#i got this done in like 10 days lol
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can you tell i'm really excited for the cotl update tomorrow
#cotl#cult of the lamb#cotl lamb#cotl goat#cotl fanart#cotl animation#cult of the lamb animation#short animation#2d animation#fan animation#i got this done in like 10 days lol
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#kirby#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#still yakuza lmao#I don't remember which day I started it but it was definitely no earlier than the 30th#I think I didn't start until I actually got holiday packages into the mail on the 3rd.#my partner started playing it like the day after it got released for switch#which I think was late october?#but he has like. a job. so he's just been playing an hour here a couple hours there yknow#we are both very much getting our money's worth though lol#I try to stop playing by midnight but I didn't manage that today -n-#I really wanted to find the last 2000 yen bill without looking it up but I was Struggling#(I did find it tho)#I've still got a decent amount of stuff left to do#even discounting the completion list stuff that doesn't interest me like the gambling#which I might at least try to do anyway#but we're both in chapter 9 of the main story now (although he's already a ways in)#(and I technically haven't done the last conversation of chapter 8 but I did all the actual Doin Stuff)#it sounds like there's probably 10 chapters from a thing I saw having to look up where majima was hiding the first time?#that's the only thing I've looked up so far though.#anyway I'm having fun#this is why I refused to start playing yakuza until I finished my holiday crafts.#oh wait I also looked up a clarifying explanation on one of the dragon moves you have to learn#I wanna do as much of it as I can without external guides#update from the next day I was incorrect about there being 10 chapters yay :)#more game for meeeee
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Pages from trying to keep a little sketchbook-scrapbook type thing going for two weeks lol. I gave myself specific rules in hopes they might all end up more cohesive/consistent seeming, but alas, scribbly chaos reigns, it seems
#sketchbook#scrapbook#Actually I feel like these are kind of incomprehensible in photo form like.. In person holding the book its easy to look at#but as images on this scale I feel like there's so much tiny little text and small scribles and stuff you'd have to 'right click > open#image in new browser tab > zoom in' just to actually really see the thing. which for 7 images is excessive lol.. so. probably not the best#medium for sharing really but. I suppose I thought they might look cooler lined up next to each other. The whole part of using a#limited color palette is so that maybe they kind of seem to have more consistent color schemes or something throughout. but I dont#know if they look all that 'related' or not. I think these types of challenges I have always sucked at because I am a being of clutter and#excess. I can't just do like one little simple nice looking design and have that Crisp Neat calligraphy with evenhanded perfect lines#and perfect symmetical composition and etc. etc. Like some poeple post very aesthetically clean and cohesive looking sketch#pages or something but I simply cannot hold back the brain impulse to add more. more. more. Fill every single blank space with color#or a little drawing or a sticker or something. I take away 500 things and there are still a million there. Even when I thik I'm being#'simplistic' I'm still usually being 2x more complicated and cluttered than the standard or whatever lol. I guess thats clear from my#outfits/costumes though too. Like whatever that saying is from that person about something like 'before you leave the house take off one#more accessory. you dont need it' for me is like.. 'before you leave the house. add 10 more accessories. and 6 more layers. and another'#AAANyway. I wonder if also maybe some people would try to plan theirs in a way to look good or something or like.. plot things on the page#before placing them. I did sometimes have a theme for a day kind of (like day 10 I ended up finding a few gold and green things and then#was like.. hey... what if I looked for a few other things and only used these colors today') but aside from that I was just slapping down#stickers randomly and working around them to fill the page. Maybe a lot of neat minimalistic asthetic design is about planning and#having a Vision set ahead of time. instead of just complete random whatever. doodling whilst watching youtube videos or eating lunch. It's#a miracle actually I've managed to not spill any food on the book the whole time. anyway.. I do wish the highlighter really showed up. the#scanner kind of makes the colors look VERY different to irl. But also it got much clearer images than just camera pictures of pages. alas..#..Still oddly enjoy the phrase 'Salisbury Steak gently kissed with industrial pollutants'#probably my favorite section of 'gluing random papers and things onto the page' lol#Also I wonder if it's super obvious that I literally never ever use references when I draw (save for the few freakish looking youtube#face sketches) since everyone is always in the same positions and looking very similar ghhb. This could have been a good opportunity to#work on not solely drawing from my mind and try to do more Dynamic Experimental scribbles. NO. Same exact eye for the 90th time#be upon ye. But I guess it was meant to be casual 'daily doodles'. True 'practice' would make it seem too effortful like a full project. hm#(lol the one decimated pencil in the set... never hand me a writing utensil. i will passively destroy it somehow. shaving the sides of a#pencil off with a knife or snapping a pen in half as a nervous fidget without even realizing i've done it. sorry to the drawing implements)
