#i had to do an ecg and everything

[obscoros]

Humanformers time! I have all of their designs with the jumpsuits done (thought it’d be cute if they had a matching uniform, even though I headcanon that in this universe, Ratchet and Pharma do their best not to wear it whenever possible). Not the happiest with Pharma’s but I can always come back to it.

Design breakdowns & my thoughts for each character below the cut. 🫶

Ratchet

Ratchet doesn’t like to wear her combat medic uniform- she prefers her simple lab coat and slacks. The additional armored plating makes everything feel too real and she’d rather not confront the big emotions she has with the war and what that means as a doctor and CMO.

The armored chest plate is blue to mimic Ratchet’s windshield plating that some iterations of his root mode have, and there are some ECG motifs as a reference to TFP Ratchet. I like Ratchet being more red, but I kept her hair orange as a reference to TFP and IDW.

Here are her other looks!

First Aid

My favorite design of the 4. Unlike Ratchet, First Aid prefers to wear the jumpsuit because it’s comfortable and practical, and has her own unique jacket she often wears over top.

First Aid’s mask translates really well to a human healthcare worker, and instead of giving her a helmet that’s an exact replica of First Aid’s helm, I gave her a hat and had her hair in buns that mimic the way it frames her face.

This version of First Aid sort of reminds me of an EMT. She isn’t one, but I took inspiration from EMT and first responder uniforms with her in general, due to how quick on her feet she’d have to be working directly under Ratchet and the chaos that ensues in the medbay.

Ambulon

I’m not sure how well I achieved it, but I wanted her jumpsuit to look ill-fitting and slightly worn compared to the others which fit them more tightly. The cuffs of the pants are too wide and the scalloped collar flares more than it should. The jumpsuit wasn’t always hers, after all. There are elements of Ambulon’s paint scratches, from the scuffs on her boots to the purple turtleneck she wears underneath.

She has a chevron she wears as well, but I accidentally made her bangs way too cute and so I wanted to showcase both. Her hair isn’t naturally blonde- all part of her trying to fly under the radar and try not to be recognized for her former alliances.

Pharma

This design killed me. I might come back to it but I knew that my humanformer Pharma wouldn’t wear this jumpsuit if she could help it, just like Ratchet.

Gave her white hair and a red chevron in reverse of Pharma’s normal colors because it made her unique compared to the other medics.

Long coat covering the jumpsuit because she thinks it’s ugly.

She’s a very classy individual, and I wanted to have each unique element she added to the medic uniform represent that.

[sevasey51]

Hello love! Can you do an imagine of Connor’s wife having a super bad episode of POTS and having it lead to a seizure and freaking out Jay. Who was supposed to be watching her because she was feeling off, and Connor and Will had to work an important case?

When Everything Spirals

Summary: Y/N, already feeling off, convinces her husband Connor and brother Will to head to work for an important case, promising Jay she’ll take it easy at home. But her symptoms spiral into a severe POTS episode, triggering convulsive syncope that terrifies Jay. When Sylvie and Violet bring her into Med, she crashes again—twice. The aftermath leaves everyone shaken, especially her protective husband, Connor.

It started off with a heaviness in her limbs and a strange fog behind her eyes. Y/N knew the signs, the dull throb behind her eyes, the way her vision tunneled every time she stood for longer than thirty seconds. Something was off today—but she didn’t want to say anything. Not when Connor and Will were scheduled to assist on a high-risk cardio-thoracic case they’d been planning for weeks.

Jay had already picked up on her sluggishness that morning when he dropped by for coffee. He raised an eyebrow as she curled up on the couch with Charlie nestled by her legs and her water bottle untouched on the table.

“You okay, Bug?” he asked, crossing his arms and watching her closely.

“Just tired,” she whispered, giving him a weak smile. “I promise I’ll chill today.”

Jay reluctantly agreed to keep an eye on her. He’d taken the day off, knowing something was up, even if she hadn’t said it out loud.

But things unraveled fast.

By noon, Y/N tried standing to get a drink and never made it past the hallway. Her heart pounded so hard she could hear it in her ears. The room tilted. Her legs gave out. She crashed to her knees, hands trembling violently.

Jay ran to her the second he heard the thud. He found her slumped against the wall, trying to stay upright, her eyes wide and glossy, skin pale and clammy. She was barely responsive.

“Y/N!” he shouted, catching her just as her body jerked in a seizure-like convulsion. It wasn’t a true seizure—they’d learned that term later—convulsive syncope, a terrifying mix of a fainting episode with seizure-like activity due to her POTS.

Jay panicked. He tried grounding her, checking her airway, cradling her head, calling her name—none of it helped. He immediately dialed 911.

“Please—my sister—she has a heart condition or something—she’s not responding, she’s seizing—I don’t know what’s happening!”

Within minutes, Squad pulled up. Sylvie Brett and Violet rushed into the apartment and found Jay on the floor beside her, visibly shaken.

“She’s got a history of POTS,” he explained hurriedly. “She said she was dizzy earlier and just—collapsed.”

Y/N was pale, still semi-conscious but weak and uncoordinated. They loaded her onto the gurney, fitted her with oxygen, and applied the cardiac monitor.

Her blood pressure was low, heart rate erratic.

“She’s throwing PVCs,” Sylvie muttered, glancing at the screen. “We need to go.”

By the time they reached the ED, Will was already scrubbed out and rushing down with Connor, who hadn’t even waited to hear the full story before tearing off his scrub cap.

The sight of his wife being wheeled in on oxygen with IV lines already running, her limbs twitching subtly from post-syncopal tremors, made Connor’s heart stop.

“She’s had one already,” Violet briefed. “Jay said she seized up and dropped. GCS was fluctuating. We gave fluids, oxygen, and she responded but not well.”

Connor’s hand cupped her face the second they wheeled her into Trauma 2. “Sweetheart, I’m here,” he whispered, brushing her damp hair away from her face.

Will immediately began organizing orders—labs, ECG, CT if needed, even though they suspected it was another severe flare. Connor was more hands-on. He stayed by her side while April hung fluids and ensured the cardiac monitor stayed on.

Jay appeared in the doorway, pale and shaken. “She didn’t make a sound. She just—went down.”

“You did the right thing, Jay,” Will reassured him, voice calm but clipped with worry.

Connor reached across the bed to take her hand, just as her body jerked again—violent, uncoordinated, and terrifying.

“She’s seizing again!” Maggie called, running into the room.

Connor immediately leaned over, securing her airway and shielding her head. “This is convulsive syncope. Keep the airway open. Roll her.”

“Fluids still going?” Will asked quickly.

“Yep,” April confirmed. “She’s crashing—BP’s 80 over 40.”

Connor’s jaw clenched. “Get her on vasopressors. Now.”

They stabilized her after two more episodes. She was confused, exhausted, and unable to sit up without her vitals nosediving.

“We’re admitting her,” Connor said firmly. “And putting her on telemetry overnight.”

“She’s not going to love that,” Will noted, helping adjust the IV line.

“She can be mad all she wants,” Connor replied. “She scared the hell out of me.”

Later, as she dozed under dim lights, Charlie tucked next to her on the bed thanks to a very discreet visit from Jay, Connor stayed seated at her bedside, fingers laced with hers.

“I told you to call me if you didn’t feel right,” he whispered, brushing his thumb across her knuckles. “Don’t ever scare me like that again.”

“I didn’t want to pull you from surgery,” she murmured weakly, barely audible.

“I’d miss every surgery for the rest of my life if it meant keeping you safe.”

And he meant it.

Hey love thank you for request because of it I’m thinking of starting a mini series for it! What do you guys think? 🫶🏻

[justmeinadaze]

Little Girl Gone Part 4 (Steddie X You)

Warnings: Officer Steve harrington/ Gangster Eddie munson & Doctor fem submissive Y/N, SMUT, degrading, some spanking, LOTS of dirty talk, handcuffs, slight overstimulation, after care of course.

ANGST, Jason causing problems before the meeting with his dad. Mentions of explosions and shooting. Eddie being sexily intimidating <3, Steve's dad makes a cameo and undermines the readers profession like a dick. Slight cliffhanger ending...I guess. Idk lol

Word Count: 5993

Last Chapter Here

“Last chance, sweetheart. Are you sure you want to do this?”

Your hold on Eddie’s arm tightens as you exhale out your nerves. This entire week had been rough not just on you but them as well. You were ready for it all to be over so you could just enjoy being with the new men in your life. If this is what you needed to do for that to be done so be it. 

“Yeah, I’m sure.” 

As you smile up at him, he leans down to kiss your lips making you laugh as you quickly wipe away the lipstick that lingered on his mouth.

Both your demeanors hardened as the door to the venue was opened and Eddie led you inside. 

***

The gangster ran into the hospital room with you trailing behind, glancing at the chart that was attached to the wall as Steve stood by Chrissy’s bed side. 

“What happened?!”

“Witnesses say they don’t know. Just, suddenly, her store was fire.”, the officer relayed with a sigh. “It’s all gone, Ed.”

“It says here she should be fine…physically at least.”, you add as your sad eyes shift towards the unconsciously girl in front of them. 

“We-we can rebuild her store. That won’t be an issue—”

“EMS found a note pinned to her sweater.”

Steve handed him the slightly charred piece of paper that Eddie read aloud.

 “No, Kiddo, this moment…this is me at my most masochistic.

Three.”

“The fuck does that even mean?”

“It’s a quote from Kill Bill. Everything but the three. I don’t know what that means.”, you answered, trying to hide the fear and worry.

Placing his hands on his hips, Eddie begins to pace. 

“I really think you two should stay in my apartment until we get this resolved.”

“You and I both know I can’t do that.”, Steve murmurs as his face scrunches in thought. “And we both know she’s not because of her patients.”

A knowing smirk flashes along your features as you shrug. 

“I don’t like this. I still think—”

“I know what you think, Ed, and I’m telling you no.”, the officer cut him off. “You already went and attacked him once and look what’s happening.”

“I feel weak, Steve. Like I’m letting him get away with this bullshit.”

“You’re not weak. If anything, he’s weak for reacting this way.”, you respond as you wrap your arm around his waist and in response he kisses your forehead. 

“I just… I’m still going to have some of my guys watching over you two. Y/N, Gareth will be in the clinic with you and Steve, Jeff can linger out of the way so he isn’t seen.”

