#and its hard to let go of friends youve had for so long

[butterfly-in-progress]

I was born with a mask

Or I might as well have been

I didn't even know what my own face looked like

As the years went on

I added to it

Layers upon layers caked onto my face

A protective shell

But you were by my side when there were cracks in it

You loved me when the mask was still new and didn't cover much

You were with me for so long, through so much

I thought

That after the long and arduous process

Of hammering at this ceramic

To chip away the layers

And let my face feel the sun

You would rejoice as I did at seeing my face

But instead I have to wonder if you ever loved me in the first place

And chip you off of my heart

[desireesfics]

bad habits.

pairing: dealer!ellie x reader.

summary: when you were a kid you had always put a pillow or a big stuffed animal between your legs, you honestly felt comfort by it. but tonight you decided it was going to be somebodies head.

warnings: uh widely ellie giving head?, use of drugs, girls kissing 🤯, swearing, a little bit of dacryphilia, pretty self-indulgent i know its weird im sorry — MINORS DNI !!

a/n: just because the strikes ended does not mean you shouldnt stop posting about palestine!

———————

you were helpless, depressed even. being locked up in your dorm for god knows how long. your friends had been nagging you about various parties on campus, you simply just left them on read, not wanting to deal with the aftermath of the party.

it wasnt until now that you had decided to go. not because you wanted to, you were going against your own will.

your friends, isabella, mattie and thea were forcing you out of your dorm because the state you were in right now was just honestly disgusting.

you were packing a bag to go over to isabellas house because they werent letting you stay in that dorm for a minute more, when thea said. “youve been stuck in here for forever, we havent seen you in awhile, we miss you girl.”

you sighed, reaching over to your closet to find an outfit appropriate for tonight. “look i know, things just havent been the best right now.” you didnt bother to look back because you know all thats going to be written on their faces will be pity.

“can you guys help me pick an outfit atleast?” they squeal, marching over to you before yanking you out of their ways.

mattie held up a dress, it was pink, delicate, something you would were on a picnic.

“dude, thats so basic.” isabella called out from the side, rolling her eyes at matties choice.

“i dont wear stuff like this— how would i fucking know?” she huffed.

“calm down guys, why dont we let ms depresso give us an idea of what she wants?” thea shouts over the teo annoyingly loud girls.

“i— depresso? seriously? not even funny.” you roll your eyes before pulling up pinterest on your phone, you always managed to find decent outfits off of the app.

you typed in ‘party outfits aesthetic.’ before you landed on something similar you had in your closet.

the outfit had a mini, mini, mini, mini black skirt paired with a black lettuce-cut, corset bralette looking thingy and just below that, knee-high boots. you admit it, you looked hot as fuck.

“damn girl, if i were gay id definitely hit you up.” way to go isabella, way to go.

“oh please youre totally into girls, youre acting like you dont eye that dina girl everytime we walk around her area on campus.” mattie adds.

isabella did everything in her will power to ignore the comment, but she couldnt help but blush.

the look of approval shot around the room was hilarious and you all burst out into laughter. you really havent felt this good in awhile.

quickly memorising the girl mattie had mentioned before, you could remember she would always be hanging around with someone else.

“hey, any of you know the girl dina hangs with? i cant think of her name.” you think hard, like really hard, you knew the girl was attractive from all the times you had seen her since isabella coincidentally hung there too.

“yeah, her names ellie, i buy from her sometimes. why, you got the hots for her?” thea teases.

“just shut up and give me her insta.” you roll your eyes, playfully shoving the girl as the two others made ‘oooooh’ sounds.

“fine, just give me a second.” thea whips out her phone and starts going through her following. she clicks on a profile and holds the phone up to you so you could get a good look.

her account was private, by the looks of it she had a batman smoking weed profile picture? interesting.. her user was ‘@ellieisawesome327.’

sounds like a name some 5 year old would put on secretly. “oh, interesting.” you couldnt help but giggle, she obviously wasnt the best at using this stuff.”

you pulled out your phone and searched for her user, you didnt follow it just yet, you thought it would be creepy since she didnt know you at all. you simply just kept the name in the search bar, ready for when you actually want to follow her.

———————

a few hours had passed and you all had gotten done up, makeup, hair, outfits, everything you would do before a party.

“whos car we taken’?” mattie asked. you and the others looked at her like she was some idiot.

“theres only one car in the driveway, take a guess numbskull?” thea pointed out, mattie pouted.

“rude.” she huffed. turning around to scroll on tiktok.

you were sitting on the bed, getting comfy since the party wasnt for another hour, when you spotted one of isabellas pillow. you had put it between your legs, you found some comfort in doing that ever since you were a kid, it was a weird and bad habit.

“whatre ya’ doin silly?” isabella pointed out, she sort of new you had this weird habit of putting things between your legs.

“getting comfy, what does it look like?” you roll your eyes, scrolling through your instagram feed.

“if you actually want something between your legs, try and get head tonight.” isabella added. it was a harmless joke, your group had always joked like this. you toned out the muffled giggles in the back thinking if you should actually get laid tonight.

it had been awhile since you had had sex, and it was getting annoying hearing everyones ‘wild’ stories.

you tool the pillow out from between your legs and threw it back into its position it was in before.

“you guys think we should get going? the parties in twenty minutes.” thea said. you all nodded and got up from your positions to march off to the car.

the drive was ten minutes, you put on your group playlist, it was made for roadtrips you guys took every once and awhile. but tonight you just needed to hear something other then their voices.

you were all vibing to the music when it eventually came to a stop. you sighed and got out of the car, shivering as the cold wind hit your very exposed body.

everyone walked in, it wasnt exactly packed, but you hesitated and mattie noticed that.

mattie was the average femme grouped masc. the one to carry around the shopping bags when you went shopping kind of girl. she was sweet, there were times where you had found yourself harmlessly crushing over her. she knew you had a bit of anxiety and offered you some of her meds before leaving but you kindly declined.

now obviously regretting your decision, she gripped onto your hand and squeezed it tight, for reassurance. you smiled and walked in with the others.

———————

it had been 2 hours and the group had split, isa probably off eating dinas face off, mattie chatting with some of the guys from a basketball team she had played against when faking being a guy as a dare, and thea off buying or even selling drugs. you were sat on a dusty old couch, not exactly wasted but definitely not sober.

you hadnt noticed you were sitting next to the girl whos instagram you were stalking earlier. but the realisation hit when you smelt weed from her direction.

she was very obviously eye fucking you, she wasnt even shy about it, it couldve been the weed that was in her system or she was wildly bold.

“hey?” you started off your soon long to be conversation.

“hi.” she was caught off guard when she realised you were talking to her.

“ellie right?” she nodded and you exchanged your name to her, along with numbers. you sat back further into the couch, parting your legs a little giving her a slight view of what was under you skirt. you enjoyed the fact that she was looking. a little smirk appeared on your face and she didnt notice it.

“my friend thea buys from you right?” she snapped her head up to look into your eyes. you noticed the green in her eyes under the blue hue of the lights in the room. she nodded,

“yeah why? wanna buy from me?” you shook your head.

“kinda tight on money right now, i would though.” you sighed, resting your head on your hand.

she thought for a minute. “ill share a blunt with you, only coz’ youre cute.” she winked and you blushed.

“oh, thanks..” you stare off awkwardly waiting for her to light it, she was wondering if she made you uncomfortable.

“s—sorry, didnt mean to make you uncomfortable.” you shook your head a smiled before she handed you the joint.

you took a puff and handed it back to her, waiting a bit before exhaling. you noticed she was manspreading. then you noticed she didnt quite look like any other girls that were at the party, very masculine. is she lesbian? no surely not, maybe she just likes being comfortable.

ellie was wearing a worn-out jacket, joels. she wore it everywhere she went.

she caught you staring at the position she was in, fighting the urge to spread them further. you noticed she was holding back from something and looked up at her, oh shit she caught you.

a shit eating grin was plastered on her face. “you ‘kay?” she asked, the same smug expression written all over her face.

you nodded and took the blunt out of her hand. you were blushing under the dim lights in the corner, the rest of the place was filled with colourful lights changing every second.

she started blushing too, she didnt know why. you looked up to her with parted lips. the high kind of kicking in now.

“can i.. kiss you?” you asked softly. you regretted that so hard, fuck fuck fuck she probably doesnt like girls..

she moved closer, draping a hand over your shoulder. “thought youd never ask.” she smirked before smashing her lips onto yours.

the kiss was hungry, like she was desperate for something, you couldnt quite place your tongue on it. the only thing placed on your tongue right now was hers. you kissed her back with just as much passion.

the moans you let out were absolutely pornographic. ellie knew she had to do something about this, stopping the kiss whilst you let out a whine from the lack of attention.

you were borderline wet, like waterpark wet, and it wasnt helping that you were wearing a flimsy skirt that had rode up in the process.

“cmon’ princess.” she took your hand, you felt a bit clumsy for some reason, dizzy, your head was foggy, only thinking about how good she tasted.

you followed her around as she knocked on various locked rooms. finally breaking one open, she slammed it shut, locking it and pressing you up against it. not to hard though, wouldnt wanna hurt your pretty little head.

“fuck, youre so goddamn hot.” she mumbled between kisses. you couldnt help but moan at how turned on she made you feel.

she pushed her knee up between your thighs and you shivered, grinding down onto it. chasing the very needed friction.

you wondered how such an innocent question like ‘can i kiss you?’ turned into you riding on her knee.

“els’, please..” that shit eating grin reappeared on her face and you just wanted to smack it right off, you rolled your eyes. your words and wetness only boosted her ego more.

“please what baby?” she teased. why was she teasing you? you couldnt take it. tears started bubbling in your eyes.

“please just— fuck me.” you mumble out. she liked the sight of you crying, so desperate for her. she was going to tease you more before you actually got what you wanted.

“what was that?” she smirked.

you looked up at her through teary eyes. “can you, uh— go down on me? please?” you were begging, that was a sight.

she pulled you over to the bed, through the dimly light room. “strip.”

you did as she said, it wasnt hard to take off your clothes since there was barely anything on you. first your top, leaving you in a skimpy black lacy bra to match your underwear. then came the boots and skirt.

finally, leaving you in a two piece set. she was waiting patiently for you to take them off. you dont know why you were so hesitant, maybe it was because you hadnt done this in awhile, or maybe it was because her stare was so intense it made your stomach do flips, distracting you from the easy task.

she walked over to help you since you couldnt finish what you had started. “d’ you want this?” you nodded painfully slow.

she peeled off your underwear, holding them up to get a good look before back down to your now bare cunt. it was dripping at the sight of her.

“s’ wet for me princess.” she smirked once more, if she smirked anymore her face would probably get stuck like that.

then came the bra, she asked you to turn around so she could unclip it, she was slightly struggling since she wasnt used to these fancy bras, only because she wears a sports bra.

you giggled and reached your arms behind you to take it off, turning around to leave her ogling at the sight of you.

“youre so beautiful.” you blushed, hard. she looked up at you for some sort of reassurance and you nodded.

a minute ago she was so dominant and now shes sweeter than a cookie. you adored that.

she reached her hands out to cup your tits, so soft, she thought. squeezing them and pinching your now hardened, pebbled nipples.

she elicited a moan out of you. you sat back on the bed for comfort and she dived into them. sucking harshly on your tits.

you couldnt tell if you hated it or loved it, your monas were telling her otherwise.

she left purple marks all over your neck, tits, stomach, anywhere she could mark really. you were huffing, all you needed her to do was touch you down there.

“patience baby.” she replied to your subtle huffs. you rolled your eyes, pleading with your body language as you rolled your hips into nothing.

her head moved down slowly, taking time with your body as if you werent some one night stand. did she actually like you?

she kissed all over your stomach and you felt giddy, you were giggling at how it tickled.

the she dipped her head low, taking in how soaked you were. the whole time you had been rubbing your thighs together. any subtle touch made you go crazy.

she fully dived in, and you moaned her name out, loud enough to here over the booming music. “e-els!” she teased your clit with her tongue, licking a stripe down, giving your clit kitten kisses.

her tongue reached places your fingers couldn’t surprisingly. you couldnt stop panting. it felt like heaven.

your vision was going blurry, white, if the coil in your belly bubbled anymore it was going to snap. “ellie.. i—im gonna!..” she moaned into your pussy, sending hypnotising vibrations into it.

“i know baby, come for me.” those words was the thing that snapped the bubbling coil.

you felt hot slick pool out of you, she lapped up all she could, almost overstimulating you. you were panting.

she got up and laid beside you, toying with your plush tits. you could almost fall asleep right then and there.

“alright,” she patted your thigh. “i gotta get going, heres my number though.” she pulled out a random piece of paper from her pocket and a pen. had she been preparing for this? you thought. she handed you the note like a little kindergartener and put her shirt back on.

you had the sudden urge to shove a pillow between your legs, whining from the loss. you fought back everything in you to shove the pillow that was staring at you between your legs. you watched ellie leave,

she left you on the bed looking back at you to smile before closing the door behind you. you eventually got up and put your clothes on, walking over to the bathroom that was in the small room to fix up your hair and makeup.

you realised your hand was still clutching that little piece of paper. you looked at it and read it slowly, still regaining composure.

‘**** **** **** **** message me ;) x’

you probably werent going to message her, but just incase, you slipped the note into your purse and walked out of the room going to look for you friends to take them home, luckily ellie had sobered you up.

———————

a/n: im sorry the ending actually sucks i was getting sick of this and i needed to get it out of my drafts. should i turn it into a series were reader actually messages ellie? idk.

[t3ag3rs]

g e n s o - 0 4.

gosh this is going to be a long year..

you let out a sigh while resting your head on your hands, observing the class yelling. the blue haired guy with a stick up his ass from the presentation was currently yelling at bakugou. sadly, he sat at the left of you and was currently getting and earful for putting his legs on the desk. honestly though.. it wasnt even that big of a deal for him to be yelling like that.

you let out a small laugh as you saw deku turn a bright red once he saw uraraka. oh my gosh hes down badddd..... im so gonna tease him about this later on.

"if your just here to make friends then you can pack up your stuff now." said a stoic voice from behind deku and uraraka. "welcome to UAs hero course" continued the same voice before unzipping himself from the sleeping bag he had on and standing up. 

"it took 8 seconds for you all to shut up and thats not gonna work, time is precious. any rational student would understand that" he explained walking into the class. you turned your focus to the male talking. 

"hello im shota aizawa, your teacher. alright lets get to it, put these on and head outside." you walked up and grabbed a uniform before heading into the locker room to change.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

you widen your eyes as you find out you have to do a quirk assessment test, goddamnt..! i just finally started recovering from the entrance exam and i have to use my quirk again?  

"but how about orientation? we're gonna miss it!" exclaimed uraraka, "to be the best of the best you cant waste time on pointless things, here at UA i get to run my class the way i want to." said mr. aizawa, "youve been taking standardized tests all of your lives" he pulled up his phone, "but youve never been able to use you quirks on those exams before."