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help i cant stop drawing fem neuvillette
#minxie art#neuvifuri#genshin impact#furina#neuvillette#UGHHHHH I LOVE FURI BUT IM GETTING BRAIN DAMAGE FROM MY OWN DRAWING IF NEUVI#I RLY LOVE TALL WOMEN THAT ARE SOFT ON THE INSIDE BUT SERIOUS AND OR POTENTIALLY SCARY ON THE OUTSIDE#also im rly proud of furi here bc she looks so cute im bleating pathetically#my fave thing about drawing them is making them obsessed with each other#and giving neuvi big milkers lol#am i turning neuv into a bimb0........... LOL idc!#ooc? idc!#no ones winning against her in a yearn off#for context on the bottom left#furi dropped her DL and neuv waited the entire day after work to give it in person#also she bought a new dress and got her hair nails and makeup done bc i said so#sorry im annoying but ive always been like this lol#like if u look at my amaya sideblog it gets worse#i have an alt twt as well but its priv and that is 10 times worse too#also listened to golden hour serafina cover for like 7 hours doing this#i said bottom left but i mean right lmao L#actually i had like 2 endings for this#one is that neuv was a demon the entire time#so she remembers#the other is that neuv turns into a demon but has no memories#but i didnt want to be sad so i just made her remember
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sometimes living on my own is lonely but consider this. I get to be fully in control of my space and make my own decisions about my life. so.
#coming home after staying with my parents for 10 days is a revelation#i slept so well. i got so much done. i feel less insane now even though my to do list is long#also i basically didn't leave the house between christmas eve and 2nd jan#bc there is nothing to do in their area for a disabled person who can't walk very far#i feel like this probably wasn't helping me physically or mentally lol#now if only i had transport here...#personal
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my five surviving braincells when something remotely good happens:
#in other news… wORK IS OVER PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#man. i’m s o tired. i can’t believe i survived almost 2 whole years at this job…#huh. come to think of it… i started tling idol sengen before i even got this job lol. and i’m only 3/5 of the way through it…#can’t believe the idol sengen grind->hiatus->grind(?) outlives my time at [withheld] company…#i did end up spending a cool 20 mins cleaning out my work locker though. i found so many treasures i didn’t even know i had in there#like. there was an unopened 3-pack of wet tissues a n d an unopened box of pens that i don’t recall buying#and ofc the 3 random sponges i ‘liberated’ from the lab. don’t tell my boss lmao#w a i t now that i think about it i should’ve taken at least 1 vial of (allegedly) carcinogenic sand for the memories. dammit.#oh well. what’s done is done i suppose. i did receive way more chocolate than i could ever eat though…#y. yeah. i guess i’ll miss my coworkers (a little). they were fun to annoy every day. except for the new guy bc i don’t like him at all lol#i have never met someone who lacked as much common sense as he. i think he’s gonna get canned before he’s able to resign on his own terms#dude could be spoonfed through every single step of the testing process and *still* mess up somewhere smh#but no. this isn’t about him. even though he is the final straw that led to my decision to resign#hm. looking back on it now. i think i was pretty good at my job for the most part when it came to the things i could do#or maybe i was too good at it. like. to the point where even more experienced analysts were coming to me in search of help#prolly gonna miss being one of the very best (out of like a grand total of 10 people at the lab) at doing ftir-related tests#ehehehehehehe i wonder if that workstation will continue to stay as organised as it is now that i’m gone#a n d i wonder what my coworkers will do now that they can’t ask me for ms excel help for the smallest of things lol#sometimes i just wanna tell them to g o g o o g l e i t ! ! ! when they call me over for it. but alas.#can’t believe these guys know how to use c h a t g p t and not ms excel (despite having it on their resume) smh#omg wow this got long and incoherent sorry guys i think i need some sleep lol. idol sengen next week..#…maybe…? no promises though!!!!!
