#i had kind of a shit day so sorry if it's off!
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void-speaks · 2 days ago
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🌧"Hm, we don't really have those kind of luxuries nor the necessity for them, so I just dive head in even if its pouring. I do enjoy rain quite a lot. It's refreshing."
🍳"Well, I'm not exactly the best, but I do know how to make the most basic of things. Sigh, I do wish I had the chance to learn how to cook something more cool and interesting, but oh well. Oh, surprisingly enough, I do. I used to hate any and all kind of chores before, but now it's just something you can shut off your mind for and do on autopilot. Mmm, probabaly omelets. No particular reasons, I just think it's neat."
🧼"It's not like we get much of a choice. In this economy, we shower whenever we can. I do enjoy showering, but I haven't gotten many chances to bathe before, so I can't really tell anything. Again, it's a miracle if we find gel in this situation."
❌️"Obviously I would. It does depend on who is telling me what, but just in general, I would. Hmm... Probabaly Crane. He's seen some shit and has a good base of knowledge about the world, more than me and Aiden have."
🏳️‍"Well, it's hard to say right now. I can't really imagine anything that would make me give up, but there's probabaly something. Like, maybe if I was in complete despair? I don't know, hard to say."
📖"Gosh, don't even get me started on books! I really, really love books. I've always loved reading books even as a child. I mostly favored fantasy and detective novels and sometimes romance I suppose. Queer romance specifically because. Well. Guess. I wouldn't say I have a lot of opportunities to read in that sense that new books that I haven't read are a rare thing to find right now."
⛸️"I'm not... too into sports, to be fair. Would parkour count as a sport? Probabaly not right now. Hm... I guess Carnage Hall fights would be considered a sport? In that case, I don't really follow that stuff at all."
😷"I have an average immune system, so I don't get sick too much. Well, 'staying at home' right now isn't exactly an option, however, when I get sick, I tend to not overwhelm myself with chores, but don't stay in bed all day either. Well, medical masks are surprisingly hard to find, and just regular clothing pieces won't do much, so I tend to stay away from people or be very careful around them."
🥼"No, I don't. Hm, what kind of uniform... To be fair, and don't quote me on this, but Renegade uniform looks sick as Hell."
🥂"Huh, I never really thought about it. I guess I just pat myself on the back or don't really acknowledge them at all."
🛴"Parkour. It's probabaly impossible to get around on a bike in this environment, but it would be nice if I could. Traffic rules aren't really a thing right now, so eh."
🕰"Hm... Now that I think about it, we don't do that too much? Or I suppose we just use the sun as our guide most of the time. Or Peacekeeper sirens or church bells if it's in Old Villedor."
🥰"There's many things that can make me... Well, not happy, but bring some kind of positive feelings for sure. As for loved... I don't know how to answer that."
🐇"I don't. I prefer to live in the now and here. Believing in this kind of thing would be an escapism method for me, and I prefer not to do that."
🎺"I'm getting tired of saying it, but there's not much choice we have nowadays. I'm starting to sound like my grandma... I think. But, if I had to chose from all the songs I know, my current choice would be that tape that Aiden showed me recently. I don't know its name, but it goes like... 'Some people cheat, some people sin, but ohhhhh I play to win, tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-u-u-u-u-u,' and so on. Sorry, I'm not the best singer. Mm, no, not really. Never had a chance to learn. Probabaly the violin. I heard it's a difficult instrument, which is one of the things that intrigues me about it."
💽"Yes! I like collecting books, newspapers from the 'old times,' audio tapes and stuff like that. Really to collect information. But especially books. There isn't a particular reason, I just enjoy doing it. Or I suppose the reason would be that I want to know as much as possible about Villedor and its life and how life was for other people in the hot of the apocalypse."
🧋"Tea. By God how much I love tea. Especially black tea with thyme. I can't even explain it, I just do. My second top tea is from a specific brand, but it's also black tea with apple and... and some other berry. I don't know its name in English. Oh, that entirely depends on the season and how I'm feeling. But generally, I lean more towards warm or hot drinks."
🌻 random in-character questions
an ask game where, instead of replying from your perspective, you answer as if it's your original character/muse/self-insert/etc. answering the question ✨
🌧️ "When outside during the rain, do you use a raincoat, an umbrella, or something else? Do you enjoy rain?"
🍳 "Are you a good cook? Do you enjoy cooking? What's your favorite thing to cook?"
🧼 "Do you prefer to take a shower during the morning or evening? Do you like taking baths? What's your favorite scent of shower gel?"
❌ "Would you do something that someone told you not to do? Why? Is there someone you'd actually listen to more than everyone else?"
🏳️ "What will make you give up?"
📖 "What kinds of books do you read? Do you have a lot of time to read?"
⛸️ "What's your favorite kind of sport? Do you follow sports closely or don't care at all?"
😷 "How often do you get sick? Do you stay at home when sick or do you end up going outside to, say, get some groceries? If you go outside, would you wear a mask?"
🥼 "Do you have to wear a uniform somewhere? If yes, how do you feel about it? If no, what kind of uniform would you love to wear?"
🥂 "How do you celebrate you accomplishments?"
🛴 "What's your preferred way of getting somewhere - own car, public transport, a bicycle, or something else? How well do you follow the traffic rules?"
🕰️ "What do you use to check what time it is?"
🥰 "What would make you feel happy and loved?"
🐇 "Do you believe in other dimensions?"
🎺 "What kind of music do you mostly listen to? Do you know how to play an instrument, and if not, which one would you want to learn to play?"
💽 "Do you collect anything? Why?"
🧋 "What's your go-to thing to drink? Do you prefer cold or hot drinks?"
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grimsonandclover · 7 hours ago
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Write write write
filthier the better
Sending all the love 🫶🍑
What He's Made For
Sub!Patrick Zweig x Dom!Fem!Reader
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Eeuuuhhhhhh I'm sorry, just been thinking a LOT about just having enough of Patrick's shit and taking it out on him. Turns out, it's exactly what he was aiming for.
I'm writing this in a horny, ovulation-fueled daze so it's not going to be great or even good but its what I need. not proofread at alllll
consider this a foreplay part one since it ends abruptly because i need to post this before i pass out (im so tired). i need the horny freaks of this fandom to let me know if a part two is desired because I WILL write it
MDNI
1.1k words
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This is entirely self serving and I'm opening up to you guys. This is me sharing. No more 600 word angst and fluff it's time for PERSONAL FANTASIES. kind of a 180 after i JUST posted that little la chimera fic lmao
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You're fighting, you don't even know what for. Patrick's been pushing your buttons, getting on your nerves, and testing your limits all night. God, fuck, he won't stop. Every little word from him, all day and now night, is spoken with the pure intention of pissing you off.
"Did you really ask him about the weather?" He'd scoff on the drive home from a party. "You're miserable at small talk. Really, it's embarrassing."
The walk to the apartment elevator: "And those shoes. You've been whining all night like a fucking baby. I told you not to wear them, but you'd rather be a prissy little princess than listen to me." You're silent, breaths quickening as your fist clench around your apartment keys in the elevator, watching the floor numbers tick up. "They're ugly, anyway. I don't really get why you insist on wearing them."
