#i had more to say but my thoughts are gone fml

[thestarswillscream]

I love how all the Headmasters are on the Lost Light & they're friends/co-workers. (Hardhead too before... you know...)

Why did it take me millions of years to get this- THANK YOU, TAILGATE!! 🤣🤣🤣

[onelittlespiral]

FML: Video

“Shoot, I don’t know about this. Something about watching this feels weird.”

My bro just kept holding my face, “You said you wanted to be one of the bros dude. Just keep watching, this video will tell you everything you need to know”

“Yeah, you said that, but this is just static and nonsense, and something about it has me on edge. Just let me get out of here.”

“But don’t it speak to you? Isn’t there something you want to let out jock boy.”

“I…no, no I… I can’t… stop, what’s happening?”

“Jock boy is about to learn what being a bro is all about. Jock boy wants to listen carefully to his bro and watch the video.”

“No no no… but, it… it sounds so… calm…”

“Yeah jock boy, just like a mind vacation. Just let it happen. Good jock boy.”

“Must… listen… to… bruuuuhhh.”

Sometimes it takes a little convincing, but eventually they all fall. Their eyes grow wide before their muscles go limp and mouths drop open. It usually only takes a little bit for them to process. But when they finally do come too, it’s like a whole different world in there. The first one I did by accident. Found the weird file and sent it to my roommate as a joke. It wasn’t until I got back from class that I saw just how much power I now had.

Gone was the theater kid, in his place was a souped up bro ready to knock back some cold ones, and get sweaty in the gym. It was a surprise when he began rubbing my thigh in the sauna, and pulled me in for a kiss. I melted in his arms as he positioned me on the bench and began stretching me out. I was so relaxed he slid in with no lube, fucking me raw and hard as his tongue kept my mouth distracted from moaning. Thought I just got lucky there, happened to get a gay guy. But I quickly learned for him now, “any hole’s a goal.” And it was confirmed when I tried it with a second guy:

Good old Southern boy, and as straight as they came. Thought he was hot shit in class. Sent him the file when we were on a group project together. By the next day when he came in, he couldn’t add two numbers together with a calculator. He was still smug as hell but in bed, let’s just say he earned it. He was about as thick as an ear of corn, and he knew how to plow a field and spread his seed.

I had tried a couple others since then. A scholarship rival here. A group mate there. A couple disappointing dates that ended up really turning the night around. But my friend had finally gotten curious and started asking some questions. I didn’t need someone to question what was happening. I needed a lifting buddy. This was my first time trying to edit the file to get some different results.

“Hey, bro? What happened last night? I feel hung over as fuck..”

Holy shit he was massive. “Nothing too much bro. You just got fucking shit faced.”

“Huhuhu, yeah,” he gawfed, “sounds right.

It was time to try the trigger and see how much the changes worked, “Hey, jock boy, tell me your name.”

His laughter stopped as his eyes glossed over, “My name is Jack, but my friends just call me Jacked.”

“What do you want more than anything, jock boy?”

“To serve my bros,” he replied.

“Will you do anything for them?”

His mind flickered for a moment. I saw a look of confusion pass over him. He looked down, “Hey, what… WHAT HAPPENED? What did you do-“

I walked up and held his face“JOCK BOY, STOP.”

He tried to fight it, his mind pulling him back to the abyss. But as I watched his body slowly relax, I knew I had won even before he said, “Ye-yeah. Sure thing bro.”

“Jock Boy, will you do anything for your bros?”

His face broke out in a shiteating grin, “Fuck yeah, anything for my bros.”

“New exercise routine. You, face down, ass up. My bed. Now.”

He excitedly ran back to my bedroom. I heard the bed squeal under his weight. Good to know I could edit things. Can’t always let my bros have all the fun.

[shallowseeker]

Why is Dean so stressed in 14x17?

(We know why.)

Ahem:

The visuals of this are pretty goddamned painful

And WTF is UP with these foreshadowing lyrics??? soft country music -> Jackie Stewart's Maybe Tomorrow>

We had a quarrel Like lovers do Still I can't make my heart Believe we're through For I still love you With all my heart And life means nothing When we're apart Maybe tomorrow When comes the dawn Maybe the dark clouds Will all be gone Maybe tomorrow The sun will shine Maybe tomorrow You'll still be mine

etc etc

This could be foreshadowing...OR maaybe Dean n' Cas actually had a smallish weird fight about Cas leaving again.

I mean, Cas is lying about a ton of stuff (Empty deal, Felix the snake, searching for God), and Dean is pretty good at pinging that, even when he tries to swallow it down and overlook it.

///

And Dean?

Dean is so stressed out that not only do Mary and Jack notice, but they're taking actions to calm him down/cheer him up

Sam prooooobably knows why Dean is unhinged, so he quickly volunteers to get outta Dodge and pick up the food. (I feel ya, Sammy. You are me in this moment.)

Meanwhile, Dean struggles to win Mouse Trap. We get a closeup of the foot kicking the "audience" eye. NOTE that in the actual game, it's just a plain silver ball.

Or at least that's how I remember it and have always seen it. If anyone know of a version that was released with an eye, hit me up.

Otherwise I'm gonna assume it was completely intentional, and Dean is trying to have a normal family game night without "us" interfering. EDIT: It's just the sheen/visual trick of the light, but the metaphor still stands!

<Cue Dean screaming over sucking at the game>

He's, uh, wound pretty tightly today, actually.

We can see that from Jack and Mary's following convo, they're the ones tag-teaming to mollify Dean. (Dean, who is stressed because Cas is AWOL and acting cagey and probably not answering his phone again.)

JACK: "I thought this was supposed to relax him."

Ahahaha, oh Mary. "Let's give Dean a little game and he'll relaxies and be nicies to us!"

I'd wager that Cas definitely isn't answering his phone, and everyone knows something's up with them, and they're tiptoeing around Dean because of it.

///

Aside/// Tragedy: Jack & Mary get along really well!

Just gonna point out that Jack is actually VERY comfortable with her in general.

He spent MONTHS with her at war. She was his advisor. Given that he ran away from TFW a few weeks after his birth, much of his formative parenting was done by Mary Campbell Winchester, not Sam and Dean (nor Cas)!

She checks in with Jack, but she doesn't push. Result? Genuine, blunt Jack emotions:

(MARY is thinking "FUCK, first my oldest son is acting like a basket-case and screaming at a toddler's game and now my grandson is acting like this. FML. Cas, come home now. Plz for the love of all that is holy.")

Tragically, because of the trust and comradery between them, Mary offers something the others don't: permission to vent.

(MARY: Jack, if you wanna talk shit about everyone, I love shit-talk. )

Funnily enough, Mary doesn't use a lot of words here. It's a partially silent communication. "If you ever wanna vent..." (gentle head tilt like, 'y'know.')

JACK: You're here. I know. (silent appreciative looks, then Jack makes a head motion like 'c'mon let's go').

And ACTUALLY.

Jack reacts genuinely well to that. He and Mary...get each other. He feels comfortable telling her what he really thinks.

See, I think this emotional permissiveness that we see with Mary is devastating. Jack tends to get more genuinely irritable and say what he thinks with Mary (also Dean n' Cas). Even when he's soulless and working hard to "perform" soulfulness, his real irritation slips out with her.

Tragically, that means she was probably always more risk with Jack. Because he's more comfortable throwing his real, ugly emotions at them.

(Sam on the other hand is more cerebral and perhaps at times...unintentionally distant because it's all so eloquent, careful, scripted.)

///

DEAN: (swallowing his nerves and trying to be cheerful and teasing) All right! Winchester game night is a go! Soon as Sammy gets back with two double-pepperoni meat blasters...and a pineapple.

Jack seems appreciative of the banter here. He doesn't wanna be pushed right now.

///

Dean is weird when Sam doesn't pick up his phone right away

When Donatello lands in Nick-shaped peril, Dean tries to call Sam. ONCE. And it gets an...out-of-proportion reaction from Dean.

(It's also...a lot like John's voicemail in Phantom Traveler. "This is John Winchester. I can't be reached. If this is an emergency, call my son, Dean. He can help.")

He's prickly:

SAM: "You've reached Sam Winchester. If this is an emergency, call my brother."

DEAN: Sam's not answering his phone. This whole damn town's a dead zone.

That's...not exactly true, as least what we've see so far in the series? They make calls from the bunker a lot.

*coughs* This lends some credence to the fact that his prior stress (the stress that Jack and Mary were working together to help) is about his, uh, phone. Phone calls. Phone calls not being answered, even.

READ: This is about Cas. Who hasn't been answering his phone. And Dean? Dean rationalizes that maybe his calls aren't landing because of where he is.

///

There's some truth to Dean's woes/anxiety. When Cas leaves, bad things tend to happen. And hey, they happen when Cas is there too, sure, but with Cas there, Dean can't help but feel more resilient, more equipped to take on whatever-it-is.

///

But yeah, it's looking like Dean and Cas maybe already had a little, reserved/restrained fight prior to Jack killing Mary. Dean was acting...really weird. Forced.

[parkitrighthere]

Heyy

I just have some constructive criticism! I've read your works for a while , they're all pretty good ! But with ashes of promise I've encountered a small problem...it doesn't seem to have a base , like base emotions of characters , I feel like for a good story we need to get like a basic setup of a character so that we can resonate with it but with jk and fml, they're pretty indecisive, and I get that maybe it was your plan all along , but it felt throughout the chapter that we were simply going back and forth with no momentum whatsoever , like maybe somethings gonna change and then we're back to square one in just some paragraphs later. Also I feel like to keep readers hooked you have to give out some kind of info rather than showing us the same indecisive side of jk just as fml sees it . So I feel like if you refined the characters more and made them not around in circles , it might help make the story better!

It's just constructive criticism! Nothing else , feel free to not take it at all , love you byee!

Hi Anon! I hope you're having an amazing day. First off, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me! I really respect your perspective as a reader. Honestly, your message really made me pause and think. I mean, do my characters really lack a solid base? That thought has me reflecting, but at the same time, I feel like we’re still pretty early in the story. We’ve only had two chapters, and there’s still so much more to unfold. But I’m definitely not dismissing your feedback!

It kinda stings to hear that the characters might seem indecisive, but I also feel like they do have emotional depth (at least I hope so). They’re just in the early stages of their journeys, and they’re still working through their struggles, which will bring out their true selves in the end. But hey, let me quickly summarize what’s happened so far:

In the prologue, the OC comes to the Lycan palace for a royal gathering and meets Jungkook, only to find that he’s not interested in her at all.

In Chapter 1, there’s a bit of a hot-and-cold dynamic with Jungkook—he sets rules and is cold, but then he’s unexpectedly sweet in the garden, only to fight with her later that night.

Chapter 2 focuses more on the OC’s internal struggle. I totally agree that I haven’t clarified her motives well enough, but I did touch on her backstory. She was wanted by her old alpha, but she chose to wait for her mate. Then tragedy struck—her luna died, and the pack members blamed her. She was left alone, with no one to turn to, and it’s a pretty human thing to blame the one who seems weak. Since they couldn’t blame the alpha, she became the scapegoat. She was young, weak, and alone, with her parents already gone.

Elizabeth’s entrance in Chapter 2 is key, too. Her arrival was HUGE because it sets up how OC might seem weak now but is actually super strong for surviving all that. But here’s the thing—OC thinks she’s trying her best to win Jungkook over, but she’s not really trying. She just thinks she is.

Jungkook’s perspective hasn’t been fully explored yet (but Chapter 3 will spill a lot, promise—his POV is coming), but I’ve dropped some hints about his backstory, especially his complicated feelings toward his mother and his fears of becoming like his father. It’s subtle for now, but it’ll make more sense as the story moves forward. And yeah, the whole back-and-forth dynamic is there because the OC has only been at the palace for a few days—like, less than a week (I hope that’s coming across). I get why that feels frustrating as a reader, but it’s meant to be a gradual push-and-pull as they both figure out their emotions. Jungkook might seem cold and strong, but deep down, he’s dealing with some serious vulnerability. He sees OC as someone who might doom him the same way his mother did his father. This fear says a LOT about him if you read between the lines.

I totally get why you’re feeling that frustration—it’s not easy to see the characters going in circles, but trust me, they’re heading somewhere big. And, as I’ve teased, you’ll get some major revelations in Chapter 3. Things are about to get a lot more intense, especially with Jimin, the Blue Moon, and the attack (you’ll see soon!).

Look, I’m still learning and growing as a writer. I’ve been writing for a long time, but this is my first time working on a full story, so I’m just figuring things out as I go. Please trust the process, and I’ll do my best to make it better! Your feedback means a lot to me, and I’m really grateful for it. I hope I didn’t sound defensive or rude, because that’s not my intention at all. These characters are like my babies, and it’s tough to hear they’re not coming across the way I envisioned, but I’ll keep working on it!

Thank you again for taking the time to share your thoughts with me. You’ve really given me something to think about, and I’ll do my best to improve. I truly respect your opinions. Luv u 2! 💕

[cosmic-d1ce]

please do a song analysis for fml please im so interested 🙏🙏🙏

Okay Christmas Kids FML we go this is long

So first, actual song is about a real couple. It's about a man that kept his own wife hostage, I believe he went so far as to have barbed wire around their home to keep her from leaving. It's very interesting

Right, so, we start with the first few lines, "Ronnette, my dear, don't ever disappear. Do what you want as long as you stay here" and it's pretty obvious what it's saying. As long as you stay, I'm happy. And that's a big part of how fml!Forever manipulates Phil, he relies on him for happiness and stability and maybe if Phil just listens, Forever won't be so unstable and erratic and self-destructive.

"I need you now, I love you so much, more than you could know" More of the manipulation, guilting Phil into staying by convincing him that he's needed and loved, because this is how Forever shows love. It's fucked up and weird and Phil hates it but Forever needs it, he needs him. It works so well because Phil always just wants to be needed and wanted.

Then, possibly my favourite line in the song, "The Christmas kids were nothing but a gift" and this is referring to the eggs. Richas specifically. How Forever uses Richas to make Phil want to stay. He takes advantage of his parental instincts and how much he misses Chayanne to keep Phil here. He wouldn't leave Richas, would he? Just like he left Chayanne? He can't. He wouldn't.

Second favourite line, two best lines back to back, "And love is a tower where all of us can live" The prison is a place they can be together and be happy. Fml!Forever genuinely believes this is good. He believes this is love, Phil just doesn't understand it yet and all he's trying to do is make him understand. Understand how much he has to be loved for someone to do all this just for him.

And then the chorus,

"You'll change your name, or change your mind, And leave this fucked up place behind. But I'll know, I'll know" talking about Phil leaving, taunting him because no matter what he does, he will find him. He will get him back. There is no where he can go, nothing he can do that will make Forever stop. And Quesadilla Island is only so big. And they can't leave. Forever knows where he'll go, what he'll do, because he's been watching Phil for so long. He can predict pretty much every move Phil makes.

"I'll know" repeats a lot.

"Appearing unsightly, with devils inside me" When Forever, for a moment, sees what he's doing for what it is. This moment of clarity doesn't last long, and the song continues quickly.

"If you ever try to leave me, I'll find you, Ronnie" repeats 4 times. Forever threatening Phil, letting him know that he really can't leave. Even if he somehow finds his way out of the cell, Forever will find him and bring him back. Always. Not only that, but the threat of what Forever would do in response to this. He'll find him... and then what? Take him back and make sure he won't do it again.

The second verse comes from Phil's perspective but the first line is a bit confusing,

"I'm leaving, Phil, I'm leaving now. I'm going to escape and you won't know how, Or where to find me when I'm gone" Phil, in the start of his imprisonment, tried to find any opportunity to escape. He tried everything. Killing Forever, killing himself, running for the door when Forever wasn't looking, running the moment they were outside. He did everything and he tried so hard and the whole time he promised himself he would get out. He'd find a way and Forever wouldn't know about it. Fatal flaw: Forever had every possible escape route noted and mapped already.

The next line, "I'll drink myself to death inside this prison cell, this prison cell" can refer to two things. The general need and want to die so he can leave, or, the time Charlie, Mariana and Roier got him drunk. They thought he'd tell them something, but he didn't. He just panicked and cried and the whole time he felt like he was dying.

"So, get me out of here" repeats a few times, this doesn't need explaination I think.

Then, the chorus repeats.

The chorus now, though, can be taken differently.

"You'll change your name, or change your mind. And leave this fucked up place behind" Forever can do whatever he wants, change everything about himself, run away, find a way off the island but,

"But I'll know, I'll know" Phil knows what he's done. And everyone else does now too. Forever can try to absolve himself of any guilt he's capable of feeling, but Phil will never forget. As long as Phil exists, the guilt will linger. If he feels guilty. He doubts it.

And it repeats and song over :3

[wheelin-after-midnight]

15.

Do you have any big plans for November?

November is over, but I didn't.

What upcoming event are you most looking forward to?

