#i had finally found the right dosage for me it was starting to work fine i was really studying

[idkimnotreal]

novartis has halted the production of ritalin LA in brazil. i’m not fine.

[foldingfittedsheets]

Hey! If you don't mind sharing, I'd be interested to hear more about your chronic illness diagnosis journey (I also get that it can be a private thing!).

I've been struggling for the last 5 or so years with chronic fatigue, muscle weakness, muscle pain and brain fog, and my doctors have checked a bunch of different things. EBV, thyroid, vitamin D, "are you sure you're not just depressed" and they've now gone for ME/CFS. A part of that just doesn't feel right to me because I feel like they should have done more tests or walked me through alternatives before settling! Especially because it fluctuates so much. Sometimes I can't leave the house, sometimes I have to borrow a wheelchair if I'm in a shop, sometimes I can walk 5000 steps??

Love and support for you and your gluten free adventure - potatoes, rice and polenta tend to be pretty good for me when I want something bready! (Doesn't quite hit the spot as well as buttered toast does though...)

My decline was really painfully gradual. I didn’t realize why things were getting so much harder. It manifested first with friction between my beloved because they were frustrated I was always too tired to run little errands myself. I went to the doctor and talked about my fatigue but was assured I was fine. I went on Chinese herbs and they buoyed up my reserves so I could keep functioning.

That went on for months, just getting more and more tired. I’d wake up sobbing because I wasn’t any more rested than I’d gone to bed. I went to a new doctor at that point. I got diagnosed with anemia until my blood work came back normal and then I was told I was fine.

Then I started fainting. My hair was falling out. I went to a different doctor. She ran my blood. I got told I was fine, but that maybe I had a food allergy. She slapped me with a full elimination diet that broke my spirit. I did feel some minor improvement but I wasn’t healthy by any means.

Finally, my good friend who is a doctor said that’s enough. She was in a different state but she was furious that I wasn’t getting any help. She ran my blood on a bunch of different ailment tests that were less well known. She tested for antibodies to EBV. If you have over 20 they consider you to have an active infection.

I had over 700 which is when they stop bothering to count.

I was so chock full of virus I was pound for pound virus by that point.

Then came the hard part. Knowing you’re bursting at the seams with a virus doesn’t make it easy to treat. The virus was living in me, in my cells. Too much of the medication and my body would start siccing it’s defenses against its own tissue.

I went on a bonanza of supplements. There was syrups to boost energy, pills to increase my immune system, antivirals, iron and vitamin D because those were kinda low. It was a three times a day regime of medicines.

My initial dose of antiviral was too high. I experienced a pain unlike what any mortal should bear as a result, dropping to the ground to writhe in agony when it hit. My dosage got lowered and my progress crept along.

I started school sometime in there and barely kept my head afloat above coursework. My stress load from school correlated to how much energy I had and I longed to finish my degree and just prioritize feeling better.

Then things got worse. My original doctor friend let her prescription rights for my state lapse, it didn’t make financial sense to keep them. A different friend from yet another state wrote my antivirals for a while but eventually I needed a new doctor.

I found another, this time a naturopathic doctor like my friends, hoping I’d keep receiving good care in that scope of practice. I didn’t. I had the most painful blood draw of my life in her office, writhing in agony, then didn’t hear back from her. I got ghosted by my doctor. When I pestered her for results she wrote me a script for antivirals but that was all.

I’d find out about eight months later when my health was declining and my friends demanded to see my blood work that my iron had been dangerously low but she hadn’t bothered to tell me. I got on iron supplements and staggered along.

Through precision time management I could budget my functional time into schoolwork then collapse to recuperate. It was working, but barely.

When my scrip on antivirals ran out I hunted once again for a doctor. This time I’d realized that any good care I’d gotten was when I’d made a personal connection with the doctor, a rare privilege not many people got. So I sought out a friend of a friend, someone I’d seen on occasion in the doctory social circle.

I have never been more happy with a doctor. She tested my viral numbers and pronounced herself satisfied that it was in check but was suspicious that although my thyroid numbers always looked normal that something was going on there. She ran more tests and lo. A thyroid imbalance.

Around that time I’d sunk into needing the chair. I stopped functioning, it was almost as bad as my first collapse. And yet again the fun part of getting my thyroid in balance was a delicate balance of making sure I wasn’t taking too much and hurting myself.

That balancing act took about a year to stabilize. I was still so weak from years of fatigue and inactivity. An able bodied person cannot imagine how hard it is to build up from ground zero on all your muscles. And the worst part was any time I felt tired I was terrified I was going to slip back down into the depths of exhaustion.

Then my beloved and I got Wyvern the puppy. And before we realized we had both somehow developed allergies to dogs and had to break our hearts giving him up, he saved me the last time.

Potty training meant I had to get up every two hours to take him out. I didn’t have to walk far but I had to do it consistently. Every single day I’d go to bed aching in every muscle, terrified to wake up. But every day I woke up with energy and was able to do it again.

It was like puppy boot camp, and I was able to go longer and farther every walk. By the time we realized we couldn’t keep him I was mobile again, I hadn’t needed my chair at all. When we said goodbye to him I promised I wouldn’t lose the progress he helped me make.

Now I finally, for the first time in six years, feel healthy again. I can go on long walks, I can run little errands for my beloved, I can fill my days with activity and wake up to do it again the next day. It’s the most amazing thing.

I hope you can stumble upon a doctor who can listen to you and help you. I know how hard things can get, but sometimes they can get better.

[undreaming-fanfiction]

Done Asking

Written for @steddieangstyaugust prompt 5 - "Please Please Please, Let Me Get What I Want" – The Smiths.

Warning: Difficult relationship with religion for Eddie

When Eddie was young, he used to pray.

He never truly believed, you see - he wanted to, but he just couldn't understand why there was so much wrong in his life, why his mom wouldn't come back home, why his dad wouldn't attend a single important thing for Eddie. Why would he keep getting beaten up and spat on when he did nothing evil, yet his rich bullies would go home every day to loving parents and a warm meal. Hard to believe there was a plan that made it all make sense. Still, Eddie tried. He thought that if he was good enough, he'd earn that too. But it was difficult. His dad didn't care at all, and Eddie was hungry. "Thou shalt not steal" is much easier to follow when your stomach is rumbling, your insides are collapsing in on themselves and instead of noticing that something is wrong, your PE teacher just yells at you for being sluggish. It appeared to young Eddie that being good was a privilege reserved for wealthy people. Or at least those who had someone to lean on.

When praying didn't work, Eddie tried bargaining. "I swear I'll be good if you get me out of this mess," he'd promise before sleep. "I won't steal ever again if dad comes home and brings something to eat. I swear."

But Al Munson never did. And so Eddie wouldn't stop stealing.

There was a period in his life when he went from bargaining to questioning. "Why are you doing this to me?" he asked when he finally had a warm bed and a good meal with Wayne, he finally felt happy, but then his heart gave a treacherous squeeze when he saw a pretty boy in a locker room. "Why did you make me this way? I'm trying so hard not to fuck up, but it's like you want me to. They say you don't make mistakes, but then what am I, huh?"

Like his prayers, even his questions went unanswered.

Years went by, the sky and ground split open and Eddie Munson found himself praying again. "I don't care if you're in the mood to listen, but if you're there, I could really use a hand right now," he muttered as he drove a bike faster than ever in his life, with a swarm of demobats on his heels. "We've already established you don't give a damn about me, that's cool, but don't let Dustin get caught up in this. If someone needs to go, let it be me."

That was the first prayer that came true for Eddie Munson.

What he never prayed for was for Steve Harrington, of all the people in bloody Hawkins, to stop the bleeding as best as he could, toss Eddie's body through the gate, and force the Hawkins Hospital to admit him. He didn't pray for Steve Harrington to cover his hospital expenses, threaten with his family's expensive lawyers to keep Eddie safe and unharmed, and then stand guard in his room despite his own wounds. He never prayed for Steve to hold his hand while Eddie was unconscious, muttering lots of nonsense, but also so many doubts, questions. The same ones that Eddie had. He never prayed for Steve Harrrington to whisper, definitely under heavy dosage of pain medication, "back in the forest, I didn't think about Nancy at all. I wondered what it would be like, to be with someone like you." Yet it all happened.

Waking up after the world almost ended, with Steve holding Eddie's hand from the neighboring chair, with Wayne napping on the way too small couch, and tons of get well letters on his bedside table, Eddie turned his eyes upwards, beyond the ceiling and the once again blue sky of Hawkins.

"So..." he whispered, "I guess I'm done asking and complaining for now. Maybe it's time for me to start thanking you instead. Just for a bit, don't get used to it."

There was silence, as always, but that was fine. This time, Eddie could fill it with the things he was thankful for.

[scentedchildnacho]

Michela Massimi: Scientific evidence and a plurality of perspectives

I did speak to a doctor today and he told me if I really don't want to go outsider anymore then I would have to take my pill everyday so I found out kamela harris elected was fortuitous that way my drug dosages are on China India alliance standards instead of the states hates you standards so I'm suprisingly not elevated for that small resistence achievement

So i said thats fine as long as dosages are on my height weight and gender capability of low dosages that I could do that

I explained to him tranqs were slowly passing me away I was catatonic.......and pretty numb from the waist down and I was sedated most of the time so I may be was called a panther not a lady

I don't vote compromise and my resistance was more hopeful then compromise but kamela at least brought us that from India

I did want to live in a science fiction like the matrix like jails stopped being built based off Navajo cave theories

They call themselves psychiatrists and his advise was clear.....communication I think so herman von helmholtz.....only schizo affected types see color certain ways and decide quickly and intensely while normalcy deliberates

Why on this post pluralism they don't say neuro biological but their very obey about neurobiology for everyday life

You need to shower quiet hours....light pre planned activity

I found transitional housing that isn't with the church program in pacific beach with a sheriff like Sam Garret.....the news reported Billy the kidd......was tried and hung....and Michael ondaatje writes the time period was known for.....onion slicers.....as like a cotton gin and Sam Garret actually flayed and dissected him whole in one shot

So pistons because the military does have loud cars with pistons that go and go and go and do not stop and when he tried to kill her of domestic abuse she didn't try and incarcerate him to death she took a baseball bat to him and wouldn't stop so

Phosphate company......

So that type of company is a stronger person then I am so I'm not sure if that is the right fit for me............very masculine when if feminine he wouldn't stop going at my positive tendencies to enjoy consumption.....and drank me to black outs so I finally learned how to make him match me till he was black and blue from fighting and puking everywhere and thats when he finally stopped calling me

Or that type of man threatened to beat my face in and I found out he is really dependent on wives and marriage and wanted to kill me for larger government checks instead of having to help give me a service I pay for so I would keep getting poorer and he would have to match my homeless endurance and he finally had to learn to start keeping himself in cell like spaces....

Im not afraid of the transitional living though women there have had to murder people who pistol whipped them....

Because it's Michael ondaatje and if people murder someone to show off the labor emancipation of the age like a piston you don't have to keep lubeing to work then it was a serial killer and you have to have actually done something

Billy the kidd murdered like six people before Sam Garret murdered him...

She must have went to trial and gave him a lethal injection only

[livingwithhorrors]

Hello, I hope you are doing well with everything!

I just wanted to say I recently read your fanfic (Welcome back Bobby) and it's one of, or my favorite fanfictions I have read! You write each character well and detailed, I do love Linda a lot. I love your take on Robert and Pennywise, I took their 'relationship' as a version of Venom and Eddie from the 2018 movie. You are a great writer, it's like I was watching a tv show and in some parts I was nervous for the outcome like I was in the situation myself.

If you need a break, take it you deserve it! I wish you everything well with your life and everything else, have a wonderful day/night!

<3

Thank you so much Anon it means a lot.

I do plan to finish and possibly make a sequel.

But sadly at the moment I needed to take a step away that’s been keeping me from finishing the story for a long time.

The reason being around the start of Covid my dog, that was gifted to me by my late grandfather (who passed in 2019) and I had raised since a puppy (born 2016) began to suffer from seizures.

He’d be fine and then suddenly he would be shaking.

We began trying to find the proper meds and dosages and it would never be right.

It began to look worse and be longer and several more times in an amount of days.

Then finally we thought we’d found the right dosage. He went for 3 months without a seizure.

Then in December he suffered another suddenly and continued to have them the following days.

Sadly the last round he suffered were constant and he could no longer fight his way out of them.

He had only turned 6 when my family had to say goodbye.

It’s been a hard following months as he was not only an amazing dog, he was also a very sweet loving boy. He gave hugs and kisses when I needed them most.

Though I’m still processing it, I’ve been busy as well as exactly a month after his passing we ended up adopting a rescue.

It had not been planned and happened suddenly. We also have a Cat and another Dog that I’ve looked after since we adopted each.

Our other dog I had hoped to get a new friend as he was best buds with our late dog, but had dent thought it would be so soon.

But it’s been a wonderful thing for him and I think even the cat enjoys having her.

She was a rescues from something similar to a puppy mill and was not used to humans or being a normal dog.

She’s been slowly getting past her fears and coming out of her shell thanks to working with her and our other dog.

She looks just like my late boy just a bit smaller. She’s a part of a different breed then he was as well. He was a mini Goldendoodle and her papers say she’s a mini Labradoodle.

I plan to try and write more hopefully after I’m sure she comfortable and acclimated to her new home.

She’s no longer skidding, but still isn’t sure how to communicate with us when she just wants to run, when she has to potty and how to react to being held and loved.

She loves to zoom, but if she doesn’t want to go in yet she’ll cower and crawl. She would a similar action when we met and got her but she was afraid and would pee and submit. Thankfully she no longer pees when doing this, but kind reassuring words are needed to sooth her into knowing we’re not upset if she wants to keep playing.

She’s gotten better with potty as well. At first she’s pee just being approached or even excited. Thankfully no longer, but she has a few accidents when she doesn’t know how to get our attention. That thankfully is improving as she has begun to understand the bells on the door that we ring going in and out and say potty. She now will hit those, though sometimes too lightly. She’ll stand by the door and stare out and at us. She’ll even bark at us if she’s not in a play mood to let us know. So far it’s been days since the last accident.

She’s starting to understand commands as well. Though the the holding and loving is still an on going thing.

I pick her up and give her affection and she used to be a limp noodle with a dead stare, but thankfully she’s starting to understand that it affection.

She’ll still be limp and look dazed, but she now gives kisses and will move when she’s done with being held which I’ll let her down gently and praise her on both kisses and letting me know she’s done.

Tonight was the first night I actually got her to let me hold her and she was relaxed enough while I did that she fell asleep. I was so happy and excited.

She enjoys laying in my lap after a period of not doing so. She still checks rooms before going into them, but will rush in more. She calls our other dog who is a Pomeranian we rescued to go in a room first if she’s too scared to go first.

He looks annoyed at times but he still does it for her and then she’ll come bonding in happily.

When we first got him he was skittish as well and was sacred of men. But our late boy helped him out of that and they became inseparable.

Now it’s our poms turn to be the guide and help.

She follows him around and mimics him in many ways, though he does get overlay times and needs time away from her. Usually that’s when my mom takes him into my parents room, when he gets to lay in my lap as I watch tv or play video games. Sometimes he has to share the charge with his sister, but not always and that’s when he gets belly rubs and love. He also gets to sleep in my bed at night. It’ll be some time still before his sister can do that.

She does get to sleep in the bed in the morning when my parents get up before me and let them out. She likes to sleep in my bed with me like my late boy. He loved joining me in bed and would start at my feet curled up before splaying out and taking over the entire bottom of the bed.

When she no longer has accidents it’s more likely she’ll get to be in bed too. Until then it’s my Pom and cat only and they love cuddling up on my, lol.

We’re guessing she’s around a year and a half. It’s hard to say as she is very puppy like right now. Part being how she loved til now and her age.

So hopefully soon I’ll start again with writing. Sorry for the long reply. Felt only right to explain since you were so kind.

Thank you so much.

[persephones-wren]

Assassination Masquerade | Act I (I) | Kaz Brekker x Reader

Warnings: (it’s a lot, so please don’t read if you’re not comfortable.) mentions of suicide, brief mention of torture, brief mention of implied sexual assault, brief mention of abuse

Genre: Angst(?), Enemies to Lovers(?), Eventual Romance

A/N: starting this a series, let’s see how it goes? I might end up deleting this, cause I’m not sure how good I am at writing things like this- but we’ll see :)

Word Count: 1290

Your footsteps had echoed lightly in the streets, hood over your head to avoid suspicion and hide yourself from the pelting rain. Ketterdam was truly a miserable city, but it could help you avoid the Stadwatch that were so desperately looking for the murderer of Kain Vukovic, a rich businessman from Fjerda.

You hadn’t meant for him to die, necessarily, but the way Genya Safin had poisoned the King beyond recovery, well- it had put some unsavory ideas in your head, especially since you found yourself in the same situation. Unfortunately, you didn’t quite have the same luck and skill for dosage, but what did it matter? He was gone. You were free, never to bear his beatings, his words, his mistreatment, again.

So you had fled to Ketterdam, where you would fit in amongst crooks, thieves, murderers, and criminals. After all, you had become one.

Even finding yourself a new fugitive, you were still too careless. Pekka Rollins was no stranger to escapees from aristocrats. One minute, you were crossing the cobble road, and the next, you were behind an alley, three men cornering you.

“You work for Kain Vukovic, don’t you?”

“Kain Vukovic....wasn’t he that businessman that was assassinated recently?” you had answered, trying to force confusion on your face: the squinting of your eyes, the furrow in your brows. “No..? I don’t work for him, I came to look for my mother in Ketterdam, it feels like forever since I’ve seen her...Now, if you’ll excuse me.” They didn’t have a way of knowing who you were, did they? You were just another refugee arriving in Ketterdam.

“Don’t lie to us, girl. You’re Y/N L/N, and you’ve fled from your service. Unfortunately,” Pekka’s men had grinned at you,  “the contract wants you alive. But you’re gonna tell us all you know before then, and maybe you’ll turn up nice and pretty instead’a the way we intend to leave you.”

Well, shit, they did. You had swallowed down your fear at that point. If there was anything you weren’t doing, it was returning.

Perhaps there was a way to provoke them into taking your life. If you refuse to answer, they could get mad enough, make a mistake. That was your ticket out, becoming either a corpse or almost one.

“I’m not returning alive. I’ll tell you nothing.”

You barely remembered what they had done. It was lashes, and knives, syringes, whatever to keep you compliant while they had their way with you. By the end, you might’ve looked like a corpse, for all you knew.

Hell, they might’ve thought you were dead, by the way you were unceremoniously left out. Thank whatever Saints that Inej had found you. There was no way to remember how much you had told in your state, or if anything struck a chord with her, but the look of empathy she had given you for a while was enough to know the gist of what you said.

It was a while before you met Kaz. She had defended you herself and asked Nina for your recovery, but Kaz was needed to put you under Dreg protection.

When you both finally met, it became increasingly clear how similar both of you were, but the connection caused discord rather than ease.

“You’re Y/N L/N, indentured servant of the now dead Kain Vukovic. You murdered him.”

“You keep tabs. That’s correct.”

There was something in your refusal to deny it. Had you taken it as a badge, turned it into your strength, like him and his gloves? Kaz wasn’t an idiot, you were attractive enough for him to know what Vukovic would have kept you for.

“No denial.” It was more a statement than a question, but it made you raise your eyebrows nonetheless.

“Are you going to harm me in front of your Wraith because of it? Sinking to Pekka Rollins’ level?”

That would strike something in him. That was the plan, anyway. He was the Bastard of the Barrel, Pekka the King. You didn’t know anything of the history between the two of them, but it could be something that got to him.

The look he shot at you was equal in hatred and in understanding, and you see Inej grimace out of the corner of your eye. Provoking Kaz was not a way to earn his protection. “No. Tell me how you did it.”

“I did the same thing Genya Safin did. Didn’t have as much luck with the dosage, though. It killed him, it didn’t paralyze him. Either way, I wasn’t harmed anymore.”

“You want the Dreg’s protection because-”

“I don’t want Pekka Rollins after me. I’m sure they believe I’m dead, but I’m not taking chances. Either accept it or refuse, Brekker. You’re not here to be my therapist and I don’t want to waste time talking about how I did it.”

Straight and to the point. He could appreciate that. He could appreciate it more if you weren’t directly talking over him.

“Don’t talk over me,” he muttered sternly. “The beating you got from Pekka. How did you survive?”

A ghost of a wry smile flitted across your lips. It wasn’t a clean escape, it was a last minute idea, but you got out alive. Besides, telling a stranger that your ploy was to have them beat you nearly to death wasn’t really something that pleaded your case. No one wants to have the liability of protecting a suicidal fugitive. You mulled the question over before settling on a quiet, “It’s always useful to have a plan.”

You knew that wasn’t the answer he wanted, but it was all he was going to get.

“Fine. You’ll be put under the protection of the Dregs. Don’t get into trouble. That’s the last thing Per Haskell needs.”

“Right,” you agree, and both you and Inej release silent sighs of relief. “Thank you.”

He nods curtly, and then you’re out of his office once again.

“You two are oddly similar,” Inej remarks.

You laugh a little, nudging her in the arm. “Really? He seems so uptight. What stick is up his ass?”

“Thank you, that’s what I’ve been saying!” a voice echoes behind you. You turn, and a Zemeni boy holds out his hand. “Well, Boss has it out for everyone, really, so don’t take it too personally. Well, take it personally, because disobeying him will get you killed, but you know what I mean.”

“For the love of Saints, Jesper,” Inej groans. “Are you trying to make her regret her decision of putting her faith in Kaz?”

“Jesper?” you raise your eyebrows.

“Jesper Fahey,” he smiles. “Good to meet you.”

“A pleasure. I’m Y/N L/N.”

“Kaz isn’t really all that uptight,” Inej leans against the table, and Jesper gives her an incredulous look. “He has a reputation to uphold, that’s all. Besides, you almost pissed him off multiple times.”

“You did what?” Jesper asks. His eyes are wide and you can see a grin spread across his face.

“I didn’t really mean to,” you protest. “I just wanted to get to the point, and I didn’t want to tell him my plan. He would probably see protecting me as a waste.”

