#i grew up thinking i deserved it
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yall talk ab dads dropping lore but mothers LOVE just dropping shit that changes ur life
#my mother just said she used to cry every time she hit me LOL which was a lot#i grew up thinking i deserved it#...#for clarity i never thought i deserved to get hit but i thought i deserved the apathy that cme after it bc it made me feel like#it was justified#to be FRANKKKKK i think that apathy was also mostly the reason i was convinced i was unloveable#to a certin degree#would appreciate it if no one commented on this excepting ki n taro ofc
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pick your battles
#my art#my stuff#art#comic#original art#pride 2024#pride month#trans allegory..... or not even allegory. just trans .... ^_^#i technically cannot come out yet but i don't think the people who i need to not see this stalk my tumblr#i know they stalk everything else like my twitter and my instagram but this might be safe#so fuck it we yap. this is a comic about picking your battles#this is a comic about how for almost a year now everyone at home in singapore has been crying about my sore throat#my terrible fucked up voice. my you know. etc#i came out as not cis and using they/them pronouns in 2015 when i was 14#but no one ever used my pronouns. none of my classmates or friends even up until i left for college in 2020#from 2020 onwards every year i wrote an angry vulnreable essay about how much it hurts that they dont remember#and people would dm me apologizing on their hands and knees and commending my bravery#and then forget about it all over again. id ont mean 'they misgender me and then catch it and apologize and correct themselves'#i mean they dont even get that far#and so you might ask yourself: why have you kept them around all this time?#and i would have to explain that by pure bad luck i grew up in the most conservative close minded community#that all of my ex classmates that stayed in singapore are cishet and upper middle class and chinese singaporean#that i Am the trans person. that they were able to ignore me for a decade partially because there was no one else#so this is a comic about how there is dignity and grace in staying in the closet sometimes#about how not everyone deserves to see you at your happiest. about how some people can go fuck themselves#you know your truth and THATS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS!!! YEAH!!! i love you
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infantilization
#dungeon meshi#aj art#kabru of utaya#Thinking about the way Kabru is regarded by the elf community he was raised in#Even when he’s pretty clearly an adult#As a spoiled child who needs protecting#Bc they don’t view the short lived races as serious humans who deserve respect#And Kabru recognizes this because he grew up with elves#Adding art detail tags bc I put an embarrassing amount of thought into this#I tried to give him duller and rougher colorjng nd shading#And gave all the plushies soft cartoonish shading and bright colors#To illustrate how he actually is vs how he’s being categorized by the elves#I also tried to give him more specifically adult features like arm and leg hair#Eye bags shaven facial hair and scars#To make his body look lived in#Again illustrating that he’s an adult who has lived a life#Which makes him contrast to the cutesy childlike stuffed animals he’s surrounded by#Bc to us and to him the way he’s treated by the elves is really weird#He shouldn’t be lumped in with childlike things when he’s a grown adult#Also I made it so that all the stuffed animals eyes are closed#And his are open#Bc 1. the elves don’t really see him as a person and 2. They don’t really recognize how they’re treating him or why it’s wrong#But he does#He sees it clearly and knows why they’re acting like that
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Really really hoping that Maleficia at least appears later on for Malleus' sake. I mean, Malleus will probably not realize the gravity of what he did immediately after his overblot ends, but imagine once he calms down and reflects on the events a bit more. Once he understands that aside from putting everyone in a bad spot, he himself is trapped in a bad spot in the first place, which was what drove him to do what he did despite being an otherwise tolerant person all his life. And his grandmother didn't even bother to pull him out of it, nor hurry to his side even if she couldn't do anything. That his remaining blood parent was never aware of the things he was going through. She was never emotionally available for him.
That would wreck him.
And if the rumor mill is true and his biological dad's just under his nose the entire time, that would destroy him even more because all his life he was craving for a mother, a father, for any semblance of companionship to guide him when he was young and fumbling to walk. If his dad was alive all this time, how could he have never approached him even once? Especially when he needed it most? It's a family friend, someone who isn't even connected to him by blood, who cared for him even if he technically had no obligations to do so. He was rejected by his own flesh and blood.
He was rejected by everyone. Nobody genuinely liked him save for a very select few. Everybody feared him. Multiple people have tried to kill him simply for existing. He just wanted to show "love"; to give everyone what he believes is mercy because he thinks nobody deserves to feel the same loneliness that tormented him all his life.
But now that he did what he did, nobody has any reason to stay. He's all alone again, just like he was before he was even born.
#ugh#i love villains who were born and grew up in unfortunate circumstances#who try to show everyone their version of love because they think others don't deserve the loneliness they went through#but never really know that their love is something nobody wants nor could understand#but still a bad deed is a bad deed and they have to suffer for it#twisted wonderland#malleus draconia
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It was fucking rape. That's my fucking point of view.
What do you mean he liked it? What do you mean it was cheating? What do you mean I like her?
It was rape, there is no other interpretation other than rape.
Robby lived with two addicts and yet he was abandoned in a bar with free access to alcohol, and that's where it started.
He got drunk for the first time, he drank for the first time and he has no resistance to alcohol because he stays away as best he can for the simple fact that his parents were addicts who never cared about him. So he wanted to forget what was happening, to repress all of this and he turned to alcohol because where else would he go when everyone didn't give a damn about him, or his situation with Tory or his emotions? Where else was he supposed to go when his example of dealing with emotions is aggression and addiction? So he drank. He drank to a level where he couldn't formulate a response, a sentence, when Kwon came to talk to him and provoke him, and we know that if he was sober he would have done something. It was obvious on his own face listening to Kwon that he was spaced out, drunk, and then Zara approached him. And took him to her room, from where he came out the next morning. No memory of the night before, a headache, and still looking out of it, as we can see when she kissed him and he didn't even react to it. The level of alcohol this requires is the level of alcohol that prevents someone from giving consent.