Unlocking the front door, fumbling and struggling because it's hard to see through the boiling water behind your eyes. "Do you need help with that? You had, like, what- one shot of tequila the entire party? Didn't think you were such a lightweight, can't even open a door. God, you're a mess."
Once the door is open, and a sickly smug smirk is plastered on that stupid face of his, you shove him in. The action is abrupt and unexpected, Patrick stumbling back and catching himself on the entryway wall. You almost miss the smirk returning to his lips. Who cares, it's time to speak your peace.
His back is on the wall and he stays where you threw him as you rip off your coat. "What the fuck is your problem, huh?" The coat is thrown to the floor and he blinks as you fist the collar of his stupid button up. Since when does he wear these, anyway? "All fucking night, you're in my ear like a bitch. Do you need a leash?"
He's been playing with fire so far. "Woof." Patrick grins.
The taunt makes your eyes narrow and glare harden. "You think it's funny? I've got a migrain because of it. I'd be in the middle of talking to someone and you'd start your shit again. That's what's embarrassing, not my small talk."
"You're like a child, how you beg for my attention. A dog. Is that what you are, Patrick?" You tug his collar and his breath catches. Drool pools in his mouth and he swallows, eyes zeroed in on his mouth while he still smirks. "Are you a misbehaving dog?"
He doesn't answer you, just giggles. In a sudden move, your hands are on his shoulders and you're pushing him forcefully to his knees. It's only because he doesn't anticipate it that it works. In a flash, your hand is gripping a fistful of curls at the back of Patrick's head, yanking it to make him look up at you. His mouth falls open, a soft gasp escaping from it. Yes. Finally.
"Are you," The words are spoken through your teeth, and this time he really is on the brink of drooling. "A fucking dog? Or are you going to start behaving like a man?"
His grin spreads again from ear to ear as Patrick slowly shakes his head. "Uh-uh."
Oh, that does it.
Your fingers tug his head further back and he gasps again at the slight sting of his scalp. Your other hand comes up, and before he can blink, a crack is heard through the entryway.
Patrick's cheek is red and stings so badly he can't feel the pain on his scalp anymore. It's so delicious he moans. He never knew until this exact moment that he liked to be slapped, lucky you.
"Wrong answer." He shivers at your tone, the blood in his body rushing to his cheek and to his dick. "Are you going to behave?"
"No." He whispers, eyes fluttering as he anticipates the next stri-
Oh, fuck. Patrick can feel a wet patch form in his boxers when you do it again-- he hasn't cum in five days, and Patrick's hyper aware of it now. The sound that comes from his mouth is almost pornographic and anyone else listening would swear that he must be at least getting his dick sucked and not just slapped around. The hand that slaps him moves to his mouth, index and middle finger shoved forcefully until you hit the back of his tongue. He wants to suck them, so he does, but then you shove them even further back until he gags a little. This isn't for him to enjoy (though he is anyway).
"Shut the fuck up." You sneer, fingers in his throat and hair, taking back the power he's had over you all night. They way he looks on his knees, peering up at you like you're his god with tears in his waterline and-- shit, that smile is still there. "I'll make you behave, then."
The hand in his hair lets go, pushing him back by the forehead till he hits the wall with a thunk. "Look at me."
He already was, but Patrick angles his head again, this time on his own, to better suit your needs-- especially when you tell him to open his mouth and you have a grip on his cheeks. You lean down the tiniest bit for better aim before collecting spit in your mouth, then spitting it into his. "My fucking mouth. Don't ruin it with all that cheap talk, acting like you don't know who owns it.
"Who owns it."
Patrick's got stars in his eyes as he swallows, so lost in you he forgets to answer-
A smack across his cheek again, another filthy moan. "You- you own it."
"Own what?"
"Me-- my mouth, my body, fucking all of it. It's yours."
"It's mine." You nod, gripping his cheeks again until his lips pucker. Patrick's drooling. "Mine. Don't use it against me, or I won't be so nice."
If this is you being nice, Patrick doesn't know what he'd be willing to do for mean. Every word you say, every tug, your spit in his mouth-- it all sends shivers of pleasure down his spine and through to his dick, aching and tenting in the shorts he wore to practice and then to a party. He truly is as filthy as you make him out to be.
You grab his hair again just to shove him in between your thighs, the material of your jeans rubbing harshly against his face and the irritated skin of his cheek. Patrick can smell you through it. He feels punch-drunk. This is what he was made for. This is his true purpose, not tennis.
His large palms slide up and down your thighs, hungry fingers begging at the button of your jeans. Off. He needs them off.
You let him peel them off you, not for him but for yourself. You need him to show you what he's actually good for. Why you keep him around.
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delilahgrey14 · 2 days ago
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୨⎯Safe In His Claws⎯୧
╰┈➤Pairing: Wolverine/Logan Howlett x fem!Reader
╰┈➤Word Count: 1770
╰┈➤Summary: You are dating the wonderful Mr. Logan Howlett, and you find yourself waking up in his arms...but will you even make it out of bed? Read on to find out
╰┈➤TW: <18+> Fluff, Some Suggestive/ Mild Sexual Content (With someone listening), Swearing, Established Relationship
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Dating Logan was one of the best things that you could have ever decided to do, he was such a wonderful partner underneath his gruff exterior. Nobody would be able to tell from his ex-veteran, tough guy persona, but underneath was a man who was so passionate and caring for what and who he loved. He was so gentle and kind, and would always plan out these beautiful dates that made you feel like the only one in the world. You were so surprised about how different Logan was below the surface, and although that took a while to break past the wall he had built up over the years, once you did it was a miracle. He liked to show you off to the others in the X-men, you were like a prize to him, a valuable possession that he could claim as his own. If you ever had any problems with self image before dating Logan, they were all gone now. He loved to shower you with affections and complements, he loved making you feel good about yourself. He was an amazing boyfriend and things seemed to be going well, you never wanted this to end.
One day, you awoke in the X-mansion. Although you did have your own room there, you found yourself spending the nights with Logan instead. The idea of sleeping alone was just depressing at this point. It wasn’t even for the sex, although that wasn’t a bad thing either, but the feeling of his strong arms wrapped around your body, his warmth being all you need to get through the chill of the night was so serene and peaceful. The feeling of someone holding you through the night, protecting you from any and all harm that may come in the shadows of twilight. Before you opened your eyes, you felt the sensation of his skin on yours, his one arm wrapped around you with his hand stroking your hair in a slow, soothing pattern. You open your eyes and look over to see him looking back at you with softness and care in his eyes. He looked as if he was admiring your beauty despite just waking up, hair a mess, no makeup, groggy from a short night of sleep.
“Damn, Darlin’. I don’t know how you do it, but you look stunning. Good morning sleepyhead.” Logan said, through soft eyes and a small smile.
“Mmmmmh” Was all you could get out, still waking up. “Good morning”
You rubbed your eyes and sat up, resting your head on his shoulder  and pulling up the sheets to cover yourself, although you noticed when you picked them up there were holes made with claws through one of the layers.
