#i guess i got a bit too emotional about that ahah

[flyiingsly]

I can't help but think about the fact that Omega handmade them as gifts for her brothers.

She started with the Wrecker's one, because now that she develops the habit to fall asleep with Lula in her arms and to keep her by her side the most, she was afraid that he might feel alone without her, she thought that the best remedy to avoid that was to build another plush and to offer it to his big brother.

And he absolutely loved it !

The whole Batch was very impressed with her skill as a crafter, and she found out that it was a very fun and calming activity to do during the sometimes interminable hyperspace jumps between missions.

So she decided to make more, one for every member of the squad. All matching their physical specificities like for Wrecker.

It took it quiet some time to find enough materials to do so, but she managed to keep her project a secret until the very end.

And when she finally finished it, she was so excited about it that she couldn't even wait longer than a few minutes after cutting the last sewing thread to happily storm out of her room with the firm intention to show the result.

When she entered the cockpit with her hands hidden behind her back, calling for her brothers with way more enthusiasm than usual in her voice and trying her best to refrain a smile, they immediately understood that something was preparing.

They didn't had to ask twice for her to proudly reveal her creation, quickly provoking a concert of surprised gasp and widening eyes as a big grin was appearing on her face.

When she gave each plush to their respective models, she could swear she never saw them holding something more carefully.

It was like if they were carrying in their hands one of the most valuable treasure in the whole galaxy, even Crosshair lost his usual blank and frowning expression for as admiration and emotion seemed to cross his face for a moment.

Needless to say that after that, every member of the Batch was happily falling asleep with their own Lula in their arms and close to their hearts.

family🫶🏻

[suttttton]

Oh gosh, so i just read your jonelias fic, the soulmate name one where Jon has Jonah magnus on his arm and he's all lonely. Boy did this entirely rewrite my brain actually. So i thought i'd ask, do you pretty please have some crumbs of how you think the story could wrap up? Like would elias try to woo jon? Would jon refuse him because, jonah magnus? Do you think the gang would find out about the whole body hopping thing at the same time as in canon or before, because jonah just drops the ball?

Also, maybe i just have piss poor reading comprehension (i kind of do tbh) but why did jon stop talking to the portraits after leitner's death? Did he just go like, oh that's creepy elias might be watching actually. Also i'm wondering what the tim&jon argument was about... Oh, them being trapped here because of jonah magnus himself? I guess that would explain it. Generally any tidbits of information you'll be willing to share, i want to hear it all i love this fic so much it's so good.

Would Elias in this au be more gentle and less willing to throw jon at every horror ever? Or is it sad toxic yaoi?

Sorry for rambling uwu ahah

(For anyone who doesn't know, this is the fic in question.)

I'm so sorry it's taken me 60+ business days to respond to you! This ask inspired me to write a little bit past the ending, which took some time, and then I got my job at puppy kindergarten and completely forgot about until.

UNTIL just now when I found it in my drafts, SO part of that is at the end of this answer under the cut.

To answer your other questions: Jon stops talking to the portraits because he finds out that Jonah Magnus was a Bad Person. Jon has been imagining Jonah as a character something like Gerry, burning the Leitner books and protecting people. After he talks to Leitner, he knows that Jonah was,,,,,,,,,,,, not that.

As for Tim and Jon's argument, I think during that s3 era of canon, they get into a lot of fights that basically boil down to "Tim is very angry that they're trapped here and Sasha is dead and Danny is dead, and Jon is his only available target." And in this world they have the added twist that Jon has been metaphysically assigned to The Evil Guy Who Started It All, which,,,,, does not help.

Thanks for your ask! I really like this story and it's been really fun thinking about it further.

EPILOGUISH:

The moment hangs suspended, Jon's eyes on the floor, Elias' locked on his own name scribed on Jon's skinny wrist like an accusation. His head spins with a rush of emotion, nothing he is prepared for, nothing he ever expected to feel again.

Then Jon's gaze flickers to his wrist, registers the alien colour, and his eyes widen and he jerks his hand away, shattering the silence. Jon cradles his wrist like it hurts, staring at it with his mouth slightly open.

Elias braces himself for Jon's gaze to come back to him, to look into his grey eyes and realize that they are far too old for his face, for him to make the connection. A moment passes, then another, and Jon just stares at his wrist, one of the immutable columns of his life suddenly upended.

Elias skims his mind, curious, and he has to stifle the urge to laugh.

Jon is thinking, with a racing mania that borders on panic, about ghosts.

Elias feels an enormous rush of tenderness towards him.

"I don't understand," Jon says finally, quietly. More to himself than to Elias. "This--this can't--"

Elias decides to twist the knife. "Perhaps our founder is pleased that you've aligned yourself with his god."

That gets Jon's attention, and he looks at Elias with fear in his eyes. Yes, yes, this is what has so thoroughly captured Elias' attentions these pasts few months. The way Jon's mind stutters and slips, trying to find purchase on his panic-smoothed thoughts. The way his eyes widen, showing off the lovely darkness of his eyes. The way he trembles and hates himself for it, his tight grip holding his control close.

Jon goes, and Elias' eyes follow him. He sits down behind his desk and smiles.

***

Jon doesn't register what Elias says to dismiss him. He simply rolls his sleeves down and returns to the Archives, avoiding his assistants like a man hunted. He sits down at his desk and his sleeve rides up his arm, revealing the accusingly black edges of his soul mark.

So he gets up and puts on his coat, the thicker sleeves making him feel more thoroughly covered, more protected from prying eyes. He sits down again and tries to relax, tries to turn his mind back to the research that so desperately needs to be done, the end of the world at stake--

His mind keeps wandering, imagining one of the others coming in and demanding to inspect his soul mark.

Never mind that no one has ever done that, that no one would ever do that. He can too clearly imagine what the reaction would be, if any of the others found out what has happened. Bad enough to have the name scrawled on his wrist; to have the bond suddenly, impossibly accepted? What ideas would the others draw from that? What conclusions could they possibly come to?

What if Tim saw it?

What if Daisy saw it?

What does it mean?

He gets up again and leaves the Archives, not sure where he's going, just sure that he needs to move. His mind is racing, and he clutches at his wrist like it hurts. Nothing makes sense, anymore, not that it was making much sense to begin with.

Nevertheless, the shock is familiar. All of it is a plunging from stability into cold loneliness, all of it terrifying. He doesn't want Jonah Magnus to accept the bond. He doesn't want Jonah Magnus to be a willing servant of evil. He doesn't want his soulmark to be grey and unnerving. He doesn't want any of this.

His wandering takes him past a portrait of Jonah because it's his Institute, and they are unavoidable. Jon has been trying to avoid their gaze since he returned from his Elias-caused exile, but now he stops. He studies the face that he knows so well, that is as familiar to him as any of his flesh-and-blood acquaintances.

He shivers.

[itsukismoon]

Yumekuro Artbook - Q&A (Tsukiwatari)

>>> yume tsumugi ver. - magia seminar ver.

Crow

Introductions: I’m an explorer, Crow. My job is to find all kinds of interesting things around the world, it’s my purpose in life! What makes me happiest is when people get excited about the things I find. Also, I feel happy whenever I eat with everyone at home [TN: the guild home]!

MC first impression: First of all, I was really surprised. “No way, she’s so cute… even more than I imagined”. When we met for the first time, I was so excited I ended up immediately telling her how cute she is! Looking back on it now, it’s a bit embarrassing, ahah.

Evan first impression: Evan, huh? He’s such a tsundere! For some time after meeting him, I felt like he would cut me if I tried touching him. But I like how competitive he is. I think we’ve been getting along well lately, though I think he’d deny this and say “NO!”.

Meister you’re close with: Obviously, it’s everyone from Tsukiwatari, but outside my own guild there’s also the mechanics’ guild Lagoon. He’s the one that maintains my bike. He often tells me not to be reckless, but I think we get along well; even though we’re a little apart in age [TN: Crow is 22 and Lagoon is 36], we sometimes go on rides and eat together!

Itsuki

Introductions: I’m a moon reader, Itsuki. My job is to predict and research how the Moon Road, a road to other countries, will appear. Then uhh… what should I say… Hobbies? My hobby is cooking. Though… my friends say that my sense of taste is “out of this world”. Out of this world… huh… [TN: the verb used here can also mean “to lack common sense” lol]

MC first impression: The first time I saw her I was impressed. She’s so delicate that my impression of her was miles away from that of her father. Also, I thought her eyes were very beautiful. This has not changed even now. They’re pure and strong, and when I look at them, I sometimes feel drawn to them.

Navi first impression: Navi seems… busy. At first glance, he’s laughing, then angry then sad. Then, all of a sudden he starts playing tricks… his emotions change all the time. I was worried it might tire him out too much, but when I told him this he glared at me. I often make him angry like this, but it’d be nice if I could make him laugh, too.

Meister you’re close with: Since I’m not good at interacting with others, so I mostly only talk to the Tsukiwatari members… I guess the answer is Crow. When he fell on me from a Moon Road, I got scared to death. We’ve been together ever since. That encounter has changed everything for me… I don’t know what will come next.

Grandflair

Introductions: I’m the living paintings’ artist, Grandflair. I’m the leader of the World exploration Guild Tsukiwatari. If any of our guild members cause you any trouble, please contact me. Despite still being inexperienced, I’d like to make art that can make people smile. I look forward to working with you in the future.

MC first impression: Although Crow and Itsuki had already told me something… she was completely different from what I had imagined. I came to meet her thinking she was rough, bold and strong, but then I found out she is considerate, attentive and very capable… from the bottom of my heart, I’m grateful that she’s become our guildkeeper.

Himmel first impression: He used to be a bit of a pessimist, but I think he’s come to change a bit. [TN: not sure what the right translation is here for the next part…]. It’s a bit surprising how fast he switches from being awake to falling asleep (?) but… from now on, I’ll keep on telling him:”To fight back is not futile” [TN: technically, Himmel’s way of thinking is grounded on the fact that the future cannot be changes, so this ties back to that, although I truly don’t know why Grand is mentioning it here]

Meister you’re close with: …Do I really have to say his name? Rouge, from my same guild, though he’s more of a close friend [TN: the word used is 腐れ縁 which means undesirable but inseparable], rather than a good friend. I still can’t forgive him for calling me “Mom” [TN: because Grand is the “mom” of the guild]. If you loo at his character, he’s an awful person: bad with money, is a drunk hard, spends more time fooling around than actually working… although, there’s some good sides to him as well.

Rouge

Introductions: Yeees~ Tsukiwatari’s handsome poet, that’d be me, Rouge!~ Then, let’s toast to our introduction, shall we? Bahahah, don’t hold baaaackkk~ Oops sorry, looks like I have no money!

MC first impression: I was so surprised I thought to myself “Hey hey, what’s with this cute girl? Why is such a cute girl in my guild?!”. I thought she heard the rumours about me and came to check me out but… that wasn’t the case at all, ahah.

Shaymie first impression: Shaymie is so innocent and cute. I think that his whole being forgetful thing is also part of his personality. He always works hard and gives it his all but… I think he can take it more slowly and enjoy himself. Though, I think it’s about time he’d at least learn my name…

Meister you’re close with: Grand from my guild! “Lend me money~!” Is our greeting! …though when I say that, he always looks like he’s about to punch me again. Primus club’s Victor is my drinking buddy. He treats me whenever I lose at gambling. He’s so kind… eh? He’s charging me?

Noah

Introductions: Mythical beasts master, Noah… I belong to the World exploration guild, Tsukiwatari. My role is to protect the phantom beasts — and to do that, I need to become stronger than anyone else.

MC first impression: I knew she wasn’t a bad person because Corocle liked her. She takes care of me a lot, though I had some trouble adjusting at first… however, the food she makes is delicious, and I don’t think it’s bad.

Chitose first impression: Chitose is very knowledgeable and teaches me many things. Many of them, I don’t really care about, though they can be useful. It’s just… sometimes I’’m a bit surprised. He asked me why I was helping out a dying mythical beast, telling me it was going to die anyways. I didn’t really understand what he meant.

Meister you’re close with: There is no such thing. Mh? …Rouge? Don’t make me laugh. I despise that guy. I even keep my dirty clothes away from his. I don’t like breathing the same air as him, so why does he care about me…

[icharchivist]

Yeah, I just saw the bonus story.oh well, in for a penny -

I do hope Ragazzo gets redeemed as well! It seems they're setting him up for that and hell, I'll pat him on the head all he wants!

Tikoh continues to be really cute and I like her a lot. Cupitan, too. Their friendship is very cute. And I like how Cupitan is a genuinely good person with human doubts and fears, especially considering her upbringing. I just like how she's written. She's not overly perfect, but she is very kind

Lavirita is a secret MVP for going along with Fio's ploy tbh. I know he got paid for it, but still. He's a man of his word, if nothing else

WHAT DO YOU MEAN FIO'S FATHER IS ALIVE

I guess I was wondering why he had a unique sprite, but still

It's a bit maddening that they only really explain the event's name at the very end, even if it was kind of heavily implied before

Anyway, I hope it gets a continuation soon so we can murder these old men!

ahah welcome back ;D

And yeah super agreed on that!! they're really setting him up for it and i truly hope we can take care of him and nurse him back to health :( he deserves so much better than what has happened to his life so far. I'll pat him on the head as well as much as he wants.

and god yeah super agreed. Tikoh is really an interesting character to me because she does really balance this kind and sweet healer but also bloody angry and revengeful behavior very well. But meanwhile she takes care of others and is really sweet with people around her. Cupitan is really interesting as well to me. She is extremely emotive and can be a total mess about her feelings because she lets them overcome her, but it's also super refreshing? there is a trend in fiction of removing this type of embarassing, unstable feelings, while with Cupitan, it furthers her characters a lot. It has her be earnest at all time. I wouldn't say it's always "honest" because she can lie to herself when her feelings hurt her so bad, but also, that's super interesting to see just how much something that is so positive can end up hurting her this bad? And on top of that i really like what she brings to the MS story because all of those kids have been heavily fucked up by their past, and all of them are being as tough as they can, and Cupitan being able to express her emotions and feel their emotions, end up also really grounding back that, actually, their situation is really fucked up!! She's very human and emotive in a way i find really refreshing, and that also helps humanizing the people around her. She's not perfect, but i feel like also the fact her flaws comes from her greatest strength, and the way her emotions are framed to be a powerful thing, whenever those are destructive or helpful, is really a nice take i rarely see, personally, due to how tropes tend to want to have the characters "toughen up" and stuff.

Lavirita is totally a secret MVP for this. He's a man of his word and his word is money and he keeps money close and everything. I really like him? He's a scoudrell but he knows what he wants and he stands by it, which makes him interesting as kinda this loose canon who could be an antagonist as well as an ally as long as it pays well. He's a fun lad.

