#i got an ipad so hopefully i’ll have more stuff to post

[jmitchelldraws]

waterdeeps finest wizard✨

[ros3ybabe]

Update Check In - October 7th thru October 10th, 2023 🎀

I am officially back home from seeing my boyfriend and now I am big sad because I already miss him again. I was not as productive as I thought I would’ve been while with him these last three days but I’m also not mad about my lack of stuff done. I got some quality time with him and I am so happy with that. I did do some things that would count s productivity, such as some Japanese studying and a short amount of homework. I think I’ll use this post as a motivator for some stuff I need to do with a little bit of what I did this weekend.

🩷 What I Accomplished -

Kept up Duolingo daily streak

Kept up Busuu daily streak

Began working in Lesson One in Genki I

Submitted and passed Psyc Quiz for Chapter 7

Began using LingQ for Japanese

Looked into Kanji learning books

so yes, I didn’t accomplish much but again, not mad. I am still happy with what I did accomplish. I also really enjoy the Genki I textbook so far, I’m still trying to figure out a good note taking technique for myself with this textbook but I really like writing down the end of lesson practice exercises. I think I want to get better at reading and writing, and listening, and my goal is to start italki lessons by December/Jaunary. If I don’t start my italki lessons until a bit later tho, I won’t be upset because I know learning Japanese is a long process and something I’ll be working on for a good chunk of my life.

🩷 ToDo Personal Today, Oct 11 -

Wash bed sheets + pillowcases

Wash + put away all laundry (clothes)

Do dishes

Continue to work on Genki I lesson one

Maintain Duolingo streak

Maintain Busuu streak

Use Renshuu

Look for some more affordable Japanese language resources for my IPad

Talk to my boyfriend in video call

Make a shopping list for language tracker/bullet journal (I get paid tomorrow)

Make a schedule/routine for working out (I’m going back to the gym next week!)

🩷 ToDo Academic for Today, October 11 -

Lifecycle nutrition chart for NUTR

Lab 7 Pre Lab for my Anatomy Lab

Discussion 3 for NUTR

Culinary chapter 10 quiz

not much academic stuff on the list for the day but I’m trying to take it a little easier with my school things as I am exhausted from a long day of flying and airports yesterday. However, I am using today as like, a set up day for my upcoming days/week. Productive planning is basically my goal for today with a little bit of actively doing some work. I am excited to start my language tracking bullet journal and plan some stuff for working out as I am planning on going back to the gym next week. I want to start with light cardio for the first week just to get me in the habit of going and then after I’m going to step back into the weight room and start lifting light. My boyfriend got me motivated to work on my mental and physical health a bit better, so I’m definitely excited!

I feel with the exercising, it will help me manage my stress better, which I feel will lead to better mood and better food choices. Exercising alone is enough of a motivator to take my nutrition more seriously. I’m more focused on the mental and emotional health aspect of working out than I am the physical stuff, but I’m excited for all the benefits regardless. I just want to take better care of my health in every aspect, in a way that aligns with my values. Hopefully I will have better posts full of more information and stuff I’ve done during the day once I get all areas in my life back in balance with each other.

that’s all for now! I appreciate all of you who read and comment and send me the most encouraging and supportive messages, you all keep me motivated and inspired to continue being my most authentic self and help me feel comfortable with expressing myself in this community. I am so grateful for everything that goes into this blog and everything it’s done for me and the direction it’s helped me guide my life in! Much love to all of you <3

til next time lovelies 🩷🤍

[tech-depression-inventory]

hey friends!

some of you have been following me for a while, some of you are new, welcome! i’m gonna go on a bit of a personal rant here so, feel free to read or not or just read the tldr.

cw/tw: mentions of separation, toxic relationships, moving towns, haven rambles about their personal life for a while, medical discussions, autoimmune disorders

tldr: life flipped me upside down and fucked me and that’s why i haven’t been posting or super active

i don’t often talk about personal stuff on here but figured i’d provide some context as to why everything’s a mess and i haven’t been writing/posting like i said i would, or like i used to.

back in january i split from my long term partner who’d i thought i would marry, right down to having matching tattoos, and calling him my husband on here often. to make a long story short; the relationship was very toxic. it wasn’t a healthy situation for me anymore, and im happy to be where i am now. luckily my name wasn’t on any paperwork for our apartment (since i live in BC Canada there’s something called “common law” if your names on paperwork), and i was able to get out of living there quite quickly and easily. i’ve traveled the country since then, got to see sleep token, made new friends, seen and done tons of new things, and feel truly blessed with the life i have now.

as some of you may know from my posts, i have been diagnosed with celiac disease, and im also in the process of being diagnosed with POTS, both of which can be super draining on my body and mental state. im trying really hard to push through and continue to move my body as much as possible to maintain my health. i’ve taken to bringing my ipad to the gym and reading fics on it while running on the treadmill, as apparently thats supposed to be good for me, the juries still out on that one.

i also graduated university during this time and will be starting my career in the fall! i’m hoping that having a proper work life balance will allow me to start publishing more on here and on ao3 like i’ve wanted to, and being a more active part in my fandoms.

i’m still a huge SW fan, even if my page has shifted more into the bad omens/sleep token genres. Star Wars is still very near and dear to my heart, but was something my partner and i watched together, hence the matching lightsaber tattoos, and can sometimes be a little hurtful sometimes. but alas, you will still see me reblogging SW content that i read on here, as a lot of my mutuals are from that fandom, and i love to support them.

i’ve got all sorts of stuff on this page, I will be going through and organizing it now that i have more time to make my page a little less confusing. i’ll be posting my current readings, fic recommendation lists and my own fics again in a masterlist either today or tomorrow, once i have the whole thing organized. i’ve been writing a ton to keep my mind off everything and as an outlet while dealing with my issues, and hopefully i’ll be able to edit and post some of those soon. for now, you’ll continue to see me reblogging art, fics and some other nonsense stuff about bad omens, sleep token, and whatever else i come across.

i’ll probably go back to posting some incorrect quotes as i come up with them, since that’s how i gained a lot of my traction. i’m also planning on starting up streaming on twitch again, so i’ll be posting a stream schedule once i get my room all set up for it!

anyways, if you made it this far, thanks for listening to my rambling. as always, if yall ever need anyone or are going through something similar to what i went through, please reach out, i’m always happy to talk about literally anything. this blog has always been my outlet and has been and always will be a safe space for everyone.

love always,

haven <3

[scullysexual]

As of right now this is just an idea. I have lots of multichapter fics to be writing so I really shouldn't get caught up in writing another one. If people do like this concept tho I'll continue adding chapters I just won't post them (hopefully) So yeah...Expect more if you want more but don't expect it any time soon.

@today-in-fic

tw for implied (emotional) abuse. It's not explicit but it's there lingering in the background.

Everything is a potential MSR AU and this is no exception. This isn't new, I got the idea from watching something last night and the cogs started turning and this is based on that.

- - -

Glass smashing, the thud of a fist against the wall, the sound of her daughter crying. It was too close. He came too close.

Dana spends 40 minutes picking tiny pieces of glass out of her daughter’s hair; another 90 minutes calming her down enough to fall back to sleep. With shaky hands she tucks Quacky in between the child’s arms, brushes back her now glass-free hair, kisses her temple. The front door slams, vibrating through the house.

The quickest walk to her bedroom she’s ever made. In one continuous motion she opens the door, grabs the duffel bag at the back of the closet, stuffs the bag full of random clothes, underwear, toiletries, as much as she can fit. Her heart pounds in her chest and if she drops something more than once it stays. She is too focused on listening to the sound of his footsteps on the gravel outside, the scrape of a key against a lock, or a knock on the door, Dana shoves her things into the bag in any old way.

Quietly, she enters Emily’s room, careful not to wake the child. The wardrobe opens with a soft creak and Dana begins dropping clothes into a smaller backpack, reaches to the bookshelf to grab some books, a colouring pad. On her way out, she grabs Emily’s iPad, a pair of headphones and puts those in the bag, too. Back in her bedroom, she shoves both bags to the back of the closet. She’ll go in the morning when Ethan is still asleep. She’ll slip away, taking Emily somewhere safe, $20 to her name.

Her phone buzzes in the seat next to her, it hasn’t stopped for the past fifteen minutes. Her stomach clenches uncomfortably and, in turn, Dana grips the steering wheel a little harder, fingernails almost breaking the skin. She can still hear Ethan’s confused yells as she drove away.

“Where are we going, Mommy?” Emily asks. One hand rubs her eyebrow back and forth, the other has a deathly grip on her duck plush.

Dana sighs, her phone starts buzzing once more.

“Away, baby,” she tells the child. “Maybe to Aunty Missy’s house.”

“What about Daddy?”

A nervous glance at her phone, the screen lights up, Ethan’s name in bold, followed by a message in big, angry, caps.

FUCKING ANSWER!!!!

Dana swallows, turning away from the phone and back to her daughter’s reflection in the rear-view mirror.

“Daddy’s staying at home.” Wanting the topic to end, Dana sees Emily’s eyes struggling to stay open. “Go to sleep, baby, we’ll be there soon, okay?”

Emily nods, her eyes finally closing. Dana breathes out. She wonders just how much Emily remembers. It was only a few hours ago, could see really have forgotten it all that fast.

Hey, it’s Melissa. I’m not available right now but feel free to leave a message and I’ll get back to you, bye.

“Missy, it’s me. I don’t know if you’re home or if you’re…somewhere else but…I- me and Emi- we need somewhere to stay tonight. I can’t say why right now but please, call me back.”

Dana hangs up the phone, putting it in her back pocket and turns around to face Emily still inside the car, awake now and drawing shapes on her iPad.

“You hungry, Em?”

The child nods, her attention remaining on the device. Dana sighs, pushing herself off the car.

“Okay, I’ll go grab you something.”

She’s about to turn away when Emily finally looks away from her tablet, a frown on her face.

“When are we going home, Mommy?”

Dana smiles, leaning back against the car, and explains gently.

“I told you, we’re going to Missy’s.”

“When?” the child whines. “We’ve been driving for hours.”

Dana pulls her phone back out of her pocket. 46 messages, 50 miss calls. All from Ethan. Nothing from Melissa. There was only one thing for it.

“Now,” Dana says. “I’ll grab some snacks then we’ll go to Missy’s house, okay?”

Emily nods and Dana is finally able to walk to the garage, praying Melissa was just sleeping, and not somewhere on the other side of the world.

She knocks three times, keeps an eye on Emily, asleep once again, in the car. The sound of music blares from the house, somebody was definitely home.

Dana knocks again, louder, more insistent. She tried calling her sister three more times on the drive up here and still no answer. Scullys had a knack for ignoring phone calls it seems.