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January OTP Prompts
Fun fact! I live in a place that is not cold. However, it has been absolutely freezing the last week to the point where I am currently looking at a North Face puffer coat on the internet and trying to figure out if I order it, if I will still be cold in the 3-5 business days it says it will take to arrive. I have decided to inflict this misery upon Fictional!Matty, however, he at least has a warm coat. I have a denim jacket and a Noah Kahan hoodie.
10. Bundled up
Matty shivered, and wrapped his arms tighter around himself, as he trailed after George. He sniffled and reached up to wipe his runny nose with the sleeve of his parka. He adjusted his scarf to cover more of his face, his fingers feeling clumsy in his mittens. He was bundled up in a long sleeve tee shirt, a heavy sweater, the parka, a heavy knit scarf, and a beanie and he was still freezing. He halted, wincing as a gust of wind tore down the street, sending another shiver up his spine. He didn’t even remember what being warm felt like as they made their way through the snow covered street.
Jamie had bought him the warmest winter parka he could find in apology when he realized the tour schedule was going to take them to Canada during the winter. Matty was very adamant that he did not do weather colder than London. Even London was too cold for him in the winter. Despite wearing multiple pairs of socks and an extremely unstylish pair of Sorel boots, Matty still couldn’t feel his toes. He would have started crying ages ago if he wasn’t worried that his tears would literally freeze to his face and cause some kind of permanent damage. The strip of skin around his eyes was stinging from the wind and he wondered if it was possible to have already developed frostbite. He wasn’t sure how anyone even lived here, people weren’t meant to be out in these kinds of conditions! He was glad that even their most loyal fans had realized that camping for the concert in this weather was a bad fucking idea. He didn’t even want to be walking down the street, their destination hopefully ahead, he couldn’t imagine them sleeping in tents to see his sniffly ass up close.
Yet, George was happily plowing ahead, looking at directions on his phone, dragging Matty to some underground used record shop he had seen on instagram that was supposed to be the place to find obscure vinyl. If Matty had realized that around the corner from their hotel meant, around the corner and then straight on a mile and a half he would have insisted on Ubering, or staying behind in the warmth of the hotel room, wearing the complementary slippers and a bathrobe as he made use of the steam shower to try and loosen some of the mucus in his chest.
“You coming?” George called over his shoulder, his warm breath visible in the cold air. Matty wanted a cigarette but there was absolutely no way he could light it, let alone hold it with how bundled up he was, and he was not sacrificing wearing a mitten even for a fag. He’d also have to pull down his scarf, exposing his face to the elements which was another nope.
“I think I’ve frozen to the sidewalk,” Matty complained which just made George grin wider, amused by his misery.
“That just means you need to walk faster,” he teased, picking up his pace as Matty groaned.
Day: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9
#allylikethecat#January OTP Prompts#Prompt Fills#Prompt Fill#Matty fic#Gatty#fanfic#fanfiction#woot woot day 10 here we go#i also got my nails done today#and am feeling a lot more motivated to write now that i no longer have the ridiculous talon claws i had for the holidays#my nails kept slipping off the keys!!#they are a normal length now#i can do things again like pick up pieces of paper and put my contact lenses in lol#thank you for reading and everyone who has been so supportive of these~#even though they are sometimes hard to finish#its been a lot of fun and im so happy ive been able to sick to the goal!
