#i had to i'm so sorry

[futurelabs]

i can hear him scream

JESSICA 🏃🏻‍♂️‍➡️

[toddandersonn]

[iri-desky]

The squire looked on in horror and awe as his knight tore off one of his kneepads and punched dents into his shimmering breastplate; the very one he had meticulously sculpted with his bare hands weeks before. "Master! What in God's name are you doing!? We're about to fight a grand golden dragon! Oh, and that was my finest handiwork! And you're--" The squire cringed as the knight tore a hole in his breastplate with his gleaming sword. "--you're ruining it all!"

"Rule #1 of knighting, dear apprentice," Declared the knight, punching another dent into his arm plate as the squire winced.

"Chicks dig scars."

"Besides, I should know," Shrugged the knight, replacing a shoulder plate with an old shoulder bone of a previously downed beast that he ordered his apprentice to keep in his pack weeks prior-- "One princess refused rescue from me once because she said I looked too 'hoidy-toidy' or something along those lines. Quite the humiliation, if I should add."

"Couldn't have you just--took her?" Asked The Squire, reluctantly handing the knight another bone from his pack.

"Rule #2: Consent is Key, my boy," Said the knight, interlocking the bone with his armor. The squire was surprised by how well it fit.

"...I don't think that should matter when a hobgoblin is in rapid pursuit..."

"Of course it should. Besides, that woman saved herself a week later. My whole expedition there turned out entirely fruitless because her family believed she couldn't handle herself."

The squire considered that for a moment as he extracted an armor patch from his pack, handing it to the knight. "...well, how do you know that this princess would be any different? For all we know, she could be halfway across the kingdom and homeward bound as we speak."

"And that's Rule #3, son--never assume," The knight proclaimed, slapping on a patch to his previously flawless armor. "always check. Once I almost had my head bashed in by a necromancer because I believed she was already dead; turns out the death magic perpetuates on the bridge between life and death..." The knight gave a hearty chuckle as he rubbed a certain bruise on the back of his head.

"You gave me the same lesson when I thought you liked girls," The squire countered, hand tiredly wavering as he handed the Knight another patch. "Speaking of which, if that's the case, why are you even doing this?"

"That's the thing, my boy; we don't assume, people do!"

"So...you're doing this because some ladies judge you by face value and you...want to appeal to them so they go with you?" The squire asked, perplexed.

"Of course, my boy. That's exactly it."

The squire shook his head, baffled. "But these people you're appealing to judge you the second they see you. Why appeal to them to begin with? Why save them at all? That isn't really behavior I'd call... worthy of being saved."

The knight sighed as he plastered on a final patch. His previously utterly flawless armor was now ripped and torn, battered, yet undeniably strong. The knight got on to one knee to get to his squire's level, and placed a hand on the squire's shoulder. "Look, kid. I'll admit I've questioned these...missions, for awhile. With all the haughty princesses and nobles who look at me and rather turn away and die than be rescued by me because I look 'too much' to them. But-"

"Yeah, yeah, it's your duty."

"--No, no, that's not what I was going to say. What I was saying, is... they're all alive."

The confusion in the squire's eyes grew by the moment. "...huh?"

"They're alive. And life matters more than any of those things."

The squire scoffed in response. "But they wouldn't do the same for me."

"Okay, boy," The knight chuckled. "Picture this. Imagine two knights in a jousting competition together. No one knows who's going to win and who's going to lose. Both are against each other. Whoever wins is in charge of saving you. What would you rather have; odds where both knights are hostile to each other and you get one, or odds where one is peaceful and the other is hostile? Where the match can end in a draw?"

"Obviously the draw," Answered the squire. "But a draw is against the rules, most of the time. The royals wouldn't be happy."

"But what matters more; your life or the rules?"

"My life!" Exclaimed the squire. Then realization suddenly flooded his defiant expression. "...oh."

"... exactly, there we have it. A life is important above all else."

The squire prodded a patch on the knight's armor, smoothening it down. "Even if you have to go out of your way to save it...?"

The knight nodded. "Even so."

"But what if they don't appreciate it?"

"Their loss.

What do I always say to you, my boy? When we're doing those centering sessions you always hate?"

The squire rolled his eyes, and recited the mantra by heart with a small smile. "...hatred develops more hatred and the mind can eventually corrupt the soul."

"Exactly. And it's the same with human beings."

The squire grinned as he scratched his neck. "Alright, alright. I get it."

The knight gave his shoulder a hearty pat as he rose from his knee. "There's my boy!" He exclaimed--as the squire nearly fell over from that, his relatively frail figure wavering like a scarecrow in the wind. The squire chuckled regardless.