She’s about to give up, to turn away and try Plan Z when the door finally opens.

Missy was home all right; tipsy, it seems, whatever number bottle of beer in her hand. She smiles upon realising who it is.

“Dana! I didn’t know you were coming.”

The music was louder now the door was open, the sound of different voices- primarily men’s- coming from inside the house. A party, Dana should have known.

“You would have if you’d answered your phone. I called you four times.”

Missy can only laugh.

“My phone is…somewhere. Why are you here?”

“I need somewhere to sleep.”

Melissa frowns.

“Is it Ethan? What did he do this time?”

“He—”

“You know, whatever it was, he probably didn’t mean it. Give him a few days, he’ll calm down, and you’ll be right back where you were. We can call him and invite him down—”

“No, Melissa,” Dana injects. She knows that if she sees him, she’ll be back in that car, driving home with him. “Not this time.”

Melissa sighs. “Well, come inside anyway. Have a beer, have some fun, and we’ll sort it in the morning.”

Coming here was a mistake.

“I have Emily. She won’t stay asleep with the noise.” She shakes her head, beginning to back away. “I’m sorry I interrupted your party, I’ll figure something else out.”

She starts heading back towards her car.

“Dana, wait!” Missy says, but Dana isn’t listening, she opens the car door. “Do you have anywhere else to go?” Missy yells yet Dana ignores her, her mind racing with other options that lead to nowhere. That $20 she had at the start is down to $7.32, there where no other options. Dana bats that thought aside, reversing out of Missy’s drive. There has to be something, has to be somewhere she can go.

A public park. Dana looks for signage and finds none, nothing saying she can park here overnight and nothing saying she can’t. She’ll take her chances.

She unbuckles Emily from her car seat, tossing the chair into the front passenger seat. She grabs the blanket and extra pillow kept in the car for emergencies and makes a bed in the backseat. Dana knows the temperature will drop, she’ll burn out her battery if she keeps the heating on all night. She makes sure Emily is wrapped up; extra jacket, blanket, and Dana’s body heat all about to work overtime to make sure Emily is warm and snug through the night.

“I thought we were going to Missy’s,” Emily says. Her hand plays with the ends of Dana’s hair.

“Missy was busy,” Dana explains. “We’ll try again another day.”

“Why can’t we go home?”

Dana clutches Emily tighter.

“Emi, do you remember what happened at home?”

Emily is silent and Dana wonders for a second if she has actually forgotten, then.

“Noisy,” Emily says. “Daddy was shouting. And so was you. It was scary.”

“I know, baby.” She takes hold of Emily’s hand. “I won’t let it happen again, okay.”

Emily nods.

“Go to sleep, Emi. I’ve got you.”

Her dream is strange. A nightmare almost. Her phone won’t stop buzzing, she hears Ethan’s voice through it, screaming the messages he is sending. Melissa is there, covering for him, explaining each nasty insult away. Emily cries, her tears flooding the car. Dana drives around in circles, unable to get away from it all.

It is freezing.

Her breath is visible as she breathes, her exposed hands like ice, red raw with cold. The light is bright and there’s an insistent knocking against her window.

An officer. Telling her to wake up. Dana rolls the window down, careful not to disturb Emily.

“You can’t sleep here,” the officer says.

Groggy, it takes a moment for Dana’s brain to form words.

“Public park,” is all she can manage with a raw throat.

“You can’t sleep here,” is all the officer seems to be able to say. “Move on. Now.”

Dana rights herself, lifting Emily off her and unfolding her stiffened, numb legs. She climbs out of the car, giving the officer a dirty look at his lack of sympathy. She fixes Emily’s car seat, straps Emily into it. She’s about to climb into the driver’s seat when the officer stops her.

“For future reference: try Walmart. Or social services.”

“Noted,” Dana says, wanting to get away from the man. “Thank you so much for your help.”

She climbs into the driver’s seat, puts the car in reverse, and drives away. The officer’s words re-enter her mind. Social services was her last resort, when all other options failed, only then would she try there. Well, all her other options failed, this was Plan Z Part Two. With a naïve thought, Dana thinks they might be able to help.

The place was loud, hectic. Twenty office cubicles plus a waiting room all in one room. Countless amounts of people. Dana felt out of place, telling herself that she didn’t belong here. She had a house growing up, money, both parents and three siblings to take care of her. She graduated high school, got into college, med school was on her mind. So how has she ended up here, in yesterday’s clothes, her hair a curly disaster thrown up into a bun, her stomach empty and growling, her arms sore from carrying Emily. Dana reaches into the backpack and unravels the headphones, placing them on Emily’s head and letting the child watch Finding Nemo on the buildings WiFi.

Her name is called. Or what she assumes is supposed to be her name. No other Deena Scully moves so Dana takes it as meaning her.

She situates an amused Emily on her hip with one hand, throwing the backpack over her shoulder with the other.

“Dana,” she corrects, moving towards the man who called her. “My name is Dana Scully.”

“Desk 17,” is all the man says before moving on.

An older woman occupies Desk 17, her attention solely on the computer in front of her. Dana sits, adjusting Emily on her knee and placing her backpack down at her feet. She wonders what the woman thinks of her; some white trash slut too lazy and uneducated to hold down a job. Quite the opposite, Dana wants to say, she’s never thought herself as lazy and Emily has been her job for the past five years.

“Your form?” the woman asks, her voice sounding bored and monotoned. Her attention doesn’t waver from the computer.

Dana slides the form towards her and this time, the woman does look away from the screen, her eyes scanning the information.

“Let’s see…Dana Katherine Scully, 26 years old. The little girl in your lap must be Emily. Lives at 104 Spo—”

“Lived,” Dana corrects quietly but it’s loud enough to make the woman pause. “Lived there. We don’t anymore.”

The woman moves the form away from her face to better view Dana.

“Lived? Have you moved elsewhere?”

Dana shifts uncomfortably, her eyes darting around the room. “Not officially,” she says. “We’re…I’m- I’m looking for somewhere to stay.”

“Look, Mommy,” says Emily, pulling on Dana’s hair to get her attention. “Dory!”

Dana untangles Emily’s hand from her hair, gently telling her, “Not now, baby.”

The woman seizes her up, a frown flittering across her features.

“Are you on drugs? Misusing alcohol? Any other recreational drug use?”

She’s taken aback, and blinks a few times. “No, I’m not. I…slept in my car last night.”

“I see,” the woman says. “So you’re homeless.”

“No,” Dana says, a bit too quickly that makes the woman’s eyebrows shoot up in disbelief. “I wouldn’t call us homeless just…temporarily without a house.”

The woman looks down at her fingers, fiddling with one of her rings. She looks up at Dana again, a more sincere look in her eyes.

“Honey, are you being abused?”

“No!”

“Is your daughter?”

Dana shakes her head. “We’re fine, both of us. I just need somewhere we can stay for a couple of days.”

“I see.” The woman comes back, resuming her role. “There are shelters for victims of domestic abuse,” Dana scoffs. “But you’ll need to go on record saying you’re being abused otherwise they won’t let you in.”

“And what do I say? That he punches things?”

“You?”

“No.”

“Emily?”

“Never.” Dana sighs. “Just…things. I got spooked so I left, that’s it.”

The woman nods, coming to realise she was probably fighting a losing battle.

“How about a job?” she asks. “Do you work?”

Dana looks towards the floor. “Nope.”

“College?”

“I got in, but I didn’t stay.” At the woman’s questioning look Dana explains. “I dropped out when I found out I was pregnant.”

The woman sighs. “Okay, how about any special skills?” she laughs slightly. “We’re scraping the barrel here, I need you to give me something at least.”

Dana looks down at Emily, hearing her laugh when the diver’s goggles smacks Dory in the face, completely oblivious to this situation, lost in her iPad and Pixar films. Emily, Dana’s shining star, her world, the one and only thing she ever got right.

Or did she? Was taking a five year old away from her home, her normality, even her father, and making her sleep in a car, move from town to town really the right thing for her?

Dana looks back up at the woman, with a sorry smile she answers.

“No. Nothing.”

The woman lets out another sigh.

“I could send your resume to anyone who’s hiring, see what comes of that,” the woman suggests.

Dana was being to feel agitated. Her thigh was numb from seating Emily, the heating was turned up so the room was uncomfortably warm. She was tired, a headache beginning to bloom in the back of her skull. All she wanted was to lay down on a bed.

“And where am I supposed to put Emily if I get a job?” she snaps. “I can’t afford childcare right now.”

“Is there nobody you could leave her with?”

“You don’t offer anything free?”

The woman thinks for a moment.

“There are grants. But you need to have proof of employment in order to apply for one.”

“Bullshit,” Dana yells, uncaring if she was being a bit too loud, if people look over at her. “I thought the system was supposed to help?”

“It can,” the woman defends. “But it also needs to be protected against those who would take advantage of it.”

Dana shakes her head, feeling wholly defeated.

“As for a home…” says the woman. “If you can get yourself a job, I can get you on a waiting list. Now, the list is long, there’s no guarantee, but it’s something.”

“Sure, fine,” Dana says, in this moment not caring anymore. Her energy was deflated, she just wanted to leave.

“That’s all I can do for you today, Miss Scully.”

There was no apology. It was unnecessary anyway. Saying sorry wouldn’t change anything.

Dana picks up her bag, hoists Emily back on her hip. She heads straight towards the exit, her stomach her knots, her hope nowhere to be found.

[let-me-luve-you]

Winter Storm

Jared Padalecki x Reader

Summary: You play Cordell Walker’s daughter on the new show Walker. Jared takes you under his wing. What happens when a winter storm hits all of Texas.

Warnings: Mentions of a rough upbringing, Texas winter storm, power outage, water problems, some angst, scary weather, fluff, protective Jared, maybe a cuss word somewhere

A/N: As a Texan, this past week has been scary. I have been extremely blessed to not have the problems that a lot are. I was lucky and did not lose power and did not have any pipes burst. This idea came to me after seeing that Jared and Gen were helping others while dealing with their own problems at their house. 

HERE ARE SOME LINKS TO HELP OUT IF YOU ARE ABLE TO. 

KICK THE COLD - AUSTIN MUTUAL AID

GENESIS WOMEN’S SHELTER & SUPPORT

FEEDING TEXAS

LIST OF ORGANIZATIONS SEEKING DONATIONS IN DALLAS AREA

THE WAY HOME

You do not have to donate to any of these organizations, but if you feel the need to help, here are a few links. ^^^^ There are plenty more out there if you don’t want to donate to these links. 

MASTERLIST   BUY ME A COFFEE

Winter weather will be hitting Texas this weekend. You can expect lots of snow and ice. It is best to prepare for possible power outages and water being turned off. That is worst case scenario, but be prepared as Sunday will be a cold one.