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Anyway how is everyone doing
#had to get up at 6 in the morning and therefore had 4 hours of sleep today (a weekly occurence pretty much)#so i just took a nap which took all evening and i'm still tired yayyyyy. because naps only work how they should about 10% of the time#and also i did nothing else today because sleep and now i'm truly wondering what to do with myself anymore#meanwhile i have to get up and go to school again tomorrow 😑 and the day after that 😑 and the day after that 😑#or i could drop out again and have nothing else to do anyway and continue rotting in my room#(whether it's my dorm room or my actual room doesn't matter). what's the pointtttttt#might be reaching some kind of limit or maybe i'm truly just dramatising and should just chill about it all#save me 4 hours of music listening now probably. idk man#got my minimal amount of social interaction today in the form of riding the elevator with 3 of the ppl from my course#when i could have (and normally would have) just taken the stairs instead#i feel like i made a big important step today that will help me later on through this year (no not really)#at least one thing i've noticed recently is that i might have the reverse of what is i guess is usually called seasonal depression#in the sense that now that it's chilly and cloudy and it gets dark earlier i feel like i'm finally LIVING in a way#the good effect of that will probably pass after a week or two though#but also just a bit over a month left now until my birthday and then my long awaited trip!!#anyone else get unreasonably excited for their birthday each year even though there's never anything special about it in the end#and that only makes the day more depressing lol#ok whatever i'm done whining now i think. music time then#celebrating (a bit late) one year of gratsax and lil beethoven today. some of the albums of all time for me personally#goosepost
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have always been a bit more neutral to timebomb but it has rly surprisingly grown on me so much ;-; i think i do see it more from the tragedy angle and maybe more one-sided. i'm not sure jinx has ever been in a place to reciprocate the feelings i'm sure ekko has, but it is nice to think about for years down the line and in terms of what could have been.
#arcane tag#i do prefer more understated or fanon ships and i think even getting them canon in an AU it still makes it more understated in the#main timeline to me? and rly good for imagining and tragic for what could've been etc#i also think friend-wise they could have the same exact tragedy - to me the point is just... closeness?#i get some of the backlash to it - like there are definitely things i could get annoyed about if i WANTED to make a big deal out of it#but i think it's sweet and i think regardless of romantic implications the link of ekko and jinx having basically the same trauma all#stem from their own actions (him giving the kids the tip about jayce and powder using the hexcore they got as a result in#catastrophic ways) and landing in such different directions (ekko using that as motivation to build / jinx getting stuck in destruction)#is just so interesting to me#i guess you could have that WITHOUT romance but i do think in the AU world them getting romantically closer makes a lot of sense#and i don't rly think there's a ton of clear romantic stuff in the main timeline that couldn't be read otherwise if it rly pissed people of#that badly lol so it is possible some of my appreciation for the ship comes out of spite from that crowd#honestly so much of the backlash seems geared more toward shippers than actual canon given the subtlety of it until now#which i do nottt vibe with tbh#just at the end of the day to me it is so easy to fall into how much ekko cares abt powder/jinx and how their paths diverged#and i guess i can get how adding a romantic layer would be annoying to some ppl but i think the kind of emotions doesn't#rly matter at the end of the day bc there is that same foundation either way#also when i say i get some of the backlash it's not that i agree with it lol#but if i wanted to force a reason for not vibing with it in that scenario i could#like the fact of not leaving it platonic ('why does everything have to be romantic!') or i'm sure LOTS of other lesbians#are pissed that a non-canon m/f ship has been more popular than canon f/f which.#i mean sometimes that stuff is odd but 9/10 times it's just preference for the dynamics#(signed. a lesbian. who got into the show for f/f and landed in other f/f ships more than the canon one lol)#and at the same time if i wanted to get political about it in retaliation i could highlight that timebomb is interracial#it's mostly stupid at the end of the day and i wish we could focus more on whether the writing was well done with what it meant to do#or just let ppl do what they want for fanon as long as they're not hurting anyone else#i think rly the main thing i would be more willing to listen to is the treatment of ekko as a black character in relation to this#which - if there is anything to that - is a very different story than 'ew m/f!!!!!!!!!1'#anyway sorry my brain is a discourse speedrun simulator at all times bc of being so chronically on tumblr#tl;dr good ship with so much good fan stuff out there
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yknow i think ive severely overestimated how much people in college have their shit together
#like i dont have as many classes as some but also all my classes are literature classes so its like. im spending over 12 hours weekly just#reading the assigned books and whatnot and its just reading and reading and more reading#like i enjoyed the stem classes because its the lecture + straightforward studying + some labs w/ assignments that *feel* like you make#progress with each step and can also do pretty quickly#but literature?? i have to spend 10 hours per book at least just to read them not to mention spending the time analyzing and attending#lectures and discussion sections and writing essays and--#in other words maybe i shouldnt have become an english major lol#anyway ive overheard several people say theyve straight up not read the books like. we're two books in and you havent read either???#i thought i was slow because i hadnt finished jane eyre by the 2nd/3rd class on it but some people werent done the class before the midterm#so uh yeah i think ive got my shit way more together#and thats also considering i cant help spending a few hours every day doing dumb self indulgent shit like reading manga/playing games#and scrolling tumblr#i should throw my phone in the ocean fr
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You're having a better day than me.
