#i had completely forgotten about the spiders living in the tunnels now instead of the worms

[several-ravens]

thank you tim for telling jonathan what i've been saying for a week

"shut up" and "fuck you" and that a bit of sympathy would have been nice and that he should have been fired weeks ago

but somehow it didn't feel right

[etheriadearie]

“Promise”

Why can't you just… Promise ?

Today's goal is an in-depth look at one of the most beautiful and breathtaking episodes of She-ra: "Promise"

Storywise, it's incredibly important to the series, and focuses entirely on Catradora. It's the first time since Adora left Catra behind to seek out the sword that the girls really have an opportunity to talk, and things are not going well. Both of them are royally pissed off at the other, with good reason.

For Adora, we're gonna deflate that proud hair poof of hers a bit, as we'll take an honest look at her as a person at this point in her life. And Catra... she's really guarding her feelings closely, as she's already deeply angry with Adora. But we will use the combination of Catra's younger self in the memories they see, plus looking at other times in the series that relate to this episode, where she was less guarded, in order to understand her as a person at this time. Also: warning: tl;dr, best enjoyed while cozy with a drink..

To get started, we skip to when they end up stuck together…

After Adora takes drastic measures to ward off the security spiders by collapsing the tunnel, the girls are now stuck together, and so… they talk...

We immediately see how incredibly irritated they are with each other as Adora chides Catra for being in the Crystal Castle, since the monsters will continue to attack them as long as she's protecting Catra… only to have Catra retort that she didn't ask for protection. Some snippy bickering back and forth happens, then...

Adora asks: "Does Shadow Weaver know you're here?" Very deadpan assertion from Adora. She knows Catra must be disobeying orders, she just doesn't know why.

"I'd say Shadow Weaver has bigger problems right now". Catra is already starting her move against SW back at the Horde. With SW abusively blocking her every move within the Horde, and now that Catra knows that SW was going to mind wipe Adora, Catra has decided she must deal with her abuser.

Adora puts on her telltale sideways grin, and Catra chafes at Adora's flirtation, saying "I told you it's not because I like you” downplaying Adora’s suggestion that this was the reason she let her go. Catra freely admits here that she does like Adora, but it's not the real reason she did it. Still, Catra doesn't explain further, and we see later that Catra often lets Adora explain away her actions this way... but that Adora constantly misses the deeper truths.

"Where are your new best friends? I thought you did everything together". She's very snarky and dismissive of Adora and her flirting. She's mad about Adora leaving her for her new life.

"The ones you let SW imprison and curse?" Adora is angry at Catra for what she did, which was a sudden escalation of things by Catra.

"Yeah obviously, what other friends would I be talking about?" An obvious dig at Adora for leaving her, everything behind. She deadpans this, staring back plainly. Catra is obviously really angry at Adora... while Adora is legitimately mad at Catra for doing something so nasty to Bow and Glimmer...

::Let's take a moment to talk about Catra's feelings about Adora's new friends: Catra feels horribly betrayed by this. Adora completely tossed her aside, and replaced her with Bow and Glimmer. What comes to mind is at the end of Sea Gate, Catra is thrown in the water and then looks up at Adora, who is celebrating and cuddling with Bow and Glimmer. Catra is emotionally forlorn watching this, as Scorpia comes to drag her off to safety, Adora doesn't even look back towards her.

She's forgotten, Adora showed no love towards her at all in that scene (and then hardly any at Princess Prom, either). Adora ignored her plea for her to return, she didn't reach out to Catra at all. And now she watches her cuddle with her new friends: everything Catra thought she had with Adora meant nothing, and she's been replaced with these feel goodie goods who are fawning all over Adora.

Suffice to say, Catra couldn't do this, she's got way too many issues with emotional intimacy and touch aversion. So she watches Adora, seeing that what she offered her wasn't good enough, knowing because of it she's forgotten. Catra was trying really hard to be a close friend to Adora in spite of her issues, but as we will see, Adora wasn't trying to understand what was going on with Catra. And because of this, Catra was too afraid to express her affection openly, and yet here's Adora... accepting all of Bow and Glimmer’s love, for which Adora really did nothing to earn. Adora took Catra’s friendship for granted while ignoring her deeper needs, as will be explained, then completely abandons her, not even seeming to miss her. Catra is deeply hurt by the unfairness of this.

>Catra stares back at Adora, frustrated when she doesn't even acknowledge their lost friendship.

"Well, we don't need to go together. You do your weird little magic quest thing I'll find my own way out". Catra looks resentfully at the sword on Adora's back as she says this. Catra is laying down boundaries, except it's useless since they are trapped together. But, boundaries are important to Catra and as the episode progresses, Adora shows that she doesn't really understand Catra's.

>As they walk along, both girls' shadows loom equally tall. The symbolism is that in this story, both are equally important... it's also a shockingly beautiful sequence. (pic above)

After entering the room of infinite darkness, Catra tries to separate from Adora but the door is gone, they are stuck together. Weird things start happening. As the Fright Zone appears, both of them are confused. Adora decides to suspect Catra, after all, she attacked her friends. But as Adora grabs Catra, Catra is surprised and confused... Catra doesn't like being touched unexpectedly, Adora knows this but is ignoring that and attacking her. She gets treated as an enemy when she clearly hasn't done anything wrong, and it sets the tone for the two of them: Adora has constantly treated Catra as an enemy since the very moment she defected, not even trying to understand Catra's point of view. And so Catra increasingly emotionally distances herself from Adora. Catra angrily casts Adora's arm aside, not liking being vilified by her, and Adora doesn't understand why Catra is so upset. Catra slips away to explore, needing space from her.

The way Adora immediately suspects and then attacks Catra is symbolic to the whole episode: by defecting to the Rebellion, Adora chose to start treating Catra, and her entire unit, as enemies, backing it up with hostility. But Catra doesn't really agree that the horde is evil... in her experience, it's just how life is.

>The two girls, now separated, call out to each other. Adora hears Catra's call, then another: young Catra is behind her, looking lost and insecure. Catra joins Adora as their first memory has just begun…

~DISCLAIMER TIME~ A lot of information in She-ra is inferred by emotional context, so if this seems a bit head-canon-y, I assure you, I have data! Please ask questions and seek clarifications, I promise to answer back! ~EtheriaDearie

>A worried and hurt young Catra runs to young Adora's side. She is emotional and needs support. Adora checks her out then gets the real deal: Catra was in a fight with an adult. It hints that Catra always had to deal with people messing with her, even before SW began her abuse. This is a guess, but it's probable: this is likely a happy memory of the two of them right before the hurting began. Along with the "promise" memory and the moments immediately preceding their entering the Black Garnet chamber, these scenes set the baseline for what their friendship was like before Catra suffered SW’s abuse. Also, this memory is a happy one, and how Adora remembers their friendship: it was likely triggered by her memories. The next ones are not, as I believe they are triggered by Catra, who is trying to explain to Adora what was so painful about their childhood...

>Catra doesn't know what to expect when she shows Octavia to Adora. She probably expects Adora to try to apologize on her behalf, or to give her a hard time about what she did. Instead, Adora sticks with her friend and yells “Hey Octavia, you're a dumbface." This brings young Catra much joy, Adora is sticking with her, not passing judgement. The two young girls run together hand in hand, experiencing childhood bliss, but it doesn't last. The present versions of themselves return, holding hands...

They share a brief moment of connection before Catra pulls her hand away in anger. Adora is surprised at the strength of Catra’s reaction. They are not on intimate terms any more, in fact, I suspect they had been struggling for a while before Adora's defection. Adora doesn't want the moment to stop, but Catra does. It hints that the gulf between them is already wide.

"How can you deal with all this magic stuff?" Catra has a deep distrust of magic, as it was used in her abuse. She resents it, and throughout the series whenever anything magic happens that she doesn't see coming she gets creeped out.

"I'm only dealing with it because I need to figure out how to heal Glimmer after someone got her cursed." It's a valid criticism, but Catra deflects it.

"What do you want? An apology? You're not getting one." We don't get the full story on this moment until season 5 when a young Catra tells Adora she'll "never say sorry to anybody, ever." Adora doesn't like Catra just refusing to explain, and as Catra pushes her away, Catra is full of reproach at Adora's judgement.

::As an abused child, Catra was continuously vilified and abused by everyone but Adora. And when Adora would suggest she apologize throughout their lives, she can't understand why Catra won't. It comes down to literally everyone in the world judging Catra and being cruel. Not once did any of them apologize to her, even though she didn't do anything to deserve the abuse. Except Adora... but that has issues, too. In fact, SW literally tells her "I won't apologize" regarding her abuse of Catra. Can you imagine the hurt at that?

[pic caption: Catra refuses to apologize, Catra often shows her deeper emotions while blinking, in this case: the incredible pain she experienced from SW’s abuse.]

So no, Catra won't apologize, she had a thing she was trying to do by kidnapping Bow and Glimmer and taking her sword, and it ended badly. But she felt she had a good reason to do it: she wanted to force Adora to see her, to make her acknowledge how big of a part of Adora’s life Catra used to be. And it's not like anyone has been helping Catra, she's had to make every single decision on her own her entire life and live with the consequences.

Also, mistakes for Catra have an entirely different meaning than they do for Adora. Whenever Adora made a mistake, she was given an opportunity to fix it. This is a theme of their relationship: Adora expects Catra to let her fix her mistakes. But for Catra, she learned that any mistake she made was dangerous, as when she did make a mistake, SW would torture her for it. And if other people saw it too, they'd use it to perpetuate the notion that she's some kind of no good fuck up. So Catra is extremely careful to not make mistakes, and if she does, she tries to cover it up, distance herself from it. (note: this isn't the same as Catra's intentional rebellions against this system where she was unfairly targeted for abuse-). This is why Catra simply cannot forgive Adora easily for breaking her promise: in Catra's world, she had to be perfect, or she could have been dead by SW's hand. She wasn't allowed to make mistakes like Adora is, she is what is clinically known as 'hyper vigilant' and always preparing for the worst. And so she applies this standard to be perfect all the time to Adora, and therefore she won't give Adora the same license to make mistakes with their friendship. Catra thinks Adora should know better, and see the consequences of her actions.

>Adora lets it go: when Catra seems to shut down, Adora does her best to try to accept her. Adora tries a different track. She asks Catra why she let her and Glimmer go when SW had them imprisoned, when it could have resulted in Catra getting in trouble. Catra walks ahead, trying to distance herself from having to answer. But the magic of the Crystal Castle intervenes: as Adora slips and begins to fall, Catra saves her. It's a symbolic moment: Catra has always tried to protect Adora, to save her from pain. It's why she changed course to give the sword back to her, partly.

"Did you really think I'd just let SW erase your memory like that?"

"I don't know. Probably." Adora shows such little understanding of their friendship. It shows Adora really is thinking of Catra as an enemy, not as the complicated person stuck between protecting her friend, and the cruel necessities of her life.

Catra looks at Adora with disappointment. "Yeah, well, you never did have too much faith in me." Adora tries to understand Catra's emotions, fails.

"Huh, can you blame me?" Ouch. Adora smiles at Catra, trying to show love for her roguish quirks. But it just shows how little Adora understands: she is repeating a negative stereotype of Catra that everyone in their old life believes and perpetuates. And Adora should know better, instead of just assuming the worst about her. That persona is one which Catra uses to protect herself, partly from her own emotional feelings, but also as a necessity to protect herself from SW. She had to act like she doesn't care, doesn't try, so SW wouldn't see her power.

"Psh, not really." As Catra turns away, again she deadpans this but you can see pain and disappointment leaking past her indifference.

As she walks away she trails her tail across Adora's hand, flirting and drawing Adora's attention to her butt. It's a cute little moment of telling a truth to counter the lie: 'Adora, you should know me better, and also, I like you.' Still, it's only a half truth: Catra couldn't let SW win because SW is Catra's true enemy. But, Adora takes the flirtatious hint, as always. She accepts it and doesn't dig deeper.

Catra asks Adora about their childhood, trying to understand how Adora could just throw it all away. Adora gives a very direct and impassioned speech, she looks Catra in the eyes, trying to convince her and make her understand why leaving was the right thing to do. Catra hides her emotions, weighing Adora's answer. She doesn't agree with her sentiment, in Catra's experience good and evil are relative and exist as such everywhere. Also, she's right: we meet many people in the Horde who aren't evil. And Adora's finding the sword is one giant sinister manipulation by Light Hope. Moral grayness is a constant theme in this show. Still, this isn't really why Catra chooses to stay with the Horde.

Adora sees her explanation failing to convince Catra, so she tries reminding Catra of their deeper friendship, telling her she misses her too. Catra is temporarily taken aback at being called out before remembering to deny it. She tells Adora to get over herself, and Adora tells her she won't stop until Catra says she likes her. They flirtatiously rough house, and Catra smiles during it: yeah, she does. But she denies it anyways.

::Adora often tries to be respectful of Catra's personal space but is making an exception here: she's telling her that she finds her desirable, and if Catra wanted it, they could be together. Adora can't understand why Catra feels the need to resist this, but she knows doing it helps her friend feel wanted. Still, this shows how casually Adora views their attraction.

Yes, they should be together. And actually, they had an unspoken agreement that they would be. But Catra's not going to open herself up to that just to serve her desire. She wants more from Adora, for Adora to show her that she really does see her, and cares about her. If she did, maybe Catra could open up about some of her pain. Being intimate without doing that would be impossible, and so far Catra's life still isn't safe enough to risk her feelings. Adora's promotion could have meant the beginning of something new between them, where they worked together to build a more secure future together where Catra didn't have to be fearful all the time. But instead, Adora left her.

So begins the second memory. The two girls, now teenagers, compete against each other in sparring. It's clear they are flirting, and neither is fighting all out. When Catra taunts Adora by putting her finger to her forehead, she shows how much better she is at fighting. She full heartedly laughs, Adora enjoys this and then throws a purposefully weak strike to restart the fight. When Adora seemingly turns the tables through brute force, Catra plays hurt to exploit Adora's naiveness. As Adora tries to show concern, Catra turns the tables back. She wants to teach Adora a lesson: that not everyone will play fair, as Catra knows all too well from SW's abuse. But Lonnie interrupts her. Catra doesn't appreciate this and makes quick work of Lonnie, showing just how good she is. Adora attacks, getting the predetermined win. Catra doesn't enjoy the beat down but accepts Adora's help up. She heads to Lonnie as Adora receives compliments from their commander.

As Catra confronts Lonnie, she tells Catra "you were playing dirty, I was just leveling the field". Catra will hear these words again when she leaves Adora behind in frustration near the end of the episode. They are significant: these are stereotypical views forced on Catra, and those views ignore that Catra was just doing something she felt was important: teaching Adora about the harsh realities that exist in the world. Real enemies don't play by the rules, and will be unpredictable.

As Catra’s anger rises at this, Adora puts her hand on Catra's shoulder to calm her down, then compliments Catra on her fighting skills. Catra ever so casually tosses the comforting hand aside. She's saying 'I can handle my emotions without your help, but thanks for asking.' As she tells Adora she let her win, Adora tries to tell if Catra really is ok.

Thus starts one of cutest exchanges between the two of them: as Catra tries to explain why she lets Adora win, Adora puts on her sideways 'you like me' grin while she playfully denies that Catra let her win. Catra gives a very animated and obviously made up explanation about not wanting to have people expect things from her. Adora grins along, and halfway through her lie Catra leans in, staring at Adora's lips before looking up into her eyes. Once again, Catra is undoing a lie by telling a truth: she let her win because she likes (loves) her. But it's only a half truth, once again...

Adora accepts the explanation, keeping her sideways grin: 'it's so cute how you like me'. Catra's explanation done, Adora moves on, wanting to catch up with their unit. Catra lets her do so while excusing herself. As Adora leaves, a huge amount of meaningful information passes across Catra's face…

First, Catra feels bad about having to lie to Adora, and it shows. Then, as Adora leaves to socialize, disappointment and rejection shows: Catra had hoped Adora might look deeper, and try to see the deeper truth. As Adora turns away and leaves we see a look of total love and adoration on Catra's face. She really, really loves Adora. She's the light of her life, a real idiot no doubt but Catra will always love her for exactly who she is.

The girls remain their younger selves as the rest of the memory plays out, Adora staying to accept praise while Catra separates to deal with her internal feelings which Adora always fails to see: the hurt and aloneness she feels.

>A frustrated young Catra cries, expressing her repressed emotions. It would be easiest to assume she cries because she's sad about losing, but we have to look ahead to the next memory to find the real truth.

Catra is sad because she never had a choice. SW took that choice from her, and while Catra is happy to let Adora win because of the love she feels for her, it hurts that she never really got to decide. And Adora doesn't see that, doesn't see the pain Catra is bearing, hiding. And so she cries for that, too. The one person who should love her doesn't really see her. As she looks up in the mirror to see herself, since no one else in her life seems to see her pain, she sees her present tearful self looking back. The pain of the past is real in the present, and while she's older now and won't let herself give in to tears, she feels the pain as she did back then. (pic 1, below) She sees the tears and it snaps her back to her present self, totally unnerved by the simulation as the security detects her and attacks. A fearful Catra screams, wanting help, wanting Adora.

