asian food for once all weekend ♡ we got these really good korean corn dogs omggg i was in love <33 i felt so much closer with my friends after that weekend so i hope we can do something like that again soon :’) 💕 but tonight my roommates and i are gonna get kbbq so it’ll be nice to spend time with them as well !! :’) we’re all tired from midterms so it’ll be good to unwind HAHAH 

how was your week love ?? :o i hope you’re having a great day/night right now and have a great weekend ahead 🥰🌷 take care and i hope your arm isn't sore anymore !! ♡ 

[queenofallwitches]

an update and primer:

so the last winter was weird. I had a complete breakdown, went into psychiatric hospital for 40 days in total. two seperate times.

learnt a heap of new things, met a tonne of cool people and had amazing conversations and few fights but overcome my own demons by that.

brain speaking-I have a scarred brain stem and neurological disorder is not a mental diagnosis, but a neurological disorder, proven by MRI scan, ADHD.

also damage to my basal ganglia, and prefrontal cortex.

neurological diagnosis means ADHD is not a "mental" health issue, as some believe, rather a neurodevelopment disorder caused by structural differences in the ADHD brain.

other neurodevelopment disorders include: Tourettes, Autism, Cerebal Palsy, Dyslexia and other Motor and Intellectual Disabilities. (Which recieve, in my view, a lot of insight, media information and stigma reduction by the advocacy networks surrounding these types of disability).

Over the last few years Autism has been over everything, I've seen mainstream media cover Tourettes and yet ADHD is still HUGELY misunderstood, misconceived and misrepresented in media, be in from the angle of documentaries, personal insight of a "typical" case, films, tv, and other media.

one of the first things my dr told me was "in females it rarely presents as hyperactive red-cordial OD child"

which is what my mother BELIEVES, that is because I have an adopted cousin with the ADHD dx who was that growing up, but the representation I'm told is also divergent for women with a higher IQ score than the average IQ. I come in around 142 and tested 123 at age 3 when I was unable to focus, pay attention and had severe trauma. I tested 142 in grade 8.

I'll share my experience as a female who is intellectually gifted, with higher IQ than average, and an adhd brain:

I've been told gifted and talented "genius" children are harder to diagnose because the symptoms present differently, we hide it better (camouflage) and our focusing can be "faked" by mediocre efforts of academic success.. this is true, I would do the assignment the Sunday night hours deadline, last minute, or have my parents half do it for me, plagiarise it (fuck I've killed my whole academic career now) copied but changed my words

from old 1970s encyclopaedias I KNEW they couldn't cross reference (I went through 15 years of school never studying doing homework or assignments and still had top grades).

I literally did not listen, and spent my classes planning the end of the world survival strategies with my GT friend who, basically helped me with my calculus and hard fucking maths, which was the ONLY 50 minutes of the day I put attention into my work.

now I'm going to be heading back to full-time study in the coming months, I get anxious as the pressure of a Bachelor level degree, and the pressure it takes me to perform, is enough to break me down. I've been advised it might be wise to start light (like a basic vet style diploma) and then build up, which is logical, but I keep thinking I'm meant to be doing my thesis by now. which is the kind of pressure one gets as a kid who is told repeatedly, "your intelligence is exceedingly the average and you can do ANYTHING you want"

I wanted to be an astronaut, a storm chaser, and an architect, a town planner and then a journalist. I always held to being a "FBI agent" or spy (I wonder why). so when I found psychology is really a blend of all these things, I kinda found a niche in a psych and social science double degree. but I'm thinking my academic career is LIFELONG, and due to the fact I also want to work in my field alongside my many written thesis coming, I'll be in academics for a long time. I may fail a few things, which I have to come to terms with. I do not fail easily, or readily, but I'm a perfectionist type-a academic who will put my whole life on the line to achieve "merit". I get exams, I get assessments, I read journals super-easy, I talk the talk and walk the walk so well psychologists who are at masters level compliment me on my "knowledge".

when it comes to mental health and trauma, I will always have the personal attachment, called lived experience, which will make failure and burnout, 100 percent realistic. I have to boundary up, bootstraps on, and prepare that yes, my personal "bias" will probably be entwined in this.

which is why I'm looking at the social science for the statistics and thesis writing side of things, and the counselling for the trained therapist side. either way, the degree of counselling requires so much self-insight, and then the social-science will back me away from personifying it. the other choice is criminology, which leads to forensic psychology, which is eternally fascinating. my main concern is the pro-pedophile content Ill be up against, which will look at the anatomy of a shoplifter akin to the devil, and leave the pedophile in the DSM-5 dx "paraphilia" box.

I'm not joining or jumping to anything.

either way I've got 2 year of credit, a heap of pathways and a lot of "academic momentum" from all my life being aimed to be "academic powerhouse". I went through my files and found a lot of awards I'd won in my high school, and top place in the competitions we would be entering in. I remember feeling so sad if I had a "credit" vs a distinction or high distinction, only to see now, a credit in university maths in year 9 is a skillset I don't have anymore so, good on me. or a credit in English, or Science at that age was pretty impressive, considering these tests were random and not studied for.

just a general skills assessment only the top 30 kids in the year were to take on a year by year basis and put out to vet from the top universities and taken by other kids in the same grade around the state.

it puts so much focus on my intelligence, because it's primed to be that way, I know that is true. I know I feel good being academically successful and it gives me a feeling of "achievement" but is it really for me?

I also found 2 letters from my local politicians offering me job placement, work experience and I was 1/4 kids in my 10th grade graduation tom get the letter, and due to my behaviour I pissed ALL the idiots who bullied me off. I was "too pretty to be a nerd" "too smart to be pOpUlAr".

so I made a group of misfits, who are all highly intelligent, creative and my group had the ONLY gay male in the school AND THIS IS BEFORE YOU FUCKING RETARDS MADE IT "COOL". he was bullied badly, so fuck you, you fucks claim "liberalism" but I bet you were the type of idiot who bullied guys like him in high school while you pretended to like my chemical romance and fake cut yourselves. I hate you all, forever.

my grade was full of idiots who were fake emo, who left the scene the moment the scene changed to dub-step and club music. I was there, watching you all, like sonny Moore, went from FFTL to that dubstep skrillex shit he started in 2009.

I dated you, hooked up with you and I went to your gigs. I know who was real and who was fake. I met some of you years later and realised the more emotive ones were the less "alternative appearing".

I can say 1/10000 emo guys from the 00s were genuinely Into the music and scene for the right reasons based on my dating history and this can and will be analysed statistically using SPSS one day to prove a lot. I've had too many relationships from each sub-culture and I have had 4-11 males at a time per public "output" of my energy pursue me over life.

I'm not being cocky when I say I have a long line of "suitors" and its banked back about 50 men. it's been a thing I've avoided as it seems to grow based on my body shape, attitude, appearance, so I am currently out of touch with dating scenes, no interest to try that ANYWAY, given the fact that I have had so many LONG TERM relationships ANYWAY. I can't see another one going well, and at this case, I'm living with an ex but we never went on conventional and now our families label this 3 things: "asexual", "polyamorous" and "open relationship". I'm also "bisexual" but this all to humans outside, looks ridiculous on paper. (wild orgies and lots of swinging or some stupid sex magick probably is what J brother literally thinks we do).

bc humans are intrinsically designed to need to label things they don't understand. we share a lease, not a relationship, and fucking polyamorous, I WISH. there are no girl-girl-guy 3 some, or orgies, or sex magic parties.

this has changed the attitude and perception of this "relation' which Is non-romantic, non-sexual. he can date and likely, will, as can I , and I likely won't date.

I would say 14/15 have had ADHD, or other mental illness and or trauma. which means to me, nothing at all.

I think this "open book" non romantic relationship style of "friends and roommates" not sexual.

attachment is misunderstood by others but works well fro my adhd, meaning I'm not expected to marry, or be a wife in any capacity. he is free to do what he wants, as I am, and open communication is a novel frontier I brought into this in the start, and stayed with for the duration. we fight, but I fight with a lot of people in my life over many petty things. also down to my adhd, I believe, I have rejection sensitive dysphoria, which makes me hypersensitive to rejection, perceived or real.

im not sure if this is trauma or adhd or both. but

I have used sexuality as a weapon in many relationships but it cannot or will not be used here, so I have had to resort to uncovering parts of myself which I never knew, which will stay with me even if he decided to marry and wife up in 5 years, which I'm okay and expecting him to do, and I would much rather that then be trapped in a situation where I cannot be that "wife/mother archetype" as I'm too "femme fatal/other-woman/sex-laced seductress and siren" a "FWB, unicorn, drug buddy, hook-up where im a therapist" or "intellectual and cognitive mind-bender work-study obsessed woman".

both at once and many types of human, including one who is a full-time ceremonial magician of 7 years. I will drink, drug, fuck, fight like males and still be more feminine and high maintenance than 89% of women. I grew up a tomboy and don't mind getting into fun, adventure based situations, like hiking, or anything adrenaline, I would only be reluctant to eat weird shit.