You panicked. Growing up in North Texas you never had to deal with severe winter weather. You were used to dealing with tornados. But the way they were talking on the news, this weekend was going to be bad.

Thankfully you had the day off and were able to go to the store. You grabbed a case of water and food that you could prepare and food that didn’t have to be cooked to eat. You were still getting used to the adult life as an 18 year old, but since you had been taking care of yourself the last few years, you learned a thing or two in the kitchen. You made sure to grab some snacks as well since they didn’t have to be cooked or stored in the fridge either.

As you pulled up to your apartment building, you got a call from the lead and producer of the show you were on. You still weren’t sure how you managed to land the role of Stella in the new show Walker, but you were grateful. You put the car in park and grabbed your phone.

“Hey Jare.” You said. Jared was the older brother you always wanted, even though he plays your dad and he has moments where he acts like your dad. You didn’t have a great life growing up and to have a male figure in your life to help you in anyway, made you happy. Same thing with Gen.

“Hey Y/N/N. How’re you doing?” He asked.

“I’m doing good. Just got back from the store. Am I needed on set?” You asked in a panic thinking you missed something.

“No, no you’re not needed. Just wanted to call and tell you we are not filming Monday or Tuesday next week. And depending on the weather and roads, we may cancel Wednesday as well.” He informed you.

“Oh. Is it because of the storm?” You asked.

“Yeah. We aren’t sure how bad it’ll be, but we are hoping we are just being over cautious.” He said. “You said you went to the store?”

“Yeah. I just wanted to get something’s so I won’t have to get out. And I got some stuff. I won’t need to cook in case we lose power. Also filled up with gas in case I lose heat and need to warm up some.” You told him.

“Come stay with us. We have plenty of room and we have a fireplace. We just restocked our firewood supply. I don’t want to be worrying about you all weekend.” He said.

“I’ll be okay. Really. Thank you for the offer though.” You said nicely. You really did mean it. You were used to taking care of yourself that when people did want to help you, you appreciated them.

“Well. I have my truck if I need to come get you. If you change your mind, come over. The kids would love to see you.” He said. You heard Gen agree with him in the background. “And Gen would too.”

“Well after the storm, I’ll come over for dinner to see everyone. And I’ll even come another night to babysit so you and Gen can go on a date.” You said with a laugh once you heard Gen immediately laugh.

“Gen says you don’t have to, but I will take you up on both offers.” Jared told you. “Okay. Well stay in touch. They say it’ll start sometime tomorrow night.”

“Y’all stay safe and stay in touch too.” You said. “Bye Jare.”

“Bye Y/N/N.” He said before hanging up. You put your phone back into your pocket before lugging all of the groceries into your apartment. You put everything away before going to change out of your winter clothes.

After changing into some PJs to be comfortable. You decided to meal prep some so you wouldn’t have to worry about it later. And if the weather isn’t as bad as they think it’ll be, you can just eat them throughout the week.

Sunday morning, you woke up and looked outside. All you could see was white fluffiness. You smiled as the world looked at peace. You loved snow. You always thought it brought beauty to the world.

When you walked back to your phone where it laid on its charger, you saw a couple of texts from Jared and Gen. Both had sent you photos of Tom, Shep, and Odette playing the in the snow. Then you saw Jared’s text about possible rolling power outages.

You picked up the phone and called Jared and before he could even say hello, you asked, “What does that mean? Your text... I don’t understand it.”

“It means they’ll shut the power off for an hour to three hours to preserve energy.” Jared said.

“Oh.” You said.

“Yeah, so if the power goes out, don’t worry, it should come back on.” He reassured you.

“Okay. Thank you for letting me know.” You replied.

“Of course. How are you doing anyways?” He asked.

“Good. Just woke up. Felt good to sleep in. I’m probably about to start warming up my lunch.” You informed him. “How are y’all handling it over there? I saw the pics you and Gen sent. The kids look like they’re having a blast.”

“We’re doing good. The kids are definitely loving the snow. I did have to help Gen gather the chickens this morning which wasn’t fun.” He said with a laugh.

“Oh gosh. Yeah chasing chickens isn’t fun. Are they okay? I didn’t even think about y’all’s animals?”

“They’re all in the barn with heat lamps. Thankfully the barn is powered by solar so we don’t have to worry too much if the power goes out since we have a lot of energy stored up.” He said.

“Good that’s good. Well I’ll let you get back to doing whatever you were doing. Thanks again for letting me know.”

“Anytime. If you need something, holler. Okay?” He asked.

“I will. Bye.” You said. You heard his farewell as you went to hang up the phone. After preheating the oven, you took the lasagna and boxed garlic bread out of the freezer. You figured, while the power was still on, you could cook the one meal you prepped that couldn’t be eaten cold until you cooked it and it was leftovers.

An hour later, you sat at the counter charging your phone and iPad while you ate. When you went to take another bite, the power cut off.

“Great.” You whispered. You knew it was only going to be for a few hours, but you were a little aggravated by the inconvenience. You stood up and went and put on thicker sweatpants and your socks. When you made it back to your phone to text Jared that your power went out, you saw you barely had any service. That concerned you in case you needed to make a call for an emergency.

Power just went out. Hopefully y’all didn’t lose power. I’ll let you know when it’s back on. Sent 1:23 pm

You continued to eat as you awaited a response. Shrugging when you finished your meal and put the dirty dish in the sink, you moved to the living room to read a book you started the night before.

Hours later, you still had no power and you still hadn’t heard from Jared or Gen. You had checked social media, but neither had posted anything. You decided to scroll through Twitter and saw the horrors of people’s pipes bursting and roofs caving in flooding their homes.

Seeing people in Austin posting that, you decided to grab a tote to store your valuables in. Sadly, it wasn’t a lot, but the idea of losing what little you had that meant something to you scared you.

You needed to go to your car to charge your phone and warm up some, so you decided to store your valuables in the trunk. Thankfully you had a covered parking space that was right in front of your apartment. When you put the tote in the trunk, you checked to make sure the tail pipe was clear of snow before you started the car.

After spending an hour in the car, you decided it was time for bed. Grabbing every piece of blankets you had, you cuddled up in Jared’s hoody that you stole from him when you filmed episode 2 of Walker and all the blankets. You even had on two pairs of socks on since you got cold earlier.

The next morning, you checked to see your phone still had more than half its battery life left. But what shocked you was still no response from Jared. You got on Instagram and saw that Gen had posted a boomerang of him with his socks on as gloves, but neither had checked in with you.

You were kind of upset by this. You knew they didn’t owe you anything, but it still hurt. Going to the kitchen, you saw it was flooded.

“Oh no. Oh no. Nonononono.” You panicked. You ran to the bathroom and grabbed all the towels you owned and rushed back to the kitchen. You threw them down to try and absorb as much water as possible. You opened the cabinet and saw the pipe that had burst. You grabbed your phone and called the landlord.

“Hey Craig. I had a pipe burst this morning.” You said when he answered.

“Can’t do much with the weather like this.” He said not really caring.

“Can you turn the water off or something? Or tell me where it is and I’ll do it.” You said getting angry.

“Can’t do that either. If I do that, your neighbors lose their water too.” He said.

“Well what am I supposed to do. Just sit in water all day?” You asked with an annoyed tone.

“City’s running out of water anyway so they may shut it off. So won’t be long before it stops.” He said. You got so mad that you hung up. He was useless.

After 3 hours, all of your towels were soaked and you started using some of your clothes to help absorb what the towels couldn’t. You had tried calling Jared to see if he knew what to do but it went straight to voicemail. Same with Gen.

After using most of your clothes to stop the water, you decided to pack a bag in case you had to leave. Plus it would let you know what you could use to absorb the water that still remains. Thankfully your landlord had turned the water off after multiple people called about pipes bursting. All you had to do was finish cleaning up the mess.

Two days later, you were sitting in your car, about to go back into your apartment when you got a call from Gen.

“Y/N. Oh my gosh it’s so good to hear from you. We haven’t had service, plus we lost power and had a few pipes burst. Are you okay?” She asked worriedly.

“I’m okay. Sitting in my car right now so I could charge my phone and warm up a bit.” You told her.

“You don’t have power still?” She asked.

“Nope. And I also had a pipe burst. But I cleaned it up and nothing was damaged. Did you have any damage done? Is everyone okay?” You asked concerned.

“Yeah. We are fine. And just minimal floor damage.” She told you. “Jared is cleaning that mess up while I’m going to the store. Do you need anything? We have some of our neighbors over trying to stay warm and I’m grabbing them stuff too. So I don’t mind getting you anything.”

“I’m okay. I have plenty.” You said. You wanted heat. You wanted to sleep without having to wear five layers, but you refused to ask.

“Well if you do need something, text or call. Hopefully we get service back.” She said.

“I will. Thanks Gen.” you said as you hung up. Ten minutes later you got a call from Jared.

“Pack a bag and bring some blankets.” He said before you could even greet him.

“What?” You asked genuinely confused.

“I said, pack a bag and bring some blankets. Also if you want to bring any food you don’t want to go to waste or if you have water, bring that too. I’ll come in and help you carry.” He said.

“Wh-wait.. what is happening?” You asked.

“I’m coming to get you and you are going to stay with us for a couple of days. I just got off the phone with Gen and she said you had a pipe burst and you don’t have heat. So you are going to come stay with us until your power is back on and the pipe is fixed.” He said. “I’m pulling up. I’ll be inside in a second.” He hung up before you could say anything.

You went and unlocked the door before moving to your room. You grabbed your big suitcase and packed what few pair of pants you had, a weeks worth of underwear, two weeks worth of socks since you hated having cold feet, and the remaining three sweaters and seven shirts you had. It barely filled your suitcase so you decided to throw in a couple of hoodies as well.

“That all your packing?” Jared asked concerned. No one knew how long this was going to last.

“It’s all I got clean.” You answered honestly.

“No way.” He said in disbelief. You shrugged and told him to follow you as you walked into the kitchen. He saw the pile of clothes and towels on the ground. “Oh Y/N. I’m sorry this happened to you.”

“Happened to you too.” You said before moving back to your room. You grabbed a blanket and started to fold it, starting a pile you were taking with you to the Padalecki’s. Once you finished that, you grabbed your pillow too.

“Want any books or anything? You have room in your suitcase.” Jared said as he pointed to it. You shrugged and grabbed a few books you had been wanting to read. After throwing them into the suitcase, you ran to the living room to grab your iPad and chargers.

“We can charge them in the cars if we need to.” Jared said when you thought about not putting them in your bag. You nodded before throwing them in and zipping it up. “This ready to go to the truck?” You nodded once again before he grabbed the suitcase handle and stack of blankets and your pillow with ease. “Go figure out food and I’ll come back to help.”