>Adora snaps back to herself, having been participating in the replay of the memory post Catra excusing herself. She tries to run to help Catra, full of worry. She sees a terrified Catra trapped by the spider. As the spider begins to drag her away the two girls lock arms, trying to free Catra. But it's too strong, and as we see their grip start to slip, Catra looks to Adora wanting, pleading for help. As Catra is pulled away, Adora feels helpless, knowing she couldn't help her friend. She thumps her head in frustration that she wasn't there for Catra.

The scene speaks to an obvious truth: Adora has never quite been there enough for Catra. She's always less present, less aware of Catra's reality than she could have been. But since Catra was experiencing a painful memory when this happened, her reaction shows her vulnerable emotional state, and so she called out for help: Catra just wants to feel safe, for Adora to be there to help her. But she wasn't.

>As Catra is dragged away, she feels helpless, and calls out mournfully for Adora. But she's long gone; Catra is alone and scared, as usual. She screams out her frustration, the realization that she’s never gotten the help she needed, she always ends up alone. She cries tears for the suffering and anguish she feels from that. (pic 2, below) It’s a moment that shows us the real inner Catra: She feels deeply, whether it be her desire to be seen, loved by Adora, or the fear she feels in this moment and others. She tries her best to act confident in herself, but it's a lie: she needs support, yet is left behind by everyone, including Adora. She was willing to bear her pain for Adora's love, but she has become increasingly aware of how tenuous that really was growing up.

>Catra digs deep, like she's always done. She will handle this, won't take the abuse lying down. She shifts her mentality to being the survivor, the person who has survived years of abuse. She frees herself and gets to her feet, accessing her foe, determined to defeat it. She attacks, using her anger to deal damaging blows, seeking to destroy her enemy, to make sure she survives. She stands back, confident she's won, proud of herself for it. She doesn't quit, she always perseveres against those who want to destroy her. (pic 3)

Adora shows up, finishing the monster. Catra doesn't drop her mentality, this person who has lived a separate life from Adora and survived on her own, doing the hard things like winning fights and resisting Shadow Weaver's abuse.

Adora walks forward, seeing Catra's anger, determination. She looks blankly, trying not to upset Catra. She's trying to get a read on Catra but not having any luck, so she's being cautious. She asks if Catra is ok, casually pulling webbing off Catra's shoulder, trying to exist in her physical space without upsetting Catra further. "I had it" says Catra, not dropping her fighter stance, mentality at all. Catra is very much feeling the aloneness of her life from everyone, including Adora.

Adora tries to casually put aside Catra's assertion that she had it, she smiles diplomatically. She tries again to touch Catra, to break down her animosity and get her to calm down. It doesn't work. "We need to make sure we stick together from now on." As Adora touches Catra, she tenses, uncomfortable. Catra has strong touch aversion, and Adora knows this but she also knows doing it sometimes helps Catra shift her mentality, so she's trying to get Catra to connect emotionally, to get her to accept care.

"Will you stop telling me what to do?" An exasperated Catra says. We see a look of total dismay cross Adora's face. She's not understanding why Catra has so much animosity in this moment. (pic below)

As Adora looks at Catra, she hunches her body, looking misunderstood and isolated. Adora has consistently failed to see Catra's emotional states and so Catra is feeling more and more apart; that the mentality of the survivor she's feeling now is the right one. Adora didn't really help her at all growing up, and she doesn't see her for who she really is, either. Adora always took the easy explanation, like saying that Catra did things for her because she liked her. Never looking deeper, trying to see her struggle. And so Catra doesn't drop her combative pose, she stays in it because she feels in control, less vulnerable.

As for the words "stop telling me what to do", that's an essay in itself but consider: just now Adora became frustrated when she lost Catra, and now tells her they need to stay together. But they didn't, they never did, and even when they are together Adora is no real help to Catra. So she reacts in anger to Adora trying to direct her. After all, in the next scene we will see that Adora leads Catra into danger, and then doesn't really help her as she gets abused. Adora is no great leader, not according to Catra's experience.

::Adora is having a total loss, here, as she tries to understand Catra, why she's angry at her: It's because she has never really known this 'survivor' side of Catra. Adora wants to comfort her and calm her down, but Catra isn't having it. I think this is when we first see Adora begin to realize that there is something is very wrong with her friend that she has completely failed to see, and she's deeply worried by it. (pic 2)

[pic cation: Adora can't read Catra's emotions, Adora realizes Catra is deeply angry. Outside SW’s chamber, Adora wants to take Catra’s hand.]

Adora loves Catra, but can't seem to get through to her: Catra is holding herself apart from Adora. Again, Catra pushes Adora's hand aside, frustrated. She expresses her exasperation at the situation, saying she's sick of what's going on. Adora follows along, confused. As Catra seemingly purposefully leaves her behind, Adora demands to know what Catra's problem is, saying that she was trying to save her. Catra looks down at her confrontationally, frustrated with Adora's lack of vision. "For the last time, I don't need you to save me. I've been doing just fine on my own. No thanks to you." Uh oh.

The words "no thanks to you" are especially cutting. Adora has totally failed to see the struggles Catra had all her life, she didn't understand the hurt and abuse Catra was fighting against. And so Catra did it all on her own, protecting herself and trying to remain strong. Her love of Adora might have helped her have hope, but fundamentally Catra overcame the abuse by not giving up on herself, believing she had worth, and not letting others tear her down.

Adora runs to Catra's side, taking her arm in one hand. Feeling her friend becoming increasingly distant from her, Adora tries authentically telling Catra her feelings, hoping to make her friend see her desire to help and understand her. Adora explains that she's sorry for leaving and that she did it because she couldn't stand the war the Horde has pursued. Her next words are telling: "but I never wanted to leave you". 'Want' is an important word in this series, and it comes up again in season 5 when Catra asks Adora "what do you want, Adora?”. By choosing to leave the Horde, Catra feels that Adora wanted that more than she wanted what they had together. Also, promises are not something you're supposed to break over a 'want'. And Adora so casually breaking their promises makes Catra think she doesn't matter to Adora. It's not the truth, but this belief still determines her reaction in this moment. Even though Adora dearly loves Catra, including at this point in the story, she hasn't shown it in a way that Catra can see as meaningful. As Adora finishes saying this, Catra looks back, feeling alone and unwanted, seemingly thinking 'but you did leave me, Adora.'

Adora tries to appeal to Catra to join the rebellion with her. Then she says "I know you're not a bad person, Catra. You don't belong with the Horde." Catra must be thinking 'Ok so at what point did you become the authority on whether someone is good or bad, Adora?' Adora has shown no interest in understanding Catra's position, she treated her as an enemy without fail since she left her, literally in every single case including at Princess Prom when Catra was trying so hard to romance her. And Catra doesn't accept Adora's naive black and white view of the world. Think about it: when Adora defects she begins treating all Horde with hostility, including her dearest friend, she judges them all and doesn’t even try to see them as the complicated people that they are. So when she suggests Catra doesn't belong with the Horde, Catra looks back at her, feeling totally isolated from Adora. Even though Adora's plea is earnest, Catra declines it.

>As the next memory begins, we see Adora now has both hands on Catra's arm, she's desperately trying to hold on to her bond with Catra and show her desire to fix things between them. Catra doesn't drop her wary demeanor at all, and Adora looks lost and anxious over this as a young Catra runs by.

The memory starts out full of childhood innocence as the two of them play together. When the girls see that the Black Garnet chamber is open, young Adora remarks "we're definitely not allowed in there." Young Catra looks at Adora, seemingly asking if she wants to go in, trusting her. Young Adora runs off, and Catra follows her in. Yes, Catra participates in the decision, but she's not the one who runs towards the chamber, and that's important to what happens next.

A worried (adult) Adora looks to her friend who seems so distant, stoic. Anxiously, Adora tells Catra "You don't have to go in there." Adora knows what happens next is very bad, that this is a hurtful memory for Catra. As an unwavering Catra begins to walk towards the chamber, Adora looks down at Catra's hand. [pic above] She wants desperately to reach out and take it, to hold Catra back from this terrible moment, to tell her she's sorry for messing up. Adora knows now that she screwed up, that she's let Catra down, somehow more than she ever realized. She doesn't know what to do about it… she follows Catra inside.

The young girls explore, Catra touches the black garnet and gets shocked. Adora has second thoughts, she realizes they're trespassing.. but of course, SW returns, so they try to hide. As SW takes off the mask, Adora cries out, taken aback... young Catra looks at her in dismay. She's about to pay for Adora's mistake with a lifetime of suffering. Offended, SW tells them to "Get out!" but rethinks. She puts the mask back on, and decides to use this moment to instead abuse the girls and use the crime of their trespass against them. As SW tells Catra to stay, Adora turns around, seeing that Catra is caught, and she's scared for her friend. She really did make a poor decision, and as a highly empathetic person, what happens to Catra scars Adora, too.

Held powerless by magic, Catra tries to explain that they were just playing. SW's words to her set the stage for a lifetime of physical and psychological abuse: SW leans over her menacingly, telling her "Insolent child, I've come to expect such disgraceful behavior from you, but I will not allow you to drag Adora down as well." Again, it's not Catra who decided to go in, so it's really not her fault. SW disparages her and heaps blame upon her for Adora's bad choice, ignoring the truth.

Adora weakly tries to protect Catra, saying "SW, it wasn't her fault. It was my idea too." It's an understandable response, as they're just little kids. Still, Adora could have taken the blame for their trespass, since she led Catra inside. But it's about to get a lot more hurtful for Catra...

SW's voice echoes through Catra's head as she trembles in terror: "You have never been anything more than a nuisance to me. I've kept you around this long because Adora was fond of you but if you ever do anything to jeopardize her future, I will dispose of you myself. Do you understand ?" Catra trembles in fear, her eyes unfocused, the room empty but for SW menacing her. She's in a dissociative state, terrified and helpless. I think some people probably feel like this must have been a idle threat, but it isn't: SW abuses Catra many times after this for her mistakes. And the depiction of the dissociative state helps us understand just how damaging it was. While Adora seemingly goes on to not realize the importance of this memory, for Catra it is formative to her entire life.

Again, Adora tries weakly to stop what's happening, putting herself between them. She tells SW "please, stop" then looks over at Catra, full of concern. Running over to SW, she tells her "she didn't mean to". This is so hurtful, as young Catra is very smart. Catra knows Adora has blown it again, after all, what is it that she "didn't mean to" do when it was Adora's idea to trespass? Adora isn't getting the magnitude of the situation, and Catra is very much left to fend for herself.

SW then does a very insidious thing to Adora, a very directed abuse that's meant to work against her personality and empathetic reactions to others pain. She tells her "Adora, you must do a better job of keeping her under control. Do not let something like this happen again..." SW follows this up with years of manipulation to make Adora even more susceptible to abuse. But in this moment, SW again heaps the blame for Adora's mistake onto Catra, who did nothing wrong. For Catra, she comes to believe that what she did doesn't even matter, nobody cares what the truth was. Even Adora. But for Adora, the hurt goes deep as well. She made a bad decision, her friend gets hurt for it, and she never comes clean... instead, she's told she has to do a better job of controlling her friend, and that she has to be perfect so that it doesn't happen again. It's a deep and hurtful moment for Adora, just like it is for Catra. But the hurt is much less direct, and more sneaky. Nonetheless, Adora struggles with this moment, this abuse of her, in the most intimate and painful ways all throughout the series.

Young Catra watches on as SW completes her manipulation of Adora. For Catra, she's left with the feeling that nothing she does matters, she was blamed for something she didn't even do. And Adora seemingly took the easy out, spreading the blame. But she doesn't realize this moment is so insidious for Adora, that it attacks and manipulates her at her emotional need to help others. From this moment on, Adora is afflicted with a desperate fear that she can't protect others, and must lead perfectly so they don't get hurt. This internal conflict erodes Adora's self worth, and causes her great emotional pain throughout the series. Catra, instead, believes she is being told she has no worth, and isn't even allowed to make her own decisions. It's hurtful, and it's part of why she tensed so badly at Adora for trying to tell her what to do earlier. We see this realization cross young Catra's face: she feels forgotten in this moment.

We see the young girls walking away from SW's chamber, Adora with her hand around Catra's shoulder. This comfort is not enough... Catra really needed Adora to stand up for her there, to come clean, and she didn't. Trying to comfort her now seems hollow. As they flash to their present selves, Catra knocks Adora's arm aside in frustration, accusing her of needing to play the hero.

Adora responds, saying she was only trying to protect her. Catra's next words tell the real truth of their childhood: "You never protected me! Not in any way that would put you on SW's bad side!" Adora at first chafes at this statement, feeling like she did try to protect her, then crosses over to confusion at the strength of Catra's assertion. Catra is telling Adora she was blind to her pain. She wasn't there for her, and this is very much at the core of Catra's disappointment with Adora: the fact that she never stayed, never tried to understand. Adora let SW control her, make her ambitious, and so Catra was put to the side of that, and over time Adora grew apart from her. Catra’s exact words here are important: she says that Adora ‘plays’ at being the hero, yet always seemingly protected her status as the favorite, never standing up to SW and risking harm onto herself in order to save Catra from pain.

And so, the fact that out of seemingly out of nowhere, Adora decides to risk everything and defect in order to fight for people she doesn't even know, insults Catra. Adora abandons and consequently fights against her own people, leaving Catra behind, unilaterally treating her as an enemy. Never, in their whole lives, did Adora ever fight for Catra, only offering affection afterwards to make up for the cruelties that happened to Catra. So no, Catra doesn't want Adora to save her, or her sympathy, when she seemingly cared so little about her pain. Adora was no hero to her.

Now an obvious question might be: if the manipulation is that Adora is supposed to protect and control Catra, then shouldn't she have had to see SW abuse Catra for it to work? The first part of the answer is that it was never really about that, once the idea was put in Adora’s head, SW used it to manipulate her further into a mentality where Adora would accept praise, promotion on her path to becoming a force captain.

The other is that when someone is being hurt like Catra was in that moment... if the one person in the world who is supposed to get it doesn't get it... then it becomes very hard to ever bring it up to them again. It's a specific type of hurt and abandonment: for Catra, she goes on to believe that this is her burden, that somehow she alone is supposed to learn these hard lessons. And so she doesn't tell Adora about the abuse. Also, keep in mind that they are small children, and Catra doesn't want Adora to hurt like she does... so she's actually protecting her, in her mind. But the fact that time goes by and Adora never seemed to care, to stop and see Catra's pain, was very hurtful to her. And Catra’s feelings of betrayal at Adora’s not seeing the hurt are justified: in episode 1, we see Adora watch SW menace Catra, then happily run off to accept her promotion, only remembering to check on Catra as an afterthought. Catra needed Adora's support, and never really got it.

[pic caption: (left to right) Adora’s apparent willful ignorance of the abuse.]

So Catra believes she learns these hard lessons so Adora won't have to, but is left alone in her pain. This also means that SW specifically abused Catra at times and in places so Adora wouldn't be aware, which again, tells us it was never really about making Adora responsible for Catra's decisions. No, the reasons were much darker, and Catra bore it all alone.

The girls flash to their younger selves, and Catra accuses Adora: "Admit it, you love being her favorite." Catra is telling Adora that she was disappointed and hurt that Adora kept accepting praise and privilege from SW, after that moment when she so clearly should have seen how SW abused her, and the maliciousness of the death threat. In Catra’s mind, Adora could have rejected SW. As painful as it is for a small child to be without any parents, it would have been the right thing to do, for Catra. SW was no good to Catra, and they could have shared the pain of being orphans who only had each other, but instead Catra ended up bearing all of the abuse while Adora was given privilege.

Adora denies this assertion, and yet she did accept the privilege SW offered her. Catra's next words show how ignorant Adora was to the realities of their lives as they flash back to their present selves: "Oh yeah? When you left, who do you think took the fall for you? Who was protecting me then ?" Catra bore all the abuse and punishment for Adora's leaving, and Adora wasn't there to see it. Catra did this bravely for Adora, in fact, up until before Princesse Prom, Catra did everything she could to cover for Adora, just like she asked, protecting her, hoping she'd come back to her. But Adora shows no understanding at all for what Catra went through, she didn't even think about what must have been happening to her. Adora has never taken the time to think about how her actions affect Catra's life.

Adora counters, suggesting that Catra could leave the Horde, and therefore get away from SW's abuse. Catra just glares back at her, disappointed. Catra knows running from the abuse won't solve anything.

::What this comes down to is a totally different understanding of the world. For Adora, she thinks she became a hero for leaving the Horde, and becoming She-ra. She doesn't realize she was lucky to fall into the situation she did, with Bow and Glimmer helping her gain acceptance and protecting her. She's totally unaware that the reality that her becoming She-ra is a manipulation born out of evil intent. For Catra, she's always known that the world is harsh, and that bad people exist who will try to destroy you. She's not afraid to fight, she's had no choice learning these harsh truths. It's a jaded view that negatively affects her perceptions of people, but it prepares her for the worst, and so she relies on it. So when Adora suggests she run from it, she rejects her as naive. They flash back to their younger selves after Adora suggests Catra can leave like she did, and Catra accusingly points out that she doesn't need to follow Adora around. That they're children is relevant to the previous memory where Adora led Catra into danger, and then didn't protect her. Catra isn't interested in following Adora blindly after she's put her in danger so badly in the past.

