#i guess i could just sleep some more. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

complexapparatus · 1 year

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Back neck deep in the "nothing fucking matters, what's the point" disease I guess

#complex.txt #vent #i don't know how to deal with this.#i guess i could just sleep some more.#our parents have returned and suddenly this house is just.#not somewhere we can just. hang out.#i can't go make breakfast. i can't go for a shower. i can't i can't i can't #I'm sick of everything already.#I'm sick of all our plans falling through #and I'm sick of how much FUCKING WORK it is to get out of here #''just go on [the housing website] for our city except you'll need to wait a few years at least''#but then it's ''you'll need to present as homeless and also you need yo be assessed by occupational therapy to apply for sheltered housing'#''a doctors note is not enough'' how do i get assessed tho coward #i don't have the capacity for this man fr.

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vaggieslefteye · 21 days

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CHARLIE MAGNE from HAZBIN HOTEL (2019): Pilot - "That's Entertainment" ↳ "So, I've been thinking: Isn't there a more humane way to hinder overpopulation here in Hell? Perhaps we can create an alternative way to change souls through... redemption?"

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel edit #hazbin charlie #charlie magne #hazbin edit #requested #hazbin hotel pilot #that's entertainment #charlie #my gifs #god ain't she the cutest little thing!#not gonna lie i get a bit emotional seeing her do The Pose during ''wonderful fantastic new hotel''#it's the same pose she does in the S1 poster :')#okay actually im back here to say some things in the tags:#holy almighty LORD these gave me so much grief to color in a way i thought looked nice #specifically the one of her in the news chair. sorry i was NOT gonna let that hideous highlighter green color assault all your eyeballs.#did i lose nearly two hours of sleep getting it right because i still have no idea what i'm doing? yes. worth it? YES. ohh yes.#i liked the seafoam look so i made the cloud sequence match :] or at least tried to #there WAS supposed to be another one of her in the news room but i just hated how it kept turning out so i scrapped it.#coloring the main series was one thing to learn but the PILOT? never has it been so obvious to me just how much more bright and vibrant #the colors got during the progression of the world design. also. if by any chance one of those cool and experienced #gif makers happens to see these tags and wants a good laugh: i've been doing this for how many months now? and just last NIGHT figured out #how to use the fucking eraser in photoshop....... thing is... i also draw. i KNOW what program tools look like. i KNOW ppl draw in PS.#i'm just a really silly fuckin goose!! TEEHEE FUCKING HEE I GUESS!#so for months i've been like ''god i wish i could just erase this part from the layer'' and looking at the eraser tool and just being like #''nah it's probably different and weird i'll just stick to what i know'' -> said boo boo the FOOL #see i could be in the club but i'd rather be aggressively neurodivergent about the silly queer demon cartoon that altered my brain chemical

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ineed-to-sleep · 2 months

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*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it

#GUESS WHO GOT A PIERCING INFECTION SO BAD OVERNIGHT SHE HAD TO RUSH TO THE HOSPITAL #AND GET SURGERY TO REMOVE IT BC THE METAL WAS BURROWING ITSELF INSIDE HER LIP #yep that was meee :3 #man. it sounds so silly now. like that probably shouldn't have made me panic nearly as much as it did #but you have to understand at the time it was terrifying #I noticed my lip was a bit swollen earlier in the night but I was like ok it's probably nothing serious #I put some ice on it hoping it would be back to normal after I got some sleep #then I woke up at like 5:30 AM with my lip super swollen and my lip piercing literally burying itself inside my flesh #I tried pushing it back out a bit and blood and pus started coming out so yk I started panicking #so I went upstairs and I asked my mom to drive me to the hospital #luckily we have free healthcare in brazil and the hospital was basically empty(this was on sunday)#but when I got there they told me the doctor wouldn't arrive until 8AM and it was like 6:45 at that point #so I REALLY started panicking 🫠 bc I could feel like the piercing kept burying itself more deeply like #I felt like the skin inside my lip was going to close around it and I was terrified bc I had no idea what to do #and I was scared it might make things worse #but all I could do was sit there and wait and so I started having a panic attack #luckily my mom was there with me the whole time so at least I didn't feel alone #and then I just. waited for it to end. and then tried to keep myself distracted until the doctor got there #I got treated by military doctors! sjdjcjck the army has been giving additional support for hospitals in my city #bc of the floods some health units are currently closed and demand got higher so they needed extra support there #so an army doctor performed my surgery(inside an army tent no less ajfjjfkf maybe not ideal but. functional)#he was so nice?? like probably the calmest most careful doctor I've ever been treated by #I still had a bit of a nervous breakdown again after the surgery but that was bc I'd never been through something like that before #I got anesthesia obvs but I still felt the tug when he cut into my skin to remove the piercing and did my stitches #so my mind started cooking up all these horrible scenarios of how everything could go wrong and I was gonna die #cried on the doctor's table. 👍🏻 awesome #but he and his assistant were super nice about it she even offered me a hug #but anyway in the end I finally calmed down and got some medication #now I'm all stitched up with my little bloated lip eating soup out of a straw 👍🏻 but I'm ALIVE and I'm just glad it's all over fjjvjkf #sleep.txt