Once in the kitchen, you grabbed the full water case you had bought a few days before and the almost empty one that you had already opened. You then moved to the fridge to grab the few casserole dishes you had left to eat. You grabbed your travel food carrier and put the casseroles in first before the almost empty case of water in after it. You saw Jared walking back in and asked,

“Is there any food of mine you want? I’ve got everything packed that will definitely go bad before I get back. The rest has already gone bad.” You said while looking at Jared who was looking through your cabinets. He found your snack one and grabbed a few things and shoved them in your carrier.

“That’s all I want.” He smirked. “Ready to go? We can come back in a couple of days if we need to.”

“Ready.” You walked to his truck and he helped you load the water and carrier. As you got into the passenger seat and started to buckle, you said, “thanks for coming to get me and letting me stay with you.”

“Anything for family.” He said smiling at you before driving carefully back to his house.

“But we aren’t family?” You said more as a question.

“You’re my tv daughter, so technically we are.” He said with a laugh. “But in all seriousness, I do see you as family. Me and you have gotten close over these past few months. I can see you as a daughter and I can see you as a little sister.” You could hear the sincerity in his voice.

“Really?” You asked. He nodded his head. “It means a lot to hear you say that. I see you as a big brother.”

“Good.” You saw him smile. “That means you can ask me for anything or do anything and I’ll be there for you. Sorry I didn’t come get you sooner. I thought about it.”

“It’s okay. I tried calling but could never get through. It happens. I’m just glad nothing more serious happened. I’m glad we are all safe.” You said honestly.

“And we are about to get you warm. We have the fire going in the living room and in mine and Gen’s room. Kids have been sleeping with us or on the floor in our room. You’re welcome to make a pallet in front of the fire and crash there.” He said as he pulled into his driveway.

“Sleeping in front of a warm fire sounds lovely right now. Thank you.” You leaned over and gave him a big hug. “I love you Jare.” You said before pulling back to kiss his cheek.

“Love you too y/n/n.” He smiled at you. “Now let’s go take all this in and get you warmed up.”

Tags: @deadcoldhearts​

[not-xpr-art]

Art Advice #4 - A Beginner’s Guide to Digital Art

Hi all!

This weeks entry into my Art Advice tag, where I offer various advice for artists of any skill level, is about digital art! Now, I am by no means an expert at digital (I’ve been doing it for nearly 8 years at this point and that is almost entirely self taught), but I have picked up a few pointers in that time which will hopefully help anyone just starting out!

(this blogpost is a little over 2000 words long btw)

A Beginner’s Guide to Digital Art 

I know that the world of digital art has changed drastically in the 8 odd years since I started, but I’d still say that some of the options I started out with will be just as good for anyone who’s starting out now! 

As always, I’ll be splitting this into sections to make it easier for you to navigate this post!

Part 1 - Equipment/Hardware 

There are a lot of drawing tablet options on the market at the moment, and I’m not going to pretend that I know anything about half of them lol. But I think for a beginner, don’t worry about going for the most expensive option, even if the reviews are really good or your favourite artist uses it, especially if it is way above your budget! 

An important thing to know is that there are two types of tablet. One is the plug-in kind. These are essentially a pad which you plug into your laptop or computer and draw on that whilst looking at the screen (they basically work the same way as a plug in mouse works). The other kind is the screen variety, which is a lot more like what most of us know as ‘tablets’ nowadays. And you draw directly onto the screen. 

(a plug-in vs on screen tablet, both from Wacom)

Now, as for choosing between these, it is honestly a personal choice. But I’d say if you’re just wanting to try digital and you’re on a budget, a plug-in tablet can be really useful since it gets you used to the mechanics of what digital is like, and they are often significantly cheaper than the screen alternatives. I would say that plug-in tablets are a big learning curve, especially if you’re used to doing traditional stuff, but I do know a lot of professional artists who still use this kind of tablet when doing their work, so if it’s something you can get used to I would definitely consider it! Also, they’re often a lot more portable than some screen tablets! The first one I had was a Huion (a model so old that I can’t even find a link to it now lol), and I also know that Wacom are a well known brand that do some decent plug-in tablet. I’d recommend you do your own research on other brands and options, though!

Screen tablets are often a lot more expensive, but if you’re used to traditional art, they are a lot easier to get a handle of! But I know if you already have something like an iPad, or other general use tablets, then they offer apps that you can use to draw on (as well as things like the Apple pen, or other stylus’). The big difference between using these general tablets and ones specifically designed for drawing is pretty much purely a personal choice. I personally prefer the bigger screen of my XP-Pen tablet, along with a special screen protector that removes the shininess of the tablet screen and makes it feel more like ‘paper’ over when I used a general use tablet it draw. But if you already have an iPad, or something similar, then it’s honestly a really great starting point!

I think it’s important for me to mention that you don’t need fancy equipment to be an artist. The incredible Elicia Donze has revealed countless times how she has very basic equipment but still manages to produce the most stunning artworks! All you really need is some kind of drawing apparatus and a lot of patience lol! Getting good at any kind of art takes a lot of time and effort, but I would definitely say it’s worth it when you’re able to look back at your progress!

Part 2 - Software/Drawing Programs 

Much like with the hardware discussion, choosing which program to use is entirely down to personal preference. I personally have never really liked Photoshop purely because it’s really complicated, but I know so many artists swear by it. 

I think the main aspect to consider when you’re starting out is whether you want to pay for a program. Software like Photoshop, Clip Studio Paint and Procreate are some of the popular ones I hear about a lot of people using, but all require you to purchase or subscribe to them. So if you’re young or on a very tight budget, I’d honestly recommend the free alternative versions of these, such as Krita (Krita is quite a large program, but it has a lot of really awesome features and is very similar to Photoshop!), Gimp (this one is similar to Krita, but has slightly less options, I’d honestly recommend Gimp for anyone who does photo editing though!) or FireAlpaca (this is the one I use, by the way and it’s a pretty simple program, but has a lot of fantastic features and is perfect for how I work!). These don’t have as many features as some of the paid alternatives, but I honestly think all you really need to start digital art is some kind of ‘canvas’ and set of brushes!

Another great free program for beginners I’d recommend is MyPaint, which is great for doodling and just getting used to how digital art feels in comparison to traditional! It also has a bunch of ‘traditional style’ brushes, to make it look like charcoal or watercolour (which I’m sure the paid alternatives have too, but it’s always better when it’s free, I find lol...)

(this is an example of a drawing I did on MyPaint using the ‘charcoal’ effect brush!)

Most of the sites are pretty self explanatory, with sections dedicated to different brushes (I’ll go into the types of brushes later on in this post btw!), adjusting brush size, shape and opacity, a colour wheel, etc. You also have a section dedicated to ‘layers’ (another thing I’ll go into more detail later), and various ‘filters’ and editing options and effects you can add to your work to make it more interesting!

I’d really just recommend playing around with programs until you find your one!

Part 3 - The Pros of Digital Art!

I realise this section should probably earlier in this blog post lol, but I kinda wanted to go into what digital art can achieve in comparison to traditional art, and how beginner artists can utilise this!

I definitely didn’t take advantage of certain aspects of digital art when I first got into it, and they’re things that would have definitely made my life a whole lot easier lol!

Digital art allows you to tweak drawings as you do them. So if you accidentally drew the eye too far to the right, then you can easily move it to the right place. (I usually do this by selecting whichever area is wrong, cutting it out and then pasting it into a new area... And yes, there is probably a better and quick way of doing this but...I haven’t found that way yet lol...). And I honestly think that this has allowed me to look a lot more at a reference image in order to figure out where I’ve gone wrong with a drawing! Whereas with traditional art, I usually spend so long trying to get an eye right, that even if it’s slightly in the wrong place, I don’t want to completely redo that section. Digital allows you to completely rub out sections without leaving indents, which is honestly such a saving grace!

Another pro of digital is the Undo/Ctrl Z function! This means you can easily go back to before you made a major mistake with just a click of Ctrl Z... Though I have to say that this function has honestly ruined traditional art for me... Oh what wouldn’t I give for a real life Ctrl Z... But yeah, this is a great part of digital art and definitely something you will grow to love lol!

Another great thing about digital is that it allows you to flip and turn a canvas as you’re drawing on it. I spent a lot of time trying to turn my tablet around in order to draw certain parts of a piece before I realised you can turn the canvas itself without having to move yourself or your tablet!

Layers are another part of digital that can be super useful, and I have to be honest but I don’t really use them a lot. I know a lot of artists create layers for every section of their artworks (so, one for the linework, one for colouring, a separate one for the background, etc etc...). And there’s something really great about being able to paint without worrying about smudging into a previous section of the painting. This works well for my work since I do a lot of bright backgrounds. I also often create a lot of ‘versions’ of my works, so it’s useful to be able to change the background without affecting the main figure of the piece! (I have to say that I often work in one big layer when I’m doing paintings, just because I like how it feels more like ‘traditional’ art that way, but layers are such a brilliant tool, and definitely something you should play around with!)

The eyedropper tool is another one that is really useful! Although I never colour pick from my reference photos, I know some artists find this useful when they were just starting out (especially if you’re not sure what colour to make shadows or how to mix skin tones, etc etc). The eyedropper basically means you don’t need to mix your colours every time

Part 4 - Just some other things I wish I had known about when I was starting out lol...

This last section is just dedicated to a few things that I would have liked to have known when I was just starting out all those years ago. 

First one is fluffy/textured brushes! 

I spent most of my art life from 2013 until 2016 using ‘round’ brushes which are notoriously hard to blend with, so I’d recommend either downloading some fluffy/textured brushes (DeviantArt was where I got mine from a few years back, but there are probably other places you can get them for free too!) to your program of choice, since most of the programs I’ve used haven’t had fluffy/textured brushes as pre-set. 

I may make another post about how I blend in my artworks if that’s something people would be interested in?

(this is an example of textured brush blending vs round brush blending... I usually opt for round brushes for rougher blending styles and the textured brushes for more smooth and ‘realistic’ blending... for a lot of pieces, though, I use both brushes (the round brushes are good for details!) in the same way that you use different sized brushes for real paintings!)

The next thing I wish I’d discovered earlier is the Brush Stabiliser option. Some programs may do this automatically, but the one I use (FireAlpaca) requires you to manually change the amount of stabilising you have on your brush. This is particularly useful if you want to draw neat lines or straight lines (the stabiliser essentially slows down the ‘ink’ as you’re drawing). I only recently started using the stabiliser, and although I still like having it mostly turned ‘off’ for doing sketchy work, it does make doing line work a lot easier, and also gives pieces a more polished look!  

Next advice is to explore all the options you can in whatever program you use! 

