#i had to go to wor
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Gm, i have been asked to go into work YET A-FUCKING-GAIN :)))))))))))))
#like literally every day im not at work i get asked to come in#and i just dont have time for that#i was supposed to do my laundry yesterday but i had to fill in for someone at work#i was also supposed to clean my room but yet again#i had to go to wor#k#i dont even have clean clothes for work. just a highly vulgar shirt and a skirt#alsolike#my boss always forgets that i will never ever step foot into that building on wednesdays#tony speaks
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Why I Am Not Coming In To Work Today [abridged], Jess Zimmerman
part one | part two
#me when everybody is posting the maple leafs sad narratives and i am furiously generating this like HOLD ONNNN HOLD ONNNNNNN#honestly i could've been SOOOO MEAN about this because i saw this poem & alexandra got the preview on the poetry blog#where i just reblogged the first half of this poem point blank with the tags#kyle dubas#toronto maple leafs#& got yelled at aksdaksf & it literally only didn't go on this blog bc i usually write more & then it was percolating & i looked up the poe#& it was only the FIRST PART i'd reblogged i didn't know there was more & then brain immediately went brrrrr ok time for an edit.#this is a long one lol & i also have no idea if it makes sense to anybody but me but because y'all know me i will always overexplain so!!#my reasoning for the reasons obvi kyle. that's a given i hope he's doing well i hope he & his family r good but man is not coming in to wor#the second edit took me a stupid amount of time bc i am nitpicky but also i learned how to do the layers & transparency from the claude edi#that actually y'all don't know about lmao but i lost my mind when i saw how perfectly those pictures align i was scrolling getty & was like#ok december i'm gonna do a headline one (in my brain with the november/june quote about choosing to die again) w/ maple leafs playoff odds#how they say at winter break you know who's gonna be in the playoffs & who'll win & they thought they had a shot but it's mitchie overlaid#the 2003-04 team who'd last won a playoff round with the atlantic division stats from dec for 22-23 & how long it's been & dec headlines#i wanted breakup/recent/never loved to be a recent trade acquisition somebody who bounced around & somebody else so i almost had simmer#brodie & zar but then i wanted to make murray for breakup at any time &i forgot zar & him were on the pens together &it hit me like a truc#bc there's a photo of the two of them EXACTLY the same so close it's scary of this one but them as pens so they had to be it & i did always#know never loved again was mitchie. sorry. also mitchie in the penalty box the last game but i couldn't find footage of it & this one works#no i could not find a photo of tyler bertuzzi fighting a leaf for a dog looked at me yes i tried.#i almost made the bunting photo jt but instead it's 'bunting a rat etc' anyway the one i really feel unhinged about is dead pets bc at firs#i was gonna make it the handshake line & look to see if the leafs had drafted anybody on the panthers (dead pet former draft pick)#& they had & it was carter verhaeghe & i couldn't get a good pic of matthews & verhaeghe but it's fine bc i thought about the mo/luke schen#narrative (in which they are a perfect d pair long lost) & schenn was drafted by the leafs & that line fits jut trust me. also how i feel#about the kniesy luminous line that one possessed me it had to be kniesy idk why. i almost put gussy as girls are too pretty though ALSO#did u like my joke. daylight SAVINGS time on the goalie. thank u. also my photo magic on the jt (me very poorly editing in him as an isle)#OK ALSO HOLD ONNNNN there is a part two but i have to wait for the Content i want it will come out as soon as [redacted] or sooner#if i get bad at waiting &everyone will pretend like it is always the way it will be once i have the photos i want. speaking of did the leaf#simply not take a team photo this year?? it Does Not Exist for me i have tried very hard to look for it also i'm excited for part 2#one of them is named oh you're so unhinged for this one & the finished product is you're unhinged in ways you didn't even know u were sorry#liv in the replies
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I typed up an impassioned rant yesterday about some family bullshit that I'm in the middle of but by the time I was done I wasn't Yosemite Sam-levels of angry anymore, but just quietly frustrated and sad so I'll post the gist (bc I do still need attention and I think my mom is sick of talking to me)
my cousin's husband's mom had knee surgery on Thursday, but they also left for vacation on Thursday? I guess they thought she'd have inpatient rehab, but said cousin's husband would come home early if needed. well obviously she got discharged to home the next day and I started getting texts from my cousin about how much money flights back were. I told them all I couldn't be the "on-call" person for this but I guess they decided they could just disregard that and now cousin's husband is not coming home until next weekend and I am indeed the "on-call" person for this? which I know from my cousin's husband's mom asking me to do all this shit I said I couldn't do, as my cousin has stopped texting me and her husband NEVER ONCE texted me
#okay this was still a rant lmao but you should've seen the state of the one yesterday. i had smoke coming out of my ears#i just feel so disrespected it's unreal. like i guess i'll just go fuck myself then?#thankfully my other cousin (cousin's brother) is here and he got roped into the horseshit so he's helping me out but this is not our fuckin#job. we're not her children. strong case for having more than one kid tho as backup if your one is a fucking flop.#when i picked her up she was saying she didn't want to stress him out and that he should just enjoy his vacation. well i hope it's the wors#worst vacation he's ever had and he gets stung by a jellyfish and has diarrhea on the plane
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someone commented on an old post of mine that sonia wasnt fridged bc shes relevant to the plot and i have been thinking about it for an hour bc i dont think thats an actual get out of jail card for that .... also ... what does she do? be raurus way to cement himself as da king? give some half assed advice to zelda, that has no pay off unless you count zelda time reversing a bunch of weapons*, and then immediately dies just so zelda can essentially replace her and make rauru regret he didnt stab ganondorf right when he showed up in their temple i guess ?? (which is questionable on its own imo)
(*its not a good pay off for powers she was suddendly revealed to always have had(tm) and also is only ever used to .... welll, get zelda out of the way back in time, reverse a few weapons and .. idk create a ham fisted way to give the player her gimmick?)