“Bad dream? Or were those from last night…” You looked at him inquisitively, but also with a slight smirk, knowing the answer to this question already.
“...Uh, I think you know the answer to that one. Shit, sorry. I know you liked these ones.”
It was funny to you when he looked guilty, even though you didn’t mind at all. One of the benefits of dating Logan was also that it taught you how to sew up fabrics, which had to happen pretty often. From his flannels to the bedsheets, you had become a master at making them look good as new.
“Hey now, don’t worry about it, I can fix these up at some point, along with that other shirt that you decided to wear on a mission.”
He smiled at you, it made him genuinely happy to see you care so much about him as well. He saw you as a companion as well as a thing to be protected. He knew that you had your own life and personality that was very strong willed and determined, but he was always there to support and protect you to keep you safe and secure. You sat in bed together for about half an hour before either one of you really spoke a word. Logan was the type of man who was strong and silent most of the time, only speaking when there was a reason to speak, but at the same time, silence with him never felt awkward. It felt as though everything that needed to be said could be communicated through a look or a smile. 
“You know” He said, “We could…pick up where we left off last night” He gave a smirk as he lowered his face and kissed your neck, working his way from your neck, to your cheek, then to your ear, giving a slight nibble before whispering,
“What do you say, darlin’?”
“Logan…we have things we have to do. What if the X-men need you?”
He sighed, but then returned to kissing you tenderly, now tracing your jawline, then your neck again and now working his way down to your chest, moving the piece of sheet that you were using to cover up before. 
“Ah they can all go fuck themselves…I need you right now…”
He pulled the blanket down and kissed you more, now trailing down past your chest and to your stomach. God it felt so good, every time he kissed you it felt like tiny little flames of passion that spread across your body. You wanted to say yes so bad, it felt amazing, but you also knew that you shouldn’t. You should get up, get things done, but here is a man who is absolutely obsessed with you, craving you, telling you to stay. You ran your fingers through his fluffy hair.
“Oh…Logan…We shouldn’t.” You said, trying to keep your voice steady as he trailed your body with sweet kisses.
“What if you stopped worrying for a second, let me take care of you for a while and then we can deal with the rest of the world later, hm?” His voice was a low growl, his animalistic side was starting to show the more turned on he became.
You gave in. You couldn’t take it anymore, You wanted him so bad. You needed him. With every kiss he planted on your skin you felt your entire body tingle and your heartbeat quicken. He began to kiss you more, now moving his hands along your skin.
“Is this okay darlin’? I want to make sure before I get too…carried away.” He looked you up and down, his eyes lingering on your lips, then making their way down as a smile slowly creeped across his face.
“Yes, yes this is okay” You said through quickening breaths and slight quiet moans. You couldn’t help it, it felt so good to be loved by Logan.
He moved back up to kissing you on the lips, this time with more urgency than before. He wanted you, he needed you. He repositioned himself on the bed, leaning against the headboard, then he picked you up by the hips and positioned you on his lap, one leg on each side of him. Logan was so strong, he was able to make you feel as light as a feather which also made you feel as though he was completely in control. Being over 200 years old also meant that he knew what he was doing, but he was still so kind and respectful of the fact that you didn’t always quite know what you were doing. He continued to kiss you, but now he began to move his hands up and down your frame, tracing your curves and feeling your soft skin. You could feel him becoming more aroused, and you couldn’t deny that you were too, and you knew that he knew too. As soon as things were about to escalate you both heard a knock at the bedroom door. Logan pulled away, 
“Goddamnit” he whispered through a sigh “Who is it?!”
You let out a disappointed sigh, knowing that he was probably needed somewhere and someone was looking for him, but you realized that this was an opportunity to make things a little…interesting. 
“Logan? It’s Scott, can we talk for a second?”
Logan went to stand up, but you pushed back on his chest and lowered him back to the bed. You began to kiss his neck, then grind on his lap. You knew this was going to drive him crazy, and he gave you a look that said “What the fuck are you doing?” but he didn’t seem upset. You put a finger to your lips and let out a “shhhhh” then continued to kiss on his neck and make circles with your hips on top of him. 
“Uh…I’m a little busy right now Scotty!”
He mouthed an “Oh my god sweetheart” while trying to breathe through moans in order to not reveal to Scott what was happening in the room right now.
“Well then I will talk to you through the door but you better hurry up. The professor and I were talking and we agreed…”
Scott continued to talk about whatever training regimes or something that they were hoping to incorporate into the lessons for the new additions to the mansion, but Logan didn’t care. Not only did Scott piss him off constantly, but whatever he was trying to discuss with Logan was not going to be heard over the amount of effort he was putting into not absolutely losing it right now.
“Alright? So what does this have to do with me? Do we really need to…oh god…be talking about this right now?”
Logan could barely make it through a sentence without gasping for air, you were driving him absolutely insane. 
“Did you hear a single thing I said!?” Scott said in an exasperated tone. “I need you to come and help me lead some of the training sessions! Now!”
Logan rolled his eyes, sighed, and proceeded to lift you off of him with a miserable facial expression. He quickly threw on a white tank top and faded blue jeans, trying to pull himself together to make it look as if nothing was happening and he wasn’t previously barely holding himself together. He came back over to the bed where you sat with a pout on your face.
“Hey sweetheart, I promise I’ll make it up to you later…I’m so sorry”
He left you with a kiss on the cheek and walked over to the door, making sure to open it as minimally as possible, you were his and nobody else needed to see his beautiful girlfriend. You spent the rest of the day sewing the sheets and shirt back together, waiting to see what Logan was going to have planned later for the two of you…
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Author's Note: Chapter 2 Coming Soon! Thank you for reading! 
-D.G.
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decojellyfish · 1 day ago
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hello, i like your writing and was wondering if you could write some more guard dog! (character of your choice) with a little kitten reader?
Helloooo! I am terribly sorry for how long this took! College has me very busy and worn out, leaving me little to no motivation to work on fics. I really hope this makes up for the wait, as well as the other fic requests I'm working on!
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Kitty
Hybrid AU! TF141 Retired Guard Dog! Gaz x Kitten! GN! Reader Reader is addressed with either 'you' or 'kitty' !!No Romance for Obvious Reasons!!
SFW ~ Fluff Warnings: Kind of OOC Gaz at some points
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𝗡𝗼𝘄 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴: "fish in the pool - yeule" 0:09 ��●────────── 2:47 ◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷
───♡───────────── Beginning
It had been 6 years since Kyle’s spot among one of the highest-ranking K-9s  had been replaced by another dog after his sniffer began to deteriorate due to a mission gone awry. Chemical warfare had been at play, leaving damage to his lungs, nose, and eyes. He was now left partially blind and developed asthma. After it was decided he could no longer work for the military, he was honorably discharged.
‘Honorably discharged my arse’ Kyle would find himself thinking whenever it was pouring rain, and there was no roof over his head to keep him dry and no walls to keep him warm. He was placed in a shelter when he retired, but that was short-lived as more and more hybrids were placed into the shelter, thus ending up in Kyle being one of many hybrids that were removed from the building – and kicked out onto the streets.