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#just finished my fucking shower and dried off and went to give my hair one more squeeze and bumped the...#...hanging pot above my head (there are 2 but this fern died) and the fucking dollar tree rope broke and got all over#theres sand in it and to even get out of the tub i had to just rinse my legs so i dont track dirt all over my ...#... already bare floor (carpet padding is being replaced) in order to get the paper towels#had to wait like 10 minutes for the water to drain thru the drain catch before i could step out#then waste so many paper towels wiping up as much sand as i could ffs man. i was CLEAN.#then shower AGAIN. and use the same towel that was mostly clean but ALREADY USED AND WET#BC I WAS DONE SHOWERING AND ABOUT TO STEP OUT WHEN THIS HAPPENED#i yelled so loud i was so mad the instant it happened i knew it was a disaster. surprised no one in the house came to see#so yeah. no more shower plants allowed. i see the other pots rope is thinning so i gotta remove that one too#after i spent so long installing the hooks lmao. gotta figure out what to put there then. maybe suncatchers idk.#man it sucks so hard. that dirt was DRY and i breathed in so much dust i couldnt blow out after i was done#shower thoughts#lol#funny#what do i even tag this man lol#indoor plants#shower plants#srsly tho i was so scared i fucked up the plumbing but when i showered after it was running fine so i think the sand didnt go thru the sieve#im gna be on edge abt it for a while tho#2024 has been brutal on me#on the off chance someone seeing this post is having a worse day than this. i love you and i hope it gets better.#Cori.exe#Image.exe#me#would you love me if i was a worm#dirt#soil#oh worm?#wormcore
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im so fucking mad at myself at my mother at her dead husband at god fucking knows what. "concentrate on yourself" well i cant can i. now more than anything i should and i cant. losing my fucking mind istg
#i wasted the whole fucking weekend because i *had to* come visit her and once i visited i *had to* hang out with my fucking grandfather#watching him cry about grandma and bitch about modern times and the waiter not doing his job because the café was full to bursting#and it took longer than usual to get our coffees so ofc he had to loudly insult him in third person. oh and then he had to bitch about#gay people and women who dont want children too because of he did. and i sat there and listened to it because i HAD TO#wasted four fucking hours. and then i HAD TO go to the theatre with my mom because she got us tickets because she wanted this#to be a nice day for me but i dont have fucking time to have nice days rn but in order for HER to have a nice day i need to at least pretend#i am having one. so i wasted another almost two hours on that play#which was some modern uselessly loud to the point of being physically painful bullshit bad enough that we left mid-show#and then i had to go meet with her friends so lost another two hours and by the time i got home to write that bullshit thesis it was 11pm#and i barely got anything done till 1 am because i went through another stupid little mental breakdown and then it was almost 6 am#and i had to stop because i had a train at 8 and i already only slept like 3 hours that day#and then i got home yesterday totally fucking exhausted and i started reading stuff for the thesis but i was falling asleep so i laid down#'for 10 minutes' and i woke up today at 6. not having written a word lol#and now i could just say fuck it and defend it in september and it would make my life so much easier. but my voice teacher wants me#to get accepted for the masters degree even if im already planning to get the deans leave for the first semester so like. god.#i cant do this lol#i know i should have started earlier but i was kinda busy losing my fucking mind and lying in bed staring at the ceiling for hours#and contemplating dropping out completely lol god i hate my life so much it's unreal
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i was going to say i hate when i'm right but actually i enjoy the sensation of being correct even if i don't like the thing i was right about. So I'm very happy to be right so often, actually (especially now that no one in my life is actively trying to gaslight me)