Flashing back present selves, Catra tells Adora she doesn't want to leave. As she says this her face conveys her anger at the world, her drive to face SW instead of flee. She says "I'm not afraid of SW anymore, and I'm a better force captain than you ever would have been." Let's take this in parts: Catra won't run from her abuser, she's already planning to take her down. Doing so is important to Catra, as it fixes her world in an important way. And that Adora can't see this just shows how far apart they are now. In Catra's mind, Adora was supposed to stay, and as they rose to power together, they would have supplanted SW, fixing Catra's world. The two of them would have been stronger in the end. But Adora did leave, so Catra impatiently tries to get Adora to see that she won't just run away. If Adora doesn't want to help Catra overcome this evil, then she'll do it on her own.

Her disappointment in Adora for abandoning this fight is apparent, what comes to mind is when Catra calls Adora weak in the Sea Gate episode. And now Catra knows she's got the power to do this, she's a force captain, and if she can just find a reason to depose SW she knows she has the station and fighting ability to take her down. She always knew she could lead, but was happy to let Adora have success because she really didn't want that responsibility. So she points out her superiority, not to show that she's better than Adora, but to tell Adora she was blind to Catra's worth, and to be hurtful to Adora for abandoning her.

They flash back to their child selves: Adora looks at Catra, hurt and confused "You always said you didn't care about things like that." Adora is feeling hurt by the idea that she was unknowingly taking advantage of Catra, because Catra has seemily just told her she was lying.

Now, this next part is important, and it's important that we are seeing Catra's reaction as her child self: Catra looks sad and lonely as Adora finishes her question, and she's crying. Something adult Catra would never let herself do. So we're seeing a much more authentic expression of Catra's hurt and emotions than if it were her present self. What you need to understand here is that those emotions don't really match her words... Catra tells her "Well I was lying, obviously!" But her face says she's angry and hurt at Adora for not seeing her pain.

As she delivers those words her face is full of accusation and insult, she's being dramatic, something we will see Catra do time and time again. She stares down Adora, eyes scrunched up, showing Adora how betrayed she felt by her insensitivity. Then we get sadness, disappointment. Finally, we get a lonely kind of furious sorrow: all that time feeling alone and Adora didn't bother to understand is written on her face.

The tears are still flowing, but as she turns away they shift back to their present selves. Adult Catra looks totally alone, heartbroken.

Ok but how we REALLY know Catra isn't telling the truth is this: almost word for word, this moment exists in episode 1. ANY time you see that happen in this show, you need to look back to find the meaning of it.

>We will need to look in totality of this scene in episode 1: An excited Catra pounces on Adora, asking her what SW said. She sees the badge and takes it. Here's a funny thing, because we see Catra jump on Adora you might think Catra is always like this, she just comes into Adora's space as she pleases. But once Catra has the badge, we see no anger or jealousy. Just total wonder. She shows nothing but exuberation and happiness for Adora's promotion (pic 1, lower left fyi).

Catra knew this could be the turning point she's been waiting for, that Adora was due for promotion. And so she's jumping all over Adora, full of joy. We only see her attitude change once Adora tells her SW isn't letting her go on missions. And so, we can infer a lot of information from this...

Catra expected this moment to change their lives for the better. That Adora's rising in rank means freedom, the beginning of something new. Some many new things, in Catra's case. But Catra definitively shows us in this scene that she doesn't desire the success for herself. She only shows happiness for Adora, for them together, and she's ecstatic. (pic 1, fyi)

This, in Catra's mind, probably means the start of their romantic lives. If Adora is the force captain that brings them to victory, SW won't be able to just trample all over their lives. Catra can begin letting down some walls, maybe even let Adora pursue her romantically. If they're together, and Adora is on her side because of that, she becomes safe from her abuser. It's a much better outcome than trying to fight SW, but that's not how the story goes. No, Adora leaves her instead. How's that for emotional whiplash? All of these truths are laid bare in s3ep5, when we see Catra's perfect reality, when she and Adora are together romantically. Catra only wants to be safe and to be loved, but when Adora leaves her she loses trust in the goodness of Adora, and in people in general.

> Adora tells Catra she shouldn't be surprised she's been cut of of the mission because she's so rude to SW, to which Catra responds by calling Adora a people pleaser, then storming off in anger...

::Note, as this is important: Adora is taking SW’s side, and not Catra’s, which is entirely opposite of their early childhood memory of Octavia. It shows how Adora had started listening to the negative judgements others placed on Catra...

>Adora goes after Catra, finding her sulking on the roof. Catra is angry, betrayed by the world, at the injustice that SW is in her life. Adora asks "I didn't even think you wanted to be a force captain?" Catra tossed the badge at her, saying she doesn't. Then she folds her body up, holding herself. Adora sees this, but doesn't touch her. She's being careful to respect Catra's boundaries. But the anger Catra feels here isn't about being denied the chance to be a force captain, it's at all the hurt that SW has dealt her and continues to do so. And Adora doesn't see that, which disappoints Catra. But, she's unable to verbalize it herself, she is too insecure in her emotional vulnerability, so she lets it slide.

What we have here is two different instances of the same question with two different answers, but in both cases Catra is telling the truth. In episode 1, it's the truth that she doesn't care about being a force captain because of her love for Adora, and the promise, in her mind, that they will eventually be together. In episode 11, Catra then says she lied, and this now is also true: Catra did think about what she was going through, all the pain and sacrifices she made for Adora, which were done in the name of love. But Adora doesn't love her the way that Catra loves Adora, instead leaving her behind. And so now that Adora didn't ever see how excellent a person Catra actually was, how dedicated to her she is, and the pain she was willing to bear for her sake, it does matter. Because that's shitty of her, and so now Catra will survive on her own by her own excellence, her strength that Adora never stopped to see. So Catra is guilting Adora, trying to make her see how blind and unfeeling she is.

>Back to ep11: Catra tries to walk away from Adora, who desperately chases her, trying to understand why Catra is becoming so distant, wanting her to tell her what's wrong. She reaches out for Catra's shoulder in one last attempt to get Catra to talk, she knows touching Catra could maybe get her to be more open. But the truth is Adora has been far too easy on Catra, she needs to be more forceful if she wants Catra to talk, which she later comes to understand... she's been coddling Catra, and so Catra is allowed to wallow in her unhealthy mental states.

Catra takes Adora's hand, forcefully holding it away from her and delivering a hurtful line: "Why do you think I gave the sword back to you in the fright zone? I didn't WANT you to come back, Adora!" This hits Adora like a load of bricks, her dismay is evident. And it's all true, which is the sad part. Catra was already preparing to cut ties with Adora, as even by that point she had come to a realization, a decision: if Adora doesn't want to be with her, then she'll do it herself. She will do the hard things on her own.

She turns away from Adora, looking hurt and betrayed. And Adora is at a complete loss, she doesn't know this side of Catra, this part of her that has survived hardship all these years... she lets her leave, not knowing what to do.

Adora is then attacked by the security, which takes up her time. As that happens, we see memories only shown to Catra. Catra runs, emotionally overwhelmed as all the unfair judgements, the abuse, and hollow apologies ring out around her. All the years of frustration and sadness weigh on her, she tries to keep it together, lashing out at the holograms. She falls to her knees, fighting back emotion and trying not to cry, her inner, vulnerable self is near the surface, and she's trying not to break down in tears over all of the hurt she's had to bear...

… and then she hears soft crying...

She turns to see her younger, tiny self, crying. Then, a tiny Adora joins the tiny Catra. Unlike the other memories, Catra never flashes into her younger self, she just watches...

The tiny Adora pulls the blanket down, Catra hisses at her... Adora sits down next to her tenderly. And we finally get the promise, the two parts that Adora has so tragically broke...

Adora tells her "It doesn't matter what they do to us, you know? You look out for me, and I look out for you... nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other." The tiny Catra looks at Adora, wanting to trust her, to believe in her. As she says the question, present Catra echos it: "You promise ?" This was a sacred moment that gave Catra hope as a young orphan, that maybe she would be ok.

And so, the present Catra echoes it. Adora tells her she promises, as the skeptical present Catra looks on. Tiny Catra is still sad, insecure... she hugs Adora, needing this. Adora suggests they go back out to play... and we see tiny Catra look at her, still afraid, reluctant, wanting to stay. But she decides to trust Adora, and so they walk out, holding hands. Then something unique happens. Tiny Catra stops to look up at her present self: note, this is entirely a unique moment in the simulation, it never happened in reality... and yet Catra is given this moment...

The innocent child stares up Catra, making her see her. It's a look full of meaning, it doesn't carry any specific emotion... only innocence. Catra is having an inner child moment. That most deep and innocent part of her, her vulnerable self who feels love, is communicating with her. It's asking her to see it's vulnerability, and it's pain. Catra sees this, all of the pain Adora has caused her, the breaking of the promise, the promise that this innocent part of her was holding on to desperately with hope. She is forced to acknowledge Adora's disloyalty to her, her carelessness. Catra is reflecting on how she did her absolute best to keep that promise, even after Adora failed to look out for her in SW's chamber. Catra was so loyal and so good to Adora all of their lives; she made sure Adora had a good life, and she played by SW's rules so Adora could be the chosen one, wanting to protect her. All in the hope that they would be together, and that their love was real. But Adora couldn't even do that much, she left her. And Adora doesn't understand her, she doesn't even seem to miss her.

[pic 9: Broken Promises, Catra’s inner child, The Hero goes Her Own Way].

Present Catra watches her tiny self leave, coming to the tough realization: that she's never been able to trust Adora, not really. Her love isn't reciprocated, not by her standards.

…. which makes Adora a deeply unsafe person to Catra...

Catra survived SW's abuse, learning to believe in herself, protect herself because no one else would. All while keeping this hope of love in her heart, this vulnerable core of herself that has tenderness and loves Adora, and needs love back. But, her need for love goes to such a deep vulnerability that giving in to it and then again being rejected or forgotten by Adora would simply destroy her. SW held the threat of death over Catra’s head her entire life, and Catra resisted it, got through it by being tough and trusting in herself. So now she sees she can't trust Adora: everything that happened since she left her behind, the fact that Adora always treats her as an enemy, that she seems to show no lingering desire for her, and doesn't even seem to miss her while replacing her with new friends, seems to confirm her worst fears. Fears that have been building over the years, starting when Adora broke their promise in SW's chamber, and then as Adora pursued her success while accepting praise and privilege from SW, ignoring the abuse Catra bore because of it. She decides she can't trust Adora. Love is a lie, a weakness. A weakness that could destroy her last bit of individuality, and belief in the world.

And so, Catra, The Survivor, makes the decision... in her mind it's the brave one, just like way back when and she decided to bravely stand up to SW's abuse and not let it destroy her: she will stand up to the threat that is the weakness of her love for Adora. Adora is selfish, she doesn't deserve Catra's love. She was stupid to believe that love was even possible, for someone like her… who has always been ignored, and told she is unworthy of praise or even existence. There's only one thing left for her to do: she will be alone, strong on her own, for herself.

Her gaze hardens... that part of her that has made sure she survived SW's abuse, and made sure she won fights when she was threatened, is now the decider. It will protect her from her vulnerability, and reject Adora for her. I suppose you might be confused as to what I'm referring, or maybe not... If you haven't had to fight for your life, whether physically, mentally, or otherwise, you might not know this side of yourself well. But we all have it, it's The Survivor. And while I knew mine would protect me, I didn't accept it as my real self, I didn't accept its necessary but vicious deeds as my own. This is very much how Catra is, and as the series goes on she puts this survivor in charge of more and more decisions, we watch her deteriorate as this part of her gets out of control, protecting her from darkness with more darkness. All the while her vulnerable inner self suffers, watching the horrible deeds and becoming more and more alone, desperate for affection.

>Adora is outnumbered, eventually ending up hanging from the cliff's edge by spider webs. She hears Catra return, dealing with the spiders. Adora looks up, hopeful because Catra has returned...

Catra saunters in. Let me say a few things before we go through this part: Catra is about to say a lot of things that aren't really true. They are instead meant to be hurtful to Adora, Catra is being intentionally mean. We shouldn't take her exact words as her authentic beliefs, because they're not... no, Catra is doing what she believes she has to so she can be apart for Adora, and be safe from her. The truth is, Catra needs to be away from Adora. She's too scared of the vulnerability that is her love for Adora, because Adora hasn't shown her that she cares. And she can't do that by defecting, no, she must stay with the Horde. It's the only thing she feels there is left for her to do.

Now, let's go through this: and heads up: I'm getting at something very powerful that's going on here that you may not have realized. This speech is, in fact, a heroic moment. A heroic moment... for Catra. Not Adora, for Catra. And you just need to open your ears to hear it...

"Hey Adora."

🎶 is sad

"Catra! Help me, please!"

"This thing wouldn't work for me if I tried, would it? It only works for you... then again, you're special... that's what Shadow Weaver always said..."

🎶 is melancholy

"Catra, what are you doing??"

"Ah, ya know, it all makes sense now... you've always been the one holding me back... you wanted me to think I needed you, you wanted me to feel weak."

🎶 has even tone

"Every hero needs a sidekick, right?"

"Catra that's not how it was.."

🎶 rises, falls, sad (“Promise” begins playing)

*Catra chuckles* "The sad thing is I've spent all this time hoping you'd come back to the Horde... when really you leaving was the best thing that EVER happened to me..."

🎶 lowers, is dark, is dramatic. -Note: we see Catra seemingly become deranged as she says this line. This is Catra deceiving herself out of perceived necessity.

"I am so much stronger than anyone... ever... thought." *she cuts part of the web*

🎶 begins to rise, uplifting

"I wonder what I could have been if I'd gotten rid of you sooner." *she cuts the rest of the web, Adora falls, catching herself*

🎶 rises, is dramatic

"I'm sorry! I never meant to make you feel like you were second best. Please, don't do this."

🎶 is still rising, uplifting

*Catra stands proudly, nobly, looking at the sword. She looks down at Adora, then she casually tosses the sword past her...

🎶 is rising, hopeful, heroic.

"Bye Adora, I really am going to miss you..."

🎶 is heroic, violins now playing, adding depth

*Catra turns and walks away from Adora, proudly*

🎶 has risen to its height, crests, is heroic.

"Catra... Catra, no!!"

🎶 remains high, cresting, heroic

*Adora cries, sad, confused by Catra's leaving her...*

🎶 crests again, fades out...

Ok, so... let's talk about what just happened here. The undeniable conclusion is that this was meant to be a heroic moment, and a damn heroic moment... for Catra. The writers are telling us that Catra leaving is an important part of her hero’s journey, and that it was the right thing to do. You might be wondering, how can that be? The short answer is, Catra is on a hero’s journey unlike all the other hero’s journeys normally portrayed in fiction. All of it, even her darkest deeds, all her cruelty towards Adora, will be part of a very... important... and powerful... journey. One which will forge her into a hero in this series, in her own incredible right... how this is, what she is, is yet to be revealed... but make no mistake, she's a hero. Just not the one you expect…

We see Adora open her eyes, and see Light Hope. She tells Adora to let go. She means of her emotional attachments, as we find out. Adora cries for her lost Catra, that she couldn't bring her back to her. She lets go...

BIG ASSERTION TIME: Now, I know it's a common theory that these memories were all just an elaborate manipulation by Light Hope to divide the girls from each other, but I don't agree with that. No, I believe this was a memory journey guided by Catra, subconsciously, to help her tell Adora why she couldn't come with her, why she has to be apart.

Take for instance the memories and visions that Adora sees when she's on her way to the Heart of Etheria in season 5: this system exists apart from Light Hope, who dies at the end for season 4. This simulation comes from somewhere more primal: in my belief, it is the deep magic of Etheria being visualized through the First One's tech. We see the simulation show Catra the promise memory, something Adora isn't shown at all, and then allows her to see her inner child's hurt. Something deeper is going on here, and you should consider how strongly the magic of Etheria is resonating with Catra when it does. Because the magic of Etheria will again speak directly to Catra, this isn't the last time... In short, the magic helps the two of them to understand each other, because Catra is an important part of Adora's true She-ra journey.

I also believe that a theme of this series is that abusers, like L. Hope, are not perfect vindictive manipulators. They are flawed, and L. Hope in particular, I believe, is no genius: she fails time and time again. That L. Hope uses the moment to get Adora to let go is her using the moment to her advantage, she didn't play ultimate control over it. She just piggy backed on Catra's hurt to do it. So that last memory really was for Catra... Furthermore, I simply cannot believe L.Hope would understand the concept of the inner child… as she can't even understand sarcasm.

But now, because of this, Adora now knows of Catra's pain... and this is the beginning of Adora's long journey back to Catra, of her repairing their bond…

Let's address the obvious counterpoint: Adora now knows that Catra is hurt, but she doesn't yet understand why. And it's not really her fault, as Catra doesn't know how to talk about her feelings, among other things. But it's apparent that Adora doesn't remember these crucial memories as well as Catra does, even though they were critical in her development as well. Adora is a mess of emotions, just like Catra, and (if) she has ADHD, it might be one reason why she doesn't really get Catra. Especially if her parental figure has been manipulating it against her. Adora very much vibrates between stimuli anxiously, so SW might have made her forgetful by distraction over time. Also, the way in which Adora treats Catra as an enemy when she doesn't accept Adora’s (totally rushed, afterthought, and hollow) ultimatum that she defect with her, is a reflection of Adora's ingrained Horde war training… this is something she has to unlearn, as it is wrong. But Adora is a good person, she really, truely, is, because Adora never stops trying to make it better. And so, she slowly, but surely, comes to understand Catra’s trauma.

