#in other words my art style and maybe my experience with cartooning make me work so fast? I have no clue

[artsandstoriesandstuff]

Me looking through all the reblogs/comments from people genuinely concerned about my wellbeing:

[cellsshapedlikestars]

Robot Jon! ☺️

(ok, I've been off tumblr for a few days, but I went on early this morning and had an ask with a bunch of prompts because I said I'd be taking a break from my Bachelor fic - which is true, if not for another 3 chapters yet. I haven't answered that ask because I'll lose it and therefore the prompts, but it reminded me that I still had two prompts left from when I asked for them back in... December? I'm the worst. Anyway, I re-looked at those prompts, saw this one, and then couldn't stop thinking about it. So I'm coming out of my vague tumblr hiatus to write this.)

Thank you, as always, for the prompt!

.

Sansa has never liked amusement parks.

The sun that always burned her, no matter how diligent mom was about reapplying sunscreen; the fried food that always made her sick; the crowds and the noise and having to walk everywhere. But the worst part was the rides – oh, she didn't mind some of them, like the Ferris wheel or the teacups; she could even handle the swing ride. The problem was that the rest of her family wanted to go on the horrible rides – roller coasters, haunted houses, swinging ships; the ones that go fast and drop you from a million feet in the air. And since it was hard enough wrangling the amount of children in their group to begin with, it was impossiblefor one adult to split off with Sansa, who alone wanted to ride the gentler ones.

And so, it's sort of ironic that she works at an amusement park now.

She may not have a taste for most of the rides in the park, but she is good at designing them – not the actual rides, but the aesthetics of them. It's her (and her team's) job to come in after the engineers and the builders and take a bare-bones ride and turn it into an experience. She loves her job – she loves watching children exit one of her rides with glowing faces and excitement in their eyes.

Today, she also gets to do one of her favorite aspects of the job, which is costume design. The animatronic models have already been installed, and when she enters the new Dance of Dragons ride, she can already see the scene taking shape in her mind. The concept art has already been drawn up, it's already being advertised – a medieval world that everyone knows is meant to capitalize on the stunning success of the Aemon the Dragonknight series (which her employer does not own the rights to, much to their dismay). But concept art is one thing – reality is another, and it's not until the ride is complete that she can start to truly see it come together in her mind.

“Oh good, you're here,” Margaery Tyrell sighs dramatically as she comes to meet Sansa's team. Margaery is in charge of Marketing and PR for this ride and Sansa knows it's a big responsibility, so she's been even more high maintenance than usual. Margaery walks her through the ride that Sansa has seen so many times in drawings.

“This is our Aemon,” Margaery slaps a hand against the shoulder of one of the animatronic models. “Although we can't call him Aemon. Copyright and all that.”

Sansa looks at the robot and she's struck for a moment how lifelike he is. A lot of the animatronics aren't this detailed, though she guesses this one is because of how close to the ride it is.

“He's handsome, right?” Margaery flashes her a grin and there's something in her eyes that Sansa can't quite place. (Well, she can, it's mischief, Sansa just can't tell why it's there.)

“I guess, in the way that cartoons can be handsome,” Sansa laughs and takes another look at the model – the somber grey eyes, dark curly hair, and an equally dark beard. “You even gave him abs,” she points down at the robot's chest which does, indeed, have a very detailed set of abs. “Am I supposed to leave him shirtless?”

“Oh, no, obviously we want realism, like we talked about,” Margaery waves her hand dismissively. “We just couldn't help ourselves when we put in the order.” Sansa shoots her a confused look, which only gets a delighted laugh out of Margaery. “I'm guessing you don't recognize him?”

“Recognize who?”

Margaery gestures at the animatronic. “Jon!” At Sansa's blank stare, Margaery rolls her eyes. “Jon Snow?”

The name sounds familiar and it takes her a second to place it. “The engineer?”

“Duh! Seven hells, don't tell me you've never actually seen him?”

Sansa shakes her head – she usually comes in well after the engineers have done their part.

“Mormont let him take the lead on this project and he's so... ugh,” Margaery makes a noise that's half frustration, half delight. “So serious all the time. But somehow likable? It's infuriating, really. And no one should be that attractive for a nerd.”

“So... does he know you made him into a robot?”

“He does not,” Margaery grins. “We're all just dying for him to come in for an inspection and see it. In fact,” she pulls out her phone and checks the time, “if you wait around for a bit, you'll get to see it happen.”

Sansa shakes her head and they continue on through the set, Sansa writing down notes in her trusty notebook that she always carries with her. Lists of costumes, set pieces. She'll need to bring in Asha later to discuss the lighting options (right now the dark ride is lit with spotlights, giving the whole place a surreal atmosphere).

Margaery eventually leaves her to it and Sansa loses herself in going over the set inch by inch with Gilly and Mya following along with her. She's so lost in thought that Mya has to shake her arm to bring her back to reality, and they turn to see a group of what has to be engineers standing in the main Great Hall set.

“Oh come on, Jon,” Margaery is giggling as a man who must be Jon stands, staring at the animatronic. He's scowling at it, hands tight around the pile of binders in his arms that are... well, ok, Sansa can understand now why Margaery made the robot so well muscled.

Sansa edges closer to the scene, and she can see that his fellow engineers are laughing – one of them is red-faced from trying to hold it in while another is actively wiping tears from his eyes.

“It's already made,” Margaery says in response to whatever Jon had grumbled to her. “Replacing it would be an irresponsible waste of funds. Oh! And here's the team that will be styling you... I mean, styling not-Aemon because that's copyright infringement.”

Jon looks up and the scowl drops from his face.

“This is Sansa, Mya and Gilly are over there.”

“Hi,” Sansa greets and Jon shifts his binders into one arm and then holds out his hand for her to shake (she can feel her face heating up and she hopes the dark hides it). “I promise to try and do you justice.” She regrets her words immediately, especially when she sees a slow grin spread over Margaery's face. “Though it doesn't totally look like you,” she continues on to try and backtrack. “It... doesn't have glasses?”

She wants to sink into the floor in embarrassment, but the gods are not that kind. At least she doesn't spout out how much she likes his glasses. Maybe Margaery is right – no one who clearly cares so little about their appearance should be this attractive. His beard needs a trim, his outfit is painfully unstylish, his hair is pulled back into a bun. All of it should add up to something she hates, but she just... doesn't.

(And honestly, Margaery's description of nerd isn't so far off the mark, but Sansa finds this isn't a detriment – in fact, she might be more attracted to him because of the glasses and the multitude of thick binders organized with labels and tabs that he's got tucked under his arm.)

“I'd also hope real Jon isn't built like a Ken doll,” one of the other engineers barks out a laugh and points at the animatronic, which, yes, does not have any reproductive anatomy.

“Gods,” she hears Jon whisper, and the hand that he had used to shake hers comes up and covers his eyes. “This is a nightmare.”

“Stop being so dramatic,” Margaery sighs and pats him on the shoulder. “Now, why don't you take Sansa around and make sure she's really taken care of, hmm?” At the words, Sansa feels her face heat even further and Jon drops his hand from his eyes and glares at Margaery. “I just mean,” Margaery grins, not even trying to pretend the innuendo wasn't on purpose, “it might help the design if she has a good understanding of the mechanics. I know there's some new things on this ride we haven't had before, you could show her.”

Jon opens his mouth, but doesn't get a chance to speak, because Margaery barrels on. “Sam, Grenn, you can chat with Gilly and Mya while that's happening. And I... well, I'll just be over here, minding my own business.”

With that, Margaery walks away and the other two engineers – Sam and Grenn, she guesses – head over to where the rest of her team stands, watching from afar.

“You don't have to,” Sansa starts, but Jon quickly turns from glaring at Margaery's back to her and his face settles into something less... scowly.

“I don't mind,” he says quickly and maybe it's the low lighting in here, but she thinks the tips of his ears are red.

“Perfect,” she gives him her best smile, which seems to throw him even more off balance and... and she thinks she could get used to throwing Jon Snow off balance.

[imheretoruineverything]

I’m gonna rant about how cool quackitys character is, and not in any sort of in-depth character analysis way. No, I’m gonna rant about just how fucking cool it is to see how aesthetically pleasing and flexible his character is and I’m gonna word vomit my thoughts in the LEAST graceful and understandable way possible.

So quackitys character has been through quite a few arcs, like the election arc and the dream torture thing arc and the casino arc (that I’m fucking HYPED for).

The fanart is see of each arc is IMMACULATE and so aesthetically pleasing because, unlike characters like Tommy, I personally think that quackitys arcs could be twisted into a sort of cartoonish style if you get what I mean.

Tommy’s exile arc (specifically) can be boiled down to depression, anxiety, fear, stuff like that. At this moment I can’t really name any PHYSICAL things that could be related to this particular arc that could be used as interesting central images. Don’t get me wrong, the fanart for this arc is amazing too, it’s just different to quackitys fanart.

Quackity is different because his arcs CAN be boiled down to physical and abstract things that make obvious imagery. When I think of the election and butcher army arc, I think of suits, politics, corruption, revenge, Quackitys scar, etc. it’s easier for me to come up with an “aesthetic” image in my head with these few things. But this is probably the arc that is harder to turn into that cartoon image I said earlier.

No, the arcs that I really think fit the cartoonish image are the dream torture arc (prison arc? Torture arc? No idea) and the upcoming Las Nevadas arc.

The prison arc makes me think of prison cells (obviously), lava, axes, scars, suspenders, blood, a wide smile reminiscent of the Joker. That’s something that I’ve seen a lot of art of! Not just art of Quackity torturing dream, but art of Quackity in vibrant disturbing colors with a too-large smile just standing and holding a gleaming axe. Amazing!!!

And then Las Nevadas! I think of gambling, casinos (also obvious), people who’ve lost everything trying in desperation to get it back, cheating, bright eye catching lights that hurt to look at, the SOUNDS of money and chips and games! It’s LITERALLY casinocore (or whatever you call it)! And with the theories that they’re going to gamble canon lives, it reminds me of Death Parade if there was more mental instability and less human emotion. The art I see for THIS arc is Quackity looking cocky, surrounded by slot machines, less deranged than he looks in the prison fanart and more of a controlled chaos. Confident and eager to scam the others and maybe take their lives all while playing a rigged game of poker!

It’s easier for me to turn Quackity into a cartoon villain than it is for me to turn Tommy into a cartoon villain, because Tommy is too relatable to real life experiences (abandonment, trauma, paranoia etc) but I doubt that most ppl are exVice Presidents who hunted a wanted man and then created a new region revolving around a casino. And Quackity has gone through his fair share of Real Life Experiences too, but I find that they’re easier to cover up with images of gambling and lights and music than Tommy’s Real Life Experiences, just like how the Joker has gone through shit to become the way he is but people don’t remember him for his tragic backstory, they remember him for his iconic character and his personality and his image.

His character is so FUN to add aesthetics to because it seems that they could always work and I think that’s why his fanart is always my favorite! It’s so incredible and inspiring to look at and it’s something that I would want to make my phone background (I mean that as a huge compliment because art with characters just smiling at the camera never hit me as hard as characters surrounded by SOMETHING that really makes them stand out!)

No idea if this made sense. No idea if anyone’s gonna read this but I have the most love for you fanartists and authors that use your skills to supply me with art and fics revolving around what I said. I’m tired and bad at getting my feelings across but I’m in love with all of you, you are the blood in my veins. :]

[kitkat1003]

The Dawn is Breaking, and I am Crumbling

Yakko is awake.  His siblings awaken, too.  Through the thin veneer of calm that is fueled by the near 70 years of acting experience they have, they keep it together enough to meet the new CEO after filming.

She’s not what they’re expecting.

This is Chapter 2 to this fic.  Please read the first chapter.

@asilcorner

Yakko lets his face drop, just for a moment, when Spielberg turns away to mess with the controls and let his brother and sister out of the suspended animation tubes.

The whole room looks far too futuristic for only 22 years, Yakko thinks.  The eerie glow from the tubes, a light blue, paints and eerie vibe about the metal interior.  He can see the shadows in the corners of the room.

Wakko and Dot, at least, look healthy.  As much as the redesign weirded him out, change of art style and all, he has to admit they kept the general feeling of their characters.  Dot still has her flower and dress, Wakko still has his sweater and cap.  The studio kept them relatively the same, though Yakko can’t help but play with the bit of hair sticking up between his ears, unused to it.  He feels the lines are a bit sharper.  Maybe this is how modern animation looks like?

The liquid starts to drain, and the polite grin is back on Yakko’s face by the time Spielberg turns around, even though his hands are shaking behind his back and he’s terrified by how this is going to turn out.

Dot’s tube opens first, and she’s picked up by metal arms and set down on the ground, and Yakko is at her side before he registers moving.  She doesn’t look lucid yet, eyes open but unseeing, but she blinks a few times and he sees the spark of recognition soon enough.

“Yakko?” Her voice is so small.

“Hey,” he smiles at her, even though it’s a bit pained, and he hugs her close.  She clings to him and shakes, but the sound of Wakko’s pod opening breaks them apart, because Yakko turns to see his little brother.

Wakko starts to cry the moment he becomes conscious, and Yakko rushes to his side because he understands, but they don’t have time to cry right now.  

Not with executives watching.  Not with the situation they’re in.

“Hey, hey, hey, bud, don’t cry, it’s okay,” Dot is right behind him, clutching him by the tail as if its a leash.  Only his siblings are supposed to be allowed to grab his tail like that, and Yakko clearly remembers that night, when the men in the task force grabbed him by it and yanked hard enough to bruise.  He shivers in memory.  Wakko sniffles, as Yakko wipes his tears.

“We’re getting a reboot,” He says, loud enough for Spielberg to hear.  Dot and Wakko glance at the man, who gives them a thumbs up.  They wave back.

“We have to put on a brave face,” Yakko then whispers.  “They don’t expect us to be sad.  It’s just like acting, okay?  Just for a day, and once we’re back alone in the tower, you can let it out,” he hates that he has to tell them this, that he has to ask they hide it away.  He wants nothing more than to let them rage and cry and scream, because they have every right to want to.

But, because they did this in 1993, when all Yakko wanted to do was ruin Plotz, when all they wanted to do was feel the sun on their fur and play without contracts or cartoons, because they sucked it up and signed contracts and did the work then, they can do it now.

They all take a deep breath.  Wakko rubs the tears out of his eyes.

They stand in a row, familiar grins on their faces.

“I think it’s time for Animaniacs, don’t you?” Yakko tells Spielberg, and he is both relieved and annoyed by the way Spielberg smiles and nods.

“You bet it is!” Dot agrees, and Wakko nods his head, tongue flopping about comically.

They play their roles well, don’t they?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The first episode goes well.  Yakko helps move things along with the songs, all ad-libbed.  The new CEO is a curveball, and when she looks at him he can feel the hair on the back of his neck stand up.  There’s something off about her, something he can’t quite put his finger on, that makes her dangerous.  He internally panics at how casual Wakko and Dot are around her.  Maybe it’s just him?

In the break between the second half of their debut, where Pinky and the Brain’s return plays, she tells him that she wants a meeting with the three of them once they’ve looked over their contracts.

Yakko swallows the instinct to run and nods in reply.

They also, during the break between the two segments of their return, meet up with the grim reaper, who holds out their joint contract.

“Anything to keep us away from you, huh Daddoo?” He grins up at the reaper, and said personification of death cringes away from them.

“Yes-now read it over and sign it already,” The accent from this guy never gets old.  Yakko snatches the document from boney fingers, reading it over.  It doesn’t seem any different.  A higher paycut, actually, which is nice.  He supposes already being a celebrity helps with that.  The finale clause, though, that bothers him

Upon the end of the Reboot, the Warners will become property of Death.

“Yeah, no,” he points to the clause.  “I don’t think you actually want us, and I’m pretty sure making people property has been illegal for a while now,” Death seems surprised by the clause, himself.  He glances at it, and then his eyes dart towards the CEO’s office.  Yakko’s eyes narrow.

“Of course,” Yakko watches him revise it, the reaper mumbling under his breath about That crafty woman, and once that’s been taken out he lets Wakko and Dot sign it with him.

“Your As still look like 2s,” Yakko whispers conspiratorially to Wakko, and he giggles.

Back to the show.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The office building is quiet when they go in to meet with the new CEO.  He doesn’t actually know her name.  Nora?  Norita?  He doesn’t remember her introducing herself, so maybe that’s just for the mysterious factor.

“Leave the talking to me this time, sibs,” he whispers to them as the elevator dings to their floor.  They must hear something in his voice, because they don’t argue.

The CEO is at her desk when they arrive, scrolling through her tablet while nodding along to a call she’s in.  Her eyes dart sharply to the Warners, and Yakko pushes his sibs behind him.

“Mhmm, yes, that’s very interesting.  Please hold,” She tells the person on the line, setting her tablet down and pressing a button on her earpiece.  She takes it out and sets it down on the desk, standing up.  Her heels make her loom, ever taller, over them, and her eyes are dark.

“Now, I know of your history.  Plotz spoke of you extensively, and I had an assistant watch your previous show incarnation several times.  I know how you work, your strengths and weaknesses, and your fears,” She regards them coolly, and Yakko stands tall, despite the ever mounting panic.

“You were brought back because Spielberg wanted you, and keeping him ingratiated to the studio is more profitable than the property damage you cause with your antics,” Every sentence is said with calculated precision.  Every sentence is pointed, like the end of a knife

Yakko isn’t that aggressive, but Dot certainly is.  He can feel her getting angry.  Even Wakko, the calmest of the three when it comes to dealing with things, is becoming annoyed with the CEO’s attitude.  That’s dangerous.  He grips their hands in his tight, squeezing to remind them that they have to be quiet.

“You three, of course, will bring us money, but you’re also expensive to keep around.  The nightmare that will be the publicity scandal should you come out with what happened to you these past 22 years would be...difficult to handle.  So, I think it’s in your best interests to keep quiet,” She crosses her arms over her chest awaiting the challenge.

Yakko can see it, so he doesn't react.  His siblings, on the other hand, don't quite understand the position they’re in.

“Like Hell we’ll keep quiet!” Dot jumps out in front of Yakko before he can stop her, stomping over to the CEO with a glare and a sharp toothed scowl on her face.  “I’ll make sure the whole world knows about what you did to us!”

“Yeah!” Wakko runs over, mallet in hand.  “What are you gonna do if we blab, huh?”

She’s got them lifted in the air by their tails before they can blink, gripping them tightly.  Yakko jumps, staring at her with wide eyes, and Dot and Wakko are frozen in shock for a moment, before they start trying to escape.  Dot is shouting obscenities.  Wakko keeps trying to hit her with his mallet, but it isn't long enough.  She holds them far enough away from her body that they can't reach her.

Yakko is frozen.  This is the worst case scenario.

“None of your episodes have aired yet,” She reminds them.  “I could halt production here.  Spielberg is important, but we could smooth things over with him with the right words.  He’s terribly sentimental.  And while the fans would be upset about this reboot’s cancellation, we could cite many things that would have the Warner Bros. studio come out as if we were doing what was best for the show,” She glances between the two younger toons, and then to Yakko.

“And your next ending won’t be as peaceful.  We have Dip, here, and we aren’t afraid to use it.  That’s how we get rid of new toons that don't meet our standards, after all,” She grins, then, and Yakko freezes.

They use Dip casually?  Here?  That-that’s murder.  And they’ll do that to baby toons, ones who haven’t even gotten their footing in this world.  Yakko thinks he’s going to be sick.

“So, you have one option.  Comply,” She shakes Wakko and Dot in her grip, stunning them out of their scrambling to escape.  “I’ve made things efficient here, and I won’t have that changed by toons whose character sheets should have been burned in the 1930s,” Wakko and Dot flinch, and Yakko clenches his fists.

“Now,” She takes a breath, “Are you going to quit wasting my time?  Because I have about ten calls waiting that are more important than you three,” She smiles at Yakko, and it’s one that makes him shiver again.  

“Well?  Don’t try for bravado.  I know you’re nothing without your words.”

And Yakko hates that, and he’s terrified, but she’s got his siblings held tight in her arms, by their tails, and she’s threatening them with murder, and it’s all too reminiscent to that night, where he let his siblings down.

Not again.

He pounces, teeth bared, and digs them into her shoulder, knocking her to the ground.  His teeth breaks through her nice suit coat and shirt and through skin, and she drops his sibs and kicks him with her sharp heel, knocking him back. He rolls across the floor before standing, spitting out fabric and the taste of her, wiping his mouth.  He’s trembling.  Wakko and Dot look shocked.  

He’s never done that before.

“Here’s something you don’t know,” he spits, as she stands, incensed.  “No one’s threatened us with Dip before.  So, maybe I’m not as useless without my words as you think,” She narrows her eyes, and regards him with...something indiscernible.

“You don’t touch them,” he growls it out.  They aren’t fully animals and they aren’t fully human, so they’ve got the sharp canines that put a household dog to shame and enough cognizance to know when to use them.

“You got a problem with us, you leave them out of it.  This is just you and me, got it?” He bares his teeth, a reminder of what he can do.  The smell of blood makes him want to throw up, and that’s with him trying not to register the taste.

“Yakko,” Dot tries, but Wakko shushes her.  It’s a standoff, and Yakko is more terrified than brave but he doesn’t blink, doesn’t breathe, just lets the blood drip from his teeth as she holds a hand to her bleeding shoulder.

“This meeting is over,” The CEO says, finally.  “I trust you can see yourselves out.”

It’s not a concession, but it is something different than the high and mighty attitude she had before.  Maybe she’s realizing that all Yakko has to lose is them, his siblings, and that means that death means nothing to him.

Hard to beat someone who’s not so easily manipulated by fame and fortune or threats, is it?

The walk back to the tower is silent.  Dot holds his hand, leaning against him, and Wakko clutches his pant leg.  They both seem to still be in a state of disbelief.

“They have Dip now,” Dot whispers, incredulous, horrified.

“They aren’t gonna play anymore,” Wakko agrees, with the same amount of horror.  He’s shaking.

Yakko holds them tight, as best he can, and they go home.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The first thing he does when they get to the water tower is direct Wakko to the kitchen and Dot to her dressing room area.

“Eat and get ready for bed,” He says, weary and exhausted.  Wakko’s blood sugar levels need to steady out, and Dot needs something to keep her mind off of what happened.  Directing them to something that they can lose themselves in the motions of is easy.  He knows them too well.

They don’t protest, nodding.

He goes to the sink and gargles water, over and over, until he stops spitting out pink.  He brushes his teeth six times.  Scrubs his tongue raw.  Washes his face.  Doesn’t look at himself in the mirror until he’s sure he won’t see that dark red anywhere.

He doesn’t regret his actions, but he certainly isn’t proud of them.  

When he comes out of the bathroom, their bunk bed has been made a large king size one, and Wakko and Dot are waiting for him.  He quickly slips into some pajama pants and heads over to them, getting in the middle so they can snuggle up against him.

