#and i just dont have time for that
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yknow i never noticed the sheer rareness of images having ids or alt text on this website until i started adding alt text to my art (and trying to remember to add it to any images i post in general, especially text screenshots) and that makes me kinda sad
#i used to be pretty intimidated by the idea of having to describe my art but. it isnt as hard as it sounds#i just treat it like im describing an image i dont have at the time really#plus ive been told that even a simple id is better than no id#lev.txt
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
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no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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Portraits
Retouched this set from last year, because it was haunting me laying there 80% finished
#yes stelle is also supposed to be here but i just dont have the strength to finish that mess of a sketch she was left as 😔#so not technically a finish set but I'm gonna post it anyway#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr fanart#astral express#dan heng#welt yang#march 7th#himeko#fanart#my art#i miss hsr a bit but i just don't have time and storage capacity to play it anymore
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yeehaw, baby!
#if u know me u knew this was inevitable#kon el#conner kent#tim drake#timkon#im gonna ramble after the boring tags ok#dc comics#fanart#western au#superboy#OK !!!! ITS TIME#so kon. obvs is a cowboy here#definitely a bit of a magnet for trouble but not an outlaw#still not the sort of person the son of the drake family's supposed to be talking to but yk kon's gonna try anyway#on tims end it pretty much follows the same events as the comics bc if it aint broke dont fix it#<- in terms of the whole sneaking out at night to do his own secret detective work thing at least#i have a whole silly story for the rest of it but im not gonna get into it all here lmao#but yeah i love cowboys and actual cowboy history vv much so this probably wont be the last u see of this au ദ്ദി ˉ꒳ˉ )✧#for now this post's rlly just for goofing around with design ideas#my art
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calling my lover "mine" but not in the way that my toothbrush or notebook are mine, mine in the way my neighborhood is mine, and also everybody else's, "mine" like mine to tend to, mine to care for, mine to love. "mine" not like possession but devotion.
#nonbinary love#nblnb yearning#nb4nb#nblnb#wholesomeposting#yearning hours#ive been thinking about how some languages dont have a possessive tense#so you dont say “i have a thing” but rather “a thing is by me”#and like im not usually one for psycho linguistics and like critical thoughts etc etc etc#but i really like the framework of responsibility/commitment rather than ownership#i think about this mostly in terms of ecology#and relation to land#but i also love it as it applies to language shared between lovers#like i LOVE calling them mine or for them to call me theirs#but i'm also nonmonog and that was kinda weird to square for a while#and it clicked one time when i was talking about my neighborhood and i was like well#when i say my neighborhood or my city it's understood i'm not taking it away from anybody else#its understood i just mean the city where i live#so why cant we apply the same to lovers?#mine in the way i want to show up for you again and again#ok#done now
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seriously have been thinking about this all night long. call me autistic but the fact that 90% of workplaces the point is not to get your work done and then be done doing it but to instead perform an elaborate social dance in which you find something to do even when you're done doing everything you need to do in order to show your fellow workers that you, too, are Working . because you are at Work . disgusting why cant we all agree that if there is no work immediately to be done. we just dont do anything
#i personally like to not be doing things constantly at all times. it stresses me out#i know there are ppl who thrive on cosntant activity#but me i like to chill out.#and the problem then becomes that i only ACTIVELY remember to do work and Find More Work To Do when im stressed#at the thought that others might want to see me working#if im ever relaxed i just dont look for stuff to do#catch 22 of modern work culture which permeates even ostensibly noncapitalist structures like public libraries#for instance: will it really kill anybody if the books get shelved by me now after a very busy day?#or shelved tomorrow morning by. well probably me since i'll be the one at the desk#not in the slightest#but it was work that wasnt being immediately done by me. therefore it was incorrect behavior#that i failed to identify because my instinct is to relax when not immediately presented with a Situation#this got me labeled as 'having no initiative' by my dad from a very early age#and even as an adult i still feel like im a child with no initiative