We get one last scene of Catra returning to the fright zone. We get to see Catra's truth here: She walks, as if she's not even there, she's deadened by the sorrow and the inevitability of what her life will now be: one of hard work, and zero joy. She will try her best to stand on her own, and put Adora out of her heart, slamming its doors shut against love. It doesn't work, but that's what she's trying to do, nonetheless. This is the beginning of a profound depression that builds over the next 3 seasons, and combined with new traumas, nearly takes her life.

But the tech Catra has brought back will end up giving her what she needs to face down and depose SW, just like she needed...

::Here is another complicated twist that's so essential to She-ra as a series: Catra, in fact, protects Adora by taking down SW. Catra may go on to command the Hordes forces so effectively that it pushes the Princess alliance harder than it's ever been pushed before, but her deposing SW is extremely important in the story. She both removes SW’s ability to attack Adora, and then denies her any sorcerous power by taking the Black Garnet from her, since SW needs an external source to draw power from in order to use her vampiric powers...

Ok so more theory time: it's a common belief that Catra stays with the Horde, and goes on to try to conquer the world out of some deep need to externally validate herself, and to prove she was the better child by beating Adora. I don't think any of these explanations are true. Catra may go on to play such a character on a surface level, but every time she professes to have any such ambitions, she is either in the presence of Adora, or under incredible stress. In the one case, she's saying those things to try to hurt Adora, and make her see how naive and foolish Adora always was, especially now that Adora thinks she can fight against her.

In the other case, it's actually her survivor mechanism trying to take over, to make her world safe. In every case where Catra says something about ambition, somewhere in that scene, Catra shows the distinct emotions of her true inner self: generally, these emotions are sorrow, fear, and loneliness. They don't exist on screen long, they are what is known as micro expressions. (See below for a short discussion of Catra’s micro expressions.)

To put it simply, the only reason Catra stays with the Horde is so she has somewhere she can be separate from her feelings and heartbreak over Adora, and then she climbs the ranks in order to find safety, first from SW, and then Hordak, once he threatens her life with his temper tantrums. That she fights against Adora is just a collateral consequence, she isn't out to get Adora, but nor does she care if Adora gets hurt, because she’s hurt her. Catra does fight against the princesses, though (including She-ra).

A core feature of Catra's character is indeed one of personal power. She's a person who is told to hurry up and die at an early age, but refused to do so. So her arc, her issue, isn't a cautionary tale about chasing validation, it's about her overcoming her fear of vulnerability and allowing herself to rely on others in a way that lets her be safe without needing to combat the darkness with more darkness. But vulnerability scares her because of the abuse she experienced.

As for validation, the only person she would want that from is Adora. This is because Catra believes in herself already: that she has a sacred right to exist, no matter what SW and others may tell her (note: Adora struggles with this, she's actually the one who seeks validation). But, she also needs love, and she is too fearful that Adora doesn't really love her and is afraid of being hurt by that. It's also why I think she's so chaotic towards Adora: her inner child tells her adult self to protect her from her love for Adora, which it tries to do, but that same child misses and needs Adora in so many ways. So she's trying to be mean to compensate for the incredible desire she feels towards Adora. I love it when Adora calls her a brat in season 5, it's such a well deserved line, mmhhmmm.

Actual discussions of how these particulars play out in the show are better left for another time, but there you have it.

Promise sidebar discussions: Catra’s micro expressions; Catra nearly dies at the Battle of Bright Moon

“White Out” microexpression discussion: [see pics below] This is the first time since the Battle of Bright Moon that Catra and Adora meet. So it's a good time to talk about Catra’s micro expressions. Picture 1: Adora says “Hey, Catra” out of the blue and Catra is completely blindsided, she figured she wouldn't be bothered out in the middle of nowhere. She's anxious and unhappy to be seeing Adora. Along with her suspicious absence the episode before in “Roll With It”, the answer is obvious: Catra has been avoiding Adora. She may have cut ties with her in “Promise”, nearly bested her at the Battle of BM, but she doesn't want to see her. She doesn't know what she feels about her.

Picture 2: Enraged monsters are decimating the base, and a battle breaks out over the corrupted disc. Catra is desperately trying to protect it, because she can control Adora if she has it... and she needs this chance to have her back. As Catra reaches to pick it up, she's facing away from everyone and so no one can see her desperation and sadness from missing Adora. (pic 2) Shortly after, we also see her clutch the disc desperately to her chest in a way that's very endearing, right before the monster attacks her and makes her drop it. Then, as she's about to die in its jaws because she doesn't want to give Adora up again, Scorpia breaks the disc and saves her life. We see in this episode as Catra completely loses track of her emotions, and now realizes she has to come to terms with the fact that she's so desperately sad from missing Adora, she was willing to die just for a chance to have her back.

Pic 3: Catra hates working for the Horde. She HATES it. She gets zero joy from the job, and she’s already figured out that Hordak will kill her if she screws up too badly. She didn't want this job, plain and simple, but now feels stuck with it. None of this is the life she wanted. Combining this knowledge against Catra’s declaration to Adora at the end of Promise, we know she's not happy that she had to go her own way...

Catra’s near death experience at the Battle of Bright Moon

At the Battle of Bright Moon, Catra leads Adora (She-ra) away. They battle, but then Catra retreats and instead starts listing out every single worst fear of failure she thinks Adora has. It's a dark moment, she's acting much like SW did to them as children, and we watch her manipulation take root in Adora. Finally, her words are too much, and as Catra looks down at Adora's (She-ra's) back, we see Adora become deranged, overcome with her fear of failing everyone... (pic1, above) she picks up a boulder and throws it directly at Catra. Catra is knocked flying, and only by the barest of margins does she keep from falling to her death. Adora nearly kills Catra. And so, as Adora drags Catra up from the cliff and slams her into the wall, we see a totally heartbroken and emotionally crushed Catra. In this moment, Catra believes all of her worst fears are confirmed: Adora only cares about being She-ra, so much so that Adora would kill her in the name of being that hero. Catra uses this moment, this belief, to justify her division from Adora. Sadly, she's wrong... she's ignoring the seriousness of the threat that the battle poses, and as Adora was facing away from her during that moment, she doesn't see the terror and desperation Adora experiences due to her cruel words…

Oh, and one more thing before we go: when Catra says “What, did you really think this was about you ?” SPOILER ALERT: It was. Because She-ra is one big Catradora story… and we love it.

As always, thanks for reading. <3

~EtheriaDearie

P.S. :: as I am new to tumblr, if you enjoyed reading this, please consider giving me a reblogg! Thanks!! 🙇💛

[cheliceraekisses]

The Arrangement

F/F - Drider/Reader - smut

When you have 36,000 kids with someone, you start to catch feelings. You had no one but yourself to blame.

TW: pregnancy, spiders, oviposition

I did a last check through my backpack, making sure I had everything I needed for a month away. Lots of video games, meds, laptop, seemed like I was ready. I zipped up the bag, threw it onto my shoulder, and trudged to the door, feeling significantly less excited than I should have been.

I first met Araniae around three years ago, at a bar I went to to forget about student loans. She was sweet, and gorgeous, and listened to me bitch about debt, and her deep, sultry voice had me soaking through my panties even before she kissed me. She told me she wanted to help solve both our problems, and that I was beautiful and perfect and her voice pulled me all the way back to her place and straight into her bed, and it was well after midnight when I sobered up enough to count how many eyes she had.

Eight beautifully dark eyes had stared at me, and I finally registered what she was. The fuzzy, red-brown body of a tarantula below her waist, towering over me on the bed. What I’d thought were her hands softly touching my face when we’d kissed turned out to be chelicerae, holding me in place while she stole my breath away. The upper half of her body was curvy and soft, heavy breasts resting in my hands, arms and belly dark with yet more fuzzy, prickly hair.

The morning after, lying naked, tangled together between sheets she’d spun herself, she told me her solution to our problems. She wanted children, and needed a warm, safe place to lay her eggs for several weeks. As she described it, she wanted to rent out my womb for a month or so, taking care of me the whole time, and in return she’d give me five thousand towards paying off my debts. I asked lots of questions, but I never even thought of saying no to her, and by the next week she had me stuffed full.

Our agreement had stood since, with her calling me over three or four times per year, always taking incredible care of me. After the first few awkward, painful times, we’d ironed out most of the bigger issues, and the experience was pure pleasure. She was incredible at sex, a wonderful cook, adorable and kind and always gentle with me. Between my life of underpaid freelance design work, living on my own in a tiny, cramped apartment, the months visiting Araniae became my light, the thing that kept me going. There was only one problem with the arrangement.

I was completely in love with her.

How could I not be? She treated me like a precious treasure, she kissed like she was starving and showered me in praise when we fucked. She worked as a chef at a fancy place downtown, and she spoiled me with food when I visited, trying out new recipes and making anything I requested. I’d paid my debts off almost a year ago, and I felt horrible accepting her money, but I couldn’t shake the fear that she didn’t want me the way I wanted her, that she wasn’t looking for a relationship and all her affection was just part of the agreement. That I had nothing to offer her.

The bus ride to her place was long, giving me plenty of time to dwell on my anxieties. I’d promised myself I’d tell her this time, just like I had the last two times. I’d even set aside the money she’d given me since paying the last of my debts, intending to return it as soon as I worked up the courage to tell her the truth. The truth that I didn’t want to leave when the month ended, that I wanted to stay and help raise her, no, our children.

I finally stepped up to her door, taking a moment to compose myself before knocking. The moment she opened the door I could tell she’d been cooking something, the smell making my mouth water. She threw her arms around me, pulling me against her apron, a silly novelty thing that read “Mega Silk” across her generous chest. She kissed me lightly on the nose, and pulled me inside.

As soon as the door closed, she kissed me again, properly this time, chelicerae hugging my cheeks. Almost before I could react, her hand was slipping past the waistband of my panties, groping at my butt. This was almost tradition by now, her feeling me up at her earliest convenience. One time she’d driven over to pick me up and spent the entire ride back with her hand between my thighs. Another, we’d met at her work and hadn’t even been out of the restaurant before she had her hands under my shirt.

Not that I ever minded getting caught up in her pace. I could only imagine what needing to lay must feel like. By the time I arrived her lust must have been driving her up the walls, it was no surprise she was so eager to go. I was more than happy to let her sweep me away, just using me to release all her pent up lust and eggs from the last few months.

She finally broke from the kiss, giving me a sweet smile and dragging me further inside. “Now, we’re having lobster fettuccini Alfredo for dinner, darling,” she said. She never bothered with introductions, instead launching into whatever plans she had for us.    “It’s almost done if you want to unpack your things?” She kissed me again, swirling our tongues together before giving me a push towards the living room.

I tossed my bag on the couch she kept for guests, taking a moment to walk by the enormous, empty terrarium. I’d never seen anything in it before, and I assumed it was where she put her eggs after I’d laid them, something like a cradle for her children to live in until they were old enough to leave the nest. She’d explained to me once before that the vast majority of the thousands of eggs she laid would grow into perfectly ordinary spiders, that in fact so far all her eggs had. Very, very rarely an egg would develop further, staying inside me and growing larger until it developed into a creature like her. She’d told me if I ever suddenly found myself pregnant again after I’d left her home I needed to call her immediately. Secretly, I always hoped I would, just so I could stay with her longer. Would our children look like me?

A light nip at my neck startled me back to awareness, arms slipping around me as she pressed herself to my back. The spot she’d bitten stung and turned hot, a sure sign she’d given me a little venom with her kiss. I smiled, leaning back into it and moaning, teasing, hoping to goad her into giving me more. No such luck sadly. She giggled, pulling away. “You’ll get plenty later, darling,” she whispered darkly, eliciting a second, far more genuine moan. Her venom always made my head swim and my body turn hot and pliant for her. The tiny little taste she’d given me wasn’t much, but it was enough to feel a spike of warmth shoot through me, coiling into my gut and making my panties wet with anticipation.

She pulled away, breaking the tension of the moment. “Dinner’s ready,” she said happily, tugging me towards the kitchen. “I’ll help you unpack later.” My cheeks reddened at the reminder that I’d spent so long thinking about children that I’d forgotten my bag entirely. Sheepishly, I let her lead me away.

Dinner was of course spectacular, rich and creamy and filling. It helped that she’d made massive portions, with plenty extra sitting on the stove. She always made sure I was well fed before we began, telling me I needed my energy to keep up with her. The first time I’d scoffed at her, laughing that my sex drive had never been beaten, and had ended up passing out before she was half done. My usual diet of instant ramen probably hadn’t helped. Since then she’d insisted, making sure I’d eaten at least one good meal before stuffing me with eggs.

She sat directly next to me at the table, getting handsy the whole time. It was soothing, seeing how comfortable and normal she was being. It was almost enough to make me forget my anxiety, settling into the routine we’d had for years now. At least, it was until she pulled me into a deep kiss and my heart jumped into my throat. I almost fell off my chair, heart hammering my eyes, eyes turning down to look away from the expression she must have been giving me.

“Darling, what’s wrong?” The concern in her voice nearly broke me on the spot, nearly spilling all my fears to her. No, no, I didn’t want to tell her like this, if nothing else I wanted it to be romantic, rather than sobbing on her carpet.

“I’m... Fine, don’t worry, please. Really. You just startled me is all.” It was a lie, it sounded like a lie, she had to know it was. I just prayed she wouldn’t ask.

“If you say so, darling,” she said with a smile that broke my heart. I had to tell her before I left. Just not... Right now. In a few days maybe, once we were settled in for the month.

I pulled myself back into my chair, managing to stomach a few more bites of the delicious pasta. Abandoning the bowl, I leaned against Araniae, letting my loose top fall off my shoulder, exposing my neck. I was afraid she might not take the bait, considering the circumstances, but she reacted almost immediately, pulling me closer, biting at my neck again. This time, the lance of heat that shot through my veins was much stronger, and I knew she’d given me the first of (hopefully) many venomous bites for the evening. Barely releasing my neck for a second, she pulled me into her, shifting her arms under me and picking me up in a bridal carry while she sucked on the tiny, reddening bruise she’d left. She stood up from where she’d been kneeling by the table, effortlessly lifting me, and carried me to the bedroom.

The bedroom was more like a nest. Thick sheets of web covered every wall and hung taut around the room, a miniature network of tunnels that she slept within. She carried me deep into the room, to where an enormous bed sat in a cavern of webs. Rather than place me on the bed, she gently laid me down on a suspended sheet of web.

By now the venom in my veins was making me hot, uncomfortably so, and I let out a needy whine as she pushed my shirt up, sinking her fangs into my breast. We’d learned quickly that my sensitive breasts were wonderful targets for her venom, the pulsing heat in my nipples burning so hot it nearly made me cum on the spot. It wouldn’t have been my first time cumming before she’d even gotten my clothes off. She kept teasing at my nipples with her tongue, dragging it out until I got impatient, pulling her apron off and groping at her.

“Eager, are we darling,” she said in a seductive whisper.

“Yes,” I whined back, not even having the energy to defend myself. I just wanted more of her venom, and for her to hurry up and fuck me so I could forget everything.

She kissed me again, biting my tongue with yet more venom, removing my pants with one hand as she did so. My groping turned into tugging, pulling her sweater off and finding nothing underneath. She grinned, stepping forward to stand over my hips.

Hey body was massive compared to mine, seven feet long, her legs and abdomen thick and fuzzy. She leaned her torso down, dangling her tits in my face, letting me suck at her nipples, quiet little moans from above spurring me on. I felt her pulling my arms above my head, deftly tucking them through the sheet above me and twisting, leaving my arms trapped. Goddess her confidence was hot, the way she knew exactly what she was doing and how to do it, immobilizing me without a single unnecessary motion. The ache between my legs got stronger, pussy soaking the web underneath me. I needed her to breed me, soon.

The first bump of her ovipositor against me was always intimidating. No matter how many times I’d taken it, it still shocked me when it came out, massive, nearly as thick as my arm and more than two feet long. Even knowing that I wouldn’t be taking the whole thing, I could hardly believe it fit. The knowledge that it would swell even wider when her eggs passed through had me bucking my hips, and if I could I would have been pulling myself onto her already

She seemed to notice me staring, whispering in my ear in her sultry voice. “Like what you see, darling? I hope you’re ready, my perfect little thing.”

She rubbed the tip against me, taking her time opening me up. She was so kind, always taking the time to make sure she didn’t hurt me any more than necessary, but today it just made me mad. Just fuck me already, just hurry up and slam inside me so I can forget everything. Don’t be so kind if you won’t be in love with me. I could feel tears welling up, threatening to fall, and I buried my face in her chest, not wanting her to see, afraid she’d stop to demand an explanation.

She sank her fangs into my neck as she entered me, giving me one last dose of venom for good measure. My body was on fire, and the ovipositor stretching my cunt barely hurt at all as she slid inside. I heard her hum happily as she began to shift her weight, pulling out nearly to the tip, only to drive back inside with a smooth thrust. I moaned, trying to throw my head back but mostly just succeeding at lolling to the side, tongue falling out as she picked up speed. Her fuzzy body tickled as it shifted above me, and I laughed, finally getting what I’d been craving.

Her humming stopped with a grunt, stilling for a moment. “You’re still so tight darling, even after years of this. Tell me, do you try to keep yourself so perfect for me?” she asked with a giggle.