I feel like with certain programs, you can get overwhelmed by choice and you end up just using a few of the functions. But I’d really recommend just playing around with these programs, trying all the filters and editing options to get used to how the program works. You can often find interesting ways to adjust your artworks this way! In a way I’d recommend this way of working more than finding tutorials made by other people... Unless there’s a specific function you want to learn how to do, just having fun with digital art is a major part of it’s appeal to me! 

~

There are probably a lot of other options I could go into, but this is already over 2000 words long, so I’ll leave it here for now lol! (I may do a part 2 though so... keep a look out for that!)

As always, if you have any questions to things I’ve said here, or are just looking for more advice, don’t hesitate to message me!

And if you like my work on here (art & blog posts) feel free to support me on my Ko-Fi! <3

[catzgam3rz]

Intro Post

Updated for 2024 just revised/cut an old version sorry for any mistakes!

Name: AJ or Catz works just fine!

Pronouns: They/Them if you please! 

I’m Canadian and reside in the Pacific Standard Time zone (PST) I’m in college rn so I’m decently active and inactive as such

I’m a self taught artist/animator, I draw Minecraft and warrior cats mostly but haven’t had the time recently lol

Definitely not Ranboo’s secret tumblr

My Commissions are OPEN the post with Information can be found here! 

My blog mainly is for Art but lately I just answer asks and clown around a bunch so please do be aware of that if you only wanted art content from here

ART PERMISSIONS / ART FAQ

Can I use your art as a pfp? - So long as it’s with credit absolutely! 

Can I make edits using your art? - Again, So long as you credit me I’m totally down! I’d love to see anything made with my art but that’s not a requirement!

Can I make art with your designs? - Yes! I would love to see it if you do :D!

What programs do you use? - For art and animation I use Clip Studio Paint EX! (If I’m away from home I’ll use procreate on my Ipad though!)

Your art looks familiar, have you done work for other fandoms? - I do work in the Warrior Cats Animation community and have done some parts in a couple larger Multi Animator Projects! that’s most likely where people would recognize me (I have same username on youtube as here lmao)

I’m happy to answer any other questions! feel free to shoot me an ask whenever!

Common Tags, DNI ‘n stuff are below! Welcome to Clown Town :D

I tag all my reblogs and fandoms pretty religiously for organization purposes so looking up characters or fandoms should bring up results here! for more specific or specialized tags though...

#my art - all art that I’ve drawn should be tagged with this!

#rambles - All posts that I’ve made myself should be posted with this! Or answered asks that have larger responses than usual!

#liveblogging - If I’m making commentary about a current livestream being hosted it will be tagged with this!

#Oilers lb - specifically for commenting on current Edmonton oilers games (more commonly complaining but that’s the oiler way 😔)

#design asks - For Asks where I discuss my character design choices!

#CatzLiv3 - Info on Livestreams I plan on hosting or have done in the past can be found in here (hopefully I’ll be using this more often in the coming year who knows)

I think that’s all of them? I probably will add to this later but yeah for now these are some common tags I use lmao

DNI If your a bigotted cunt basically I don’t have anything else on that subject (In the case I need to be clearer, Homophobes, Transphobes, Nazis, Pedophiles/MAPs, Exclusionists and other people of that breed can fuck right off if you please)

Figured I’d add that I don’t really engage in Real Person Fiction or the shipping of real people, If you’re respecting peoples boundaries I don’t got anything against you but It’s really not my thing and I’d prefer if you didn’t send asks about it :) 

(Any ships that are tagged in the case of DSMP are solely character based and are usually played for jokes/bits in my art :P)

I think that’s everything! I might add to this later but once again, Welcome to clown town!

[hopebooks]

Hi, big fan of the blog and stuff you post! Do you have any advice on integrating paper, digital (ipad/goodnotes), computer etc notes? I've noticed that you use all 3 but I struggle with organizing all of these things since they're 3 completely different mediums. Any advice?? - Disorganized math anon

Hello! Thanks for the question :)

So, i mainly use my laptop and the traditional way (on paper) to study. To be honest, i’m kinda disorganised too but i’ll try to answer your question!

1. Paper notes: Work the best for me, i practice here, take the notes during class here and just about everything, i do it on paper. I tried in the pst to switch to taking notes the electronic way but it didn’t work :(

2. Laptop: all the material my school gives me, i access it from here. once again, i tried typing out notes during class but it didn’t work. So, it’s for the material and solving questions my school posts on websites, listening to lectures etc

3. I use a samsung tab, unfortunately my school heavily monitors this and limits most things i could do on it. (knox mode, completely changed interface, cannot access chrome or anything) Currently, i do not use it much but it’s for annotating stuff while i read through material. i export it from my computer using OneNote. The reason i do not write my class notes is because, once i tried solving a math problem set on my tab. i finished it and when i came back it completely erased everything. I’m pretty sure this doesn’t happen to most people. It would be easy to recover it if it were a normal tab but the limits my school puts on it makes it very hard.

My academic year is ending and next year i’ll try to shift from paper to e notes. Applications i have in mind is just OneNote but there might be plenty of other options, i haven’t done any research on it. It’s great to try all options and see what fits you best. once you make up your mind, try sticking to one thing and hopefully it will be more organized and will confuse you less! (im sorry if i could not answer this well, i struggle sometimes with the thing you mentioned too). this got too long hehe, feel free to ask for any other questions you have!

side note : I’m completing HS and i can finally get my tab back free from all the knox security stuff they put up on it 😭 so yeah i hope i’ll be able use it well later and will tell you how it goes!

[domjaehyun]

Big questions here. You don't have to answer them but if you do thanks I'm just curious as a writer myself. Do you edit the grammar and spelling of your writings during the writing process or afterwards? And do you use a specific website e.g. Grammarly to help with any corrections you've missed? Do you write up your writings in tumblr drafts, word, or something like that? And when you have new ideas for writings do you note them down, start up a quick draft or how do you remember new ideas?

omg no you’re totally fine i actually. really genuinely love being asked about my writing process and habits it’s so fun to me !!!! okay i feel chatty so this got rly long apologies 😭😭😭 i tried to bold keywords from your questions so you could pick out my answers more easily :D

ngl my grammar and spelling is like. pretty damn good like any mistakes i ever catch in my stories are never genuine spelling errors theyre literally just typos 😭 and as for grammar, the grammar issues i ever ever find are birthed from like. inconsistency w the preexisting sentence structure djfjsjfj bc i always always always reread and edit while i’m writing especially when i’m starting out w the fic, but the longer it gets, the more exhausting it becomes to reread the whole thing sjfkdkdkd

also sometimes i’ll stop writing a fic mid sentence that’s semi-long and when i come back, i just pick up from where i left off without. rereading the sentence 😖😖😖 whenever i reread my like published works and catch mistakes just know i thought about putting my head directly through a wall 😭😭😭

so!! i do edit it obsessively during, i proofread it after i’m done (even though i’m usually exhausted and honestly sick of the story at that point) and then i send it to a friend or multiple friends so they can beta it for me, then i make any changes as i see fit, proofread it on my own AGAIN usually very lazily, then i’m like “i cant bear to look at you anymore” and i just post it sjjjdkddj

i don’t use any sort of online tools to “help” me write apart from google docs and the built in suggestion feature they have! i hate grammarly, actually skfjskdkd it doesn’t know half as much as it thinks it does and its software fucked up so often when i used it that i was just like. “what the fuck are you talking about.” also, i think that in very specific occasions, general sentence rules can be slightly subverted in order to achieve some sort of goal, and i enjoy doing that from time to time, so it got annoying when grammarly was like being dumb or that hemingway website said shit like “this sentence is rly long and complex” like….yeah. i know. i did that on purpose.

i will never in my life trust tumblr to host any drafts of my work. never. ever. ….ever. i either make a google docs draft or a notes draft for like. actual longer ideas like scenes and more plotting and stuff!! if it’s a small little idea and i have a bunch for some reason, occasionally i’ll write the ideas down physically either onto paper or w my apple pencil onto my note taking app on my ipad sjfjskkd !!

but yeah tbh i was just talking to nova abt this the other day bc we were talking abt wips and our storage of them and. when i was trying to count how many wips i even have, i had to search in like. 3 different apps (technically 4 but that’s bc i already have lists on here in my drafts that i have elsewhere but it’s easier to find them here shfjsj) in different documents until i rounded up all the lil ideas like stray sheep 😭😭😭 so hopefully soon i can set aside time to sit down and compile every single wip, at least the idea and where i have more info stored, into one single google doc for my convenience !!!!

BUT YEAH THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING OMG I LOVE LOVE LOVE QUESTIONS LIKE THESE 🥺🥺🥺 if you or anyone else has any more writing process questions, totally feel free to ask!!!!

[vldlance]

hi friends i’m so sorry i’ve pretty much been letting this blog run on autopilot for a few days! christmas stuff has been crazy. however the next few days should be more calm so i will hopefully be around!

in good news for those of you who care about my art endeavors...i just did christmas with my dad and he got me set up with an ipad and apple pencil!! i’m very excited to start using it for digital art...as soon as i can figure out how to use procreate, lmao! once i have it more figured out i’ll make a little doodle or something and post it :)

i also know i have asks! which will be another thing i answer in the next few days when things are...a little more chill

[maelyca]

I am super excited for today! It’s supposed to be a beautiful day with a high of 66° ☀️ — which is great compared to the snow we had a couple days ago ❄️😵 I’ve got errands to run and am meeting a friend for brunch a little later. I woke up way too early, so I’m watching Bridesmaids (one of the funniest movies ever) while drinking a cotton candy Bang energy drink. Exciting life, I know 🥱

I really want to start journaling again to get stuff off my chest (and sometimes just to ramble, I suppose), but since writing tends to hurt my hand, I’d like to try blogging. My only fear is that I’ll come off as complain-y if I’m venting. I definitely don’t want that to happen. After the recent situations at work I’m hesitant to open up to a lot of people there. Plus, more coworkers are annoying me these days, and I have no idea who I can trust anymore. I am honestly not sure I can trust even some of the people I thought I could. I hope I learn some lessons from this — watch what you say on social media (so this blogging stuff should be really entertaining since no one knows it’s me…yet), don’t add coworkers to your social media, and don’t open up to coworkers like I tend to do. Coworkers are not friends. I totally broke my rule on that when I started my current job 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I’m also hesitant to open up to my boyfriend because he can be a total dick sometimes. He has very strong opinions on almost everything, and he likes to let you know what they are. I don’t feel I can talk to him about my current job because he worked for the same company for a couple months and it did not end well so he doesn’t have a high opinion of the company as a whole. I just want to come home sometimes, vent about my day a little bit and move on. He likes to focus on the subject, rip it apart, put it back together his way then tell me why it’ll work better. It’s no wonder I’m having more anxiety and depression lately 🥺 But I digress. I’ll save that for another post when I come up with a new name so no one knows it’s me 😉

I miss typing, too. Since I left the call center almost three years ago, I barely have a need to type anything more than my ID number and password at work. I’m typing on my iPad right now, and it’s not as easy as I thought it’d be lol My fingers are already cramping up. I may have to get one of those fancy keyboards that attaches. Or maybe just get a frickin laptop and save myself the trouble 🙄🙄

Writing again feels good. Getting my thoughts out feels amazing. Idk if anyone will ever even read this or if it will get sucked into the black hole of the interwebs, but it feels like such a release of pressure in my mind. Hopefully, this will help me become a bit of a better writer. I’m still a little dusty on my punctuation, but I’ll make it work. Honestly, I don’t even know what’s acceptable these days - one space or two after the end of a sentence?!?! I’ll probably do both because I’ll go on tangents and not pay any attention whatsoever 🤷‍♀️ Do people even use commas anymore?! I have a small grammar book somewhere. I may have to dig that bad boy up lol

Writing my thoughts will most likely help, too, instead of doing video rants. Here, I can proofread and stop myself from sounding like an idiot or an asshole (I hope!), where as in videos I talk to fast and get confused, or just plain forget what I was talking about. Here, I can backspace and delete before a thought gets put out there; videos don’t let me do that.

