#i hate drawing myself but anything for the bit
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I keep seeing fanarts of ppl's OC's being on the ship, so do you think that if there was 6st crewmember (specifically, another woman) Anya would've been more safe? Like, someone to actually call Jimmy's begaviour out, someone Anya might wanna trust? Is there a possibility something might have changed (even if a little) or it would not have mattered at all?
-š
I feel like the game would make it part of the commentary on where she would believe and help Anya but still be sort of dismissive? Like the whole ādonāt waste time crying and being scared keep going and move on, donāt let him winā. Itās supposed to be positive and reinforcing but sometimes it does more damage in those times of mourning and grief, it feels patronizing, like you donāt understand what youāre going through but they do. Even if they did call out his behavior itās still on Curly to act and while another voice would help, itās still 4 against 2 on guys that donāt get it until they have to vs women who always have to.
I donāt mind mouthwashing OCs but I do get a bit bored as they tend to be borderline saviors or like Jimmy aligned. They are either more complicit than Curly or just Jimmy haters for no reason, outside of what the creators know about what he did to Anya. I am never irked by OCs but in a story like mouthwashing you really need to think about what your character adds to the commentary, especially if they are there during the crash. Itās nice to have like characters on Anyaās side more whole heartedly and interesting to see characters who placate Jimmy but sometimes itās one note.
I canāt and donāt want to police peoples OCs itās never my intention when I comment on trends I notice, but I do feel like the way people make their OCs interact with these two characters and especially Curly, really show a grave misunderstanding of the narrative and these characters as people vs roles in the story. Still, I know people just make up characters for fun and thatās fine. Great even, but I guys Iām focusing more on OCs that are supposed to have those serious dynamics. My favs tend to be pretty-Tulpar or post-Tulpar au OCs.
The inevitably of the crash is on Jimmy. He did that not because he wasnāt stopped but because all his means to kill Anya were taken. The gun, the axe. Even if Curly did strip him of his co-pilot privileges and try to keep him contained thereās only so many people. An extra body helps but they have jobs they have to do, heās the only one steering the whole ship and Jimmy would likely have an out: food, bathroom, etc. Heās not new and if he couldnāt crash the ship directly, whoās to say he wouldnāt sabotage something else? A clunker like the Tulpar wouldnāt take much. An extra person helps but itās just another thing that prolongs what a person like Jimmy is willing to do to shirk responsibility.
Itās more than just needing someone to stand up to him and think thatās what is missing when it comes to inserting a character into the mouthwashing setting.
#like again most people treat Jimmy like a misanthrope and heās not and the way heās just evil/rude to everyone all the time just isnāt real#like heās snarky and rude but it canāt be 100% of the time like hes not going out his way to instigate#heās the type to say shit and hope it stirs the pot like Daisuke likes him at first#thinks heās a bit of a jerk but he likes him like unless you specifically make a character heās dislike heās not just gonna be#readily antagonistic to strangers or at the get go#not to mention itās not just about Anya needing a friend but someone with the power to do something#a point in why she confides in Curly is heās the captain sheās not just gonna tell the only other woman just because itās still personal#not every girl tells their friend or another woman especially if they are new and they donāt know how they react not all girls are#girls girls some can be just as toxic as the men they are being confided in about#the nuance of the situation is not solved by having more people who actively hate jimmmy if anything it would make him escalate further as#clearly has issues with how people perceive him and being liked like another woman who hates him thatās gonna do something crazy in his mind#I think itās interesting when OCs explore another side of the pre established dynamics as Jimmy uses each remaining crew member to fill a#something Curly provided for him and represent his dynamic with Anya and being an abuser I just feel like a lot is being missed out on#and itās mainly cause people donāt want to make OCs that arenāt great people like itās okay to have a grey mediocre OCs in situations like#this its realistic and helps you write more grounded characters like idk i like the ocs but eh im not like a super fan#I really should make an analysis on Jimmy cause people hate discussing him and his character is being really misunderstood#like not saying sheās innocent or an excuse but just not getting how he is supposed to work like heās no dick fucking dasteredly#heās a shitty guy who gets shittier like he aināt start out an avengers level threat#mouthwashing#š anon#mouthwashing game#ask#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#mouthwashing oc#now I gotta make an oc just to prove myself but I canāt draw#so maybe not cuz whatās the point if I canāt explain the fly drip