######### 

“Jesus, ALL of Hawkins High Society is here.”, you murmur as you two enter the garish ballroom style area where extremely well-dressed people had gathered. 

Eddie had taken you shopping and bought you a beautiful (expensive) red evening dress that flowed to your ankles but had a slit up to just below your hip. He had bought you some equally expensive jewelry to match except for the bracelet around your wrist. 

“I know it’s not as lavish as what Tony Montana here got you but I saw it in the store and it made me think of you.”, Steve blushed as he hooked the bracelet to you and spun it around. It was a simple silver chain but in the middle was what looked like a heartbeat reading you see on ECG machines at work. “Since you, ya know, stole the other half of my heart.”

“Wow, Steve Harrington. That was smooth.”, Eddie chuckled. “Um, here. Here’s MY other half as well.”, he grinned softly as he slides one of his rings onto your finger. 

“Yeah like you said before, ‘rich people trying to make themselves feel better.’.”

Eddie insisted you both should stand out so not only would people see you together and know you’re his but it would draw the eye of Mr. Carver so he’d hopefully come talk to you two. His suit matched your outfit with a red button up but every other piece on him was a crisp black that made him seem even more handsome. 

While your hair was down around your shoulders, his was up and pulled back so you could see his face a bit more. Occasionally during the car ride, you would lean over and kiss his cheek just because you could making him beam over at you as he squeezed your hand. 

Leading you to the bar, he ordered you both a glass of champagne making you giggle as you watch him chug it down and ask for another. 

“Nervous?”

“Uh a little but not for the reason you might think. I’ve never met Steve’s parents. I’ve heard stories and of course they don’t know about us but for some reason I still want them to kind of like me.”, he playfully winces making you laugh harder. 

“That’s normal, baby. You love him so you want them to like you; to approve.”

Grinning in your direction, Eddie leans down to kiss your cheek while you were taking a sip from your glass.

“What was that for?”

“I’m just so glad we met you. I wish it was under different circumstances but—”

“One bourbon, straight, please and thank you.”, Steve sighs heavily as he leans over the counter waiting for his drink. “My parents are on their bullshit tonight.”

“I’m sorry, honey.”, you whisper with a smile as he thanks the bartender again and knocks back his drink. 

“Steven, I thought you were bringing everyone back something.”, a man practically whined as he came up behind him. 

“I was. Dad, this is Dr. Y/N Y/L/N and—”

“Edward Munson, sir. Nice to meet you.”, Eddie greeted as he enthusiastically extended his hand for him to shake. 

As the officer turns to grab the drinks and hide his smirk, you subtly bumped him with your hip.

“Hm. I’ve heard your name around town. Very prominent young man. What do you do exactly?”

“Management you could say sir.”

“And you young lady? Are you a real doctor or just one of those professor types?”

“Um, I own my own clinic and treat patients.”

“Oh yeah? Where?”

“It’s Hawkins Virtue Clinic on the lower west side.”

“Ah on the crime riddled side of town where people can’t even afford napkins from a restaurant let alone healthcare.”

Your gaze shifts to Steve who tilts his glass towards you in a cheer gesture with a little smile as he knocks back its contents. 

“I guess you could say that. That’s why I don’t charge them more than they can afford.”

“How do you make money then?”

“It’s not always about money. For me, all that matters is people can live long healthy lives.”

“Not in Hawkins, honey, but it’s a cute dream. Come on, Steve, your mother is waiting.”

“I’ll see you peasants later.”, he teases as he winks and follows his father. 

“Well, that was a good test run.”, you joke as you turn to face Eddie. 

“Yeah, hopefully George isn’t that cynical.” 

#############

“Thank you for keeping an eye on me these past few days.”, you beam at Gareth as you both walk to your car. 

“Of course. It’s actually been oddly exciting. I learned that green is never really a good color especially on or IN your skin unless its vegetables, obviously.” He grins when you laugh. “I also learned that sick kids are VERY loud and nurses deal with way too much. 

“They really do. I try to give them raises as much as I can to show my appreciation but it’s hard with my lack of funds.”

“I’m sure Eddie could help if you asked.”

“Oh, no. I couldn’t impose.”

Your guard paused, holding his arm out to stop you as well.

“Stay here.” Drawing his gun, he slowly walked forward towards your car, scanning the interior and around the side. Noticing a note tapped to the door handle, he carefully pulls it off and reads the contents before his wide eyes meet yours. 

“Y/N RUN!”

As he starts sprinting your way, you suddenly feel heat and a strong wind that knocks you off your feet as your car explodes.

***

Eddie’s tires skid as he slams on his breaks when he arrives at your clinic. Bypassing all the fire fighters and EMS, he entered the building hunting for you. 

“What happened?! Baby, are you alright?”

Silently, Steve grabbed his partner’s arm and dragged him off to the side. Digging into his pocket, he handed Eddie the note that was taped to your car.

“I'm not gonna kill you. Your job will be to tell the rest of them that death is coming for them, tonight. Two.”

“I looked it up, it’s a quote from another movie involving revenge. And I’m assuming—”

“He’s counting down.”, Eddie interrupts. “I’m going to fucking kill that son of a bitch.”

“No, hey. We have a plan, remember? Right now, she needs you.”

After coming back around the corner, Steve shoos the EMS people away as he sits beside you in your waiting area with his pencil and pad pretending to take your statement while the gangster takes a seat on your other side. 

“Princess, look at me. Are you ok? Did you get hurt?”

“Uh, no. Gareth, he, um, he did though.”, you respond as your tear-filled eyes meet his. “I tried to do what I could, Eddie. H-He was badly burned. I-I-I don’t have stuff here for those kinds of burns.”

Tilting you against him, he presses your head to his chest as you sob.

“EMS said that he will most likely be ok and if you hadn’t been there he would have died. Honey, you saved him.”

“H-He saved me, Steve.”

“You’re both staying with me. No arguments.”, Eddie announced as you nodded.

“I have to go in and fill out my report—”

“Steven…”

“I know, I know. I’m probably next but there’s nothing I can do, Eddie. I have to go in and do this. Plus, I have Jeff and a station full of cops. I’ll be ok.”

############

“I’m going to go smoke a cigarette, sweetheart, ok? Don’t go far.”

You nod as you watch him reach into his pocket and pull out his pack as he disappears out on the nearby patio. Glancing at all the people around you, you suddenly feel extremely isolated completely unsure of what you should be doing. 

“Don’t let them see you crumble.”, an older man chuckles as he steps closer to you. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. I know what it’s like to walk into this sea of rich people and feel completely out of place. When my father and I moved here, we had nothing but a few pennies in our pocket but he knew how to finagle. Networked his way to his first 100K and used that to start an empire.”

“That’s amazing. My, uh, my grandparents were the same. They said personality goes a long way in any business. My grandma opened a tutoring center on the east side and helped so many underprivileged kids go on to college. My dad thought she was ridiculous. ‘You’re barely making ends meet, ma!’”, you roll your eyes.

“Ah, one of those.”, the man smiles. “I inherited my father’s company and then gave it to my son. Did your grandmother do the same?”

“Oh, no. She got sick pretty early on in her life and I moved in with them to help take care of her. It’s what actually sparked my interest in medicine. I’m a doctor and I run my own clinic, Hawkins Virtue.”

“Oh! I’ve heard of that place. You help a lot of people who are struggling.”

“I try.”, you grin, happy to meet someone who seems to genuinely find interest. 

“Do you need funding? I’d love to come by and see what you do.”

Shifting your gaze, you notice Steve watching you intensely from beside his parents.

“I would like that very much. I’m Dr. Y/N Y/L/N.”, you introduce as you offer him your hand that he takes and kisses the back off.

“George. George Carver.”

***

Steve sighs as he heads out of the police station to go home. Placing the ear bud in his ear, he taped his phone to immediately call Eddie. 

“What’s going on?? Are you alright?”

“Yeah, babe. I’m fine. I’m on my way now.”

“Ok, stay on the phone with me till you’re almost here.”

“Heh. I love when you get protective.”

Eddie listens to every footstep with anticipation as the officer heads towards his car.

“You’re my Paladin, babe, but I’m the Master. I can take care of you to.”

“You’re such a nerd.”, he chuckles, pausing at the sight of the note on his windshield.

Trying not to startle his boyfriend, he carefully removed it as he backed away from his car.

“Killing's got to be accepted. Murder was the only way that everybody stayed in line. You got out of line, you got whacked. Everybody knew the rules. One.”

Something suddenly whizzed passed him, shattering his driver’s side window.

“Fuck me.” As soon as he hit the ground, multiple rounds of gunfire went off around him. Steve could barely hear Eddie in his ear as he crawled behind a nearby vehicle and waited.

“STEVEN! ANSWER ME GODDAMN IT!”

“I’m ok! I’m ok!”

Pointing his gun towards the car, he fired a few rounds before it disappeared around the corner. 

***

Eddie paced as you cleaned the cuts on Steve’s hand he had received from all the glass on concrete. The gangster was on edge since he had to wait for police to scope the scene and take the officer’s statement. 

“Fucking asshole. Steve, I’m sorry but I can’t let this slide. Two of my friends are in the hospital and he almost killed you two.”

“No. He wants to kill us in front of you remember. This was just to toy with you and us.”

“I don’t like the casual way you said that.”, Steve teased as he pokes your nose with his free hand. 

“Excuse me. Not a joke here!”

“You’re right, baby. Talking with his father won’t be enough. He crossed a line but we need to focus on this first to keep Y/N safe. After we handle that, then we can handle him.”

“I may have an idea that won’t upset his father IF we get that approval and will get your message across.”, you announce as they give you their attention. 

############

“Mr. Carver.”

“Ah, Mr. Munson or should I saw Edward. We don’t want to confuse you with your father now do we?”, the man laughs light-heartedly as your gangster circles a protective arm around you. “Do you know Dr. Y/L/N here?”

“Oh, please, sir. You can call me Y/N.”, you beam trying to remain as calm as possible.

“Yes, sir. I met Y/N when she saved me from a nasty wound I got. I had heard of all the things she’s done for the community so, of course, I had to get to know her better.”, he grins as he pulls you closer.