I’m going to end this, so I can get back to my movie before brunch. Today is going to be a good day 😎

Do good. Be good. Pay it forward.

[mab1905]

84 Questions

original: 

https://fuckyeahsurveys.tumblr.com/post/61049002526/84-questions

1. Put your music player of choice on shuffle and list the first 10 songs

Someone New (Hozier)

Cactus Tree (Joni Mitchell)

Budapest (George Ezra)

And Dream Of Sheep (Kate Bush)

Nancy Mulligan (Ed Sheeran)

And Then She Kissed Me (St. Vincent)

Level of Concern (Twenty One Pilots)

Lovefool (The Cardigans)

Best For Last (Adele)

Video Killed The Radio Star (The Buggles)

2. If you could spend a week anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? Would you take anyone with you?

Japan. I travel a lot and it’s been on my list for a while, I would really want to go to the Hayao Miyazaki/Studio Ghibli theme park, if it ever opens that is. I would bring my best friend, Layla. I also would love to go to Amsterdam again.

3. What is your preferred writing implement? (eg. Blue pen, pencil, green pen) 

My ink nib cartooning pen (similar to a quill, but without the feather)

4. Favourite month and why? 

October, not too hot, not too cold, and of course, Halloween!

5. Do you have connections to any celebrities (even minor)? List them.

Nope, met several, got to true connections though. 

6. Name 3 items you could pick up from where you are.

My iPad, my Leatherman Multitool, my collection of David Bowie postcards.

7. What brand logo is closest to you currently?

The Apple logo

8. Do you ever play board games or other non-computer games? Got any favourites?

Chess. Card games like Solitaire, Black-Jack, and Castle. A game that I can’t remember the name of but it’s essentially a board-game version of Capture The Flag. Mostly Chess.

9. A musical artist you love that isn’t well known

St. Vincent? I’m not sure if she’s well known or not.

10. A musical artist you love that is well known

David Bowie. 

11. What is your desktop background currently?

A picture of Apollo 11 accompanied by the words “It won’t fail because of me”

12. Last person you talked to, and through what you talked to them

My best friend Layla, through the iMessage app.

13. First colour name you can think of that isn’t in the rainbow

Salmon

14. What timekeeping devices are in the room you are currently in?

My iPad, my computer, my collection of vintage stopwatches

15. What kind of headphones do you use?

Sony, wireless, noise canceling, over-the ear 

16. What musical artists have you seen perform live?

Twenty One Pilots, Sylvan Esso

17. Does virginity matter to you?

I guess? I think it’s important, it’s certainly some kind of ‘milestone,’ but I don’t think it should be treated like the scale of a persons ‘purity.’ It’s important because it’s sex, and (hopefully) that means that you’re sharing a consensual, intimate experience that feels fucking great for both (or all, if it’s more then two) participants.

18. What gaming consoles do you or your family own?

Z e r o, although I’m hoping to buy a PS4 at some point so I can play Detroit Become Human.

19. What pets do you have? What are their names?

Juno is my cat, she is an adorable grey tiger-striped shorthair. She’s got little white mitten-paws and it’s absolutely ridiculous.

20. What’s the best job you’ve ever had?

Doing tech at a local theater

21. What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?

Teaching art to little kids (I like kids but it was just exhausting)

22. What magazines do you read, if any?

The New Yorker, and the National Geo if I’m like, waiting in my doctor’s office or something.

23. Inspiration behind your URL?

It’s just my initials and a year from the Edwardian era

24. Inspiration behind your blog title?

It’s just my initials 

25. Favourite item of clothing?

My reddish-brown knit sweater vest and my floral bow-tie (often paired together)

26. Are you friends with any exes?

I made a very conscious effort to cut my exe out of my life… we were not happy for a very long time to say the least

27. Name at least one book you loved as a child.

Strega Nona, it’s about an Italian witch that makes great pasta in a magic pasta pot. My dad would read it to me and my sibling in Italian.

28. What’s your native language? If that language has distinct regional variations, which variation? (eg. AU English, US English)

US English

29. What email service do you use?

Gmail

30. Is there anything hanging on the walls of the room you are currently in?

So many things. Here's the list:

A giant David Bowie poster, a plaque that says “David Bowie IS,” five David Bowie postcards, a giant Abbey Road poster, all of my patches from summer camp, polaroids of me, my friends, and my family (including my cat), ticket stubs from concerts and plays, two trail markers that I took off of fallen trees on two important cross-country backpacking trips I went on, playbills from a bunch of broadway shows I’ve seen, a poster that says “Stonewall was a riot,” a DC Comics poster, a Pink Floyd poster, a few paintings of mine, and a painting that I got for free from a street artist I befriended in Rome when I was twelve

31. What’s your favourite number, and why?

16, 24, 21, and 8, some numbers make me uncomfortable, but these are just very soft and light and nice 

32. Earliest moment in your life you can remember? 

A rocking chair with fruits painted on it sitting in a dark room and my great grandfathers brown leather loafers (I remember early early stuff in just images or stills, not full moments)

33. What did you have for dinner yesterday?

Pasta with shrimp

34. How often do you brush your teeth?

Usually twice a day, but I’ve been waking up later and later and sometimes forget in the mornings

35. What’s your favourite candy/chocolate?

I don’t know the name of it but it’s this chocolate bar that is stuffed with caramel, hot chili flakes, and crunchy bits of baked tortilla. It's one of the greatest things I’ve ever tasted.

36. Have you had other blogs on Tumblr? Do you have any other blogs currently?

I used to have one but I deleted it because I never used it

37. If you were suddenly really hungry, what would you choose to eat?

I would probably walk into the kitchen, realize that too eat something I would have to muster the effort to cook something instead, and then decide to just have a glass of milk instead.

38. What fandoms would you consider yourself a part of?

Downton Abbey (primarily Thommy)

Chernobyl HBO (as well as the Leonid Toptunov/Sasha Akimov subfandom)

Lord of The Rings and The Hobbit (books and movies)

CrankGamePlays

Buzzfeed Unsolved

Star Trek TOS

Philosophy Tube

The Dark Crystal and The Dark Crystal: Age Of Resistance

39. If you could study anything, what would it be?

If I had the energy to fully wrench my life in a completely different direction I would like to become a professional scuba diver and study the ocean. I already am a scuba diver, but it’s a hobby and not something I’m able to do very often at all.

40. Do you use anything on your lips? (eg. Chapstick, gloss, balm, lipstick)

I’ll wear chapstick if I have a cold

41. How would you describe your sense of humour?

Intellectual and dry

42. What things annoy you more than anything else?

People who think they’re better than everyone else and people who recognize a fault in themselves and then refuse to work to change it

43. What kind of position are you in at the moment?

I’m laying on my bed, hunched over my laptop

44. Do you wear much jewellery?

Occasionally I’ll wear a necklace or a few rings. I have a lot of non-traditional bracelets (I literally just have pieces of canvas and industrial tie-line wrapped around my wrist). I’m a gay guy and I like to sort-a walk the line between feminine and masculine (often leaning more towards the masc side), so it really depends on my mood.

45. Who is the leader of your country, currently? Any other levels of government with leaders? (State, region, province, county, district, municipality, etc)

A cheese-pizza flavored pringle is currently POTUS and every day the thought of that tears away at a piece of my soul. 

46. Last 3 blogs on your dashboard, not including any of your own

@shochmonster @velvet-of-the-night @panicsheerbloodypanic

47. What do you carry your money in?

My pocket, I have a wallet and I don’t use it

48. Do you enjoy driving? Why or why not?

It’s fine, don’t love it don’t hate it

49. Longest drive you have ever been on?

Three days

50. Furthest away from home you have ever been?

Went on a trip to Switzerland to visit family, I think that’s the farthest but I’m not entirely sure.

51. How many times have you moved house?

Twice

52. What is on the floor of the room you’re currently in, not including furniture?

Five paintings, stacks and stacks of books, boxes filled with stuff (mostly more books), plates, glasses, cutlery, clothes

53. How many devices do you own which can access the internet?

2, and iPad and a computer

54. Is there is anything that is guaranteed to always make you happy?

Listening to music

55. Is there anything that always makes you sad?

Thinking about my past for too long

56. What programs do you currently have open?

Google drive, I’m writing

57. What do you associate the colour red with?

Blood and fire

58. Last strong smell you can remember smelling?

Shrimp and butter

59. Last healthy thing you ate?

Three green olives and a handful of bean sprouts

60. Do you drink tea or coffee, and how much per day?

Used to drink coffee like it was life support (which it essentially was), now I’ll have the occasional cup of tea.

61. What do you associate the colour blue with?

Birds and rain

62. How long is the closest ruler you can find?

I don’t think I own one

63. What colour pants/skirt/etc are you currently wearing?

I am wearing olive green corduroy slacks

64. When was the last time you drank water?

30 minutes ago?

65. How often do you clear your browser history?

Never

66. Do you believe nude photos can be artistic, rather than erotic?

Nude anything can be artistic, it can also just be normal, eroticism is in the eye of the beholder.

67. Ever written fanfiction for anything?

Yes dear god so much fanfiction.