His dark eyes grew tired and full of hatred and disgust by the day. With each person that passed by, he could taste how his mouth grew more sour and his expression one of permanent bitterness. He had a home, warm food, a warm bed, everything. And these privileged little snotty hybrids didn’t know how not to take that for granted. He hated it, he hated them.
It was one of those evenings where the rain was heavy, and thunder was roaring somewhere far away. He found himself lurking around a petrol station for any kind of change or food. He was, yet again, unsuccessful in getting anything more than £4. But he had saved enough to get a sandwich to eat. He rested out back behind the building, hunched over his food so it wouldn’t grow soggy.
That’s when he felt a pair of small hands start tugging at his sandwich, making him let out a firm, loud growl. It was dark, and his shit-sight could only let him see silhouettes in the daytime. But he could sense the figure was small, a child probably. One that clearly hadn’t been taught manners. His chipped ears would twitch as they plucked out the sound of little sniffles and an angry churn of a hungry stomach.
“Go find your mummy, child. I ain’t sharin’.” He grunted. He was met with a small whine and felt the little hands grab at his meal again. He barked at them, “Fuck off, you greedy thing!” When he pulled back, he could feel a chunk of his sandwich missing that he hadn’t eaten, followed by the soft sounds of chewing. With a reluctant sigh, he went back to eating.
He could still feel your presence, though you were quiet. Just to make sure, he reached out and gave you a little push, confirming that you were, in fact, still standing there, probably wanting more. “Why don’t you go back to your parents? I’ve got nothing of use for you.”
He was met with silence, making him push more, “Don’t need to be scared. I’m sorry I yelled at you, I was hungry. But, you shouldn’t take people’s food like that.”
There was more silence. But he felt your presence move and sit next to him, and he felt you nearly sit on his tail. “Go, go away. I’ve nothing left for you.” He sighed, now giving up. He was tired and soaking wet from the rain. He sensed no movement; you were a stubborn little thing.
With that, he got up and began his way back to where he could sleep for the night. He used a cane that his previous shelter had provided him with, though, he mostly used it in the dark when his blurred surroundings became a cacophony of blues, greys, and blacks. Scraping it against the ground before him as he walked, he was so focused on the sound and finding a good place to sleep that he didn’t notice your small form following closely behind.
✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺   . ✦
The morning was bright, and the rain had since gone away, though the grass was still wet and had gathered morning dew. Kyle woke up with a small groan, a few of his bones cracking as he stretched. However, he immediately became aware of his surroundings when he felt another sleeping body that was a bit too close for comfort. Sitting up, he looked down at you, now getting a better chance to look at you.
You were a hybrid like him, a cat hybrid. Your fur was orange, but the color had rusted due to the dust, dirt, and grime that was stuck on you. Seems like you were in the same boat as him, on the streets. But you were so little, so young, why the hell were you here and not somewhere warm?
Kyle began to nudge you awake, wanting to interrogate you. “Hey, wakie-wakie.” You grunted and stretched your legs out before curling your spine as your dusty ears folded back for a second. “I’m not your pa, why’re you still here?” You stared up at him, letting out a soft grunt in response.
“You don’t talk, huh? Why’s that?” He asked as he folded his cane up, storing it away in his bag. You grunted again in response, blinking at him. “You just gonna follow me around like a little guttersnipe? Is that it?” He chuckled, standing up which resulted in you following suit. To his surprise, you nodded.
He sighed and began to walk to a street where he could try and make some cash with you following quickly behind him. “I suppose there’s no getting rid of you. That’s fine, just make your own money. No leeching off of me.” Kyle stated firmly.
A few minutes later, he found a spot on a sidewalk where he sat down and put his sign and hat out in front of him. You stayed by him, seated and now whimpering in hunger. “I know, the hunger sucks. You’ll get used to it, kitty.”
The day passed, and at some point, you had actually left Kyle alone. He had no idea where you went, but he paid no mind. That is until you came back around noon with a smile on your face. “What’s got you so perky, kitty?” His eyes widened when you suddenly pulled out wads of cash.
“What the- you shouldn’t steal…!” He scolded you with a hushed voice, not wanting to attract the authorities if they were nearby. “That’s wrong, kitty, you’ll get in massive trouble for that kind of stuff.” He groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. You had a guilty look on your face, your slightly matted tail hanging low on the ground in shame.
Kyle sighed before motioning you to sit by him while he looked around for any onlookers. “...just put what you have in my bag, okay…?” He whispered, pushing his bag to you before you emptied the contents of your pockets into it. He was surprised by how much you’d been able to steal, from pickpocketing he assumed. “But still, no stealing. Got it?” You nodded, unable to hold back a small grin of pride from how mildly impressed he was.
A few moments passed before Kyle turned to you, “Do you know how to talk?” His voice was curious, laced with worry. His brows raised when you shook your head no, a small sound leaving your throat. “Your parents didn’t teach you or something?” You simply shrugged in response. “I suppose I’ll take that as a no.”
There was more silence between the two of you. Just the sound of people walking by, only glimpses of their conversations could be caught, the loud engines of the cars and buses that drove by, the rare instance someone would put a few quid into Kyle’s hat. “...how long are you gonna stick around?”
You shrugged again, another small sound leaving you. “You just gonna follow me forever? Till the end of time?” He cracked a smile at you. You smiled and nodded eagerly. “I made that much of an impression last night?” Kyle laughed a little. He stared at you, slightly leaning closer to get a better look at you. You were too young to be living like this.
He ruffled your hair as he leaned back, “I suppose I’ll have to teach you some vocabulary then, huh?” You squealed and laughed, pulling his hand off of you. That sound made him feel something, something that shifted. He’d never felt a paternal instinct before, but there was something about that feeling. Something that he welcomed with open arms.
✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺   . ✦
It had been a few months since you two met, and things were looking okay. You had learned a few words, memorized most of the alphabet, and were working on small sentences. Kyle had actually caught you whispering to yourself, his ears twitched as he focused on what you were saying. He had to hold back a smile when you were just repeating sentences over and over again, and trying to make up new ones.
Money was looking okay as well. Kyle had been saving before you came into his life, though he had managed to finally get close enough to having a home. Not a luxurious one, but enough for a trailer. He had more motivation than ever when you decided to stick around with him. He wanted to get you off the streets as soon as possible.
You were currently on the swings at a playground, chanting “Higher!” as Kyle pushed you. “Christ, I don’t think you can go any higher, kitty.” He chuckled. “Y’might wanna start coming down, it’s almost time for lunch.” “What’s lunch?” “Sandwiches.”
With that, you came down from the swing and went to the park benches, settling down for lunch. You munched on your lunch, a soft purr emanating from you. “Are you happy?” Kyle asked with a small smile, which grew as you nodded rapidly. “Is it the sandwich or the park that made you happy?”