“That ‘nasty wound’ wouldn’t have been inflicted by my son per chance?” Eddie stiffened a bit beside you as the man gave him a once over. “Yeah, I know you and Jason don’t get along but that doesn’t give you the right to invade his turf and kill his best friend.”

“If I may, Mr. Carver, is there a private place we can talk?”

“No, you may not. Whatever is going on between you and him doesn’t involve me. You two are in charge now. Handle it.”

As he starts to walk away, you reach out to grab the man’s bicep.

“Please, sir. So many innocent people have gotten hurt just in this week alone. Your son is throwing a tantrum over something he started and is upset because Eddie didn’t let it go like his father used to. Please, just listen to what he has to say. We don’t want anything in return or anything like that. Just…listen.”

Jason’s father sighs as he glances you over.

“You would even decline the generous donation I was thinking of giving to your clinic? That’s a lot of funds that could help a lot of people.”

“This will help more.”

At your sentence, he blinked and stood up straighter. 

“Ok. Ok, Mr. Munson. Let’s talk.”

***

Jason exhaled as he took off his tie and laid his gun on the kitchen counter with his keys as he headed towards his living room. 

“Long night?”

“Jesus Christ, dad!”, the man jumped as he clutched his chest. “You scared the shit out of me. What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing. I thought you were going to the fundraiser event tonight.”

“I was busy.”

“I hope you weren’t busy with anything involving the Munson crew.”

As his father rose to his feet, Jason stood up straighter.

“I told you. That asshole killed Andrew—”

“After you broke into his girlfriend’s house and pulled a gun on him?”

“He killed Patrick and my friends!”

“AFTER you kidnapped his friend WHO IS A COP and beat him up! You stupid idiot!”, his dad growls as his son flinches. “What’s this I hear about you starting fires, blowing up cars, and doing shootings outside of a police station?! And leaving these moronic notes like this is some gangster movie!”, George shouts as he grumbles the papers he was given and tossed them his way. “This is not how we run our business, Jason.”

“Edward Munson needs to be taken out.”, he seethes. 

“Edward Munson will be left alone and so will his crew. That includes Steve Harrington and Y/N Y/L/N. Do you understand me, son?”

“Are you kidding!? He just gets away with killing my friends?!”

“BE GLAD I DON’T KILL YOU! Sit down!” Jason cowers at his father’s anger as he sits on the couch. “If you weren’t my son, I’d have gotten rid of you for how sloppy you’ve been. That being said you still need to understand that there are consequences to your actions.” Looking past him, George addresses the darkness behind his son’s ear. “He’s all yours.”

Something sharp stings the gangster’s neck as his world begins to spin. 

“I trust whatever you come up with, Mr. Munson, the punishment will fit the crime.”

As you and Eddie come into view, Jason’s world goes dark.

#################

“Good morning, sunshine.”, Eddie jests as Jason’s eyes flutter open. “I wouldn’t wiggle too much if I were you. The view up here is pretty great but not when you’re falling down eight stories.”

The rival gangster’s eyes finally adjust to see the other man in front of him with you and Steve on either side. He tried to move but soon realized he was bound to a chair with duct tape over his mouth, completely at your mercy as he was perched near the edge of a tall building. 

“You know, I’m a fan of movies myself. The one thing my father and I could connect on was The Godfather trilogy. Did you ever see those, Jason?” The man’s only response is trying to tug at his restraints. “No? That’s ok. The third one is utter garbage but that second one. Oof…so good. There’s one line in there that always stood out to me. ‘Chiedi di me ai tuoi amici del quartiere. Ti diranno che so come ricambiare un favore.’”

Stepping forward with his hands in his pockets he continues. 

“It’s Italian. ‘Ask your friends in the neighborhood about me. They'll tell you I know how to return a favor.’”

The rival gangster’s eyes widen as Eddie kneels to his level, balancing on his heels as he speaks to him again is a soft tone laced subtle venom.

“You crossed a line, Carver. If it were up to me I would have killed you and your entire enterprise after hurting Steve and threatening Y/N. After the stunts you pulled this week, I almost did. You can thank this young lady here for talking me out of it.”

Jason’s eyes flick to your angry ones before looking at the other man again. 

“She also suggested we talk to your father which was a brilliant idea. He’s very levelheaded and kind of funny. Right, guys?”

“Hysterical. He thought what you did at the police station was so amusing he recommended I take you in and throw you in a cell with Allen since you miss him so much.”, Steve quipped with a smirk. 

“After blowing up my car and breaking into my apartment, he thought I should use some of things I learned at medical school as a punishment. Oddly enough, castration was the first thing to came to his mind. I told him I didn’t think you had any balls to remove since you were acting like a five-year-old.”, you add making Eddie’s smile widen. 

“He also suggested we make the punishment fit the crime thus you’re ours for the next week, buddy!” As the gangster lightly taps his face, Jason starts to cry. “But, Carver, I’m not going to do that. Do you know why? I’m not my father and I’m not like you. I don’t kill for pleasure and I don’t like hurting people. I want this to stop. But make no mistake…” Eddie reaches for Jason’s throat and squeezes it between his ringed fingers. “If you ever threaten or hurt these two again or even fucking think of coming on to my side of Hawkins, I will burn your side to the ground and make you regret ever being born let alone taking your father’s mantle. Am I being clear?”

Ripping away the tape his lips, the gangster squeaks as he continues to cry. 

“Yes! I understand. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Eddie.” After tapping his cheek again, Eddie turns taking your hand in his as you three head for the door to leave the roof of the building. “Hey! What about me?!”

“Oh, we’ll call the building super in the morning. Just…don’t lean back.”, Steve answers with a sarcastic thumbs up as the door closes behind him.

##################

You giggled in Eddie’s arms as he held you to him, kissing your lips with vigor as he carried you up the stairs with Steve trailing right behind. 

“You…are…amazing.”, he cooed between each breath as he fell with you onto the bed. 

“You really are.” Steve added as he threw himself beside you and began sucking on your neck. 

Ringed fingers glided hastily up the slit in your dress, moving the silk blocking your core, and effortlessly pushed into your entrance, pumping in and out so quickly the sound of your arousal filled the room. 

“Fuck, Eddie.”

“You got me so hard, sweetheart, watching the way you took control talking to George. Jesus and in that beautiful fucking dress.” Your hand floated down to cling to his as his digits inside of you moved at a relentless pace. “I had to keep telling myself to focus because all I wanted to do was push you against that wall and fuck you till you couldn’t walk straight.”

Steve gripped your chin turning you so your lips could meet his as the gangster’s head fell into the nook between your head and shoulder. 

“You’re a bad girl now, baby. OUR bad girl.”

“Tr-treat me like one.”

The officer chuckled at your needy tone as you panted into his mouth. 

“Yeah? You want us to show you how bad girls get treated?”

“P-Please…please. Fuck I’m gonna cum.”

“Ask nicely, Y/N.”

Leaning your head against the gangster’s, you murmured consistent pleas, begging for relief that he granted as the coil snapped and you practically screamed his name. Offering his fingers to his partner, Steve licked them clean before leaning over you so their lips could mingle together. 

After digging in one of his drawers, Eddie produced some handcuffs and passed them over to Steve who took hold of your wrists restraining you to the headboard. 

“These are my own set so they should feel more comfortable on your skin than his steel ones.”, Eddie grinned as he kissed your lips.

“Babe, you forgot to take off her dress.”

“Fuck, silly me.” Grabbing the slit in the fabric, he yanked it apart tearing it up the middle till it split in half and fell away. “There we go.”

“No bra, honey? Definitely bad girl behavior.”

“Eddie told me not to wear one.”, you whine as Steve’s gaze shifts his way. 

“What? I like her tits. Sue me.”

While Eddie removed his suit, the officer yanked down your panties and tossed them onto the floor while he kissed your lips. 

“I bet you want to suck my cock, don’t you dirty girl?”

“I do. Please.”

“I like that. Keep beginning me like that.”

Jumping back into bed, the gangster took hold of one of your legs and lifted it over his shoulder before guiding his cock into your entrance.”

“Oh my god.”

Fingers circled tightly around your neck as your eyes met Steve’s anger filled ones. 

“I said beg me for my dick, little girl.”

“P-Please, Steve. I wanna—fuck, Eddie—I wanna choke on your cock. Please! I need it!”

Quickly, he unbuckled his belt and shimmied down his pants enough to free his length, allowing it to hover over your lips. 

“Tap three times loudly if you need to stop, ok?”

“Yes, yes sir.”

“Oh, look at that, Eds. Little girl found her manners.”

Eddie smirked as he continued to slam his hips into yours at a rough pace, his thick fingers digging into your thigh as he used it for leverage. 

Opening your mouth, you prepared for some the things they had been teaching you. Flattening your tongue you waited, mewling when he finally gave you what you were begging for. As his cock slid down your throat, his fingers tangled in your hair and you focused on the feeling as he slowly thrust his hips. 

“Good…good girl. That’s it. Shit, baby. That’s it. You’re almost taking all of me.” Feeling your body tremble, Steve holds you still, allowing you choke and gag around him as you cum. “Yes! You’re ok, baby. Just a couple more seconds.”

Tapping once, you signal you need air and he immediately pulls out to pet your head, murmuring praises as Eddie slows his rhythm to almost a complete stop as he caresses your leg comfortingly. 

“Good girl, honey. You did so fucking good. It took all my energy not to cum to but I want to cum inside your tight pussy, pretty girl. So beautiful. What color are we at, Y/N?”

“Green, baby. Green.”

At the word, the gangster lifts your other leg, pushing them together as he slowly thrusts his cock deep inside you. 

As your eyes roll back and you moan, Steve kisses away your tears before murmuring against your lips, “Do you still want my dick, baby girl? Do you want me to fuck your pretty little throat? Feel us both deep inside you. I wonder if I can feel myself here.”, he coos as he gently places his hand on your neck. “I know I can feel Eddie fucking you so good. Right, honey?”

His large palm trails down your skin till you feel him press on your lower belly making you whimper louder as your back arches and you tug on your restraints. 

“Yeah, he’s right here, nice and deep.”

Eddie grunts as his pace hastens, his partners words amping him up as Steve smiles. Lifting up on his knees once more, the officer holds his tip just above your lips, chuckling as your tongue needily reaches for him. 