AND TEE FUCKING HEE. I will ALSO murder Fio's father. Setting up his own death to manipulate his daughter, meanwhile Fio spent her whole life destroying herself for revenge for a man who set her up like this??? oh i'm SO going to kill him. And also he burnt down Kolulu's village and killed all of her adoptive family so it's more reason to have him on the shit list.

Yeah, they really set up Marionette Stars as a saga so this is a first entry type of story. I do look forward to what they'll do with it!

and same as you, i hope we get a continuation and i hope we get to kill those old men as well. fuck them.

Thank you once again for sharing your thoughts <333 take care ;D

[patchworkofravens]

aight i didn't reread most of this but this almost everything in one long incomprehensible mess. have fun ^-^

ok, so picture this: a six hour drive and i'm banging out the tunes on the car's main speakers and trying to convince my dad that stray kids are good. And then, then, a certain song comes on. a certain horrible song. it's thirty seconds long and the entire time the car is just filled with the tension of both of us being too aware of how cringe the song is. this is your fault. like why. there's a cat licking your birthday cake is not the ideal car tune. yeah. oh and i may have had to skip a few emotional songs because. well. because. :). ok bye <3 ily /p teehee. shut up i'm not a softie (maybe a tiny bit but like. shut up.) i can hear you laughing at me from here you little stinky

bitch. bitch. i. hate. you. /j. i did not need to get rickrolled mid-revision. i mean, i wasn't actually revising, but i was supposed to be. no-one needs to know i was writing fanfic instead like a loser. but bitch. bitch. yeah. that's it. ly ciao

ALSO also skz are apparently gonna have a world tour this year. if we lived in the same country and like knew each other irl etc etc i would so take you to it. and yeah. also dancing to secret secret with you in a rainy twilight when no-one's watching. yeah. ok i'm gonna try and revise again.

soft. soft. why is this stupid cat song like this. it's literally called meow. i'm hugging you so much rn. maybe fighting you a little bit too. but hugging you sosososososo much. i wish you were real so i could like. physically hug you. well, you are probably real but yk what i mean. ok. i'm actually gonna revise now. bye.

soft. i am trying so hard to resist the urge to redownload the app and just leave an ask saying some dumb shit or smth and then run away again. why did you have to be so cool and likeable? /nm . lol let's see if i ever get the guts to send you all this bullshit. i'm a wuss so i'm guessing rn i won't. or at least i'll delete this bit bc it's stupid. but yeah. if you're actually seeing this. hi. (°//-//°) (⨀//-//⨀) ⨀-⨀ (⨀⨀) <- haha boobas

there is approximately 12.09 kg of human flesh for every 1 kg of ant flesh. i don't know why i went to the effort of researching and calculating that. maths. pain. suffering. not psychology revision. :| lmao. anyways. hana dul set CHEESE

you did watch bakuten? yeah i'm pretty sure you did. ok. cool. of course you did misato kinnie. yeah.

haha i feel like i should regret sending you this but oh well.

I am so many emotional very much cackling tears rage oh my god

AHAHAHAHA cryign thats ur fault for playing that playlist instead of just skz music <3<3 IN FRONT OF UR DAD ??@?@?@ IAOEBEJSOSJ theres a cat licking ur birthday cake is very u vibes okay shut upzjsheb oh. Well i just got rickrilled by ur playlist. Are u happy now. Is this what u wanted. Asshat. <3 Softie the most softie although ur probably going tk have enough reason to call me that after a few hours ahah ahaa. Hah thats ur punishment for not revising ig ^-^ cryign red face in hands yeah that would have been nice. Red face in hands tears many tears branch u absolute softie so true. secret secrwt n shes in the rain n then we inievitably slip in the rain<3 or me anyway because i cant dance for shit anymore n i pull you down w me oh my god i want to go to concerts w u and sit in the sunrise arguing n OH YMY GOD BEFORE I KET YOU CODY FRY OH MY HOD ITS SO PRETTY AND GENTLE TREE I WILK SOB shut up dont insult the cat song ur insulting urself. Basically. Dont i will literally ruin u n then hug u. Sobing actually so true i wish you were an irl so i coukd hug u too dying crying. So true i am very cool n likeable/hj but also but also i could literally say the same about u. Intriguing information thank u olive <3. SO TEUE . i . No sadly. Unfortunately i kin coach shida instead

[xingqiu-irl]

i really really like chibedo aaaaaa they're so cute

i keep daydreaming about them in my genshin hs au ahahshdh

like albedo has like no friends and is quiet and childe is like. popular. and in a class they have assigned seats next to each other or smthn and childe keeps trying to talk to albedo but albedo is still quiet, but everyday chulde learns just a bit more about albedo and before he even knows it they're good friends; albedo's only other friend is sucrose and even then they're not the closest? so childe is like “woo im your second ever friend!!” and albedo is just like. yeah, sure ok.”

most of the time during their conversations childe does the speaking, but sometimes albedo will chime in with their own stuff. it's only really when the two are alone does albedo speak a lot, and most of the time it's rambling about things they're learning. childe finds it all the more intriguing, how they can ramble on and on about things they've studied and things they're learning and how childe could find it all so interesting. childe wasn't stupid, not by a long shot, but he never found science or math or anything “stem” related all that interesting. yet when albedo just went on and on about those subjects— he’d listen on so intently. and albedo would always help out childe if he needed it, always make sure he was passing his classes just fine while not being too hard on him.

they met when they were juniors, and got close. they stayed just as close around the summer too. if you saw childe, albedo was probably with him. if you saw albedo in the halls, guess who was right next to them? childe. it wasn't often you'd see them separated. and it wasn't often you'd see anything but a neutral expression on albedos face except when they were talking to childe, where a small smile always seemed to creep onto their lips. the duo didn't have arguments or fights ever— sometimes it seemed like they never even had disagreements. albedo was never one to share their opinions on anything and even when childe said his opinions it was like they always agreed.

senior year was a little different though. they both were a little busier, trying to plan out what they'd do after high school. albedo seemed to have it cut out clear, even with certain universities offering them scholarships. they knew what they wanted to do, who they wanted to be, and yet childe had barely any idea of what he wanted to do. there were so many options and he just didnt know—late one night while he was over at albedos, just sort of idly sitting on their bed while albedo quietly read something next to him, leaning into his side ever so slightly, childe let out a breathy sigh. his gaze fixated on the ground, “how did you figure out what you'd wanted to do for the rest of your life?” was all childe asked. and a few moments later he felt albedo sit up a bit more, no longer leaning into his side and leaving a bit of warmth there. his blue eyes glanced towards the other, his gaze still fixated downwards. albedo gave a light shrug, not saying a word for a few moments, “I don't know. I suppose I've only ever been good in two fields, so I went with my best one. I didn't have much of another choice really.”

ah. that didn't help much at all did it? childe didn't really have something he excelled in like albedo. he wasn't good at one particular field like albedo. he didn't have his life set out and planned for him like albedo. and in that moment, maybe he felt just a slight tinge of resentment and jealousy. albedo already knew what they wanted to do, who they wanted to be, exactly how to get there- and it was all just practically handed to them because they were always good in that subject. they were too good in every subject. childe sighed, clearing his throat afterwards. “right, that makes sense,” childe mumbled, quieter than usual. quieter than albedo's ever heard. “im sorta jealous of you, ahah. you have your life set out, planned, handed to you even. i have no clue what i want to do, im not particularly the best at anything.” childe added an awkward chuckle at the end, slightly embarrassed.

“jealous?” albedo questioned, their head turning to fully look at childe, a brief quirked. they almost seemed upset at the implication that childe of all people was jealous of them. “youre great at many things, childe. you have some traits i wish i had. you're charismatic, charming even. you can make friends, talk to people like it's nothing? I can't, childe. you don't have to be absolutely sure on your life just yet, alright? please, don't be jealous of me.” albedo narrowed their eyes, and the two were making eye contact. childe blinked, and he felt for maybe the first time in his life something he'd label as actual love.

and over the months he only felt his love grow stronger. every time albedo would place a hand on his back, every time albedo would say something reassuring, the times they'd stay up way late at night just talking about whatever came up, it made childe pin all the more harder. albedo would spare a glance while they were sitting in class. childe could feel his heart skip a beat or something, and he tried paying attention but he just couldn't stop thinking about the other. these emotions, feelings, christ they were going to be the death of him, huh?

he'd invited albedo to hangout somewhere outside of their home. usually if he wanted to hangout with albedo it'd have to be at albedo's house. but now here they were, late at night in some random park. it was dimly lit, as the only real lighting came from unevenly spaced lamp posts you'd see every once in a while in the park and the street lamps from the road. it was just bright enough for childe to make out albedos features, all of their wonderful features. he stared, stared for far longer than he should've, than he was allowed to. albedo glanced over, moving a piece of hair just slightly out of their eyes. “is something wrong?” albedo questioned, though it was quiet, their voice as soft as ever.

“no, im just... admiring you,” childe let out with a awkward laugh following it, “youre amazing, albedo, i really like you,” childe confessed with a small sigh and another awkward chuckle. he'd hoped albedo understood what he meant, that this wasn't platonic. childe already felt like his face was burning up after confessing now, and he might just die if he had to elaborate.

albedo stared at childe, their face blank and mouth slightly ajar. they tried to find the words, to find what to say. their expression morphed into a perplexed one. emotions was certainly not something they were good at childe could seem so in touch with his emotions. albedo was not. they rarely tried to express how they felt, yet childe could surely express himself so casually. albedo didnt know what to say, how to feel, surely they felt the same way but they really weren't sure they could put it into proper words. “give me some time to think.” that's what albedo said. truthfully, they knew it wasn't the thing to say, they knew they felt the exact same way childe did. but now they had to figure out how to put that into words. childe looked disappointed. albedo internally sighed. they hated seeing childe upset, and now they were the reason. great. well now albedo would have to say something, to fix the situation. “er... i didn't know what to say, sorry,” they began, “i feel the same way, i think,” they looked down. staring at the ground, face far more red than it's ever been.

they didn't know what to do. neither did childe. but for now the just remained quiet. childe broke the silence, “uh, let's figure things out tomorrow, ill walk you home.” childe offered, grinning and trying to lighten the mood up a bit. albedo glanced up, making brief eye contact and nodding. they knew tomorrow was certainly going to be something. but for now, they could just enjoy the few moments left they had tonight with childe.

ok yeah i got really carried away on what was supposed to be a short au desc but, it's ok! ehhehsbxb i just thought this was cute and ive been daydreaming abt it all day so i thought i might as well ramble on tumblr sjdbfbdb

[wizkiddx]

the worst case scenario part 4

Finally! Sorry it took so so long I’ve just been mad busy! I’m really not sure how much I like this, but deff this is the second last part (if people still want another) so not much more to endure and suffer through if your stuck in it ahah x

tomhollandxreader

Warnings [please check before reading!!] : mentions of death / hospitals and ICUs / bit of lack of childhood love (have no idea how to phrase that rn wow)

Tom had silently cried again when saying goodnight to Y/n for the evening. Harrison hadn’t a clue what to do, except stand back helplessly and watch, giving his friend a bit of space - but at the same time not letting him go it alone. It took a painfully long time for Tom to collect himself before he could straighten up and turn toward Haz.

“You sure you don’t mind staying with her?” Harrison nodded pitifully at Tom’s glassy eyes, the way his eyebrows were furrowed downwards.

“I’ll stay till 10, I got her”

“I owe you bro” Mumbling, Tom launched himself to wrap his arms round his taller mate - squeezing extra hard because that was a way of distracting him from the emotions still threatening to overtake him.

“Nah I’m not doing this for you div…. I love her too ya know?” That made Tom scoff laugh a little, nodding his head as he leant away.

“Yeh she…she has that effect. Just-“ Tom momentarily looked back at the bed, watching the ventilator pump air to mechanically inflate your lungs. “Just call me if anything happens, please promise me.”

“You already know I will…. but- and I know this is hard for you- but you have to promise me you’ll give the baby a chance?” Tom gulped at the mention, looking away at the blue curtains for a minute, his jaw clenching. “Come on Tom just give her a feed or something… you know it’s what Y/n would want.“

“Can we not speak about this in front of her please?” Tom's voice was short and teeth were gritted as he gestured at his unconscious fiancé, giving the clear impression to H that it wasn’t really a question. The nurse pretended to busy herself monitoring all Y/n’s readings, feeling incredibly awkward. She was the one who had mentioned to Tom that Y/n might be able to hear, at the time meaning to be a comforting and possibly hopeful gesture, now she was deeply regretting it. This wasn’t the first uncomfortable situation she’d been in, working 1 on 1 with patients in ICU meant you were automatically privy to some of the deepest conversations between patients and relatives - though this was the first time it was a celeb too, especially one who valued his privacy so much. It was more than obvious Tom wasn’t uncomfortable just because his fiancé might be conscious enough to hear.

“No Tom I…” Harrison lost control. He snapped “No not at all! Because I know she’d want me to give you a good bloody shake! I get you haven’t landed on a name yet but at least see your daughter! I bloody hope Y/n hears this… if that’s what it takes for you to realise that, to be honest she’d be heartbroken and betrayed that you haven’t been loving your baby!”

Silence, except for the beeping and whirring of the various machines.

And the silence stayed for a painfully long time - Tom and Harrison holding each other in intense eye contact, whilst the nurse bit her lip in the corner. Harrisons breathing was slightly ragged from the whisper-shouted words that he’d let slip out. The atmosphere was tense, the nurse was inwardly preparing calling for help if and when Tom ultimately started throwing fists at his friend.

It took literal minutes for Harrison to concede, his friend's dark eyes painfully boring into his skull. Again he hadn’t meant to go off like that, he really didn't want to hurt his friend who was literally going through hell and back. Now wasn’t the time for tough love really , and Harrison instantly felt an insurmountable level of guilt.

“I-I didn-“

“-her names Aurora.”

“No Tom I’m sorry I really didn-“

“Her name is Aurora. Aurora Christina Mary Holland.” Tom wasn’t joking. He was so deadly and sincerely serious. Harrison had no trouble believing this, believing that Tom had been ruminating all day on this - just by the look of his brown eyes.

“It’s beautiful.” The blonde almost was gasping, inwardly repeating the name as a chant inside his head, correlating it to the memories of earlier that day when he was cradling the girl. There was no doubt about it- Aurora was an Aurora, it suited her perfectly. Yes, it wasn’t typical but it was beautiful. “What’s it mean?” He only asked because nobody picked a name without looking into it and Harrison knew that the couple had yet to name the little girl when she was first born as they were still torn between a few carefully considered options.

“Dawn like sunrise I think and-and, you know… the auroras that me and Y/n saw in Iceland the night I…. The night I proposed.”