"the country is still trying to pretend we're created all equal by not letting those with the most power excel- its not rational. one day the ministry of education will learn... bakugou you managed to get the most points on the entrance exam- what was your farthest distance thrown with the softball when you were in junior high?" he asked looking at him.

"67 meters i think" replied bakugou and you rolled your eyes, god hes a try hard... "right. try doing it with your quirk now."

bakugou walked up and stood in the middle of the circle on the feild. "whatever happens just stay in the circle.. go on, your wasting our time." added mr. aizawa.

"alright.. you asked for it" bakugou stretched his arms before throwing it with an explosion. you rolled your eyes knowing he did that to make the others look. 

"all of you need to know your full potential in order to become better versions of yourselves." he held up his phone to show the distance that bakugou had thrown the softball revealing 705.2 meters.

everyone around you started commenting in awe of his score, but you werent impressed, ill make sure i beat that score just to deflate his ego.

"so this looks fun huh..?" you turned your attention back to the teacher, "you have three years here to become a hero. if you think its going to be all fun and games your wrong. idiots..." he let out a smirk, "today youll be competing in 8 physical tests to engage your potential, whoever comes in last has none and will be expelled immediately." your eyes widen in shock, can he even do that??

"like i said.. i get to decide how this class runs. understand?" you gulped but nodded. "if thats a problem you can head home right now."

"you cant send one of us home! i mean, we just got here!" complained uraraka, "even if it wasnt the first day, that isnt fair!" you looked down, complaining isnt going to do anything right now, but she has a good point.

"and you think natural disasters are? power hungry villians? hm? or accidents that wipe out whole cities? no- the world is full of unfairness. its a heroes job to try and fight that unfairness, if you wanna be a pro your going to have to push yourself to the brink. for the next three years UA is going to throw one hardship after another at you. so go beyond- plus ultra style. show me its no mistake your here."

you clenched your fists, you had to prove yourself today by doing the most you could in these tests.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

the first test was the 50 meter dash, you silently thanked yourself for increasing your cardio as you readied yourself. "runners! on your mark, get set, go!" you sprinted and let the earth beneath you propel yourself forward getting you in first place out of the people you were with. "4.002 seconds!" said the bot next to you, you smirked as you beat bakugous time.

the next test was the grip strength test. you didnt have much to help you with this so you had to think creatively, maybe i could get some rock to surround my hand and use that to add on the pressure of my grip... i have no idea if thatll even work..!

you let out a sigh as the highest you got was 190 kilograms. if thats the best i can get thats fine i guess... ill just have to make it up with the other tests...

the third test was the standing long jump, you smiled as you could use your fire to push yourself forward in this test. you jumped and let your fire push you forward, smiling as you landed on the other side of the pit. 

that was way better than the last test thankfully!

the fourth test was the repeated side steps. you decided to use your earthbending to build walls on either side of you and use air to move yourself side to side. it wasnt your best test, but definitely wasnt your worst one. (cough grip test cough)

the fifth test was the ball throw, you stood in the circle and swung your arm in big circles before grabbing the ball and readying your self to swing as hard as you could. throwing the ball, you left your arm out to let the air continue its throw until you felt yourself running out of air. you let out a proud smile as you saw your result of 1,890 meters.

you turned toward bakugou and made eye contact with him, but resisted the urge in smirking at how you beat him by a long shot. 

you let out a gasp as deku went and saw how his ball barely went far. "i erased your quirk- someone like you should never be able to enroll in this school. the judges who were selecting students werent rational enough when picking you." suddenly deku spoke up, "i know you- you can look at someone and cancel out their powers! the eraser hero- eraserhead!"

you chuckled as the rest of the students had no clue who he was, of course deku would know who he was. 

"your not ready- you have no control over your power. are you just going to break your bones again?" deku let out a defensive disagreement, "you will be nothing because of how reckless you are. your worthless if all it takes is one punch for you to become broken." you stepped up.

"um.. excuse me! look sorry to interrupt, but i think your taking this a bit too far! he has just as much of potential as the rest of us, and he definitely has more heroism than any of us combined! im not saying this to argue with you, but im just saying you should give him a fair try like the rest of us." you explained sticking up for deku.

mr. aizawa let go of deku, "go on and get it over with, dont waste our time." you looked over and gave him a smile before giving him a thumbs up. he walked back to the middle of the circle and took in a deep breath before he swung his arm and threw it with enough force to create a gust of wind. you widened your eyes in shock and smiled, there we go!

you looked at the phone to see his distance of 705.3 meters, one tenth more than bakugous score. you smiled happily knowing he mustve been scathing on the inside for how he scored lower than deku.

"mr. aizawa.." you turned to see deku making a fist with his broken finger, "you see.. im still standing!" "this kid..." replied aizawa with widened eyes and an unsettling smile.

"HEY! DEKU! YOU BASTARD, TELL ME HOW YOU DID THAT OR YOUR DEAD!" yelled bakugou as he charged toward deku, you quickly stepped forward to try and prevent bakugou before he was held back by aizawas scarf. "stand down, i would be wise to make not make me use my quirk so much.. it gives me serious dry eye. your wasting my time now.. whoevers next can step up." he let go of bakugou and walked away.

you watched as deku ran away from bakugou as he just stood their frustrated. 

you finished up the last couple of tests that were just based off of physical ability and scored well enough for each of them. you let out a smile as you saw the results and saw yourself in third place, one place higher than bakugou. 

thats what that asswipe deserves.. i hope he never forgets this..

"and i was lying- no one is going home. that was just a way to make sure you gave it your all" mr. aizawa added smiling, you let out a sound of happiness, glad deku didnt have to be expelled.

"that was pretty nerve-wracking if im being honest.." said a black haired boy, "nah.. im always down for a challenge!" said the red haired boy from the presentation. "oh i remember you!" he said pointing at you, you smiled and waved. "your quirk is so cool dude! you managed to score third place out of us all!" you laughed and scratched your neck, "haha.. its not the best i couldve done... but thank you!"

"thats all for today, grab the syllabus from the class, and read it before tomorrow morning." added aizawa before walking away. you turned back to the red haired boy, "im ejirou kirishima, your y/n l/n right?" you nodded, "howd you know?" he laughed, "everyone knows about that stunt you pulled during the practical exam.." you blushed before looking down, "ahhh.. thats so embarrassing..!"

"nah, i thought it was pretty manly of you!" he praised while you both walked back into the building. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

you changed out of your training outfit, and put back on your uniform before getting ready to head out. "hey y/n!" you turned around to see kirishima and a pink skinned girl behind you. "oh.. hey!" they walked beside you, "heya! im mina ashido!" the girl introduced while grabbing your arm. you let out a smile as she did so, "im y/n l/n if you havent already heard.." she laughed, "nah i already know who you are! the badass who totally kicked the zero pointers ass!" she exclaimed. 

"as you can see shes very energetic.." sighed out kirishima from the other side of you, you laughed before adding, "its alright though.. it makes her stand out in a way.."

you walked home with them laughing and exchanging numbers. you couldnt believe how nice and chill they were. 

could this be the year things finally get better for you?

previous parts: pt. 0 0 / pt. 0 1 / pt. 02 / pt. 03 next parts: pt. 0 5 / pt. 0 6 / pt. 0 7 / pt. 0 8 / pt. 0 9 / pt. 10 / pt. 11 / pt. 12 / pt. 13

[kenlvry]

kenny x reader

an,ok so this smut ws originally sanzus.. but wtv sanzu = kenny, i hope its not cringy.this is a oneshot btw

summary: you promised kenny you'd be home by 1am but you got ahead of yourself and went home at 3, poor boy is waiting on you

cw; pure smut, afab, you both live tgt

it was 3 am , you were on your way home fearing for your life because youve told kenny that youd be home by 1:40. you were standing right infront of your house heart beating fast.

you opened your door extremely slowly trying to make less noise possible ,the lights were turned off so you were sure he was asleep, you let out a big sigh and dropping your bag on the floor.

going to the kitchen to grab a drink because of how tired you were. you were hanging out with your friends for so long you lost track of time you felt sorry for kenny and was going to apologize in the morning. as you were drinking your water you didn't realize the footsteps behind you ,completely oblivious. suddenly you felt hands around your waist and someone resting their face on your shoulders, you slightly jump but quickly realised it was kenny, he had his parka off and was wearing his shirt and sweatpants.

"you said one am." you smiled, he was so cute. "im sorry , i didnt know i would take a lot longer" you said while you kissed kennys forehead "ive been waiting for so long, aren't you worried about me?" "im so sorry ken, yk i didn't do it on purpose" "missed you sm" he turn you around making you face him

"don't you miss me?" you hummed at the question. he slammed his lips against yours kissing you roughly ,biting your bottom lip slightly pulling on it. he pulled away with a string of drool can be seen connecting your lips. "you look so pretty" he said to you before pulling you in for another rough kiss , the space between your bodies being taken away as you pushed yourself closer to him making your cunt slightly grinding his cock , he let out a small grunt and pulled away from the kiss , "so eager are you?' he started kissing your neck leaving hickeys to mark himself.

slowly took of my clothes leaving me with a bra "so pretty." he started kissing inbetween your boobs yet again leaving hickeys making you let out a small moan. the feeling was amazing that you didnt even realise you were grinding your cunt near to his , every grind leaving him groaning or grunting.

"i cant wait anymore" kenny said as he kissed you again this time grabbing your thighs up to his waist and putting you on the countertop. the kiss got more rough , he picked you up by the thighs not breaking the kiss, going up the stairs he started kissing your neck again leaving new hickeys, before you knew it you were in your bedroom,him on top of you.

he unclipped your bra taking it off. staring a while before he put one of your buds in his mouth licking and sucking on it , a moan leaving your mouth. he was also grinding on you making you whimper. stopping to take off his pants leaving his boxers on, it was painlessly obvious he was hard.

not taking off his boxer instead he took off your pants and slowly taking youd panties, your wet cunt revealing to him "oh? already wet? we just started." kenny said to you smirking and winking as he pulled of his boxers and went down to take a closer on your pussy.

pushing one finger in, you bit your lip suppressing your moans. he glared up at you "its 3am, nobody is awake be as loud as you want". he looked at you and you nodded at him giving permission to put another one in, he slammed his second finger in making you let out a moan still trying to be quiet, kenny curled his fingers and start pushing his finger in and out, yet again another small moan leaving your mouth.

his fingers was slim and long.you clenched around his finger making him groan at the feeling "fuck kenny about to c-" your sentence got cut off as he roughly slammed his finger in you making you orgasm with a loud moan and pants, your cum dripping on his fingers. he pulled out his finger and licked his finger with your liquid on it.

he leaned in and start kissing your pussy giving it kitten licks. eating you out his tongue exploring inside of your pussy making you moan loudly at how good he is. you pushed his head deeper and grabbing onto his hair. with your back arching you cummed again, panting at the second orgasm of the night.

kenny pulled his face away and forcing you too watch him licking your cum on his lips. he couldnt wait anymore, he was basically dripping for you. he pulled his boxers down revealing his long cock, precum leaking.

without hesitation he slammed his cock in your pussy. you let out a loud moan and kenny slightly groaning. he had his hands on your hips as leverage, thrusting his hips into you. he looked at your fucked out expression smirking to himself knowing he was making you feel good.

kenny is a very vocal during sex, he's moaning louder than you. he has no shame, the moans are so loud it rattles your ears.

he lifted up your legs putting them behind his shoulders, he now holds your thighs for leverage. this position was making him deeper and it felt amazing for both of you. "shit, i think 'm bout to cum" he groans as the tip of his cock bruises along your cervix.

"fuck feels so good" kenny is blabbering nonsense and it was so cute. you felt your high and clench around him making him almost bottom out, his thrusts grew faster and harder. your moans were getting louder and if people didn't hear you before they surely heard you now.pulling you in for a kiss. your hands on his head pulling on it. he thrusted again making you cum for the 3rd time tonight. you laid back down on your bed sweating and panting. he pulled out stroking his cock and cummed on your abdomen.

his breaths were short "wish i could have this view forever" he stared at you, you smiled at him "oh , we're not done just yet" he smirked laying down and pulling you up to straddle him. you two are going to have one long night.

[shutupheathersorryheatherr]

"You don't know my name, do you? Will you ever?"

Summery: beomgyu keeps his promises--he walks you from and sometimes to work, hangs out there with you. its all very comfortable and usual for the both of you. he even orders the same thing every time he comes in: your wonderful hot chocolate you make him. noting is new, its all been done before a thousand times between the two of you. why? you and Beomgyu have been friends for ever. that's great. You and him have also become a sort of... intertwined. more than just being together; youve grown together. also great. but what happens when you do something out of the ordinary? or rather, maybe the two of you stop keeping your promises and let the feelings youve pushed down so hard you feel like youre about to combust bubble up? also great.

a/n: long hair gyuuuuuu based on 'you don’t know my name'!!!!! its one of my favorite (if not my singular favorite) song by her. and besides... come on y'all, its beomgyu so I had to lol. yerin and I talked about this during he 300 subs special (even though SHE doesn't seem to remember it lmao) so here I am holding up my end of the deal and making my fic based on this song. if you liked it please leave some love such as commenting and or reblogging!

warnings/info: slow burn I guess, kissing, reader and Beomgyu go to a party, mentions of people fucking, Beomgyu gets in an extremely heated argument with a complete stranger at said party, I feel like I ranted a bit too much with the fic, a little poem-ish at times I think, reader and gyu are scared to go into uncharted territory with thier friendship, lots and lots and lots of talk of reader and beomgyu needing to control themselves around each other, cursing, beomgyu being sweet and them slow dancing cause that's a warning in itself, one joke about beomgyu and reader fucking? idk its not said explicitly tho this was way too self indulgent I apologize, friends to lovers, reader is gn.

~this is simply a piece of fiction. my imagination onto "paper." this is in now way meant to be taken as an actual or real representation of anyone~

••••••••••••••••••••••

A sharp, wind chime sounding ping makes you spring out of your thoughts to look at the door. Your smile. Huh right on the dot. Your eyes are met with the handsome fetures of your most frequent customer: beomgyu. Hair touching the nape of his neck and eyes bright as ever despite the mugginess outside. though its not all bad-- it makes him remember how one time last winter on your usual walk-from-your-work-with-him, he had stood behind you and wrapped you in his coat, bringing you flush with his clothed chest. it was oversized on him and noting, he thinks, could have prepared him for how you melted into him.

you noticed his wandering eyes and raise you voice to snap him out of it.