Yes, I thought.

She smiled down at me. “Don’t fret darling, I’ll give you everything you need and more. Just lie there and enjoy, my beautiful little pet.”

The first few times we’d fucked, she’d let me ride her ovipositor for quite a while, worried I wouldn’t manage to cum once she started laying. We’d been entirely wrong though. This time, she was clearly impatient, only giving me a few minutes of preparation before her ovipositor pushed its way into my womb. I shuddered but, thanks to the venom, barely felt it. She stilled, shaking slightly, and before long I felt the first egg make its way down the shaft.

The egg felt thick, swelling the ovipositor up, and it took a moment to stretch me open, the pressure finally overwhelming my pussy and slipping inside. I gave a loud groan of pleasure as the walls of my cunt squeezed greedily around the egg. The egg, our egg, sliding inside me. As the first egg dropped into my womb, settling inside me, I felt Araniae’s arms wrap around me, her face dropping level with mine. Already I could feel the next egg coming, as she kissed my cheek and her lips came away wet.

“D-Darling,” she said, clearly struggling to get the words out as she laid her eggs. She’d never tried to talk seriously while laying before. Why was she still trying to talk? “Why are you crying, my sweet?”

Oh.

The concern on her face finally broke the dam, and I started sobbing, only pausing for a scream to rip its way out of my throat as the next few eggs pushed inside me. Quietly, she released my hands, pulling me forward so I was hugging her and softly petting my hair, waiting for me to speak.

“I... I... Gah.” Another egg, splitting me open, almost toppling me off the edge. “I love you,” I choked out. This was it then, the last eggs I’d ever take and I was ruining the experience like this. “I love you so much, and I don’t know how you feel about me. I don’t want to leave, I don’t just want to carry your eggs, I want to stay and help raise our children and I want you to get me properly pregnant like you said could happen. I’ve been hoping every time I went home that I’d suddenly have your child inside me and I could come back and stay with you but... Guh, I don’t know if you want that, I can’t tell if you like me or if you see me as a toy to fuck full of eggs or if you just think of this as a mutual arrangement. I don’t even have debts to pay anymore, but I don’t want you to leave me just because I don’t need you.” I was babbling, pathetically, my words barely making sense to me through the tears. Another egg, forcing it’s way inside me, leaving me moaning with pleasure. “I do need you, I love you. I know you get horny when you need to lay, and I’m convenient, but I-”

Two fingers pushing into my mouth cut me off. I looked up at her, confused, to see her tilting her head to the side, looking incredibly pleased with herself. “I get horny when I see you.” She did? “You want to know how I feel about you darling?” She paused, thrusting hard, dropping yet more eggs into me. My belly was starting to swell, visibly pregnant now. “You want me to breed you properly, get you knocked up for real?” Horny filth always sounded so classy coming out of her mouth, Her voice dark and slow and full of promise. I whimpered, sucking her fingers hard as another egg pressed me open.

“Then I suppose, my love,” she said. Her love. Me? “That I’ll just have to keep you here from now on. We can have you full of my eggs every month, until one of them takes. How does that sound, my pet? Our children will be beautiful,” she leaned down, whispering into my ear, and the sound of her voice promising everything I wanted tipped me right over the edge, cumming hard as yet more eggs squeezed into me. She groped at my tits, hands squeezing hard, plucking at my nipples, pushing my orgasm longer and longer. As I came down, her voice, whispering in my ear yet again.

“No more of this now, my love. We’ll have plenty of time to talk about how in love we are in the morning.” My heart soared, as her fangs sunk into my neck again, releasing yet more venom. The world swam out of focus, and my head lolled back as I lost myself in the pleasure and the heat, letting her sweep me up yet again.

We woke up, tangled in the handmade silk sheets of her bed, bodies close together. The first thing I noticed was my belly, swollen full like I was eight months pregnant, and I smiled blissfully at the sight, my favourite thing to wake up to. The next thing I noticed was a conspicuous ring on my finger that hadn’t been there the night before, black and patterned like silk. The third thing I noticed was Araniae, lying on the bed next to me, eyes open and watching my face. Seeing that I’m awake, she leans in close, kissing me deeply, chelicerae holding my cheeks tight. Finally, she seems to have had enough, leaning back.

“Do you like the ring my love?” She smiles, her expression adoring, her eyes already lusty again. “You had a lot to say last night, didn’t you?”

“Nah, nothing important,” I said with a smile, kissing her.

[anonniemousefics]

Wildfire

Originally posted on Ao3

Fandoms: Six of Crows/Crooked Kingdom | Kaz + Inej

Word count: 5,566

****Rating: NSFW (aged-up characters) -- It’s good and smutty.****

This belongs in The Trouble With Wanting series, best read after These Damn Crosswinds.

TW for mentions of PTSD, sexual trauma. And also a cliffhanger, but only kinda. The rest is on Ao3 if you really can’t wait. I’m just slow at migrating this stuff over.

Synopsis: The morning after a difficult first night in Kaz's bed brings a number of surprises, both good and terrible.

Inej Ghafa lived for the moments when she could see something entirely new. It was the sea captain in her, the song of her soul that called to new horizons.

So it was a salve to her aching soul that morning to wake up first, to look across the great expanse of white sheets on Kaz Brekker’s enormous new bed, and see him sleeping peacefully there. She’d never seen this side of him before, looking so boyish, lying on his stomach, one cheek smooshed into the pillow. His dark hair was mussed across his forehead, and he was so still, she resisted the urge to lay a hand on his back muscles to check on him. But she knew better than to startle him with a brush of bare skin in the morning.

Instead, she rolled onto her back, drawing in a deep breath into her heartsick chest while she stared up at the newly-vaulted ceilings of Kaz’s renovated Slat. Her head throbbed as if she was hungover. She wiped a hand over her sandy eyelashes, a first attempt to wipe away the debris of a freshly opened wound.

She’d fallen asleep on top of the blankets, fully clothed, like a crazy woman. She rather wished she hadn’t. The bed was irresistibly comfortable, as evidenced by Kaz’s rare deep slumber, and it was big enough that she had been able to sleep so far from his body warmth that she may as well have slept alone. She wished she hadn’t needed that, too.

She wished a lot of things. This was not how she’d wanted to spend her first night in Kaz’s bed.

No one else would have noticed how excited Kaz was to show her the changes to The Slat, but Inej could see it, no matter how hard he tried to play it cool. She saw it in the way he bit the inside of his lip to hold back his smile, saw the light in his coffee-black eyes, the crooked quirk in his dark eyebrows. Kaz Brekker was happy. Whatever he’d done to The Slat had brought back a little spring in his step.

He had a newspaper slung under one arm as he rattled the skeleton key in the door’s lock. She jabbed at it, raising an eyebrow at him.  

“Is your new spider really this bad?” she joked. “You’re having to buy papers like everyone else on the streets?”

She expected him to snark back, maybe tease her about spying for him again, but, instead, there was an almost imperceptible tension that arose. His jaw tightened. He swallowed a moment.

“Suspected firepox case was reported last night. It’s not right to send a spider out to confirm.” He said it as casually as if he was commenting on the weather, but Inej was already grabbing the paper from under his arm.

There was nothing the Kerch feared more than firepox. Highly contagious disease was the one thing their money couldn’t buy their way out of. And, of all rich Kerch men, Kaz had reason to fear it the most. No one else in Ketterdam knew its horrors like quite like Kaz.

Sure enough, the headlines plastering the Ketterdam Ledger above the fold were all about a single patient being quarantined in the capital’s hospital. Every word attempted to soothe rattled citizens that their mediks had the situation under control. There were no plans to sound the alarms yet.

And this is what she was gazing over when the sketch of a familiar face caught her eye and immediately froze her insides. They had stepped into The Slat, smelling of fresh wood floors and new paint, and somewhere in her, she knew she ought to have been looking it over, letting Kaz guide her through this grand unveiling, but now she was caught. She couldn’t look away from the horrible newsprint in front of her.

“Inej?” Kaz’s voice sounded like it was underwater. The perimeter of her vision grew fuzzy and grey, a tunnel surrounding the words on the page.

The headlines were calling the man the Butcher of the Barrel, and she would have known his face anywhere, even though Tante Heleen had never told her the names of her clients. The girls all grew quiet when he came to call, trying to press themselves into the darkness to avoid his gaze. He liked it when girls cried.

Now that seemed to be the least evil aspect of him.

Inej was looking over the names of the victims and didn’t feel her knees start to give out.

“Inej!” Kaz caught her by the forearms before she went down, holding her to his body. “Inej, what is it?”

She thrust a shaking arm at him, pushing the newspaper back into his hands. Sweat prickled across her forehead as she stepped back, her mind a whirl of suddenly vivid memories. She wrapped her arms around herself while Kaz looked over the headlines.  

“This one?” he asked, holding up the sketch. “This murderer the Stadwatch arrested?”  

Inej could only nod. She could smell the man’s foul scent even now, cheap ale and sausages and kitchen grease. She could feel his rough, thick hands against her bones, the ache of bruises he left behind. His slick, wet tongue in her ear, hissing the name Tante Heleen had given her. “Little Lynx. Are you going to cry, little Lynx?”  

Kaz was folding up the paper, tossing it to his desk. His eyes had darkened, his lips pursed tight.

“I can take care of this.” From the low gravel in his voice, Inej knew he understood. At least half of it.  

“Kaz.” Saints, was that her voice? She sounded like a small girl. “The murders he’s been charged with. The three girls.”

Kaz flicked a hard gaze her direction, already scheming.

“Lena. Nadya. Mayu. I knew them each, before they disappeared. They were all…” Why was her voice failing her so badly?

“The Menagerie,” Kaz said for her, and Inej nodded. Her chest felt tight, and she tried to draw in a breath.

“He picked his victims from The Menagerie, Kaz,” she choked. “I saw him there. He was--” She couldn’t say it. As much as she hated the memories, she hated even more for Kaz to remember what she had done there. Hot tears were coming fast now. “It could have been me. I could have--”

Kaz was rummaging through his desk drawer, dumping ammunition out across his desktop.

“Kaz.” She tried to make her voice sound stronger. “Kaz, stop.”  

“You know this has to be done,” Kaz rasped. He barely glanced up as he loaded his revolver.

She did know. Men like this paid for the best lawyers, bribed judges, negotiated light sentences. Men like this blamed girls, claimed self-defense or accidents or amnesia, any absurdity but their own evil. Men like this deserved to bleed.

“Kaz,” she still chided.  

“Do not ask me to be a better man to this filth,” Kaz snapped, sharply. “I am not, and I won’t. You should be giving me names--”  

“They never gave me their names.” Something new was rising in Inej as her head spun and her face burned. Something furious. And her voice rose. “And even if they did, these are my scores to settle. You have no right to their names. You have no right to rob me of my justice.”  

“They touched you.” Kaz’s face flushed a livid red, the sinew in his neck visible when he yelled. “They touched my--” But he stopped himself, mouth twitching. He planted his clenched fists on his desk as Inej glared at him, daring him to finish. “This is personal,” was all he said when he picked up his gun again.

This man. This infuriating man. One minute she loved him, the next minute she was ready to strangle him. How could he simultaneously be so clever and yet so stupid?

“It is not your score to settle,” Inej said, firmly, and then as he slipped the revolver in his pocket, she grew desperate. “If you leave tonight and deny me this, Kaz Brekker, I will never forgive you.”

Kaz’s glare was flint and steel when he froze, but she kept herself standing tall and firm. Finally, after what felt like ages inside a moment, he huffed a relinquishing sigh.

“What is it you want.” It didn’t come out as a question, and Inej felt raw from the entire exchange.

What did she want? She couldn’t say. Moments that had once felt long forgotten now crawled across her skin and licked at her ear. She felt small and helpless, a feeling she had worked for years to never feel again. She thought of the three girls, of Lena and Nadya and Mayu, and how they had cowered in fear of this butcher just as she had, how small and helpless they had been, too. How that was the last of this world they had known. She wanted to remember them differently. She wanted to rewrite their ending. She wanted moments they would all never have, moments killing this man tonight would never bring.  

And Kaz stood, waiting with his jaw tight, oblivious and belligerent, and Inej felt the tears sting her eyes. It took only a moment for Kaz to become the unfortunate lightning rod for the storm brewing inside of her.

“You have the emotional intelligence of a bearded goat,” she seethed at him, her voice trembling, and she swore in Suli and crawled into bed.

“Why a bearded goat?” Kaz was the first to break the silence of the early morning. The gentle burr of his voice was thick and rumbly from sleep. When Inej looked at him, feeling considerably more tender than the night before, he still hadn’t opened his eyes, his bare arms shoved under his pillow.

“They have dumb faces,” Inej said.

“Because of the beard?” Kaz lifted his dark eyebrows, his sleep-swollen eyes still shut.

“Mhmm.”

“Got it.”

She watched him stretch and roll onto his back, groaning as joints in his bad leg cracked and complained. To his credit, he had not tried to fight further the night before. She wouldn’t have had the energy to anyway. The onslaught of visceral memories from The Menagerie had overwhelmed her completely, and her eyes had leaked silent tears while she waited for sleep’s escape. She’d been vaguely aware that Kaz had lain next to her, but she’d wanted nothing from him. At some point, they had both fallen asleep.

“Thank you for staying,” Inej said, in the light of the dawn. Kaz scrubbed his hands over his face with a deep sigh. He was rolling out his bad ankle in slow, painful circles beneath the white sheets.

“You were right,” he rasped after a moment, looking over the pillows at her and Inej blinked in surprise. The bed was enormous; he suddenly seemed so far away.

“I want that in writing,” Inej said, narrowing her eyes, and Kaz quirked a tired smirk as he rolled over on his side to face her. Inej felt drawn to the warmth in his sleepy, coffee-black eyes, the paradox of the delicate lashes that framed them.

“The thought of what they did to you,” he said, his voice tight, “that anyone could do that to you – I just --” He pushed his hair off his forehead as he scrambled for words. Inej found herself staring at the swell of his bicep. “I know it’s your score to settle. I know it’s your battle to fight. But I hate myself for not seeing you sooner. For not sparing you this. I’ve tried for years to make it right--”

“There is nothing in this for you to make right,” Inej interrupted. “We were kids.” She rolled to her side to face him.

“I was perfectly capable of ripping out throats then,” Kaz countered. “I was too blinded by revenge to see what was happening to you.”

“Is there nothing on this earth you won’t blame yourself for? You are not responsible for their choices, Kaz, nor should you be held responsible for stopping them. You were fifteen--”

“I was old enough to see what you were light and magic and everything good in the world. I was old enough to fall in love with you.” His words caught her breath in her throat. He’d put down his armor before, but never quite like this. “I was old enough to avenge you, too.”

“Kaz…” she breathed, and stretched out a hand across the expanse of bed between them. His expression still weighed heavy as he entwined their fingers, looking over her dark hand in his pale one.

“Do you know what I thought the moment I first saw you?” he asked, venturing a glance in her direction. Inej shook her head as she tucked one arm under her pillow.

“I thought to myself, ‘This girl could have killed me just now,’” Kaz went on, without a trace of jest. “Animals that are caged go one of two ways. They either end up lying in a corner and hiding from everything, or they start to rage and lash out and bite and tear at any hand that gets near them. And I saw that rage in you, and I knew I couldn’t risk you falling to the Dime Lions. I knew I needed you on my side.”

“So, it wasn’t love at first sight, is what you’re telling me.” Inej raised a wary eyebrow.

“I’m telling you that what happened to those girls could never have happened to you,” Kaz said. “I told you that you were dangerous, and I have always meant it. I’m willing to bet the butcher knew it, too. That’s…that’s all I should have said last night.”

Inej ran her thumb over his scarred knuckles, looking over their laced fingers and the weight of memories they both held. There was a time when she would have rushed right out for first blood. But there was something more valuable, she was learning, in the space she took to grieve, to lay down her armor, to share the burden with the one who loved her. And he had proved, yet again, it was not too much to bear.

The time for blood would come. For now, all she wanted was Kaz.

“I sound like someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with,” she teased.

“Yes, well,” Kaz gave her that irresistible smirk, “I don’t claim to have the soundest judgment in that area.”

“And my house has far too much glass for me to be throwing stones,” Inej said with a wink, toying with his fingers in hers til he grinned.

“Come here and kiss me,” he begged.

“Say ‘please.’” She pressed back a smile.

“Inej, my darling,” Kaz began to edge closer to her, the covers sliding across his bare torso, “treasure of my heart, love of my life,” and he tucked one arm under her pillow, leaning next to her as she smiled up at him, “for gods’ sake, please kiss me already.”

And Inej took his face in her hands and pulled him down to her, a kiss wholly unlike any she’d felt yet. Perhaps it was the words he’d said that gave the kiss its sweetness. Or the sincerity in his dark eyes that give it its fire. Whatever was to blame, Inej found herself turning towards him to match his fervor, her body like a magnet pulled toward his. He ran one hand along her rib cage, and his fingertips brushed against her midriff as her top slid upward. Saints, those lockpick fingers. If the Saints had ever known the tenderness of a thief’s hands, they would never have declared them sinners.

She sighed against his mouth as Kaz ran gentle fingertips up her spine, beneath her shirt. From the crooked smirk she saw on his lips when she pulled back, she could tell he relished how she reacted, the cheeky bastard.

