#i had to skip it it was making me feel ill | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

docmerlin · 5 months ago

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nice of the chuckle sandwich boys to open disability pride month with an extremely ableist tangent

#/s /s /s #someone sent in a helen keller conspiracy theory and they went along with it so hard #i had to skip it it was making me feel ill #i'm glad some of the comments called them out at least #because jfc that's not just like haha edgy humor #it's like. extremely ignorant and blatantly ableist #deafblind people have existed forever and continue to live happy and full lives you dumbasses #that was just. a bad episode #a big go fuck yourself to the person who sent that in #and to the hosts for platforming it and agreeing with it #vent //#ness talks

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heartorbit · 1 year ago

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a new world together

#project sekai #emu otori #pjsk #prsk #proseka #colorful stage #HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMU!!!!! MY BAYABTBTBTHTBTB MY ITTY BOTTY MY SILLY WILLY DAUGHTER MY DESTROYER OF WORLDS. HANDS HER A SWITLY LOLLIPOP.#🍭FOR YOU MY BEAUTIFUL SON. I LOVE MY BESUTIFUL SON.#i make bday profiles for all of wondershow but I FEEL LIKE I DIDNT DO AS GOOD ON EMUS. IM SAD. T_T IT'S STILL CUTE BUT... HEEEM.....#WAAAAAH WAAAUAUAUAUAUGUGUUHGU WAAAAAH #UEUEUUEUEE T____T!!!!!#i had to spark her bday card. i ammdown to 2000 gems. darkness fes here i come.#IM SO SAD I HAVE TO SKIP EMUS PAINTER CAAAAAARD ITS SO CUTE I LOVE IT SO MUUUCH ill draw the outfit lots.... snimiffle. and hope it comes #to me during color fest. About to go play more splatfest i had to finish this while its still the 9th FRYESWEEEEEP PLEASE BE IN THE LEEEEAD #EDIT I LIEEEEED PAINTER EMU IS MIIINE EHEHEHYEJEYEHEHEYEHEY #Peaches and love on planet earth:)#EDIT OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY FOR RUSHING THIS TO GO PLAY SPLATFE ST I DIDNT REALIZE HER RIGHT ARM IS SO MESSED HELPME its fine shes perfect

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puppyeared · 2 months ago

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AND I MET THE CHANGE GOD TOO. OKAY. COOL OKAY

#I WASNT EVEN MEANING TO SO I ACCIDENTALLY SKIPPED THE DIALOGUE BEFORE I KNEW WHAT WAS HAPPENING FUCK #ill go and find it later if only to give myself peace of mind. BUT WOW. WHAT THE FUCK #my original plan was to 1) work my way to the king and talk to him 2) doom myself and take everyone down with me 3) loop back to floor 3 #so i can visit the observatory and scrounge for any lore. although since i got killed that run siffrin asked the king to kill him first #which was intereresting. but i decided to have all doors unlocked that time around so i can just get the starcrest and go #but for some reason it wasnt working so i went to get the keyknife since i was already there and completely forgot i already had it #from the previous loop and THATS what triggered it. IT WAS FUNNY BUT ALSO SCARY BUT ALSO I THINK I GET WHAT THEY MEAN #about siffrin going back without actually changing. going along with a script even if his feelings on things change #the same way he has his own small rituals like the carving thing and does it for constancy. reassurance or safety even #and the times when he breaks script and ends horribly like the sadness attacking thing and bonnie yelling at him cause him to loop #to avoid it. although i cant really say anything bc id probably do the same thing. maybe not for the same reasons since im cruel #and make him do the worst to see what will happen since i put curiosity over rejection sensitivity as an observer and player but well.#i feel wrongfooted bringing it up since i dont have it myself but i have to wonder if this kind of leans into ocd tendencies.. i remember #reading something about how ocd is fuelled by fear. and things like counting and rituals are kind of used to cope with that?#if anyone knows anything more or talked abt it already id be really interested in hearing it bc im almost sure im not #the first to come to this conclusion. but i simply dont know enough nor have the confidence to broach the topic rn esp with how often #misconceptions around ocd get casually passed around so its hard for me to know what is and isnt a baseless assumption #puppy plays isat #in stars and time #isat #playthru #isat spoilers #in stars and time spoilers #isat act 3 spoilers #change god #WHAT WAS THAT WITH WEARING LOOPS FACE THOUGH WHAT THE FUCKKK

