#i had this in my phone for a week or 2
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This is how the scene went right?
#tadeo jones#tad the lost explorer#sry for being slightly ded in the tad fanbase. im still in my tad hyperfixation trust me#tad textposts#memes#textposts#textpost#i had this in my phone for a week or 2#pls laugh
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#one piece#sanji#black leg sanji#everysanji#ch594#summit war saga#jfc queuing from my phone temporarily bc i havent had internet for TWO WEEKS!!!!!#i still have 2 weeks in the queue but its making me nervous so here i am#goddddddd just so many things falling into the wrong place#like my entire router died. the guy who could have addressed the problem#didnt come the day i reported it but instead waited until after his 5 day vacation#and then it was put off for another day bc he had to catch up on other stuff#then we find out the issue is with the router itself so we had to order a new one#and then when they tried to install it today there were more issues#so now i have to wait until tomorrow and im so fucking mad#well anyway
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mentioned before I havent felt any tangible significant benefit from meds yet which is fine bc it takes a while to kick in but one small good thing i have noticed so far is even when I get little sleep I feel less tired when I wake up
I don't feel completely incapacitated and in need of being in bed all day, fighting off the urge to nap, to recharge.
I also 1. actually get "Sleepy" now... instead of just feeling very hollowly "Tired" and like i Should be going to bed to try to sleep even though I don't feel like it, because it's about time to be doing that I guess, leading to tossing and turning for 3 hrs before finally succumbing to sleep.
and 2. I actually doze off. Instead of forcing self to try and initiate sleep...this has only ever happened during my rare Naps where im so tired that sleep puts me down by force. Never in actual night time sleep setting... im like dropping my phone and struggling to stay awake sometimes now. At night!!!
None of this is in any of the results I've seen for the medication so i dont even care if its some weird placebo somehow 😭 im jst glad its happening
#talkys#a week before i started taking it i had one day where i just never felt ''sleepy'' despite taking 2 melatonin#and feeling very Tired so i just didnt fall asleep. and then when night came again I still went to bed at 5 am and struggled to fall asleep#now we get to 3 am and my body is like ok start wrapping it up im sleepy i want to go to bed i want to go to bed#last nite i didnt fall asleep until 6 am but that was because I forced self to stay awake for comms + got engrossed in phone#time and also the dogs kept howling outside. i woke up at 12pm and did I feel tired? yeah#does the tiredness feel like extreme pain behind my eyes and a hollow aching empty head that keeps me from moving? it does not...!#its like in the very back of my mind...its present but not demanding all my time#in college i would go thru a daydream to fall asleep and i wouldnt even make it to the end before i dozed off#that hasnt worked in years and now its working again
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also picking raspberries turned out to be.. really fucking hard
#it's so physically demanding broo ToT#idk i feel like im just weak af because some people there seem to do it so easily and i can barely#do half a day#and they want me to do a full day tomorrow bro#like#I'm so tired after half a day..#i genuinely feel like i might just collapse or something#i do want that bit of money tho but it's sooo exhausting#i went there for half a day today and it killed me bro i was just lying in bed#and i didn't want to fall asleep cause it was like noon already but#i didn't even have the energy to look at a phone lmao#well it's gonna be over this week probably cause#the raspberries are going to stop growing in a few days apparently they're saying in 2 days#we're going to be done#I'd love to make more money but I don't think i can fucking do ittt#its so physically demanding whyyyyy#and why are there grandmas working with me in that field and they seem just fine BROOOO TOT#but yeah now that im thinking about it this also might be part of my problems cause#im soo much.ore irritable rn just cause im literally exhausted all the time ughhh#i came back home 3 days ago and i haven't even had the time to sit down at a desk and draw something#not even mentioning energy aughhh
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I DID get to see them this time aaaaaa
#this is just phone#i had my slr set up a well with longer exposure on tripod#and a 2+ minute video that I'm going to try to figure out how to time-lapse#it was pretty dim for the most part but still very neat#also easier to see after i took my glasses off ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯#i saw my first meteor a week ago and now my first aurora#and this weekend/early next week i hope to see my first comet \o/