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moeblob · 5 months

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You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)

#moe talks a lot #i was shaking earlier and despite the fact i sound like im gonna cry #and the fact that my mom can pick out im about to cry from pain bc im trying to take less pain meds #LIKE MY MOM IS INSTRUCTING ME TO DO #shes like well why arent you taking any pain meds #BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO AVAILABLE OPTIONS AND ON A SIX HOUR TIMER #i cant take both at once or else what happens to me if i hurt before the six hours is up #i have to manage them in a way that allows me to benefit from both and being told im doing it wrong #after being told well its your fault it got so bad because you never complained about pain before #YEAH NO JOKE? REALLY? I NEVER DID? because everyone acts like im too young to feel that kinda pain #oh youre hurting? just wait until youre older #and its currently agony to breathe again but that i guess is also my fault bc im trying to use pain meds #holy moly i just want to not get dizzy standing up cause wow dang #sure would be nice if the multiple incisions in my stomach didnt THROB every time i sneezed or coughed or cleared my throat #but since i didnt use much pain meds before because i would be mocked for being too much of a baby its like #welp damn now i could really use some and im being called out for being too reliant #anyway time to sleep more because that means im not noticing my pain #im literally smaller than most children and so i do understand my body size makes people worried about the medication intake #but can i please just go a day without being asked how much im taking or when i last took it or if im gonna cry #anyway sorry for the excessive rant today never really had surgery or anything so this is brand spankin new suffering

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ecoqueer · 2 years

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I wish that people gave a shit about nonbinary people who don’t use they/them pronouns. You can literally give your friend group (which includes another nonbinary person) a list of your favorite pronouns, none of which include they/them, and mention several times that you don’t like they/them pronouns for yourself, but they’ll make the switch from she/her pronouns to…they/them. And feel super proud of themselves for being sooo progressive as to use they/them pronouns for you….when those aren’t your pronouns.

I think that saying “he she and they are my least favorite but are fine in combination with other things…I’m really fine with any neos but here’s a list of my faves that you can choose from!” Is polite and not a difficult request. I’m not good at being a pushy person, and I shouldn’t need to be.

#it screams #i guess I’ll pull the lists out again and re-link them #but the aforementioned friends view messages from me as a chore and check them rarely so when they do they’ve built up and so just skim #everything #which I’m fucking tired of #I’ve been going back and forth on whether it’s better to have no friends or a few friends who make you feel shitty #dunno which is worse #they also are extremely cavalier with covid while knowing I have no health insurance #and have supported some statements/actions that really make me sad #so idk I might be basically friendless at this point #i hold on for too long to people who have clearly moved on and don’t much care about being my friend anymore #I’ve tried reaching out a few times to no avail so idk I might just give up #try to cultivate online relationships more #which feels pretty impossible to me #sigh #I’ve been not able to sleep well #because of issues in my life with…all of the few people in it #issues that could be solved if I had kept a wider support network #instead of getting trapped with someone who was abusing me and my friends who don’t seem to give a shit about that and expressed more #concern for him than for me when the news was revealed to them #again I don’t have health insurance so no therapist #which I fucking desperately need right now #i have no one separate to talk to #the one who knows all of the different factors from all of the angles…is the abuser #i feel like I’m in so much fucking pain and I feel so alone and all of the people in my life who are supposed to be my loved ones #are standing around me ignoring me completely and acting like everything is okay #just causing me more and more pain #well this didn’t start out intended as a vent but it sure turned into one huh #i wish I could convey to y’all the desperation and loneliness and aching that I feel #vent

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icewindandboringhorror · 1 year