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captainbee66 · 20 days ago

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Here, have a teaser for "Make a Friend?" because I need to prove that I haven't abandoned this fic

#I don't know if this snippet makes any sense out of the context but its late for me and i can't think very well #qsmp #qsmp fitmc #qsmp fitpac #qsmp pactw #fitpac #fitpac fics #I'm having to change my intended chapter 7 into what I had planned for chapter 8 because it was NOT working. I couldn't get the motivation #to finish the sickfic part so we're just skipping that now 🎉🎉🎉 ill try to fill in the blanks as best I can but uuuugh #you'll enjoy this chapter though I think. Very fluffy #lots of fit #QSMP android!fit au #day 1 billion of this stupid robot not realizing that he's experiencing feelings

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scrimblospectrumdisorder · 1 year ago

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unironically one of the most fucked up endings to any manga ever i literally cried for like 30 minutes when I first reached the last few chapters of this

#me.txt #kazeki #kaze to ki no uta #1970s manga #vintage shoujo #the story has so many problems and i had to skip certain parts but also its just so tragic and i feel so bad for the characters #i dont really assume any ill intent in the content btw its just that some of it isnt executed as well as it could be to say the least #i think tho the way things are so flowery and beautiful when its just horrific (gilberts backstory) add to how its distorted his worldview #which to me makes it even sadder cause im reading it like no no no no 😭😭#but weirdly i think that goes over some ppls heads . idk. this scene in particular illustrates it well though #the way he looks back on his life with such rosetinted glasses because its all he ever knew... :( it just makes me so sad #i just wish he got a happy ending because he did not deserve all that #top 10 anime characters who have suffered more than jesus

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itsahotminuteinbetween · 3 days ago

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trying to be okay...just gotta make it for two more days...two days and the week is over...

#we aren't doing very well #don't know why #just arent #doesnt make sense since #good weekend #grades are fine #classes are fine #trying to stay upbeat and act normal but #don't really feel like talking much #is that a lie #i don't know #emotions have been all over the place all week #feel really great and then really dead and #shouldn't be alternating that fast that's probably not normal #am i just acting that though?#we don't know #made fun of us again today #peers were talking about illnesses and #they brought up a personal one #started making fun of people who had em so #we told em to stop #started making fun of me #they shouldn't say things like that though #not that anyone listens to me #they dont like me much #think it's cuz we skipped up but might also be for personal reasons but #yea we're #not doing so well right now #delete later

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unexpectedbrickattack · 2 years ago

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Im so excited to almost be done w comms bc i cannot wait to Also jump on the bandwagon and play dress up w Peppino

#chattin #so many fun outfits #im debating if i should make like a private twitter for some of the stuff i would Like to draw #bc i feel like #what happens is i go through a RUSH where i am enjoying drawing things and it flows out naturally #and then i hit a wall bc something i would like to draw is overwhelmingly Not sfw #and im like well thats okay ill just skip past that and work on other things!#only i CANT bc its like ‘oops u did not draw and post the thing that has been on ur mind so now ur punishment is thinking about it 24/7’#which like sucks bc then i get caught on it for so long that i lose steam #and i DONT want to lose steam w this fandom i REALLY dont and i wanna keep it w me for as long as possible #so the only solution i think is to find a place to post it and i think a locked twitter account would help w that #bc like the pic i reblogged w the hot pink outfit is SO fucking good and im frothing at the mouth thinking about it #but i blocked someone bc they saw it From Me and had the nerve to add a rudeass reply #like shut ur whole mouth up u dick #and if i dont have the patience to deal w that on OTHER ppls posts #i will be actually angry if someone does that to me #i will think on it

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heartshattering · 2 months ago