“Two!” You exclaimed. “Two? You mean both of them make you happy?” Kyle smiled, “Yeah, both.” You replied. “And you.” You quickly added on. “Me? I make you happy?” He pointed to himself, his eyebrows raised. “Yeah!” You affirmed before taking another bite out of your meal.
Kyle smiled with a happy sigh, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you close. “Well, you make me happy too, kitty.”
───♡───────────── End
Thank you all so much for your patience! I hope you can forgive me for the wait :)
------ Taglist: @venavanup @draculauraspage @tf141gloryhole @obnoxiousbag @chanel-princess-world @ssc7514
If you would like to be added to the taglist so you can read my latest fics, let me know! Thank you :)
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genderqueerdykes · 2 days ago
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as someone who is asexual and a trans man (amongst other things, i'm agender and xenic but also a man and prefer calling myself a trans man over masc + don't like calling myself under the non-binary umbrella label), seeing this massive wave of transandrophobia pop up has only made me feel more afraid online. 2016 alone was a detriment to my life, as i had just figured out what asexuality was and how that label fit me perfectly. only to find a wave of people who don't find me "queer enough" to call myself queer! i feel like i'm reliving those days again, as i've noticed a lot of trends in how people who are aphobic and/or transandrophobic tend to have similar arguments. "this side has it so much worse so you should shut up and stay in your lane" rhetoric has made me a lot more frustrated to exist in queer spaces. i don't have the space irl (due to where i live as well as my age being an issue in this regard) and having the space online just feels like this massive argument of erasure and negativity where i do not exist to these people, you know? apologies for the vent about this, at first i was going to try to articulate some sort of point about this and how trans men and asexual people are often put into this little erasure and confused person box but i sorta lost the point. mb
yeesh, i'm sorry you've gone through this. it really does seem like there's another wave of mass aphobia and aphobia, as well as transandrophobia coming to an all time high. it's really disturbing. i'm a trans man who's aromantic and on the asexual spectrum but that doesn't erase the fact that i'm queer. i've never understood why people say that aromanticism and asexuality aren't queer identities. like how? society expects very specific kinds of relationships out of all of us. if we don't fall into those types of relationships, or don't have the same kind of relationship with sexuality and romance, we're treated like shit and dehumanized. how is that not something that falls outside of the cultural norm?
people are just proudly being assholes again at this stage. it feels like rude ass people simmer down for a while and then get pissed the fuck off again in a never ending cycle. people don't like change. they don't want to have to change how they see other people. people become very attached to the versions of other that live in their heads and their heads alone. i don't really get why people who aren't/weren't a queer identity feel like they get to tell other people what it's about.
if you aren't or weren't that thing, how would you know? that makes no sense. it's just talking over people at this point. i hope things improve for you, and everyone in general. this is just sad behavior. it's toxic and abusive. it's hurting people in real time
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auxmodi · 1 day ago
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hiiii! I love your stories and have enjoyed myself binge reading them. was wondering if you could do a super angsty fic with sandor? I've been craving it lmao. thank youuu mwah! <3
thankyou SO MUCH. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES i am so glad you asked this O HMYGOODDDD i love love love angsty shit this is gonna hurt so good.
summary: you’re a healer, tending to the wounded in the chaos of war, always close to sandor clegane, but you don’t listen when he tells you to stay behind. you’re taken, captured by the enemy, tortured, and broken. sandor, consumed by a mix of fury and guilt, tracks you for days, desperate to find you.
word count: 2.1k (sorry)
my masterlist
#warnings: heavy violence, SA, rape, physical abuse, angst, emotional distress, swearing, war, disturbing themes, blood, kidnapping.
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the battle had been endless. you couldn't remember how many hours had passed, how many bodies had fallen, how many lives had been taken. the clash of swords, the screams, the blood splattered across the snow… it was all too much to process. you weren't built for this. you were supposed to be helping, healing. you were supposed to be where the wounded were, not in the thick of it, not caught up in the violence.
sandor had warned you. so many times. “stay fucking close. don’t wander off. these men aren’t here to play nice.” but you hadn’t listened. you thought you knew better. you thought that you could handle it, that you could save the wounded and not get caught up in the chaos. that the brutality of war wouldn’t touch you.
but you were wrong.
you were so wrong.
it all happened too fast, one minute you were kneeling beside a wounded man, trying to stop the bleeding from his side, and the next, a rough hand was pulling you from the ground. the sound of clashing steel and dying cries seemed to fade as a wave of panic washed over you. you tried to scream, but a heavy hand clamped over your mouth, dragging you backward, away from the chaos of the battlefield.
no. no, no. not like this. not now.
you kept fighting, but the grip on your arm tightened painfully as they dragged you deeper, farther from the fight. your eyes darted wildly. 
sandor. where was sandor?
your throat burned as you tried to scream his name. but the voice of the man holding you was loud and unforgiving.
"shut up," he spat, slamming your head against a broken wall. your vision swam, your thoughts hazy. you tried to keep your focus, to stay awake, but everything was going black. the sharp pain in your skull was overwhelming.
this was the kind of thing that only happened to other people, to those who wandered too far from safety. but you weren’t supposed to be that person.
today you were and there was nothing you could do about it.
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you were pulled through the woods, the sounds of the battle gradually fading into the distance. fear curled in your gut, the panic rising as you realized no one was coming. the men were speaking in low, guttural tones, and though you couldn’t understand all of their words, the sneers and chuckles were unmistakable. they were taking you somewhere. somewhere far away.
they shoved you into a small shack, a foul-smelling place that felt more like a tomb than a hiding spot. you stumbled as you were thrown to the floor, landing hard on your knees. your palms scraped against the cold, rough wood as you gasped for air, panic flooding your chest. you tried to crawl, tried to run, but before you could, one of the men grabbed you by the hair, yanking you back.
“you’re a pretty little thing,” the man sneered, his breath rancid. his hands roamed over your body with a violence that made your stomach churn, his fingers digging into your skin as though you were a prize to be claimed.
you tried to fight back, kicking, scratching, but the other men were closing in, pinning you down, taking away the little strength you had. the terror in your chest was all-consuming, suffocating, but it didn’t matter. they were too strong. and you? you were just a helpless girl in their hands.
please, sandor. you thought. where are you?
but he wasn’t there.
they took turns with you, each moment worse than the last, each touch more brutal. your mind screamed for escape, but there was no place to go. no one was coming to save you. no one would.
the world turned hazy, the pain numbing as you tried to retreat into yourself. but you couldn’t. you couldn’t forget the words they whispered, the laughter that followed each brutal touch. you couldn’t forget the way they made you feel, worthless, broken, an object to be used.
and then, mercifully, you passed out. you weren’t sure if it was from the pain, from the exhaustion, or just the sheer overwhelming weight of everything that had happened to you, but the world went black. thank god, you thought. thank god for the darkness.