Nothing. I would have said seeing the Tina Turner musical off Broadway in February if I had been able to get tickets, but I wasn't.

What was the last song you heard?

Steamy Windows - Tina Turner.

Quote something from last night:

Idk. I was alone aside from Nippy being here. I guess it's funny how she now answers to potato as well as her other names and nicknames. I sometimes just say "hello, potato" when she's lounging on me. I went into the kitchen and was like, "where's my sweet little potato?!" and she came running and hopped onto the counter.

What time did you wake up today?

I haven't gone to sleep yet, lmao. FML. :/

What does your last incoming text say?

Babe was telling me about coffee mate apparently coming out with some limited edition peanut butter and jelly coffee creamer. 🤢🤮

Is there a vase in the room you’re in?

No.

Any plans for today/this evening?

Nothing special.

Have you recently been insulted?

No.

What is the radio in your car tuned to at this exact moment?

I don't have a car. Can't drive.

Compared to someone else of your age and gender; do you feel that you have a lot to offer someone?

I tell babe all the time, you could be with someone physically normal, somebody without these problems, without the trauma. And she comes back with things like "yeah, but they're not you." "Years of hurt have damaged you, but I still see the amazing woman behind all that. You'll always be a light, it's just your nature."

She loves me, so I do my best to let her. To trust her. To be the best I can to her, even if and when my insecurities are screaming. My negative, dark thoughts and outside opinions aren't the ones that matter. She chose me and she's not forced to stay, so I guess the offering of myself is enough.

How many days a week do you work?

I don't.

Are there people you feel more connected to than others?

I mean, yes? Human beings naturally can't be or feel equally connected to everyone in the entire world.

Is there ONE person you feel more connected to than others?

Yes.

Are you more like your mother or your father?

I'm nothing like either of my parents. That's a pretty conscious choice on my part.

Where did your eye color come from?

My mum.

Describe the pants you are wearing:

They're just red and black plaid pajama pants.

Have you ever been in a recording studio?

Noooo, I wish!

What is your worst relationship quality?

Getting in my head during bad days or harder times and thinking that what babe did to me before our breakup will happen again. It's a lot less frequent of an intrusive thought than it was in the beginning, now that we've been solid for quite a long time. She has proven herself. She still does. When I need reassurance, she'll give it to me. She told me she made a big mistake, that she would spend the rest of her life showing how sorry she is and what I mean to her, and so far she has. It's usually a pretty fleeting thought, at this point. I'm not gonna ruin a relationship by letting it stay with me and letting what could or might happen eat at me too much. Anybody can leave. Shit happens. But we love and do our best for each other. All that matters right now.

What was your most recent serious injury?

I fucked up my shoulder trying to keep from slipping/falling on ice while transferring into Brittany's car this weekend when we went to go see Wicked. :/ thank god I didn't go completely down. Made us slightly late to the movie, but we'd both rather deal with that than the alternative. They really need to do better at plowing/salting the parking lot.

What were you most recently happy about?

That I didn't actually fall on ice and disable myself further. Also that Nippy's been especially cuddly lately, I guess. That's always nice.

Are you happy with the way the Yankees are playing?

I don't care at all.

Are you a fan of cake?

Not particularly, actually. There's other desserts I would choose before cake, in most cases. I do love carrot cake, though.

What shirt have you not worn in a while that you would like to?

Idk. Everything I own and haven't gotten rid of I wear pretty regularly.

When was the last time you were hit on?

Idk. Babe calls me beautiful and sexy and hot often, but we're already together. Anytime I get questions about being hit on I'm considering her and things that she does or says for my answer. I don't care if anybody else tries to hit on me and that never happens anyway.

What is the next concert you are going to and where are you seeing it?

I don't have anything planned right now. I do really want to go see Pink with Brittany after I'm moved if she comes back around at that time and we can get tickets. But I would love to see whatever, honestly. We both just love live theatre and live music sooo much. Even if we're not like super fans of the thing or the artists, we'll pick things and go. It exposes one or both of us to new music and we like the vibe and the experience.

Name someone you know who is most likely to be found at a bar on Wednesday night?

My dad's an alcoholic, so it's very likely he's probably at one or another near to his place if he's not working really late.

[sunnisurrealism]

Hi Timothée,

I can’t even describe how I feel. Today the package with the first USB arrived at my house, the day after I left for Calgary. So I officially know you didn’t get it 😞😖😔I accidentally said in the video below it arrived yesterday but I meant to say his morning while I was still sleeping. My Timothée, I am so so soooooo sorry. I had no idea. I shouldn’t have lost the tracking receipt and I shouldn’t have put on so many weird stickers. I have no idea why it didn’t send, maybe I was just being naive and the stickers made it look sus. For some reason god decided this. I’m really fucking concerned my roommates will know this package was for you but I forget it I put your full name on it and I don’t know if they’ll google Jessica Kolstad out of curiosity. Either way I’ll look like a fucking weirdo. Timothée I am so so sorry I had no idea your German cream never arrived after those memes that is so fucking ironic. God is making this more painful for you. I really don’t know why it would’ve been denied at the border. I just cannot even grasp my mind if you flew out to LA for nothing. You must have been infuriated. It must have wasted a lot of your time. Jesus. Dude I am so so sorry idk why it didn’t work. I feel like a fucking idiot. My Timothée I am so so so sorry. This next package was less conspicuous but still slightly weird tbh but not as alarming omg what is my problem. Okay I really hope this one arrives. Can you please make a post indicating whether it has? 😔😔😔I am so sorry My Love.this is also problematic cuz I probably talked to you assuming we were on the same page based on what I talked about in the voice notes on that usb. Oh whatever fuck it. I’m rly in shock. At least we know now. I really fucking hope this next one isn’t returned when I’m gone because I put your name on it and my roommates will be concerned at me. Whenever I make jokes about you around them it’s awkward af. Fml 😖 I kept the tracking receipt for this latest mail. It’s too bad I’m always sending mail right before I’m off to Victoria or Calgary and that I don’t have my shit together more to be more organized😔 these past few months have been really stressful tryna deliver for you tbh. I still want to obviously but it’s hella stressful for me. idk what happened but I would recommend informing the agency to always keep an eye out for mail from my name. I know it’s revealing your secrets if they don’t know already I mean but I’m wondering if I didn’t put your name on it or something maybe they didn’t know what to do with this weirdo package? Idk I forget. fml. Oh well. Technically this is plot stuff and no one was physically hurt, tho your blue balls truly must be on another level now 😔 everything moves so slow in the sim movie. I’m sure you realized god was testing you and it’s not my fault. Jesus tho. Im going to try my hardest to figure out why it didn’t send to try to prevent this from happening again. I’m so sorry my king.

Last night I dreamt it was the beginning of our relationship and we were hanging on a bed with all our friends. We wanted to kiss and thought it would be better to go somewhere more private but we couldn’t help ourselves and started making out 🫠 it was like our first time 🫠 I was beneath you and your were crawling on top of me while kissing me and your tongue felt so nice against mine, and it was really overwhelming but I liked it. I was trying to pull your groin into mine but you were teasing me and I was upset. But you couldn’t lean into mine because your friend or pr people were pulling you back cuz you were late to a photo shoot. And then you were off and away. Commercial vibes. I was sad cuz we were just getting going 😭

I also dreamt I was in Ansbach, my “ancestral” hometown in Germany. There was lots of construction and I was trying to go through it to get to the Altstadt, the old town. I was visiting and deeply wanted to see the old cobble stone streets (wanting to see old streets in Europe is a reoccurring dream of mine). I got past the construction and noticed a weird man I had seen in Ansbach before and thought it was crazy locals recognized me even tho I didn’t live there. I also saw young people improv playing in a park by the River, with beautiful costumes, just for themselves. I thought, Ansbach low key has very cool culture happening here, I should definitely bring Timothée here. People were taking Venetian gondolas down the river deep into the streets to access the altstadt. Don’t worry Timothée, one day I take you.

Again, I’m feel so fucking insane disappointed today. I really can’t believe it. I’m really fucking praying this next one will send. I still need to figure out why the first didn’t. I’m really sad about all this, I’m so so sorry Timothée. This is some karmic thing from the gods I don’t understand. Bless up and I’m so sorry again and I’ll try to be better next time.

[lamesilversurfer]

These past 6 months have been pretty much torture for me

It started the day my mom had her hand surgery and cooked one final meal and washed one final load of laundry before she wouldn’t be able to use her hand anymore

Before this day, I had ups and downs, focused mostly on how to get over my fiancé. It’s not the first time I fell in love and thought I would marry a woman and spend the rest of my life with her. That seems to happen every few years. But this was the first time I had a child.

I was sad everyday that the center of my world for the last 2 years had disappeared. I really was in serious danger of myself. My emotions were all over the place. The only thing that kept me stable was the fact that, as always, there was only 1 path available to me.

My son was healed, and healthy and all the sacrifice that I had to do to ensure that, was worth it.

How would I look, with a moderate to severely deformed child, but just a wonderful relationship full of love and sex.

Like a fucking fool.

So anyways…

I got over it.

But the second half of this year, really threw me for a loop. Let’s see if I can count all the ways that the game was straight up tilted.

Contact allergies from mom’s laundry now spread all over the couch, where I would sit and keep her company in the evenings when her arthritis started up.

Food allergies begining with that final meal my mom cooked before her surgery. These food allergies became persistent with every meal in the house after that

Contact allergies from the hair salon

My blower blew out

My starter blew out

An animal got into my car and ate my insulation and peed on my passenger seat

I sprained my big toe(maybe shouldn’t be included because it’s just a regular sports injury, but let’s just say everything just in case)

Severe unidentified allergy right before family reunion( this took several weeks/months to heal from)

While healing and unable to go outside, special care food costs . Basically hospice care that I had to give to myself

Doctors visits for X-rays and prosthesis

Car repair costs , car cleaning costs, car rental costs resulting from rodent damage to my car

Hot water heater was dying but functional first half of the year, it finally died on me so no hot water

Ac died on me soon after hot water was fixed

Power went out and I was charged whatever fee for reconnecting it after it came back on

Ac went out again, this time it never came back on

Physical therapy for my injured toe, I did end up going more often than usual when trying to heal the injury, so we can count that cost

I had to basically break up with my girlfriend while all of this was going on, so now I’m essentially paying to date, every time I want to get out the house

Icing on the cake, racist neighbors.

Instead of talking to my girlfriend every night about how much life we want to experience, and making moves in our careers, and saving money to go on vacation and visit family. Basically all the conversations that I desperately wanted to have with my fiance and the rest of my family, I had these conversations with my girlfriend and fantasized that the relationship would be something more than temporary.

This was replaced with a daily affirmation from my neighbors right around golden hour of a particularly soulful rendition of “ Fucking Niggers” .

So that was how the last 6 months of my life have gone.

And I haven’t even mentioned my job. Work felt like work for the first time in a long time, despite pleasant coworkers.

The grand total effect being that I’m in 5 figures of debt, my physical and mental health are still not back up to the levels they were 6 months ago. I might not get the big raise I wanted, and I might have to pay taxes this year instead of getting a return.

Fml

[benefits1986]

Dead-ends

That hyphen on the word "dead-end" makes more sense and no sense, at once. Or it is just me and my dyslexic moody nothingness, yet again? This morning, dad was supposed to go on a long ride in ode of the long weekend. In an hour or so, we heard a loud sound that seemed like a firecracker, a loud one to be exact. Since I am still recovering, I asked him to check it out. He opened the door of our tiny house and looked around. Lo and behold, his three-year old bike tire exploded. We were talking about how mother dragon must have been breathing down my neck and today, my dad's neck, too. LOL. I asked him to thank mom because he could have gone wild on the roads especially during lusongs na malala. He stopped and looked at me. I knew he misses mom more and more.

I nebulized today because I can feel my breath shorten a bit which is not usual for me. Asthmatic era na ba talaga ako as an old lady with pets who shed their furs a whole lot this time of the year? LOL. I said sorry to Vici as he had to sleep on his own because mhie, I am literally and figuratively breathless-ish. Damn this bug. Ang lala but we are not stopping. Dad asked me saan ba ako pupunta this long weekend. LOL. I said that he should stop irking me because I can't afford a binat. A number of close friends are recovering from the flu for two weeks and counting; and I CANNOT imagine me in that scenario. Anyhow, I am supposed to backpack in no less than Bicolandia. However, I need to prioritize my health not only in time for the mega mad dash to the end of Q4, 2023. More importantly, the past days and weeks taught me that I am not getting any younger. Yes, I am not taking any maintenance drugs, thankfully; but it does not mean that I can go all out non-stop. LOLOLLOLLOLL. FML. I went easy on OD-ing vitamins and meds because my liver maybe crying out loud. I remember LA Tenorio's post which talks about his bout with CA. It's not just about the game but most importantly, the one who drives the ball and is part of the team. It begins and end with the self... always. This is easier said than done especially when I along with countless millennials are experiencing the pull of gravity; regardless of BMI, insulin resistance, number of zeroes in our bank accounts or the emoji reacts that our feed grants us. :D LELS.

We're all racing toward our own versions of dead-ends. We're all bound by our breath and nothing else, really. We're all but a speck of dust in the wind. It's funny how we often say that dogs' dead-ends are shorter than ours; however, I'd like to believe that all dogs have a life well-lived. They know what true love, compassion, loyalty and pure intention are. Enough said. I might be too dramatic for tonight's thought fart. I guess this is my way of resisting the AI boss bitch streak which is where I'm swimming in and will be in for the next X number of years. I guess I'd want to believe that there is a better version of Her (the movie starring Joaquin Phoenix) in this lifetime. I guess, humanity will prevail if and only if there'd be people who'll choose to make their versions of dead-ends worthwhile. Can I just say that I kinda feel like Anne Frank right now? So many social unrest, injustice towards the women and the disadvantaged. So many unnecessary factions that can actually be tackled if and only if people come together to over-communicate and negotiate. If only we work toward our dead-ends to heal the world instead of lambasting it more and more, maybe, just maybe, we'd be in a better ground. Let's see. For the meantime, I shall rest my case. Catch you in the next one!

[melissa-kenobi]

Hiii Melissaaaaaa

If your requests are still open, can I request something smutty with Din Djarin please? I hope you had a wonderful day!!!

Love youuuu ❤

Hi Anon 💕

Hehe yes they are still open - well i had a peaceful day today- super nice not doing anything, slept in till late it was soo good. omg Smutty Din fml I love it. BTW, I may have gone super overboard with this but that's coz I have a vivid imagination! Also I love Din sm (maybe more than Obi - sorry sweetie).

Love you too anon xx

Word Count:

Big - Din Djarin x Reader

"Off now."

Hands scrambling over your body as you quickly stripped off your clothes, shirt flown across the room as you stumbled around taking your trousers off, leaving you naked for Din's viewing. You stood shyly at the end of the bed, watching as your Mandalorians' helmet tilted to the side as he took you in, inch by inch, you were certain you could feel his eyes on you under the helmet as he peeled off his mustard coloured gloves - also flinging them across the room.

Your eyes glued to his fingers as your mouth dropped open slightly at the sight of his hands, his beautiful tanned hands, watching his digits thick as he clenched his fist. "Eyes up here cyare."

Almost instantly your head flicked back up as you looked at your naked self in the reflection of his helmet. Din was now mere inches away from you, you looked at yourself. Gosh you looked desperate, your face already blushing hard as you glanced down, wanting to avoid looking at youself. You also could feel how wet you were, almost dripping down your legs - he hadn't even touched you yet and you were already soaking wet for this man. Your eyes widened in surprise as they fell to a particular spot on Din.

Holy kriff!

You gulped loudly as you felt his rough fingers gently tip your chin up, your face lined with his as you looked at through his T visor. Your eyes flickering down once more as you took in his figure, well, more like his dick.

"You alright sweet girl?" He asked gently as he pressed his armoured body against your naked one. The coolness of the beskar made you gasp in shock as Din pushed two fingers into your open mouth - indirectly asking you to suck on them.

"I asked you a question sweet girl." He growled in your ear, the beskar helmet close enough to your ear that you hear his heavy breathing, picking up on the sounds he made that his modulator didn't. You let out a wanton moan as you sucked on his fingers, swirling around them as Din let out a little moan at your actions before pulling them out and pushing you roughly onto the bed.

"Let's see what else that mouth of yours can do." He warned, tone strict as he peeled off his armour, making you watch him from the bed, your eyes glued to that one spot. The one the place in-between your legs were begging for. Gosh, how badly you wanted to move from your spot and help him out his armour, but knowing Din, he would probably punish you. Your body inched forwards the tiniest amount, just wanting to feel your Mandalorian, touch him but before you could Din stopped you.

"No."

You whined, face slumped as your own hands trailed down your body, squeezing at your breasts, twisting the buds as you moaned out Din's name - well not his real name.

"Stop." Din commanded, halting your motions on buds as he glared at you though his helmet.