Jesper clicks his tongue. “Damn. Never thought I’d see the day where someone tells Kaz to get to the point.”

Inej downs a shot, and pushes herself off the table again. “I hope never to again. I thought you were going to be slaughtered.”

“Is he really that merciless?” you question, but the answer is obvious. “Bastard of the Barrel, I suppose. Has to be cutthroat to retain authority.”

“Well, yeah. Good that Kaz always needs a reason,” Jesper says. “Unfortunate that it does not have to be a good one.”

Next

[oneshotnewbie]

Like what if Kara came home and found B!D sick on the couch?

combined with: can you do some more stuff with Kara looking after b!d?

---

The sun was already about to set behind the hills of National City and you were still on the couch; you hadn't moved from it since this morning. Your head was pounding and you felt like your skull would break, your whole body felt heavy and destroyed, almost like you had been run over by a truck.

You weren't often sick, but when you were, you were immediately violated with the pleasure that no pain pills would help, no blanket could calm the cold inside you and a warm bath didn't automatically move your tense muscles and quivering bones to hurt less.

The only thing you could do was endure it all, at least for the first 24 hours.

The darkened living room, the pillow that you had pressed over your eyes to banish the rest of the daylight and the fresh air that made it's way into the apartment through the open balcony door let the headache subside, at least a little. The hot water bottle on your back also helped you to relax a little and made everything a little more comfortable.

At least before you felt a huge impact in front of you that chased shock waves through your body and made you whine in pain. "Y/N, I am home!" shouted the blonde in her luscious bright and high voice. "Oh Rao, I am so hungry!"

You winced at the volume of her voice and clung to the pillow with both hands before throwing it to the side in annoyance. "You are always hungry and now don't be angry with me but shut up."

She walked back the last few meters she had already started to the kitchen and looked down over the back of the couch to your lying figure. "I am sorry, I didn't know... Did I wake you?"

"No but thanks to my Kryptonian sister which flew through the window like dumbo instead of taking the door like a normal human being I am in more pain than I was thirty seconds ago." you tried to roll your eyes but let it be when a spasm ran through your head and you paused for a moment. You hated headaches more than anything.

"It's way easier and faster for me and you know that!" she laughed confused. The blonde didn't know exactly what was wrong with you and why you reacted this way, she didn't saw you since yesterday evening and you were perfectly fine then.

With one quick movement of her hand she switched on the small standing lamp on the table next to the couch and you immediately flinched while crossing your arms in front of your face.

She raised her eyebrows and frowned her nose before dropping the bags of food on the coffee table and kneeling in front of you while one hand of hers found its way to your knee. "Hey, sweetheart. What's going on?"

"Nothing Kara and I am really sorry but my head hurts as if there are stones inside and I am in so much pain that I can't even breathe properly." you mumbled in the pillow and she let out a heavy breath before she switched off the light next to you and gently pulled the pillow out of your hands.

She knew how bad your headaches could hit you.

"I am so sorry, baby girl. If I had known, I would have been quieter." you waved with one hand as to say her that it was fine as you tried to sit up. The imagine before your eyes trembled and your head felt like a jackhammer. You pressed on the sides of your skull to ease the pain. "Have you already took pills for the pain?"

"Three times the normal dosage and nothing helped. I think I nodded off briefly or several times, but I am not sure." you admitted and looked at her sadly. "Why didn't you call Alex or me so we could come and take care of you?"

"My phone is in the kitchen and I didn't have the strength to move my body, risking I could faint or else."

She nodded in understanding and gently stroked her thighs before she fished a stranded hair piece out of your face and placing her hand on your forehead. You leaned into her cool hand and stayed like that for some time before she took it away and looked at you worriedly. "You have a high fever, kid."

There was a short pause before she got up and sat down next to you on the couch. Only now did she notice the hot water bottle and felt it to see if it was still warm enough. When she realized it wasn't anymore, she pulled it out from behind you and placed it on her thighs. "Have you already eaten something today? Drank?"

You shook your head slowly, careful not to aggravate the pain. "Didn't ate, drank only this little bottle of water." Kara rubbed her forehead a few times and sighed before getting up, taking the food and the bottle with her while going into the kitchen. "You should have called, Y/N."

You ignored your older sister's answer; you just didn't want to bother her and take her away from work if nothing bad had happened. With this thought, you lay back again and closed your eyes. Inside, you were glad that she was finally home and you were no longer alone as you had someone who was with you and took care of you.

---

After she made you some tea and managed to get some food down your throat, she lay down with you and watched your favorite movie while holding you firmly and protective, giving you more warmth than the precious hot water bottle. At least she was watching the film, the second she lay down on the couch, you turned away from the television and were now facing her; your leg on her thigh while both arms wrapped around her body and your head resting on her chest. "Try to sleep a little, you need to rest."

"You gonna stay?" you whispered.

"Don't worry, I will stay right were I am. I will be here." she paused and gave you a kiss on your hair. "Now close your eyes, baby girl."

[unnecessarywriting]

To Be a Chocolatier - Remus Lupin

Young!Remus Lupin x Reader

A/N: This is something I was working on. I hope you all like it. Remember, requests are still open!!! Thank you for all of the support <3

To Be a Chocolatier

Breakups are fun. Typically they consist of muggle films, ice cream, chocolate, firewhiskey, sad songs, and occasionally some parties. These were all true for you, except, you weren’t as sad as you were letting on. True, you had just been dumped by a decent Ravenclaw, and you had been dating long enough for the “L-word” to spill out of your lips, but that doesn’t mean you were sad. He wasn’t the one. You knew that from the beginning, but he was fun and was comforting to have around. Now, two days after the breakup you sit in the common room with a book in your lap as the fire roars. It was pretty late considering the silence. Typically, it was too hectic for you to get some relaxation, but tonight it’s quiet. Too quiet. That means the infamous Marauders were out doing something.

You flipped through the pages in the chapter, enjoying the warmth that emanated from the fireplace. You were aware of most of your surroundings, however, you didn’t hear the girl step out from her dorm into the common room. She stood by the stairs and quietly observed you, trying to understand you.

“You feeling alright Y/N? I know this breakup is pretty rough, but you should really get some sleep.” It was Lily Evans, a long-time friend, who was too pure to understand the truth of the situation. Lies, especially about love, are a complex concept, and  the clever witch could never understand. So, you play along. She feels like she’s helping, and you don’t get a guilt trip about leading anyone on, although he was the one who broke up with you. And, it was to be with another girl, so who was really leading who?

In the end, you nodded your head and said that you would be up in a minute, and that you just wanted to finish your chapter by the fire. Lily seemed to believe you and went back up to the dorms. A few pages later, you heard the portrait and assumed that the boys were probably returning from whatever mischievous quest they were on. Three of them paid no mind to you as they giggled their way back up to their own dorm. One of the boys, however, caught wind of your presence.

“Y/L/N right?”

“That would be me. You are Lupin, Gryffindor prefect and babysitter to those three,” You said motioning your head up to where the boys just were. He chuckled and nodded.

“I heard what happened with that Ravenclaw kid. I know we don’t know each other well, but are you okay?” He seemed almost uncomfortable with the conversation.

“Yeah I’m fine. Things happen I guess. I’ll move on soon enough,” although truth be told I already had. He sat down on the couch next to me. 

“What are you reading?” You closed the book with your finger on your current page and showed him the cover. It was a muggle book you picked up from a muggleborn a few weeks back. It was just something you used to pass the time. You both sat next to each other with a comfortable silence. All that could be heard was the crackling fire. Then, you heard a bit of rustling and looked over to see him pull out some chocolate. As he was breaking off a piece for him to eat, you held out your hand to him. He looked at you incredulously. You motioned your hand towards him. Eventually he placed the piece of chocolate into your hand, and you shoved it into your mouth.

“Chocolate cures everything you know,” you said, still savoring the sweet taste.

“Not everything,” he responded bitterly. You glanced over at his features.

“Well, maybe those things that it isn’t curing don’t need to be cured,” you offered. 

“Maybe. What about you, are you cured of your breakup yet?” You laughed.

“After that small piece? It’s gonna take more than that my friend.” You began to get up, realizing that it was getting late, and you did have to go to class in the morning. You wished him a goodnight and walked up to your dorm. A small smile glued onto you face the whole way up.

For a few days after this occurrence, you would see Remus around school, and in classes. If you saw that he had chocolate, you would wander over to him with a hand raised, awaiting your prize. Everytime he would chuckle at your child-like attitude and shake his head, but ultimately, you always got what you wanted. The other Marauders were becoming more interested in these interactions. Remus was not someone who was often involved with the girls at Hogwarts, in fact, this was the first real time that they saw something like this from him. 

When it came time to go to Hogsmeade, you made your way with Lily by your side. She was complaining about some stunt that James pulled. You knew that she secretly liked him back, but you would never call her out on those feelings, at least not until she was able to realize them herself. You both walked into Honeydukes, where you were scanning the aisles looking for the best sweets.

“So, are we finally going to stop stealing my precious chocolate away from me?” I smiled to myself before I turned to meet his face.

“Well, it just so happens that the cure for a breakup requires a higher dosage of sugar than what you have been offering me. This doesn’t mean you’re off the hook quite yet,” you finished with a smirk. 

From afar, four pairs of eyes were watching this encounter. The three boys and Lily were amazed to see what was becoming of their friends. Sirius and James made it their mission to get Remus to ask you out. Peter was along for the ride, since he liked seeing his friend happy. Lily, on the other hand, was skeptical. You were supposed to be recovering from a breakup, so why were you so quick to move on? She knew Remus, and thought he was a pretty decent guy, and she didn’t want him to get hurt by becoming the rebound. 

You were unaware of how you were feeling. In your past relationships, there had been a sort of convenience and comfort to not being alone, but none of those boys managed to elicit real emotions. You were giddy for the first time in your life, and it was scary, but also exciting. Everytime you were around Remus, it was like things were falling into place, and you couldn’t have been happier. Remus was also beginning to feel something for you. It seemed as though whenever you were around, he had a smile tattooed on his face. Even if you weren’t around, he could feel his lips start to turn upwards with thoughts about the next time he would see you.

A few nights after the trip to Hogsmeade, you sat in the common room with all four of the marauders. You were over on a chair minding your own business with another book in your hand. Occasionally, you would glance up and peek at Remus. Sometimes, your eyes would meet and you would send him a playful wink. During one of these instances, Sirius and James made the choice that tonight was the night to get you two together.

“Prongs, I think I need help on that transfiguration assignment.”

“Sure Padfoot, let’s do that. Wormtail, we may need you for, uh, moral support.” With that the two schemers dragged their friend up to the dorms leaving you and Remus alone in the common room. He looked up at you and motioned his head to the recently vacant place beside. You put down your book with a playful pout, but smiled as you made your way to him. The next few hours consisted of different conversations about everything and nothing. You were both now laying down on the ground, when you sat up and looked at him.

“If you were a muggle,” you paused.

“If I were a muggle what?” He urged sitting up to face you.

“No. It’s dumb. Forget it.” You went to lay back down but he grabbed you and pulled you up.

“Let me hear it. C’mon, I deal with those three idiots upstairs. Anything you say sounds smart.”

“Okay. If you were a muggle, what would be your dream job, and don’t you dare say a teacher or professor, because that is just plain cheating.” You spit out the last part knowing he would choose the easiest of the options.

“I don’t know. Maybe, uh...He looked around the room and saw a wrapper. How about a chocolate maker?” You laughed obnoxiously at his answer. “What? It’s not that funny,” he replied sheepishly. 

“Oh, Mr. Moony, to be a chocolatier. What a fitting dream it is.” You continued to laugh at his choice, and eventually he joined in.

 Your night together ended in joyous laughter. It was perfect, and you soon found yourself in a place you never thought you would end up.  You were falling hopelessly in love with Remus Lupin, and there was no you were coming back.

The next morning, you had slept in. You didn’t mean to, but your dreams were filled with Remus and you just couldn’t bring yourself back to reality where you two weren’t together. At breakfast, Lily made her way to the Marauders to talk to Remus about his relationship with you. She wanted the both of you to be happy, but she didn’t want anyone to get hurt in the process.

“Lupin. Can I talk to you for a minute?” Remus looked at the boys, but eventually got up to talk with Lily.

“You know, Y/N is still dealing with her breakup, and I just can’t help but wonder how you fall into all of this. I mean, they were together for a while, and I’m just worried that she is using you to get over him. I’m sorry.” She finished with a nervous look on her face. Remus’ expression was unreadable. Was he angry at Lily for making such accusations? Was he upset at himself for falling for someone who was using him? He needed time to process so that is what he did.

Later that day, you saw him in the halls with Sirius by his side. You wandered over to him like you had been doing all of this time, but he just shouldered past you and left you confused and alone. Sirius looked as though he was apologetic, but even he didn’t know what was going on. When he asked Remus about it, he was told to “mind his own damn business.” This was a clear sign that Remus was pissed, and no one could figure why. 

This occurred for another week. Both you and Remus were feeling the effects of this distance. You two had grown so accustomed to the time you spent together. The smiles and inside jokes were gone and no one knew why, except for Remus and Lily. They boys were annoyed with the sudden irritability of their friend, but they thought it had to do with his furry little problem. Well, the full moon had gone and nothing changed. Remus was still bitter, and no one could stand it anymore. 

On the other hand, Lily was seeing what real heartbreak looked on you. Before, you were reserved, but there was nothing that told her that you were really grieving the loss of a relationship. The lack of contact with Remus was taking a toll on you. You were sad all of the time. You hardly smiled anymore, and you lost the spark that made you so incredible. It wasn’t until you started skipping meals to avoid having to look at Remus that she realized that she had made a huge mistake. 

One morning, she went to breakfast alone, which concerned Remus because you typically tried to talk to him or the other Marauders in the morning. This time it was different, and he was worried, but more than anything he was angry. He shouldn’t have had this much of an impact on you, especially when this was all your fault. You were the one who was using him to get over your ex. At least that was what he thought. After letting these thoughts get to his head, he made the decision to leave the great hall and take some time to himself in the library.

 This was the perfect opportunity for the three boys to get an idea over what happened from Lily. She told them everything, including how she thinks that she made a huge mistake. Sirius and James started plotting different ways to get the two together, but Lily knew that she just needed to come clean to her friend and pray that you would forgive her in the end.

Later that day, you were in bed contemplating which sweets to eat, hoping that they would end the emptiness you felt inside. You couldn’t bring yourself to eat any of the chocolate you had bought prior to the silent treatment you were receiving from the boy that made your heart pound. As you picked up some sugar quills, you heard the door open. When Lily appeared before you, she looked desperate. 

“There’s something that I need to tell you, and I just need to start by saying that I am so sorry.” She paused and waited for your reaction.

“Go on then,” you said carefully.

“Well, you see, uh, a little while ago, I um, had a chat with Remus. I was trying to look out for the both of you. I may have, just slightly, insinuated that he was your rebound, and that nothing good could come out of whatever you two had going on. Listen Y/N, I am so sorry, and I see now that what I did was wrong, and I know you will never forgive me but-” 

“Stop rambling,” you interrupted. “I’m not mad, well I am, but I understand. I was playing up the whole breakup thing before and you were looking out for Remus. I understand where you were coming from, but I just wish you would have talked to me about it before. This thing with Remus is more than anything I’ve had before.” Lily watched you with a small smile. She made a huge mistake in thinking that you didn’t really care for Remus. Here you are, already plotting how to get him back. You never would have done that for anyone else. It was refreshing for Lily to see you growing up and falling in love. 

“Lily, you were the one who caused this issue though, so I’m gonna need your help.”

“Whatever you need. I can’t see you mope around the dorm anymore.”

“Good, but this plan may require a bit of flirting with a Potter. Do you think you can handle it?” She laughed.

“I don’t even think I need to flirt to get him to help.” She thought back to this morning and how desperate the boys were to get their friend back up in high spirits. 

The rest of the day and the following morning were spent making sure that the plan was perfect. That night, you set everything into motion. You had been waiting by the fire in the common room, just out of sight from anyone who was entering through the portrait hole. Sirius was bringing Remus to the common room, while Peter and Lily managed to keep everyone out of the common room for as long as possible. James was assigned to charming the common room to keep Remus inside for a little while. It wouldn’t last long, but it should be long enough that you two make up.

When you heard two voices enter the common room, you panicked slightly. What if this didn’t work? Had you really lost the only person you’ve ever really fallen for when you did nothing wrong? You were petrified to say the least. When he finally got wind of your presence, he went to rush up to his dorm but James pushed him back.

“You two are going to talk whether you, Mr. I’m-too-stubborn-for-my-own-good, like it or not.” With that, the two pranksters left you two alone. Remus looked at you with a look that you could only define as that of betrayal. 

“You know, I lied that night when you gave me that piece of chocolate.” He looked at you with confusion written in his features. “I was cured of my breakup long before you showed up. I didn’t understand what heartbreak felt like until you stopped talking to me. I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, you weren’t aware of the truth. Don’t get mad at Lily either. She wasn’t aware either. Listen, from what I hear from the boys, you have been pretty insufferable lately, and I know that it’s my fault but I think I found a way to fix it.”

Remus watched you carefully as you walked towards him. You held out your hand to him, and in it was some chocolate. His eyes trailed up to yours where you held a hopeful smirk.

“Chocolate cures everything, and right now, I need you to be cured so you can see just how much you mean to me Remus. You were never the rebound. You’re so much more than that to me, and I don’t want to spend another day of my life without you there with me.”

He silently grabbed the chocolate and began to unwrap it. He stopped and looked up at you with a mischievous grin.

“It’s melted, my dear.” You looked at the item in his hand and facepalmed.

“I’m so sorry Remus, I was waiting for you by the fire, and well, chocolate and heat don’t really mix all that well. I thought this was going to be romantic.” You felt so stupid. How could you mess up the easiest part of the plan? 

He scooped up a small bit on his finger and sucked on it. “It’s still delicious.”

You looked up and grabbed some as well just as he had done before. 

“Darling,” he began, “you’ve got a little something on your lip.” You smiled.

“So do you,” you said before closing the gap between the two of you. When your lips met, it was heavenly. The combined taste of chocolate and Remus sent you to another realm. You brought your hand to his face, unaware of the chocolate that was still on your fingers. When he finally pulled away, you saw the mess you had made. Small giggles spewed from your mouth, and they soon turned into large laughs.

“Mr. Moony, you really are taking this whole chocolatier thing too far,” you managed to get out between laughs. He brought his hand up and felt the residue of his sweet gift. He looked at your face, completely guilt-free, and down at the bar of melted chocolate. He smiled and sneakily swiped a few of his fingers into the chocolate. He waltzed over to you as you tried to calm your breathing after your giggle fit.

“Well, I think it’s about time that you become Mrs. Chocolatier. Don’t you think?” He dragged his fingers down your cheeks and across your lips, as your face contorted into that of pure surprise. 

“Wow, you really do look the part now. Oh, to be a chocolatier Ms.Y/L/N.” He brought you in for another sweet kiss. But was interrupted by the sound of gagging from Sirius and James.

“We leave you alone for a couple of minutes and this is what you two do? Look at this mess. And to think Moony, you call us children.” You and Remus just giggled at the small ranting from Sirius before he pulled you in for another kiss.

[7wanderingpaws]

Always, yours (6) M

Word count: 9.5K (!)

Warnings: language, mature content, angst 

tags: @geniusloey @taemin-jaemin @wooya1224 @f4ncyvelvet

Masterlist / story masterlist

<– Previous

“Is it still happening?” 

Your doctor was surprised when you were sitting in her office. The triplets were with Baekhyun who was standing just beside your chair. On his chest and back he had Jun and Juna and Junhee was in the basket carrier, for once sleeping peacefully.

You nodded, trying not to feel ashamed. It wasn’t your fault that you were overproducing milk. “It seems like it doesn’t have a proper schedule. After I breastfeed or pump it starts leaking again.”

Your doctor nodded seriously, frowning. “Did you release breast milk when the babies cry? Or perhaps after an orgasm?”

Her question made you beetroot red in the face and you quickly looked down on your connected hands , suddenly feeling hot and embarrassed.

You doctor let out a little chuckle, mumbling a “cute” when you felt Baekhyun’s comforting hand on your shoulder. To your utter horror, he replied: “She releases milk at any time of the day but during sex she was complaining about feeling the pressure in her breasts. I helped her out with it so that we could carry on,” he informed, not ashamed at all.

It made you remember the time when he was shy to ask whether you two could have sex during your pregnancy. And now he said this. A typical  upgrade of a parent. You lose all sense boundaries. You did the deed and now you have kids. As simple as that.

Your eyes widened. “Well, yes, that’s true. I felt pressure during eh, sex, and I knew there would be a release so…”

“That is totally natural, nothing to be embarrassed about,” reassured you the doctor kindly. “It’s only normal for the father to try the breast milk, even more so during sexual intercourse.” She paused for a moment. “So, this is what we are gonna do - we will try a block feeding technique. You will have to empty your breasts every morning, and then try feeding your little ones. If Jun is still struggling with refluxes, this should help. He is very small but if he feeds well and correctly, I’m sure he will be just fine.”

You nodded, still feeling worried. Jun was doing well but sometimes the milk wouldn’t sit well with him which would cause the reflux.

“The first dosage of the milk consists of lactose, the fat comes quite later on during the feeding process. You are feeding three mouths, so naturally there are gaps in between and each baby can get a different intake.”

“So my wife can still breastfeed, right?” asked Baekhyun, his hand caressing your shoulder gently. You enjoyed the touch; it reminded you that you were in this together.

“Yes, of course. This technique should not be done longer than five days, however, so make sure to check for any improvements, alright?” When you nodded, she said: “I’ll examine your breasts, now, if you’ll please move to the bed and remove your top and bra.”

Ah, how much was this uncomfortable but you got used to it completely. Everyone present in the room knew your breasts very well. It almost seemed like they knew them better than you did.

“You can also try to start using formula,” suggested gently the doctor as you took off your shirt and unclasped your bra. You were sitting on the bed in front of her, the colder air in the room creating goosebumps. “There is nothing wrong with that.”

“I know,” you murmured, shivering at the air hitting your warm skin.

“Oh, dear, you lost quite some weight,” she said when she took a better look. “Aren’t we thinking too much about the babies and too little about our mummy, hm?” she asked in a chastising tone but with a motherly smile.