— I barely remember last night
— Good thing I do
Can we see the exact connotation that something happened? That she actually took advantage of the boy who couldn't speak to give consent, who couldn't think to say no, who was too drunk for this to be acceptable? The fact that she shows no remorse whatsoever for this happening and yet kisses him again.
Besides the fact that the writers themselves are treating it like it's some kind of cheating with Tory, the characters themselves acting like he's not a vulnerable person being raped by someone who knows better?
I hate her and I hate the writers for making this like it's nothing. I don't want to be that girl, but being that girl, if the roles were reversed, would this be in the show? Would this be treated that way? Or would they actually treat it like the SA situation that it is?
From the beginning, you can see her interest in Robby - starting with that scene in the captains' photo shoot where she talks to Tory. She knows he's in a relationship. All those teasing scenes with Tory. Her taking advantage of Robby. Then the fight scene.
— You chose her over me?
Like, girl, what the fuck did you expect? He doesn't know you, he doesn't like you, you raped him and you're going after his girlfriend - the person he loves? How high is your ego to even consider that he would choose you? Axel's obsession with Sam I can understand more, although I still have my doubts. She was the first person to understand and see his situation with his sensei, she was friendly and he developed a protectiveness towards her. Although his attitude towards Miguel was wrong, he didn't rape Sam or act like a bitch towards her.
Iron Dragons and their obsession with the Miyagi-Do captains.
Zara Malik and the fact that she raped Robby Keene.
#cobra kai s6#cobra kai s6 spoilers#cobra kai#robby keene#zara malik#axel kovacevic#samantha larusso#tory nichols#miguel diaz#he was raped that was rape and the writers don't give a damn because they are using it as a cheating plot#iron dragons#miyagi do#He grew up with addicts and the first time he drinks alcohol this happens and if it's not the biggest trauma I don't know what is#rape/noncon#she's not a badass for acting like that and she's not a badass for going after him or Tory she's not a badass she's a fucking rapist#i have many feelings#I really have a lot of feelings about the fact that Robby himself sees this more as cheating than rape#and I need a fanfic of him being comforted because no this was not cheating and no it was not your fault#where Johnny actually acts like a father or Daniel focuses on something other than a dead old man and his legacy#he didn't like it he's a fucking minor who was left vulnerable and she took advantage of that out of any obsession with him and Tory#Johnny and Shannon were not good parents even though they could have tried at some point#even if Johnny is still trying what the fuck??? do something besides ignore his existence#or just keep talking about karate or the new child you're going to have with the mother of the boy he thinks replaced him#Robby I love you and you deserve so much more#kwon jae sung
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Okay so this is almost a direct copy-paste of my earlier reblog but only the Xin Yuan parts, because its long enough to be its own post and i want to share it! It deserves it's own post <3 typical starry stuff to write a 2k word long reblog, unfortunately.
I say almost because I went through to proof read and ended up adding more stuff.
I've been cooking on this idea for the last two days since I saw the Xin Mo!Shen Yuan post but??? I can't find anything on Xin Mo's backstory or how it came to be -- which means that's free fucking plot right there baby. That's a sandbox and im making LIFE SIZED CASTLES. I'm so excited.
The idea of Shen Yuan transmigrating centuries before the events of PIDW as Xin Mo -- but when he wakes up, he's not the sword. He wakes up in the body of a young boy named Xin Yuan. Now it makes sense for this boy to be a demon, but the drama, the intrigue, the spice of Xin Yuan being a human child.
SY wakes up as a boy below the age of ten, and the System tells him where he is, and SY is excited to meet his favorite protagonist -- only to gradually realize that he's like, a thousand years or so before the events of the novel. The rant he gives the system is legendary.
Bc what's the point of getting dropped into PIDW if he's never going to meet his favorite character??? This is a scam! BUT he settles into his new life, he's like, some orphan street rat or some other tragic airplane-esq backstory.
The system gives Shen Yuan his first mandatory quest: become a righteous cultivator. Which was like, kinda his plan/hopes anyways, except! There's like?? No official cultivator sects anywhere? The Cang Qiong Mountain Sect hasn't even been established yet, and there are pockets of cultivators running around, maybe some groups or schools popping up and then sinking back down, but nothing's really taken root!
If he asks someone how to become a cultivator, there's no straight answer. No "oh you can go to X to do that". He's pissed! How can he become a cultivator if there aren't any schools around to teach him? Deus ex machina, that's how.
Out of sheer luck, SY manages to help save a rogue cultivator, and promptly gets adopted by said rogue cultivator, who gives SY the name 'Xin Yuan'. He is ecstatic. And you know what? It's actually pretty fun!
He's getting to travel the world of PIDW in its early stages, and gets to see the building blocks for the eventual main story. He's discovering all this local flora and fauna that are foreign to his old world and unmentioned in the book, and he's learning cultivation! Granted, its unsafe, newly(ish) discovered cultivation, but it counts!
Wistfully, he thinks about perhaps he'll do something grand and get his name carved into legend. Something that would eventually help the protagonist later down the line in his quest for revenge.
The system remains silent to his thoughts.
But Xin Yuan doesn't take much stock in that daydream anyways. It's nothing more than fantasy to him; wish-fulfillment. He does discover however, that he is positively brimming with spiritual energy. Overwhelmingly so.
It's both a blessing and a curse, as it puts a strain on his meridians if he's not careful, and leaves him prone to qi deviations for the exact same reasons. He already has a heart demon or two from a few traumatic experiences in the past.
(bc hey! angst a day keeps the writer sadism at bay, and all that)
I'll say he's about... eight when he gets picked up by the rogue cultivator, who I'm calling Lin Kai bc he deserves a name. They travel around PIDW up until Xin Yuan is twelve, where he goes through a traumatic experience that results in a heart demon.