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My mom is like "You don't need both the TV and the radio turned on :/" like she doesn't understand that the whole point is that the inside of my head is so loud that the only way to fight the 'inside loudness' is with 'outside loudness' but :') this is fine I'll just keep going insane :') no need to worry about me :')

#I took my meds so hopefully that helps dial down the inner loudness a bit but I'm not optimistic tbh #if I'm too worked up then they don't work as well on me #idk why I just feel like I've been going crazy all day long!!!!#I'm losing my grip on things and everything feels wrong and fake #I feel so bad both physically and mentally #I'm really hoping it's just from not getting my injection yet and it'll all go away once I get it again #but I mean it's true I'm also mentally ill so idk?#for sure it's been feeling even worse than usual for me though and idk why that would randomly be happening now #and like. 2 severe headaches a day every day is not normal for me #waking up panicked from vivid nightmares literally EVERY night is not normal for me #I am extremely exhausted both physically and mentally and literally do nothing but still feel like shit #I get headaches when I wake up but they usually go away but the ones I've had recently are debilitating and won't stop #like I had to skip an online meeting because one had me feeling so terrible I just couldn't power through #I keep feeling like I'm going to die like just drop dead finally #even though that's illogical but it's how my body is making me feel #idk it just sucks #kind of tempted to ask on reddit about it but like #people go on there to share the worst of their experiences and I have enough health related phobias already #I did enough skimming to find out that it probably *is* from missing my injection though #ughhfuhfh

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wishchthumblr · 6 months ago

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on todays episode of "mental health issues that could easily be solved by one single thing that i dont have", GET A MICROWAVE!!!

i just know SO many of my eating related issues (not all obviously but a LOT of them) would be solved if this house just had a goddamn microwave

today i ate like... 1/4th of those small frozen pizzas, 1/3rd of a grilled cheese, and 1/3rd bowl of macaroni and meatballs. and yall wanna know why i didnt eat the whole thing of any of them? its cause my stupid adhd ass took too long to eat and the food got cold. and then i Cannot Eat That anymore. so even though i was still hungry i didnt eat the rest of it and just went back to rotting on youtube shorts and being too hungry to do anything and feeling dumb and unproductive and being guilty of making food that i dont eat. just... feeling like a big ol' waste

but the thing is, if i just

✨owned a microwave✨

i could just reheat the motherfucking food and still eat it and not feel like ive wasted that food. ((because since that food is wasted i feel guilty about making it, so i dont make any more food until next meal time, but then i didnt finish that either cause im stupid and eat too slow.))

but we dont have a microwave. only an oven. and yeah maybe i couldve reheated the 3/4th pizza or the grilled cheese in the oven, but then again the oven uses a lot of electricity. and my mom is always complaining that i turn the oven on, forget that its on for a while, and that im wasting electricity. and i was too tired and hungry to deal with that possibility. plus with the oven theres a chance i forget it too long or have it too hot and burn the food and that would just make me feel worse

but we dont have a microwave, because my mom thinks having a microwave leads to "eating more unhealthy foods that you just heat up" instead of "real food". so i didnt reheat any of my food. so i didnt eat it. it got to the point where it got cold and gross so i just threw it in the trash and hope my mom or grandma doesnt notice.

but if i had a microwave, i couldve reheated that food. and i couldve eaten it. ((and yeah, maybe i wouldnt have ate the whole thing, but maybe half at least? that counts right? well it dont really matter if it counts or not cause it didnt happen.))