You stole a glance at Baekhyun who was caressing Jun’s head, playing with the thin baby hair, while giving you a thoughtful look.

<3

“Thank you for coming with us today,” you told Baekhyun once you finally made it home. Triplets fell asleep during the transfer, so you were trying to eat late lunch before they would wake up.

“Sweetheart,” murmured Baekhyun with a frown and he stepped closer to you, stopping you from slurping the warm soup he heated up. “What do you mean? Of course I’d come. I’m your husband.”

You shrugged, not looking him in the eye. “I know but still… I guess your job is important-“

“No, it isn’t important. It isn’t more important than you are,” he murmured gently and caressed your cheek, expecting you to look at him but you didn’t. “What’s wrong? Why wouldn’t you look at me?”

Slowly, you dragged your eyes up to meet his down-turned ones, soft and gentle. “Just a lot in my head’s all. Our parents will be arriving in a few days so I need to clean up.”

The fact that you were getting anxious because of many things happening at the same time made you not want to talk about it. Taking care of the babies, welcoming your family, making a comfortable home for them while they were there - it was a little too much.

“I’ll do that, okay? You can start the laundry but I don’t want you to stress about this, am I clear?” His voice wasn’t stern but it was strict enough for you to nod obediently, preferring the idea of Baekhyun doing all the work while you could rest a little bit.

“Good,” he smiled, satisfied, “and now give me a kiss.”

You managed to smile as you strained your neck, kissing him over the bar table. He hummed in appreciation, prolonging the precious moment.

“Now eat,” he ordered teasingly and you laughed breathily when you sat down, your tummy rumbling with hunger.

You were eating in peaceful silence, the clinking of cutlery the only noise in the apartment. The day was barely half-way done but you felt tiredness creeping up your limbs; the more you ate, the sleepier you became.

When you and Baekhyun finished, you stood up, leaving the dishes on the table and walked over to him, taking his arm in your hands and gently pulling on it. “Let’s have a little nap together, I’m tired.”

Baekhyun observed you with amusement. “Of course. I’ll just clean up and follow you.”

You pouted and shook your head, widening your eyes at him as you dragged him out of the kitchen and straight into your bedroom. He laughed as he let you, and when you reached the bed you slipped under the covers, the AC having cooled down the apartment into the perfect cuddling temperature. Baekhyun followed you and once the both of you made yourselves comfortable, you found your way to him, your head resting on his chest while he tucked your head under his chin.

“Sleep, sweetheart,” he cooed into your hair. “You’ve had a long day already.”

You hummed and completely melted at the way he rubbed your back in slow, dragging motions. His scent and slow heartbeat finally made you lose conscious, dreamland welcoming you with open arms.

<3

“Look at these outfits!” Sukyeong pushed her phone into your face excitedly and you tried to not show your discomfort too obviously. You frowned with a pout as you observed a gorgeous summer dress on a model, the slit of the skirt revealing her long legs. “You’d look stunning in it!”

You sighed and reached for your cup of green tea. You were sitting in a posh tea house where one needed a reservation in order to be able to get in. Sukyeong always had your back and she promised to pay. Hence you didn’t bother looking at the price tag that went over 30.000won per one serving “You know I’d look horrible.”

She shook her head resolutely but her eyes were trained on the screen as her finger was eagerly scrolling through an endless Instagram feed with beautiful women. “You can pull off any look.”

Biting your lip, you nodded, feeling your eyes burn up with frustrating tears. Sukyeong was a great friend. But she was never a mother and had never been through a pregnancy. And it showed.

“You lost a lot of weight,” she finally looked up at you and put her phone away when she spotted your red eyes. “Since the last time I saw you- do you even eat?”

Not wanting to talk, you averted your gaze to the surroundings, noting how the tea room was peaceful. There were lots of issues within you that you refused to address, and none of them was about having triplets. Everything had to do with you.

“Oh, dear, I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you the past couple of weeks,” she told you, reaching for your hand.

“No, no, you have your own life. I barely had time to think, I was so busy.”

“I feel like a lot has happened during that time,” she murmured with worry, observing your pale cheeks. Sukyeong knew you for quite a while. She knew you as a determined and happy woman, very independent. Now she thought that she saw someone who really needed someone. “Is everything okay with you and Baek?”

“It’s great!” you replied quickly.

“What happened?” she asked with even more worry and this time your tears grew like sprouts, escaping your eyes. “Shh, if you don’t want to talk about it-“

“There is so much going on and at the same time…” you shrugged, not sure how to express yourself, “...nothing is happening at all.”

Sukyeong gave you some time to collect your thoughts for which you were grateful. As much as she could be a little too excited, she knew when to shut up and listen.

“A couple of weeks ago Junho appeared at our doorstep in the morning, he came with a sweater that didn’t belong to me, and Baekhyun didn’t take it too well. We had a fight. Since then, yeah,” you sighed, tapping at your wet cheeks, “it’s all weird.”

Sukyeong was silently looking at the smoothness of the table, at the tea pots filled with fresh green tea.

“It’s fine, nothing worrisome I guess,” you  added, not wanting to sound like the party pooper.

She murmured your name, and looked at you with something that looked like guilt in her eyes. “I need to tell you something…”

“Yeah? What is it?” you asked nonchalantly.

She sighed, closing her eyes for a second before she had to face your obliviousness. “It’s me who sent Junho to your house.”

“What!” you gasped so loudly some people turned to look at you, and Sukyeong quickly brought her chair closer to you, seeking a little privacy from the prying eyes.

“I gave him the sweater and told him to visit you! But my intentions were…” she trailed off, looking like a kid caught with a cookie.

“What the hell? What were your intentions?”

Oh boy, you looked pissed. Your eyes were burning up with anger.

“I wanted Baekhyun to meet him and… and… well, you know, bring some fire into your relationship-“

“Jesus Christ, Sukyeong!” you groaned, mad at her but still unable to fight the furious blush at her words. “That’s ridiculous! Me and Baek are married in case you forgot,” you added in a loud whisper. “It’s not like he just knocked me up and left!”

“I know, I know, but he was always MIA and I didn’t want him to neglect my best friend! You’re left alone with three kids!”

“What’s that have to do with making Baekhyun jealous? We had a huge fight and our relationship has been a little angsty since then.” Well, from your point of view at least. Baekhyun acted like all was fine but you couldn’t tell whether he really acted or he was actually that clueless about the underlying issues you both had. Let alone, the fight was nasty and you still had a lot on your mind to tell him but refrained from speaking up. You didn't even finish the talk after the huge fight like he said he wanted to do.

“Just so you know, you’re way too lenient about him and his darn professor job. You’ve got three babies for Christ’s sake.”

“But we need money! I’m not working and he is the only source of income we have. We live in that darn upscale apartment but at what cost? It’s hard to keep up with that and with three babies that need a nappy change almost every second hour of the day.”

“I understand it’s hard but Baekhyun does not work hard enough for you.”

Your nose prickled in an instant because she hit the right spot. You promptly looked away, wanting to avoid her fiery gaze.

“Tell me I’m wrong.”

Your silence told Sukyeong more than enough. She sighed and crossed her legs. “What was the fight about? You said after Junho appeared you had a fight.”

After several seconds of hesitation you told her. The highlight, of course, was Baekhyun’s harsh words about your jealousy when in fact it was all pregnancy issues at the time.

“No way he said that,” she mumbled in astonishment, her eyes looking somewhere far in the distance. “He dared to twist something like that?”

You could only shrug again. “It’s already resolved. We talked it out, he apologized and I’m not planning to keep grudges against him. I can’t fight with him, Sukyeonga. If I do, it feels like I’m going against everything that is me. He is part of me.”

Sukyeong could only sigh; both in affection and slight frustration. She knew how much of a strong relationship you and Baekhyun shared, but as your close friend she was worried. As much as she trusted Baekhyun and considered him a close friend as well, he was still a man.

“You need to be stronger than that,” she told you finally with a gentle tone as she held your hand. “I’m not implying anything more, just that you should always know your worth. Even when you are head over heels for each other.”

You sighed, though a little frustratingly. “I understand what you are trying to say, Sukyeonga. I really do…”

“You need to find a hobby or a job. I know you can’t do much with triplets needing your care and even sitters are pricey-“

“I’m not leaving my kids with a sitter!”

“-so you need to find work that you could do from home.”

Another sigh left your lips, your body completely deflating. “I’m already looking around for possible jobs but yeah… I’m tied down for a bit, at least until the munchkins are a little older and can start the kindergarten.”

Sukyeong nodded in understanding. “Whatever it will be like in the future, I'll support you. And make sure to show Baekhyun you’re not tied down to him.”

<3

The time for Baekhyun’s graduation ceremony came very fast. It was a given when every day became identical with the previous one. However, the anxiety you’d been feeling due to your family arriving was just rising by each day and you didn’t like the uncomfortable pressure it left you within your chest. With crying babies, and a lot to plan for their grandparents, you felt a little suffocated. Baekhyun, even though being home a lot more just as he promised, was not that much of a consolation. You had anxiety and you didn’t even realize it.

“I’m going to go pick them up at Seoul station,” told you Baekhyun when the time came. He had his phone and wallet prepared and he was walking over to you, seated in the living room where you were feeding Jun. Gradually, you were changing their feeding habits, mixing in some formula for the babies that were growing like mushrooms after rain.

You felt your eyes burn up with tears. For whatever reason. “Okay, update me when you’re with them.”

He hummed and leaned over you, his hand resting behind you on the backrest, wafting the faint mix of his perfume and baby detergent your way. “We’ll be back with you soon.”

You finally looked up when you felt him puckering his lips for an expecting kiss. He saw the way your eyes glistened and he moved away slightly.

“Babe, are you crying? What’s wrong?”

You shook your head, frustration rising. “I’m good. I’ll be good by the time you’ll come home. I’m just-“ you stopped abruptly, shaking your head. “I’m fine there is no need to overthink this.”

“Shh, sweetheart, you’re blabbering right now,” he sat down next to you, bringing his free hand up to your cheek. “Calm down.”

You squeezed your eyes shut and you unintentionally squeezed Jun as well. He let out a little cough and you quickly eased up the hold, not wanting him to get sick.

“Give me Jun and tell me what’s wrong,” suggested Baekhyun with worried eyes. He reached out for the baby only for it to whine when he tried to disattach his little mouth from your nipple. “Junnie, let mummy go for a bit.”

You kept crying, tears creating small waterfalls on your cheeks. Letting your head drop back on the backrest of the sofa, you felt Jun finally disattach, his crying growing with every second he spent without his milk.

Baekhyun tried to shush him while his other hand brought your shirt up to cover your chest. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”

“I’m so nervous and I don’t even know why,” you finally said, the wailing growing more and more irritating , causing small ringing in your ears. “I feel like too much is happening at the same time and I don’t know if I can welcome all of them here while at the same time taking care of the babies!”

Baekhyun was looking at you as he maneuvered Jun into a proper position, his head on his shoulder, his hand gently tapping the crying baby on his back. It was important to recognize when the baby was just greedy and when they really needed to feed. He was aware that you had been sitting with him for a while. “We are in this together, okay? Your priority is always the kids. I’ll take care of the rest- I thought we talked about this?”

“I know! But the house will be so full and busy and overwhelming and I just don’t want them to judge me as a mother and the way I take care of our kids and maybe they won’t like where they’ll sleep-“

“Did you already forget where we come from?” asked Baekhyun seriously and with that your crying ceased. When Baekhyun noticed, he added: “Our parents are anything but judgemental of the city life we live here. If you think they’ll judge the fact that they can sleep on a comfortable bed instead of the floor, then I don’t know if you grew up in the same village like me.”

You looked at him with red, puffy eyes. Jun was whimpering but soon a good burp followed and it made you and Baekhyun a little relieved. No reflux and a good burp. The perfect baby. “I’m sorry I’m just…” your lip trembled again, because you would never forget where you came from. What you and Baekhyun had now was so special, you forgot how a simple life was back home.

“You’re overwhelmed, I understand,” he told you, the gentleness back in his voice now. He reached out with his other hand for your thigh and squeezed it while he supported Jun’s butt with the other one. “I promise I’ll take care of everything. You do you, you do your motherly job and we will be all here to help you. They’ll most probably steal the munchkins away from us anyway,” he laughed softly.

You nodded, sniffing. “You’re right.” I hope they do, you added in your head but you hated yourself immediately for it. You desperately  wanted alone time but admitting it out loud would make you feel like a terrible mother. “You should go, honey, let them not wait for you.”

He nodded and caressed Jun a little longer before pressing a kiss to his temple and handing him back to you. “Kiss,” he demanded when you accepted the baby, and you smiled tiredly. You pressed your lips to his smooth cheek and he gave you a boyish smile.

And so, just like that the time passed with Baekhyun’s promises kept. You were relieved to hug your parents and always happy to see Baekhyun’s carefree mother and father.

When you were all at the venue, the huge hall full of older and younger people, you couldn’t help the excitement that was boiling in the pit of your tummy, mixed with anxiety. Baekhyun had to leave the apartment earlier to prepare, and thanks to your parents and in-laws you could make it safely to the busy event.

He nodded and caressed Jun a little longer before pressing a kiss to his temple and handing him back to you. “Kiss,” he demanded when you accepted the baby, and you smiled tiredly. You pressed your lips to his smooth cheek and he gave you a boyish smile.

And so, just like that the time passed with Baekhyun’s promises kept. You were relieved to hug your parents and always happy to see Baekhyun’s carefree mother and father.

When you were all at the venue, the huge hall full of older and younger people, you couldn’t help the excitement that was boiling in the pit of your tummy, mixed with anxiety. Baekhyun had to leave the apartment earlier to prepare, and thanks to your parents and in-laws you could make it safely to the busy event.

You managed to survive the ceremony with babies either looking around with curious stares or eventually falling asleep. There was only one moment when Junhee felt like scrunching up her face, letting you know she was not happy. A whimper left her and when you felt some people turning their heads you were fast to take her in your arms. Her small hands immediately tangled up in your hair because as you reached down it fell over your shoulder. 

You shushed her quietly while she made sure to let you know you would have to work harder for her to shut up. So as you bounced gently on your feet to lull her into inactivity, you caught eyes with Baekhyun who was smiling at the sight of you from afar. He was seated there, on the stage, with other masters and doctoral students. They weren’t that many altogether, but they all still heard you nonetheless.

Reciprocating the smile while feeling like you had an intimate moment with your husband, while Junhee was pulling on your hair, Baekhyun chuckled and looked back at the dean doing his closing speech, paying attention.

You sighed, realizing your elevated heart beat thanks to him. Baekhyun’s golden band on his finger shone as his hands were resting on his thighs. Your own band was, as always, comfortably sitting on your fourth finger, that same hand patting Junhee on her small bum gently.

Being at this stage with the munchkins, they were growing to like nonsense talking. You always let them converse away at home, but Junhee really felt like speaking her mind about the dean’s speech.

Gradually, more people paid attention to you rather than to the dean. You tried to shush her quickly, exchanging looks with your mother sitting on the edge seat of the row. She had an endearing smile on her face so it managed to calm you down.

Being with talkative triplets, well in this case just one out of three, came with attention.

“Baby girl, be quiet, hm?” you whispered, puckering your lips against her temple, still bouncing on your heels. “Pay attention to daddy,” you prompted but fruitlessly. “He is right there, aha-“ you turned to point your finger where Baekhyun was seated, not too far away.

Junhee pushed her fingers into her mouth as she blabbered before taking the same hand out of her mouth and smacking you with it on your cheek. Great.

“Junhee, look, daddy,” you shushed in her ear and once again pointed with your finger at your husband. You had his full attention now given how almost everyone could hear the baby talk.

Baekhyun waved cutely, smiling widely, his eyes small crescents. He sent her air kisses and you noticed Junhee watching him intently.

“D-d-d-d…” she kept murmuring and you giggled. Just then she let out a huge, screechy squeal, making you flinch away from the loudness.

“Shhh,” you tried but the dean stopped talking, looking your way now. You felt your heart drop at the attention and you took a few steps back, signaling to your mum that you’ll be outside with her so you wouldn’t disturb anymore.

“What a lively baby in the audience tonight!” pointed the dean, making everyone laugh. You managed to let out an uneasy laugh, bowing to everyone in apologies. “Is it a he or she?” He asked into the microphone and by now your heart was beating with adrenaline.

“Eh…”

“It’s a she, sir.”

Baekhyun looked proud when he spoke up from his seat, his eyes steadily set on you and your daughter.

“Very well, Mr Byun. We should invite her for speeches next time,” joked the dean and once again, everyone laughed.

You smiled, though you were beetroot red in your face. Junhee clapped cheerfully as if she understood, prompting everyone to laugh again.

“Junhee, calm down, baby,” you tried but to no avail. Eventually, you motioned to Baekhyun that you’ll be out and when you made sure the rest of the triplets were still sleeping, you slowly exited the hall; the ceremony would be ending any minute anyway.

After pacing for a couple of minutes outside in the shadow, you talked to Junhee, fueling her interest in talking as much as you could, now that you wouldn't disturb anyone. It was then that a woman in a beautiful, flowing dress approached you, taking off her dark specs before talking to you.

“Excuse me.” You turned around to her, smiling politely. Junhee went quiet at the intrusion. “Are you perhaps Byun Baekhyun’s wife?”

You nodded, a little unsurely. “Yes.”

“Nice to meet you! I knew I saw you somewhere and with the baby that looks a little like him I knew I was right,” she smiled widely at you. “I’m his colleague, I teach sports ethics and diplomacy. Jung Jaina.”

You nodded, her foreign name not processing in your mind. “Ah, nice to meet you.”

Why was Baekhyun always working with such pretty women? They looked so confident, put-together. Or maybe it was just your self-confidence that was so low.

“You’re so beautiful in real life, I can totally see where Baekhyun is coming from,” she added, her eyes sparkling. Her comment was kind, but it still left you insecure. “And this little one too.” She reached over and grabbed Junhee’s reddened cheek, pulling on it gently.

Junhee pouted big time before she pushed her tongue out on the lady in front of her. At that moment, you wanted to laugh so badly, but you tried to keep your face straight.

“She is too young, still,” commented Jaina as if it wasn’t awkward at all. You were nodding when, thankfully, your parents approached you, the hall filling out with people, waiting for the graduates to come out.

“Ah, here you are, daughter-in-law,” smiled Baekhyun’s father gently. “Let me handle her now, you worked enough,” he rasped and reached out for Junhee who was enjoying the attention.

“Very nice family, indeed,” commented Jaina as he watched you handing Junhee to her grandfather. “As you know, Baekhyun will go to Japan in September,” she started and you turned to her politely, letting her know you were paying attention. “It’s a great opportunity for him to grow. He has a huge potential. Our previous dean was young. I could imagine Baekhyun as a young dean too, if he’d work hard enough.”

“He just started. It’s way too soon to think he would become a dean, isn’t it?” you replied, smiling but not liking the direction of the conversation. Baekhyun becoming a dean would make him even busier.

“He has a lot of talents. Leadership is one of them and it’s the most important one. If he does well in Japan, which I’m sure he will, we will try to propose him the opportunity. He would have to do lots of research and teach more classes to get experience, but I have no doubts he is one of the coolest professors we have had in years. Plus, the students love him.”

“He is a likeable man,” you admitted reluctantly.

“You’re lucky,” she added with a strained smile just when you felt a pair of hands around your waist, the man in question finally appearing.

He kissed your neck, making your eyes go wide before he stood next to you and bowed to Jaina. “Miss.”

She nodded with acknowledgment. “You have a beautiful family, Baekhyun.”

“Oh yes, indeed,” he smiled cheekily, squeezing your waist.

Jaina observed the two of you a little longer. “I shall take my leave now. Congratulations, Baekhyun. See you next week.” She put on her specs and walked away, greeting people in her way.

“You met Jaina?” Baekhyun spoke up before you’d return to your family. They were too preoccupied with triplets who were now all awake.

You nodded, turning to him. His hand caressed your back. “She seems nice.”

“She is the boss,” Baekhyun chuckled, shrugging. He moved his head closer, whispering into your ear: “You looked so cute with Junhee in there, mummy.” His breath tickled you and you smiled gently. He looked at your face and stole a small kiss. “My beautiful wife.” His eyes traveled quickly over your dress, liking the way it looked on you.

“Congratulations to my smart hubby,” you played along and you circled your arms around his neck. “Your wifey is very proud of you.” You stood to kiss his cheek and Baekhyun let you. His eyes were sparkling at the sight of you. “Let’s go, triplets have something to say too.”

He laughed and took your hand, following you. He was welcomed by his parents and yours. The atmosphere was cheerful and you felt relieved that nothing bad went down during the ceremony. 

Everyone was taking pictures together, first Baekhyun alone with flowers and the majestic main building in the background, then you joined him, just the couple alone. Baekhyun tickled your sides, making you squirm and burst out into laughter while he watched you with a wide smile. He knew your parents didn't know how to work smartphones well, and so the sound of the shutter kept going off and off and off, catching every second of the banter. Your babies, each held by a grandparent, were watching you with big eyes, almost judgmentally scrunching up their faces. They were jealous when you and Baekhyn had a good time without them. Eventually, Baekhyun hugged you to his chest, his hands resting against your stomach, creating a lovely picture of the two of you. 

Of course it wouldn't be a family picture without your little munchkins. You took them in your arms before they could start a rally, Baekhuyn holding Juna and Junhee while you took your only son. As they were growing, it became harder to balance two babies in his arms, but Baekhyun would never give it up unless it was completely impossible to hold them.

You loved seeing your whole family together. But you loved it the most when Baekhyun was there, too.

<3

Both of you giggled at the same time when your hand tried to tickle his stomach and his fingers teasingly caressed your hip. You squirmed, hiding your face in his neck as you felt his breathy laugh on yours.

“Shh, don’t want to wake our parents, hm?” he hummed with a huge, boyish smile on his face but his fingers were relentless.

“Baekhyun!” you hissed breathlessly and tried to shimmy away from him but he was stronger. As soon as you managed to move an inch, he brought you back to him, his palm smoothening the skin, gently inching higher on your side, successfully leaving goosebumps in its wake. You pressed your face into his neck to hide the redness.