It's after that that Lin Kai decides to put a stop to his wandering, and find a place to settle down to raise Xin Yuan in. Coincidentally! They settle down in a nice mountain region that's thriving with spiritual energy. The mountains at the time were called something different, but they will be eventually known as the Cang Qiong Mountain Sect
Coincidentally, the mountain Lin Kai and Xin Yuan end up on is Qing Jing Peak. XY does not realize that the mountain he's on is Qing Jing. The System does not tell him. But he likes it there, more than he was expecting. And as much as he's traveled around, he really does enjoy being in one place.
He has a tendency to go down the mountain and help the village setting up down there, and when he's a teenager he starts venturing out more and more.
Xin Yuan forgets sometimes that he's in a novel, especially after settling down on Qing Jing peak. The system becomes remarkably quiet since there's no quests for him to do and not a ton of opportunities to get B-Points. He cultivates with Lin Kai, helps tend to the garden they're growing, goes down to the village to play with the other kids.
There's one boy he's best friends with, a boy whose not all that good with words, named Liu Zhihao. He's got potential for cultivation though, so Xin Yuan drags him up the mountain when he can so that Liu Zhihao can sit in on lessons with Lin Kai. He drags him all over the forest at the foot of the mountain to go look at bugs and animals.
(One time, when they're fourteen and Liu Zhihao has been learning cultivation for a few years now, Xin Yuan drags him out of bed late one night to go look at the stars. Xin Yuan tells Liu Zhihao about ascension -- something that still feels like a far off dream to many in this time -- that night, while they're sitting on the wet grass.)
("We should ascend together." Xin Yuan tells Liu Zhihao, jade eyes gleaming. Never let it be said that Xin Yuan doesn't love deeply, no matter what kind of love it is. He was always so lonely as Shen Yuan, Liu Zhihao is his best friend. "We'll become immortals, and then we won't ascend until the other is able to.")
(Liu Zhihao stares at him silently, his face unreadable. Then, quietly, he asks; "Promise?")
("Promise.")
When he starts adventuring outwards, further away from the mountain and the village, Liu Zhihao sticks to him like rice. Not that Xin Yuan's complaining, that's his best friend after all, and Liu Zhihao has become a formidable cultivator. He deserves to show off his skills.
He starts making something of a name for himself by the time he's, like, 18 -- although that name is in its baby steps, along with Liu Zhihao. They're slowly growing renown.
Perhaps XY uses his knowledge of PIDW and cultivation in general to help make advancements in the cultivation field. Although the system prevents him from sharing too much, it doesn't mean he can't practice it himself. Perhaps he's one of the first cultivators to develop a golden core. One of the first known immortal cultivators. One of the first to have a spirit sword.
(Although I don't know the logistics of any of this since my knowledge on xanxia/cultivation stuff in general is all still pretty new and google wasn't all that helpful lol.)
Either way, its my excuse to eventually make Xin Yuan come across as ethereal to other people. Peerless beauty SY for the win. Hs wifebeam is too strong, Xin Yuan has a line of suitors following after him and he's completely unaware of it. The rest of history is not.
Demon realm stuff has been stirring up since Xin Yuan was a kid, but at the time it was rare and in the beginning stages. Its been steadily ramping up and the system is sending him on more and more treacherous quests -- some of them mandatory, some optional. SY doesn't often take the optional ones unless it comes with a sufficient B-point reward.
for all intents and purposes though, he's a wandering rogue cultivator with Liu Zhihao, going from place to place to either help a town or village, or to discover more creatures or artifacts (although there aren't that many). Just all around living his life. He participates in a few major quest lines that are sure to get him mentioned in legend, even if it's a background character way.
(Unbeknownst to him, rather than being a side character in these legends, he's named directly. You can't become one of the first immortal cultivators and NOT get name dropped for clout.)
He has a spirit sword named Shā Mó, (杀 shā - to kill/weaken/counteract/reduce) (魔 mó - evil spirit, demon, possession). He routinely goes back to QJP to see Lin Kai, or to rest when traveling has worn down on him and he wants nothing more than to sleep somewhere he knows he'll be safe in. It becomes more frequent as Xin Yuan becomes more famous. Liu Zhihao often comes with him.
it all comes to a head though when the rifts between the demonic realm and the human realm become too great, and the balance between both realms becomes unstable. A demonic emperor's influence, wanting to merge the two realms so he could conquer both to satiate his own greed.
Typical evil king stuff. This comes to a climatic head in a great battle between every cultivator available and the demon emperor's army. Xin Yuan was one of the many who helped lead the charge.
In the end, it was Xin Yuan who ends up defeating the demonic emperor, but the rift that the emperor used to cross between worlds is destabilizing as well. Except instead of trying to close, it's getting bigger and bigger, threatening to swallow the heavens and earth and demonic realm whole.
You know how Yue Qingyuan's soul is bonded to his sword due to a qi deviation? Let's take it a step further >:)
Xin Yuan uses himself and Shā Mó to close the rift. However, it takes all of his spiritual energy to do so, as well as him filtering the demonic qi into his body to redirect it back to the demon realm.
In the end, Xin Yuan and his beloved sword Shā Mó fuse. Xin Yuan's soul becomes trapped in the sword. His physical body is unable to handle the immense amount of power it takes to close the rift, and is destroyed. He is immortalized in legend by his grieving cultivators.
(Liu Zhihao ends up ascending alone. He ascends with the hope that one day he'll see Xin Yuan again, even if it's in the face of someone else. Lin Kai does not ascend, too weighed down by the grief of losing his son.)
Xin Yuan, now Xin Mo, falls into a stasis. He's very confused and disorientated when he regains 'consciousness'. The system has been silent for most of his life, only popping up to give him mandatory quests, hints, points, or to answer any questions.
But once he wakes up, it cheerfully pops up again, congratulating him on completing the origin story of Xin Mo. SY freaks the fuck out. he'd shake the system screen if he could, but he doesn't have arms. or legs. or eyes for that matter.