I also have many "neurological" issues including ADHD, and trauma which causes a rupture in the average human and I dating.

I'll tell you how many men have said "you are the unicorn" and then realised what that means, I went as far as canvasing the PUA world back in 2014 after reading the game, a book on PUA, which is essentially, pick up artistry, based on NLP and hypnosis. I did this after reading the copy my ex in 2008 handed me before we dated saying "I gave this up for you". it took me years to open the book, buy when I did I truly believed the only way I would fall in love again, was through PUA. that failed in so many ways but gave me a training foundation for men who were candidates for that, I have trained up J, and the way that sounds is BAD. I know, but I got a lot of value myself, I just don't see it how I wanted to see it.

but that was my original intent, and I achieved this he knows that, knew it was happening and evolved for the best self.

I am thinking we can modulate this into a business model for how I was operating in the BDSM world was mainly psychological, not physical.

I get told all of is incredibly intimidating (I am told) to women and men.

I don't really care anymore, because people have always seen this part of me in the wrong way ANYWAY, but I own who I am NOW. which is what I needed ANYWAY. so it cannot be stolen again, and sexual healing has come from abstinence ironically.

I also don't care what or who is trying to tear up my relations, toxic or not toxic, all people around me will be on a healing journey by default, or cut out of my life, for I am radiating that energy so brightly its impossible NOT to feel that pull.

I will drag your shadows into the light, and make your secrets spin from your lips into my consciousness. its not what I do but its what is design.

I make your weaknesses mountains to climb over. you cannot hide from these in my presence, I won't be this controlling or obsessive female who wants 24-7 attention as I have a life full of meaning without love or sex. I don't want to be wined, dined or expensively gifted, unless specially requested.

I don't want love letters or romantic declarations, this isn't some femnazi bullshit, but it triggers me. I appreciate the efforts and won't make you feel bad about your insecurities, for mine are probably 30 x more pronounced.

I appreciate small things, that most males won't or don't know how to do. like remembering things I've said and being thoughtful. or knowing my silence isn't personal, or a game, but a protective wall. I've had songs sung too me, guitars played, songs written, or things made in ways that are heartfelt. but I've always had them used against me too. so it is the context. I value time, energy, conversations of depth and reciprocal exchange. I also value trauma understanding, my alters and fragments being accepted and valued as me as a whole and a person who is not afraid, or scared of stupid stuff like sensitivity, emotions, feelings as raw as my own. men feel intensely too, lol.

but will only give oral sex 100 times before I don't recieve it, I can communicate now so that wouldn't happen.

but I won't be a bitch about this stuff. I am extremely feminine and care in ways other people, do not, I forget nothing people tell me, so it can be a reward or reverse uno card pull in a fight, but I am not evil or deviant in my relations. I react, depending on how you treat me. I don't need your money, or providing source of income to be okay as I am my own queen, however sharing resources is okay to build something. I don't need to be seduced, but will need to be shown a person is trustworthy.

few cross that.

that will always be time-endurance and testing. there are ground rules I don't play with, or play games. or like being forced or forged into something I'm not. I know abusive and I know safe, and I am a psychology expert, trained psychotherapist and study humans for fun, so I'll always be analysing things.

and I know red flags and I know ego, I know how to placate and please and pleasure, but will only do so, for a bigger and better reason than the mere act of seduction. which is without value and transactional to someone like me, I won't lie.

and I know every tactic in the book, for the book was written by someone like me, many lives ago, and my karma is being burnt for that book.

in terms of walls, I have many, may it be called a maze. or labrnyth.

I will teach you things you never thought you'd know, and change your life in ways you won't ever be able to go back to before. I will blow your mind, sexually, emotionally, intellectually, on all levels, and I'll make your friends and family love me.

I'll bring your walls down and you won't be able to understand this, because you don't understand me, and thats ok.

but I'll always understanding you and make your life better because thats what I do anyway, and people talk to me about things I will never share, as I keep secrets. I am jealous, of everything but, only because I am attached in a disorganised way, and working on that.(I won't even mention how man women or men don't know basic psychology of themselves). I also am a therapist , for my friends and family too.i should not be , but I am. I care, I listen, If you think I'm not listening, I'm still listening. sometimes I interrupt, because I have ADHD and I am horrible at resolute planning, or being "normal". but I don't want to be normal anyway. I need you to recognise and understand my shit, for that is what I do for everyone in my life, and I have helped more than I receive.

I'll probably accidentally give you therapy, but thats fine, because you will uncover your depths and find meaning in this. it's not something that goes bad unless you are fundamentally, evil, even the most abusive relationship I was in, was benefited from this process. yes he's still narcissistic, but he is self-aware. and did I benefit, never, just know the anatomy of self-proclaimed narc and I still can't hate him. will get my civil claim one day.

I will fuck your mind without meaning too. but thats because I fuck my own mind. but the meaning is made in the man- some find this highly offensive or personal (its not). I fuck minds by my own overthinking, or over perception on many levels of reality. so join the ride, or don't come along at all. because once the rollercoaster is in motion, I have no control of what may or may not happen. it's purely experimental.

I am experimental.

and the women who are judging me, are not any better.

look within, and shut the fuck up. self-improve and quit this jealous divide and conquer bitchiness. I HATE gossip, bitches, snitches and fakers.

I look to other women who are intellectually, physically and spiritually "individual". and find value in superior status to my own, which is something my narcissistic ex taught me.

I look for mentors, and teachers and people who will teach me how to improve myself, which I am fearful to reconnect after something is amazing and I can't give anything back of positive value. I am sorry I am working on that.

I won't devalue those below me, but I also need to be mutually benefiting from a relationship.

I dont drag people down, I may disappear if I feel I am doing this by mistake. I am flakey as fuck, and sorry for that. its anxiety and lack of perfectionism, so I am wrong and bad for this. I can change. will change.

if you can find value with my relation, personal professional or romantic, we can move into a symbiotic beneficial agreement based on mutual "terms". but many won't or cannot see this, nor do I impose my bullshit into the lives of randoms at this age.

I don't care if this is cruel, it's real.

I value loyalty, compassion, self-insight/awareness, someone who understands all parts-spirituality, metaphysics while still having intellectual & logical & analytical brain-sight.

I enjoy music, magick and learning new things.

I do not care about appearances I dont think ive dated based on one time. I do value connections and chemistry which is far-few between, I hate fakers. I smell insincerity miles away. but I do respect women who are well-presented, or beautiful, with hair beauty and makeup, I can't do this shit well, so I look up to those who are in professions who do it like art. I find them to be genius level queens who scare me.

I call out bad behaviour and make people uncomfortable if they are repressed. I will change you without even meaning too, I don't even need to date you. its just my presence, over time, amplified by the intensity of the dynamics.

I don't want simplicity, but I also don't need over complexity.

I value passion, independence, creativity, curiosity, problem-solving, deep-disscussions, shared adventures and some occasional risk-taking (lol), sensuality and sexuality for a common cause beyond physical pleasure. I like being taught but not micromanaged. I need my own independence, and need to be trusted with that. I hate being scolded for that like a child, or being pushed to change my ways to conform to societal values. which I will push back and refuse to do. which is not healthy. I don't adult like many others do, but I try to proceed in other ways. and learn to adult like normal people, accept me.

I also value myself, and how I can be celebrated, enhanced and improved vs. the opposite.

I give space, and have boundaries, and understand human psychology, sexuality and relationships in ways few others unless they are trained, can do.

I value MY time. so you can have space to value YOURS. I dont need to be in anyones pocket for a long time. I love being alone, and being around people who are stimulating, but draining people will be drained out of my life quicker than I intend. I am sorry for the people who felt I disappeared, when I was only trying to be 'fair', if I feel I'm a bad influence, I will work on myself until I'm not. I'm still working on it.

I also use this psychology awareness, to enhance communication, connection. you may or may not become an accidental guinea pig. I will be upfront that I am experimental, but that is part of the buy ticket and take the ride. lets work together. not apart.

I am coming from a place of love, and love is what I feel for my animals, which you will be adopting as children.which I want to stop experiments being done on. I love love, in all ways, but hate cruelty of animals and children, violence and suffering. I dont advocate justice, because I find life is fucking cruel, unfair and unjust. by default, so I focus on myself. what can be changed, and what I am able to do in my own locus on control. I will always find myself drawn to the outsiders, the misfits, the vagabonds, the misunderstood. I want to help people who are society, or socially, disadvantaged by trauma and mental illness, but only when I have ability to help myself.

it's a journey.