The word held an awful lot of emotion for Tom. Y/n had always been one of those people - the ‘look up’ type or the ‘smell the roses’. Underneath her sarcasm and wit, she was one of the purest people, in the way that all she needed was the little things in life. It was a ball ache to Tom sometimes but Y/n always would drag him out of bed at stupid o’clock in the morning on a beautiful day to see the sunrise. He’d moan and groan all the way, only to grow silent when he gazed deeply at the sunrise sparkling her eye as she peered out at the horizon.

Of course, the aurora borealis was important too. You can probably already guessed; Y/n loved the night sky and stars too. She also loved the snow, the winter, the cosy log fires, the walks spent launching the freezing powder at Tom’s face - only to get it returned twice as bad. So when Tom was ready and oh so certain he would spend the rest of his life with her, a trip to Iceland seemed a pretty good opportunity to do it. No expense was spared on their little cabin in the woods, wrapped in cosy blankets staring up at the sky through the transparent roof that was the reason this cabin was so incredibly expensive. They’d spent the evening after they’d got back from exploring the frozen forest wrapped in the thick white duvet, chatting pure rubbish while cradling a luxurious hot chocolate, complete with marshmallows and whipped cream. Then these almost otherworldly green and blue ribbons grabbed their attention, dancing and waving across the deep midnight sky. Whilst she was transfixed, hair billowing round her on the pillow while staring upwards - that was when Tom leaned over, pulling the little black box out of the bedside table.

And then there was the new connotation to the word. The new situation that had him so incredibly hesitant to label her just yet. If Aurora meant a new dawn and meant life without Y/n he didn’t want it. More than that, he refused. No matter how impossible it was, Tom refused to think about life without her. It just wasn’t an option. It couldn’t happen.

Yet without much control over his own mouth, when Harrison had asked, it had just slipped out. He knew it had to be her name. But the fact he’d spoken it… that was terrifying.

“Well go see Aurora Tom… please.” This time they’d swapped, Tom was stoney faced and Harrison knew he was about to cry, which really Tom didn’t need to witness. What he needed to do was get him with his daughter. So again, for now, Harrison's emotions would wait.

And with only a small nod of parting, off Tom walked. The man left in the bay released a breath he didn’t know he was holding before turning and all but collapsing into the armchair next to Y/n. Unsurprisingly, this still was too much to process and shut his eyes, squeezing the bridge between the nose as he tried to slow down all the blurring thoughts in his mind - simultaneously trying to bring each one into focus and shock … that wasn’t very easy.

It was in fact at least two and a half hours he sat there, the white noise of the ward whirring dully in Harrison's head while he spent the time just… thinking. He looked asleep, eyes closed and slumped in the chair but he was painfully awake. All the remaining energy that dwindled in him from before this whole nightmare had started was spent trying to organise his thoughts; process all the medical explanations and jargon he’d heard; everything he’d seen, all the wires and tube; the advice on how to feed a baby with a bottle.

That was until a voice got progressively louder from the background crackle, slowly forming into intelligible words.

“Sir… Sir?” Blinking forcefully Harrison's eyes lazily focused on the nurse that had been stationed next to Y/n for certainly as long as he had been here, her black hair pulled tightly into a low bun and kind eyes smiling at him. “Sorry for waking you.”

“No no I was just ehrmm… just thinking.” She nodded with a gentle smile that kind of suggested she didn’t believe him but relented all the same.

“It’s just getting late and I thought you’d like an update before I clock off for the evening?” Nodding frantically, Harrison’s eye quickly shot over to Y/n - just to check she was still there.

“Okay well it all seems really positive actually. The doctors were in just before…” Alright, so maybe H had fallen a little bit asleep because he definitely didn’t know that the doctor had been in. “… they’ve withdrawn the sedation and her GCS has started to improve slightly, which basically is a measure of how unconscious a person is.”

“She’s waking up?” Haz was now bolt upright in the chair, looking between the nurse and the still apparently unconscious women lying in the bed.

“Very slowly… but it is looking good, maybe, the doctors are keen to see her condition tomorrow. I thought you might like to help me do her last GCS check of the evening?”

Just maybe the nurse had already taken these set of observations before she’d stirred Harrison but it was a nice way to demonstrate improvements that couldn’t really be seen to a patient's relative - who couldn’t interpret results like qualified health care professionals could. Hopefully, Y/n’s response would be the same as before and then maybe Harrison could report back to the heartbroken fiancé that maybe things weren’t so bad. Standing in front of Harrison, the state of him was more than evident and she had a sneaking suspicion Tom would be worse. Instantaneously then, Harrison nodded vigorously; jumping out his chair with sprite that even he didn’t know he had.

“Okay so in GCS we test eye responses, verbal responses and the motor - so movement…” The lady talked through it all to Haz who listened intently, nodding his head every so often. She then went through the process of first asking Y/n to open her eyes - nothing. Then applying light pressure to her forehead, still Y/n lay still. She then moved on to trying to rouse her with words, getting Harrison to join in but still receiving nothing back. It was starting to feel a bit hopeless to Harrison, yet he still entertained the lady, going through all her steps.

“Okay so now we test movement so first hold her hand and ask her to squeeze it.” Following her directions precisely Harrison tried, still receiving absolutely no response. “Okay so now we add stimuli, trying squeezing between her shoulder and neck, like your pinching her just not too hard.”

Hesitantly Harrison reached up to her shoulder adding a small pressure between his thumb and first and second finger. Again nothing happened but the nurse encouraged him to go a bit harder - he was being light as he just didn't want to hurt her. With a nod and a small mumble of “cmon Y/n/n” he added strength. It took a moment or two but then sure as Harrison standing there himself, Y/n’s opposite right arm limply twitched upwards - making a small almost pathetic, yet still very clear attempt to remove the pressure on her shoulder.

Looking up at the nurse pleadingly Harrison received a confirmatory nod back at him - communicating the fact that this was indeed progress. In fact, just seeing Y/n not completely limp and almost vegetative - made his adrenalin soar.

“It’s baby steps but in the right direction okay?”

Letting out a breathy and relieved laugh Harrison nodded jerkily, wiping his cheek on his shoulder just because there might’ve just been a tear or two there.

/////////////////////////

For Tom forcing himself to leave the ICU was one of the hardest things he’d ever done. Why he had ever agreed with his mother was so ridiculously beyond on him, yet he felt he had somewhat lost his choice thanks to his well meaning best mate forcing him down the children’s floor. It wasn’t that he hated Aurora, physically that was an impossibility. And yet he hated what she’d done to Y/n, he hated that he was alone in this, he hated the whole situation. Which ultimately was his fault 9 months ago- which just made him hate himself even more.

Also in some weird and convoluted way, he felt as though he was betraying Y/n by seeing their baby. And that was exactly why… it was their baby. She’d been so excited, so so over the moon when those two lines appeared on the stick - it was cruelly unfair that he was physically capable to see her and Y/n was paralysed in an unconscious state.

Again his body seemed to be on autopilot, Tom was confused as to how he knew where he needed to go - having skilfully avoided the children’s ward for as long as possible. It was like a homing instinct, as much as he consciously was almost terrified to see her - he still appeared to need her near him. Seeing his parents in the hallway, Nikki cradling the little bundle wrapped in blankets, both of them making small talk to the nurse opposite. It was his dad who noticed him first, looking over the cautious look in his eyes and the way his fingers clutched nervously at the bottom of his hoodie.

“How is she?”

“The same I guess… she okay?” He nodded toward the little baby, Nikki looking up excitedly.

“She’s beautiful… a little bit stressed out but…” Nikki referred to her slight fussing, which was clearly far from full blown scream, more like tired and muted groans.She didn't really realise her poor choice of words till her son mumbled under his breath.

“Not the only one.”

Before she could apologise and backtrack, the same nurse who had been so kind to Harrison approached them all.

“Ah… Mr Holland right?” He nodded passively, receiving yet another sympathetic smile back. So many of them had been chucked about today, each one becoming less and less helpful and more and more infuriating. Though Tom was not about to fly off the handle since in all honesty, he was too drained for that. “ I just need to get you to sign some paperwork in private with me before we can formally discharge baby Holland. Would you mind bringing her in here?”

Almost even before finishing the statement she had already disappeared through a door into another hospital room, as if demanding him to follow immediately in order to comply with her busy schedule. Still stood a little dazzled, Tom watched the door swing shut while his brows furrowed, until eventually turning back to his mum. Aurora’s groans and general discontent had somewhat escalated during the small interaction with the nurse lady, her immature lungs producing an impressive level of volume. Nikki was doing the best she could, bouncing the little bundle up and down though it had little effect.

So wordlessly and as if in slow motion, Tom took the two steps necessary to be inches away from his mum - now able to completely see Aurora’s distressed face scrunching up with each sharp inhalation. He didn’t want to but Harrison had betrayed him by telling Y/n; the nurse wanted her in the side room; and he did…. He did want to. Wanted to have her pure and soft skin nested into his chest not Nikki’s; wanted to be her safety and her comfort; wanted to do Y/n proud.

In silence, Tom scooped the girl out his mum's grip, both Dom and Nikki watching his with cautious and shocked eyes - as Tom kept his gaze completely on the little thing. Then, he whisked the two of them into the room, away from the prying eyes (even if they were his own parents and Aurora’s grandparents).

As soon as he walked in the nurse pressed her mouth shut, sensing the need to be an invisible entity for a short while. Dom and Nikki had expressed their concerns about Tom’s feeling toward the baby girl before he’d arrived on the ward. She was acutely aware this was the first time he’d held his child in the last 18 hours.

Tom sat down, the girl silent now as she blinked open heavy eyes in confusion, probably because she recognised these arms but couldn’t place where. That was the first time Tom had seen his daughters eyes and all he saw was Y/n. Her Y/e/c eyes with the little darker flick in the bottom half of each iris. Aurora was his little piece of Y/n, which in that moment Tom realised was perhaps what he needed all day. Tears were tracking steadily down his cheeks while Tom used the back of his first finger to gently stroke up and down Aurora’s little chin- enjoying the way she leant into the action, uncoordinated movements of her head wiggling herself within the crook of his elbow.

The two of them and then the nurse opposite just sat quietly for five or so minutes, till eventually - lulled by her Dad’s regular stroking action, deep breaths and scent- Aurora let her eyes close again.

“She looks very happy with you Dad.” The nurse thought now was the safest time to speak, voice low, then taking the time to wait for Tom to respond. When eventually he did, it didn’t really fit the conversation but it was all Tom wanted to - and could- say in that moment.

“She’s just like her mum.”

The two then went through all the various forms Tom had to sign, all of which he did carefully so as not to disturb the little girl in his arms. It didn't take long before the nurse woman was ushering him out back into the hallway, where his parents were waiting anxiously for him. Dom saw the tear tracks Tom hadn’t bothered to wipe away, putting two and two together to realise maybe he’d come to his senses. So with the question of are you ready to go, Dom was more than delighted by the response he received. It wasn’t actually directed at him, more a breathy rhetorical question the sleeping child securely nestled into her dad’s toned arms.

“Let’s get you home Aurora.”

Because like it or not; no matter what the outcome was with Y/n there was doubt that this was a new start. A new dawn. It was terrifying, stressful and hard but in the same way you can’t fight the coming sunrise; Tom knew he couldn’t fight this event. It was happening, dawn was breaking and it was Aurora, him and Y/n. In whatever way fate chose it to be. A new ‘dawn’.

Aurora.

[m88n]

[11.06 pm]

“Wanna drink?”

Your ears perk up at Johnny’s remark, as he breaks the silence by hovering over his teal-colored mini fridge. You met Johnny at this summer camp from some university club, and you guys bonded over some drinks there (you cried a little because you’re an emotional drunk) and before you know it, you’re crashing into his dorm room tonight just because you have time to spare and he told you he’s free via text. But with the entire setting of the summer camp removed, you discover that making conversation becomes a little bit more of a problem than you both initially thought—that is, until alcohol was brought to the picture.

“Yeah. Love drinking. You know I do,” You eagerly respond. He beams at you with a knowing nod.

“Aye, yeah our soju queen. One sip y/n.” He recalls as he opens up two new bottles of soju, handing one over to you.

“Shut up,” You joke with a smile, “We had a great time cause of my drunk antics, you gotta admit.”

“Yeah, was pretty cool when you chased me to the boys’ bathroom just to force me to talk about my repressed feelings.” He says mockingly, but with affection.

“You did talk about them though! And you even cried with me too!” You insist.

Johnny chuckles as he sits across you on the carpeted floor, taking a sip, “Alright, but I wasn’t the one who sobbed on the bottom bunk right after we went back to our room.”

“…Shit, you heard me cry?” You say, wide-eyed in realization.

“Yeah, everyone in that room heard it.” He says laughing, nudging you to drink from your bottle, and you finally took a sip.

“…Damn, and I thought everyone was asleep…” You mutter in thought, face blushing pink from the alcohol—and the embarrassment. “I just have a lot of feelings, man… You know how it goes.”

Johnny lays on his side, hand cradling his head as he looks at you. “Yeah, I know. You were cute.”

You stare at him for a second, flustered at his sudden remark, “Don’t give me that bro… It’s embarrassing.” You finally respond.

“Aw cmon y/n, I thought we’re way past that. You massaged me and everything.” He teases you.

You furrow your brows at the memory—that’s always been your underhanded technique when you’re flirting with someone, but you were drunk. So you’re not completely sure what to make out of that, and just decide to brush any complicated feelings aside.

“I did tell you it was a platonic massage when I massaged you!” You finally say, pointing accusingly at him with your free hand.

Johnny scoffs incredulously. “What’s a platonic massage anyway…” He sips from his bottle, “You’re really good though.”

You wink, “I know.”

Both of you continue to drink and chat until even Johnny’s exhibited some slurred speech. It took him more than two bottles to get to this point, while for you, one bottle was plenty enough. At this point, both of you have heightened emotionality and vulnerability due to the effects of the alcohol, and are quickly heading towards exchanging deeper conversations—and gazes—as you do.

“…You know, I just feel this desperate need to make people feel good, to help people, it makes me feel really happy.” You say, head floating in the clouds. “That’s why, I feel like I could sense you repressing stuff, and really went for it.”

Johnny chuckles. “What about you though?”

“Huh?”

“What about what makes you feel good?” He clarifies.

You narrow your eyes. “Are you making a move on me when I’m trynna be all honest, Mr. John Suh?”

He shrugs his shoulders, “Hey, as far as I’m concerned, my question’s genuine. Not that I’d oppose to that if offered—How do you think you’re going to know what you need when you look out for others so much?”

You decide to ignore his suggestive remark and try to respond to the rest as coherently as possible, “I… I don’t know. I guess that’s where I’ve come to derive my self-worth from.” You manage to say softly, eyes half-lidded, head pleasantly buzzing with the high yet mingling with the dawning realization for the issue Johnny’s brought upon you.

Johnny nods at you, listening.

You bite the lid of the bottle that you’ve been sipping from before saying, “I don’t think I really even know myself that well. I mean, I guess I do, but it’s like, the feeling of knowing someone but not really. Feeling so physically close to yourself but so far removed from the actual contents of the depths of your mind and soul. You know?”