He can sense his surroundings, but its all like imprints to him. He can sense the energies, but he can't see anything. It's all very disorientating and horrifying after years of being human. Like a sensory deprivation chamber.
The closing of the rift and the cycling demonic qi tainted both Sha Mo and Xin Yuan irreparably, and it did some kind of damage that resulted in SY needing to feed in order to use the spiritual powers. Kinda like how Xuan Su uses YQY's life force for it's spiritual energy, but instead of feeding on his own lifeforce, Xin Mo feeds on others.
The rest is history. Xin Mo is originally tied to the story of Xin Yuan -- believed to be all that remained of the man after he sacrificed himself to keep the realms separate. It's believed that the force of the realms closing permanently infused Sha Mo with demonic energy, turning it into Xin Mo.
But, like many stories do when faced against the tide of time, things get lost; chipped off; changed. Xin Mo is steadily separated from Xin Yuan, especially once it becomes clear how parasitic the sword really is, until they are all but separate entities themselves and the origin of Xin Mo's creation all but forgotten.
The years blur together when Xin Mo is not being wielded, and at first Xin Yuan was agonized by the fact that he stole the lives of all his wielders. He knows it's only a novel, but his decades spent in this life have softened him, and he's grown attached to the world around him.
But time erodes the mind like water erodes stone, and he becomes numb to it, then eventually anticipating of it. He forces himself to remember what he knows of PIDW's plot, and kinda fixates back on his old obsession on Luo Binghe. But while PIDW stays in his mind, his memories as Xin Yuan fall to the wayside.
Not forgotten, per se, but... tucked away. The system prevents him from forgetting fully.
Xin Mo isn't fully a demonic sword either i think, but instead harbors an ugly cocktail of both spiritual and demonic qi. Special circumstances and all that. Everyone just assumes he's a fully demonic sword because that's usually at the forefront, his spiritual qi weakened from the initial fusion and from years of not being fed spiritual qi. It's part of the reason his wielders always end up destroyed by him, other than the whole, yk, 'overwhelming qi' thing.
Nobody would recognize Xin Mo's human form as Xin Yuan other than some truly ancient demons. Of which Meng Mo might. But even that's iffy because there's a lack of surviving paintings of Xin Yuan, but also because of XM's demonic appearance and supposed lack of connection to XY.
Xin Mo has never spoken to his wielders before, not in the same way he does Luo Binghe. He tells Luo Binghe this, and he also tells Luo Binghe down the line that he is both spiritual and demonic -- something he also never told his wielders because there was no point to it.
okay okay i've got to end it here because its already gotten ridiculously long -- of which im both apologetic and unapologetic for -- but i DO think the Shang Qinghua and Shen Yuan meeting (and reveal) would be fucking hilarious. Especially if SY has learned how to pop between sword form and human form by then -- although i guess it doesnt matter either way because SQH's reaction is still the same.
And that reaction is internally screaming and going "hey what the FUCK?? WHY DOES XIN MO HAVE A HUMAN FORM??? WHAT IS THIS??? SYSTEM??? EXPLAIN???"
meanwhile from his place on the sword hilt xin mo is squinting at Shang Qinghua in bewilderment and going "aren't you supposed to be dead" but doesn't pay too much mind to it because its not like its going to change anything.
...up until he catches shang qinghua going "WTF" silently from his little corner while all eyes are off him. One moment SQH is standing beside his king, and the next he's been tackled to the ground by one wild-eyed, human-shaped Xin Mo.
everyone, including SQH, thinks Xin Mo is going to kill him. It is a surprise to everyone when he does not, and instead dissolves into deranged, uncontrollable laughter after spitting out some phrase in some ancient tongue and watching SQH's eyes grow wide in recognition.
#svsss au#svsss#scum villain au#scum villain#scum villain self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#luo binghe#liu zhihao is indeed based off liu qingge. i am a multishipper at heart and liushen is a delicious ship. XY and LZ i think were very devote#to each other regardless of if it was romantic or platonic. they're besties! and im a sucker for devotion in all aspects. its neat :)#XM eventually tells LBH about how he used to be human once and he tells him about his Xiao Zhi. and that he hopes Xiao Zhi was able to reac#ascension in his absence. LBH silently seethes with jealousy and abandonment issues a mile wide. he asks XM if he misses him. XM gets this#unreadable distant look on his face that makes him look far more mortal than is comfortable. then he mutters 'yes.' LBH hates it#Cang Qiong sect gets miraculously spared by Luo Binghe on account of 'my demonic sword grew up here and he'd be upset if i ruined it'#does LZH look like LQG? ...i want to say yes bc itd be crime to derive SY of LQG's beauty even if he never knows what LQG looks like#imagine XM as human coming to clash with YQY. he takes one look at YQY. then at Xuan Su. before going 'we're alike. you and i.'#rip SQH. executed for the crime of *checks scroll* making XM laugh before Binghe could. making XM laugh at all actually#XM is usually very reserved and restrained but for the first time in a thousand years he's met someone just like him. the emotional rush#is intense. SQH asks him later how long he's been Xin Mo. expecting like. at LEAST a few years now or after him but then XM blinks at him#and then mutters something about how he's lost track of time. oh hey btw what year it is??? he forgot to ask. SQH tells him and Xin Mo says#'oh! about a thousand years now' 'WHAT' and XM tells him about being Xin Yuan which SQH was not expecting. whether thats because#he genuinely wasnt expecting it or it was part of his outline or an idea he messed around with and didnt expect to make it into the world#SQH tells him about the legend of Xin Yuan. XM is stunned. he asks about Liu Zhihao. LZH made it into legend too. which XM is very#pleased by. 'good. he deserves it for all the hard work he put in.'