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#after a bus to a plane to a train to the underground to the room im staying in...im back in london#my calves are in their own personal layer of hell and my feet hate me but I HAD SO MUCH FUCKING FUNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#also??? the guys i shared a hostel with???? were so fucking hot oh my god. there were 3 guys and me which i wasn't. expecting. BUT.#the one in the bunk above me was australian and he was nice enough to give me a usb port thing for my phone and i think#i think i fell in love with him he was so prettyyyyyyyyyyyy#never got his name. but ill remember him and his charger fondly#he even let me keep it which was super sweet#but my birthday is in 2 days and then next week is edinburgh and my TATTOO!!!!!!!!#cannot express how much is happening and how happy i am i genuinely dont think ive been this excited about life in. at least a decade.#i dont want this trip to end and i know i still have like 2 weeks but i dont want to GOOOOOO#but also i DOOOOO bc then i have BRASIL with my grandparents and im just FGBHJK<JHBGVBHNJ#sometimes i cannot believe this is my life but like then i remember the shell of a human being i was just a year ago and im like.#no ya know what i deserve this.#anyway yes im alive and now i need to go pass the fuck out. miss you all im sorry to everyone i still need to reply to. i havent forgotten.#and i will do it!!!!!!!!! but time is hard. for obvious reasons. hope you are all well and im sending everyone kisses ilyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!#personal
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i love it when im like whyyyy am i so anxious and sad… am i just a loser…. whats wrong with me… and then i have to sit and think for a minute like hm have you perhaps considered the like 4-5 ongoing extremely stressful situations youve been experiencing lately. like oh shit dude good point
#at work constantly at my super stressful job its 100 degrees every day i come home to the ppl couchsurfing one of whom i do not like#who were supposed to be out 2 months ago#to the messy as fuck dirty apartment covered in roaches#and once a week i get to see my only friends and now their new roommate is super fucking annoying and throwing the vibes off#ntm everything setting off my chronic pain rn#aaaaaaaaaaaa#also there was a like 2 week stretch where i got a wisdom tooth pulled and my phone broke and there was a hurricane. and i STILL had work
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#hyperspecific poll#had to edit this on desktop bc my phone no longer lets me edit drafts smh#1- it was for my little pony versions of my friends/acquaintances#2- her name is two letters off from mine. and her middle name is our sister's middle name.#3- learned it in pre-algebra and it fuckin rocks. highly recommend#4- texture :(#5- thaaaaats beetlejuice! speaking of which im a couple weeks away from my 1 year anniversary#6- vermont. my parents got busy after i was born + didnt take me. my older sister got to see it though#7- all of my biological grandparents + my stepmom's mom#8- his name's tom and he's doing great! hes totally blind so we had to force-feed him but now he eats if you touch a mealworm to his lips.#9- thanks keith. i still love virtual riot and pegboard nerds and grant and WRLD and#10- THEYRE SO PRETTY!!! to be fair i think i prefer piano and organ for being able to play chords and stuff but in a group french horn is A
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#im about to FREAK OUT bcs of my boss#like yes i'm so thankful and happy to be employed. really.#but my boss is so#it feels like he's never doing anything.... he's only in the office max 2 days per week and idk#hes just very strange#but the worst thing is that he just takes his own work and dumps it on me#which is fine in some ways! like i sometimes just sit around with no work to do#so then it's good to have something to do#but today... not only did i already have a shit ton of work to do but#he tells me to book a hotel for a conference they're having ?? and that's not even near what's in my work description??????#(i basically just do numbers rn. i sit with spreadsheets and move numbers around and stuff like that)#and the worst part is that he told me i cant email them... i must call........#and i get that this sounds super silly to those who don't have a fear of speaking on the phone but#it makes me freak the f out#i cant even talk on the phone with my parents. or my brother. or a friend. like genuinely just no i cant#it brings out so so much anxiety in me#i get dizzy just thinking about it#and again this is really really not even similar to anything in my job description ???? i wouldn't have signed up if i knew i had to do thi#and when i have things that i need to do but i physically cant then my brain just goes into pause mode and i don't do anything at all#instead of doing one of the many things i *could* do (like write an email anyway)#there's just no way im gonna be able to call but idk what my boss is gonna think if i mail.... because he specifically said that i must cal#rrGGG im just so frustrated!!!!!#and i needed to get this out.... soz for the rant#i just think i would cry (genuinely) if i were to make that call#alSO BECAUSE THE INSTRUCTION IS SO UNCLEAR LIKE ALWAYS WITH THIS GUY#I DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT IM SUPPOSED TO DO#gonna go drink a lot of water so i dont cry now 👍 sorry bye
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what is going on w my brain