even if she doesnt technically meet the requirements(lol?) to be called fridged like .. she is spiritually at least for how irrelevant and cheapely killed off she was
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#totk#idk man#be honest were you surprised by her death?#she first time she appeared she basically had a sign around her that said murder me VILLAIN#also i guess you can count her i guess having never mentioned babies with rauru off screen or sth#bc how would zelda have both their powers beign a super super distant relative#i guess there are ways to do that with other relatives and whatever was going on with the ancient hero (uuuugh) reveal#but the way she said it was like#das our 10 000 times removed grandkid or however that works in english#nhjdfkgfjknkgf#like maybe im misremembering something#but you cant tell me she didnt at least FEEL fridged#like when i saw the cutscene i thought at first oh she was just punched no way shes gonna die from one punch-#-i wonder what she will do no- oh she is dead lol#totk is all just subverting ma expecations by making me hopeful for something interesting only to reveal it is the most boring way actually#i cant get over the intro giving me the tiniest crumb of oh thats how zelda being your companion could wor- aaand shes gone bye bye zelda#for the rest of the game
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a little bit sad @ myself :(
#working on a paper w someone and shes first author so ofc shes doing quite a lot of work and she deserves it absolutely#the 2nd author is a friend i respect deeply and she basically was like. expecting me to do most of the code/data analysis#this friend also gave the first author the first author-ship (she was going to be first auth originally) but when me and the first auth wor#together she sort of takes the coding over entirely and she just said shes gathering the code we need and then were going to hop on a call#like#oh i was under the impression we are doing this tgth whats the point of me being here if we are just using ur code...i feel so useless 😭#good on her + im proud of her but i also wish i had the chance to do more yk. idk#i feel like i havent done enough...yay first publication...
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I get alone with my thoughts for one second and then my brain goes to the VN love interest route I beat yesterday and I go, "jesus fucking christ what the fuck."
#ramblings#it's honestly funny at how shocking it was to me??? i just did not see that happening#i legitimately said out loud as i was playing it and he was having a rough time that he should kill himself to forever change the directory#of people's lives. and then i moved on because OF COURSE that wasn't going to happen. it was funny to me but the game wouldn't do that#but then he had a mental breakdown and kidnapped someone and tried to kill himself and I??????????????? I still cannot process it? what the#spoilers for an otome game route i guess#not giving any details in case you don't wanna know but i have to say#WHAT THE HELL the fuck what? hello? get therapy? hello? how did that lead to a good end where nothing else was confronted? hello? are you o#li: i'll kill myself if you don't love me. mc: +10000 affection#GIRL STOP you both need to go to therapy what the fuck LMAOOOO what did I play and why did it go that way with no warning??? or maybe i was#warned but i automatically told myself no way i was reading too much into it and they'd never BUT THEY DID WHAT WHAT HELLO WHAT??#my friends got me screaming through out the entire thing in group chat#the change from LMAO he should he deserves to fuck up people's lives to Hahah. Ha? He is??? LMAO??? WHAT HELLO?#i think it was extra jarring because the other love interests pissed me off at least once very bad on their routes but this guy cried early#on and opened up and i was like huh. vulnerability. i like that. and he kept on not making me mad and i was like good for him i hope he wor#s through his issues. the same with the mc. BUT THEY DIDN'T. THEY JUST HAVE THIS VERY UNHEALTHY CODEPENDENCY THAT I THOUGHT THE MC WAS WORK#ON FIXING BUT NOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOO ARGH AAAAAAAHHHH LMAO WHAT THE FUCK#the true route i unlocked fixed some things but they're all still fucked up. i guess they're my blorbo friends now#okay i need this to get out of my system send help
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heid / age 24
(( did i tell u guys i'd actually made some significant progress on my rpgmaker game about heid's past crew / him as a young man? this is like a TINY graphic used in game but I actually really like how it looks. owo more in taggos i miss u guys ))
#(ooc)#(youngverse)#(muse)#ive made a tileset - all character sprites#and ive actually reshaped it to be a unique story in a unique world#because i figured fuck it#i turned heid into an oc and have totally scrapped all traces of the ffvii universe#ive done SO much work on it#im sorry ive been so absent here im still adjusting to wor#have had some mental troubles so am going back on meds#and just yeah - times have been a little all over the place#i hope to be back around again in like a good few months im not sure when#maybe december time?#i love you all and miss you all