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Zenos viator Galvus and him trying to deal with actually feeling things for once (Even if he doesn't really understand how to handle the comfort he receives from others for it)
I am also giving this man a dad that actually cares, because this brainworm have gotten me and there is no saving me from them.
#ffxiv#sketch#zenos yae galvus#adventurer zenos#durante#zero#local man learns how to feel again... and is regretting it immensely-#as his old habits of “ignore” or “shut down” dont work that well anymore#because#at least from what I've personally looked into#unironically zenos' method of reaper contract was the smartest way to go about- he wouldnt have had the context that they used to be people#but I also write Zenos with the thought that he would abhor becoming anything like Varis-#and I dont think he'd like being directly responsible for turning another person into a weapon or a tool like how he was- intentional or no#and I think its just a neat point of tension between adventurer zenos and zero#and it just ends feeding into what I write one of his main hurdles being#his resignation that he may never change- or that he isnt worth compassion because of the circumstances he grew up in#and him being so ready to take blame and resign the possibility of apologizing because (given context) i dont doubt#that Varis had constantly blamed him for Carosa's death#and it also just gives me a bit of reasoning why him being called a monster (specifically thinking of the scene with Krile) sets him off#I also just like the idea of Durante taking him in as a hesitant mentor and accidently bonding with him- even beyond the theories I have#(and this is totally me being biased because I ADORE durante as a character)#but I think helping Zenos and the way Zenos and Wol would later interact with each other would give him a measure of peace#of being able to guide someone and be there for someone like it seemed golbez was for him#I also think zenos deserves at least one warm fatherly hug#and who better than the strange old ass voidsent who could honestly probably rotate him any moment his guard is down
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insp. by this post by @bladeofavernus ♡ / (Shauna Barbosa, Cape Verdean Blues)
AN INSPIRED DECLARATION, BARDIC COLLEGE OF FOCHLUCAN. I honestly thought my time as an artist had come to an end and all hope for further inspiration was gone. I come from months of fruitless research and abandoned music sheets, any spark of creativity flickering and dying by the time my fingers touched the strings. I was lost and couldn't find my way back home when suddenly, destiny came knocking at my door. Quite literally, I may add. I went to stay at my aunt's cottage outside of the city to see if some peace and quite would do my muse any good and I had the fortuitous chance of offering shelter to a group of weary travelers. They surely were a lively bunch and while I had fun entertaining guests after such a long time spent alone, Tymora's gentle hand came to save me under the guise of a young couple of most curious nature. A tiefling and a devil, by all means a nightmarish union if you were to give the rumors any credits and yet. They spent the night sitting quietly next to each other, letting the others take turns in keeping the conversation alive. I didn't mean to pry but I was mesmerized by the softness of their touches, the tenderness of their gaze. At some point during the night, the young man drifted off to sleep leaning against the girl's shoulder, she raised a hand to caress his scarred face with such unmistakable devotion it almost moved me to tears. It reminded me why I started composing in the first place: to wonder about the nature of simple things like love and companionship. If I ever see them again, I hope they'll know this song is for them.
#bg3edit#gamingedit#wylledit#tavedit#baldur's gate 3#bg3#tav x wyll#wyll ravengard#nimue of eldervine grove#edits#i haven't been able to stop thinking about that post since the first time i came across it#i hope it's okay i linked it here! let me know otherwise!#it's all about the resilient healing energy wyll projects and deserves poured back onto him for me#nimue utterly respects him admires him believes in him and supports him without stripping any of them of their own agency in doing so#she has complete faith in him cause they both grew up knowing it's always worth it to not give up and try again#i'm glad i went with her first for my wyll romance cause with tariel things are way messier in my head
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Now I’m interested in your dad’s take. If it’s not invasive, please share?
\(´∀`)/
HI HELLO!!!!!! I’d happy to share, I love talking about these things!!!!! It might get a bit rant-y but I promise I’m just trying to cover all bases :]
Some context: my dad grew up with cats, specifically the 1983 broadway album, which means that while he’s never seen the 1998 movie, he has seen the show live 2-3 times, (my family is pretty musical-my grandma saw the og show with Betty Buckley, and I’ve never been more jealous of anybody in my entire life).
So: we were talking about stuff and nonsense and I explained the newsies vs cats poll. Obviously he knew a bit about both shows, as I’d recently been in newsies and made him watch the Broadway version.
He of course immediately started talking about how many criticisms you could do of each show. It quickly devolved into him bitching about Skimbleshanks and Santa Fe, because he hates both of them in equal measure, (although Santa Fe may take the cake. He despises the entire plot line).
I brought up the criticism that many musical fans seem to have about cats: “it’s not about anything” or “it doesn’t have a theme/plot.”
“That’s just blatantly not true, munkustrap, (I called him gray cat guy in the conversion), explains the plot in the third song. You know, jellicles go to the jellicle layer, blah blah blah.”
“Well, sure,” said he, “but what’s the show really about then?”
“Uhhhhh,” I said, it being like 11 o clock at night, “it’s mostly about second chances and forgiveness, right?”
To which he said, no. Cats is about pride. More specifically, ego death.
All of the cats are prideful. The Rum Tum Tugger, obviously, but also the Gumbie cat, the old theater cat was the best there’s ever been, as featherfore-whatever his name was. You know, even the stupid train cat. They’re all walking around talking about how great they are, or were, except Grizabella.
She just says “hey, I’m here, I’m done, I’m down and out, and I’ve got nothing and no one. I’m just here. Times were great, but without the memory, I have nothing”
And that’s why they’re like YES. You get to go the heavyside layer. You get it. You deserve your second life.