“Yakko?” Dot starts, and he can feel the fire in the back of her throat.  “Don’t-Don’t you ever say that.  That people can do bad stuff to you, if they keep us safe.  You did it before and you did it now and I can’t-we’re a team.  We don’t sacrifice each other-we can’t-you can’t do that to us,” Ever word is pushed out, like she has trouble knowing that she has to say it.  

“You’re everything to us too,” She finally says, halfway to tears, and Yakko can’t swallow the lump in his throat to reply.

“Stay,” Wakko pleads.  “You can’t give yourself up for us.  You have to stay,” A man of few words, and yet they strike Yakko right in the chest, as he holds them tight.

He rubs their backs until they’re almost asleep, staring at the glow in the dark star stickers on the ceiling.

“I’ll try,” he mumbles, and it’s not as much of a promise as it is a hope, but they’re too close to sleep to try arguing.

When he finally drifts off, he doesn’t dream at all.

[animeniacss]

A Palette of Emotions - Artist!Taehyung x Teacher!Reader - Chapter 24 - Art is Subjective...

Synopsis: Taehyung dreams of being a professional and famous artist one day, but finds that the sea of creativity can be lurking with blood hungry sharks, as well as bland, motionless starfish. Swimming through the sea of opportunities somehow washed him up onto the shore of Bright Star Preschool, as an art teacher. This wasn’t where he expected to be 4 years into his career, but anything to get his big break though, right?

Feat. BTS, TXT, ITZY, Jisoo (BlackPink), Taeyong (NCT)

Genre: Romance, Slow Burn, Love Triangle, Drama, School Setting, Working!AU

Length: approx. 4.8k words

Chapter 24 - Art is Subjective

           Taehyung watched from his folding chair as Jungkook eagerly set up his paintings around his spot in the show. Taehyung insisted on helping, but Jungkook told him he was not allowed to do anything but sit in the chair and offer support to the high schooler. Despite all of Taehyung’s insisting, Jungkook was not having it and proceeded to set up all of his work on his own. When he was done, he was quick to pull out his phone and step in front of his stall. Taehyung looked over at the eager boy, curious as to what he was doing.

            Jungkook’s wide grin made Taehyung smile. “Smile, Hyung! This is going on my Instagram and I’m tagging you, so look cute!” Taehyung had to crane his neck slightly, but offered the camera a slight glimpse of his boxy smile, a peace sign lifting into the air. Jungkook snapped several pictures and stuck the phone in his pocket. “I’m so excited for everyone to start coming! Do you think I’ll sell something?”

            “I’m sure you will,” Taehyung said. “But this can be a hard thing to do, so don’t get upset if you don’t have much success, it’s only your first art show.” Jungkook plopped beside his mentor, who offered him a supportive pat on the shoulder. The younger nodded and ran a hand through his hair.

            “I know. I’m not a seasoned pro, like you.” He nodded, and Taehyung had to let a laugh out.

            “Don’t suck up, I’m not buying shit.” He teased, and the both of them grinned. After a moment of silence, Taehyung nodded. “But you’re not wrong.” Jungkook giggled a bit, and with that, the sound of people approaching the area around their stall had Jungkook right back on his feet.

            For a good hour, Jungkook was standing outside of his stall like a puppy who was eagerly waiting at the door for its owner to come home and greet him. Taehyung watched for a while, before standing up and approaching the younger boy, who was just waving goodbye to someone who had stopped to look.

            “Don’t stand right here the whole time,” Taehyung advised, and Jungkook looked over. Taehyung could see his eyes widen slightly, as if he wanted to hear Taehyung’s advice, but was scared of what it would end up being. “You look a little desperate. If you at least sit down, the right people will see the work and come over. That’s the best time to get up and walk over to say hi.” Jungkook nodded. “One time I stood up for a whole 6 hours in front of my stand. I think I tried to make contact with every person who passed me by. At the end of the show, I had sold nothing, and only left with a headache from all of the intense staring I did.”

            Taehyung’s confession did make Jungkook nod in understanding. “Right….” He said softly.

            “It’s good to be eager, but don’t be too in your face. Just sit back and relax for a few minutes.” Jungkook nodded, plopping back down on his seat and crossing his arms. He watched people pass by, looking in the direction of his stall, their eyes scanning all he had to offer before deciding if they wanted to stop and stare or move on for now. Jungkook felt his heart sink with every person that passed by. Taehyung immediately noticed this, and nostalgia fell over him; the nostalgia that brought him back to his early days of selling art. 18 years old, sitting on the grass with Jimin and a tarp full of his earliest works. Most of those works now have either been sold, donated, or given away as gifts, but he remembers the feeling of disappointment that fell across him each moment that passed with nobody stopping to stare for longer than a few seconds. “Art is subjective, Jungkook…” He said simply. “Not everyone is going to like what you have, and that’s fine. We talked about that.”

            “I know…” he said, “But it sucks more when you experience it in real life.”

            “Heh…” Taehyung let an amused grin fall across his face. “Trust me, I know.” He was quick to stand up. “How about I go do some front-line work?” he asked. Jungkook glanced up at Taehyung, curious as to what he meant by ‘front-line work’. “I’ll walk around, and if I see anyone selling stuff similar to yours, I’ll help you make connections with them. And if anyone is staring at what other people are selling, I’ll point them in this direction.”

            “Really?” Jungkook’s eyes sparkled; it was as if Taehyung had just handed him the world on a silver platter. “You’d do that?”

            “Sure! Jimin did it for me, and I ended up making a few art buddies from it. So, it doesn’t even hurt. You can even take a walk around later and do it yourself if you want.” Jungkook nodded. “But for now, man the front lines. I’ll be back.”

            “What about your head?” Jungkook asked, the realization finally hit him. Taehyung scoffed.

            “I’m fine, my sunglasses are on. I’ll be back soon.” He waved Jungkook off, and sticking his hands in his pockets, he headed off deeper into the art show. Jungkook leaned back in his chair, grabbing his water and taking an extra-long sip of it.

--------------------------------------------

            “Where do you think Jungkook’s set up?” you asked curiously, glancing over at Hoseok. He ran a hand through his hair and shrugged.

            “Not sure, but I’m sure if we keep looking, we’ll find him.” He said simply. You nodded, continuing to look around as you both passed several stalls. You watched as individuals stood around their crafts, pulling in those who walked back, hoping that they could pair someone up with the art of their dreams in only a few seconds. It felt as if you were at a car dealership instead of an art show, but at the same time, you enjoyed seeing how passionate everyone was! “Anything you see catching your eye?” Hoseok asked curiously. When you turned back to your friend, he smiled. “I’ll buy you something.”

            “No way, it’s okay.” You assured. “I just like looking. I don’t have any room in my apartment for artwork, that’s why the dolphin is hung up in the school.” Hoseok chuckled. “If I find something small, maybe I’ll get it, I don’t know. It really has to catch my eye.”

            Hoseok laughed once again, and the both of you headed deeper into the park, arms linked together in order not to get separated.

            While the both of you were walking and admiring, Taehyung was doing the same thing. He had stopped at a few different stalls to look at some work, chatting up some of the local artists who seemed to be around Jungkook’s age or a bit older. At this moment, he was not the artist. He was Jimin, the charismatic, handsome businessman who was sure to coax anyone into a deal without even realizing it. Taehyung had been channeling his energy the entire walk from Jungkook’s stall. And so far, it seemed to be working.  

            “My friend Jungkook is a few stalls down,” Taehyung said to a young girl no older than 20. She had an entire stall of hand-crafted figurines of famous cartoon characters. As several young children begged their parents for figurines of Pororo or Mickey Mouse, the girl was watching Taehyung scroll through Jungkook’s Instagram. “He’s talented, but still new to the art world. I’m trying to get him some art friends.” The girl chuckled a bit, tugging her hair into a ponytail. With his glasses acting as a cover, Taehyung’s eyes fell in her direction from the phone, wanting to gauge her reaction to see if she was interested. However, every few seconds, he saw her eyes flicker from the phone, gazing up in Taehyung’s direction. When she thought he was staring back, she quickly looked back down at the phone again.

            “He’s talented…” she repeated softly, nodding her head. Taehyung set his phone back into his pocket and turned to the girl. She glanced up at him, and that was when Taehyung slipped off the glasses, piercing her with his dark and intense eyes. He could have sworn he heard her gasp, but he ignored it and offered a warm smile.

            “We’ll be there the whole time, so you should come to say hi and see all of his work in person.” The young woman quickly nodded again, and Taehyung saw her cheeks turn a soft pink.

            “I’ll come to stop by in a bit when I take a break.” She murmured. Taehyung nodded and waved goodbye. The girls waved as well, and Taehyung passed by her stall, glancing over all of her creations before continuing down the path. His hands slipped into his pockets, and he was quick to slip his glasses back on, the sun beginning to hurt his head just slightly. He continued through the stalls, trying to find artwork and artists that he thought would be a good connection for Jungkook to have. He wanted to try and find people with various art styles, allowing the group to share experiences and teach each other new ways of making art. In Taehyung’s mind, that was one of the most important things about making connections with others.

            As Taehyung was deep in thought, manager mode on as he eagerly searched the area, he was stopped almost immediately, when he heard a high-pitched voice hit him right in the back of the head.

            “I think that’s Jungkook down there. Let’s go say hi!” Taehyung was quick to spin his entire body around, eyes darting directly to whoever it was who made that noise. It was easy to find, he knew exactly who it was: Hoseok.

            Dressed in a pair of baggy jeans and an oversized blue button-up, Hoseok was grinning as he pointed in the opposite direction. Taehyung’s eyes turned slightly to see who exactly who he was with, and when he saw you, his heart swelled into his chest. You were holding a beautifully crafted mug in your hand, practically cradling it that was how tiny it was. He watched you set the mug down quickly, thanking the artist for allowing you the chance to hold and look at it. Waving him off, you followed Hoseok down the path and towards Jungkook’s stall. Taehyung stood there a moment, wondering if he should follow you. He had been waiting for the chance to see you and watching you hurry farther and farther away from him only made him want to try to catch up.

            No, no. I’m helping Jungkook. I’ll catch her later, I’m sure. He thought to himself, shaking his head. As he watched you both disappear behind the other groups of people walking between exhibits, he turned back on his heel and continued down the path.

-----------------------------------------------------

            Jungkook was standing outside of the stall, holding up a painting of his as he spoke to a kind older woman who was asking about it.

            “You really are a talented young man, aren’t you?” she beamed. Jungkook laughed nervously.

            “Oh, thank you, I don’t know if I’m really all that good just yet. I have a lot more practicing to do.” Jungkook admitted sheepishly. “My mentor has taught me a lot though, he’s the real talent.”

            “Well, if someone is teaching talent such as this, then he must be.” The woman grinned. Jungkook laughed shyly. “Well, I want to go find my husband and bring him over to see the collection you have here. He’s quite a lover of the arts, you know. Would it be ok if I come back in a little while?”

            Jungkook’s eyes sparkled. “Of course!” he said eagerly. “I’ll be here all day.” The woman nodded.

            “And what did you say your name was again, dear?” she asked.

            “Jeon Jungkook.” He smiled happily. The woman nodded, waving before walking down the path. Jungkook watched her go for a moment, and that was when he saw Hoseok and you appearing, heading towards his stall. That only made the smile on his face growing wider. “Hey.” He said happily.

            “Hi!” You said happily, hurrying over to Jungkook. “How’s it all coming?”

            “I’ve got a few people to stop and look, but no sales yet.” Jungkook pouted. “But a nice older lady came and said she was going to bring her husband to look, she liked my stuff.”

            “That’s great!” Hoseok cheered. You were quick to scan the stall, and saw two open chairs sitting under the shade.

            “Taehyung ended upcoming?” you asked curiously.

            “Oh yeah. He said he was going around to find some other artists I could meet and talk to since I don’t know many other people other than him. He should be back soon, hopefully. I don’t want him being out too long, he said his head was still hurting a bit.” Hearing Jungkook’s comment made you feel a bit uneasy, remembering how he looked when you had gone to visit him the other day, despite how hard he had tried to act anything but. As that memory flooded your mind, you couldn’t help but also remember the kiss –

            “Well, if we don’t cross paths that’s okay!” You said quickly, offering up a nervous giggle. Hoseok looked over at you, raising an eyebrow.

            “We can always come back later, you know.” Hoseok was quick to point it out, and you nodded your head. Hoseok had no idea about what happened the other day, in fact, nobody outside you and Taehyung knew. Hopefully.

            “Yeah, that’s true…” you said simply. “We can…” Hoseok, who was actively confused as to what had suddenly gotten you so jumpy, simply rubbed your arm gently. “Anyway, let’s take a look at what we have here, hm?” you walked towards the stall, and began to quickly admire all of the work. “Wow…” you said in disbelief. “You made all of these in such a short amount of time.” Jungkook nodded.

            “I do a lot of it on the weekends, and I doodle a lot during class.” He admitted. Hoseok shook his head.

            “You shouldn’t do that, Jungkook. Your grades are important.” Jungkook chuckled a bit.

            “I know, I know. But I’m a good student.” He assured quickly. “Oh! You have to come back later, anyway. My uh…” The realization of what Jungkook was going to say made his cheeks turn red. “My girlfriend is coming by when she gets out of work.” Hoseok and you smiled as if you were his parents meeting this girl for the first time. Jungkook must have felt that same thing because he could only laugh nervously. “Not until later though, okay?”

            “Okay, okay…” the both of you said simply, grins on your faces. You quickly turned around and continued to look at his artwork, while Hoseok motioned to a nearby stand and led Jungkook that way.

            Taehyung returned to the stall about 20 minutes later. He had managed to get a few people to look up Jungkook on Instagram and either follow or reach out that way, with another few offering to come by the stall later and say hello in person. He felt good knowing that he was able to help the teenager, and he was excited to see the look on his face when he came back and told him.

            Taehyung had also snagged two orders of fries for the boys to enjoy from the snack stand they had set up right outside the entrance to the park, a nice treat for Jungkook to congratulate him on his hard work so far. As he popped a fry into his mouth, he quickened his pace. He wanted to sit and relax for a bit, he didn’t realize he had been up and walking in the heat for almost 40 minutes, and he was starting to feel it in the back of his head. As he walked closer to Jungkook’s stall, he was met with a very…interesting sight.

            When he approached the stall, he didn’t see Jungkook standing in front and chatting up those who passed by. No, instead, he saw you. You were kneeling in front of the canvases, admiring Jungkook’s hard work with a smile on your face. As Taehyung watched you, it made him think back to the look on your face when you first saw his work in person. It had been stuck in his mind ever since, and he didn’t think it would ever leave.               

            He finally approached the stall, with you still unaware of his presence. “Hey.” He finally said. You were quick to glance up, and stood up almost immediately afterward. “I thought I saw you before, but I wasn’t sure.” He lied. “How are you?”

            “Oh, I’m good. How’s your head?” Taehyung shrugged.

            “Touch and go. I think I’ll make it to Christmas.” He grinned a bit, and you offered a smile. Taehyung glanced down at his hands, still holding the fries tightly. “If I knew you were here already, I would have offered to-.”

            “Oh, that’s okay.” You assured quickly. “We already ate…” Taehyung nodded, smiling gently at you. “Hoseok and Jungkook went down a bit to look at other groups, they should be back soon.” You quickly motioned to the chairs in the shade. “You should sit down and rest. Jungkook said you’ve been up and in the heat and a long time, you’ll make your head hurt more…” Taehyung decided to follow your advice, taking his seat quickly and setting Jungkook’s fries in his chair. You watched him for a moment. “Are you guys staying long?”

            “Maybe.” You chuckled. “Jungkook said someone took an interest in something and is coming back in a little while with her husband. He got pretty excited, so we might hang around a bit longer and see what comes out of that.” Taehyung felt a proud smile form on his face.

            “That’s good.” He said happily. Silence fell over the both of you as Taehyung began to eat, something that you realized happened very often between the two of you. You watched him for a moment, watched as he nibbled on his fries and rested comfortably in his chair. You had to admit, you were wondering what he was thinking. However, the last thing you wanted to do was bring your drama up today and risk anything being thrown out of proportion. Taehyung, though you couldn’t tell with his glasses on, looked over in your direction. When he spoke, it surprised you.

            “Want one?” he asked, holding the bag of fries in your direction. You blinked, shaking your head.

            “No, no. I’m okay…” you assured again. “I already-.”

            “Ate. I know. You just looked like you wanted one.” His playful and boxy grin crept onto his mouth. “Feel free to take one if you change your mind okay?” You were hesitant but nodded.

            “Okay…”

            “Or you can eat Jungkook’s if he doesn’t come back in time.” As you watched Taehyung chuckle a bit and return to eating, it made your mind spin. You were surprised he was as calm as he was right now, especially compared to you. You weren’t sure what had him this way. Your first thought was the concussion was more serious than anyone had thought, but maybe that was a bit too extreme. Letting out a soft breath, you simply decided to turn in the direction Hoseok and Jungkook left in. Lucky for you, they were coming right back to the table. Hoseok hurried up to you.

“There’s a whole group of little knick-knacks at that table over there. Want to go look?”

Hoseok asked when he approached you. Jungkook walked over to Taehyung, sitting next to him and grabbing the fries. He quickly began eating them, and the duo fell immediately into the conversation, Taehyung showing him all of the people who he managed to speak too, and Jungkook sharing what had been going on while he was away. You turned to look at them, watching as Taehyung ruffled Jungkook’s hair, congratulating the younger male on a job well done so far. It made you smile, seeing him so happy.

            “So…” Taehyung hummed. “When is this woman coming back with her husband?” Jungkook shrugged.

            “Not sure. But I hope she comes back soon. She was really nice. She said her husband is really into art, so maybe they’ll buy something.” The giddiness in Jungkook’s voice was infectious, and Taehyung couldn’t help but be excited himself. “That would be amazing!”

            “I’m sure it’ll happen.” Taehyung assured. He got up quickly, walking towards the nearby garbage and tossing his trash in. He took a moment to scan the area. He wanted to see if any good people were passing by, anyone he could chat up and introduce Jungkook’s work too. A few more people stopped and glanced over, curious about what there was to see. Taehyung could hear Jungkook quickly getting up from his seat, eager to talk to more people. It was then he noticed a familiar person walking in the direction of the stall. This person, middle-aged, walked arm in arm with a woman who seemed to be chatting his ear off. The man was looking around as they walked, and Taehyung felt his heart sink the minute he saw that woman point in the direction of Jungkook’s stall. Oh Min-Jae. “Oh God…” Dread covered Taehyung’s body like a blanket, and at that moment, he wanted to die.

            “What’s wrong, Hyung?” Jungkook asked, walking over to Taehyung. He looked in the same direction, and a grin broke out on his face. “Oh, that’s the woman who said she liked my art!”

            “Of course, it is…” Taehyung groaned, covering his face. He walked back towards the stall and rested his hands on it, trying to collect himself. “Of. Fucking. Course! Of course, her husband is Oh Min-Jae why am I not surprised?!” Jungkook raised an eyebrow, turning towards the couple once again, who was getting closer with each step. It took Jungkook a minute to remember all of the times Taehyung had mercilessly gotten frustrated and talked about Oh Min-Jae, and Jungkook bit his lip. “Oh…”

            “Don’t worry, you talk to them. I won’t start anything…” Taehyung said quickly. “Just make a sale. I’ll be over here wondering how someone you claim to be so sweet ended up marrying Satan himself…” Jungkook looked over to see the couple approach, and quickly smiled.

            “Hello again.” He said happily.

            “Hello again, Jungkook.” Mrs. Oh chimed happily. “This is my husband, Mr. Oh Min-Jae.” Jungkook quickly nodded his head, smiling sweetly as he introduced himself once again.     

            “My wife hasn’t stopped talking about you. It’s made me very excited to see what you have to show today.” Jungkook nodded, watching as the couple went closer to his works of art. From the corner of his eye, he could see Taehyung still standing on the side of the stall, not wanting to move in fear he would catch even a glimpse of this guy. That was the last thing he wanted. “Hm…” the man said. “Very interesting. You have quite a unique style here.” Jungkook nodded.

            “Oh uhm…thank you.” Jungkook said softly. “My mentor has really taught me a lot. He’s an amazing artist.” Jungkook glanced at Taehyung once again and saw the guy was chewing on his lower lip, using up all of his strength not to move from that spot. It made Jungkook feel bad, because he wanted Taehyung to get the recognition he deserved. “Maybe you’ve heard of him, Kim Taehyung?”

            At that moment, Taehyung’s eyes went wide, and he felt as if he was going to die. He quickly turned to look at Jungkook, hoping he would catch his gaze. However, he did not. Min-Jae pursed his lips together, and nodded.

            “Yes, I know who that is. Amazing how someone who likes to paint dolphins and mentored such talent out of you. Unless we are thinking of two different people, which would not surprise me in the slightest.”

            Bastard…Taehyung thought to himself, eyes narrowing.

            “No! Kim Taehyung, I know you know who he is.” Jungkook smiled. “He paints amazing pictures of-.”

            “-Of dolphins, like I said.” Min-Jae repeated. “I’m merely saying it takes true talent on your part to create such beautiful pieces under the guide of someone so unprofessional in his craft.”

            “But that’s not-.”

            Before Jungkook could finished, Taehyung turned the corner and crossed his arms. “For someone who hates me, you sure do love having my name in your mouth.” Taehyung scoffed. Min-Jae looked over, and a devilish smile graced his lips.

            “Taehyung, happy to see you.” He said simply. “How is your life of mediocrity suiting you?” Taehyung glared, but tried his best to keep his cool and brush off what the older man had said.

            “Just fine, thank you.” He said simply. Min-Jae turned back to his wife, who was admiring some of the pieces Jungkook had laid out. “We’re not going to have the same issue we had when you saw my artwork, right? Harassing me and not buying anything.” Min-Jae laughed.

            “Unlike then, I actually enjoy the artwork I see right now.” Min-Jae said simply. Taehyung frowned as the man turned to his wife. “Did you find the one you liked, dear?” The woman, smile beaming, lifted up a painting of a beautiful skyline. The feeling emanated a warmth, as if one was indeed at the beach and enjoying the sunshine the picture gave off. “That’s absolutely beautiful.” He grinned. “You’re incredibly talented, Jungkook. You have the potential to truly become something amazing in the artist world.”

As Taehyung watched the scene unfold, he heard a voice behind him that caused him to turn his head. “Taehyung!” When he turned, he saw you approach. You were beaming, holding something in your hands. “Look what I-.” before you could show him, you caught sight of the other people before you. You quickly looked at Hoseok, who gently pulled you back behind him, wanting to shield you in case anything happened.

Taehyung turned back to Min-Jae, and watched as Min-Jae pulled out his wallet. “We’ll take it.” Jungkook’s eyes widened as Min-Jae handed Jungkook a handful of won. He skimmed it over and immediately could tell there was more in his hands than he planned to charge for the painting.

            “What? Sir, I can’t-.”