#huge tag rant coming but dw about it#basically. if anyone here has known me on the internet for long enough yous will have gathered that i badly struggle w motivation and#fulfilling goals that i set for myself even if it's for smth i enjoy eg languages#it happens so often but especially over summer where my brain just goes Nope#“i have all this free time to do the thing I've been planning for weeks and i've been so excited about planning but now we have the time i#will be numb and sad and scroll“#i also have huge problems focusing unless every factor is perfectly balanced and even then it's still 50/50#i do have a bad attention span from being chronically online but even if you put me in a blank room w my task i'd be distracted by thoughts#external deadlines are some of the only things that can kick me into gear and i've been fine at uni so far#but i'm scared i'll have another a levels situation where my mental health was so awful i missed every essay deadline for french for 2 years#sometimes by up to a month#the only reason i got away w it is because i had a breakdown in front of my teacher and he was like “yeah take care of yourself the essays#are not that deep just get them in first thing after half term ig“#like that was v kind of him but if i ever have a situation that bad again i will genuinely fail uni cus you can't get away w that#where was i going w this (<- is aware of the irony)#right yeah this week i've experienced the epic highs and lows#highs of really enjoying my downtime and putting active effort into my hobbies instead of my downtime being “scrolling but i don't hate it”#but lows of realising how much time i 'wasted' in my teen years feeling sad and scrolling when i could have been developing skills and#having fun#and yeah i'm having a high rn and genuinely enjoying life but it's making me realise that my default state of being is just 😐#like even when i'm at uni where my mental health is so much better than at home when it's just me home alone or in my room i'm just 😐#not really having fun just existing v passively mindlessly scrolling waiting for the day to be over so i can see my friends in the morning#like not every day has to be amazing but surely there's more to life than just 😐 in 99% of your downtime#like i've struggled for years on how to answer “what do you do in your free time” cus i had to search for answers#i read and go on walks. which is true. but they were always things i did as phone breaks during weekends and not something i actively did#because i liked them#and because of past mental health issues reading and sports based hobbies have become tainted for me#i'm working on it but yeah#huge tldr. i'm finally starting to accept that i probably have a combo of undiagnosed mental illness and neurodivergence#because if it's taken me this long to realise how much it truly impacts my enjoyment of life then surely that's smth
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my doctor was sooooo fucking worthless and unhelpful im going to masturbate and i hope it fucking kills me
#“no need for follow up”#“yeah you did have several cysts we scrapped off your remaining ovary but. dw about it. idk why they were there. dw about it. oh also your#ovary on that side was freakishly huge but. dw about it. it might go away. dw about it#*doctor shrug emoji* “#“go see a gyno next year maybe. but not me im too important for that. go find and onboard a gyno to your situation. next year maybe idk lol”#he barely even looked at my incision like#this fucking appointment could have been an email. or a phone call. or they just could have let me start driving again. also i forgot to ask#if i can stop drinking ensure now or after the 6 weeks? cause that shit cost $$$$. but he probably would have been super unhelpful if i had#fr fr this guy only wanted to give me the time of day when he thought i might have fun cancer inside and now he's like gtfo!!!! get your#fugly cancerless ass out of here!!!! recover from a major surgery on your own you swagless cancerless loser 🤣 we arent helping your#swagless ass!!!#anyway it seems weird and fucked up that im was never offered to see a physical therapist and i guess am going to have to blindly trust my#abs they sliced thru are healing or whatever and to rawdog my own physical recovery of my muscles? even just dumb shit like. my center of#gravity has drastically changed since the mass removal and my back hurts like shit all the time because all my posture muscles were built up#for when i had an extra 30 pounds of cyst hanging in the front and my posture and walking reflected that. and i lowkey don't know how#hard i am able to be with my healing incision because its really tight and makes me hunch forwards still. like i would really like to know#how much i can safely or maybe should be forcing my skin and incision to stretch. without damage? is that crazy#am i crazy???#this shit is why i didnt see a doctor for 2 years until my problems had snowballed into a 30 pounds ovarian cyst that was crushing my other#organs and had one of my kidneys all backed up with piss. and even getting emergency treatment for it everyone was like. how did you like it#get this bad?? how could you not know you needed to seek medical treatment???? like. bro. seeking medical treatment isnt even a guarantee to#get medical treatment.#anyway he said my “remaining ovary seemed low key polycystic but dw about it. don't quote me on that im not dealing with it.”#bro i dont want to doctor google it i wanted an actual doctor to deal with it. fuck you.#like. maybe even a doctor who knows my situation so i dont have to struggle with getting someone to believe me and take me seriously.#but whatever. back to trying to figure out the daily protein and extra calories my body needs for recovery via doctor google i guess.#its fine 🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬
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here we go 🫡
#da4#dragon age#da: veilguard#i've had this queued for 2 months lol#will i temporarily delete this app from my phone so i don't get spoiled? remains to be seen#anyway see yall in a week
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ive felt so cringe and insecure about my simblr lately but i think im finally getting over that so standstill update tmrw !