"Mando..." You whined in annoyance, watching as he slipped his curiass off, then his pauldrons and then slowly everything else, leaving him stark naked except for his Beskar helmet.

"What's my name sweet girl?" He growled as he crawled up your body, heat emancipating from him as he settled. His hands grasping yours as he brought them above your head, holding them still with one hand as he slipped the bottom part of his helmet up, revealing his beautiful lips. Din neared closer to your ear, trailing a kiss from your cheek to that sweet spot which always made you moan. His soft lips reaching the lobe of your ear before he roughly bit on the bottom of it, your mouth gapsing in surprise while your hips thrust upwards of their own accord.

"Say it." He growled deeply, his natural voice echoing in your ears as he used his other hand to squeeze your breasts gently.

"F-fuck, Din... please, Din, I-i need you..." You gasped out, his name tumbling from your lips in pleasure as he dipped two fingers in your pussy, before pulling out and circling your clit.

Din would be lying if he didn't love the sound of his name being moaned from your sinful lips, the high tone of it, laced with the pleasure he was giving you was more than enough to get him going.

"Kriff- you take me so well cyar'ika."

"I wa- I want you Din." Your voice wrecked, eyes watering as your writhed in pleasure, hips bucking until your felt something large poke your upper thigh - making you stop.

"Fuck- was that-?" You breathed heavily, kriff, you knew Din was big, just by looking at him, watching him walk, the way he held himself. Shit, your heart sped up at the thought of his cock sliding into you - your pussy being split open with his thick length. You were pretty sure you were dripping wet over Din's hands and sheets.

"Din- I don't thin-"

Din shushed you with a delicate finger placed on your lips - his head tilting at your body panting for him. "Lick it."

He spread his hand across your mouth as your tongue slid across the palm of his hand - spit covering his palm as he moaned in response. "Fuck- you liked that didn't you sweet girl? You're a filthy girl mesh'la."

Nodding in motion, you enjoyed the praise he gave you before he brought his wet palm down to his cock - gliding it easily up and down his length before placing his cock ontop of your belly. You let out a small gasp, the weight of his cock on your stomach made you look down - eyes never leaving his length as your mouth watered at the sight.

Maker he was massive, you were pretty sure he was going to break you. The tip of his cock leaked with pre-cum as he pumped himself on your body, your eyes travelled down as you saw the vein on the left side pop. His large hands only just covered the length of him, how you were going to fit him inside of you was mystery. Your mouth watered at the sight of his cock, all you wanted right now was to take him in your mouth and taste him - kriff he probably tasted amazing.

"Din- can i-i ... I want to- I want you in my mouth." You stuttered out - eyes never leaving his grip on his cock.

The Mandalorian let out a low moan - head rolling back in pleasure at the thought of your mouth on him. But not today - he was on a mission, he wanted your pussy and your pussy only.

"You're gonna be the death of me. But not today sweet girl. I want your pussy." He pushed himself up, crawling up your body as his legs split yours wide open, ready to take him.

"Din, baby- y-you're so big. You're not gonn-"

The Mandalorians' helmet was in the way- he wanted to feel the way felt against him face, to smell your perfume as he thrust into you. To plant kisses across your neck while you writhed in pleausre with his cock buried deep inside of you. So he made a choice, he trusted you and you trusted him.

Din's deep voice rumbled as he flipped you over, your front hitting the bed as he pulled your hands above your head. His thick thigh spreading your legs as flung his helmet off to the side - resulting in a ragged gasp from you as he guided his cock into your pussy. His lips neared your ear as he kissed your neck, sucking and biting.

"I'm going to take care of you cyar'ika, gonna make you feel so good... you'll be feeling me for weeks mesh'la..."

***

👀

Taglist: @spideysimpossiblegirl

[kiribaku-queen]

Hi! Could you please do a Kuroo x reader please! He’s gone away on a work trip for a couple of weeks and he decides to come back early to surprise her? But when he gets home late at night he sees her in the bedroom with Kenma or Bokuto (someone he’s close with) hugging and they fall onto the bed? (Looks suss as fuck), but really the person was just comforting her because she was missing him and she was crying about it? Kuroo ends up coming to blows with the person being all like “how could you” and she has to step in and explain the whole situation? Basically angst with a fluffy ending?

If you aren’t comfortable doing it with a Haikyuu character maybe Todoroki and Midoriya or someone like that? Or maybe doing the MHA one as well as the Haikyuu one? Up to you I’m easy I’ll be happy with whatever you write hahaha fml

Surprise

Pairing: Kuroo x reader

Angst

Word count: 4.7K

A/N: Oof, it’s about time that I uploaded this one. I promise, the others are coming out! Slowly but surely! I was really excited to start this one though because the scenario was so easy to follow and see in my head. I’m sorry if you think the reader is annoying or too clingy. Reader is a sensitive soul in this one. I hope it’s angsty enough for you and I’d love to know your thoughts on this one, anon! Happy reading!

This isn’t what you wanted.

You didn’t like this one bit.

“It’s only 2 weeks,” your boyfriend tried to comfort you as you pouted in the corner.

“2 weeks too long,” you said angrily, arms crossed over your chest and with permanent frown that doesn’t look like it’s going to go away any time soon. Kuroo laughs at your reaction, looking absolutely adorable to him. He pinches your cheek in hopes that that will cheer you up, but obviously it doesn’t.

“Stop being so pouty,” he laughs and you just glare up at him.

“If you didn’t leave me, then I won’t be so pouty,” you jutted your bottom lip out to emphasize how much you’re going to dread the time away from him.

“You can survive without me for 2 weeks,” Kuroo’s pinch on your cheeks turns into a soft caress to the touch. You lean into his touch until you let his hand cover your face to allow you to take in his scent. It was comforting. The smell of him. The way he feels. Fuck, you were really going to miss him.

“I’ll miss you,” you whisper into the palm of his hands. Kuroo chuckles, picking you up so that you were sitting in his lap. He brings your face close to him so that your noses were touching but not quite your lips.

“You know I’ll miss you too,” Kuroo whispers against your lips that were ready to be kissed any second now.

Truth be told, 2 weeks was not a long time for some people. But for you, 2 weeks was going to feel a suffocating 2 months. Ever since you started dating your boyfriend, you were never really separated from each other. You met in college and spend all your time together, forgetting about your other friends. And then you found out that you both live in the same hometown so when you went home, you guys were still together so no need to worry about long distance. The longest you’ve been apart from each other was probably a weekend, at most. So it’s no surprise that you started to get attached. Unhealthy, you know. But who could blame you? You both loved being around each other so much that you never saw it as a problem. But because of that and with the situation you are facing now, you started feeling anxious about him leaving you by yourself.

You didn’t know what it was. Were you feeling this way because you think he was going to cheat on you? Was it the fear eating you up that he was going to find someone better? Or was it that he was going to have fun somewhere else while you were at home miserable? It could be a mixture of all of them, if you were being completely honest with yourself.

But you knew he had to go. It was work related, you can’t keep him from working. But the thought that he was still leaving you for a good amount of time was upsetting and a bit painful. Kuroo sensed that you weren’t going to lighten up ant time soon. So he cupped your cheeks and placed a light kiss on your lips.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” he reassures you again but his comfort wasn’t enough to convince you to feel any better.

“How about this? When I come back, I’ll give you all the kisses to makeup for the time being away plus more if you want,” Kuroo tried to reason with you. And it was tempting.

“Why can’t I have it now?” you gave him puppy eyes plus the pout on your lips. He chuckles again and gives you one quick kiss.

“How was that? Will that last you for 2 weeks?” he asks and you shake your head.

“How about… this one?” and he pulls you in for a deeper kiss. But that still didn’t suffice.

“No? Okay, what about now?” and he kisses both sides of your cheeks.

“Or this one?” now he’s kissing your nose. Then your forehead. Then your chin. Your hands and your neck. Back to your lips multiple times.

“Are you getting sick of me yet?” he teases, the distance of each kiss getting shorter and shorter until both of your lips refuse to leave each other. Kuroo is hugging your waist tight and pulling you closer if that was even physically possible anymore. You could feel his muscles through his shirt and it was taking every inch of you to not further the contact. Both of you got lost in the few minutes you had left together, not wanting to break away first. But he had to go eventually. Kuroo breaks the kiss, leaning your foreheads together.

“I have to go,” he whispers, still breathless from your intimate moment. Anxiety rising in you again because the moment is finally here. Being the good boyfriend that he was, he takes your hand in his as you walk to the front door together. Suitcase in hand and yours in the other.

The front door opens and the tears are already spilling out. Kuroo’s eyes soften at the sight and pulls you in for the final hug before he leaves. You couldn’t look at him because if you did, you knew you couldn’t let him go. What you didn’t know though, is that as soon as he saw you cry, he was doing the same thing. But he had to hold it in for you.

“I’ll be back before you know it, I promise. I’ll call you every night so you can see this handsome face before you go to bed,” Kuroo tries lightening the mood with a joke but it was hard when he was getting choked up.

“Hm,” you hummed back, hugging him harder to imprint the feeling of his touch in your memory.

“I love you,” he says and kisses the top of your head. He was going to miss you just as much. But work was work. Right before he pulls away from your hug, you kiss him once more and this time you were in the lead.

“I love you too,” you tell him when you break the kiss. Your boyfriend smirks and smothers your face with small smooches. Goodness, you two really couldn’t get enough of each other. Kuroo would be with you even down to the last second.

Okay, now it’s really time that he had to go.

“If you need anything, you know you can call me. I love you. See you in 2 weeks, love,” Kuroo says his final final goodbyes. You nod your head and watch him walk down the hallway until you couldn’t see him anymore. He looks back and you’re still watching him, waving every time he looks across his shoulder. And then he was gone. For 2 weeks. What were you going to do now?

 You cried. That’s what you did. The second you closed the door, you broke down in front of the door. Call you dramatic but you couldn’t help but feel that way. You tried to distract yourself by working more, starting a new show, cooking more often, cleaning… but everything reminded you of him. God, it wasn’t like he was dying or breaking up with you. He was going to be back in the 2 weeks like he promised. But it was just making you miss him more. You just couldn’t wait until it was time for him to come home so you could feel at peace.

You cried every day the first week he was gone. Every phone call at night, Kuroo could see that. And he was beating himself up for it because he couldn’t do anything to help you. But you appreciated that he took time out of his night to give you an least an hour long phone call. You caught up about your day and comforting each other through the phone. It wasn’t much, but you’d take this any day than nothing at all.

Kuroo was good at keeping his promise the first week. He called you every night, no matter how tired he was. During the second week, he calls started getting shorter. And shorter. And shorter. Until he was only on call for a couple of minutes. He always used the excuse that he was busy or he had to be with his coworkers. Bullshit. You could tell that they were drinking. He wasn’t working at all. He just wanted to hang out with his coworkers. Who works at 10 o’clock at night after they just finished a whole shift?

Some phone calls were the same; just talking about how you miss each other. This call was different though. It was another quick phone call that night. He began talking about his day: what he did, what he ate, plans after work. You didn’t say much about your day because it was so uneventful without him there.

“Are you going out again?” you ask, your chin rested on your pillow as you facetimed your boyfriend.

“Mm,” he hummed back and he could see the disappointed, or rather, annoyed look on your face. “You know I can’t refuse them. They’re my superiors. If they say drink, I have to.” He tried to explain. Yeah, you knew that. You wished your culture wasn’t like that but there wasn’t anything to be done.

“Hey Kuroo! Ready to go?” you saw some of his coworkers barge in on your call. Kuroo happily smiles at them, giving each one a pound hug as a greeting. From what you could see on the screen, all his coworkers were male, so you guess that was a relief.

“Oh yeah. This is my girlfriend, (y/n),” Kuroo doesn’t fail to introduce you to his new friends. They all try to say hi to you. There was so many of them, that they had to take turns sharing the screen. You smile back, not saying much because now all of Kuroo’s attention was on his friends. You just watched as he interacted with them.

“Alright, boys! Who’s ready to party!?” you hear a woman in the background barge through the door behind the boys. All of Kuroo’s coworkers head towards the woman, forgetting that they were even talking to you. Kuroo, too, was looking in her direction. She came into view and holy mother of Jesus was she gorgeous. A business woman who knows how to dress herself to look elegant and classy yet sexy at the same time. All attention was on her now, like she was the life of the party. And that made you nervous.

Kuroo was with a big group of people. It wasn’t like he was just going drinking with her. But she was all you could think about. The single fact that she was present and was a part of that group didn’t sit well in your stomach. You didn’t want to think it, but you did. What if Kuroo starts to take a liking to her? What if he cheats on you? If she dances up on him, will he let her? Or would he be loyal and tell her that he has a girlfriend? Maybe all your fears will disappear when he introduces her to you. You were about to ask about her when Kuroo suddenly speaks up.

“Okay, babe. I gotta go. I love you, talk to you later,” Kuroo sends you a flying kiss.

“Oh, okay. By-” but before you could even finish what you were going to say, he cuts you off and now you were looking at a blank screen. You stared at your computer screen, appalled and shocked at what just happened. You continued to stare at the screen until it turned black, your reflection staring right back at you. Tears were welding in your eyes as you were overwhelmed with emotion at the moment.

You spend that night staring at your ceiling, silent tears streamed down your face. You missed him dearly, wanting nothing more than for him to be in bed with you and cuddle. But Kuroo clearly looked like he was having the time of his life. This was what you feared. He was having fun while you were at home feeling sorry for yourself.

You knew that he would never cheat on you. Deep down, you knew that. But a small voice in your mind was telling you dark lies, tricking you into believing that he was. These thoughts lingered for days. The thought of him and her together ate at you alive. You never felt so down in your life and it was at that moment that you needed him the most only for him to not be reachable. This feeling was unhealthy and you needed to do something about it. Talk about it. To somebody, anybody. And there was only one person who you could trust.

Picking up the phone and searching their name in a flash, you waited for your trusty friend to answer the phone. And as always, their voice always made you smile just a little bit.

“Hey, hey, hey! How’s my crybaby doing?” his booming voice teased you but you found it hard to take that lightly. “Too soon?” he asked after a long pause of silence. You hummed into the phone and began tearing up again. Why? Because he was right, you were a crybaby. And you were calling him because you wanted to cry and pour your heart out to him. He could hear your whimpering over the phone and his tone of voice instantly changed from teasing to concerned.

“Hey, hey, hey… are you okay?” he asks softly. You can’t see it but his thick brows were furrowed into a frown.

“No. Can… Can you come over? I really need somebody right now,” you asked, hoping that you weren’t going to be rejected. That would make you feel even worse. Luckily for you, Bokuto was already on his way.

“Be there in 30.”

You waited for Bokuto in your living room, practically shaking from anxiety. You met Bokuto through Kuroo. It was only a matter of time before you met your boyfriend’s best friend from high school. And then it was only natural that you two became really good friends. You went to him for everything. The gossip, the drama, the comfort, the hype, literally everything. Kuroo wasn’t one to gas you up in certain situations, but you could always count on Bokuto to. It was only natural for you to call him to come comfort you during hard times. Knowing who Bokuto was, he already has a plan to cheer you up already.

Three knocks sounded through the apartment. You shot up from your seat and rushed to open the door. Bokuto was standing there with groceries and wine in hand. He lifted both hands, showing up the items that he brought.

“Will this cheer you up?” he asks, giving you an uncertain smile. You nod your head and since his hands were already open for you, you just went in for a hug. Bokuto didn’t hesitate you hug you back even tighter, securing you in his arms. He wasn’t Kuroo, but a hug is what you really needed.

“Let’s cook you something up to eat and then we can drink our sorrows away. Sound like a plan?” Bokuto suggested.

“I really need that right now,” you say. Yeah, this is what you needed.

The night was spent eating a simple, yet delicious meal Bokuto managed to whip up real quick and pouring out your feelings to the man. Almost a whole bottle of wine was gone, it was sad that he didn’t bring another one. You felt like you were going to need it. Bokuto sat there, sipping on his wine, and listening to everything you had to say. He gave reactions and advice when necessary but was great at letting you say everything that was on your chest.

Laughs were shared here and there, but Bokuto did a great job at making your forget about why you ever were sad in the first place. Shit, if it was this easy to make you feel better, you would have asked for Bokuto’s help a long time ago.

“Bokuto, literally stop!” you laugh, slapping his hand away from you to prevent him from poking your side again.

“If you stop crying, I’ll stop!” he proposed and continued to poke you. You laughed even harder and ran away from him.

“I’m crying from laughter! Not because I’m sad!” you yelled, trying to escape from the mad man.

“Tears are still tears! GET RID OF THEM!” Bokuto yelled back, picking up speed which freaked you out. You ran into the bedroom but unfortunately, that slowed you down and you felt Bokuto’s arms wrap around your waist.

“Got’cha!” he said as he captured you. Both of you burst your stomachs from laughing but he wasn’t done with you just yet. “You ready?”