I will not date anyone who is cruel to animals, outside of specify magical sacrifice, there is not any place for that. nor will I date or fraternise with anything or anyone linked or associated with pedophilia. I won't judge anyone on anything that are outside animal cruelty and pedophilia. I don't and haven't. I keep on good terms with every ex, bar 1 whom I only apologised too this year. it felt good to do that. I change my behaviour.

I am open, but also highly attuned to both logical, factual, empirical , scientific worlds, and spiritual, intuitive, psychic and the "collective unconscious". I walk in both these realms, and I am "conventionally attractive". which puts a lot of pressure on me, to be "stupid". I am always dumbing myself down to fit into normality, but I look ridiculous if I do that so I peacock my intellect.

only to be misconceived.

I give up because I no longer care how anyone but MYSELF can see ME. I won't dumb myself down , but I can enhance you UP. prepare yourself for graded education, evolution and self-growth on mass scales.sorry not sorry.

that sucks for the people who want to be living vicariously through me, for making up to lost trauma years, for family who sold me out for the success I'd bring home, or fake trauma enmeshed friends, or whatever they want or need from me. I value my time and energy, and have given that in abundance, and if you want to be with nut only "one part of me that is alters". I can't provide that now. not sorry.

I have to work on something or not be in a dynamic at all.

I no longer can switch on demand to adapt for you, it will not be effective and that upsets a lot of people. especially now I'm sober. harder to handle this, as I see the world for its ways and why it is, more vividly. I haven't had alcohol for almost 2 months, although, I could drink, I haven't.

I can't do it, anymore. it, being, faking, my selves fronting to impress. I can't. I have no more left to give, and I'm expected by everyone to be a way I can't do it in the way they want.

I will go to another year long outpatient DBT, followed by 10 weeks of A-C-T therapy, and however many ECT OR TMS may or may not help. I'm told it won't (ect) work. but TMS, is something I am open too. but I am telling you, none of this psychotherapy, that will be based on dbt skills, day therapy, intensive skills training, recommencing my studying, and resuming "life worth living" will or can wipe the traumas I've "recovered" memories for.

I will also shut the fuck up, and tell nobody about this if you leave me alone, I told that to my family, and this is open letter to the watchers, stalkers and perps who read this openly as I track the hits on here and have 200+ visits a day every day for the last month. globally. no idea how or who you are but I think its the same people who called the police for the "ayreon song lyrics" seen to be a suicide not last October.

thanks for that wake up call, I have shut the fuck up, since December, more so now. I will burn the journals, or lock them up.

my recovery is not linear, not yet fully integrated and I trust nobody so I don't think my psychotherapy will be deep, I focus on things like ADHD AND my EDNOS. and dbt skills. I won't be talking about sexual traumas.

enjoy the update, and thanks for the "attention".

I have my goals, my work, my meaning and what my life should and could and will look like, but I will not share that with anyone. that means everyone right now.

I've been tested, traumatised and terrorised to the point of not-tolerant of anyone who may bring that back, and banish the fuck out of my sphere every moment I need.

take me as I am, or watch me as I go, which I will go, where I am not wanted I will remove myself, but I will find where I am celebrated because I create that.

I will rise up against all adversity every time but that is survival and that created a resilient and brave woman, in me. who will not be destroyed or decomposed by humans who are fundamentally fucking evil.

I gift you my truth, in progression, and give up the pain of the past.

[jaehyunspeachparty]

1.10

warnings: This story contains content that could be problematic for one or the other. Among other things, the story may contain content about sex, late pregnancy, relationship with a large age difference, and others. Just because it's in the warnings doesn't mean these topics will appear, but they will definitely be covered in the story. The content of the story is fixed and doesn’t change. If you don't feel comfortable with these topics, then it's okay if you don't read the story. I just write down my ideas here and I just enjoy writing about life. The fact that some things in life are not rational or weird for some people is also part of it.

Miga was sitting in the SM cafe and studying for her math exam for the next week. Jaehyun had taken her with him because so he could control whether she was really learning. Miga was annoyed, but she knew that her graduation was especially important to you. She had no choice but to finish school. But she wasn't good at math, and it didn't interest her, so it was particularly difficult. On top of that, the thing with Jaemin bothered her. Since the kiss happen, he  avoided her and didn't speak to her anymore. The last few days Miga was accompanied by heartbreak and she was really afraid that she would not pass the exam because of it. But no sooner did she devote herself to her math book than her thoughts drifted away and she wanted to cry because the thing with Jaemin was so stupid. She missed him, she missed spending time with him. She didn't kiss him, it was he who took the first step. Miga looked away from her book and out the window. What was she doing wrong? A few tables away sat the rookie group that Jaehyun was looking after. The boys were drinking coffee and looking especially at one of their group. "She's sitting there alone. Maybe you go over to her and finally speak to her," said Kiha, one of the group. "Yes, there is no point in constantly adoring her from afar," said Beomsoo, another member of the group. Hyunjin was the person addressed, who had already introduced himself to Miga, but since then has been too shy to talk to her again. "I don't know what if Jaehyun comes?" He asked uncertainly. "No, he's in singing class with Wonsik. Now go," said Kiha then and with Beomsoo, they almost pushed the 1.85 m tall boy off the chair. "Okay okay", Hyunjin said and he noticed how his pulse increased. He had liked Miga for a long time, but he could hardly get closer to her. Besides, she seemed so unapproachable because in his eyes she was perfect. But his friends were right, there was no point just staring at her for so long. So he straightened his sweater, took a deep breath and walks up to her. Miga was still thinking and at first didn't even notice that someone was coming to her. But when she heard a throat clearing, she noticed the big boy next to her. "Hey, sorry. I don't know if you still remember me ...", he starts nervously, stuttering a little, but Miga started to smile. "Hyunjin right?" He was really surprised that she still remembered his name. "Yes exactly." Uncertainly, he pushed his hand behind his shoulder and he noticed how his pulse continued to rise. "Thank you for making me wait in the training room at that time", Miga then said and looked up at him in a friendly manner. Hyunjin got softer and softer. She was so nice, so accommodating, how was he ever going to win her heart one day? "No problem, it was nice to see other people." "You are training a lot right now, aren't you?" Miga then asked worriedly. She knew that the idols probably worked the most here. "That's the price, I think." Hyunjin became more serious and shrugged. "Hmm, you're probably right about that. It's definitely better than this." She pointed to her book and sighed. Hyunjin leaned down and looked at what she was doing. "Mathematics?" He was surprised because he didn't know that she was still in school. "Yeah, I have an exam next week and I just don't get it," she sighed, hoping a miracle would just happen. "Hey, I was really good at math. Maybe I could help you?" His eyes widened and Miga looked at him happily. "Really? That would be great." "Can I take a seat?" Hyunjin pointed to the chair next to her and Miga grinned excitedly.

For a while the two sat together studying for Miga's math exam. And it seemed that she was slowly becoming clearer. "Wow, I think I understand it now," said Miga and smiled. "I'm glad that I was able to help." Hyunjin smiled, but was still nervous around her. "Is it too much to ask that you maybe help me again?" She looked at him with big eyes and Hyunjin softened. "Yes, I'm there every day." He smiled uncertainly and Miga nodded. "Perfect, then I'll drive with Daddy tomorrow again in the company. Ah and give me your phone." She put out her hand and Hyunjin did not understand at first. "My phone?" He took it out of his pocket anyway. "I'll give you my phone number, then you can write to me when you have time." She starts typing something and then let her phone ring. "I don't think I have to say that I would be happy if you didn't pass it on to anyone." Miga handed him his phone again and smiled. "I won't give it to anyone," he said seriously and Miga smiled. "Thank you. You will see how often you have to change your phone number later." Her eyes suddenly wandered upwards and then Hyunjin felt two hands on his shoulder. "Hey, we have to go back to training." Beomsoo stood behind him with Kiho and smiled contentedly. Hyunjin nodded but turned to Miga again. "Well, see you tomorrow?", He asked again, because he couldn't believe what was happening. "Yeah, see you tomorrow Hyunjin," she said with a smile.