and then maybe i wouldnt have been feeling like im gonna faint the whole day and maybe i wouldve gotten literally anything done instead of just scrolling on pinterest and youtube shorts for hours and feeling worthless. and maybe if i ate i wouldnt have hurt myself today

but nope. no microwave. it leads to "unhealthy" habits. i guess not eating enough to count as even ONE full meal is healthier since its not "microwave food"

thanks mom

#tw eating issues #tw self harm #btw to my irl friends. if you see this no you did not #sorry honey if you see this. cause i know you like my mom and think shes really nice #which she is!! most of the time aha #the hurting myself happened bc i usually have sprinkled cheese on my macaroni and meatballs #but i used all the cheese in the sandwich that i binned #which made me feel like such a fucking idiot and a waste #so i started crying #and i took the metal lid from the boiling macaroni pot and pressed it to me leg for like 10 seconds straight #fun fact: im really good at muffling any sound when im in pain. haha #it didnt feel like enough though. my knife drawer had stuff infront of it but theres a loose screw on my table #so i ripped that across my skin a couple times #some blood came out but not “enough” pain #so then i had the very strong urge to hurt MORE #and intrusively imagined what id be like to take a knife and drive it into my stomach #which was a little shocking cause i havent had THAT thought in a while #AND THEN i remembered i have my swedish final on monday and i have to make a speech and i havent even chosen a topic yet #and that ill have to meet the swedish teacher that is the reason for the only times i have ever cried or cut at school #and then i had another like... daydream hallucination thing about telling my asshole swedish teacher #that the reason i dont have a speech is cause i realised id see him on monday and wanted to kms :3 #kinda still feel like cutting and i scratched myself with the sharp screw a bit more but at least venting about this helped a little #yall if i look my teacher in the eyes and tell him he makes me want to kms and that his behavior and attitude HAS made me cut myself #and that i pray to god he treats his own children better than he treats his students #think hed let me skip the test? yes or no?#god i feel so dizzy rn #but i dont wanna make more food and have to throw it away. i wish we had snacks in this house #wish’s whispers #personal vent #this was a lot of tags aha

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apollo-zero-one · 7 months ago

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Man I can't believe I had the chance to go to a performing arts school up through middle school and I fuckin quit after 6 months just because I got bullied. BRO YOUR HOMEWORK WAS POETRY!! YOU HAD TO PRACTICE DANCING TO COTTON EYE JOE AS YOUR BIG UNIT TEST. GYM CLASS HAD A CIRCUS UNIT!! YOU HAD A WHOLE DAILY CLASS ON IMPROV!!! YOU FOOL!! YOU ABSOLUTE IMBICILE!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A YOUTUBER!!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE TWEENAGERS GETTING LOADED BY MAKING SHITTY YOUTUBE SHORTS IN 2008-14!! But noooOoooOOOoo little miss Noellie (who WANTED TO GO!! who worked SO HARD and sent in an application essay and did an INTERVIEW to get in!!) couldn't handle disruptive classmates or little scuffles and petty grudges and general Attitude of the other students and cried to mommy to put her back in public school. I am EATING MY HAIR over what Could Have Been. I COULD BE SOMEONE'S ANNOYING YOUTUBER!! I could be a DISGRACED DISNEY CHANNEL STAR!! I could be an America's Got Talent winner! A mild to moderately successful comedian! I could be making short films!! But no no no precious thin skinned baby me heard a few new cus words and watched a teacher get heckled and begged to give up The Dream in favor of?? Quiet math tests?? I am such a fucking quitter I quit everything the second it gets too hard I always take the out as soon as it's offered what's my fucking damage.....