“I stopped now,” he murmured, a handsome timbre. “Want to leave your hiding space now?”

After a little hesitation, you leaned away from his neck and met his soft eyes. “Don’t tickle anymore.”

“I won’t, promise,” he smiled when his eye caught your pout. “But you tickled too.”

“To defend myself!”

“Then you promise too,” pouted Baekhyun as he rested his head on the pillow, facing you.

You were quick to scurry to him and he chuckled. “Okay, I won’t tickle you either. Promise,” you murmured into his clothed chest.

A hum came in a reply and you felt his head move, looking down at the top of your head. “And now seal it with a kiss.”

You smiled to yourself, letting your hand rub his chest as you looked up and strained your neck to kiss his puckering lips. A loud smack resonated through the quiet bedroom and you felt your heart skip a beat, hoping Baekhyun’s parents who were sleeping in the living room didn’t hear it.

“Mmm, one more,” you demanded and this time Baekhyun captured your lower lip, engaging you in a proper, romantic kiss that had your toes tingle. His hand came to cup your cheek and the both of you shifted, the bed sheets rustling. He hovered over you while slowly playing with your soft pillows, making sure to use minimum tongue as none of you wanted a heated session now out of all times. 

When he let go with a gentle smooch, he only moved away an inch, deciding to stay a little longer to smile at you. “You’re so pretty, my little lady.”

The unexpected words surprised you and a furious blush creeped in your cheeks, bringing sudden warmth into your body. “Ah, what are you saying.”

“The truth,” he replied calmly and pressed a final kiss to your forehead before he moved away and lied down next to you.

You sighed and once again scooted closer to him, wrapping your arm around his middle. Baekhyun caressed your hand and proceeded to wrap you up in his arms as well. “I’ll miss you when you’re gone.”

“Oh baby, I’ll miss you too. And our munchkins,” he murmured and you pecked his cheek. “And these kisses.”

You smiled widely and kissed him again.

“But baby?” he asked, his voice raspy. You perked up, prompting him to go on. “Promise me you’ll keep close touch? And no surprises.”

Your eyebrows went shooting upwards at his weird demand. “We are always in close touch, honey. And whatever you mean with no surprises?”

He was observing you for a moment, thinking over how to speak his mind, his eyes flickering from your eyes to your nose and lips before looking back up to your expecting orbs. “I meant that… be careful. You’ll be home alone and I just don’t want uninvited guests.”

“You mean Junho?”

Baekhyun trailed his fingertips over your back. “Yeah,” he breathed, warily expecting your reaction. The last time you talked about Lee Junho you had a huge fight.

“I’m not in touch with him. Why would I be with him, Baekhyun?”

“He came uninvited last time,” he pointed out.

“That wasn’t my fault.”

“No, it wasn’t your fault, but I’m just saying that if it occurs again, I don’t want you to let him in is all.”

This time you observed your husband, his calm and collected expression an opposite to your gradually igniting insides. You felt like this was unfair towards you. Again.

“I'm not trying to cage you in-“

“Are all those beautiful female colleagues going with you to Japan as well? Will somehow Jiyoung appear too?” you asked in a colder tone and Baekhyun realized that you were building up your walls again.

“Yes, one of them is,” he told you honestly. His fingers have stopped caressing your skin, now frozen just between your shoulder blades.

“Okay, well then -“ you felt a painful lump in your throat forming at the fact that he didn’t even bother denying they weren’t beautiful- “make sure you don’t have uninvited guests in your hotel room,” you deadpanned. “You are a taken man after all.”

You scurried away, his hand falling on the space you created between the two of you. Baekhyun blinked in confusion and propped himself up on his elbow, looking at your back facing him. “Baby, what is wrong now? I only told you because I’m worried.”

“And am I not allowed to be worried? To let my handsome, charming husband who always needs attention, go on a one week long trip?”

His hand found its way to your hip when you felt his front pressed to your back. “Yet that husband wants only one woman’s attention.”

“It’s not gonna work,” you muttered stubbornly, trying to suppress the need to submit to his touches. “If you think the first thing I’d do is let another man - whom I don’t even know properly - enter our place without you knowing than I don’t know what we are doing,” you told him honestly, your gaze intently set in the curtains that allowed you to see the distant lights of other high rise buildings. Since you had the babies, you didn’t bother pulling the blackouts as you never got the proper rest anyway. Had you had blackouts you’d want to stay in bed all the time.

Baekhyun sighed but he still bunched up your shirt so he could accommodate his hand under it. “I just didn’t like how he came here suddenly and with a pathetic reasoning. If he does it again-“

“But he won’t-“

“If he does it again, I don’t want you to let him in if you’re by yourself with the little ones,” he finished more sternly, gradually disliking your attitude. You knew he was getting into the “I’m older” position.

You pursed your lips; you, on the other hand, didn’t like his attitude and his request.

“Hm?” Baekhyun gently squeezed your hip, urging you to acknowledge his words. “Answer me, sweetheart.”

“Alright,” you mumbled reluctantly.

He was quiet for a moment, closely inspecting your side profile. “You know I don’t mean bad. We don’t know who he is and whether he is even trustable. What if he did something to you?” Baekhyun had his own point that he wasn’t willing to let up on. He was a man and he knew what a man who wants a woman looked like. You wouldn’t understand him, but he knew what he was doing and he didn’t feel comfortable with the thought of you being near him. Obviously Lee Junho didn’t give two damns that you were happily married; therefore very much taken.

“Don’t be mad,” he sighed after a while when you still wouldn’t look at him. He brought his face closer to yours. “I don’t like us going to sleep with unresolved feelings, baby.”

“Me neither,” you muttered, closing your eyes when you felt his nose on your cheek.

“Then talk to me,” he rasped into your ear as his hand wandered under your shirt, igniting your insides with passion. “Talk to oppa.”

You sighed and moved to lay on your back, Baekhyun’s hand slipping and brushing your mound. You felt the thrill curse through you at the sensation. “I won’t let him come in. I don’t think he would  even visit anymore - but okay, I won’t do anything that you’d say no to,” you started and shivered when his thumb ran under your breast. He was watching you intently almost making you think he was looking for reactions from his sneaky actions. “But I will ask you to make a definite line between you and your colleagues. You have me and three kids. I don’t want you to flirt or even acknowledge their advances on you. You’re the professor who is hot and all the ladies want but is the most forbidden fruit in the department,” you said seriously. As you talked, Baekhyun’s smile grew.

“They know my situation, baby, there is no need for you to worry. Like, none at all. I always show them pictures of our munchkins and of you. You’re literally the background of my screen.”

You knew all of it of course. His lock screen was a selfie of the two of you smiling with your sleeping triplets after you signed the marriage papers, both of you dressed up. And his home screen picture was, to your dismay, you lying down with one leg prompted on the wall and the other spread to the other side with a very much pregnant bump revealed as the shirt was bunched up, ready for Baekhyun to apply some cream against the stretch marks. You were smiling at him with glistening red cheeks and you looked incredibly happy. That picture always surprised you; you had to admit that happiness really made everyone more beautiful and you weren’t an exception.

“I don’t care,” you whispered, closing your eyes when his palm dared to take a gentle hold of your mound, the way both of your bodies shifted closer once again making the bed sheets rustle in the quiet room exciting. “I don’t want any of that,” your mouth fell open with a shaky breath, Baekhyun’s face coming to your neck where he gave you a wet kiss.

“Okay, as you say, my princess,” he breathed, his hand now massaging your mound sensually.

Unconsciously you moved towards him, trying to make you more exposed to his wandering hand, your chest widening. He nibbled at the skin under your ear, his hand still working as if making a bread dough. 

“I don’t want you to be upset with me when I mean well,” he whispered in your ear, shifting closer to you until you felt him pressing to the outside of your thigh. “I don’t want you to misunderstand my intentions, baby,” he breathed shakily when you squirmed against him. You turned your head, a low moan leaving your mouth when you seeked his lips.

“I know, sweetheart,” you replied when his soft lips hovered above yours. “I know you mean well.” He hummed in reply and kissed you passionately, bringing out another small moan out of you. He traced the outline of your lower lip with his tongue, while his hand kept abusing your mound and nipple. He separated for the slightest moments, moving his head to the other direction before diving in again, pushing his tongue in as if it always belonged there. His hand traveled lower over your rib cage until it lay on your hip. He pushed it between the mattress, taking a hold of your bum, giving it a squeeze. Your own hands were messing up his hair before you dragged them over his chest and tummy, teasing the naked skin between his pants and t-shirt. Baekhyun shivered when you proceeded to abuse the inside of his pants.

“Sweetheart,” he breathed shakily when he separated with a delicious smack. “Not now.”

You were a little dizzy from the hotness of the room, your husband looking so alluring you couldn’t help yourself when you whispered: “Can you keep quiet?”

“Sweet-“

“Can you?” you pressed challengingly when you felt his own hand seeking an entrance into your panties. To prove your point, you wanted to move your hand lower but didn’t have to; you squealed quietly when you felt his tip right up. Baekhyun had to be in the mood for a while.

Baekhyun giggled at the sight of you, his face hiding in your neck to keep silent. “You dare to be innocent after what you’ve been doing just now?” he murmured and clicked his tongue. “Or after making three babies?”

You pinked, biting your lip to suppress an embarrassed laugh. “Well, to me it seems like you are refusing to answer me,” you told him mischievously as you slowly, gently pressed your palm against his length and Baekhyun had to close his eyes, his heart skipping wildly at your touches. “I’d love to-“

“Then that’s enough,” you murmured as you tilted your chin upwards, pressing your lips together. Baekhyun hummed and you felt his palm against your womanhood.

Upon feeling you up, Baekhyun abruptly disconnected your lips. “Shit, you’re soaking wet, baby,” he breathed shakily and you squirmed under him, enjoying how he was warm and just so ready in your palm. There was a particular prominent vein that you made sure to outline with your finger and Baekhyun was fast to become defenseless.

“It hurts,” you told him with your lips turned downwards, pretending to be hurt. “You need to take care of it.”

“God, where is this all coming from?”

You didn’t know yourself. Maybe you grew to enjoy the thrill of having to be quiet but be up to no good with him in your bedroom. You grew to look forward to what he would do if you tested him a little bit. You found yourself liking it when he was a little rough, a little out of his usual role.

“How about we both help each other out?” he whispered when you didn’t answer, his face close. “Like that one time,” he went on and separated your wet lips, slipping in his middle finger. Your breath hitched in your throat. “When you came to Seoul with me for the first time,” he darted out his tongue, licking at the corner of your lips.

At the mention of that one time, you almost combusted. It was the first time you got intimate with Baekhyun. He managed to persuade your parents to let him come with you when he was attending his university. They trusted him with you, though he couldn't leave without a special talk with your father. Nonetheless, it was a very, very special trip for the both of you.

“Let’s pretend it’s our first time then,” you suggested in a quiet, though a little trembly voice. “Touch me like the first time.”

If you could see properly, you’d witness Baekhyun’s pupils dilating, a flush growing in his cheeks. When your hand landed on his neck, you felt his erratic pulse and you were over the moon that you had that effect on him.

“You’d like that?” he muttered hotly.“You’d like oppa to finger you like you’re a virgin again?”

“Ah, yes,” you heaved when he added his index finger, sinking it knuckle deep inside. You didn’t waste time in wrapping your fingers around him, your thumb landing on his tip where you felt the precum leaking. You made sure to smudge it around, pressing down the slightest to get that soft, high-pitched moan from Baekhyun. He sounded wonderful. 

“You have to keep very, very quiet my little lady,” he murmured. “Since it’s your first time and you’re shy around oppa, I’m sure it won’t be a problem.” He was hinting at your past self. Baekhyun had to practically beg you to moan for him when he touched you the first time. Now he might have to beg for you to shut up.

You nodded and pumped him faster, Baekhyun’s fingers in you momentarily stopping for him to collect himself. He slowly lied down next to you, and you turned to face him. He removed his wet hand and wordlessly grabbed you under your knee before leading it on the top of his hip, spreading your legs. The two fingers were back right away and you let out a small erotic moan, making you squeeze his member a little. Baekhyun groaned quietly, his eyes closed and mouth open. The sight was out of this world and meant only for your eyes. The distant lights from outside illuminated his handsome face, his hair falling over his eyes. You’d brush it away had your hand not been jerking him off.

“Maybe oppa has to be a little more quiet, hm?”you teased breathlessly and let your blunt fingernails scratch ever so gently over the warm, tender skin before you cupped his balls and massaged them to his liking.

Baekhyun scrunched his nose, breathing frantically as he tried to focus on his fingers in you while enjoying your sinful ministrations. “Isn’t my little lady too good at this?”

You giggled quietly but stopped abruptly when he pinched your clit.

“Maybe you did it before?” he wondered aloud.

“Actually, there is this very hot hapkido master in the village,” you played along in a hushed tone and Baekhyun finally opened his eyes with a handsome smile. “He already touched me before you did.”

“So I’m not the first one?”

You dragged your hand higher, pumping him again. You buckled your hips when his thumb circled your clit while progressively adding a third finger, the stretch slightly stinking.

“Unfortunately,” you sighed with fake regret and Baekhyun groaned again, moving to crash your lips with his. He engaged the both of you in a very dirty, fiery kiss while his fingers became harsh and aggressive. You tried to follow your own hands movements but he was kissing the soul out of you. You were sure you’d bruise.

He rolled his hips into your palm and you sped up.

“Then I have to top him,” he said when he separated, breathing into your mouth. “I’ll prove you I’m much better.”

The both of you quickly let go of the old times, and with your experience now you were able to bring Baekhyun to the edge, his manhood twitching with the burning need to release. Before you could reach yours, however, he was fast to take away his hand and pull the covers off of your bodies. In came a strict order: “Suck it off.”

Just when he finished, warm liquid burst from him and you scurried to your knees, leaning over and successfully bringing him into your mouth with a hum. 

You were bobbing your head to give him the necessary warmth your mouth could provide while the release was shooting to the back of your throat. You swallowed as fast as you could though your own missed release made you a little frustrated.

When you made sure Baekhyun was all clean, you wanted to look up but he pushed you onto your back, your mouth undoubtedly letting out a squeal that was too loud.

“Shh,” he pressed a finger that was previously in you onto your lips. “You’ve got to be quiet,” he whispered seriously. And just like that, without realizing what he was up to, Baekhyun sank into you, your mouth hanging open and your back arching at the feel.

He sighed and started to thrust harshly while pushing your shirt up to suck on the swell of your breasts, as if trying to suck the milk out through the skin.

“B-Baek-Baekhyunnn,” you wailed into his ear and brought your hand to your mouth, covering it to keep it down. You were swimming in ecstasy. Your shirt was plastered to your back and your panties were basically ruined with the way they were soaked over. It was so intimate; the way you were both dressed in your sleepwear yet doing such dirty things while your parents were just outside your bedroom.

He snapped his hips and the good old build-up reappeared, making your eyes roll back. Just a few more aggressive strokes and you were coming along with Baekhyun, his hot seed filling you up. Both of you were heaving like you just ran a marathon and Baekhyun made sure to give you a sweet kiss and a little circle of his hips before he fell next to you, spent.

He turned his head, his chest rising and falling rapidly with a lazy smile. “I had to reward my princess for being such a good girl, treating oppa well.”

You smiled tiredly. “You're the best. And there’s no milk leaking,” you pointed out graciously when you didn’t feel any pressure in your breasts. “I guess the tactic is working.”

“Ah, wonderful. Now you won’t be a walking milk fountain.”

<3

Baekhyun was supposed to leave in a day and he was now out running some last minute errands, leaving you and your mother, who decided to stay at your place longer, alone. You were having breakfast, feeling starved after emptying your breasts. The past days, it seemed like Baekhyun and you were impossible not to touch one another, that wouldn’t eventually lead to something more. Especially now that he would be gone for a week, you found yourself sweaty in his arms more often. Last night wasn’t an exception, though you always had to be careful with being noisy since your mother was in the apartment. 

You hummed in delight at her pickled cucumbers that Baekhyun never liked, the crunchy sound loud in the quiet kitchen. 

Your mother was observing you and you felt it. You raised your eyebrows at her in question as you plopped another cucumber into your mouth while your other hand reached for the cup with fresh green tea your mother brought from the village.

Maybe she was shocked at how particularly messy you looked today. You didn’t bother tidying your hair and your shirt was wrinkled as it was carelessly tossed away the previous night by Baekhyun’s eager hands. Your bare legs were on full display as you felt unusually warm, your panties a good enough cover. 

“Daughter,” your mother decided to break the silence, “are you and Baekhyun perhaps… trying again?” 

The cup you were drinking green tea with froze mid way to your mouth. “Huh?”

Her eyes were lower on your neck and you realized with horrification that in the busy tasks of the morning you forgot to cover up your neck that had a few love bites. You weren’t used to having other people around in your house so it didn’t even occur to you to try looking decent. 

You pinked deeply as you shuffled on the stool. “N-no, goodness, why would you ask, mum…”

She sighed. “I might have overheard you a few times already-“

“Jesus!” you gasped, not letting her finish, and you wanted to disappear from the surface of the Earth. 

“It’s fine, no need to freak out, dear,” she ensured you calmly. “I know how you two get along so well and share a strong chemistry. And you’re both in your prime years anyway. I was just worried because you still have triplets that are infants. It’s hard to be a mother to them while you have another one in your tummy, but I know you know that, daughter.”

Even though the idea made your heart skip a beat, you shook your head resolutely. You were out of that safe three month secure zone now. You could fall pregnant even if you breastfed though the chances weren’t high. And if you admitted it, you and Baekhyun were being anything but careful while getting lost in pleasure. “I know, don’t worry. We can’t afford another baby anyway. It’s already challenging financially as it is.” And you didn't even want to get into the details about having to raise kids. It made you freak out - the thought of having to lead your three munchkins in life, prepare them for the bad times while hopefully shaping them into honest and caring people.

Your mum sighed but you saw her face expression soften. “Make sure you are safe then,” she promoted.

You really wanted the earth to swallow you up. “Mum, please… how do you even know we aren't?”

“You’re not taking the pills and obviously… there is nothing in the trash.”

You gasped again and you stood up, ready to run away. “Okay, that’s it. You checked?! Isn’t it weird for you to give me safety tips after birthing triplets? Besides, we have our own trash bin in the bathroom.”

She chuckled deeply, shaking her head. “I think motherhood really changed you. In a good way. Enjoy your life, as you should. Just safely.”

You deflated and sank down on the chair again. “I am. Though not the way I thought I’d be enjoying my life at this age.”

Your mum clicked her tongue. “You should come to the countryside while Baekhyun’s not here. You could catch up with people your age and you’d have a lot of peace. And you know both me and dad want to be with the little ones, Baekhyun’s parents as well.”

As much as it seemed great, you found it incredibly inconvenient to move around with triplets. You didn’t have a car, so you were pushed to use the public transport to reach your far away village.

“I’d love to…”

“Then come.” You looked down at your unfinished tea. “Come home to us for a bit.”

Pretending to be preoccupied with scrutinizing the tea cup, you only hummed. “I'll think about it.”

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

A/N:  It took me over two hours to edit this monster of a chapter. Please comment and reblog to let me know what you thought! :)

[glitterrosesnz]

decided that enough was enough, Venti couldn’t just keep showing up in my fics as a Chaotic Caretaker. so. Venti fans, come get yall’s juice-

---

Venti sat at the bar, his head resting on the countertop, seemingly asleep.

For anyone else, this wouldn't really be considered out of the ordinary. Sure, the bard was rather good at holding his liquor, but everyone has their limits, so the other patrons mainly chalked this behavior up to Venti having had one too many.

Diluc, on the other hand, with his inside knowledge of Venti being a god, and the fact that, thus far, the bard had only ordered one glass of wine, found this behavior very out of character.

"...Are you okay?" Diluc asked, quietly, so as to not draw the attention of anyone else. When Venti didn't immediately respond, he picked up the bard's half-drunk glass of wine and lightly nudged him with the bottom of it. Venti finally opened one eye to look at him.

"....'M fine." He mumbled, "Just.... used a bit too much energy today."

"If that's the case, you should go home and rest, rather than continue to sulk around in here." Diluc said, crossing his arms.

"I went to Windrise earlier and rested for a bit." Venti said, sitting up and subtly rubbing his nose with the back of his hand.

"That's not what I- wait. Do you even have a house?" Diluc asked. Venti gave a tired laugh in response.

"Why do you ask? Are you offering for me to live with you?" He asked, a smirk on his face. Diluc sighed.

"I'll take that as a no, you don't have a house then." He said, "And absolutely not. If you think even for a minute I'd let you freeload at Dawn Winery, then you must be well past drunk."

"Can't let people say I didn't try." Venti said, coughing a little before sighing, rubbing his nose again as he sniffled. Diluc narrowed his eyes, looking the bard up and down again, taking in his... unusually messy and unkempt appearance, suspicious. 

"...Are you sure you're okay?" He asked, and Venti gave that tired laugh again-

And then suddenly the bard paused, stiffening as he quickly pressed the back of his hand against his nose. Diluc raised an eyebrow in silent question, but Venti was no longer paying attention to him.

The bard abruptly stood up, muttering a quiet curse and stumbling a little. Quickly, ignoring Diluc's protests, he rushed around the counter, ducking down behind the bar to sit on the floor.

"What are you doing?" Diluc asked, and quickly got his answer as Venti's breath audibly hitched, his head tilting back-

"Heh- H'NGKt-shiew! HihH- H'NTCH-iew!" Venti stifled the two sneezes into his hands, the force of them making his body curl up tighter-

And a pair of feathered wings unfurled from his back, flaring out.

Thankfully, the wings didn't go high enough to be seen over the countertop. However, they did end up knocking over various bottles and glasses, sending the crashing to the floor, leaving shards of glass and puddles of spilled wine on the floor, and drawing the attention of quite a few of the patrons in the bar. Diluc quietly waved their attention away.

"I do hope you plan on cleaning this....." He started, only to trail off as he watched how the god tiredly shuddered as he drew his wings back into himself, and let them fade away. The whole process looked.... draining, to say the least. Diluc offered his hand as he helped Venti stand back up. Even through his glove, he could feel the heat coming off of Venti, and now Diluc was officially worried.