Johnny nods again, silent, before finally saying with heavy lidded eyes, “…Repression, am I right?”

You look at him wide-eyed, as he smiles a little.

“How the turn tables—” He manages to finish before you smack his arm gently.

“I knew you’d say that... Shut up,” You say, a smile threatening to break onto your face. He responds with a hearty chuckle.

“Hey that one’s a classic, cmon. I guess now’s my turn to play shrink,” He jokes, “Alright, do you even know your own qualities, like, what makes y/n, y/n, you get me?”

You narrow your eyes, as if it would help with clearing your intoxicated mind for a more thorough analysis into your own entire being. Johnny leans against his bed, arms crossed, patiently waiting for your response.

“…Erm… Well I guess I could be pretty nice,” You muse, “…Pretty artsy…. Pretty…. Pretty? Hahah nah, jokes…” You say, chuckling to yourself as you continue to dig for answers.

Johnny just smiles, before saying, “Hey, be confident. This is you we’re talking about.”

“….What do you mean by that?” You ask thoughtlessly, still swimming in inebriation and confusion for your own identity.

“I mean, I think you’re pretty cool.” He says to you straightforwardly, “Wouldn’t have bailed on my guys if I didn’t think so.” You follow his movements as he lights a joint after saying that with complete lightness, which takes you absolutely off guard.

“Wait, but I thought you were free?” You finally ask.

“We wouldn’t hang if I told you that. You’re never free.” He says, exhaling a puff, then offering you to take a hit, to which you accept. “If I don’t bail on my guys, you’d bail on me.”

“… You have a point,” You exhale, “Honestly, it’s really just cause I enjoy my time alone. Apart from all the responsibility stuff.”

He nods, “Fair.”

“To answer your question though,” You continue, “I mean—since you think I’m pretty cool ahah,” You joke, looking at him for any reaction, continuing after he lets out a chuckle, “What do you think?”

He takes a long drag from the joint, “Hey, this is about self-awareness!” He finally quips, chains of smoke spreading with his every breath.

“Aw cmon, whatever, I just want to feel good,” You say, “You were asking me what’ll make me feel good, this’ll make me feel good.”

He narrows his eyes, sighs defeatedly, all while smiling at your clever remark. “Fine, you got me.”

You wear a shit-eating grin with the small victory, expectantly waiting for his continuation.

“I think you’re as real as it goes,” He says, maintaining a steady gaze towards your eyes, “You’re really genuine, interesting, and you have the power to move people. Not that you’re aware of. Too kind to others, sometimes you forget to save some for yourself,”

You were not expecting such a thoughtful answer, your cheeks flush a deeper pink—and not from the alcohol.

“So, you gotta work on that. Super talented. Really attractive too,” He lightly adds.

You stop him in his tracks by shyly shoving the palm of your hand in between you two, “Whoa, whoa, stop, you like me or something? This might as well be a confession, am I right or what,” You joke, feeling too flustered by the string of compliments he let out.

He does not reciprocate your laughs, instead smiling. Your eyes widen with his lack of response. He looks at the ceiling, hand rubbing his jaw in thought, before his gaze snaps right back to your eyes with gentle conviction.

“But would you still bail on me if I ask you on a date though?”

[novantinuum]

Tides of Renewal (SU one-shot)

Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: T (Mild TW for vague allusions to past suicidal thoughts.)

Words: 2500~

Summary: Now twenty years old and living on the other side of the country, Steven spends his morning relaxing on the beach, musing about his past, and having a chat with his dad.

Hi folks! This is actually my two-months-late “Happy Birthday, Steven” fic, ahah- amusingly, posted two months late to the day. I’m quite happy with how this short turned out.

If you read this and enjoy, I’d greatly appreciate your support through reblogs here, or kudos/comments on AO3 as well. AO3 link will be provided in the reblogs. Thank you! <3

____

Tides of Renewal

Steven rises alongside the sun, but not by choice.

As he abruptly stirs, jerking onto his side under his tangled blanket, he soon realizes that he has little lingering memory of the nightmare that shook him from his slumber. Nevertheless, his heart pounds so hard it feels like it’s hanging in his throat. There’s feelings, faint impressions— someone’s blood (his, or hers?), Connie’s screams, a bubble of terror boiling from within— but that’s all he’s left with. The young man clutches at his sheets, struggling to catch his breath as is the norm most mornings. Dim light sneaks in between the edges of the curtains, offering a rough estimate of the time.

Once it’s clear his chances of sleeping in have become null and void, he entices himself out of bed with the promise of buying himself a muffin at the local coffee shop later today, a birthday treat. His routine is sluggish, but precise. He uses the bathroom, throws on his swim trunks and a thin cotton shirt, downs the pills he forgot to take last night with a quick swig of water, carefully runs his fingers through his long curls to work out the tangles, and slips his feet into the flip flops he always leaves lying right at the foot of his bed.

The young adult only takes his guitar, phone, and keys with him as he walks the mile distance from his humble studio apartment to the public beach. Around him, the world is at peace. The only sound intermingling with the gentle ebb and flow of the Pacific at this hour of the morning is the chattering of puffins that nest on the large rock outcroppings in the tide pools nearby. The edge of his lip quirks up when he finally crosses that sacred boundary— the sidewalk meeting the shore— and removes his sandals, reveling in the satisfying, grainy texture of sand squishing between his toes. Hah... the beach. Funny, that. All his traveling these past years, from mountains, to prairies, to sprawling suburbs to wooded forest towns, and it only succeeded in deepening his childhood love for the familiarity of saltwater air and tourist-filled boardwalks. Still, the secluded, rustic charm of Haystack Cove is a far cry from the Beach City he grew up in. Different people, different sights, different types of seafood sold at the markets. This place feels like a home all his own, appropriately distant from the Gem influenced settlement he’d left behind.

He crosses the fine grained sands towards his favorite sitting spot, a hefty stone jutting out from the ground, its surface buffed to a glossy finish over the years by the high tides. The water’s still distant this early in the morning, glimmers of sunlight sparkling off of the foam and spray. Yawning, he plops himself down on the stone and lifts his guitar into his lap. He strums a few random chords as a warm-up before settling into an experimental melodic sequence.

As he plays, the early morning breeze teases at the ends of his shoulder-length hair, untied and let free in all its curly splendor. It’s still quite chilly, but with the sun peaking over the horizon behind him and not a cloud in sight, the air’s bound to heat up in no time. Steven inhales deeply, soaking in the salt and light and pushing away the shadows lurking at the periphery of his mind, that twitching, exhausting anxiety that never quite seems to leave him alone these days. Unfortunately, functional does not mean carefree. While far fewer in number then when he was a teen, he still runs into plenty of moments where he’s struck blind by particularly painful reminders of his past, his gem snapping into overdrive in an instant. He’s a bit better at coping in these moments now, and walking himself down from panic attacks, but deep-rooted traumas don’t simply melt away. With that in mind, at this point he suspects he’ll likely have to deal with a mixture of therapy and meds for the rest of his life. That’s fine, though. If that’s what it takes to be at peace. He’s thankfully reached a point in his recovery where he’s more than willing to work for it.

Startling him out of his roaming thoughts, his phone chimes to life, touting the same cheery ring tone he had as a kid. He gently sets his guitar down in the sand and fishes his cell phone out of his pocket, a silent bet as to who’s calling rising within his mind. Sure enough, his dad’s contact photo proudly greets him. Hah— he called it. Steven stifles a giggle as he hits accept and lifts the phone to his ear.

“Hey, Dad!”

“Hey, Schtu-ball!” his father chimes from the other side of the country, three hours ahead. He hears a faint shuffle over the line, and then the beginnings of guitar accompaniment as the man begins to sing:

“Happy birthday to you~!”

Dad ends the line with a resounding vibrato, and a few extra jazzy chords for good measure.

“Heh heh, thanks,” he says, bashfully blushing at the attention, and gazing across the loose sands as if ensuring the secret of his birth hasn’t swelled into a nauseatingly public affair like half of his birthdays had since the start of Era 3. “Gotta say, the impromptu guitar solo pushed that to a whole new level. You just get up?”

“Yep! Bright and early. Garnet said you’d probably be awake by now, so I figured I’d call and give ya’ a good greeting to start the day. Lemme guess, you’re down there at the beach already? I think I heard waves.”

Steven’s glance lifts to admire the slowly rising tides, and the promise of each tomorrow that lies beyond. “Hah, you know me,” he says softly, taking a deep lungful of that precious salt-touched air he’s always adored. “I live for the water. Might force myself to go for a swim later before all of you come. Not sure yet,” he says, shrugging as he turns and squints in the wake of the steadily rising sun. “But my therapist said I should probably keep as active as po—“

“It’s your birthday. You do whatever makes you happy, bud,” his dad promptly reminds him, slight concern sticking to his voice. And yes, it’s practically a father’s job to worry, but his chest tightens with lingering guilt for pressing that upon him anyways. Ugh, this is because he said ‘force myself,’ isn’t it?

“Doing my best to,” he lamely offers, hoping it’ll at least end that segment of conversation. He twirls a stray strand of hair around his finger as he scours his memory for something new to offer. Thankfully, his mind quickly lands on the exciting email he received last night. He grins, knowing for sure his dad’ll love this. “Oh, uh- topic change, but I got that last job I applied for, by the way.”

“Oh? The taffy shop one?”

“Yeah! I start on Tuesday.”

“Wow, that’s- that’s awesome! They responded fast, then.”

“Yup,” Steven nods, popping the ‘p.’ “Honestly, it’s nothing much, just stocking and working the register, but it’ll give me some cash to work with.”

Some cash to finally pay for his own food instead of continuously bumming money off his dad. There’s no way he can handle full month’s rent on his own with this minimum wage job, (who on Earth could in this economy), but it might be enough to cover the smaller things. Groceries, electricity, internet. That sorta stuff. Fidgeting on the edge of the stone outcropping, his bare toes dig narrow lines in the sand. He hasn’t really had this discussion with Dad yet, but the mere concept of being wholly reliant on other people steers his mind uncomfortably close to the I’m a Burden Zone. He’d far prefer to feel like he has a stake in the game.

“I know you said you don’t mind supporting me,” he continues in a hesitant tone, twirling his finger through one of his curls, “but I still feel kinda bad—“

“Don’t. I’d rather you not have to stress yourself to the bone about money like I did when I was your age.”

The line shakes for a second. He’s pretty sure he hears the faint clink of a bowl meeting the counter from his dad’s side.

“Dad...?”

“Sorry, bud. Just putting ya’ on speaker. Figured I’d make myself some instant oatmeal,” he says, his voice sounding a bit further away from the microphone. “Goodness, though. Twenty years. That still boggles the mind.”

He gives a soft laugh. “You’re telling me. Could’ve sworn I was twelve just yesterday. And to be honest, it’s... it’s kinda weird sometimes, you know?”

“What is?”

“Being another year older. ‘Cause... well, uh...”

Steven grits his teeth, searching for the most delicate manner in which he can discuss these emotions. The feelings of his past are a really hard topic to dwell on sometimes, even in therapy, and even though he and his dad have long since had scattered discussions about what a poor mental state he was in then, he doesn’t wanna upset him too much.

“There were definitely days I assumed I wouldn’t have a future, or didn’t want one to begin with,” he continues, throat thick. “Back during all the conflict, before Homeworld reformed. And even after that, when I was... you know. And things are better, now, they’re definitely a lot better. But the idea of a ‘future’... even if I’ve got a job, a home, a girlfriend... it’s still weird to think about, I guess.“

There’s a brief silence on the line as this vulnerable admission sinks in.

“Yeah,” Dad replies eventually, clear sorrow in his voice despite how careful he thought he was in phrasing these matters. “I hear ya’.”

With a quick nervous laugh, he scratches at the nape of his neck, fingertips brushing against the thin, wispy strands of hair growing back there. “Geeze, sorry for bringing the mood down so quick. Didn’t even know I had all that on my mind until it spilled right out.”

“No, no! No need for apologies, I’m always here to listen. And in any case, I’m glad you’re in a better place now.”

Steven nods his head to himself in full agreement (momentarily forgetting that his dad isn’t actually here in the flesh to see this response). Sixteen and seventeen really, really weren’t good years for him. And even though he’s put lot of work into himself since then, he can’t help but constantly fear the possibility of relapse. His therapist told him a few sessions ago when he expressed this worry that... relapses into old thinking patterns can be common for people living with C-PSTD, and that it’s important for him to be cognizant of any unusual changes in his patterns and routines so he can quickly intervene with his box of healthy coping tactics, but... geeze. The dark, traumatic destinations his wandering thoughts end up stagnating in when the concept of relapse brushes his mind aren’t fun to acknowledge. It makes him yearn with deafening hunger for a simple switch he could flip, some magic cure-all for his brain that would stop him from having to deal with any of this awful shit in the first place— but of course, cruel universe this can be at times, those don’t exist.

“Speaking of that,” Dad speaks up again after clearing his throat, “how are those new meds treating you? You said last call your doctor was gonna change them, yes?”

“Nah, not change. There’s no need to change types,” he shrugs. “It’s just a dosage shift. And it’s fine, I think. I’ve been on ‘em for a few days, and there’s no problems so far. Brain's been treating me a little better.”

Nightmares aren’t quite as bad.

His energy isn’t totally zapped by noon.

The whirling, panicked trajectory of his thought patterns is a little easier to wrest control of.

All in all, nothing’s perfect, but he certainly feels a good deal more stable than before. Now, if only he can remember to consistently take his meds before he goes to bed like he’s supposed to instead of totally forgetting like he did last night and having to scarf it down when he sees that forsaken capsule in his pill box the next morning. Tsk, tsk.

“That’s real good to hear,” his dad responds to his news.

He flexes his knuckles against his lap, gaze reflexively drifting back towards the welcomed distraction of the tides. “Yeah.”

“Anyways, I, uh...”

“So, party logistics,” he cuts in with an overly cheery tone, changing the topic from his boring mental health crap entirely. “We should probably hash this out now. I know Connie’s planning on dropping around about noon. What’s your guys’ plan? She can probably send Lion to you after she gets here, if you want.”

“Yeah, that’d be best. Pearl said there weren’t any convenient warps nearby. Well, there’s one- but apparently it empties out into an active lava tube. And that’s not exactly Dad-friendly.”

“Aww, you mean you’re not filled with the intense desire to dip your hand into molten lava and shlorp it up like it’s soup?” Steven retorts, only barely holding back his laughter as he thinks of this absurd text thread he had going with Connie a few weeks back, wherein she sent him a video of some volcanic flows and told him, verbatim, that 'despite all logic and reason sometimes I can’t help but look at super viscous lava and think... forbidden s o u p, mmmm.’