"And when does it start?" Sunoh sat at his gamer chair while Chichi sat with her legs drawn up on his bed and looked at him with her big eyes. "In two weeks." Her gaze fell and she doesn't know whether to be happy or sad. "Already in two weeks?" Asked Sunoh, shocked. Chichi had passed the audition that Jaina proposed and Chichi is now going to Japan for several weeks. Sunoh was torn. On the one hand, he was happy that she was successful, but on the other hand, he was sad that she was going away for so long. "Yes ..." Chichi lowered her head even more and she regretted attending the audition. She didn't think she would be chosen anyway. But now she had the role and soon has to think about what to pack. "Are you going to stay with your aunt?", Sunoh then asked. Of course he worried about her that she would go there alone. The good thing was that she spoke the language of the country. "No, she has no place, I share a room with three other ballet dancers." Chichi was pretty scared because she was having a hard time making new friends. Sunoh knew that, and that made things harder for him. Words fail him. He doesn't know how to react to all of this without being selfish. But then Chichi's phone lit up. "My Dad is here. I should go now." She got up and took her bag. But suddenly, Sunoh took her arm and pressed her body against his chest. This hug came as a surprise to Chichi, but she suddenly felt so safe and secure in his arms. "I'll miss you," he said quietly, becoming more and more sentimental. "I will miss you too," she mumbled into his chest and clawed into his shirt. So the two stayed like that for a while until Chichi's phone rang again. "I think I should go. Dad is waiting." She sighed and tried to pull away from Sunoh. "Okay, I'll bring you to the front door." He smiled softly and the two left the room.

After Chichi left, Sunoh sat down in the living room and didn't know what to do with himself. He was really horrified, sad, angry...all together. A violence of emotions overwhelmed him and he had never experienced such a force of emotions. He didn't want Chichi to go. He just wanted her with him, preferably day and night. The thought of not being able to see her for several weeks, not being able to smell her perfume and touch her soft skin made him sad. "Hey Sunoh, are you okay?" Miga came up to him and sat on the sofa. She made herself comfortable and turned on the television. "Miga, I have a question." He didn't really want to talk about it, especially not with his big sister. But Kiwoo and Geon were still too young for that. "Hmm?" She wasn't paying attention at first while looking at the screen. "Do you think I'm selfish?" Sunoh was very careful and he was a little ashamed of the question. "What? No!" Miga laughed like that was a really stupid question and she shook her head. "Don't pretend I'm stupid." He gave his big sister a little push and she laughed. "Why are you asking that anyway?" "I don't know ..." Sunoh shrugged his shoulders, but Miga already knew. "Has it something to do with Chichi?" She raised her eyebrows and looked seriously at her brother. "How did you come to this?" "Because your head only revolves around Chichi. Just tell her finally that you like her." Miga rolled her eyes and looked back at the screen. "Hmmm yes ..." Sunoh didn't know what to do because he was still shy about taking the first step.

"Sunoh, eat a little something. It's your favorite food." You look desperately at your son, who looked down at the plate. You are worried about him because he has been very calm the last few days and hardly ate anymore. "Why don't you cook my favorite food," Geon claimed, crossing his arms. "Chicken nuggets are not a meal," whispered Miga to her little brother. "But ...", Kiwoo intervened, but Miga interrupted him immediately. "No cake is not a meal either." Kiwoo immediately became calm and, like his twin brother, continued to pout, ate lunch. "I'm not hungry," he said then and pushed the plate aside. "Sunoh! Your mother was standing in the kitchen all morning to cook your favorite food, so eat now." Jaehyun was worried about his son too, but he tried the stern way. "Sorry Mum. I'll eat it later. I'll meet Jaina now." Sunoh got up, took his backpack and left the house. "What's wrong with Sunoh? He seems so sad." You ask around and don't really expect an answer, but then Miga looked up. "Hasn't Yuta told you yet? Chichi is going to Japan for almost 2 months because she got a role as a ballet dancer there." Miga was really surprised that her parents didn't know. "Oh what? Jaehyun, did he tell you that?" You turn to your husband who shook his head. "We hardly saw each other last week. I'm busy with Taeyong at the moment with the new boygroup." "Oh no, my little boy is lovesick." You sigh and suffer a little with him. "I'll never like girls, they're all stupid," Kiwoo then said and took a big bite. "Yes, all girls are stupid," Geon said then too. "Hey, what about your sister?" Miga looked at her two little brothers with a snout. "You're stupid too," said Kiwoo and stuck out his tongue.

Sunoh was now on the road with Jaina. Johanna took them into town so that they could buy a present for Chichi there. But Sunoh didn't quite know what was right. She had to put it in the suitcase and it should be something that reminds her of him. "I don't understand why we're buying her a present. She's only been gone for a few weeks. Nobody gave me anything when I went to America for three weeks." Jaina sighed and looked at the snow globe on the shelf in front of her. "You went to your family. But if you want I'll buy you a present next time too." Sunoh grinned and turned to his friend. "No, you don't have to. I just mean ..." Jaina started to pout and Sunoh patted her head. "Come on, don't pout," he said and then looked again for a suitable present. Jaina liked it every time when he paid her attention. Something had changed since she came back from America that summer. With no interest in girls, he turned 100% of his attention to Chichi. Jaina couldn't remember when her love to Sunoh started. At some point he came to school and suddenly he was no longer the childhood friend he used to be. He was attractive! But she had the problem that Chichi had been around him for a long time. She was always in love, always ran after him. But at some point her heart beat more and more when she saw him. "Are you sad that Chichi is leaving?" Jaina asked carefully. She wanted to know more about the feelings Sunoh had for her. "Well, yes. You don't?" He just shrugged his shoulders as he continued to stroll through the shop. "Yes, but we'll see her again soon." Jaina didn't want to look cold. She grew up with Chichi, they both have something in common, but at the moment she was her competitor. "By the way, I have a casting at JYP in two weeks," Jaina said. Sunoh suddenly looked over in wonder. "Why JYP? Go to SM, I mean we already know so many people in it." "They don't want me," Jaina confessed and shrugged. "What why?" He was shocked and continued to look at her questioningly. "I don't know, I don't think I fit in their style." She couldn't look Sunoh in the eye. He would be taken immediately, he had been asked many times and he was approached several times on the street. "Do you think so?" He tried to be empathetic, but Jaina didn't want to talk about it any further. "Hey, maybe we want to take a break and have a coffee?" Jaina wanted to distract from the subject and it worked. Sunoh smiled and put an arm around her. "Sure, come on, let's go."

Miga always studied with Hyunjin for the next few weeks. Every day he waited for her with a coffee at the same table. It was the evening before the exam and Hyunjin should have been free, but he stayed with her specially. "I think you really got it. I'm sure you can do it." Hyunjin smiled and looked at Miga, who looked up uncertainly. "Do you think so?" She brushed her hair behind her ear and smiled shyly. Hyunjin got more and more nervous at that moment. His knees went weak and his pulse rose. She was so perfect for him, since he's been with the company he has always adored her from afar. She had never noticed him before and now he sits here every day with the girl of his dreams. "Really." Hyunjin smiled, but he could barely look Miga in the eye. "Thank you. I owe you something. I mean, you always paid for the coffee too." Miga was blind in this regard. She clearly didn't see that Hyunjin was in love with her and that's why she went to so much trouble. "No, really not. It was really fun." Hyunjin hoped he didn't blush. "Still. Do you want anything?" With her dark eyes she looked expectantly at her counterpart, who was barely under control. "Okay, if you get a good grade, then you could come for my birthday. It's just the members and I, we're cooking something, but maybe you want to come too. I come from the countryside and not from Seoul and didn’t met many friends yet." Hyunjin didn't want to mention anything like that in front of her, but being so nervous made him talk too much. "But only if I can buy the cake." Miga grinned and closed the book. Hyunjin nodded nervously and the two stood up. "Thanks again," she said then and hugged him. Hyunjin didn't quite know how to react, after all, she was suddenly so close to him. "Good luck, you can do it," he said then and gave her a gentle hug, but he hoped she didn't notice that his heart was still beating wildly.

Miga brought Hyunjin to his dorm and then went home on her own. She urgently needed sleep, since she had learned a lot. She drove to the garage of the house and packed up her things. She was in a good mood even though she had so much heartache. Somehow she was enjoying Hyunjin's presence. In addition to learning, they could talk a lot about their interests. They had a lot in common and that's why he made her feel good. She hoped that she would write a good grade, because she wanted to show him after all his efforts that she had put all her energy into it. She didn't want to disappoint him. "Hello princess. You look happy." Jaehyun smiled when he saw his daughter come into the kitchen and he kissed her head. "Yeah, I had a great day," she said then, grabbing something to eat from the fridge. "Don't you have the super difficult math exam tomorrow?", Kiwoo asked and grinned cheekily. "Thanks for the reminder, Kiwoo. I almost forgot." Miga rolled her eyes and put the plate you had prepared for her on the table. "Kiwoo, don't be so cheeky with your sister. Miga will easily manage it tomorrow," said Jaehyun then and looked gently at his daughter. Kiwoo said something cheeky back, but Miga didn't hear anything because the display of her phone lit up and a name appeared that she hadn't read for a long time. But immediately her pulse got higher and she could hardly believe it.