“why do you look like that?” you ask. it’s slow at work right now and you say that because you don’t want him to notice your heart pounding. You know if you don’t distract him he’ll do so. He pays enough attention and knows you all too well to hide it. “oh I dunno I just went for a run. No! It’s because it’s raining buckets out there!” “Yeah YOU running? That didn’t sound right” his mouth hangs open a little "um excuse you." he puffs his chest out. "I-I run." the way he's shaking his head while speaking gives him away if you already didn't know him so well. maybe a little too well. but, you tried not to think about that too much. how you

“I’ll have the hot chocolate” he says, although you know what would fall out of his lips just the Same as last time, and the time before that. And many roles before. You know how he likes it (extra sweet. “Just like you” he says. Before you squeeze you nose) but seriously you don’t think you’ve ever known someone who liked such a sugary thing. It nearly tasting like straight candy

“not many people order hot chocolate in the summer. You sure you want that?” “Yeah, it’s a comforting drink ya know.” Something he always used to drink as a kid. Before he met you. Before he didn’t have to watch what he said around someone like you because of half giddy and half eyes to the floor bashfulness he’ll feel if he slips up and gets a little too flirty. Says something a little too strong to you. Not that you’d mind. No, not at all. But he doesn’t need to know you feel that way.

"Yeah but with everything?" you ask, still making it but wondering anyways. He leans further in, putting his hands on the table. "How come you're just asking me this now? we've been doing this for such a long time and now is when it pops into your mind that it's weird to have it with breakfast, lunch, and dinner?" you roll your eyes at him. but really, you weren't annoyed at all. the truth was you awaited the never-the-same times he'd come in and order that same, warm and comforting drink. (it depend on his classes, and or what he had to do inbetween) It had gotten on the point where one of the other workers there would tap your shoulder and let you know that he was there when you didn't notice.

"your guy is here." one of the workers there would tell you. In a moment of weakness, beomgyu would pop into your mind and your eyes would go wide as you looked for him. "he's not my guy." you'd try and cover your tracks but with the knowing smile on your work friends face as they walked away, you knew it wasn't any use.

"we've been doing this forever." his words rung in your ears. he was right. you had been. you'd both been seeing each other so much and resisting the bubbling urge to kiss the shit out of each other. You'd been inching dangerously close to him, but never as close as you really wanted and craved, the warmth of his heart ghosting your skin... forever. he'd been avoiding your gaze-- the one that made him feel like all the four seasons were swirling up inside him and somehow all their wonder landing in you, seeping out in all the little things you did... forever. To be honestly, neither of you knew how long you could keep this up.

but here you are, thinking of and loving noting more than seeing his eyes fill with excitement as you hand him the mug. he cups it with both his hands even though it isn't cold inside so it wasn't like he needed to warm his hands. "You know, you should just keep your own mug here." you comment. he looks up at you, about to take a sip and obviously not very happy you interrupted his almost-bliss. though, in his mind, it wasn't that different-- no, it could not compare to the feeling he got around you. "Or maybe I should just bring one with me." he jokes, lips pursing to blow the steam off the surface of the delicious smelling drink. "Yeah," you nod, "and bring a plate while you're at it-- you know what," you lean on the counter in front of him, knuckles going under your chin and fingertips folded enough to touch the beginning of your palm. And he'd rather not look at you through the fog emanating from the porcelain mug so he puts it down, leaning in for dramatic effect. "Better yet, take it with you when you leave so I don't have to wash it!" you eyes go wide and you throw your hands up like you just had the best idea of the century-- better than sliced bread.

he puts a hand to his chest, leans back with his mouth hung wide open, and then gets up with his hands to his head pulling at his hair like he just had an epiphany. you laugh freely as he walks around in a circle. once he's back at the counter he slams his hands down on the edge of it and looks all serious. "You've got it, y/n! this is gonna make history!" he exclaims. You take a bow just for kicks and when you come back up his expression has suddenly changed. its gone much... softer, a smile is tugging at his lips and he can't help it but to let it free once he sees your smiling face again... smiling because of him, too. because of the joy you two make together. its unmatched, really. His fingertips feel flushed like his face, and aren't holding on so tightly to the cold metal edge of the counter. he's leaning in now, for what reason he doesn't really know. damn, he wants and fucking needs to be closer to you. he feels it in his core.

Then, he makes the mistake of looking into your eyes and in an instant you send him on a whirlwind. usually he distracts himself and looks at something else but he just couldn't bring himself to this time. He wants to set up an easel and capture your entire expression right here but your eyes... your eyes he's sure made his plan he's trying to stick to of not getting caught in your gaze. or, better yet, not getting caught gazing at you. but, for someone he knows so well and for so long, it wasn't easy. because, every time you speak, every time he looks at you, every time he even thinks of you, his mind starts to cloud with all the goodness he sees inside you. every inch of your mind he knows and all the other filled up spaced he wants to adventure into.

How could he stop his mind from getting tied up in the wonder of a human that was you? He sure couldn't, and nobody in their right mind would be able to. He snaps himself out of his thinking before you can think to do it yourself. Lord knows if you caught him spacing out at a time like this you'd give him one of your infamous smacks on the ears and he'd shriek so loud out of surprise people outside would hear him. "You're making me waste valuable time on drinking this." he chuckled, holding a finger up to you to signal: one minute, as he takes a few big gulps. he puts the cup down and leans back.

"one of your best, y/n." he complements.

you raise an eyebrow. "Oh? so there's a hierarchy and competition for best of y/ns hot chocolate now? if I would've known I would've made it look all cute." you said, getting back to work behind the counter. the place was pretty dead at the moment but there was still a few things needing tone done. "Come to think of it, I should deduct points for not putting a cinnamon heart on the surface." he wonders aloud. "Oh so just a heart would suffice? noting else?" you ask him. "well why not?" he nearly giggles, "Thought you loved me." You simply smile and roll your eyes at him, not really having the opurtunity to have any type of conversation like that here. although you wanted to. and it didn't really have to go the way you intended it. but if he-- or the both of you for that matter, were gonna go there, then you might as well and a full on sit down talk about it. again not that you didn't want to at all-- in fact, you'd thought about how it'd go down plenty more times then truly necessary. And what better place to have it in than where you two had met?

maybe it was just you making excuses for yourself; for putting it off just one more day. one more week. one more month. or basically one more eternity of longing stares and cut of sentences where, you wanna say more but ultimately fail to. the conversation now seemingly over, he shrugs and finishes his drink.

He stays and orders another extra extra sweet, practically caffeinated, slap you in the face to jolt you into operating at top speed crack drink that was his or your signature hot chocolate. this is a habit of his-- one he'd likely have to break soon if this floating feeling of his keeps up and un-in check. but a habit the both of you cherish-- where he comes in and stays until you have to leave. most of the time you don't even get to talk much. but the comfort that comes right along with your presence around each other makes up for it. thats another habit with the two of you: just being in the same room and doing different things. it was pure comfort just being around each other. maybe looking over and smiling at the other or striking up a conversation that could last a minute or the rest of time he was there or in other situations, the rest of time you'd were together-- however long you both wanted it, really. and it was never awkward, either. the silence never aching.

that's how it was when you first started walking back to your respective places after your shift. another habit of his, one you hope, along with the others, would never die. him staying for a while, talking a bit... or a lot with you, then walking together. usually it was him walking you home but others it'd just be whatever you two wanted that day. His hands are shoved in the pockets of his acid washed jeans when you look over at him.

"Did you grow or something?" you question.

"maybe you shrunk, hm?" he countered.

you narrowed your eyes at him. he turns to you and does the same. "Very adult of you." You scoff. "You started--" then, realizing that continuing to say was he was going to wasn't going to help his case in the slightest. It barely falls silent for a second before he, in a moment of either weakness or some extreme courage he doesnt know, he slows down a little, gently puts his hands onto your waist, finger finding place scrunched in your shirt, and stills you. though, with the rapid beating of your heart you didn't need any help to do so. He gently moves you to the inside of the sidewalk. he doesn't know why. it's kinda stupid really. he doesn't even have a reason expect that's how you two are usually walking. but it isn't ever really intentional. Usually he just gets out the door of the diner first and you follow soon after. but he liked it that way. it felt warm and comfortable.

he clears his throat. "So, you were saying?" you look back up at him, not too stunned to speak or anything just....thinking. time still in its frozen capsule like it was a moment ago with his hands on your waist. "I feel like you've grown." you say simply, verbally shrugging. he takes a look at his own arms as if that would give him an idea as to what you're talking about. "I know you haven't but," you sigh, unsure of where you're even going with this, "I dunno you seem different." the both of you are still facing forward, not having looked at each other since a minute ago. "Is that a good thing or a bed thing?" You smile. "good. definitely good." "that's good that it's good." he laughs.

"oh piss off!" You chuckle at him, shaking you head. a second later you don't hear his steps anymore and turn around to see him saying "gladly." and start to walk in the other direction. You yell at him to get his ass back here and he turns on his heel, trotting back to you with a smile on his face, eyes hidden by his hair as he looks down. "But yeah," you say once he's back to walking beside you, "You've defiantly grown. not in height, but how you are as a person now." he hums. "I guess I can see that. you have too, you know?" you quirk and eyebrow.

"like--" he takes a breath, "You've grown... not like you act completely different now, but you've just--" you get what he's trying to say. "Blossomed?" He nods, but before he can start talking again you're already opening your mouth. "So have you. Not like you weren't someone I wanted to spend a lot of time with when were first met but you've grown into this person who-who has so much depth to them. like sure, you look a little different and youve changed your hair countless times, but I think you've bloomed in a way. And I love that you have; that you've made yourself out to be who you are right now." he purses his lips together.

"hey, it's not all me, ya know? Ive only been able to grow the way you said I have because I've got you by my side. actually, no, more than that, I've got you coaching me and trying to help. And have you taken a look In the mirror? its not just me that's grown internally since we've both met. I feel like... You're more you know than you were before. or at least not as afraid to show who you are." "that's cause I have you cheering me on, beom." he smiles at the nickname, something you've had for him forever. just like how you've been learning each other inside and out forever. But he also smiles at himself. he was your personal hype man, as you'd say, wasn't he? "And im really proud of you for flourishing like you have." he says. "Im proud of us." you counter, "for both becoming more than we were before."

all that was missing was two glasses to toast. "Yeah, and we're achieving that together, too. we have been forever. and I know that's why its unfolding so beautifully-- it takes the two of us to pull something so great off like that." you try not to get all fluttery inside by the prospect of him thinking that you're "great." cause there isn't much to it, really. plain and simple. he thinks you're great... or the journey youve taken with him so far is great or whatever... it should stop there for you. but that's the thing: with him, it never does.

It kinda hits the both of you right in the face at that moment. and you realize all you need to know about how the other person feels the same way when your caught looking at each other and saying more or less the same thing of: "wow, I think our lives are intwined now and I love that."

as the minutes go on, you both talk about some of the ways youve seen this with each other-- growing internally as youve both said. You bring up something, then him, it goes on like this until you both have a realization. "...But seriously, though." you cause, "Im glad that we're like this." "Im happy we can be like this too. and to be honest, I don't just want to be a better person, I wanna be a better person with you." he quickly cocks his head to the side, almost like he was punctuating his sentence. "I was just about to say that! I like growing with you. it's amazing. and you make me want to be better. not in a competitive way though. I just wanna move along with life with you next to me."

He puts a hand to his chest, hopping it would distract him from how fast his heart was beating. It had the opposite affect, though, drawing his attention to it under his palm. "Im glad youve been in my life for so long." he says, wondering jut how far he was going to take all this confessing how wonderful it was to have you by his side. wouldn't this make more of an impact on he both of you than just making you smile? or was he making it more than it was? he probably was to be honest; friends tell each other how much they value each other all the time. just... probably the ones who's heart feels like its about to lift him up and fly him away to the moon, stay away from it.

"And I am glad we're in each others lives to often that we can brighten each others days whenever the other needs it." he nods in agreement, not trusting himself to talk more because he'll surely say all that he thinks of you... and us. the rest of the walk is spent back in the comfortable, fireplace like silence like the first couple minutes of it. Once you get to your front door and your back is turned, he draws in a breath. "It is wonderful to have you in my life, y/n. I don't think you can understand how great it is and how much I love it." you're about to swing open your door but you turn around to look in the eye. "Me too. I love how it feels to have you by my side." you really wish you had something more to say but it seems like its enough for him. cause a second later and he's nearly skipping away from your door. You shake you head at him and go inside.

He scratches the back of his neck, thinking entirely too much about what you had said to him. There was a thousand ways you could have meant hit but for some reason he only wanted to think of it as one. the one where you actually secretly wanted to kiss him every time you hugged goodbye. One where you'd invite him into your place for hot chocolate and he'd stay, and long, long while; only really going back to his home for clothes cause fuck, if he had you like that he wouldn't dream of letting you go or leaving you for as long as he could.

God, It was almost uncanny how, you knew what to call him, but his name? that was something else entirely it felt like now.HIs own name had come to be you. that was how much you were written on his heart; written like law on stone. so engraved in his mind that he felt like you were with him all his life... except with this it was more like someone who knew him his entire life but suddenly stoped paying attention for a very important mile marker, then suddenly started up paying attention again, completely glossing over something that was so important to him. Like his name: but now youve replaced it with your own an the wasn't mad about it. and you didn't know, did you? would you ever know his name?

and, in the middle of all his swirling like a hurricane that brought peace instead of distruction, he wondered if you were ever feeling the same thing. did you think of him the way he thought of you?

He knew everything about you, as did you, he, you thought as you slipped off your shoes at the door. But you figured that, since friends need to be honest as much as they can, that wasn't entirely true. cute there was this one, not so small thing youve never shared with him. something that was such a big part of you it might as well be your name. The way you felt when he was near, when you thought of him, fuck, even when someone mentioned him. at this point, him-- and feeling this was about him was such a bug thing that it had become a part of you. he had become a part of you. and just like a name it was something you wanted and needed to tell the whole world. including him.

but there was the problem, you couldn't just scream it out for everyone to hear. that's why youve been waiting. Even though it was takin g a long time for him to figure out that big giant part of you that thad become as second nature as a name. Beomgyu was smart, but apparently he was stupid when it came to this. but seriously, with all the slip ups youve been having recently, you're starting to wonder if he's deliberately not understanding you and your feelings. Like is he that dense or does he just not want you?

You shoot him a message none the less; telling him to text when he got home unless you'll start to worry.

===

The next time you talk was on the phone on your way to work. He likes to walk you there, too. but today just happened to be one of those days where it couldn't happen. But you missed his presence on the street that reminded you of the talk you had yesterday so the next best thing was to call him. "Hey, it's the server from the diner." You say. "yeah, I know." It was a throwback to when he'd given his number to the place so he could get a free delivery. Though he was hoping you'd pick up on it and call him. and you did. you were the one who had to call to let him know his order had arrived and was currently getting cold outside his door. you had ended the call with him apologizing profusely.