68. Last formal event you attended

I genuinely can’t remember, I am have extreme social anxiety and don’t go to events like that unless I absolutely have too

69. If you had to move your birthday to another date, which one would you choose and why?

I don’t care about birthdays

70. Would you prefer to be at a beach or in the countryside?

Beach, I love to swim, I’m also a surfer

71. Roughly how many people live in your town?

Uhm… eight times the number of people who live in the state of Montana and that doesn’t count daily commuters and tourists (New York City is essentially just a tin of sardines, except inside are 8.399 million sardines)

72. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?

No, but three of my friends were born on the day just after my birthday.

73. Favourite place to shop? Can be a certain store or a place where there are multiple stores

The Strand Bookstore, L Train Vintage, any antique shops in the town of Hudson, New York 

74. Do you have a smartphone? What kind? If you don’t, do you want one?

I used to have an iPhone 5SE but then it stopped working after a few weeks of quarantine and I haven’t gotten a new one (I’ve had it for about 5-6 years so it makes sense)

75. What is your least favourite colour, and why?

I don’t have a least favorite color, but my favorite color is prussian blue

76. How do you spell grey/gray?

Grey

77. Go to your dashboard and describe the image shown in the radar section (below the “Find blogs” link)

It’s anime fanart for a show I’ve never heard of

78. What difference is there between how many followers you have, and the number of blogs you follow?

3

79. How many posts do you have?

219

80. How many posts have you liked?

619

81. Do you post mainly reblogs, or your own content?

Mostly reblogs but I do my own content as well

82. Do you track any tags?

No, just blogs

83. What time is it currently?

10:39

84. Is there anything you should be doing right now?

writing

I’m not quite sure who to tag so it’s just open to anyone I guess?

[rllymilerlly]

Hey! Just found your Paige and wanted to say that your art is really great! I love all your Taang post! I wanted to ask if you had some tips for someone would want to get better at drawing sketches like yours or just in general?

Thank you so much! I’m glad you like my stuff!!

As for tips strap in because this going to be a long one because I ramble a lot:

Practice. Practice. Practice. I know that’s what everyone says but it’s true. You will not magically get better overnight. You have to put in the work to get there and that means making mistakes and making some not great pieces. The amount of artwork that I have that is pooey is astronomical BUT it’s all still very important to the process and to me growing as an artist. You gotta get out of your comfort zone too. I avoided backgrounds for the longest time and I still do sometimes, but now I’m pushing myself to do more. They aren’t great, but I’m learning and experimenting and that’s what’s really important.

Also LOOKING AT REFERENCES. That is a complete game changer. It helps so much to look at how that pose you want looks. I use references for almost everything. Poses, backgrounds, colors, etc. My IPad is filled with images that I look at to help create the vision I want. I also look at other artists I like a lot as inspiration and try to mimic what I like about their stuff (NOT stealing it, but as practice and expiermentation. I’ll try to draw something that mimics how I think they would approach drawing it. It gets me to try something new and pick up techniques I probably wouldn’t think of. Again do not steal people’s artwork or anything like that. That no bueno. But referencing styles you like and trying it out in your own way that’s the way to go 😎). But seriously look at references it helps so much. I’ve even taken a lot of my own pictures before as references when I couldn’t find a pose or angle I wanted. It’s that big of a game changer.

I also do warm ups. I’ll sketch squiggles and circles just to loosen up my hand and wrist. This one is more of a personal preference. Sometimes I feel my wrist getting tight. So drawing circles and swirls helps to loosen it up and preps me for drawing again. Also speaking of which (and I have bad trouble with this) it’s okay to take breaks! Depending on how long you’re working on a piece, you will hit a wall eventually, everyone does. And it’s better to take a step back and give yourself time to recharge. Drawing is work, it’s super fun, but it can also be super exhausting and strenuous. So to keep it fun and fresh, take a break.

I’m not quite sure what you mean by ‘Sketches like mine’ because I literally got 30 types of sketches. But I’m going to assume you mean more of the simple ones I have that aren’t colored that I use to answer asks sometimes. So here’s how I do those:

I look at posing references (not a lot for those sketches bc I keep it simple usually with those). Then very quickly and loosely scribble the idea of what I want. I barely have any defining characteristics with it. I just want the idea of the pose I want to go for or emotion conveyed. I try to spend no more than a minute or 2 on this. I then start a new layer and clean it up. I’ll add the characters features and clothing and you can tell who’s supposed to be now. After that I’ll have another layer and clean it up again, you can hopefully clearly see what’s happening now. Sometimes I’ll even have another one after that. It depends on how clean I want the sketch to look like when I’m done. This is more of a personal preference. I’m just a layer person when I draw because I can be quicker with the look and I can build it up easily. I also flip the canvas as I draw because it helps point out my mistakes and what’s not that great proportionally. That’s also a game changer, that I honestly need to do more.

But have fun with drawing and get expiermental. Push yourself outta your comfort zone and see where it goes. I hope this made sense and I hope it helps you on your artist journey. If you or anyone else has questions about art and/ or how I personally do my stuff I’ll try my best to answer it. 💖

[james-bucky-barnackle]

Two Night Stand (Part 12)

Synopsis: (AU) You found yourself at a club drinking away to forget about the stress of your shitty job as the assistant of the biggest Editor in New York, and end up hooking up with the man of your dreams only to wake up to a nightmare when you find out he’s the son of your boss.

PART 11 | 2NS Masterlist

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 1,162

A/N: I’m back, and it’s short, I’m sorry! I’m rereading all the chapters and studying them so I make any unnecessary plot holes. It’s been a while since I’ve updated it. Thank you to everyone who’s read it and is reading it!

“You’re kidding me,” I stare at Pietro who’s pulled all of us to the fire exit. He’s wearing a face mask covering the bottom half of his face. “You’ll get caught.”

“I won’t, it’s like you don’t even know me.” He fixes himself, stretching his arms, and jumping up and down.

“You still remember your way around… right?” Wanda asks, reminding both of us that it’s been years since Pietro stayed here, and although he’s fast, he’s not exactly good with directions.

“How hard can it be? It’s just a bunch of streets…” he slows down, realizing his weakness, “with buildings that look the same.”

“You sure this will work, right?” Bucky interrupts.

“Of course, JB.” He snaps his neck side to side, and smirks. “Unless you want the most obvious choice.”

“No one’s fake dating, Y/N!” Bucky snaps. My eyes grow wide as Wanda and I look at each other, snickering. Bucky grabs my hand and rubs his thumb. “Sorry, didn’t mean to shout. Just no more fake dating, god this is exhausting.”

“Whatever you say, JB.” Pietro replies. “You guys ready?”

“Uhm, errr. What other choice do we have?”

“I need to get to school! Today’s the bake sale!”

“Let’s get to our positions!” Pietro mimics military commands as Bucky shakes his head clearly unamused. He kisses my forehead before he makes his way towards the window by the fire exit. I’ve put on a gray hoodie and some sunglasses on, and nod towards the door. Pietro opens the door for me and I make my way down the stairs. I see a couple of teens with their cameras up and I lower my head. What the hell? I might need a new apartment… if only I could afford it. Pietro closes the door behind me and proceeds with part two. I slowly make my way down the stairs and Nick is nowhere to be found. Thank God.

I peep through the glass by the door and see the sea of cameras flashing in broad daylight. Okay, it’s time. By now, Wanda has positioned herself by the window, and should open the blinds just enough so that the paparazzi will look up. Bucky will have run out the balcony stairs and hopefully has gone out safely. Pietro on the other hand, Pietro… He would’ve already started preparing for his act.

“New York City! Have you ever seen the fastest man in the world run?” Pietro shouts running to the paparazzi and pausing in front of them to jog in place, Wanda takes this as her cue and opens the blinds up my bed room.

“She’s opening her window!” One of the media person shouts. Everyone whips their heads up and this is my time to exit the apartment. I hear loud snapping, screams of my name telling Wanda to look at the camera and show her face. I walk like I’m in a walkathon.

“Buddy, can you move?!” One of the guys shove Pietro, failing miserably.

“Move over!” someone else shouts. By then, phase two would begin.

“What are you doing?”

“What is he doing?”

Oh my god, this is phase two?! Pietro starts kicking off his shoes, I bite my lip looking at him from the next block behind a tree. He then pulls his sweater over, then his shirt. By this time, Bucky should be getting down the fire exit stairs. I look at my phone, anxious if I should check on him when I hear one of the paparazzi’s shout.

“Hey! Give me that!” Pietro has run off, naked, with three cameras in hand, the rest talking photos of his butt naked body running in broad daylight. Good morning to everyone, I guess.

I hug the bottom of my sleeves tight and start walking away, Wanda will have to get out on her own, her red hair will be enough for the paparazzi to give up. I hope the paparazzi doesn’t see or recognize her to be my roommate in my Instagram posts. Gosh this is such a mess. Now, I have to drop by the office wardrobe to change into something more decent and I haven’t even showered. I wonder if Bucky got out okay.

“Y/L/N!” I hear my name called, I look around and see a black Subaru slow down by the street. I pull my hoodie, how smart are these photo hogging – “it’s Steve! Get in!” What? I peep down my sunglasses and I see his blue eyes through the small crack in his window. He waves me over and I quickly get in.

“Hey! How did you-“ I get cut off, “Bucky!”

“I texted him as soon as the whole thing started.” I hug him tight, almost leap into his lap… oh who am I kidding, I leaped hard into his lap.

“This is Peggy,” Steve continues, and my cheeks heat up. “Peggy, this is Y/N.” I loosen my arm around Bucky, embarrassed at my sudden outburst, but he pulls me closer and buries his head in my neck.

“oof! Hi Peggy.” I say, feeling Bucky’s breath on my skin. He’s obviously still sleepy, as am I to be honest.

“Huge crowd you guys have.” Peggy says, and I shrug.

“Might have to move into a new apartment after this, change my name, hair, get a nose job maybe?”

“Shhhh.” Bucky nuzzles into me, pulling me closer.

“You can stay in my hotel for the time being.” Peggy offers and I’m very flattered but confused. She doesn’t even know me, I don’t even know her. Although this has become a general concern, I am not about to bombard her with my issues.

“She’ll stay in mine.” Bucky pulls away and straightens.

“Uhm, I don’t think that’s smart.”

“Y/N’s right, Buck.” Steve laughs.

“What do you suggest?”

“Peggy’s would be smart.”

“I’m thankful for the offer but I’ll have to pass, I’m sure you’ll miss your privacy. I’ll find somewhere to crash in later.” I’m already making a mental note to ask Nat. The list of things I owe her has been piling up.

__________________________________________________________

So much for coming to work early and “borrowing” clothes from the wardrobe department, Peggy has let me borrow one of her free-sized dresses. These look uhm, too posh for my taste, but it’ll have to do considering I even had the opportunity of showering before heading to the office. The moment I get to the office I’m already scrolling through memos and things that needed to be done today when Peter rushes to my side with his iPad.