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āWhat?ā Quin whispered at the Kingās words. He nearly asked him to repeat himself because he didnāt believe the words he had heard. They were still betrothed. He was surprised with everything that happened the King would allow them to move forward with it. He remember the concern Cesareās father had before he was kidnapped, how it was Quinās fault he looked so haunted. How Cesare had set off without a momentās notice to retrieve Quin from his uncleās grasp. He knew Cesare loved it, Quin never doubted that, but it was what Cesare would do for him that scared him. Because if it came down to it, Quin wasnāt sure Cesare would put his country before him. And it would only be a matter of time before his uncle figured that out.Ā
āAbout time,ā Maximus said, shoving at Quinās shoulder. āI gave Cesare my permission forever ago.ā Quin cut his brother a glare but the squeeze of his hand had him drawing his attention back to Cesare as the King continued to talk to Maximus. Quin studied their clasped hands, the words of Cesareās father going in one ear and out the other. He understood what the man was saying and in a perfect world Maximus would have the time to find his soulmate and marry for love, but that wasnāt their reality and they were running out of time. He knew it wasnāt the time to argue his point, he would wait to get Maximus alone for that.Ā
And then he heard Cesareās words and Quintus felt like he was floating. Everything he had longed for, had wanted was right in front of him, and he could take it. Cesare would give his unwavering love for Quin freely and without restraints, but even as Cesare spoke beautiful words to him, Quintus didnāt know if he should.Ā
Because the truth of the matter was that Cesare didnāt know everything and Quin never wanted him to. The fact of the matter was that Quin, despite Cesareās best efforts, may not survive seeing his brother to the throne. And if they were to enter into a union, Quin would become a liability to Cesare. One that his uncle would have no issue exploiting. It was dangerous to continue their relationship when everything was on the line. He knew once they married, he would be a member of Adrosā court. If his uncle kidnapped Quintus again or even successfully killed him, there was no other choice but for the countries to go to war.Ā
āOf course itās what I want,ā He said quietly to Cesare, glancing up to meet his gaze. āItās what Iāve always wanted since I met you and knew I would do anything for seconds of your attention.ā He squeezed Cesareās hands, rubbing his thumb along his knuckles. āFor the longest time I didnāt think love was meant for me, but you came into my life and I knew if I wanted anyone to love me it was you. Loving you is having company during thunderstorms, itās adventures, and sharing meals. Itās disagreeing but coming together to solve the problem anyways. Itāsā¦ā Quin ducked his chin to his chest, avoiding Cesare for the moment as he attempted to control the blush spreading across his face. Fuck, how he hated that Maximus and Cesareās father was here for this. āItās having my best friend by my side.āĀ
āIām not going to pretend that one didnāt hurt a bit because it did,ā Quin heard Max say in the background.Ā
āIf our circumstances were different, I would marry you tonight. I need you to know that. But as it stands, while my uncle is alive and fighting to take over our countries, I canāt put you in a position where Iām a liability to you because if he catches wind of this, he will use us against each other. If that costs you your throne, I would never forgive myself.ā He closed his eyes, shaking his head, forcing himself to fight the sting of tears. āIām in this, Cesare, with you, but only when itās safe for you and Adros.ā
It felt as if he'd slipped in between realities because the conversations happening in front of him truly couldn't be. While Cesare knew this was all apart of their lives but it hurt to hear Max saying that. Still on the mend and out of his own country just added insult to injury and Cesare leaned forward to offer his hand to him, knowing full and well that it wasn't anything but a sign of understanding.
"While both of you are right." The king interjected, sending Cesare to clasp onto Quin's hand instead. He felt the reflex to push him off but he held on tighter. "Quintus and Cesare are already betrothed to one another." His eyes darted between his son and the prince expectantly. "They announced it upon their arrival and unless I'm not privy to some sort of discussion on that being changed. It still stands." Cesare swallowed hard and his fingers flexed around Quin's, the heat between them creating a comfortable feel and he felt himself leaning towards him in turn. "I'll take that as a no. Then we've already a foot in the right direction." He breathed out and looked to Max then. "I know I'm not the right man to be discussing this with you or even have a right to but I knew your father well. He was a dear friend to me as you are to my son."