            “Take the entirety of it. Consider it my intuition that you’ll be able to double or triple this selling your art in the future.” Min-Jae looked at Taehyung one more time. “It’s truly good work. You might want to give your mentor a few pointers.”

            “Okay, now come on!” Taehyung frowned. Almost immediately, he felt someone grip his arm. When he turned around, he saw Hoseok holding onto the sleeve of his arm. He sighed softly. He saw you watching silently, unsure of what exactly was going on, but Taehyung could tell that you were a bit put off. Jungkook watched as Mrs. Oh turned to Jungkook, smiling sweetly.

            “Thank you, sweetheart. It’s going right above my study. It is going to be wonderful.” Jungkook nodded, smiling sweetly. Mrs. Oh quickly took her husband by the arm. “Now you. Knock it off and let’s get going.” With that, the both of them headed away from the stall. Taehyung watched as the both of them left, and he turned to Jungkook, who was holding the money given to him tightly in his hands. His eyes were sparkling as he looked at it. Taehyung sighed, walking over to Jungkook and patting him on the shoulder.

            “Good job, Jungkook. You sold your first painting.” When Jungkook looked up at his Hyung, Taehyung only offered him a smile. “Put that money somewhere safe.” He walked over to you, watching as you looked down at the thing in your hands. Taehyung tilted his head as he approached you. “What did you buy?” he asked curiously. You glanced up at him, showing him the little canvas, you had in your hands. As he walked over, he kept thinking about what he had told Jungkook earlier that day. 

Art is subjective…. Not everyone is going to like everything. 

Taehyung tilted his head as he approached you. “What did you buy?” he asked curiously. You glanced up at him, showing him the little canvas, you had in your hands. You were holding a bright yellow figurine, shaped like a star with a bright smile on it. Taehyung looked down at you.           

“It’s a cute little figurine.” You smiled. “You know, a star…like Bright Star Preschool.” Taehyung blinked. At that moment, despite the annoyance and anger, he was feeling after having to get through that conversation with Min-Jae, he ended up breaking into the widest grin at the sight of you. “I think it would look really cute on my desk, don’t you? It was cheap too.” Taehyung chuckled a bit.           

 “Definitely.” He said softly. You smiled a bit, nodding in happiness. “Hey, uhm…do you want to take a walk with me?” he asked curiously. “I want to clear my head…”             

“Uhm, okay, sure!” You said sweetly. Taehyung nodded, quickly leading you down the path and away from the stall, leaving Hoseok and Jungkook there with nothing to say.           

Art was subjective. Taehyung thought to himself again. But I have a feeling that prick just did that on purpose.

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Art Analysis Essay

Identifying which printmaking process works for me is pretty hard due to not having much experience in each different process, so I’d have to base this essay and my decision on which technique I’ve enjoyed the most this past year. I evaluated each process and my outcomes, and I feel the best would be Screen-printing. I also, came to this decision due to the speed and efficiency of this process. My art style can be quite graphical, and I feel this process captures that in print form the most, by using digital applications like Adobe Draw initially then exposing them onto a screen to produce a print. Using the specific colours in the initial design or being able to experiment freely without changing the integrity of the initial outcome.

After conducting initial research, I discovered that screen-printing started as early as the 17th Century progressing through the decades ever evolving as the technique, we know it as today. Artists like Andy Warhol, David Hockney and Roy Lichtenstein really giving it the platform of popularity. The process makes up of a exposing a stencil onto a silk screen, then pushing the ink or paint through the screen so it transfers onto the material you’re wanting to print on. The stencil is exposed onto the screen in a similar way to a photograph, using light to burn the image into the reactive emulsion paint which hardens it. Any areas that weren’t covered by the design stencil remain a liquid which can be washed off to reveal the image you’re wanting to print, then allowing the ink to flow the screen to your desired layout or design.

Kate Gibb

Kate Gibbs is artist I’ve researched as part of another project and is printmaking artist from London, England. I loved her work previously, as I find it to be very expressive with her use of colour, lines, shapes and texture. The obvious use of mark making within her work can be visualised in different works. Utilising the chance of happy accidents that can occur during the creative process.

kategibb.co.uk. (n.d.). Kate Gibb. [online] Available at: http://kategibb.co.uk [Accessed 1 Mar. 2021].

My analysis of Kate Gibbs ‘Pleasure Garden’ starts with my initial feelings on the overall, composition, colours, textures and shapes she has used to create this piece. When looking at this design I get cultural references of Japanese printworks though her use on colour and their tonal ranges, after conducting further research I noticed that this design in particular references Kyoto, Japan for a magazine publication. This explains why she worked in this way to portray a more abstract outcome in relation to her way of working. As similar to her other prints works, I’ve researched Kate Gibb prefers the use simple shapes, colours and lines combined with layering. These marks on top of one another make her prints more cohesive to me, I think she does this, so her style is fluent and easily recognizable predominately, in her album cover works. My eyes are more drawn to the circle which looks like sun on the bottom layer, then flow around the composition following the brush strokes down the page into a pool of different mark marking processes. I find this design very relaxing compared to her other designs, the colours are more complementary of each other already mentioning their tones but, also different shades blue ranging to green and aqua. I think she might have done this to relate back to Japanese culture, as I also find the ‘The Great Wave off Kanagawa’ by Japanese artist Hokusai, very harmonious and calming. I like her use on paintbrush strokes to add texture especially in the larger areas where you can see the background peaking through. The little areas of detail filling negative spaces with repeated patterns and the shadowing of the background adds dimension also, contributing to the flow of direction when looking at the design. I like that there are some elements more subtle than others I think she would have done this to keep eyes on the piece for longer a the more I look and analyse different shapes and lines appear.

Google Arts & Culture. (n.d.). The Great Wave off the Coast of Kanagawa - Katsushika Hokusai. [online] Available at: https://artsandculture.google.com/asset/the-great-wave-off-the-coast-of-kanagawa/fAFp7yddSAtcTQ?hl=en-GB [Accessed 10 Mar. 2021].

Laurie Hastings

Laurie Hastings is a printmaking artist I’ve discovered recently on Instagram; her simple illustrative style of screen printing really caught my eye. Her background as an illustrator shows through into her silk-screen works, with the cartoon influenced figures and use of block colours. She is a commission-based artist with displaying works on her online portfolio but, also international exhibits.

Laurie Hastings. (n.d.). Portfolio | LAURIE HASTINGS Illustrator and Printmaker. [online] Available at: https://www.lauriehastings.com/ [Accessed 1 Mar. 2021].

My analysis of Laurie Hastings ‘The Adventurers - Campfire’ starts with my initial feelings on the overall, composition, block colours and line work she has used to create this piece. My initial reaction was to the process of how this piece was made, as at an initial glance I thought it was a Lino Print, very similar to another artist I’ve researched called Michelle Hughes in terms of line work and block colours. I feel the simplification of only two blocked colours, one darker, one lighter which have no tonal range, shadows or highlights to them, then to be applied in layers create this effect. I get a real homely, warming feel from this, warmth relating the fire and her use of organic lines and shapes in waves. I can feel movement within the design to how it has been illustrated this way with fewer straight lines and the trees being more suggestive than realistic shapes. The figure in the print is of a woman looking out at the sky looking comfortable in her overall position. My own relation to camping and a sitting in front of a fire is that I’ve always found it very peaceful which also, strengthens the warmth intuition as I have a personal relation to it. The ground has also, been flipped in colour to create extra dimension of shape, grounding and stability. Highlighting this area to be different to the sky and other elements of the print. After looking deeper, I discovered this piece being part of a series of 3, with the other designs having similarities within their illustrative forms. Making all 3 designs a cohesive collection together. Looking at the bottom of the print your eyes automatically are drawn upwards due to all the different marks/lines facing vertically then interconnecting with different elements then drawing focus back looking at the print and its entirety.

michellehughesdesign. (n.d.). Yorkshire Dales III, original linocut print. [online] Available at: https://www.michellehughesdesign.com/yorkshire-dales-3-linocut-print?lightbox=dataItem-j97a2han [Accessed 10 Mar. 2021].

‌

Chuck Sperry

Chuck Sperry is another screen-printing artist I’ve come across recently. He’s an American printmaker based in San Francisco also, working from his studio there. He exhibits his work internationally propelling his American rock poster style into fine arts using a silk-screen process. His use of text, patterns and various materials to print on caught my eye as I’d not seen this before.

Chuck Sperry. (n.d.). Original Art Archives. [online] Available at: https://chucksperry.net/category/original-art/.

‌My analysis of Chuck Sperry ‘Vivien 2016’ starts with my initial feelings on the overall, composition, colours, patterns and influences that have gone into creating this print. My eyes are drawn to the initial profile of a woman as the title suggests is Vivien. Vivien reminds my highly of Marvels villain Mystique in the X-men series due to her being topless, the colours used for her hair and body along with the watermarked style texture of the background pattern showing through. I also researched his influences and among them was the era of pop art which I can see this print is heavily inspired by. Roy Lichtenstein portrayed women in many of his designs and the facial features and hair of ‘Vivien’ here compared to his ‘M-Mm Maybe’ print look very similar to me regarding there cartoon comic style. Although I do see the differences, I see I that Roy used dots to add definition in specific areas strengthening comic references whereas Chuck Sperry uses florals it his work. The floral head piece which looks as if it’s glowing from radial illusion created is the most eye-catching part of this design dividing the figure away from the busy background. Highlighting aspects of the background, the style of how the leaves have been drawn remind me of Celtic symbolism, and a traditional illustration of a Scottish thistle, the repeated pattern and the colours used a similar to a tapestry. Chuck Sperry has created a series of these designs uses the description of ‘muses’ and female names to title them, each design has similarities to the hair, florals and beauty creating a series print. Although his more recent work in this style looks less like a comic and more like a realistic portrait of a woman. The title of Muse to me highlights the feeling of confidence, strength and beauty which I feel is portrayed along with sensuality.

Wikimedia.org. (2021). [online] Available at: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/2/23/M-Maybe.jpg.

All of the prints I’ve chosen have some form of an organic natural feel I find I am most inspired by these elements in terms relating to my own work. Different aspects of each artist drew me in for the analysis of their work. I find Kate Gibbs expressive abstract style very freeing with the use of her bold colours and layering. Whereas both Laurie Hastings and Chuck Sperry although using the same printmaking process have more of a graphical, planned technical feel. While writing up my analysis I wanted to include both styles of working as depending on my mood I like to work either way.

Word Count- 1,532

[shadowlink06]

Trades

I did my first trade with @amazingferret and learned a lot while working with on the piece with them. To start off with yes, I will accept trades although I do have some guidelines/quirks you should be be aware of before inquiring.

Trades can be: art-for-fanfic or fanfic-for-fanfic depending. If you have another idea or medium that you work with (maybe plushies or some other artistic media for example), by all means feel free to pitch it. I am working on my drawing skills this year as a resolution to myself, but my skill level is nothing that I feel would be up to par to offer as part of a trade. I strictly offer writing from my end.

I honestly don’t expect to have a commission request but yes I am willing to do those if you are interested. If I do, I’ll make a separate post as my criteria for doing a commission is different for a trade.

How long does it take?

Always check my Trello to see my current workload: https://trello.com/b/m1tVuzmq/wips

I usually give myself a 30-60 day completion duration to do a trade after you approve the pitch idea. I have a full time job and I usually freeze all my personal projects in order to complete your trade. If I have to do further research, that is part of the reason that a story may take longer to write. (This can include looking up information needed to make an AU for instance, reading a fic that my pitch may be based on, looking up information about a character that I don’t know much about, etc). This is just a general estimate. A story may take longer to finish, it may be shorter depending on the subject matter/characters involved since some situations are easier to write about than others. Keep in mind, everything that I do will be made from scratch. I try my best to keep in contact with you to let you know the status. You can ask for access to the Google Doc to see the story being written from the prompt/pitch stage to finished state if you so wish. If you opt to do this, the story will be messy and likely not make a lot of sense since I skip around and write scenes rather than be a chronological writer. I do not pay attention to my word count when doing trades. What I am more concerned about is creating a story with the prompt you gave me and hitting all of the details that were pitched. It is very important that you give me time, and don’t rush me. I put a lot of love and effort in my stories and this is why I’ll only accept trades one at a time. 

How do you write?

Style: 1st Person/3rd Person only. If you don’t specify which one, my default is 3rd person. I won’t do a 2nd person/reader interactive story - this is out of my comfort zone.

Subject matter: I won’t shy away about writing about heavy subject matter from violence, abuse, non-con, torture etc. I actually do well with these types of stories. There may be limitations and I will let you know when we discuss the prompt idea and pitch  

Strengths:

IC Personalities: Characters usually will stay true to their in-character selves from the source material. I'm strict with myself regarding this unless a plot detail forces them to be altered.

Tone: You need to probably see examples of my current work, but I will always consider myself a dark fanfiction writer and as such the tone of my writing usually stays true to this. I can alter it if needed, but I do encourage you to see my current work on AO3 to get an idea with how my writing style looks like and what to expect.

Weaknesses:

Fluff/Cute/Happy Fics: This isn’t a automatic no if you want a story of this nature, but keep in mind, I rarely write these types of stories. I like tension in my works and my experience is that it’s hard to pull it off with these types of fics when writing.

PWP: It’s boring to me. Yes I can write explicit scenes, but they always have to lead up to it for it to feel organic.

Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics

Male Pregnancy

Gender Swaps

What do you need from me?*

Fandom: I’m currently involved in with FFXV heavily, although I do have other fandoms I am familiar with. You should keep in mind, I’m in my 30s so the anime/video games that I’m most familiar with may be seen as “classics”. I don’t have much time to watch anime like I used to so, I only know the ones that I grew up and bonded with. This list highlights the ones I can pick up easily, although it is not exhaustive. Chances are if it was made between 1990-2000 and came to Cartoon Network/Toonami/Adult Swim, I’ll know about it. Yes I do have video game Fandoms as well, but again, you’ll have to ask. If you want me to do a fanfic or AU featuring something else not on this list I’ll likely need more time to research it. You can also just tell me to look up background information and I can work with that too.

Pairings: Usually I like to work one/two specific pairing(s) so I can develop their relationship within a story. Parings can be gay, straight, or even platonic in nature. I am rare-pair/crackship friendly and will happily take on challenge writing prompts as long as it’s an interesting plot.

Rating: I need to know the rating and if you are okay with explicit scenes being included, or other triggering details that you may not want in the story. I can fade to black if you are uncomfortable with reading smut but want to allude that it is happening in the story too. Typically my works are explicit but I can tone it down to the teen rating.

Universe/Plot/Setting: The story can fall in line with the canon material, be an AU, be divergent from the canon source material etc. I just need to know for research purposes. 

Prompt: The basis for the story. This can be a quote, a phrase, music lyrics, a scene you wish to see etc. I need this if nothing else in order for me to formulate a pitch that I send to you. We can work together refining if even if you just have a vague idea.

Considerations: What you want included in your fic. This can range from it having a specific tone to a piece (for instance do you want it to be angst, suspense, bittersweet), side characters being added, scenes appearing, or in a specific setting.

Limitations: What you don’t want to see in the story. It could be you don’t want mentions of characters not appearing, perhaps making sure that a scene/circumstance isn’t present in the work etc.

*In general, there has to be a medium. If you give me free range, my hands aren’t tied trying to fulfill every detail and the story will feel more organic. On the other hand, I do need direction as to what you want so you will be happy with the end product.

Fandom Specific Limitations/Considerations:

FFXV: Gladio - He is hard for me to write about. If I'm honest, I likely will decline a trade that makes me write him in a sexual way because it is outside of my comfort zone. Platonic relationships involving him are fine but again, be mindful that I struggle a lot to write this character in a believable way. 

[kdtheghostwriter]

SNK #119 - Jaeger ni Kissu

Let me get some Fs in the chat, pls.

So, what the hell? Shiganshina am I right? What’s the deal with that crazy place, huh?

You would think this fandom, more than all the others, would be used to getting the slider when they expect a fastball. (That’s right! I know baseball stuff!) Even I have to admit, though, Isa got me with this one. It’s all pretty thrilling to me as a reader. I’ll explain why later but first, some housekeeping. Remember when I said this a few months ago? That Eren’s expression was less relieved and more shocked leaning toward concerned? Welp.

Arm extended; mouth agape. The universal signs of “No, not that you asshole!” It’s also masterful paneling to have Colt’s cry of “Wait!” superimposed onto the Attack Titan, which we know can’t speak. Eren was mortified by the idea of his hometown being overrun with Titans yet again. That was hardly surprising. What did surprise me was Zeke’s look of shock as the Grice brothers revealed themselves. He still screamed, of course, as should have been expected. But that moment of hesitation…hmm. I guess he really did like Colt. It’s not out of the question. He just liked his plan more.

And since we’re on the topic, I’d like some words about this panel right here.

Dammit all, this one hit more than any of the others for me. See, Zeke, it’s not just you who understands the joys and the sorrows and the burdens of being an older brother. I do myself. Falco realized what was about to happen and tried to save his brother’s life by pushing him away. Colt refused and held him tighter.

Don’t worry, Falco! Your big brother will always be with you!

Fuck me, how am I supposed to keep my chill after a scene like that? Sure enough, Colt was scorched as his brother transformed into a mindless, lumbering monster which transitions me nicely into something else I said in the aftermath of #117. Someone did indeed have to die. I only guessed wrong who.

Reiner is going to survive this manga whether he wants to or not. More importantly, what a champion Porco is. Knew he was cooked, so he put all his energy into healing his body. Then he left the cockpit to distract Falco’s Titan and save two people. The fact that he did this right after seeing the memory of his brother confessing to Reiner that he lied is no accident. He wasn’t just proving to Reiner he was better; he was getting one back at his big brother. It’s equal parts heroic and tragic which is par for the course of this series. He died in almost the exact same way Marcel did all those years ago – saving Reiner’s dumbass from being nommed up. I’ll miss you Porco, but at least you’ll live on in the memories of the little one.

 Speaking of little ones: maybe we should start calling her “Deadeye” Gabi Braun. This was such an inspired choice. Not just because of who pulled the trigger in the end (and partly because of whose gun she used), which got the intended reaction, but also because of who she hit. I thought for sure she would have taken aim for Zeke. It would have made sense. A wounded, stationary target is a lot easier to mark than one sprinting at full speed. (That’s what MGS3 taught me at least.) She’s a soldier, though, and the main reason she hijacked the blimp in Liberio was to kill The Usurper. It’s unclear to me if Magath’s mission here is strictly Dead or Alive or if they were trying to capture him but either way her mission, for now, appears to be accomplished. I say “appears to be” because it’s time for my favorite monthly mini-game:

WHY, SWAY, WHY??

There’s a lot we don’t know yet about Titan powers, Eldian biology and the transference from one vessel to another. If Marley’s goal specifically was to recapture the Founder instead of simply stopping Eren from using it, this is what Zeke would call a miscalculation. We know that Titan Powers get transferred Avatar-style to a rando newborn Eldian when a Shifter dies before succession. I actually believe there’s a lot of story left to go. But! There isn’t enough left to now try and track down, out of all the Eldians still in the world, which one holds this terrifying power. (That would make a great AU, though.) Not to mention, we don’t know what happens in the case of a Shifter holding more than one power. Do all three Titans go to one child? Do they get split up back into three by the P A T H S? We don’t know. All of this is reason to expect some chicanery in the next few months or so. Besides any of that we are no closer to knowing what Eren’s true intentions are in regards to why he wants to use the Founder. Isayama Hajime is absolutely the kind of author to blast his main character into oblivion before the story has concluded. He is not the kind of author to leave a stone unturned. We found out about the Shifters and we found out about the basement. Whatever knowledge was revealed to him will not be kept secret, even if it isn’t by his own hand.

Sidebar: decapitation is weird, even in messy circumstances like this one. The electric signals in the brain often keep firing for minutes after the head has been removed. This is how beheaded snakes continue to hiss and bite after the fact. My troll prediction would be Eren’s head landing in Zeke’s hand like so many baseballs in his lifetime; the Coordinate is activated and Shiganshina proceeds to have a bad time.

I don’t know, folks. I couldn’t help but think of one very important rule as I read the closing pages.

Always Double Tap, dude. Gabi just had to go for the swag. See, if she had popped Eren’s head like a bloody firework I would have said, “Welp, you had a good run, kid.” But nope. You went and left the most powerful being in existence an outside outside chance of survival, and if he does, even for a few seconds more, everybody is screwed.

No segue, I just love these two teaming up. It makes sense that Mikasa and Armin have gotten closer as Eren has gotten more distant. I think seeing how that dynamic evolves as the story builds to its conclusion will be very important. For now, on the surface level, they just really care for each other.

 The last time I got a feeling like this, I was a young lad watching Samurai Jack in the early 00s. I would watch every week without fail on the Cartoon Network, engrossed for the entire runtime. And then, oh, the long and nagging wait. I can admit that having most stuff On Demand is impossibly handy for this particular moment in history, but goddamn do I remember having to wait a whole ass week for my favorite show to come back. Fans of Shingeki no Kyojin don’t realize how good they have it.

Replicating that feeling is almost impossible, not just because of how product is released now. Every story has been told before, in some way. Sometime in the last Millenia or so, our slimy lizard brains have come to expect certain beats and structure from stories. It makes the stories good, but also predictable. I can tell you as a writer, it’s so very difficult to find a way to surprise people in a genuine and engaging way.

This is going to sound more cold and callous than intended but, it does involve manipulating an audience to achieve your desired outcome. You want to lead them to the place you want to go and let them think it was their plan all along. This is the Art of Storytelling: I know what you want better than you do. This involves knowing your audience, and I think it’s safe to say after his “I want to hurt people with this,” comment that no writer on the planet right now knows his audience better than Isayama.

Fans of SNK should be happy. I’ve said this before: it isn’t the best book out right now (that’s still OPM, read that shit) but it is the most unpredictable. That doesn’t always make a story good, but in this case, it’s the greatest factor. Feel free to speculate and discuss. That’s what fandom is for. Just give up now on trying to work out what comes next. Only one person knows that. Isa has had this story plotted out for years with diversions here and there. We won’t know until it all ends. Enjoy this ride now. I can promise you we will never see anything like this manga ever again.

  Stray Thoughts

- Still no Kyomi. Still no Tiny Queen. I know the main character just got his head yeeted but let’s get some deets now, pls.

- I was so looking forward to the memes and am happy to report that I wasn’t let down. Well done, friends.

- The 104th Squad continues to persist, as does Yelena. We’ll earmark this for later.

- The fact that both the Jaeger Brothers got shot before Floch Forster is high dark comedy.

- In a battle this chaotic, things like skill and experience are often nullified. It makes perfect sense that Eren would be caught off-guard by a soldier he didn’t even know was there, child though she may be. Right place, wrong time. These Things Happen.

- Armin taking out the Cart’s turret gun was a slick little callback to when he bought time for Eren to take down Bertolt.