Jaemin: Can we talk?

providentia masterlist

daddy jaehyun masterlist

[weepingvoidpenguin]

The Gods’ Blessing (Pt. 2)

Part 1 , Part 3 , Part 4 , Part 5

Summary: In your world, everyone had a soulmate. That’s just how things went. Everyone had some sort of Indicator that their other half was out there, be it telepathy or a red string that connected these two strangers. Yours was one unspoken of, in fact, you’d never heard anyone say that they had the same Indicator as you. And because of this rarity, you longed to meet the person who could gift you with what you lacked, maybe not so much so to be with the person but more so to finally see what others took for granted. Yet, you held onto the hope that one of your best friends was your Meant-To-Be but he has his eyes on another girls and the little green monster slowly engulfs you at the deterioration of your hope.

Warnings: Light swearing, some spelling errors or reader insert errors

Word Count: 4,554

Author’s Note: Heya! Thank you all for the love on the first chapter! I love all the comments made, they all warmed my heart! lol. I tagged those that wished to be tagged so if you don’t see your name and would like to be tagged in the next part please let me know! Again, thank you so much!

  The rest of the weekend flew by uneventfully. There was lots of studying, lots of waiting, lots of Spider-Man not showing up. You couldn’t say you were surprised, only mildly disappointed. You knew he was busy, of course he was, he stops muggings and villains all the time. So then why couldn’t you shake the feeling of hoping he would make time to see you?

  You were being ridiculous, you knew that. But all the logic in the world couldn’t subside the pull in your chest at the thought of seeing him again. It was the same pull you had when you first met Peter. Overtime you’d learned to ignore it, though that didn’t make it any less there or painful. 

  For the second time that night you looked away from your window, deciding he wasn’t going to show up and locked the escape shut before turning off your light.

  Maybe tomorrow, you thought and shook away the silly intrusion before falling asleep with your anticipation hidden cunningly behind your fatigue.

  ~

  “So how do you think you did on the Bio exam?” Ned asked, following you to the lunch room and taking his normal seat beside you.

  “I think I did pretty well, there were only a few instances that I wanted to implode but all the other instances I just wanted to leave so that’s good,” you joked and thanked Ned for helping you study last week.

  “So how was the exam?” MJ asked once she sat down at the table and pocketed her phone, no doubt just having gotten off the phone with her soulmate.

  “Good,” you simply said, throwing Ned a wink and chuckling amongst yourselves.

  “How was your weekend?” Ned asked MJ and she immediately went on a spiel recounting the events that unfolded over the weekend for her.

  Peter and Liz soon took their seats at the table together and they greeted everyone but the only thing you could center in on was their intertwined fingers. MJ saw you staring at where their bodies connected and she kicked you under the table, pulling you out of your daze. Your panicked eyes landed on hers and you saw the pity in them. She wanted to comfort you, to tell you that you would eventually meet the person you were destined to meet and all the heartache for Peter would pass like a dream but she couldn’t say anything. Not with them sitting right there.

  The lunch period couldn’t pass quickly enough, your twisted heart made the seconds seem like hours and the minutes like decades. It was all you could do to pry yourself away from the table and head to your next class seconds before the dismissal bell rang. As if that would help though, you had the next two classes with Peter.

  “(Y/N), wait up!” Peter shouted behind you, getting lost in the crowd of teenagers.

  “Go away, Peter,” You whispered to yourself, hating the envy you felt towards Liz and the betrayal you felt from Peter. But he had never betrayed you, he never made any promises to you. It was clear practically from the get-go that his interest lied in Liz and only Liz so you should be happy that he finally landed his dream girl. One that he’d been working so hard towards, almost as hard as you tried with him.

  “(Y/N), hold on a second I have to – woah, wait, are you okay?” Peter asked once he caught up with you and saw the red of your eyes.

  “Peachy, Parker,” you responded and pulled your sleeve out of Peter’s hold.

  “Parker?” He asked, caught off guard by the name you addressed him by. You only called him Parker when you were upset with him. He’d heard that name a handful of times in the past few years and every single time it made his gut wrench. “Why are you mad at me?”

  “Mad?” You scoffed, walking through the door of your Math class, “I’m not mad, what gave you that impression?”

  Peter took his usual seat next to you and leaned over the rail on the desk, “(Y/N), please just talk to me. I'm sorry for whatever I did, I just hate it when you’re mad at me,” he reached out to grab your hand in his but you stuck it in your backpack to grab a pencil instead.

  “You’re not sorry, though.” You shook your head and glued your eyes to the blank whiteboard at the head of the room. You were acting irrationally, you knew that. He didn’t have a clue as to what was upsetting you and rightfully so. He’d been oblivious to your feelings for years now so you didn’t know why you expected him to just randomly figure it out. 

   You sighed and rested your head on your hand, “It’s nothing, Peter,” you spoke much softer now, “Please, just drop it,”

  Peter opened his mouth as if to continue arguing but decided against it and faced the front of the class. Usually, you and Peter filled the classroom with your laughs and jokes but this period passed in silence as did the next one you had with him.

  You wanted to ask him how long he and Liz were an item but he’s too smart for his own good and he’d connect the dots. But then again, maybe he wouldn’t. He hasn’t connected them thus far. You figured it had to be over the weekend. They’d been so cuddled up against each other while watching the movie that it made sense that they would come back to school the next week feeling even more comfortable with each other.

  You figured you could casually ask Liz later in the day but you didn’t even think you wanted to. You mean, did you really want that answer? Did you want to know when they started dating and how it began and who asked who on the date? No. You didn’t. So you remained quiet the rest of the day, afraid your voice would betray you if you spoke.

  ~

  “Mr. Stark, why am I here?” Peter asked the billionaire in front of him.

  Once the final bell rang signaling the end of the school day, Peter walked out the front of the building as he always did but was shocked to see Happy front and center waiting for him. Apparently, Mr. Stark had wanted Peter to come over and meet the team since everyone was together again for the first time in years.

  Normally, Peter would be ecstatic to go. He loved seeing Mr. Stark and he’d been urging to meet the team for so long now but all he wanted to do was swing (no pun intended) over to your place and talk to you. He figured if you wouldn’t talk to him as Peter then maybe you’d talk to him as Spider-Man.

  But he knew he couldn’t decline so he hopped in like a good boy and let Happy drive him to the Stark compound.

  “Nice to see you too, kid,” Tony shot back, a little offended that Peter wasn’t happier to see him.

  “Sorry,” Peter apologized, “I didn’t mean for it to come off that way I just have a lot of homework to do,”

  Tony eyed him suspiciously but nodded and threw an arm around Peter, “Usually, I’d leave you in misery on the weekdays but I wanted you to meet the team since everyone is here and I don’t know how long before that happens again. So, we’re taking the opportunity now,”

  Peter nodded, a bit of excitement in his step though his mind was elsewhere. Tony opened the door for Peter and everyone’s eyes landed on him, causing Peter to feel smaller than he was. There was a silence as everyone took you in but thankfully someone had the decency to break the ice.

  “He’s a kid,” Mr. Banner spoke up after a short while.

  Tony scoffed, “You should’ve seen the things I was doing at his age, you could hardly call me a kid,”

  Bucky eyed you with sadness in his eyes, Peter was so young, too young, to be exposed to the horrors that they all had to face. But he knew Tony wouldn’t make him do something he didn’t want to do. In fact, you’d heard Tony explicitly order Happy to keep Peter under watch and make sure he wasn’t recklessly throwing himself into danger. Whenever a big fight came up, Tony wanted Peter as far away from the battle as possible. That was about the only thing Bucky could appreciate about Tony.

  Once the awkward stillness of the ambiance subsided, Peter actually had a pretty good time with the team. They joked about missions they had and recounted everyday life events. When they weren’t out there fighting for the world, they were almost normal.

  It wasn’t until a few hours later that Tony had forced Peter to say his good-byes to the team that Thor had said something that encased his mind for the rest of the night.

  “Young Parker!” Thor boomed, his arms outstretched for him, “I cannot wait to see what the world makes of you!”

  Peter smiled at Thor, “Thank you!” He beamed at the compliment.

  “We spent much time deciding what to do for you and your other half. Your lady and you will do wonderous things!” Thor chuckled with a gleam in his eye.

  Peter raised an eyebrow, “Deciding? What do you mean?”

  Thor’s happy demeanor changed quickly to one of panic, “Nothing! I speak foolishness,” he tried to cover up but his curiosity got the better of him, “Have you not figured out who your partner is yet?”

  Peter shook his head, “Uh, no. Not yet,”

  Thor’s head lightly cocked to the side, “How could you not? You’ve been together for so long already,”

  “You know who my Soulmate is?” Peter asked, surprise evident in his tone.

  “Well, of course! We wouldn’t have spent a millennium creating you just to forget who you are,” Thor boasted, pride on his shoulders.

  “Creating?” Peter repeated, his mind not being able to wrap around Thor’s words.