"I apologize for the mess I've made..." Venti said, staring down at the glass and wine on the floor. "Get me a mop, I'll help clean it up."

Diluc found he didn't really care about the mess on the floor.

"You're sick." He said, and Venti didn't even try to deny it.

"...Yes, I suppose I am coming down with something or other." The bard said, still not making eye contact with Diluc. "I'm sorry for being such a bother."

"Oh, stop with the rhyming." Diluc said, and he tightened his hold on Venti's hand, stepping out from behind the bar, dragging the bard along behind him. "I'm taking you to Jean."

There was, surprisingly, no resistance to this notion. As Diluc walked out into the cool night air of Mondstadt, he could feel Venti shiver beside him, but he chose not to comment on it, continuing to walk in the direction of the Knights of Favoinus headquarters. He didn't really like going in there, but for tonight it was necessary.

They'd just about made it halfway there when Venti suddenly stopped, tugging on Diluc's hand, attempting to free himself. Diluc looked at him questioningly, only to see a, now recognizable, look of mild panic on the bard's face, his free hand once again pressed against his nose.

"Really? Again?" Diluc asked, and Venti nodded frantically, not responding verbally, probably holding his breath in an attempt to keep himself from sneezing. Diluc looked around, there weren't many people out and about at this hour, but there were some people standing around, and so he quickly dragged Venti into the first alleyway he saw. He let go of the bard's hand just in time, as Venti was snapped forwards by a sneeze, his wings appearing and flaring out (causing Diluc to jump away to avoid being hit) as the god fell into a small fit of sneezes.

"Hih- H'ISHH-iew! H'Tt-shiew! Heh...hIH- H'ETSh-iew!"

"Bless you." Diluc said, as Venti sniffled miserably, wiping his nose on the back of his sleeve.

"You can't bless me, I'm a god, I'm already blessed." Venti said, laughing a little, which only caused him to start coughing. Diluc rolled his eyes as he gently patted the space in between Venti's wings in the hopes of it helping a little.

"You done?" Diluc asked, once Venti had stopped coughing. "Okay. Lets hurry up and get you to Jean."

"Wait." Venti said, his voice cracking a little from how hoarse it'd become. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Wait. We...kinda have a problem."

"What's wrong?"

"I...don't have enough energy to hide my wings." Venti said, quietly. "I've been doing this all day and I-"

"You don't need to explain it." Diluc said, sighing as he shrugged off his coat, before placing it over Venti's shoulders, effectively hiding the snow white wings from sight. "There. That should do until we get to Jean."

Venti reached up to pull the coat tighter around himself, looking almost swamped in it, considering how much shorter than Diluc he was. He clearly appreciated the warmth it brought to him though.

-

"Diluc, Venti!" Jean exclaimed, standing up from her desk as the two of them finally entered her office. "What are the both of you doing here so late at night?"

"Our little bard here need a..... secretive but warm place to stay the night." Diluc said, closing the door to the office behind him as he walked in.

"Why? What's wrong?" Jean asked, and almost as if on cue-

"Hih'NGKT-shiew!" Venti stifled a sneeze, his wings flaring out, knocking Diluc's coat off of him. Jean startled a little, but quickly recovered.

"Oh." She said, "I see."

"....'M sorry to bother you." Venti said, sniffling, gratefully accepting the tissues Jean proceeded to hand him in response. "I'd usually just stay in Windrise, but Mr. Diluc here decided I'd be better off with you."

"And you will be better off." Diluc said, "Seriously. You'll get better faster if you stay someplace warm."

"The tavern is warm." Venti protested, for the first time that night. "You could've just let me stay in the tavern."

"Absolutely not. Even sick, you probably would've drunken over half of my supplies." Diluc said, "Speaking of which. I still have a mess to clean up, so Jean, I trust I can leave the rest of this to you?"

"Of course." Jean confirmed, "I only had just a bit of paperwork left to do anyways, I've got time. You can go now."

Diluc gave her a nod, and turned to leave, picking up his coat from where it had fallen to the floor as he did so. He paused before opening the door, thinking for a moment, before laying his coat down on a nearby chair, in case Venti needed to use it again, before finally leaving the room. Once he'd left, Jean pulled off one of her gloves, placing the back of her hand against Venti's cheek before he could pull away.

"Hmm. You've got a fever." She said, "I've got some medicine in my desk but.... does medicine even work on you?"

"...It's only healing magic that doesn't work." Venti muttered, "Medicine is fine."

Jean quickly got the medicine out of her desk, setting up the right dosage, before handing it over to Venti. He took it quickly, grimacing in response to the flavor. Jean lightly put her hands on Venti's shoulders, just barely brushing up against his wings as she gently guided him out of the room, Venti picking up Diluc's coat and holding it tight against his chest as they left. Jean led him up the stairs towards one of the makeshift bedrooms, specifically made for people who had to spend the night at the headquarters. Luckily, Jean seemed to be the only one working late tonight, as they encountered no other guards as they walked through the halls.

"J-Jean...." Venti started, breath suddenly hitching, his wings tensing- "You....you might wanna duck...hIH- H'ESHH-iew!"

Jean took his advice, letting go of his shoulders and ducking down just in time to avoid receiving a wing to the face.

"Snf....Sorry..." Venti muttered, tired, as Jean stood back up, leading him the rest of the way to the bedroom.

"It's not your fault." She said, kindly. "You can't exactly control it."

Venti didn't respond, too tired to speak again after the amount of elemental energy he'd used up during the day. He slowly climbed into the bed, curling up around Diluc's coat, holding it like one would hold a stuffed animal or a baby blanket. Jean gave a soft laugh as she pulled the covers over top of him.

"Am I to presume Sir Diluc won't be getting that coat back anytime soon?" She asked, a note of light humor in her voice. The response she received was a light hum, which she took for a yes. She supposed she'd have to find some means of getting Diluc another, identical, coat then...

Jean turned to leave the room.

"Shout if you need something, okay?" She said, received another hum in response, and then quietly shut the door, leaving the god to sleep in peace.

[shesclearlya3]

Frick it! I'm in the mood for some finn content! So can I get a little something with my fav Dandy?! But he's sick and the reader has to stay home and look after him!

You were tying the front ribbon on your work dress when you heard footsteps behind you. You glanced at the bathroom mirror, seeing Dandy standing in the doorway, pale and sweaty.

"Oh no," you said, turning to see him slowly walk by you and settle on the closed toilet.

"I'm unwell," Dandy sniffed, and you opened the medicine cabinet, digging for the thermometer.

"I can tell. You seemed fine last night.." you found it, approaching him and sticking it into his mouth before he could complain.

Dandy glared up at you from below, but you knew he liked being taken care of by now. His mother never took responsibility for him.

You waited about a minute before taking it out. It was high, definitely a fever, at minimum.

"I'm afraid you have to go back into bed." you said, rinsing off the thermometer as Dandy sighed.

"I'm never sick." Dandy scowled but proceeded to head back into his room. You followed, kicking off your work shoes by the door.

You stripped the bed as Dandy objected, saying the maid could do it. You shook your head, knowing she was downstairs preparing breakfast. Plus, you were used to taking care of yourself. It wasn't a big deal. You were still getting adjusted to Dandy's wealthy lifestyle.

You moved quickly and sat next to him once he was finally settled, his dark hair sticking to his forehead. You brushed it aside, ticking off the things you'll need to get for him.

"Are you still going to that stupid job?" He asked.

You rolled your eyes. You were a waitress at the only diner in town. You had been there way before you met him, and he insisted that you quit and let him take care of you. You were stubborn and insisted you liked it.

"No, they can deal without me for the day, okay?" You assured him, seeing as his eyes slowly closed. "I'm going to let them know you're sick, don't move." You warned, ignoring the way his lips twitched as you stood up, making a note to call the diner when you got downstairs.

Gloria and the new maid had already started breakfast, and Gloria was surprised to see you without Dandy. You explained he was running a fever, and Gloria insisted the maid run up there and check on him. You called work, mentally preparing to get chewed out for calling off.

You hung up the phone, ignoring the disappointment in your boss' voice. Perhaps it would be better to just quit, you thought to yourself as you started to gather some things to bring up to Dandy. Gloria watched you from the dining room table.

Gloria was displeased that Dandy found you so appealing. She thought you were kind, generous, and beautiful, but all you had to offer. Dandy had confided in you many times that you were a breath of fresh air from all the women he was forced to endure by his mother's hand. You liked that he was fond of you. Gloria, however, wasn't happy.

You ignored her as you brought the tray of things upstairs, knowing she'd probably steer clear of Dandy out of fear of becoming sick. As you approached the top landing, you heard Dandy refusing medicine. You hurried in, seeing the maid with her hands on her hips, staring down at the twenty-year-old glaring right back.

The maid sighed, turning to look at you, "Ms.?"

You hid your giggle, "I'll take of it," you assured, brushing past her to set the tray on his bedside table. She left the room, sticking up her nose and mumbling under her breath. 

You took the spoon and the medicine, your nose wrinkling at the smell. Dandy looked angry but tired. "Are you going to fight me too?" you joked.

"I hate that stuff..." he wrinkled his nose, and you felt terrible for him.

"I know. Just take it, I brought you some juice to wash it down," you said, tipping a spoon dosage. Dandy took it reluctantly but didn't complain anymore. After a few moments, he took some juice.

You took the damp rag and told him to lay back, before lightly placing it over his forehead. Dandy sighed deeply, his body wrapped in the blankets. You knew he needed to rest, but you didn't like to leave his side when he needed you. 

"Halloween is coming up!" he said after a few minutes of silence. You slowly sunk down onto the bed, fixing the blankets for him. Despite his excitement for Halloween, he sounded tired.

"Just a few more weeks."

"I like Halloween..." you slowly smiled, realizing the medicine usually made him a bit loopy. "I think it's the best holiday ever and if anyone wants to disagree, I'll kill them."

"Be nice," you playfully scolded, smiling when he opened his eyes, looking at you as if you had all the answers in the world. "But I agree. It's one of my favorites."

"I like you," he said, his eyes unusually bright. "You make me feel nice inside." You felt your cheeks heat up, but he didn't comment, too invested in whatever was going on through his head. 

"Could you lay with me?" he asked, his voice slurred. "I don't want to be alone."

You got up and closed the curtains before stripping from your dress and into more comfortable clothes. You climbed in next to Dandy, pressing a gentle kiss to his burning cheek. Dandy whimpered just enough for you to hear, but he was now asleep. 

You hated to see him sick, but you'd always be there to take care of him.

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

HASO “Leading the Witness.”

Alright guys, this is going on longer than I thought and way more detailed as well but its been interesting. Also I am sorry for the late update, my boss has me rolling quarters at work so I am trying to do that and write this in between.

Thank you to my discord member Eddi for the testing logs he wrote and that I am using as evidence in this story. He deserves all the credit for the well thought out and executed test logs.

WARNING: Graphic depictions of blood, gore, bodily mutilation and mentions of suicide. The Steel eye project development is very graphic, so if you wish to read, please skip the test logs, which will be bolded. 

The room spun around him, and he took a few long, deep breaths hoping that it would stop.

He wast sure he could survive another few hours of this.

He wasn’t sure at all 

He was sweating, and his body throbbed all over. Clammy hands gripped the sides of his chair as he sat straight backed in his seat. A line of cold sweat dripped down the back of his neck. Blood had long since drained from his face, and he wondered if he looked as sick as he felt half expecting the bailiff to walk over with a bucket or something. A part of him fancied he could feel every eye in the room staring at him. The prosecution was still talking, but he could barely hear them as his head spun around and around in circles, ears ringing.

The lights pulsed.

He jerked out of it as a hand came to rest on his shoulder. He looked up, confused for a moment as he tried to figure out where he was, the room was partially tilted and it took him a moment to realise that he was slumped slightly to the side. Waffles had her head in his lap whimpering very softly.

“Adam, adam are you ok, do you need to step out.” 

He lifted his head and turned to look at Admiral Kelly, who now sat beside him, a hand on his shoulder.

His ears were still ringing but not enough to realise that the court had stopped.

The lead judge had held up a hand to the prosecution and was looking directly at him. 

Well… at least now the blood was rushing back to his head, and he could feel his ears burning, “Is everything alright, council?” The judge asked, “Does your witness need to step out.”

The lawyers turned to look at him, hints of both concern and concealed annoyance on their faces.

They looked at him expectantly.

He cleared his throat awkwardly, “No your honor. My apologies.”

His voice was surprisingly strong for someone who felt like he was about to pass out. The judge didn’t seem too annoyed at him, and looked on with some measure of concern. They whispered something to the nearby bailiff and then motioned the council to continue.

Admiral Kelly didn’t move seats keeping one hand on his shoulder. The bailiff walked over after things had started up again and sat next to them for a moment, “If you need to step out.” He whispered, “Take the side door to your right and someone will let you back in.”

He nodded, “Ill be alright, but…. Thank you.”

The man nodded and stood returning to the front of the room.

“As you can see, their first attempts at creating a proper drug cocktail to dull the pain of direct neural interface, was a complete disaster. Dr. Gladstone, assuming you were forced to use drugs instead of subdermal implants, how would you have gone about this? What is the proper procedure dictated by ethical state law.”

“Drug trials can take months to years, we test them on animals, rats monkeys and even inject them into synthetically grown human tissues and tube grown organs before we even test on animals. Each phase of testing can take up to eighteen months in clinical trials, and if the drug proves to be wrong we start over again.”

“Have you ever done phased drug testing on human subjects.”

“No, certainly not.”

“But of course they continued. May the prosecution present Experimental log 32 for For consideration by the court.”

Experimental log #32:

Over the past experiments we have been testing multiple drug mixtures to try and reduce the pain induced by the Direct neural interface our most recent tests have involved morphine much to our resident doctors discouragement it is one of the few drugs we have found capable of suppressing the pain induced by the direct neural interface. This test involves the use of an automatic dispenser controlled by the pain sensors in the arm.

The subject, as before has been sedated for the implantation of the test augmetic. This time however the drug reservoir has a direct link to the bloodstream. 

-recording break-

The subject seems to be stable and moving around without much interference, although slightly lethargic and a little dopy due to the drugs.

We made sure to remove the augmetic well before the drug reservoir ran out. This seems to be successful and stable Several more tests are to be made to confirm this before moving on to the next stage. 

“Dr, do you happen to know the laws in relation to the regulation and use of morphine during testing?”

The doctor nodded, “Morphine is heavily regulated even on the research level owing to its additive properties. Only doctors are allowed to prescribe it, and even then, the morphine dosages are regulated and reviewed by an internal board of directors. There is a cutoff point for the amount of morphine allowed for personal use,and the amount of morphine allowed for medical use. This cap can be broken if the board of directors determines the patient is terminal and in extreme pain.”

“How about for research purposes.”

“You can’t research with morphine, and you certainly cannot give it to a patient with no prior history of injury, or other medical conditions.”

“Thank you doctor, the prosecution wishes to present experimental log 34 to consideration.” 

Experiential log #34:

Our continued experimentation has lead to the conclusion that stronger chemicals may be required to reduce the pain, one subjects auto-dispensary caused an overdose When the subject spent some time prodding and poking at the implant site it caused excruciating pain that was responded to by the auto dispensary by flooding the body with over 500milligrams of morphine. A stronger painkiller would mean lower doses are required thus avoiding an overdose. Despite our team's medical advisors continuing protests. 

Prosecution turned to the judges, “You see here your honor that instead of considering the ethical questionability of their actions, they determined to use more morphine despite the overdose and even extend the use to even more potent drugs. These are not the actions of scientists who were considering ethics, or even the value of human life.”

“Objection your honor on conjecture about the thoughts of my client.”

The judge waved a hand, “It may pass.”

The defence took a seat.

The prosecution adjusted her tie, “Three people died as a result of these tests your honor. Marvin Dess, William Moseratt and Angela Vilgrin. Not once were the tests paused or delayed. Instead, they moved onto the next phase of testing.”

Adam was starting to feel a little better now. He wasn’t sweating so much and he had finally managed to even out his breathing.

“The prosecution would like to present experimental log 28.”

Experimental log #28

Calibration of the arm mounted augmetic seemed to proceed without error or difficulty, The drugs delivered through the internal reservoir developed by Dr. Nkosi renders the subject inured against the supposed pain induced by the augmetic. The primary tests we will be administering are of the use of high strength servo motors to power the augmeitc, reducing its weight and increasing the power behind the subjects rapid motions. 

-Recording break-

The Reaction of the servo motors and torsion cables was far too extreme delivering significant damage and trauma to the subject, Further testing will have to be done and fine tuning of the suits will be needed. 

Adam knew what was coming and tried to close his eyes and block out the sounds as the next visual log was projected before him. 

Audio-visual log transcript:

The subject appears bleary and unresponsive. The augmentic is mounted on their right arm, supposedly their dominant one according to the research notes. The subject is drawn to attention by the scientist administering light taping on their cheek. Upon raising their arm the subject appears a little shocked at the size of the augmetic and the fact it is connected directly to an external power source, questioning the scientist on this who confirms it is just an experimental version. The augmetic appears to only be active on the elbow joint. The scientist appears to be requesting the subject extend his arm in an attempt to punch an invisible foe. Upon doing so the augmetic appears to cause an extreme reaction of force, resulting in not only damage to the subjects musculature, but outright stripping the subjects muscle tissues away from the bones, the pins seem to be functioning as anchor points as the subjects skin and muscles are removed from the skeletal structure. Functionally stripping the flesh away from the skeleton in a manner that can only be described as ‘glove like’. It appears that this area also contained the drug delivery interface as part way through the emergency removal of the upper section of the augmetic, the subject seemed to come out of the semi stupor and begin to register the damage done to themselves, screaming and becoming violent. It was only after the subject was re-drugged with the remaining contents of the drug reservoir that they calmed down.

His attempts to block out the sound do not stop him from hearing the hydraulic hiss, the tight whirr, and the horrific cracking popping noise as flesh is torn from bone. The screaming echoed around in his head. His heart was beating at a million miles an hour. Sweat poured down his back and neck and in between his shoulder blades. Flashes of red sky cut before his vision, the sound of gunfire and the smell of ash.

Admiral kelly squeezed his shoulder hard bringing him back. The dog was halfway in his lap her head pressed against him, and the Bailiff from earlier was on his other side steadying him as his body seemed prone to leaning to one side.

He took a few very deep breaths.

A few of the judges were watching him, but they didn’t stop the proceedings this time. Most of them just looked like they wanted an excuse to look away.

“Your honors, this is not the last log in the series. Even after the catastrophic failure, they continue to implant the steel ee pieces onto test subjects without prior testing in a controlled environment. I believe we have been making realistic ballistic dummies for the past thousand years. I am sure there is something that could have been done.”

Adam was fading.

The lights were growing up in his vision, turning everything around him white.

The defence stood, “THe defence calls for recess, your honors.”

There was a pause, “Recess granted. You have thirty minutes.” 

The room burst into a flurry of murmurs and movement. Admiral Kelly leaned forward hands on his arms, “Adam, you should get up, walk around a bit.”

He nodded and stood feeling the world tip around him as he did. With one hand he gripped heavily onto the back of the pews and staggered forward out of the room. Waffles followed after him whining and whimpering. He waved admiral Kelly off him as he wobbled his way down the hall and burst through the outside door and into open air. He took a deep long breath and leaned against the wall trying to choke down the bile that welled into his throat.

“You alright here buddy.”

Blinking owlishly, he turned to the side to see a man leaning against the wall on the other side of the door.

“You don’t look so good, Cigarette?” He asked offering a pack of the things towards him.

Adam waved a hand, “I don’t smoke but, thanks anyway.”

The man shrugged and lit up puffing a billow of smoke into the air, “You know breathing exercises.”

Adam blinked and nodded, “Yeah.”

“Don't forget to do them. It will help.”

Adam rubbed a hand across his forehead breathing slowly.

“You seem to know a lot about this. Am i that easy to see through?”

The man shook his head “I was a soldier during the panasian war, I know what PTSD looks like.”

“My father fought in the Panasian war.”

The man nodded, “Better get back inside while you still have some color, boy.”

He did as told. He didn’t know the man  but something about his calm demeanor and understanding was nice, and he stepped back inside patting waffles on the head as he walked back towards the courtroom.

He sat down before anyone else was there just yet and rested his head in his hands breathing slowly and evenly. The room slowly filled up again, and before he really knew it, things were back in session.

“The prosecution would like to present Experimental log 31” 

He closed his eyes and began to count slowly breathing in and out, in and out.” 

Experimental log #31

This test is the first among the replacement for servo motors for hydraulics The system was far slower and makes use of a combination of fast extension pistons and slower extension ones for combination. The test is the same as before a simple arm extension in the guise of  a punch. However the augmetic will also include the shoulder. We have increased the dosage of the painkiller as so to prevent the increased implantation volume from inducing a negative reaction in the subject. -Recording break-

The reaction from the hydraulics was stronger than expected, and the delay and stack up of orders has caused significant issues. A halt override taken directly from the nerve system needs to be implemented. 

He squeezed his eyes tight shut 

Audio-visual log transcript:

 The subject appears to be only semi responsive, appearing to function at a 12 on the GCS, Only held there by the active responsiveness of their motor function. This appears to fade somewhat when the subject is given physical stimuli by the scientist in the form of a light slap on the cheek. Bringing the subject back to consciousness. The subject is then encouraged to make the punching action as prior experiments. The subject does so, the fast reaction of the piston seems to achieve the scientist's goal, However the long extension piston appeared to continue extending. This continued, dragging the subjects arm outwards, dislocating the subjects shoulder, then elbow as well as wrist. The subject appeared to be distressed at this, however not unduly in pain. The scientist having stepped back to observe the outcome of events. The extension of the piston continued beyond tolerable human limits. The piston continues to extend despite the protests of the subject and attempts at removing it. The extension continued forcefully separating the subjects limbs at both the elbow and shoulder joint, ripping tendon and muscle as well as ligament structures, fully separating the limb in to two parts and away from the body. It is at this point the subject began to scream in terror and panic till the researcher sedated the subject. 