- I’m interested in Armin’s game plan here. Marley’s infantry is about to be overrun by Titans, so what else does he aim to do? And how will Yelena interfere?

- Nile said he wouldn’t see his family again. We all knew he was right but man, the look on his face when his number was called. That’s tough. Shout-outs to Pixis, getting one last sip in. You a real one.

[artdjgblog]

Innerview: ​Sonya Baughman​ / Review Magazine​

July 2008

Image: DJG's "Live & Let Die" Record by Paul McCartney & Wings

Note: Interview for a magazine feature.​

01) Where did you grow up and where do you live now? My young cloth diapers treaded a lot of dirt, dead animal and doggy acres in the North Central stick regions of Missouri, Mid-West, USA. Currently, adult plastic diapers drag and sag me in mid-town Kansas City, MO. The first six years had me bucking bales, falling off hay wagons, piercing my cheek on a hay bale stinger, assisting with the old cow stuck in the mud, designing elaborate tunnels and forts from tomato cages, watching “The Muppets” and “Star Wars” a lot, hearing scary stories of Leopard Man, posing for many pictures with dead and live animals, rocking out in cowboy boots to “Live & Let Die” on my Papa Smurf guitar, and crying at night to my raccoon wallpaper…among many other early formative brain tattoos. Act Two had many dry summers and the bank repossessing the farm and moving us to the home and acres where my Dad grew up. The new place had a blacktop in front of it and a gravel lane with a bridge/creek. The blacktop was a reservoir for leaving behind summertime shoe and bike impressions and for popping tar bubbles in the blistering heat. I also was of age to really explore and build many forts and treehouses in the ditches, barns and woods. Also, I started to go hunting and spend time in the fields with my Dad. We never had a shortage of animals and pets too. A lot of spare time was also spent in the sandbox or in the bedroom designing and building things based on what I saw and experienced. There was also a massive in-take of drawing and pop-culture from comics, books, music, television and movies. There wasn’t much of a cap on what my siblings and I could devour. Oh, and loads of sugary sweets and cereals. Go thr​ough the yearly motions and I end up at Southwest Missouri State University in Springfield, MO. There I got some very formal education and incredible interaction with students and design professors from the great making thing ways of Eastern Europe and Russia. I pretty much maxed out my art and design class card and was even making a ton of design work on the side for musicians. I then received a higher calling to drop out of school and make my guts out in Kansas City, MO which is where I’ve flopped around now for the past seven years. 02) Talk a little about your artistic background. Are you self-taught, did you go to college for art (if so, where)? My background is painted with loads of pop-culture from the 1980s and ’90s mixed in with the soil of farm life. I also designed and built many elaborate tree houses and forts up until the age of eighteen and spent most any spare minute in the sandbox or locked in my room drawing, reading, studying, video game playing, movie watching and just playing in general. I’ve never understood people’s ability to get bored or to not use the creation within them to ooze life out. I’ve enjoyed drawing comics, sports mascots and WWII battle scenes with my Dad at a young age that involved aircraft carriers, tanks and flags of those involved in conflict. My older brother would also draw a lot with me. He was better though. My younger sister and brother were pretty solid too. We have no idea where our creativity came from other than a great uncle, maybe? Also in my youth I would make giant collages out of magazine clippings and lots of mix tapes of Dr. Demento’s bizarre radio program and recorded and memorized many a variety of cartoon episodes and cool shows like Pee​-w​ee’s Playhouse. I’ve also been a constant collector all my life. Back in the day I was all about the whole spectrum of toys, comics, ball cards, cereal boxes and loads of other junk…even kept dead animal parts under my bed. In the fifth grade I won a county wide logo contest for a skating and bowling fun center and it was the first time I realized disappointment with design as my logo was butchered by those higher-up. In middle-school up until my junior year of high school I studied more comics, logos, sports architecture and wanted desperately to design new-vintage baseball stadiums until the realization of my poor math skills hit like a ton of collapsed buildings. I even won a Kansas City Royals baseball essay contest. Getting made fun of daily in high school stunk, but it really fueled my work ethic, dreams and caused me to lock up in my bedroom at night. Though, I still wish I would have worked harder in my youth. I still really enjoy working hard and being alone to this day. In the summer of 1996 I was selected to attend the first ever Missouri Fine Arts Academy and learned that I had more to offer with my insides and got a chance to interact with more likeminded minds. I came back to my senior year of high school with notebooks of typographic graffiti designs and a whole new language of what I thought was the art world. There was also a new art teacher at my school and he was serious and seriously cool and recognized that I had something to offer. I also came back to my senior year with more confidence in expressing myself and decided to dive into the world of graphic design for my post-high school studies. I had no idea what I was going to really do with it, but I knew I just wanted to use my gift of making stuff for the rest of my life. And graphic design somehow promised a bit more security in money than going the fine art route. Though, I’ve now managed to merge the two and to still not make any money. My high school scores had me at number 12 out of 24 in my class and I scraped the bottom of the test barrels to get me into college. Southwest Missouri State University in Springfield, MO said I could come and so I did. They were the only institution I applied for and I had liked it from my three week stay at Fine Arts Academy the previous year. College was great, but I could tell quickly that I wasn’t a top art pup like I was in my small school way back down the line. I was with the bigger dogs now. I struggled with drawing classes because I realized that I wasn’t as good as I had been told I was for the previous eighteen years. That was a set-back and I still wish to this day I would have worked harder at drawing. But, mostly I have trouble drawing in a cramped room with a ton of people breathing down my neck and at certain times of the day. The introduction and foundation art classes were more my calling and I could take the stuff home and work alone and all night. Most of my friends complained because they couldn’t wait until sophomore year when we would be on the computer for design. I didn’t really understand what I was getting into with graphic design. In fact, one day I exclaimed to my friends that I was taking the graphic design route that didn’t use computers and was entirely hands-on. They thought I was pretty insane for saying that and pretty much called me a fool. It’s kind of funny now though. I was so naïve at 18 and 19 to what the formal graphic design world was and I think I still am ten years later. Back when I was more bushy-tailed, I just wanted to make things and cut stuff out and not chain up to a computer…and I guess I’m still bushy-tailed, though I have a computer and use it mostly as a tool. When I finally did get placed in front of a computer, it was a struggle and I just couldn’t get into it and past the screen barrier. It almost stopped me from majoring in graphic design. But, we weren’t on the computer all the time as we were taught to conceptualize and to think and to be hands-on too. But, we needed to know the computer too. I just couldn’t get along with the computer for the longest time. Of course, the computer whiz kids just couldn’t wait for the next semester that involved a wordy world called typography. Which, naively enough I thought was about the art of map making. I liked maps, so I was excited too. But, I soon found out it was a whole new world that would poison the ABCs in me forever…good and bad. At least in type class we were still taught to think and do things by hand before messing with computer fonts. That first year or two of official design school was just terrible for me as I felt I wasn’t really “getting” it and didn’t think I would be happy as a graphic designer. I was just fulfilling project requirements and with zero heart or much care. It wasn’t until I haphazardly signed up to duel major in illustration that things started to make music inside of me. I began to really pour myself out and realize that I could approach things in a similar light as to when I was a child and be happy. Illustration saved me and I found my voice with it and my classmates and instructors started noticing. The energy there was great and everybody fed off of each other and helped each other see in new light(s). I also began to understand the valuable importance of the experience of my schooling as the instructors not only had a unique style of teaching, but they also had interesting backgrounds and culture from Eastern Europe and Russia. I could mildly relate to them as I was a transplant from the foreign farm world of North Missouri. After many design trips to studios I began to feel a very empty feeling with the profession I had chosen to represent my working life. It was not what I wanted to do with a “career”, or my time. I didn’t wish to work in a factory of fried monitor goo-lash. I wanted to just make stuff and at my own pace and pleasure. I was also very protective of my work and wanted parental rights and not for it to belong to another man’s name or dream. My love for music started to fuse with design and I began to start making many things on the side for musicians, which spread to other types of word-of-mouth work for me. An eye-popping lecture by modern rock poster designer Art Chantry sealed my personal deal for wanting to do my own thing. Shortly after that I decided I needed to change many gears in my life and secretly drop out of school following my final design class in the fall of 2001 and live with a band (and some) in a big old dilapidated orange house behind the original Lamar’s Donuts in Kansas City, MO. While some senior students had trouble looking for one real world client to work with for their final projects, I had close to 10 off the top of my head and whole bunch of future blank pages to fill. 03) During the time you have been making art have you always been drawn to this type of graphic expression? Did you “find” a style or did a style find you? I’d say a bit of both. I’ve never really gone for a set “style”. I’m sure that I’ve got one that has become recognizable to my thumb prints. Honestly, I never really think too hard about what I’m making or the why or how of the making until I have to answer questions like this. Then I start to over-think things. Also, whenever I’m told that I’m a good collagist or good at hand type or so-and-so rendering, then that is the only time I really make an effort to switch gears. I have boiled the majority of my output to be relational to the immediacy of my moods, thoughts, tickles, inclination and whatevers. Though, sometimes life can get in the way and I’ll have to slide down a small sliver of time and energy depletion, like I am with trying to get this writing out on time! But, I’m a big fan of cranking stuff out no matter what. Life is pretty darn short to sit on my hands. It seems that style can be a bit of a drag for some people and/or a hole. I’ve always been more in-tune to the folks who just follow what their gut, heart, hands and eyes speak instead of creating a set template. Some people never stray too far from that and only a few can truly get away with it. Edward Gorey is perhaps one of the few who could really make it work for me. I would certainly love to draw and think as well as he did, but I might be quite miserable doing the same thing over and over even if I was able to do it for a living. I think that a lot of people get confused and think they need to have a style and either invent one or pick other people’s noses instead of sniffing what they’ve been wearing all their life. Style to me is a lot like decorating or something. Though, at the same time that decoration might marriage perfectly to what somebody thinks they need. I don’t know though. Sometimes I think it’s funny when we as people think we need something to look or feel a certain way that’s already been communicated or visualized. I think that sometimes we are too caught up in what’s done before instead of thinking for ourselves. I’m guilty too. What’s really confusing to me, on a personal level, is when I get a request like, “We like all your work so make whatever you want!” and then the client ends up being really disappointed because it wasn’t in their “style” and then it’s awkward. Style is just an odd thing to me. But, most things are. I try to just trust my gutty heart and just make. 04) Do you see your work as communicating your identity or as helping to communicate the identity and message of others? … or both? I see it as me communicating what I’ve gathered from being on the Earth for 29 ½ years and spreading that manure the best I can. It’s a heaping helping to tell the story of others by telling my story. Most of my work fits into fine art and design, at least I’m always told that. I’m not really sure. Of late I’ve been pushing into more of the fine art bin. But, I’m not a big fan of labeling things and I would like to do many things with this thing I do. With design, one does have a role to play with helping somebody else tell their story, and at times, sell their story. There is also a responsibility to the venue the product is in or where it will eventually end up, whether a fine package on a shelf or a poster in the gutter. I feel it can be easy for a designer to lose perspective of the role playing. With leaving behind an identity…well, I like the idea of a paper trail, time-line and bruising thumb prints on this life. However, I don’t necessarily have the intent to say “Hey, look at me.” I am just another human, and one who happens to make things. If the work speaks or inspires (probably frightens and confuses on occasion), then that means a lot to me, especially in these fast-paced and flashy “everyone’s a designer-decorator” times with millions of images and advertisements everywhere. I think it’s great to recognize and at times celebrate gifts and achievement. But, I feel there needs to be a healthy balance. It can be a dangerous thing to play with at times. Some artists I feel become the work of art themselves and end up playing God with the gift and this saddens me as it usually ruins them in the long run. 05) Is there anything about your geographic location that has given you a unique perspective on design and the art you create? Certainly, growing up country might have my visions at a stranger advantage, and a howling merge to that with the city life now. You might see a lot of wonderfully strange things on the streets of the city due to the amount of activity by varieties of people and culture. But, only in small town Missouri do the deer pile up outside the meat locker and blood runs next door to the Baptist church as the high school band splash-marches through it. Growing up it was easy to take my lifestyle for granted. I enjoyed it immensely, but when I was 15 to 18 I wanted to get out a bit more. I was hungry to explore, and not just the many acres we lived on. I wanted the rest of the world. I became a little disgruntled with growing up country and I think that there is a certain stereotype placed upon people anywhere they are, but country folk get it pretty bad. I definitely ate from both sides of the fence, but also didn’t want to be hung up in it for a living. As I grow older I appreciate my roots a lot more and celebrate them and am very thankful. I enjoy going back home. And some day I’d like to move outside of the city to a small plot of land with a making things shack out back. But, my family home isn’t too far down the road for a getaway weekend visit to sit with the stars, coyote yips and fish. 06) What do you consider influences on your art? (this can be other artists, music, philosophy, nature – anything. this question is not just limited to “I’m a big fan of Banksy”) First thing, I believe in the compiling of all days in life to influence an artist’s output (horse apples or clean streets). Our walks tell a lot about who we are in the present prints. I feel that one would be lying to me if what they created was not in their full vision. But, I too think that we all wear and share influences as witnesses to what we’ve seen and where we’ve been. We all help shape each other. I’ve rattled off my early influences of popular culture. I think I’m more in-tune with my child’s self now than I was then as I sit alone and make things and pull from all my days. It’s also easy to feel that I was really moving and discovering more back then with naïve, childlike faith that I’m trying to get back now. I have some good days though and mostly when I’m not thinking too much. I’m still a fan of absorbing lots of things and from many angles. Of course I have my artistic influences. One of my big influences as a child was my Grandma Gibson. She is from the old school of the country and a very hands-on person with making many things like clothing, dead animal backpacks, blankets, pillows, fridge magnets and game board pieces. I still have a lot of the things from those years. I think a lot of my approach to making things came from her. My “professional” art world as a kid had an outside knowledge from trips to museums and PBS specials, though I felt a little detached from that world and still kind of do. My heroes were at the movies because they were more immediate to me, guys like Jim Henson, Stan Winston, Dr. Indiana Jones, Rambo and Han Solo. But, it was Henson’s world that opened me up to the first idea of an artist’s legacy, vision and spirit and glimpse of another world. Something big-time ached in my decade old gut the day I found out he passed away. Musically speaking I was very much a child of my Mom’s Beatles records, “oldies” music and a ton of television theme songs, novelty sing-alongs and old church songs. I still put a lot through my ears now and my biggest influences in music in my older years are Bruce Springsteen, Jeff Buckley, Elliott Smith and Bob Dylan. Also, I am still a big fan of tons of picture books and just anything really. I just know that I’ve never had bare space on the walls and shelves of my home and head. Oh, and wherever I am I’m usually distracted by the stuff on the ground. I’m a big collector of found notes, writings, scribbles, addresses, children’s drawings and good-bad-silly-stupid-smart designs. I like to collect ‘em all. I’ve also collected stamps since I was 10. I’m a big nerd. Here’s a listing of some names in the art and design canon who have made things that either attracted, influenced or moved me in some ways (in no particular order): Saul Steinberg, Seymour Chwast and Push Pin, Lester Beall, Edward Gorey, Ray Johnson, Art Chantry, Henryk Tomaszewski, Vaughn Olver and V23, Raymond Pettibon, Paul Klee, Stanley Donwood, Stefan Sagmeister, Cy Twombly, Saul Bass, Ivan Chermayeff, Ralph Steadman, Robert Rauschenberg, Jean Michel-Basquiat…most anybody who has something to say and develops a bad back carving out their paper trail. Movies are also a giant influence on my work and I study them almost daily. Some of the filmmakers who capture a certain craft of unique spirit that I enjoy include P.T. Anderson, Wes Anderson, Michel Gondry and the Coen Brothers. Folk Art is another big mind-blow and one of my favorite areas to study and get ticked by the of-the-moment heart, purity and passion. I love the idea of somebody just up and making something for the heck of it and not for art’s or ego’s sake. That’s the childlike thing I miss the most. The makers and shakers that move me the most from the folk art movement are Henry Darger, Bill Traylor and Robert E. Smith. And sometimes I get more out of the work on display in county and state fairs by everyday arts and crafters than so-called “professional” art and design work. 07) What is your perspective on the place of poster art here in the Midwest (or KC specifically) as it interacts with the rest of the art community and how the poster art coming out of this community may be perceived on a more national level? I’m curious about this because of the recognition Kansas City artists in general have been receiving lately on a national and international scale and how the art world tends to waffle between interest and disinterest in artists in this region. The music scene here is very interesting to me and a lot of times I think that it is just like 20 people all making it happen. Though, there is a lot of talent, diversity and genre-bending for a small town like this. There are a lot of groups making a mark here and down the highways, same with the people making stuff for them. Though, I get a little strange sometimes because I sometimes feel that the small scene mixed with the internet’s social networks and fewer record stores (oh, and most of my posters take up a whole bulletin board!) makes the poster almost secondary information and so-so decoration. In the same thought though, most of the stuff I see on the internet passes by me in a two-second window like that of highway advertising. Though, some do stick out to me because I’m always on the look to get tickled. And I don’t feel the art of the printed piece will die any time soon. Anyway, the scene just works here in Kansas City somehow and everybody takes care of and appreciates each other’s roles and contributions. I’ve had some great response to what I’m slapping up, but at the same time I think that a lot of people don’t get it. What’s not to get, it’s not too special? But, that’s fine with me. I’m not sure where I am in the scene. Maybe more-so in the “seen” department with my meager budgeted work hanging above a stool in the blurry-eyed late hours. I still think that toilets are one the best places for information gathering. Poster art in general in the last ten years alone has received a great breath of fresh air. Many of the makers are respected within a small collective, and have also been breaking through to represent on a national level of design aesthetic, as well as a well-rounded view of the printed timeline to life and culture. It’s also something that anybody can do and a lot of bands still just make their own stuff, which I’m cool and whatever with it. Everybody has their own style, agenda and empty pockets. But, the personal computer has saturated the landscape with a lot of “samey”. Then again, if it works, it works. In the end if it gets people interested and enthused, then what is there for a bum like me to complain about? And sometimes I really get a kick out of unskilled design stuff(s). I try to stay out of design politics for the most part. There is more to life than design dogma. Though, there is design all around us as we interact with it in every way from the tip-top of a tree to a paper scrap for this article. I enjoy the simple act of creation and inspiration that comes from something that seems like nothing, yet has always been a “something” growing and building and will continue to grow if the viewer lets it do so. You just have to add the proper mix of ingredients, I guess. And I guess my brain isn’t one to formerly function on the full realization to what it’s thinking. So, I’m babbling right now. I do know that something I’ve always enjoyed about the concert poster is the relatively short life span it has and how that can be used to the advantage. I just want to encourage people out there, designers/artists, non designers/artists or even church secretaries, to really push things and work harder. I don’t really care if everyone isn’t versed in design and art. In general I just encourage more to experiment with poster art, find your voice(s) and find new ways to spread the good word. Even if it’s not for a concert or an event, just make something and get it out there. Throw your junk off the overpasses if need be. 08) How has your work been received within the arts community here (and also in other geographic regions if you have been branching out)? For seven years now I’ve somehow managed to remain fairly anonymous and at the same time have sparkled a bit of attention…maybe just a glittering. Life and day job dwindle my hours to where it’s hard to even pay attention on my own stuff sometimes, so I don’t get out much here in the city. Though, I guess it is easier to keep up with things on the internet, papers and here-say. I think Kansas City is making her own dent right now with a wide variety of things going on in the arts landscape. The town is kind of booming and bustling right now. Being that we’re a small town, it’s easy for a small fish to get more wet feet. Though, I’ve never put my whole foot into anything. I just do my thing. Some days I’m not really sure what that thing is, but I do it despite my muck. When I first started on my design quest, like when anyone tackles something head-on, I was head-over-heels and not sleeping much. I was also living with bands and interacting more and actually going to shows several times a week. I don’t know how I did it without exhausting my ticker, but for some reason it all worked. I started to garner a little bit of buzz here that seemed to spread quick outside the state and international borders. Many people contact me from all over and slap my stuff alongside some of my design favorites in magazines and books. It’s a hoot. People are always interested in my story and creations. It’s all still really odd and blushing to me in some light that the little things I make are reaching a selective audience on a much grander scale. Anyway, I’ve certainly learned now that sleep is important and that it’s better for me to work smarter, not harder. Though, that’s not entirely the truth as I still work pretty darn hard and I believe in it greatly. Still, I’ve struggled with my own brand of discontent since I fell from a slide and blacked-out at the age of five. It’s something that I’m working and wrangling with. But, with any kind of actual work you’ve studied, worked hard with and duct taped up the switch with 24-7, you learn to just not think and rather DO and the moves become mechanical. I just have to put to use different types of oil to keep from rusting. It all becomes a fluid thing, or something constantly coming down on me in the grocery aisle, tree leave holes and side walk crack scribbles. It can be challenging when life stuff gets in the way, but I shouldn’t see it as getting in the way. I easily get confused, but then I realize that the things I experience and see and do (good-bad) all go into my design pot mixed with my past and then I just have to do the upchucking as I move forward and I tend to feel better. Recently I’ve definitely stepped back on my massive production of concert posters and I’m sure that many people reading this will think, “Geesh, I don’t think I’ve ever even seen this idiot’s work?” Not only has my life changed in some ways, but I also had to give myself permission to take a time out and to learn to say no to some things. A break was needed before burnout and bitter rotted my worms in the apple, among other things. I had a year of little activity and practiced sitting on my nest. I still made a bunch of stuff, but a lot just for me. I’ve also been involved in various group art shows around the country, design books and special art projects with friends spread about. Another thing I did, and still do, is just to see what other avenues I’d like to take my one man show. I’m learning to use the internet for the medium that it is too. Anyway, I’ve always got some stew samples back burning, but my biggest competition is myself…on top of time, energy and money. Mostly myself, as I’ve always been extremely hard on myself. Though, I’ve been told I make it look easy. I’ve never been good at math, so you go figure. I get exhausted from trying to figure this out. 09) Is artwork your main profession and, if not, are you intending to make it so? It’s really flattering and kind of sad when every spring I get more and more inquiries from freshly plucked and talented college students about a possible internship or job with DJG Design. In general, due to what most think to be a large and varied output of work, people who don’t know what I’m about think that there is a D, a J and a G making things. It always excites me to be contacted by enthused students and other design people (any walks of life, really) who saw something or connected to my work and got a spark. It makes me rosey, but it also keeps me a little down as I don’t make enough money to do this full-time. But, it all keeps me at my little basement bay working on my bad back and poor eye sight, keeps me (under)grounded in some ways. I’ve always worked full-time jobs and have been married now for three years. So, certain responsibilities come with walking hand-in-hand with another. For now I just spin the day job blues and try to stay content and disciplined, burning the fuel before and after work. But, age is setting in a bit and I’m getting antsy. I also grow tired easier. Good things do come out of day jobs, good design work does too. For the first four or five years I was a janitor and groundskeeper. So, loads of perks came from great finds, discards, dumpster dives and lots of free food and more time to read and study and draw. Heck, I even designed a few posters between clock punches. Currently my position has me staring at a computer doing data entry. The health care, artificial air and hours are great and I can walk out my back door and be there in seven minutes. But, it can be difficult to know that I’m sitting and squandering something back home. I do take it with me everywhere upstairs, and I do a bit of networking during the day time, but there is still that itch to make things full-time and not have a full plate of non-stop. It’s all hard to balance. But, making things is the only thing that I’m told that I’m somewhat good at. Well, other than eating junk food, watching movies, being confused and petting my four kitty cats. I am fast approaching thirty and the visual of time stacking is more evident than ever. Each space between second hand clicks is another scratch of tiny pine box to me. I am slowly checking off my list of “Before 30 Goals”, but I’m usually several cars back and sometimes it’s a pileup. Life takes a different course too. But, I have caught back a hold of a torch of some sort. I am constantly tacking up side boards to the wagon. After eight years of looking at Gigposters.com, I finally have ALL of my poster work up on there. It’s a great way to generate exposure and get my work out some more. I also have my new website up and an extensive volume of imagery on my Flickr.com account. It can be a bit odd to put one’s self out there in such a reservoir fashion, but I do like the idea of the timeline and personal file cabinet. And if my house burns down, it’s all digitized and makes it easier on my friends when they have to move me. So, day jobs…they are both blah and bling in my mind. My sling shots just point back at me on certain days. Sometimes they change direction with every sentence. At least I’m now under a thousand dollars on my student loans. I don’t make a thousand dollars in most years on design. 10) Tell me a story – have you had any strange poster requests? A project where you just about lost it? A poster that succeeded beyond expectations or failed in a way that took you totally by surprise? A project-situation-chaos that always sticks out when I’m asked a question like this happened to me back in June of 2002. It’s not a poster, but it’s pretty whacky and ended up being one of the best things that I think I’ll ever make. It was a special run of 250 homemade CD packages for the band Elevator Division. I’ve had many projects that demand more production time than my little brain imagines, but this one was the worst. Actually, the finished piece is a lot tamer than my initial idea. Though, the final image’s concept married to what the band was communicating on the disc inside is way better. The following true story I’ve released for a previous interview, I just tweaked a few glitches… The idea came at the night I started printing. Well, actually it was spray paint. I had an image made for a month or more and then changed it at the last stroke of inspiration. It married the themes for the album “Whatever Makes You Happy” perfectly. With reflections of war and relationships in the songs, I made an image of a hand shooting off its index finger like a missile. It was the idea of shooting off one’s options and making decisions. It was aggressive, inviting, serious and humorous all in one. It was not only fitting for the band/music but also to the national/world agenda and climate. I went to war that night with many cans of spray paint and the idiot mind to do two-hundred and fifty all in one massive sweep, and in my basement, which is something I will never do again because I could have died. I will probably also never be involved with another package like this again (take that back, I have been). Anyway, each one was hand-cut from cardboard and handmade stencil sprayed and rubber stamped. Inserts were cut, folded and glued. At the last mist of red spray a crack of thunder shook the massive turn-of-the-century home and I bolted from the basement and out the front door to a down poor fit for Noah himself. I was like a much less cool version of Dr. Frankenstein though. I leapt off the front porch and slid head first down the embankment and into the street turned river current. But, like a taxidermy nightmare, I was born again. The drug dealing squatters across the street were on their front step perch per usual summer evening, looking at the fire in my eyes and the red paint streaming from ears, nose and mouth. It was a high much higher than that of chemical substance. Well, maybe a three pack of design, life and paint fumes. 11) What is it about the poster as an art form that you feel is unique among other art forms? What purpose does it serve in your mind that can’t be served by another type of visual art? I’ve hinted at this in a previous question. I like the idea of the poster’s life-span being short, relative to the date and time…event, whatever. But, if it connects in the right way, and it can be different for everyone as art-design-whatever, is all relative to the viewer, I think that even a concert poster’s impact can last a long time. Since my first year in Kansas City I’ve had people find me out and say that they had a bedroom wall filled up ​with​ my work. It really moved me that something so simple (and sometimes stupid) that I squeezed out caused somebody else to be moved enough to hang it above their dreams at night. It means a lot to me when others get something out of something I’ve made. I know from child to adult, I myself have gotten something out of the stuff I’ve collected and tacked to my walls. It’s odd, yet a really nice feeling to know I’m somehow contributing to a landscape in some way. Making things is an act that I’ve always needed to do and has helped me get the best out of many days. I’ve always had difficulty with contributing in many forms of communication and on some days it’s terribl​y​ hard even just to be out and about. Making things has served as my calling with communication. It’s nice to know it can help others too in whatever way. -djg