“Have I said I was sorry?” he murmured when their foreheads touched. His sly fingers were drawing lazy circles across her back, and each slow turn released achy tension she’d held inside of her since the moment she saw the butcher’s face in the paper.

“You have not,” she sighed, her eyes slipping closed.

A soft kiss against her forehead. Slow, steady circles across her shoulder blades.

“I am sorry,” he whispered. “Ghezen strike me dead if I ever rob you of your justice.”

“You don’t believe in Ghezen.”

“One of your Saints, then. Pick the baddest, meanest bloke. That one.”

“No.” Inej squirmed a little closer into his warmth, tucking her head into his neck.

“No?” She felt his voice rumble in his chest.

“No,” she repeated. “I like you too much to risk it.”

She could feel the smile on his cheek pressed against her hair, and she breathed in his scent, soap-clean and musky. Here, she was worlds away from the men who’d used her, the people who tried to destroy her. Her story would always contain their faces and their misdeeds. That was inescapable. But here, in Kaz’s hands, her story could take a new turn.

Here, physical intimacy was made of completely new sights, sensations, even scents. Here was her exception. Here it was different. Here she would always be safe.

She knew this deep in her bones, curled against him, his fingertips brushing against the smooth planes of her back. She could have stayed all day there. As it was, she lost track of how much time had passed. She simply closed her eyes and let him hold her.

But then, slowly, she felt his hand slide out of her shirt, linger at her hip for just a moment, before Kaz began to inch out from under her, toward the far-off edge of the bed. He must have thought she’d fallen asleep.

“Don’t go,” she said, reaching for his wrist.

“I have work, love,” and Kaz leaned over to kiss her lips once more. “You can come, too, if you want. Or stay. The bed’s for you as much as it is for me.”

But Inej wasn’t interested in taking no for an answer. They’d wasted their whole first evening in the newly renovated Slat because of some stupid newspaper. All she could see now was the boy who’d loved her for ages, the man she’d been counting down the days to hold again.

“You’re a Barrel boss. Show up when you want.” She tugged playfully at the loose waistband of his sleeping trousers, and added, as if her mouth suddenly had a mind of its own: “Work on me instead.”

Kaz’s dark eyebrows rose nearly to his hairline as she pulled again at his trousers, a teasing smirk on her kiss-swollen lips.

“Fucking hell, Inej,” he swore, but he wasn’t putting up much of a fight. She stifled a chuckle when she pushed herself upright. She took his face in one hand and pulled him down to her again. The unshaven stubble on his jawline was rough against her palm, but his mouth was as soft as her dreams of him at sea. He gave a relinquishing sigh against her lips as she moved her hands to his hair, raking her fingernails against his scalp. She could feel his body giving in, growing as careless as she was about the time, his hands sliding over her hip bones as she pulled him up against her body again.

And, for the first time, she wanted his body over hers, to feel engulfed against his solid muscles, to be his entirely. Her exception. Her haven. She ran her hands over his wide shoulders, down the slopes of his back muscles, and pulled his waist toward hers.

“Leg.” Kaz pulled back with a sharp wince and a grunt, as he tried to shift his body so his bad leg wouldn’t bear his weight.

“Sorry!” Inej was instantly apologetic. “Damn, this makes me the bearded goat now.”

Kaz huffed a strained laugh as he shifted between her legs, bracing himself with his arms over her while he tried to find a comfortable balance. And Inej found herself staring at the corded muscle in his arms, the tattoos on his forearm and bicep, the hard planes down his chest and torso, and she was seized with the need to know if the rest of him could feel as wonderful as his hands against the rest of her.

And while he was still adjusting his weight, she quickly, without much thought at all, crossed her arms in front of her, grabbed the hem of her shirt, and pulled it off over her head. The cotton sheets felt smooth and cool beneath her bare back.

Kaz froze, wide-eyed in surprise. That would never get old.

“Is this all right for your leg?” Inej asked beneath him.

“What?” Kaz looked mesmerized. “I don’t know, maybe, it’s fine.”

And Inej laughed as he eagerly lowered himself onto his elbows, and she thought she heard his breath catch when her breasts pressed against his bare chest. She let her hands explore the smooth skin across the breadth of his back while he buried his face in her neck, kissing her throat, her collarbone, nipping at her earlobe. His breath was warm against her ear, sending shivers dancing down her spine.

When he ran one hand over her rib cage, to softly cup underneath her breast, Inej gripped at his waist with her thighs, desperate only to feel closer to him. No one had ever felt like this against her, but then, she’d never wanted someone so completely. No one had ever taken so much time and care to unlock her secrets, to know what she craved.

“I love you,” she whispered. It leapt from her lips like it had been cut free.

When Kaz pulled back when he’d heard it, his dark hair had fallen in his eyes, his sharp cheekbones flushed. And he kissed her fiercely, cupping her cheek, parting her lips gently with his tongue.

“I love you,” he told her when they each took a breath, and Inej couldn’t help smiling while he kissed her again. “I always have. I always will.”

Inej’s heart was soaring, slamming against her rib cage, as she melted beneath his lips. She nipped at his bottom lip and let him flick his tongue against hers while his hands roamed freely across her body, her breasts, her waist, the underside of her thighs, like he couldn’t get enough, couldn’t decide where to land. And Inej’s breath grew ragged – how many nights at sea had she imagined having his hands on her like this? Desire spread like wildfire through her veins, pooling between her legs as she rolled her hips against his.

At the movement, he shot her a surprised glance, his breath shallow, his swollen lips parted. So, she did it again, a silent reassurance that she was with him, that she wasn’t vanishing. That she wanted. And when he moved to repeat her motion, a little stiff and awkward at first while he delicately tried to keep weight off his bad leg, she felt the hard press of his full erection against her center, rubbing just right against her, and she drew in a breath, welcoming the small rush of pleasure.

She slid her hands down to the hard muscle near the base of his spine, pressing him against her again, grinding up against his hardness so that he groaned in the back of his throat when his lips brushed her neck again.

A year ago, she’d only wished the ghosts of her pasts could be so efficiently exorcised. Now, the haunts of the previous night lived where they belonged – in the past. Now, there was only the man she loved, who loved her, and the all-encompassing longing that overtook her mind, her heart, her body. She wanted every inch of him, anything he could give her.

He was pushing himself up off her body, to put more weight against his hard cock as it rubbed against her folds through her trousers, and she slid her fingers down over his tense abdomen, hungry for more of him. She skimmed over his thin trail of jet-black hair that disappeared beneath the waistband of his trousers, before hooking her thumbs in the fabric and giving a little tug.

A question. A request. A silent plea.

Kaz stopped and looked over her face, panting even as he examined her expression.

“Are you sure?” His brow was furrowed. How many times had new territory only unleashed new demons? She both loved and regretted his careful consideration.

She bit her lip as she nodded. He had stoked the fire in her, and now it raged, desperate, unquenchable. It was worth the risk. And, as if to up the ante and force his hand, she slipped her fingers into her own trousers and began to slide them off.

“Let’s just try.” Her whisper was laced with lust.

“Try,” Kaz echoed. He pushed himself to one side of her as she removed her trousers, lying bare beside him. She watched the rise and fall of his chest as she did, taking in how nervous he was. Hoping she wasn’t pushing them too far.

But then again, they had survived every disappointment, every setback so far. This was who they were. They never stopped fighting.

And this was one battle she had never felt so desperate to fight.

“Is this all right?” she checked. She would always check.

This time, though, Kaz released a tense puff of air.

“You’re asking me?” His brows cinched together in disbelief. “You do remember you called me a bearded goat not even twelve bells ago?”

“And you called me an investment once, and yet, here we are.”

“I did not.”

“You absolutely did.”

“…shit. Inej, you have terrible taste in men.”

“Fine, then, I’ll put my clothes back on.”

“Counter offer,” Kaz interjected, desperately pulling her close to his body once more as she grinned, “I settle the debt. I make it up to you.”

“Interesting.” This ridiculous man. As if he had anything to make up to her. But she did enjoy his games. “I’ll hear your proposal, Brekker.”

Instead, he bent his head to kiss the base of her throat, to brush his lips over her sternum as her gently stroked one of her nipples with a thumb. Her face felt hot as she drew in a breath, and he glanced up with a mischievous smirk as he slowly shifted his body over hers again. And he began to trail slow, methodical kisses down her body: over her breasts, down to her navel, stroking her waist, her hips as he moved down back between her legs.

She found she was holding her breath in anticipation as he ran his long fingers through the spangle of soft curls over her cunt, his dark eyes always watching her, calculating and careful. He bent his head to gently kiss the soft, tender skin on the inside of her thighs, and she propped herself up on her elbows, in fascination. His kisses up her legs were as soft as a bird’s wing, barely there and yet all she could feel.

And then she gasped in spite of herself, her eyes fluttering, as he left a slow, hot kiss against her clit.

“A decent offer?” Kaz rasped, and stroked the inside of her folds with the back of one finger.

“Saints, Kaz,” was all she could breathe, abandoning all pretense of wit. Kaz just chuckled as he pressed his lips back into against her clit.

She sighed, dropping from her elbows, flopping into the pillows, as Kaz wrapped his arms under her hips, his hands at her waist. His tongue worked in slow, gentle strokes up the strip of her folds, and she’d never even dared to hope a man could make her feel so good.

His breath was hot against her cunt as he gently sucked at her soft, wet lips, and it made her fingers twist in the white sheets. Suli curses were brimming on her tongue, and she bit her lip, the swirl of sensation and warmth and desire spiraling up through her body. And fuck, he had learned her quickly. She could sense his attention fixated on her, sense it in the way he changed pace, changed pressure, ever so slightly, every time her breath caught, her body writhed, her voice betrayed her. If this was how he would settle their debts from now on, she’d let him borrow from her every goddamn day.

He was driving her to the brink, and she would fall willingly, hard and fast. Her toes were curling as his mouth moved quickly over her pussy, and he brought one hand from her waist, and just as she was praying his fingers would work her like they had in the bathroom at the Geldrenner, he was pushing in one finger and then two, caressing her ridges while his tongue stroked against her clit.

The curses she’d been holding back where no match for it. Her whole body was taut, barely containing the tension and the flames he fanned. Her back arched; she swore loud enough, she worried people on the streets below would hear. And soon after a wave of intense pleasure exploded from her core, rattling up her spine, sending her whole body quaking beneath his hands.

Her heart raced underneath her palm as she pressed a hand to her chest, trying to catch her breath. She hadn’t realized she’d broken a sweat. When she opened her eyes again, Kaz had worked his way back up beside her on the bed, with a smug look on his face.

“You bastard,” she panted, poking him in the chest.

“Excuse you,” he raised an eyebrow.

“I’m not sorry.” She heaved a deep, satisfied sigh. “If this is how you make up, I’m going to fight you every day.”

And Kaz gave a chuckle, leaning down to kiss her.

“Your turn,” she said when he sat back, and his grin grew wider as he fumbled with the drawstring on his waistband.

But then, the alarm bells began to sound.

The actual fucking alarm bells.

Inej was toying with his trousers, slipping her fingers beneath the fabric over his hip bones, when the peal of bells broke through the dawn air, echoing through the streets of Ketterdam. And she stopped, cocking her head to one side, as she looked up at Kaz.

“Is that--?” she started, but from the way the color drained from his face, she didn’t need to ask more.

Ketterdam had built these bells for one purpose, for the Kerch’s worst nightmare: the plague. The Dregs had used this to their advantage once before, a false epidemic to stage an escape. But this wasn’t fake.

Kaz had leapt from the bed to limp to the window as Inej began hurriedly pulling on her trousers. Now she was recalling the other headlines she’d forgotten from the night before, emblazoned over the top half of the Ketterdam Ledger.

Firepox.

The necrotic infection moved faster and killed quicker than any butcher that lurked these streets. Its body count was higher than any Barrel boss’. Kaz still fought the ghosts of its victims, all these years later.

Inej was pulling her shirt back over her head as Kaz leaned out the open window. Shouting and hurried footsteps over cobblestones echoed up from the streets. Mediks and Stadwatch were cordoning off every block, quarantining everyone in their homes.

“What are you doing?” Kaz had turned back to her as Inej laced up her boots, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“I have to get back to my ship,” she replied, “before they seal off the harbor.”

“It’s already too late.” There was something oddly hollow about Kaz’s voice. “The docks are the first thing they’ll close off. No one in, no one out.”

“I have to try,” Inej insisted. “My crew--”

“They will blow you out of the water before they allow a potentially infected ship out of these harbors,” Kaz snapped. “Don’t be a fool.”

“Then I have to make sure my crew is safe.”

“No one is safe, Inej. This isn’t some gang of thugs you can fight off--”

“Spare me your condescension; I know exactly what this is. That’s why I have to hurry.”

The legs of Kaz’s desk chair scraped against the floor as he sat down hard in it, wincing as he stretched out his bad leg. He closed his eyes tight as he gripped at his aching knee. She could only imagine how impossibly heavy this moment weighed on him, but she was a captain and she could not abandon her crew.

“Go.” His voice rasped hard like gravel. “Get as far away from here as you can.”

Inej crossed to him and reached out to hold his face, but he jerked his head away at the last moment.

“I love you,” she repeated, but he wouldn’t meet her gaze. “I will not be gone long. We will pick up where we left off.”

He hadn’t moved when she jumped up on the windowsill. She gave him one quick glance over her shoulder, knowing she would be back in only a few hours, before slipping out over the rooftops.

Read the conclusion here: Stars In The Darkness

[fandom-necromancer]

Let’s write together: Heart Reset

Chapter 2 - Data and Dragons

Featuring:

@sparklingrainbowdragon (‘s mom) with "Today, like every other day, the unicorns are running free." @rufina72 with “God damn, just move your- OW! Quit stomping on my feet already!”, “And here I thought it would be a disadvantage that you were so short, detective!”, “Our boys jumping/climbing out of a window” and “A very determined spider!” @aurea-b with “gargoyle” @sparklingrainbowdragon with “A dragon”

[Chapter1]

-

It had been early morning the next day that Jerry had send Nines more information. Apparently, their theory of their suspects meeting in the medieval part of the park had been correct. Jerry had reported several people arriving at the park, all of them masked but otherwise disregarding the cameras completely. Due to the park being abandoned, no one cared about them and Jerry kept them stationary. That was enough for Nines and Gavin to head out. If they wanted to prepare anything they had to do so now, not when everything was in place. They had informed Hank of their plan, who told them that backup would be ready and in place on their signal if they needed it.

Now they were walking through the trees on the edge of the areal until they got to the fence. Nines had taken a wire-cutter with him, although he didn’t need it in the end. The fence had been trampled to the ground and didn’t really pose as a barrier anymore. Nines left the tool behind a tree and followed Gavin onto the park grounds. They soon found one of the paths connecting different rides and shops. All buildings were designed to look like castles or village huts, and everything was heavily overgrown. Gavin kept him back as he was about to walk onto the path to look around for any sign of humans. ‘Hey, Nines, look over there.’ Nines followed his finger to discover a huge castle that for once actually looked to not be covered in mock-up stone. ‘If I knew one thing about Jayden, it is that he likes to be overly dramatic. Every chance to pretend to be a Rockstar he would take. I bet he would choose the biggest phcking building there is.’ ‘Well, it’s worth a shot. We have four more hours until the data is lost.’

They kept behind the buildings walking towards the castle that was at least four stories high. The next time they had to stop it was Nines who kept Gavin back. >Three persons at the crossroad, he displayed on his hand, pointing into the direction of them as soon as Gavin had read it and deactivated the screen. He listened intently to them talking, hoping to get some more intel. At the same time, he displayed what he heard for Gavin.

‘Why did he have to come so soon, I don’t understand. I mean… this place is creepy man.’ ‘Idiot, he is checking for traps. Ever since he fucked that Detective, he is paranoid as hell.’ ‘Doesn’t mean we have to be here, too.’ ‘You are getting paid for it, stop complaining.’ ‘Exactly. Easy money for patrolling an abandoned park. Besides who the hell knows of it anyway? Just a day spent outside going for a walk.’ ‘Still can’t wait until they are done in there.’

Gavin plucked at his sleeve grinning triumphantly. Okay, so maybe he had been right with the castle, it wasn’t as if Nines had been doubting him. He just shrugged and gestured him to follow. They snuck up to the entrance of the castle, a sign with flaking colour telling them this had been a haunted castle once stuffed with the newest robotic technologies. Nines looked up at it frowning, but in the end, they weren’t here for the attraction itself, but for the data Browns would sell here. Gavin pulled him to an employee’s entrance that led into the foyer. Apparently, the visitors had only been allowed inside in small groups at a time. Inside, Nines took over, leading Gavin through the hidden tunnels for the staff. There were enough hidden windows and maintenance doors that they could spy into the adjacent rooms in relative safety. They traversed nearly the complete first floor, until they got to the “throne room”. In sudden excitement, Gavin slapped his side, pulling him over to the one-way-mirror. ‘That’s the asshole’, Gavin hissed quietly, and Nines proceeded to scan him. Gavin was right. There was Jayden Browns, walking around the table, looking underneath it and inspecting the whole room.  Nines took the throne room in, comparing it to his blueprints. ‘Gavin, I need you to hide over there’, he whispered pointing to a little hidden hatch in the wall that would without a doubt be connected to some character appearing during the performance to scare the visitors. ‘Are you kidding me?’, Gavin hissed. ‘No way I will fit in there!’ Nines just smiled at him. ‘Oh, you will fit just fine, trust me.’ ‘Urgh, fine.’ ‘And here I thought it would be a disadvantage that you were so short, detective!’ ‘Phck you. Why there?’ ‘This room has two escape routes. One towards the entrance and one that leads to the rest of the tour. We need people at both sides to intercept him when surprising him.’ Gavin nodded. ‘Anything else?’ ‘Wait for my signal.’