“For what?” you asked in between breaths.

“This!”

“NO BOKUTO, DON’T!” you squeal but it was too late. With a grunt, Bokuto lifts you in the air and when you land, your back in his arms but this time, he has one arm under your legs and one arm supporting your back like a princess. You wrap your arm around his neck in instinct so you don’t fall. But you didn’t think anything of it. Neither of you did. You both just burst into a laughing fit once again.

 Kuroo enjoyed the 2 weeks he was away for his business trip. Not only did he gain new experiences and make connections for future deals, but he also made a deeper connection with his coworkers. He’ll admit, the constant drinking and partying was getting old. He wasn’t in college anymore. He can’t stay up all night and drink until he passes out. He’d much rather be in bed sleeping with you wrapped in his arms. He could stay longer, after all, his company did pay for a few extra days after the convention to relax. But he didn’t want to relax. He wanted to get back to you as soon as possible. And that’s what he was going to do.

He thanked his boss for the hospitality, but he just wanted to go home now. It’s been too long and he missed you too much to stay. Also, the thought of you being alone and crying pained him to no end. There wasn’t a day, a single moment, that he didn’t think about you. So, with his boss’ permission, he went home a few days early. No he didn’t tell you. It was going to be a surprise. The thought of seeing your face when he’s come early, it’s already making him smile.

When he unlocks the door to your shared apartment, the first thing he sees are that the lights are open. Perfect, you were home. And he opened the door as softly as he could so that you couldn’t hear. For the surprise effect, of course.

Then he sees the dining table. Oh, you are already? That’s good. At least you weren’t skipping meals. Did you have someone over? Why were there two sets of plates? And wine? Kuroo took a closer look. One glass was definitely yours. You lip stains were all over it. So whose was the other one?

Then he hears laughter that breaks his heart. Your laugh. Mixed with another that was all too familiar. You. Him. Dinner. Wine? Laughing? And it was coming from the bedroom. The pieces were all coming together.

With a heavy heart, Kuroo walks closer to the noise coming from the bedroom. He couldn’t believe it. From down the hall, he could see clear as day. You were in Bokuto’s arms. The arms of his best friend. He was carrying you like how he imagined he would on your wedding day. You had the widest smile, like how he imagined you would when you find out that you would be pregnant with your first child together. Bokuto was making you laugh until your stomach hurt like how he wanted to, even when you guys grow old together. But now he felt like his world was crashing down on him. All those dreams and hopes he pictured for years was disintegrating right before his eyes. He wanted to cry out and go insane. But there was no time for that. Kuroo went up to the couple, seeing red.

Bokuto was laughing along with you. That is, until he saw Kuroo storming his direction and he didn’t look too happy. Panic and fear sets in and he quickly puts you down to face the danger coming to him.

“Look, Kuroo. It’s a misunderstanding,” Bokuto tried to stop him to explain but Kuroo wasn’t listening.

“You bastard,” Kuroo cursed through gritted teeth. He grabbed his best friend by the collar, landing a hard punch to the cheek. You gasped, never seeing Kuroo get so violent before. You covered your mouth in disbelief. But Kuroo disregards you. All of his attention was on the owl-eyed man beneath him. If you looked closely, you could see fume coming out of his ears.

“Kuroo, stop!” you scream, grabbing his arm and trying to pull him back. Kuroo rips his arm out of your grip and back on Bokuto’s collar.

“Kuroo Testsurou!” you tried screaming his name, but his is going through tunnel vision.

“You’re supposed to be my best friend. And you pull shit like this when I’m gone? Did you have fun? Was it worth shoving our friendship down the drain after all those years? How long as this been going on, huh? Days? Weeks? Years? Answer me, you asshole!” Kuroo screamed, letting the anger take over him. But Bokuto didn’t get a chance to answer because not only was none of what he was saying was true, but he his priority right now was to get out of his grip.

“KUROO TETSUROU!” You cried at the top of your lungs. It was so loud that you were sure your neighbors were going to give you a noise complaint. That’s when he lets go. Kuroo faces you rather aggressively, making you fear the man that you love.

“And you. You put on a good act,” he started.

“What?” you question, not knowing what he was saying or where he was going with that.

“Are you trying to be an actress? Because I believed every word that came out of your lying, cheating mouth,” he spat at you. Each word stung like someone was physically squeezing your heart until it burst. You didn’t know what he was saying. You start to shake and your vision blurred because of the unfallen tears filling in your eyes. You didn’t know where to look. All you knew was that you couldn’t look at your boyfriend. If he even was your boyfriend at this point.

“I was only gone for 2 weeks. Not even a full 2 weeks. Were you that lonely and in need of someone that you had to fuck my best friend?” he continued to falsely accuse you of something you couldn’t even fathom to do. You wanted to deny it so badly, so why wasn’t anything out of your mouth? You were so frozen in fear that nothing wanted to come out. Bokuto wasn’t having it though. He got up from the floor and it was his turn to grab his best friend by the collar.

“Do not speak to (y/n) like that. You’re not fucking listening. I’m telling you that this is all a misunderstanding!” Bokuto reasoned. But for some reason, Kuroo wasn’t having it.

“Misunderstanding… how is holding my girlfriend in your arms a misunderstanding? In what situation should you EVER hold my girlfriend like that?!” Kuroo started raising his voice, making you jump. You closed your eyes, still frozen in place, in hopes that that will calm you.

“If you calmed down, I can explain! Can’t you see that you’re scaring her?” Bokuto moved to show your shaking body. Upon seeing your current state, Kuroo realized that he fucked up. His anger got the better of him unlike ever before. After seeing his friend relax, Bokuto lets him go and backs away cautiously. If he was going to attack again, he would be prepared this time.

“(y/n), I’m sorry,” Kuroo softly whispered, going to grab your hand. But you flinched backwards, afraid of the man who was in front of you. He wasn’t Kuroo. He wasn’t your boyfriend. Your boyfriend would never act out like this. You look towards Boktuo, the only man you recognized in the room and begged with your eyes to come help you. Of course, he did. He stood in front of you, protecting you from the stranger in your apartment.

Kuroo’s eyes widen at your reaction. He messed up big time didn’t he? He looks down at his hand, in disbelief at his actions. What the hell got into him?

“(y/n),” Kuroo muttered your name to himself. All of a sudden, the palms of his hands were wet. Was he crying? He touched his cheek and it was soaked with tears. Oh, he was crying. How did he not notice?

“Baby, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me,” Kuroo apologized, wiping more of his tears away that won’t stop falling. You peeked at the stranger from behind Bokuto’s broad shoulders. He was looking more and more like your boyfriend now.

“I missed you,” you managed to say with your throat all scratched up. Kuroo snaps his head up to make eye contact with you. You start to cry harder, but you needed to get out what you wanted to say. “I missed you so much, Kuroo. It was so hard without you here. I felt like I was all by myself in this world. And that you were having so much fun with your coworkers that you didn’t want to come home anymore. Or you would find another girl and realize that your girlfriend is a clingy nobody with no potential to succeed in life.” You sobbed and were surprised that you managed to get all that out in between sobs. It took you a while, but no one stopped you until you were all done.

“Don’t say that. Don’t you ever say that about yourself. I wouldn’t be with you if I knew you couldn’t be your own person. You are successful in your own ways and I’ll always support you in every way that I can. Baby, I missed you so much. I thought about you every day.” He confessed.

“Really?” Not believing his words.

“Really. Day in, day out. You were the only one on my mind. Even when I was working and doing those boring workshops, I always thought about you. I came home early to surprise you because I couldn’t spend another second without you by myside.” You sobbed even harder, covering your face with your hands.

“Kuroo!” you cried, running into his arms. The moment you entered his arms, he engulfed you in a tight hug. Fuck, he missed you. He dug his head in the crook of your neck, taking all of you in. Your scent, your voice, the way you felt in his arms, how your hairs tickled his noise. But he didn’t want to move away any time soon. Because this is what he longed for for 2 weeks. Eventually, you pull away to peck him on the lips.

“God, I missed you,” he whispered against your lips.

“I missed you more,” you say and he kisses you again.

“I love you.” And another kiss.

“And I’m so sorry. I’ll never do that again. Swear on my life,”

“Yeah, that was kind of scary,” you managed to tell a light joke that made Kuroo feel relieved.

“I know, baby. I’m sorry,” he apologizes again and pecks kisses all over your face. You waited 2 weeks for this moment. You grabbed his face and gave him a passionate kiss that he gladly returned back. You were both making out in your bedroom, but someone was still there. Bokuto clears his throat, letting you know that he was still here. Both of you jump in surprise and turn to the man.

“Can I join?” he asks, making you roll your eyes and Kuroo pushing him away.

“Get the fuck out of here, bird man!”

A/N: As always, I’d love to know your thoughts! 

[glytchfic]

We started as a spark. PART 1.

David Dastmalchian x Fem!Reader

Hellooo guys! So i’m back for the official Part 1. I’m glad so many of you enjoyed the Prologue, it’s really appreciated. I don’t know at what frequency exactly i’ll be able to upload because i’m in college - you know the drill with college lol fml - and i’ll probably get busier and busier as the week goes by, but i’ll keep you posted as much as i can! As usual, if you have any criticism or anything, just let me know.

Enjoy! 

Rating: 18+

Warnings, i’ll probably add more as i go: slow burn, foul language. 

Inspired by the song False Alarm by Matoma & Becky Hills.

___________________________________________________________

I hear a knock on the door and I open my eyes a little bit. I turn around, hide under my blanket and close my eyes again. I can feel myself dozing off again and I hear another knock, louder this time. After a sign of despair, I get up and stumble to my front door, not entirely awake yet. I open it and see a red-haired man walking right through it. I groan. Here comes the legendary Steve Agee with his early morning attitude. 

‘I’ve been waiting for 15 minutes downstairs.’  

‘How come Richard let you through?’ 

‘The man at the lobby? I told him your darkest deepest secret to prove I knew you and he let me through. Now get dressed, we’re gonna be late.’ Steve commands. 

‘Late for what?’ I ask, apparently confused.  

He frowns at me and tilts his head a bit. After a couple of seconds, it hit me. 

‘Aw fuck the table read!’ I scream as I run to my room.  

‘Nice PJ by the way.’ 

I mutter a ‘Fuck you’ under my breath as I search for something decent to wear to our first table read. I put on something quite simple – black leggings and a white T-shirt – and grab my phone on my bedside table. One text from my mom, eight missed calls from Steve and one text from – oh my god – David.  

‘I reserved a seat for you and Steve right next to me. You’re welcome.’ 

I can’t help but smile. I first met David a month ago when James – James Gunn – decided to organize something at his place so the crew could get to know each other. To my biggest surprise, David and I hit it off immediately. But if I’m being honest with myself, it does not help the huge attraction I have for him.  

‘Are you coming or not?’ Steve yells while jingling his car keys.  

‘Oh my god, I hope you got us coffee before you got here because you’re insufferable right now!’ I yell back. 

_

I take a sip of my coffee as I look out through the window.  

‘Sorry for making us late.’ I say calmer than earlier. 

‘Don’t you have an assistant to help you keep track of all that?’ Steve points out.  

‘Yep. Might fire him.’  

Steve parks the car and I get out of it, coffee in hand. I gaze at the building, and I see the Warner Bros logo at the top of it. I look at my phone and see we’re only ten minutes late, which is not so bad. Chances are we’re not gonna be the only ones late. We enter the building and I follow Steve, who knows this place much better than I do. We arrive in front of door 171 and he opens it for me like the gentlemen that he is. With a loud bang, the door closes behind us and everybody turns around to stare at us. 

‘Hey.’ I say with an apologetic tone.  

‘Have you, at least, brought coffee for everyone?’ James chuckles. 

I mouth a sincere ‘Sorry’ as I look around for my place. I see David in the corner waving at me and Steve. He smiles at me as I sit next to him, and I can feel my face getting a little bit hotter. I really need to calm down. I can’t let him have this much effect on me. 

‘Did you get lost?’ he whispers to me. 

‘Worse than that. I forgot.’ I whisper back and he chuckles a bit.  

He hands me a copy of the script and we finally begin our first table read for The Suicide Squad. James shares with us his thoughts about most parts of the movie, some information we need to know about the underlying messages and all the important dates we need to know about the productions. After a few hours of reading and re-reading some parts, we leave the room and the first I do is lean against the wall in the corridor, holding my rumbling stomach.  

‘Are you pregnant or something?’ Steve said in his mocking tone. 

‘Fuck off, Steve.’ 

He laughs. Being very vocal about not wanting kids, he knows it annoys the shit out of me when he makes those kinds of comments. But since I’ve known him for years and we became good friends, it just became – in a way – a running gag between us. And maybe because most of my attempts at the relationship thing failed because of the baby thing and he knows all about it. He’s an asshole and I love him for that. 

‘All jokes aside, wanna grab a bite? You look like shit.’ 

‘You look like shit.’ I smile at him, and he smiles back, ‘but yeah, we should. Coffee only diet is not good.’ 

‘Wait here. I’ll ask David if he wants to come with us.’ 

Hearing his name makes me a bit weak. I see Steve walking away from me to join another group of the crew a bit farther in the corridor. I lean my head against the wall, and I close my eyes. I’ve only seen David face to face a few times this last month – and never completely alone – so I’m not really used to having him around me yet. Our brand-new friendship mainly developed from the fact that we realized from the get-go we had a lot of things in common and we shared those interests via text messages. You know, Youtube videos and memes as any friends would do. Let’s put the emphasis on the word friends here since, you know, we’re gonna be weeks long together filming and stuff. 

‘Well, hello Clarice.’ 

I smirk at the nickname and open my eyes to see David looking at me with a grin. Since he’s learned that I’m a huge fan of The Silence of the Lambs - and of horror movies in general – he's been calling me Clarice or Miss Sterling from time to time.  

‘Doctor Lecter.’ I say as professionally as possible which makes both of us laugh. 

‘Stop playing around kids, I’m hungry let’s go!’ Steve exclaims. 

_

‘Uh-huh, I can’t agree with that, I’m sorry but -’ I say while chewing on my burger. 

‘Oh my god, really?’ David replies, interrupting me. 

‘Let me explain,’’ I swallow my bite and wave at them to calm down before I continue, ‘look, I do think George Lucas was right to change a few things about his original Star Wars movies since we do have better VFX and CGI for it now. It doesn’t change anything story wise so who cares?’ 

‘Unbelievable.’ David simply said under his breath. 

‘Okay, that’s enough. I don’t care, I’m gonna say it: I’m ashamed to be your friend.’ Steve dead-pan comments. 

‘I have every right to say it and I’m gonna say it goddamn it! George was right!’ I exclaim. 

Both take their faces in their own hands, and I can’t help but chuckle as a sip my milkshake. There’s nothing like creating pure chaos with Star Wars fans. I let them try to explain to me how wrong I was, and I continue eating, amuse. As I am looking at Steve explaining a deep theory about the Star Wars universe, I see from the corner of my eyes that David is glancing at me. I subtly look in his direction and he immediately turn his stare away when our eyes connect. I smirk and turn my attention back to Steve.  

‘So, anyway, that’s why you’re wrong.’ Steve says as a matter of fact. 

‘Sure buddy.’ I laugh.  

Steve rolls his eyes and looks at his phone. He sighs, gets up and puts some cash money on the table. 

‘Gotta go. I have a meeting with some friends for a photography session. You guys have fun.’  

We wave him goodbye and in just a few seconds, he was gone. I turn my attention to David, and it hit me. It’s officially the first time we’re completely alone. Completely, not really, we’re still in a public place but there’s no Steve or no James to keep the conversation going. I’ve never struggled with small talk or any talking really, but somehow, it’s the first time in my entire life where I’m legitimately concerned about me not knowing what to say or what to do.  

‘I didn’t know you were such a drama queen about Star Wars’ I say to David, trying to mock him a bit. 

‘I thought they were called public nuisance now?’  

I let out a sincere laugh, ‘In no way whatsoever you could be a public nuisance.’ 

‘I will take that as a compliment’ he says with a lovely smile. 

Fuck, this friendship is gonna be hard to deal with.  

[littlehollyleaf]

you know the WEIRDEST THING about the spn finale for me?

it is NOT the fact that

everything about it straight up (lol, punny) reads as TRAGEDY from my POV

how it is in every respect THE TRAGIC ENDING to the story

in the way literally all of our protagonists get exactly the opposite of what they want or what the narrative built up as best for them

I mean yes - that sucks imo, cos, as I've talked about before, I feel the narrative shifted from Tragedy a long time ago so a Tragic ending simply doesn't fit

but no the WEIRDEST THING

is that while it's very much a TRAGIC ENDING to my understanding

it's being marketed AS A HAPPY ONE?

like, bittersweet yes, but still, so many things are pushing this reading of an ultimately satisfying conclusion in which the in-universe experiences of our heroes are... good/right/hopeful??

both within the episode itself (eg. Dean's various speeches saying 'what is happening is good and right' and the montage of Sam's life and all the supposed paradise in Heaven) and with the various PR comments about the ending continuing to come out talking about how good or fitting or satisfying the end was

so I just...