[szopenhauer]

Where do you put your keys when you get home? personal

Have you ever seen a snake in the wild? one from far away on the sand when I was on camp and second time it was just dead and not even whole anymore, I wanna touch a snake!

What’s your favourite movie from the 80s? can’t choose only one

Are you expecting any phone calls or emails? not really

Do you have any family that live in another country? no one close

Are there any words that you hate or make you cringe? sure

What is the best house you’ve ever lived in? I’ve lived in one house only unless I can count some I stayed for awhile like grandma’s apartment or aunt’s cottage 

What movie reminds you of your childhood? many movies like Jumanji or Goonies

What was the last email you received? spam

Are you in any fb groups? I am

Whose house did you last visit? my gf’s

How many tabs do you have open right now? 5

What’s something you’ve been meaning to do but keep putting off? I procrastinate lots of stuff

What’s the first thing you check on your phone at the start of the day? fb messanger/time

Would you date someone who still lived with their parents? I still live with my parents  Do you think there is life on other planets? not those close to us

Would you enjoy a night of playing video games? maybe Do you dream of traveling the world or are you happy where you are? I’m not happy but I don’t want to travel  Would you watch a porno with your partner? hmm... Have you ever stolen from your work? no Do you own any sex toys? I don’t How often do you use facebook at work? depends Would you date someone half your age? that would be illegal and I wouldn’t want to anyway Are you a romantic person? a little? Would you be okay with your partner hanging with their ex as friends? I probably wouldn’t be  Do you have a current passport? never had a passport Is it more fun to go out just with your date or on a group date? just my date Have you had a relationship with someone of the same sex? as a lesbian Is marriage a necessity for two people who love each other? no but it’s nice Is there anything you think science will never be able to explain? possibly Is intoxication ever an acceptable excuse for acting stupid? if you can’t act normal then don’t drink, UGH! Do you litter? never Do you believe in fate or destiny? not sure Doing nothing all day makes you feel…? both good and bad Have you ever had sex with someone you worked with? I have not Would you date someone just for the sex? noooo Do you consider yourself a positive person? pfft Are Sex and Intimacy the same thing? sex is to intimacy like square to rectangles How often do you get angry? I’m like Bruce Banner Have you had cosmetic surgery? I haven’t On a first date do you pay or do they? split Do you only date people who have jobs or are full-time students? I don’t care what they do in life (school, job or nothing) if we don’t live together, I’m unemployed myself Could you date someone who does drugs? doubt it Do you enjoy watching sports? nah Would you do a striptease for your partner? umm... Would you date someone who doesn’t have a car? sure, I don’t even own one  You have a week off, travel or stay home? home <3 Does spending the weekend at home annoy you? noooo Do you consider yourself open minded? nah Do others find you sexy? r u kidding?... Have you ever met someone in person you met online? I have Do you tell your friends you love them? nope, just family and partner

Do your siblings dye their hair? sometimes Who can you best relate to in the last book you read? partially to Will, Stella and Poe Are you indecisive? it’s hard for me to make a decision but I am not changing my mind like wind blows

What are you listening to? Lana Del Rey What are you doing tomorrow? we’ll see What was the last compliment someone gave you? not sure which was last Do you have a big family? no but it’s still to big for me :x Which one of your senses would you miss the most if you lost it? sight, then hearing

What’s your opinion on prostitution? Should it be legal and regulated, or is it something that needs to be gotten rid of completely? it should be illegal If you want (or don’t want) kids, is this something you’ve always known or have you changed your mind as you’ve grown up? I wanted kids at first because I played dolls and didn’t know anything about pregnancy or taking care of real children, I just thought it’s normal everyone have them at some point and that’s all but once I found out more about the subject I realized it’s not for me because of many reasons

Has the person you like ever seen you in your pajamas? yup Did the last person you kissed celebrate your last birthday with you? she wasn’t in my life at the time What’s the first word of the last text message you received? ok was the whole message XD

What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? I’m gonna die, if I won’t fall asleep I’ll explode, I feel so bad Are you okay right now? am I ever?... When was the last time you saw your mom? we’re home together What is the last thing you drank today? just going to drink some water in the kitchen Will you be up before 7 am tomorrow? hope not What are you listening to right now? Cigarettes after sex Last time you had a sleepover? ages ago If the last person you dated said they were in love with you, what would you say? I know she does, she was telling me that already Do you replay things that have happened in your head? overthinking for life If you could get paid to do anything in the world, what would you do? sitting in front of the computer  Do your parents actually knock on your door before entering your room or just barge right in, instead? my dad knocks, my mom barges in What would you do if it snowed right now? ...

Are you more of a leader or a follower? loner

Would you say you’ve had a good life so far? no comment What’s something you wish you could have delivered to your house? regularly or right now? What’s your favorite art style? surrealism? Are any of your coworkers currently out on maternity/paternity leave? I don’t have coworkers now Do you have a good sense of balance? it’s hard to say Do you live in a very racially and culturally diverse country? no Do you live alone? I wish

Have you done something recently that helped someone else, in any way? nothing big If you knew that one of your friends was considering suicide, what would you say to them? depends

Who was the last person to pay you a compliment? my gf The shirt you’re wearinh - is it one of your favourites? yep Is there a certain name that you think seems to have become really popular, and you know lots of people with that same name? growing up Ewelina, Julia, Emilia, Katarzyna, Urszula, Małgorzata and Michał were the most popular names Before Facebook became popular, did you use any other social networking site? yup Have you ever asked anyone “Do you love me?” If so, did you get the response you wanted? Do you think when someone says “I love you”, you feel obliged to say it back? yes, usually and kinda If you’ve had a bad experience in a past relationship, did you find that you were scared to get into another relationship, in case the same thing happened again? that’s normal Are you friends with the last person you hugged, or something more? we’re related Do you ever post song lyrics as your Facebook status? sometimes Do you drink alcohol on a regular basis, or do you prefer to save it for special occasions? I don’t drink even on special occassions Did you play with Barbies when you were a kid, or did you prefer something else? I played with Barbies but not only them If you were going to buy a present for the person you love/like, what would you generally choose? what she likes/wants/needs :) If I’m going to buy you a box of chocolates, which kind should I definitely NOT get? don’t buy me any Is there something you generally always ask for help with? I need help with many things :( Has anyone called you beautiful today? no, I’m not so that would be a lie

Who was the last person to see you cry? my mother

Do you drink bottled water? sometimes

You never know what you have until it’s gone. True or false? kinda true

Are you scared of losing the person you like to someone else? if they were happy with someone else - let that happen, I’ll be fine alone

Will you be in bed in the next 20 minutes? too early to sleep

Do you laugh at inappropriate times? rarely

How many bracelets do you have on right now? zero

Do you have someone you have late night conversations with? I do

What does your phone do when it receives a text? vibrates

What is in your pocket? no pockets!

Can you remember the last person you texted without looking? my sister 

Do you listen to music everyday? almost

Are you gonna be home alone tonight? I won’t be alone

If there was a large spider in your room, would you stay in the room? how big?

Are you a flirty person? maybe The last store you went to was…? local

Do you have a friend named Alex? used to  What did you think of the movie Juno? I have mixed feelings about it How often do you eat meat? often Have you ever gotten clothes from the kids section as an adult? I have :x Are you more of a science/math person or english/history person? I’m artsy  When you were little, would you have rather watched Cartoon Network or Disney Channel? we didn’t have such expensive channels Since using the internet regularly, have you started to read less than you used to? I read less not because of internet Are you a big fan of the Harry Potter series? nah Do you find yourself feeling lazier when the weather is warm? I feel lazier when the weather is cold because I don’t wanna leave my bed or home at least Are you a fan of the TV show Friends? watched fragments and I like Chandler and Phoebe - I think they would be great together, I’m a bit like them How old do you think is too old to sleep with a stuffed animal? never Are you 100% over the last person you kissed? I’m not How many tattoos would you like to have? I don’t plan any Are you over the age of 25? I am Do you want your life to stay the way it is right now forever? omg! I want my life to get better :( Would you rather live without music or without the t.v? without TV

[madscientistjournal]

Fiction: The Titan Through the Dust

An essay by Claire Gainsborough, as provided by Joachim Heijndermans Art by Leigh Legler

You’ve seen it. Everyone’s seen it. Kids know of it from their school books. It’s been on TV, in movies, and in every history book published in the years after the incident of Singapore City. Hell, even if you’ve never seen the actual shot, you’ll know it from the ripoffs and the parodies and the references by college kids trying to be artsy in their projects. Cultural osmosis, I think they call it. It’s a hell of a thing, to have your work be absorbed by the current zeitgeist and spat back out, like a cheesy meme passed around on Twitter, to the point that everyone around the world will instantly recognize your photo on sight, even if they have never heard your name.

And I gotta say, with the passage of time, I don’t know how I even feel about the shot anymore. For one thing, it’s been nearly twenty years since I aimed that camera, pressed my index finger down, and made a piece of history in a split second of time. So yeah, that part’s cool. But you’ll be hard pressed to find anyone familiar with any of my other work. Last year I had a book collection of my travel photography published in conjunction with Nat Geo. Sales were so-so. Biggest complaint? That shot wasn’t in it. That’s all that people want anymore. Kagemura, on the most devastating day of my life.

Is this what Eisenstaed felt like when he shot that photo of the VJ day in New York? I doubt it, because even if that kiss was forced and all that, it still had some sense of beauty to it. A joy was captured in that scene. My shot? It’s beautiful in its own terrifying way. But I just see the carnage. Carnage in blood, rubble, and dust. Absolute carnage.

~

This morning I got an offer to do the photography at a wedding. It’s a famous couple. You know them, I guarantee it, but I signed an NDA before I even met with them, so I can’t say much about it other than that the money is blasphemously great. Had I accumulated any, I could have paid back my college loan debts three times over. It’s insane. And do you know what they called me when they rang me up? Claire? Of course not. I was “that Kagemura lady.” They wanted that style for their reception. As in, that exact style. Happiest day of their life, but shot in a sepia tone and with the sun partially blocked. I said yes, obviously, as the KSF needs the cash more than I do. My best guess is they just didn’t realize people actually died when I took it.

I’m tired of talking about the shot in public, to be honest. Because that’s all that people discuss when the topic of my work comes up. The technique. The type of lens I used. The other dumb crap. And it’s so … what’s the word I’m looking for? Dull. Yeah, that’s it. It’s dull. It’s technical jargon and people standing around printouts of it with glasses of champagne in hand, each of them trying to find something new and profound to say about the photo. In the end, it’s just words. Words about a picture I took in the spur of the moment as I was half-suffocated by ash and grime.

Nobody ever asks what it was like, being there when it all came down. I think that’s why they’re all drawn to the photo. It’s a way to get close, but not too close to the actual awfulness of it all. The Disneyland version of it, where they can see the horrible monster without having to think about what it can do and what it did.

I want to talk about that day. What it was like. This is what happened on that day when I shot The Titan Through the Dust. My opus, I suppose.

~

Do people take gap years anymore? Or is that just a rich people thing these days? I swear, every time I talk to a student who either has never heard of a gap year, or worse, mentions they couldn’t afford it because they have student loans to pay back, it just reminds me again and again how I was born with a silver spoon up my ass. I love my mom and my dads, who really did their best to pool everything two orthodontists and a lawyer could scrape together to get their ditzy daughter through college pain-free, but boy howdy did they shield me from the realities of the world. Might be why it hit me as hard as it did when the earth literally opened up that day.

Anyway, I’m off topic. Back to the event.

I’d just graduated with my BA in programming and game design. Yeah, that’s right. Claire Gainsborough, the one whose book your mom has on the coffee table and who shot that photo you owned the poster of, wanted to make a career for herself in video game production. The art critics either tactfully neglect to mention that whenever they praise my photo work, or somehow bring up the supposed influence that “Banjo-Kazooie” on the N64 had on my choice of angle and lighting. I don’t know if any of that is true, as I only played it for about a week and a half during a retro-game bender in college, but whatever. To wrap it up, I graduated the course and had my fill of screens and code and engines after four years, so I chose to take a year to travel. I wanted to see the world and snap some pictures along the way to fill up a scrapbook or a blog or something. I never expected to go down in the history books as the next Joe Rosenthal, which only happened after my photo began circulating around the net and Nadaria, my agent, hooked me in and began to tour my shot, helping me realize I had a knack for a good photo. Lucky me, falling into a career like that.

I’ve often thought about going back into video games, make a simple platformer or an RPG with cute cartoon animals who save the world. But I just can’t seem to muster the drive to sit down and do it. I mean, making video games? After what I witnessed and lived through? It seems so quaint … no, childish even. How do I imagine the fantastical anymore? How can I create the illusion of power, when I’ve seen what real, actual raw ball-busting power looks like in the flesh? Now that I know what it feels like as it walks past you, too large to notice something as insignificant as me? What the air around it tastes like as it marches onward? How can anything compare? Well, I guess only Team Ico got close, and maybe those “God of War” guys, but still–

Wait, wasn’t I talking about gap years? Sorry. I got way off topic.

~

So, my gap year. The idea was that I’d backpack through Asia. Had a whole route planned out. I’d start in Jakarta and see all the Indonesian islands one by one (which I did in three weeks’ time). Then it would be on to Singapore, then Malacca, Kuala Lumpur, Krabi in Thailand, and so on up the peninsula and into the continent. My final stop would be in Wakkanai, the most northern spot on Hokkaido, Japan. It was going to be the experience of a lifetime. Just traveling, seeing the sights, taking selfies, and going out at night with whomever I met along the way. Food. Sun. Shots out of someone’s belly button. And maybe there’d be things that would go horribly wrong, and I would have had to wash dishes for a week to get my ticket out of there. Something I would vlog about and then do a book and the whole shebang. Then, twenty years down the line, they’d make a movie about it with someone who doesn’t look a thing like me, but is willing to look less pretty on screen for when the awards season rolls around. That’s where I was with my mind at the time. Just laughs, experiences and the idea of fame coming from my Asian trek.

I didn’t get that far, barely a quarter way of the journey. As you might guess, my third day in Singapore was the March the 23rd. The first Kagemura Ascendance. Day Zero.

What I did those first two days in Singapore is a haze for me now. I doubt anyone really remembers what they did on half their vacations down the line. But I’ll tell you this: everyone who was there can recall that day with near 100% accuracy. I guarantee it. What they had for lunch. Who they talked to. What clothes they put on that morning. All of it. Trust me on this one.

As for me? I was in the midst of an iced coffee and a croissant with an omelet and chives, which I’d told myself would be the only familiar food I’d eat that day (part of the whole “experience the local cuisine” thing I was going for). It was 10:32 AM on the dot, and breakfast was coming to a close in the dining area. I had my nose in my tablet … like, nose in the book, but I guess it doesn’t go in a tablet. Is there a phrase for that? Dang. I’m rambling. Sorry. I always ramble when that day comes up. It’s … it’s difficult to talk about this. But anyway, I was planning out my day, when my glass trembled. And when I say trembled, I mean it was flung right off my table.

That’s when it started.

~

It’s funny, but the camera I used that day? A hand me down. The most famous modern photographer, and I didn’t even go out and get my own equipment. It was one of my dad’s, my biological one, who had bought it for a summer trip he and my step-mom were going to take down to Tijuana. Then he won an even better one at a sweepstakes thing with the Shoprite around the block, so he gave me the Canon for my trip.

It’s never taken more than thirty photos, and twenty-eight of them are pics from the plane, the hotel, and the pool that was on the roof. The other two are from after the attack. The camera itself now sits on my mantle, still dirty and containing its original memory card. A conversation piece, really. I use better stuff for work.

I don’t know why I keep it. I’ve had to fish it out of the trash over six times, thrown out during my darker mood episodes that are common to people with survivor’s guilt (according to my therapist). Two other times, Carla, the lady who comes in every Tuesday to clean, pulled it out. She just put it back and never said a word about it. She looks out for me. Bless her heart. I should really be nicer to her. Like, to her face, instead of anonymously paying her daughter’s college tuition as I have been.

But yeah, the camera. It sometimes drives me batty. It sits there, reminding me of what I’d done. What I could have done. There are still days I desperately want to get rid of it. But then I would blind the last eye that saw them.

~

It was so sudden. There wasn’t any build up to it at all. A calm, serene morning the one moment, and then the earth broke open like a fresh baguette ripped in two. A horrible noise blasted past us, a sound wave of broken steel and ten billion nails against ten billion chalkboards, that threw us from our feet. Before anyone could react, the glass in all the windows shattered, broken by the pitch of the sound. That was the first roar, but I didn’t find that out until later.

I wasn’t hurt, but I could hear the people in the streets scream as the shards came down on them. While everyone else in the dining area ran for the nearest exit and the stairs, I leaped under my table, which might have been what saved me from what came after. Not a conscious choice. Just a habit I picked up from my time dealing with the L.A. quakes.

Now, for a while, I didn’t have a clue what was going on outside. There weren’t any tremors after the initial quake, but from the sounds, I knew it had to be bad. I just stayed where I was, in case someone came to get me. No one did. In fact, the first sign that things were weird was the sudden collective silence. There were some loud astonished gasps and some incoherent yelling, but it didn’t sound like anyone was in a panic.

Then came the second roar. And with that, hell was unleashed on the city.

There are reports of what happened in the initial strike as it emerged. I’ve read them all, but they don’t mean anything to me. Just a list of factoids and hypotheses about its tunneling ability and how long it laid dormant underneath Singapore, a sleeping giant upon which we just built a city. What I could gather from them was that, just by coming up from its resting place, it took out three of the adjacent buildings in an instant. After that, it stumbled about for a bit. While it wasn’t like it was immediately attacked, something must have set it off in a real bad way, because what it did next is what hit the building I was in.

But back to the massive tremor that knocked everything over. At the time, I thought it was an earthquake, which is why I leaped under the table. That theory went out the window the second a purple beam of pure heat ripped across the city skyline and shredded through buildings. The Summer Palms hotel I was in lost its top eight floors in one swoop. If anyone screamed, I didn’t hear it on account of my eardrums shattering (still have the tinnitus as a souvenir).

I think I may have hidden under that table for a good ten to fifteen minutes before I crawled out. Dust was already coming down like snow in December, but I could feel the rays of the sun hitting me. The roof was gone. Not broken. Not damaged. Gone. Rendered to dust.