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you woke up hours later or was it days? in a cold room. your body ached, the bruises on your skin swollen and painful, your head spinning. the scent of blood and filth clung to the air, and the silence was deafening.
you could barely move. your limbs were stiff, your hands bound tightly to the bedposts. the very thought of the rope around your wrists made you sick. 
was this it? was this how it ended?
you tried to shift, but even the smallest movement shot pain through your chest and limbs. you were covered in cuts, bruises, your skin too sore to even touch. you could feel the weight of everything, the terror, the helplessness, the rage building up inside you.
but mostly, you felt broken.
the door creaked open, and you froze. the sound of footsteps echoed in the small room, and you knew immediately who it was. one of them.. you couldn’t even bring yourself to look, too terrified to meet their gaze.
"still alive, huh?" he mocked, voice thick with contempt. his boots scraped against the wooden floor as he stepped closer to you.
“thought you’d be begging by now. but guess you’re just a quiet little cunt after all.”
you barely registered the words. please, no more. you wanted to scream, but your throat was too raw, your body too shattered. you couldn’t do anything but lie there, too tired to fight, too numb to care.
and then, it happened.
the door slammed open with such force that the hinges screamed in protest. the men froze, their laughter dying in their throats.
you didn’t know what was happening at first, everything happened so fast. but then you heard it. the sickening thud of bodies hitting the floor, the strangled gasps for breath. who was it?
and then you saw him.
sandor.
blood on his hands, fury in his eyes. he was a fucking beast, hacking through men like they were nothing but flies to be swatted away. his sword was a blur of steel, slicing through flesh with a speed and precision that could only come from years of living in blood-soaked shadows. the sickening squelch of metal meeting bone, the gurgling of the men who couldn’t even scream before they were cut down, filled the room.
one by one, they fell, their pathetic whimpers swallowed by sandor’s rage. he didn’t even look at them. didn’t waste a single breath on the bastards who had dared to lay a finger on you. it was the way he moved, cold, methodical, violent, that made your heart race.
he wasn’t talking to them. no insults, no threats. just death. he was cutting them down with no mercy, no hesitation, as if their lives were nothing. nothing compared to the rage inside him, compared to the fury that burned like wildfire in his chest.
you could barely see through the blood and sweat, but you knew this:
sandor wasn’t going to stop. not until every last one of those sons of bitches was dead.
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sandor had been hunting for days.
the trail had been cold for a while, but his gut never lied to him. he could feel it in his bones, in the air, the weight of your absence pressing down on him. the fact that you had vanished, taken from him while he had been off fighting with the enemy, gnawed at his insides in ways that felt like a constant, sharp ache.
he had promised to protect you, hadn’t he? but he had failed.
and now, after days of searching, after killing his way through every bastard who had dared to even look like they were lying, he had finally tracked you down to this godforsaken shack in the middle of nowhere. he had seen the marks on their bodies, the bloodied, mangled corpses and he hadn’t even felt satisfaction when the last of them fell. no, the rage was still there. still bubbling, an unrelenting fire in his chest.
when he forced open the door, the sight that greeted him nearly shattered his mind.
there you were, broken. gods, you were broken.
your eyes were half-lidded, your face pale, and there was a dullness to them that made something inside of him crack open. you were lying on a bed, but your wrists were bound to the posts, and your clothes, what was left of them, hung in tatters. your body was battered, bruised, marked in ways that made his chest tighten with a violent, unbearable pain.
"no," he rasped, the word coming out in a harsh breath. he couldn’t even control the tremor in his voice. everything about this was wrong. this was his fault. he failed you.
your head turned slightly, and for a brief moment, your eyes met. the sight of you, so broken, so fucking vulnerable made his heart pound harder in his chest. anger twisted in his gut, his hands shaking as they hovered over the sword at his side, desperate to end the lives of those who had dared to lay a hand on you.
he moved toward you slowly, cautiously, as if you might vanish if he made the wrong move. you barely seemed aware of his presence, your gaze distant, your breath shallow. and when he reached your side, when he finally let his hand rest against your cheek, his whole body stiffened at the coldness of your skin.
"hey," he muttered, his voice low, strained. he didn’t know if you could even hear him, but he had to say it. "stay with me, damn it."
your eyes flickered, but you didn’t speak, didn’t respond. nothing. you were so empty, so broken, that sandor wanted to scream.
sandor’s jaw clenched so hard it hurt. he gripped your arm and pulled it toward him, the ropes still cutting into your flesh. “we’re getting you out of here,” he said, but it was empty, hollow, a promise that meant nothing in the face of what had already been done, what had already been taken.
he didn’t waste time untying you gently. he didn’t care if he hurt you. he just needed you free. needed to get you out of this hell. his hands were rough, unyielding as he cut through the ropes, his fingers slipping slightly with the blood that had stained his palms.
when you finally fell into his arms, the weight of your body felt like an unbearable burden. you were too light, too fragile, too fucking broken.
the air felt too thick to breathe, and for a moment, he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. he was angry. so fucking angry. not just at you, no, never at you, but at the whole fucking world. the fact that he hadn’t been there, that he hadn’t been able to stop it from happening.
"we’re going back to the others," he said finally, his voice hard, but there was something else there, something darker.
“no one’s ever gonna lay a fucking hand on you again,” he growled, teeth clenched tight. the words spilled out like poison, dark and deadly. “i’ll burn every last one of those bastards to the ground. i swear it."
you didn’t answer. didn’t say a damn word, you just stared, hollow-eyed, distant, as if his words had no weight at all.
it ate at him, gnawed at his insides like a wound that wouldn’t close, and the rage swelled up in his chest until he could barely breathe, it hurt more than anything he’d ever felt.
the quiet between you was unbearable, a suffocating weight in the air. sandor’s jaw clenched, his knuckles white as he brushed your hair away from your face. he touched you, needed to touch you, but you didn’t feel real anymore.
“rest,” he muttered, his voice quieter now, almost unsure. “you’re safe.”
but even as you closed your eyes, the tired, broken part of you retreating into unconsciousness, he knew that safety was an illusion. you would never be the same and neither would he.
carrying you, every step felt like a cruel reminder of how much he had failed, how much he couldn’t undo.
the battle had already been won, but in this moment, sandor knew: the war for you was far from over and no matter how many men he killed, how many bodies he left in his wake, there would always be this, this piece of himself that he had lost.
and it would never come back.
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enjoythesilentworld · 14 hours ago
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2024 fandom review!
thank u for the tag @willesredlights sorry it took me literally ages to get to it
lets pretend we're not almost two weeks into the new year ok? and what a year it has been. holy shit.
~ Fics written ~
I'll be honest I did go a little batshit crazy this past year. 314k words across 19 published works, plus god knows how much more unpublished on tumblr. listen, I was deep in the ??? phase of my master's (still am, lets be honest) and desperately looking for a new creative outlet. I've always been a writer, always loved dreaming up stories, but I have never quite connected to a universe as much as I have to this one. I resonate with so many of the characters, and i just feel like there is so much room to play and explore. i will continue to add in old people OCs to my fics wherever and whenever i get the chance.
First fic: for the tree's sake (M, 48k) aka tree boys inspired by the trip that eventually led to my discover of young royals in late '23, and my darling baby. yes, that airplane ride that seems weird and random is based on truth!