“Don’t forget what we talked about. Tap if you need to breathe or stop, baby. I’m gonna fuck your throat hard, ok?”

“Y-Yes. Please—fuck—please.”

Sliding his dick into your mouth, your eyes squeezed shut as he did what he said, constantly hitting the back of your throat over and over as the obscene sound of you gagging and drooling filled their ears. Both men became almost feral at the noise, Eddie shaking the bed as he pounded into you and Steve tugging harshly on your hair while mumbling under his breath. 

“That’s it, little girl. Jesus. Your mouth feels so fucking good. Atta girl. Choke on my cock, you dirty little whore making a fucking mess. Mmm!”

Your legs abruptly hit the mattress as Eddie fell on top of you, wrapping his arms around your back as he rolled his hips into yours. The officer pulled back, stroking himself with his hand as he watched you both cum together. The gangster laid still trying to catch his breath as Steve reached down to play his hair.

“Fuck me. This pussy is too good.”, Eddie groaned as he sat up and lightly spanked your behind. “I’m glad it’s ours.” 

After pulling out of you, both men shared a passionate filled kiss as they switched places, Steve wiggling underneath you so your back was on his chest. While the officer ran his palms over your breasts and along your sides, Eddie took hold of his partners cock, spitting over the tip before running it between your folds, teasing you both as it grazed your clit. 

“Please.”, you whine.

Smirking, he did what you asked as the two of you groaned. Steve’s hands gripped your thighs, holding your legs open as he planted his feet into the mattress and thrust up into you. 

“Fuck.”

“God, sweetheart, I wish you could see you both from my angle.”, the gangster moaned as he watched his boyfriend’s cock disappear inside you as he stretched you open. “Fuck me. Stevie didn’t even have the patience to take off the rest of his clothes.”, he chuckles, faltering the man’s rhythm as Eddie tugs his pants that had been pooled at his ankles the rest of the way.

Dropping your legs, one of Steve’s hands pulled your hair back as his other roughly kneaded your breast. 

“Move your hips.”, he growled as you mewled, trying your best to bounce and roll your waist. “Harder, little girl. Make yourself cum again.” He continued to grumble with a rough tone in your ear, commanding you to move faster repeatedly while smacking your tits with his palm. Screaming his name, you stopped moving as your body shook against him and you pulled hard on the cuffs above you. “Atta girl. Fuck, I can feel your pussy quivering around me. You’re gonna give me one more and I’m gonna cum with you.”

“I…I can’t.”

“Color, princess?”, Eddie whispers as he presses his nose to your cheek. 

“Green.”, you mumble as the tears stream down your face. 

“Yeah? Fuck you look so beautiful like this with your make up running down like this. Fuck, baby. You can do it. You can give us one more.”

Steve starts moving again with purpose knowing he won’t last long and you most likely will spent after this. After licking his fingers, the long-haired man places them on your clit, rubbing circles into your nub as your sweaty head leans back while the other man clings to your waist.

“There you go, Y/N. Come on, baby! One more. You can do it!”, Eddie encourages, both men moving so fast you don’t even realize it’s coming till your orgasm hits you like a freight train. “Good girl! Good fucking girl.”

Circling his arms around you, Steve’s pace becomes sloppy till you feel him warm your insides as he grunts in your ear. 

“Please…please…no…no more. I can’t.”

“No, sweetheart. You did so good. I’m going to uncuff you ok?” You nod as the gangster releases you from your binds and you wince at your sore muscles as you slowly bring your arms down. Steve carefully turns you both onto your side before pulling out of you, mumbling soft apologies as he tries not to hurt you. “Whenever you’re ready, we’re going to take a bath, ok? It will feel good on your body.”

After a few minutes of them smiling tenderly at you as they caressed and kissed parts of your skin, you signaled you were ready and Eddie lifted you into his arms as Steve ran the water. Doing what had become the norm, the gangster lit a cigarette as he sat behind you on the edge of the tub with his feet in the water as he began to clean you. What was new was when the officer pulled a wet wipe from a bag and kneeled beside you to clean your face.

“What’s that?”

“Oh, um, makeup remover. I bought it a while ago before all the bullshit happened for when you spend the night with us. Chrissy said this was a good brand for girl’s skin but if you have another just let me know.” It took him a moment to realize you two were staring at him with small smiles on your lips. “What? Hey, I’m a nice guy!”

“Yes, you are, pretty boy.”, Eddie coos sassily as he leans over to give him a peck as the man rolls his eyes. 

“Thank you. You didn’t have to do that.”

His eyes remain downcast as he throws it away and places the bag on the counter. 

“I know I don’t have to. I want to. WE want to…want you to be comfortable…and happy. Are you? Happy I mean.”

Tilting his chin, you kiss his lips as well making his smile grow. 

“I am happy. Thank you for everything. It means a lot to me.”

Eddie’s already prepared when you lean your head back to kiss his lips as well making you giggle when he lingers making a loud mwah sound. 

“Just because we settled the stuff with Jason doesn’t mean I’m out of danger does it?”

Both men freeze in place as they blink before Steve climbs into the bath in front of you and Eddie slides in behind you.

“No, it doesn’t. There’s always going to be people that want to challenge me and just because we scared Carver doesn’t mean he won’t fuck up again.”

“And like I told you before, now that people know you’re with Eddie, it may cause some ears to perk up with the police which may put more eyes on you than you’re used to.”

“But, sweetheart, we promise you we will do everything we can to keep you safe. I’d hurt or kill to protect you just like with Steve.”

“And, honey, I would hide evidence or lie to anyone in the department to protect you. Not just from people but any kind of jail time.”

“You’re ours, Y/N, and we will take care of you no matter what.”

You can feel their eyes penetrate you as your own remain off to the side as you absorb what they are saying. 

Gently, fingers grip your chin, turning you to meet Steve’s soft honey hues.

“You can still leave if you want to. We can come up with a story to explain the party if you still want to have some…semblance of normalcy.”

“Whoa. Steve Harrington is breaking out the big words.”

You laughed at Eddie’s joke as the officer narrowed his eyes in playful annoyance.

“I don’t want to leave. I…”

You want to say it so bad. You want to tell them that you love them. But it’s only been a couple of months and they’ve been together for almost a year. No. You don’t want to scare them away after everything they just did to keep you safe. No…

“I…I trust you both.”

When you flash them a smile both men grin back as Eddie hugs you against his chest and Steve kisses your forehead.

##############

@5tud10-54r4h @munsonzgf @eddiesguitarskills @supraveng

@lilaclazer @ima1986 @micheledawn1975 @foreverminliv @corkadymu

@lemme-slytherin-that-dick @joannamuns9n @dashingdeb16 @sashaphantomhive @corrodedcoffincumslut @aactuaaltraash @nailbatanddungeon 

[fagsystem]

Top surgery today. I am the first up today and my surgeon begins in an hour. I am going to be having top surgery in an hour.

I was so scared last night but genuinely after I used the magic eraser tool in my photos app to see sort of what it would look like, I have been doing completely fine.

I am not looking forward to the drains. It is the same as with piercings, I have things about having things piercing through my body, but I'd much rather have it than not.

Sorry post interrupted, they're showing food on the TV in the waiting room. Cruel. Cruel

But anyway, I also may get stressed about going to sleep, as I also have Things about that. But according to my friend who had his like 5 weeks ago, I should get something to make me a bit more relaxed before the anaesthetic. And it's not the same issue as sleeping where I get stressed about it then I can't, I can. I don't need to try.

And I'm not looking forward to 6 weeks at least off of my hobbies. I'm very physically active.

Post interrupted again by having an ECG to make sure everything is alright, due to the POTS.

It is now around. 45 minutes until my surgery. Although I am likely to be collected in about half an hour.

I thought I'd be terrified because I truly was last night. Well and truly. Honestly I was wondering if I'd be able to go through with it.

But I am going to.

I am going to be fine.

At least it happens only once in your life.

After this I'll have no more tits.

Oh my gods by the time I would have had lunch at work today if I had gone, I will be titless.

This is it it's happening. It's finally happening. I'm going to cry.

And I'm going to be okay. I have chronic pain and illness and handle it all so well, this surgery is going to be nothing to me.

My friend who had his about 5 weeks ago will be there when I get discharged, so will my mom.

I'm not even nervous I'm ready.

I'm so excited.

This is it.

This is it.

Also, I have a friend with me for now.

[ertrauma]

Becky’s car crash (Part one)

It was a rainy afternoon and Becky leaves her company after a stressful day. She is tired and want to go home as soon as possible. She drives off and her thoughts are still at work. But sudden on the Country Road she loose shortly the control of her car and she crashed on a tree.

A loud bang and suddenly everything blurs and she lost her consciousness.

When she came to, she feels any pains and hears sirens at the distance. On the driver side stand a police officer and tried to open the door. But he cannot open the door.

"Stay calm, help is on the way" the police officer calling.

Becky is yelling loud "Help me, oh no it hurts, I want to get out of here."

Now she is realizing that she had an accident and she cannot out of the car and her pelvis, neck and chest are in pain.

The sirens are louder and on the road arrived a fire truck and an ambulance. The paramedics are running to the car where Becky is trapped. The police officer tells them that he cannot open the door. The door is still closed, and the firefighters prepare her equipment to extricate Becky.

The paramedic talks to Becky: “We are here to help you, what’s your name?”

“I’m Becky, please help me” she answers with tearful voice.

On the time a Firefighter is on the driver’s door with a hydraulic spreader and he spreads the door open. The metal creaks as the door spread open. Now the paramedics has access to her and they can take the first treatment.

“Hey Becky, I’m Steve and we help you now. Can you tell me if you feel any pain?” says the lead paramedic.

“My chest, neck and pelvis are in pain” mutters Becky.

“Okay, we get you out of there. Please don’t move.”

The lead paramedic bends over her and he cut through the seatbelt.

“Get me the neck brace,” commands he to his colleague.

"I'm going to put a neck brace on your neck to prevent other injuries."

Becky is groaning as he put the neck brace on her.

"I am going to check your vitals and then we try you get out of here," he says.

The lead paramedic called to his colleague:" Get the stretcher with the spine board with head blocks and the portable ecg too."