As I look back now, I’m surprised as all hell that I didn’t panic. Somehow I kept myself level, waited for a couple of minutes after the heat blast took out the top floors, then just grabbed my backpack and ran for the exit, nearly tripping over people that just lay there in the path. Were they dead or unconscious? I haven’t the foggiest, as I was too busy trying not to get trampled by the others who made their way down. But I remember cursing myself for going out to breakfast in flip-flops that day, since they made my escape three times harder. I tripped and fell down a flight of stairs, bruising my knee and scraping my arms. It hurt, but I forgot about the pain when another beam blasted overhead. I saw its purple light ripping through a cloud of dust, but the sound from within was that of steel melting, foundation crumbling, and screams silenced in an instant. I didn’t think about it, or at least I tried not to. I just ran down the stairs with one thought on my mind: escape. Run like hell and try to make it out on the street. Maybe there would be somewhere I could hide. Find an ambulance or a cop I could hitch a ride with. Be anywhere but a demolished building that could topple down any moment.

Then the stairs collapsed right out from under me.

~

Hours had passed when I finally woke back up, though I didn’t find out about that until later. When I came to, there was nothing but darkness around me. Engulfed in panic, I shrieked and flailed my arms wildly in an attempt to break free, thinking I’d been trapped. Technically, I was, but it wasn’t rubble I was stuck under. Three men, two women, and a potted plant had tumbled on top of me and shielded me from the debris. There were other people, who all laid there as limp ragdolls, with not a single sign of life among them. I remember I started sobbing, even though no tears were coming out of my eyes. For a bit, I stumbled in the semi-darkness to try and find a way out by touch, which I did eventually. Bad news? It was blocked with rubble. No way out but either wait for help or dig. I seriously considered just waiting it out. Help would come soon, and I wasn’t in a bad place. Then the earth shook again. So I dug.

Like a frightened mole, I burrowed my way through the dirt with ferocious speed till my fingers bled. I credit my adrenaline for giving my 125 pound frame the strength I needed to get out of there, even as I hacked up my lungs in the process. It wasn’t until that first beam of light hit my face that my heart finally stopped trying to leap out from my chest.

Wasting no time for comfort, I dug out a hole large enough for me to fit through. I pushed my bag out and followed suit, writhing like a worm after a rainstorm. I stumbled and fell twice, scraping my knees again, but I’d done it. I’d made it outside on the street, although I still couldn’t breathe for shit, with the massive dust cloud seeping right into my nostrils and lungs. My eyes narrowed in an attempt to keep the dust out of them. None of it mattered. I was deaf, dumb, and blind, stumbling through a cloud of dirt. Every exhale was a cough. I could feel the blood in my lungs and tear ducts. I knew with absolute certainty I was going to die. But I still kept going.

It was then that I remembered the bottle of water in my backpack. I scrambled for it blindly, overjoyed to find it unbroken. With some sloppy haste, I pooled some of it into my hand and splashed it in my face. A reprieve. Water had never felt that good on my skin. And with that, I got my sight back.

Then I wished I hadn’t.

~

There’re these two paintings by Goya. They get brought up and compared a lot in the art books that have my photo in them. Pose and lighting and all that. I do see it. And yet (and I’m going to be completely honest here), I’d never seen them before I took that picture. But I see their point when the comparison is brought up again and again between The Colossus and my photo. Goya couldn’t have known what it would be like, to see a massive behemoth waltz across through mist and smoke. But he nearly got it. Out of all the paintings, he came the closest. Because he got the dust right.

The dust. That’s all I could see that day. The dust. After the first few buildings collapsed, the dust shot out over every inch of the city. It became a cloud. No, not a cloud. More of a ghost. A specter. A second monster, a mollusk of granite and ash and human remains that fell down on the city like a sheet of pain and tears. The bride of the beast, a herald to its approach and a silent mourner, standing vigil in the wake of its terrible walk. I remember the dust more than Kagemura itself. The creature was just a flash that passed by, shone its giant eyes down at the little people screaming for their lives below, then stomped off.

There’s a second Goya painting. Saturn devouring his Son. This giant titan, the most ghastly dude you can ever imagine, is ramming this little kid into his gaping maw, all on account of a prophecy that proclaimed his children would bring his downfall. He eats a child to preserve his own future.

Goddammit, Goya. Get the hell out of my head.

~

Dust. Nothing but a giant cloud of dust as far as the eye could see. I felt like I’d walked into a grey-brown fog, and the city that had been there a few hours earlier was now a “Silent Hill” level, but a lot hotter. With the towel from my backpack, I made a mask to cover my nose and face, while I blocked my eyes with my hands, peering through my fingers. For some reason, I also took out my camera, the Canon, and just held onto it. I’m not sure why. Maybe as my last testament? Was I that certain of my death?

Now, I had no idea what to do next. Where was I walking to? To safety. Where was that? I didn’t have a clue. There were faint sirens that came from every direction. Muffled screams beyond the dust clouds. And me in the middle of it all.

I picked a direction on pure instinct and just booked toward it. Me, missing one flip-flop and with half a bottle of water, a towel, and a camera, shuffled in the direction to what I’d assumed was away from the danger. My foot got cut up on the rocks and debris, but I managed by some miracle to avoid any glass shards. Here and there I’d see what I thought were bodies, but to keep myself from completely losing it, I tried to block them out.

Then I heard it again, even with my fuzzy hearing and blood-soaked ears. The sound that had announced its attack and shattered all the glass. The sound of hell. The roar. I turned around, trying to see where it was coming from, which seemed like from all directions at once. Destruction in surround sound. Each breath was a hurricane. The beat of its heart was an earthquake. While I couldn’t see it through all the dust and debris, I knew it was close. Hell, I didn’t even know what “it” was at the time. The sounds were just unexplained noises. I still thought it was some kind of a bomb at the time. That’s what I assumed the source of the heat was. I tried to rationalize it all. Terrorists. A war. Or an accident. Gas pipes. All these rational explanations for all that horror. Something to just make a little sense of it all.

And then I saw it. For real this time, as it stepped right over me. I couldn’t comprehend what I was looking at. But in that moment, like a reflex, I aimed the camera and pressed the button.

~

A few weeks ago, in an interview with Time for the tenth anniversary of the Singapore attack, I told them that I’d only seen Kagemura the one time, back when I snapped the picture. That’s actually not true, and I should apologize for my lie. I’d actually seen it twice. The second time was about seven years after Singapore, during the three-year hiatus when they couldn’t locate the creature anywhere, during my trip to Switzerland. Yeah, you’ve seen the story. You know where this is going.

I was in the midst of climbing to the top of a mountain whose name I can’t remember, because who cares what mountains are called anymore when actual titans now walked the earth? I climbed it because I hated skiing and I wanted to get away from the world and the aura of sorrow and fear it had wrapped itself in since the monster began to walk across the landscape. Stupid me.

I saw it in the early morning, lit up by the early sun’s rays as it breached the dew that descended from the Alps with its massive frame. It was actually more bizarre to see it there. A giant crab/dinosaur/eel that keeps going in and out of the Chinese sea wasn’t that out of place in that area, if you know what I mean. But in Switzerland, among the green hills glistening with dewdrops and the sturdy pine trees that formed a carpet of bark and needles, it was as if Heidi suddenly got a weird last chapter. It was more alien than ever out there. Especially since it didn’t do anything.

There was no fire that day. There were no screams. It wasn’t even loud. A complete one-eighty from that day in Singapore. It just lurched forward and slowly made its way past the hills and mountains, cloaked in the haze that was the mists of Switzerland. Wrapped in a cloak of morning dew and fog, rather than fire and dust, it looked beautiful this time around, as it rested itself against the mountainside. Had I brought my camera, I would have gotten my second Pulitzer. Yeah, I sound like a cocky bitch, but I’ve got the royalty checks and the big gold coin on my shelf next to my Pikachu change jug, so I’d like to think I have the cred to back that statement up.

Now, how do you react to something like that? I was on vacation in Switzerland for God’s sakes, with uncomfortable hiking boots and two walking sticks in hand. I expected it all to just be pine trees and purple cows from those chocolate wrappers. Nothing weird, and certainly not it. But there it was, among the Alps without a care in the world.

For years, I’d imagined how I would react if I ever ran into Kagemura again. I thought I’d scream insults. That’d I’d raise hell as jet fighters bombed the shit out of it. Or that I’d at least flip it off, should it happen to look my way. But no. I did nothing. I just watched it for a while as it stumbled slowly around, pushing clouds aside by merely exhaling. After about ten minutes or so, it moved out of sight into the fog. I could hear its steps, as the tremors became gentler and gentler. Just like that, it went away. Then I went back to the hotel, listened to the other guests freak out about the giant prints across the landscape, had my tea, got a book from the book-swap shelf, and called it a day. Stayed there until they evacuated us all.

I’ve never told anyone else that story. Lucky you.

~

It stopped for a moment, as a thunderous rumble emitted from its throat (think a lion growl, but a billion of them at once), then tilted its head back to let out a deafening roar. And me? I took aim, clicked, and took the photo that defined that day and the rest of my life.

Seeing it that first time, my mind went blank. The words “what” and “the fuck” and “is that?”. A giant lizard-like thing waltzed right over me. One wrong step, and I’d have been jelly on the pavement. But as soon as it passed me, I could barely make it out anymore through the dust. The only part I got a good look at was its long, almost chameleon-like tail, which ripped through the buildings like a whip as it twisted. All I could make out was its silhouette, partially illuminated by the purple glow from its eyes. I’m not going to lie: it was beautiful. For a moment, I completely forgot how terrible everything was. There was just me and it, a skinny girl in shorts with a camera, and a creature unlike any the world had ever seen. It stopped for a moment, as a thunderous rumble emitted from its throat (think a lion growl, but a billion of them at once), then tilted its head back to let out a deafening roar. And me? I took aim, clicked, and took the photo that defined that day and the rest of my life. Like I said before: a split-second that neither I nor anyone else will ever forget.

You know what question I get asked the most? Whether I took any other shots of Kagemura later. Do they seriously think I went and ran after it? Do I look like Jimmy Olsen? It was thirty stories high, and that was back before it was full grown! No way did I risk my life like that.

But there was a second picture I took on that “fateful” day (as they call it in the history books). It was right after Kagemura made its way through the main street, right through those four buildings. And it was the only one I took with the intent for people to see it. No one did. Or if they did, no one cared. Everyone was in such awe of the best picture taken in the history of humanity, they neglected the picture I took of humanity.

It was a girl. She must have been around fifteen or sixteen, though she looked decades older. Her skin had been turned a smeared dark grey, with soot and ash clinging to her body. Her mouth was agape, gasping for air as strands of spittle clung to her chin. Then, without warning, a deep, bone-chilling wail escaped her. I stood there, frozen and coated in the same grey goop that rained from the sky, unsure if I should approach her gently or just grab her and try to find shelter. It was then I noticed she held something in her arms. At first, I thought it was a doll. But what teenager carries around a doll, especially in a disaster zone.

When it clicked for me, I nearly puked on my feet. I stood there, dry heaving bile and what little I had in my stomach out on the street, while this young girl wept for the charred body in her arms. When I regained my composure, I … I just stood there. I watched the woman cry with wild abandon. I could have approached her. I could have helped her. Shared my water or taken her by the hand and tried to find help with her in tow. But what did I do?

I raised the camera and snapped a photo. The second I took that day. And no, I have no idea why I took it, instead of anything else I could have done. But it was something real. Something human in a sea of unknown horror. And I approached it like the tourist I was.

A part of me likes to think I was going to help her and the child in her arms. Or do anything. Anything! And maybe I would have, if Kagemura hadn’t turned around.

A squadron of jets dived toward it. Missiles flew. More fire. The creature roared, snarling at the little men in the little metal birds. Like flies, they nimbly dodged its claws as they unloaded volley after volley right into it, so for a moment, I thought they might actually hurt it. But another purple light dashed through the dust, ripping those jets to shreds. It was then I saw that those beams came from its mouth. Its mouth! Do you have any idea how insane that looked at the time?

I turned to the woman, holding the body. She must have been about my age. The girl in her arms couldn’t have been more than ten. She screamed as Kagemura turned around and made its return down the street. As in right toward us. I looked at her, my legs frozen in place. She reached out at me. Then the second step hit the earth, which nearly knocked me off my feet. That’s when I snapped to. That’s when I did what I did.

I wish I knew their names.

~

I don’t have any copies of Dust in my home out for display. I don’t want that to be the centerpiece around which I’ve build my life. All the stuff I have for that one, the books and posters and trophies and accolades, are packed into storage boxes up in the attic. The only thing of that day I have out are these two photos on my nightstand. A photo of a young woman, cradling her little sister’s body, while the shadow of a woman falls on them. The second is a selfie of me, with ash caked into my hair and a stream of tears leaking down my cheeks. I took it after I made it to a rescue center to let my mom know I was okay. I’m alone in it.

I survived on my own. I’d ran for what felt like hours, alone. I dodged boulders of cinderblock and concrete and rebar, alone. I was even showered with empty bullet shell casings from a helicopter strike, all alone.

I could’ve taken her by the hand. I could have stayed with her. But I didn’t. No, I ran. And I became famous and rich for a photo that the smallest drone can take way better nowadays (which they have, as you can see on the Kagemura Tracker Stream). Yeah, good call Claire. Awesome choice.

My shrink tells me not to blame myself. But did she ever see Kagemura in the flesh? No. All of my exes, who just couldn’t deal with the moods and the night terrors, told me I couldn’t have done anything to help her, which is clearly bullshit meant to make me feel better. My agent always sends me clips of Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting (“It’s not your fault”) whenever I send him drunken e-mails at three in the morning about how awful I am for surviving, which in all honesty make me feel so much worse.

No matter what I do. No matter how much money I give away or pump into the Kagemura Survivor Fund or places it’s stomped through I visit to drum up aid, her face never goes away. Who was that in her arms? Did she love that child? Was it hers? A sibling? Or just a kid she tried to save, because that’s the kind of person I imagine her to be.

And if you’ll excuse me, I can’t breathe right now.

~

There are nights, the ones where I can’t sleep, that I just stare at my phone at the KTS. I see its face in full hi-def. Cracked, green-purple skin. Mad, almost insane eyes that look like those of a crazed crocodile, with rows of teeth like an angler fish. I still can’t believe this is the same thing I saw in that dust cloud. There’s no beauty to it. Just rage and pain, lashing out at the world as it marches wherever the winds take it. I’d say I know what that’s like, minus the lashing out and the laser breath. Sometimes I envy that part.

I hate Kagemura. I absolutely hate it. It has become everything that my life revolves around, whether I let it or not. But it’s also the only one who was there in that street. Would it remember me? No, that’s insane. I dunno; I’m rambling. Sorry.

I want to like myself. I did at one point. But now it’s gone. And I tell myself the Titan on the other side of the dust is to blame. But no. It was the cowardly twenty-two-year old who ran. No one forced her. She did that.

Now, when Kagemura shows up on screen, all I see anymore is a reflection, staring right back at me.

Claire Gainsborough, B.A., is a graduate of the School of Greater Design in Pasadena, CA. During her gap year, she survived the Day Zero event of the first Kagemura Ascendance in Singapore. After her trials, she became the most renowned photographer of our modern age, among the highlights being her works “The Titan Through the Dust,” “The Royal Wedding of the Prince and his Husband,” and the “Tezuka in Blue” series.

She currently lives in Colorado and can be contacted through her agent in New York.

Joachim Heijndermans writes, draws, and paints nearly every waking hour. Originally from the Netherlands, he’s been all over the world, boring people by spouting random trivia. His work has been featured in a number of publications, such as Ahoy Comics, Asymmetry Fiction, Gathering Storm Magazine, Hinnom Magazine, and The Gallery of Curiosities, and he’s currently in the midst of completing his first children’s book. You can check out his other work at www.joachimheijndermans.com, or follow him on Twitter: @jheijndermans.

Leigh’s professional title is “illustrator,” but that’s just a nice word for “monster-maker,” in this case. More information about them can be found at http://leighlegler.carbonmade.com/.

“The Titan Through the Dust” is © 2019 Joachim Heijndermans Art accompanying story is © 2019 Leigh Legler

Fiction: The Titan Through the Dust was originally published on Mad Scientist Journal

[xocookiest]

Lesbian Asks!

Note: **I am not a lesbian, but some of these questions do pertain to me a lot. So, I’m answering all these questions because I think it might be something silly and fun to do while I’m self-quarantining. So, excuse the jokes I have made, bits of sarcasm, or if I go a little bit too dark or something for you all. And, if you guys have any questions or need any further clarification about some of the answers I have given. I’m going to be opening up my ask box for a couple of days to answer them, but you’re more than welcome to shoot me a private message. Just keep it respectful and civil, please and thank you. ** 

1) Femme or butch?

         a) Femme Fatale. The character archetype that has drawn in millions of men and women through literature, art, and now the media over the course of centuries because of her mysterious allure, charm, and wit. As it is a thrilling and intriguing experience because you just don’t quite know what the person might do next and it makes you keep guessing, but it also can be an extremely deep and rewarding relationship without words ever being spoken. Plus, I’ve always loved a good mystery to try and solve. And, one of them obviously being the consciousness of the human mind. 

2) Do you have a “type”? If so, describe it

          a) Hm…. I wouldn’t say I have a “type”, but I think I would like a person who would respect my boundaries, honor their commitments, be honest about their mistakes in life, acknowledge their faults, and be willing to change and grow to better themselves, have morals, values, and commitments that they can stick to because it would prove to me in some way that they are loyal. At least to something. However, that’s something difficult to serve up on a platter. So, let’s just say my “type” is a person who has flaws, but is a good-natured person and is trying their best to be the best version of themselves they can be.

3) Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?

         a) What if you own a bunch of plaid button-ups and leather jackets in your closet? What do I do with that? Wait. Is this a preference of style on a person? Uh…. I’m going to have to skip because I don’t really have one. Mostly, because a woman can look good in both and kick a guy’s ass while doing it. So…. yeah. No preference. 

4) Describe your style

        a) Jeans. Long-sleeve/T-Shirt. Jacket/Hoodie/Cape. Boots/Tennis Shoes. Minimal/ No Makeup. Occasional Dress, Shorts, Heels, and Sandals. Minimal Makeup/Full Makeup Routine (DO NOT HAVE at least currently). Those are the most common things you’ll find me wearing. But, here’s the kicker. Comfortability. I repeat. Comfortability. I can’t tell you how many times my heels have bled while wearing regular shoes or heels while walking on them or bruised the side of my toes or feet while wearing flats or sandals. Ugh. Fashion does not need to be painful people. You can look good and be comfortable in your own skin without being in pain. Plus, who wants to feel like your dress is falling off you between your legs while you’re at an event? Other than when you’re having sex or at least about to do so.

5) Describe your aesthetic

           a) Um, okay there is no cute way to describe this. I’m a nerd. I like playing video games late into the night, reading books, comics, or manga for hours that I forget the last time I ate, diving into a new anime, K-drama, or old cartoon that I stay up till the next morning watching, struggling to write and publish stories, and doing cosplays while meeting new and interesting people. But I also love watching documentaries about history, science, and art. I can’t stand to be inside too long because I feel claustrophobic and it reminds me of being trapped in a room with someone I don’t particularly like. So, I take hour long walks in my neighborhood, woods, forest, cities, and beaches while blasting really loud music that will probably damage my ears in the long run. So, don’t expect me to hear a single thing you’ve said when I have them on because it takes forever to get my attention since I have such a one-track mind. Plus, I’m terrible at cooking almost burnt down my friend’s house once with a microwave. Hence, why I prefer doing the prep work, dishes, and gardening. Though, don’t ask me to slaughter a live chicken. I can’t do it. 

6) Favorite article of clothing?

           a) A jacket. Did you expect anything else?

7) Favorite pair of shoes?

          a) Boots. Specifically, Steel-Toed Boots. So, if you ever drop anything heavy on yourself, it doesn’t hurt as much or if someone is really bothering you. It gives you an extra kick.

8) Current haircut?

         a) Long Hair w/ side bangs. I’m cutting it for the summer to be above my shoulders just because summers are just hot and long hair is just difficult to deal with when it is hot and sticky on your face.

9) Any haircut goals for the future?

        a) I’m hoping at some point I can get some red ombre at the ends of my hair because it adds a nice accent, but it’s not really necessary. I just really cut my hair shorter in the summer and let it grow the rest of the time. So, I’m not overtly cold in the winter/fall. 

10) Describe the best date you’ve been on

        a) I haven’t had one yet. So, really can’t tell you that one.

11) Describe the worst date you’ve been on

        a) Can’t really tell you one that’s been that bad. Since I think every date has its worse and best points in a date. But maybe there is one and I just haven’t realized it yet. Does a guy who leaves you on the curbside count? Seriously, though. What counts as a worst date for you guys?

12) Single? Taken?

          a) Single. Definitely, single. You can tell by how my friends get overly excited any time I’ve tried dating anyone or tried setting me up with someone they think would be a good match. Most of the time I think they’re giddier than I am about me going on a date with someone. My gosh. Actually, rewrite. I’m not giddy at all I’m just a bottle of nerves they just try to settle down before I actually go on the actual date. Lol.

13) If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!

         a) You know, I would love to do this because it just would make me smile to read it. But, unfortunately. I don’t have one to talk about. So, if any of you have a girlfriend or wife you want to talk about here. Please do it. I want to read your stories. 

14) If single, what are you looking for in a potential girlfriend/wife?

         a) Err…. I’m not actually looking for anything in particular, really. I just want them to be a nice and good person who I can spend hours talking and spending time with and want to spend time with. Is that too much of an ask to the great universe of the world? 

15) Describe your dream wedding

         a) My dream wedding is having a small wedding with family and friends that love and support me and my relationship with my partner. I don’t really have an idea of what I really want for it, but what’s important is celebrating your relationship with the person you love. Maybe, outside? But, then you have to think about the weather and what’d it be like. So, maybe I should do it indoors. I don’t know, alright. I thought a wedding would always be something that you and your partner would discuss and figure out together, I guess. 

16) Do you want kids?

        a) What if you already have one? What happens then? Though, as of this moment I do not. I love them, don’t get me wrong and I would really love to adopt a child who really does need a home, but I’m just not financially stable to do so currently or am staying in one place long enough that would make a stable life for one. Hence, no kids currently.

17) If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

        a) Um, that’s a difficult question currently because my plan is to travel the world? So, is around the world a good answer because I’ve never actually felt at home anywhere and the last place, I really felt at home was in my hometown in California. But that isn’t really home anymore either. So…. yeah. I don’t really have a particular place I want to call home or live. Anybody have any ideas on that?

18) Favorite lesbian movie?

        a) I’ve only ever watched one lesbian film called, Jenny’s Wedding. Which hit a little too close to home at the time. So, I only could watch the film in bits. But if anyone has any recommendations, I’m open to them. Just shoot me a message.