“Not particularly, no,” his dad says, sounding thoroughly confused. “I’m- why are you laughing? Is this some sort of weird internet thing I’m not familiar with again?”

He wipes tears from his eyes as he tries to catch his breath. “You, ah- you kinda had to be there, sorry. Anyways, yeah. I’ll have Connie send Lion. I’ll text you right before, how’s that?”

“Sounds great! Can’t wait to see ya’, bud. I’m gonna let you go, now, okay? I can talk your ears off later. Go enjoy your morning. Love you.”

“Love you too, Dad,” he says, grinning. “Bye.”

“Buh-bye.”

Once his dad hangs up he sets his phone beside him on the rock and takes a deep, steady breath, trying to capture the full nuance of each diverse scent in the air. He may just be imagining it, but he swears he’s able to pick out the faint scent of taffy intermingling with the ocean saltiness and the hint of cedar from the nearby state forest. In the end though, whether it’s real or not it’s a welcomed reminder of all the possibility the future holds for him.

He’s twenty now. It’s a brand new decade of life. He’s got a new job lined up, a stable and loving relationship, a supportive family, and plenty of courage in facing the shadows of his past. Sure, so maybe he’ll never know with certainty what will happen— maybe he’ll relapse a little, maybe he’ll still have some bad days sprinkled amongst the good ones— but as he watches the tides flow in to greet him, he smiles... and resolves to just take this year as a renewal of his vow to care for himself as best he can.

[morelikeastrhoelogy]

Some astrological opinions

(positivity edition)

This is from a Cap pov ✨

Aries : Alrighty Aries ! I don’t have many Aries friends in my life, but I am an Aries moon and what I can say about the few Aries people I met is : even if you can be very confrontational and impulsive, at least I know you’re speaking what you truly think on the instant - like, you aren’t the type to stab people in the back, you stab your opponent and look him/her in the eyes. And do you know how rare it is nowadays ? Sometimes you can judge one’s moral values by the way they treat their own enemies. Also, you guys are young souls in the reincarnation cycle, hence why you often got so much energy to make bold choices or actions - and honestly, that’s refreshing, we need to feel new energies in our lives, which you always bring with yourselves ! 🔥

Taurus : Tauruses, I’m always so protective with you, I think you are so underrated ! Perhaps that’s because you are so reliable ? You are among the first people I instinctively trust when I get in a new school, a new town, and once you start sticking around someone, you don’t let them down - this may be part of your stubborn attitude ahah. You are what I would call « root » friends, and what’s really delightful with you is that we don’t necessarily need to know each other’s full life stories to share nice and warm moments together. Simple friendships are sometimes what we need the most to reconnect with ourselves, and you are the kind of people that always make people feel home. Also ? You know how to keep your close friends’ secrets - which don’t prevent you from judging them though 👀

Gemini : Alright, two of my very good friends are Gemini, and let me tell you : you guys are the people that make Caps like me feel fun when I have to do social interactions. There’s such a fun, dynamic energy with you and it’s contagious, you are my partners in crime and actually, long-lasting ones. For Earth signs, I think you bring this light-hearted vibes we desperately need sometimes, and I think the world would be definitely less bold and less funny without you to try out things I would secretely regret not trying. Also, when it comes to serious issues, you are among the first to help, even when I expect it the least, which makes you more trustworthy than what the cliché says. I wouldn’t say reliable though, but it’s not a criticism, it’s more because you have so many projects that you can easily adapt or change your plans depending on what you’re currently interested in. I’m speaking more specifically of Gemini girls here btw - sorry guys, I really don’t know you much... 🌪

Cancer : Cancers, you are the sweetest, most genuine and softest people I’ve ever known. I thank the Universe for sending you in my life, because you are the people that help me learning to embrace a softer, more vulnerable side of my personality, especially Cancer boys, who are among my best friends. As an Earth sign (and a Cap), I’d say we complete each other’s needs, and you guys bring us emotional liberation, which is priceless. You always care for you friends and you deserve to be cared about just as much, please don’t forget this. Also, Cancer girls : you are f i e r c e. And you know how many meanings can this word hold for you. 🧡

Leo : A round of applauses for the Diva of the Zodiac ! While it is true most of my Leo relatives and friends love attention and drama, they are actually the sweetest when their affection comes right from the heart and not from the ego. Most of them hold their eccentricity from a lowkey lack of confidence, though. You are the type of friends who will act generously to show your love, you just love to find the right attention for each of your friends and honestly, I am grateful for having a few Leo relatives because they always help me bringing out a more extrovert and fun side, just like Geminis. I’d say the difference with you and Geminis are that your energy comes from the fire of your heart while Geminis are literally free, non-rigid spirits, which give them the same vibes but I’d say you’re a bit more of a sentimentalist compared to them. Finally, I’d like to say that my father figure was a Leo too and he wasn’t necessarily « extra » like the cliché, Leos can be quiet and humble too, but their generous, affectionate heart will always betray them - when it’s not your ego, ahah. 🦁

Virgo : Dear Earth fellow, I think Caps and Virgos are very similar in their rational way of thinking and organizing their life. Along with Tauruses, you feel safe and I just know I can rely on you when I have a project going on. I’m not necessarily talking about business project, although it could be : it can be something personal, which is much more important, and I know I can trust you to have my back. You are very protective when you love someone - and also ? quite kinky for some of you. Yeah, people say you are control freaks, that you have a problem with authority but you know what ? Most of the Virgos I know don’t have that problem, or rather : they start off like this, and with time, they become of the chillest friends I know, unless when they start panicking about something they didn’t expect or didn’t know how to handle. You sure don’t like to feel your ego hurt, and you won’t spare your words when you attack back, but that’s also because you do know how to choose your words, almost like Water signs, but in a more calculating way - and I mean it in a neutral way, like it can be used to find peace in a argument too, because you are very observant of the people around you, what triggers them and what appeases them. 🦢

Libra : Libras, you’re going to hate me for making such a short passage for you, but truth is... I literally don’t know any Libra in my life. However, from what I know and the few Libras I met in my life, I’d like to say you do stand out with your aesthetic. People say you are always good-looking, but I think this beauty mostly comes out of the fact that your appearance matches your soul, your way of feeling and embracing yourself - and that’s incredibly sexy. Also, that’s definitely something ethereal with you, you are a free spirit like Gemini but even more regarding your social life. You don’t want to be chained to relationships, you let them go with the flow and I think that also comes from your intellectual and emotional attachment to freedom - like the other Air signs. ☁️

Scorpio : I don’t really get the hate around Scorpios. Just like Pisces, they are among the most loyal, dedicated and caring friends I’ve known, even if they may have some trouble expressing what they feel intensely. I don’t mind it, personally, I love how meaningful their little gestures can be, you just know it comes from a honest place ! Your friendships are solid ones too, once someone got your heart. People say you might be manipulative, but again, isn’t it the same reproach for every Water signs ? Tbh, unlike Pisces, I’ve seen you guys be criticized most of the time because of your blunt honestly, and not your lies. You’ re too proud not to say what’s on your mind when it matters to you. Finally, I also love your creativity, I think yours is quite underrated compared to the other Water signs’, I mean, when you channel your intensity into art, you guys come up with such great ideas, I had so much fun writing stories with my Scorpio friend ! 🖤

Sagittarius : My sis is a Sagittarius, and as chaotic our relationship can be, I must admit there’s no one braver than her in my life. She has this fire, this willpower that has always allowed her to bounce back in hard times, and I think that’s what I find most inspiring in Sagittarius. You guys don’t hesitate, you just chase your goals and desires and it’s basically what’s life is for ! Just remember you are allowed to be vulnerable sometimes. Also, I think you are actually very very smart, but in a cooler, « no big deal ��way than other signs (don’t get me wrong though : you know your worth, and you won’t hesitate reminding people), I guess that’s what makes your humor so witty ! Oh, and your fashion aesthetic ? It always carries a part of your personality, you aren’t the type to buy clothes that aren’t of the quality or the brands you like. I actually think you are quite fashionable, but always in your own style. 🐎

Capricorn : Alright my dear fellows, time to give the Goat some appreciation time. Of course one of my best friends is a Cap, because between goats, we understand each other. While it would be difficult to find the good parts of my Cap personality, it is so much easier with this friend. Caps are reliable and loyal, the friendships we offer is made of iron, and we rarely break them, unless we feel truly betrayed or used. Just like Tauruses, we don’t like drama, or at least, we don’t like to start dramas - but judging people ? Oh h o n e y.... Anyway, that’s probably because we have more maturity and mostly self-control in social interactions. Don’t get me wrong : on the inside, we can hold grudges forever as long as our ego thinks it’s important. So, yes we are proud beings, stubborn ones, but that’s also what makes us succeed in our goals and rarely give up, despite our fear of failure and disappointment. Also, I think we can all agree that we are funny as hell, in the goofiest or wittiest ways possible sometimes. Finally, I wanna conclude with something : on the emotional level, we are a lot similar to Scorpios. What we feel is so authentic and dedicated that we often have a hard time to express it, especially since we are also like Virgos in our way of observing people and calculating our words. We might fear it wouldn’t be worth the risk, so we keep it inside and express our love in subtle, yet genuine and protective ways, with gifts or caring advises for example. 🐐

Aquarius : Ohh, Aquarius, I had the most amazing and heart-breaking friendships with you. I know a lot of people have a negative experience with Aquarius, but I think that’s because our own expectations of them end up being betrayed instead of accepting them as they are, including their boundaries and their conception of relationships. You don’t owe anything to any of your friends, if this friend doesn’t stimulate you anymore, on an intellectual or emotional level, you won’t fake it, you won’t force it, you just follow your guts, even if that person used to be your best friend or that person you used to text every day and night. Friendships last as long as you have fuel to feed them with these free spirits. These old souls don’t have time anymore to keep superficial friendships for old time’s sake, they want mature, profound connexion, and when they actually fall in love and let down their rational, cold-looking wall ? They become devotee of their lover. There’s no in-between with you Aquariuses : it’s ride or die, the spiritual, intellectual or emotional connexions you share are intense, often fusional for a time, and the best thing to do with you is to enjoy it while it lasts and respect your boundaries. 🌬

Pisces : Let’s end up with the oldest souls of the zodiac ! Maybe the ancient age of your soul explains why you understand so well the mechanisms of the soul ? I think you definitely are the moms of the Zodiac, more than Cancers, but that’s a bit despite yourselves. You didn’t ask for this, it’s something you genuinely feel, as your soul remembers its past experiences. I do think most of you guys partly suffer from this empathy and these overflowing emotions when you don’t manage to channel them through exercices or art. Tragic thing is, when you reincarnate, you forget you are an old soul, and yet, you are born with the feelings and intuition of an old soul, which can take some times to figure out. I think this is the main reason why people often accuse you of being toxic or having boundary issues. That’s why I also don’t agree when people call you the baby of the zodiac. You are no baby, you are the oldest of them all, and you don’t know what to do with what your soul has acquired during all these past lives. Also, even if you are caring and very compassionate, you have to admit you do have a strong ego too. It’s okay, no need to repress it, everybody got one and we won’t throw rocks at you for showing it when you lose your temper 🌊

[wingsoffireaus]

Okay... Finally getting around to this. Originally just wanted to let things settle so I could be super calm and collected and not as emotional. But then other things happened and so it's taken a bit longer. But here we are. My thoughts on Dangerous Gift. Spoiler warnings and all that fun stuff. Also some trigger warnings towards the end. I'll warn again before I get to it.

First the good stuff. I already mentioned it but I feel like this book is more of a character study. Not only of Snowfall but kind of again a dive into IceWings as a whole.

And just like Winters book I found that fascinating. However here we got to see someone who has honestly always thrived in said society. While with Winter he always struggled.

Snowfall was always on top. Honestly it seems like the only time she's struggled was when she became queen. I feel like it wasn't as deep of a dive as there could've been though. Like I think Lynx would have been a truly interesting take on this. Since she comes from a lower noble family. Like... Still not truly low low in the circles. But still I think that would have been more interesting. But y'know I'm still happy with this.

Snowfall is kind of your basic take on ruler who became a ruler way too young. Shes always trying to be a strong queen. Or at least what she believes is a strong queen.

But she is dealing with the trauma of Darkstalker and that whole... Fun thing. And you know what. I will say this. I'm glad the empathy spell wasn't a cure all. Like that was kind of a nice more realistic approach. Like... I don't know you have all heard my hatred of the ending of Darkness of Dragons. Like I'm sorry just... It felt a bit like a cop out. I mean out of all the choices in the book I didn't mind it as much. But I'm glad it wasn't just a "boom! Fixed it!" Like it seemed to be. I mean they didn't even let the armies settle down and talk it out. No they sent them to their rooms to think about what they've done. (Also getting rid of Winter. Oh well right?) Sorry I'll stop.

But yeah. Snowfall heard some nasty things during that encounter. Which clearly effected her. Add that to her trauma over her mother's death and you're just asking for trouble. As well as a crown that enforces hatred towards NightWings. (Thanks Diamond!) And it's just... A lot.

Speaking of the crown I... Don't know how I feel about that. Like I feel like it was kind of a cop out. Systematic hatred can and is enough. It felt more like it was giving an out for Snowfall. When literally she already had enough reasons to kind of explain her hatred and fear of NightWings. Does that mean she was in the right? Absolutely not. Does that mean we needed the hatred crown? I don't think so. Like... Bias is a real thing we deal with today. When children are taught to hate things by their parents or the people around them of course they're going to have issues with them as adults. And then teach it to their children. I don't know. The more and more I think about it I don't like the crown twist.

Now speaking of enchanted jewelry. The ring... I mentioned before they need to label their stuff better. But y'know I guess there is a reason it was labeled so vaguely but still. Label your artifacts guys.

But how do I feel about the empathy ring? ... It's okay. Like... I don't know guys. When I was reading the book it was a neat little gimmick. And I think I liked it because I think people could use something like this today. But I don't know.. now it almost feels kind of like "this character needs empathy... Ahah! Empathy ring." Instead of interacting with people and learning emotions and stuff. I don't know... I get it. But I feel like it's got nothing on a character slowly opening up on their own. Maybe I need to reread it... But I don't feel like it right now. I will bring this up later though cuz.. I think there's something that really could have done with it.. and it honestly makes another decision made later on even worse. But I am saving this for last. Cuz oh boy is that a rant.

Now.. how about Crystal romance? It's... Fine. It could've been done so much better. Like... Imagine this.

Instead of her meeting him during the war... What if she met him after? Hear me out okay.

So in the beginning they seem to be hinting that Crystal has ptsd from the war right? Well. That seems to be dropped as soon as she reappears. And I HATE that. Especially if instead of her ptsd being one of the reasons she wasn't chosen as queen.. it was because of her lovestruck romance with a MudWing. Like... Boooo... I mean I don't mind that he's a MudWing at all. In fact I think that could be a very cute pairing idea. But boo... That's one of the lamest reasons to not be chosen as queen in my opinion. Like... I get it. Oh Glacier thinking of her daughters feelings. Y'know what that's great and all. But what if Crystal legitimately was the best candidate for Queen? I'm sorry. I hate to be that person but sometimes you have to suck it up and just be Queen. Cuz your people should be the first priority.