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dad issues
+
(I think they were all fundamentally affected by what they saw and just collectively decided not to share the upsetting details)
#dungeon meshi#aj art#chilchuck#chilchuck backstory stuff#sorta#comic#tw alchoholism#tw death#tw parent death#dont generally tag for death stuff but in this he straight up dies on screen so I thought I should#Uhh I think they all had extremely grim visions bc I think that’s sort of the nature of ghost attacks#I mean Laios’ was basically just him being like “I should’ve died no one would care if i died”#I think Marcille’s would be. Horrifying. Given all her baggage around death.#Tho iirc this would be before Falin’s backfired resurrection#But anyway the mentioning of his father got me thinking#Since at least judging by Laios’ vision#They focus on people who’s death you have baggage around#Especially since Falin wasn’t ever like. Dead dead.#And Chilchuck does mention his father multiple times#Specifically he mentions his death and how he died#Like it seems like that specifically is a notable memory for him#Like you never see him like “my dad taught me to do this”#It seems like he remembers his dad *for* his death#So I anyway I made an extremely grim comic about it#beabell
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leashes for zosan
#one piece#zoro#sanji#zosan#nico robin#usopp#ive had this comic sketched for… probably months. but i finally lined and finished it!!#eesh… three comics in three days… this rate is NOT sustainable#im just incapable of not thinking about one piece dkfkdkkckdkc#i normally dont draw at all nov-feb bc i feel unmotivated and sad but hey!! not this year!! skckdkckdkkcdk#anyway i have the nonblurry zoro. featuring more of his uhhh body. but thats not going up here any time soon
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wanderer day <3
#my most surprisingly satisfying art that i managed to finish in time by the day of his release#based on true events i did have to delay nahida a bit for him HAHA#just to bench him after friendship lvl 10 but still using nahida until now#youll get your moment buddy I DONT HAVE HIS SIGNATURE WEAPON#qiiarts#lumine#traveler#nahida#wanderer#scaramouche
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this is going to sound simplistic + i promise you it's not: stop following people whose entire schtick is being cruel or fighting with others online. even if the ppl deserve it! even if it's not a ~problematic~ cruelty! even if you agree with all of that blog's opinions!
it's one thing if someone snaps back when provoked or posts the occasional "get a load of this guy". nobody needs to play up respectability for people who haven't given them respect in return. but if someone's online identity centers around being needlessly mean for laughs + they're constantly seeking out socially acceptable, easy targets for petty cruelty, that's a red flag. there's a huge difference between not taking shit/cracking a joke + mocking others as your several-hours-a-day hobby.
especially if, when they are inevitably in the wrong + mocking someone mercilessly to their 50k followers over something petty goes south (shocking!), they become extremely defensive or block everyone or play the victim or dismiss it as "well, how was i supposed to know they were autistic? i'm autistic + i don't meow in public" or whatever.
this isn't a "well i knew all along" post bcuz nobody should be shamed for being in the dark about something like this but many of the popular bloggers who have later been exposed for serious harassment or abuse should not have shocked us. if someone's blog is 90% shit like "you should light yourself on fire because you watch x anime" or "look at this so-called lesbian bitch + her ugly fucking boyfriend at a kink convention- it's giving drowned rats", should it really shock you that they are also being cruel or abusive in less internet-acceptable ways? if they've already shown you that they get a such a thrill out of being vicious that they do it daily + are regularly rewarded with thousands of followers?