#I had SO MUCH POTENTIAL and I SQUANDERED IT!! weak ass third grade PUSSY! Your life could have been SO SICK!!#or you could at least be addicted to cocain or something interesting like that!! Boring ass goody two shoes always just staying home doing #NOTHING bitch make a REAL FRIEND go to a God Damn PARTY live a little instead of just hiding in the closet eating saltine crackers for years #waiting for it to be quiet outside before you ever even toed the line #mentally ill self-isolating motherfucker #you could have shrugged it off you could have GROWN A PAIR and FOUGHT BACK but you just ran and cried for mommy #victim complex little bitch baby always whining and exaggerating and making shit up fucking LIAR I am you and I KNOW what you did and I know #you knew it wasn't the truth and you regretted it the moment it came out of uour mouth but once you'd said it you just swallowed it back and #doubled down incriminating or discrediting others with your lies. For why? Because you didn't like them? You could have ruined someone's #life you wouldn't have hesitated mayhe you did and don't even remember because you cant keep your mouth shut with your pants ablaze #manipulative little shit and to WHAT END? Pity? Sympathy? Attention? Entertainment?? What was even going on in your stupid ugly head?#This is a callout post for my third grade self that possessed demon ass evil nine year old. That kid drowned anthills in olive oil and #poisoned a wild animal once. That kid cut plants just to see if they oozed. That kid modified her whole ass personality on a dime for a boy #she had a crush on. INSTANTLY dropped a LIFELONG CULTURAL ALLEGIANCE (thats what football teams were like back then in our town) because he #said he had the opposite allegiance??? What the fuck? girl had NO integrity none zip zilch.#No empthy either that kid looked at everyone else on earth like they were friggin space aliens and she was the only one with Real feelings.#bitch literally thought like 'I have Feelings they just have Reactions' bitch what the fuckkkkk #that nine year old was fucked the hell up!!!#and for literally NO REASON!! No cause!! Just born fucking evil and weird. jesus fuck.#Evil ass bitch caused her autistic brother months of nightmares and then laughed about it and wrote poetry about how evil he was because he?#was a kid??? Normal sibling rivalry taken way way way too far defamatory ass statements #and this girl had NO CONSEQUENCES because she could lie and manipulate her way out of ANYTHING she had the baby eyes and the helpless charm #and played dumb soooo well . read people like some calculative evil AI scanning their faces for microexpressions and overanalyzing each word #choice like holy shit. its not That Deep. pretentious shit trying to play 5D chess on a checkers board.#Manipulating shit just to see what happens?? zero awareness?? no asking just skipping straight to testing for yourself??#'What happens if I step on this' it fucking breaks 'what does that taste like?' it's not fucking yours to mess with 'if I hit this person #how will they respond?' they'll be upset use your goddamn judgement you are NINE not TWO do you even care a little about any other person??#Are you just living in some other reality???#callout post for the fucking demon child inside of me #im so goddamn problematic I'm so so so deeply mentally disturbed and broken for no reason

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butterfly-in-progress · 1 year ago

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I was born with a mask

Or I might as well have been

I didn't even know what my own face looked like

As the years went on

I added to it

Layers upon layers caked onto my face

A protective shell

But you were by my side when there were cracks in it

You loved me when the mask was still new and didn't cover much

You were with me for so long, through so much

I thought

That after the long and arduous process

Of hammering at this ceramic

To chip away the layers

And let my face feel the sun

You would rejoice as I did at seeing my face

But instead I have to wonder if you ever loved me in the first place

And chip you off of my heart

#some disjointed thoughts about unmasking autism #and losing friends I've had since childhood #or really...#having to come to terms with the fact that they aren't being good friends to me #that they got weird about me stimming in public #just flapping my arms excitedly #that they got mad at me for not staying for an additional activity due to sensory overwhelm #that when i first told them i was autistic and tried to lighten the mood #one of them said its not appropriate to joke about mental illness and shut me down from discussing it #trying to get me to skip a night of my meds so i could drink with them #becoming really aloof with me when i went semi verbal #messaging my mom behind my back to tell her i needed more therapy because i set boundaries about what i could handle and that was rude #the more confident and happy with myself I've become #the less they've liked me #and its hard to let go of friends youve had for so long #especially when those friends were among the only ones you had for a long time when you felt like you couldnt make friends #but maybe it was the fact that i struggled so much to make friends that my standards were kind of low #this kinda just hit me cause i was thinking about my birthday party #and i realized i didnt want them to be there #because they keep making me feel bad #they accepted me when i was The Weird Kid #but they cant accept me as an autistic adult #and they don't have to #just like i don't have to keep putting up with it

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tamaharu · 1 year ago

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ive inherited a copy of lolita from my parents (i.e. i stole it from the library in our basement and started treating it like its mine) with the 1989 vintage international cover and i think its actually not that bad. better than the 50th anniversary one with the lips anyway imo (which is the cover for the library ebook vers ive checked out).

like i think any cover that incorporates the "only convincing love story of our generation" quote anywhere kind of sucks on principle, and the fact that it features a photo of a girl at all really goes against nabakovs instructions, but compared to other covers that break those two rules, the haziness of the photo creates a really evocative atmosphere i feel matches the book more or less.