And I mean on the other spectrum I guess Glacier could have also been thinking that? I don't know. When we get a look into her head. (I did really really love this scene btw guys. It's very cute. And it's scenes like that that make me not hate the ring) Glacier is definitely thinking to herself that Snowfall is the one of the three who would fight and fight for her tribe.

And y'know to be fair I don't think Crystal would have. I just don't. But I still think it would've been more interesting for her to be kind of fragile and suffering through ptsd.

Anyway continuing on. How I would have done her romance. They meet after the war. Crystal has been suffering through ptsd. And unsurprisingly she is getting no support from her tribe. Everyone is waking on egg shells around her. Or maybe even pushing her to overthrow Snowfall which is the last thing she wants to do.

So she leaves. She remembers her cousin Winter is living in a place called sanctuary and goes to him. He understands the need to escape the royal family and welcomes her. (Hey some cute cousin bonding over their family and tribe kind of sucking. Woo! Now we just need Hailstorm over here.)

While there she meets Gharial. Who is going through his own traumas from the war. (I mean we don't even hear about his sibs which is concerning to me.) He's not the sharpest icicle in the bunch. Nothing like she would have imagined for herself. But he's sweet. He listens to her. Understands a lot of what she's going through. And even when he doesn't he still holds her when she cries.

And when Snowfall finds her. Eventually confronting her about their relationship. (Let's be real here the Snowfall was slow on relationships in this book.) Asking her sister if they're together Crystal says something like this.

"I'm not sure what we are. Friends confidants... Maybe I do love him. Or will grow to love him. It's too soon to tell. All I know is when I'm with him things hurt a little less. I can breathe a little better. He makes me feel like I'm worth more than some dingy little crown. And that's all that matters to me."

See this? I think this would be way more interesting than forbidden love. But y'know I'm just me. And this is just a thought.

Now continuing on... Scavengers.

I hate this. I hate this guy's. I'm sorry.

Like I love Sky. And I really like Wren. But I don't like this. I don't like that they're coming in to save the day in the third arch. I legitimately thought they were being saved for the fourth arch. Not thrown in here. Just... Ugh.

I'm sorry. If you like this it's totally valid! I just don't.

I didn't like it when it was announced that the next Legends was going to be about Scavengers. And honestly the book itself was... Decent. And hey I even liked the epilogue with Prince.. undauntable? Is that is name? I liked what that seemed to be setting up.

But I'm sorry guys. Them showing up at the end of arch three feels like deus ex machina. And I feel bad saying this but kind of kills me enjoyment for the rest of the arch for me I think.

Admittedly it was funny seeing Winter react. And even declare he'd die before letting anything happen to Wren but... Still. Just blegh. I don't like it. I'm sorry that I don't like it.

It was good to see Sky and Wren again. But I feel like this would have been better for a quick Cameo than an actual... Whole thing. I'm just not into it. I'm sorry.

Okay gonna end this here. Originally this was going to be an extra long post. But then I lost this last bit. And then I accidentally posted this early so yay. But honestly it might be better to post in parts. Cuz the next part will be covering some... Triggering stuff. I will post trigger warnings along with spoiler warnings. But next time I'll talk about Jerboa. And why the more and more I feel like she just... Didn't need to exist. As harsh as that sounds.

But I'll leave this here. Anyone have any thoughts? Any different opinions? Please let me know! But please be respectful. These are just my thoughts. If anyone is a jerk just to be a jerk you'll be ignored. But I am open to different opinions. In fact please change my mind on some of these things.

Especially the Scavengers. Cuz I hate that I don't like where that's going. Believe it or not I don't like not liking things guys. I'm just too critical at heart I think.

[t-lostinworlds]

Blurb #1 (T.H.)