"All right!" Said the squire, sealing his pack and slinging it over his shoulder. "Time to confront a dragon...ten times our size!"

The knight laughed in response, ruffling his apprentice's hair. "That we will!" He cried. "This ought to be enough. Off we go!"

"Off we go!" Cheered the squire in chorus, as the knight met his enthusiasm with further hearty laughter, the pair finally marching further down the path and towards the gates to the princess' dark prison of a castle.

"Hopefully the princess is attracted to your roguish charm instead." Chortled the knight as he walked ahead, the squire following closely in tow.

The Squire rolled his eyes again, a smirk betraying his feign annoyance. "Oh, shut it," He said, lightly punching the knight on the arm.

"As if you could shut your blabbering mouth," The knight snickered, the punch barely affecting him as him shoved the squire in response. The squire laughed as he almost was toppled over, to which he responded with a cheer and a harder punch on to the knights armor. The knight again chuckled and punched him back, as the squire, who this time almost entirely fell over, punched him one last time.

The result was a clang that reverberated throughout the valley as the squire winced. Whoops, right against his master's armor. "Ow..." he groaned, nursing his newly bruised hand as the knight snickered.

And then the thunder of wings could be heard overhead. The Knight and the Squire slowly looked up in awesome terror and beheld the owner of the golden shadow that loomed above.

"... and rule #4, kid. Never lure a metal dragon with the promise of more metal.

"...aw, fuck."

Princesses don’t want to be rescued by knights in shining armor. They want knights with armor that’s dented, scarred, and maybe patched with the bones of slain beasts.

[rioblitzle]

working retail

[beastwhimsy]

a project I finally got around to finishing!! the mane 6, inspired by their earlier generation counterparts, within a medieval fantasy style setting. please don't repost without permission! you just need to ask.

some fun facts:

fluttershy is half unicorn here!! that's why she has the deer-like build and slightly long tail.

rarity is half horse

applejack is fully just a horse.

pinkie and rainbow are the only true ponies

their jobs (in the order shown in the lineup) are royal messenger, royal jester, royal menagerie keeper, royal tailor, royal orchard farmer and Queen Celestia's Most Specialest Student.

in this au, they all met due to working within the castle grounds.

in this au, celestia is queen, luna is still banished, and twilight is discouraged from making friends as it distracts her from her studies. she is celestia's heir and grew up in the castle.

they are all marekissers. lol. also rarity is transfem and rainbow is bigender.

[featherfangart]

Two Sides Of the Same Coin

[loopy-lupe]

ULTRAKILL sketches from a few months ago. I really love the characters and designs, the machines especially. They're so much fun to draw

[gotchibam]

Silly little Spheals ko-fi doodle for Nova! ❄️

[shrews-art]

Consequences of brutal pipe murder I guess 😔

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

hero/villain showdown but one of them has a spontaneous medical emergency and the battle gets put on hold while their archnemesis drives them to Urgent Care

[egophiliac]

get 'em before they melt!

(the flavors are 99% vibes + first thought only thought, don't take them too seriously)

[forgettable-au]

But that's dessert!

I FINALLY FINISHED THIS THING LET'S GOOO

I hope u all like it

[faffreux]

it's weird to be attracted to an ugly frog like wtf is even your taste in men

i won't argue with you about whether or not fawful is ugly but it is weird yes, i agree

i have long accepted that i am weird

[a-little-bit-oddish]

so i'm joining the stem cell registry and donating blood regularly now, because i like, should. and it's been a good process and they're very nice. but as i was signing up for things, it had the box for sex at birth. Which is kind of an insane question. not "what hormones does your body primarily run on". but just... sex at birth. something that is not relevant for blood donation, and also extremely misleading??

they check your red blood cell count when you show up. if I told them my sex at birth was female they'd be fucking horrified by my count. testosterone does shit to the blood! It is so much more relevant to know that my body runs on testosterone! i keep seeing medical fields doing this.

i think that they assume it's nicer, somehow. they don't just ask sex anymore, they just go haha please tell us what you were called as a baby :) we're doctors so we need to know, it's important :)

except it's not. at all. it is more ethical for me to lie to the blood donation centre so that they don't see my blood and flag it, when it is perfectly good blood for people with more testosterone.

i have to go to a throat doctor next month. they specifically asked for my sex at birth. there was not an option to tell them what they should actually expect from my voice and body. when it asked me to list medications, it physically wouldn't allow me to list testosterone, and it flagged it.

it's nuts, because all these places have actually been really welcoming and cool about me being trans, but the actual system is horrific, it's just forcing me to out myself by having to reach out after to correct it. because answering honestly is medical misinformation.

anyway you can just fucking lie i guess

[mroddmod]

magma fiddlestan be upon ye

[cirrus-grey]