The lead paramedic cuts open the sleeve of her shirt and he put a bp cuff on her arm. And he searches a vein to set an IV and he started inserting a needle into it. He is inserting a painkiller. Then he is shining in her eyes to check her pupil reactions.

The other paramedic rolls up with the stretcher. On the stretcher lies the spine board with head blocks and the portable ecg and the oxygen set.

When Becky saw that suddenly panic washed over her as she realized the severity of her situation. Her breathing and her pulse get faster.

"Stay calm Becky, you have to breathing slowly and deep,“ said he.

The lead paramedic takes his stethoscope and listen her lungs and heart.

He said to his colleague: "Pupils are equal and reactive, bp is 95/70 and the pulse is 110. Pain in her chest if I touch possible rib fractures. Give me the O2 sensor and the ecg pads"

Meantime the firefighters has cut the car windows out.

"Becky I am going to cut open your shirt and I put some ecg pads on your chest and I put a O2 sensor on your finger."

Becky is moaning quiet as he cuts her shirt in the middle. He put some ecg pads on her chest and connected it with the portable ecg. The O2 sensor is on her finger and shows a saturation from 93. The paramedic puts a O2 mask on her face that she can better breath.

Becky looks wild around and starts yelling: "Get me out, I am dizzy and I feel sick."

We get her out tells he to the firefighter. I think we cut of the roof and we pull her from the back seats onto the spine board.

Okay we do this so, said the firefighter.

"Becky we get you out now, I cover you up so you don't get any splinters." tells the lead paramedic.

The firefighters start to cut off the roof. It creaks and crunches as the hydraulic cutter sliced through the metall. The roof is off and put aside and the firefighters bring the spine board on the back seats.

They bring it in position and the paramedic looks if her feet are free.

"Okay legs and feet are free and on three we lift her out," the paramedic instructed.

"Okay Becky you are out soon, and one..., two... three!"

A synchronized teamwork form the paramedics and firefighters and Becky is lifted up from the wreckage and placed onto the spine board. They carried the spine board onto the waiting stretcher.

Now she lies on the stretcher and the paramedics start a fast body check. The ecg is beeping and the paramedic palpates her body from head to toe.

Her head is additionally fixed with the head block on the spine board.

"Tell me you feel any pain if I am touching you."

Becky moans as he touches her shoulder and chest and pelvis.

"Can you move your feet?" asked he.

Becky moved her legs and feet.

Now they fixed the straps on the spine board.

The stretcher is lifted up and they roll her into the ambulance. The door is closed. "Can you breathe well?"

The other paramedic starts the ambulance and drives off to the local trauma centre.

The lead paramedic looks on the monitor to check her vitals. Bp are 92/62 and the pulse is 115. O2 saturation 91.

"I have a little trouble breathing." Becky whispers.

"Okay I give a little more oxygen." He turns the oxygen amount a bit up.

Then he calls the local trauma centre: "We come in with a female, 25 years old after car crash. Possible blunt chest trauma and pelvis trauma. Unstable vitals and the O2 saturation are 91. Not intubated and ventilated. We arrive about in 2 minutes."

A short time later the ambulance drives into the ambulance entrance at the hospital.

To be continue

[love-and-deepspace-wiki]

Helloooo your blog is a liver saver for lore enthusiast like me! You know, although infold hadn't release much info on certain crucial aspect in the game but I was wondering what's your take or theory on how Protocore Syndrome works? Is it just another name for a Heart failure Disease or something more? Would love to read more of your fanon idea on it! And thank you for creating this amazing wiki blog! 💕💕💕

Ayyyy lore enthusiasts gang~ And of course! Thank you for reading! Sorry this took SO long to reply to. Had to do some major studying for this one lol.

I want to start off by saying that medical knowledge is not my area of expertise, so this is purely a layman's best interpretation based on everything I could learn at Google University 🤣 I managed to decipher her electrocardiogram (ECG/EKG) report results. But as for what irl diagnosis those results indicate, I simply lack the expertise required to deduce that answer. Even though I couldn't answer the second part of your question (believe me, I tried so hard 😭), I hope this post is still useful to you! To any medical or med school folk out there, now is your time to shine and save the day (pls 🙏).

How Protocore Syndrome Works?

The basic in-game description of Protocore Syndrome is very rudimentary and doesn't really give us a lot to go off of. But here's what we know:

Protocore Syndrome: From the "Deepspace Messages" section of the in-game Spacepedia resource, we learn that it is a unique disease caused by Protocores. There are different types, and they harm the human body in various ways. Currently, the known types are A, E, and Y

Type Y Protocore Syndrome: From the description given in the World Underneath story "No Morning", we learn that it is a heart syndrome that involves that hides in various organs and systems, with a long latency period, and slow progression. By the time it's detected, it's often too late. There is currently no known cure.

Still digging for concrete information to confirm the protaganist's diagnosis, but the story seems to infer she has Protocore Syndrome. (If you have any screenshots or resources that definitively identify her condition, pls dm me and I'll credit you).

From Zayne's statements during her chapter 1 appointment, we learn that she has Protocore fragments in her heart. He goes on to specify the following symptoms:

Heart arrhythmia

Premature ventricular contractions (PVCs)

Heart murmurs

The game shows us glimpses of her medical paperwork too. We are shown her ECG report and summary. After covering her report, I'll explain some potential discrepancies (emphasis on "potential" since I'm nowhere near an expert lol).

ECG Basics:

We're going to get a little technical here. But I think we'll get the most value from the analysis once we understand what we're looking at. The ECG shown in-game is a standard 12-lead report, producing 12 individual strips.

Leads:

There are the six limb leads: I, II, III, aVR (augmented vector right), aVL (augmented vector left), and aVF (augmented vector foot).

Then, there are the six chest leads: V1, V2, V3, V4, V5, and V6.

Intervals & Waves:

For the report details to make more sense, here's a quick reference to aid in the interpretation of different waves, wave interval, gain settings, and speed settings.

And, based on the gain and speed settings detailed below, each small square on her chart represent 40 milliseconds (ms) and each large squares represents 200 ms.

ECG Report Analysis:

Gain, Speed, and Heart Rate:

Gain: 10 mm/mV

Gain is a setting on an ECG machine that controls the size of an ECG trace. The standard gain setting is 10mm/mV, meaning that 10 mm on the screen represents 1 millivolt (mV) of voltage. It appears that Akso Hospital's ECG adheres to this standard.

Speed: 25 mm/s

Speed is the paper speed setting on an ECG machine. So, the Akso Hospital's ECG machine is set to 25 mm/s (meaning that each small square on the chart represents 0.04 seconds).

Heart rate: 85 bpm

Pretty self-explanatoty, but this measures how many times her heart beats within one minute. For women, a normal resting heart rate is considered 60-100 bpm, and hers is within this range.

PR Interval: 138 ms

The PR Interval (or PQ Interval) is the distance between the start of the P wave and the start of the QRS complex. A normal PR Interval is between 120 - 200 ms. Since hers is 138 ms, she falls within the normal range.

QT & QTC Intervals:

QT Interval: 347 ms

The QT Interval is the time between the start of the QRS segment and the end of the T wave. It measures the electrical activity of the heart's ventricles. For a heart rate of 85 bpm, a normal QT Interval would generally be 380 ms or less. So, hers is normal.

QTC Interval: 411 ms

The QTC Interval is the corrected QT interval (thats what the "c" is for). It represents the time it takes the heart's ventricles to contract and relax. It is calculated by adjusting the QT interval for heart rate. A normal QTC interval for women is usually less than 460 ms. Since hers is 411 ms, she's within the normal range.

P, T, and QRS Wave Axes:

P Wave Axis: 38°

The P wave axis tells us the net direction of the P wave. A normal P wave axis is usually between 0° and 75°. Since hers is 38°, it falls within the normal range.

T Wave Axis: 65°

The T wave tells us the net direction of the T wave. A normal P wave axis is usually between 15° and 75°. Since hers is 65°, it is within the normal range.

QRS Axis: 35°

The QRS Axis tells us the average direction of electrical activity in the heart during ventricular depolarization. A normal adult QRS axis is between -30° and 90°. Since hers is 35°, she falls within the normal range.

SV1 and RV5:

SV1: 0.94 mV

SV1 represents the voltage of the S wave from the V1 lead. It is used to detect ventricular hypertrophy. A normal SV1 is considered to be less than 2.5 mV and hers is within this range.

RV5: 0.85 mV

The RV5 represents the voltage of the R wave from the V5 lead. It is used to measure electrical activity in the left ventricle. An RV5 reading is considered normal if it is less than 3.5 mV and hers is within this range.

QRS Interval: 71 ms

The QRS Interval the interval between the start of the Q wave and the end of the S wave. Represents the time it takes for electrical impulses to spread through the ventricles. A normal QRS Interval is 70-100 ms. Since hers is 71 ms, she's within the normal range.

Potential Discrepancies:

Okay. So, I thought it was a bit strange that all of her ECG readings were within the normal ranges. But I genuinely don't know if a patient can be diagnosed with an irl heart condition despite having an ECG that appears normal. Maybe its a diagnosis determined by other criteria we aren't shown?

Additionally, I looked up ECG strip examples of both cardiac arrhythmias and premature ventricular contractions (PVCs). And comparing them with her charts, I don't see indications of those symptoms in there.

[lokislittlesigyn]

Hello!

I'm reaching a point of desperation. Asking for some help/advice regarding orthostatic intolerance .. If you know about this or know about people who'd be willing to discuss it, I would be extremely grateful for any help I can get. It's starting to feel hopeless. Shares are appreciated. ;;

I want to make sure I'm understanding something. I'm autistic, so sometimes words don't quite translate to me: a sentence written a specific way may be difficult for me to interpret.

With that in mind, TL;DR: What is the diagnostic criteria for POTS? Is it that you have to have a 30bpm increase from a resting heart rate (or over 120bpm) AT ANY POINT upon standing in a 10 minute period, or SUSTAINED FOR A FULL 10 MINUTES?

Why I'm asking (VERY long under the spoiler):

I've been experiencing worsened symptoms upon standing for the past several years, ever since I got COVID. I've always had some weirdness in my body - of various kinds - but it's never been this severe. (For instance, I've been "cold-natured" and had cold hands and feet and my hands/legs would turn purple when I was young, and I'd get winded when exercising, maybe "uncomfortable feelings" (which I think now is blood pooling?) in my legs, but I wouldn't struggle to the point I am now.) I'm experiencing:

Dizziness and lightheadedness, sometimes feeling like my head is spinning, upon standing. I usually have to stop and wait for my head to feel less dizzy before I can walk, a solid few seconds, then I'm okay Enough to get going.