#im keeping most of my lolita thoughts to myself because i know it can be an uncomfortable book to talk about when #not intentionally trying to engage with it but. good lord ive highlighted a lot!#mostly stuff where H.H. is being a lying little bastard even in his narration #theres also this passage in ch14 after he um. 'stole the honey of a spasm' when dolores sat on his lap (not a fun passage to read lol!)#where he goes: What I had madly possessed was not she‚ but my own creation‚ another‚ fanciful Lolita—perhaps‚ more real than Lolita;#overlapping‚ encasing her; floating between me and her‚ and having no will‚ no consciousness—indeed‚ no life of her own.#(end quote. forgot quotation marks) which ohhhhh my god. subtlety is for losers lmao.#H.H. IS VERY VERY BAD AT MAKING HIMSELF LOOK GOOD DESPITE HIS BEST EFFORTS.#he claims he memorized charlottes confession of love perfectly and had conveyed in on paper perfectly #but also he completely skipped parts of it (including where she talks about her late son) and inserted the line:#'you would be a criminal--worse than a kidnapper who rapes a child.'#yes. im sure she said that. to the letter.#or when hes like i didnt marry charlotte with the intention to (extremely detailed grusome murder plan). but ill admit. i thought about it.#and then she oh so conveniently gets run over by a car when she discovers his journal. yeah. sure. right.#SORRY again i havent been Posting My Thoughts on it but i am having thoughts on it in general.#it really is a beautifully worded book though. its got great prose. makes the actions worse almost because its filtered through this #dreamy artistic self-justification. which - to go back to the original point of this post - i feel this cover conveys well LMAO #its so much better than the movies oh my god head in my hands #jumping between the most 2008 musical to ever exist‚ legally blonde fanfiction‚ and a controversial literary classic. im versatile.

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crunchycrystals · 1 year ago

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listen neverafter is the season i was most excited for but this is Not a great list of content warnings for me (autistic and emetophobic and easily scared)

#crunchyposts #the child stuff i am alright with i think its fine for me #it just makes me uncomfy i like having that warning. the emetophobia stuff is gonna be an issue #why is my autocorrect trying to tell me that i mean homophobic when i type that im emetophobic. im literally queer #the body horror stuff made me feel kinda sick i wont lie #BUT. I PERSIST BC IM ACTUALLY VERY EXCITED TO WATCH THIS #d20 #neverafter #dont question why i was the most excited for this if i get easily scared it makes sense in my head #ok i had to skip through a lot of that first emetophobia warning that was not fun lol but i think this is the only ep with emetophobia warn #ings so thats good i just have to push through i can skip ill be fine

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girlthativealwaysbeen · 14 days ago

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i don't feel like studying any of the subjects from The Plan rn but everything else is so boring that i also don't want to waste time on like watching content or something and i would rather switch subjects then give up on studying for the day and by old me standards ive already done enough but new me i still feel like i can do more but i don't know what ughhhhh this is torture