#this post brought to you by:#the fact that my favorite monster flavor has ONCE AGAIN gone missing from shelves entirely and i'm having to figure out a replacement flavo#AGAIN and I was like ''huh well their new seasonal is out. if they're not making any more of my favorite flavor that means they've probably#got plans to change the name AGAIN or it's going to be reformulated and sold as something else''#so i picked up some alternative flavors to find a solid backup flavor for myself because Original is not tasty long-term#it's fine for a one off but if you're gonna have it lots i would like more fruit in my beverage flavor please#for anyone curious my favorite flavor in this instance is Khaotic - which was in fact previously Khaos#and those were i'm fairly certain the same they just renamed it for some reason#the flavor i think they're replacing it with (i'm purely speculating of course) is the Rio Punch which i think is pretty new#which means it'll be a seasonal flavor and it won't stay around forever so i'm still in the market for a New Favorite but in the meantime#i don't mind what they've done to make it more Tropical and the color is ''Brazilian Flag'' so it's easily spotted#and will make asking for it in specific a lot easier if it sticks around for a bit#my medically necessary monsters i s2g#college me would be so fucking tickled about having accidentally gotten the components to my actual mental health correct#just maybe not the ratios yet lol#it's fine we were 19-22 years old and a business major who'd avoided chemistry after failing out of the homeschool version somehow#so like it's allowed to take 10 years to get the ratios of what makes my brain work good correct#fuck okay speaking of which i do in fact have Tasks to complete before i go about the rest of my day. hope everyone has a great day
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Recent-ish things ~
#photo diary#1 - love this image of Noodle.. such a weird angle that makes his head look entirely round like a puff ball or something#2 - a more recent (still from months ago) collection of my pressed flowers and 4 leaf clovers I found.#3. Being one of the only people in 2024 still going 'hee heee I've just bought a new wii game!' but.. I have. >:3#It's kind of like Wii Sports Resort but is like.. open world? so your character can actually walk around and stuff. REALLY makes me#wish I had the type of set up where I could record video from my wii and stuff like some gaming youtubers have. I think it'd be a really#fun game to play on video and to DOCUMENT it!!! I keep wishing I could screenshot my little guy walking around but I caaant..#I've literally just been taking out my phyiscal camera and photographing the screen which always looks bad.. augh..#4. Something in the froxen food aisle called 'Wellington Bites' a play on beef wellington. suprisingly good actually. but I guess anything#with like beef and mushrooms usually is. But it seems like.. oddly decent for frozen food stuff.#5 - boye looking Round again.. 6 - updated score in the wii fit minigame again. This time less than 4 seconds#for each round? which may be a record for me? 7 & 8 - fat bird in the snow. fatt bird in the SNOW!! Hoping that climate change and H5N1#don't eventually remove all trace of birds and winter weather from my life in the future... -_-#9 - ..ough... a few paltry writings.. Except for the one day of 4000 words. But for the most part I have been making soo litte progress#because of the holidays and drs appointments and such a rush of all these other mind distracting things.. Or if I'm not doing something the#I'm feeling tired from having PREVIOUSLY done something so I waste the whole day being sleepy and headachey... GRR...#the funny thing is that like many many years ago I wrote a note on my wall saying 'FOCUS! write 2hr a day or more or youre going to finish#your game in 2025!!!' - which back in 2018 when I wrote it was like unimaginably far into the future but now... ahem.. hem... I guess that#is quite literally the case LOL. To my credit I did parctically abandon it entirely since late 2019 and JUST now picked up really#trying to focus on it in mid 2024 but still... My '''ridiculous'' projection being actually likely the correct one..