???

if they wanted a Tragic ending then... fine

I would have disagreed and been overall disappointed but...

damn if my little Tragic loving heart doesn't beat just a ~little bit faster at the thought of the momentary cathartic ~thrill a full on Tragedy would give

if they had just FULL ON EMBRACED THE TRAGEDY, dear god I'd likely have bawled my eyes out

like, idk, showing Dean really struggling over Cas' loss and the culmination of all their battles, showing him happy like in the show with Sam but falling apart alone so we see his apparent recovery is just a show and he's really spiraling back into suicidal - have Eileen explicitly gone as well and maybe all the AU!hunters too? - show Sam dealing by throwing him and Dean manically into hunting in order to cope with his own trauma and try and keep Dean distracted - have some unanswered messages from Jody, Donna and Garth sounding worried - then when Dean dies make it THE FUCKING AWFUL UNFAIR TRAGIC EVENT IT IS with Dean's speech painfully defeatist - zoom in on that job application after so it's super clear all hope of a future that maybe just maybe Dean was slowly starting to claw back to thinking he could have was stolen - have Sam leaving the Bunker mixed in with him giving devastated 'goodbye don't try and contact me I'm done' messages to the hunting network to emphasise how he's once again trying to run away from and cut out that part of his life - then you could basically have the montage of his life as is just give it a less colourful hue, emphasise how unhappy Sam is, how he's going through the motions, living half a life in denial of both the supernatural world and the side of him that belongs in it - and when he dies... heck, skip the scenes in Heaven completely, leave it ambiguous where Dean and Sam have gone... have a small scene with Sam and his son where Sam mutters something about 'hoping' he'll see his brother soon, but we never know... like, maybe they're in Hell... maybe they are trapped as spirits going slowly insane...

just - if they wanted the Tragic ending they could have

MADE IT ~SO TRAGIC OMG

...but instead we have this weird hybrid monstrosity which is trying to be BOTH Tragic AND Happy and as a result manages to be satisfying as NEITHER

and THAT...

that vexes me

I see a lot of (very legit) criticism about how unfair/unfitting/insulting/etc the ending is for giving the characters and story such tragic outcomes

but I've read so many now that I'm honestly just -

I WISH the finale was THE LEGIT TRAGEDY the criticism complains about

because at least ~I might find some satisfaction in that

the problem is that IT'S NOT

I mean it is, but it's not

because the show (and subsequent PR) doesn't TELL IT like a Tragedy

so the more crit I read pointing out how painfully (~poignantly?) tragic the finale was because of x, y or z the more I want to SCREAM not simply because - yes, said tragedy goes against so much of the prior narrative

but because, GOD, each in depth description of the ways the ending is Tragic is really starting to... ~excite me ('Tragedy is my biggest kink' is a tag of mine for a ~reason)

and I cry inside because that's NOT HOW IT COMES ACROSS IN THE SHOW

so now I'm simultaneously frustrated with the finale for being Tragic AND for NOT BEING TRAGIC ENOUGH

ffs sake fml

[neutron-stars-collision]

The Art of Inversion

Neil x Reader

Chapter 19 - Holy Ground

Masterlist; Chapter 18

Summary: In the days before the mission in Tallinn, you and Neil have a few conversations to clear the air of doubts. Only, the mission itself proves to be a disruption...

Warnings: Swearing; mild violence.

Author’s Notes: Here we go, my favourite mission (and favourite Neil outfit too). This is only part one of the Tallinn action because so much happens... as you’ll see. I’m sorry. I really am. Hope you enjoy and please leave me feedback if you feel like it!

Song mentioned is: ‘Holy Ground’ by Within Temptation (I’ll share it in a post later but basically listen to it after reading and you’ll know why I’m obsessed)

Edit is courtesy of my amazing friend @sh3tani​ once again (ilysm and thanks for everything 💕)

The upcoming days were busy. You have been assigned the task of getting hold of some of the vehicles and artillery TP wanted for the heist in Tallinn. It was difficult, not only because it is actually rather hard to acquire a fire truck with no records left from the transaction, but also because you barely had any clue what you were actually doing. And so, most of the time, you were sat at the dining table in the flat, calling various shady people Neil gave you contacts to. Sometimes, a tea would appear in front of you, courtesy of the other team members thoroughly apologizing for how they handled the ‘alley situation’.

It seemed like your late-night walk and the cold treatment you gave everyone (including Neil) for the next 24 hours afterward worked. The jokes have ended, and contrition took their place, usually in the form of extreme helpfulness, random acts of kindness, and, in Neil’s case, a break from teasing. At least for a short while.

The only development you were not so sure of was the fact that the whole team decided to label your relationship. Not just any label but dating, verging on a couple. And that was rather terrifying. It struck you especially the night before when you have minded your own business in the kitchen. Watching over the pasta boiling on the stove, you listened to the plans made by Ives. He was trying to settle on the best way to track Neil during the heist when he suddenly turned to you with a question:

“Has your boyfriend told you what kind of car they are going for in the end?” the neutral tone made you skim over the term at first.

But then your brain caught up. What?! You almost toppled over the whole pot of pasta onto the floor when trying to drain it. Fuck. Ives was staring at you quizzically, as though confused about your current state.

“I… Who?” you stammered out the question, knowing it will only make everything worse.

“Neil” Ives grinned, “Unless you’ve gone for an open relationship and there’s another boyfriend involved”

“Christ, please stop” sighing, you tried to calm down just enough to function “I believe he’s going for a BMW, don’t know what series but something fast enough just in case there was a chase” triumphantly, you poured the sauce over the noodles.

“I’ll need to give him a call about it” Ives smacked his tongue thoughtfully.

“Feel free” using the opportunity, you grabbed the cutlery and escaped into your room.

Boyfriend? Now that was something to cause anxiety. Because despite everything that happened, all the things you have told Neil and got in return, you had no clue what you were supposed to be. Not really. Yes, sometimes you let yourself entertain the idea that maybe you were together, maybe he was your lover. But… was he? Could he ever be that?

With those thoughts occupying your mind, you only managed to last until afternoon the next day before giving in. After failing to contact a car dealer for the fifth time and realising that you have completely messed up the route plan due to forgetting about important details, you closed the laptop. It was hard to think when all your brain did was give reasons for why Neil would never actually want to be with you. To summarise: you were not enough, naïve, hopeless, and dumb enough to think that someone this incredible could think about you seriously. Stifling the sudden desire to breakdown and give up on everything, you dialed his number. He picked up almost instantly.

“Yes, my love?” your heart clenched at the nickname.

“Hi… um… Do you have a moment?” you cringed at the awkwardness.

“For you? Always”

Maybe, on another day, that would have made you smile. But that was not that kind of a day.

“Neil, I’m serious,” sighing, you rested your head on the cold wall behind your bed.

“What’s wrong?” his tone switched from playful to concerned.

Okay… now there’s no turning back.

“I’ve just been thinking...” you started, debating on the best way to breach the topic.

“Oh no”

Damn him. You cracked a small smile, knowing that was the intention. You could almost picture him at this moment, sat in some absolutely strange position in the armchair, nothing but long legs and ruffled hair. You did have it pretty bad.

“Shut up” you took a deep breath and blurted out “It’s probably stupid, and feel free to ignore this but... what even are we?”

There it is. Your whole existence hanged on his reply. But, of course, Neil needed more clarification than that…

“How do you mean?” his careful tone made your heart rate elevate.

The result was a string of sentences you shot out with the speed of a machine gun.

“Because everyone here assumes we’re dating. And Ives called you my boyfriend last night, and I don’t... I don’t know if that’s what’s going on and-”

“Okay, calm down,” he interrupted your rant “Take a deep breath” he waited until he could hear you exhale to continue “What do you want this to be? Because we’re the only people who have a say about it” the diplomatic tone made you frown.

But then maybe he just wanted to get your point of view before saying anything substantial… Trouble was you had no clue. Picking on a loose thread on your sweater, you sighed:

“I don’t know” maybe this was the right time to give him another piece of mind?  “I always hated labels because when you name something, it becomes real” you admitted, letting yourself slide down onto the pillows.

Nothing could hurt you there. Apart from potential rejection from the likely love of your life. Basically, fml, as the kids say.

“What about good things?” his question caught you off guard.

“Well, yeah, but… once there’s a couple, then there can be a break-up” the insecurity had an answer for that too.

Your cheeks heated up upon saying the word. Because even that felt like a step too far. Like maybe you were clingy. Obnoxious. Someone he could want to get rid of as quickly as possible. Before you decided to back out of the conversation, he replied:

“That’s a rather bleak way of looking at things” it was still that thoughtful tone.

A burden then.

“I know” you groaned, frustrated with yourself.

But the next thing he said was rather surprising…

“I’ll need to work on making you more optimistic. Not because I don’t like you the way you are, but because I want you to realise how wrong you are sometimes” the conviction and practical implications of the statement made you speechless.

The future tense. The admission that he did like you, with your countless issues and overbearing anxiety. It couldn’t be, could it? Neil took your stunned silence as permission to say more:

“From my side, let me say that dating doesn’t quite cut it because it implies not being sure... And…” despite yourself, your ears perked up, wanting to know what he meant.

“Yeah?” you prodded, trying to toe that precarious line between curiosity and fear of rejection.

“I’m not really in the trial stages anymore. Don’t think I’ve ever been” he clearly wanted to tell you more but was holding back.

Maybe it was for the better. Before you could think about a response to that, Neil added:

“Basically, we don’t have to use any labels. We’re just us” the simplicity of that statement broke through your resolve, making tears well up “Me and you. We know best what that implies and no one else matters” quietly, you sobbed, and he laughed before choosing to put that final nail in the metaphorical coffin “You’re my love, and that’s the only nickname I need” Neil sounded happy, as though despite your worries, he wanted to say that “I can be your idiot, as long as I’m yours” the punchline came with an audible smug smile.

Oh my god. You laughed, with tears still silently falling down your cheeks and heart hammering in your chest. He was impossible. Absolutely impossible. Suddenly asking that crucial question was not that scary. Because maybe today was the day when would tell you, without alcohol or worries prompting the confession. Taking the plunge, you spoke:

“Neil, do you-”

“Yes, I do,” he interrupted you with an answer.

“I haven’t even asked the question” you frowned, unsure whether that kind of an answer was better than a confession.

Because, yes, he already said it once (almost twice), but both those have been anything but thoughtful. And your ever doubting brain was quick to use that fact against you.

“But I know the answer” he sounded certain.

Perhaps too certain.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to tell you over the phone” Neil sighed heavily on the other end “Listen, I have to go… but call me or text if you need to talk” he hesitated before adding, “No matter what I want you to remember what I said that night in London”

Oh… It was the first time any of you brought it up. You just assumed it was one of the things that just slipped out in an unguarded moment. You wanted it to be true, but then that was too risky. But maybe not…?

“I heard you” you whispered despite being alone in the room.

“I know” you could picture the soft smile he sometimes gave you “Goodbye, my love. Good luck with work” at the reminder of the piles of papers still waiting, you groaned, causing him to laugh.

“Will be needed since what you’ve assigned me is close to impossible” the change of the topic was dearly welcomed.

Grabbing the laptop again, you opened it up and felt all the motivation dissolve upon the sight of the route waiting to be planned. Coffee will be needed. And maybe whiskey too.

“I believe in you,” Neil broke your brooding with a comment, “And it’s not really me who assigned it” you rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. Bye, idiot” unable to stop the grin on your face, you ended the call.

So maybe it was worth calling… Even if only to learn that he was in fact yours. And that he did not mind your insecurity or moments of anxiety. Maybe all this had some more potential than heartbreak and tragedy? Ignoring all the thoughts, you focused on the workload. After all, someone had to get all those bloody vehicles on time for the boys to play with.

*** The closer it got to the day, you could feel the tensions rising within the team. Partially it was your own fault and the fact that you were nervous. The plan was vague enough. What you and Ives’ squad knew was that TP intended to take over the plutonium 241 on the move, specifically on the highway leading out of the city. For some reason, he needed a fire truck and a firefighter suit for that. You had no clue why, but you blamed it on the boyish dreams of being a firefighter. Sure they all had those.

Neil was simply the designated driver and mission coordinator, and you hoped that meant he would stay out of harm. As much as that was possible for an idiot like him. You were not allowed to meet to stop TP from getting suspicious, and so all you could do was rely on texts and daily phone calls to keep you from going insane. The downside of the situation was that you could not slap Neil when he said questionable things. Examples being referring to the heist car as sexy (“And what if I told that it’s not the BMW that’s sexy?” “I’d be flattered”) and calling you his girlfriend on the call with Ives. That second incident resulted in the squad leader acting all smug because he apparently ‘figured it all out’. He did not, but who were you to prove him wrong.

And so, you perfected the plan, finished all the assigned tasks, and waited on instructions concerning the day of the mission. When they came, the message was simple – sit on your assess and wait, just in case the Cavalry was needed. You did not specifically like that ‘waiting’ part. Especially since Ives began insisting that you do not actually join them in the field. In his mind, the safest place for you was the flat. Not being a part of the squad and not having enough experience were the main factors acting against you. And you hated the fact that he was right. That is until the evening before the mission when an unexpected text from TP came. You were busy trying to understand the rules of a strange competition show on the television when your phone buzzed. Expecting something nonsensical from Neil, you picked it up instantly. Only to get shocked by the number on display. The message was straightforward:

“Join the squad in the field in Tallinn. You must be there”

Right… When you were asking the universe for help, you did not expect that. But it was better than nothing.

Without a further ado, you got up and wandered over to Ives, who was sat with Wheeler and Michael at the table. Upon your approach, the Brit looked up:

“Don’t tell me you’ve got some last-minute changes from Neil” his blue eyes were hazed with concern.

“No, I’ve got something better” you passed him the phone and waited for a response.

The widened stare and arched eyebrow was the initial reaction.

“He wouldn’t have sent if it wasn’t important” you added, hoping to win the case.

“I don’t get it” Ives sighed heavily, leaning back in the chair.

He glanced at Michael, who nodded and left the room. You just assumed that the discussion was not meant for any ordinary squad member.

“Apologies for my language, but you’re not a bloody soldier, and it might get rough out there” Ives spoke up again after a beat “And I don’t want to fucking worry about your safety amidst all the other mess” he met your gaze warily.

It was a little embarrassing to be considered a burden. You flinched internally before trying another approach.

“I know, but Neil might need me” as soon as you said the words, Ives scowled.

Of course, that just sounded like a lovesick teenager fighting for a hopeless case. And you hated that. But his very next words triggered the remains of resolve.

“Frankly, darling-”

You broke into a laugh, knowing the quotation well.

“I swear, if you quote Gone with the Wind right now, I’ll do something stupid” as a warning, you grabbed hold of the knife lying on the table, making Wheeler snicker quietly “Please, let me go out there. I can track his GPS signal or something. And well, you know that I’ve got a good aim. It might count for something” pleading was not your forte either but at the end of the speech, Ives’ gaze softened.

Maybe? He sighed once again before leaning his forehead on the folded forearms on the table.

“If you get hurt, he’ll kill me” he muttered gloomily.

“You’re exaggerating” you bit back a dry chuckle.

“No, he’s not” your head snapped up at the sound of Wheeler’s voice “But I’ve got to back you here if TP sent that text, then it’s probably important” she looked at you with a small smile.

“Thank you” you grinned back, grateful for the support.

With the days spent among men almost exclusively, Wheeler’s company meant a lot. Soon she became the only person you were willing to discuss your worries with. Because she was not keen on cracking dumb jokes about your relationship and asked questions that did not only concern Neil. And that was a welcomed change.

“You really need to be careful though, because Neil cares about you. Which probably makes you the most important person on this squad” her voice broke through your thoughts.

You knew she meant well, but the statement still made your cheeks heat up. Because did he really care?

“Don’t. You’re making me all flustered” deciding you’ve had enough of the awkwardness you got up to fix a tea.

“Well, I’m only speaking the truth here” turning back to the table, you saw Wheeler shrug “The physics boy took his fancy upon you, and that’s no funny business” she grinned at your perplexed expression.

Briefly, you glanced at Ives, who seemed to have given up on fighting with you and instead was listening in to the conversation with a neutral facial expression. The kettle boiling was your cue to respond:

“Great” semi-aggressively, you threw the tea bag into the mug poured the water “Did he though?” you asked, not even looking at them or expecting an answer.

“Yep,” Wheeler stood up and gave you a quick reassuring shoulder squeeze.

“I’ve never seen him like this before” Ives added once you turned to face him again.

That tea could not brew any longer…

“Not even with…” you hesitated before adding quietly, “Alex?”