A door opened at the back of the courtroom as a few more people stepped out. Adam sat there on the bench, his head tilted back and staring at the ceiling breathing even and slowly as light and color swirled around them. He could what speaking, but didn’t really hear what was being said.

He just had to keep himself together.

“....Log 35 to the court.” 

Experimental log #35

Continued experimentation indicates that a combination of servo motors, torsion cables and hydraulics are likely to result in the desired effect. Since the previous experiments a stop override has been implemented in to the systems. This prevents the hydraulics from continuing to extend despite the users body having ceased movement. This should result in the desired movement structures. We are moving on from the single arm testing considering the current functionality and strength amplification satisfactory. The current test is simply to get the two lower limb implants to function in tandem with walking. We have had to once again increase the level of drugs in the users system to prevent the reaction to the pain induced by the interfacing devices. 

-Recording break- 

While the system is capable of walking, the addition of hydraulics have caused the system to be heavier and more cumbersome than intended. Additional servo motors and possible leaf springs for artificial support tendons will have to be added to prevent the augmetics from lagging behind their users.

“Objection your honor…. The court has seen enough….. This is simply…”

“Objection denied council. The evidence stands. If you must you may leave the room.”

“But members of the audience…”

“Can step out if they need to.”

Audio-visual Log transcript:

The subject once again appears to be somewhat unresponsive. This ceases when the scientist provides a physical interaction with the subject, tapping them on the shoulder. The subject appears to be somewhat disoriented. Upon being prompted to walk the subject beings to walk without much in the way of impediment, though seeming to tug at the augments as if they are holding the subject back. The subject is then prompted to move at a might higher speed. Running if possible. The subject manages this for two steps before the continued pulling against the augmetic and movement against the interface needles appears to pull the subject’s leg free, removing large sections of the subjects muscle tissues and nerves along with it. The subject seems to be disturbed, if not in pain. Likely due to the drug reservoir and input mounted on the subjects arm. The subject however seems to be announcing that they can no longer move their legs as the researcher requested. The subject is then sedated and recording ends. 

Adam is being held up again by Admiral kelly his body tilting widely sideways and he is having trouble finding the orientation of the room.” 

“.... experimental log 38 as a demonstration of the scientists moving development far too quickly.” 

Experimental Log #38

Increased response time in the legs combined with the introduction of support springs within the armour have reduced that movement restrictions of the armour and made it much harder for the user to ‘pull away’ from the armor, this combined with several additional straps and metal binding to keep the users legs attached directly to the augmetics have solved several of the most recent problems. The newest set of experiments are moving on to vertical movement, focusing on the subjects ability to jump and move around obstacle strewn environments. 

-Recording break- 

It appears the engineers did not calibrate the hydraulics and other systems to function as shock absorbers, but rather only as force amplification devices. Meaning that impact shock is taken fully by the users body, This would normally not be an issue, however with the additional force and weight provided by the augmetic seems to cause issues upon landing. 

Audio-visual Log transcript:

The subject is suffering the same symptoms as prior subjects, low levels of function and unresponsiveness. Once the subject is roused from the stupor via an open handed impact to the cheek, delivered by the researcher,  they are directed to attempt an obstacle course. The subject seems to have little trouble with the primary obstacles, clearing them with little effort, however their recovery from each obstacle appears to be ungainly and improper. The subject is then presented with a  three meter high wall and instructed to go over it. Rather than scaling it as expected the subject simply jumped over the wall, exhibiting far more mobility and control than prior subjects in experiments. However upon landing the subjects legs appear to buckle and collapse under them, folding at several points that do not have joints. Indicating shattering of the bones. The subject seems unphased by the injury, Pointing it out to the researcher and asking if that is normal. This indicates that the drugs being used are of a high enough dosage and strength to suppress not only extreme pain but the shock reaction of the body. 

He can feel another person holding him up from the other side, but mutters that he is ok when anyone asks. E just keeps counting and breathing counting and breathing knowing that it has to be over soon. He just needs to hold himself together 

Experimental log #42

The final tests regarding midriff functionality have been completed, with shockingly low failure or complications compared to prior testing phases, we are putting this down to our own excellent ongoing improvements of the system. This final text is a sequential system test where a single subject will be required to use each individual part in sequence to ensure that no errors are likely to occur during the whole body testing or further complications are likely to occur.

-break in recording-

The subject suffered no ill effects due to the armour itself. However the subject seemed to become agitated and seemed to be suffering ill effects until they were returned to the augmetics. So long as prolonged exposure to the augmetics is not an ongoing factor we do not see an issue with this. 

“These testings had immense costs and horrific side effects to those who participated. Many of these men and women seen here are not functional or alive to testify in court as to what happened, however, the prosecution would like to call Admiral Vir to the stand as a representative of those who could not be here today, and s a member of the steel eye operation himself to ive the court a little idea about what this experiment did to people even when fully operational.”

Adam was still feeling light headed but even then he still knew what this was. This is what he was here for. Thi was the moment he had come to be a part of, the moment that he was here to help all those soldiers and test subjects used by steel eye.

Admiral Kelly stood with him as he made it to his feet, but he brushed off her hand and walked towards the witness stand. The judge stopped him on his way up.

“Are you well enough to testify Admiral?”

“This is why I came, your honor. Even if I had to crawl through a field of glass to get here.”

The courtroom murmured as he was sworn in, and he sat down feeling the eyes of the entire room on him.

He was still sweating and light headed.

“State your name for the record.”

“Adam Allen Vir.”

“And what is your position in the UNSC.”

“I am Fleet admiral of the UNSC space armada on loan to the GA.”

“And what branch?”

“Originally the air division. I trained at the Aerial combat academy as a fighter and shuttle pilot before being a member of the crew on the enterprise.”

“And how did you end up on Anin.”

“The Enterprise was being decommissioned for some wok, so I offered to go to Anin and be part of the war effort against the Drev.”

“And as a fighter pilot, you didn’t see much time on the ground.”

“No ma’am, I was primarily air support at that time.”

His voice was strong and hard, and the longer he talked the straighter he sat. he had to do this for them. He would NOT fall apart now.

“How did you end up on the ground forces then, Admiral.”

“Volcanic activity, ma’am, they call it the dark season when ash chokes the ai miles into the sky. It isn’t safe to land a ship or fly a jet in such conditions, so my vehicle was grounded. By that time the war was going badly and they needed every man they could get.”

“Were you trained for ground combat, Admiral.”

“Yes at the academy we were trained in ground combat though not as extensively.”

“And you lost your leg to a Drev.”

He reached down hand to his leg remembering the screaming of a red sky above, “Yes, I did.”

“What happened after that?”

“I ended up in a triage tent in out forward operating base. There was no medicine because all our supplies had been used up.”

“Would you say that you were delirious during that time.”

The defence stood quickly “Objection your honor. Leading the witness.”

“Dismissed, council.” The judge said, waving a hand.

“There were no painkillers, ma’am, so maybe. If not delirious than I was at least not in a right state of mind. I remember floating halfway in between being conscious and unconscious. I was in so much pain its…. Had to describe.” His voice wavered before he had it back on track shoring it up and strengthening it with memories of the men and women waiting back at the rehabilitation center.

“And at this time you were approached by Admiral Ablemen about the steel eye project?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“And did he detail any specifics.”

He paused thought for a moment trying to remember back into memories that he really didn’t want to foster, “Not…. really. It's hard to remember but I…. I remember him saying that we could help him win the war. I remember him saying that when I woke up I would be a new man. He gave us the choice to go home or serve the UNSC one last time.”

“In your opinion, would you have said yes had you been more conscious.”

“Objection based on conjecture your honor.”

“Objection accepted.”

Adam paused and the mn let him continue, “Wat DO you remember about what happened to you.”

“I…. remember pain and….. Anger. I was never really all there during the steel eye project. I remember feeling invincible, like I could do anything but at the same time, hazy. I remember getting orders and going out, and then nothing after that.”

“Did they tell you there would be rugs involved.”

“No ma’am.”

“And after the war was over, what happened. How did all of this affect you?”

He paused and struggled to speak for a moment, opening his mouth and then closing, “I…. have never been so hopeless in my entire life. I tried to get help with the Veterans association but my claim was denied. I…. went through withdrawals…. Horrible horrible drug withdrawals where I. I was in so much pain, I just….”He paused then lifted his head to look up at th courtroom making eye contact with them. His voice was as strong as ever “I wanted to die, and I would have done it if I hadn’t had a good support system in my family. After a few months my brother got me in contact with a group of people who got ahold of my service dog, and I was able to heal.”

“Does what happened still affect you”

“Yes Ma’am.”

“In what ways.”

“I still have long term PTSD, and while it is controlled and I am no longer on medication, I still have bad days. Days where I can’t move or think, days where the quietest nosies send me into a panic.”

“Were you ever compensated for your injuries, Admiral.”

He paused again and shook his head, “No ma’am, I never received help.”

“Thank you admiral, you may be seated.”

He stood, his head was clear and his hands were dry. He stepped down from the podium with his chin raised and his back straight returning to his seat. He had done it. He had done what he needed to do and the only thing that was lft was to survive the rest of the trail.

He could do that.

He survived operation steel eye didn’t he?

So he could certainly survive this.

[miss-choco-chips]

YJ College au: Zatara

Zachary Zatara is both a myth and their housemate.

In which Bart has a cryptic-buddy, Tim is stressed because cute boy insists on being annoying, and everyone else just rolls with it.

Tagging @animemangasoul and @marudny-robot cause I know you guys like this au

--.--.--.--

As usual after pulling an all-week-er (he had left the ‘nighters well behind at this point), Tim was up late that saturday. The window had been left open last night, so a soft streak of sunlight wamed his bed, waking him up slowly and peacefully. Yeah, he would have liked a few more hours, but sunbathing in his sheets for a while wasn’t all that bad either. What would make this half-awake-half-dreaming experience would be some chill music.

Muddled mind made, he rolled in his bed, hand patting the mattress for his phone, squinting his eyes open when he hit something different instead.

He found himself to be almost nose to nose with a dark haired, grey eyed boy.

Tim started that fine morning screaming himself hoarse.

-.-.-.-.-

Sitting at the kitchen’s table, getting everything ready for a late sunday breakfast, Kon raised his head when he heard the strong sound of a scream, followed by… yeah, that was a body hitting the ground. It was unmistakable, in this house. 

“Oh, hey guys”, he called to the attention of the rest of his housemates, all in equals states of zombie-ness, with not as good hearing as his. “Zachary is here.”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“The fuck, Zach? My bed? Did you HAVE to crash on my bed? Why are you even here?”

Tim, four coffee cups after his pseudo heart attack half an hour ago, was ready to face the day and their intruder.

“Dude I live here as well, you know. Also your bed is literally the softest thing I ever slept on, you rich bastard. Learn to share.”

“I’ll buy you your own fucking mattress if you swear to never crawl on my bed uninvited again.”

The boy’s eyebrows rose, suggestively. “What was that about an invitation?”

Distressed and not feeling awake enough (he was still two cups away from that) to deal with bi thoughts this early in the morning, he turned his most helpless look to Conner.

Because he was the best friend ever, he threw a pillow to Zachary. And because he was a suck up to anyone who brought him food, Bart intercepted the hit and gratefully accepted the candy bag he got in thanks.

“But actually, Zat, what are you doing here? I thought you were in Berlin?” interjected Cassie, her own tea (the heathen) cup warming her hands as she cuddled with Cissie and Greta on the couch, legs in each other’s laps and generally being the cutest shit ever.

Anita, not very keen on that kind of sweet love, had been wrestling with Slobo for control over the remote for the last fifteen minutes. Miguel was keeping count on their hits for them, though it was mostly assured he would rig the whole thing up to whoever had bribed him better before the fight.

Tim just wanted to go back to sleep in his sun-warmed bed.

“C’mon guys, keep up”, moaned Bart, candy bag half empty already, “he was there two weeks ago. He had an exam yesterday so he came back last monday.”

“...come again?”

“I’ve been room-hopping ever since, though none of you seemed to mind. Until I disturbed sleeping beauty over here, at least.”

Miguel’s eyes left the fight to squint suspiciously at them. “We weren’t aware you were doing that. Where did you sleep? How didn’t we notice?”

“I'ma mystery. I also move around a lot when sleeping so I probably ended up under someone’s bed after crashing from studying. Oh, Anita, if you were wondering, your purple bra is under Cissie’s bed.”

Anita slowly let go of the grip she had on Slobo’s neck. Her eyes shone something dangerous. Cissie, the one who was apparently hosting the boy all along, also stood up and frowned.

“How do you even know that bra is mine!!”

“What the fuck were you doing under my bed, you bastard!”

Tim sipped his coffee, bitterly. “At least he was under it, and not sharing it.”

Kon patted his back.

-.-.-.-.-..- 

“I swear, Jay, he thrives on making me lose my shit. He just… comes and goes whenever, leaving no proof he was ever there, or acting like he was always around. Drives me nuts. I’m not sure he even attends classes, and I only know he actually has a right to enter our house because his rent money always appears on the kitchen table a day before its due. He doesn’t even have a room, why does he even pay? To have an excuse to scare the shit out of the rest of us. Except Bart. The little shit lives for our suffering.”

Jason arches an eyebrow, sipping his beer as he carefully examines his brother. Tim looked less tired than the last time they saw each other, and the modifications done by his psychiatrist had done wonders to the shadows in his eyes. But he seemed somehow… frazzled.

“And he was just there when you woke up?”

“His nose was touching mine.”

“I bet your little bi heart couldn't take that, huh? Is he cute? Maybe you invited him to share your bed the night before and just don’t remember. You know how you get after a week of disregarding your general wellbeing.”

“Oh, shush you. I take care of myself. When was the last time you went to your check in with Patricia?”

Jason scratched the back of his neck, averting his eyes. “I missed one session, because I have exams too you know? But I’m up to date with Silvio, and we are working on slowly easing me off the medication.” He noticed the way Tim looked at his drink, expression screaming bullshit, and he scowled in response. “Fuck off, it’s alcohol-free. Kori and Artemis would have my head if they caught me mixing my dosage with anything stronger than tea, and I can’t deal with Biz and Roy’s disappointed eyes.” 

Tim thought of the last time he refused to see his therapist, and the look in everyone’s  (specially Kon’s) eyes, and had to agree. Having friends sucked when one wanted to wallow in self destructive conducts.

“Whatever, all I’m saying is, he’s not cute enough for me to forgive his weirdness. You know the people I roll with, so this is saying a lot. And I would remember inviting him to my bed, if anything for the mortification of it. I’m also…”

The ring of the doorbell distracted them both of whatever Tim was gonna say next. Waving his brother off, Jason got up to pay for their pizza.

When he returned to his living room, Tim was no longer alone.

“Who the fuck are you?” He exclaimed, eyes going back to the hallway at his back, then again at the black haired, grey eyed kid sitting next to Tim. “And how did you get in? We are on the sixth floor and I was just at the only door I have.”

Tim raised his eyes at him, and he seemed equal parts resigned and frazzled. ‘Told ya’, he seemed to say.

“Yo, the food’s finally here. I’m starving. The name’s Zachary Zatarra, by the way. Tim’s friend and housemate.”

“Allegedly” mumbled the other under his breath, earning himself a smile and pat on the back. “Don’t question it, Jay. He’ll be gone after a while when none of us are paying attention. Just let it be.”

“But while I’m here”, the other boy continued, grinning devilishly as he looked at Tim and then Jason, “instead of questioning how did I get in, what about I tell you all about your lil bro’s crush? It 's adorable.”

Tim raised an eyebrow “I don’t have a crush on anyone.”

“Like I said, adorable. He’s so oblivious, it’s precious.”

Decision made, Jason left the pizzas at the coffee table and went to fetch a soda for their guest. Gossip, especially about his siblings, was the best way to gain his immediate cooperation. And he could always force the answers about Zatara out of Bart; the brat was terrified of him.

-.-.-.-.-.-

“Hey, who has to cook tonight? Because I’m craving chicken nuggets.”

Cassie raised her eyes from her magazine, tapping a finger against her chin.

“Uhm… Zach, I think?”

Miguel nodded. “Okay, thanks, where can I find him to suggest my dinner idea?”

Cissie, legs on Cassie’s lap, dropped her head over the couch’s armrest. “Ask Tim? Wasn’t he crashing with him this week?”

That same moment, said boy entered the room, shaking his head. “No, he was sharing with Anita and Cassie.”

“No, he wasn’t… Slobo?”

“Not with us either”, denied Miguel, sharing a look with his roommate to confirm just in case.

“Conner?”

“Didn’t Bart say yesterday he was driving him to the airport?”

“Wait, he left the country again?”

“More importantly, can Bart drive?”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

When Tim came back home from class, Damian was in his living room. Using a laptop. Sitting side by side with Zatarra.

This couldn't be good.

“Hey, Timbo, welcome back.”

“Drake.”

Not uttering a single word, Tim turned around and walked out of there. Sleeping on a park bench seemed like a preferable choice, compared to finding out exactly why the two banes of his life were sitting together. It was healthier, good for his peace of mind.

Something something self care? His therapist would be so proud.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“Hey dude.”

“Zatara. Your presence here disrupts my room’s feng shui. Please remove yourself from the premises.”

“This disaster zone is the farthest thing from armonious. If anything, I’m improving it.”

Tim raised his eyes from the computer screen. He could always kick the other man out, but that would require leaving the nest he made out of blankets and snacks on his bed. Perhaps a more civilized option would be better. Besides, as boundary-less as the dude was, he didn’t step into the room, just remaining on the doorstep, so whatever he was here for, he most likely needed Tim’s willful compliance.

“If I listen to what you have to say, will you leave?”

Zatara smiled angelically, like butter wouldn’t melt on his mouth, but the look behind his eyes was nothing short of devious. “That’s actually what I came to speak with you about. I have a show…”

“I’m sorry, what?” 

“A magic show. Dude, you do know I’m a magician, right?”

Tim didn’t, in fact, know that, besides baseless suppositions about his disappearing-and-appearing abilities. But he had an all knowing facade to maintain, so he grunted in acknowledgement.

“Right, so, I have a show scheduled for tomorrow, but I took Bart out to dinner yesterday so I’m all dried up, and I need to buy a plane ticket asap.”

“Are you asking me for a loan?” he inquired, incredulous. As a general rule, all their housemates refrained from that. Something about not wanting to take advantage of their billionaire friend…

“No, no. I’m offering you a…. service.”

“Look, Zach, no offense? But you ain’t cute enough for me to stoop that low and pay for the… pleasure of your company. I can just give you the money and you pay me back whenever, dude.”

“No! I didn’t mean it like that! You wish I was offering something  of the sort” he laughed, arms crossed and side leaning against the doorframe, chest and arm muscles perfectly visible. Tim kept his eyes carefully above neck-level. No need to give any weakness away.

“Then?”

“I know you love me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t make you miserable, right?”

“That is correct, yes.”

“Are you familiar with the ‘Buy my silence, $8.000 a month’ meme? Then get ready for a ‘pay for my absence’, my good bitch. I thought maybe you’d like...”

“Sold. I buy it. Take my credit card and go, be free, roam the world. Just get out of my room and fucking text once in a while so I know you’re alive.”

[bitoffairydust]

Yesterday we came home from the hospital as a family of three.

Things haven’t been super smooth sailing, nor did I expect them to be, but our little one is doing well and I’m healing fine so that’s really all we could ask for.

Wednesday was a bit of a whirlwind. I was scheduled to go into the hospital for my induction at 5, so we spent the morning doing a bit of last minute clean up around the place. Then around 12, someone from L&D called and said if we were available to come in earlier, we could just show up whenever. We still had a few things to finish up so we had lunch, I took a shower while my wife did the dishes, then she took a shower and got the cats set up for a few days home alone before we called an Uber to head to the hospital.

We got there around 3:30-4 so not super early but they got us into the delivery rooms right away and someone came over to go over a few questions (medical stuff and what I was hoping for with the birth). I got hooked up to the contraction and fetal heartbeat monitors, they got my IV line in, and then we went over the induction options for me. Based on my last check up, I was about 1.5 cm dilated, so before anything else they had to get me to about 3 cm, which they offered to do with either the foley balloon or misoprostol. Then the plan was to start me on oxytocin to get contractions going. I requested the miso, cause I figured there would be enough things going in and out of my vagina for the evening without an additional thing thrown in there 😅

It actually took a little while for the induction to start because as it turns out, three people (myself included) showed up for their induction within 5 minutes of each other and I was the last so it was closer to 7 before the resident came to examine me. In doing so they found I had actually progressed to 3 cm on my own since my last appointment so they were able to just get me started up on oxytocin.

Contractions started up pretty much instantly but they were very manageable. I’d say just from the oxy progression, the worst contraction I got was maybe a 5 on the scale from 1 to 10. Then they ran through the dosage and did another exam to see where I was at. They didn’t give an exact number then but I think it was somewhere between 4 and 5 cm. Before starting me up on another dosage of oxytocin, they went ahead and tried to break my water as it hadn’t yet. They didn’t actually manage to fully get it, and honestly, at that point, them trying to get it to break was actually more painful than the contractions I’d experienced that far.

That changed pretty fast once they established they’d gotten enough of the membranes for the time being. I’m fuzzy on the timeline but I think it must have been close to 10 at that point, and the pain level climbed very quickly along with contraction intensity and frequency. I tried to bounce on a ball for a bit and the nurse showed my wife some pressure points to try and help with the pain but it did nothing. Around 10:30 I requested the epidural, which was unfortunate timing on my part as the anesthesiologist had just gone in to assist with a c-section. By the time she was out and got to my room it was about 11:30 and pain was an easy 10 on the scale with contractions maybe a minute and a half apart.

The epidural itself went in pretty smoothly but at first there wasn’t much to be said for relief. Since they mentioned it could take 15 minutes to really be felt I didn’t think much of it, and I did feel like things were getting a bit better as minutes passed. The last contraction I was asked about felt more back down to a 5 on the pain scale so the anesthesiologist left. Unfortunately, that 5 turned out to be a fluke because pain shot back up pretty quickly and I was soon at a 10 again, no matter the dosage boosts.