One thing lead to another and you made a follow up call on how the food tasted. you heard him smiling from the other end of the phone as he says, "great as always." You barely thought he would even pick up so you didn't know what to say after that. "especially the hot chocolate." he aded then. And now you're the one smiling uncontrollably. After a few minutes on the phone that day your heart is leaping with excitement. so the next time he comes in, you talk with each other more freely. and now you had his number so when he doesn't come in for a few days you remembered mustering up the courage to text him. "I really wanted to come over there. hot chocolate would probably help cure whatever I have." you felt stupid. duh of course he was just sick, why were you so worried?

within the hour, hot chocolate was delivered to his door free of cost.

and that's when the friendship began; with him texting you an entire paragraph just to say thanks for the gesture and you two talking back and forth, heart seemingly on the edge of its seat, about hot chocolate and hot drinks in general.

"You know... our manager is always telling us to use water," you repeat now what you said all that time ago, "But I always use milk and cream for you." He's snapped back to the present, with you on the other end of the phone, wind whipping in the mic. "aww you really do care, don't cha?" he laughs, smug smile gracing his lips.he can practically hear you roll your eyes from the other end of the phone. "your welcome." you drawled. "I sincerely thank you for your sacrifice of cream and milk." he said, and it sounds like a joke, but still he's smiling in gratitude none the less. youre about to joke about how he needs to repay you... somehow. but he beats you to it. though... with the way he starts off, it doesn't sound like fully a joke. but just enough of one where he knows you'll listen.

"And as a formal expression of my forever debt to you, I invite you to attend a party with me." You figured you'd play along, his tone not serious enough for you to spend the brain power to actually think of an answer. "yeah, sure, Beom." It was about as real to you as the both of you staying completely quiet during a movie so you played along. at least, you thought you were playing. beomgyu puts his speaker of his phone up to his mouth, nearly making your ears bleed as he yells into it: "no take backs!" then promptly hangs up.

you roll your eyes at him, a little concerned for future you and him but cracking up none the less. The surprised expression on your face when he comes by later to quote "take the both of you shopping for the party the next day." was so priceless he wished he had whipped out his phone quick enough. "I keep my promises." he reminds you as he sits down at his usual bar stool. And he sure does, like the one he's been keeping, weighing on his heart for so long he feels like its going to crack it n a million pieces impossible to pick up, about just how much he feels for you. he made that promise to you to stick by you as friends for as long as you'd have him there long enough to be forgotten. but now him. he remembers it like it was yesterday and he intends to keep his word, especially to you. who knows which way it would take you if he didn't. and the last thing he needs is for you two to be torn apart.

he slumps on the counter and gives you puppy dog eyes. you sigh "No one told me you were serious. that was coercion; I did not understand the phrasing of the question, therefore--" oh, you wanted court of law? he'd give you court of law. "uh uh" he wriggles his finger in your face. "was this under a false pretense? maybe. but did that initially give you the right to call back and or ask further questions? yes. so for that reason youre guilty!" he slams an imaginary gavel down on the white counter. you turn around to take a breath. he kicks his feat. "come on, y/n! I think it'll be fun. and if not then we'll leave right away and go to my place to watch tv. and we'll get a cute outfit out of it either way!" you think about it for a moment. "I need deodorant anyways!"

well it is important not to have a stench.....

he can tell youre thinking about it and he perks up at the sight of your wheels turning behind your eyes. it was one of this favorite things-- watching you think, weigh your options and all. It wasn't like you completely didn't want to go. there was a part of you, one that was soon going to get bigger youre sure. but a part of you right now none the less. so what was stopping you? you wanted to be close to him. you loved being close to him and that meant doing things together. but in an environment like this.... it might pose a problem to lips kept tightly shut and secrets you held behind your back.

You take one last look at him, and if it's a regular response between friends or in a slip up you don't know, but you agree. he nearly jumps up out of his seat in celebration. Why did he suggest this? who knows. was this a good idea? who. the fuck. knows. maybe because he wanted to do something with you. but it was probably something more than that it the back of his mind that made him call you and ask. but he knows full well what almost happened the last time you two went to a party together. a bunch of "aww youre so cute together!" made it seem all a little too real after a while and as the night went on with him eventually stopping himself from telling the truth to these people and him getting seemingly eaten from the inside when he stopped just reviling in the fantasy and remembered that no, youre not together. The night ended somehow with you two coming dangerously close to kissing.

maybe he really just wanted to spend time with you; a sort of do-over. he could control himself this time. or maybe that's what it was... he wanted to test the waters again-- challenge himself and see if he really could have self control. or maybe, just maybe, in the back of his mind he wanted to test the waters another way. maybe he wanted to know if it'd happen again. of course he wouldn't do anything about it; he wanted to keep his promise to you but something felt like it was knocking at the back of his mind.

once your shift is done, he's got a spring in his step as he opens the door for the both of you and bouncing on his heels with a smile on his face telling you to hurry up. and no, you don't just go shopping for deodorant... but instead spend two full hours shopping around. two full hours that consisted of trying on clothes and the both of you having to bite your tongues. because fucking hell, why'd he have to have such a good style? you perk up as he steps out the dressing room for the third time, already preparing yourself for you heart seemingly about to beat out of your chest. "what do you think?" "I think..." his face sinks.... "oh--" he pouts, "no no! it looks great! its just, its white."

he quirks and eyebrow at you. "I have eyes, ya know? I did pick it out." he reminds you, nose and mouth scrunching up in that classic Beomgyu disgusted face. "spillage." you simply say. his eyebrows got up into his hairline. "youre right." the next out fit he comes out with, a little more spillage proof, is what he decides on. he takes another look in the mirror, sighing. "you really think it looks good?" he questions. "I have eyes, ya know?" you echo him. he spins around into the dressing room, away from you as quickly as possible so you didn't have to see the smile on his face and the rosy tint to his cheeks.

When it comes to you and picking out your outfits, while youre walking ahead of him to the dressing rooms, he closes his eyes, leaning his head against the wall so he can think for a moment. or... more stop himself form thinking so much than anything. he knows what he's getting himself into. but How you reacted each time he'd first appear out the dressing rooms door with that wistful glassy look in your eyes, almost like you yourself were trying to stop your gears turning.... Times like that gave him hope that maybe yeah, you felt the same way about him as he did you. because just for a short moment he saw the same look in his eyes that they had on him now; trying so hard to stop thinking about you. you, you, you, you.

"I think a round of applause is in order!" you say.-- twenty minutes in. twenty minutes of him bouncing his leg. twenty minutes of you hiding the way his complements make you feel. twenty minutes of the second you shut the door behind you him screaming internally into his palms and twenty minutes of you doing the same. he smiles at you when you come out. "I know. we have good taste." his cheeks seem to be nearly kissing at his lashes as he smiles and he's driving you crazy. "We do, don't we?" you take another look in the mirror.

"You really think it's--" Youre starting to stress over if the outfit really is worth the buy. you like it a lot. but now youre starting to wonder if its a little too little here or too much there and-- "I have eyes, don't I?" he repeats, you turn around and lock eyes with him for just a second too long not to do anything to the both of your heart rates.

===

fast forward to the next night and youre swinging your door open to see him turned the other way. he spins around as soon as he hears the door. You press your lips together and he unconsciously mimics you. "you look really beautiful!" he beams. he's just being your personal hype man as always, and youre not afraid to say that you love it. "Aw you look really beautiful too."

the words slipped past both of your lips like water through fingers. though, unlike water, the words were thick, with feelings long left in the dark hiding behind them. "Oh? so just beautiful? not really--" You step out toward him, closing the door behind you, making you step just a little bit too close to him than usual. "really really beautiful." you clarified. and this time, he doesn't move his head. "thank you." he whispers, voice softer than his hair. and the both of you are unable to move from your doorstep-- frozen in time and space, with the only thing moving being your rapid heart beats and rising chests.

====

he looks at you beside him and can feel your gears turning inside your head, a sight he so badly wants to get lost in but knows he can't. realizing it'd be bad enough with the gorgeous outfit you were wearing and how he was sure at least someone was going to try and hit on you... he'd rather not start getting himself tangled with you now. but he can't seem to move his neck any other way than craned to his left to look at you.

its was just.... as much as he wants an needs to kiss you so badly.... your so Important to him, he thinks as he lags behind a bit, watching you walk ahead. and your friendship is so important to him that they never want to break it, even if that meant shutting his mouth and staying further away, cause in the end that's really what he wanted: to be and stay friends with you. the reason he stayed never has been and never will be just about what he felt for you. your friendship will always be the most important thing to him and heeds never want to jeopardize that and loose you. he'd rather your friendship stay strong than anything.

Your turn around, beckoning him to come closer. he skips to you, so happy you don't know what to do with yourself. "You know--" "no, I don't. I was hoping you'd tell me." you scoff. "I was going to say that im glad you invited me. Im ready to go be extroverts together now and experience all the bad smells and all the loud noises a party has to offer." he laughs, but he knows youre half serious. and he's fully serious when he says he's happy you came.

====

the noise thumps in your ears, nearing making them ring. the lights are dimmer than you thought needed but it-- along with noise and people constantly bumping into each other, sufficed in making the atmosphere very party-like. cause well, it was a party after all. He follows you, both trying to scout out where the kitchen was. you'd planned to stick together, tighter than you did last time, tighter than when the both of you were bombarded with people asking you about each other, and stick together you did.

even when you two went upstairs, trying to find the bathroom, and stumbled upon a couple people fucking and practically biting each others faces off in the room you thought was the bathroom. Beomgyu shuts the door immediately, any longer and you'd both be traumatized. "get your own room!" you hear from behind the heavy door." He looks at you and you back at him before bursting into laughter. "I mean, did you want to orrrr?" you phrase it as a joke, and though he thinks he hears something in the back of your tone, he only rolls his eyes at you. though his brows go up higher than youve ever seen.

The second he's done in the bathroom you lead in downstairs to where the music was the loudest. "I heard it too." he pants, "I was trying to hurry up." you really couldn't believe they were playing this here. it was almost too perfect, you thought. with his body so close to yours, dancing and enjoying the song you both liked. And suddenly, it didn't feel like you were in a crowded room. and for a moment all you could see, and feel, and smell, was him. him and his fingers now reaching for yours, spinning you around, laughing without a care in the world. like it didnt matter that your heart was about to beat out of your chest, making you float on the floor you were dancing on.

Everyone else-- the entire room was blurred. It was just you, and him. him, and you. just as it should be. this didn't happen all the time-- rather, you didn't let it happen all the time. but when it did... you swore youve never felt anything so natural. so--so right and beautiful. You smile and ease him into a dip, now youre both laughing. when he comes up, somehow both his hands ended up in yours and now he's pulled flush against your body. he feels like you both are taking up so much and too little space at the same time--like the whole floor is yours and yours only. he swallows thickly, neither of you making a move to step away. you know it sounds stupid but for a second you can feel as life your hearts are beating as one. and for a seance he feels like maybe this is really real. that it won't end any second and that he isn't having another day dream about slow dancing with you in one of your living rooms; all comfy and--

"I have to go get some water." you say so low that only he hears over the music. you really shouldnt let it goony further than this. at least not here. and as much as you wanted to keep ignoring everyone around you cause with him, were they even there in the first place? you knew you shouldn't, couldn't keep it up for much longer cause being this close to him only made you wanna kiss the shit out of him. "y-youre not--" you look at the next to no gap between you still, hands still closes around each others tightly. you blink to free yourself from the perfect daze youre caught in. the song was barely even slow enough to slow dance to. what you you doing? "moving? I know." and before he could even ask if you to stay longer, youre already pushing yourself off his chest and out of his grasp.

"You sure you don't want me to just go with you?" he nearly stumbles after you. "beom, its just for a second." You whip around to face him, arms crossed defensibly. "but a lot can happen in a second." yeah, I can see that, you say to yourself, thinking about just a moment before where dancing to a song you both liked turned quickly into something that was going to make you stumble. beom, the name echoed in his mind over and over until it flowed into his heart where all the other times youve laughed or called him by that nickname laid. "listen I know youre just trying to uphold our agreement, but seriously, im fine."

he knows he's probably being too worried for you, but he just can't. epically after you'd done that. with your hands clasping his against his chest. god, he never wanted it to end. little did he know neither did you. you did actually need water, being so close to him like that had a track record of making your throat go dry and fingers go numb. it also had a track record of making you get lost in his glazed over eyes. you find a cup and rinse in out before anything cause who knew where its been. a moment later youre about to refill your cup when you hear the unmistakable sound of Beomgyus shriek. followed by someone yelling at him.

oh god what did he get himself into now?

You run to where you last saw him and, finding him not there you rush to where you saw a few people gathered by the stairs. those people who were now making way for beomgyu flying down them. someone hot with anger and hot on his tale. Your brows furrowed as he zooms past you. "im sorry!" you hear him say, "I probably shouldn't have gotten involved but it looked like a pretty heated argument!" oh god? that was what this was about? "Yah!" the person yells behind him. "that's why you shouldve stayed out of it!" then and Beomgyu are both on opposite ends of the sofa, both waiting for the other to make a move. when the person inches right, beomgyu tips to the left. when beomgyu goes the other way, the person follows his movements.

two of the three people move off the sofa to get out the way. god, he really was fucked, wasn't he? you didn't know what to do, really. you left for five minutes and here he was getting screamed profanities at by some random person. You wanted to help, but as beomgyu brings up to the person how the person they were talking with looked hurt, and how they themself looked hurt as well, you leaned against the door frame and just watched.

it was another one of these situations, huh? they didn't look mad enough to really do much of a number on him anyways, and youd step in to stop them any minute now if beomgyu doesn't leave the argument first. And step in a minute later after beomgyu and the person going back and forth tore you apart from the inside out to one, see him so worried like this, and two, hearing them yell next to you with the loud ass music was starting to make your ears bleed you didn't need to do after all. Beomgyu was backing up with his hands in front of him defensively. it didn't feel like you needed to collect him or keep him out of trouble or anything cause he was intentionally trying to start a fight, but you could tell no one was going to get anywhere with this. or at least beomgyu wasn't going to get what he was looking for from the person. So you figured it best to tell it that you two should leave. you grab him by the shoulders and lead him out the door. you were kinda done with the party anyways, having been there quite enough time already.

"im sorry! I ruined our night, didn't I?" he begs. "but they were saying some pretty shitty things about someone and it looked like it was about to turn physical." he practically pleads with you as the night air nips at whatever wasn't covered on you. you stay silent the whole way back to you place. "What have I told you?" you tell more than ask sternly once he's plopped down on his sofa. he hands his head low. "Not to get in the middle of other peoples problems..." he echoes what you say every time something like this happens-- he thinks he can be be everyones knight In shinning armor, protecter and helper to all by getting himself involved. it usually doesn't have such... strong repercussions. most of the time its when he hers whispers of someone talking about their troubles with someone else and he tries to console them. which is fine on its own, but then comes the part where he's getting all caught up in it and he's getting hurt along with them.

and as much as you are shaking your head and rolling your eyes at the situation he got himself into... you purse your lips and try not to catch his eyes from across the sofa. you lean back. "But im not surprised. And it's not because you never learn or that youre stupid or anything, ok? so don't even go there. but that's just who you are, how youve always been since I met you-- caring so much for people, even people you don't know that you'll end up like this trying to help them sometimes. that's one of the things about you that haven't changed one bit since I've met you." he inches closer as if you hear you better, legs folded criss cross on the cushions and hands on his knees.