Cesare felt the room shift just then for him. His father rarely opened up or spoke softly to anyone but his mother and him. It was something he'd admired, how he could always hold his role of King separate when the time was needed for it. "Both of your parents would want the two of you to be happy. And I for one agree with them. I wish the very same for Cesare." He sighed and looked at the three of them. "I'm afraid this world will be extra hard on you but if you are going to marry, all of you then let it be for the right reasons." He paused, smiling softy to himself for a moment. "The selection of a partner is one thing but to marry and have bliss? That will be the true tell of how powerful a ruler you will be. Your parents are great examples of that." He tried his best to not let it show but he felt the tears welling at the sight of their future before him. "So please take your time in choosing. For you choose for a whole country as well. You two will always be welcomed guests in this country and my home." He raised his hand, waiving for his hand to come to him. He'd whispered briefly in the man's ear and sent him on out of the room.
The cool breeze of the door closing again sent a chill down Cesare's spine and he tore his gaze from his father and to Max and then Quin. "I made the right choice." He told him boldly, turning in his chair until their knees met. He wished they hadn't just dragged him out of the bowls of hell and away from that man but he needed Quin to know. "I have loved you for a long time." He could see Max moving in the background but had to block him out because saying this had to be done right then. "I want your home to be here. With me." He felt his lips pulling into a small smile at that. "I can't undo what's been done but I can make sure that the rest of your life is full and you'll never be left wanting for anything." His lips pressed together and he felt the rest of the room looking at them but all he cared about were the two in front of his own. "But only if that's what you want Quintus."
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in which: april 1st special
#my art#comics#p5#goro akechi#i hate drawing myself but anything for the bit#inspired of course by classic april fools askblog special events lol#i'm not gonna make a big fuss but if you send in an ask for a limited time it'll come with an akechi doodle gomic.#you know. in the spirit of things#it's not april 1st quite yet where i am. but don't worry about these things <3#i'll just rb this again tmrw i guess lolol#april fools 2024
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i canāt do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I donāt want to do it Iām just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. Iāll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. Iād love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period canāt decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damnā¦.#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally wonāt die. itāll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but Iām still stressing myself about it so my thoughts arenāt really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I donāt really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? itās been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just donāt#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but itās not very fun when it feels like Iām going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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How draw like you T^T
Do you have any advice for learning to draw better? Like, resources or practices or anything?
Time. and referencing. No way around it but to put in the hours.
#ask#some variation of this question has been asked and answered millions of times#Iāve asked it myself to artists I like#but honestly you just gotta put in the hours#it sucks because I hate patience and practice LOL I wanna be good instantly#tho I will say#unless youāre trying to be come a career artist dont push yourself to draw anything u donāt want to#for years I just drew cute girls and gay people and then eventually I had to learn bgs in order to make my cute girls and gay ppl more cool#and same w props etc etc etc#I tried to learn rendering for a while but is just not fun to me#and then I was like wait why am I pushing myself to unfun art? I donāt need to be career skilled#itās just a hobby#so yeah like there is ofc worth in studies and pushing urself a bit#but for my fellow hobbyists: itāll come naturally eventually as u want to make ur pieces shine. dont torture urself#and for u anon. just put in the years#some stuff like iterative drawing and again references can speed it up a bit#draw daily if u want to shorten the years to improve#but overall the hours to learn will be mostly the same.#I myself have many years to go still and many hours before Iām at where I want to be haha
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I just managed to get off mha hyperfixation
And now it's happening again... Oh no
Helps with upcoming MHUI LoV event tho, it was a long time since last one happened I wonder what would happen in a new filler story part
Basically this and couple of pages of mid-final arc chapters + recent episode and next one being The Dabi episode was just too much not to get excited again
But! Important thing - I need to reread the last arc before I make anything new, if possible without finishing it to the 419 chapter and everything after, it took 2 months to really recover from the damage that chapter did
Anyway am I ready for the new event? Kinda! Do I have enough gems to get new Tomura? No! I'm not sure he'll even show up this time, because other ones were and still are really stubborn