  “All right, buddy.” Tony patted Thor’s chest and tried to pull him away, “You’ve screwed up enough as it is,”

  Thor’s joyous mood was not dwindled by Tony’s interruption, “You have great things ahead of you, Peter Parker. Great things ahead for both of you,”

  “Come on, Thor.” Natasha intercepted, dragging him away from a bewildered Peter.

  Peter looked up at Tony with an eyebrow raised, “What was that?” he merely asked, pointing lazily at the thundering God.

  “Don’t worry about it, Kid. You’ll understand soon enough,” Tony half explained and called for Happy to come over. “Drop him off, will ya, Happy? And maybe pick him up some food on the way, he’s too skinny,”

  Peter shook his head and walked out the door with Happy knowing Tony wasn’t going to tell him what he wanted to know.

~

  You had just managed to finish your homework by the time the sun set outside so you grabbed a mug of warm liquid and perched on your fire escape, hoping that a certain someone would join you. An hour had passed and still nothing so you went back inside to grab a blanket and wrapped yourself in it and turned on your favorite show to begin watching it outside, hoping the distraction would make the time go by faster.

  You had eventually become so immersed in the characters on your screen that the shaking of the fire escape caught you by surprise and you grabbed your phone from midair to prevent it from crashing onto the floor.

  “Jesus!” You said, resting your hand on your heart to calm its pace.

  “Nope, just me,” Spider-Man joked and cocked his head to the side, “What are you doing out here?”

  You cleared your throat and took a sip from the warm mug in your hand, “Thinking,” you twisted the truth a bit.

  “About?” He asked, taking his normal seat next to your window and stretching his hand out to have a drink.

  You handed him the mug and wrapped yourself deeper in the thick blanket, “Everything. I’ve just been thinking a lot recently,”

  “As opposed to other times?” He asked, pulling his mask up ever so slightly to drink.

  You chuckled and elbowed him, “Quit being a jerk,”

  He chuckled too and lifted his hands, “Sorry, it’s just kind of sad seeing you out here,” he admitted, setting the cup down in the little space between the both of you.

  “So you visit me because you think I’m sad?” You asked, a hint of irritation in your voice.

  “No! Not at all!” Spider-Man tried to defend, waving his hands in front of him before sighing, “It’s just, I like spending time with you and knowing that you’re upset makes me want to make you not upset, ya know?”

  You eyed him suspiciously but then giggled at his lame explanation, “Yeah, I guess so. I don’t think I’d like to see you upset either,”

  “No?” He asked, a visible raise in his eyebrow area through his mask.

  “No,” you confirmed and looked away from him, afraid he would see the blush on your cheeks.

  “So, then what’s upsetting you?”

  You sighed and rested your head against your window, “Remember how I told you that my crush on this guy was unrequited?” You asked, still looking away from him, “Well, I’d always hoped that maybe I had a chance with him but after today I know there isn’t one,”

  “How come?” He asked, scooting closer to you so your shoulders were touching despite you being wrapped in the blanket.

  “He’s with someone,” you said, resting your head on his shoulder, “Someone I can’t compete with,”

  He didn’t say anything for a while, just let you stay there on his shoulder while he tried to connect the dots in his mind but he couldn’t come to a resolution. “Why do you have to compete? Why not just tell him and see what he says?”

  You snorted, “Would you tell the person you liked for three years that you had feelings for them?”

  Spider-Man sat quietly for a moment, looking straight at you before shaking his head, “No, I guess not. Not if I thought she didn’t like me back,”

  “Exactly,” you said, crossing your arms, “I’m hoping I just get over him soon but it’s been three years and everyday it gets harder to keep it a secret from him,”

  “Maybe it gets harder because you’re supposed to tell him,” he offered.

  “I thought we went through this,” you said, “Besides, I’m not even sure we have the same Indication anyway,”

  “I get it. I’ve never met anyone with the same Indicator I have either,” he said.

  “You have a weird Indicator too?” You asked, sitting up a little bit straighter.

  He nodded, looking up at the sky above you and the little hope you had dwindled as he seemed to be able to see the glistening lights. “Yeah, that’s why I was so curious about yours,”

  “Well, what is it?” You asked, tensing around the warm mug in your hands.

  He looked down from the sky and faced you, “Yeah right! I asked you first,” he teased and was rewarded with a huff from you.

  “So?” You persisted.

  “You tell me yours and I’ll tell you mine,” he offered.

  You grumbled and sat back against the window, “Forget I asked.” You waved your hand as if dismissing the subject then looked over at him, “You cold?” You asked, noting that the air had been chilly tonight.

  You opened up the blanket and offered him the available sheet. He looked at you for a moment, not wanting to say that his suit kept him comfortable despite the temperature outside. So he shrugged and scooted closer to you, wrapping the sheet around his shoulder and connecting it back in the middle.

  You two stayed like that, mumbling about how your weekend went and you’d let it slip that you’d waited for him both Saturday and Sunday. He teased you for waiting for him but it strangely warmed his heart that you had wanted to see him again so soon. He always thought Peter Parker was never good enough for you but now that you were here, resting your head on his shoulder and falling asleep in the safety he offered, he thought Spider-Man just might be.

  Peter picked up your sleeping body and crawled back into your room, placing you gently on the bed before tucking you in. He wanted to do something more, to kiss you goodnight, to lay beside you, anything really. But Peter and Liz had just become a thing and in truth he’d been dating her to attempt to get over you. It wasn’t fair to Liz to have Peter and for you to have Spider-Man. They were one and the same. Or maybe they weren’t?

  Peter walked around your room, admiring the pictures you’d had hung up on your wall of all of them. He loved how much you cared for them and for that reason he was too terrified to tell you that for as long as he’s known you, he’s wanted more than a simple friendship. He wanted all of you and everything you had to offer but he didn’t think you wanted him. You didn’t want Peter Parker. But your interest in Spider-Man was something he could work with.

  He looked back at your sleeping figure one last time before shutting the window behind him and taking his normal patrol for the night.

~

  You awoke to a panicked tapping at your window and you sat up in your bed, your hair sprawled all over the place. You turned towards the source of the noise and saw the masked boy tapping against the glass, leaving a red liquid in its wake.

  Blood.

  You shot out of bed, making sure to land softly as your mother had been in the next room over sleeping. You hurried to the window after locking your bedroom door and caught Spider-Man as he fumbled over. You did your best to place him on your bed, not worried about the stains that were bound to show up.

  “What happened?” You asked, panic coursing through your veins.

  “Robber. Bank. Machete.” He wheezed out, toppling over onto you and your hands were now soaked from the warm liquid.

  “We can’t do this here,” you said, afraid your mom would wake up and kick him out. “Let’s get you to the roof.” You grabbed your blanket and rushed to get the emergency kit your mom had in the bathroom. Luckily, she was a doctor so she has almost everything you needed. The only problem was that she was a doctor, not you so your stitching would be a lousy job.

  You threw Spider-Man’s arm over your shoulder and fumbled out of the window, closing it behind you and walking up the two flights until you reached the roof. He collapsed on the edge and you sprawled out your, thankfully, red sheets so the gravel wouldn’t dig into his back. You placed him as gently as you could on the blanket and began taking out the supplies you needed, placing them beside his open wound.

  You almost threw up at the sight. The gash was deep and went from the front of his torso to the back.

  “All right, hold still,” you said, dowsing your hands in rubbing alcohol and soaking the wound with it as well.

  He hissed in pain and your shaky hands pressed sterile cloth against the wound to soak up the extra blood. You turned the light on from your phone and rested it on the ledge to hold it in place. You threw the dirty cloth aside and barely managed to get the thread through the hole of the needle as adrenaline ran through you.

  “Got it!” you whispered, immediately making a thick knot and placing down the needle. “We have to take this off.” You reached around, looking for the opening of his suit but his weak hands kept yours at bay.

  “No! Just work around it,” he ordered, barely managing to get the words out.

  “Spidey, I can’t do this without seeing the gash!” You tried to argue, keeping your voice as low as possible.

  “No, (Y/N),” he somehow fought back and you internally screamed at him, knowing you had no choice.

  “Fine!” You shouted and grabbed the area that was already torn and ripped it apart even more to get a better look at the wound.

  “Okay, this’ll hurt a little,” you warned and placed your hand against his ribcage to steady yourself while you stitched him up.

  The lights from the city disappeared all at once and you were surrounded by nothing but darkness, even your phone was gone. The only thing you could see was Spider-Man laying in front of you, the pain that was evident through his mask no longer there and he stared up at you in confusion as the place where you pressed against him radiated with a cooling touch. You looked down at your bare skin touching his torso and how it glowed with a yellowish hue.

  “What the hell is happening?” You asked, not being able to pry your hand from his body until all the blood had disappeared and the gash had closed. “What the fuck?” You asked incredulously, finally managing to get your hand back.

  “What are you doing?” You asked him but he gripped onto your wrist and looked around just as confused as you were.