That part was quite honestly the worst of it all, having expected some sort of relief and finding it to be just as worse as before. To make it worse, baby was not handling those contractions well. His heart beat would drop with the start of each contraction, though it picked up before the end of them so though they wanted to keep an eye on it it wasn’t cause for intervention yet. The nurse monitored his heart rate with me laying flat on my back, on my right side, on my left side and then sitting straight up. The latter was the slightly better option for him, but definitely did nothing to help my pain management. She did get me back on my back to try and relieve me a bit since the difference to the effect on baby wasn’t huge but at that point contractions were relentless. I was dealing with back labor contractions, which were maybe a minute apart, and because they suspected the placenta had detached a bit when they tried to break my water, when a contraction would subside, the pain in my abdomen would become more prominent and almost to the same level. It made it feel like I was contracting non stop with no break for catching my breath or trying to recuperate.

Around 2 in the morning there were a few people in the room examining me and trying to figure out the best course of action. A C-section being needed started being mentioned if things didn’t improve, but I was at a little more than 9 cm by then. The OB and the anesthesiologist had a talk outside the room and decided to re-do my epidural as it had clearly failed (they did an ice test and it was clear I wasn’t frozen anywhere at all), and if I were to end up needing a c-section, I’d have to have it redone anyway.

She took two tries to get everything situated in my back. That second try did the trick. I don’t think I can even describe the amount of relief when my foot started feeling warm and then going numb, and within maybe 5 minutes it was amazingly painless. They did another ice test and this time I felt no cold at all anywhere, and when the nurse pointed out I’d just had a contraction it cemented it because I’d not felt it at all. The only thing I could feel at that point was a bit of abdominal pressure every now and then. And I will say, I did have a great team with me. Everyone was very empathetic and trying their best to get me to feel some form of relief before the second epidural. And they seemed almost as relieved as me when that last one finally worked - especially because after that baby’s heart stabilized.

By the time the epidural was done, even though they figured I had likely progressed to 10 cm, they elected to let me rest for a bit, and give baby a chance to keep making his way down, so I got to catch a breather until about 4 am. Then they told me it was time to try and start pushing, with the nurse guiding me since I still couldn’t feel any sort of contraction. I pushed through maybe four or five contractions without huge progress, and the OB came in to assess and established baby needed a bit of help coming out. They set up the forceps and had me push through another couple of contractions, but they were pretty week and hard to catch even for the nurse by then, and baby’s heart rate was starting to struggle again. So they got on the phone to get a room prepped for c-section, and the doctor told me I would get to push through one last contraction, but if nothing happened we’d have to go into surgery.

The nurse tried to wait for a good one (she had already reupped the oxytocin drip at that point) and by some miracle, the next push for his head half out and with the second one it was completely out. The rest of his body followed quickly and before I had even caught up with it all, I had his tiny little body on me.

Even though they’d brought someone in from the NICU just to be safe, he ended up being perfectly okay. I needed a bit more attention because I had more bleeding than normal, and I had to have 4 stitches and another IV line put in to help with the blood loss. Then we stayed in the delivery room until about 6 at which point we were brought over to our postpartum room.

Since then nursing has undoubtedly been the biggest challenge. He did have a tongue tie, but he struggled from the get go. He would latch well but lose it and then get frustrated and cry. He also is a very lazy eater - I’d spend easily 30-45 minutes per side trying to get him to stay aware long enough to take in maybe 15 minutes of proper feeding, but he’d start smacking his lips practically the moment he was done, and he’d wake up hungry again within the hour.

Unfortunately there was no lactation consultant on staff as she was on vacation this week. People commented time and time again about how I had no supply issue, and his latch (when he was latched) was good, but it didn’t seem to help. I also felt I kept getting conflicting information as one moment he’d have crystals in his urine to indicate potential dehydration, and the next they’d be telling me he had barely loss any of his birth weight and was perfectly on target for that.

We did decide to get his tongue tie cut as it seemed to really be frustrating him at feeds and make it harder for my breast to properly fit into his mouth. The feed that followed the cut was easily the best we’ve had to date, but unfortunately it went downhill from there. After we got home and I tried to feed him last night, he did fine on the right side but then only lasted 10 minutes on the left and then lost it, started to scream and wouldn’t latch again. I haven’t been able to make him latch on the left side since, and I only managed to get him latched to the right a couple more times before we ran in the same problem, so we had to go ahead and start giving him bottles. I’ll be trying to work through it with a lactation consultant as soon as possible, and I’ve now started pumping, but in the meantime, him being properly fed was the biggest thing.

He does also have a small fracture on his right clavicle, likely from the forceps, but the pediatrician said that will resolve on its own within the week. In the meantime we just have to be very cautious how we move his right arm, and she prescribed him Tylenol if need be.

In the meantime we’re just trying to settle down to our new sleep deprived routine. But then looking into all the sweet, funny faces he makes both when asleep and awake makes it feel pretty worth it.

- Marie

[curlyhairedhoseok]

my patient

requested by @z-stitch​

word count: 6.4k 

pairing: psychiatrist!reader x patient!namjoon

warnings: mentions of murder, schizophrenia, mental illnesses, smut, fingering, spanking, creampie, unprotected sex (use protection), vaginal sex, oral sex, fluffish

author’s note: I am sorry if this sucks. also the smut is at the end cause i am lame. also i didn’t proof read. sorry. its like 1am here and i am tired. 

“Good morning, Mr. Kim, I hope you slept well,” You said through the door’s grated window. The patient just smirked as he stood by the window, waiting for his morning medications to come through the small slot in the door. “As you know, I had to up the dosage on your Clozapine. Nothing big, but a little more should help with the things that you explained to me during our last two sessions.” You explained while sorting his various medications.

“Let’s be real, you're just drugging me up so that you can sneak into my room and steal me away.” Namjoon teased. You cracked a small smile before pushing the small tray into the slot.

“With the increased dosage there are some side effects that can occur; dry mouth, headaches, dizziness, and fatigue. So please make sure you are telling the guards so that I can make any adjustments that might be needed,” You finished before leaving the door.

There were very few patients that you delivered their medications to but Namjoon was one of them. You and he had built a somewhat pleasant relationship, which came as a surprise to you. In the beginning, Namjoon was set on making your job as difficult as possible. You were no therapist but you did like to have more personal conversations with your clients since being in such a barren environment was not always easy.

You knew that on certain days Namjoon was restrained and thrown into a solitary cell, those were his bad days. On his good days, he seemed fine, good enough to interact with others at the hospital. You liked to forget his bad days and only liked to pay attention to his good days but it was hard to ignore the fact that he was sick and needed help. After all, he was put into a mental hospital for a reason. This fact helped to bring you back when you found yourself lingering too much on Mr. Kim.

                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Namjoon was sitting in his cell, attempting to read one of the books you had given to him when he heard your voice from down the hall. He set the book down and had quietly crept towards the door to listen in on the conversation. He could tell by your tone that whatever you were hearing you were not pleased with.

“I think that would be a terrible idea. He is improving here, I see it every time we meet. When was the last time he was put in The Hole? Exactly. Other patients will benefit from a transfer to such a facility. He doesn’t need punishment anymore, what he needs is rehabilitation.” He heard you exclaim. A quiet moment went by before he heard your soft knock on the door and the guard’s keys jiggling. He shot up from his spot on the floor and sat down on his bed with his book.  

“What have I done now?” Namjoon teased after his door opened. You smiled and shook your head before closing the door behind you. Namjoon always found it interesting that you chose to close his door but yet you would keep other patient’s doors open during their sessions.

“I came to check up on you,” You explained while pulling his small desk chair out, to sit on.

“Well, I’m bored,” He began. He was scooching up the bed until he could rest against the metal headboard so that he could get a good look at you. “I’m feeling a little...frustrated.” He admitted, his eyes burning into yours.

“Bored? I’m afraid there is not much I can do about that although I could get you another book even though you are supposed to be here as a punishment. Now, what do you mean, frustrated?”

“Do you believe that it was me?” He asked, disregarding your question.

“Believe what?”  

“That I tried to kill him? My father.” He clarified. His eyes were staring at your form, looking for anything that might give him a clue as to what is going through your mind.

“I believe that we all have done things that we are not proud of. But the only thing that matters is getting better and that's where I come in.” You attempted to redirect the conversation. His mind was working against his better judgment when he attacked his father and he just couldn’t handle it anymore. You also believed that his father might have deserved the attempted attack “Now, tell me about being frustrated.”

“I’m frustrated that I am still stuck here. Just imagine the fun we could have” He described with a small chuckle at the end.

“Anything else I should be aware of?” You asked as you took notes. Some of the comments you found hard not to crack a smile at. You had a small smile painted on and so, of course, Namjoon had to point it out.

“What are you smiling for? If I am stuck in here that means no fun for us.”

“Okay, enough,” You muttered while giving him a pointed look. “If there is nothing else you would like to tell me then I must be going because much to your dismay, I have other patients.” You made your way to the door before Namjoon called your name.

“Dr. (Y/L/N)? Am I being transferred to another facility?” He asked. You could hear the concern in his voice and you found it hard to try and lie to him.

“No, you are staying here.”

                                              ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a quiet day at the institution, you had no sessions today so your entire day was supposed to be dedicated to reviewing patients’ files and deciding who was allowed to be integrated with the other patients.

That changed when you received a phone call from the lead security guard.

You all but sprinted down the hall to The Hole. Three security guards were outside of the secluded cell, talking amongst themselves.

“Excuse me, I need to speak with Mr. Kim.”

“Listen, I know he is your patient but right now he is solitary which means no one gets in to talk to him.” The guard explained.

“I know what that means but I need to speak to him. I am his doctor and right now I need to talk to my patient so that this all can be avoided in the future.” You persisted. The guard sighed before unlocking the door. The heavy metal door creaked open to reveal Namjoon sitting on a bed, his hands were strapped into the jacket. He had his back to you and was facing out the single window. He didn’t say anything which you found unusual.

“Mr. Kim,” You started. His head turned slightly as if to show that he was listening. “Can you tell me why you are here?”

You were only met with silence, he turned to face the window once again. You sat on the bed with the intention of not leaving until he answered. Even in the beginning when he was dead set on making your job difficult he still said something.

“Namjoon, you can be honest with me. What happened?” You asked once more.

“Are you asking as my doctor?” He whispered. “I attacked a guard. He was talking about you. I could hear him from my room. When he came in-,” He cut himself off quickly when he heard the door opening. The head of the institute, Mr. Choi, was standing in the doorway, motioning for you to go into the hall.

“Mr. Kim, your next session is in two days. I hope that we can make progress.” You said before leaving. You followed the head into the hallway, but you refused to talk to him. You made it into your office when he finally started talking.

“Dr. (Y/L/N), I need to discuss your status at this institution.”

“My status?” You all but snapped at Mr. Choi. “Is there something wrong?”

“Since the last psychiatrist left, it has just been you. Don’t get me wrong, you’re great at your job but there is just not enough of you for all the patients. A new psychiatrist is coming in, as the head of the psychiatric unit.”

“Very well, I can’t wait to meet them. When will they be joining me?” You asked with a tight-lipped smile. It took everything in yourself to not flip out at the man in front of you. You were the best psychiatrist that the institute had seen in years, and now they were degrading your work but you had to respect their decision no matter what since you were never hired as a solo working doctor.

“They will be starting next week. Once they arrive some of the patients you once had will go to the other doctor, Dr. Jung.” Mr. Choi had explained. You nodded and began gathering another patient’s file as Mr. Choi continued to explain the upcoming changes.

“Thank you, Mr. Choi, but I have to go check up on the rest of my patients. Please email me if there will be more accommodations that have to be made.” You curtly thanked him. Mr. Choi quietly shut the door on his way out and it wasn’t until you heard the door ‘click’ did you finally let out a groan of frustration.

A new doctor would complicate things but you knew that you needed help with the amount of work around the institution, it was never your job to run the mental health ward all alone. You silently prayed that the new doctor would make gradual adjustments, not only for the patients’ sake but also for your own.

                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rest of the week passed by relatively quickly for you, so when Monday came around you felt like you could take on any problems presented to you. However, that was before you stepped foot into what used to be just your office.

Your desk had been moved to one side which mirrored another desk across the room. The new doctor was here and it felt bittersweet. His side of the room was plain so far while your side was filled with various filing cabinets and bookshelves. As you set your bag on your chair you noticed two filing cabinet drawers that were wide open and empty.

A knock on the door startled you but you were met with a handsome cheery face.

“Dr. (Y/L/N), right? It’s nice to meet you, I am Dr. Jung, but you can call me Hoseok,” He introduced. You smiled back at him and told him your name too. “I hope it is okay that I took some of the patient files. Mr. Choi was the one who opened them.”

You quickly nodded in assurance, “It’s completely fine. If you ever have questions about certain patients don’t be afraid to ask. Sometimes it takes them a while to trust you since you are not a nurse or their typical therapist but most of them warm up pretty quickly.”

He thanked and took a seat at his desk before you unloaded your bag. You walked over to the filing cabinet ready to get started for the day when you noticed a few typical patients of yours were missing. You figured that they were now Hoseok’s patients since they were all known to need more attention and observation, and as the head psychiatrist, it was his job to deal with the more extreme cases.

As you made your way through the institute and down your patient list, you were surprised by how quickly the morning medication distributing was going. You were done before ten in the morning which rarely ever happened before.

Perhaps Hoseok being here isn’t that bad after all, you thought to yourself.

As the week progressed, you were quick to notice how Namjoon was no longer on your patient list. It wasn’t until you walked past his assigned room that you noticed he wasn’t in there and neither were any of his books.

You rushed off to your shared office and began searching his name up in the system. Thankfully, he was just relocated but he was relocated to the isolation wing. The isolation wing was different from The Hole in the sense that The Hole was for patients to be separated from everyone for a short period of time, typically while the patient calmed down. The isolation wing, on the other hand, meant that the patient was too dangerous for other patients to interact with as well as doctors, guards, and visitors.

Why he was moved seemed beyond you since Namjoon had never had an issue with other patients since he was put on medication, which was over five year years ago. All patients started there but he was quickly moved once he showed progress. He only had issues with guards but the guards were not always the kindest to the residents.

“Excuse me, Dr. Jung, I was curious as to why one of my previous patients, Mr. Kim Namjoon, was moved to the isolation wing?”

“Please, call me Hoseok,” He started and you nodded while muttering a quick ‘Of course’. “Mr. Kim was relocated after he attacked his brother Kim Taehyung while he was visiting and another patient by the name of Park Jimin. All parties were okay but these were not isolated incidents. His previous attack on the guard a week ago indicates that his behavior is growing more erratic with time. Given his violent history with his father, Mr. Choi and I decided that it was appropriate to move him to the isolation wing.”

The news baffled you since Kim Taehyung was a pretty regular visitor and Park Jimin was one of the few residents Namjoon actually enjoyed interacting with. “Thank you, I was just surprised that’s all.” You explained.

“I have been a doctor for a few years now and the one thing I noticed is that people like him are unpredictable, they change at a moment's notice. It is our job to help them.”

“I am well aware, thank you.” You practically sneered. You did not appreciate the way Dr. Jung referred to Namjoon and others like him. While you were sure he meant no harm, it just rubbed you the wrong way.

That night you decided to stay longer, just to organize some files and try to get things ready for the upcoming weekend. Hoseok had left a few hours ago, and the clock was nearing nine o'clock at night. Most residents were in bed by now or doing their nightly routine. You found yourself quietly walking towards the isolation wing, with Namjoon’s room number and key in hand.

12...13...14...15, you counted in your head as you stopped at the fifteenth door.

There were no guards in the wing right now since the shift change was about to happen. Night crew was going to be here soon which meant you had little time to get in and out. Doctors were not permitted on this side of the hospital unless granted authorization by Mr. Choi and now, Dr. Jung since he was head of the psychiatric unit

You released a breath you were holding as you quietly turned the key and opened the door. You shut it behind you as you looked at Namjoon, who was lying there staring at the ceiling. His foot was handcuffed to the footboard and all his books were gone. 

“Dr. (Y/L/N), you finally visited me after banishing me here. I wondered how long it would take.” He said, sarcastically.

“Namjoon, please explain to me what happened.”

“Ask the new doctor.” Was all he replied with. You tried to tell him that you did but Namjoon refused to elaborate.

“Very well, I am sorry that you are here. Just know, this was not my decision as you are no longer my patient.” You whispered before leaving his room. The lights in the hall flickered as you locked the door behind you. There was still no sign of the guards so you slipped out undetected.

                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A month and a half had passed since the night you visited Kim Namjoon for the first time. You tried to make sure he was okay a few times after that but you knew you had to stop when you almost got caught the last time.

“I won’t be able to come to see you anymore. I think they know someone has been getting in, I don’t need them checking the cameras and seeing me sneaking around.” You mentioned. As usual, it was pretty silent on Namjoon’s end. He talked much less these days and just listened.

“I must be going, hopefully, I can convince Dr. Jung to move you back into your old room. I think it would help you.” You quietly said.

“Help me or help you?” He finally broke his silence and just stared at you. It had been almost three weeks since he had last spoken to you. You felt like he was angry with you.

“Help us.” You confessed. Your treatment and favoritism went beyond just being his old doctor, and you both knew that. “I am trying to help you which in turn will give me peace of mind.” You closed the door after that and you felt like you just revealed to him a huge secret. In part, it was big since you finally admitted that you worried about him daily.

As you were heading back to your office to pick up your bag and laptop before you left, you were surprised to see the office light shining from under the closed door since you could definitely recall turning it off before you went to visit Namjoon. As you opened the door, you saw Hoseok, who you thought had left an hour ago.

“(y/n),” He began and motioned for you to sit at your own desk. “It has come to my attention that you have been staying longer but I don’t know what for. Would you care to fill me in on that?” He sat down at the chair on the other side of your desk.

“Dr. Jung,” You said pointedly, “I have been just studying each of my new patient’s records and trying to figure out the best way to help them. I like to know these things off the top of my head, I don’t want to have to rely on a folder each time I see them.”

“You care deeply about those assigned to you?”

“Of course, that is why I became a doctor.” You said, unsure of where he was going with this.

“Is that why you have been sneaking off to the isolation wing for weeks now?” He asked bluntly.

“You have no proof that I have been doing such a thing. Besides, any well-trained doctor knows that those patients need more stimulation than they are currently getting. I don’t care if they don’t do well with others, they deserve some sort of fulfillment beyond what we are currently providing.” You defended. You did not take well to being accused of things, even if they were true.

“That’s not why you are going, Dr. (y/l/n). You’re going because your favorite patient got sent there.” He smirked and got up from his seat, walking towards the door.

“I don’t have favorites.” You told him. He raised an eyebrow but continued for the door.

“Well, then I guess you will be pleased to hear that Mr. Kim Namjoon will be moved to another facility, out of the city. One that is more, equipt to deal with his very violent outbursts.” Dr. Jung let slip.

“He is many things but I refuse to believe that he is still a violent man. The only time he has been violent is when he was provoked and off his medications. Yes, he is affected by schizophrenia but that does not make him inherently violent. Besides, you need both of our signatures to send him away and I refuse to sign something that will hurt him.” You argued.

“No, I don’t, not when Mr. Choi already signed for you. Mr. Kim Namjoon will be leaving this institute this Friday. So I suggest that you find someone else to baby.” Hoseok said harshly before slamming the office door.

Your mind began going into overdrive as you began thinking of ways to help him. The only way for him to be released was if a doctor discharged him or he was checked out by his brother, Taehyung.

Your fingers typed furiously fast as you pulled up Namjoon’s records. His younger brother’s number was in his file and you quickly dialed it.

“Hello?” You heard his brother’s voice almost immediately after dialing.

“Hi, I am sorry to bother you at this hour but I am Dr. (Y/L/N), your brother Namjoon’s previous doctor.” You explained. “I was calling about an incident that supposedly happened about two months ago. On file, it says that your brother had a violent outburst while you were visiting him but you never filed a report on the incident.”

“Because there was nothing to file. He didn’t have an outburst, we got into an argument but nothing major. The argument was simply about our mother who recently fell ill.” Taehyung explained. “He was just upset that I didn’t tell him that she fell ill sooner. She is better now but I haven’t had the chance to tell him. They won’t even let me send him a letter.”

“They recently moved him to another wing which does not really allow mail,” You carefully explained. “However if you send me a letter written to him I can try and have it delivered to him.” You offered. As the call ended, you felt like Dr. Jung was doing more harm than good. He was proving to be a thorn in your side and a damn good liar.

You looked over to your clock and you realized that right about now all the night time guards typically took a break, leaving one in charge of watching the cameras and making sure no one did anything out of the ordinary.

You knew right now was the only time to get Namjoon out without anyone suspecting something. You pulled up a release slip and printed it out before forging Dr. Jung’s signature. You knew if there was a release slip in Namjoon’s file then when they found the empty cell they would not think much of it and just assume that it was a mistake. You scanned the slip onto the computer and put in the information to make it seem like his release date was yesterday.

When you finished, you grabbed a patient’s profile that needed to be filed while also stealing a hat from your desk and one of Dr. Jung’s white coats before picking up your bag. You locked the office door behind you.

As you made your way to the surveillance room, you took a deep breath and pushed the door open. The night time surveillance guard was a very young man but he was nice. He always helped you in the past if you needed to see some footage, and right now he was the only one with a master key for the handcuffs that held Namjoon to his bed.

“Hey, Jungkook, I had a favor to ask of you before I head out.” You said politely and he nodded for you to come in. “I was wondering if you could go put this patient folder on Mr. Choi’s desk? All the other guards are on break and I know you always have a key.” He smiled and scratched the back of his head but he soon gave in.

“Yeah, what’s so important about it though?” Jungkook asked as he took the folder from you.

“Oh, it’s just Jimin’s folder. I am switching him to a different medication since he isn’t responding to this one well and I need Dr. Choi’s signature since all medication changes need to be run by him, especially after the last doctor started stealing all sorts of medications.” You explained and he nodded in understanding.

“Okay, sure. Can you just stay here and watch the cameras though? I am sure nothing will happen but I can’t be too sure.” You nodded and sat down in the chair that he was previously sitting in.

You watched him through the cameras and waited until he got onto the elevator to position all the cameras away from the stairwells and to turn off the parking lot camera. You looked to the camera that pointed towards Dr. Choi’s office and you saw Jungkook unlocking the door. You replaced the cameras’ image from the isolation wing to live feedback from your office and live feedback from the rowdy group of guards on break.