He sighed, before turning and following the maintenance tunnel to the hatch. He pulled up the cover and was greeted with a small compartment housing what looked like it had once been a ghost puppet and a ton of spiderwebs. Gavin whined, hesitating to climb in there, but looking at his watch to see whether he had enough time to find a better spot he realised, it was nearly seven pm. He grimaced, before lowering himself inside and crawling over the puppet to the front. Thankfully, not one of the spiderwebs were still in use. At least Gavin told himself that. He crawled to the forefront of the compartment, laying his head on the floor to spy through the slit into the room behind it. He looked for Nines but couldn’t see the android anywhere. But he trusted that he saw him when the time was right. Now it was time to wait.

He had always hated waiting, but at least this time it wasn’t too long. Apparently whoever Jayden wanted to sell the data to surprised him. ‘You are early’, his voice suddenly broke the silence and Gavin flinched. God, he had forgotten how much he hated that guy. ‘Do you have the stick?’ ‘Right here. Do you have the money?’ ‘How do I know it works?’

Gavin tried to get a good look at the other man that spoke but found himself distracted by a movement at the corner of his eye. A spider, steadily crawling towards him. He blew the little creature further away from him, but as soon as it had regained its footing it crawled towards him again. Gavin focussed the two men talking again, side-eyeing the spider and pushing it back again and again. Shocked he found that he had gained some attention by sending a small dust cloud out under the hatch. He froze, watching how the shoes of the second man had turned towards him. But a moment later the man changed his stance as he disregarded it. Gavin sighed in relief, only to feel something crawling over his hand. He couldn’t explain his reaction properly except with the utterly idiotic instinct to get away from the tiny creature, screaming and wriggling himself out of that compartment without thinking about it.

That was how he found himself standing in the throne room being stared at by the two people, Jayden with his hand outstretched, a phone in hand for the other one to see. Reacting immediately, he pulled out his gun and shouted ‘DPD, freeze, the park is surrounded. Hands up where I can see them!’

But despite his quick call, they didn’t freeze at all, instead doing the exact opposite: They drew their guns, Jayden shouting for his men before shooting at him. He was ready to regret his fear of spiders dearly, but the bullet never reached him, Nines jumping in the path out of nowhere. The android saw the oncoming goons, the two guns ready for another shot and decided they wouldn’t be able to stop them alone. He took Gavin by the jacket and pulled him with him, only for the stubborn Detective to dive to the ground, where Jayden had let his phone fall. Nines allowed it, helping him back to his feet and sprinting towards the exit Gavin had been supposed to guard.

‘What was that supposed to be?’, Nines shouted as they left through it, running for their lives. ‘I’m sorry!’, Gavin gasped. ‘Phcking spiders!’ ‘Doesn’t matter now, run! I’ll call in Hank and his backup waiting outside.’ They ran up the stairs to the second floor and Nines was almost carrying Gavin the way he hauled him up to help catch up with his bigger steps. They ran past animatronic knights and witches, ghosts and undead kings, all hanging in their more or less intact machinery, until they reached a larger room that looked like some sort of medieval bedroom. Nines milled over their options, deciding quickly to pull open a large wardrobe and pushing first Gavin then himself inside, closing it just in time not to be seen by the goons storming inside. ‘God damn, just move your- OW! Quit stomping on my feet already!’, Gavin complained, before Nines could push his hand over his mouth. Because unfortunately, the men had decided to search the room instead of running past them.

‘What do we do know?’, Gavin asked and Nines just grinned. ‘This is a haunted castle. Let’s scare them a bit and cause a distraction. The android pulled off a panel on the back wall of the wardrobe and interfacing with the touchscreen behind it. Only a few seconds later music started playing tinny and distorted. Then a voice from a woman coming from the bed. It sounded like she was reading a bedtime story. ‘Today, like every other day, the unicorns are running free. But it wasn’t always like that-‘ ‘Oh, come on, skip to the good part’, Nines mumbled, followed by metallic screeching and what sounded like plastic being crushed. ‘Oops.’ ‘What did you do, Nines?’, Gavin asked slightly panicked. ‘I set the program to ten times the normal speed, but apparently it wasn’t made for that. We might get a bit more chaos than I wanted…’ ‘What do you mean by tha-‘ ‘Out, now!’

Nines pulled him outside just at the right moment. A second later and a large plastic gargoyle from the opposite window would have crushed them, being flung inside by a robotic arm that had never been supposed to withstand such momentum. The whole room was in chaos. The robot mother that had read the bedtime story was up in flames and screeching, the princess was shaking inside the bed, sitting up and falling back down repeatedly. The walls crumbled and rebuild themselves while a cacophony of at least three songs playing at once rung in their ears. As doors on the opposite side banged open for a dragon’s head to emerge and roar, Nines knew that they wouldn’t be able to continue this route. ‘Nines, you are right! This is too much chaos!’ At least the goons were distracted. Distracted by running down as fast as they could, as the fire from the robot mother began to spread. ‘Phck, Nines, where do we go?’ The android seemed lost himself, but caught himself, running to a window and leaning outside. Gavin, realising what Nines was thinking about, took a step back. ‘Oh no, Nines, not happening. You are insane! I’m not phcking jumping out of-’ But the android had taken him by the arm already, running full speed at the window and taking Gavin with him. They fell from the second floor and down towards a decorative moat. There was no bracing the impact, only the cold water suddenly encasing them. Gavin briefly panicked, as he tried to swim to the surface but having Nines still clinging to him and pulling him down. Thankfully it wasn’t that deep, and he quickly realised what Nines was planning, as they reached the bottom and the android near catapulted them out with one powerful kick. They emerged near the shore and climbed up the muddy hill to the trees again. They looked back up to the burning fake castle and Gavin pulled algae from his shoulder before swiping at his eyes.

‘Well, not how I expected the day to end, but not many can say they burned down an amusement park?’ He chuckled and Nines couldn’t help but smile at the sentiment. ‘Let’s just hope Hank caught our suspects.’

[>next chapter]

[lady-of-lies]

My friend Bilbo

A/N: so, here we have this week’s prompt!! the same day as the prompt dropped no less. When reading bear in mind that this is my first ever Bilbo fic so it’s not as much in character as I’d hoped, but I hope you enjoy it anyway! Oh! I almost forgot... This was a sort of request by the lovely @sdavid09 herself!

Prompt: "I can't prove anything, but I would have thought our friendship would have awarded me the courtesy of trust"

Word count: 1428 (WHAT!?)

Warnings: Bad descriptions of a mental breakdown but other than that, none

Bilbo Baggins x Platonic!reader

Air. You needed air. Breathing had become a luxury after you had finally been able to fall with a tree against your back as the only thing softening the blow. The rough wooden surface scratched on your back as you slowly slipped down to the cold hard ground. It felt like the trees came closing in on you and when your vision went blurry you gave up. This emotional outburst had been long overdue, and better now than later in the in the evening when you were sure to be surrounded by members of the company, some, if not all of them. Weak was certainly something you didn’t want to be seen as. You especially didn’t want your new found friend, master Bilbo Baggins, the company’s official burglar, to think you were something even remotely close to weak.

Day after day, night after night, you and Bilbo had stuck together, you had a lot in common after all. You were both fond of anything related to the art of the written word, comfort and heavenly baked goods. You also had a unified opinion regarding the transportation with which you were currently traveling, uncomfortable, foul-smelling and absolutely unnecessary. You had never really liked horses, you had never really not liked them either, you were just somewhere in between the two, but when it came down to long distance traveling you would have preferred something with a little bit more back support.

The memories of your and Bilbo’s earlier conversations flooded your mind in a steady stream, as soon as one memory ended another began, never giving your mind the peace and quiet it probably needed if you were to calm down anytime soon. At least the trees had seemingly come to a halt. Progress, you thought. Even though your breathing was ragged, laboured and uneven, your chest felt much lighter than it had before. Maybe the sensitive Ori was right. Sometimes you need to give your mind a rest from the constant pressure. Sometimes what you really needed were a good old fashioned cry. Let the mask slip off and just for a moment be free of all the mind’s burdens.

The Bilbo that you had met today had not been your Bilbo. He had been standoffish and rude, not at all the considerate and shy little hobbit you were used to. You knew there were people out there, people who wanted nothing more to have all the fortunes in the world, you had met some of those people before, but your Bilbo weren’t one of them. Yet, earlier today, that is exactly how he had come off. Like nothing mattered to him more than that stupid ring he had found in goblin town. When he came out of that tunnel he had changed, and not at all for the better.

You didn’t know for how long you had been sitting there, but the sun had disappeared beyond the horizon a while ago leaving you in the dark. It was probably for the better, you didn’t need a mirror to know that you looked like a mess right now and that wasn’t a sight you wished upon anyone. But maybe, just maybe, was it time to go back to camp. There was only one problem. Bilbo. You would rather live in an old spiders nest in the forests surrounding Mirkwood than seeing him again so soon. Even if he was your best friend you weren’t ready to forgive him just yet. 

It was foolish. You couldn’t even remember what had started the fight resulting with your fast departure in the first place. All you remembered were that he had hurt you. Not physically, of course, he was still way too kind for that to happen, no, he had hurt your feelings. All he seemed to care about was that stupid ring. Something had to be wrong with it if he refused to let it out of his site for more than a second, he didn’t even let me look at it, not once.

Friendship, like any other kind of relationship it is built on trust and compromises, and normally that wouldn’t have been a problem. What does one do when the person you consider your closest friend and ally continuously sends out messages that he doesn’t trust you? That’s right, you don’t do anything. If the person can’t trust you there’s nothing you can do about it, it lies within them and changing that would be a feat bigger than all of Middle earth Combined. 

On your way back to the company you allowed your thoughts to flow freely and your body to relax. You felt the wind dancing with your hair and the forest ground beneath your shoe clad feet twisting and turning with a little help from roots and stones that had been there for longer than any other being. If only trees could talk, you thought. Think of all the stories they could tell. But it was probably for the better that they weren’t able to, what if they unveiled the world’s biggest secrets? things meant to be long forgotten? 

Your train of thought came to an abrupt halt when you suddenly came eye to eye with a very anxious looking hobbit. His signature red velvet coat was coated with mud and god-knows-what after only a few months of traveling and his hair had grown. Actually, when you took a closer look, it was like he had tried to tear the hair off of his head. The light brown locks were a tangled mess. Like he hadn’t brushed his hair at all the past few days.

“There you are! I’ve worried about you”

How did he do that? switch between the old Bilbo, your Bilbo, and the new odd Bilbo? Standing before you now it was like nothing ever happened. No fight, and no ring. You stood in silence for a moment. What were you supposed to say? sorry, I just had a mental breakdown in the forest. No. Instead you opted for a more innocent approach. If he wanted to act like nothing was wrong then fine.

“No need to worry, my friend. I only needed a moment to myself”

It wasn’t a complete lie, you had needed a moment, he just didn’t need to know exactly why.

“Oh, that’s a relief, I thought it was something I’d said”

You know what? to hell with innocent approaches, if he didn’t see what he had become then he needed to know. You weren’t about to sit in a front row seat to watch your friend become something he with the outmost certainty was not.

“You seriously don’t know, do you”

His eyes widened at my sudden outburst. Poor Bilbo, he didn’t have a single clue, but I needed to speak my mind or I would be sure to lose my mind just like Thorin’s grandfather. The silence that followed my statement were deafening, the poor hobbit had started to twitch his ears too, a habit you had noticed only happens when he was unsure, scared or angry. Which of the three he was feeling now was plain as day, those big and glossy doe eyes spoke volumes. But one thing didn’t go unnoticed by you. His hand had instinctively reached into his right coat pocket. 

“Sorry… I didn’t mean to snap at you… It’s just… Well, I can't prove anything, but I would have thought our friendship would have awarded me the courtesy of your trust”

The conversation that came with that sentence were long, but no less needed. He had actually not had a single clue about his latest actions, or that he had hurt You, which he by the way apologized profusely for, and he would probably continue to do just that for as long as you knew each other. It was a smaller miracle that no one had come and interrupted you two in the middle of your talk, a welcome one but a miracle no less. You just hoped that it would stay that way. Not that you were ashamed of being found in a somewhat compromising position with the Hobbit, no, the others knew you were just friends. You just wished for this moment to last forever. You and Bilbo sitting together knee deep in the biggest and most comfortable hug you had ever received, as the sun started to climb its way onto the sky. Maybe he hadn’t changed after all. 

Permanent tag list:

@theincaprincess @deepestfirefun @indelwen-of-mirkwood @gaia-writes-stuff @sdavid09 @peter-pan-on-neverland @ek823 @naomiiiiiiiiiii04 @soradragon​ @themarauderstheoutsidersandpeggy​

[berjhawn]

Elastic Heart - Part 9 - Spiders

Warnings: Fighting, mentions of abuse, mentions of death, ETC

Pairings: Hobbit X OFC; Thranduil X OFC; Fili X OFC; LOTR X OFC

A/N: Since Tumblr is Broke you’ll have to go to my master-list to find all the other parts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning I awake and suddenly feel that I am not alone in my blankets. I look up to see that I had in fact once again fallen asleep on Fili’s shoulder, only this time my head had rolled into his lap. I smile up at his sleeping form and as I sit up I make sure not to wake him. Then I gently lay him down so he is more comfortable before I walk over to Thorin who is wide awake. 

“Is this seat taken?” I say as I reach him. He gently shakes his head and as I sit down beside him I say, “I owe you an apology. You’re not a selfish Dwarf. Well you are a dwarf but a good one.” He chuckles lightly as he says, “How did you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Go on after your father died.”

My heart clenches and I sigh as I say, “I haven’t really moved on. I don’t believe I ever will. After my mother passed he was all I had and when he-” I pause for a moment as I fight tears that threaten to fall before I continue, “When he died and all the other stuff happened to me, I lost my mind. I have been roaming the west hills for centuries avoiding the people who reminded me the most of him. I am a perfect example of what not to do.”

“I do not believe that. You mourned the only way you thought possible to ease your pain.” He says as his blue eyes find mine.

“I must be truthful, when I saw you lying unconscious on the group I saw my father and I couldn’t move. All I could do was stare at you; and when you got up I felt a feeling of relief that I have never felt before. Is that strange?”

He chuckles as he says, “Perhaps a little but it must mean that you see me as a father figure or that I remind you of him.”

I glance back out over our companions and suddenly realize that I had in fact did see many similarities between the two of them. “You’re right, my father had raven hair and blue eyes just like you do. He was also very prideful. In fact his pride ended up being his downfall.” I feel his hand gently squeeze mine before he stands and walking over to his company starts waking them up. “I hope it’s not yours.” I say so only I can hear.

When everyone is awake and sitting around the kitchen table I sit myself between Dwalin and Bofur. After a few minutes Bilbo joins us where our host Beorn pours milk from a pitcher into Fili’s cup. He is much taller than any human, even taller than Gandalf. “So you are the one they call Oakenshield. Tell me, why is Azog the Defiler hunting you?” Beorn says as he slowly walks behind the sitting dwarves.

“You know of Azog? How?” Thorin asks his curiosity peaked.

“My people were the first to live in the mountains, before the Orcs came down from the north. The Defiler killed most of my family, but some he enslaved. Not for work, you understand, but for sport. Caging skin-changers and torturing them seemed to amuse him.”

“There are others like you?” I hear Bilbo ask and my heart clenches.

“Once, there were many.”

“And now?”

“Now, there is only one.” The dwarves, Bilbo, and Gandalf look on in silence. I fight the urge to go to his side and comfort him. “You need to reach the mountain before the last days of autumn?"

“Before Durin’s Day falls, yes.” Gandalf says as he nods his head.

“You are running out of time.”

“Which is why we must go through Mirkwood.” As Gandalf says its name my heart plummits. I had completely forgotten about going there.

“A darkness lies upon that forest. Fell things creep beneath those trees. There is an alliance between the Orcs of Moria and the Necromancer in Dol Guldur. I would not venture there except in great need.”

“We will take the Elven Road. That path is still safe.”

“Safe? The Wood-Elves of Mirkwood are not like Randír or her kin. They’re less wise and more dangerous. But it matters not.”

“What do you mean?”

“These lands are crawling with Orcs. Their numbers are growing, and you are on foot. You will never reach the forest alive.” Thorin looks shocked. Beorn stands up from the table and faces Thorin. “I don’t like dwarves. They’re greedy and blind, blind to the lives of those they deem lesser than their own.” Beorn picks up a mouse that had been scampering on the table and holds it, all the while approaching Thorin, who is now standing with his arms crossed. “But Orcs I hate more. What do you need?”

The dwarves and Gandalf climb up onto the backs of Beorn’s ponies and I stare at them for a moment before climbing onto my own. As we ride away, Beorn, who is staying at his house, looks around for danger. “Go now, while you have the light. The hunters are not far behind.”

We ride rapidly across the land, slowing to a stop as we approach a looming, gloomy-looking forest. Gandalf dismounts and walks into the edge of the forest through an ancient archway. I stare at the forest and contemplate turning and running. 