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i gotta say 99% of the time i'm like be cringe be free but. not when it's on my fyp and i have to look directly at it
#avery.txt#i block so many ppl now bc i just. did we watch the same show??????????#like ok i just. i'm sorry but spn is not a gay show. like i keep seeing this post that calls it a gay show and What Are You Talking About.#lord knows i headcanon most of those people as queer (or at least entertain the idea of them being queer) but like. come on#someone described the show as 'written by white liberals with conservative trappings' and yeah. that.#there are definitely scenes that can be (easily!) interpreted as being queer-ish and i definitely do that! but like. man.#i just remember when i first started watching kinda going into with an idea of it solely based on tumblr and i was WRONG.#it is BETTER THAN THAT. it's not a masterpiece by any means. but it is so much more interesting than i was led to believe from my exposure#*to it when i was a teenager. and tbh i'm glad i actually saw the show now bc as insufferable as i am about it i would've been so much wors#*if i had watched it when i was 15. carrie anne and i have discussed this lmao
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Understandable Sanderson has Roshar lacking in gunpowder because that's his Highest of Fantasy kind of setting, even with the now introduction of airships throwing it head first into techy magic. However, imagine how imposing shardbearers would be if they fucking used a pirate cannon as a normal gun.
#this post brough to you by 'thundershard' a scrapped fanfic idea i had about ranette going to roshar to sell guns#cosmere#cfsbf#stormlight#stormlight archive#the way of kings#twok#words of radiance#wor#oathbring#rhythm of war#row
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you ever think you're doing amazingly and then one day pulls the entire thing apart and you've gone back three steps and feel like shit again
#tw vent#vent post#some weight talk#i'll be fine in a couple of days but I had a really shitty day today#its making my anxiety spike again and my thoughts are spiraling a little#ive been so happy and finally felt like the things that I love doing weren't a chore anymore but now my parents are forcing me to go when i#not up that level again yet. but they are making me go anyway even though im incredibly self conscious about that day of high-intensity wor#because i haven't done it for three or four months and have lost a lot of my fitness#and i made an offhand comment earlier how ive gained a bit of weight in my thighs cause of it and then my dad said that I was#talking about it and im not going to lose the weight if i dont go. it was non-malicous and true but it still made me feel like shit#and were doing a fitness section in pe atm and that's making me feel like shit too#like ive only gained a couple of kilos and don't care about that at all. I care about the muscular strength and endurance I've lost#so now im shit at the thing I used to be really good at#just because i lost the momentum to go for a few months#that on top of other shit happening to friends etc and also end of year exams coming up is not making me feel great
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I confess, I am... kinda excited ; w ;
#sometimes i feel like all i do is just work and survive#once in a while get myself a takeout#i work so much and what for#i never buy anything it's so depressing to think about#since bookdepository closed even my occasional 'buy a book i'd never read' shenanigans stopped#i was lately contemplating buying a new pc‚ and while that's undoubtedly a treat‚ it does fall within my very strict:#'a useful electronic' category of allowed expenses#like i was wondering between ps5 / pc but again those are planned for for years now‚ and hardly can be called 'indulgence' given how#one is for work and the other is years overdue since i was waiting for it to be less expensive..#ah‚ i babble 🙈#i did decided i will not share this irl though#i figure‚ i want it to be my private little positive treat#without the unnecessary opinions about how a 'book is not worth that much'#i mean i agree but did you see the book#it's the sexiest book i've ever seen in my life#i am not sure if i'll go ahead and get oathbringer in a few years#but wok-wor are literally the two books i love the most#my most beloved#my light in the dark#-coughs- ok ok.#yeah.#this is the most you heard me babble here in a while -laughs-#i've had a rather rough few weeks and has not been present the way i wanted to be-- those i have not yet answered to-- i will-- soon.#buns.txt
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My questions regarding Setzer's everything continue as he somehow managed to summon what I'm pretty sure was the warring triad and KO everything on the field (including the party) on our way up to the floating continent.