You heard the elevator ding which meant that Jungkook was just about to come back. You quickly swiped the master key from his desk drawer and slipped it in your white coat pocket. You gathered the extra coat and your bag and stood up while waiting for Jungkook to return.

“Thank you so much Jungkook, you’re a lifesaver. Have a nice night!” You said when he finally came back. Jungkook was not dumb by any means so you had to rush to the isolation wing, which was a floor below you, before he fixed the cameras. When you finally reached Namjoon’s door you quietly stuck the key in and slowly opened the door to avoid any creaking.

“Who is it?” Namjoon asked, it was dark and he couldn’t tell who it was until he heard your voice.

“It’s me. I need you to be quiet. Don’t ask questions.” You said as you grabbed the handcuff master key from your pocket. You unlocked his ankle and handed him the hat and white doctor’s coat. He slipped his laceless shoes on while putting everything else on. You gave him a face mask to wear as you fixed his hat to cover his hair. You hopped when you passed the guards outside they would just assume it was Dr. Jung since that is what Namjoon’s coat said.

“Why are you doing this?” He questioned.

“Because everyone is right. You are my favorite patient and I made a promise that you wouldn’t move facilities. I intend to keep that promise.”

“I didn’t know that you heard,” Namjoon muttered as you made your way out of his room. You left his door wide open before ushering him to the stairwell. You told him to stay quiet in the stairwell as you went back upstairs to Jungkook’s surveillance.

You softly knocked on the door which startled him. He was trying to fix the cameras when he finally looked over his shoulder. “Oh, Dr. (Y/L/N), I’m sorry I didn’t notice you. I was trying to fix the cameras. They must have reset. Is something wrong?”

“Oh, I just wanted you to know that there was a door open in the isolation wing. I don’t know who’s room it was but I noticed it when I was leaving. I could have sworn there was a noise coming from down that hall.” You lied and Jungkook sprung into action, heading for the elevator. You could hear him call for the other guards over his walkie talkie. You quickly slipped the master key back into the drawer before running off to the stairwell. You could hear yelling coming from below you which meant the guards from break were taking the stairs.

“Keep your head down and follow my lead,” You whispered to Namjoon as you took his hand and started taking the stairs downstairs. A group of guards rushed past you and Namjoon without even giving both of you a second glance.

As you made it to the parking lot you rushed Namjoon to your car. You could hardly breathe. You and Namjoon got in quickly and it wasn’t until you were driving away did you realize what you had truly done.

                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The drive to your apartment was silent. Your uneven breathing was the only noise. You had just ruined your entire career for one man, a man you barely knew beyond his mental health issues.

“Dr. (Y/L/N),” Namjoon started as you pulled into your parking complex.

“It’s (Y/N),” You cut him off. You shut the car off and leaned your head against the steering wheel. “We can talk once we get to my apartment.”

The elevator ride to your apartment was also silent. You quickly unlocked the door and rushed him inside. When the door was closed you let out a deep sigh. Namjoon took off the doctor’s coat, the hat, and the mask which left him in his clothes from the institute.

You wandered into your bedroom and pulled some of your ex’s old clothes out for Namjoon.

“This is all I have, I hope it fits.” You muttered before heading into the bathroom. “I’m going to clean up and we can talk when I come out.” You shut the door to the en suite bathroom and turned the shower on.

Your mind flooded with the reality of what you had done. You stripped your clothes off and stepped into the shower. The warm water felt good against your skin and helped calm you down. You were so enraptured in the feeling of the water that you didn’t hear the bathroom door open nor did you sense the presence of another person.

It wasn’t until you heard the glass door slide open did you finally see Namjoon. His body was rid of anything clothing and you tried to keep your eyes focused on his face.

“Namjoon, what are you doing?” You meekly asked. He motioned to the shower and moved to step under the showerhead. As his back was to you, you admired his back. His smooth skin seemed so inviting. He turned to face you and you finally allowed yourself to look down. His cock stood hard and proud, his tip was so pink and he was very thick.

“You risked it all for me. Let me repay you.��� He explained before smashing his lips against yours. His arms wrapped around your waist and he pulled you closer. He pushed your body against the shower wall and he let his hand trail down.

His fingers dipped down and you felt him brush over your clit. It had been a while since you had been with anyone, so you could already tell that you were going to be wet. His lips broke from yours as he attached them to your neck. He was leaving kisses all over until he found your sweet spot.

You gave a light moan as he sucked, surely leaving a mark. His fingers played with your clit slightly before Namjoon sunk a finger into you. Your hands that were once caught up in Namjoon’s hair were now on his chest and on his wrist to prevent him from pulling out. He added another finger which made another moan emit from you.

“Oh fuck, Joon,” You let out as his fingered worked in and out. He smirked against your skin before going faster. “Please, don’t stop.” You practically begged. Every word you spoke was like music to his ears. Never in a million years did he imagine he would be with you like this but here you were begging him to keep finger fucking you.

He quickly pulled his hand away and brought one to your throat. “As much as I loved hearing you beg for me to continue, I want to fuck you properly.” He said before he stepped out of the shower. You hated that he left you hanging but you quickly turned off the shower. You wrapped yourself in a towel after drying your hair. When you walked into your bedroom you saw Namjoon in boxers, waiting for you on the bed.

You let the towel fall and you saw Namjoon’s eyes trail up and down your body. He walked over to you and grabbed your face before roughly kissing you. His hands moved to the back of your thighs so you jumped to wrap your thighs around his waist. He practically threw you onto the soft bed.

His lips attached to your nipples and you threw your head back in bliss. His sweet mouth trailed down your stomach, leaving kisses and stopped between your legs. Your lower half was practically hanging off the edge of the bed, and Namjoon was knelt down before you. You became bashful for a moment and attempted to close your legs but Namjoon forced them open.

“Don’t hide from me.” He growled. He ran his tongue between your slit before paying attention to your clit. Your hands pulled at his hair as he relentlessly tongue fucked you but you finally let out a moan when he stuck two fingers in you as he sucked on your sensitive bud.

“Shit, baby,” you whimpered as you felt an orgasm approaching. “Please, I’m close,” you confessed. Your legs were closing around his head while a wave of pleasure washed over you. “Ah, Joon, fuck, I’m cumming.” You loudly moaned. He continued to lick and suck throughout your orgasm before he stopped. He crawled up towards you and kissed you deeply.

You could taste yourself on him and moaned when you felt his member press into your thigh. Namjoon was an incredibly patient man but all you wanted after that was him inside of you.

“Namjoon, I want you to fuck me.” You said. He let out a small chuckle and went to peel the boxers off. His cock was rock hard and he had beads of precum spilling from his tip. He pushed your legs open and put one over his shoulder.

“Fuck baby, you’re perfect,” He admitted while giving his cock a few strokes. He eased into you and he threw his head back in absolute pleasure. “Ah shit, your feel so fucking good.”

“Joon, please just,” You were cut off as he began to thrust into you. “Ah fuck, yes, fuck me harder.” Namjoon couldn’t help but smirk as he fucked into you harder. “Oh my god, yes, just like that. Fuck!” You moaned. You were slightly aware of the fact that your moans only rivaled that of a porn star’s but you didn’t care.

“This pussy is mine, got it?” He growled as his finger played with your clit. You only moaned in response which made him stop his movement.

“Joon, please,” You begged. You tried to move your hips but that only made him pull out. He flipped you over so you were on your stomach. He pulled your hips, forcing your face into the mattress.

“I said, your pussy is mine,” He groaned as he sunk into you again. “Now, who does this cunt belong to?” He slowly asked.

“Fuck, you Joon. I am yours. Now please, use me. Fill me with your cum,” You begged. He began to roughly pound into you after you said that and you muffled your screams with the sheets.

“You’re my slut got it. I’m gonna fuck you so good that this cock is all you think about it.” His hand struck your ass and left a red mark as he continued to fuck into you. Your lust-filled screams flooded the bedroom, and you knew for a fact that your neighbors could hear.

As he fucked into you, he reached down to get a grip on your hair. He pulled you up and brought his mouth to your ear while holding your hands behind your back. “Fuck baby girl, you’re pussy is so tight. Like it was made for me.” He grunted.

“It was, fuck Joon, I was made for you.” You moaned. He let go of your hair and slapped your ass again. “I’m close.” You said.

“Cum for me, baby, let go,” Namjoon encouraged. Your walls spasmed around his cock and a loud grunt came from him.

“Joon please, cum inside me.” You begged and that was all it took before he covered your walls in white. “Yes, fill me up.” You said innocently with a smile. His thrusts slowed before he pulled out. His cum was dripping from you and you could just tell how full you were.

“Damn baby, you look so good with my cum dripping from you. Just how I like it.” He kissed down your back before getting off the bed. He went into the bathroom and found a rag folded upon some bigger towels.

“Joon, where are you?” You called. He gave a low chuckle before you felt a damp cloth wipe his cum from your thigh.

“I am right here,” He said as he stuck a finger inside of you. “Just so you know, I am far from done with you.” He took it out soon though and laid down next to you once he was done cleaning you up.

You cuddled up next to him and ran your fingers through his hair. He was so handsome and part of you thinks that's why you were able to be swept off your feet by him.

“You know that you can’t go back to work.” He whispered as he kissed the top of your head. You nodded but didn’t say anything. You knew things changed but you were okay with it. “Why did you do it?” You took a second to answer before you got up and straddled him.

“I did it because I couldn’t stand the thought of never seeing you again. I didn’t want you to go somewhere without me. I would have missed you too much.” You shyly confessed.

He smiled and nodded as you leaned over to kiss him passionately. Kissing him and being here with him made you feel complete.

“You’re the only person to understand me. I couldn’t ask for anything more,” He told you in between kisses.

“I signed a release form. So even if someone does find you, the form says you were released at the permission of Dr. Jung.” You finally let it slip. He grabbed your face and looked you dead in the eye.

“Never say his name again. I don’t even want you to think about that scumbag. Not while you're with me.” He commanded.

“How about you help me forget about him?” You taunted.

“Gladly.”

[sunkissedpages]

breaking curfew [part eight] || th x reader

A/N: day idk of quarantine. time is meaningless. 

Summary: When you got the job to be a counselor at the summer camp you’d grown up attending all your life, you expected to see some familiar faces. But you certainly hadn’t counted on having to work alongside the boy who had made it his life’s mission to make your life a living hell every summer. In fact, you thought you’d never have to see Tom Holland again. But he’s is in the cabin right across from yours with campers of his own- smirk, jawline, and all. If you didn’t know any better you might’ve thought that he applied for the position just to spite you, but who were you kidding? What kind of asshole would do something like that?

Warnings: swearing, prescription drugs, alcohol mention, anxiety mention

What I listened to while writing: the breaking curfew playlist by @cinnamon-roll-peter​ + CALM by 5sos

Word Count: 2.4k

Series Masterlist

You’ve only been x-rayed twice in your entire life- not counting regular trips to the dentist- before now. Once when you thought you broke your ankle, (but it was really just sprained) and another time when you had pneumonia. Still, neither of those times had been quite as intense as this. Maybe that was because your mom wasn’t with you like she had been before. Or maybe it was because Tom, the boy who was pretending to be your boyfriend, the one that had just undressed you minutes ago, was standing just a few feet away behind the glass. Or in all honesty, maybe it was because you were hopped up on codeine, but who could say?

The x-ray technician draped the lead apron over you and told you to hold your breath while she ran back to operate the machine. She had you lay in a few different positions and had a nurse help her move your arm gingerly each time to lessen the strain on your end. 

It was a painful process, but they moved as fast as they could so that you were back in your room within a few minutes. 

“How’re you feeling?” Tom asked as he sat back in the plastic chair by your bedside. 

“Kinda dizzy.”

“Yeah, you couldn’t walk five steps without running into a wall, I practically had to carry you back here.”

“Fuck off!”

“Glad the pain meds haven’t completely altered your personality,” he said, shaking his head. 

“I feel a little nauseous too,” you added and rolled your neck uncomfortably.

Tom sat up a little more, eyebrows raised in concern. “Are you going to throw up? Do I need to get someone?”

“It’s probably fine,” you shrugged.

“I don’t know about that...  you took those meds on an empty stomach- and that’s probably why you’re smashed to hell too.”

“It’s fiiine, Tom.” You yawned. “I just wanna nap.”

He chuckled and pulled the sheet that had been gathered around your waist up to your shoulders and laid it gently over them. 

“That seems like a good idea.”

“Okay, good night.”

“Good night, y/n.”

It felt like you blinked and you were being shaken awake again. You groaned and attempted to sit up on your elbows, cursing when you tried to put pressure on your injured arm.

“Easy, easy,” Tom said, helping you lay back down on your back. “Um, the doctor’s here, babe.”

“Babe?” you wondered aloud, still clearly disoriented as fuck. 

“Yeah, love. He’s here to tell you about your arm.”

Tom was pretending to be your boyfriend. Right. That made a lot more sense. Why else would he call you babe? 

The doctor introduced himself to you and Tom and talked briefly about what he was looking for in the x-rays as he set them up in the light display for you both to see. 

“So the bad news is that your arm is broken,” he explained, and you felt your heart sink even though you knew it was coming. “But the good news is that it’s just a minor fracture- barely visible on your radius there. It’ll only take about four to six weeks to heal in a cast, and you’ll be good as new.”

You bit your bottom lip wilted visibly. “Six weeks? The summer will be over by then!”

“It shouldn’t be an issue, unless you’re involved in a super active sport or-”

“We’re camp counselors-” Tom said abruptly, irritation at the edge of his voice.

“Oh, yes well you might run into some complications, but you should still be able to do most everything. Even with a cast.”

“Are you sure?”

“Definitely,” he nodded. “I’ll print out a couple pamphlets and some other literature for you on how to care for your arm and cast and etcetera, and you should be fine.”

“Okay, thank you.”

“I’ll also prescribe you some pain killers. Probably not as strong as the codeine they gave you earlier, but a lighter dosage for a few days before switching to extra-strength ibuprofen might help you get back into the swing of things.”

You just nodded, not really understanding any of the words he was saying. You hoped Tom absorbed more of it than you did because you were honestly checked the fuck out. 

“I’m just going to grab the plaster and gauze for your cast and I’ll be right back. What’s your favorite color?”

“Orange,” you said without a second thought.

Tom waited until the doctor was gone before giving you a confused look. “Why’d you say that?”

You gave him the same look back. “What do you mean?”

“Orange isn’t your favorite color.”

“Says who?”

“Your favorite color’s always been green.”

“H-how’d you know that?”

“You really think I don’t remember you cheating your way onto the green team at mega relay every summer?”

“I would not cheat!” you argued.

“You’re supposed to pick a headband out of the box randomly! I don’t think peeking through your fingers and conveniently grabbing a green one every single time counts as random.”

“Well you don’t have any evidence, so good luck proving that in court.”

Tom held his hands up in surrender. “Damn, who said anything about court?”

“I just like being prepared.”

“But wait, why did you get orange?”

You shook your head absentmindedly and shrugged. “Oh, I don’t know. It’s Theo’s favorite color. I thought she’d like it.” 

“That’s... really sweet.”

“Don’t sound so surprised, Holland. I can be nice sometimes.”

“Didn’t know you had it in you.” 

Before you could say anything snarky back the doctor came back in with a written prescription and everything he needed to set and wrap your arm. You tensed and looked away as he set to work on it, using an alcoholic wipe to sanitize your hand and forearm before wrapping it.  

“You can hold her other hand if you want, Tom,” the doctor said, probably thinking that would reassure you, even though in reality it made you way more anxious. 

You had reached for his hand just a few minutes ago, unprompted. But in your defense, you were very out of it. You were still out of it now, but the thought doing it again was ironically making your hands sweat. You guys didn’t really know each other... like that, and even though it was just pretend it felt weirdly intimate.You wouldn’t blame him if he stayed put where he was.

But to your surprise, Tom didn’t even hesitate before grabbing your hand and interlocking his fingers with yours. His palm was a little clammy too, which was a relief. You didn’t want to be the only one with a sweaty hand and gross him out or something, even if you were the one in agonizing pain. 

You squeezed tight as your arm was moved into position for the cast. It hurt like a bitch and for a hot second the nausea returned and you thought you might pass out. 

“So, how did you guys meet?” the doctor asked casually as he worked. “Tom, if I’m not mistaken you’re English? And y/n you’re not? How did that play out?”

“We met at work,” Tom said without missing a beat. 

You were kind of taken aback by how seriously he was taking his role. It really didn’t matter if he was actually your boyfriend or not, it’s not like he’d get kicked out if they found out he wasn’t. 

“At the summer camp?”

“Yeah, it’s really well-known for its international program. We get a lot of campers from all over.”

“Ah, that makes sense. Are you long distance during the year then?”

You and Tom traded looks with each other. Why did you have to get stuck with the chattiest orthopedic surgeon ever? Your fucking luck.

“We are, yeah.” Tom answered for you both again. “We trade off who visits who. We’ve both been in school so we don’t get to see each other very often, but I’ll take what I can get.”

“Summers must be nice then, no? You get to see each other all the time.”

He forced a chuckle. “You have no idea.”

-

The girls practically tackled you the second you got back to camp, and you were immediately bombarded with a chorus of “can I sign it? can I sign it?” from every single one of them. 

“You can all sign it!” you promised. “After you brush your teeth!”

You had never seen them so excited to get ready for bed ever. They were almost giddy about it. 

Your arm was still pretty sore, and the pills were starting to wear off, but you were glad to finally be back in your cabin. You couldn’t wait to knock the heck out and sleep for as long as possible. 

The ride back from the emergency room had been much more peaceful than the ride there. Zendaya was a little pissed you’d disappeared from the waiting room without a word, she was mostly just glad you were getting to go home and rest. You ate your fries and chicken nuggets in the car, and accidentally ended up dozing off on Tom a few times, only to be jostled awake by bumps in the road. 

And now that the day was winding down you could relax and spend some time with your campers. 

“Me first!” Theo exclaimed, racing up to you with toothpaste still in her mouth. You laughed as she scribbled her name in jagged letters across your arm, putting a smiley face in the O. “We have the same favorite color!”

You didn’t have the heart to tell her so you just laughed and nodded. “Now, go spit your toothpaste out before you choke!”

May was next. She signed her name right where your pinky was, almost as if she was trying to hide it. Amalia wrote her name in cursive just above your elbow, Grace signed her name with a heart at the end right next to Amalia’s, and Eva scrawled hers on top of your hand at the edge of your cast. 

You admired the girls’ masterpiece and showed it off to them. “What do you guys think?”

“It’s cool!” Amalia said, and the other girls added their agreements. “I’ve always wanted a cast!”

“Me too!” Grace chimed in. “Or crutches!” 

“I think it’ll definitely make me stand out,” you said as you sat on the floor and settled against one of the bunks for your girls’ daily Good Night Circle. 

“Maybe it’ll help you get a boyfriend!” Theo piped up, now wearing her big metal retainers.

“Or a girlfriend?” Evangeline pointed out very matter-of-factly.

The others were quick to jump on board. 

“Maybe one of the other counselors will see it and fall in love with you!”

“Do you want a boyfriend or a girlfriend?”

“We could help you!”

“Yeah! My dad says I’m a really good matchmaker!”

“You girls are silly!” you said, sighing in exasperation. “I think it’s time for bed.” 

There was less resistance than usual- maybe they were taking pity on you because you were broken- but there were still the typical whines and protests as you tucked them in. 

“Good night, sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite!” you said in a singsong voice as turned off the lights and climbed into your own bed. 

And you finally.... laid there staring at the ceiling. For hours. Despite being completely drained in every sense of the word, you couldn’t sleep. Your mind was racing and you couldn’t get comfortable with your arm bent at a weird angle. And were you remembering everything that had happened that day wrong- or had Tom actually helped you get undressed? And then get dressed? Had he really held your hand? Twice?

You wiggled your fingers as if the movement would replicate the feeling of his hand in yours, or give you an answer of some kind, but of course there was nothing. Just that same emptiness you felt in the pit of your stomach. 

Realistically, you knew all of those things really had happened, and even if you couldn’t remember the specifics, you remembered the little things. Like the pink tint that highlighted Tom’s cheeks when he edged the straps of your swimsuit down your shoulders, or the rough calluses that had tickled your palms when you held hands with him. They reminded you that it wasn’t all some weird dream... or nightmare, rather. 

You pushed your covers off, suddenly feeling very hot. You sat upright and took a few deep breaths to steady yourself, trying to force all the thoughts from your mind. Thinking about Tom in a positive manner was one of, if not the number one way your brain could betray you. Even barely brushing the subject had you breaking out into a cold sweat. The boy was really living rent free in your mind and not in a good way. 

Everything felt wrong, and not for the first time this summer you wished you could pour yourself a drink. Maybe it wouldn’t help with any of your problems, but it sure would take the edge off. 

Even though it was futile, you flopped back on your bed in the hope that sleep would have mercy on you and finally let you rest. You shut your eyes and tried a few of the meditation methods you’d learned from YouTube to make yourself sleepy, but even then you couldn’t shake the low buzz of anxiety that nudged at the back of your mind.

Fucking Tom Holland. 

If you weren’t going to get any sleep you might as well waste time on your phone. You unlocked it, fought the urge to google ‘can you pass out if you punch yourself hard enough,’ and opened Twitter instead. You didn’t need to show up to breakfast with a black eye and a broken arm tomorrow morning. 

Your eyelids were finally starting to feel heavy and the screen on your phone was getting dimmer and dimmer as you began to drift off when sudden knocking at your window startled you out of your half-asleep state. 

The first thought you had was that someone was trying to break in, but then you remembered that you were at a summer camp and there was literally nothing valuable in the cabin so you let yourself relax a little bit. 

When you squinted a bit, you recognized the figure on the other side of the glass and flicked them off with your casted hand, even though you were fairly sure they couldn’t see you sitting there in the dark. It was confirmed when they knocked again and you had to scramble to push open the window so they wouldn’t wake your campers- at this God-forsaken hour. 

“What the fuck do you want?”

this one was tricky to get figure out but lmk what you think i always appreciate feedback!!

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