#idk why but sometimes i get in these bouts where im like How can i even call myself a storyteller………. I’m A Fraud#then i remember this is simblr and it isnt that serious and now im a little normal now only a little though#i have had this update ready for 2 weeks i just had to get over my cringe first#we cannot let the fear of cringe win my friends the ppl in my phone 🧘
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bro what the fuck are they doing with my package
#fun story#i ordered 3 things from hot topic. they shipped but never arrived so a couple weeks later i messaged them abt it#and went back and forth with them for a while bc their customer service agents cant read apparently#before being told i had to call bc one of the things i ordered went out of stock and i was replacing it w smth more expensive#so i call and im on the phone for like a fucking hour missing the 15 minute window i have to eat between jobs#and being on the phone at work for a while lmao#i finally get it done and the guy fucking forgets my apartment number in the shipping address. it's in the billing address tho??#so i email them AGAIN and im like yo your man forgot my apartment number. they cancel that order and place another#the effect this has is that the $14 payment for the more expensive item is cancelled as well. bc again they don't read#so im like sick i will effectively get these $60 pants for $15 (im very good at sales and also manipulating customer service)#but apparently when they replaced the order they put ny apartment number not in the address‚ but as part of my name?????#so i think its fucking up usps. but it came in 2 packages and 1 has arrived so i still have hope. but thats not the end#yesterday guess who fuckin calls me. its hot topic. my original order arrived to the fuckin store in my local mall#and theyre like i think we fucked up bc we just found this package but it says you picked up your order already. do u want it#and i was like yes? not really sure what package to be expecting and its my ORIGINAL FUCKING ORDER#so once this package arrives i will have gotten 2 of the same shirt‚ 2 kiki sign things‚ a sweater‚ and a pair of pants for $40#and i figure i can return one of the shirts and one of the signs that i have duplicates of for store credit of their full price#so anyway yeah. thats been the past 3 weeks for me.
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being the only go-to person for all office things is so stressful but I’m bad at asking for help 😔😔 every day I get emails
#and phone calls. and Microsoft teams messages. and#but I don’t wanna be a bother and ask ughhhh#I mean like 2 weeks ago I had to finalize and mail almost 20 letters at once and though I did it#afterwards my manager came to me and was like ‘hey if that happens again you can ask for assistance’#I just said I was fine but like…idk#ignore me
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Just as I thought my life was slowing down a little so I could focus on myself & enjoy what I got currently going on, it reminded me that no, I can't have that without an absolute horrid thing happening that'll drain me for at least a few weeks.
I'm going to recover because I'm a stubborn bitch who also knows I deserve better. But man is it rotten work.
#newt's ramblings#tldr my mom's ex (who I have a very complicated relationship with) ended up in the hospital#he's taken care of now & will recover there for 2 weeks#but the entire situation is so fucked up in ways I do not want to share online#the only thing I will bitch about is his sister absolutely RIPPING into me over the phone (UNDESERVED MIGHT I ADD) to the point where-#- I cried on the phone with my stepdad's best friend later#and even had to message my therapist - something I never had to do before#I hate my stepdad's family and his best friend is a wise man for never having had any contact with them throughout the decades
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