"don't make me out to be such a hero." he shakes his head. and this time you move a little closer. "Not saying you are just," you pause, knowing what you want to say but wondering if this really was the right time for it. It felt right in your bones and besides when were you going to get another chance like this one? when just a bit ago his hands fit perfectly in yours and you could feel his raging heartbeat under your palms? It was now or never, right? but really, you werent too sure you'd be able to stop yourself now. you might've been in too deep, but with him, never over your head. "just, youre the kindest person ive ever met. n' I just worry you'll get hurt more than youve already gotten in the past-- like youve gotten in the past when you get invested like this."

youre breathing all heavy for some reason, and he's getting that same glassy look in his eyes as earlier in the night. it reminds you of a sugar honey glaze on sweet fruit or a dessert and you can't help but stare int them. "glad to see you care." he shrugs. only his lips move thankfully just in your field of vision, eyes staying locked on yours. "I thought you knew I did. he's unconsciously leaning forward to you, his body following the magnetic pull that was you. though he's only following what seemed natural. "Thought you knew that I did?" you put your face in your palm, elbow balanced on your knee. "Yeah, but..." he trails off, the both of you now impossibly close.

and closer, and closer, and closer until your lips join in a searing kiss. you both sigh in relief into it, having waited so, so long. now your heart was really beating out of your chest, your fingertips no longer numb but boiling with feeling. his hands go from his knees to your hands, grasping them firmly, but gently just like you did to him at the party. he felt like he was floating, like he was suddenly sitting on a cloud and wasn't afraid of falling. god, he's wanted this for so long; for fucking ever. how could he stop now? you pull apart, and now youre thinking how in the world you felt out this long. ".... now the way I want you to." he continues, "not the way I do." you smile, leaning in again to kiss him. it was meant to be a quick peck, but instead it turned into you leaning your body into his and his hands on your arms, running up and down them, making you sink further into him and the seat in warmth.

Now, for a second time, you pull away. "Does that help answering how much I care?" he's smiling like a mad man at your words. "so I guess I didn't ruin our night?" he says, more to get his Brian working properly more than anything. "The opposite. I wanted to leave with you anyways." and now he's nearly jumping out of his seat to to do a little happy dance. he couldnt help it, though. especially when you were pulling him back in by his shirt balls dup in your fist and smashing your lips together.

when you pull apart though, instead of smiling in each others faces, the both of you shoot up. oh god... oh god! what did you just do? it wasn't suppose to go like this, he thinks as you rush to put your shoes on at the door. No words were exchanged between the two of you, though. except: "Hey... I--" "no no!" you say a little too loudly, "no, its fine. we don't ever need to speak of this again, sound good?" his lips form a line at your words. he shoots you a thumbs up. "...yeah." it wasn't what he wanted, that's of for user. but what other choice did he have? didn't look like you were ready for it to happen, so my default, now he wasn't either.

it wasn't like you two avoided each other at all costs in the week after the incident. no, not at all. you were friends above anything and everything, and such close friends that being like that to each other would've killed the both of you. and it wasnt like you were mad at each other... but now the silence on your walks together felt.... uncomfortable; unnatural and weird. like you needed to fill it with pointless talking to distract you from how there was this... air in the midst of you two-- like you knew what the other wanted, craved and needed but were too scared to do something about it.

that's why he knew he had to do something about it. so here he was, barging into the diner you worked past closing time. You quickly run to the door to unlock it for him. not like you were doing anything better anyways, watching the raindrops slide down one of the many windows as you wiped down each table. he was later than he usually was, but it looked like he was here for more than just to pick you up. the look in his eyes said it all. You turn around as soon as you pull the door open for him. "we're closed, Beom." the nickname slipped off your tongue so easily it was like you had forgotten the incident the week before, and how you promised yourself you'd back away even more than you had to keep it from happening again.

it wasn't like you didnt want it to. god was it the opposite. it was just... new, and scary. you knew that wasn't the best excuse but it was all you had. he was, in a way all you had. You didn't really know what moving along that road would mean. you knew it'd be good. but again, it was new and scary.

"I can't loose you." he pants behind you. for once he it was raining and for once he did run here. he spreads his arms wide, his long hair dripping on his shoulders. "And I can't-- I can't believe we let this come between us. and I don't want to let the wedge be driven any further." when you still don't respond, back still turned he gets more desperate, running a worried hand through his hair. "Come on, y/n! we're best friends!" you slam your towel down on the counter. "yeah, well maybe that's why this should've never fuckin happened." your words make the room go silent. you didn't yell it, you didnt exclaim it, you basically whispered it, but it boomed like a bomb going off none the less.

he was too important-- your relationship, whatever it may be, was too important to let go; you knew that. he knew that. he didnt say a word, realizing that he might say something to make the situation worse. he knew he was staying after hours, then again, it reminded him of how it would be between the two of you a week ago when you'd still talk the same. he'd come in, you'd make him the best hot chocolate he'd ever tasted next to his moms, and then he'd sit at the same bar stool and you'd talk for hours, barely making a move to actually go home. but eventually, after helping you with cleaning, he'd walk you home.

but for watts its worth, neither of you wanted to go back to those times, even after everything quite liking how the experience of the incident felt. You invite him to go to your place to talk it out some more. having the same idea, he agrees readily.

"I haven't been completely honest with you." you say, youve been talking for a little over a hour now, somehow slipping into how it was about a week ago along the way back to your place, and you don't think youve felt something so good-- so reliving, in a very long time. "I haven't been telling the whole truth either." no other words are uttered between the two of you, opting to lean ever so frustratingly and tantalizingly slow into each other,. his hand coming to rest on your thigh, folded underneath you at the knee on his sofa. you place your hand on top of his has your lips connect, a long awaited satisfied sigh is breathed into each others face, the air tickling you. youre rubbing circles on the back of his hand as his mind races. it was a kiss you poured all your feelings into. one where you spilled into it how you needed him with you so so so bad. how you wanted him beside you even more than he already was. how you were sorry it took you so long, and how you couldn't wait to keep being beside each other. you could feel him pour all that and more into his side of it and you reviled in the feeling, settling into it like it was second nature.

you blink a couple times when you pull apart, glad that you took your talk someplace else now. and well, I guess the both of you know now. youve now pulled out of the dark that beautiful little thing you two were hiding.

Now you both know just that one more, not so little thing you needed-- what was on each of your hearts the most.

~end~

Can’t believe never written a solely beomgyu fic before anyways as I’ve said if you liked it please comment and or reblog since tumble works on that system and liking it only bookmarks it for you :) I hope you enjoyed!!!

©️2023copyrightofshutupheathersorryheatherr do not repost, translate, or plagiarize my works even if you give me credit

taglist: @itz-yerin

[lvndrptchwrk]

Hiii, could I ask a baxter with a stylist/actor MC?

Cute dog for bribery

((the dog is like the cherry on top for this ask, reminds me of my own husky :3

also i have really good ideas for both a stylist and an actor so this is gonna be actor mc and ill make stylist mc its own post ! itll also be its own post cause this one became so long hgiasdfuseugw ))

step 3 baxter x actor!mc

-spoilers for baxter dlc !-

🔲 he first meets you when he goes to see the live performance at the bar

🔲 you were starring as the dramatic popstar, failing to hide their feelings for the bartender . your best friend is tired of the obvious pining between the two of you and incites the help of the audience to get them together

🔲 baxter is immediately entranced with your performance . the way you walked, talked, your outfit, your natural beauty . hes one of the few audience members that are interacted with, and took the chance to be the one to hand you the bouquet

🔲 he tamped down the rising feeling of jealousy as he had to say that it was from the bartender . it was merely a play, wasnt it?

🔲 the rest of the show went off without a hitch, and you and your costars bowed at the end

🔲 after the performance and a couple more drinks (merely fake drinks of course), he noticed that you were slumped over at the bar, the man you acted as your friend chatting amicably at the bartender

🔲 curious, he made his way over to you, asking if you were alright . the pretend bartender merely laughed at his concern, saying "ah dont worry about ol mc! theyre always wiped out after the performance but they are quite alright"

🔲 you took that time to lift your head up, glaring at the bartender before looking at baxter with a curious smile .

🔲 "ah, youre the one who handed me the bouquet. you did well, i like your hair"

🔲 baxter had mental whiplash with how relaxed and seemingly tired you were, despite your character having so much emotion

🔲 despite that, the two of you talked more, with occasional quips from the other two actors

🔲 he learned you were merely a year younger than him and had a part time acting gig here , but youve acted in school plays and musicals since you were in elementary school. the two of you hit it off, talking until he had to leave so they could close up for the nifht

🔲 he left the bar that night with your number and the promise to visit again

🔲 he stuck to that promise, and visited many more times, going to see you perform and talking to you when he can

🔲 he also texted you plenty , despite not being big on texting . he always wished you well before all your shows

🔲 the two of you even began to hang out outside of you performing, sightseeing the city and sunset bird, going to a lodge for a mini vacation and even introducing him to cove, terry and miranda . it was the funniest coincidence that he rented the condo in your neighborhood, and you two just missed out on seeing each other until now

🔲 he was excited to be included in your life, even if you two met on a whim . he knew however that his time in sunset bird would end soon and this would be behind him soon .

🔲 the end of summer was... hard . for baxter especially, he knew that he would leave eventually and all this would be is a slew of memories to be forgotten when he returns to virginia .

🔲 why bother to maintain the friendship when he knew it would have to end soon? forget about his growing affection for you, he couldnt bring himself to maintain a friendship, let alone tell you how he feels about you

🔲 he knew it would only hurt you in the end, so he kept quiet.

🔲 you were nothing but caring and kind towards him though . helping him pack, ensuring he didnt forget anything and keeping him company one last time

🔲 "well i suppose this is it. i hope you had a wonderful time in sunset bird baxter" you say as you give him a hug goodbye

🔲 this confused him . didnt you know he'd never talk to you again, that this was the last youd ever see of him ? he figured youd be distraught but you were simply acting like he would come back after a couple of days . he voiced this to you

🔲 "ive acted almost my entire life . people will come and go and ive learned that i cant control the people that stay in my life ." he saw the tears in your eyes now. despite what you were saying, its clear you were hurting . he didnt know how to feel about that

🔲 "be safe and break a leg out there baxter . "

🔲 that was the last time he heard from you, and it hurt him deeply . you never tried reaching out, but neither did he . he couldnt bear to see what you were up to on social media, the thought of seeing you again confused and hurt him

🔲 5 years past, and he slowly let that feeling go . he followed you on social media, saw how your talent was finally noticed and you began

🔲 he did his absolute best to keep track of everything you starred in, from movies to musicals and plays

🔲 if you were in a musical: he would buy or download the entire soundtrack and listen to it constantly

🔲 if you starred in a tv show or movie: he would binge it constantly, and it would automatically be his favorite

🔲 of course, hed watch as you went to premieres and red carpet events, dressed to the nines and blowing everyone away

🔲 his apartment would be littered in merchandise of you, along with characters youve played . anyone who sees his collection would think hes really into the character but its just because you played the character

🔲 his office is much more subtle, having a cup with a quote from your first ever major role on it, used to hold pens

🔲 seeing you again was purely coincidence . his work mates invited baxter out to see a local comedy show

🔲 had he not been so occupied with planning a big wedding, he wouldve known that you were in the area performing with friends in a small comedy show

🔲 seeing you walk on stage to perform had baxters world stopping . he felt like the only people in the world were you and him

🔲 you made eye contact with him, and for a moment he thought you didnt see him until he noticed that your smile became brighter and you suddenly looked more relaxed yet excited to see him

🔲 his heart was pounding throughout the entire performance . he had seen you act before, but it was always a different experience when seeing it in person and seeing you act here and now was no different

🔲 after the performance, baxter downright abandoned his coworkers as he made his way backstage towards you

🔲 you made eye contact with him and rushed over to him, hugging him like he would disappear the moment you let go

🔲 "you're here, it's really you . " you whispered, tears in your eyes

🔲 the last 5 years have been busy for you . shortly after baxter left sunset bird a talent agent had scouted you and your acting career took off

🔲 you would constantly travel or be busy acting and when you werent doing either, you were with your family or hiding from the paparazzi

🔲 but you never forgot him, and now he was right here in front of you . your feelings from him came flooding back in waves . you never had the courage to tell him how you felt before, but now you have the chance and you weren't gonna let him get away so easily

🔲 so you kissed him

🔲 he was initially surprised by the action, but couldnt help but return the gesture as well . it felt like the kiss raised several questions and answered everything

🔲 of course, baxter had to return to his coworkers, but he returned with you . they joked about him running off and congratulated you two on the newfound relationship

🔲 your fans would obviously have mixed reactions . the majority of your fans were extremely happy for you two, but there were always going to be haters

🔲 not that you minded, thats how it always was . baxter was there for you and thats what mattered

🔲you do your best to stay around and help him with weddings if needed . if you couldnt then he'd call and ask for your opinions or send pictures of his ideas

🔲 you would try to stay with him as much as possible, taking more local roles in the city or any neighboring cities but you'd have to take bigger roles once in a while

🔲 he'd support you endlessly, sending you encouraging texts and reminders to take breaks when necessary

🔲 you two attending premieres and red carpet events would blow everyone away . you occasionally got him to break out of his black and white scheme for these events and wear elegant outfits to stun everyone

🔲 whenever he wants to take you out on dates or out through the town, he totally understands having to disguise himself a bit along with you just so the time wouldn't be ruined by fans or paparazzi

🔲 most dates would end up being spent with home cooked meals or take out and a movie, but that was fine by him . any time with you was good time and worth waiting for

[skyechild]

Pain in love

𖤐 pairing: life!Siyeon x death!Fem!reader (f/f) 𖤐 genre: angst no fluff whatsoever 𖤐 warnings: death mentions 𖤐 wc: 800 𖤐trope/au: life/death au, f2l, somewhat already established 𖤐 summary: Life and death were not supposed to meet, or even be friends. anything you touch dies, anything Siyeon touches is given life. You just hate that you cant touch her. It made you want to cry. The girl that you loved...you couldnt touch her. 𖤐 notes: yes i know its short but what can i do? 𖤐Tags: @cultofdionysusnet / @spooo00oky / @stravvberrymilksan

You were death, coming to collect the dying who didn't have the possibility or strength to fight any longer. You came to collect their souls and carry them over. You could only touch the dead. Anything living would rot again from the inside out.

Siyeon was life, pressing against hopeful parents stomach to give them a wish they asked for. When she touched a dying flower it bloomed again, when someone had the strength to fight for even a little bit longer and some hope, she would give them that tiny bit of life.