“Not quite,” the man gave you an enigmatic smile, only increasing your frustration “You’ve convinced me though. You’re coming with us. Just please, for the sake of my sanity, be careful out there” you resisted the urge to jump up in relief “Because I’d rather not deal with an angry Neil. He’s a pain in the ass enough” Ives added darkly before getting up and joining you by the kitchen counter.

Smiling, you finished the tea.

“Thanks. I’ll do my best” playfully, you nudged his shoulder with yours “You can always blame me though” picking up the mug, you turned towards the corridor.

“As though he’d care” Ives muttered at your back.

The sudden surge of confidence was surprising yet also inspiring:

“I’d make him care. There are some things even he can’t say no to”

The last thing you heard upon closing the door to the bedroom was Ives choking on water.

*** The Tallinn mission for you began with an early morning phone call from Neil. You got as far as getting out of bed after having been staring at the ceiling anxiously for the past three hours when the phone rang.

“Morning,” you muttered, stifling a yawn.

Espresso was certainly needed. Maybe two, before you would have to head out.

“Hey,” the soft tone felt like a mild punch “I’m glad you’re up already” Neil’s sleepy voice made you wish you could wake up together again.

There was always that slightly husky tinge to it, the way he lazily pronounced some words just because it was early still. So different from the enthusiastic overenunciation when he was preaching another messed up plan of his. Or the cheeky inflections he tended to use with you during banter. It was terrifyingly easy to get to know him that well because of how open he was with you.

“I couldn’t sleep. But it’s okay I’ll manage” you admitted, distracting yourself from the sudden thoughts “I didn’t tell you last night, but I got another text from TP… he wants me to join the squad today”

From the moment you have shut the bedroom door the previous night, you have debated calling Neil about it. But then he initiated another rather amusing texting exchange focusing on his fashion choices, and you felt bad disrupting the peace. It could wait. Not anymore. You held your breath until Neil responded with a simple question:

“Why?” he was careful, and you could not blame him for it.

You perched on the windowsill and looked out at the quiet cityscape. The streets were strangely empty for a weekday morning. Sighing, you answered in the best way possible:

“I don’t know, but Ives said yes after some coaxing, so I might see you out there” smiling despite yourself, you waited for his response.

Since recently you had to rely on phone calls, it became increasingly easy to determine his mood based on the tone of the reply. Or on the various nonverbal noises he sometimes made. Now there was a quiet hum proceeding the sentence. A surprise, mild confusion, and worry. Brilliant.

“As much as I’m happy we might meet… and that you can see me in that sexy car,” you rolled your eyes awaiting the point “Please, be careful. I need you safe”

It was not disappointing. You knew he did not intend it that way, and yet the anxiety fuelled brain was onto it instantly. I need you… safe. Unable to stop the comment, you muttered:

“Just safe, then”

“What?” any hope that he might have missed it dissolved with that single question.

Could he for once not listen to what you say? You know, like men tended to do. But then Neil was by no means an ordinary man.

“Nothing. Don’t mind me” the attempt at saving your dignity failed too.

“I thought it goes without saying that I do need you. And that I want you”

Oh god. At once, you wanted to smash your head into the wall and to kiss the bastard for being the way he was. Adding to that sentence, the mental image of his sheepish smile was enough to make your heart speed up. When the silence stretched, becoming awkward, you whispered a reply.

“It’s good to hear it sometimes” the coldness of the window glass cooled off your blazed cheeks, “Especially when I don’t actually believe it” he knew that by now, undoubtedly.

Here the nonverbal cue was a half-choked sigh. Annoyance. Frustration.

“You should. I don’t go around telling everyone that” Neil’s confident voice was trying to pull you back “And I certainly don’t have moments as we do with anyone else” at the implication, you felt flustered again.

Because there did not an hour go by without you thinking about what happened. The pull between you was startling at times. The absolute desire you felt. The way Neil knew exactly how to make you remember every second of every moment. With the memories flooding your brain, you could only utter a single question:

“Why me?”

It was curiosity. Because apart from that evening months ago when you first tried to make sense of your budding relationship, he never said why he cared about you. And you would never dare ask. But now, with everything that happened, it was worth trying. And Neil was willing to deliver:

“I’m not sure. Maybe it’s because you’re the bravest, kindest, most beautiful person I know” you could only keep on listening with your mouth agape “You fascinate me, and I want to discover all that you’re willing to give me” he finished in a reverent whisper.

That was not what you expected to hear. Not now. Not ever. Speechless, you wondered whether maybe this time it was not a mistake to give your heart away. It was too late. He had everything but your body; that was just a matter of time.

“Neil, I…” this was all you could manage, afraid you would give away another confession.

“Well, you’ve asked,” he chuckled lightly and then asked, “Are you okay?” you could picture that crease between furrowed eyebrows.

“I suppose-” a loud knock on your door interrupted the sentence; it was time, “I think I should probably join them for the final briefing…” hesitantly, you jumped off the sill.

Only two of you could be interrupted during such an important conversation.

“Go, I won’t keep you. Believe me, though, when I say that I want nothing but to be with you. In every way possible” your breath hitched at the connotation behind the sentiment.

Jesus, this man…

“That’s rather mutual,” like a secret you passed it to him on a sigh “But only when you’re not an ass” that was a much-needed distraction for you both.

There was work to be done, after all. You could hear the commotion in the apartment rise in volume and strength.

“I’ll do my best then. Good luck, darling” you grinned at the nickname he was determined to use.

Darling, you could do with. It was better than the ‘love’ that always made you feel like you were just another one among many.

“Don’t do anything stupid I still owe you a few slaps… and a payback” you added the necessary suggestive tone to the last word.

The rest was up to him to figure out. Which he did, if the pleased laughed was anything to go by.

“I’m very much looking forward to all of those” you missed that smirk.

“You should. Bye, my idiot,” you debated saving his number as that in your phone.

Maybe it was the way forwards.

“My love,” laughing, you ended the call when he uttered the words just for the sake of it.

But then that was Neil’s essence – doing things just because. Or to get a reaction from you. And you would not have it any other way.

*** Only when sitting in that bloody SUV, you learned the true meaning of waiting. And how much you hated to do that. There was nothing to do apart from sweating in the protective gear and avoiding the awkward small talk others were susceptible to. The squad has cramped into two non-descript vehicles, and you being the so-called precious cargo, ended up in the same car with Ives who have sworn to protect you. Only, for the first half-hour, there was nothing to protect you from. Apart from anxiety, boredom, and frustration.

Your role was rather simple – follow Neil’s signal on the map to know where you might be needed should he call for backup. As much as you did enjoy the possibility of tracking his movements somehow, you did not appreciate the cheeky smile Ives had on his face when he gave you the job. Or the comment combined with it: “Well, he’s your boyfriend, it’s only fair you keep him on the metaphorical leash here”. That is how the small blinking dot on the map of Tallinn became your sole focus for the past hour. Just before everything kicked off, Neil radioed you with a simple message: The mission is about to start. Wait for further instructions.

Ever since your morning phone call and the revelations that came out, you only exchanged a few texts concerning the practicalities of the action. Despite the nerves, you did hope to see him in near future. Even if just to check whether what he said was true. Looking for a distraction from the sudden thoughts, you glanced at the screen again. They were near, on the main junction of the highway, heading towards the port. Your SUVs were parked underneath a small overpass, five minutes away in the current traffic conditions. Which proved to be convenient, as it turned out.

“Is he still following the set route?” Ives’s question brought you to the present moment.

“Yeah, they’re-” you glanced to double-check the exact location when you realised that something has changed.

The dot was not moving. It was still blinking, but clearly, they have stopped at a crossing. Traffic lights? Your brain somehow knew that it could not be that simple. You opened your mouth to voice the thoughts when the comm came alive on the dashboard with static crackling:

“We need back up here. ASAP”

“Roger that” Ives tossed you the radio “Ask him about the details”

Without waiting for more information, Michael fired up the SUV engine as Ives contacted the second vehicle.

“Neil” you spoke into the receiver “What happened?” you flinched at the louder noise from the radio.

Gunshots?

“We’ve been ambushed by Sator’s people. TP’s status unknown”

Bloody brilliant. Swallowing down the rising worries, you asked another question:

“How many people?” another gunshot pierced the silence.

“Not sure. They’ve gotten clean up orders” a strained breath from Neil told you how bad the situation was.

“Okay. We’ll be there soon” you glanced at the road ahead.

Still, 2 mins to go. Anxiety was threatening to overpower you at any moment. But now was not the time.

“Hurry up” Neil closed the channel with a final dose of static.

Fuck… Forcing a deeper breath, you could only watch as you got closer to him. The sheer thought of something happening to Neil was unimaginable. That was enough to trigger panic. So you pushed the idea to the back of your head, focusing on the distance disappearing.

There was no mistaking the fact that you have been led to the right place. Crashed cars, asphalt littered with glass shards and broken parts, gunshots piercing the air. The destination looked like a car pile-up from an action sequence. Frantically looking through the windows, you tried to spot that blonde head. To no avail. The SUV came to a sharp halt as the squad members began jumping out of the vehicle. Once everyone else disembarked, you moved to follow them, only to be stopped by Ives:

“You’re staying here. I can’t have you out in the shoot-out” his blue gaze was stern, hand blocking exit out of the car.

The idea that you were so close to Neil and could not see him was enough to make you angry.

“I can handle myself. And he’s-” you spit out the words in the face of the squad leader while trying to push him away.

“I said no. The conversation’s over” with a final glare, he stepped away and scanned the horizon for immediate danger “If someone approaches the car, you know what to do,” he threw as a parting remark and disarmed the rifle.

Fucking hell! Groaning in frustration, you kicked one of the seats. He was so close. You glanced at the device in your hand. He could not be further than behind the first line of crashed cars. Biting on your lip harshly, you quickly went over the options. One was to obey Ives and stay inside the bloody SUV like a well-behaved child everyone apparently took you for. No one seemed to care about the vehicles you parked on the outskirts of the action. Flinching at the further salve from the heavy artillery, you knew that the squad had joined the fray. You could be safe here… but… Taking a deep breath you knew there was no possibility you could stay away from the action. Not when Neil was there, potentially in danger. It was not possible to give up on someone that important just because you were told to. Christ…

Glancing through the windows again, you could see Sator’s people attempting to clear the place. The squad evidently attempted to push at them from one side, hoping to get a clean sweep that way. Then, just as you were about to go back to the internal crisis overwhelming your thoughts, you did a double-take. Surely not? You would recognize that hair colour everywhere. There he was attempting what was looking like a skirting manoeuvre to circle the mercenaries with the Cavalry on the opposite side. Only that left him completely uncovered, in the direct line of fire. Bloody idiot. The instinct to jump out and run to him kicked in. The only thing holding you back was the fact that you would disobey the orders. And leave the car unguarded. All the hesitation disappeared once the comm in the car crackled with static:

“Emergency assistance needed. ASAP” the tension in his voice made your pulse quicken.

The lack of response from the team made all the blood drain from your face. You could see him trying to hide behind some overturned car. The henchmen were near enough to get him with no problem.

That thought was all the convincing you needed. Swearing, you quickly pocketed the tracking device, adjusted your protective gear, and grabbed the gun. You have been offered a rifle (just in case), but you preferred the classic. At least it was something right?

In two leaps, you have covered the distance. With the team trying to get through the attack line on the other side, it was just you and Neil. You shot a round in the direction of the approaching merc, missing the target yet earning attention from the main object of your focus. His eyes met yours across the plane. You could see shock, worry, and something else there. Suddenly a salve whizzed past you. The bullets cutting through the air all around, shooting past your head and piercing the car behind. A strangled yell from Neil was a surprising reaction, yet you did not blink twice. He was all you could see. With a final surge through the field, you reached him. The pure fury and anguish in his eyes took you aback. Have you missed something? But there was no time to ask questions.

“Go, I’ll cover you” you whispered, looking at the approaching group of mercs.

Neil took an additional moment to stare at you as though he could not quite believe you were there. But then he jumped up, aiming the gun at the man closest to you. The same that undoubtedly attempted to take you out seconds prior. When the mercenary fell with a bullet in the head, you stared in shock. There was no time to recover as Neil pushed through, barely looking behind at you. It was surprisingly easy to tune out the emotions, taking out anyone who could threaten him or halt your advances. You worked well together, movements in sync enough to stun the opponents on a few occasions. For a second, you wondered whether it was only bound to get better the closer you get to each other. That was certainly an interesting idea… In no time you have met with the line of the squad, watching on as Ives dealt with the last man standing. You have won. The adrenaline started to leave your body, resulting in tremors and shaking hands. Clutching the gun to prevent it from cluttering to the ground, you met the exasperated gaze of the squad leader. Your only response was a shrug. You did not regret the decision, seeing as you have evidently helped them in the field.

“Neil? Do you know where TP is?” Ives took his attention off you and looked at the blonde man.

You followed his gaze, for the first time actually looking at Neil since you spotted him across the plane. At the moment, you were struck by what a sight he was. Navy shirt with sleeves rolled up to expose the forearms covered with veins. The same tie he had on during your walk. Your pulse quickened. The vest drawing attention to the ratio between his broad shoulders and narrow hips, accentuated with a belt. Brown loose-cut trousers and scrapped leather shoes adding a classy touch. You were aware that you were staring yet unable to look away. Not knowing whether to blame it on the adrenaline rush, you wanted nothing but to touch him. Take off those driving gloves that piqued your interest at the first sight. Or have them be wrapped around your throat with just enough pressure. Get rid of the tie again. And…

“Think Sator took him” Neil’s response broke through your increasingly hazy thoughts.

Shaking off the images that started appearing, you looked up at his face again. The ruffled hair and flushed cheeks were not helpful. Fuck’s sake. It had to be stress. Because what else?

“Their place in the port?” Ives asked, his tone nothing but strict business.

“That’s my bet” Neil shrugged, looking around with something dark in his eyes.

He was tense, like a feral animal that could lash out any moment. You were not wrong. The cold blue gaze settled on you almost remorsefully, but before you could open your mouth, he snapped:

“What the fuck were you thinking?” the hostile edge to his voice was new.

You flinched as though you have been hit. The lack of physical impact did not matter. Your heart stammered. He need not explain what it was about. Please no.

“You needed a cover. They weren’t responding, so I did the obvious” you shrugged, feeling the anger grow “And I could ask you the same question” spitting the sentence into his face, you took a step closer.

You have never seen him that furious. Not even in Oslo after your little fuck-up. The sight was both terrifying and alluring. The dark blue eyes blazed with fury. Jaw clenched. Slight pink tint on the cheeks. And yet, still, you had no idea why he reacted like this.

“I knew what I was doing. That’s the difference” the coldness of his voice threw you off.

So it was real. He did mean it. You tried to save him, and here he was, pissed off at you. Making you almost regret it. Almost, because the love was there too. Not giving away no matter what.

“That’s bullshit” it felt good to admit, “You were reckless, as always, and expecting me to-” your rant got interrupted by a strangled yell.

Nothing prepared you for the revelation then. Or the sudden anguish on his face.

“You were almost shot!” Neil’s eyes glistened as though he was close to tears.

Suddenly it made sense. The rain of bullets you were hit with just before getting to him. The way he reacted. But you made it. Nothing happened. So why was he acting like that?

“Almost” ignoring the growing pain in your chest, you pointed out the obvious.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Ives and the rest of the squad observing you. You would rather not have an audience, but then Neil seemed determined to drive his point forward. His face scrunched into a pained scowl.

“Fucking hell,” turning away from your gaze, his back tensed even more “You can’t do shit like that just because I’m involved” the defensive tone took you aback.

What? It was getting worse. You could feel the confidence leaving your body as you struggled for a response. You would never think Neil would do something like that. Not after everything you have told him. Figuring out the only way you that could work, you took your own line of attack.

“Who says I did it only because it was you?” the implication hurt because it was partially correct “Quite an ego you’ve got there” his back was still turned to you.

That angered you even more. Crossing the distance, you placed your hand on his shoulder, making him turn to you. He flinched upon the contact as though your touch burned him. Oh my god. The tears welled up in your eyes. It could not be real. But the emotionless look in the eyes you thought you knew was very much real. It was as though before you realised Neil has built up a wall, guarding himself against you. And there was nothing you could do to get through. You got shocked by the cruel smirk that split his face.

“I can see the way you look at me. As though you wanted to-” you interrupted him sharply.

“Neil”

It was too much. Perhaps because it was true. But he was not done. Persistent to keep going.

“Admit it. It’s because you said some things, and now you can’t bear the thought of losing the object of your affection” the careless tone and the words pierced your heart with gut-wrenching pain “Well, you see, sometimes feelings need to be put aside” he added, almost casually.

Fuck. You gasped, unable to keep a straight face. He might as well see what he has done. Some things. So this is how much your confession meant to him. Good to know. You wanted to slap him, but you felt like that could turn back on you. So instead, you made sure to straighten your back, putting on the familiar mask of neutrality. You have done this before. Probably should have expected it. Only why did it hurt ten times more?