A severe increase in heart rate upon standing, especially if I was lying down (30-60 bpm from what I've monitored), but it happens if I was only sitting down/squatting too.

Blackened vision bordering on loss of vision, sometimes loss of hearing, upon standing

MUCH more fatigue with general tasks despite the fact I've been consistently exercising, doing HIIT workouts to keep my body conditioned, daily, for the past 4 years!!!

Extreme shortness of breath and dizziness, sometimes to the point of wondering if I'll faint in the shower. (today I took my heart rate while in the shower and it was over 150bpm. I was just standing there. Shaving.) I haven't fainted yet.

Significantly worse symptoms in the morning vs the evening or at night. At night I actually have energy!

Sluggishness, lethargy in the mornings, often leading into the afternoon

Issues with prolonged standing - I have to wear 20-30mmhg compression socks to be able to stand or have long days out, like when I'm selling things for my job or going out for an active day with friends.

Everything gets worse when I'm menstruating. :))))))

This has had a significant impact on my life. And from what I can gather, it sounds like POTS. I've been pursuing a diagnosis for two years. Doctor after doctor has addressed other concerns: we've done blood tests, heart monitors, ECGs, ultrasounds - my heart is physically healthy. I went to a cardiologist who specializes in POTS, and he looked me in the eye and said "I think you have POTS." MULTIPLE TIMES.

And I do already do what I can with this. I exercise (again! Literally four years of decent exercise! 45 minutes a day! And I recently started walking an hour a day so I get nearly 2 hours of focused activity!!!), I ONLY drink water and plenty of it, and I eat salt on my food. I already do everything.

I'm worried this is affecting my outcomes. Specifically, I'm worried since I've been essentially doing the "treatment" for this type of thing, that my result are better than they would be otherwise.

The tests:

I've actually done the gold standard tilt table test, and apparently I didn't have the numbers necessary to diagnose me with POTS. I was diagnosed with orthostatic intolerance (the heartrate issues) and vasovagal syncope (which is the issue with vision/hearing upon standing, I guess). But given my symptoms, I feel very strongly my body is exhibiting signs of POTS. That's .. a big reason I'm making this post.

My "official" tilt table test results (taken last year) were, to make it brief:

Baseline: 59 bpm

Tilted 30 degrees: 60 bpm

Tilted 45 degrees: 76 bpm, then 64 bpm

Tilted 70 degrees: 78 bpm. It hovered around the high seventies/low eighties for a bit, then at the thirteen minute mark, went to 94.

My heart rate didn't go below 80 for the rest of the test, which was about 20 more minutes. The lowest it got was 82 but it would waver between 85-87 and 94 mostly; the highest it got was 101, when my blood pressure dropped significantly and I had to ask to be laid down so I wouldn't fall down off the table.

The people running the test said they got enough information even though I ended the test early, and every doctor insists the tilt table is the "gold standard" test - the absolute best - for detecting POTS, even though it doesn't EVER take you to 90 degrees? It slowly tilts you up, which allows your body to adjust? And I had to hold myself up, the straps holding me down were just for positioning I guess??? What do you mean this is a better test for something that impacts me when I'm going from lying down to a full 90 degree upright position within seconds?????

I've done two "poor man's tilt table" tests, or standing tests, at home. Below are the numbers. The first time I did it (2023), I didn't know you should take it at intervals for 10 mins, so I only did 5.

BP: 124/69 hr: 72 - laying down (This was after 5 minutes of lying still, not speaking, and actively trying to relax)

BP: 124/80 hr: 139 - first stand up (I stood up "normally," I didn't rush to stand or jump up)

BP: 123/89 hr: 131 - 5 minutes after (I stood still, and made sure to not lock my knees too much)

The second time (2024), the person helping me with the test didn't understand we needed a full 10 minute reading, so we only got up to 8 minutes. Still, these were the results:

Resting: 66 bpm

Standing: 131 bpm

2 mins: 96 bpm

4 mins: 95 bpm

6 mins: 97 bpm

8 mins: 95 bpm

Doctors look at my symptoms and remind me well, we treat POTS ad Orthostatic Intolerance the same. They don't think it matters if I technically have a specific diagnosis or not.

I know this. I have been told this so many times. I want the validation of a diagnosis I fit the criteria for. I want to be able to explain to people what's going on with me. I want, since I'm at the ripe old age of twenty five and can barely shower in the mornings, the bare minimum of having a name for what I have to deal with every single day.

But I'm really worried. I'm worried I've ruined my chances of this being caught by exercising/"treating" it too much, or I'm misunderstanding the diagnostic criteria, or I'm just stupid in general, being overdramatic and should give up because I've been told I have orthostatic intolerance, what does it matter if it's POTS specifically?

But this looks so much like POTS. This sounds so much like POTS. And I am getting the numbers necessary, or else ones a WHOLE lot like them, at home. And that's what's bothering me?

If I wasn't taking standing tests and finding such high bpm increases, which again, seemingly fit the diagnostic criteria, I wouldn't be bothered. But I am.

This past week I went to nurses that work in a specific doctor's office, the doctor who apparently "diagnoses everybody with POTS." I was hopeful they'd listen. They did a standing test in the office.

My heart rate started around 70 when resting. (there's multiple reasons it was higher than what my "actual" resting rate is, but I won't explain that; this post is too long already) I stood up and it went to around 125. And then within a few minutes, it went down to 80 or 90, I wasn't checking exact numbers.

They couldn't diagnose me based on those numbers.

i can't shake the feeling if i'd been able to relax fully, or had just gotten my body to unwind, i might have had a resting rate of 60 - closer to the baseline when i was allowed to rest before the tilt table - and could've gotten diagnosed.

i feel like a failure.

Advice, information, all is appreciated. If anyone understands the diagnostic criteria, or has a similar story, I'd really love to hear. Thank you.

[sserrated]

Second time in my life I’ve had to fight doctors for years and years being told im just anxious (which don’t get me wrong I absolutely do have health anxiety as well really badly however…) to be finally told I have a FROM BIRTH DEFECT.

First it was my brain condition (Chiari Malformation I) and now, finally, like I’ve been begging them to listen to for years, my heart.

Only took having another serious SVT episode for them to take notice 🫠 Finally they found Wolff Parkinson White Syndrome (it’s been present on my ECGs since 2016 and only now a cardiologist has flagged it) mind you I’ve had full echocardiogram’s and they said everything was fine when in front of their eyes I’ve had a congenital defect.

BOTH conditions require procedures. BOTH could have been done when I was far younger and recovery better. And saved me years of anxiety and thinking I’m going fucking crazy.

I admire the fuck out of the NHS but there is a deeply entrenched issue with under diagnosing physical issues and over diagnosing anxiety as the main symptom causing issue.

I’m also fully aware this is NOT an issue with the staff, it’s issues with govt funding and guidelines. The PEOPLE of the NHS are hero’s and I ain’t blaming them.

[begitalarcos]

Life Update

Hey Guys

I know I said I was coming back, and I fully intended to. Then I injured my back... badly

I ruptured a disc in my back on one of my lowest vertebrae and now have lost most of the feeling in my left leg :(

In the next week here I'm being scheduled for spinal surgery.

Strangely I'm doing okay. Since my last post a lot of things have gotten sorted (mostly family drama) which has taken a huge weight off of me. Then I fell on the stairs. I only fell down two steps but Ianded hard on my butt and then hit my back against the stair.

This was almost 2 months ago, and I was going to physio for it until my disability decided not to cover it. I was sent to an "Impartial" specialist who had the nerve to tell me that most of my pain was likely "Psychological" haven't had that kind of flippant disrespect about my health in awhile.

On the 30th of October I went to lay down for a nap, when I woke up just the act of sitting up left me in agony. My wonderful husband then spent the next few hours with me using hot and cold compresses and trying to help me get through the pain because the hospital said it was probably just sciatic pain... Halloween rolls around and I've lost all feeling in my left thigh.

I decided "FUCK IT" and went to emergency, where after a good 9 hours I finally saw a doctor who would take me seriously. And by that time my entire left thigh, part of my calf, and most of my back end and groin were completely numb. They took my sock off and my foot was grey. It was pretty scary.

The doctor there did a battery of tests for everthing he could think of, he did manage to get a bit of feeling back into my calf and foot with an injection. But everything else was still pins and needles. I had an MRI and well.. as you can see the lower disc was pushed so far out it was impinging on all the nerves to my left leg.

I spent Halloween and most of the next day in emergency. Had a lovely panic attack, got mildly sedated, there were no beds so I was stuck in a shitty recliner in a corner between two drug attics. One who wouldn't stop complaining and then throwing fits and the other who had some kind of blood borne illness with open sores. It was fucking terrible.

Today I had to drive almost 2 hours to another city to see a neurosurgeon who was also livid no one had done anything for me in over two months and said that even with surgery I may never get full feeling back in my leg (cries) This then followed more X-rays, blood work (7 vials taken oi vey) and an ECG.

Turns out I also have a rare heart defect - that only one other person in my family has - that causes my heart to skip a beat every third beat. They also (because I'm anemic) had to go through the process of signing a ton of forms for the possibility that I may need a transfusion during or after surgery....

This was supposed to be a short post I swear -_-

Thursday I have to go for a full physical and do even MORE paperwork, and then drive again 2 hours away to another city to have my surgery.

FML

So yeah, I still very much want to be creating and posting I just haven't been able to sit or concentrate much as I am taking pain killers (that do not want to work with my antidepressants) so I've either been completely out of it or just stuck doing one thing and one thing only (which has mostly been just riding around in RDR2 hunting, fishing and exploring) I also finished the new Zelda game cuz... well I've been laying down a lot.

Holy Jeebs have I been bored. In between that I've also been trying to keep GiraffeBarn active and get into a few local stores again.

2024 has been hectic and chaotic.

I'm hopeful that the new year will bring me some much needed peace and clarity.