Fav fic: just if for a minute (T, 53k) aka fake married idiots i greatly enjoyed making Wille suffer for just under 53k. that confrontation scene took days off my life and yet i am so proud of how it turned out.
Honorary mention to Growing towards the light, which was a dream to work on and create with my dear sweet friend Lia. there is one braincell between the two of us and it's full of nature facts and dick jokes. and beautiful stories about getting lost in the wilderness and finding yourself along the way. and tent-dick jokes.
Last fic: Wille på Hyllan (T, 13k) aka christmas shenanigans! another collab with my dearest friends which was hilarious to write and so silly and imo an example of one of the greatest perks of being in a fandom: meeting some of the most incredible people ever. also, dick-lights and dick-tomtar and dick-cookies. what more could you want?
~ Fics Read ~
if i tried to go through my history and tell you how many fics i read this year i would never make this post. i'd be here counting and trying to copy links forever. i read hundreds of fics. i enjoyed all of them, thoroughly. i got a lot better at leaving comments (sometimes). i was consistently and repeatedly blown away by the genius brains we have in this little Swedish corner of the internet.
if you are a writer i love you and i give u a kiss on the forehead.
also: i recently made a lil rec list here.
~ Other Stuff? ~
i had two big, busy months this year. three? : May, Wille's month & July, Simon's month i cannot believe i wrote 62 stories in 62 different universes (give or take a few). that's kind of stupid! but oh my god it was so fun!! some of my favs: -> Food, where Wille and Simon meet and embark on a mistakenly booked couples food tour in Barcelona -> Fashion/Style, aka the Met Gala AU aka the thing that turned into something so much bigger than i could have ever imagined. literally i thought people were gonna hate it. so, thank u for not hating it. and for letting it become 15k+ of pwp. -> Secret, friends to lovers RAHHHHHH -> Home (Improvement), aka grumpy home renovator Simon idk i just feel like this should become a full-blown fic one day
and oh boy who can forget about Kinktober from wax kinks in 17th century Italy to desperate love confession in the middle of wildfires to... whatever that was in the confessional (idk, that's between them and God).
2024...
I did some painting: x x I wrote some real weird lil ficlets: x x and I met dozens of incredible people. thank u for liking my stupid rambling posts from 3am and my silly little ficlets and for reading my stories and telling me about your stories and saving me from the Frankfurt airport and yelling with me about stuff thats definitely not in the Bible and sharing your time and space and art and care.
@bigalockwood @hergrandplan @gulliblelemon @saynomorefic @pagegirlintraining @skibasyndrome @sobadbad @impossibleknots @piebingo @theaviatorthatcouldnotfly @misfithive @sillylittleflower @zee-has-commitment-issues @purplehoodiesandclementines @justfriendsbestthings
giving u a big hug. and! this is by no means an exhaustive list. if ur reading this we are bffs. send me a message ok? ok. y'all keep me sane and happy and i am so grateful for you! live love wilmon
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blushy-tigerrr · 6 months ago
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vent in tags sorry
cw: mention of loss
#adding a long note to the beginning so no one sees the actual vent in the case that they don’t want to which is absolutely okay#okay that’s probably good#i feel like a failure today.#my car wouldn’t start on friday and i haven’t had a moment to actually call a mechanic until today#called early in the morning and he said he’d call me back with a time#i’ve reached out multiple times since then and have heard NOTHING#if i don’t get it fixed today i’ll have to take my partners car instead#and when i asked them if that would possibly be okay#they started off on a rant about how they were planning to do all this shit tomorrow morning and now can’t if they don’t have their car#but genuinely. how tf was i supposed to know about their plans?? why did they have to say it all like this is completely my fault???#i’m sorry that i’m still in a not so good mental place right now and might forget to do things in a more timely manner#i’ve had two grandparents pass away in the span of a few WEEKS. give me a little grace.#i give them the same understanding every day when they’re having a rough time#so why can’t they offer me the same thing?#i know they’re just stressed and tired and busy but FUCK SO AM I#i’m just. over it. i want to go to sleep.#and by sleep i mean literal sleep i’m not insinuating anything darker i promise#i may be in a rough spot mentally but it is not that kind of rough <3 i’m safe#just. very tired. and in need of support.#i feel like i’m always giving and rarely getting support in this relationship.#and now i’m just feeling like a burden and an inconvenience for even needing the extra support in the first place#the urge to run away and start my life over is strong holy shit
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peachznscream · 23 days ago
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genunely sometimes do not know how to cope with the world being so cold and bureacratic and people who withold care and essential rights to people over arbitrary rules and money and
#i was a psych appointment the other day on telehealth#and my phone is old so it couldnt do the video call on there#and for some reason my laptop camera wasnt working#and the psychiatrist was like mmm yeah :/ ur cam's off so I cant do this appointment#and I was like ?? hm?#and she was like :/ yeah no this is a phone call not a video chat#and I was like ???? im still on ur portal we're chatting rn like what do you mean#and she was like ! sorry it's the insurance who insists on it#and i was like ?? how would the insurance know whether I was cams on or not#and shes like :/// yeah no cant lie to the insurance people sorry#like I've explained to you my technological limitations are very much tied to financial limitations#and you'd rather abide by made up insurance rules than talk to someone and provide them care they need#how am I not supposed to go feral#I can't go in public without someone getting crazy mad while driving or harassing me for being trans#like really and truly how am I supposed to navigate this world without losing my shit#and it's such a weird binary too of having many lovely people in my life and having community and people who love me and will help me#and like how can humans be so wonderful and kind and soft but also so cold and distant and unflinching#how do i recon with it all!!!!#and so so much frustration in my life just comes to problems that could easily be solved with money#like my dog keeps ripping up my trash bags and making messes every day for me to come home to#and if I had $50 for a locking trash can or like money to get her care while I was gone then this wouldnt happen#but I literally pay all my bills and have like $20 left over every pay cycle if im lucky#and I totally recognize like even this is heads and shoulders above what some people have and I am so grateful to have a car and an apartme#t#and to be able to properly care for my pets but like god damn#why am I spending all my waking hours and energy at a job when I don't even have any god damn money or financial security at the end of the#day#stupid academic voice and I have two masters#anyways#personal
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chiosblog · 7 months ago
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Told ya they (for some reason) made, back in 1998, a whole rollercoaster based on 'Blue Tornado' the film with Dirk in it because of course lmao
Pls the font is the fucking same (kinda), the plane is the fucking exact SAME ajdndnsksbs
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oh my god what were they thinking?? (thank you so much whoever had this idea in 1998)
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unproduciblesmackdown · 27 days ago
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maybe bsol is that time jen tepper mentions when she was so upset about a review of a show of joe's that she broke a glass (&/or threw it out a window)