19) Favorite lesbian novel/story?

          a) Okay, I love reading books. But this is the one thing lacking in my repertoire. Please recommend me something intriguing to read. I can’t stand the idiocy of human male and female relationship anymore currently. It is driving me nuts. So, I’m asking please let me go insane with other stories not dominated by male and female relationship. Otherwise, I would highly recommend you guys try reading Queen of Thieves. It’s a choice story written by several different writers for Lovestruck. So, you have several different partners that you can choose from. But, my god. The route for Vivienne Tang is just a gold mine and I’m salivating for the next season because it’s just so freaking good. If you’re reading this xekstrin. I love your work there and know that if you were to ever write a novel. I’m buying it. No questions asked. Oh, and tell your wife, “Hi!” for me too! =)

20) Favorite lesbian song?

         a) Okay, so this sounds terrible. But I don’t have one because I just like the sound of the music, sound, or lyrics and it changes frequently. Not to say, that I don’t have any lesbian songs in my playlist because I probably do. However, I did look up some songs? And, apparently 1950 by King Princess from my Spotify playlist is one of them. So…. I probably have more, and I just don’t realize that they are there because I have a tendency of fantasizing about scenarios based upon the song and lyrics anyhow. But if anyone has any recommendation for songs. I’m down to listen to any of them. 

21) Favorite lesbian musician?

          a) So, I’m terrible with names and I barely ever look up an artist or even what their sexual orientation is. So, I’m going to have to say I don’t have one because I honestly don’t even have a favorite musician and even if I did, I don’t think I’d even know if they were lesbian. But I probably do have some lesbian musicians in my Spotify playlist? I just don’t think anything of it because if you like the sound, music, and lyrics then you listen to more of their music. At least that’s how I think about it. But it is different for other people. So, that’s understandable. Everyone has different tastes and ways they enjoy music. However, if you know some artists with songs, you’d think I’d enjoy. Shoot me a message.

22) What lesbian stereotypes do you fit into, if any?

       a) What stereotypes? Can someone please educate me on this subject? Also, why? Other than, the reason it’s easier to identify the type of person because as much as I think it is utterly rude to do so I have to admit there is some truth to them. But not everything you hear about a particular stereotype is true. For example, not all goths are dark and brooding or wear black constantly. However, this might be a consistent part of their wardrobe because its comfortable or it’s their favorite color. So, sue them for wearing dark clothing and being interested in something they like. 

23) Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?

       a) Oh god, yes. If you’ve ever met a girl who you’ve ever wanted to be more than friends with and they say, “You’re such a great friend.” That’s just your heart breaking into a million pieces, dude. Hope you have a dustpan and a lot of glue because that’s going to take a while to work through with all the tears and blood spilled over it. So…. yeah. 

24) If a woman wanted to woo you, what would a surefire way to accomplish that?

        a) Uh…. I have no idea. I guess you’d have to date me to figure that out. Lol.

25) Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?

       a) I’m not one, but I can tell you what I admire about you guys. And, that’s your strength because you guys take on so much scrutiny and blame for things in media and even in your own communities and that takes a lot of strength to do. So, I’m proud of you guys for being so strong and supporting each other when things get tough. For those of you who are still in the closet, I hope one day you find a safe place where you can come out to your loved ones and be comfortable with who you are because finding that place is just as important as finding the person you want to spend forever with too.

26) Are you more of a cat person or a dog person?

      a) Totally, a dog person. Mostly, because my friends keep telling me I look like a kicked puppy every time they tell me we can’t do something. Like go to the nearest frozen yogurt shop after just eating out at a restaurant or doing something inappropriately dangerous. Though, I’ve been living with like three different cats for almost two to three years now on and off. So, maybe. I’m actually a cat person. 

27) Turn ons?

     a) Wit. You can’t honestly say you wouldn’t love a woman who could tease you with her extensive vocabulary and had you begging on your knees for more. Would you?

28) Turn offs?

     a) Arrogance. Look, if all you care about is yourself and how important you are to the world. Then, that’s great and good for you. But that really doesn’t leave a lot of room for you and I that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed your space and time alone when you need it or even to celebrate your achievements, but also give your partner that same respect too.  

29)Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?

      a) I actually try not to ask them out, but it always ends in failure. So…. yeah. I ask them out. 

30) What is your dream career?

      a) To be able to work as a traveling librarian while being an investigative reporter that writes novels and scripts for film and tv, but also can work on film and tv sets as part of their set or run crew when I’m not traveling or writing. That’s a dream. Really, it is my dream career. 

31) Talk about your interests or hobbies!

      a) I think I’ve spoken about them in length enough. So, I suppose I’ll just tell you what you can probably find me doing on a regular Friday night. Which is watching a show intently on my television or laptop and screaming at the screen or reading a book on the bed or couch with my ear plugs on while drinking sprite and hot cocoa with a blanket wrapped around me. 

32) What is the most attractive quality a woman can have?

      a) Again, I don’t know I think it really depends on the person you are with because the thing that you find initially attractive might not be same after you get to know them. Not to say, that it is a bad thing. But that love is sort of evolving and as your relationship grows with the person, you’re with the things you love about the person will change too. So, I think that the most attractive quality a woman can have is just being able to be genuine or be comfortable with themselves because if it feels forced. It’ll feel forced to the other person too. I guess. Am I making any sense here?

33) Do you love easily, or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?

      a) That’s a difficult question because sometimes it takes time for me to warm up to someone, I don’t really know all that well when I first meet them and other times, I’m really open about it. I think it really depends on the person, though. 

34) Ever fallen for your best-friend?

      a) Yes. My best friend in high school. She and I had been friends since 7th grade in middle school. We used to talk and hangout all the time after school using a messenger application and I hadn’t realized it until much later. But, by that point she was already with someone else and I didn’t really want to impose my feelings or strain the relationship. Though, I’m pretty sure her girlfriend at the time knew something was up because I don’t think she liked me very much. Though, understandable considering things. So, eventually the relationship sort of faded out as she started hanging out with my friends and I less and less as her and her girlfriend got closer.

35) Ever fallen for a straight girl?

    a) That’s a good question. I probably have and passed it off as me just being a caring friend. Which, with my sexual orientation becomes a little difficult to differentiate between sometimes, anyhow. Seriously, it is a freaking headache. 

36) The L-Word: yes or no? (love it or hate it?)

   a) Are you talking about the word lesbian or love because I don’t necessarily hate the word on either side of things it’s just…? Can we (people) really not think of a better word to describe it? I mean. I know it’s pretty hard to find a word that encompasses the meaning of something, but people make up words all the time. But I think for right now the word lesbian works and is fine. So, thoughts?

37) Favorite comfort food?

    a) Soup. There is literally no other food that makes me feel happier when I’m sick or upset. Especially, if it’s made by someone you love because it makes it all the more special. Though, don’t be surprised if I ask for seconds and then just skip to dessert instead.

38) Coffee or tea?

    a) Tea. I don’t drink coffee as much. It’s just too bitter for me, not that there aren’t teas that aren’t bitter, but I’ve always had to put so much sugar and milk into my coffee that it doesn’t make any sense to just waste the coffee. Hence, any time I get coffee it goes straight to my mom or one of my friends who practically runs on it. And, I just don’t do that as often when I’m drinking tea. Except, for Thai Tea. Which basically is like coffee for me.

39) Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?

    a) Neither. I’m willing to try vegan food, though. Just don’t expect me to be entirely excited about it. 

40) Do you have any pets?

    a) I have a cannibalistic goldfish. And, before you ask. Yes, she does eat other fish. I call her Cannibal, it used to be Christy. But, now it’s just Cannibal. 

41) Early-riser or night-owl?

    a) Night-Owl. I can’t seem to get up that early for some odd reason. Oh, well. I try to, though. Key word: Try.

42) What is your sign?

     a) Are you asking what my astrology sign is? If you are it’s a Cancer. I was born on the 6th of July. Apparently, I was supposed to be a 4th of July baby. Lol, that would have been an event. However, if you’re asking what year I was born then I’m going to have to say I was born in the Year of the Ox in the element of fire. You can probably figure out the rest from there I suppose. 

43) Can you drive?

      a) Yeah, I drive. I’ve only been driving for a couple of years, though. I am actually really terrified of driving on the road. It’s why it took so long for me to get my license and that I actually don’t particularly like driving. I’d actually prefer if I could walk, fly, bike, subway, train or bus somewhere, but most places in the United States don’t have much of a transportation system that is consistent or reliant enough to do so here. Unless, you live in a bustling city like New York. Hence, we have overpriced dangerous honking killing machines zipping through the roads. So, drive safely guys. 

44) Who was your first lesbian crush?

       a) My first lesbian crush? Hm…. a girl I met in college I guess? She was in the same major and courses I was but was a year behind me technically. She was a really intelligent and nice person, though I wasn’t able to actually hangout with her as much because I had other priorities at the time. The funny thing was I didn’t even know she was a lesbian until a friend of mine told me when the two of us went to trivia night at a bar that my friends and I frequented. Now, before you ask. How could you not know? And, my answer is I’m an oblivious child. Seriously, I have a bucket of stories that will tell you that along with my friends who have stood or sat right next to me and watched a girl or guy flirt with me and ask me out and I being a completely dense human being. Don’t catch it.

45) At what age did you know you were a lesbian?

      a) Hm…. when did I know I liked girls? Probably forever ago just didn’t want to admit to it because I was told so many times it wasn’t “right” to do so. But, I don’t think I really knew officially until I was in high school when my friends at lunch one time all spoke about some guy or girl they liked, and I didn’t really have anyone in particular I liked at all. Well, I did. Just didn’t tell her because I was in denial at the time that I wanted more than just a friendship. Which, is a situation I think a lot of people have been in before. 

46) At what age did you come out (if you have)?

      a) Came out to my close friends in college freshman year. But technically I told my grandmother way before that when I was in 4th/5th grade one time when I was really upset about a bunch of kids bullying me at school and just outrightly told her when she asked if I liked anyone and I said, “I don’t like anyone. Boys suck and I don’t even really like girls all that much either.” And, she laughed then said that’s okay. Just focus on doing what you like to do, and the rest will sort itself out. Plus, boys and girls can be really immature anyhow. (Apologies, to my little brother if you ever read this. But you have to admit you were a real brat to handle as a child. Love you, anyhow though.) Then, I unwillingly came out to my parents after graduating from college when I got wrapped up in some family drama. Woof, that was a horse. But it is over with now. Nothing, I can do about it now. 

47) Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?

     a) Hahaha……. yeah. But she is currently unavailable and that’s okay. I’m not really in any rush to be in a relationship currently.

48) Talk about how your day went

     a) What do you talk about when you are stuck in quarantine? Do you tell the internet you spent the last three days trying to finish answering a Lesbian Ask! Questionnaire because you were really bored and was tired of staring at job applications all day? Because that’s what happened. 

49) Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future

    a). I hope that one day I get to settle down somewhere and call it home. Have a loving partner, a kid, a dog, and two cats. And hopefully, it’ll be somewhere in New York or at least close to there because it seems like every single one of my friends plans on moving there at some point. Lol. 

50) Least favorite gay celebrity?

     a) Wow. Great question. No idea. Lol. Like I said. I don’t know much about celebrities and their sexual orientation because it shouldn’t matter what someone’s sexual orientation is. Since it shouldn’t change a person perspective about you because you’re still you. Nothing’s changed. Just the fact that your friends, family, and close relatives now know a little bit more about the type of person you like. Nothing else. And, if someone wants to give you crap about it. Let them be small, ignorant, and stuck in the past while you get to enjoy and see the world for what it is. A very dark scary dank place that screws over a lot of people sometimes, but overall, it’s a relatively nice, beautiful, and an ever evolving place that always seems to keep you on your toes. 

[regentcorpse]

Added after I wrote this, I know my grammar is a mess in this. This post is 2223 words, longer than most high school essays which averaged 1500 words. If you don’t want to read all of this it has been separated into paragraphs and most of the conversation points are in the last three paragraphs. This sentence was added in after word count, the original post was on Facebook which is why the link in this does point to my own blog: My sentence structures are not correct, and this is Facebook and I don’t give a crap about that here. I did try to do my best to make it somewhat understandable with several ideas and conversations all in this. Also I didn’t originally separate it into paragraphs. If a sentence seems out of place at the start or end of a paragraph, my bad. But please read, comment opinions, not angry but constructive to build a conversation. I also don’t know how but this became more like an info blog post, but valid points and openings for conversations are made.

These newish Apple features like the Memoji, like it’s aight but still lacking in so many hair styles and facial depth, forehead, chins, and noses. Hopefully the will add a lot more features to be able to make it more like you, in a cartoon version. I’m about to check out the full bitmoji app to see what all they have, but I feel like apple should of used bitmoji, and since Apple has a version, I know android does. How is their version in your experience? (Please reply even if you don’t know me, I want to have decent conversations with people, but I hardly have anyone to talk to about random stuff like this.) Also the fact that Apple has Memoji in their database of words and not Bitmoji, is extremely weird, and pointless not to have it.

I don’t know how I feel overall about Apples decisions on these updates. They seem to be trying to almost build a legit social media around their platforms, I wouldn’t be surprised if they make something like Google+, which will most likely fail all together as a product, not because it will be awful but because we already have the social media giants that control most people’s lives, work, and reputation.

Facebook is for memes mostly and socializing with like minded people with their pages and groups. Not to mention that so many people use their marketplace now as well, which did shock me that it took of with other apps offering the same thing before Facebook did. To those who didn’t know, yes, Facebook stole that idea from OfferUp and LetGo(I think there was another around before the marketplace.)

You have Snapchat, the goofy fun social media where you can have personalized stories, private or public, and I may be wrong but they are also the ones that introduced the idea(maybe didn’t originally have the idea, but did introduce it, I think. Let me know if I am wrong please, I would like to know.) Next, the thing that made Snapchat big originally was the disappearing pictures after 10 seconds, which you couldn’t edit when the app first came out, the initial release didn’t even have filters or all the extra stuff they have now, it was so basic and simple and blew up. Another thing that made Snapchat big in the same way, disappearing photos meant disappearing nudes for both male and female, only that at first they could be screenshots, that didn’t notify you. In a future version, they disabled screenshoting photos from the default system buttons, but of course people found ways and made apps to get around it. Snapchat then started to block accounts for using those apps, then came the solution of notifying users of screenshots and then recordings when Apple released that feature. I know Snapchat probably wasn’t the first to make the goofy photo filters, but they did make it so much easier and almost more advanced with their simple facial mapping(yes it is simple since it’s meant to work with phones without facial recognition and all the other fancy face features.). Now Snapchat is a place to socialize in groups, or privately with friends through photos, messages, and video. Another big use now is the porn industry, where I think it’s safe to say only females succeed at making a lot of money with. It also seems to avoid spam bots and stuff. I’ve never received anything from a fake user or bot, besides their built in Snapchat bot, so that is honestly impressive and I applaud them for trying to keep it safe and friendly, except for the usual douchebag guys that send dick picks and stalk girls no matter their age. Danger lurks at all corners of the internet, and making friends is easier now, and just an add and a message away sometimes. But be careful who you add and honestly block anyone who harasses you or sends you unwanted images. And report them, help improve internet society and safety. This goes for all social media platforms.

Instagram is built solely around the personal sharing of photos to a feed and nothing else really. I know everyone was shocked that it became as big as it did, considering you can do the same thing in Facebook, and easily share other peoples photos to your friends. Although it is just photos, the people on there that are successful, actually do influence people and promote sponsors and their products. Some use it to get money, for their more explicit content. It followed Snapchat in adding stories, then filters, and has been successful in its endeavors. You can find everything legal on their as well as some illegal content such as drug use. As mentioned above, yes bots and fake accounts exist, be weary in who you talk to and exchange messages and photos with on here as well.

Twitter has been around for a long time and honestly, I see it being the first to die, due to overall lack of community and now with all the user interface updates and whatnot, it can be difficult to understand how the social environment of it works. Basically you get I think 140 characters to insert into the status prompt or whatever you/they want to call it. I personally don’t use it much, I get on there to see any updates from game companies and some of my favorite authors and music artists. I do this maybe once a week or two. I honestly don’t understand the point in twitter nor how getting followers and conversations started on there, if you have any suggestions for me please let me know if you are still somehow reading this.

Tumblr, ye olde blogging platform, one of the best until the pornography bam that yahoo added once their app was removed from the Apple store after I think being reported for child pornography. A lot of people lost their blogs and thousands of followers and countless hours of work. Many others had a lot of their content censored by a community guidelines photo or by being completely removed. So yes we can all agree that it’s a good thing they are trying to do what they can to combat child pornography of Tumblr, but a lot of people saw this as a complete change of environment for tumblr, whether being used for art, music, porn, pizza, cats etc.. Another big complaint that caused this change is how easy it was to lie about your age and turn off the content filter that got rid of the majority of inappropriate content. It was literally just a search option, then they tried moving it to your phone settings to the app setting in there to turn it off, which was still too easy. I can say you will still see pornographic content on Tumblr, mostly by accident, but there are people still posting getting around their image search algorithms. Past that to summarize, it’s basically a bigger version of Twitter, allowing for blog posts of most media types now, they have a reblog button to repost on your own page(these also get their own sub domains where it follows such as mine regentcorpse.tumblr.com. This is not for promotion, just an easy example(it’s a new blog with only like one blog post, but yes is my personal blog.) You can use your own domain if you own the address and route it to tumblrs name-servers, which most domain hosts have guides available to help you understand the process and set it up. They follow Wordpress in allowing themes which are only visible in a web browser and not the Tumblr mobile app, but on mobile you can edit the color scheme and fonts to what they have stock. To be like twitter with the features of Wordpress except custom plugins, it is a phenomenal platform still where you can truly be yourself and no one actually has to know who you are, you just post the content you love, the content you create(except for the porn content that a lot of people now went to Snapchat and Twitter for, and probably some private instagrams). You can find almost everything you heart desires within lawful reasons, I mean honestly you could probably find someone to buy illegal stuff from like guns, drugs, etc but I’ve never looked for that type of stuff on there. I love cyberpunk culture and there are so much content around it on tumblr. It also has pretty decent privacy setting for a blog, which can be password locked I believe and you can set permissions for it to be only people you follow or follow you, or no one or everyone can message you, ask questions(which can be anonymous), and submit content to your blog(also can be anonymous). The tumblr community can be toxic but also so helpful and beautiful seeing some of the ways people come together on there. It can range from legit bugs to books and quotes to programming and even professional use.

There is also LinkedIn, which is a very professional platform where you can add your professional resume and skills and may get recruited to jobs. I remember something like this tried to launch on Facebook but I do believe it failed out, as I haven’t seen anything about it or a link since they probably removed it.

So this leads me to ask What would an Apple Social Media Platform consist of? How would they try to outdo the others, and how would they make it appealing enough for people to use/switch to. Yes Apple is a big name, but so was google which failed at social media. They had good ideas but went about it completely wrong.

I feel like Apple would attempt to make a platform around creativity and art of all types. I feel like it would be a platform that would combine GarageBand, IMessages, Memoji, and all their other great apps into one. If they added collaboration on projects a lot easier in that aspect, and didn’t force themselves into everyone(Yes, Google that’s a shot at you.), they could make a truly great platform where we could see great things made by groups, communities, artists, and I could see them adding some sort of collaboration for web developers and programmers, which I would like to see knowing that Facebook, the corporation not social network, owns Oculus, and they already have a lot of resources for developers. Do you think Apple might be working on a social media platform, or do you think they will just keep adding out of place features? Do you think they would succeed in it or absolutely fail? Do you think Apple would stand a chance against the other giants that have been around and built up their user base? Also another issue is how exclusive Apple is with everything, just the fact you can log into Apple TV and watch it on a Windows Pc is a miracle. Do you think Apple will make it exclusive or would they put in the effort of being their media platform to everyone no matter their device? Remember everyone had a MySpace, now you never even hear about it, Facebook was a surprising switch with it having limited functionality and basically no customization options for your profile like MySpace and some other media’s had.

I want to hear your thoughts, opinions, and speculations about this, let’s start an open and friendly conversation, no hate or trolls, I don’t want all of that and your comments will be deleted and I may even block you from seeing posts like this on your feed and my page. This is at an end because my thumbs are tired and my phones dying and Facebook is lagging from how much I just put on here, but seriously comment, let me know what’s running in your mind, even what you would like to see change in social media in general or even in specific ones. I hope you all do open a nice and positive and informative conversation, I want to see that on Facebook more and I want to make friends I can talk about this type of stuff with in depth or even as broad as mostly common knowledge.

[ltjlily17]

Oh, can we call it a night?

What’s the most played song on your iPod? I don’t iPod anymore these days, but theres a site that will aggregate your Spotify listening, and the song I’ve listened to the most all time on Spotify is In Your Atmosphere by John Mayer. What is one quality you admire most in others? People who know what they want to do with themselves. What would you do with a million dollars? Invest it, maybe? Buy a new car. Start a non-profit that will save the world. Or just a small part of it. What’s your favorite song to dance to? All of them. What would your ideal birthday party be like?

No idea.This year I went to my favorite pizza place with a couple of friends, my mom and husband. Was pretty good.

If you could be reincarnated into anything you wanted, what would it be? I’m not sure I believe in any of that. What talent would you like to have? I wish I was ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC at something. I’m good at most things, and can get by, but I’m not outstanding at any singular thing.  Are you ticklish? Nah. What’s the longest you’ve gone without sleep? 3 days or so. I basically had the flu and felt like I was dying. Not like the real flu either, theres this illness you get when your body hasn’t slept in too long. What New Year’s resolutions did you make? None. What are three songs that mean the most to you? Mayonaise by the Smashing Pumpkins, Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton and Bornand Raised by John Mayer. Someone else used these italics and I’m just running with it.

Who is the one person you miss the most? No one? What do you think of your parents? They are flawed people. I make the best out of my relationship with my mom, but I’m just not sure I want to bother with my dad. What is one thing you would do to make the world better? Instill a sense of community. People would be so much better off if we all gave a shit about the other people we are on this planet with. What is your favorite kind of sandwich? Hot, cheesy, some kind of sauce. Other than that, I’m flexible. If you had a puppy, what would you name it? I got a puppy 2 years ago and his name is Finn. We wanted a Star Wars name and Supreme Leader was the runner up name. If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do? I can’t think of anything I’d wanna see. What people do behind closed doors is their business lol. How much cash do you have on you right now? None. I’m in pjs, but beyond that, I rarely use cash. What do you think makes you attractive to other people? Humor or personality? Would more money make you happier? I don’t know. We have a comfortable amount now, minus paying for healthcare. Steve may have a job offer that would cover the healthcare, but would I be happy not working? Would I just turn into a loser slug? What is one of your favorite memories as a child? I really don’t know. My parents pretty much screamed and threw things all the time until my dad moved out. Then they played horrible games with me in the middle. There’s a lot of stuff I don’t even remember about being a child. I’d say the good stuff started happening when I was a teen and could seek refuge in my friends and their stable houses. I had one friend in particular, Andrew, whose mom and dad were super nice and he had a fun little sister- every time I was over there, which was VERY often, it was like a slice of the good life. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do in your life? This was on another survey and I didn’t know how to answer it. I think once it’s done I just move on, I’m really a dweller. How do you measure intelligence? Unsure. I guess you just get a feeling for someones intelligence as you’re interacting with them.