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... why he sit like this

#in this position his face is extremely 'cartoon cat' shaped.. like the perfectly round cheeks and little #rounded bump of a snout.. big round eyes. etc. stretched over the arm of a chair like a weirdo #cats #It's still Hot Evil Summer time and I have so much to do so am just aimlessly hopping between various projects but not actually #getting anything done. as usual. Also so so so so tired. I almost fell asleep in the middle of the floor like 3 times today lol #Trying to finish some costume photos and also another poll adventure thing. plus I do really want to do a sculpture sometime #I haven't finished one in a while. Hopefully my tiredness is nothing bad.#Maybe I'm anemic again so that's making me tired. Or maybe it's just a Listless phase. not that I'm ever really THAT productive considering #all of the health problems and etc. always holding me back. but still. I'm not usually 'sleep or just stare at a wall literally all day' ty #e unproductive.. at least not for multiple days in a row so. hmm... Sometimes especially in the summer though I will have periods of time #that are listless like that. I am under low level phyiscal stress for months at a time due to summer heat so I guess it makes sense #that would eventually take a toll. I just have SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO!!!!! AAUUGhhh #I also came up with a new idea for a game that is so so cool and I wish I could make it but I have to finish the other one first lol #which I will NEVER do. if I spend all day just sleepy unfocused barely able to do anything #I also really need to sell some clothes and sculptures because I'll probably have to buy a new computer soon so I need money. (plus still #recovering the costs of having to euthanize my other cat.. wehh) There's nothing clearly wrong with it right now but it's getting gradually #slower and there's more weird glitches happening randomly and idk.. just weird things that make me think 'hmm... bad.. possibly.'#ANYWAY... I just have so much to do that I both REALLY want or need to do - so it's perpetually frustrating that I just can't for whatever #reason like. Time is always mving forward. every day I waste is a wasted day. The year is already almost half over. I havent finished #any of the projects I wanted to .. and there's only more and more things to do each day. It's overwhelming and stinky #and thats not even considering having to do all of my tasks also with the background noise of economic inequality. everything increasingly #going into an even scarier political direction. active climate change crisis. pandemic that still exists and is insane to act otherwise. et #etc. HOW am I supposed to solo make two whole games . write 3 book series. finish sculptures. do costumes. make outfits. game videos. make #stable network of social connections. do my little side crafts. take care of myself and cats. pay rent. manage health issues. keep a routin #.try to make some sort of money. go to doctors appointments. handle regular maintenance like cleaning and cooking and self care #and buying new plates when old ones break or etc. make sure to do other things like backup my computer data regularly. do shopping lists.#take care of plants. pursue like 6 different academic interests. do the other side side projects I have for fun (like music or carving avoc #ado pits). eat in a healthy way thats okay for my Special Health Issue diet. exercise so i don't die early. etc. etc. etc. AND all while it #82F in my apartment all the time and I have tiny income and also need to move to another country/climate somehow??? lol......#ANYWAY.. ..very frustrated today over my chronic Tired Sleepy.. time for Cat Photos - which cure all of life's ailments lol

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moinsbienquekaworu · 9 days

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Devastating news: my brother is a normal person. It doesn't run in the family, I'm just a weird freak for no reason

#i'm exaggerating but not that much. my parents are like that because they're in their 50s. they were young adults once #okay so my brother. 18 years of age. just started his fancy higher studies in maths. tiny baby goatee he's not shaving.#went to a friend's week long birthday party in a house in the countryside #made out with a girl there?? apparently???#started drinking alcohol. and has now been going out longer and more frequently and sleeping at other people's places #and bestie. let me tell you. i was never doing any of that shit. in fact i am not doing any of that still and i'm a few years older #i don't go out much. i have like four or five friends at all times tops. i certainly don't come back late or god forbid sleep over #never drunk alcohol (don't want to. i could! i just don't. i'm the sober idiot in the corner when everyone else is drunk)#never kissed anyone or had a partner or anything of the sort #he decided to sleep over at midnight?? with zero preparation??#buddy it would have to be pouring acid rain for me to have an unplanned sleepover #without my toothbrush? my pyjama? my phone charger? my plushies? possibly my own pillow/blanket? be for real #my brother is a normal teenager/young adults with a social life and no weird hangup about romance and alcohol and spontaneity #and i'm some kind of freak i guess. having a normal time #older sister girlfailure forever i suppose. how the fuck do i feel like my younger brother is cooler and more normal than me???#i don't even want to be like that i like myself i thought i left all this stupid unfounded insecurity behind with school!!#arghhhhhh #wow i have a ramble tag now