You supposed it was fair enough. She was there at the beginning of life, you were at the end. Never to meet. Maybe it would have been easier if you had never met. But the thought hurts. You were too scared to touch her. What if your touch killed her? You hadn't touched anyone, and you didn't want to start with her.

Her smile lit up the room, yours dimmed the room, a sense of foreboding taking over. Her skin had life in it, a beautiful slight tan in it. Your skin was ashy grey, it was unsightly, ugly. You were the complete opposites. You didn't let her touch you, scared something would happen if she did.

You had met by mistake. Both of you sent to the same person. Her there to give them more life, you there to take life. You both froze at the sight of each other. It had been quiet for moment before Siyeon had moved forwards towards the person that you had spoken up. "Its his time." You had warned and she had looked down at him then back to you. "He can still fight left in him." You had shook your head. "Life, youve given him too much time." You had confessed. "He is exhausted, youve extended it too long." You had murmured and she looked at you, eyes glossy.

Siyeon hated when she had let let people go, not give them that boost that she could. But she knew you were right, the usual look they had when she first came to give people just a few days or a week left was gone. He was skin and bones. He had no muscle of fat left. "He is in pain." You had moved forward as well, by her side now. "But you can wake his family up." You had soothed her, itching to wipe away her tears.

That was how you both met. It was bittersweet. You taking a life and her not being able to help. You had to escort her out to sit down, taking a seat next to her.

"Y/n?" You were taken out of your thoughts at the call of your name. Looking up at the girl you smiled fondly. "Hello." You whispered, she smiled softly. She never minded the sense of foreboding whenever you smiled. "How are you?" You question and her smile grows. "Ive been wonderful!" She motioned towards you, returning the question. "Im the best as i can be." You smile fell a bit. The best anyone can be when taking lives. You meant and she knew it.

You both had known each other for a few millennia now, the brewing of something surrounding you guys made you nervous. You have never liked someone, or even been in love. You had thought it was stupid. Why fall in love with someone when you might end up taking their life? You knew with someone immortal it would be easier..if they were your side of things. But someone like Siyeon? You didnt want to risk it, no matter how hard she tried.

You were about to go to your boss and ask if you could touch other immortals that were not under death. If your touch worked on the other side, on Siyeon's side.

You hoped not.

You didnt want it to work on something so beautiful. You supposed life itself was beautiful even though you saw the end. You saw the tragedies, the pain and suffering. While Siyeon saw the bright side, the births and joys. You had to let fate take its course as well. (Minji was a sweetheart.) But you loved Siyeon and you knew she loved you. That scared you the most.

How could someone so beautiful, someone who gives and gives and gives while you can only take and take and take. That didnt seem fair to you. Why couldnt you give. You wanted to give, you wanted to give Siyeon anything and everything you wanted. But at the end of the day, you both werent suited for each other. It was a forbidden love, the worst type of love in your opinion. It hurt the most and it hurt everyone with no remorse.

[universecity-podcast]

Hello, I hope somebody is listening...

Its been awhile since I've sent out a message, old sport. The last time you've heard of me, I was in great emotional distress due to being chased by monsters all week. I will try to send out a signal more frequently, so it'll be effective.

I have some things to tell you about me, old sport. I fell in love. It might seem insane to fall in love during times like these, where I am in danger non-stop, and the city gets more controlled than ever. But I met a boy, his name was Nilan. And he was so bright, shining onto me, giving me comfort and company during my bad moments. Like the moon. Sadly, he lived at the other end of the city, in the restricted area. He used to be one of the people to almost escape Universe City, but they caught him last minute. We mainly communicated through radio signals or called from old telephone cells. And I put my faith into him. My whole trust. Because, old sport, he would be released in a few months. Nilan had promised to help me get out of thr City, and for the first time I felt... hope. Maybe with his help I would not suffocate at the dirty air, or choke on water the goverment poisoned, forever.

There was one twist though... and that was to leave Toulouse behind. You know how important she is to me, old sport, but yet I was ready to take the risk and help her get out once I've run away with Nilan. In the end, it turned out to be so different. Everything went downwards when i took a risk and came to a meet up place at the border of the old industry in Universe City, to meet with Nilan's friends. Turned out, one of them was working for police. And that bastard had alarmed his colleagues.

I had to run away, no time to look back and Nilan ended up getting shot in the riot, or so I've heard. See, its not easy to get information here, but i managed to keep contact with someone from Nilan's friends. He's called Ouranus, and might not know how to flee Universe City, but he does have a lot of inside information on the people who betrayed me. We keep eacb other updated from time to time about the important things, you could say we have an alliance. Toulouse isn't really here to help me right now, seeing as she still has to hide from the Zycrepts that tried to kill her a few weeks ago, which means i have to find support somewhere else. And there Ouranus really comes in handy.

But with Nilan also died my hope. I'm telling you, old sport, my story may seem exciting and the live here like in an action movie, but really it's just tiring. I just need a fucking break from all of this. Yet, the goverment is hard and strict. They dont give breaks. They chase you until you die or they kill you. There arent any other options.

This story is why i can't have lovers or strong emotional bonds. Toulouse is already a big risk to keep around for so long, but without me... she'd have no one. She would let herself slide and the Zycrepts would kill her. By now they're literal killing machines, going after the few that managed to escape the matrix.

Running away from the Cyborgs had got me thinking. If trusting someone would inevitably result into being in constant danger or people i care about getting killed, then I'd rather stop talking to anyone at all. What would February say?

Oh February, i thought about you a lot in the past months. What would you say to all of this? Would you laugh at me while i play tricks on the robots, or would you scoff at my naivety? I cant tell... youve been away for far to long. Why did you leave me, February? Wasn't i enough? I tried to hate you for a while, you know, but it wasnt possible. I am unable to hate such a shining person like you, such a bright flame in a pit of darkness. I miss you...

Back to reality, old sport, there's no time for daydreams. Whenever I have to go buy weapons, food or just non-poisonous water, I disguise myself. Put on one of those masks that stick directly to the face and are almost invisible, wear a wig, and some clothes from a guy i murdered. And when i am there, in public, surrounded by so many other people that are slowly turned into machines, I get scared. What if someone catches me? What if my masks losens or my wig falls off? But i guess I've been lucky, over the past months I've learned how to blend in more and better. This means more information, more actually healthy food and water and sadly paying less attention to things. Yesterday, I swear i saw May- the one who betrayed me- out of the corner of my eye, but before i could get a chance to look again, he was gone. My concentration's slipping, and that's not good.

I think if i wouls stay on air for longer, the Zycrepts might catch up on someone sending a radio signal, which would mean that the city would start to monitor the radio too, which we don't want, right, old sport?

Radio Silence out.

[bluegarners]

any tips on how to write?

hiya anon!

im probably not the best source for this particular question, i can only offer personal experience and advice youve probably heard a million billion times. i would suggest going onto youtube or just the internet in general with this question and look for sources with professional writers/those who have the kind of genre expertise youre looking for

academic writing is not my forte- i can write a research paper, but im definitely not a source to seek advice for it

creative writing is what i mainly do, and a lot of it is fictional creative writing. ive been writing since i was about 7 or 8, and that came about due to meeting a friend who shared a mutual love for the warrior cat series by erin hunter. we wrote about our own oc's and made up our own clan, and at the time, we had no idea that what we were doing was called fanfiction. it was just a fun outlet for us that we only shared with each other, and it wasn't until a little later when we were a tad older did we start writing more original works. it was actually around the time that unbroken (that 2014 war film) came out that we both got really interested in writing war stories, so that was a new horror/thriller genre we got into. my writing path has essentially been fantasy -> fanfiction -> thriller to present day, where i do still dabble with thriller/horror but i mostly write fanfictions

so, all of that to say, what i learned from all of that is to love what you love and extend your creativity to it, and then beyond it. read or watch things you like, explore different but adjacent genres, find a favorite author or movie producer, remember certain lines or phrases or story-tellings, and just tinker around a bit. i didn't start sharing any of my writing until well into my teen years because i was still learning, and although thats perfectly fine to keep your writing to yourself until youre comfortable, if you want to improve, then taking the risk of judgment is necessary!

however, i've also just always had a natural predilection towards writing. you could say i am "right brained" since reading and writing have always been very natural things that i also happen to enjoy! not everyone is going to have a natural "closeness" to writing, even if they do enjoy the process of it or like to read, so some people will need to put forth more effort than others to achieve the desired result

writing is hard work- it takes a lot of brain power sometimes and can be very tiring. i get burned out all the time, from both reading and writing, and sometimes it can be difficult to enjoy things since im always looking for inspiration or ideas on what to write and how to write it. but dont get discouraged if the process is more difficult than expected! like anything you do, of course it takes practice and time and effort. ive been told a couple times that people wish they could write like me, and though im flattered, it took a long time to get where im at (over a decade) and i am still very much striving to improve and find ways to expand my creativity!

writing is just a hobby for me, so i dont take it as seriously as a professional writer might. i write because i enjoy it and its a great way to connect with others, but when it gets too stressful or im no longer happy doing it, i stop writing and i take a break. i can do that because this is a hobby for me and thus no obligations are being tied to my production rate, so if its the same for you anon, i would encourage also not to take any of it too seriously!

it's all well and good to hone a craft and try to be the best at it as you can possibly be, but dont let it stress you out if youre not the best or the fastest writer out there. this is life, and we're all just trying to have a good time, so why stress about it, you know?

[jamnotjam]

Relieving some stress

b.sk x reader

Being a idol is stressful, but when you have such a amazing partner, relieving stress is easy

Rating: smut

word count: 762

Warnings: sub!seungkwan, soft dom!reader, AFAB reader, pet play, reader calls sk kitty, sk calls reader noona, handjob, shoulder massage, eventual smut

"You cheated on me with my best friend?! How dare you!"

"Honey, its not what it looks like! Really!"

You gasp

This k-drama you found at the bottom of Netflix's list is really juicy, kinda cheesy, but interesting none the less.

You picked up a habit of watching shows on netflix while your boyfriend is gone, its rare you get to see each other often, he is apart of a pretty big kpop group, and between the scheduals and tours, hes pretty much out the door as soon as he wakes up and in bed as soon as he gets home. Its lonely, thats true, but you love him, and always support him as long as hes happy.

Right when the girl throws her cheater boyfriends clothes out the window in the drama your watching, your boyfriend walks in the front door.

You turn your head in his direction, eyes still fixed to the tv

“Welcome home, hun”

“Hey…” he grumbles

You look at him, a frown forming on your face, he seems tired

“Whats wrong, kwannie?”

Seungkwan gets a apple from the kitchen and plops on the couch next to you, he sighs

“Practice was hard today”

You frown and rub his shoulder lightly

“Im sorry, honey, is there anything i can do to help?”

He looks at you with puppy dog eyes

“Can you give me a back massage? Please noona…”

You chuckle lighly

“Of course”

You move behind him, pushing his butt to the edge of the couch. You grip his shoulders and rub lightly, he sighs in relief, his head falling back and landing on your shoulder.

“Did you guys at least make some progress with the choreography today?” you say as you rub the sweet spot on his back

“Y-yes..” his words fade into a moan

You both freeze, did he just moan? It wasnt a normal massage moan either, you look down and see a growing bulge in his pants, you scoff.

“Kitty…this is really turning you on?”

He opens his eyes and looks at you

“Y-yes noona…im sorry” he looks to the ground

You chuckle, popping random boners isnt a unusual thing for him, but its always adorable to see him embarrassed cause of it

“Its okay, noona will take care of you, youve had a stressful day”

You rub his arms and pull his body flush against yours, you start running your hands down his body, he shivers

“Noona..~” he whines

“Dont be impatient, kitty”

Your hand arrives at his crotch, and he gives a pathetic whine, he squirms at the slightest touch, you slowly unbutton his pants and send your hand into them, he groans. You rub your hand on his already hard cock

“Kitty…your so hard, it mustve hurt straining against your jeans”

“I-it did…noona” he moans

“Take off your pants for noona”

He scrambles to pull his pants down, along with his boxers, he sits back in your lap.

“Good boy”

You continue your rubbing on his cock, his moans steadily pouring out of his mouth

“Mmh, baby, im barely touching you and your moaning so much”

You whisper against his ear, he shivers

“Such a whore for your noona”

As you say that you start stroking him, he moans loudly, his body tensing, hes close to cumming

“Dont cum unless i tell you”

He nods, is head falls onto your shoulder, his face contorting in pleasure and you continue your strokes, you kiss him gently, swallowing his moans.

Your strokes get faster and his moans get louder, you pull away from the kiss and look at him.

He pants

“N-noona…please..please!”

You chuckle and stop your strokes, he groans

“Please what? Use your words”

“Please~ please let me cum”

You smile and continue your strokes, he moans loudly

“Go ahead kitty, you deserve it”

He moans, his body tossing and turning in your lap, when finally, you feel is cock twitch in your hand and hos body stiffing. His hot load spilling all over your hand and his sweatshirt. You tsk

“Kitty, you made a mess”

He pants, body limp and eyes closed

“I-i…”

Is the only words he can muster

“Its okay kitty, lets go to bed, yeah?”

He looks at you and nod, you lift his body up as much as you can and gets his underwear, you help him back into them and pick his pants off the ground. You two go to your room and he collapses on bed, you smile and lay the blanket on him

“Goodnight, kitty”

“Goodnight noona…i love you”

“I love you too”

Feedback appreciated!

[1-800-c0sm1c]

I recently saw a suggestive gif with an ice lolly, before quickly stumbling upon a post with Ryuji.. You can probably see where I'm going with this.

Could you perhaps write about a gn reader and Ryuji on a super hot day grabbing some ice lollys, the two enjoying the other's presence before Ryuji looks over and sees reader unintentionally deep throating it? (Like it looks suggestive) Ryuji gets really flustered, and now it's even hotter...

I hope this doesnt overstep into more heavier nsfw, if it does please remove what you arent comfortable with or feel free to delete the request :) Also you can add more characters if you want! Though I only really know Persona 5 Strikers, so if you can add characters from that! Anyway enough rambling, hope you have fun with this!!

-Solar/⭐ (If I can claim either or that'd be great!)

꒰blue lemonade !꒱

eating popsicles with everyones fav electro boy !

character x gn!reader

includes ryuji !

warnings : suggestive content !

word count : 2273

beta read by : @cagethefrenchfuck​

a/n : solar anon youre a genius ,,, im here to make it even better with a friends to lovers prompt added into the chaos mwahahaha >:) i hope you enjoy this !

this summer heatwave was reaching record high temperatures, you were sure if you stayed out in the sun for too long youd melt into a puddle and evaporate almost immediately. you wanted nothing more than to feel the cool ocean breeze on your face and soak up rays in the sun. however, just like the rest of the phantom thieves, you and ryuji were broke and had decided to stay inside for most of summer vacation. whenever you werent grouped up together at rens house for mementos business, chances are ryuji was laying on your couch, complaining about the heat with a bag of frozen vegetables on his forehead, but you dont mind. if youre together, everything becomes colored by him. if you were into aura reading you swear everyone around the blonde would be a bright and sunny yellow, but yours turned blue the moment you met him. if he was the sun, youd be the ever changing sky, never one without the other, the tide and the sand.

despite the random movie playing on the tv, your attention was focused solely on your dramatic friend sitting next to you. ever since youve joined the phantom thieves, you and ryuji have been inseparable. ren and ann have called you the dynamic duo on multiple occasions, meanwhile morgana is simply just jealous that someone likes ryuji enough to want to hang out with him that often.