“The Elven Gate.” Gandalf says causing my throat to clench tight. “Here lies our path through Mirkwood.” Gandalf says as he turns to us. 

“No sign of the Orcs. We have luck on our side.” Dwalin says as he dismounts. I follow Gandalf’s stare as he looks behind us. I see something in the distance; it is Beorn, in his bear-form, watching them from a distant ridge.

“Set the ponies loose. Let them return to their master.” Gandalf says and I find that I cannot release the reins. The dwarves and Bilbo dismount and begin taking their supplies off the ponies. Bilbo approaches the forest on foot and says, “This forest feels...sick, as if a disease lies upon it. Is there no way around?”

“Not unless we go two hundred miles north, or twice that distance south.” Gandalf replies and I find myself on the verge of a panic attack. Gandalf follows a path a few feet further into the shadows and approaches a plant-covered statue. The unladen ponies trot away; Nori is just about to finish unsaddling Gandalf’s horse when Gandalf emerges from the forest and says, “Not my horse! I need it.”

 As Gandalf strides forward, the Company looks up and murmurs in surprise. “You’re not leaving us?” Bilbo exclaims worriedly. 

“I would not do this unless I had to.” Gandalf says as he looks at Thorin before he turns and looks at a dejected Bilbo. “You’ve changed, Bilbo Baggins. You’re not the same Hobbit as the one who left the Shire.”

“I was going to tell you; I...found something in the Goblin tunnels.”

“Found what?” Gandalf leans forward curiously and suspiciously. “What did you find?”

Bilbo stays silent for several more seconds, then finally responds. “My courage.”

“Good. Well, that’s good. You’ll need it.” Gandalf says as he turns and begins walking toward his horse; he speaks as he passes Thorin. “I’ll be waiting for you at the overlook, before the slopes of Erebor. Keep the map and key safe. Do not enter that mountain without me. This is not the Greenwood of old. The very air of the forest is heavy with illusion. It will seek to enter your mind and lead you astray.”

Bilbo, turns to Dwalin as he says, “Lead us astray? What does that mean?” Gandalf gets on his horse. It begins raining lightly, even though the sun is out. “You must stay on the path; do not leave it. If you do, you will never find it again.”

“Gandalf wait!” I cry as I ride over to him and fighting my fear I say, “I can’t go in there.” 

He stares at me for a moment before he says, “You must stop letting your fear control you.” I start to argue but instead close my mouth and sigh. “Take charge of your destiny, conquer your fears and let your past finally be just that; your past.” I take a deep breath before climbing off of my pony and giving him a quickly pat on the neck let him go.

“Good,” Gandalf says as he wheels his horse and rides away. “No matter what may come, stay on the path!” He exclaims as he rides away causing us all to turn toward the forest. 

“Come on. We must reach the mountain before the sun sets on Durin’s Day.” Thorin says and I take a deep breath as I follow after him while Dwalin says, “Durin’s Day. Let’s go!”  

“This is our one chance to find the hidden door.” Thorin says as we enter Mirkwood. We are following the paved path that started at the Elven Gate. Thorin leads. At one point, the path turns a corner.

“The path goes this way.” Thorin says, and as we keep following the path through the forest, it twists and turns over all sorts of terrain such as bare ground, high ledges, fallen tree trunks, and more. The color palette used is very blue/gray, and gloomy. Dwalin thumps the handle of his hammer on the ground to find the paving stones of the trail.  “This way.” He says and we continue walking.

“Air. I need air.” Bofur says and I instantly feel the thickness press down upon me. This place used to be so beautiful but now all I wanted to do was run far, far, far away.  “My head, it’s spinning.” Oin says and I shake my head trying to clear the grogginess from it. We all suddenly run into each other as Nori, in front, stops abruptly. “What’s happening?” Oin says and Thorin quickly replies, “Keep moving. Nori, why have we stopped?”

“The path...it’s disappeared!” He exclaims and my heart drops. Gandalf gave us one rule and we broke it. 

Suddenly I feel a wave of sleepiness come over me and I yawn. I hear Thorin cry for us to find the path but I just shake my head as I fight the sleep that threatened to take me. We wander through the forest. The forest is beginning to affect us mentally, and we stagger about. The dwarves are all muttering and rambling as they wander about. I glance over to see Bilbo absentmindedly pluck a spider web; it vibrates, and the vibrations continue through the various linked spider webs and far off into the forest. 

Bilbo plucks the web again. We continue walking; suddenly my vision begins shifting and tilting. Suddenly the dwarves are bickering over a tobacco pouch and I hear Bilbo say, “The sun. We have to find the sun. Up there. We need to-”

I follow closely behind him as he climbs up one of the nearby trees. Our heads break through the tree-tops and into the air; suddenly, it is as if a spell has been broken, my head instantly clears. Closing my eyes I let out a sigh and when I open them again I see blue butterflies flying all around us; the setting sun reflecting of their fluttering wings. I smile brightly as I look around at all the beauty around us. Bilbo smiles as he turns to me and we both laugh.

We turn and suddenly see the Lonely Mountain just on the other side of the forest. “I- I can see a lake! And a river. And the Lonely Mountain. We’re almost there!” He yells out down to the dwarves but there is no reply. He glances up at me and I shake my head in confusion. “Can you hear me? I know which way to go! Hello?” Bilbo looks down, trying to see the dwarves. Suddenly I hear a thumping noise in the distance and look over toward where it is coming from.

In the distance, trees move haphazardly under the weight of something approaching. The movement is coming straight toward us and the dwarves. Worriedly, we climb down a bit and peer around. Bilbo steps forward, only to trip over a spider-web and fall several feet, bouncing painfully off branches, and yelling in pain and shock the entire time. 

“Bilbo!” I cry out as I reach out for him. He catches himself on a branch, then watches in horror as a web parts to reveal a massive spider. As the spider opens its fangs and hisses at him, Bilbo yells and falls again, landing on his back in an even bigger spider-web. He is stuck to it and is thus unable to resist as the spider wraps him up tightly.

I jump down and am suddenly numb stricken by the forest enchantment. I slip on a branch slipping down hitting branch after branch as I fall down. I hit the ground with a hard thump knocking the air from my lungs making me an easy target for a nearby spider who wraps me up in his web. All of the dwarves have also been captured by giant spiders; the spiders have hung them upside down from tree branches.

The spiders surround one wrapped dwarf; the dwarf kicks, but can’t do much when wrapped up so tightly. It’s Bombur. I try hard to reach for Ithildin when suddenly all but one disappears down the tree-side. One spider stays behind and prepares to eat a wrapped and squirming Bombur. The spider drops Bombur to the tree trunk and prepares to eat him. Suddenly the spider spins around and hisses, Bilbo appears and as he thrusts his sword directly into the spiders head says, “Here!”

Bilbo pulls out his sword and the spider, dead, crashes to the ground. Bilbo looks at his sword. “Sting. That’s a good name.” Bilbo looks toward where the dwarves and I are still wrapped and tied up. “Sting.” Bilbo uses Sting to cut down all the dwarves and myself. We land on the forest floor and proceed to rip off our wrappings, the dwarves curse and yell the entire time. 

“Where’s Bilbo?” Bofur calls out and we all look around as we call out his name.

“I’m up here!” He cries from a branch above use and then, a spider jumps at Bilbo from underneath the branch he was standing on, and it pins him underneath it. However, he manages to put his sword in front of him just in time, stabbing the spider through the belly. As the spider falls off the branch, Bilbo, entangled in its legs, falls with it.

By now we have freed ourselves and as we are trying to escape we become suddenly surrounded by the returning spiders. We fight against the spiders with our various weapons. Bombur is knocked to the floor by a spider, and it stands over him ready to bite. 

“Grab a leg!” One of the dwarves cries out and we each grab one of the spider’s legs. 

“Pull!” We pull at the spider’s legs, and we manage to pull its legs right off its body. The dismembered body of the spider lands on Bombur.

“Sorry Bombur,” I say as I hold my hand out to him. After I help Bombur to his feet we continue to fight the spider when suddenly one manages to grab Kili. 

“Kili!” Fili cries out and I instantly bring Ithildin down stabbing the spider in the head.

We defeat our spiders, and as we run through the forest, more spiders jump down on threads of silk in front of us and hiss. I raise Ithildin in preparation to fight, but suddenly feel something else coming. 

I turn toward the direction I had sensed something coming from to see a blonde Elf run through the treetops, then swing down a spider’s silk in order to land on it and kill it. He slides on the forest floor under the spider facing Thorin, slicing it in half, and comes up kneeling with an arrow cocked in his bow pointed at Thorin. Several other Mirkwood elves appear, drawing arrows and pointing them at the dwarves and myself.

Will Continue - 

[badgersinthesky]

M&M’s Recipe of Doom

This, was absurd. 

Completely, totally, and irrevocably absurd. This, was probably the most terrible idea in the history of terrible ideas, and she had no one to blame but herself. And three seventh year boys that had worshiped her oldest sister up until last year, but that was besides the point. THE POINT BEING, she was not one to back down from a dare. Ever. Even if it did take her to one of the creepiest places she had ever been to in all of her days, her being swallowed up by complete and utter darkness, save for the light coming from the trembling wand in her hand, the brightly glowing tip casting eerie shadows in a small circle around her. She was not by any means a prideful person, but the name they had called her stung worse than the cold of the earthy, root-infested tunnel. Coward. She was not, by any means, a coward. A chicken, yes. But not a coward. At this thought the second year narrowed her eyes and squared her shoulders, the grip on her wand tightening in determination. “I’ll show those trolls what’s what. Susan Hawthorne is not a coward. Now, what was it they had said?” She tapped her foot on the ground, concentrating on the directions they had given her and trying to ignore the creepy shapes the shadows were making. “Follow the tunnel until it starts to widen, and then I’ll be there.” She gulped deeply and took a steadying breath, letting it out as she cautiously walked onward. “Right, time to live up to Willow’s reputation and make her proud! If I don’t get eaten first….”

Why did it have to be this time of the year? Why so randomly? What was that about the human silhouette? Why was his stomach growling so bad? Huldric inhaled slowly, thoroughly, filling up his lungs with stale air up to the point where they started to hurt. Even in the poor light of the wand he could see the little particles of dust, mold and minuscule parts of Merlin-knew what else was in the tunnel, their snuffed sparkles seemingly suspended in the tight space in front of him. He exhaled all at once and almost choked on the humid, earthy taste that filled his mouth. A deep grimace and a few moments of gagging later he was already shuffling his feet deeper into the gaping hole in front of him, all the while muttering curses under his breath. Knowing that there was no one to cover his back, the Gryffindor was starting to feel anxious, which ironically annoyed him as much as it gave him a rush of excitement. He hadn't been by himself working on a case for such a long time that he had forgotten what it was like: the budding fear that was only natural given the circumstances, the constant feeling that there was always a pair of eyes watching from some dark corner, the thrill of the discovery and the hunt. And the humming - that was something he had missed dearly. Whenever he had been on a job with the crew their own auras distorted and disrupted that glorious, subdued sound. Now, alone and surrounded from all sides by the traces of magic, he was able to perceive it as clearly as a vivid echo: catching onto shadows of murmurs as it purred and whizzed with his every step and every breath. Now if only his stomach would stop its tirade. He was sure the investigation wasn't going to take long anyway - the place had the reputation of being haunted, but the family archives clearly stated it was only a myth perpetuated by the previous Headmaster to hide Remus Lupin's true nature. The archives also summarized the story of the werewolf, as heard from the Potter family. So there was no doubt regarding that. However, since the new rumors had started to spread, Hulderic had found himself thinking more and more that there was something that was either missing from the story or had been overlooked. The answer to that question was simple enough, it turned out. The death of another great figure of the Second War, Severus Snape, had happened in the Shack. Was it possible that he had remained behind as a ghost and was now acting up? It made no sense - he had been a hero of the war, long-time Potions Master and temporary Headmaster at Hogwarts. Why would he want to haunt an empty, abandoned, crumbling down house? While the man's reputation for avoiding human nuisances was as legendary as his role in aiding the Order against the Dark Lord it was highly impractical to stay behind just to hide. "Well, whatever might come I'm ready for it," Hulderic sighed while patting the heavy, slightly deformed bag he was carrying with his free hand as if to assure himself. Indeed he had a little bit of everything that was needed for basic investigations in there. Armed with that, his wits and knowledge, he was certain this first visit to the Shack was also going to be the last, as long as he wasn't going to meet with any daredevil student inside. He sneezed. It really was cold and sticky down there. He was going to definitely catch a cold if he hung around much longer. He'd be stupid to think other students would know about the tunnel underneath the Whomping Willow, nevermind how to enter it or where it lead. He was privileged to have all the society's resources at his disposal, and even with all the information the society had gathered the details on everything related to the abandoned building were pretty scarce. A few facts here and there alongside the rumors tied to the name. Smirking, the Gryffindor continued to walk forward. Those rumors were enough to scare even the ghosts at Hogwarts from investigating. Surely no one was stupid enough to do it themselves. A voice echoed from somewhere in front of him. Wordlessly he turned off the wand's light and shifted his weight as to make as little noise as possible, then slowly started creeping along the corridor, eyes closed to channel his focus on his hearing and fingers gripping the wand tightly. It sounded like a girl.

After several moments of incessant muttering, tripping, and swearing vehemently to herself Susan came to a halt. She cocked her head to one side and listened intently, holding her breath as her brow narrowed in concentration. The second year could have sworn that she had heard faint footsteps. However, that was impossible. No one was stupid enough to come down here. Present company excluded. With that thought she finally allowed her lungs the air they were screaming for and shrugged her shoulders, decided she was hearing the echoes of her own padding feet. Echoes that were far behind her and slightly heavier than her own that bounced around her. In an eerie frequency that did not quite match up to her own walking pattern. But, those were only minor details. She was the only living human down there. Totally. As her brain continued to run wild, much to her chagrin, the hairs on the back of her neck began to stand-on-end. She was the only living thing down here. Living. She was the only living thing down here. A shiver ran down her spine and she stumbled over an exposed root, causing her body to erupt into survival mode as she tried to prevent herself from careening into the cold, crumbling, dirt wall of the tunnel. However, survival turned into panic as she plummeted through a spiderweb. “No no no no no, get it off, get it off, get it off!!!” she danced and squirmed around the small space in disgust, the light emitting from the end of her wand bouncing wildly about her. “There’s a spider on me, oh good gravy there’s a spider on me! It’s gonna eat me get it off GET IT OFF GET IT OFF I’M GONNA DIE!” She’d have put a ninja to shame. 

Hulderic's eyes snapped open and he once again felt the pressing weight of the darkness, as if the tons of earth on top were all pushing down on the tunnel, intent on squeezing the air out. He'd have loved to stand his ground and get some grip on himself and his perception of the environment but the screams were really starting to sound like a banshee's by then. Wand at the ready in one hand and the other reaching for a small bottle in his bag, he started striding forward with the valiant determination of one who was more afraid of what the screams could disturb rather than what was going on with the girl - from the high-pitched screeches to the earlier thumps that had marked the silence with grave grunts of pain, to him it was obvious by then that the only kind of creature to meet all the requirements was a girl. He might have been a little misogynistic but, after all, he was there with a task and she was only an obstacle in his way at that moment, what with all the screaming and flailing around. What on Merlin's knickers was she doing down in the tunnel anyway? Having a picnic with her Weird Sisters dolls? At last, he stopped before the place where he could see the light of a wand tip dancing feverishly to some erratic rhythm. He considered playing the knight in shiny armor and just joining in on the fun of catching the attacking spider, whether it be imaginary or not. But it was way too risky, and in that current situation the girl was too volatile - she needed to calm down. So instead of playing the hero, he did the simplest thing he could think of. Which, in this case, just happened to be casting a high-end, difficult and possibly disastrous if performed incorrectly Charm: the Silencing Charm, a fifth-year spell he had learned after a dozen or so displeased garden gnomes and frogs and a summer's worth of effort. However, like any complex spell, it needed focus and intent on the part of the caster. Both hard to obtain when, avoiding a wild swing of the girl's wand, the Gryffindor sidestepped, tripped over forward, accidentally bumped into the other student and, as gracefully as a sack of potatoes, plummeted down to the floor. 

In her panic-stricken stupor, Susan was aware of the fact that she was most definitely not alone. There was absolutely another living being there, and she was flailing about like a banshee with Tourettes. Smooth Hawthorne, super smooth. The terrifying thought of a spider clinging to her for dear life was thrown from her mind as the aforementioned living being bumped into her and presumably crashed to the ground. The collision sent her wand skittering into the earthy abyss, plunging them into darkness. Her unsteady balance was knocked even further askew, her foot catching yet another exposed root. Susan’s ankle rolled as she pitched forward with a short pterodactyl screech, the pain in her lower limb enunciated with that of her knee and both hands as she tried to prevent the fall that inevitably came. Susan groaned as she pushed herself up into a sitting position, ignoring her dangling glasses as her bruised ego throbbed worse than her swollen ankle. At least it was dark enough that her surprise company was unable to witness her less-than-graceful descent to the ground. With a small hint of irony she realized her wand was trapped underneath her marred palm. Light surrounded the area warmly as she cleared her throat, her eyes squinting painfully from the sudden intrusion. “Any survivors?”