Also Steampunk recruit took like 120 pulls in a step-up recruit and in the usual one combined
Not the best time to get LoV involved, it's cruel even
Also that one part of the page I added at the beginning was so interesting to look at and them I joked about 236 being similar. The only good thing with final arc being over is that I can say that Izuku didn't draw the parallel of seeing everyone hurt and seeing Tenko react on Mon's death
Understandable why, but it's funny to just look at them and be like, "wow Horikoshi traumatized them both"
#bnha#mhui#morning thoughts#not art#tenko shimura#shigaraki tomura#izuku midoriya#midoriya izuku#Still trying to assure myself that it's okay to tag whatever with whatever#If I get into drawing Izuku and Tenko interacting again this post is why#I don't prefer shipping stuff aside from here and there but some of the relationships are so interesting to look at#Izuku and Tenko one is one of my favorites and when PLF arc ended with Izuku looking behind who Tomura was on the outside was...#I can't describe it because I was SURE it was never happening and then it did and almost 3 years after that we get the actual thing#And then boom it's over#I thing knowing that AFO shows up in the 418 ruined it for me I saw people trying to predict it and stuff#But I hoped it wasn't gonna happen but I didn't know what would the other option be#So I was in 'we'll see' mindset for months and I'm okay with the end result... Kinda#It hurts really badly if I turn to my actual emotions#I was just thinking one day and while reading stuff decided to punch a pillow and suddenly it's like some wall broke and it hurt#It hurts now too actually just writing this#I thought because I wasn't processing this the way most people I saw in the fandom did with all of the hating on Horikoshi and stuff#AND hating on Izuku too!#I was either broken or a strange one even to the part of the fandom I tried to join for the first time in ages#While people were clinging to anything to keep deluding themselves that Tomura is alive#Or being openly angry on Twitter#It all was on Twitter actually because I have no power to really change what it shows if I don't just āignoreā every single person there#I tried drawing through it but I slowly hit burnout with drawing absolutely nothing#I'm a bit better now and I tried different things instead so it's alright still a bit... Too much all at once since I had irl stuff too#I'm glad that I'm not known enough to be pressured about anything since I pressure myself enough already
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... Mhm
#haikyuu!!#fan art#sketch#yahaba shigeru#traditional art#haikyuu art#vent art#idk if it actually is but its there in case people dont want to see that kind of stuff#anyway im going to rambling about projecting for a bit because im not feeling so hot rn#1 its low self esteem hours for... reasons I'd rather not disclose because i dont need others feeling bad about it anyway blah blah blah#constant feelings of being undesirable and like im not valuable for just myself throwing that onto Yahaba and his relationship to oikawa#2 i feel very guilty about the way I'm feeling atm because other people are very happy and i just feel like im making things about me being#sad if i say anything to those involved#3 i hate asking for attention and feeling like I'm going out of my way trying to get it when everyone else seems like it just fucking#happens to them instead of searching for it#man maybe getting bullied in middle school did have a lasting impact on me#drawing my boy crying keeps me from crying!!#screaming and crying and whatever else goes with it#anyway...#mutuals please dont ask me about this i just needed to throw it out into the void
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I'm gonna have to work on my final project non stop for like a month straight bc I procrastinated on it too much fuck my stupid baka life
#.txt#also I have to do a movie pitch for it bitch it's an amv with intentionally one dimensional characters š tf do I even say about it#at least the characters are like. knockoff jaime and tommen so its almost like im drawing asoiaf fanart#unfortunately I've come to hate them. the knockoffs I mean#I wanna change the designs a bit so they dont resemble my blorbos as much. i think im gonna give the kid darker hair#ok well discount jaime just looks like him with 2 hands and a blue cape šand I cant change him atp#my worst mistake was giving him like. a solid metal skirt armor thing bc its a pain in the ass to animate#at the start of the year I had the most work done out of everyone how did this happen#its bc they started nitpicking the story and I kinda lost motivation to work on it lke this shit is stupid. and cringe#by they I mean the extra screenwriting teachers we had a couple lessons with which like. this is an animation course not a writing course#I'd get it if it was like. a full time school but we have 2 3 hour classes a week we dont have time for this shit man#ig my mistake was that my idea didn't start from the story it started from the song I wanted to make a cool music video for it#its not that the story is nonsensical or anything its just a very basic fairytale esque thing nothing groundbreaking#'but you're not SAYING anything with this' I'm not trying to omg just let me make my little amv :(#does everything need a plot twist or to subvert expectations is it not enough that it looks cool#there's a couple people who are worse off than me in terms of how much they've done but also theres a couple that are nearly done#looking at them like god I wish that were me.....#and also I think I accidentally overwrote a shot I worked on for 3 hours. killing myself#maybe I can restore a previous version but its on the school computer and the school is closed for a week so im not gonna know until then