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deus-ex-mona · 2 months

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my five surviving braincells when something remotely good happens:

#in other news… wORK IS OVER PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#man. i’m s o tired. i can’t believe i survived almost 2 whole years at this job…#huh. come to think of it… i started tling idol sengen before i even got this job lol. and i’m only 3/5 of the way through it…#can’t believe the idol sengen grind->hiatus->grind(?) outlives my time at [withheld] company…#i did end up spending a cool 20 mins cleaning out my work locker though. i found so many treasures i didn’t even know i had in there #like. there was an unopened 3-pack of wet tissues a n d an unopened box of pens that i don’t recall buying #and ofc the 3 random sponges i ‘liberated’ from the lab. don’t tell my boss lmao #w a i t now that i think about it i should’ve taken at least 1 vial of (allegedly) carcinogenic sand for the memories. dammit.#oh well. what’s done is done i suppose. i did receive way more chocolate than i could ever eat though…#y. yeah. i guess i’ll miss my coworkers (a little). they were fun to annoy every day. except for the new guy bc i don’t like him at all lol #i have never met someone who lacked as much common sense as he. i think he’s gonna get canned before he’s able to resign on his own terms #dude could be spoonfed through every single step of the testing process and *still* mess up somewhere smh #but no. this isn’t about him. even though he is the final straw that led to my decision to resign #hm. looking back on it now. i think i was pretty good at my job for the most part when it came to the things i could do #or maybe i was too good at it. like. to the point where even more experienced analysts were coming to me in search of help #prolly gonna miss being one of the very best (out of like a grand total of 10 people at the lab) at doing ftir-related tests #ehehehehehehe i wonder if that workstation will continue to stay as organised as it is now that i’m gone #a n d i wonder what my coworkers will do now that they can’t ask me for ms excel help for the smallest of things lol #sometimes i just wanna tell them to g o g o o g l e i t ! ! ! when they call me over for it. but alas.#can’t believe these guys know how to use c h a t g p t and not ms excel (despite having it on their resume) smh #omg wow this got long and incoherent sorry guys i think i need some sleep lol. idol sengen next week..#…maybe…? no promises though!!!!!

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ni-kol-koru · 11 months

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artsandstoriesandstuff · 2 months

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Me looking through all the reblogs/comments from people genuinely concerned about my wellbeing:

#/silly of course... I very much appreciate your worries but I need to reassure you all: I AM OKAY!!!#And disregarding the first week (was on my period) I have a decent sleep schedule. I've just started waking up early #i'll attempt to explain why I work so fast but I do need to give it some thought:#1) probably the most likely reason is just my art style; its relatively simple and cartoony and i've done it for years.#it could just be quick to work with?#speaking of which 2) I've been drawing for a long while... nearly all my life but getting more “serious” starting 3rd grade #it could be I've done the skills so much I just do them really fast? that and my art style maybe #in other words my art style and maybe my experience with cartooning make me work so fast? I have no clue #even this doesn't feel entirely accurate but I guess it provides some reason... like papercutzo said maybe its very stubborn motivation too #but seriously though please don't worry about me (yet)!!! I'm not overworking myself I promise :)#doodle #artsandramblesandstuff #update I read a thing about cartoonists working quickly and I think another thing that ties with the 2nd reason is practice? maybe?#sorry for sounding so distraught (if I'm honest its that I was beginning to think something was wrong with me for working so fast)#(thats why Im attempting to answer this)#(i should shut up now)

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rosicheeks · 3 months

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🙃

#just want to apologize to anyone who has tried to reach out lately #just like I texted my friend I’ll tell you guys the same #haven’t been talking to a lot of people lately tbh #pretty sure I’ve mentioned php a few times by now #monday was my last day #and I was feeling on top of the world on Monday #I don’t remember the last time I was so genuinely happy #figured it was the med change or something #so I was feeling pretty optimistic #I’m in between programs now #and today was not the best #not as bad as some of my days #but definitely not even near the day I had on Monday #I just wish I could feel that every single day #I’m working on it but still #waiting to start ‘adult day treatment’ and case management #and I think case management will help me find a place??? I’m not sure exactly but that’s kinda what I was getting #which honestly? I know I’ve bitched about how badly I need to move #but while I was in php I realized I don’t think I’ll truly be able to heal while I’m living here… and that’s a scary thought #idk there’s a lot more deeper things that I don’t wanna talk about #but the fact I don’t have space and I don’t feel safe and comfortable here is hard….#my ‘safe’ space was my car but now that I’m trying to quit smoking my car isn’t the best place for me #I’ve been kinda getting used to my room and I’m finally trying to move a few things around #(now that I have a little energy again)#it’s just……. my arachnophobia is KILLING me here #in the past week I don’t even know how many spiders I’ve seen and killed #they haven’t been crazy and I recognize I don’t live in Australia or places where the spiders are as big as fucking cars #I came home and I was in a good mood until I saw a spider in my room 🙃🙃🙃 tried to vacuum it but not sure if I got it……..#so guess im sleeping on the couch….. again…. but can’t help think if out here is any better…#shut up rosie