#then he probably went back to complaining about Santa Fe more#the more I think about this#the more I think he’s right#because cats are naturally prideful creatures#and to have a cat who is not so would be a cat who deserves their second chance#they’ve been a victim of ego death#he also had a fun interpretation of the ‘terrible bore’ line from trtt#was very fun#I love talking to him about this show#because he grew up with it and has loved it all his life#and then there’s his ambiguously aged daughter who’s been unbelievably hyperfixated on the show for months#who now unfortunately knows the same amount of stuff about the show as he does#it’s either a nightmare or it’s very fun I haven’t asked#HE HATES SKIMBLE SO MUCH. POOR SKIMBLE.#he just saw a version live that he just did not like and it ruined the entire sequence for him#I think he said he was ‘too fussy’#he might have also said prissy#which. rude.#ANYHOW#I hope this was comprehensible#I really like this interpretation I hope it carries across loll#apparently my dad literally made this up on the spot as we were talking about it#anyways#asks!!!!!!!#cats the musical#cats musical#grizabella#grizabella the glamour cat
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this might be the post surgery drugs talking but i believe everyone will get what they deserve and max will be showing up in australia for christmas this year with at least 12 dirt bikes for daniel and they’ll live their best aussie summer holidays forever and daniel will be so so happy and we will also be so so happy
#im achieved a beautiful state of delirium right now i think my third eye has opened#as chappell roan said my kink is karma and may everyone get what they deserve#my third eye also is saying somewhere matthew and callan are real and i do believe that#there something post canon that isn’t in the fic but does happen afterwards that will make so many people feel feral and that’s my goal#i never claimed they were smart i mean look at them matthew grew up on max and daniel he was screwed from the beginning#okay i will sleep now and when i wake up in the morning i have a feeling i will be so confused
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from the bottom of my heart, thank you for everything. there will never be another like you. ever.
#yellow was his colour because it emphasised the light he gave off#this is so redundant given i haven’t used this blog for two years and then i came back for like a week only for this to happen LOL#anyways if you’re reading this: thank you. this blog meant more to me than anything & the friendships it gave me will last a lifetime.#i think he’d be happiest to know that over the years he gave people a sense of community & belonging.#especially people who maybe felt like they didn’t have that growing up (me)#sitting back and realising i grew up with him fills me with such a sense of privilege & happiness that i cannot even begin to describe#this is so personal but i struggled a lot in 2020 (as everyone did) and having him along with f1 & this blog was such a saving grace for me#and i don’t think i could ever begin to express my gratitude. to him & to anyone this blog gave to me.#he will always be formula one to me & the reality that he won’t be here again is just far too painful for me to accept.#i feel good about leaving this blog behind for good & everything it holds. every photo. every liveblog. snapshots of his career.#i hope people can continue to get the same joy from it that i had when posting. and i hope you can remember daniel’s career for what it was#he deserves it.#so again: thank you.
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The man truly can’t take a genuine compliment 🙄
#my art stuff#digital art#baldur's gate 3#bg3#astarion#astarion ancunin#this is part of a series I like to call “I’m never settling on a singular detailed artstyle”#I have no consistency in drawing realistic people/characters other than my shapy cartoon style#but I truly don’t get enough opportunity to properly shade anything with art in that style-!!! it always looks weird to me-!!!!!#I think some rude lil worm in my brain is wriggling around telling me it’s a futile attempt at still doing realism#cus I’m one of those “gifted” artists that grew up promising his parents he’ll end up among the big names or whatever#constantly training to become better at art but with realism oil paintings as the goal#you know how it is 😔#I wanna shade my lil funky designs but they never feel good enough to really put energy into or whatever so I compromise with stuff -#- like this where I try to draw characters more accurately while still stylizing them and shading them however I feel like it#which is great and all but I should really learn to give my more relaxed and less perfectionist art a chance#I deserve to enjoy the process and the result without working myself dead#it’s so much easier and rewarding to copy cartoon styles - stylizing realism makes me too anxious of doing it “wrong”#at least cartoon styles give me a goal to reach or a reference to strive towards#man I really should just cut myself some slack altogether#either way - this man is a flustered mess and he’s embarrassed about being called adorable in public or something#being teased in an affectionate way about his sweeter side and stuff#don’t ask why he’s shirtless - anatomy is just a lot more fun for me to draw sometimes#tasteful nudity and all that is extremely gorgeous to me#i need to practice anatomy more cus I just kinda did some shit and went with it this time with a BIT of consideration for muscle structure
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mike is an established smart and clever character from the beginning idk how everyone picked up the “mike wheeler has rocks in his head” joke and ran with it
#tbh including me for a time#i think it mostly stems from the van scene and him not comforting will when he started crying#which yeah… but its not established that he didnt notice#when the camera focuses on will we see mike look back at him#and also its the 80s and he grew up in a conservative christian town/household#obviously he’s gonna be a bit oblivious and in total denial of his feelings#and of wills feelings too#accusing your best friend of being in love with you in the 80s isnt exactly reasonable or okay#stranger things#byler#mike wheeler#point is mike is a smart person and people gloss over that so much#give him the recognition he deserves!!
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I have started reading the vampire lestat and unfortunately he is my lil meow meow dumb bitch
#hes so AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#if i think about him for more than 75 seconds i start sobbing hes crazy wazy#i know hed love saying aiight boom and mind you#hes just a silly goofy guy who just also happens to be the devil incarnate#hes a mamas boy he cant read a little piece of him has died every year hes lived at home he killed 8 wolves and shot his horse-#hes a dog mom he lost his virginity way too young to be healthy he has a cool ass jacket hes worried about his mama hes a spoiler#hes so lonely and he gets bitches like u wouldnt believe he has a drinking problem he was in the circus for a whole 31 hours and he cusses#hes the worst man youve ever met and somehow he skips along in your brain#hes like wendy williams to me#lestat de lioncourt#the vampire lestat#hes curious to a fault he loves his daughter even tho he never ever deserved to be her father he eats glass and dreams of the big city#french is his 3rd language he grew up with silver teeth and red juice stains in his mouth#he talks like he was raised by his grandma
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You’re the resident chilchuck expert, so I was wondering about it there’s any canon evidence that he did smoke or drink alcohol when the kids were younger. I always thought it was something he picked up due to the strain of long jobs, when the kids were already older, but you seem to think differently and I was wondering if there was anything in canon that made you think that way!