So yeah, I'm not gone, I'm still lurking about and I still plan to post again (when I can)

I miss you all so very much (especially my wifey <3)

Hope you all are well

much love

B

[nagichi-boop]

I appreciate the fact that my mum has been more supportive of my health issues recently, but today reminded me that she would still always believe a doctor over me.

I am pretty sure I have POTS. My echocardiogram, two xrays and two ECGs have all been normal. I have done many poor man’s tilt table tests at home with my Apple Watch, and they always show 30+ bpm increase from laying to standing that lasts for the full 10 minutes (in fact, it’s actually more like 40+ bpm) - or when I haven’t tested for the full 10 minutes, it’s because I get nauseous/dizzy and have to lay down.

My mum has made comments in the past like “you can’t say you have autism without a diagnosis” and such. I know that a diagnosis is important, but believing that a doctor knows everything about every condition and is never ever wrong is not helpful. I thought she had gotten over that mentality recently, but I was wrong.

She mentioned to me that someone we know suspects they have POTS. I asked her if she had told this person that I have it, and my mum said something like “well, I said you were being tested for it and that your tests so far have been inconclusive.” This is just not true. As I said, the tests on my heart came back clear, but those aren’t to assess POTS anyways. I have had two ‘stand tests’, but they were done incorrectly both times. A quick internet search shows you that a stand test for POTS involves laying for 5 minutes and checking your heart rate, then standing for 10 minutes and measuring your heart rate after 2, 5 and 10 minutes. When I’ve had a doctor do the test in clinic, my ‘resting’ heart rate was taken immediately after I had just moved from one room to another (aka not my resting heart rate) and then I was immediately made to stand up and have my heart rate tested. Then of course they say there’s not much of a change in heart rate.

To an extent, I could justify this attitude. But you know what makes it worse? My dad somewhat recently told my mum and me that he believes he has ADHD. No plans for a diagnosis, just that he thinks he has it. I figured my mum would not pay any attention to this. But then one time after my dad did a task that involved a lot of focus, my mum was like “you did so well considering it must have been hard with your ADHD.” Like wth? She never accepted me as autistic when I told her I was sure I had it, even though I am seeking a diagnosis. She doesn’t believe my POTS either. I assume she won’t until I’m diagnosed. But my dad just randomly announces he has ADHD with no plans to be tested and the whole family is just…on board with it? Why??

[veephoenix]

Chapter tags & trigger warnings: angst/hurt, intoxication, patient in recovery, panic attacks, mentions of substance abuse. | Word count: 1.5k | Series masterpost. ✧.*

General trigger warnings: This work addresses and depicts issues related to addiction and violence, contains explicit sexual content, and explores themes of childhood trauma. Reader discretion is advised.

The world we live in is one that teaches you to fear death since you’re a child, but as we grow up, some of us realize that we’re not really scared of dying; we’re scared of losing the ones we love the most.

Twenty-four hours after I held Lia in my arms, I called grandma. It was 5pm in Japan. 

“Grandma, it’s Lia. She’s… she’s in the hospital. I don’t know what to do.”

I didn’t know what else to say, either, and there was nothing she could say to change the situation. 

Lia lay in an uncomfortable bed, and IV line connected to her right arm. Her black tights and the oversized shirt she had been using as a dress were gone, replaced by a whitish gown. Underneath, ECG leads were attached to her chest to keep track of her heart. Her feet were naked under the cold sheets. The hardest part to look at was her face. She was pale, her lips chapped, her hair greasy, and there was an NC connected to her nose to provide her with oxygen. 

Her eyes were closed. I couldn’t see her light. 

I couldn’t bear to see her like that. 

I was sitting in the single uncomfortable armchair that was in the room, looking at her with my chin rested on my intertwined hands. My elbows pressed on my knees. My body was bent forward, toward her. There was nothing I could do but stare at her benumbed body.  

I had touched her hand before, but the cold startled me, and I had to leave the room for a while before I succumbed to another wave of panic.  

The first panic attack came when we arrived at the hospital, right after the paramedics carried Lia’s numb body in a stretcher towards the ER. The air was thick with urgency as they talked to a group of people covered in white clothes: nurses and doctors. One of them turned her gaze toward me, and a few seconds after, the woman was standing in front of me. She asked me who I was to Lia. I didn’t know what to say. Her best friend, her only family, her lover? Luckily for me, Jolly was standing by my side, and he gave an honest and valid reply, sparing me from the struggle. With a nod of acknowledgment, the doctor asked for an insight into Lia’s history, her problems. They wanted to know what had happened, why it had happened…

Then I started panicking. I didn’t know where to look, where to go. 

Jolly must have managed the situation. The doctor nodded, jotting down a few things on a sheet of paper, and went back to where Lia had been taken; a secluded corner where she was out of my sight the moment they moved a curtain to separate her body from the rest of the patients and people in the emergency room.  

There were too many people. Too many accidents. Too much pain and death. 

I shouldn’t be there. Merely four hours ago I was standing on a stage, controlling a crowd of over six thousand people. Now, I couldn’t get a hold of myself. 

My breaths grew ragged, the noise around me transforming into an unbearable symphony. Tightness gripped my chest. I was suffocating. I pressed a trembling hand against my chest as I moved somewhere in search of support. I heard a few voices behind me, some calling my name. Then there were a few nurses approaching us, one of them said something about not being allowed in those premises, that we had to wait outside. I couldn’t wait, didn’t they understand? I needed to know that Lia was going to be okay. They wouldn’t shut up. Someone called out my name, louder than before, the voice breaking through. Following that, I felt a hand gripping my shoulder. 

Nicholas.

I looked up to find him, and I collapsed in his arms as I let out a cry and the tears started flowing. 

He held the weight of my body as I emptied myself of everything I’d been carrying for the last few months: the guilt for not realizing sooner that Lia was being abused by the one who was supposed to adore her, the guilt for not gathering the courage to tell her what I felt, the anger for every time Lia refused to talk to me, the anger at every time she decided the pills were better than my shoulder, then, every other mistake until this very right moment, when I didn’t know if I would ever get the chance to hold her in my arms and see her smiling up at me, her eyes shining with anticipation as I bent down to kiss her. 

A nurse approached us and suggested that I lay down in one of the beds. The promise of care and a calming remedy seemed tempting, but all that I could mutter was a harsh “fuck off”. I didn’t want to hear about any fucking pill that would calm me down. Nicholas raised a hand and gestured towards the nurse to give me some space. 

It took me a grueling thirty minutes to calm down, and even after that, I still couldn’t stand straight without my legs shaking and my chest hurting. My eyes would burn until Lia opened hers. 

I didn’t sleep that night, and neither did I the next one. 

I remained awake, by Lia’s side. At times I drifted between reality and dreams. There were moments when I drifted into a hazy realm, only to be abruptly pulled back into the real world. In those instances, I would jolt awake gripped by the haunting illusion that Lia had woken up, that she was awake and was calling my name, asking for my hand to pull her out of the water. 

She was still unconscious. 

As the hours ticked away, the room started getting filled with flowers and bouquets that our friends brought as they came to see her, check on her. Jolly stayed with me for hours and insisted that I go to the hotel and take a shower, get changed into clean clothes and eat something while he looked after her, but I denied over and over again, relenting only when he managed to coax me into sipping on a cheap disgusting coffee fetched from the hospital’s cafeteria. 

I saw him crying for the first time in my life when he entered the room shortly after they had settled Lia into the bed. 

Folio didn’t even dare to come in. He was terrified, and I learnt days later that he had endured a series of nightmares the night following the incident. 

As I looked around and took in the colors filling the room, I wondered if the number of flowers was intended for Lia or perhaps meant as a collective gesture to instill hope in me, a silent illusion that would make me believe that Lia would recover.  

I had lost track of time. 

I had seen the sun rise twice since I settled in that sterile room, which meant I had been there for two days and that Lia had been asleep for forty-eight hours, at least. I had only eaten two bites of a cheese sandwich that someone brought. I couldn’t recall if it was Matt or Bryan. Maybe, Jolly. Who cared. 

I saw them all coming in and out of the room constantly the first day. The second one, it was just me and the closest to me and Lia. The rest of the team flew back home because life didn’t stop, even if it had for her. Even if it had for me. 

My mind was filled with a void, but every once in a while a question would pop up, or an image. They were so random, varying from one happy scenario to a very tragic one. I saw Lia as a kid, when grandma used to do her hair and braid it at her back, then I saw her falling of my bike, but she looked older. I saw myself drowning in the same lake where we had swum all those summers ago. I saw Lia kissing a boy who wasn’t me in the lake���s deck. Then I saw her wearing the same dress she had worn the day she graduated from high school. The image transitioned to one in which she was wearing a white dress. I was waiting for her at the end of the desire path, ready to marry her. In the next one, I saw her playing with a huge dog somewhere in the mountains, her body covered by layers of clothing and a thick scarf. She smiled at someone, and I realized it was at me. She called me to go to her, and I did, but as I reached to grab her hand, she faded away. 

I opened my eyes in a halt, again. I sat upright in the armchair and grabbed the front of the hoodie I was wearing. I was breathing hard, and I could feel a drop of sweat sliding down my back. 

It was a dream. 

Then, I heard what I had been waiting for two eternal days, and there was no telling it wasn’t real. 

“Noah?”

Lia’s voice calling my name. 

Author's note: This is the end of Koi No Yokan. From this chapter we move onto Zutto (or a Promise of Forever) where I promise there will be less angst and more fluff and love between Lia and Noah 🥹

Thank you to every one that's been reading and commenting on this story :') It means a lot.