  “This isn’t me,” he defended and stood up immediately to place you behind him in a defensive stance.

  Pitch black was all that surrounded you, you couldn’t even see the outline of the building around you nor the streetlights glowing. All you could see was the masked hero in front of you and you clung onto him in fear.

  Come find us.

  A voice echoed all around you, causing Spider-Man to turn in multiple directions, looking for the source of the noise. Your panic subsided as the voice lulled you, calling you forward. You stepped out behind Spider-Man and walked forward, somehow knowing that whoever was calling out to you meant no harm.

  Spider-Man grabbed at your wrist, his fingertips peeking through the tears on his suit and causing the same cooling sensation to erupt from your point of contact. He looked down at where he held onto you then back up to your eyes, realization dawning on him as to what was happening.

  “It’s you,” he said, his grip on your wrist tightening ever so slightly, “It’s always been you,”

  And your chest burst with emotions galore. That strong pull you’d felt whenever you’d hung out with him intensified by 3000 and it took all your strength not to throw yourself in his arms. Your body called for him, demanded him but you couldn’t just give yourself to him despite how desperately you wanted to.

  His grip loosed on your wrist but he pulled on your arm and you did exactly what you were trying to prevent from happening. You pressed your chest against his, loving how firm it felt on your own, and his hands rested on your waist, bringing you as close to him as possible. Your hands went up on their own accord and you found the hem of his mask, bringing it up just enough to expose his lips and he leaned in, holding you as tightly as he was holding on to this moment. A moment he’d waited so long for. And a moment you’d fantasized about over and over again, you just didn’t know it.

  His lips pressed against yours and you melted into the feeling. You wrapped your arms around his neck, shifting your head to mold your lips exactly to his and when you say that they fit together perfectly, you meant it. His lips danced against yours, moving in unison as heat radiated through your body to be replaced with the equivalent of a cooling breeze.

  Wind whipped violently around you, flailing your hair (unless you have short or curly hair then dismiss this) and smacking you in the face but you didn’t care. You immersed yourself in him, feeling his body flush against yours, his hands pressing your hips against his and then moving one hand up your back to grab your neck, making sure you couldn’t pull away.

  Memories flashed before your eyes, memories that weren’t your own. You saw you through his eyes. The affection and call he felt before you’d touched for the first time. You witnessed him get bitten by a radioactive spider and the first time Tony approached him. You lived his most important memories, all without ever seeing a face behind the mask. That was a decision the Gods’ wanted him to make.

  Come find us.

  The voice called again and both you and Spider-Man pulled away, out of breath from the overflow of magic upon meeting that made you both lunge at each other moments ago.

  He scanned your face over and over again, his arms still holding you to him desperately and the smile that sprawled onto his face made you want to see it for the rest of your life. When he finally managed to look away from you, he gasped at the sight above him.

  “Look,” he said, twisting you around and holding you from behind.

  Your heartrate accelerated as you brought your gaze up at the sky you’d waited so long to see. Your body shook in fear and anticipation and all the other wonderful things building up inside of you. You held your breath and looked up and the sight made your draw drop.

  It wasn’t like the stars you’d seen in pictures or movies. They didn’t look how anyone had described. They were so much more. The sky had an abundance of stars, with little empty space between them. You could see hundreds of thousands of balls of light and yet you could differentiate every single one of them. You instinctively knew which balls were planets and which were suns. There was a cloudy streak across the sky illuminated in blue and purple that looked like a vortex into another galaxy. You could see the belt clear as day with no strain or telescope required. Everything was accessible to you. Everything was known to you. You weren’t just seeing the stars you were perfectly and clearly seeing your galaxy.  You’d only seen photos like this once or twice in your lifetime and you figured they had to have been created by someone who could see everything that you could because this was magic at its finest. At its most raw and beautiful. And you fell in love with what the Gods had gifted you as it was truly a blessing.

  You somehow managed to pry your eyes from the sky and admire the man behind you who hadn’t yet built up the strength to pull his gaze away from the sight above.

  Spider-Man was your soulmate. The Spider-Man. Now all you needed to do was find out who the hell he was.

~

Tags : @wherewecomealive​ @theolwebshooter​ @watson-emma​ @le-yona​ @alainabooks143​ @dark-night-sky-99​ @myr5heart​ @the-ducks-umbrella​ @shameless-danni​ @powerstrangerdacre​ @whutisthus 

[lebrookestore]

I'm glad I was of help, I can completely relate to getting hyper fixated on something related to school (which sometimes has been just having to go back to school after a 2 day holiday) and feeling like my life will be forever ruined when I have to finally face the school related situation but nothing actually ends up happening

In my case I don't really cry but I end up feeling pretty uncomfy and sick(sometimes puke) with all the anxiety, and similar stuff is the case for a lot of my friends which is just really sad :(, it's just a mixture of asshole parents/relatives that we will forever end up defending because it's just ingrained in our mind to defend adults and people who'll say school performance doesn't matter when we panic but then get inredibly upset when something goes slightly wrong (ie passive aggresive bitches :cough: teachers :cough: parents) what makes me feel grounded these days though is my brother who's a decade older than me and he seems to be living pretty satisfactorily despite being not being the best at school and recieving the same shitty remarks from my mom as I do, he has good friends, enjoys video games like he did when he was my age but still is also a responsible adult which makes me realise how insignificant all of this is and I'm more than capable of getting through it, all of us are

these set of exams I have prob done my best job avoiding the anxiety and I'm happy that I have and I assure you they will be barely an eighth of the difficulty of a typical written exam, most kids will do good and if you've done most of the prep already you'll barely have to do any revision, after you give the first one you'll prob get what I mean

as for my username, I changed it to the one I use on other social media because yes it's hard to remember (literally a keyboard smash because I didn't think I would be using Tumblr often when I made the account)

these are the sample paper links

https://cisce.org/publicationdetail.aspx?id=96

http://cbseacademic.nic.in/SQP_CLASSX_2021-22.html

(idk why writing asks on the web version doesn't allow links), these are how your forms are going to be because they are the official ones(well depending on whatever board your school is under)

and ik how exciting it is to wait for exams to get over so you can do something creative you're into, for me it's drawing and I have so many fanart ideas with all these comebacks and my new flaming passion for resident evil (idk how this happened), let's get this bread!

also, I too, am an averagewelcome to the playground enjoyer (｡•̀ᴗ-)

good night!

#fuck school

this ended up being quite a long answer but i actually enjoyed answering it!! the answer is under the cut hehe

gosh i get hyperfixated on every little thing like today school sent out a revised time table?? with new dates for the exam??? when our exams were supposed to start on thursday this week?? which would be fine tbh its extra four days to study but at the same time i was mentally prepared for the exam on thursday yk?? and now math is my last paper yall-

my anxiety gets triggered like that too!! i tend to get panic attacks or sort of blank out in stress because im so anxious and then it refrains me from functioning like a normal human being😭 i just sort of short circuit and then pray for the best lmao, and yes!!! i totally get the need to defend your parents/adults because they are at a level of superiority to you?? its like some sort of twisted duty?? honestly good for your brother, and I'm glad you have an example of the sort!!!

unfortunately im complete opposite this is the exam i am the most stressed out and anxious about rip💀💀but honestly that confirmation you've given me as someone who has gone through it is really comforting, mine start on Monday and i am in full on study mode

!! i didn't mean you had to change your username bby i just meant you could have given me a nickname for the tags but if you're more comfortable with this one that's great!! i think its cute<33

AND THANK U SO MUCH FOR THOSE SAMPLER PAPERS YOU ACTUAL ANGEL ✨✨✨ I SHALL TAG THIS FOR RESOURCES FOR LATER

i am actually always on the web oversio nf tumblr for the most part because my asian parents refuse to let me have control over anything and have put a timer on my phone so that it konks off the moment an hour is up🤡😭 the life of an indian student 💔💔

and omg you do fanart??? is that where the suggestion of people doing fanart for my fics for my milestone event came from?? in that case i would absolutely love to see what you'd create taking inspiration from my fics but don't feel pressured to do so!! and you have a flaming passion for resident evil, while mine lies with genshin lmao

📢WELCOME TO MY PLAYGROUND SUPREMACY 📢

good night! I'm sorry i answered this so late i was studying all day rip, but thank you for this ask it was a lot of fun, I'm going to study a little more before i go to bed and yes #fuck school

[hitsuackerman]

What in the World? (Akaashi Keiji x Reader) pt.12

a/n: it begins >:)

Akaashi’s lineup: @alluring-akaashi @oikawalmart-hq @extrasugafree @bbykiyoomi @apricotjihyo @awings @simpformiya @sayakaaaaaa @colorseeingchick @demursv1ogs​ @chrisrue15 @beanst0ck @something-that-idk (i have no idea why i can’t tag some of you :( huhu )

links: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 13

Time flew by so fast in this dimension. Now that you were well adjusted and loving the new life here, it had not dawned on you that 7 months had already passed. Things were moving smoothly and pleasantly.