Now that you mention it I guess it’s true there’s no evidence he did. Smoking we literally only know he does at all because of one post-canon panel where he has a pipe, so no, maybe this stick-looking thing in the panel below too though, I’m not familiar with medieval blunts eh. We’ve only gotten one panel of him and his daughters interacting when he was younger so that’s not too insightful on that end, and every time we see him young and freckled it’s in a job context so again not really where we’d expect him to be drinking. The earliest proof (/heavy implication since we don’t see inside his cup I guess) is 3 years before canon when Laios hired him, where he’s at a bar, classily placed in front of all the bottles ✨
Yes alcohol is almost certainly a way through which he copes especially with stress, so if we go with the theory he started around when work got stressful, well… Chilchuck started working as a dungeon diver ~10 years ago so when he was ~19, making Mei, Fler and Puck ~6 and ~4 respectively, so from that draw the ‘stressful enough to start drinking’ line wherever. We don’t know what he did before that with any certainty, and it could be he did odd jobs, lived off mostly mutual aid and community work, or just focused on only raising the girls. Half-foots tend to be poor and I see a lot of that in Chilchuck specifically so I don’t think he could have afforded to not have some paying work though.
Alright, so then why do I think he did drink when the girls were younger?
I give a more complete rundown of the info we do have on his alcoholism & his family with panels and references + all the speculation I make from it here. But the most targeted and objective answer I can give is:
Of course there’s just very very little we know of Chilchuck’s life with his family, and I think that’s by design too. I think the details being up in the air is to allow more nuance of the topic, like, will trying to reconcile go well, is their relationship salvageable? We don’t know, because we don’t know. So the message of giving hope a chance even if it’s a long shot, that things could truly go either way, is more relevant, impactful and meta in that way. How long was he usually away for work travels into dungeons here and there? How did he act with them? All we can really do is "it’s likely that", it’s a game of which way we think it’s more implied. There’s no right and wrong answer, it’s all Marcille-like larping the events out.
My main reason for thinking he did is that his father died from overdrinking and Chilchuck is very aware of that. He mentions his death casually in the extra about their stance in alcohol and in his Adventurer’s Bible profile, etc. He acts towards the alcohol presumably the same way his father did: with abandon, uncaring for the health effects, probably happily too considering Chil says "dying doing something you love is a good way to go". Very nonchalant. So you see what I’m saying here right, wether he started early or late, his view of alcoholism is very influenced by what he saw of his father growing up, it’s something he’s always been aware of and saw in a mostly positive light, something that was inherited you could say. It’s something that was normalized to him from a young age. Regardless or where it goes from there I do think this part is pretty inarguable. If he views it positively and we know that in the present alcohol is his favorite food that he loveees, why would he have held out on it? Personally that all makes me think he started drinking very young, especially since I don’t think they limited alcohol to age as much as modern standards (and I mean, teen drinking is obviously still a thing). And here you could argue, maybe his father only started being more alcoholic later when Chilchuck moved out, or something! And to that there’s nothing I can say except I think that’s a strained theory, and that Chil might even have largely cut contact with his family after moving out (since he and siblings are listed as almost strangers and he doesn’t seem to have much emotional attachment to his parents, but also we know he rents out his place to "a relative"), but it’s true we have no evidence. "I’ve picked up the same unhealthy substance abuse as my father haha! No big deal right haha" repeated several times to me just reeks of intergenerational trauma, & the alcoholism gene as they call it. Like effortless sliding into drinking as if it’s second nature, it’s natural after all, it’s normal after all, it just makes sense, it makes you feel good and that’s what matters.
BUT from my interpretation then we have a whole other layer: Alcohol is of course not all bad always. I think he’s always liked alcohol and drank it on occasion and it brought him joy etc etc, but I think here the implication in the question is, how much effect did his drinking have on the family relations and how early? And that isn’t so much about when him drinking started but when the alcoholism started. Addiction is defined by a habitual need, that has negative effects from filling that need (physical, psychological, social, etc) and negative effects from withdrawal. If Chilchuck drinks to cope and he can’t not cope without it, that’s addiction, if it affects his relationships, if it’s a need he has, it’s addiction. Addiction can be very insidious or look very casual, and how much people around the person are affected by it is case by case. Cheerful drunks can be sooo annoying and uncomfortable though let me tell you. Drunks are drunks. And this sounds harsh, but even if people around them don’t mind drunks it’ll still have some effects here and there, living with one can be such a challenge, ily drunks good luck with everything much like Chilchuck you deserve good things 🫡
Ok so with the dad thing and the "ok well maybe he’s always drunk casually but it grew worse with time around when he started working as a dungeon diver" precision made, the other bit of info we have that can inform this is that Chilchuck is on a harsh diet and that alcohol is a hunger suppressant. We know Chilchuck "used to be fine not eating for two days", that literally on screen to quench his hunger so it doesn’t keep him awake he goes to drink water, drinking is his instinct to hunger. Again alcohol is a hunger suppressant and if you want info on that the internet has a lot of research and anecdotes about it. He diets to be light enough to not trigger traps, so it’s something he’d have started after dungeon diving most likely. Between the stress and the diet, yes it’s extremely likely he started going harder on alcohol after he started working in dungeons. There’s arguments on wether two days without eating is less bad for half-foots than humans, but apart from smaller portions there’s nothing that indicates half-foots should get less than 3 meals a day. They need less food but that’s because their bodies are smaller: the need is proportional to the body, not smaller than others’ races, the % of need is similar even if the kg amount of food isn’t. There’s also a popular headcanon with support basis that half-foots run hot and have a faster heartrate and whatnot, and that points towards a faster metabolism rather than a slower one: a bigger need for eating rather than a smaller one. He has the same bmi, 18, as Mickbell, but perhaps because Chil is much taller he’s less intensely visibly underweight with ribs showing than Mick during the bath extra, it’s most apparent when he becomes tallman.