What cartoons do you watch? None at the moment. I did just get Disney+, so that may change, but there aren’t really any cartoons I’m planning on watching. Have you ever used drugs? Nope. If you were a Skittle, what flavor would it be? The purple one. Sleeper hit. How would you describe your style? Hmmm. Casual indie bohemian with a side of lazy fat person. If you had to spend $1,000 in one hour, how would you spend it? The internet. Generally, my money goes to clothes or Halloween decorations. I really wanna buy some regular decor for the house though, so maybe that. What’s your favorite smell and why? I don’t have one. Something not flowery or overbearing. Something fresh and natural. Where do you buy your clothes? Anthropologie, ModCloth, Target, Gap, Old Navy, Loft. What’s your favorite kind of cake? Birthday cake? Funfetti? Does intelligent life exist elsewhere in the universe? I have absolutely no idea. I used to think that it was just statistically impossible that there wasn’t, but fuck I don’t even know how any of this got here, so I no longer have an opinion. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be? MilkBar birthday cake. Are you into tattoos? I guess so? I like the art of them, I follow a lot of tattoo people on instagram and keep up with their work. I just got my first tattoo a week ago and I’m 35, so it’s not like something I do a lot, ha ha. Do you like photography? I do. I have illusions that I’m a photographer sometimes. I should be currently editing a wedding right now, but here I am. I’m just not sure I’ll ever be the kind of photographer I’d like to be, so I don’t know what I wanna do with it going forward. If you were a holiday, which one would you be? Halloween 100% Do you have any siblings? Nope. If you were to get a tattoo, what would it be of? I just got one. It’s a bat pusheen. I really wanted a bat of some sort and pusheen is my favorite so I just went for it. I always thought my bat tattoo would be a little more dark, but it is what it is lol. What’s the biggest celebrity you’ve ever seen in real life? I hid behind a dumpster when I was like 14 and 3 of the Backstreet Noys walked right by me, ha ha. I have some photos with me and the guys from Good Charlotte from when I was a wee teenybopper. How many pushups can you do? Absolutely zero. What person in history do you admire most? None? I don’t think I admire anyone. These surveys are quickly informing me that I don’t believe in anything or look up to anyone. Am I inert? Who is your favorite actor? I don’t have one. Ha ha, see above. I like most of the stuff Chris Pratt is in. Robery Downey Jr as Iron Man is iconic, but I’ve never seen any of his other movies. I like Adam Driver in Girls and Star Wars. What is the most daring thing that you have done in public? Spoke. Have you ever lied about your age? I don’t think I’ve ever had cause to. Have you ever cried while watching a movie? If so, what movie? For sure. Everything makes me tear up in my old age. Last movie was probably Endgame, though. Are you afraid of anything that most people are not afraid of? Not like huge, life changing fears, but I’m always afraid a bug will get caught in my hair and I can’t touch drains because they freak me out. Where do you see yourself five years from now? I’ve never been one to make plans. Hopefully happy with more direction. What is your favorite candy? Fun Dip, Nerds, Starburst. Have you ever watched someone struggle with addiction? Not someone suer close, but there are lots of auxillary people I know that have and do. Who do you look up to for your style? No one in particular. I see things on the internet I like and try to incorporate that, but its always varied sources. Who is your favorite sports team? I don’t follow sports. How often do you drink alcohol? Once every two weeks? Even then, its usually just one drink with dinner. I don’t much care about drinking. It seems like a lot of work to fill myself up with something I don’t really like the taste of just so I can potentially feel bad later.  What is your life in three words? Evolving yet bland. If you could be anything in the world, what would you be? I knew that, I’d be working towards it. Would you have a pet dragon? If so what color would it be? Sure. Whatever color dragon is fine with me. What’s your favorite sport? The only one I even kind of pretend to care about is baseball. Do you believe that homeless people are dangerous? No.  If you could be skinny and miserable or fat and happy, which would you be? I’d always pick happy. If your life flashed before you, what do you wish you would have done? Hmmm, I don’t know. I don’t have like any huge regret at the moment so probably just wish I’d have enjoyed myself more. If you were to invent something, what would it be? Hopefully something that makes the world better. Some kind of climate change related thing?  Who would you like to get to know better? This wholesaler real estate guy that has been selling us properties. Maybe if we knew him better, he would give us better deals, lol. Have you ever had a near-death experience? Near drowning when I was seven. Do you fear death? Yep.  What is the strangest food you ever ate? Hmmm. I like food with interesting combinations. Like smelly cheese or beet pesto or something, but I’m not on board with weird meat and I don’t eat seafood. Do you think you’re cool? Nah. What reality show would you like to be on? None. I don’t watch any of them. The only show like that I ever watched was the Osbournes, ah aha. What’s your favorite thing to order at a Chinese food restaurant? Whatever is gluten free. Ususally no choices for me at most chinese places. PF Changs has pad thai and general tsos I can have and another place nearby has general tsos too, but thats about it.

I loved lo mein and crab rangoon in my former life, though. Are you happy with your life? For the most part. If you could name your own planet, what would you call it? I’d need some plantary details before coming up with a name. If you could live another 200 years. What would you hope to see? People learning that we need to work together. Would you rather be hot or cold? Well, I’m cold like 90% of the time and that sucks, but at least you can do something about it and layer up and get blankets and such- if you’re hot, you’re just stuck. How would you rate yourself? What am I rating here? I’m like a 0 at makeup skills, but like an 11 if you need someone to pick you up in an emergency. 10 at playlist making. 1 at doing the dishes. Would you ever move to a different country in an attempt to start over? Maybe not to “start over”, but I would definitely consider a dream job in another country if all the details worked out. If you could be a character from any book, who would you be? No idea. I read a lot of Stephen King and none of those characters are alright.  Do you prefer taking baths or showers? I’d love to take a bath, but I’m a little big for the tub. Do you still collect toys from Happy Meals? Nope. I never ate happy meals even as a kid, so I never did. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done? I drove two states over for a sandwich once. It was like a 15 hour round trip. In your opinion what is the greatest challenge the world faces today? People being willing to fuck over every one else if they think it will benefit them in any tiny, miniscule way. You are destroying everything by being an asshole and letting the people that really have all the money get away with it. Do you like dogs or cats better? I was 100% cat until I got a dog 2 years ago. I’m mostly dog at this point. Don’t tell my cat. What have you achieved that you once thought was impossible? Hmm, I don’t know. I’m a lot better off than my parents were. I just kind of thought the constant worrying about the car breaking down or the bills being paid was grown up life, so its nice to get here and know that I worked hard to not have those problems. If an ex texted you out of the blue, how would you respond? I don’t think I would. I’ve been with Steven for a decade, so theres def nothing that needs to be said to anyone that far back. Do you have a favorite poet? I don’t. I really like some poems I’ve read randomly in my internet travels, but I’ve never really been able to sit down and read a book of poetry. What have you tried to quit, but weren’t able to? Eating too much food? Would you rather go on a shopping spree with $200 or put it in the bank? I’d rather go shopping. I might save it, though. What was the last rumor that you heard? No idea. I don’t really have rumors around me at this point in my life. My friends aren’t like that and I’m not working anywhere at the moment. What country star would you most like to meet and why? I don’t really know who any of them are. Have you ever been in a car accident? Yes. One of them happened when I was like 15 and it pinched a nerve in my neck and half of my left hand went numb. My mom didn’t believe me for a really long time that there was something wrong until she watched me try to pick up a glass of milk with my left hand and it just fell to the floor. Are you an organ donor? Yes! What is the most dangerous thing you have ever done? Unsure. I’m fairly adventurous, but I don’t do super dangerous things. I guess just trespassing in old abandoned buildings when I was younger could have been dangerous. What is the meaning of life? Moments of joy. For you and others. What word do you like the sound of? Nothing in particular jumps out to me. Isn’t Cellar Door supposed to be lovely? What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? Hmmm. I don’t know. Its more about the brand I think. I usually get Jeni’s or the other fancy ice cream brand when I get the chance. 

I always get the cake flavored froyo, though.  Do you prefer cupcakes or muffins? Cupcakes. Are you an athlete? Ha ha, no. What did the last text message on your phone say? From my brother in law. He’s doing the work on the house we just bought, getting it ready for a renter. He wants more money, lol. What is the funniest movie you’ve seen in your whole entire lifetime? Man, I don’t know. I think maybe Grandma’s Boy was the funniest I had seen at the time. I usually don’t even like movies like that. What’s the worst nightmare you’ve ever had? I had this dream when I was a kid that I left the scissors out and they flew up and cut my moms fingers off and the whole dream was dark and black and white because it was night, but at the end, she picked up the phone (landline, because cell phones weren’t a thing then) and the only color was the green light coming from the phone that illuminated the numbers and she was trying to dial 911 with her fingers that weren’t there. 

I probably had that dream close to 30 years ago now and it’s still clear in my mind. 

What do you know how to cook? Lots of things. I’m especially good at carbonara or alfredo. What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had, and what was it from? I fell down the stairs and broke several bones, severely sprained both ankles and ended up getting surgery to fix the cartilage in one ankle. What’s your favorite amusement park ride? Any that my fat ass can fit on. What do you wish you were doing right now? Well i’m doing this instead of things I should be doing. Who are your musical influences? I don’t play music, so I’m not really influenced? What was your favorite band or musician when you were 12? The Smashing Pumpkins, Bush, Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson and the Back Street Boys, ha ha. What’s the best pick-up line that’s ever been tried on you? I don’t think anyone has ever given me one. How many drinks can you handle? I don’t really know at this point. Getting older changes things. I know that if I have one drink and then stop, I get a headache, lol. What was the longest phone conversation you’ve ever had? Hours and hours. Like 7 or 8 probably? Back in my day you could only talk to boys on the phone because we didn’t have cell phones or text messaging and you only had dial up internet. What’s your favorite candle scent? I got one from Anthropologie called Riviera that was my favorite candle scent ever. I bought two, but they are sold out now and I am very sad.

[coe-lilium]

Hey Lilium! I love your Servant redesigns! I'm starting to learn to draw digitally so that I can design Servants myself, like Kriemhild. Would you have any advice you could give me on this?

Hi! Thank you so much for your words!

I’m a bit unsure if you’re asking for tips on digital art itself or on chara design?  

In doubt, I’m going to go with “digital art” in this post, if you meant chara des hit me up with an ask and I’ll happily provide for that :) 

*necessary intro*: please consider that my art education ended 10 years ago and never prepared me for more stylized/cartoon styles, so I’m self taught for almost all intents (100% regarding digital art).

Long wall of text under the cut:

First suggestion is to get a good, reliable art program. 

Plenty of artists use Paint Tool SAI and Clip Studio Paint (currently using CSP myself and don’t plan to ever abandon it). Neither of them is free but both are less pricey than Adobe bundles and both were created more for illustrating than “photoshopping” purposes. There’s plenty more but those are two I used and can recommend. Many art programs usually offer a 30 days trial so my suggestion would be to try them out and see which is more to your liking and offers the best quality/price wise.  

By personal experience, it’s much better to pay and have support than to find a free unofficial version and then get fucked and lose all your works when you update your operating system and discover the bootleg program doesn’t work anymore. Learn from me, don’t risk it.     

Next suggestion, get a drawing tablet or a tablet. Nothing too pricey as a beginner, when paired with a good program any decent tablet will do its job. What you really need is pen pressure, everything else is optional. People draw on their iPads with great results but never having tried I can’t give suggestions here, if not to look for artist who do and see how they work (YT surely has tutorials ‘bout it).   

With hardware and software out of the way, let’s get down to proper drawing business:  

First of all, forget that “but you’re not a real artist if you use references/copy poses” noise: use references, use all the references you want. 

If you want to paint a starry sky and don’t know how to rend the effect, maybe the glowing of a nebula? Look up Youtube and Deviantart tutorials, tumblr tutorials, look up on how all the artist you like paint and their tips, all the IRL photos in google. 

Something I personally find very helpful are tutorials comparing realistic and stylized styles and showing how to go from one to another, how to simplify shapes etc.    

Renaissance artist invented the darkroom/camera oscura to help them drawing perspective and then traced over that shit. If Caravaggio traced to save time, then so can we. 

And there’s so many different ways to reach a similar result that maybe your first attempts will look like copycats of that tutorial you saw or that really inspiring artist. It’s fine. But the more attempts and the more you play with your program of choice, brushes you like/find more comfortable, the more you look up different sources and integrate bits of them all in a singular piece, the more your work will be distinct.

Now, onto one of the big elephants in the room: do you know how to correctly sketch a human body from scratch? If yes, amazing! (all my respect). 

If not, there’s plenty of solutions without having to learn how to (which is the way I currently work bc drawing is a 100% hobby and I’d rather spend my time elsewhere than in re-learning human anatomy) and working digitally makes these solutions way easier. 

After you find a “how to draw anatomy” book or blog or tutorials and safely store it somewhere safe to go back and reference, then you can 

1. find stock photos, either from google (be careful not to use copyrighted stuff) or in bundles specifically created for artists to use as bases or references. On Deviantart for example there’s SenshiStock, incredible project with hundreds of photos free to use. The anatomy book/blog here will be useful if you want a certain body shape and your reference doesn’t match with your idea. 

2. chose a program like CSP or similar that comes with 3D stock poses which you can then alter as much as you like in size, weight, rotation, light direction, position of every body part down to each finger (in CSP’s case, you can also download plenty more free to use poses, brushes, 3d objects, patterns etc created by the userbase and shared in the library bundled with the program).  

3. if your main art program doesn’t come with human poses? no problem at all, get one just for this specific purpose, like Design Doll (both free/pay ver, imo free ver is more than enough), Posemaniacs (free, online, uses flash), MagicPoser (free with option of in-app purchases, it’s an app, good reviews, just tried it a little and seems quite good). 

4. less conventional but imo still useful, especially if you want to draw in “anime” style and proportions for Servants designs: go to My figure collections and use figmas. 

They’re highly posable plastic figures from the most different jp (and not) characters, each one with a photo gallery and as long as you modify the final piece and -important!- don’t sell it if you base it on a specific user photo? I’d say go for it. Or mix body parts of different figmas, or use the “archetype” products, naked bodies made precisely for drawing bases, there’s options with both more “anime” and more realistic proportion. 

I collect them for both owning Fate/other characters without spending a fortune and for drawing references and I find them quite well suited for this purpose. Why on earth despair if I’d ever want to draw Arturia in armor when I can just grab my figma of her, pose it, take a photo and then draw on it? :P

Now, hardware and software check, way to find poses check, what else? 

Layers are your best friends. For example, Bradamante? A good 50+ layers, some of them stored in folders so I could just select and deselect them to remove or put on mantle, lance, shield, sword etc. Just... remember to name them to save yourself a lot of time.  

And changing a layer’s opacity too, especially to draw the definitive lineart over the first rough sketch or for shading or highlights.    

The more I write the more I find things to write about so I’ll call it for now, this post is already a WoT as it is. Hopefully I was of use, but if you need more, ask right away and I’ll do my best! :)               

[uclavapae]

Emmanuel Galvez Machuca | Teaching Artist of April 2019

Hometown: Mexico City

Major: Fine Arts and Minor in Arts Education  

Q: How did you discover your interest in the arts and how did you know that it was something that you wanted to pursue professionally, as an artist or as a teaching artist?

A:  I started skateboarding in middle school and came to understand that to learn how to do a trick, I had to keep trying. That if I fell on the ground, I had to get up and try again. Eventually, I was able to land a trick. And, if I continued to work, I could perfect my style. When I began to draw cartoons, I naturally fell back on the lessons learned while skateboarding. My first drawings were clumsy, but eventually, through sheer determination and work, I became rather good at drawing cartoons. So, I learned that working on a skill, despite a failure, could lead to expertise.

I used this same process in art making. When I first start an art project I may not be successful, but if I spend time working, it improves. And the more I work, the better it gets. Generating new concepts also comes after much soul searching and mining memories. From 2010 to 2015 I have been involved in creating a series of paintings on the concept of “Pan Dulce.” The concept came to me as I thought of the days when I lived in Mexico City as a child and I walked with my Mom to the bakery where I could smell the fresh aromas of bread and see a beautiful spread of pan dulce. Those memories touched me so personally that I decided to set up a still life of these breads. As a result of these works, I now have gallery representation and have had two solo shows. Searching through my past experiences solidified what I wanted to do: to connect more closely with my childhood memories.

My success pushes me to work harder and make better art. I plan to become the first person in my family to receive a college degree. My motivation and hunger for knowledge inspires me to explore who I am as an artist, a teacher, and a student. I remember my mother’s words, “Echale ganas, mijo!” which means to [work hard, son!]. Her words allow me to push forward, to keep going, to perfect my greatest talent: art.

Q: Describe what the student artists in your VAPAE Afterschool or Arts Enrichment Program are working on and the process they’re using.

A:   Before I transferred to UCLA, I was working with two nonprofits. One of them was Heart of Los Angeles (HOLA), a nonprofit organization dedicated to K-12 underrepresented students interested in sports, music, and the arts. As the artist in residence at HOLA, I assisted in teaching art classes from teaching drawing, mix-medium and mentoring individual students. In 2010, Dan McCleary started Art Division, a nonprofit organization dedicated to training and supporting underserved artistically inclined youth in the Rampart district where I have been an active participant since its inception. HOLA and Art Division have given me the tools and practice to give back to the community.

Because of my experience working with these nonprofits, I was offered the opportunity to work with one of the VAPAE Afterschool programs where I worked with another nonprofit. Latino Producers Action Network (LPAN) is a program that provides art workshops by Fabian Debora that brings youth from various communities together with their parents to collaborate in art projects. It was my pleasure working with the East Los Angeles community. In this VAPAE Program, I worked as a teaching artist assistant with Fabian Debora and I was able to learn several skills how to work with this is specific community intergenerational families. While in my participation at the program, I had the chance to assist every person and see them grow in their process and skills. I was really impressed with the mothers and daughters and how well they work with each other. I thought that the daughters would end up helping the mothers more but both of them created an equal balance.

Q: Why is an enrichment opportunity like this important for those participating? What do they gain?

A:  If I had not had Heart of Los Angeles (HOLA) program when I was younger and Art Division as a young adult, I probably would not have followed my dream as an artist. Today, as a result of these opportunities, I have confidence in my art skills and in my capacity as a student of the arts.

Since I participated similar programs, I understand the value and the impact that it can provide to a student's lives. I think students can gain so much knowledge, critical thinking, and work collaboratively. Understanding these basic elements can help students discover the different possibilities of creating art pieces. Therefore, applying similar process outside of the arts into different environment allows students to navigate their own personal experiences. At a very personal level, art has always been there for me. The role of art can definitely play a huge role in students’ lives.

Q: Did you have an opportunity like this when you were a younger artist? If yes, how did it help shape your love of art? If no, in what ways could a program like this have helped you?

A: In middle school, I found my voice by drawing cartoons. I would often lose myself in my drawings, especially during English classes. “You’re going to be good, but without reading and writing you’re never going to be successful,” my English teacher would say. I knew I should have listened, but I chose not to. Instead, I continued with the pattern of doodling and daydreaming and kept wishing of one day being an artist. The possibility of becoming an artist became more real when at 14 years old I found Heart of Los Angeles (HOLA). HOLA had tutors, classes, and other support systems to help usher us to college. Through college prep programming I discovered the possibility of the arts as a potential career with social benefits.   

Q: What do you personally gain as a teaching artist, arts facilitator?

A:  Even though I already have some experience teaching, I don't have words to describe the amount of knowledge that I gained from completing the Arts Education Teaching Sequence in VAPAE. It has reinforced my teaching philosophy and enriched my practice as artist. Personally, I have gained more structure of how to create lesson plans. And also I had the opportunity to work with a public school. When I came to this country I went to public school. Having this opportunity to teach at a public school, it was very rich experience. Many of the students whom I taught were their first time having art lessons. Another reason why I want to continue to teaching because I understand that not every community has access to the arts. Therefore, I do see myself working with marginalized communities. The VAPAE minor would reinforce my practice as an educator and artist. I hope my discipline in the arts and my educational pursuits serve as a model and that we can all continue to make our community a better place.

Q: What are the benefits to you as a student/graduate in the UCLA VAPAE program? Was this program a good choice for you? If so, why?

A: Even though I already have some experience teaching, I don't have words to describe the amount of knowledge that I gained from working with Fabian Debora through the VAPAE Program. I know for sure that everything that I learned will be reinforced and enrich my practice as both an educator and artist. When I started teaching I never took a formal class about art education. Through my previous history of volunteering for the arts as a teacher assistant, I was able to learn a lot of knowledge from both the classroom and the teacher. When I was offered a position of teaching art, of course, I said yes. Even though I did not have the proper training I still wanted to do it. It was not easy from the beginning. The more I communicated with other teachers and also with my supervisor, I was able to understand and get little more training about art education.

Once I transferred to UCLA, I was interested in taking classes in art education, and also became interested in completing the Visual and Performing Arts Education program. When I came to this country, I was part of the after school program, HOLA. I learned a lot from their academic education, especially when taking their art classes. Art has its own language, and not having been able to speak English, the arts allowed me to express and share my ideas with my classmates without language interfering. From my personal experience I want to complete the VAPAE program because I do see myself teaching art to kids and adults while still being able to continue with practice in the studio.

Q: Are there any anecdotes from your time as a VAPAE Teaching Artist at an Afterschool or Arts Enrichment Programs that stand out to you? Perhaps you had a breakthrough with a student or saw some particularly noticeable growth in that student through this program, collaboration etc. Maybe something surprised you or made you think about art or teaching in a new way.

A: Since I already have some experience working with nonprofits, I was able to adopt Fabian's style of teaching. Basically, he would give me instructions of what would the class be working before the class would start. For the most part, a lot of his lessons are very straightforward. Having my own artistic practice definitely helps me to follow him with his approach of having a responsive style of teaching that feels really community-based instead of a student vs. teacher approach. Within the two classes that I have taken at UCLA through art education, the way we approach art is so different than Fabian’s style of teaching. It was really interesting to see both styles of teaching. But as a teaching assistant, I have to recognize that one is working with the community and the other one it focuses on the education system. And also with various philosophies of teaching. As educators, we have to recognize the circumstances of this community such as understanding and learning how we help these communities. During my sessions, I was just starting to understand the difference between these teaching styles working both with Fabian and the community.

Q: What are your short-term and long‐term career goals?

A: One of my short-term goal is completing the Visual and Performing Art Education program. I would love to continue teaching with VAPAE after school programs. Another long-term goal is getting ready to apply graduate school. My dream would to one day go back to Mexico City and teach arts in communities that do not have access to the arts.