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Very lazy mutant mayhem Donnie sketch
#my art#imadesomething#tmnt mutant mayhem#mutant mayhem donnie#art#very sorry for not being active#i won't be able to post anything in this and next month#fucking exams#you have no idea#how much i hate this fucking exams time and myself#for not being able to study properly nor draw#i... iam tired#but anyway#hope you won't miss me very much#sorry for venting a bit in the tags above
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GAAHAHHHHH
#venting in the tags#maybe its just past darkness and the Bad Thoughts which i shouldnt listen to are clouding my brain too much#but i feel so fucking weird and inadequate over everything rn#im unable to work on drawings as i usually would have and its kinda plaguing everything which it should like yeah i love drawing but#i cant let just one aspect of me ruin everything. right? the fact that i havent been able to draw as well as i usually can should make me#feel sick to the stomach and unsure about everything i do but it happening and i hate it.#plus i got the ipad id saved up from the comms to buy and its fun and nice and all and maybe i just need more practice with it but i feel#like im not able to draw on it even more? and i spent the whole day trying to get used to it but its just not as good?? and then when i went#back to the no screen wacom i couldnt get a hang of it becuase idek its just not happening#and also the fucking art block wants me dead i swear i want to draw so bad and i have so many ideas but the moment i start anything its just#crumbles down into nothingness and i hate everything i do and gods fuck i want to cry but i can because there are people at home and#usually im a big 'crybaby' when im at home but i dont fucjing wanna be like that anymore like i can handly my shit myself im fine.#i dont need to just fuckinf cry abiut it becuase thats not gonna fox anything but also i feel like crying might just make me feel better#but then id have to hear shit from my family and i know theyre just teasing in a /pos way but i dont wanna fucking deal with that#plus my brother iust talking to him os annoying sometimes like he talks about things so condescendingly and fucking hel dude shut#the fuck up i dont need you telling me that my art is something people can 'just do' and the fact that i was able to get the ipad#'basically for free since i got that money from the little drawings i make' as if they dont fucking mean anything to you like#shut the fucking fuck up dude i worked hard on those and even though i dont like my own shit sometimes i still fucking work hard on those#fuck you you bitch#i think a lot of things are just piling up and i need to sleep#tomorrow will be a new dawn and a fresh start and maybe ill hate myself less#ps. note to anyone reading the tags#im fine i just needed to yell out and express my frustration a bit. some sleep will help surely.
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I must be a masochist or smth with the designs Iāve come up with for these digital boys
#bits of banter#not even. kidding#for hours now Iāve just been sitting. drawing on my phone trying to get these two (profile and digital/program) consistent#with both their original designs and how Iāve designed them myself#GOD ITS SO HARD#I must hate myself#if I were drawing on anything other than a phone then I bet thisād be easier but no#itās just me and Saturn (my phone) against the world huh#I PUT. HOODIES. ON THEM FOR A REASON. AND YET?? STILL HARD
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dfhaskdfjsdkf good day š
#š.vents#i don't remember sleeping this long i think i woke up 12 then 2 then#5. i wld've slept for longer if i didn't force myself to get up n i think the milk tea helped wake me a bit#i'm so..#the burden of my regrets r so suffocating. there are times i can't see anything else when i'm drowning in them.#if such trivial failures affect me this much then how tf will i survive in this cruel world?#i know i'll always find my way but i wonder the lengths of what i sacrifice. of what i deny and destroy within myself#& of how it'll affect me in the unforeseeable future. of what more loss and pain it'll bring in this world#compared to before i don't often put up a mask anymore. even if it's painful i choose to be authentic. i've improved in that sense#but it's not enough. perhaps i'm simply too harsh on myself; forgetting i am human and that i falter too. i'm not perfect n i shouldn't be.#even with my shortcomings there r ppl that stay. that say thank you. and. yeah. yeah.. that should be proof enough of real reciprocation#but.#i don't know am i really just so afraid of being forgotten? left behind? thinking of it n i used to write of that fear often back then#opening up to 'friends'. being told i was loved. that i would always have my place here#this is pathetic i grew up relying too much on success for my worth. i know i'm so much more but#i placed this on myself. this is the ocean i chose to drown myself in. so when i falter in the only thing i grew up being good that#bcs it hurts yk i used to draw. i painted a lot as a kid but what happened to that passion?#i used to write. a lot. but these past few years.. i don't know what's wrong with me. why it's so hard to do that again#piano. if i continued i would have.. i really had the potential to be. good. i mean i#i've never been a genius i've honestly always hated being called that. i know i've always been naturally smart but.