“Can we leave the bloody lovers quarrel till later?” Ives’s voice pierced through the tension.

But you were not ready. Raising your hand in a stopping motion, you turned back to Neil. His face was terrifyingly indifferent. Maybe it was all an act. Or maybe it was just that easy for him to get over whatever you thought you had. A lie. Gathering the smithereens of confidence, you forced a levelled tone:

“Says you. As though you’re acting out of reason right now” you gave him your best impression of the sneer visible on his face.

You could crumble at any moment now. Only the pounding in your ears and the wounded pride were keeping you upwards. But Neil wanted to destroy everything.

“More than you” he glanced at the team waiting impatiently “I really thought you’d know better than this” the punchline was more than you could take.

No. Please no. Your knees buckled, and you swayed. But then you caught the flash of concern in his eyes. Just for a split of a second. So it was not all cold and hatred? You heard Ives huff out a string of curses. There was no time for this. Whatever it even was. Honesty it was then.

“Better than to give away my heart to someone like you? Evidently not” you met his eyes for the final time before walking away in the direction of the SUVs.

The shock you saw in Neil’s face was enough to fuel the survival instincts. With the heart broken or not, the mission was still on. And the rest was silence.

[ri-ahhh]

being like absolute bffs w gray and the two of do everything together and you have been trying to find him girlfriends and people to meet but he never wants to and he realizes that he only wants you and is deeply in love

“How did it go with Skylar the other night?”

You and Grayson are walking down the boardwalk in Venice on a friend date, digging into your snowcones to combat the heat of the summer’s day. In a bid to get him that girlfriend he so desperately wants, you’d set him up with one of your coworkers. They’d gone out the night before, and you’re itching to hear how it went from his perspective.

He shrugs, taking a moment to chew the ice in his mouth. ���She was nice.”

“That means she sucked,” you groan. “Or, she literally sucked. Which one?”

Grayson lets out that open-mouth belly laugh that he always does when he’s a little embarrassed.

“She didn’t suck and she didn’t suck,” he insists, nudging you in the arm with his elbow. “I mean, she tried. But, I don’t know. She just...wasn’t my type.”

You frown. Skylar certainly seemed like his type to you: pretty; athletic; and bubbly, if a bit annoying at times in your opinion. What doesn’t surprise you is that she was that bold on the first date — and a first blind date at that. She had nearly gone out of her mind when you mentioned over your shared lunch break that she and Grayson might get along.

“So you want more of a challenge?”

“You could say that.”

You nod to yourself, and try to work through what that means. It’s for a later time, though, and you hum in resignation. “Well, thanks. I can already hear the rundown I’m gonna get at work, wondering why you didn’t call her back or what she did wrong.”

Grayson holds up his hands, or as much as he can with a styrofoam cup in one hand and a spoon in the other. “I’ll be honest with her, I promise.”

You laugh bemusedly. Poor, naive Grayson. “That’s not gonna be enough for a girl like Skylar. Be prepared to answer questions as if you’ve been dating for three months and you’re suddenly dumping her.”

“Fuck,” he sighs, tipping his head back exasperatedly. “You know, I appreciate the effort, but you don’t have to set me up with these girls.”

That offends you some, and you scowl up at him. Granted, Skylar was the third girl you’ve tried to fix him up with this month that he’s decidedly nixed without so much as a second date, but he’s the one that keeps saying he wants a relationship. “Excuse me. I just want you to be happy.”

“I am happy,” he counters.

You deadpan him. “Is that so, Mr. Mopey Pants?”

Grayson has just taken another bite of snowcone, and his shoulders hunch as he fights not to spit it out with his laughter. “I’m not Mr. Mopey Pants, what the fuck!” he exclaims once he swallows.

“You are!” you argue back. The octave of your voice lowers down in your chest in imitation of his deep voice. “‘Ethan’s so happy with his girl, I want commitment, what’s wrong with me that girls just wanna fuck?’”

Grayson is silent for a moment, and you smirk triumphantly.

“That’s not what my voice sounds like.”

You giggle and smack his thick, banded bicep with the back of your spoon hand. And you’ll never admit it in that moment, but you can’t help but appreciate how it just bounces off the solid muscle without so much as a flinch from him. You swallow, and take a hurried bite of your own snowcone, your body heated by more than the sun now.

***

You were right.

Skylar keeps blowing me up.

Fml

You purse your lips to contain your amused grin, and eye Skylar in the office caddy corner to yours. She’s undeniably hunched over her phone, fingers flying and her shoulders drawn tight.

Poor baby. The pretty girl likes him.

🙄 make her stop

How? Walk over and take her phone away?

Yes! If you have to!

Fight my battle for me pls. Especially cuz this is half your fault

You bite your lip and consider the truth in that. He doesn’t need to know it might have been intentional, too. You know what he wants; he just needs to see for himself what he doesn’t, so the right thing will be clear as day to him when it comes along.

How about you block her and I’ll make you dinner to say sorry?

The little bubbles appear and disappear for the longest 30 seconds of your life, until finally his response pops up.

Alright it’s a date.

And it better be vegan😉

You roll your eyes but... a date. You’re not mad at that phrasing.

He lets himself into your apartment later that night while you’re tossing some spiralized zucchini noodles in the dressing you made to go with them. He looks good, casual in his shorts and hoodie, but his hair is the neatest you’ve seen it in a while.

“Hey,” you greet, reaching for the halved cherry tomatoes sitting in a bowl next to you. “Almost done.”

“No rush,” he says, sidling up to you and plucking a tomato out of the bowl sneakily.

You turn slightly to admonish him playfully, only to realize how close he’s standing. He smells like he’s fresh from the shower layered under his signature scent — clean and masculine and familiar.

You can’t help but lean into his broad chest and his arm wraps around your back in return. It’s immensely comforting, and you smile in contentment. “Doesn’t get much more vegan than raw veggies, huh?”

“I don’t think so,” Grayson chuckles. He surprises you by pressing a gentle kiss into your hair, and immediately goosebumps flare down the back of your neck — that’s new.

You clear your throat. “Is it an acceptable form of contrition for purposefully setting you up with nice but clingy girls?”

He gasps dramatically, and you roll your eyes with a smile. “I knew it was on purpose!”

“I just thought you needed to see both sides of the dating pool,” you explain, dropping the salad tossers in the bowl so you can turn to face him fully. Your arms slip around his waist while his do the same to you so you’re wrapped up in each other. “The crazies and the normals.”

Grayson cocks a brow. “From what I remember, they were all crazies, though.”

Gathering your nerve, you tug your lower lip between your teeth and chew nervously before locking eyes with him. Something is changing between you two, but those hazel orbs are as warm and open as ever. It’s still just Grayson.

“What about me? Where do I fall in those labels?”

He looks shocked for a moment, but then his face starts to light up in understanding. “Oh, definitely crazy,” he says, laughing loudly when you scoff and pinch his side. He brings a hand to your chin, tipping it up between his thumb and forefinger so he knows he has your full attention. “But in the best way. My favorite way.”

Your head is in the clouds, nearly outside of yourself as a warm ball whirls in your stomach, your chest tight from excitement and happiness.

You’ll argue about who made the first move later, but you’re rising to your bare tiptoes and he’s ducking down so your lips can meet for the first time. It’s chaste and warm and soft, and you let out an embarrassing little sigh that he reciprocated with a grin against your mouth, before pursing his lips a couple more times against yours. He smooths a calloused hand down your cheek as he pulls back, both of you wearing dopey, matching smiles as the relief hits that only comes with realizing deeper feelings run mutually.

Needless to say, your last setup for him has been a certifiable success.

[bangtae-sohotddaeng]

we’ll be counting stars | k.th. | 3

(^ gif cred: ON THE VOYAGE | pinterest)

pairing: idol!Taehyung x publisher!Reader

rating: nc-17 (for language and themes)

summary: You’d sworn off love and relationships forever. You were here to do your job - work with the biggest boyband of the world. Not forge friendships and...and whatever it was that you and Taehyung were building up with these sneaky glances. It was, to be very fair, your Chief Editor’s fault that you’d landed in this mess. Maybe you should quit your job? Maybe you should quit life -

Oh, he was staring again, and did he freaking lick his lips?

warnings: swearing (reader’s got a potty mouth) + this is set like 5 years in the future + reader has emotional issues, she's a relationship phobe + mentions of weed

genre: so much ANGST ugh + fluff + comedy + some crack

words: 5 k

note: hey, y'all. so last month i went on a new year's trip to my boyfriend's city (yes, covid has forced us into an ldr, fml) and got too occupied in all the celebrations and reunions, and this got delayed. also, you might have noticed how the chapters progressively grow wordier, lmao i'd been confused. but i think i've found the perfectly comfortable number now. expect this length from now on. thank you for reading~💜

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You were, to be very honest, a complete mess at this point.

You hadn’t been quite certain as to what to expect when you’d picked Jungkook’s name out of the bowl in your office, but you could say with certainty that it hadn’t been even close to this. 

This boy was brimming with ideas! You hadn’t been able to get a single sentence in the midst of his own enthusiastic chatter, with words and ideas folding and layering all over each other. All you had done was nod, mumble words of agreement and appreciation—that you were pretty sure he didn’t even hear—and type it all. Freaking typing. So much typing.

So basically, the entirety of yesterday spent fussing over the repertoires to ensure that the list of tasks for the first set of three weeks were well-constructed had led to this—not being able to so much as tell him about the questions your team had so meticulously framed! You felt irked, amused, exasperated, exhausted, and at the same time, really fucking lost. 

How were you supposed to interrupt him without disrespecting him? You didn’t have a great amount of tact and usually just cut to the chase. Which was generally an appreciated quality in your profession, because no writer wanted to be just lathered with compliments to later find out his work was actually bullshit that no one wanted to read. But this situation was different. You felt pressured, nervous and out of your element. Because you really had no idea how to respectfully stop this guy from making a mess of all your hard work.

He was Jeon freaking Jungkook of BTS, for God’s sake!

How could you shut him up?

You were both in Jungkook’s personal studio in the BTS dorm. The boy was seated on a couch across the coffee table from your own, literally swimming in a trillion size bigger t-shirt and some loose sweatpants. His hair floof-ed all over the place as he spoke, bubbling and bursting with enthusiasm. Which he was doing a lot of. Speaking, that is.

For the better part of two hours now, you’d been listening to him go on and on about what all he wanted to include in the book. Your fingers were nearly cramping with all the typing, but you’d promised the guys no recorders and you didn’t wanna miss anything he said. But it was freaking difficult with the speed he was going at! 

And also with the mess and reluctance in your own head. You were used to pulling the reins with writers. This situation was making you feel incompetent.

You hadn’t even touched your list, yet. What would your teammates think of you if their very team leader failed to finish with the assigned data collection and messed up the team’s hard work? Ugh!

Currently, Jungkook was having you make a list of all the people he needed to talk about in the book.

“And there was this boy my age, Ji-Hyun, he was so much better than me at everything! It is him, truly, that I credit my overachieving traits to. I had to work so, so hard—oh! Please also note down Mun-Hee’s name! She was the best dancer in my entire school. So… wait, where was I?” He looked up at you with wide big, round eyes.

You opened your mouth to speak—was this when you asked him to shut up? It had to be, right, because this was the first time he’d actually prompted you to speak. 

You meant to take your shot, but then stopped. You blinked. Looked back at your laptop. Blinked again. 

You were so confused, right now. “Uh, Ji-Hyun was better than you—”

“Oh yes!” Jungkook exclaimed, launching off into a detailed story about how and in what respects, exactly, this guy was better than Jungkook.

You shut your eyes. This had gone beyond “taking notes” and was quickly turning into Jungkook enthusiastically reminiscing his childhood and freaking telling you tales about it. And he seemed to be enjoying himself so thoroughly, looking so adorable, that it felt very wrong to ask him to stop even when you tried to avoid the added pressure of him being a whole ass idol.

But you had actual work to do. And you were leading a team. You couldn’t act so unprofessionally.

In hindsight, maybe you shouldn’t have told the boys that this was going to be like “making friends.” Jungkook seemed to have taken it too literally.

Biting down on your lip, you cleared your throat. He didn’t acknowledge it. Sighing, you shut your laptop. “Jungkook?”

This time, he stopped mid-word, looking at you with his lips rounded in a pout, sparkling eyes turning into saucers. 

Now, you were in no way attracted to the guy, but you really could not deny how freaking cute he looked in the moment. 

“All okay?” he asked, looking at you and then the shut laptop on your lap.

You took a deep breath, winced a little, and then shook your head. “No, Jungkook. We need to pause…” You had to stop speaking when his face crumpled. “Whoa…um?”

Jungkook slumped in his place, shoulders sinking. “I’ve been giving horrible ideas, haven’t I?”

Your eyes widened. “What? No! Absolutely not! That isn’t the case, I was…”

He wiped his face with both his hands before looking at you with really sad eyes, all enthusiasm from some time ago washed away. “Then what? You can tell me, it’s okay.”

Now. You prided yourself to be a practical human being who strived to be as straightforward in her life as possible. But right now, you really could not stop yourself from lying your way out of this one. You decided to blame it on the fear of upsetting a client, and not the impossible-to-control empathy that Jungkook’s doe eyes seemed to naturally draw out of people. 

“I just need a coffee. It’s been a while, my hands need a break. And my brain’s kinda overwhelmed, too,” you expertly lied, relaxing when Jungkook’s eyebrows lifted.

“We’ve been sitting here for long, haven’t we?” he said in an almost guilty tone before standing up. “And I didn’t even show you around the dorm!”

You tried to tell him how it was really not necessary, not to mention a bit too personal and…not what you were here for? But he was already moving towards the door and beckoning you along.

“Come on, let’s drop by the kitchen and then we’ll take a walk around the property!” he enthusiastically announced.

You stood up and followed him out of the room, awkwardly trying to ignore the two bodyguards that had stood as still as mannequins while you were in the room and then started to follow Jungkook wordlessly as you left.

The walk to the kitchen was a short one, and the place was, unsurprisingly, not empty.

Your team members along with their partnered BTS members had been assigned one particular space in the dorm, each. According to the email you received last evening, the kitchen was supposed to be used by Simon and— 

“Taehyungie-hyung! Are those chicken burgers?” Jungkook excitedly rounded the kitchen island to peek into the paper bag Taehyung was fiddling with. “They smell so good…”

You looked from Jungkook’s face that was awash with childlike excitement to Taehyung’s, and your breath caught when you found his eyes already trained on you. While you struggled to formulate a coherent thought at the intensity his eyes seemed to be emanating, yet again, his lips slipped into an easy smile.

“Hello!” he greeted you cheerily, bowing his head.

You, dazedly, bowed back and dragged your feet up to the island, standing across from the two guys. “Hey,” you mumbled in English.

His smile widened further to show his teeth. “Food?” he asked you in English, nodding at the burger Jungkook was pulling out of the bag.

You shook your head. “No, coffee,” you responded in Korean, earning raised eyebrows from him.

“I hate coffee.”

You smiled, this time. “You’re missing out.”

“Can I call you by your name?” he asked out of the blue, and you did a double take.

“Uh…yes?” you stammered. “Yes, of course Taehyung-ssi.”

“You should call me Tae.”

You swallowed, continually nodding your head like a damn puppet. “Yes. Tae. Sure.”

“I’m bac—boss?” 

You twisted on your heels at the familiar squeak. “Simon, hi,” you mumbled, professionalism slipping over you in the blink of an eye at having a member of your team in your vicinity. “Where did you wander off to?”

Simon seemed to be sweating a bit, and you really couldn’t really tell why. You’d just asked a simple question. 

Maybe you’d become too scary…

“Just the loo,” Simon responded with a forced giggle. 

You nodded, giving him a long look and observing how his smile grew progressively weirder. Then you turned back to the island. And nearly choked.

Taehyung’s fringe hung over his eyes, making his eyes look that much more hooded. His lips were twisted up as he watched you.

Oh, dear God, did this guy have a crush on you or something? But how? Why? 

He was a bonafide Greek God, and you were…well. Not.  

And needless to say, he was literally not allowed to have a crush on you. Or anybody else, for that matter. It was against BigHit’s policies. According to what you’d read, the boys were to wait out one more year, as of now, before indulging in any sort of romance.

You were, by contract, also bound to not encourage any such advancements. Not that smiling at you could be considered one, to be honest. He could very well be trying to make friends, and you could be reading too much into it.

You decided to stop thinking so much.

“You want to eat something?” Jungkook asked as he handed you a cup of brew.

You smiled and shook your head. “I don’t eat at work. None of us do.” You eyed Simon and he nodded with his gaze wide. “Disturbs the momentum.”

“Hey, you shouldn’t consider this strictly work,” Taehyung spoke up in that deep ass voice of his, startling you. “We’re also making friends, here. This is also not your office, but our home.”

And then he grinned at you with all of his teeth. You felt your cheeks heating up.