#his reunion quest in the wor emotionally wrecked me but in a good way#did not think i could love him more but i somehow do#really every character i meet again in the wor does something to make me go omg i love themmmm#edgar pretending he didnt know them to trick a gang of thugs he had locked up into leading him into the castle so he could rescue everyone#not even caring if they took the treasure all he cared about was saving the residents trapped inside#finding setzer in a pub getting plastered because hes lost his ship and his friends and talking him into coming with us was top tier content#the flashbacks in the tomb as hes leading you to the falcon hit me hard#also locke trying to revive rachel and her coming back for a brief second to thank him for being in her life ashahhfhshfus#and terra learning the meaning of love from the kids shes protecting!!! ahhhh!!!!#shit went from 0-60 really quick and got way darker but man is this game getting really good#final fantasy 6#setzer gabbiani
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My first bus was late and hit every fucking red light so I missed my second bus by like 30 fucking seconds
So instead of waiting 45 fucking minutes I’m getting another fucking lyft so I can make it to fucking therapy on time
Fuck
#can u tell I’m mad lmao#the way I got through a Lyft ride last week was I had dance after#now I have fucking 2.5hrs of therapies#I’m going to have a panic attack#I have an hour in between#technically I could go to the gym and run#I should’ve just gotten a fucking lyft from wor#this is so fucking stupid#it’s like 2 miles#but it’s all uphill and it’s hot#and I can’t walk that in half an hr#jacks post
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Wild how the way your brain develops during your formative years will impact so much of the rest of your life….. absolutely stupid that if you don’t have a healthy environment in those formative years your brain is just absolutely fucked…. Absolutely insane and unfair how much work you’ll have to do (most likely for the rest of your life) to undo even a small bit of what it’s done to your brain and your development and how you navigate the world….
#been thinking about what life would be like if I didn’t have trauma brain 🫠🫠🫠#and like yes I know there are ways to require your brain and to heal#and I’ve done so much work to even be somehwhat of a functional adult#but like… so much of my brain is just messed up or underdeveloped or developed under extreme stress and survival mode#and as much therapy and work I do on myself there’s a good chance parts o f my brain will always be playing catch up#also this is a lot of what I do for a living so it just tucks me up even more#being surrounded by this field of study and work and knowing how my brain had to develop#just to deal with my environment#and how it lead me into so many other things that made survival/trauma brain even wors#bleghhh I could go on and on about early childhood brain development#but needless to say I’m exhausted by my own trauma stunted brain#and I just wish sometimes that things had gone even just a tiny bit differently#mine#text post
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This convention has been absolutely bonkers in bad ways but also in a LOT of good ones, very excited for tonight though and that I took off work tomorrow because I am completely beat and I need rest. Six days until my tattoo!
#prince text#my face 2024#I did not take a pic of my super fairy kei outfit yesterday#we were so busy booking it though dealer’s hall#we forgot to eat until fucking 4:30 pm#so by that time it was time for some Actual Dinner.#anyways I bought way too much but I also saved specifically to go apeshit here#bc I never prepared appropriately for cons in the past#but I wanted to go in ready to spend here and it was so so wor th it#so many unique and adorable stuffed animals#pins dragons and constellations#there were more people doing plus sizes this time!!!!!!#I was so happy I got a beautiful mad burnish promare crewneck that is#like ACTUALLY oversized on me#and a beautiful pastel dragon cardigan#goddd the dragons were out in FULL FORCE THIS YEAR#anyways yea idk#it was fun and im really glad despite all the bullshit that happened too#still here today#but will be going home in a few hours#ready for my bed#excited to introduce my stuffed animals to one another#it’s important ok :(#anyways I had a cute fit yesterday but got no pics#and I was supposed to wear another cute fit today#but after all that was yesterday and the anime rave LMAOOO#im pretty burnt today#so not as cute fashion pics as anticipated
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i think it’s funny that the prayer i used to say every night before bed (that’s im pretty sure is a very common catholic prayer) was praying for my soul and the souls of my loved ones in case i died in my sleep. that’s silly
#if i die before i wake i pray the lord my soul to take etc etc etc#my mother had a six year old praying for everyone’s souls before bed every night#felt so guilty if i wanted to go to sleep before she came to make sure i prayed that i would write the whole thing out#and it would take AGES#listed everyone in my family all my friends all my pets my stuffed animals a bunch of other animals and then said everyone in the whole wor#it was a good two pages of people i would pray for on the daily#catholicism moment
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