Requested by @nerdy-collector-festival: U basically broke me with 'the choices we make' and u are one of the best writers, I don't know if Ur taking requests or not but could u do something fluffy where during quarantine Tom and the others play the readers songs out loud and they know the lyrics to all of her songs (she is also staying with them)... I guess it could part of the 'extra' universe because I loved that some much, LOVE YOU 💞

~~~

A/N: Omg alsksk I’m sorrrry but gosh, thank you so much love! 🥺 you’re too sweet ❤️ and ily too 🥰 So, I wrote this fairly quick like magic it from thin air, my apologies if it’s not great ahah. Hope you like it! 💕

Pairing: Tom Holland x Fem!Singer!Reader

Warnings: Is ‘Tom sorta twerking’ a warning?

Word Count: 1.1k+

Masterlist in Bio

SONG: Selfish by Talia Mar (give it a listen you guys, it’s such a good song.)

-:-:-:-:-

You're always the last one to wake up in the house.

In your defense, your label was based in LA and you were in London, time difference and such. And this week, you were preparing to release a new single so your nights mostly consist of video calls for promos, interviews and meetings.

Last night—midnight to be specific—said single dropped so you interacted with fans, thanked the people for their support and all that lovely jazz.

You're a busy woman basically and you had every right to sleep in.

None of the boys minded though. They always respected your sleep, even prepares you breakfa—brunch to start your day with a smile, though you didn't expect today to be slightly different.

Groggily, you reached for your phone on the bedside table to see that it was already 11:15 AM. With a proper stretch, you got out of bed, hair a mess as you sported Tom's hoodie and some sleep shorts. You've live with these boys for a while, you could care less about your appearance around them.

The moment you opened the door however, your ears immediately perked up at the strikingly familiar sound. It was when you reached the middle of the staircase when you could put a pin on what it was, given that all you heard was your own voice.

You arrived in the kitchen in the nick of time, eyes landing on four boys dancing to their hearts content, one boy in particular with more energy than the rest.

"What kind of fever dream is this," you mumbled to yourself, amused smile on your face as you watched them jam it out to none other than your latest released single.

"I know I'm hard but that's part of it, you could leave but you are still here," Harry started, dance moves whatever as he passed the wooden spoon to Harrison. "Nowhere to go but you could've gone, should have known I'm the one you really want," Haz continued, chucking the spoon back to Harry once he was done with his line.

"I'm selfish, I'm selfish, I'm selfish, when it comes to you," Tuwaine answered next as he gave Harry a bowl. What they were cooking? You had no idea, but the kitchen does smell great so you take that as a good sign.

You were purely surprised at the fact that they know the words so well already. They haven't heard this before. Well, Tom heard a snippet but that's about it. How long have they had this on repeat?

Speaking of said boy, your eyes then landed on him next, his grin all wide as he shuts his eyes to sell his emotions. "I can't help it, can't help it, crazy things that I do," Tom sang his heart out, arms up in the air as he sways his hips like the dork that he is.

That's when you couldn't hold it in, throwing your head back as you laughed with pure delight, the sound making Tom snap his eyes towards you but he didn't stop singing. He just danced his way towards you, holding the notes of the song pretty well as he does his go-to lasso move with a shit eating grin.

You couldn't help but shake your head in disbelief, covering your face with both hands in feign embarrassment. When you peeked between your fingers, all you see is your boyfriend dancing around you in the goofiest—slightly seductive—way that he can, hips doing number 8's, ass right up at your view as your song came out of his lips like second nature.

"What is going on?" you asked with a laugh as you felt the heat rush to your cheeks due to Tom's little dance. You lowered your hands to look around at the boys for answers, who only shrugged with laughs of their own, Harrison recording the whole thing.

"Thomas!" you shrieked in surprise when he suddenly pulled you to him, spinning you around to the beat of the song.

Tom was absolutely proud because one, his girlfriend had just released a new banger and is just doing so well with her career. And second, well, the song is about him, it does boost his ego a tiny bit. And by tiny, he means through the roof.

"Like the song?" you asked with a giggle, arms now resting over his shoulder while his took home on your hips, both of you swaying side to side.

"Love it," Tom gushed, grin wider and brighter as he guides you to do a twirl before pulling you back close to him, arms now securely wrapped around your waist.

"Hmm, cause it's about you?" you teased, eyes narrowed as you looked at your man suspiciously.

"Of course, duh?" Tom scoffed playfully, earning a pointed eye-roll from you. He chuckled. "Kidding, it's such an amazing song darling, and you sound so fucking incredible oh my God, your voice. So proud of my superstar," he groaned, leaning closer to press his forehead against yours.

"I can't help it, can't help it; crazy things that I do. When I need you, I come back to you; I'm selfish, I'm selfish when it comes to you," you sing the last chorus to him. Tom face's glowed like the sun with a grin, heart melting at the seams as he lets out a low growl, almost like a purr at the sweet sound of your voice.

You bit your bottom lip with a giggle at his reaction, a clear indication that he loves this song way too much.

"Now, don't do that when you're here singing to me like an angel, sweetheart," he warned with a raise of a brow, tip of his nose nudging teasingly with yours, a certain gloss now covering his brown orbs.

"I do want thank you," you sassed, Tom shaking his head at you with a low chuckle. He was about to lean even closer as he wants nothing more than to give you a kiss, to take your bottom lip in his own teeth, but before any of you could even move a muscle you got interrupted.

"Oi! Not in front of my salad!" Harrison exclaimed. Tom jumped in his skin at the loud voice as he slowly turned his head to glare at his best friend, everyone erupting in pure laughter right after.

"I'll deal with you later," Tom whispered in your ear, sending you a suggestive wink and a squeeze on the waist before he lets you go to set the table for lunch.

You could only shake your head with a smile, Tom replaying the song again as the boys sang to it without problem.

It was a guarantee the there's chaos when living with these lads, but despite it, the fun and laughter always transcends it all. And you wouldn't spend your quarantine anywhere else.

-:-:-:-:-

Like, Reblog, and Leave a Comment if you enjoyed and lemme know what you think! x

Tom H. Taglist: @spacebitch2 @hollanddolanfangirl @keepingupwiththehollands @hollandsamor @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh @unbelievableholland @vinylmendes @kittenruby​

send me a message/ask if you want to be added/removed to the tom h. taglist loves!

[icharchivist]

Hi same nonny as usual haha! You asked for my thoughts on the spring troupe so now that I've finished the summer troupe debut I'm going to knock out two birds with one stone! I liked summer troupe a lot more then spring troupe. Not that I didn't like spring troupe! I just think that they didn't really communicate with each other?

The only reason why sakuyas issue with swordfighting was resolved was because masumi happened to be eavesdropping on a convo with the director, and why someone knew about itarus injury was because of citron noticing. I'm not saying there was no communication at all these two issues just. Bothered me so much the swordfighting one a lot more then the injury. The thing that bothers me about the injury is that itaru wasn't like. Told off for not telling anyone about his injury. Cause he could have seriously damaged his foot or something. I get that in the future there's probably going to be character development for itaru that lets him open up more to his troupemates. The swordfighting one just felt like a cop out to have a "moment" between sakuya and the director instead of having sakuya discuss that stuff with his troupe (which, bleh do not care for the characters flirting with the director at all. wish it wasn't there but I get why they do it.)

Despite my griping I did really enjoy spring troupe! They were fun! They just felt less trusting of each other then summer troupe at the end of day. And I get that char Dev will prob happen bout that but still haha. That's my thoughts on spring troupe! I could just be horribly misremembering the entire episode but oh well!

I know I said I'd also do summer troupe in this ask but it's already horribly long and I'm writing this on my phone. I'll get to that later. Thanks for reading my rambling that has not been proofread at all or edited. Hopefully it makes some sense hahaha. Thanks for introducing me to a3 it's tons of fun.

aaahh thanks for sharing!!!

honestly i kinda get where you’re coming from. I really love Spring, but it’s especially now in insight of their development. On first read, i think the thing especially was that the chapter was more about setting up some of the most major issues of the universe (the debts, the way  to arrange themselves in that new environment ect..) that therefore the characters issues may be not as focused as the others chapters?

(also for character flirting with MC there will be only 2 in main stories that do that a lot, one of which is Masumi, and the other isn’t much flirting as just hopelessly in love. Not much we can do about it but honestly once you move on from spring if this really holds you down, it will ease off at least, even if there’s a few thingss here and there stil)

Summer was the moment i really fell in love with the game, i really, really adore Summer’s dynamic and it was just. so good to go through.

As for the things you bring up about Spring, on one hand on first read i think i get you, but yeaaaah in insight of all we learn about the characters, it’s really not that far fetched ahah.

For Sakuya imo it’s really just that he freaked out because of his abandon issues and i don’t really see him discussing it with Spring yet at this point? Like. Sakuya is terrified of not being good enough and being abandoned as a result, like all of his relatives ever did. So he tries to compensate. When Masumi just brought up that they’ll just replace him, i don’t find it far fetched that Sakuya freaked out about it and failed to explain it to Masumi at the time. 

Those very same issues also lead Sakuya to hold on everything bad ever to himself. The reason he opens up to Izumi, more than her just coming to him there, is that she already proved before that she wasn’t willing to abandon him, if only by how she took up the theater because of his passion to start with. And, just, timingwise. 

And i think Sakuya wouldn’t have taken reassurances from his others troupesmates who have already made clear they believed in him, because i think Sakuya would be more crushed with the idea that they’re just being polite and kind with him. Because he knows he’s failing and the others’s way to reassure him would probably have made it worse. He needed reassurance 1) from the director who at this point has already started to be giving more constructive critisms, 2) Masumi, who’s the one who caused those insecurities by the fact he doesn’t hold back. But i don’t see him reach of to Masumi with how hostile Masumi has been to everyone up until that point. (i have more thoughts but that’d be me overreading it too but dKJFDLKF a3 makes my brain go brr)

As for Masumi, this kid has serious communication issues (only child with no friends and no parents around? oof) and i don’t think he would have reached out to Sakuya or even figured something was wrong otherwise.

Are those just easy way out for the writers? maybe, but that’s just how writing is isn’t it? if you want to make even some “artificial” conflict, you need to make it believable why this conflict exist even in the first place. 

Honestly the swordfighting issue doesn’t strike like that to me, and those are all about things that are shown in the Spring chapter itself, but i suppose since i also know those things are expended on, it does add a layer of “this was made with depth for their characters in mind” imo.

Also i think if Masumi hadn’t eardropped, Izumi would have talked to him about it, being the mediator and all of that, and i think Masumi would have understood then. I don’t think Masumi was unwilling to understand, but that he lacked the groundwork to understand it. and we mostly were spared from having to repeat the scene with Izumi telling him about it.

Idk if i see Sakuya managing to tell it to Masumi even after this talk? I think Sakuya is the kind to take all of his pain in silence and assume responsibilities for everything that goes wrong, and i don’t think he would have felt comfortable opening up with that, especially since, as he tells Izumi, he genuinely feels like *he’s* the failure about it (and as Izumi tells him, it’s not his fault if others people don’t try either. Sakuya was made to believe that he had to take full responsibility when a relationship doesn’t work because of his relatives, and i think he was set on doing the same with this Massu’s situation, and the reason he could share it with Izumi is because she’s not the person he’s taking responsibility for). On top of that, Sakuya remains Masumi’s elder, and Sakuya does want to be someone people rely on - he wants to be a big brother figure, and i think he wouldn’t have wanted or known how much of this responsibility he could share with Masumi knowing that. And i don’t think it’s healthy! but it’s perfectly understandable from Sakuya’s perspective and the specific way he shoulders responsibilities because i will fistfight his family his family sucked.

As for Itaru, on this one we only got the reveals about how deep this lack of trust Itaru had for people ran only recently, so imo early on you just need to take it at face value and hope when you get to know more, it’ll click. Realizing he doesn’t want to be alone anymore and wants to be more with Spring is a turning point from this set up about him, so he can only develop from here.

For why no one really told him off about it, i guess i can understand the grip ahah. imo i think everyone worried already enough that he was talking about leaving the company this was the priority to discuss and i do think talking about his ankle at that point may have not worked with the pacing of the emotional moment. I wouldn’t have minded seeing some of them being more worried about it in general though.

In the end the thing with Spring is that aside from Tsuzuru, they are all people who come from background where communication isn’t their forte. Sakuya fears he’s never good enough, Masumi never even had to face how lonely his life had made him until now (and i think he specifically lashes on the director because it’s the first time he feels like he wants a connection with anyone in his life and he doesn’t know what to do with it. I find his obsession creepy imo but i also see where it’s coming from), Itaru has severe trust issues and rather be solo in general, and Citron hides a lot about himself.

and i think, we have Tsuzuru has never been really alone ever, and he takes a lot of responsibility, (though there’s a few things about his background we learn later that shows he still has similar struggles than the rest of his troupe regarding some.. broken connection, which he vagues at in the Spring chapter (... which is something i only noticed on my reread knowing that so i wouldn’t blame you for not catching it))  but he’s also trying to do things for himself for once in his life. Ultimately he knows how to communicate more in general but he has that going on for him, and especially, i think his way to communicate or connect may be too foreign for the rest of the troupe for a smooth connection off the bat.

All of them are trying to connect in their own ways coming from those complicated feelings they have about connection imo... and i do find it fascinating. 

I see Spring a lot like, the kids who had to grow up too fast and the adults who are unhappy with where their adult lives have taken them and the expectations pushed upon them who yet are trying to cope on their own mostly because they have reasons to feel unsafe otherwise. (Tsuzuru is a bit in between imo bc he’s not “unsafe” yet and he’s already taking himself back in hands with the expectations things, but anyway, i am. trying to keep it short, believe it or not) And they’re still navigating where that leaves them as people, and where that leaves them in their connection with others, and especially with each other because in the end they’re all yearning to connect especially with one another, and just don’t know how to reconcile this desire with who they have been all this time to cope through all of this.

All of this is present in the Spring intro chapter but ^^” i could imagine that without having the full picture those aren’t things that may be easily picked up as important for their characterizations. But honestly there’s a throve of details in the writing to flesh them out when you know where to look and i find it fascinating. (but also i like. relived this chapter 5 times, 4 of which after i’ve seen most of their development, and my first read is so long ago i think i just overthink everything DLKJFDLKF and like, Spring was one of my least favorite at first read bc i struggled to connect with them, so it’s not like i don’t get you, it’s just. nowadays, spring is care spring is love and i cry over their intro chap a lot.)

Anyway i guess i get what you felt still, but, idk maybe i feel strongly about it ahah, i like the way the characters stand out from one another even in the moments that are probably just.. stupid, but in a “they wouldn’t know how to do better because of what’s holding them back” way.

i feel like “lack of communication” is a problem every troupe have to various degree and for different reasons, but the whole thing is about trying to figure out how to fix that and work it with them. Some are more forward than others (like, Summer, mostly because Tenma and Yuki are stubborn and loud and straightforward in their own way)(”than others” i have so much to say about this i’m holding back dLKFJD) but i think it depends also a lot on some thematic it wants to tackle and the spirit of the characters in each troupe. It changes as the story progresses but yeah after all, they are all strangers. And while the game mentions they have a few months to prepare for their play, it was reckoned that every play takes one month to prepare, so it doesn’t really give a lot of time on their first play to really figure out everything they need to work on.

Spring, in essence, as a season, is about blooming back after Winter, after sadness and hardship, and learning how to slowly open up again. So imo their intro chap have to reflect that slow progress for them. While Summer can afford to be more loud, straight to the point (and even there it’s not always easy), Summer is full of learning from their mistake, living in the Now, in the Moment. So their season thematic reflects a bit in their intro chap at least. (ofc they all grow from there though but that’s still interesting imo).

anyway i rambled LDFJDLKFJFDLK

I didn’t mean it in a way to say your reading is invalid though!! sorry if it feels that way, i’ve tried rewriting it a few times DLKFJDLFK i just have a lot of emotions about Spring and the points you mentioned made me think about some stuff about it. 

ANYWAY

if you want to share your thoughts about summer too and the rest you’re always welcomed o7 i’m glad you’re still enjoying your stay, and i hope you’ll keep enjoying the ride!

And Take care!

[cant-think-of-a-username]

Hi!! I have never gotten this before so I thought it would be super cool to ask for one ahah

may i be matched to a haikyuu character? 🥺 thank you!! <3

Pronouns: she/her

Gender Preference: male

MBTI Type: I just took it for the 1000th time a few days ago and got INFP-T (but I would tend to also get ISFP dsfkjs)

Astrology Placements: Scorpio Sun, Pisces Moon, Gemini Rising, Sagittarius Venus, Pisces Mars (if it helps)

Physical Description: long straight black hair that reaches the middle of my back, dark brown eyes (that apparently makes me look like i have eyeliner sometimes) with long thick black eyelashes, light-medium neutral skin, 5'5", i apparently have long legs, thick thighs, cute butt (LMAO im just listing wut ppl have described of me too sdfkj), soft hands with quite long fingers, pretty basic body i would say sdfjhsd, and i apparently make things look expensive (i love fashion) i would say the best way to describe what i wear is probably (dark) academia but i like just wearing whatever i like--i don't like to limit myself to a certain aesthetic.

Personality Description: with new people/in first meeting, i tend to be quiet or generally don't speak much but once i warm up to you, im a really playful person or at least i really enjoy acting that way.

im honest but i should remember that my words can cut sometimes (rip), ive been described to be incredibly kind (sdfkh)... maybe because i tend to put so much energy and effort and time into other people or my relationships (friends, family, literally anyone that comes into contact with me for a decent amount of time)

i tend to act or do things according to how i feel but despite having that trait of mine or having that inclination, i can still very much be realistic. as i act according to how i feel, i have been described to act younger than my age and i doooo and i aint gonna deny it pfftt ima OWn That sHiT

i have no problem with acting like a child. i love rain, i love water, i love the ocean, i love cafes or the smell of coffee, i love the smell of fresh laundry and feeling the warm fabric (caused by drying in the sun or from a dryer lmfao) of whatever it may be (clothes, bedsheets) on my fingertips..

i love self development or just trying to be better and combined with me loving or liking a lot of different things, i try a lot of things--therefore not really becoming a master at anything dkjfhfsd. and because of that.. (i think) because i try a lot, putting quite a bit of effort into my.. goals (i have perfectionistic and overachieving tendencies) i guess.. when it fails (ofc) im incredibly disappointed, and become pretty... fucking sad hhh and when that happens.. i start to become more lazy/complacent 🤡

..bonus (if u wanna sprinkle some "angst" i guess LMAOO): i overthink a lot (so i start to have difficulty making smarter decisions or thinking of strategies to solve my problems + i still have a sprinkle of self-esteem issues of course... feeling incredibly incompetent is not foreign to me) so i could exaggerate my troubles or make a problem out of nothing 😶, im quite emotional, i have the "dismissive avoidant" attachment style, feeling hopeless quite often aint foreign to me either 😭

bonusbonus: (wow dont i love talking about myself? sdfknsd) i love corgis

Hobbies: dancing, witchcraft, astrology, divination, spirituality, reading fan fiction (LMAOOOO), reading visual novels/playing otome games, painting, drawing, looking into psychology in some type of manner, netflix, swimming, watching anime i guess, trying new things, learning something (new)

Ideal Date: tbh going to a concert of an artist we both enjoy, an arcade or an amusement park (im like a scaredy cat but im almost 100% sure im more likely to go for the “scary” rides if i was with someone i enjoyed hanging out with anyway), probably going on a tropical vacation (cus, beach anddd water activities), water amusement park !!

A Must Have in my Partner: they have to be okay with me pursuing my goals lol; i already have a problem with putting too much energy into others that i dont get to direct that energy onto myself.. so someone who has my best interest in mind + being considerate of me (because.. of that dismissive avoidant attachment style i would say--im just saying this because its the best that i can describe it) and they should be okay with my childlike actions/tendencies lol (like... they shouldnt be repulsed or something like that--that they treat me unpleasantly because of it or something) (oops i just realized thats more than one when u asked just.. one)