“Here you go.” Akaashi handed you a snack bar. The two of you (well maybe three if Bokuto is included) were practically inseparable. The team had finally managed to pin the both of you down and confirm that you two were indeed dating. “Did you sleep well?”

Walking to school was still a thing both of you did. Except this time, fingers were intertwined and barely any distance between the both of you. The only time you two let go was when the school gates were near. Still, walking down the hallways, Akaashi made sure to always brush his fingers with yours.

“I did!” You pulled him in to kiss his cheek. The small smile he gave you still made your stomach butterflies flutter. “I did have a weird dream last night. You and Bokuto-san switched personalities. Seeing you do his ‘HEY HEY HEY’ was just so wrong on all levels.”

“Is there a quirk that can do that?”

At this point in time, you barely relied on your quirk. The feeling of accomplishing things without it’s aid was much more satisfying. Of course, Akaashi still reaped its healing benefits and took note of how his stamina had improved.

“High chances. If we can have a washing machine as a pro-hero, then there’s bound to be a quirk swapping quirk.”

“A washing machine?” He brushed his thumb on the corner of your lip to wipe off a crumb. “Even now, your world still surprises me.”

“It’s great if you hear it.” Leaning on his shoulder, you tightened your hold on his hand. “Living in it is a completely different story. It’s been, what, 7 months since I arrived here and I am more than content with not having to rely on my quirk.”

“What about your combat skills? Shouldn’t you still be sharpening them?”

“I wish I could.” That was true, though. “I’m pretty much useless at 30%. Even if I wanted to lift boulders or shit, I have to maintain at least 40%. The difference is small but the output is huge. I don’t get my quirk’s logic.”

“Well, it’s still early.” The gates were now in sight but he refused to let go of your hand. “I’m pretty sure you can work on your quirk. The others won’t arrive within 30 minutes.”

“It’s been 5 months and you’re still curious to see how I fight?” You giggled.

“Yes.” He nodded. “If my girlfriend trained to be a hero, I’d love to see how you move.”

“Well, you made that sound sexy~” You nudged his elbow. “Think we can have a little action before we head to the gym?”

“It’s 6:30am, (y/n). It’s too early for that.” He teased. Yet his steps were a little faster than before. “But, I guess I can’t oppose the idea.”

The next thing you knew, your back hit the wall as Akaashi hungrily kissed you. With your legs wrapped around his waist, your fingers found themselves coming through his hair. Pinning you even more, Akaashi’s hand undid your ribbon and unbuttoned the first two. Letting go of your lips, he trailed kisses from your cheek down to the crook of your neck.

As he was softly sucking on your skin, you loosened his tie and undid the two buttons as well. Tugging his hair, you were face to face with him again. Lust filled eyes staring back into yours. Leaning in, you gently kissed his lips before returning the favor. Activating your quirk, Akaashi felt his feet leave the ground. Knowing what you were about to do, he could feel you turning the both of you around.

Skillfully placing the both of you on the floor, Akaashi leaned on the wall as his hands began to roam higher and higher up your skirt. Having you straddle him this early in the morning was rather pleasant in all aspects. Tilting his head a bit, he gave you much easier access and felt you sucking on his skin a little harsher this time.

“Make sure it’s hidden under the collar.” He managed to whisper. Hickeys were a common thing to have both your bodies. He smirked at how your only response was a nod.

Caressing your cheek, he admired the way your face glowed even more. Pulling you in softly for another kiss, he felt his stomach fluttering when you smiled.

“We should probably head to the lockers now.”

“Fine.”

“We can continue this in my room later.” He whispered before kissing you deeply.

“Counting the hours~”

Moments later, you were now pumping air into some volleyballs. Morning practice for today would only take an hour so there was plenty of time to freshen up before the homeroom. Now that the gym was packed with your boys, you rolled out the volleyball cart and positioned it beside the net.

Everyone was now used to having you as a ball girl. In fact, some of them even tried to challenge you by purposely hitting the ball too hard or too low. With your hero training, it was nothing but a walk in the park. You did notice, however, that your body began to sweat a bit more. The after effects of not using your quirk for a long time was showing.

Nothing bad happens, though. Just panting and sweating.

“Aghkaashe!” Bokuto yelled. “Can you and (y/n)-chan help with my math later?”

“I don’t mind. What about you, (y/n)?”

“Sure thing~” You approached your two favorite boys. “Bokuto-senpai, how well did you do on your previous quiz?”

The captain’s golden eyes sparkled.

“HAHAHA! Thanks to you both, I managed to get a 32/50! Whatdya think?!” He punched the air and grinned widely. When the both of you applauded he began to jump up and down while shouting his trademark.

“Calm down, Bokuto-san.” Akaashi tried to stop him from jumping up and down. His friend obeyed and gave a cheeky thumbs up.

“God, I love you both so much~” You giggled at their exchange.

“But you love Ahkaashi more, don’t you (y/n)-chan?” Bokuto added as he shouldered Akaashi. This time, his deadpan face was holding a soft smile.

“Of course!”

When Konoha’s alarm sounded, each of you began to clean up and prepare for the rest of the day. With how often you did it, it had now become second nature to you. Yukie and Kaori even admitted that you adapted much faster than they had anticipated. Once all of you were now freshened up, the gym was locked once more and each player looked forward for the after school practice.

“Exams are approaching.” Akaashi said as he let you step into the classroom first. “Have you prepared your notes?”

“I did. But, you do remember that the subjects you have here are way too easy for me, right?” Placing your bag on your desk, you took a seat and faced Akaashi. “Shall we study in your room or mine?”

“we can take turns.” Now that he was seated, he fished out one of his notebooks and placed it on his desk. Not that it was needed, it merely became one of his habits. Watching as you dragged your chair closer to him, he offered you a pen and flipped the notebook open.

“So, what do you want me to draw?” This had become one of your recent traditions. Before the start of homeroom, Akaashi noticed how you liked to doodle on his notebooks. Deciding that a special one was needed, he took the liberty of buying a blank journal for you to fill with whatever it is you saw fit.

“Hmm, I recall you saying that you designed your own hero costume.” He saw how your eyes lit up. “May i see what it looked like?”

Starting the sketch, you began to draw a figure and dressed it with your costume.

“So, my costume isn’t flashy unlike the others.” You explained. “A quirk like mine doesn’t really need a lot of support items so I went with mobility and comfort. I decided that simplicity was key. Just the normal jacket, shirt, pants, and boots. The only support item I had were my gloves.”

Sketching your gloves, Akaashi couldn’t help but adore just how focused you were. Tucking in a loose strand of hair, he felt the butterflies in his stomach churning once again as the corners of your mouth formed a smile and your cheeks turning a faint hue of pink.

“What do your gloves do?” They looked like standard fingerless gloves.

“The material was specifically designed to aid in manipulating my quirk. It concentrates the energy I release and wraps around my hand. Sorta like a human torch~” It was a bit difficult to explain how it worked knowing you didn’t listen to the man who gave you the item. As long as it aided you, it was fine.

“What were Todoroki-kun’s support items?”

“Shoto’s support items were mostly temperature regulators. Wristbands and a big one he wears like a backpack to help even him out.” You drew his support items rather well.

“Can you try to sketch Todorki-kun’s face?” Letting you draw your friends was something he wasn’t so comfortable with. Not for that reason of course. He merely assumed that it would be a sensitive topic knowing the circumstances of how you arrived in his world. When you giggled, he tilted his head.

“About time you asked~” Beginning to draw your childhood friend, you continued. “I honestly wouldn’t mind drawing my friends for you, ya know? There’s no way I can introduce you to them so sketching them would be the best alternative.”

“I’m sorry.” He held on to your free hand. “I just didn’t want to make you uncomfy.”

“You never make me uncomfy. Keiji~”

It was a quick sketch of half and half but a good one. He squinted his eye when he took note of the scar. He had heard of Tokoyami and Mina, but this one merely showed a boy about his age with a nasty burn on his face.

“Shoto’s got one helluva back story.” Your thumb began to brush Akaashi’s knuckles. “That scar was given to him by his mum when he was around 5 or 6 years old. It’s sad but he grew to accept it and is now healing.”

“You were engaged before, right?”

“For a while, yeah.” You handed him back the pen and closed the sketchpad. The bell had now rung and right on time, the teacher entered the room. Just as she was relaying a message, you were rummaging in your bag for a notebook.

“Please introduce yourselves~” The teacher said.

“Bakugo Katsuki”

“Midoriya Izuku.”

- - - - -

a/n: sooo... what yall gonna do now? :’)