#my hard-work carried me further. and i'm not.. smart enough or good enough to be a genius. never have been.#hollow compliments. before hs it was like everyone really just knew me for my brain. nothing of the way i wrote or my passions. just smarts#so now i'm just a shadow; a ghost of who i used to be. in that aspect at least. but. now w my other strengths they've been faltering too#i'm sorry i should've been better i should do more i know i can. but maybe i. i've always overestimated myself#i think when i was around 6-8 before grade school i can't really remember anymore but there was this competition i think#i would've gotten second if i didn't hesitate. if i didn't fucking hesitate. n i think that always stuck with me#bcs i was really quite the timid shy kid. even though i was older i wld be the one following apollo.. i'm sorry. they deserve more than me#bulbel is making me cry bye wtf
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oouughgh i'm suffering so many ideas can't draw anything oouguugughhgh
#the void screaming#the number of times i've opened csp today; did a 5 minute sketch; closed csp; and reopened it to do another sketch dfjhfdsjkdjsdh#IM TRYING TOO HARD I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO DRAW TO BE PRODUCTIVE but also i just rly wanna draw anyway grrrrrrrrr#the thing w/ being unable to perceive time is that it feels like it's been over a week since i last drew anything. which is just false LOL#so my brain is always like brrrrrrrrrr you need to do smthn you haven't done anything this month YES I HAVE BE QUIETTTTTT#brainrot these past few weeks has been insane i keep wanting to write/draw the emos (and mine)#i keep side eyeing my huge charms file sdfghjkjh yeah i could maybe draw a cheeb rn but. *looks up with eyes glowing red* i don't want to.#another funny thing about no time perception lately is that i can force myself outta art block in like. a few days#bc i'm perpetually like OKKKK YOU NEED TO DO ART IT'S ALL YOU'RE GOOD FOR CHOP CHOP YOU'VE HAD A LONG ENOUGH BREAK#i need to go outside or smthn afhjds but nowhere to go nothin to do can't drive no friends :( get me outta butt ass nowhere for a bit man!!#i wanna GO somewhere with PLACES and get my head outta the clouds for a day ššš i hate it here sometimes#ANYWAY no im just gonna go gamin and try to not touch my tablet for the rest of the night#that's it that's my big rant in the tags thank u for reading my screams :)
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(manifesting) im gonna post art soon instead of illnessposting live i am simply rn being the sickest mf out there B) (<-- did nothing but sleep or lay awake pondering nothing these past two days)
#also ik ik i dont owe anyone anything this is more of a summoning for myself#i havent drawn anything properly in three days and my hands want me to die#only doodles n such and i just wanna DRAW but i have been paranoid and feeling like death is trying to claim me#and now that im a bit more coherent idek where to start ;w;#dunno if this is covid or nah but man it is a nasty little bitch..!#feeling better tho tis just my throat now that hates me and my nostrils wanting to cry#also the lower rib pain but weve all had that ukno huffaw
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Wrist hurts, can't sleep, stressed out, so I actually braved the Ironwood tag and found some cute art. We interrupt your regularly scheduled (well, queued) karate nonsense content for some of that nonsense instead
#it's just been wall to wall karate kid and cobra kai posting around here lately huh?#i scrolled my own blog earlier and there's even less variation than usual#it's mainly just my queue though and i've slowed it down again#but l always get a bit freaked out when my wrist pain flares up#because it stops me from drawing or doing basically anything productive#and that activates aaaall the money worries#(that's why i've been so talkative today i'm beating back the stress with a stick made of distractions)#so we're having Ironwood Hours around here for a bit#but boy howdy has that fandom apparently gotten even less hospitable in the last year#i've always avoided it because of the incessant ironwood hate#but it looks like that's gotten worse! fun! ugh#but i braved it long enough to find cute fanart and now i'm retreating back to my corner of mostly talking to myself#personal stuff
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Tried to sketch anything for LoV and my pc just showed blue screen while I did that
I guess he's tired of drawing them too rn
#not art#unfortunately#life stuff#it's almost 3 am#I'm a bit sad that even without that I couldn't draw anything#It's like I've reached what I wanted and on top of that I'm out of ideas#But at the same time I just try to distance myself from them for now#And it's sad because I've just tried to reconnect with the fandom recently and now it's a mess to be in#Shippers are actually having the best time now#in a way#Still bad time but better#As I said I try to take a break and it seems like I'm wasn't even joking#Because I can't#It feels hollow because it's the end#Decay theory is true and anything after that? Pointless whatever happens the worst thing happened#So have nothing to analyze over and over again for fun#it's depressing#It's like I'm trying to run but I meet the wall I didn't see while running and suddenly I need to accept that the wall exists#I'm chill with 434 it's calming me down but 419 is still a nightmare of āyeah decay theory? Real.ā#I knew it was coming and I was too deep in denial to deal with it and I know that and I hate that#anyway goodnight#just a funny thing#And depressive tags
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