READ ZUTTO CHAPTER ONE HERE

[charitytitter]

Relapse, back to normal

Alright, so, this is going to be the last post of a personal nature. Recap: I am an adult with BiPolar. I am considered high-functioning enough that I have gone for long stretches without treatment (eg. no medication... but I still see a psychiatrist regularly). A number of weeks ago, I accepted a job, doing something completely outside of my wheelhouse. After two weeks of training, it became clear to me, that I did not have the mental nor emotional fortitude to handle this new role, and also maintain my mental health... at least not without treatment. So I spoke with my Psych about medication, and got started on it. Within 24 hours of starting the medication I had a Manic Episode, the likes of which I had never experienced. On top of the Manic episode, I also began experiencing aggressive heart palpitations (it was not an anxiety/panic attack, I have had enough panic/anxiety attacks in my life to know the differences... and when I eventually landed in the hospital, the EKG/ECG proved the heart anomalies were very real). Amidst the Physical and Mental breakdown, I had to resign from the job. Between the stress of the job, and the bad reaction to the meds... I had not slept for 7 days, and physically I could not even drive myself to the Doctor. It was during the stress and mental uncertainty of this scenario that I made a decision to de-porn my life. (I also made a decision to reconnect with my estranged father, a decision which, while impulsive, turned out very well, and I am very happy that I reached out to him). In hindsight. I view a lot of the decisions that I made, to be impulsive, and not from a place of mental clarity. I was essentially operating under a medication induced mental duress. Once I was taken off the medication, everything began to improve and go back to normal. I can sleep 6-8 hours a night again, the heart palpitations have stopped, I can drive, I can think straight, and my sex-drive has returned. I realize that the judgments I was casting upon myself were, not only coming from the fog of bad medication + lack of sleep, but they were judgments that were not my own, judgments projected onto me from past partners, and from an unaccepting society. Pornstars are people. Sex work is real work. Erotic art, is real art too. Some people end their day by cuddling and having sex with a partner. Some people read a book. Some people play videogames until they fall asleep at their desk. Some people drink a 6-pack of beer every night, or an entire bottle of wine. Some people binge watch TV until they fall asleep. I used to invite my girlfriend over for (mutual); cuddles, backrubs, scalp massages, sex, and TV watching... and that was enough to put me to sleep. Then I got dumped... Now I wind-down by watching paid porn actors, act-out some of the intimate things I used to do with my partner while I vape weed and reminisce about how nice it was to be in a relationship. No matter how shitty a day I've had. It's the one thing I can do at the end of the day, that consistently relaxes me and puts me in a position to get a good night's sleep. Is it ideal? Of course not. Ideal, for me, would be falling asleep next to a partner. But I don't have a partner. And until I do. Who am I, or anyone else, to pass judgement upon the coping mechanism that I am employing to get me through the night? I am thankful that my sex-drive came back. I am thankful that my coping mechanism hurts no one. I am hopeful that someday I will find a partner that accepts me for who I am, perceived flaws & all. Loves me when I'm at my best, and when I'm at my worst. Until I do, I will cope.

[actualbird]

4th anniversary card spoilers - I have so many questions and thoughts

- is the luke praying card set in a dream? Everything is floating which I find interesting (I wonder if it will be a flashback to when he got his diagnosis or something)

- there seems to be significance with the key. Luke never takes it off and now hes holding it in his hands. Maybe this is symbolism of accepting the past (and freeing himself from the “burden” aka the heavy metal key around his neck) and letting go. I’m sure he’ll still wear the key if this is true but I think symbolically freeing himself from his past trauma is nice

- obviously we don’t know the story BUT the last time luke and mc were in an aquarium it was to cure mc’s insomnia and a lot the story was alluding to Luke’s past. There was also a moment where luke is curled up in the corner when mc wakes up and it’s never really touched on after luke tells mc he’s fine. So maybe they go to the aquarium as part of the “freeing oneself from burdens” thing or to help luke if he’s not well physically/mentally. I hope he sees the jellyfish again and instead of being sad about their lifespan feels happier that they can live in the present (he literally talked about not dwelling on the past and living in the present in third anniversary and I was like “wow luke this is amazing growth!!!”

- if there’s a fight or conflict between luke and mc I hope they work through it together rather than luke leaving (as in what he did 1st anniversary). Because then it symbolises the growth and is really nice for him story wise. I’m down to see Aaron involved doing his “not a step dad but the dad that stepped up” stuff too!!!

- where is peanut!!!!!

- finally it’s not quite related to the anniversary but I’m still kind of sad they never really did much with the terminal illness/3 years part of luke that was so integral to him before mc and luke were dating. It looks like we’ll get it again but I hope they at least make it clear by saying “hey he IS ill but it isn’t terminal” because not only is this more realistic but we really don’t get much chronically ill representation in media, specifically dating games. Like Luke’s representation stands for a lot and I think there’s so much that can be done if they keep his illness a central part of his character!! (Think: MC takes care of luke when there’s a flare up and hey, maybe it results in a date being cancelled but the moral of the story is that love and care are more important!! Or MC and Luke go to the hospital for his routine checkup and luke brags because his ecg score is amazing. Or even luke having anxiety and doubts regarding his illness and they talk it over)

Sorry this is so long I had to word vomit my thoughts but TL;DR I hope it has the initial angst followed by comfort. Like eating something spicy and having milk to soothe it

i think it either might be a dream or it might be some kind of artistic rendition of his experience!!! because artem has a similar vibe to the 1st cg of his card, he is in the OCEAN

ohhhh thats an interesting take on the key!!! personally i dont think it represents burden, i think it represents rosa and his feelings for her because she was the one who gave it to him

what i DO think represents his past trauma and baggage are his NSB dog tags though, and they seem to be a key part of the story (since it was shown in the pv and is even his event badge) so im excited to see

YESSSSS I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE AQUARIUM, i hope returning there shows how much luke has grown, that he sees the place with a renewed perspective on his life

i really hope theres a fight between (i just love it when they butt heads JKBLSKJFLD) them but yES that they tackle it in a more mature way. luke has come a long way from anniv 1. also super down to see aaron in this card, i love aaron, i will never be not happy to see aaron

and ABSOLUTELY yes about how his illness was kinda forgotten for a while. aside from main story (which is an alternate timeline) and ssr dream of benji, his illness was just.....not brought up. im glad theyre finally FIIINALLLYYY bringing it back to luke's route, and im also in agreement with hoping that his illness transitions from terminal to chronic. the representation would be wonderful and it would be very very interesting to see how he and mc tackle it and love each other through it. also, your scenarios for this are so wonderful ;-;

im hoping for a delicious hurt/comfort anniv 4 card!!!

[ethical-violations-n-chill]

(purposely choosing ones i think he’d be weirdest about <3)

🩹, 🧪 and 🩸!

🩹 - What's your favourite piece of medical equipment?

"A difficult question! I am fond of all of my tools, and I do suppose I could pick something obvious, such as my scalpels or ECG. But if I had to choose, it would be the IV cannula. It makes it much easier to give any necessary 'medications', and I can use it to draw blood, if I deem it worth the risk.

🧪 - How do you feel about incorporating 'lab experiments'?

"Everything I do is an experiment, to some extent, though I must admit that some of my procedures are more in the scientific category than the medical."

🩸 - Do you enjoy any blood related play?

"It is my favourite. Though I wasn't exactly aware that others shared my interest."

[avidrattipillar]

i’ve landed myself in the hospital…again. oxygen was low but the tests they’re running have been quick and the staff have been nice about it all. right now i’m just waiting for bloods to come in and x-ray results of my chest. they also managed to do an ecg and blood pressure reading all in the span of like…25minutes and i was shocked at the speed and efficiency. also mentioned i had chronic pain and the guy i had started listing off different chronic pain conditions and i felt so weirdly..seen. i dunno, i’ve only ever had doctors i’ve had to sit down and tell them everything about my condition but the fact that this guy knew what i meant when i said chronic conditions and didn’t comment on my age was so incredibly refreshing.

[hauntedselves]

therapy yesterday (tw: health anxiety, specifically heart-related; contamination OCD)

so i probably have health anxiety. i've been having some physical symptoms which led me to get an electrocardiogram (ECG) and then a 24hr ECG - and of course i didn't have any symptoms during, only before and after 🙄- but i talked to my psych about how i get all obsessive over it (e.g. i get palpitations, i check what that could mean, i worry i'm having a heart attack, the anxiety causes the palpitations to get worse, the cycle continues). and turns out she wrote her masters thesis on heart-related health anxiety so literally the best person i could be talking to about this!

in typical health anxiety fashion i spent all of today researching health anxiety. i found a subreddit (r/HealthAnxiety) and reading their posts has been really helpful. i also found a workbook on health anxiety so i'll read that.

the thing to remember is that i'm still here. like... i've had many episodes of these heart symptoms and i'm not dead.

of course though, all the symptoms of a heart attack are the same as symptoms of anxiety & panic attacks. which makes it hard! but then the trick is to wait, as hard as that is. if you're really having a heart attack, your body knows. panic attacks are awful but they won't kill you.

if i had been assessed as a kid, i reckon i would've been diagnosed with OCD (and painfully obvious autism lol). i read Roald Dahl's autobiography when i was a kid and he wrote about having appendicitis which scared the shit out of me. obviously treatment and prognosis of appendicitis is way better in 2023 than it was in the early 1900s lol. but if i felt any amount of abdominal pain i'd be mentally running through the symptoms of appendicitis and freak myself out over it. (a small reason why i got a hysterectomy was so that i'd be 100% certain that i could never get a ruptured ovarian cyst, or endometriosis, or cervical cancer, etc.).

i was also obsessed with (and terrified of) natural disasters. i'd memorised all the cloud shapes and patterns and what they meant and i was always analysing the clouds to make sure a tornado wasn't about to happen (worth noting i live in a part of the world where tornadoes literally do not happen). or i'd see a mountain that was vaguely pointy and i'd be like, oh shit what if that's a volcano. or i'd be at the beach and be obsessively checking the sky and sea to make sure i'd be prepared if a tsunami were to happen (again, there's no volcanic activity here or tsunamis). bushfires do happen and can be pretty severe (our house came close to burning down a few times) and i still fixate on them during bushfire season but definitely not to the point i did as a kid.

i also went through a phase were i'd never be sure if i washed my hands after going to the loo, so i'd go back to the bathroom multiple times to wash them again. classic OCD there.

my psych and i theorise that these anxiety/OCD-like symptoms are the result of autism and trauma (as everything seems to be in my life lol). it makes sense - a little (undiagnosed) autistic kid in a chaotic, unstable environment hyperfixates on control and uncertainty (OCD)... and develops a fear of pain and death. an injury can be controlled, there's a process and uniformity to it (e.g. you cut your finger, so you wash it and get a bandaid, and over time it heals). an abusive environment is unpredictable and can't be controlled, so you focus on what you can control (and dissociate from the rest). once again, i have to wonder how much easier and better my life would be if it weren't for all the trauma lol...