“Have you seen this, Ms. Y/N?!”

“What?” I get a closer look at the image he’s showing me, “Oh god.”

It’s a photo of me and Thor, beside a photo of Bucky and the girl in the orange camisole, with a cut out of Dolores’ candid, doodled on with “oops.”

I read the title saying, “Dolores Wang or Y/N Y/L/N? Who really is she?” I think I’m going to faint.

____________________________________________________________

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[euphoriacrossing]

The closer we get the more my anxiety plays up...

What if I can't keep up with my journal that I worked so hard on?

What if I mess up something I can't change on my island? (I don't WANT to have to reset, but if it's the first day i will... i don't want to have to reset two or three days in because i change my mind about something...)

And the bigger ones.... I've been so tired I can barely stay awake two or three hours at a time. I can't do a whole lot of recreational things because I'm asleep. Right now I'm attributing it to depression, but I am going to ask my oncologist if maybe the meds could cause it (the meds I DID stop, but thay messed with my hormones anyway) or if the slight bit of anemia I have could cause it maybe? What if I am not awake enough to fully enjoy the game?

I go to the oral surgeon I think for a consultation to get some teeth pulled, what if he wants to do it anytime soon after the game is out? Will it mess with my enjoybility to have that kind of procedure? (Last time I had teeth out... my wisdom teeth I did very poorly, I got two dry sockets and was in some of the worst pain... I was LUCKY to be able to sleep as much as I did, because the pain was awful. And I followed instructions, so I don't know if I am more prone to those kinds of things or if it was the fact he didn't tell me to stop my birth control or what... but it was bad. And now I have a much higher tolerance to pain meds and will have to use the ones I'm ON so they'll be less effective probably. I'll die if I get a dry socket. Pain tolerance, mine is high until you get to my mouth and then I'm an absolute crybaby.) So say he wants to do it the Monday after... will I be out of commission to play for two weeks or more while I recover? I know this sounds more important, but to me the game is important, too. I want to be able to put in at least some work daily for quite a while so I can create a beautiful island at the same time others who start on the 20th are. So it may not seem like a huge deal, but it is to me okay? Enough of a huge deal for my anxiety to use it against me.

Those are just examples though. I have an anxiety disorder which in past years has become more generalized and entwined with my bipolar symptoms. So I am in no short supply of things related to the 20th to be anxious about.

I wish I could just be happy. And I mean, I am. We have less than a week and I'll be playing a game that is 7 years in the making for those of us that play Animal Crossing. I've been waiting with baited breath probably more than a year, to the point where when Pokemon Sw/Shld came out it was just a distraction instead of the main event, at that point I was already craving New Horizons desperately. And here we are nearly at the end of our waiting, I am happy, don't get me wrong.

But my mind never just let's me be happy.

What if I am too late to make friends in the first few days like I've planned? Everyone else seems to already have their friendships, but I knew I couldn't keep up with a friendship that long. So here is the week to make friends, and I don't feel I know how, or I feel like most people already have their friends. I have maybe two people besides my sister to play with. And I'm excited for that. But I'd love to be included in a larger group of friends or something, you know, that sort of thing is nice. If I only have a few close friends though, that'd be nice too. And i think the first few days it seems people might just be playing on their own, i don't always NEED someone to play with, I'll probably prefer to play alone, or maybe with my sister mostly, or just my close friend when I play. But it's just i guess i expected to use this opportunity to make more friends and now i feel i am wasting it. I don't often have such an "easy way" to make friends because I am disinterested in most things and just don't have a lot to talk about. This common interest is an amazing thing to talk about and should make things easier, but it doesn't as much as I hoped I guess.

What if I don't finish my journal? I worked so hard on it, but i need my dad's help with the label maker and need to finalize the decisions about what I'm going to record in it before I do make the labels. It can still be changed later because I am using labels on plastic tabs and a discbound journal but what if I don't have time once i'm playing?

Ugh. Just all the "what ifs". And I know some people will think "why'd she bother making this post?" Well random person, it does help to get them out in the open. Since most everything I have been thinking has been AC related lately, this has turned into a bit of a personal blog. Sorry for that. I do plan to make it a New Horizons blog and post as much original content as I can once ACNH is out.

Oh another one. What if posting original content is too hard?

Like, I want this blog to have original content and all that, but if you have to remove your memory card and get on a computer to do it, that's a lot of trouble and extra energy I don't have these days. And you had to do that for New Leaf and everyone did including myself, but I had more energy and it seemed easier. And it seems like it was less effort those days because people DID THINGS on the computer including myself. Now I use my phone and ipad as computers, you can do almost all the same things on them, and my laptop sits idle which might be the reason it doesn't run as well these days. Or it may just be that it's old as crap for a laptop. I mean, I guess it's moderately old for what it is, it's a very nice laptop, but I think it's the same one I had for New Leaf so it's been with me a while. Anyway, it SEEMED like less trouble because you were on the computer doing stuff anyway, so just pop your memory card in there and go while you're checking your stuff. It's not that easy on a phone, BUT I am hoping you can post photos and screenshots to SOMETHING through the Nooklink app. We don't know everything about the app yet as it isnt out yet, and I doubt you can post straight to tumblr (though that'd make things easy, huh?) because this is not the most used platform anymore, but if I can post them to anywhere (like facebook or twitter... I'd probably post them privately to facebook because I am less versed in twitter stuff, but then I did recently become an AC twitter on my personal twitter because I never used my personal twitter anyway, so... yeah...) I can grab them on my phone once they are uploaded and reupload them here. But I also plan to make my "diary like" text posts here. I am not recording a diary in my journal having to do with NH, I only want like... data and information I can use, etc. But that doesn't mean I won't want to write diary like entries, and I am less likely to lose my blog that a physical journal anyway it feels. (I say less likely... I lost my New Leaf blog for a few years there, but with effort I did recently find it.) So it could be very easy to post original content here, or if the app doesn't do things it really totally should, then it might be a bit more effort and I don't know if I have that to give right now, so I'm nervous about that. Everything I post here about my game experience is going to be more for me to look back on than anything, so I WANT to be able to post about that stuff here. But I guess we'll have to wait to see, along with waiting for the game.

And everyone knows how well waiting and anxiety get along. They are two peas in a pod, they play off each other like it's no one's business.

But I hope everything in the end will just be okay. I am "lucky" in a way. Since I'm chronically ill, disabled, and have cancer, I don't have work or school to worry about and while being sick is a big bummer, that does take a lot of stress off of me. I don't know how I would handle a job or school even just mentally these days, I don't see how it could go well and I guess that is because I am so sick, even just mentally... but I know a lot of disabled people DO still do those things anyway, sometimes because they HAVE to, so I am glad I am in a position at my age where I am still largely take care of. My disability money doesn't cover a fraction of my necessities, so I feel blessed everyday for my parents, even though my mom and I fight like cats and dogs. Annnndddd now I am getting to be anxious about what happens to me when my parents are gone and that's a WHOLE different type of anxiety... yikes... I need to stop letting my anxiety run rampant now I guess, it's gone too far.

But I am very "lucky" to be in a position where once the game comes out it can be my main focus for a while. Partially because i don't have the energy to focus on many different things, so it's good Animal Crossing can take up that main spot in my life for now.

Come on now, back to AC anxieties. Ya stupid general anxiety...

And I guess I am anxious about the typical things people are anxious about... what fruit will I get, will I like my first Islanders, etc. but to me those things arent as major. All the fruits are so pretty I could really get on with any of them I think, and hopefully my first villagers will be great, but I'll make myself a net if they're not, and I do have amiibo cards for moving in some of my favorite villagers later on, so I can deal with a dud or two.

I'm a little anxious about map layouts too, just picking the right one seems a little difficult to me since there are some things you cannot change. But I think I can make a good choice, I'm more worried if I'll be able to draw it in for my journal or not. I should draw the general layout for the map, but I don't even know if I can do that right.

Oh I also have a package to finish working on and get in the mail before Friday, BUT I finished the hardest parts (writing a bunch of postcards, basically a latter's worth of text but on postcards) last night, so I just have to do finishing touches and get it out. I maybe want to type another letter to send out, too, but if I don't get it done I'll try not to beat myself up. I got really burnt out on mail stuff lately and as much as I still get, which is about one or two things in the mail daily, I can't reply to all the things I should. I'm stressed about it, but I won't let that ruin my New Horizons time. Especially since mail was supposed to be a fun hobby for me and just... stopped. But that's a whole different thing, that has less to do with New Horizons than the other stuff.

Now I genuinely do feel less stressed since I rambled on for a while. Thanks for reading this, if you read any of it. I don't expect anyone to read all this anxiety inducing, depressing junk.

But anyway, now I am going to try and think about the Nooklink app and what kind of features I think it should have. Like I said, it really should have a way to post screenshots/pictures to social media, and I bet it's got something like that since we have the camera in game. I bet we maybe even can post pictures to social media from the switch. I mean, well, I know we can technically, but I mean I bet we can without having to leave the game. Because you can do that in New Leaf now. Gosh would that have been handy YEARS ago. I guess it came with the "welcome amiibo" update?

But at least we know we can scan in QR codes. I dunno if you've noticed but I have been collecting some and tagging them (you can find them under the "QR" tag on my blog, or by type of QR code, likes dresses I just tagged "dress") so I have them once we are able to use them in game. I am going to check my @playtimewithmadi blog to see if I have QR codes saved that I used in New Leaf, too, so I can reblog any good ones here. All of that gives me something to do, I suppose.

I could also work on my journal, or my mail. Both need to get done before Friday and need work.

But honestly, I am probably gonna play Happy Home Designer right now. I'll design at least one house, and then maybe I'll work on my mail and journal stuff. We'll see.

Anyway, thanks again for sticking with me, I love everyone who stays subbed to this blog even though the BS posts like this. Sorry for rambling on, but I needed this, so thank you for letting me have it.

Off to more distraction then...

[princeanxious]

Sorry if this was asked before. But is there anyway to have access to the stuff you have written?? Like a masterpost or an account on one of the fics websites? I really wanna read your work but i have a really hard time finding any of it that doesnt have their own blogs (like tlg)

I’ll have to make a masterpost soon, i really do need to. I might make a writing blog to just reblog all my written fics to, but uh, for right now the best i’ve got is a tag on my blog thats called “#luka writes” you’ll also find more about my aus and stuff under “#luka’s aus” and each au usually has it’s own tag w/ writing in it.

):

I do have an ao3 account, but i have nothing posted to it yet because i work primarily on mobile on my ipad and its kinda daunting atm. I’m wirking towards getting a new computer so, hopefully that’ll change soon!! I really wanna start posting stuff to ao3 ^^;