#10 - I just thoughtit would be silly to put a bunch of keychain things on the wii remote. imagine playing this way. getting constantly#jabbed in the hand by plastic bits. and the jingling clinking noise it would be always making lol#11 - sky.. huzzah for the sky as always. Clouds my beloved#Gr.. I just really want to wriiite. My new years hopes are to finish my game and to get stuff set up to start selling sculptures again.#AND then maybe do more game videos lol... I miss playing games. I dont think I've posted on that youtube for like 5 months#I've just had so much appointments and Things and Stuff and focusing so much on other projects. But that is the thing that really#feels relaxing and fun for me. so like.. 1. finish game 2. sell sculpture/make sculpture 3. play games 4. find more friends#and social connection and networking or whatever the hell people have to do to be successful 5. do more costume/outfits.#<( saying this all on a day where I did none of those things LOL... I got erm.. maybe 400 words done today.. >:'3c )#6 is MOVE away from the evil west coast (hot.. fires in summer. etc) but like. not happening unless I suddenly become a millionaire so. -_-
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BUT no more going to work!!!! i am freeeee
#and i got to walk home in the rain it felt very freeing#now sleep#i can finally sleep#i was so frustrated at the doctor's bc i again couldn't speak#and she was very rude abt it#i get she's in a hurry but#she literally told me the same things my boss told me i almost started crying lmao#she was sweet overall but yk a regular old russian lady they're just like that#i didn't even tell her that they fired me i kinda didn't get to it lol#so i think she's given me a 10 day sick leave probably#anyways. kt ks done all ks good in lrder#i am getting less money but i literally don't care atp
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#i truely have so much anger built up inside me about my job. ive done a very good job of making it unbearable#and after taking a 10 day vacation. plus 2 days of not working bc im sick. i really dont wanna go back#i was planning to take 3 days to not do fucking anything but my boss just emailed me with some time sensitive#logistical things. so like i guess i gotta fucking do that tomorrow. i started reading the email and it made my head hurt#and she started it off like. hopw ur feeling better and i dont wanna cause stress but...#like bro. listen. if u tell me these things u put them in my head and i csnt stop thinking abt them until theyre done. and its not her#fault bc im the one that put myself in a place where im barely keeping it together. its just frustrating#bc it feels like hope u feel better but also kill urseld 💖 but again thats just how it feels bc im so. idk how to describe it im like in a#state of post burnout. im sitting in the ash. alone in a desolate landscape and its like jesus how tf do i fix this?#and i cant even run out my anger rn bc im sick. and i mean i have the energy to run i dont feel lethargic but like i doubt that would aid#recovery lol. ugh. 2 months. thats all. then i move away. assuming i find a place to live lol. bc i currently haven't yet#but whatever. assuming i get better quickly and dont get worse and dont get covid on top of this cold bc my dad got covid#it will have been a bit of a blessing i came back sick bc i have a clear justification for not working and for telling people to fuck off#when they ask for things from me. like today a lab mate asked if i could sample Monday. which it technically#a holiday but i probably would have said yes if i wasnt sick. and i would have had to teach undergrads some bullshit friday if i wasnt sick#instead i just did nothing all day bc i almost moved bsck my flight and didnt leave home until the weekend anyway#i guess its good i didnt bc then i would have been stuck in ohio bc my dad found out he had covid yesterday#idk its all just frustrating bc im halfway in a transition and im not doing very well but i cant do anything to fix things until i leave#the southwest. like i dont even kno if i have health insurance rn. my benifits change request was processed but like does thst mean it was#approproved? fucking idk. so everytime i do anything i imagine a worstcase scenario where i end up hospitalized and damned to an empty#bank account or eternal medical debt. tho my mum said they passed a law where they arnt allowed to do thst to u anymore 🤷♂️#whatever. im annoyed. i dont wanna work 😫#unrelated
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