“oh come on ryuji, the fans are running on overdrive, theres no way you can still be that hot.” you rolled your eyes as he complains for the nth time this hour. “thats what you think, but i swear im gonna die if this heatwave lasts another day, man.” he sighs, sinking further into the couch. “if the heat doesnt kill you, then i will.” you mutter under your breath, but ryuji hears you loud and clear. “oh so you want a fight, is that it? lets take it to the metaverse right here, right now!” ryuji yells back with more energy than youve seen him with since school let out for the break. he puts his fists up pretending to swing punches at you across the couch, proceeding to drop the entire bag of (not really frozen anymore) peas on the hard floor of your living room. the bag breaks open, littering the vegetables all over the place. “oh shit. how thin is the materials of those frickin bags?” he quickly says, panic obvious in his voice. you sigh, quickly getting up to grab the broom to sweep up the mess ryuji had made. 

he follows you to the kitchen like a lost puppy, offering to clean everything up *plus* scrubbing your whole house before you quickly reassure him its not a big deal. “i doubt we were ever going to cook those up anyways, dont worry about it ryuji!” “but still! i feel bad for making a mess of your house. i dont want to give your mom any reason to hate me.” you raise an eyebrow at that. “oh? why do you want to be on my moms good side so bad? you planning on moving in or something?” he shrugs. “with how much weve been hanging out i might as well. last thing i need is to be banned from seeing you over some bags of frozen vegetables.”

theres a mysterious feeling inside of you, and you feel heat rising to your cheeks over that. hed go through all the trouble of deep cleaning your house just so he can still hang out with you? itd obviously never need to come to that, but the fact that its the first thought he has cant help but make you feel special, despite how silly it is. of course he wants to be able to hang out with you, hes your best friend. if he didnt, that would be more of an issue than anything else. “you could always just sneak through the window, you know.” you mutter without realizing. he snickers. “i dont think i play the role of knight in shining armor very well, but what the hell? im always willing to try new things.” he laughs at his own remark, completely oblivious to how much redder your face has gotten in the small amount of time youve been sweeping up the peas from the floor. it may be hot outside, but surely not that hot, right?

“well how about you go make yourself useful and get something less likely to… explode for us to cool off?” you quickly respond to change the subject. ryuji thinks for a second before grabbing his shoes, stating hell be right back. you feel a weight be lifted off your shoulders you were unaware of as soon as the door shuts behind him.

theres never been any kind of tension that youve noticed before between you and ryuji, so where did this random feeling come from? you cant help but feel different around him, has he always looked at you with such admiration and you just never noticed? with how hot your body is now you might as well shove yourself into the freezer.

putting the broom back you sit back on the couch noticing how empty the room really feels without ryuji there anymore. where had he even run off to anyways? you groan, noticing that the temperature had gone up another 2 degrees, before instantly feeling bad for sending ryuji out into town during the hottest part of the day. that was definitely a lapse in your judgement, but surely hed be fine with how quick he was to go along with it. unless he just wanted to get away from you? wait where did that thought come from? you cant help but internally sigh at how youve managed to make the situation even more awkward without him even being there.

after about another 5 minutes of sitting alone with your thoughts (terrifying, isnt it?) ryuji bursts through the front door with a grocery bag in his hands. “i dont know about you but i think some ice cream is the perfect thing right now!” your face drops the second you realize its dripping, presumably already melted from the trip back in the scorching sun. ryuji notices a second later, quickly dropping it outside by the front porch. you cant help but find his slightly pouting face adorable, and also totally heart wrenching. “you know, i think youre on the right track there with ice cream. how about we just go down to the convenience store together? im pretty sure ren is working there right now anyways. then we dont have to worry about anything melting!” 

ryuji was just about ready to give up on going anywhere else today, especially if it meant having to walk around again in the heat, but he couldnt resist the sweet smile on your face. hed do anything for you in a heartbeat if youd always look at him so sweetly. he was so caught up in his staring that he completely forgot to answer you, you having to snap your fingers in his face just to get him to come back down to earth, because surely when he was with you he was in heaven. “huh? oh! yeah, lets get going!”

you both ran to the train station, out of breath and sweaty by the time youd have reached shibuya. you almost gave ren a heart attack with the amount of noise caused by you and ryuji walking in to the convenience store. after almost getting him fired for talking way longer than he should have been, you and ryuji walk back to the station in no rush, eating your popsicles quietly. 

“what flavor did you get?” you ask ryuji as you stand waiting by the station. “cherry limeade, you wanna try?” he brings the popsicle closer to your face, assuming youd simply grab it in your own hand. what ryuji was not expecting, however, was for you to lean yourself closer to him, taking a lick of the popsicle while it was still held in his hand. his eyes turn wide like a rabbit would, incredibly surprised as you get closer to him, he swears he can feel the tingling electricity throughout his entire body. where did this boldness come from, and why are you so nonchalant about it? he can fell his ego deflating when his whole arm shakes after you pull away and lick your lips, the artificial fruit flavoring tasting cold yet electrifying. “ooh that ones super tasty!” you exclaim, and ryuji swears he sees your eyes shining.

your icy treat smells of the sweet ocean, like someones squeezed a freshly picked lemon into it. “do you wanna try mine? its blue lemonade.” you hold the popsicle up to him in the same way, but ryujis too nervous to even grab it out of your hand, let alone lean in like you had. “oh uhm… no thanks, im allergic to uh…. lemons?” he stammers out, leaning back a bit. you shrug. “more for me then!”

ryuji was sure it was getting even hotter outside, even though it was painfully obvious the sun would be setting soon. he tried not to make eye contact with you again, but the image of you staring at him so excitedly a moment ago was still fresh on his mind. 

he regrets when he gives in and looks over at you again, as youve gotten down to the bottom of the popsicle by now. hes even more surprised to see the way you take almost the whole stick into your mouth, and suck on the remaining of the icy treat. he feels his eyes travel down to your adams apple, watching it move as you swallow. he notices the mixture of sweat and fruit juice dripping down from your chin, which in any other situation he might have made fun of you for. suddenly hes more flustered than hes been all day, and cant help but look away suspiciously quick.

as soon as you turn to look at him, he feels much smaller under your gaze, unable to hide how much you affected him, without you even realizing. now you know its not just you whos been feeling the tension thicken more as today has dragged on. youre not sure what to say, or if you should even say anything. clearly theres something going on between the two of you, but neither of you are able to muster up enough courage to address it.

youre about ready to just say your goodbyes and make your way back home, but ryuji decides to speak up before you can act out your walk of shame. “hey y/n, have you noticed anything uhm, you know, weird between us recently?” he asks, you cant tell if youve ever heard ryuji sound so unsure before. you pretend to think for a moment before responding. “now that you mention it the air seems much hotter today, and thicker too.” you dont miss the way you see ryujis face heat up at that remark. he mentally curses for not having a way to hide the way the blush creeps up his neck and ears.

“yeah i think ive noticed that too. but i havent been able to put my finger on what exactly has been bugging me.” you, unlike some would say about ryuji, arent stupid. you both know that he knows whats going on here, but hes going to make you say it first. you hold back a sigh, something youve been doing a lot recently, and finally find the right words. “i think that theres… something going on between us, ryuji.” you dont dare raise your eyes from their look on the ground. you can see ryuji let out a breath of relief, he wasnt sure if you were actually going to go along with this. “yeah, i see what you mean… i uh, i mean i see it too.” he drags his foot against the pavement of the station square. your heart that points to him is a deep blue, like the sky before the storm clouds build, or the ocean on a late night stroll.

even if you swallow, your words fill up on the tip of your tongue, feeling so close to overflowing. “have you ever thought of us as more than friends?” you ask in such a low voice you werent sure if he would hear it, and ryuji almost didnt over the loud beating of his heartbeat. now what is he supposed to do? there was so hint in your tone of voice that you thought of him the same way. he wasnt even sure if you were nervous, for all he knew you were more uncomfortable than anything else. he struggles to think of an answer that wont totally humiliate himself and also not hurt your feelings. “well… i guess so, yeah.” he responds. he doesnt miss the way you tense up at his answer, and he feels his heart sink.

you finally look up at him, that same sweet look in your eyes from earlier, and suddenly he thinks that maybe its so bad he decided to be honest. “oh my god really? wow.. im so relieved!” you sigh out. ryuji thinks he likes that tone of your voice. “i honestly thought i was going crazy! like i never noticed just how… close we are until today! everything just seemed to click and i swear i dont even know where it came from but im starting to really like-” ryuji leans in closer to you, effectively shutting you up with a nervous kiss to you lips. you can feel him smirk against you when you melt into the kiss. you feel yourself return to the original soft blue youve grown to love the moment he embraces you.

reluctantly pulling away, ryuji wipes the excess popsicle off of his lips with the same stupid smile on his face. you stick your tongue out at him, showing now that your tongue is purple instead of blue, and that immediately wipes the confident expression on his face. youre starting to get used to seeing ryuji flustered and different shades of pink or red. you grab his hand, dragging him off to go catch your train. 

as the doors close behind you, youre suddenly reminded of what he said earlier. “wait a minute, i thought you said you were allergic to lemons!” he rubs the back of his neck, embarrassed. “well i only said that because i was too nervous to.. you know, grab the popsicle out of your hand.” you cant help but laugh at him. “whats so funny? you act like if you were in my shoes you wouldn't have reacted the same way!” you shrug your shoulders. “summer isnt over yet, i guess well just have to wait and see until next time.”  he sighs, exasperated, before whispering under his breath “youre gonna be the death of me.” you smile at him. this is perfect, youd wish for nothing more, just the two of you. like this summer, it melts in your mouth like your feeling of love.

inspired by blue lemonade by red velvet , give it a listen if you havent before !

[yahoodarling]

Baizhu X Inexperienced/sick reader(GN)

I have done it... i have written fluff! It is possible! Im rather proud of myself

Warnings: Smoking

"You are going to hurt yourself." Baizhu sighed as you clumsily held the lighter too close to your face trying to get the paper to light. It wasnt your fault this damn paper was fire resistant. 

Baizhu stood up from his desks chair and sat next to you on the couch behind the Bubu pharmacy. Gently he tipped the rolled paper fulled with his selection of herbs and weeds upwards, took hold of your hand and guided it to lighting the end. "Suck in deeply. The flame needs suction to light the herbs inside, else you are just burning the ends of the paper and not the actual stuff you want burnt."

Baizhu was a good friend, he always entertained your thoughts and requests. You had known him for so long now, you were one of his first patients he had when the Bubu pharmacy began, of course you needed contant supervision at the time to make sure you were alright. Even to this day neither of you knew what exactly made you feel fatigued, light headed and easily susceptible to illness but your symptoms were a lot less sever now then they were in the past. You could live a life, have a job and have friends when before in your youth you were bedridden and scared to explore anything outside your rooms walls. Your teenage years were fulled with books and sleep, missing an important part of life but at least you got to know Baizhu, your reliable ever flamboyant doctor and friend. 

At this moment you wanted to spend time with him, he had gotten so busy in his work you hardly got to see him so you told him you were interested in trying out a known hobby of his: casual smoking. 

Baizhu described the sensation as simply mind numbing not world altering like you first thought. You always imagined getting high ment not being in the right mind, saying stupid stuff and doing stuff youd regret, Baizhu laughed a lot when you explained your concerns, how silly. 

You sucked hard on command, getting a mouth fill of a slightly bitter air, hardly anything as bitter as Baizhus medicine but still having that noteable ting to it. 

You let go and scrunched your face slightly, it wasnt bad or overpowering like you thought, in fact it felt underwhelming.

"Congratulations! Youve just set your first foot into a world of drug abuse and addiction. How do you feel?" Baizhu sang sarcastically, mocking your original concerns.

"Shush" you huffed and tried breathing in another pull to see if it was any different.

The man beside you chuckled and leaned back into his couch, picking up a book and flicking threw it. Hed never admit it but it was thanks to you he didnt overwork himself. He knew what was healthy for him but he often got consumed in his research or daily deeds providing for the sick citizens all over Liyue. It was thanks to you he could remind himself that a break was okay now and then. 

"So, how long does this stuff last?" You ask turned to him in question.

He continued to read his book, answer robotic like he knew youd ask and had planned a response long before. "Depends. Peoples bodies tend to work differently. It could take you a second or hours to feel the effects. The effects could last a jolly moment or a life time, or your body simply won't register it and you wont feel a thing. Its out of my control. All i can do is ulter the type and amount of stuff you take in, how your body recieves it is up to your body."

He looked away from his book and up to the roof, an emotionless look on his face which was very unlike him. "If i could control how the body recieves stimulants and toxins both myself and the world would be a very different."

You knew instantly that he was reffering to his illness. Much like you he was plagued with something uncurable, he never went into detail about it but you knew it was a soft spot for him. He feared death as much as you feared uncertainty.

You hummed in thought, trying to think of an appropriate response when you felt your hand lift unintentionally. Baizhu held your wrist, pulled in closer to it and gave a drag off the roll. Then leant back and huffed a sigh, getting comfy in the couchs blankets and pillows again. 

"Dont worry about it. Life has its treasures. We just have to explore them and cherish the ones that deside to stick with us." He stated before going back to his book. 

'Explore'. Were you too scared? You hadnt left Liyue Harbour your entire life, the furthest out you had gone was the surrounding mountain range one year you were feeling well enough to go see the lantern right. Perhaps you should try explore a little more?

With that thought the new muscle memory of brining the roll to your mouth unlocked as you periodically took huff after huff. Baizhu didnt give you anything 'heavy' as he described it and you trusted him to that. In time the plush couch, familiar environment and good friend to your side erged a dozy feeling to arise as you began to focus on the smaller sounds of late night Liyue. 

"Dont burn yourself." Baizhu suddenly said, lifting your hand away from your leg, the one holding the still liy though short roll. He took it out your hand, gave a quick pull or two and stood up to despose of what was left. 

Baizhu was so good to you. So gentle. His humorous nature that seemed overpowering at times contrasted to the graceful care he showed. In all your years of knowing him his touch had never been harsh, times you were in pain were all because of the sicknesses youd catch and it was thanks to him that youd recover.  

"Baizhu, you are so good to me." You voiced your thoughts. He chuckled in return and sat back next to you, a knowing smile on his face as he ruffled your hair. 

"Im your doctor. Id hope i can treat you well."

You frowned at his response.