#okay so The Plan is #i mean not that anyone would care or understand but i like writing on tumblr like a diary #The Plan is to finish law in one month so i can give the online test and this js non negotiable because there's two #online tests and i have to do ATLEAST one before this year ends or it will be too much #and then to finish my backlog of direct tax till like 10th so i can give that test and be caught up with the rest of the class #and there's about 35 more 2 hr lectures to go (rip me)#oh also i haven't touched audit in ages and backlog is getting to the i can't breathe under this burden levels and classes resume on like #10th 11th something and i want to rejoin with them #the plan is to have all this done by november so in December #i can focus on catching the fuck up with fr and afm because like ive attented SOME classes like sparingly #and i know it but very upar upar se so i have to do it properly once or ill die #yeah that's it that's The Plan #it's doable i think i calculated hours days wise and everything #but like. theory subjects are fucking hard to do constantly because either they're boring asf (like law and audit)#or they're complicated and make me cry from frustration (like direct tax)#mann.#now that im actually studying #i feel so irrationally scared for how chill and like. blaise attitude i had towards inter exam #i had absolutely no idea everyone else was studying so deeply like tax syllabus first half is the exact same as inter #just a little advanced and sir keeps saying ye toh aapne inter mein padha hi tha and im like hain??? bhai itna sab tha????? i had no clue😭#like how tf did i pass my dad says not to tell anyone that i didn't really study for it cause ppl will think #aise hi farzi ca finalist ban gayi but like tunblr so wtvr #but yeah how tf??? could i pass???????#like i actually start to panic when i think about how less i had studied which makes no sense since it's not like they can #take away the result or reverse it or anything it doesn't matter now #but like just woah. like i can't even explain #i remember for tax all i watchef was marathon and usme bhi i got bored (THE DAY BEFORE EXAM!!!) so i skipped #the main topics that had crazy weightage and just did a number of tiny topics and studied only enough #to get passing #dt irl is VAST i can't believe these people learn such specific things that if iss date se iss date mein hai toh section 54 ka exemption

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inannasdream · 14 days ago

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its been almost a year and i still haven't watched the last episode matpat hosted for game theory. i just couldn't and still can't bring myself to watch a video that shows with no room for misinterpretation that that part of my life is far in the past. i hadn't even been watching more than like a handful of gt vids a year for years at that point and i still couldn't watch that last episode. i want to at least watch the final live stream he hosted for gtlive this week but i also can't bring myself to even click on it. like i watched a bit of the first episode ash hosted on their own and i still haven't watched the aforementioned stream. instead i have been rewatching the vods from the first couple eras of gtlive bc those are the ones that really stuck with me ever since i started watching gtlive in like 2016. thanks matt and steph for making me not want to kill myself. jason and chris you guys were there too.

#that's a joke i love them too but also it's not about them right now it's about the parasocial parents i had in like 2016-2018 #the fnac3 stream where they cheesed night 6 is still kino to me. they changed the camera angle. we got to see the game on the monitor #that was peak. rocked my world #as for the other channels i need to be honest ive hating on them from afar. ill read the comment sections for controversies #and when there are time stamps i will skip to them to be like <wow that's fucking bad>. case in point im still not over the tbob video #how the fuck did they make a full ass episode on the book when NOT A SINGLE MEMBER OF THE TEAM READ THE BOOK IN FULL #not shitting you. they had who knows how many people on their team working on that episode and not one of them sat down to read the whole #book. it takes like 3 fucking hours to read tops. no fucking wonder they literally just entirely missed one of the most central themes #in it (bill's capacity to love ford. gayly). i wrote a hate comment on it without watching the whole ep bc i fr can't stand watching it #most content farm ass shit ever i feel embarrassed watching the film theory videos specifically. i also still haven't forgiven them for the #plagiarism in that episode. i know most of the people affected were fine w the apology but objectively that was a shit ass apology #they made money off that video and you're fine w them releasing their apology on REDDIT? bye #my feelings on game theory as a whole are . Nuanced And Complex. yea #chirp chirp!#game theory #since i guess that'll be my umbrella tag for this now #wait also in general film theory is the one i hear controversies abt the most. Do Not Like Its Host. smth abt him siding w bigoted star war #fans in one episode??? and amatonormativity in the chicken nugget theory. not a fan of either so idk but the handling of gf puts me off #from giving the benefit of the doubt. also there was a new gf theory like yesterday but no controversy from the comments ive seen so idc

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phagodyke · 28 days ago

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hmmm. maybe I cant be fucked to go out to the gym actually

#the day is catching up with me.... tired and i want a hug. sighs #well ill go watch a movie alone on the floor in the kitchen while i polish my boots i guess #i skipped my weds/thurs gym sesh bc i was too tired but not having had that social event makes me feel looonelllyyyy #my social battery recharges around other ppl and its starting to blink red ahhhhh...#lets hope i can hold out until mondays gym sesh #.diaries

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