#could be anything ofc but i sure went sighhh i'll read the nyt review for science; i'm already assuming it's a piece of shit#(it was; thus predictably; a piece of shit. even the nyt rave for a show i liked was basically a piece of shit)#the only thing that makes raves higher quality is they might have actually bothered giving more info abt the show#& otherwise have devoted more thoughts & less space to just the critic's dogshit directionless griping. but barely; so#anyway i was like oh i can search twitter easily for a word as distinctive as bloodsong (except also a ship name for some videogame)#then i was like oh my god at a post from jenashtep about like oh it's the anniversary of two days in a row Events#first when the nyt bsol review was published second when i went to your apartment to make sure you weren't dead#(wait she didn't say To Make Sure You Weren't Dead she says Because I Thought You Were Dead....throw a glass situations)#like well damn also hmm....(also first thing the nyt would've covered at all i think. tbs never played in ny....or nj evidently)#one can only imagine. bsol is so [it does feel very christmas extravaganzay to me in ways. not the same lord knows but]#that like I'm riled fourteen years later finally listening to a boot which leaping into the arms of someone lifting up an Audio#same as xmas like sure i can't be like oh it's about this that the other precise moment though there are ones that extra rile me#can't say it's so obvious like i could Elevator Pitch explain to a rando why i Gasp or get weepy or just have some very special experience#plus i've never even gone lol. the way they can't stop the xmas show b/c it's a musical that just crops up a weekend a year lol#i'm so already like oh of course this is something i'm obsessed with forever now :) unsurprisingly & like it's so idiosyncratic god bless#(also unsurprisingly bloodsong seems to have been broadly warmly received; save by the Newspaper Of Note(tm) taking a dump & calling it a#day like will was saying abt tbs l.a. like oh audiences loved it local online coverage loved it just the less than halfassed review by the#Big Paper didn't & was like ''why isn't this a whole other thing'' called it a day)#anyway like hey I'm absolutely on fire for Outlaw for Not In Your Soul You Don't for Last On Land for Friendship Song to name a few#for what ended up being my proper angle of entry like oh that means a funny little villain then? (yes) like boy is that a banger alone#think thusly nominated for off bway relevant awards; got more than one nom....hey for one thing fourteen yrs later a rando can be obsessed#like that same rando cherishes the memory a livestream livechat interview where i said Black Suits Forever & they put that up onscreen so#joe had to pause like sorry i got distracted someone said black suits forever that's a line from the show & it's So that that show of mine#that never played in new york....like That's Right lol. i'm slamming the xmas fanart up to your window for year three joe Joseph the Show#(he did also see the bsol fanart which i more discreetly made a reply given he saw that Yay Krampusfucking reply last year lol)#anyway uh um. oh yeah wait also bloodsong is lifechanging sort of to me personally i'm just like. so relatively evenkeeled about it like#well of course :) & it counts as lifechanging when i get anticsful Posting. & it's lifechanging Any shows Any songs that are any kind of#impactful. speaking of like individual numbers in cabaret shows or the entire show or the album or concert or anything#as i reblog Outlaw again yelling or go god damn one Understands how last on land is the penultimate song on album#or i say to myself Whenever I Eat A Noodle; I Like To Think About The Hwheat That It Used To Belong To
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orcelito · 6 months ago
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Honestly tho it's the "I don't love you" and "every time I said it was just automatic impulse" that's got me the most messed up. Like u couldn't even let me down softly by saying it just wasn't working out? You had to essentially tell me the whole thing was a lie??? After I TOLD you I had trust issues and felt like everyone is just going to leave me in the end???
Way to make me feel unlovable lol
#speculation nation#tho of course what has me the Angriest is her breaking up with me over text. that takes the biggest fucking cake.#idk there was a lot said in all of that bullshit. including her admitting she was probably self-sabotaging.#i hate being used as a tool of self harm. being shoved away as a form of self sabotage.#like if youre gonna be a messed up bastard whyd you have to include me in it??? fucking bitch.#i let her know just how pissed off i was. called her every applicable name under the sun.#selfish coward bastard asshole piece of shit bitch. tossed in a few Fuck Yous as well. fully deserved.#and yet she just kept on with that sniveling 'im so sorry' and 'i know ill regret this' and 'i just have to do it'#you didnt have to do anything. you couldve had it poly but you just couldnt look last your infatuation.#also her calling days old feelings Love. as if that kind of immediate and extreme kind of feelings arent By Definition infatuation.#she's in the honeymoon faze. found her nice new fixation. said they understand each other like no one else.#but it's only been Days. how well can you know a person in that time? not very well usually.#threw out a nearly 6 month long relationship just like that. what a joke.#and when she'd brought up just last thursday that our 6 months was coming up (on the 23rd)#and mentioned wanting to do something to celebrate it...#im just like. i guess you really cant know everything in a person huh?#i knew she wasnt perfect but she always treated me so kindly. so considerate and attentive.#who knew she'd be the type to drop me for the new shiny fixation? i sure didnt expect it.#id started to trust that she genuinely liked me. even if i didnt understand why.#but now im back to square one. wondering whether anyone can ever like the true me.#i know theres gotta be someone out there for me. i just... have to find them.
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phagodyke · 7 months ago
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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johndonneswife · 8 months ago
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still thinking abt this pani puri we had three days ago
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candyriku · 8 months ago
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finally getting a chance to work on chapter 15 today :-)
#shout out AS ALWAYS to people leaving comments!!!! you are keeping me motivated you are keeping the dream alive#for some behind the scenes: in the last few weeks i've been barely sleeping and it makes it very hard to write or even be in a good mood#i usually need 11+ hours to function and so like. 2-3 hours a night is putting me in a bad place both mentally and physically#and yes i realize 11 or more hours is like a silly amount of sleep but idk. it's just how i am. i go to bed early AND sleep in ahaha.#i've been falling behind in all my classes due to the sleep thing so writing for fun has totally been off the table lol#ANYWAYS#typing typing typing (this chapter will be a lighthearted one)#we all need some fluff and levity i think (and i need to give time for Riku to care for Sora even more and be like. wow. i love you)#I was struggling earlier bc i wanted to write both about how Sora has been hiding darkness from loved ones and needs to let them in#but also with the idea of sora feeling that he needs friends to have strength or value. and i kind of realized i needed to pick one#like maybe a better writer than me could have both of those things be addressed at once but for me i was like... I want Riku to comfort him#which goes against him learning that he's fine on his own. we can address that in a different fic. rn he is just sad and needs to know#that he can share that with the people around him. and that he's still loveable despite it all#also shout out to my gf for teaching me “love isn't something you deserve that's not what love is” like. i did not know that b4 her#so I asked her lots of questions for chapter 14 actually cause I was like. i want Riku to support Sora in the way you'd support me#cuz IDK SHIT ABOUT THAT i have always felt unworthy of love and like i had to beg people to stay with me until i got into this relationship#so i was like. judy. what is your wisdom. how do you care for me when i feel like my pain makes me unloveable. what would you say#So yeah shout out to her! I am off on a tangent now hehe sorry. thanks for reading if you read this at all!! have a good day :)#jtsys fic#updates
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thethingything · 9 months ago
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okay time to go lay down and hope we don't fuck up our sleep schedule even more and maybe if I manage not to accidentally fall asleep and if we actually manage to have the energy and not be in too much pain we can do something fun afterwards
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