"No, i mean as a friend, well… yes as a doctor too but i dont think i would be spending a late night with a usual doctor smoking and dozing off now right? I wanna thank you for this safe space you have created for me. Thanks to you i can over come my fears and slowly push my boundaries a little further everyday."

Baizhu pulled you in, cradled your head into his chest and have you a quick kiss on the crown of your head. The action left you a little flustered but otherwise unbothered.

"Im glad to know that. I hope to have more moments like this in the future."

He didnt pull away, you simply fell into his hold as he went back to reading. It was so warm and safe and yet something you had never done before, you had never been this close to him like you were now.

You truly wanted to get closer, to be fitted againt him entirely and share his touch but in order to do that youd have to initiate it. Baizhu wouldnt lead you into that. What if he didnt want to get any closer? Maybe he was simply comforting you and didnt feel as relaxed and willing to share each others space as you felt. You closed your eyes, deeply thinking about what move to make. You really wanted to get closer but you didnt want to distrub him. None the less you willed yourself. You shuffled in, lay your head deeper onto his chest to the point you slowly began falling into his lap.

Baizhu didnt mind. He hummed and let yourself get comfortable before laying his hand in your hair, gently carresing through each lock of strands and slightly pulling and untangling knots. The gentle pull of your scalp and soft plush of his lap tempted your eyelids to close. You battled greatly to stay awake, not wanting to fall asleep and lose the moment.

"Its alright. You can rest. If i must rest so must you." Baizhu said as he looked down on you through his glasses, the chains connected dangling above like a childs mobile watching the chains and beads sway to his heads movements. 

"Next time you want to spend some time together you dont need to push yourself to involve yourself into my hobby, ill be more aware to spend time with you. I think its important and getting to share this time… its enjoyable."

His hands finally pushed you to closing your eyes and they stayed close. Finally accepting sleep. Baizhu blushed at the sight, enjoyed the view for a moment more then got back to carresing your hair and reading his book until he too retires to bed.

Look at me being all fluffy~ you would hardly believe its the same person~

[todayisawthewhxlewxrld]

Someone anyone pls. My boyfriend has unfortunately had his phone broken so I haven't been talking with him, and I feel so lonely 😞 Also ALL OF MY FRIENDS LIVES ARE CRUMBLING APART?? My friend just broke up with her boyfriend, because of her mental health, but I suspect that it might be because of the boy she's been flirting with on the side. My other friends sibling is breaking up with their douche of a man, thank goodness. Two OTHER friends, who are literally bestfriend and have been for years, have been fighting eith eachother amd separating from our little group?? Also my dads been talking about death and I find myself looking at baby pictures of me and him with my grandma and great grandma, crying about thinkinf that I'm gonna be the only one alive in that picture some day. It also dawned on me that he's like the only person that I KNOW I'll have until we perish. We were watching mamma mia, and the whole time I kept thinking that I wished my mom loved me like Donna loved her daughter, and mentioned how I'd like to move into a little island or something. I guess my dad saw me holding back tears during the "slipping through my fingers" song, because he told me we could move to Alaska just he and I. (That's his dream place) PLEASE IM SOBBING THINKING ABT THE FACT HES NEVER BEEN.

Anyways, it made me think of my goal in life, and its to someday bring my dad to Alaska with me. Regardless if hes with me, just inside an urn. (I'm being so dead serious, I love my dad even if I went through some shit for most of my childhood. He's like the only person in my life who has stepped up, and made an actual change in his behavior for MY sake. It's admirable, and I've always been my fathers daughter. I'm just more proud to say it now after everything hes been through, and the changes hes gone through for my well being.)

I apologize about the rant, I fear that I've been holding that within me for so long. My friends don't really care about my personal life, and sometimes I'm glad that I keep it that way. ANYWAYS.

I realize that I haven't been in your asks, but I did follow through with that strike. Stayed off my phone unless it was to check about the updates for Palestine, and reposting. Didn't buy groceries, I even stopped going to classes for the time being. I'm sad to know that it's not getting any better, and I'm ashamed to say that my little town has very little businesses that DON'T support Israel. So I can't really avoid buying things from those places :(

Been keeping up with your writing though, for the most part. I'm very sad that it will come to an end, but I'm excited to see the ending. I'm ALSO EXCITED FOR INUMAKI 😻😻😻😻😻

Anyways, gonna go shower because I feel like a dirty corndog that was dropped at a fair. Wish me luck that I don't run out of warmish water, I always seem to do so because my hair is so hard to manage and I have like 10 different products that I have to put in it. (I'm being dramatic, I usually sit and let it do it's thing while I sing the weekend and deftones. 😞)

GOODNIGHT STAY WARM!!!!

Xoxo 👽

don’t wanna be mean but i’m glad ur bf broke his phone 😊 BUT JESUS WHY R ALL UR FRIENDS LIVES SIMULTANEOUSLY IN SHAMBLES ??? LIKE WHAT IS GOING ON HERE ???😭😭 that’s crazy… hopefully the two that have been friends for years figure their stuff out…

mamma mia will get u… it always will… (i’ve never seen it) BUT HE SAID U COULD MOVE TO ALASKA JUST U N HIM STOP IM SOBBING OH MY GOD??? that sounds like a very good life goal bae!! i’m sure he’d love that whether he’s actually with u or in an urn like u said!! and i’m super glad you have him and that he stepped out to make a change in himself for u i love that for u bae :( DONT APOLOGIZE FOR THE RANT ITS OKAY I DONT MIND !!

u haven’t but it’s okay!! i know you’ll pop up eventually LMFAO and yay for following through with the strike!! i really hope a lot of other people did as well.

YAY SO GLAD YOUVE BEEN KEEPING UP WITH MY WRITING N ARE EXCITED BAE🤞🤞🤞

A DIRTY CORNDOG THAT WAS DROPPED AT A FAIR HELEOEMEME LMFOAOA ENJOY UR SHOWER!! (whats ur favorite the weekend and deftones song…)

[boypussydilf]

sherlock. what is it's gender. what is their deal. speak your trutg

oh dear with the state of my blog its now hard to tell when people walk up to me and say sherlock if they mean dgs sherlock the og or any of the several others ive started talking about. we need to like. color code them. anyway im gonna talk about dgs sherlock bc hes the one im most likely to have proper thoughts on and then probably also do one for mostly just. like. the general concept actually thinking about it i do have many thoughts on Non-DGS Sherlock i dont know why i allowed myself to think i didnt . i just get caught up in the bimbo dad but i like the entire folder hes stored in

dgs first tho <333333

Sexuality Headcanon: gay. Just gay

Gender Headcanon: If i had to make 1 decision. genderfluid <3 Sherlock Holmes (DGS) can fit so much gender in her !!!!!!!!!

A ship I have with said character: *looks at my blog* *looks at my pinned post* um i think you guys know . already. the only one i have . do i need to say it

A BROTP I have with said character: i mean. Iris. they r best friends for real ! they r like the most important people to each other ! they r this guy and their 10 year old daughter who packs peanut butter jelly sandwiches for them !!!

A NOTP I have with said character: im gonna be petty and say vanlock. i blocked the tag bc i got tired of seeing it. actually even moreso i like physically recoil when i see ppl shipping him with ryuu, it fucking. completely baffles me. like. nothing wrong with that. people who ship them aren’t weird in That sense. but theyre weird as in I can’t understand what compels you to do this . i dont like vanlock but i can Understand why people do i just got extra sick of it bc its semi common. i cant understand why people ship sherlock and ryuu. like youve misread the vibe badly. this is not it. oh dear god this just got 5 times as long as all the other sections of this fucking ask meme. power of being slightly annoyed sorry

A random headcanon: UHHHHHHHHHH OH MY GOD . I KNOW i have headcanons abou t this bitch he swarms around in my mind all the time. I am imagining Random Exploits of the DGS Cast on a daily basis where did the fucking Concepts and Ideas go. ill return to this once ive done everything else and see if i havent thought of anything fun by then. ive thought about it some more and my most recent thought on him has been like. she knows some russian and japanese right? actually a fucking lot of russian to be able to read entire newspaper articles but thats besides the point i just think that sherlock knowing several different languages is neat but, Like. its pure chance if she ever manages to learn enough to be able to …. use it. once every several months sherlock will get really really excited about a new foreign language and put in like 2 weeks of work before forgetting about it completely. he has the vocabulary of a very young toddler in half a dozen different languages and is remembering those vocabularies by sheer luck

General Opinion over said character: Im normal iam normal normal im normal and regular . im normal and im normal about him and i dont intend to put him under a microscope or anything. i am not putting him in a little plastic box and shaking him to find out what happens . *extends my hand ibuprofen style* who wants to speculate about dgs in hyperspecific ways with me. hello my like 3 dgs followers do you have thoughts on sherlock holmes. tell them to me. lets all be normal. Anyway uh hes funny

IVE GOTTEN THAT BITCH OUT OF THE WAY LETS TALK ABOUT …… im not even sure. The General Concept of Sherlock Holmes on a Wide Scale, which, like, ultimately probably just boils down to: acd holmes. time to get philosophical with it. thats not the right word.

Sexuality Headcanon: sherlock is either gay or aroace or some more specific combination of all previous terms. Hey does that… even count as headcanon? Ultimately my stance is “whatever as long as sherlock holmes is not interested in women” and it is stated very clearly explicitly and repeatedly in canon that sherlock holmes is not interested in women so . like.

Gender Headcanon: You know what’s funny is expressing disdain for women is an effective way to distance yourself from femininity in general, for instance, to assert masculinity as a trans man, or as a negative reaction to being a trans woman. So. Like.

A ship I have with said character: at first i was like “its just kind of an objective fact that sherlock and watson are gay but i dont have emotional investment in it” but that was a fucking lie

A BROTP I have with said character: SHERLOCK HOLMES DOES NOT HAVE FRIENDS. I DONT FUCKING KNOW, TOBY THE DOG?

A NOTP I have with said character: The next time an adaptation tries to make him and irene adler straight together im going to thr authors house and shooting them point blank. shut up shut up shut up shut up. they would NOT

A random headcanon: man i dont even fucking know. he probably eats food off the floor and i mean this genuinely

General Opinion over said character: Sherlock Holmes is the ultimate Little Freak. Like 80% of the joy of any sherlock holmes media is “Watch this Freak Behave Oddly”. Some people think he would be hard to get along with personally i think we would make very good friends and i would love to hang out with the Freak.

Man. I hope this post isn’t actually as long and hard to look at as it looks in the mobile post editor. Unfortunately it probably is

[sl33ps4turn]

im tired im tired im tired im tired

it is an ache that echoes deep in my chest and ive been felling the pulses of sound for years. it will never stop ringing, i will never be free. but i dont even want to because it would feel too empty without it and i wouldnt know what to do with myself, i dont even know what that would feel like but god im tired im so so tired and nobody can tell and i cant find the words to express it to translate those pulses into speech and get some fucking assistance over here

but no no no cant have meds because all i need apparently is just suck it up and let it go and use coping mechanisms to cope and cope and cope until fucking die because its not that bad and you just want to get doped up and hope it fixes your problems.

well excuse me if im tired of this.

excuse me if its been so long that i dont even remember what it felt like to not feel like this and i thought it was better to feel nothing because the anger sorrow despair was horrible, but this is a whole new evil. its fucking agonizing. at least even if it felt horrible i could feel and now even sorrow feels like a relief because at least its something and i feel thankful.

i feel thankful that its gotten so bad that my brain allowed me to feel and the worst part is that theres whispers in my mind tell my its not that bad because youve been worse. youve dont have it as bad. you can get up in the morning and get dressed and go outside and smile at the cashier in the grocery store. you can sit on the phone with your friends and help them. you can do your school work. you can pay attention during class. you can get apply for jobs. you can take care of yourself. you can do all of that, you are capable of it.

but every step feels draining all the time and i cant muster the energy or the motivation to see the point. whats the fucking point it. i can run it over in my head over and over, endless lists of reason as to why i should give a shit but nothing clicks.

i wondered why its suddenly been so hard over the past few years and i realized that my shitty way of maintaining my drive is gone. ive grown numb. its always been hard but i had the gut wrenching fear and anxiety to push me into action, or else, and i thought that was just how i worked and i was fine but now thats gone and im at a loss

im fucking drowning because im out of my depth. its that sudden fear when youre swimming in the ocean and the floor just drops and you cant see beneath you and thats not supposed to happen and god knows what could be lurking beneath

theres no shiny resolution, theres no tidy conclusion

its just ragged tattered remains of a kid who got dealt a shitty hand and now im left to pick up the pieces and put them back together with popsicle sticks, spit, and a wish for hope thats draining by the second

im tired im tired im tired im tired

[aurora1040]

Normally I am very positive about being disabled. Im always looking at the positive while acknowledging the struggles. I reblog jokes and memes to make light of my life while spreading awareness to my followers.

....but not today.

Today is a bad day for me. Today I hate how disabled I am. Today I hate how broken and dysfunctional I am. Today I found out thay I cant even PRETEND to have anything at all together with my parents who live an entire state away. Im so broken that I cant even FAKE it. And today, its hitting me really, really hard.

Ive been crying for almost a half hour straight. Today, life SUCKS and I feel AWFUL and BROKEN and like a complete FAILURE. I lost at the game of life. The friend who came to unlock my door yesterday while I was face down got some of our friends to come clean my apartment while I was gone and dont get me wrong, I am incrediblu greatful and indebted to them for their act of kindness. I didnt like that they saw my apartment in such a terrible state, but I could handle that. One of them called to let my mom know how bad it was and honestly, while Mom was the last person on earth I wanted to know, I could handle that, too.

No, what got me was after i got back home from the hospital, mom sent me a text that she and dad *already had plans to come around the end of september because they already knew how badly i was struggling.* Thats a whole 8 hour drive.

That. Is what got me in tears. That. is why today is awful. Why today i hate being disabled. I hate having exective dysfunction and adhd. I hate having unexplained fatigue. I hate that there appears to be absolutely no evidence whatsoever in my blood work or heart monitor at the hospital to explain why me going off of salt made my legs give out from underneath me. I hate that i dont know how to properly advocate for myself. I hate it i hate it HATE IT

For the first time in a long time, i habe actually, consciously feel and think that I am a failure. DONT COME AT ME SAYING IM NOT. I am ALLOWED to have days where I just feel too much and hate it all. regardless of if its true or not, *that is how i feel. That is what im thinking.* This is not my default state of mind. Tomorrow I will be back to my self, the negative thoughts processed and filed away for when i finally see the therapist again. My coping mechanisms will be functioning properly again.

Just let me have one day. just ONE DAY to hate my lot in life. Just ONE DAY to hate myself. you can come at me tomorrow to check in on me if you want. I am safe, i am fine, i am not going to hurt myself or anyone else.

I just.... needed to let my feelings exist. be typed out so it can be tangible. And now that it is, i can process and move on after i get some rest and more water.

If youve read this far, comment with just a ♡ or a ☆. Either one is fine. no words. no tagging. just a heart or a star.