This was not going according to plan. 

You were panicking.

Flashing Taehyung a close-lipped smile, you stepped away from the counter. “Um, Jungkook?” you mumbled. “D’you guys have a pool in the house?” 

Jungkook looked surprised but as enthusiastic as ever. He nodded, his hair bouncing all over. “Come on!”

Throughout your walk around the house, you had tried to slip in ideas from your first three week’s layout to Jungkook that would fascinate him enough to make him at least want to hear them out. And, you’d proudly like to claim, it had worked.

Jungkook had heard your plans and had even asked you to pull the list up on your laptop to have a look at it. And henceforth, you’d made tremendous progress.

And now, at nearly nine o’clock of the night, you and your team were taking your leave for the day. 

You had exchanged brief words with all the members to see how they found their partners. Currently, you were conversing with Yoongi.

“ARMYs know a lot about all of that,” the guy said, referring to his life before BTS. “But there’s still a lot that they don’t. I talked to Nathan about all of it, we made notes. I’m really excited about the book.”

You gave him a professional grin. “I couldn’t be happier! Nathan’s got a really innovative mind. I’m sure he’ll make this a good experience for you.”

Nodding, Yoongi wished you a good night and bowed. You bowed back, moving away from the building and towards the vans waiting to drive you back to your hotel.

Jimin flashed you a wide grin as you got into the car. “Have a good night,” he wished you, shutting the door like a gentleman. Then he peeked and waved at Areum, your team member assigned to him. “See you tomorrow, Areum-ssi!”

Namjoon followed suit with a hand forwarded through the window for you to shake. “How did today go for you?” he asked you in English, causing Hoseok to elbow Jungkook, probably asking the younger to eavesdrop. Jungkook’s eyes met yours, though, and the two of you shared a covert giggle. “Did we meet your expectations?”

You smiled, formally. “It was… a good introduction of sorts, I’d say. Highly informative. Moderately productive. And we didn’t have any expectations, per se, but my team really loved you guys. We’re super excited to be working with you.”

You looked around yourself, prompting the three team members seated with you to nod in agreement. “Likewise!” Namjoon nodded at you, his smile turning his eyes to crescent moons.

“Thank you. How was your experience with Sana?” you asked him, nudging the girl sitting next to you.

Namjoon grinned with his teeth. “Amazing! She’s really compassionate and driven. Today’s session was interesting and felt comfortable. I’m eagerly looking forward to more.”

You secretly exhaled in relief. Sana had been the one person on your team that you’d been the most worried about. It was good to learn that she’d managed to impress Namjoon despite her initial nerves.

Next to you, she gave a short, very professional chuckle, and leant by you to nod at Namjoon. “Thank you, Namjoon-ssi.”

“Have a safe journey and a good night,” Namjoon wished you before peeking into the car. “Bye, Sana! See you tomorrow!”

You waved at the boys and their manager as your van started to move. You looked behind to check that the other one, carrying the remaining three members of your team, was following closely behind.

“What a day!” Simon exclaimed from his seat opposite you.

“You can say that again,” you mumbled, massaging your temples. “And what was up with you? You looked really wound up when I saw you in the kitchen.”

Simon took his glasses off and rested his head against the back of the van’s seat. “Let’s just wait it out, boss. I’ll tell you later if I absolutely have to. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”

You frowned, but let him be. 

Today was just the first day. If you stuck to your schedule, you would have a hundred and twenty five more of these before this project was done.

You could do it.

Right?

You, as it turned out by the end of the first week, could do it. The same couldn’t be said about Simon, though.

On Saturday night, barely an hour after you’d all retired to your rooms after dinner, Simon sent an SOS to the group chat. The six of you were in his room within a minute.

“You look physically okay,” Nathan, the only other guy on the team, mumbled as he squinted at the bespectacled nervous wreck. “What’s up?”

“I can’t do this anymore!” Simon blurted out.

All eyes immediately landed on you.

You did a double take. “Come again? You can’t do what anymore?”

He sighed, shrinking into himself as Riya, another member of your team, sleepily sat on one corner of his bed. “You can’t quit the project, Si,” she mumbled, patting his shoulder. “You signed a contract.”

Simon’s wide eyes met yours. You raised your eyebrows.

“Then—then I need a different partner.”

Sana clicked her tongue. “No can do. We’ve all worked on our homeworks. No one’s gonna sacrifice theirs for you.”

You agreed, so you stayed quiet when Simon looked at you in hopes of a counter.

“I can’t go into another week, please! It’s…” Simon trailed off with a helpless expression on his face.

You sighed. “Everyone, out.”

Your team trickled out of the room, tossing curious glances and hushed whispers your way.

“What is it?” you questioned Simon when it was just the two of you.

“He’s too intense. I have a huge crush on him.”

Your jaw fell open. “Dude… I… what? You have a fiance!”

He exhaled. “Yeah, he cheated on me.”

You drew a sharp breath, shocked. “Oh. Oh, my God, what? What the hell’s been going on with you, I’m so sorry, Simon. Are you…okay? When did you find out?”

“I’d been suspicious for a whole week, hoping it’d turn out to be a lie.” He sighed. “Guess not. But, don’t worry.” He waved a dismissive hand. “I’ll deal with it, no big deal. It’s happened before. I’ve done it before, too, that’s not the issue. The problem is that, right now, this is all making me wanna kiss Taheyung. What the fuck do I do, boss?”

You sympathised with the guy and felt responsible, in a way. After all, you’d been the one that forced him to propose to his boyfriend so that you could bring him with you on this project. If only you knew what kind of a toxic pair these two were! Goddammit. 

But, this guy was really telling you he couldn’t focus on work properly because he wanted to kiss Taehyung? For real?

What a guy.

“Get a fucking grip, Simon, what else?” you exclaimed, throwing your arms up. 

“No, I can’t. Don’t you think I have tried, already? Please take me off this project before I fuck things up for all of us and the company.” He shut his eyes, rubbing his face with both his palms. “And I’ve also, technically, broken the contract, so… Ask Boss to send someone else in.”

Was this happening for real? You were caught between wanting to smash the glass vase kept next to you over Simon’s head, and hurling yourself over the balcony.

You inhaled deeply, then exhaled. You could, realistically, do neither of the above. So you thought clinically and professionally, and made the sound decision to burden your boss with this mess instead of trying to sweep it under the rug by yourself.

“Fine.” You cleared your throat. “Take a break tomorrow. I’ll have a word with Manager Woo, he’ll talk to Taehyung. Tomorrow’s a Sunday, so I’ll be calling Boss for the first weekly check-in. I’ll ask her if something can be done to replace you on the team.”

Simon nodded with a grimace, which may have been his attempt at trying to smile.

You retired to your room on heavy feet. How could things go south in a week? You had barely begun and a buckload of bullshit was on you already.

Exhaling, you opened your laptop to leave a mail for Manager Woo. Quoting a personal emergency, you drafted an apologetic letter stating Simon’s absence tomorrow and asked the man to forward your apologies to Taehyung as well. At the same time, you were also mentally seasoning yourself for a possible confrontation with Taehyung when you went in tomorrow. 

You’d just put your laptop away when your phone rang. Frowning, you lifted it up, only to silent the ring with a groan.

Ever since you landed in Seoul, your best-friend cum roommate back at home had taken to giving you a call every single night. Even when you didn’t pick up. Ever.

Every morning you would text him an apology, and every night he would call again. It’d been a week to this pattern, now.

Why was he doing this? You’d made it abundantly clear that you weren’t going to get roped into any kind of affair with him—emotional or physical. What did he want, now?

For a second, you wondered if he was maybe only just concerned about your well-being in a foreign country? But then you dismissed it, immediately. Why would he? What had you ever done to deserve his—or anyone’s, really—concern? You were a bitch to the majority of people in your life, without trying and even meaning to. Why would anyone give a fuck about you without ulterior motives, right? 

Lying back on your pillows, you looked at the ceiling.

You’d been absolutely horrible at treating people with compassion and care for the majority of your life. You were always labelled either too prudish, too selfish, too career-oriented, or plainly, too narcissistic by people around you.

And, strangely enough, it never bothered you. 

But that didn’t mean you had not cared about anyone, ever. You had. Too much too, once upon a time. But what had that left you with? Expectations and hurt. 

So then, wasn’t it better to not care at all, and not expect at all? You never got hurt, this way.

Sighing, you rolled over to your side, tugging the covers up to your chin. Lifting up your phone from the nightstand, you turned it to silent.

An unread message was displayed on the locked screen:

Looks like you went to bed early again, lol. Hope you’re safe, warm and relaxed. Have a good day at work tomorrow xo

You sighed, yet again. You did not need anyone’s hugs and kisses for your day to be good. Why couldn’t people take a hint?

Shutting your eyes, you tried to get some sleep.

You were absolutely not surprised when, barely an hour into a fierce discussion about his school life, you and Jungkook were disturbed by a knock on the door. But Jungkook was, and jumped at the loud rapping, his wide eyes flashing to the door.

Your back being to the doorway, you looked at the boy expectantly to inform you of the intruder. Not that you didn’t already know.

Jungkook didn’t say anything, though, and simply kept looking behind you with raised eyebrows and rounded eyes. You sat very tightly wound up, contemplating whether to peek around the sofa’s high back or to stand up, when a deep, heavy voice enunciated your name. 

You stood up, slowly, pulling on a professional frown of very minute concern on your face. You willed yourself to act surprised when your eyes met a timid looking Taehyung’s. And, you actually slightly were, too. Why did he seem so shifty and nervous?

“Hello, Tae,” you wished, formally bowing to greet him.

He bowed back, licking his lips as he stood back straight up. “May I please borrow you for a few minutes?”

You twisted on your heels to look at Jungkook. It took him a few seconds to focus on your stare and recognise the question. “Oh! Sure! Of course! I’ll be here, I’ll wait.”

Nodding in gratitude, you stepped out of the studio to join Taehyung in the lounge area attached to the kitchen.

“I know what you would ask—”

“Have I not been cooperating well with Simon?” Taehyung cut you off with a question you were not expecting.

You frowned. “What makes you say that? He had a personal emergency today, Tae, that’s all! I’m sure he must be having a great time working with you.”

Taehyung sighed. “You think, or you know?”

How were you supposed to answer that? You bit your lip, trying to read Taehyung’s eyes, but the collar-bones peeking above the wide neckline of his oversized, brown t-shirt kept distracting you. On some level, you could understand what Simon must have been facing. But! You were all supposed to be professional adults and quell any unprofessional thoughts and not foster them!

You turned your face to your feet, not missing the wide-legged, knee-length shorts Taehyung wore. You mentally cursed yourself.

His sigh floated over to you. “I hope it isn’t something I did. I know I can seem a bit overwhelming sometimes and uninterested at other times, but… I am excited for this project and I really want to give it my best, too.” His eyes looked pained when you met them again. You softened. “Please tell me the truth.”

You drew in a breath. “It’s just as I told you, Tae. Simon has to sort some issues out in his personal life. And what makes you think you’re too overwhelming or uninterested? Did Simon say something?”

“No, no!” Taehyung immediately shook his head. “I just…speak from previous experiences. I don’t collaborate with people that well. I tire them out. And Simon… I don’t think we like each other’s approach very much. I feel like he doesn’t really agree with my ideas, just goes along out of courtesy.”

Your lips turned downwards. “I’m sure it’s none of that, Tae. Absolutely positive. And if worse comes to worst and the two of you actually aren’t able to work together, we will arrange for a switch-up so that you’re able to work comfortably.”

Taehyung seemed to perk up at that. “Switch-up? Will you work with me?”

You narrowed your eyes. He seemed a bit too keen about wanting to work with you, didn’t he? You could very clearly recall your first meeting and how he’d seemed to wane when you told him you were paired up with Jungkook.

Curious.

“We’ll see how it unfolds. But as of now, I am partnered up with Jungkook and you’re fretting over nothing. Simon will be back tomorrow, and things will get back on track. I promise.”

You hoped.

Taehyung nodded, excusing himself to visit the kitchen and you took your leave and came back to an eagerly waiting Jungkook.

He stood up the moment you entered the room. “Is everything okay? Hyung looked sad.”

You honestly had zero idea as to what to tell Jungkook. Pursing your lips, you slowly nodded in contemplation as you made your way to your seat. “He’s not working well with Simon,” you honestly told him.

“Oh.” Jungkook’s lips rounded, forming an adorable pout. “Taehyung hyung has a very artistic soul,” he said, taking you by surprise. You leant forward to listen in with interest. “He tends to get awkward and insecure about his ideas and conceptualizations. They’re usually off-beat and hard to work with, but they’re amazingly creative if you look at them like an artist. Not everybody has the right vision for those things, though. Maybe that is why Simon is…” Jungkook trailed off with a shrug.

You bit your lip in consideration. Taehyung’s words echoed in your head. 

‘I don’t think we like each other’s approach very much.’

Maybe they really were mismatched, outside of Simon’s immature, unprofessional, god-awful behaviour, too.

“Hey, could we add him to our group?” Jungkook suddenly asked, confusing you.

“Huh?” you very eloquently responded. 

He gave a small giggle. “Hyung. Could he work with us? We have been pretty efficient, and you certainly seem to have an artistic vision.”

You smiled. “Thank you, Jungkook, that’s really flattering. But also, no, I don’t think we can do that. The contract we’ve all drawn has a couple of strict clauses and one-on-one sessions is one of them.”

Frowning, Jungkook nodded in acceptance.

The two of you resumed your discussions from before, but the vigour and drive was now lessened to a great extent. You, especially, couldn’t stop worrying. You were the leader of the team, after all.

Sunday night brought in the awaited conference call with your boss. 

Looking at her excited, smiling face on your computer screen, you couldn’t help but dread the news you were about to break to her.

“So. How is it going?” Your boss rubbed her hands together, wiggling her eyebrows. “How is Sana doing? You were quite wound up about her, if I remember correctly.”

“You do remember correctly. There’s good news and bad news,” you responded with a grimace. “Which one first?”

Your boss pursed her lips. “Don’t wanna immediately spoil my mood, so, the good one please.”

“Sana has been doing fantastic. She’s been nothing short of professional, and according to what I’ve seen and heard, Namjoon is really pleased with her,” you relayed, smiling when your boss sighed in relief.

“Okay, so that’s out of the way. What’s wrong?”

You sighed. Better rip the band-aid straight off. “Simon has a huge crush on Taehyung and feels like he broke the contract. He wants to leave.”

You watched quietly as your boss choked on an inhale, coughed, had some water, and sat back down to blink at you with a blank face. “These words must not leave your room. Or Simon’s. None of the BigHit staff must catch a wind of it.”

You groaned. “Please don’t ask me to work through this, boss, please—”

“Work through it, Y/N!” your boss cruelly cut you off. “This is such a tiny, little, manageable thing! Resolve it.”

You gawked. “You literally just choked—how is this little, boss?”

“Counsel Simon. Ask him to push through. Threaten his employment with us, if necessary.”

It was your turn to blink at her, owlishly. “And? That’s it?”

Your boss shrugged. “And if it doesn’t work out, swap him with someone else on your team.”

You sighed. “This is all such high school, teen flick bullshit. What the hell.”

“I know, hun. Which is why I’m asking you to manage it. And I know you can. You’re my favourite, Y/N.” Your boss nodded at you with a solemn look. “I have believed in your capabilities since day one. It’s time to make them shine.”

You nodded, dumbly. The back of your mind was hinting at an inkling that you were being manipulated by flattery, but the forefront was basking in all the praise and could really not be bothered.

All you had to do was keep the whole thing hush-hush from the BigHit people and keep Simon in line, right? You could manage that.

Bidding your boss goodbye, you rung up Simon.

“Hey, boss.”

“You’re coming with us tomorrow and you’re gonna be a fucking professional like you’re supposed to!” you barked into the phone. “Bottle up your feelings, or eat them—I don’t care. You’ll do the job you were here for, and you’ll do it right.”

There was a long, suspended silence at the other end. And then a sigh escaped Simon. “I don’t think I have a choice. Fine, I’ll try.”

You put your phone to silent and shut your eyes, knowing you’d receive another call tonight and that you won’t pick up tonight, either.

You lay back in the bed, gearing up for tomorrow.

If worse actually did come to worst, and Simon sent everything down the rabbit hole, who would you make him swap places with? All of you had built really amazing rapports with your assigned partners in just a week. No one would be willing to start over.

If it came to it, would you have to? Would you be able to?

You could maintain professionalism a hundred times better than Simon, that much was certain. But you and Jungkook had been working so well! And who was to say Simon wouldn’t cause trouble with Jungkook, too? 

You let out a whine, beyond mad at the situation this guy had landed you in.

But you’d have to navigate out of it, somehow. This was the biggest project of your life so far—the first ever you were heading. You would ensure everything worked out at the end.

You would tie all the loose ends and make it all work. You would.

(You literally had no choice.)

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