Alcohol is something so important and omnipresent in his character that I have trouble believing it’s something that was part of only a small fraction of his life. It’s his immediate go-to, his no-brainer solution to a good time, I’ve sort of always assumed especially after looking at his family that it’s something he discovered decently young. Like he just acts like someone who’s always had alcohol to fall back on and started young idk. Alcohol is one of his 5 keywords. Alcoholism is very ingrained into his world view and life, his "it doesn’t matter" stance his ‘work hard play hard’ mentality his idea that the world is harsh so you get relief where you can, so it just makes sense to me that it’s always been in his life, if not actively then at least looming.
So yes, in summary, my take: Alcohol was always something he wholly enjoyed to an unwise level, but it could have been considered casual until he started working into dungeons and his need for it on a regular basis intensified. Alcohol has always had positive association to him as far as we see, so when it started being a problem he didn’t see it as such. To quote him, "I drink anytime I get the opportunity to". Why always? Approval of father’s alcoholism. Why alcoholism at all? Diet + stress & coping mechanism & emotional stunting + relationship issues, and she decided she had enough after they went out for drinks.
Conclusion
Chilchuck having drunk from a young age makes sense to me and it’s the strongest narrative angle I see on the table, but that’s objectively a me opinion, yes! There’s no evidence, moreso there’s canon basis and supporting info, but it’s all very left up to interpretation. I’ve made my own interpretations of things from the scraps we see, like everyone else making Chilwife and daughters content. Wether you have a stance on the topic or prefer to leave it vague in your takes, it’ll be a matter of what you think makes most sense, or what you’d rather believe I suppose (which is literally fine)
There’s a lot of subjectivity in even just setting up causal links like you probably noticed during this and I was careful with my word choices, because we’re just extrapolating from what we see and unless Kui states it explicitly from a reliable mouth all we can do is have informed opinions on most things. This particular interpretation is influenced by other details I’ve come to form about my interpretation of Chilchuck too, the more psychological and emotional sides of him and the timeline and how his marriage even happened, unplanned pregnancy imo. Like I hope you see what I mean, this wasn’t supposed to be a speculation post just a quick simple answer but there’s sort of just no other and concise but complete way with the subjectivity nuance to put "maybe it could be yes because of this but maybe it could be no because of this" haha
Edit: Wait the phrasing on this… Interesting. "In recent years"— This does imply that if not just his alcohol consumption increasing then the diversity and quality of it did, so either he indeed did start drinking more (not necessarily meaning he didn’t drink before) assumedly because of his wife leaving, or he started drinking other/more different kinds of alcohol maybe due to the union he formed + his experience gave him greater salary than he had previously (and no wife and family to provide money for), a mix of both perhaps.
#Also he’s a lot like my own dad so to me with how he is it’s just an immediate “oh yeah he has always drunk duh of course”#So i can admit to bias. Or to specialized knowledge and authority on analysis idk in which way that tips the balance in my favor or not lol#Dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#meta#alcoholism#This post was meant to be short :|#-slaps chilchuck’s family- this baby can fit in so much projection#I have like 3 chil alcoholism & chil family fic wips rn weeeeee#I’m the kind of alcoholic’s kid who grew up to never touch alcohol btw so like. Ik Chil could not have drunk young i just think he did#Can we appreciate the alcohol opinion & resistance chart actually. So often in media it’s either “alcohol’s a source of fun yippee” and#“alcohol is evil”. Thank you Dunmeshi for diversity of opinion thank you for nuance i rarely feel so seen#Izutsumi deserves to tell Chilchuck he stinks#AND BY THE WAY I hope you don’t feel talked down on anon. Ik you seem to have your own interpretation already & that’s good#sometimes i was adressing like. The General Public TM more than you which is why I spent time on some things like ‘think what you want’ etc#Okok i hope that covers it. Help where does the time go#It’s the sort of thing that makes Kui’s masterful storytelling by implying things here and there until it forms a big picture frustrating#for meta. Like! You can’t prove Chilchuck has been poor/grew up in an empoverished family/environment. There’s no evidence#but also you cannot tell me with a straight face that he isn’t and hasn’t like omg. But then it takes 30 pages to explain how he’s coded#Stop showing and not telling Kui smh /j#Ask#I think a lot about the trolls comic and man he was already so tense and grumpy and yelling. I do think that guy was stress relief drinking
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Sometimes it's okay to beat things up *grabs baseball bat* PENNYWISE GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE
#just thinking about all the times richie visited eddies grave- OH WAIT HE COULDNT#because eddie didnt fucking get buried and his body is stuck in the sewers and richie tried HE TRIED to get eddie out#but the other stopped him so the sewers wouldnt crumble on him and kill him too#so he had to leave the person he grew up loving and was tormented for by bullies and a clown#so not only did he get picked on for being gay but he also had his best friend and first lover probably only lover die in his arms#eds richie would whisper when they would sleep over as kids#eds richie whispers now in hopes that eddies ghost can hear him and feel his loneliness as he stays awake for days thinking about eddie#and the face he made when he died and richie will sob in the dead of night just begging for eddie to come back#all because i liked a boy#he thought because he thinks pennywise did all this because he's gay and queer and gross and a freak and he deserves this#so he feels like pennywise did him right and eddies death was his fault#fuck pennywise#reddie#welcome to my ted talk#richie tozier#eddie kaspbrak#richie x eddie#eddie x richie#it 2017#it 2019#it book#it movie#pennywise#pennywise the dancing clown#pennywise the clown#homophobia
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