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pigeonsareevil · 1 year

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Man, i dont know wether everyone noticed this and im just dumb and oblivious or if im being completely delusional but i think im realising why Dutch trusted Micah so much even when Hosea and Arthur complained about it.

I think what he thought, was that this is going to be a similar scenario to many other gang members in the past when they first joined.

Im not sure but thinking about it, there are many people in the gang that i feel like when they joined, Hosea and Arthur weren't happy about, but they proved themselves to the gang and changed for the better so the older members accepted them.

Hell, this could have been the case with Arthur too. Hosea mentions he was a wild delinquent when they took him in but he changed and that makes me think that Hosea originally didnt want Arthur to join them, but Dutch saw something in this feral orphan, took him in and soon enough, even Hosea grew fond of him. Even came to love him as a son.

I feel like it took a lot of convincing from Dutch to let Arthur stay but when he did, and he saw the man Arthur became, Dutch probably started believing that there is good in everyone and everyone is capable of changing for the better if they are given the chance, that is of course, if he didnt already believe in that.

That is probably how we ended up with many of the gang members who cause a bit of trouble or aren't really contributing to the gang or just the ones Hosea and Arthur arent really fond of. Specific names that come to mind are Bill, Sean and Swanson. Now im definetely not saying i dislike these characters. Nor am i saying that Sean or Bill dont contribute or that Arthur and Hosea dislike Swanson or Sean or anything like that but you get the idea.

Dutch, to me, seems way more open to strangers and troubled people, good example of this is Sadie, he didn't even hesitate about taking her in, she was in trouble and needed help, he didn't care that he didn't know her and she could potentially figure out who they are and tell the law about them (she wouldn't do that of course but someone else could have been in her place, you know) or Maybe even Kieran, who used to be member of their a rival gang but people told Dutch he saved Arthurs life so he let him stay with them. Of course they didnt trust Kieran as much but just the fact that he let him live after, even more, he let him live AND stay with them when he clearly didnt't have to shows that he is way more trusting of strangers whereas Hosea and Arthur are way more protective of the people already in the gang, protecting them from these strangers.

Seems to me like Dutch saw Micah, says the man saved his life? I think? And thought: "there is some goodness inside this person, he just needs an opportunity and a place to change for the better, even if Arthur and Hosea dont agree and say i should cut him loose, what kind of person would i be, preaching about giving people who were wronged by their life and this country a second chance yet throwing this person away after messing up a few times. It took other people in this gang months, even years to change and they did change, Hosea and Arthur used to complain but now those people are a part of their family so why shouldn't i give this person a chance?"

This of course, could have been the case had Micah actually wanted to change from his habbits and break away from his past but i think it is clear that from his dialougue he is happy being just the way he is. He just kept telling Dutch he wants to change so Dutch would let him stay and and Dutch, believing him, dragged the whole gang to destruction because of this, because he put so much time and effort into trying to help, change and save someone who didn't need it

#i wrote this on school breaks with minimal amount of sleep so sorry if this is stupid and gramatically incorrect i wasnt really checking it #i just had this thought while reading fanfics last night about Hosea and Dutch meeting Arthur #Hosea not wanting him at first but growing to love him and Dutch having to convince Hosea to let Arthur stay #guess i saw some parallels in that #there is probably more i could say about this but im forgetting it so ill update this if i figure it out #dutch van der linde #micah bell #arthur morgan #hosea mathews #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #stupid emo mango lover ate my brain #now he lives in my head rent free #im not complaining though

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baekuras · 1 year

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Resident Evil really makes me wanna become an unhinged scientist creating horrors beyond our comprehension yet made of our own flesh and maybe a sprinkle of virus/parasite/mold in it to give it some extra ooomph