extra information: a short drabble would be amazing !!

sorry this was pretty messy and i pretty much just babbled LMAOO

but again, if ever you get to do this (or even if u dont..)

thank you so much!!!

i hope you have an amazing rest of your day hihi <3

sorry it took me a while ! i was just really busy lately and barely got time to write 😅

hope u enjoyy :)

I ship you with..

Nishinoya Yuu !!

- You are the most gorgeous person he knows ;)

- he literally shamelessly approached u the moment he laid eyes on u

- even with ur somewhat quiet first impression, he never gave up making u eventually warm up to him

- doesn’t really mind brute honesty, in fact he thinks of it as a form of bravery

- he also loves seeing your childish side since he himself has one too

- wanna dance around in the rain ?? he will 100% join u !!

- he loves how determined u are to get better and will constantly tell u how proud of you he is for it

- even if things dont go ur way sometimes he will comfort u and tell u that its completely normal to fail sometimes

- there is no overthinking on his watch !

- noya knows how bad it feels and that u definitely deserve a little break but he wont let u laze around too much, trying to help u get back up on ur feet and regain ur confidence is something he never fails to do

- he loves watching u do what u love and is always willing to join u (not that he is always fully understanding of what he is doing)

BONUS :

Cheering you up on a bad day..

You were getting frustrated trying to fix a mistake you made on one of your paintings. You let out a loud groan hiding your face in your hands in exhaustion, finally giving up. Hearing a loud knock on your door, you tell whoever is outside to come in. “HEY, HOW WAS YOUR- ....day ?” noya looks at you with concern in his eyes. “are you okay ?” “yeah i’m fine, its just that this painting won’t look right no matter what i do” you sigh.“maybe i should just throw it away” “you are not gonna throw it away” he says, his tone completely different from before, more serious in fact. “you might just be tired now, so don’t you dare give up now. you can always try again tomorrow” he says walking towards you and holding your hands in his, a little smile forming on his face. “how about you take a break for now ? the sun is really warm and it’s still early; wanna go swimming ?” You look a little unsure. “you still haven’t used that corgi beach towel i got you” he says, wiggling his eyebrows. You chuckle at that, proceeding to look him in the eyes with a small grin forming on you face, “sounds like a plan”...

[mrsgreenworld]

Sen Çal Kapımı Episode 15 aka Soulmates

I know it's never taken me this long to gather my thoughts on a new SCK episode. But as I mentioned in my previous post Mike Flanagan's shows happened to me 😭😩😱

However, I also think it's because I had some mixed feelings regarding the episode. I guess while I was trying to watch it live (trying being the operative word here) the problems with the live stream influenced my overall first impression. I wasn't able to watch a good chunk of the episode and, of course, it got me annoyed and that, I guess, mixed up with my feelings about the episode. But after having rewatched it with subtitles I have a full and clear picture.

All in all it was a nice episode, very light compared to a much heavier angst of earlier episodes. I liked that light-hearted moments and humour were back. It was also a shorter episode which served it well. However, it felt a lot like a filler episode which, in my opinion, did nothing to move the story forward.

The things I loved / liked:

☑️ Eda: she was a true star ⭐ (ahah, pun intended) and the main highlight of the episode for me;

as a woman I was so proud to see her handle this situation with such strength, dignity and self-respect;

unfortunately, despite the old gender stereotypes slowly dying out, despite the fact that women are becoming more and more independent and aware of their value, we are still often portrayed as a weaker sex; I am not talking about physical strength, of course;

we are the ones left, we are the ones who suffer, we are made to love men with everything we have, we build our whole lives around them, we let our world revolve around them... so, when they leave or we lose them for any other reason - it's the end, everything falls apart, we fall apart; I am so sick of still seeing it on screen; that's why I freaking LOVED seeing Eda not fall apart, or at least she didn't fall apart for long;

I loved that she allowed herself to grieve, to cry, to be angry and to express this anger straight to Serkan's face; I think we saw Eda go through her own 5 stages of grief; but she didn't let depression take away more than one night of her life;

I love that Eda found out that Ayfer had contacted the grandma and, while her reaction might have been a bit too emotional (which is actually normal and understandable given she's still hurting after having had her heart broken and stamped on), I really enjoyed Eda protecting her personal boundaries and basically saying to stay the *uck out of her life - you go, girl!👏💪😎

I enjoyed the way Eda handled herself at the office and how she behaved around Serkan; she wasn't stealing lovesick glances at him or just brooding, she wasn't overly hostile, she wasn't running away;

oh, and when Seyfi brought that box, how she handled that - a standing ovation👏👏👏, everyone bow down to my Queen! 👑👸

speaking of that box where Serkan asked Seyfi to gather all of Eda's things, how he ordered to put away all her gifts - as Eda put it "he's trying to get rid of any trace of me"; in a way she's right; Serkan is trying to get rid of everything that could remind him of her and their shared moments but we know it's not because he doesn't love her (like Eda thinks), it's because he does and it's too much for him; and it's such a contrast to Eda who actually said to the girls that she wouldn't throw away or burn or whatever any of Serkan's gifts or other things that remind her of him and them, she openly said that she's not the one to run away from the memories; and it was so powerful - seeing the writers make a woman so undeniably stronger than a man👌👏

I also liked Eda around Efe, there wasn't anything romantic, I think it was completely professional and it didn't feel or look (at least to me) like Eda was trying to use Efe for petty reasons like make Serkan jealous (but of course our boy was jelly nonetheless 👽😁)

the little moment with Aydan: it was nice to see Aydan trying to comfort Eda (I guess she earned a few points for that) and I really liked the message she was trying to deliver - you can find love and happiness again;

I loved seeing Eda take that in, accept the message, agree that she will be ok one day; and I also liked seeing her not accept Aydan's support which felt a little bit like pity; Eda didn't want to be pitied and she said what she thought to Aydan's face; was it a little harsh? maybe, yes; but I understand where it came from and, given how insensitive, hostile, rude Aydan had been towards Eda in the past, Eda not really buying this whole support thing is pretty understandable;

☑️ Edser: whatever state these two are in - deliriously in love, flirty, pissed off, annoyed, lovesick, heartbroken - if they're together on screen it's always glorious;

do I like seeing them angsty and heartbroken? of course NOT! but the longing between them is SO GOOD!����🤩

I loved that they introduced this soulmate theme; it wasn't there front and center but rather woven subtly through the episode: first, of course, pretty openly stated at the very beginning of the episode, in the parallel conversations Eda / the girls and Serkan / Engin; then symmetrically at the very end of the episode - the papers with the names of the drivers for the race, then Serkan being the one to notice Eda's absence, him just feeling her and being led by his heart until he found her - not bad for an emotionless robot, huh?😏😉

THE RINGS!😍😍 glad that they brought Eda's💍ring back into the picture; she demonstratively put it on the middle finger of her right hand; obviously she did it on purpose, she even explained the reason behind this decision - from now on it will serve as a reminder what kind of person Serkan Bolat is; but of course I think there's something deeper at play here; Eda could have easily put the ring on her left hand but she went with her right hand instead, with the middle finger which is so close to where it used to be, where an engagement ring should be - on her ring finger; so I think it's also a way for Eda to be closer to Serkan, it's almost like a phantom of what they used to have as well as of all the things they won't have... I am also 99% sure I am overthinking here and the intentions of writers were much simpler 🙈😆

anyway, I loved that Eda and Serkan both noticed and pointed out aloud that the other was wearing their ring; also Serkan's reasoning "to keep other women away" - why don't you tattoo "I am the property of Eda Yıldız" on your forehead, mister?👀🙈😆 could he be any more obvious?

the coffee scene was priceless 🤣🤣🤣 Serkan was so damn confident that Eda poured that cup for him and then him mumbling "for Efe" under his breath... like an offended child 🙈😆

them fighting looked a lot like flirting and the electricity⚡generated during their arguments could easily power their whole office building - I am sure;

the car ride to the presentation and that presentation itself - while I didn't entirely enjoy it and how controlling Serkan was I cannot help but admire the way his mind works; I also think he was doing it for Eda, it was his way of supporting and looking out for her without being too obvious; this way they also get to work together and even if it's just for work he will be closer to her;

Serkan showing up at that sport motivation thing like a boss 😎 and shamelessly checking Eda out 😏 I mean, was he aware there were other people around? and how is it possible that Eda was still buying the emotionless robot crap? the emotions the guy was looking at her with were enough to melt the glaciers 🔥🥵

and finally - that moment at the sea when Eda told Serkan that he wouldn't have apologized if he hadn't feared for his life; his immediate response was that it wasn't about that, "what if something had happened to you?"; when Eda answered with "Does it matter?" I swear I thought Serkan was gonna take her by the shoulders and shake her;

that jaw tick? man, he was pissed 😤

at Eda - for saying something like that, for being so careless with her life;

at himself - for allowing her to think that it wouldn't absolutely destroy him if something were to happen to her;

but the moment Eda left all anger left him and Serkan just looked... defeated;

☑️ Eda and Efe: might be an unpopular opinion but I actually liked their dynamic in episode 15; as I have already mentioned I didn't see or feel anything romantic and while I still don't trust Efe (him being from Mardin - a coincidence? nope, don't think so🧐) I liked how supportive he was with Eda; I think she needed that push to get back to work; okay, there is very likely some ulterior motive here but at least in this episode he seemed pretty genuine and it didn't look like he was using Eda; he wasn't provoking Serkan that much either;

☑️ Selin and Serkan: a short scene with the two of them in Serkan's office and Selin's reaction to Serkan and Eda's breakup; maybe to someone it may seem too strong but I actually liked Selin calling Serkan out on it like that; honestly I half expected her to find excuses for his behaviour;

☑️ Engin: keeps being a loyal friend who doesn't just offer silent support; I like how he always tries to reason with Serkan, doesn't shy away from telling him unpleasant truth;

glad he was there for Serkan at the very beginning of the episode;

loved how he checked on Serkan at the office and then tried to convince our RoBo that it's ok to not be ok and maybe take a vacation;

then the exchange:

Engin: "So, out of sight, out of mind?"

Serkan: "Exactly"

Engin (spotting Eda coming into the office with Efe): "Interesting how that's gonna work out for you" - interesting indeed 🙈😆;

Things I didn't like / was annoyed with:

❎ Serkan: yes, my baby boy made it into this category - there's first time for everything 🙈😆

just to be clear - he is still my cupcake and I love him dearly but here's the thing: we don't always like those we love;

I think in episode 15 Serkan was controlling and childish; and I completely understand where these tendencies come from but it doesn't mean I am gonna turn a blind eye on this or try to justify his behaviour;

that "Efe left but Serkan is here" scene was intented to be funny and endearing I guess but it was highly manipulative; and when during the car ride Serkan commented on Eda behaving like a teenager I was like "excuse me?! have you met yourself, mister?!" because that manipulation to make Eda go with him was worthy of a 12-year-old 🤨;

❎ Selin: when is she not annoying?🤔 while I liked that she didn't take Serkan's side and called him out on his change of heart, unfortunately, she still managed to make it about herself; it never fails to amaze me how selfish and self-centred this character is;

❎ Alptekin: what a poor excuse of a father and a man he is... almost feel sorry for him;

don't apologize on behalf of your son - he's a grown ass man who is capable of speaking for himself;

apologize for yourself, your mistakes and if you're not ready - then don't go to Ayfer just to make yourself feel better 😤😡;

❎ that almost copy-paste from Erkenci Kuş at the end:

getting lost and falling down into a pit in the forest? been there, done that in EK episode 19;

okay, we had beautiful sea views and they placed it at the end to add more suspense but all in all it was awfully similar and also kinda came out of nowhere;

after that emotional scene between Eda and Serkan we were whooshed into "Eda is not here, let's go find her"; I have no problem with the absence of the moment where she actually fell into that pit - wasn't that necessary - but a scene that could have served as a building block to this would have been good - show Eda going for that walk.

And... that's pretty much it.

Gonna get down to episode 16 now

[chromium7sky]

Four-eyes| one shot damirae

A/n: I'm trying to stretch up my writing muscle before continuing other work. Sorry for crappy idea and crappy sketches.

Either her reason is to cut off from social interacting or just the aesthetic, Damian can't help find himself staring at her as she held her book close up, almost buried her face in it.

'What's with the pose?' Damian mumbled as he seen her sit at the living room, while other member interacting, playing even asking question while she simply choose to isolate herself by reading book way to close as if she literally pushing everyone away from her.

Damian as usual goes to the table which situated near the window and put down some document and report for him to finish and compiling. Other than patrolling, working on clerical stuff makes him busy.

Growing up training to kill, social were never be in his dictionary but it seems Raven's effort in social distancing is a bit...annoying as he seen her at the corner of his eyes while studying the statistic of how many times someone try to mess up banking system at the city then he decided to focus on his paper.

-------

He remember when the first time he was sent to teen titans by his father much to his dismay, the member seems to display a tiny of fear as they look at him like seeing a nightmare but for raven, she keep calm.

He thought she's different perhaps because she's the daughter of demons (the worst one), she takes no judgement. But still, he need to be cautious towards her.

Perhaps it is one of her trait where she tries to calm down her team mates if there's inner tension happening. If Starfire unable to calm down the fight between two boys especially when involves with him.

One thing he can't be control is him being hard head and stubborn to the point Raven almost sent him to another dimension. Raven's patience are not infinite and he definitely not going to be overboard with his attitude. Therefore, it train him to tolerate some of member attitude as well as how to cooperate and using other member's ability to achieve the objective of the mission.

He does prepare some plan and blueprint towards the teen titans member for tactical study. Beast boy and Wally simply scoffed as they skim up the document like it was nothing. They prefer to wing it in, as what they told Damian which almost makes him lectured them about preparedness and failure is only for people who don't prepare for any consequences.

However, Raven told him, he should lose up a bit and she does say the others are learning from him being better in tactical as she let him to observe the other member closely when they conducting some mission that involved less threat. She pat on his back, simply said " Don't worry, they got it. They learn it from you. " She smiled.

He felt something after he heard it. What is this flutter feeling in his chest?

His face felt some heat. what is happening?

Trying to avoid Raven from seeing his vulnerable state , he simply let out the sigh and step away from her. At the corner of his eyes he saw her face from pleasant smile to surprised.

Sometimes he cursed his past for not knowing the meaning of emotion. All he learn is vengeance and angry. Only those two. As soon as he move in Gotham, he start to learn respect, family love and worries. The feeling after being praised? He still figure it out what is it.

As time goes by, he eventually try to bond the team, helping them become better. "Dude, even though you'relike some sort of gremlin, I guess you are a good person after all!" Beast boy cracked then turn into a Macaque hugging Damian's face much to his disgust after he improved the shapeshifter's suit.

He sighed.

--------

After two years later, he's begin to be comfortable with the team and almost memorize their attitude and personalities. Somehow, he still haven't figure out Raven. When it comes to accomplish the mission, she glide through the air, launching attack and be as enigma and Raven-y as she can, casting fear towards the enemy. He swore he has seen the method before.

As soon as the mission over, she open the portal pulling the team back into teen titans tower like a worm hole short cut and after that the team disperse at the launching pad, getting rest or shower.

At night the team leisuring in living room but Raven spend her time in her room. But this time, Kori ask him to call her because it is the night of mandatory fun.

Damian keeping his composure, nodded and walked towards her room. He knocked three times, then he heard footstep walk towards the door. " What is it, Damian?"

Damian perhaps jolted a bit as he wonder how could she guess him but quickly discarded as he forget that she, is Raven who can read minds and an empath.

"Its Kori. She said it's Mandatory night." Damian simply state the business. Then he heard silent for a while.

"C-could you tell Kori that I'm not coming?" She spoke behind the door.

"I'll inform to her then." Damian nod and walk away. He inform to Kori about it.

"Ah, too bad. I wanted to show this new movie. Guess it's just us then." She smiled.

"I'm not coming too, Kori. I'm afraid if there's any emergency mission, I don't think she could handle it alone." Damian crossed his arms.

"Raven handle a case during valentine day when she was alone." Said Jackson as came up with casual clothes.

"Which she end up crying after she's back from the mission." Damian sneered at the Aqualad.

"I never knew Damian would care so much for a team mate or...are you planning something else?" Beast boy came up after putting his best clothes and his grin.

"Yes, I'm planning to take over the world, once you're back from outside please do inform me how it went so that I could proceed my plan." Damian said sarcastically.

"Ahah, don't worry, D. We'll buy something for ya." Wally pay on his shoulder.

"Just go." He shoved all three of them as Kori are about to leave the room.

---------

Damian now at leisuring room playing cheesy Viking 3 console mode to passed the time. The tower really quiet as four of them gone out excluding Raven and he really appreciate the moment of silence.

Suddenly he heard a fridge door open. Quickly he put the game on pause, and went to the kitchen.

As he coming to the room he saw the girl with bob hair style with dual color hair consist of navy blue with manogany red ending.

' That's must be Raven.' his heart spoke. As he pulled the chair at the kitchen the table, the girl froze.

"Who's there?!" She spun and held her hand that enveloped with purple energy towards him.

Damian simply stood there and so was she.

Both of them froze.

A moment passed, then another.

And...

"You ... wear glasses?" He rose his brow.

Raven with sweaty face, blink a couple of times as she adjusted her glasses with her other hands.

"Damian, what are you doing in here? I thought you follow others to Mandatory day?" Her hands with energy start to dispersed.

"That explain everything." His lips tug aside.

"What?" Raven confused with the answer he gave.

" The book, the pose, the distance." He chuckled. Then, he looks at flustered Raven.

"What do you mean? you still haven't answer my question, Damian Wayne." Raven getting confused.

"Ah, nothing. I decided to stay just in case of emergency mission and all. I Wouldn't let you handle the cases alone." Damian crossed his arm as he sit at the kitchen counter.

"So...you're doubting me?" It was Raven turn arched her brow.

"I'm not saying you're not capable. I'm saying that you'll need some back up. Two heads are better than one, wouldn't it?" Damian lean back at the chair.

"Never knew you would thought of that, that's very kind of you." She smiled. " An improvement too."

Damian clicked his tongue and looked away, but pink tint start to visible on his cheeks and his ears. Ah, again with this feeling.

He clear his throat a couple of times, then a mug set in from of him. "Peppermint ice tea?"

His eyes looked at Raven as she seat in front of him, with glasses and book on her hands. The Flowers of evil, as he observed the title. "Thank you."

As he sip his tea, he stared at the book. "Flowers of Evil?" As he pointed at the book.

"Yeah, might try to read something like old poem." as Raven looked at the book title.

"I could recommend Robert Frost."

"I did read some of his. The Road Not Taken." As Raven sipped her tea.

"I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference."

Raven blink her eyes as she heard his recitation the last verse. "So, do you take it?"

"Take what?"

"The road less traveled by."

Damian looked at her. " This is the road less traveled by." He smirk as he sip the cup.

Raven try to understand that line but Damian simply silent. He's quite enjoy the company he's having now.

"All these time, I've been wonder what's with burying your face in the book." He rest both of his elbow on the table as well as his chin on his propped hand. " Never knew you were actually Four-eyes, metaphorically."

"Are you, mocking me?" Raven furrowed her brows as she put her cup on the table.

"I found you looks more professional in those glasses." He smirked as he stared at her which leads to Raven unknowingly adjusting her glasses as she looked away.

"The glasses is expensive. I lost mine as I bought to mission when I first join the titans, so I tend to leave it at room and I had to use some of my powers to adjust my visions."

"But you could heal them?" Damian's begun to curious.

"Only limited time."

"Did you know there's is laser treatment for that?"

Raven surprised as she heard it. She seems to be thinking but then she put down her cup.

"I'd rather wear glasses than risking my eyes to go blind." She sighed. "Unless I end up become Bran the third eye Raven."

Damian chuckled. She's indeed full of surprises.

"If you lost your glasses again, do tell me. I might know some excellent optometrist to do excellent job."

"Uh, n-no. You don't have to. I.."

"That's what team mate for right? Helping each other?" He smiled. A genuine smile.

She seems stunned by him. Smiling. Damian Wayne is actual smiling.

"Besides, you in glasses, is a rare opportunity and quite pleasant to the eyes." As he get up and goes towards the sink to wash his empty cup. At the corner of his eyes, Raven were blushed hard then adjusting her glasses.

Shit. He cursed under his breath. She IS adorable IN glasses.