#it's so bad on other social media platforms too#like the number of tiktokkers whose fame is just being MEAN but in a funny way#towards ppl who have done nothing to deserve it but also are not like. oppressed groups#half the time it's ppl who i also personally dislike or dont relate to but don't deserve like. repeated violent harassment#like sure i also dislike marvel movies but it's far more embarassing to run a blog dedicated to mocking + suicide baiting random marvel fan
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more duck clips
#messyr#sorry im spamming the timeline chat#luci definitely DRAGGED him with force just to be there#i wanna draw lucilith again but my brain wants an animatic then again I DONT HAVE THE TIME GRRR#ill doodle other characters too uhu#doodle#artists on tumblr#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel lucifer#hazbin hotel alastor#lucifer morningstar#hazbin alastor#radioapple#hazbin hotel fanart
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Okay so I may have been struggling under a miscommunication issue
#My coworker heard I took a day off for a migraine and said oh I get those all the time#And described what sounded like a regular headache#So I dont know if I actually have migraines more than I thought or if she just doesn't know what a migraine is#She was like#'They've only ever had me bedridden once though'#And I'm here like#Girl every migraine has me blind and bedridden that's what a migraine is#Otherwise it's just a sparkling headache#So wtffff#Help#emetophobia tw#I think?#Headaches#Migraines
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"aphobia doesn't exist"
bitch literally not that long ago an aroace youtuber animator was insulted by almost half of its community for being it
#i did some research about it and found out that the problem was principally that she had previous experience in the romantic area#so people just didn't take her seriously and said she was lying#even though she stated multiple times that she wasn't comfortable in those situations#now things are more calmed but damn#mind your own bussiness#i believe she knows more about herself than you#sorry if i offended you with this comment but i hate how aro/ace/aroace people are always left behind#insulted and rejected because they “dont know what they are talking about”#or because they “just have to wait for the right person”#or because they are “psychopaths and they are missing something”#i love that animator and she helped me realise a lot about myself#and now that i know the context i think i will start making a list and killing aphobes one by one#aromantic#arospec#asexual#aroace#acespec
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sometimes while i think about that while a lot of adults did not treat me very well as a kid i also get a lot of 'in hindsight this person was so good to me and i didnt even realize it until now' as an adult. today i was thinking about how the first anime convention i ever went to was when i was 10 and i asked the man working the manga cafe what manga was/what a good place to start was (because the con was very overstimulating for me and i had gotten lost) and he asked how old i was before recommending yotsuba and asking if i wanted any water or something to eat. its really simple but theres a lot of bad things that couldve happened or he could've been careless in his recommendation, but instead yotsuba has remained one of my favorite manga for years, and probably a large portion of why i continue to read manga as an adult... i think adults who try to involve kids in the world safely/kindly even in little ways make so much more of a difference than they ever really know.
#and i know that sounds silly like YES. it was just a bookr ecommendation#but i feel like a lot of people either dont really care about whats a good starting point for younger kids in their shared fan spaces#or dont really take the care to recognize different peoples ages would effect what they would both enjoy or#be capable of engaging with#not to mention theres a lot of manga that would NOT have been appropriate for a 10 year old to read#so the fact that he askedd and even asked what sort of thing i liked at the time#was very sweet. i think about him a lot and i hope hes doing well#txt#scratchpost
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Do You Love The Color Of The 413?
#HOMESTUCK#413#HOMESTUCK 413#john egbert#dave strider#rose lalonde#jade harley#vriska#kanaya#terezi#karkat#HAPPY 413 YAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!#THIS TOOK ME 4 DAYS PLEASE LOVE IT#AHHHHHHH IVE NEVER MADE ANYTHING THIS BIG BEFORE#IT'S NOT AS FINISHED AS ID LIKE- LIKE I USED A LOT OF JUST MULTIPLICITY LAYERS FOR SHADING BUT#I DONT HAVE MUCH TIME LMAO#ALSO IM PRETTY SURE TUMBLR WILL EAT THE QUALITY SO PLEASE CLICK TO ZOOM LOL#ART#MY ART#heavens. i dont know if i should tag all the characters?#ill only tag the bigger characters i guess#since so many are in there#it's supposed to be transparent and not black#but apparently tumblr will turn transparency white if the photo is too large#fucking great
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The Lackadaisy mini-episode was so cute I loved it 🥲🥲
#lackadaisy#ivy pepper#viktor vasko#fanart#I wanted to color this better but it's been fighting me at every turn and I dont have time to mess with it anymore#also did anyone else clock the reference to viktor staying with elsa and bobby or just me bc I literally never stop thinking about that#art
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